Issue Fifteen July 30th, 2012
Section
O
h the life of being a poor student. Drinking beers at the flat because you can’t afford town prices, surviving on a steady diet of Mi Goreng noodles because other foods cost too much, dressing up for the mountain just to go downstairs into the freezing living room. Yeah, it definitely sounds like the life of a misfortunate individual. Whilst studying, a student has to forgo many of the comforts of home and may experience money shortages from time to time, but these minor inconveniences are a far cry from the hardships that people who live in poverty must endure. We should be grateful that we don’t have to wonder where the next meal is coming from, that we have drinking water coming out of our taps, and a roof to go over
our heads. Life could certainly be tougher... or could it? The Baseline Report of the Graduate Longitudinal Study New Zealand believe that around a quarter of university students in our country are in financial distress and living in poverty. POVERTY? Laughable. I feel bad for the kids who live in actual poverty because we have some number-crunching organisation in New Zealand throwing around the word poverty just because a they surveyed a few uni students that missed breakfast. Walk around Waikato University any day of the week and I challenge you to find anyone that you could honestly place in the poverty bracket. Poorness and poverty are two very different things. It’s certain that at different
Editorial
stages in your student life you will experience hunger, cold, or sickness, but those are all usually self-inflicted consequences from a night on the piss, not because you rival Africa in your standard of living. Our theme this week is poverty and globalisation, and it’s embarassing to think that any kiwi could believe that a quarter of our student population is poverty-stricken. Sure, the same group of people that can get $1000 course-related costs and $170 living costs per week for doing nothing, they must really be doing it tough. Apparently that’s not enough money for basic accomodation, food, and clothes, just enough money for a basic 24 box of Waikats.
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Editors Alix Higby and Sean Goulding Managing Editor James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) Design Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) Design Intern Gina Broom (gina@nexusmag.co.nz) Illustration Hoss Aneece http://happiestpageever.tumblr.com/ Advertising Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Special thanks to www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Contributors President Sapphire Gillard, Samantha Smith (Waikato Independent News), Shannon Rolfe (Waikato Independent News), Mr. Minty Fish, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr Richard Swainson, Kevin Pryor, Gill from CAB, HP, Julia Gabel, Alice and Anne, Nick Marryatt, C-Ball, Something Hip, Mel Matthews, Sam Taylor, Daniel Farrell, Skippy, Pseudonym, Courtney Q, Chris Williams, DC, Mr. Pretty, Jess Molina, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball. Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.
Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton. Phone: 07 856 9139 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz Website: www.nexusmag.co.nz
What’s Inside? Features 16 18
Masters of the Universe First World Problems
3 5 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 20 21 22 23 25 26 27 28 29 30 36 37 38 39
Editorial How Saph Sees It Nexus News Uni News Vox Pops Short News for Tall People, News in Haikus Left Vs. Right Sports Thoughts Lettuce Interview with Die! Die! Die! Diary of a Hipster Puzzles 8 Ball, Horrorscopes Mr. Minty Fish Auteur House Cereal, Verbiage The Secret Lives of First Years Off the Rack Half Baked with Mel Lick That Spoon Reviews YWRC, CAB WSU Election Information Top Ten Soundscape Presents Homestyle - A Review
Opinion
Nominations for WSU 2013 are now open! I’m sure all of you have had some contact with WSU this year, whether you know it or not. We’re the people who put on o-week. We’re the people who helped out your club. We’re the people who get you free stuff. Yeah, that’s us. And now we’re asking you to put your hand up and become one of those people too. Last week I told you a bit about what we’ve done this year and a few of the sweet things you have because of previous WSU Boards. This week I thought I’d try to convince you to run for office. I’m not sure about how to do that though. So I’ve bugged my sister, a truly dedicated WSU volunteer, to tell me why she thinks you should run. She has a brilliant list, which is far better than anything I’m able to come up with (especially after a week of being 100% sleep deprived). So here it is. A few of the reasons why you should run for office: Networking, Governance Experience / Personal Development, Friendship and Fun, and Making a Difference. Networking This is where you get to find likeminded (or not so likeminded) people and build your contacts for the future.
Let’s face it; you can be good at what you do and have all the qualifications but it’s just as much about who you know as what you know. Here’s where you get the opportunity to know more people. Governance Experience / Personal Development You’ll get a crash course in everything from constitutions to meetings, from budgets to organisational structures. All in all, you’ll learn a lot. Your interpersonal skills will be tested and (if you don’t know how to already) you’ll learn to be an active listener, to control your tone of voice, to delegate (or be delegated to) and to lead. Friendships and Having Fun You’ll make friends with other board members, staff, volunteers, and students who you may otherwise have never met. You’ll get to be involved in WSU events which are freaking hilarious. While you need to put in the hard yards (writing the odd report and attending meetings) you’ll also attend some fantastic shit. Making a Difference That’s what it’s all about. If you don’t want to make a difference then don’t run!
The University of Waikato – improving the student experience STUDENT ENGAGEMENT SURVEYS OPEN We want to make the Waikato experience as rewarding and enjoyable as possible. To see how we’re doing, we’ve invited first-year, third-year, and taught postgraduate students to complete the Australasian Survey of Student Engagement (AUSSE) and Postgraduate Student Engagement Survey (POSSE). If you’ve received an email invitation, please follow the link and complete the survey – do it before 31 August 2012 and be in to win a $200 Bennetts Bookstore voucher. Your response will make a difference. Find out more and learn about the changes made as a result of past surveys at www.waikato.ac.nz/tdu/appraisal/ausse.shtml
There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe
www.waikato.ac.nz/tdu/appraisal/ausse.shtml
NEXUS NEWS Waikato gets (human) resourceful By Daniel Farrell Waikato has now got an student organisation for human resources students. The Human Resources Student Association had its first meeting on Wednesday. The group, which had a majority of females (seriously, it was something like 3:1), discussed what they want from the group and how they think it should work. One person who didn’t want to be named said that he definitely liked the “female to male ratio” and hoped to “meet some nice ladies”. The group’s intention is to bridge the gap between the Human Resources Institute of New Zealand (HRINZ) and the students at the University of Waikato. Deborah Versluys, who is starting up the group, said that she has been attending events held by the Waikato branch of HRINZ and is the only student who has been attending. One student joining the group, Jordan Te Wharau, said that he sees the group as a strong networking opportunity, which could help him bridge the gap between university and the outside world. Many other prospective members said very similar things.
When asked what her inspiration behind the group was, Miss Versluys said that students from other universities had been talking about the Human Resources clubs at their university and how helpful it had been, so she wanted to start one at Waikato, as it was something that was lacking. She notes that there are only 15 student members of HRINZ at the University of Waikato, whereas other universities have over 100, estimating that there would be several hundred HR majors at the University of Waikato. The group next meets on Wednesday at 1pm in MSB.1.15 to vote for their executive and discuss both the Waikato branch of HRINZ’s next meeting and the HRINZ National Conferences, which Miss Versluys will be attending as the student representative for Waikato, which she has been since the beginning of last year. More about the group can be found at www.facebook.com/groups/HRSA.Waikato.
Student designer’s illuminated dress an Internet success By Samantha Smith, reporting for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz A young designer’s illuminated dress constructed from junk shop slides has gone viral on the internet, drawing widespread comments.Victoria University design student Emily Steel, 20, created the dress for her wearable technology project entitled Lighting Bugs and Firefly. “We were instructed to integrate lighting into a piece of clothing which would react to input sensor data,” Emily says. The dress was designed and constructed over five weeks with all the slides hand stitched together. The concept of the dress started off using the little black dress as inspiration. “I tried to find a material which would look black when it wasn’t illuminated and would then change colour when lit up. Film just seemed to be the perfect material for achieving this.” Miss Steel found and gathered her films from an old junk shop. “The slides I used were from someone’s overseas holiday in the 1970s. All the images are of amazing landscapes and city scenes ranging from the Swiss Alps to the Moroccan desert.” Miss Steel first put the design and finished product on her Tumblr and Behance websites but within a week it was all over the Internet. “The response has been incredible. It made it on to several blogs and other websites. People have focused on different aspects of the dress, some like it because it fits into the fashion category, others focus on the technology or photography side of it, and some people just like it because they’ve never seen anything like it before.” Emily has also designed a lamp out of an old lawn mower blade which can be found on her behance website http://www.behance.net/gallery/RTC-Lamp/3930341
Hamilton bar Nitro in the mix for national prize By Shannon Rolfe, reporting for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz As the only bar in New Zealand dedicated to making cocktails with liquid nitrogen, Nitro is one of three finalists for the De Kuyper Masters Of Mixology. At the Hamilton bar, bartenders use nitrogen to give drinks a sorbet consistency. Owner Karai Wall created the Black Widow cocktail, which conquered the upper North Island in the competition. Wall has won three New Zealand titles which gave him trips overseas, where he learnt about nitro cocktails. “In the States and Europe it was popular. The idea originates from top chefs who used nitrogen to make desserts, so we thought why can’t we do it with alcohol, and it worked.” His winning cocktail uses sour apple with tequila, to which he adds liquid nitrogen, fresh limes and apple juice, making a sorbet. The team has also created a garnish using De Kuyper butterscotch with spun sugar. It turns into a web, a technique chiefs use to make desserts. “Then in our own special way, we make what we call ‘caviar’ with black raspberry liquor, the cocktail looks like a spider’s nest with eggs on top of it,” he said. “We beat a lot of top bars in Auckland. So that was really great, “We are really trying to promote our point of difference with the liquid nitrogen in all the cocktails.” The winning team will be announced by August 31, and their prize will be a trip to the Sydney Bar Show.
UN IVER S IT Y O F WAI K ATO N E WS , E VENTS AN D N OT I CES
Law/Management building
The University is set to build a new Law and Management building, due for completion in early 2015. The building will accommodate Te Piringa – Faculty of Law, and the WMS Centre for Corporate and Executive Education. For more see www.waikato.ac.nz/about/ law-management-facilities.shtml
IEP working holidays presentation
Cafe Scientifique Tauranga
Thinking about doing your OE or taking a working holiday? IEP New Zealand will be on campus Wednesday 1 August, 5-7pm in S Block.
Managing the environmental effects of petroleum exploration. Listen to Professor Barry Barton discuss the proposed legislation before Parliament to manage the environmental effects of activities in New Zealand’s oceans – the Exclusive Economic Zone and Continental Shelf (Environmental Effects) Bill.
IEP arrange working holidays in the US, Canada and Europe, and offer a wide range of services including visa assistance, in country support, job placement before you go and more.
Winter Lecture Series starts this week
New venue for October graduation The 17 October graduation ceremony will be held at Claudelands Events Centre this year, to see if it is a more suitable graduation venue for future ceremonies. A decision on future ceremonies will be made after this. For more information on graduation, go to www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/graduation
Summer research scholarships Applications for ten-week summer research scholarships are now open. More than 60 topics are available, and the work, which students complete over their summer study break, is worth up to $5,000. Applications are open to undergraduate and first-year Masters students. Go to www.waikato.ac.nz/research/ scholarships, and click on the Summer Research Programme Student Applications link to apply. Applications close 30 September.
www.waikato.ac.nz
Café Scientifique is a forum for debating science issues, where for the price of a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, anyone can come to explore the latest ideas in science and technology. Monday 6 August, Alimento, 72 First Avenue, Tauranga. Arrive 6.45pm for a 7.15pm start. Visit www.sci.waikato.ac.nz/news -events/whats-on
Adult Learners’ Awards - nominations open
The Winter Lecture Series starts with An Evening with Dame Malvina, 6pm Wednesday 1 August at the Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts. The Series runs throughout August and features a wide range of discussions. For more info see www.waikato.ac.nz/ events/lecture-series
Interview Skills Workshop If you’re job hunting, you need to make sure your interview skills are up to the task. Careers on Campus is hosting a one-hour Interview Skills Workshop, Wednesday, 1 August, 12noon–1pm in SG.01. For more information or to reserve your place email careers@waikato.ac.nz
www.facebook.com/WaikatoUniversity
Know an adult learner who deserves some recognition? If you’ve got a friend or classmate whose efforts, achievements, contributions and attitude make them an exceptional adult learner, nominate them for the Vice Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards, at www.waikato.ac.nz/ pathways/adultlearnersweek Nominations close 5pm Monday 13 August.
www.twitter.com/waikato
Q
uestions 1. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be and why? 2. If you had to compete in the Olympics what sport would it be in? 3. Who do you think should own the water rights in New Zealand? 4. Would you give up products like sneakers, ipads and xboxs if you knew more about the living conditions they were manufactured in? 5. If you did a famine-style fund raising activity, what would it be hardest for you to give up?
Jonothan Russell, 19, Law 1. New York because they have great buildings there. 2. Tennis, because Maria Sharapova plays Tennis. 3. I think the Maoris have got some claim to it to be honest, I mean, they just want the rights. They’re not gonna be like ok it’s our water don’t use it, they just want the rights to it because it’s theirs. 4. Probably not. 5. Sleeping.
Reneel Singh, 19, BMS & LLB 1. Hollywood to become the biggest celebrity on the planet, in the whole universe even. 2. Soccer, because they get paid a lot of money. 3. The public, everybody, not just one group. Managed by the state but owned by the public. 4. Potentially, depending on the conditions. If they were really bad then maybe. 5. Food. Once I tried the 40 hour famine, I ended up eating, but I still collected the money. My brother was eating in front of me, so yeah, but I still collected the money.
Anton Beaumont, 33, Double Major Philosophy and Psychology 1. Oxford so that I could be a superstar in philosophy 2. Fencing 3. The Public 4. No but I would try to do something to change those living conditions. 5. Housing and creature comforts, I could give up food easily but not my bed.
Vox Pops Morgan Hyde, 21, Cup Course 1. Connaught Island because that’s where my family is from. 2. Swimming because it’s the one I’ve been good at. 3. I don’t really believe in water rights 4. Probably. I don’t like apple products anyway, being a real IT nerd. 5. Probably food. I like food!
Huriana Paul, 21, Biology 1. I want to go to Italy, because I have this plan. Me and my sister are going to go to Europe. Spain and Italy, because she speaks Spanish, and I have to learn Italian so we can go to both of those places. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the sexy accent that all Italians have. 2. Orkball. Haha umm archery I guess, because it sounds cool and I can’t play sports. 3. Everyone. I don’t know. I suppose I should say Maoris just because my grandfather is fighting for Maoris to have water rights. 4. Probably not because I’m pretty sure I do know the living conditions they’re manufactured in, horrible. It’s shit, but I still use the things and I already know this so… 5. The internet, because I spend all of my time on the internet. I spend all my time reading fan fiction and playing computer games.
News
Singing in the rain is for amateurs Police were called to Waikato University last week when a number of students thought they had seen a student with a weapon on campus. It was later discovered that the “weapon” was an umbrella (pictured) with a samurai handle. Short news is just happy that the man chose the samurai umbrella, had he gone with his regular Dora The Explorer umbrella police may have been called to take action against the Spanish Inquisition and the plague of mutated boot wearing monkeys.
Oh Germany…. A German Judge is taking some heat from the national press for giving an admitted alcoholic two bottles of brandy prior to testifying in a case. The homeless man had been suffering withdrawal symptoms that were interfering with his testimony. The judge may have been on to something as immediately after the story broke two coke heads, a glue sniffer and a nymphomaniac also came forward to testify. If only there was a way they too could kick their “withdrawal symptoms” Super (sized) City for Papatoetoe Pros Papatoetoe residents are having difficulty finding a place to park and it isn’t for reasons you would expect. According to Papatoetoe business district manager Donna Lee plus sized prostitutes are using parking signs as poles to entice customers and are finding them lacking in structural integrity. Years earlier Matamata faced a similar problem until they realised no one ever stopped to park in the town and the enticing signs were removed.
Haiku
News
Olympic Football Standoff The wrong flag flying, North Korea refuse play. Fans boo, no surprise. TVNZ Breached Privacy After Dog Squad bust, Requests to keep privacy “No, you dirty crim!” Astronomers Get Closer Look At Pluto Cloudless skies above Look up at distant body Still not a planet.
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Opinion
LEFT vs RIGHT
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I’ll admit that I had no idea what the Exclusive Economic Zone and Continental Shelf Bill was when I was told to write about it. So after a bit of research I discovered that this bill will regulate environmentally destructive activities in the sea between 12 and 200 nautical miles from the coast, which I will call the Deep Sea. Currently this area is unregulated and businesses can do pretty much anything they want out there regardless of the environmental costs. So this bill is definitely needed, although the best that can be said for it is that it is better than nothing. Under international law we have exclusive economic rights over this area of sea provided we protect and preserve it. The environmental protection part is mandatory, economic development is optional. However, this bill takes the opposite approach. For example the bill states that climate change can not be considered when allowing an activity, apparently the single largest environmental issue of our time is not important enough to consider when protecting our environment. Even when the other environmental factors are considered the Environmental Protection Agency has to consider ‘the investment value’ of the activity. Are they supposed to say ‘Screw the environment, those share holders need more money.’ Environmental protection is in their name, maximising profits is not their job. But the really stupid thing is that this creates a whole new legal structure to deal with activities in the deep sea. We already have laws to deal with issues in shallow water, the logical thing to do would be to simply extend them out to the deep sea. At least that way businesses at the 11 mile mark will have the same rules as those at the 13 mile mark. But there are actually half decent environmental protections in shallow waters, which isn’t the way the government likes to roll.
This week we talk exclusive economic zone. Let us know who you think won at lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz
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he Exclusive Economic Zone and Continental Shelf (Environmental Effects) Bill. It’s a bit of a mouthful.
To be honest, before I was set this topic, I didn’t know a whole lot about it. So, let’s go into the basics first. The Bill has been put to Parliament by Amy Adams. According to section 10(1), the Bill, “seeks to achieve a balance between the protection of the environment and economic development in relation to activities in the exclusive economic zone and in or on the continental shelf”. Already I can see why the left don’t like it - it’s saying that we can’t forsake the economy for the environment. If we look at submissions on the Bill that went to the Select Committee, we see Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment Dr Jan Wright saying, “Economic development is optional...environmental protection is not.” Looks like my initial thoughts were correct. Let’s look at that then. Environmental protection costs money. The Crown gets money through taxes. The tax take will increase as the economy builds. So, what means we have the resources to protect the environment? Not Lucy Lawless proving her last name on a ship, but through economic growth. As such, Amy Adams and the National Government is right to seek a balance between the two. It is a fine line - too much emphasis on economic growth and we lose the “clean and green” image, yet too much emphasis on environmental protection and it becomes unsustainable. Comments like those from Dr Wright are the exact opposite of helpful. They lead to people saying that the Government is doing the wrong thing to try and create sustainable environmental protection. Yes, we need to protect the environment, but if we can’t afford for it to continue into the future, it becomes a pointless task.
One final point, this law allows mining and drilling in our seas but doesn’t allow marine reserves in this area, surely reserves are a basic part of environmental protection? But I’ll still give the government a C for trying, this law is marginally better than nothing.
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Opinion
Sports Thoughts MAGIC SEASON NOT MUCH OF A TRICK By C-Ball
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hit is about to get all ghetto up in this bitch because woot dang, the Waikato Bay of Plenty Magic recently unearthed the ability to not completely blow an ANZ Netball Championship Final. As the only team since the competition’s inception to have been a part of the big show every single season, the fact that they have finally managed to break the hoodoo should’ve been cause for a fair amount of relief. Some experts have marvelled at how the Magic in the past have been a team lacking the ability to go on and win those really important games that matter. In other words - the Magic (up until just recently) have pretty much failed at the exact thing every single sports team around the globe strives to achieve; success. Well now they are bathing in streamers, sipping clicquot and if ANZ hooked a sister up, probably rocking yellow diamonds, because that’s just how champions roll. However, when the Magic aren’t busy kicking ass in the morning and taking names in the evening, I’d imagine they are busy dealing with a fair bit of embarrassing press. What I mean to say is, they started off the season shit out of luck going nowhere slower than Waikato students responding to the threat of some trench coat umbrella wielding mass murderer. Four losses from their first four games and you’d understand the average New Zealand supporter to have lost interest by now and decided to just start backing the team with all the best players in it. Get up the Maroons. But then, the Magic must’ve realised if anything, their roster (year in year out) was one of the most imposing,
and started winning. With twelve consecutive victories to finish off their season, the Magic now have to listen to journalists make ridiculous proclamations about their season being some sort of great sporting comeback of our recent times. I like ridiculous statements too. But fuck that one. The Magic only boast 5 Silver Ferns among the 12 players they have contracts with, 3 of which have now played their 10th seasons for the team. Add to that the fact that they have arguably one of the best shooters the Netball world has ever been graced with, who just so happened to also break the record for Most Capped International Player way back in 2005, and also has 5 World Championship medals to boot. No biggie Irene Van Dyk. Damn, so what a fucking brilliant comeback this Magic season was. I can’t begin to comprehend how the Magic managed to claw their way back into it. With an International to Domestic player ratio well over 40%, sometimes I lose sleep at night wondering how the Magic manage to make it to the final each and every year, let alone how they won this year. City wide celebration, I think so! What is truly remarkable is not the Magic’s comeback, but the fact that it can even be called a ‘comeback’. What were they coming back from - having a ridiculously overpowered line up that’d having gaming nerds whinging about it for centuries and begging for nerfs. Yo Arcane Mage, Imma let you finish that 10 thousand plus damage per second, but the Magic be straight bawlin’ all over that shit. The fact that they had to comeback is what is remarkable. Real comebacks are badass. They feature
underdogs, like Johnny Rico when he loses Squad Leader and gets thrown out of the Mobile Infantry only to get recalled, survive getting axed in the thigh, bust every nut in bug city and even bust one on Denise Richards AND Dina Mayer. So if you thought I was going to write a whole Sports Thoughts on Netball - wrong. I had to drop references to Starship Troopers just to wake some of you up, and now, I’m going to describe a real comeback without the team possessing a roster made up of 40% international quality players, or Irene Van Dyk. In 2009 the Parramatta Eels had a new coach in Daniel Anderson, and lost their halfback Brett Finch, leaving a roster made up of 8 International players out of 25 at a percentage of 32%. This doesn’t even take into account that by this stage, Burt, Hindmarsh and Cayless were all on their way out. Midway through the season, the Eels sat 3rd last and held $151 odds to win the Premiership. Cue Jarryd Hayne going all David Bain on NRL opponents, as they won 7 of their last 8 games to finish 8th and make the playoffs, losing heavily in their last game to the Dragons 26 - 0. Next week, playoffs matched them against the Dragons, who they beat 27 - 2, and then the Bulldogs too, in front of 75,000 people. They became the first 8th placed qualifier to make a Grand Final, but lost to an inauspiciously stacked Storm team in front of 83,000 fans. This aint Hollywood, and comebacks don’t have to end in silverware to be a success. Take Rico for instance Denise Richards broke that man’s heart.
Nexus encourages debate and discussion on almost any topic and welcomes your letters. Relevant, intelligent and well-worded letters are preferable, and we also enjoy good humour. Right of reply will generally be accepted provided we have space. Letters should be kept to a maximum of 250 words. You may hide behind a nom-de-plume but you must tell us your real name (which will not be published unless requested). Letter of the week is picked on the basis of our feelings, not the persuasion of its content for which we don’t have opinions on. Disclaimer: letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech. Dear Eddie John Ram. I apologise for not replying earlier. I hope I haven’t given you the impression I have ‘thrown in the towel’ but I have been...busy. I regret that you sent in your first ‘lettuce’ as it would seem that since the first reply you received, you have struggled to keep your head above water in the argumentative narrow minded (for the most part) shitslinging sea that is the Nexus magazine. I have chased you from argument to argument, and it would seem your argument is for the most part back to the points you had in the original ‘lettuce’ you sent in. Your statements are once again unsubstantiated and narrow minded which is rather appropriate for the Nexus despite your loathing of all free speech except for your own. Perhaps your just trolling me like someone suspected a few weeks back? If that is true, then... well played. If not, then feel free to keep replying as long as Nexus can be bothered to publish it, although unless they give us a column, they will have to cut one of us out for being uninteresting eventually. But until that time comes, in the words of Bane from Dark Night Rises “LET THE GAMES BEGIN!” Yours in reason, Chris.
Hi Nexus, It’s not often in but every now and then someone writes into Lettuce who is so full of shit that I can’t stand by. This week’s lucky winner is Te Ahi Ohiwa Waiomo. This young woman said a lot of things I take issue with but I’ll try to stick to a few short points. Firstly; Nexus. The magazine’s stance on publication has always been that they’ll publish basically anything anyone hands in and that if you don’t like the content then you should create some yourself. They don’t just publish things that seem funny and there’s no rule saying they absolutely must publish what you send them. The loaded questions at the end of your letter dishonestly misrepresented Nexus’ position on publication. Secondly; well, more Nexus. You described the publication of the ‘violent letter’ as being sexist and the sort of thing that happens on a regular basis. You also described Nexus as representing a small demographic of people. Sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on sex. A description of a violent act such as ‘punching someone while raping them’ is not sexist. Thirdly; rape. There is no such thing as ‘facebook rape’ or ‘spiritual rape’. To insist that there are cheapens the meaning of ‘rape’ and disrespects the experience of people who have actually been raped. Fourthly; balls. You took a lot of cheap shots at the magazine and at men, e.g “I have my own idea why this garbage is being printed”. After all those deliberate insults, all that talk of challenging people to use their real names and all that misguided opinion about free speech. Identity Irrelevant This is a response to the letter written by Te Ahi Ohiwa Waiomio Firstly, I have read the letter you referred to in your rant. We first have to establish whether the author was being serious when he wrote his letter. I think not. If he was, then that’s kinda weird and he should get help. While his sense of humour is rather...different to most, he is still entitled to submit anything he wants. I’ve always admired nexus for printing whatever the hell they want, it’s part of what a student magazine should be. Just because they printed the letter doesn’t mean they agree with what it mentions, does it? You say you want the editors terminated just for printing SOMEONE ELSE’S humour. Pathetic. It’s not like every article in nexus is like the one in question. You also say the article was put in there to satisfy the “white male majority”. Who the fuck are you to say that? I’m sorry but that’s completely racist. You say “there is no freedom of speech, if only the dominant group speaks, while the mute/insulted/marginalised will not”. So why don’t you? I’m sure if you wrote a similar letter with the subject as a man there would be no hate replies, so please, start writing, if that will make the magazine more equal to all genders/races. Basically, if you don’t like what’s being written, don’t read it. The editors of nexus didn’t make you read it, they didn’t stand outside lecture theatres handing out magazines like the christians do. It was just sitting in a box, and you picked it up and got offended. It’s a student magazine, with good articles. So don’t ruin it. NEXUS FAN
Interview I’m a little bit of a fan of alternative punk rock outfit Die Die Die. So when Michael Prain from Dunedin’s favourite noise makers got in touch about an interview I may have gotten a little nervous. So as not to come across as your standard fan-boy, I thought I’d email him as to keep the chortling to a minimum. Graciously, he responded: HP - Hi, how’s things? MP - Hello, things are great, how are you? HP - What are you and the band up to now? MP - We have just been trying to rehearse as much as possible in the last week before our July album release tour, haven’t played the songs very often since we recorded the album, so its exciting to be playing them again and finding how best to make them work live. HP – What can we expect from the new album?
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MP - Harmony is being released on July 6th. We recorded the album in the middle of a really long tour last year in France. So we were getting together all the songs while we were playing all these shows which in a lot of ways made it a really free process
of writing the album, we had the bare bones of what we wanted the record to be but just had fun while we were recording, putting it into something that made sense as a whole. We’ve always had the approach to keep things as simple as possible and true to what we think the band should sound like so I think this record isn’t self-conscious in anyway which makes for an exciting 34 minutes of music. This is our fourth record and for all the albums they have occupied their own time and space, we recorded this album about a year ago and when we had actually got to the point of finishing it late last year we weren’t even sure if we were going to release it at all and even continue as a band. The band stopped doing anything for about eight months until March of this year when we realised how easy it would be to get everything working again and feeling really excited to get new music out again. HP - What was it like to work with Shane Carter vs Nick Roughan? And who is producing the new record? MP - Both Shayne and Nick had completely different approaches with production. Nick being a lot more versatile and hands on as an engineer and really shaping things in post production, and Shanye being a lot
more focused with song structures. We had totally different blue prints for what we wanted with both records but both of them really pushed the records in exciting ways, I think its really important to work with other people to take what a record can be a little further. Harmony was recorded by Chris Townsend who was really fantastic to put this all together with, he s recorded lots of bands like Portishead so he had some brilliant ideas about how to go about things for this record. We did most of the producing ourselves but Chris really threw some stuff into the mix that we have never done before. HP - Any other random, sprawling or creative stuff you want to share with us? MP - Do what you’re really passionate about and never get defeated Isn’t that nice and inspiring? And I didn’t even have to lose too much dignity to get these words of wisdom from Michael. Check out Die Die Die’s new album Harmony. You’ll be glad you did yourself the favour. Interviewed by HP
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Well re:oweek is over, back to reality. A bunch of new papers, text books, readings manuals and people to interact with. The weather is horrible; everybody’s sick and in crappy moods and it feels like everyone seems to have just a little more beef with others than usual. But no matter how crappy the weather or our moods, there is always one thing that seems to cheers us up, no not sex, even though that does cheer me up, what I was thinking of was fast food. When we are bored, when we are hung over, when we are sad, when we are happy fast food is always something we turn to. It has to be one of the most mainstream things within our society. From wherever you live in this town, you are almost guaranteed to be a stone throw away from a McDonalds. Goddamit, McDonalds is the most recognized brand in the world. For a being that is so self conscious about our appearance and the way people perceive us, we seem to give in mighty easily to this mediocre attempt at wholesome food. Why? This New Years just gone, I had a mini epiphany. I arrived in Sydney on the 30 th of December to a large group of friends of which I had not seen many of for that entire year. As you can imagine the celebrations matched, there were cups and plates and all sorts of things you can imagine in them, and to cut a long story short there was not much sleep to be had that night. I eventually woke on New Years Eve around midday. I instantly realized I had not eaten since boarding a plane at 3pm the afternoon before and my appetite
was through the roof alongside my trusty hang over. There was only one thing for it. Surprise, surprise where I was staying was only a short walk from a McDonalds. So off we went, sunlight hurting my eyes and the eyes of strangers piercing my skin we walked down to this fast food outlet. I walked in, ordered a hunger buster with an extra cheese burger and up sized. Fifteen minutes later I feel like I’m about to have a heart attack. My friend that was with me at the time then said something that since has changed my life. The words he said went like this… “Bro, fastfood is like crack, it’s pretty much a drug” Then I realized, and after a conversation about it we even came up with the name ‘Food Crack’, When you think about it, you’re hungry right, fast food hits your mind, it’s highly desirable, you want it bad, you’re willing to give up money and effort to get it. Then you spend this money and make this effort to get it, and you can’t wait to rip open the bag; you know that awkward car ride home with a bag of fast food in your hand. You seem to get every red light, get stuck behind every slow driver and that smell! It drives you insane. Then the good part, you get to eat it. It’s so good! You enjoy every bite, and then for that short period of time you are satisfied. Then it hits you, that horrible feeling in your gut, the feeling of eating too much and if you move you may vom, it’s like a hangover. IT’S A DRUG PEOPLE!! Ever noticed when you’re eating McDonalds fries you find yourself jamming them down your throat uncontrollably, that’s because the
additives in the oil it’s cooked in are addictive. I don’t want to be sounding your mother or the damn government here, but we are supposedly in an obesity epidemic, our kids are fat, our parents are fat, our teachers are fat, we are fat. It’s fricken disgusting if you ask me, and much of it we have to blame on the ease of access to fast food in our society. I’m not saying I have the answers or that I’m some incredibly healthy, green, vegetarian salad eating role model. But I can tell you this, that day when I felt like I was going to be sick on the McDonalds dining room floor, after fast food had made me feel even worse than I did when I was horribly hung over walking through their doors, I made a promise to myself, a New Years resolution as it was. NO MORE FOOD CRACK. I’m proud to tell you that since then, this year I have eaten McDonalds….. I’d love to say not at all but I did crack under the pressure. I’ve eaten it twice. Once after semester A exams were over and second time was at 6am after a long night in town and I couldn’t resist a bacon and egg McMuffin. Go on try it, see if you can last a week. It’s really not that hard. P.S Food Crack = McDonalds, KFC, BK. Something Hip
“Bro, fastfood is like crack, it’s pretty much a drug”
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Masters of the
Universe
An indepth look at poverty and globalisation Part One - Poverty and Globalisation Globalisation is not a new phenomena, the Mongol empire saw a dramatic increase in communication and trade between Europe and Asia, as did the expansion of European Empires from the 15th century on. The one thing that all these eras of globalisation have in common is that they were structured in such a way that the rich and powerful became richer and more powerful while everyone else stagnated or declined. The current era is no exception to this rule. The only real difference between this era of globalisation and the previous ones is that there is no empire driving globalisation, instead it is a series of organisations like the World Trade Organisation, the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank that are driving globalisation. This does not mean that the powerful have stopped forcibly extracting resources from the weak, these organisations rely on treaties negotiated between unequal partners and economic coercion to force the weak countries in the world to ‘agree’ to conditions which favour the wealthy. The free market ideology and free trade agreements which go hand in hand with globalisation are causing environmental destruction and human deprivation around the world as we speak. Because of the free market a poor coffee farmer in Nicaragua can’t complain when
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the sale price of a pound of coffee is barely more than the cost of producing it, or as is often the case less than the production costs. That is a consequence of supply and demand. But because of free trade agreements when the Australian government tries to ban the advertising of cigarettes, Phillip Morris, a multi-national corporation is allowed to take them to court to get compensation for their loss of profits. The weak producers and citizens around the world find the current form of globalisation to be holding them down while those on the top, the elites in powerful countries and the multinational corporations are becoming wealthier and wealthier. The other week I was talking to an acquaintance who told me that the current system appears to be working. Which frankly I found baffling, how could the system be working when 1.3 billion people are living below US$1.25 a day. Not to mention the environmental destruction that also goes on throughout the world. Back in the 90’s Mexico tried to prevent an American company from setting up hazardous waste dump in an ecologically sensitive area where it was likely to enter the local water supply. The company sued the Mexican government and won millions of dollars in compensation, when the taxpayers of a country have to pay people not to destroy their environment or pollute their drinking water then the system isn’t working. But I think where he was coming from was looking at this situation like a consumer rather than a citizen.
If he wants something then this huge global supply chain kicks in to bring him whatever consumer item he wants at a low price. So I can almost understand how he could think that the current system is working, but you can’t really look at what the globalised supply chain supplies without looking at how these goods are produced. The reason that the globalised economy can supply so many goods at such a low price is because they are produced in countries where workers do not have many rights and are poorly paid. There are new areas appearing inside countries which are commonly called ‘free trade zones.’ These are areas where the meagre rights that workers have in poor countries no longer apply. If you want to join a union, accuse your boss of sexual harassment, or get paid the minimum wage it is instant dismissal. That is how these goods get to you so cheap, the people that made them live a life of misery to save a few dollars on the finished product so that the multinational corporation gets a slight edge over their competitors. Human deprivation increases so that the share holders of a multi-national corporation can get a little bit richer.
Part Two – Globalisation and New Zealand. New Zealand is entering deeper into this world of economic globalisation. We are already well globalised compared to most nations, this is the
We are negotiating a free trade agreement with the United States and 9 other countries. This agreement is secret, so secret in fact that we will not be able to read for years after our government has signed it on our behalf. Officially all we know is that it is called the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement (TPPA), it is a free trade agreement with the countries that are involved. Luckily for us there have been a few leaks about what is in the text of the agreement, however it doesn’t look good for us. Firstly there is the medical aspect of the trade agreement, currently the New Zealand government subsidises certain medicines so that people can afford to buy it if they need to. The American drug companies don’t like this because it makes it harder for their medicines to compete in New Zealand. One of the leaks suggests that subsidising medicine will be made illegal and that New Zealand will have to let the free market decide the price of medicine. Which is the case in the United States where they have the most expensive healthcare in the world. Good for
drug companies, not good for you or I if we get sick. The other big area that has been leaked is in relation to intellectual property laws, making it compulsory for internet service providers to provide details of their users, making copyright infringement a criminal offence, extending copyright indefinitely so that things never become public domain. In other words the United States and their movie and music production companies have gone into overkill mode to protect their goods from pirates. Of course nothing they propose will actually stop material being pirated. It will however make using the internet a much costlier, riskier and less enjoyable affair for the average user. The strange thing though is that New Zealand just got some legislation passed that tries to deal with the problem of internet pirates.The fact that so soon after that law came into effect we will be making a much harsher regime is telling. It shows us that the TPPA and all free trade agreements are mostly about undermining democracy and sovereignty in the nations that sign up to them to allow the large corporations power in those companies. When this agreement is signed the democratic powers of the New Zealand people combined will no longer be legally able to create an intellectual property regime that goes against anything the TPPA mandates. Likewise we will not be able to subsidise medicine if the TPPA outlaws it. The investors right to sue the government is also in
the current draft text of the TPPA, this will allow any multi-national company to sue the government for actions that damage that companies profits. Like the cigarette company in Australia or the waste dump in Mexico any number of laws we pass could see us paying money out to wealthy corporations. If we decide to cut down on pokie machines, casinos can sue the government. Cut back on drilling and mining and those companies can sue us, most anything that we as a country decide we don’t want could end up costing us a lot of money in payouts to these corporations.
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result of the actions of the Labour Government of the 80’s and the National Government of the 90’s both of whom opened up and sold off large portions of our economy to the world, with predictable results. Unemployment, poverty and inequality skyrocketed to the point where third world diseases are reappearing in our country. But there is still a little bit more power over our own lives that we can give up and we are in the process of doing just that.
That is how this new era of globalisation extracts resources from the weakest people on earth and gives it to the most powerful. Laws are put in place undemocratically which the people can’t overturn, were not consulted on but still have to obey. Imperialism no longer requires canon and warships, now it only needs courthouses and the rule of law. These fair trade agreements undermine the notion of democracy, they take power away from the citizen and give it to elites that negotiate these treaties in secret. The elite entrench their power while the ordinary people can’t change the rules no matter how many of them want to, instead they just have to struggle along under the rules that are designed to keep them at the bottom. By Nick Marryatt
...this is the result of the actions of the Labour Government of the 80’s and the National Government of the 90’s both of whom opened up and sold off large portions of our economy to the world, with predictable results. 17
Feature There are two photographs on my fridge. Framed by ChildFund magnets, they feature two somber faced kids, of whom I do not know the names. Ashamedly, they’re not even my sponsor kids. But I guess they are what the average, financially generous, middle-classer believes poverty to be; being so circumstantially unfortunate your portrait graces the white ware of those lucky enough to be born in the first world. As depressing as the realities of these children are, and they are worse than depressing, how often do we realize the reality of poverty in our own backyard? New Zealand has poverty too, you know. I wouldn’t dare say it is of the same standard as those in Africa or South America, but it’s there. We can send our pocket money over to impoverished communities across the globe (and I am not discouraging you from doing so, usually a mere two weeks of wages will cover them for a year), but there are people here who are finding it difficult to survive as well, and before we go throwing a helping hand in elsewhere, maybe we should consider offering it to them first, or even simultaneously. And I don’t mean just handing out cash; the situation will always be slightly more complicated than that.
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The reason I say this, is because when you look at globalization and the effect this may/may not be having on the increasing disparity between the rich and poor in places like India (globalization is only part of the problem here), we don’t even figure. Clearly the poverty in these locations is the worst, wouldn’t it be selfish to first secure our own home before looking out for next door? As selfish as it may seem, in the global financial climate we are currently experiencing, we do have to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. The situation in Africa is most dire, as it has been for generations, but we can’t expect to make much of a difference just by donating here and there when we can spare a dollar, can we? New Zealand is doing better than other countries at the moment, but the situations not great. Poverty is still poverty. If we build our own nation up, we might have a better chance of helping out severely disadvantaged African orphans. Here’s where you say, “We have a welfare system, why should we even have poverty?” Good question. The thing with poverty in New Zealand is that while we do have a welfare system in place, the funds allocated to families often cannot meet the
need of feeding those families on top of other necessary costs. This leads to children turning up to school without any kind of breakfast or lunch. God knows what they eat for dinner. Take Whangarei for example, one of the worst hit areas during and after the 08/09 recession. The CPAG has reported that 13 of the 22 schools they surveyed are providing breakfasts to children, and 12 are also providing lunches. The schools are feeding their students because they don’t have access to meals at home, and we all know well-fed kids are successful kids. What happens when the schools can no longer afford this? What about the kids whose parents can’t afford the cost of sending them to school in the first place? What do they eat on the weekends? There’s also the issue of kids not having adequate clothing or shoes, most crucial in the winter months, and living in mould-infested housing that can lead to a multitude of health issues later in life. It produces a drain on the economy later on as these kids grow up, and not knowing how to deal with such a situation, are stuck in an endless cycle of poverty. This is where the idea of poverty begins to include factors other than
money. Those living in poverty in New Zealand often do not have the knowledge or skill required to lift themselves above the poverty line. Think budgeting, career workshops, healthy cooking classes, and simply highlighting the benefit of getting your kids to school with a decent breakfast. Dialing up the amount of money we offer to in need people only digs the situation deeper. Some families, particularly those at risk, are likely to misspend the extra cash because they just don’t know how to allocate what money to which expense. We need to push the availability of education and literacy for these underprivileged New Zealanders so that they can provide for themselves and their families. Financial independence for those who are circumstantially hard done by is all that will close the socioeconomic gaps in our society in order to build income equality. So what can we do as students? Let’s take some inspiration from 2012’s Young New Zealander of the Year, Cantabrian Sam Johnston. He founded a student army where thousands of young people donated their time and efforts in volunteer clean-up work in Christchurch over the last devastating two years.
He coordinated these efforts and continues to do so, with a concert in November only open to those who have completed four hours of volunteer work. His initiative has spread beyond the immediate need resulting from the Christchurch earthquakes, and now his student army is taking on other community projects. Sam saw a need, as many others did, and he went out of his way to fill it. All we have to do is take the grievances of our local people and find a way to help them help themselves out of their situation. Here’s an idea for addressing poverty in New Zealand; maybe we, as Waikato University students, could run workshops and volunteer our time in lower socio-economic areas just to spread the knowledge and skills gained through our university education. I know one on campus group that is giving it a go, but there are thousands of us here, and we can make a real difference if we just share what we know. What is the point of knowledge if we keep it ourselves? If you know how to budget your student finances into three meals a day then you may know something that those in poverty do not. You don’t have to spend much to give. Even if we just turn up and show that we care, we
can make a difference, given a lot of at-risk kids feel like everybody has given up on them. Poverty will not be eliminated just by throwing money around, but by empowering those less fortunate into a mindset where they can make it out. If we look to our immediate neighbours first to lend a hand, we may just find ourselves with more volunteers in the long run, looking now to improve the lessthan-satisfactory situations in our global community. If we can educate more of our own people in how to successfully manage their finances, make positive choices, and help them to stand on their own feet, then we have made a significant difference. We will have made a positive change that will resonate with future generations and continue to improve the conditions that our poorest people live in. After all, if we rush in to help out the third world, are we not simply ignoring our own people in need? Poverty is a global issue, and before we take on something bigger than ourselves, we should make sure every New Zealander is on board first. Shoes and all. By Alix Higby
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Those living in poverty in New Zealand often do not have the knowledge or skill required to lift themselves above the poverty line.
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Face of the week - make me into Gandhi
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POVERTY Word Find POVERTY ECONOMY AFRICAN SLUM DEPRIVATION
WEALTH FOOD SPONSOR SWEATSHOP DISEASE
GLOBALISATION LIVINGSTANDARDS SOCIOECONOMIC HUNGER POLIO
COLOUR ME IN
CAPTION THIS
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On the third day I cornered the leader of their world in the remote plains. It was a glorious war. The streets had flowed with rivers of blood from the nationalists for months. I took his scalp and wore it as a crown in recognition of my magnificent victory. There I hovered, commander of all I surveyed, ruler of my armies and the one true overlord of their pathetic world. It was my first, and you always remember your first. These days your world is being taken over by corporations charging $8 a coffee, sports shoes made on factory lines and tablets with fruit logos. Does nobody appreciate artistry and hard work anymore? Dear 8 ball, will the frog I’m currently kissing ever turn into a princess? Outlook not so good. The greatest universal truth you can learn is that sometimes a frog is just a frog. No amount of kissing, French or otherwise, will turn them into the person you want them to be. So you have two choices. Either you accept her for the frog she is, or you raise up an army and go and conquer a dimension or two taking out your frustration on everyone you come across and bathing in the blood of… Sorry I got sidetracked. Either way the Faculty of science has asked me to tell you to stop kissing their frogs. It was funny at first but that was when the clothes stayed on. Hey 8 ball if we are raising the age of superannuation is now a good time to go hunting for cougars? Very Doubtful You silly man. The Cougar is nature’s greatest predator. You don’t hunt them, they hunt you. They take what they want, use you and leave a trail of wanton destruction in their path. In a way I really do respect them. 8 ball Is there such a thing as “too stoned?” Reply Hazy Ask Again The simple fact that you are asking means that you are worried about it. You never hear people who don’t want to quit saying “Is there such a thing as being too bath salted” or “I really need to stop buying lightbulbs”. Doing drugs is the individual’s choice but know your limits or I will hunt you down and…. Etc etc evil thoughts.
Aries: Remember even in trying times when it seems like adversity is at every turn, nobody likes the smelly kid. Taurus: You will consider running in for elected office. Don’t. Nobody remembers the bronze medalist. Gemini: You have really studied hard this week, take next week off. It’s totally cool, your stars said so. Cancer: This week you will become rich and famous, but you wont forget the little guy. You can forget everyone else though, they have hated you for years. Leo: I thought I told you last week never to come back? Maybe you do still have more to learn. Virgo: Pondering your own inadequacies only leads to self doubt and insecurities. Also look both ways when you cross the road. That last bit isn’t part of your horoscope, just a helpful tip. Libra: Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain, staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the intensity of orgasms. Weird huh? Scorpio: Crazy is the new sexy, bring it back. Sagittarius: Carpe Dium, Carpe the shit out of the Dium in fact. You will find out why next week. Capricorn: She like likes you. Aquarius: Not all roads lead home. Some lead to Glenview, and no one should ever want to live there. Pisces: Fate will inexplicably alter the direction of your life this week. Fate can be such a dick sometimes.
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may lose a few friends this week. No big deal. I usually find them again passed out behind Shenanigans or working on their daddy issues in Rodeo. You look nice today by the way. More than one person reading this at the same time? That message was only for 50% of you... #thisishowthehungergamesstarted iMa d0 yew b0o’s rite An g1ve yews l1sts 2 liv bii.xx List 1: For when you’re bored and your friend is too whipped on some bitch to make any plays with you and you’re poor because 1Day was selling kg bags of gummy bears and you’ve got very little regard for how society views you because you grew up in Huntly and no one wants to hang out with you because your house smells like a private viewing room in Firecats. 1) Enter Bar 101, find the manager, tell him that he is my friend. 2) Walk into Static then leave after sighing loudly and saying “There’s a bar in here? Ugh thought you said this place wasn’t main stream,” then slump out of the door and ride away on your fixed gear. 3) Tell the bouncers at House that they can leave because John just bought the building and you’re the new head of security now. 4) Visit CBD on a Tuesday and ask for endless wicked wings. When they tell you that it’s not until tomorrow, stay exactly where you are, lower your head and begin to sob whilst looking at your shoes and whispering “why don’t I know how to read?” 5) Go into Furnace and request a written quote for one shot of Jager Meister and one can of red bull. Simply inform them that you bought a Jager Bomb on Saturday but your friend stole it so you need the quote for insurance purposes.
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6) Inform local police that the establishments in town are actively segregating people because of their gender before they are allowed to use public bathrooms. Ask said establishment owners why they hate gender equality. 7) Walk in to 3204.
List 2: For when you’re stuck in a conversation with someone that makes you want to not have a tongue anymore so that you can stop saying “ermergerd yes we should” after they suggest catching up which is peculiar as you never hung out in the first place because they made you want to not have a tongue anymore. 1) Start by taking off your jacket. At first they’ll just assume that you’re just cooling down but eventually they’ll realise that you’re actually getting naked on the corner of Hood St and they will leave. 2) Push your finger to their lips and say “Shhhhh...” If they accuse you of being rude, tell them that you were trying to focus on their beauty and you were getting distracted. Tell them this with your back to them as you walk away. 3) Remind them that it is the end of July and Te Awa only has 42 late Thursday/Friday nights this year and you’re getting worried that at this rate you might miss all of them and they would have single handedly ruined Christmas for you and your entire family. 4) Pretend to fall asleep. Failing that, genuinely fall asleep. 5) Show them your genitals. List 3: For when you see that guy/girl you’ve stalked in bar photos and would gladly offer free coitus but they have no idea who you are and you’re not sure how to simultaneously mention that they’re on your radar whilst avoiding an appearance on Police 10/7.
1) Girls: Tell him your friend is a lesbian and keeps grabbing all up on your vagina. Tell him that you need to prove that you’re not so that she will leave you alone. When he asks you to point out your friend, point to the largest, hairiest guy in the club and whisper, “she just won’t leave me alone.” 2) Guys: Walk past and trip over her foot. Apologise profusely and explain that ever since you returned home after helping to find Osama Bin Laden, your head has been all over the place. Like the other day when you saved that family in Rototuna from that house fire and you almost forgot the puppies and only JUST had time to go back for them, the neighbours and then the neighbours kittens before the combined weight of your giant penis and overflowing wallet slowed you down. I hope you all feel educated and free. mmf@nexusmag.co.nz if you’d like to send the world’s problems to me for solving. Again, love a fair few of you profusely. MMF.X #yolo #lykkeifyhukriied
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After missing it at the movies I finally got to see Clint Eastwood’s biopic of the legendary founder of the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover. It was much as the mixed reviews had led me to expect: well crafted yet dull and burdened by a poorly structured screenplay that struggles to convey exactly what motivated Hoover or satisfactorily deal with rumours about his closeted sexuality. The experience got me thinking about what makes a good biopic and how the genre might be defined. To qualify as a biopic it isn’t sufficient for a film to merely dramatise a true story or to feature characters based on real people. My Week With Marilyn, for example, isn’t a biopic as such, even if it does sport good actors credibly playing the likes of Marilyn Monroe and Laurence Olivier. To qualify as a true biopic a film must be primarily a character study of one person. It need not depict every detail of the life in question - an impossible feat in any case - but the prime dramatic focus must be on the person’s character. In the history of cinema I don’t think there have been that many outstanding biopics. The commercial temptation to be obvious or worthy is usually too great and often filmmakers fall into the trap of substituting detail for analysis. J. Edgar is just the most recent example. There have been countless bad, dated or just plain boring screen biographies. By contrast, what follows is a list of some excellent biopics stocked by Auteur House. As ever it’s subjective and far from exhaustive.
1. Rembrandt (1936) Charles Laughton was the greatest character actor of the 1930s. He perfectly underplays the part of the 17th Century Dutch painter, giving a sense of Rembrandt’s loneliness and despair as well as his appetite for socially forbidden women. Very understated and down beat for the period. 2. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) Hollywood’s quintessential musical biopic. James Cagney was born to play egocentric Broadway legend George M Cohan, displaying the fullest array of singing, dancing and acting skills. Despite the World War II propaganda and a coyness about Cohan’s anti-union politics the theatrical genius’ drive and self belief is entertainingly put across. 3. The Jolson Story (1946) Though seldom given its due this version of Al Jolson’s life is surprisingly accurate when it comes to his selfish, workaholic tendencies. You get all of Al’s black-faced hits but also a near poignant portrayal of an artist who could not live without hearing applause. 4. Lust for Life (1956) If you can get past Kirk Douglas’s American accent this gorgeous dramatisation of Van Gogh’s tortured existence is next to perfect. Kirk proves well cast, Anthony Quinn steals scenes as Gauguin and director Vincent Minnelli’s tastefully reproduces the painter’s aesthetic in every frame. 5. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) David Lean’s print-the-legend
approach to the TE Lawrence’s World War I adventures might not always make the grade as history but its epic grandeur illuminates character rather than subsuming it. Whatever the seductive power of the imagery and music the enigmatic psychology of Lawrence holds centre stage. 6. Patton (1970) George C Scott’s tour de force as America’s most controversial World War II general serves a deliberately ambiguous screenplay, ensuring that liberal audience members see George S Patton as a glory seeking lunatic while leaving those of a conservative political bent to hail an uncompromising hero. For all the bombast of Scott the concluding images have a quiet lyricism, evoking Don Quixote.
7. Raging Bull (1980) Martin Scorsese’s searing black and white examination of Jake La Motta - boxer, wife beater, statuary rapist and all round no-bullshit guy - is impressionistic and never strays far from its subject’s highly paranoid take on the world. Few films so combine beauty and brutality. De Niro’s acting is as good as it gets. 8. An Angel at My Table (1990) Biopics of authors are difficult to pull off. How do you film a writer about his or her craft? Jane Campion’s adaptation of Janet Frame’s autobiographical writings wisely concentrates on selected details, seamlessly segueing from youth to middle age, capturing a unique vision shaped by family tragedy and ill health.
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www.budgetappliances.co.nz
I got to thinking one morning about whether my programme of study was conducive to my future unemployment. What I needed was some advice as to what papers to take in semester B. So I decided to go visit an advisor at the Faculty of Arts, Social Sciences and Pottery. Walking past the recreation center, a thought struck me that I should join the gym. I viciously struck back at that thought; past experience had taught me that I did not need a gym subscription to not go to the gym. And so, my rock hard arteries and six-keg-abominables propelled me down the path towards the FASSP faculty reception. Entering the ground floor, which was the basement, I made my way to the elevator. The doors swished open to reveal a young lad wearing a Def-Leppard tee-shirt leading a small horse. “Um, I can explain…” started he. “No need to explain”, said I, “we’ve all listened to DefLeppard at some stage or another. Nothing to be ashamed about.” The horse whinnied approval as the two exited the lift. The elevator, in an efficient tone told me that I was on the ground floor, and that I could do with losing a few kilos. Had I considered a gym membership? I decided that I wasn’t going to have an argument with an elevator ever again and walked around the corner to the reception desk. It was here where programme advisors and bomb disposal experts could be found. The line of people to see advisors would have stretched out the door, if the door had been extremely close to the reception desk. But as it happens it wasn’t, and the line consisted of two students including me. The receptionist was conversing with a short girl at the counter, whilst tapping at her PC and grilling chicken pieces that sizzled and hissed on a hotplate. It deserved a commendation for multitasking, if chicken pieces could receive commendations. “So, you want to know where your geography class is…”, said the receptionist to the short girl. “That’s right, GEOG199” confirmed she. “And you’re majoring in…geography?”, continued the receptionist. “Yes”, confirmed the girl again. The receptionist stared purposefully at her for a full five seconds to see if this information had rung alarm bells. Nothing. “Well, what you need to do is go up the stairs, turn right, walk down the hall and…no wait…sorry, that’s where you need to go if you’re doing IRON101, an introduction to irony”. Another five seconds of silence, then the girl’s face lit up. “Na, I think I’m doing IRON101 next semester” said she. The receptionist sighed, “You’re also doing GEOG199 in semester B”. “Cool” said the girl, “Thanks”, and happily skipped off without further instruction. By Skippy
When people tell me that videogames are a waste of time, I tell them that videogames have taught me a whole lot, including the difference between ‘affect’ and ‘effect’ (thanks Pokémon). Given the rising demand for the clarity of this distinction in the Western world, it is thus my duty, as someone who grasps it, to draw the line for those who are willing to listen. For some people, simply murmuring, “Affect is a verb and effect is a noun” is enough; and if you’re one of those people you may as well stop here. But if not, then please, take a sip of your student-priced Moscato as I prepare to elaborate and simplify. Let’s say that, in a bout of extreme boredom, you’re walking through a dense forest. Under the branchobstructed moonlight, the leaves are grey and the path ahead disappears into the darkness. Crickets chirp left and right and an owl hoots on occasion from the canopy above. Tree-dwelling critters scurry at the sounds of encroaching footsteps. Not your footsteps. As you stop and listen, you realise they belong to someone else - something else. The forest stops with you. The sounds become distorted and more vile by the second. Your spine tingles as the intensity pierces you like a knife. There’s no mistaking it. These are the lurching, twitching advances of a zombie... an evil zombie, desperate for human brains! You resume your trek, jogging now into the darkness, hoping to make it out alive. In this world, where zombies exist among everything normal, a common phrase is to “avoid the evil zombies.” Strangely, despite being chased by this animate mutation in the thick of night, not knowing at all where you’re going or whether you’ll survive, your boredom is too strong for the fear to fully saturate; so you top it off with a wise and meaningful thought: ‘avoid’ is an action or a doing word, and ‘evil zombie’ is a noun or a thing. In the same way, ‘affect’ is an action or doing word, and ‘effect’ is a noun or a thing. You actively avoid the zombie, just as you actively affect something. And, turning around, you see the evil zombie just as you see an effect. Therefore, “Avoid the Evil zombies” can be translated to “Affect the Effect”. Assuming you survive, you make it your life’s purpose to explain to others the distinction between ‘affect’ and ‘effect’. In doing so, the entire world will live happily ever after. The end. By Pseudonym
He’s just not that into you, or is he? Unlike the collision of slender bodies macerated in artificial rain water and sweat as depicted in Hollywood’s finest rom-coms, getting laid is closer to a Rocky Balboa film than any of the above. Despite our hardest efforts to introduce a spark of romance into our nights by caking our necks in Wonderstruck or trimming unruly beard hair, the traditional boy meets girl encounter has no place in a Hamilton night club. Rather, such places a breeding pits of propaganda.
take this case on. Of course she was totally in the right but how do you tell them the ‘he’s just not that into you’ synopsis from communication issues? There was not a lot, actually, that either was doing wrong. But I think I can speak for all girls when I say that we like to be treated as a priority, as a life effecting intervention that changed him for the better, you know, like Romeo’s Juliet. Or at least, more realistically, anything better than Stiffler.
Sky high heels serve cosmetic purposes while a guy’s greatest pick-up line is a lie. From age, wallet width and even his job, some men are able to vomit lies easier than mixing their stomach contents with too much beer. Push-up bras, tight shirts and vodka to blur one’s vision; nothing speaks the truth more than waking up the next morning with black mascara eyes, heels in hand and the desperate need for a fire exit. How can anyone know what’s really going on between a boy and girl when such relationships were born on fake eyelashes and over doses of after shave? When they do survive the drunk first impressions, how can anyone know what the other wants? One wants to be friends with benefits and the other has already created an account at whatourkidswilllooklike.com.
Yet, one intervention after the other, the ever so charming bachelor that seduced us with interpretive dance moves and the apparent ability to buy endless drinks never seems to cross over to the next morning leaving a sour taste of regret topped off with a chronic headache. Whether or not we intended for such a brief course of action, expectations for a call back or coffee invitation are high. When you’re left responsible for any lines of communication or they are shut off completely, a tiny record player with Taylor Swift’s Better Than Revenge album replays in the back of your head while you pretend to be cool.
Sitting in the back of a cafe one day I found myself, again, blasted with the problems of my friend’s 2 month relationship. 60 days in and ready for couples therapy, help me God. Doctor Phil wouldn’t even
There are many ways to cut to the chase and find out if he is really just not that into you; from physical signs like avoiding eye contact and refusing to start conversations; guys that, after 6 months together, still do not know how they feel about you; shooting down invitations
to hang out; a flaky guy constantly standing you up and finally a guy that contacts you late at night or has no time during the day yet always time to catch up at night= definition of a booty call. It would all be so much easier if these men we speak of were just normal, straight up and honest. Even being brutal in their honesty would be much better than dangling a toy mouse in the cats face. Cheesy rom-coms would be closer adaptions of real life. My friend has always told me that if he really likes you he will be there in the morning. Don’t waste your time on anyone less than your worth, that goes for the guys too. As one-sided as I sound, it’s not just the boys leading others on. If that person is not focused on you, find someone else worth it to focus on and, without any effort, you will be a lot happier. By Julia Gabel
Fashion Have you ever considered that your wardrobe could be having an impact on the environment? Not as in, if you create a fort from your unused clothes you won’t have to buy arctic gear to stay warm this winter... We mean that where you buy your clothes, and where they’re manufactured could have an impact on whether you get a Christmas card from the Greens this year or not.
“But I don’t care about the environment! That’s for hippies and weirdoes!” you shout. You’d be surprised actually, how doing good things for the environment not only gives you the warm fuzzies, but can directly influence your wallet. “Wait... What?!” Whether you think global warming is a myth or not, the majority of us still live way beyond our means and unfortunately that simply isn’t sustainable. I work at an op shop (which we blatantly plugged last semester) and have the wonderful job of sorting out what goes in the rubbish, and what gets to be put into the shop and sold. Almost all items which are from chain stores, and made in China go straight in the rubbish bin. Why? The material is as cheap as you can possibly get away with to make the biggest profit, and simply will not last. However, the amount of made in NZ clothes which make it into the shop is staggering. “But everything is made in China nowadays!” you exclaim, and that’s what makes these NZ made items so amazing. They’re much older, and have clearly shown the test of time. Buying NZ made in the first place is better for our own economy as they money goes back into the pockets of New Zealander
and requires less shipping for the items to get to you (saving on carbon emissions). HallensteinsGlassons is NZ owned, and a lot of their merino items are made in NZ (no promises about the rest of their stock). Although you might think that buying NZ made is much more expensive, buying quality is always going to be better for both you and the environment. That gorgeous, expensive pair of boots of you love might be 4x what you can get from the Warehouse, but they will probably last you 4x longer. You won’t have to wear in a new pair of boots every winter, and there will be 4 less pairs of shoes going to the landfill. Buying second-hand or recycled clothing also does amazing things for the environment – reducing landfill and giving old items a new lease on life. “Ew I don’t want to wear someone else’s clothes!” – give them a wash, and get over it. It’s not like they soak up the essence of the person and you’ll forever smell like ‘eau de Bogan’. Knowing an item’s made it into an op shop is a testament to its quality and you’re likely to get it at a quarter of the retail price. Having an amazing, massive wardrobe is pretty unlikely as a student, and if you love fashion like we do, you’ll know op shopping is the way to go. And if you want to find both New Zealand made items and cute vintage fashion on campus, pop into our shop at the bottom of L block and we promise you won’t be disappointed. Lots of love, Anne (Alice was busy this week).
Food
Birthday Cake
Does anyone remember that totally awesome, super simple cupcake recipe I gave you in semester A? Did I mention that you can make cake with the same recipe? I love this recipe because it is so freaking easy. For those of you that don’t have it/don’t remember, here it is:
Maple Syrup Cupcakes
125g softened butter 1 cup self-raising flour (or make your own S/R flour: 1 Cup plain flour + 1 teaspoon baking powder) 1/3 cup dark brown sugar 1/4 cup maple syrup 2 eggs. Throw everything in a bowl, stir till pale and combined. Spoon into cupcake cases and bake at 180C for 10-15 minutes until they spring back when poked. Now your delicious cupcakes are ready to be smothered in butter and devoured. Good work team! (This recipe is from the lovely Beverly, at ‘The adventures of Beverly’ on LiveJournal). Last week I wanted to make my friend a tiny birthday cake, and surround it in tiny cupcakes. Because it was going to take a bit of baking to complete this task I used my easypeasy cupcake recipe to cut down on cake preparation time. I wanted a small but tall cake, and since the husband doesn’t understand why I could possibly need even more bakeware I don’t yet have a 15cm cake tin. No problem; I just improvised because I’m a damned genius. I think the cake came out better because of it. I have to admit I was inspired by Bakerella when I stumbled upon the 15cm tinfoil flan tins and realised that I could use them rather than going through the arduous task of locating an actual 15cm cake tin. The recipe above makes two 15cm cake perfectly. But because I like to mix it up, I split the recipe in half and made three different flavours; passionfruit & white chocolate, lemon, and vanilla. They all used white sugar instead of brown. With the first I used some melted white chocolate and passionfruit syrup in place of the maple syrup and half the sugar. For the second I used more white sugar instead of maple syrup, adding lemon zest and milk to bring it back to the right consistency. For the third I used my homemade vanilla syrup in place of the maple syrup (equal parts sugar and water boiled with vanilla pods) but you could use extra sugar, vanilla essence and milk to bring it back to consistency. Once all the cakes were baked and cooled they required a little trimming to make them sit nicely, so I levelled the top of each of the cakes (I’m nibbling the off cuts three days later and they’re still
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delicious). Then I sandwiched them together with white chocolate ganache and crumb-covered the whole thing with the rest of the ganache (a crumb cover is the layer baker’s put underneath the pretty icing so that they don’t get cake crumbs in the pretty icing). After a little time to set I covered the whole thing in lemon buttercream, which for some stupid reason I made a hideous peach colour (note to self: be more careful when adding colourings).
White chocolate ganache:
Around 200g of white chocolate (I like Whittaker’s), 1-2 teaspoons of butter and ¼ cup-ish of cream. Break up the chocolate, place in a metal bowl with the cream and butter, and melt slowly over boiling water, (if you don’t understand my terribly un-technical description just Google ‘double-boiler’) if it starts separating attack it with a hand mixer. Let it cool, mixing it intermittently.
Buttercream icing:
100g softened butter, beat until soft and fluffy, add ½ teaspoon of vanilla essence, and slowly beat in 2 cups icing sugar a little at a time. Add 1-2 tablespoons of hot water to get the consistency you want. I added a teaspoon of lemon rind to make it lemon, and pink and yellow food colouring for the unsightly peach colour. I made some tiny cupcakes with the same recipe and topped them with buttercream. While the cake ended up looking like it was meant for a six year old, it did taste delicious. Success.
with Hoory Yeldizian
Food
LICK THAT SPOON Okay screw it! I know it may still be cold and you have 4 blankets over you each night with your heater on full blast but my taste buds are itching for some summer lovin’ food. More and more, I’m craving summer flavours like berries, lemons and of course, any cocktail in the sun. We haven’t even hit spring time and I’m on the brink of losing it. What I’m really dreaming of is setting out to the beach, swimming through the crisply cool ocean and having some Popsicles with some cool cats. Alas, this dream will seize to become a reality until well into December. A remedy for my predicament? Strawberry-Yogurt Popsicles! Or maybe Chocolate Fudge Popsicles! Whichever one you wish to indulge in, these recipes will take those who have the same longing for summer on a journey to a warm sunny January day on beach. So while it’s still cold outside, have a go at these easy recipes to get you through the winter blues. Happy Licking!
Strawberry-Yogurt Popsicles
Makes 6 popsicles
Ingredients
2 cans strawberries, without the juice and roughly chopped 1/4 cup sugar 1 teaspoon lemon juice 6-8 ounces (about 1 cup) Greek yogurt
Method
1. Combine the strawberries and sugar in a small bowl. Let stand about 20 minutes to macerate the fruit, stirring occasionally. The fruit will become almost syrupy. 2. Pour the strawberries and syrup into a food processor or blender. Add the lemon juice and pulse a few times until the fruit is pureed. 3. Stir the yogurt into the strawberry mixture until combined. Pour into moulds and freeze for at least 8 hours or overnight. 4. To remove, run hot water over the outside of the mould until you can gently pull the Popsicle out.
Visit me on facebook and let me know how your lick that spoon experience was at www.facebook.com/hoory.yeldizian
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Reviews
REVIEWS at a blistering pace. It’s full of yelps and groovy fuzzy guitar riffs. Black Times is driven by a strong baseline and decisive rhythm and its upbeat feel is a perfect vehicle for bleak lyrics. The third track How We Love and fourth, Bridge Song, have that brilliant fuzzy guitar in full swing backed by “a bit of doo-woppy girl group kinda stuff ” claims lead singer Rory in a recent interview. It is there. That 60’s back-up singer vibe is at its peak in Sleep for Days. I love that that it sounds as though Me First and the Gimme Gimme’s slept with Iggy and the Stooges at an early Beatles concert to conceive this band.
Album of the week - The Raw Nerves Free song of the week – Under by Watercolours (via bandcamp.com). Spacey dreamy pop to have a bath to.
so I missed the gig. So for all of you who managed to see these guys, I’m eternally jealous.
Youtube clip of the week - Ill Mind of Hopsin 5 by Royce Da 5’9. Eminem’s darker partner in rhyme telling it straight.
The reason I’m so jealous is because their self-titled debut has some stunners on it! It’s production quality may not be overly polished and the songs often top out at two and a half minutes, but that’s what this group are going for. This is not an album to take too seriously. It’s an album to dance to or, if you’re as uncoordinated as I am, to clumsily throw yourself around your flat to. Opener, All F*%ked Up, cracks along
Some of you may recognise this band name from posters recently adorning local walls and cafés. This garagepunk band from Auckland was in town recently promoting the new album. Now my week could be aptly described using only expletives and
My favourite songs are Nazi, which might be a little rough if you are in fact a Nazi, but is otherwise hilarious and catchy as hell. But the stand out is Scared Bear and that is mostly because it doesn’t sound like the rest of the album. It’s slower, the hi-hat and cymbals a restrained, and it’s rhythmic. The album suffers a little from it all sounding the same. By the time I get to CLAY which is punk rock’s answer to U.G.L.Y (you ain’t got no alibi) I’m finding it all a little but slow. And that’s not what The Raw Nerves do. In fact, slow is probably an insult to them. This is another free download off bandcamp and with that in mind; you should get a hold of it. It really is a cracking good debut album. I’d like to see the band expand a little in the future if I had my way, but that won’t stop me thrashing this one and dance like only Noise Control are watching.
Reviewed by HP
WIN! Want to read this book? I have a brand new copy up for grabs!! I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. Email your guess to Courtney@nexusmag.co.nz. Whoever guesses closest to my number wins the book!!
Reviewed by Courtney Q
The Genesis Plague By Michael Byrnes
An ancient mysterious woman with a horrific secret, Islam’s most wanted trapped in a cave, a cave with more a more deadly inhabitant than the terrorists trapped within, useless assassins, a corrupt army, lost, found and mistranslated portions of the bible, and a bat shit crazy televangelist bent on destroying the middle east. This book is awesome!! I’m yet to read Dan Browns’ The Da Vinci Code, but I’ve seen the movie and this is how I imagine Brown would write. This plot is brilliant. I am personally a big fan of any author who can challenge the bible and make me wonder about whether all I know is actually a lie. This book contains for me the perfect level of contradiction of religious beliefs, support of some religious beliefs, science, mindless violence and insane religious nut jobs. Byrnes’ characters are fully fleshed out, descriptive, memorable and add an amazing sense of depth and feeling to the storyline. This is
Men’s Adventure Magazines
by Rich Oberg
So you’re sitting around on the porch enjoying brewskis with your flat mates and inevitably, the topic of the greatest twentieth century art movement comes up. There are the usual suspects of course. People pump for Picasso, the Cubists get a mention, and there
are some more left-field choices like Kandinsky. A few of your mates are big fans of Russian Constructivism and low and behold there’s even a supporter of Pollock’s childish splattering. But then someone whips out a copy of ‘Men’s Adventure Magazines.’ Suddenly consensus emerges. The truly greatest modern art is the lurid cover paintings of pulp fiction. Outrageous. Over-the-top. Even just plain stupid. All these descriptions would work. But let’s step back a bit. Surely commercial artwork cannot be considered ‘real’ art? But then again, why not? We live in a period of cultural relativity my friend. There is no ‘high’ or ‘low’ brow. All ways are one. Anyway back to the topic at hand. ‘Mens Adventure Magazines’ were what American working-class Joes used to read in the post-war period. They had pictures of scantily clad women, stories of male heroism, and general advice on how to increase your virility. In the absence of cheap photography, these mags would commission artists to create oil paintings to use as cover art. And this is where the genius comes in. Like a maverick ‘B’ movie director on acid, these artists made no concession to realism. For whatever reason, Nazis, Commies or Nips were obsessed with torturing American women in lingerie, so there’s frequent bizarre S & M images of swastikas being burned into white flesh. There’s also paintings of men wrestling with sharks, beautiful women parachuting into Nazi Germany wearing only undies, and well, you get the idea. Even weirder than that though, was that WWII veteran readers never used to write in to complain about the above, but would only criticise the editor about technical inaccuracies; like saying a LeeEnfield rifle had an eight, rather than a ten round magazine.
Reviewed by Kevin Pryor
Reviews
another book that I read in a day because the plot had me so absorbed that I couldn’t put the book down. The only thing that leaves this book lacking and not quite a five out of five is its lack of sexy time. There’s a smidge of a relationship developing, but no sexual tension or any of the good stuff. But all in all a really good read!! Highly recommended!!
Reviews
Brave
If you had the chance to change your fate, would you? That is the premise of Brave, Pixar Animation Studio’s thirteenth animated feature film. Set in the Scottish Kingdom of DunBroch, it tells the story of the fiery, free-spirited red-headed Princess Merida, daughter of King Fergus and Queen Elinor. Fast approaching the age where she should find a suitor, she refuses to settle down like a good princess should, much to the Queen’s dismay. A fateful encounter with a rather suspicious woodcarver presents Merida with the opportunity to alter her situation. Queue hilarious unintended consequences and heartwarming scenes as Merida and her family come to appreciate the ties that bind them together. For better or worse, Brave is Pixar’s first true ‘Disney’ movie since being bought by the entertainment company in 2006. As a big fan of Pixar – who’ve gone on record as stating they make movies they think are fun – and not for the associated merchandising tie-ins that come with most Disney movies – this definitely feels like a change in direction. Complete with rousing songs (thankfully kept to a minimum and not sung by the characters themselves) and typical Disney-esque themes (parental issues in this case),
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it has more in common with The Little Mermaid than Up, Toy Story or The Incredibles. Depending on your point of view, this is either a step forwards for Disney or a misstep for Pixar. But there’s more going on here than it might seem at first. The heart of this story is very much a Pixar movie, focusing on the relationship between Merida and her mother, and there is no romantic prince/princess subplot. Pixar completely overhauled their animation for this film, and it looks stunning. The voice work is great, featuring Kelly Macdonald (Boardwalk Empire) as Princess Merida, Emma Thompson (Love Actually) as Queen Elinor, Julie Walters (Harry Potter) as the Witch, and elder statesman Billy Connolly as King Fergus; it’s obvious they all relished their respective roles, and it’s refreshing to hear accents other than the usual American ones in an animated movie. Ultimately those hoping for a ground breaking film from Pixar might leave feeling a little disappointed, but this isn’t a bad film at all – with just the right mix of beautiful visuals, funny jokes (that are funny without resorting to more adult themes) and story. It has some generally touching moments, and is worth a look. Brave is still showing at Hoyts and Event.
Reviewed by Chris Williams
Momento cafe
- located in central shops next to Bongo sushi. Every day I get the opportunity to negotiate my way through a forest of students, lecturers and waiters enjoying, and creating, the pulsating energy of Waikato University’s main cafe. Despite the heavy
and incredibly depressing rain, the moment my friend and I enter the cafe we are instantly cheered up. A waitress, in the middle of preparing coffee, greets us and with the greatest ease tells us more about the muffin selection as she continues her coffee. The glass cabinet displays a broad selection of food from turkish and speciality bread sandwiches to salads, pasta and corn fritters with a great range of vegetarian options. In real need of something fast, hot and comforting, I opt for the vegetable pizza and an apple and cinnamon swirl ($4). The food comes out quickly. For $7.50 the pizza is served with a tomato relish and a side salad. The pizza is pizza. But, that muffin introduced me to a new addiction. Amazing. The coffee, not as hot as I would have liked, is otherwise delicious. With my cup dry, and the food almost gone, we are still waiting for my friend’s drink. She ordered an ice-chocolate and, after 20 minutes we remind the waiter. Despite my need for all things hot, the icy treat brings her an equally appreciated comfort. As most students quickly learn, Momento makes long, sweaty days
Reviews
manageable. In winter, computer labs and library tables stand no chance against the roaring heaters and communal couches found inside. The menu offers something for everyone with prices ranging from $7 to $19.50. A specials board with the soup of the day and a “momento favs” board suggest ideas for lunch. The meal deal options include a large fries with four coronas (for a sweet $30) as well as a mixed platter option. With student respectable prices, a wide selection of food working to accommodate even the most discerning taste buds and a cozy ambience, no matter what you crave, Momento will, without a doubt, satisfy all your needs.
Reviewed by Julia Gabel
Batman Hush Written by Jeph Loeb Pencilled by Jim Lee Published by DC Whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I had one thing in mind, Batman. A billionaire playboy, with unlimited resources, women, and the world balancing on a finger tip each. A Greek statue that carved himself from fortunate circumstance and relentless work. The dream. Hush showcases the bat and the man as he works his way through cocktail mixer of Gotham villains, even brushing knuckles with the man of steel. The story kicks off with the bat chasing down Killer Croc, the first in a sudden spate of activity amongst the city’s baddies. As more of the villains pop their mugs into the frames their stories entwine, as the plot gets increasingly complicated. Bruce has to fight each villain two at a time as well as figure out who is really behind everything, all after emergency brain surgery.
Any one of the key characters could be [and in other books, are] a central antagonist in their own right by the strength of their character and history, but given the sheer number there is a gimmicky feeling where they seemed to be written into the story with a shovel rather than a pen or pencil. Most only have fleeting parts to add, but some stud those in gold. If you’re the type of fan that likes to see Batman get blood on his knuckles you’ll love the few minutes he spends with the Joker. Jeph hasn’t let the bulk detract from the central however, the interaction with Superman has a balance of dialogue and story as well as a stunning 17 page fight-chase sequence.
iconic Batman images in this book, with his characteristic sharp lines emphasizing every trait. The story spins a hell of a web and a sweet ride. The number of bad eggs thrown into the batter can seem a little ridiculous, but they bake some seriously choice sequences and altercations. It’s in these that Jim’s skill and the magic happens. A whirlwind tour of the Gotham phonebook, give these pages a flick if you like a crazy story or want to see some of the best Batman art on the shelves.
Reviewed by DC
Jeph’s decision to write this hinged on the names on his art team, and you can see why. Jim Lee, the highest selling comic artist of all time, excels in presenting each and every character. It’s rare that I’m completely impressed by the proportions of figures, but Jimmy has created some of the most
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Applications extended -
in quick closing 5th August. Get out! to ensure you don’t miss
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Evolve from being a student to running your own business & take these skills with you for life! Positions available across NZ.
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Even within our lifetimes the rate of extreme poverty has fallen, from roughly 52% in 1982 to 25% in 2005. That means more smiling children, and less starving ones. In Malawi the mortality rate for under 5’s (read; number of kids who die before they turn 5) has fallen from 222 kids per 1,000 live births in 1990 to just 92 in 2010. The maternal mortality ratio (read; number of women who die in childbirth) has decreased as well, in 1990 it was 1100 per 100,000 live births, in 2010 it was 460. So says the World Health Organisation. Positive change is happening everywhere. The Rwandan Government has more elected women than any other country in the world. Ever. They are the first country to have a female majority in Parliament (56%, with a female
population of 55%). This is the Africa that doesn’t make the news. This is the Africa that is resourceful and resilient, and hopeful. Irrespective of the awesomeness that is happening, the story of Africa has remained one of suffering; famine, war and corruption. It has been retold to us through the media every day for 20 years. When the only image of Africa is of a starving child, not a smiling one, why would we think of Africa and extreme poverty as anything other than a helpless situation we can’t do anything about? Because that image is wrong. Change is already happening, and more is possible. I would like to invite you to be part of making it happen. You can help 1.4 billion people create a better life for themselves. Lilla Watson famously said “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.” The importance of celebrating progress, and of reshaping and
Section
1.4 Billion people live in extreme poverty, it is an unfair and unjust situation- but fortunately it is one we can change.
resisting the dominant cultural narratives of poverty (that image of a starving African child as the only image of Africa, for example) is why I think the Global Poverty Project and Live Below the Line are so cool. It’s not about charity. It’s about the process of liberation. Creating a greater awareness of the issues of extreme poverty, having deeper conversations including what extreme poverty even is (the equivalent of living in New Zealand on $2.25 a day) and what ‘development’ even means and to whom, informing and educating people and hooking you up to different ways you can contribute to eradicating poverty- that is what the Global Poverty Project does. Live Below the Line is a 5 day challenge where you live below the poverty line. You can choose any of the 8 partner organisations to raise money for, and you gain a deeper experience and understanding of what it is like to live in extreme poverty. In New Zealand the poverty line is $2.25- if you were living in poverty that would have to cover everything from transport to housing to food to education to medical costs. For Live Below the Line, $2.25 is the limit on your daily spending for food and drink. How much change can you make with $2.25? I dare you to find out.
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Become A Volunteer! Volunteers Wanted!
Do you have what it takes to ecome a Citizen’s Advice Bureau volunteer? If you think you can commit the time and would like to help people find solutions to problems ranging from legal issues to consumer rights. You might just be right for us! The CAB is a voluntary organisation which has a proud history of helping people. The University of Waikato is the first University in New Zealand to have a CAB branch based in the University. We need enthusiastic students who want to help people and also want to boost their knowledge on all sorts of current issues happening in New Zealand, while larning new skills along the way. We currently have students of various nationalities and various fields of studeies volunteering for us (no lastminute help on assignments available through!) But there is always room for keen individuals who wish to join us. If you are interested in training to become a Citizens Advice volunteer, please fill in the Expression of Interest form available from: - The Uni CAB office (The Cowshed) - The WSU office TRAINING WILL BE FROM 3RD SEPTEMBER TO 7TH SEPTEMBER 2012 Plan for it in advance.
Do you know a school leaver that could be a Change Maker? A change maker is someone who is passionate about something, a person who wants to learn more about the community they live in, someone who is willing to share their knowledge with others. A change maker can be anyone - from a friend telling another friend about a lesson they have learnt, to a person picking up rubbish on the side of the road, to participating in a protest. Does this sound like the person you’re thinking about? If it does, it is time to get them involved with the Hamilton Change Makers Committee. The Change Makers Committee is aimed at school leavers (but open to anyone really) and meets once a month to learn about topics that often the secondary school curriculum does not cover. Topics may include but are not limited to; how to rent a house, what a credit card is, how to apply to for a student loan/allowance, budgeting skills, addiction etc. The idea is that the Committee will decide the direction of the committee eg. what they learn, where they will meet and what to get active about. If something about what we learn worries the committee or you come across something via everyday life the change makers can talk about it and work out how to change it, how to improve it, or simply raise awareness - it is up to the committee! There will be free food and is it organised by the Young Workers’ Resource Centre so it is run by youth for youth. The Young Workers Resource Centre will ensure that it is a safe place for young people to learn, talk and be. Meetings are 1st of August, 5th of Sept, 3rd of Oct and the 7th of Nov. Every meeting starts at 5.30 and aims to be finished by 6.30 at 34 Harwood st Hamilton. Give Kylie a call for more information 07 834 7124, 0211828710 or email: ywrc@xtra.co.nz prior to the meeting. All too often we let opportunities pass us by - don’t let this opportunity pass you by - make a change!
e c a f r u e Yo r e h s e go
President
Vice President
Director
Director
Yo go ur f es ac he e re
Director
Director
Vice President Maori
Director
Director
Director
Director
It’s election time again! The WSU will be holding an election for the 2013 Board of Directors on Monday 20 th, Tuesday 21st and Wednesday 22nd August. Positions include the President, the Vice-President, the Vice-President Maori, and 8 Directors. You must be a member of the WSU to stand for election, or to nominate a candidate. Information packs and nomination forms are available from the WSU office. Important dates: Nominations open – Monday 23rd July Nominations close – Friday 3rd August Campaigning period – Monday 6th August to Friday 17th August Election – Monday 20th, Tuesday 21st and Wednesday 22nd August Counting – Thursday 23rd August Preliminary results – Friday 24th August Special votes counted – by Friday 7th September Official results published in Nexus – Monday 10th September The Directors assume office on 1st January and need to be available from that date. If you are elected you will need to
plan time for a regular Board meeting (especially during term time, normally up to 2 hrs), preparation and reading time, campaigns and activities to highlight various issues, research, consultation and focus groups, committees, and office time. In addition you will also be expected to attend induction training at the WSU office in November and December. Service as a Director of the Board is voluntary, but it does have its rewards such as fun and good times at our various events and activities, satisfaction of helping other people, experience of committee meetings, research and focus groups, meeting some great new people, it looks good on your CV, a small financial honorarium. Further information is available from the WSU office.
If you are thinking of standing for election it is worth asking yourself: am I committed to the broad vision and mission of the WSU? Can I contribute the time necessary to be an effective Board member?
Top 10 stars who should do World Vision ads 10: Walt Disney’s Thawed Head: “There’s a black president now, let him sort it out.”
8: Sonny Bill: “If you like, you can ask about the SBW package, which lets you sponsor a different kid every year..”
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9: David Bain: The script practically writes itself “Even in jail where I spent years convicted of the mass murder of my family we still got three square meals”
7: Snooki: With impending motherhood we believe Snooki is blossoming into a role model capable of connecting with a youthful audience and give them an important…. Who are we kidding this would be awesome in the same way that driving past a train wreck is.
6: Gerry Brownlee: “What do you mean they’re starving? I have plenty of food!”
5: Lindsey Lohan: It’s probably just a pipe dream at this point. Sure Lohan might agree to it but if she leaves her house three ankle monitors go off and she’s back in an orange jumpsuit.
4: Tom Cruise: “African children are some of the most Thetan-infested children in the world. Only your generosity can enable them to be cleansed for the inevitable coming of Xenu.”
3: Angelina Jolie: “There is no poverty problem here. They just need a place to stay. Stop sending in your money. They are mine now. All mine”
2: Jay Z: Just because it would be awesome to hear him lecture starving African kids on how they had it easy growing up.
1: Bill Cosby: “If you donate a floobidy scooble to these starving chibbledy wibbledy, you can scozzle magozzle their entire village.”
Review
There I was, in my comfiest pair of flats, sweat trickling down my face, unabashedly invading the poor bouncer’s personal space. I had lost my friends by then and had given up on trying to find them. I decided to squeeze in front of the crowd, hands in the air, game face on. And I realised, this is what it feels like to completely lose oneself in the music.
like Redial, Filth Collins (AUS), Pieter T, State of Mind and MC Woody, High Dosage, Vengeance, Jamie Mcdell, Aural Trash, Tim Phin, Ric Rush, and Daniel Farley. The best of Hamilton’s DJs were also in attendance such as Greg Stack, James Lawless, Piece, Bones, Bevan Nichols, Willapede and Staylo (also known as Reservoir Dogs), Hyperkaine, and Diaz.
Hamilton’s biggest multi-zone party struck again at the weekend, this time with a twist. Soundscape presents Homestyle featured the best parts of the music festival – international and local acts, a variety of genres, a booming sound system, and different zones – on a smaller scale. Homestyle was influenced by people’s feedback without compromising the quality. Headlined by Kids of 88, Homestyle also featured over 30 different acts
There were still different zones that people can go to in the vicinity like in the past. Altitude, which hosted the main act among others, Gravity, The outside tent, the gym, and Monkey Feather which was taken care of by Fevah FM. Each zone had a different vibe going that made the night even more enjoyable. As soon as Kids of 88 went up the shade, the energy around the room was felt. They opened with their 2010 hit “Downtown” and the
rest of the set flowed well. They did some more old songs like “Just A Little Bit” coupled with their latest ones, much to everyone’s delight. The whole set was engaging and full of energy. They ended with a powerhouse performance of “My House” that even had the bouncers bobbing along. Another standout set for the night was at the outside tent just with organisers and Dj’s Greg Stack, James Lawless, and Scott Tindale aka Piece. They had the crowd going until 4 am and when they dropped “Bohemian Rhapsody” as their last song, the crowd went wild. It might have been smaller than the past Soundscapes, but the night was anything but.
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