Nexus Issue 15, 2013

ISSUE 15, VOLUME 45

22 july 2013

The GCSB Who are they and what do they want?

We talk to a law professor and nod a lot pretending we understand

Slut DJ does the walk of shame in a onesie in a full page special edition.

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contents

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor zanian steele news@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, Morgahna Godwin, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Dr Burton C Bogan, Jess Molina, Caitlin Ashworth, Kevin Pyror, Nathan Sweetman, Kelsey Weld, Tony Stevens, Gil Denny, Amber, Tony Stevens, Nate Ross, Ashleigh Muir, Tom Petchell, Hoss and Ayman Aneece, Emma Knapp, Taylor Sincock and Aaron Letcher

Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers.

Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

issue 15 / VOLUME 45 / 22 julY / 2013 News

[3] University News.

[4] News.

[6] Sports Thoughts.

[7] Left vs Right.

[8] Not News.

Opinion

[10] Third Degree + Guest Rant [11] Random Profile Top 10.

[12] Lettuce to the Editor.

Entertainment and Reviews

[14] Film, Gig & CafĂŠ review.

Horoscopes [15] Book, Comic & Album review.

Horoscopes [16] @Honest_Matt Meets...

Gig Guide.

[17] Eight Ball.

Cool Not Cool.

[18] Puzzles [20] Feature - The GCSB is watching you.

[22] Feature - How Kim Dotcom is helping New Zealand make friends and be

influenced by Nations.

[24] Feature - Gen Y Online

Lifestyle

[26] Auteur + Little Beer Corner [27] Boganology 101 + The Afterlife [28] Religiousity + Making Living Cheaper [30] Slut DJ [31] Google This + Mr Minty Fish [32] Alice & Anne + Trendspotting + SSC [33] Arts - Ashleigh Muir

WSU

[34] President’s Column + Veeps [35] Ask Amber + Citizens Advice Bureau + Young Workers Resource Centre [36] Was This You?

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Editorial

Editorial

Highlight Reel

By Alix Higby

this week in nexus // Pg: 20

Do you ever get stuck in a rut? Like your head’s been screwed on too tightly and you don’t know how to unwind it without losing it completely? Yeah? We’ve all had those days, weeks, or if you’re unlucky; months, where life is distinctly vanilla. There is a sweet sadness in the predictable day in, day out routine that we slip into occasionally, and hey, it happens. Just remember that when it happens, it’s absolutely on you and your recent stream of boring choices.

I say all this shit because I got bored. I got bored of my shoes, my clothes, my job, my degree, my town, everything. Aside from a brief Auckland respite after high school,

something wildly different because “student” is the scapegoat to any resulting social consequences.

I for one just dyed my hair purple and it smells like smoky vanilla rebellion and makes me want to both skip and punch a dude in the face. This must be what Ruby Frost feels like everyday. It’s as simple as picking one tired thing and changing it to something mildly reckless. Or majorly reckless, I don’t know your adrenalin metering. I asked my boss if it was okay to dye my hair purple and I don’t know what she said because I was too busy booking the appointment and not giving a shit.

It’s totally cool though, ‘cos no one’s feelings

“I for one just dyed my hair purple and it smells like smoky vanilla rebellion and makes me want to both skip and punch a dude in the face.”

I’ve been in Hamilton dressing and behaving almost the exact same way since 1990. The jelly shoes no longer fit, and I wore out my Backstreet Boys’ cassette tape, but there’s definitely a musty feeling lingering on my outward personality. Am I being weird? Is this just a phase? Am I totally just sketchin’ out?

D. All of the above. That’s the fun bit about the transitory phase of university life though.

We get to be vanilla and crazy and alcoholics and assholes and then, hopefully, we learn to appreciate change for what it is, a chance to make things better. We can switch to rocky road, neapolitan, and back to vanilla, or any other series of typical ice cream flavours, just not any with chocolate chips ‘cos frozen chocolate is weird and it gets stuck in your teeth and you look like a dick trying to pick it out with your tongue. You could probably even make your own up, if that suits you best.

All I’m saying is that now is the time to try 2

The GCSB is watching you. // Pg: 22

Dotcom Law University of Waikato Law Professor Neil Boister discusses Kim Dotcom and his long term impact on extradition law. // Pg: 24

Gen Y Online Does online privacy really exist, and do we really care? // Pg: 30

got hurt or anything. I’m just saying; this is the time to make selfish, bold moves in some kind of abstract effort to broaden our human experience.

If you’re dying for a change of pace/scenery/ subject matter, then go for it. Right now.

Don’t chicken out because society tells you what is cool and acceptable, because society is a joke. I mean some kids don’t even get breakfast before they go to school. Society is fucked. Think about the things in your life that you can do better, and set about it without feeling like you need to please anybody else.

Don’t fall into the vanilla trap; dye your hair purple and live in a tree or whatever. This is university, a place for experimentation! Go fucking nuts.

Alix

SLUT DJ In a full page special edition our Slut DJ does the onesie walk of shame like a champ! // Pg: 33

Artist Profile @Honest_Matt Meets Nick Robinson of Shapeshifter

NEWS NEWS

UNI NEWS

ADULT LEARNERS’ wEEk AwARDS OPEN Nominations for the Vice Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards are now open.

If you know an adult student who deserves recognition for their efforts, achievements and contributions toward study, nominate them for an award now. www.waikato.ac.nz/go/adultlearnersweek

NEED HELP? VISIT THE STUDENT CENTRE NZ DEFENCE FORCE ON CAMPUS

All students seeking enrolment advice, help with timetabling, or any other academic support are advised to visit the Student Administration desk, level 2 of the Student Centre as your first port-of-call. Staff are on hand from 8.30am-6pm Mon-Thurs and 8.30am-5pm Friday, or you can email info@waikato.ac.nz

The New Zealand Defence Force will be on campus on Thursday 25 July at 5pm in SG.01 to give a presentation about career opportunities as an officer in the Army, Navy or Air Force. They are looking for candidates from all disciplines. Pizzas will be provided.

PUBLIC LECTURE NExT wEEk Professor Neil Boister from Te Piringa – Faculty of Law will give his Inaugural Professorial Lecture, What’s going on with Kim Dotcom? on Tuesday 23 July at 6pm in the Academy.

Opus bar opens at 5pm.

©Fairfax Media

SIGN UP FOR LIBRARY TUTORIALS Library tutorials are a great way for students to learn essentials skills. Tutorials available this week include Microsoft Excel and PowerPoint, APA Referencing and Finding Academic Articles. Sign up online: www.waikato.ac.nz/library/study/teaching/

BLUES AwARDS NOMINATIONS OPEN Nominations for the 2013 Blues Awards are open and we need nominations. In creative/ performing arts there are awards for service of the year, long-service, club of the year, group of the year and tutor of the year, and in sports there are awards for service of the year, long-service, club of the year, and coach of the year. Check out the full list of awards available online. Self-nominations are welcome. www.waikato.ac.nz/events/blues

A 3

NEWS

NEWS

we plan to do about it as a nation that needs answering.

The tour starts in Dunedin and will work its way up to the University of Waikato on the 29th of July. The event begins at 7pm in lecture theatre S1.04. Entry is free and food will be provided.

Generation Zero are an independent youth organization working towards creating a nation-wide movement for a fossil fuel free New Zealand, and have a strong presence on the University of Waikato campus.

Alix Higby

of work about getting people into work”.

“There is a very strong policy push to get beneficiaries into work, there’s a very strong push to create new jobs.”

“If all that happens and people do get these jobs then pressure on the state is actually going to be less, not necessarily more.”

Rice proposed that costs should only rise through upskilling New Zealand’s people, particularly beneficiaries.

“There needs to be investment in people so they can get qualifications, learn to step up and step out and go and get those jobs.”

She added that there are a lot of people who are vulnerable and living in poverty, including some middle class who “dropped down into poverty” because of the recession.

Climate Change still an Issue

Youth Parliament talk jobs

With recent media attention directed at Internet security, the GCSB, and the death of Corey Monteith, the on-going global battle against climate change has faded into the background. Drawing awareness back to this issue, is Generation Zero with their “What’s the Holdup?” speaking tour of NZ designed to get the ball rolling again. Guest speakers will include Sunday Star Times Columnist, Rod Oram, Generation Zero co-founder and 2013 Rhodes Scholar, Louis Chambers, and youth climate leaders Ryan Mearns, Sam Blood, and former WSU VP, Sam Taylor.

Youth MPs got social with submitters at a social services select committee meeting during day one of Youth Parliament.

“The speaking tour will catalyse a conversation on the solutions and opportunities for New Zealanders to move beyond fossil fuels.”

New Zealand dropped out of the Kyoto Protocol late last year claiming it was outdated and insufficient, and Energy Minister Simon Bridges was recently publically shamed via billboard by Greenpeace who believe he has misled the government over his dealings with oil companies. Climate change is no longer the question; it’s what 4

The committee addressed how public expectations for social services could be balanced against likely rising costs.

Youth Parliament’s social services select committee hear from submitter Ros Rice.

Photo: Taylor Sincock. Ros Rice was a submitter from the New Zealand Council of Social Services. She had a problem with the assumption that there will be “rising costs” and said that the government is “doing a lot

“It’s not because they want to be lazy, it’s not because they’re drug ridden and all these myths we that we hear where minority behaviours are being put onto majorities, it’s because of the situation in the world market,” she said.

Youth MP Jess Palairet asked Rice for her thoughts on the youth pay rate, an initiative to pay those between 16 and 19 years old at $11 an hour.

Rice said that she realised how a lower hourly wage for youth could create new jobs but disagreed with it, saying that youth still faced the same expenses as anyone else.

Youth Parliament is a two-day event that happens every three years as an opportunity for 121 nationally selected youth MPs to learn about New Zealand’s democracy system.

Taylor Sincock a Wintec student writing for the Waikato Independent

NEWS

In Their Words “There are people that would want to take the law into their own hands as they perceive it, or you know, be vigilantes in some sense, they think justice was not served, they won’t respect the verdict no matter how it was reached and they will always present a threat to George and to his family.” Robert Zimmerman Jr after his brother is acquitted of charges that he (against 911 advice) stalked and shot teenager Trayvon Martin who was buying skittles.

“They are passionate, motivated and determined to fight on against a law that renders terms like ‘husband and wife’ meaningless,” Colin Hart of the Coalition for Marriage Campaign Group, responding to Britain legalising gay marriage.

“But 1080 is the only tool that we have that we can use over large areas to control what I think is the evil threesome of possums, rats and stoats.” The Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment Dr Jan Wright advocating the use of more poison.

300

The square metres of the Simon Bridges “Pants on fire” Billboard in Wellington.

17,000,000 The cost of a new office and apartment development in Frankton.

14.2 522

The average length IN CM of the American erect The number of spray cans male penis according to an Jahmon McLean (18 YEARS OLD) Indiana University study in OF DINSDALE was found with the Journal of Sex Medicine when he was arrested. published this week.

31

The age of Glee star Corey Monteith who was found dead recently after an apparent overdose of alcohol and heroin.

A Thousand Words The students of Eindhoven University of Technology in the Netherlands show off their new solar-powered car that can carry a family of four.

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NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS SPORT NEW ZEALAND - KIND OF SHIT.

Steven Adams’ rise to sheer legendary proportions for New Zealanders since his draft pick in the NBA, going to the Oklahoma City Thunder, has led to many simply blathering on about all the money the bloke’s going to make. They’ve failed to notice despite Adam’s success, there is a very big loser out of all of this. Basketball in this country is flailing wildly with a dishevelled provincial set up, only one professional team, and barely any realistic pathway for children to aspire to follow. Those good enough leave and go overseas, but the fact remains that those good enough would fit snugly inside a phone booth. Width wise of course, because Steven Adams would probably hit his head on the ceiling.

A lot of basketball’s horrible position boils down to the absence of a government run organisation that can comprehend what the fuck it should be doing. Sport New Zealand needs to be restructured, its goals given a facelift, and public perception of what they should do given a slap in the face. Because right now, Sport New Zealand sees a few New Zealanders win a gold medal at the Olympics, and for the next millennium a sport like Rowing rakes in massive funding.

Fuck you Rowing. I couldn’t give two shits about a gold medal hanging around the neck of some person I’ll never meet, when all the money going into a few boats could be spent on twenty basketball courts in the most impoverished areas of New Zealand.

Because that’s the first step to fixing a sport that, on the whole, could save tonnes of kids from a shitty life. And even if it doesn’t, simply encouraging and giving these people the means to take part in a team sport and work together is of more benefit to our poor and impoverished reading in some discarded newspaper about our National Alpine Skiing team of two making it to the World Champs thanks to the funding they got.

6

Yawn. Funding should be about how many people it affects, not which sport is suddenly the hot topic of one rich man’s social circle because his niece’s son-in-law likes rowing a boat and wants to win a medal one day.

Sport New Zealand has the chance to use the $70 million a year it gives to provide children in this country with a better opportunity, and it doesn’t just go for basketball, but for a number of team sports. Basketball is simply one of the easiest to administer, has a massive worldwide popularity, and is really an unbelievable role model for what those who are poor or discriminated against can still achieve thanks to sport.

It’s not just about helping the poor, or giving children a better shot in life to find their passion and roll with it. Sport encourages values that serve people well when they grow up. So to get as many children involved in a sport should be the most pressing matter at hand. Sport New Zealand needs to stop wasting so much goddamn money on what is realistically just a “our New Zealand dick is bigger than yours because we row faster than you” and use it for the greater good of this country. For too long now they have been busy giving handouts to useless shit that means nothing to no one, the complete opposite of our Government. Basketball courts used to be pumping back in the day, and now they’re more of a ghost town than Sandy Hook. In the meantime though, nine kids in a coxed eight at high school are enjoying their state of the art rowing boat while thousands have nothing to do but loiter around somewhere like Garden Place when I’m sure they’d be happier to shoot hoops and make it rain.

C-Ball.

vs

NEWS

THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: ‘Illegal spying’

Illegal spying has become a hot topic internationally but not so much in New Zealand. The GCSB compliance report, allegedly leaked by Peter Dunne, has highlighted 88 instances of illegal spying, yet Dunne and not the GCSB or responsible issues have come under the greatest scrutiny.

In the case of a leak it ought to be the leaked information and not the leaker that receives the most attention, yet even the Parliamentary Opposition has elected to assail Dunne as opposed to addressing the serious issue of illegal spying. Perhaps even more serious than the issue of illegal spying, the proposed retrospective legal changes that the Government wants to implement could make right their wrongs and set a dangerous precedent for retrospective legal reform.

NZF, ever concerned about national scrutiny, has requested that the Police investigate Dunne further and Labour, caught up in internal conflict, have failed to strongly challenge the Government on this issue, instead the Government’s strongest opponent has been billionaire pirate Kim Dotcom. It is also important to note that much of the legal transgressions happened under the previous Labour Government as well as the current National one, and if this issue is to be addressed effectively it ought to be done so in a cross-partisan fashion.

This issue, though out of the limelight, has not been resolved and the seriousness of the issues debated themselves, issues of national security, need to be addressed in robust debate and put before the public.

Illegal spying in itself is an issue of National security.

We are not a nation on the edge of war, nor are we a nation facing great threat of domestic terrorism. Given that we face a rather limited scope of threats, the burden of proof to justify domestic spying ought be set very high and when that spying is of an illegal and unjustified nature, it is the duty of the Government, Opposition and public to react in a manner that would protect our security, in this case meaning that the GCSB, breaching the privacy of honest new Zealanders, ought to be held to account, reprimanded and reformed.

The 88 cases of illegal spying constitute a grave threat to our privacy and any justifications of national security entirely unjustified, since for the most part it appears that the spying is protecting foreign commercial interests. The Government has dealt immaturely with this issue and the media has demonized Dunne but the problem remains. If Dunne leaked the Kitteridge report, he ought to be hailed as a hero, a whistleblower who exposed the illegal practices of the GCSB at the expense of his own career.

National Security is important and the GCSB does valuable work but good action does not justify illegal and unethical action, guilty parties need to be penalized and the system needs to be reformed in order to prevent such breaches of the law as currently, the biggest threat to our national security is the GCSB. As if this issue wasn’t bad enough, the Government has made an even greater mistake in attempting to retrospectively justify their actions through a change in the law. Against the better judgement of much of the legal profession and to the detriment of the rule of law, the Government looks set to undermine the very framework that they claim to protect.

Make no mistake, this issue affects us all.

Those opposed are not tree hugging hippies and conspiracy theorists. Amongst the ranks of the opponents to illegal spying and the complementing law change are lawyers, businesspeople, farmers, labourers and many others. This is a threat to our national security and it should not be left to lie to due to ambivalent apathy.

Right

To be honest, when I was asked to write about the GCSB for this week’s LvR, I yawned a bit. I’m tired of hearing people who have absolutely no clue whinging about how wrong the law change is. Then again, according to the Green Party on Facebook, “experts” on the matter say it majorly changes the role of the GCSB. The Green Party have cited organisations and people like Environment and Conservation Organisations of NZ, Greenpeace, NZCTU and Keith Locke. I’m sure all of these people have expertise in one thing or another, but I don’t see how this bill is relevant to the Environment and Conservation, an activist group that has on occasion been referred to as a terrorist organisation, a trade union and a person who has a degree in Psychology. From the people they listed, I only found three of the fourteen persuading.

RIGHT

Lef

Left vs Right

Left

We need to remember that the Government Communication Security Bureau does an extremely important job. They protect New Zealanders from overseas threats which, while a number of people would suggest isn’t necessary, really is. If you watch Campbell Live (I avoid it, but I did in researching this), you might have seen the story John Campbell did about the GCSB Bill, where he interviewed a member of Kim Dotcom’s legal team. Was there another side to the story given? No. Is anyone giving that? No. So before we start getting upset about the GCSB Bill, let’s think of a number of things. Firstly, New Zealand, like every other modern country, does have security threat. These threats will be redacted from documents to ensure national security, and it is completely reasonable to do so. The “powers” given to the GCSB in this bill are ones currently afforded to the SIS, so the ability for the organisations that ensure our security to use these powers should not be that controversial.

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NEWS

NOT NEWS Man’s penis bitten by snake While relieving himself by a bush an Australian man claims to have been bitten at the base of his penis by a snake. The snake was non-venomous and for once in his life the man was grateful that it didn’t swallow but he endured the laughter of an emergency room all the same. This can either be described as a really lucky escape from tragedy or the lengths a man will go to in order to keep his gullible wife from learning of his infidelity “What are those marks?”

“Well you see honey there was this snake...”

“Wearing lipstick?”

“Yeah”

The French Have Invented A Sarcasm Detector Wow that is such a great use of their time.

I’m soooo glad they were able to secure research funding for this. It will be way more important than finding a cure for cancer or stopping the planet from heating up.

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Toddler Buys Dad WTF: Waikato Times A Car Focus What do you get when you let a one-year old play with your phone? Apparently your dream car a 1962 Austin Healey Sprite.

Having stepped away from the computer for a minute a young father was surprised to see that his one year old daughter had purchased the car. The couple have decided to keep the car and fix it up for the toddlers 16th. This isn’t the first instance of this happening according to the man his daughter has racked up quite the credit card bill including “2 bottles of Chivas Regal, Cuban Cigars, Teen Mom: Back Door, a gimp mask and 5 different penis enlargement therapies.” The mans wife said that it was a shame this kept happening particularly so soon after the mans penis was bitten by that snake.

Headlines from the Waikato Times.

Church group’s game attacks Pussy Riot Back in our day you used to get kicked out of church for that.

Tweet storm over ‘Sharknado’ There are only two things worse than this headline 1. A movie in which Tara Reid saves a community from a shark filled Tornado. 2. Tara Reid’s Career.

Record day for car crime Because that doesn’t give car criminals a record to try and beat. Thanks media.

Fatal crash ‘like a grenade going off’

4 year old mayor seeks re-election In the surest sign yet that after John Banks literally any idiot can get elected a four-year old has decided to seek another term in office as mayor of a small town in America.

Incompletely un related news Sarah Palin is considering running for senate and in even more unrelated news we would like to remind you that the WSU elections are coming up soon. If you or anyone you know want to nominate yourself goto the website or come in and see them.

“No it fucking isn’t” said every war veteran ever. Also a man and his dog were killed, if you are going to use bullshit headlines try and make them worse “Neither dog nor man are cars best friend” took us 12 seconds.

Kirsty beats quake stress to lose weight It’s the triumphant story of an “emotional eater” who put on and then lost 45 kgs after the Christchurch earthquake. Because if there is one thing we can all take away from a horrific and senseless act of god or nature that resulted in hundreds of lives lost, it’s that we shouldn’t let the donuts win.

Horned Rabbit Dubbed Frankenstein Ignoring the fact that no one in any Mary Shelley book had horns, it is important to note that Frankenstein was the name of the doctor and not the monster. The monster was simply called “Frankenstein’s monster” or when it referred to itself in a conversation with Victor Frankenstein it used the term “Adam of your labours.” Literary Slam! suck it news media.

NEWS

MEME OF THE WEEK

THIS WEEK ON TWITTER...

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome 2NITE!: My guest is @davidkarp, founder of tumblr. Parents, ask your kids. Then call me and let me know what it is. @ColbertReport 11:30pm Calvin Harris @CalvinHarris Thinking About You has “the longest ass shot in music video history” according to it’s director @vincehaycock ...bold claim NiC0LE P0LiZZi @snooki That’s sexy. “@GodsFetus: Just saw @snooki at the bowling ally she kinda looked like one of the balls” Simon Bridges @simonjbridges So chuffed to have my own billboard in Wellington Central today. Good photo too.

Zach Braff @zachbraff I think I just got groped by the Tupac hologram in a Denny’s bathroom.

CARTOON

Judd Apatow @JuddApatow14 Jul I am close to a million followers. Or 29 million away from @rihanna. I feel like one good sexy shot of me topless can get me to 30 million.

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oPINION

THIRD DEGREE GUEST RANT Exchange Student Edition 01_ If you could spy on anyone, who and why?

02_ Are you careful with your online privacy settings?

03_ Name something crazy you’ve always wanted to do.

Angela 18, BMS.

In the second week of our local council candidate rants Jamie Strange talks playgrounds.

01_

Ryan gosling, just see what he’s up to.

02_

I don’t care about privacy settings, I have nothing to hide.

03_

Skydiving.

Early last Saturday morning I spent two hours with my children at one of Hamilton’s best playgrounds: Callum Brae. During that time I witnessed the arrival of ten groups of children, of which nine supervised

“I call on all fellow men to take a stand and lead their families to the best of their ability – the women and children of our nation deserve nothing less.”

Gabrielle 18, BMS

01_ Channing Tatum.

02_ Nah. 03_ Swim with the dolphins.

by fathers. It was fantastic to see so many men spending quality time with their children, giving their partners a well-earned rest.

Arena 17, BMS.

01_ Lecturer, so I can steal answers.

02_ Nah, not really.

03_ Free running.

In the past 50 years there has been a huge culture change in the area of fathers being involved in domestic duties. Most are no longer working 60-hour weeks, and socialist, wealth-distribution initiatives like Working for Families encourages spouses with preschoolers to stay home.

It warms my heart to see men actively involved in the lives of their children; especially considering most of our social problems are caused by the breakdown of the family unit. I call on all fellow men to take a stand and lead their families to the best of their ability – the women and children of our nation deserve nothing less.

Jamie Strange

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OPINION

RANDOM PROFILE

TOP TEN Top Ten Rumours we want to start about the halls of residence...

10_

Did you know Bryant Hall is Haunted by the ghost of Kate Sheppard?

Amber Cardale

09_ The class of 1992 used to conduct We decided to annoy WSU advocate Amber Cardale a few days before the launch of her advocacy week Fix My Life.

All this week there will be seminars and giveaways.

Name one celebrity you’d want to be friends with?

Annah Stretton, I would love to meet her.

Her story is inspirational to women of all ages.

If you had to either walk, bus or skate to work for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

I would walk and maybe form a walking school bus, so I technically would walk and bus ;)

Do you prefer to wash or dry?

Wash and let them dry themselves.

If you had to get rid of one public holiday, which would you choose?

(Christmas, Easter, Queens Birthday, Waitangi Day, Anzac Day) Ah I can’t, all holidays mean or represent something, this is awkward...

If we came over for dinner, what would you cook?

Big Mac Combo, up-sized to large from Mcdonalds.

What did you want to be when you were a child?

I wanted to be a hairdresser. I found it strangely enjoyable to put random things in my hair and try different hairstyles when I was younger. Because of this I studied a Communications Degree.

Would you rather live the rest of your life as an ant or a blue whale?

Probably an ant. Them ants are highly coordinated creatures.

What’s one invention you don’t think you could live without? iCheese

What’s the best thing you’ve done this year?

Possibly organising and running a community event. The event raised a little bit of money and that money went to a community organisation in need. It was an awesome feeling.

Would you rather be abducted by Aliens or captured by pirates?

Pirates, although I would probably need to supply me with floaties lol If you could have lunch with three people dead or alive who would they be?

Freddie mercury, Michael Jackson and joan Jett.

If you could do any other job what would it be and why?

Nexus editor.

08_

pagan rituals out of room 316. in the Student Village.

There is a place in Orchard Park where you can buy a kidney.

07_

Why College Hall? Four words: High Stakes Poker Tournament.

06_ 05_

Orchard Park = Hogwarts People from Bryant Hall make better lovers.

04_ The RA’s from Student Village are

responsible for the last 3 crop circles in the world.

03_ Every week the Halls have a

secret concert where they guarantee at least one act from the New Zealand top ten.

02_ Secret GCSB training base for

01_

project Phoenix.

The three most successful bars: BAR102, BAR103, and BAR104 are for halls eyes only.

What is the best piece of advice you ever received and who gave it to you?

It’s better to seek forgiveness than ask for permission, from my father.

This week Advocacy week will consist of a cooked breakfast each morning outside faculty locations, visits inside lecture theatres and seminars.

Coffee or Tea? Coffee

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OPINION

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR. Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

#nexuslettuce.

But, make no mistake, she seemed quite proud to be Labour.

I was - how to put it? - flummoxed.

I shuffled off, scratching my half-balled head, wondering if this Labour Lady was narrowminded or close-minded. It was, I vagely felt, a revelatory interaction - revealing exactly what, I am not sure.

Anyway, as I said, the day was fun and enjoyable. The little encounter with prejudice, however, left a sour taste in my mouth despite the sugar-sweet lollipops.

[BTW, in parenthesis, Nexus is really cool !]

We think we have just found our new top ten writer.

Upon the completion of my first semester at Waikato Uni, I thought id share with you the top 10 things and people that are really starting to fuck me off.

10. The cunts that insist on trying to enter the lecture theatres when people are still trying to get out I mean seriously just fucking wait.

9. The traffic lights outside ruakura I mean wtf 8. People from the halls, who can easily identified as the large groups of wankers who arrive at lectures in large packs and talk constantly as if they are the only people there.

7. Toilets ive been at uni 6 months and still havn’t been able to locate one.

6. The random people that approach you around uni and ask for donations and offer to read you bible chapters.

5. The barefooted bandit, Econ100 and Stat160 students will know this notorious individual.

4. People that whinge about there student loans 24/7 3. The arrogant cunts who sit at the edge of an isle in lecture theatres just so nobody else can get past.

2. The smokers outside L block who sit there puffing away 1. Mature students, I mean honestly do you really think someone at a firm is going to hire a pensioner as a grad, fuck off.

Harry Houdini

Wed 10th.

The foyer, lined with rickety card-tables, draped with signs and slogans, displayed, higgledy-piggledy with fliers and posters weighted down with rickety old saucer-sized reed baskets piled with enticing red and yellow and orange and green tooth-rotting sucking-lollies. Behind the tables set smiley peoples and in front stood a lot more smiley peoples - chewing and chatting and occasionally LOL. In that vein I too sucked the sicklysweet lollies and chatted with amiable folks from Greens and National and with good-looking folk from Nexus and StudentsForJusticeInMiddleEast and Solomon Islands. People and students exchanged fliers in a sort of mutual support. It was, as I said, fun.

But [you guessed it] there had to be one who, well, spoilt my up-to-then up-beat disposition.

A rep from the Labour table disappointed me.

She was decked in her bright red team color, including an impressively large red rosetta pinned on her bosom. I overheard her happily talking about something; I assumed automatically she’d be talking about peace and justice, freedom and equality and democracy - she being from The Labour Party [no less]. So I sidled up to her and extended towards her a hand holding a flier from Students for Justice in MIddle East.

Prof. Tony Far.

Clubs Noticeboard Chinese Movie Night Date 24 July(Wednesday) Time 6:45pm Location LG.03 (L3) Movie Kung Fu Hustle So many gangsters, so many Kung Fu skills, so much FUN! An utterly hilarious Kung Fu MUST-SEE from Hong Kong’s King of Comedy STEPHEN CHOW! English subtitled & FREE ENTRY!!

Organised by C-SAW (Chinese Student Association of Waikato), Waikato Mandarin Corner & Chinese Programme at University of Waikato.

Come along to this!

Waikato Psychology Students Assn presents: Guest Speaker from LifeLine Wed 24th July, 1pm - 2pm Looking for dedicated volunteers who want to make a difference. LifeLine needs more support for their call centre counselling, all training provided. Contact: wpsa13@gmail. com or find us on Facebook. Room: J.1.10

Now, what do you think she did?

DISCLAIMER

You won’t vote Labour? Join 70% of likely voters!

Dear Editor, It was good, Clubs Day - fun and friendly and informative at the Central Library/Te Manawa, 12

She grinned, first, then she shook her head.

She did not want the flier. More to the point, she did not even want to have a look at it; not interested; couldnt care less. And this from a person who presumably aspires to represent students [and people]. She refused to take the club-flier.

Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

Nexus

13

entertainment & reviews

LIDO CINEMA film

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY GIG Rating: Pause for a second and consider the fact that Monsters Inc. hit cinemas in 2001. That’s over ten years ago. Feeling old? Now well into 2013 Mike and Sully are back, but this time as less-successful College versions of themselves on a quest to become Monsters Inc.’s ultimate scarers. In the bright colours and soft Pixar animation you may see a children’s film, but the subject matter is all quarter-life crisis and finding one’s place in the world. The film stays true to the characters from the original, with both John Goodman and Billy Crystal reprising their roles and delivering jokes on a very similar beat to that of Monsters Inc. I did in fact laugh out loud once or twice. The plotline isn’t as fresh as the original, with a lot of the content drawing from typical College situations that have been rehashed repeatedly since the dawn of fraternities, and can border on predictable. Although painting College life into a colourful child-friendly Monsters world offered some amusement and novel spin, what the film succeeded in was fleshing out the character of Mike Wazowski. We get to find out where he comes from and how he got to his enviable scare position at Monsters Inc. I found it unfortunate that we got to see more of Mike’s past while Sully’s was merely implied, but for a feature film geared at under 10’s I understand that length is strictly capped. The themes of the movie centred on the underdog, perseverance, hard work, and working with what you’ve got, which are all excellent themes for kids and a friendly reminder to the rest of us that you really can make it even if you’re not genetically or otherwise blessed. If you loved the original, I’d give Monsters University a go too.

Alix Higby

SKINT Rating: If you have been following the gig guide for quite a while now then you may have noticed that on Wednesdays, Skint is a recurring gig that we put up. Why is it always there, you ask? It’s because Skint is a unique weekly gig that’s exclusive to students thanks to our friendly friends at House, Nexus, and Fevah FM. Do I sound like an ad yet? #sorrynotsorry In all seriousness though, how many of us have found ourselves taking our “broke ass home” in the middle of the week because we have spent all our cash money in the weekend? Living on Migoreng alone, no matter how yummy it is, just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Enter Skint.

By 6pm last Wednesday, House was packed both inside and out. Perhaps it was because of Re-Oweek (saw a couple of younguns’ in onesies. One can only assume where they were headed next) but there was no denying that House was the place to be on Wednesday nights.

I also particularly liked that there were two acts for the night instead of the usual DJ set up. A one-man acoustic act played a two hour set and then as the night progressed, DJ Tsar kept everyone in high spirits with his set.

Hump day need not be blah. What could be better than a $5 pizza and $5 cider in the middle of the week?

Got a gig you want us to check out? Flick us an email: gigs@nexusmag.co.nz

pay & cafÉ

URGE Rating: I’ve got an urge to go back to Urge café!! If this section could give a rating of ‘6 stars’ for deliciousness then Urge would take the cake.

The narrow coffee house next to Garden Place (kinda opposite Dunkin Donuts) was quick to bring out our food and coffees ordered and had yummy extra touches, such as whipped cream and those chocolate squiggly things that you can make by drizzling chocolate on baking paper and leaving them to set in the fridge. We ordered a cinnamon scroll and a blueberry and peach muffin, with the help of the friendly staff as I am one of ‘those’ people who take ages to pick my meal and asks the staff what their favourite is. The coffee was hot, with silky frothed milk, and no bitter aftertaste from over expressed beans, and we were given a choice between their medium or strong blend. I think it helped that there was a busker jamming on his guitar just down the street and it was a beautiful day but I felt like I was in Paris! I have never been to Paris and I now assume it feels nothing like Garden Place in the middle of Hamilton, but I got that feeling. Overall, a yummy place that was not too dear and was simply (I’m gana say it) scrumptious. As a bonus they also sell handmade chocolates and different roasts of coffee so I really do suggest you take your sugar and caffeine addicted mates there and experience the Paris of Hamilton for yourself.

Kathlene Cook

HOROSCOPES ARIES

taurus

gemini

(21 mar - 20 apr)

(21 apr - 21 may)

(22 may - 21 june)

A strange feeling will come over you.

It’s taken a while but we like to call that “knowledge”.

Ignore people who say “Violence doesn’t solve anything.” They have never had to try and put a guy in a car boot.

Be kinder to engineering students, one day they will sober up and remember those who wronged them.

14

entertainment & reviews

MARK ONE COMIC

Scott Pilgrim vol. 2:

BOOK

You Are Not So Smart David McRaney Rating: Pop psychology books are all the rage, and ‘You Are Not So Smart: Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You’re Deluding Yourself,’ is one of the better ones.

McRaney aims to disabuse you of the notion that you are a rational being whose decisions are based on cool, detached logic. Instead he wants us to realise that the decisions we make, our thoughts and emotions, come with a story we tell ourselves to explain them. But more often than not, these stories aren’t true.

So far so good. And the blurb of the book - it’s like a psychology course with all the boring parts taken out, is a pretty good summation.

But here’s the rub. Instead of humbling me, the book did the opposite by affirming most of what I know already. That is, you can’t really trust your senses, and that human personality is largely constructed and easily manipulated.

So rather than making me feel ‘Not so Smart’, McRaney’s book had the opposite effect. I ended up feeling more conceited than ever.

album

Weird Hybrid

Bryan Lee O’Malley

X-Ray Charles

Rating:

Rating:

Scott Pilgrim stories (you may have seen the movie) follow the life of lead protagonist Scott through all the trials and tribulations of a 20-something year old guy. What sets it apart is that at any moment --which can be a tender one, a laugh out loud one or a heart-breaking one-- can break out into full bore, manga inspired, video game referencing insanity! And it totally freaken rocks!!! Turns out, all the lavish praise for Scott Pilgrim is well deserved. As mentioned before there is a Scott Pilgrim movie; if you haven’t seen it, see it! If you have seen it, (and liked it) you’ll like the comic even more. Vol. 2 does a great job of moving the story forward in new and interesting directions and I am now officially dedicating myself to picking up the next book.

Scott Pilgrim hasn’t previously been done in colour which is a notable addition to this volume. Whereas a series like The Walking Dead really wouldn’t benefit for the addition of colour, Scott Pilgrim is greatly enhanced by it: the moodiness of the story benefits big time and it just looks down right beautiful.

This little six song EP by Christchurch duo X-Ray Charles is an interesting experiment in low-fi rock. While singer/frontman, Brian Feary, croons over crunchy beats on the track Square Eyes that “there are no surprises here” I can guarantee there are surprises. I was surprised by the dishevelled nature of the title track. I thought what is this spacethemed musing by drunken robots on the place of Primus in the soundscape of dial-up internet? Thankfully the songs from then on took shape.

By the way guys, Saga vol. 2 has just hit the stands of your local comic book shop. I know there are quite a few fans out there so go and grab it. Saga really is comic book perfection and vol. 2 crazily manages to top vol. 1. It is incredible and for anyone out there wanting to get into comics, this is the place to start.

Daniel Petersen

In fact, the second track was called The Shape of Things to Come. And it came with a real rhythm, some interesting jingling and chanting, but actual vocals. It felt like the kind of song that someone else has kept a secret and then finally let you in on. Again X-Ray Charles pushes things on The Slide. It’s spoken word over static and effects could be the influence of anything between Lou Reed, Battles or Sonic Youth.

The Smell of Things to Come again comes with haunting atmosphere and a brooding and shrieking soundscape. It all comes together on the final track Pull Down the Shades and it is one of the few songs that is reminiscent of what a song would really sound like to our more timid listeners. It is probably the stand-out for me as this EP put me outside my comfort zone. There are some solid ideas here, but more cohesion to the sonic spree would enable access to all.

Kevin Pryor

http://www.mk1.co.nz/ www.facebook.com/Mark1Comics

Hp

cancer

leo

virgo

(22 june - 23 july)

(24 july - 23 aug)

(24 aug - 23 sep)

Ignore people who say “you can’t wash your sins away”. They have never scrubbed blood from the inside of a car boot.

You are more than what you have become.

You must take your place in the Circle of Life.

Ignore people that say “a good man is hard to find.” I have three in the boot of my car.”

15

entertainment & reviews

@Honest_Matt Meets...

gig guide On a scale of 1 to 10, how buzzing is Htown this week? Well, let’s just say that we hope you got time for all this gigging given the amount of hard work you put in your studies. #amirite

Monday Biddys Open Mic Night Starts 6pm, Biddy Mulligan’s Irish Pub

Matt Hicks has a chat to Nick Robinson of Shapeshifter about the bands new album ‘Delta’, experiences overseas, kiwi beaches and the challenges of being full time rock stars.

You’ve just released album number 5 ‘Delta’. How does it feel to finally have it out?

It feels great, its always a good feeling to release an album, so much time and commitment – sacrifice etc goes into it – when it gets released its a sigh of contentment – nervous contentment, because your about to see what other people think of it.

We loved your videos for ‘Gravity’, ‘Monarch‘ and ‘Diamond Trade’. Any new vids in the pipeline?

Yea we are working on two new vids for two tracks and we’re having some interesting results so stay tuned!

Kiwis absolutely love Shapeshifter. What do you put your success down to?

I don’t think we’ve ever felt overly successful, we feel great when we get a big sold out show, that’s a great feeling but before we know it we are playing to 20 people in Bratislava – you cant get caught in any hype because hype is fleeting! Some bands are piled with accolades and awards but we seem to fly under the radar with those sorts of things and we like that.

Where are the Shapeshifter members based at the moment?

We have P Digsss in Muriwai beach, Sam in Auckland, Darren and Devon in Wellington and myself in Christchurch.

What’s does a typical day look like for the Shapeshifter crew?

If we are on tour its groundhog day – you wake up far too early (8am ish) with an annoying lobby wake up call, stuff your things in your bag and you leave your favorite T shirt in the hotel room. (hate that). We then meet in the lobby, drive in a van to the local airport, then fly to the new destination. The Drummer and Tiki and Guy our sound boys go straight to the venue, the rest check in to the new hotel and get 1-2 hours afternoon sleep, then rendezvous for soundcheck at around 5-6pm.

Back to the hotel for dinner, then down to the venue for the gig around 9 ish – do the show and leave the venue around 1-2 ish, back to the hotel for a hardy sleep then do it all again!

You can catch shapeshifter on July 25th @ Altitude

Tuesday What’s Going On with Kim Dotcom – Prof Neil Boister 6-7pm, Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts

Wednesday Skint Student Night 6-9pm, House

Thursday Shapeshifter – DELTA Altitude Lipstick, Lies, & Gasoline Diggers Bar

Friday Down the rabbit hole Axces Bar Vertigo – Charity gig kidscannz Static

Saturday Waikato Mid-Winter Retro Fair 9am – 3pm, Chartwell Cooperating Church CTRL ALT DEL – CTFD Static

Jess Molina

Full interview at sounzgood.co.nz

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

(24 sep - 23 oct)

(24 oct - 22 nov)

(23 nov - 21 dec)

Venus is in perfect alignment with Mars. You know what that means? Neither do we, we just make this shit up.

New semester, new flatmates, new smells.

You know who is cool? The debating society (proudly sponsored by debsoc because whether debaters make better lovers is a moot point).

16

08 entertainment & reviews

COOL VS NOT COOL

eight ball

tHREE THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW AND THREE THINGS THAT AREN’T SO MUCH. COOL

Welcome to the 8 ball. In the depths of my gooey black ass I will answer the secrets OF THE universe. You may not like MY answerS but lets be honest who else is going to tell you the truth, ugly.

Fix My Life.

Advocacy Week! Get your advocacy on.

Do mature students really take us seriously?

Come on, would you really take you seriously?

Will the chiefs win the Super Rugby competition?

Oh *sigh*. You’re one of those people.

Am I Racist if I just believe in my own people?

Are you for real right now? 1. You spelt racist with a capital ‘R’ - that automatically makes you a dooshbag. And, 2. “My own people”, this is a joke, right? You just asked a question that contained the answer.

Beyonce’s coming!

No description needed.

What sign of the zodiac allows me to claim innocence?

Oh I am fits of laughter. I just don’t know how to feel about this.

Obviously it’s the goat. Why? Because goats are weirdos.

Twittersphere during X Factor.

Like being in the room with the most controversial old people ever.

How many standard drinks are appropriate when dining?

NOT COOL Already being behind. ...but it’s only week three?!

Define appropriate? Let’s say, hypothetically, you got to be in the presence of a dinner date with the Magic 8 Ball. I would think it absolutely appropriate for you to finish that entire bottle of Sav. But don’t get me wrong, I’d judge you.

Will Mr Minty Fish ever write a piece that doesn’t contain profanity?

Mr fucking Minty Fish always getting the Christians fucking fired up.

Fuck, sort it out man.

What’s the big deal about the Middle East anyway?

Finding cheaper copies of your textbooks online.

Damn it.

What’s the big deal?! I’ll tell you what the big deal is. It’s in the middle of the East. There is no other optimum placement in the universe.

Who wants to be ‘down south’? Noone. Who wants to be ‘up north’?

Noone. Who wants to be ‘out west’? Noone. Who wants to be ‘middle east’? Err’yone.

Wet bike seats. ...if I had a car this wouldn’t be a problem.

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

(22 dec - 20 jan)

(21 jan - 19 feb)

(20 feb - 20 mar)

We asked for you and yes they do like-like you.

No Horoscope for you, you know what you did.

Love might be in the air, or it’s just the smell coming from the boot of that guys car.

17

entertainment & reviews

Puzzle Page Complete the puzzle page, be the first to bring it in and show us, and you’ll win stuff!

Each oval contains a different number 1-11. Follow the clues to find the correct location of each number in the Numerator diagram.

Note: ‘Left’ or ‘Right’ is from your point of view and means any location along the same horizontal line. ‘Above’ or ‘Below’ means any location along the same vertical line.

Clues: Number 6 is left of 9 and above 10.

Number 1 is below 3 and left of 4.

Number 5 is left of 7 and below 11.

Number 8 is below 4 and right of 7.

Number 2 is below 5.

Across 1. Constant (6) 4. Evidence of past injury (4) 8. Haggard (5) 9. Fiends (5) 10. Salutary (10) 13. Clearly (10) 17. Dialect (5) 18. Copious (5) 19. Part of an egg (4) 20. Pressing (6)

Down 1. Mentor (4) 2. Evade (5) 3. Point (3) 5. Breed of dog (5) 6. Answer (6) 7. Outcome (6) 11. Mystery (6) 12. Collector’s item (6) 14. Motionless (5) 15. Oversight (5) 16. Portable shelter (4) 18. Atmosphere (3) 4 letter words CHEF LENS

5 letter words ALERT ANGLE ATTIC CHILD COACH EXILE GENUS OWNED RADAR TROUT 6 letter words ECHOED FACILE HEATED OCTAVE SAMPLE SCENIC

18

SLEUTH VIRTUE 7 letter words IMAGINE LIBERAL MACHINE NEGLECT RAINBOW UNIFORM 8 letter words FORTRESS WELCOMED

LIFESTYLE

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july

19

Feature

20

feature

The GCSB is watching you.

News Editor Zanian Steele digs a little deeper into the world of the GCSB and asks why people think Peter Dunne is a fool.

While Edward Snowden, America’s latest whistleblower, is hailed as a hero or condemned as a traitor by the international media, the issue of illegal domestic spying and our very own whistleblower Peter Dunne has been underplayed, mischaracterized and swept aside in favor of more trivial stories by our own news providers.

Spying has seemingly failed to capture the public’s attention; indeed the leaking of the information pertaining to illegal spying has become a bigger issue. While the media gives the limelight to the Pakeha Party and the now canned ‘man ban’, this issue has been hotly debated behind the scenes, with no major political party questioning taking a strong stand on illegal spying, or even beginning to question the value of keeping the GCSB as an organization, in light of the fact that thus far it has done more to protect foreign commercial interests than interests of New Zealanders.

The leaked Kitteridge report highlights 88 instances of illegal domestic spying in New Zealand and the Government is now seeking to retrospectively justify its actions by law, allowing for further spying of an unethical (and currently illegal) nature. The USA’s attempt to gain Kim Dotcom’s extradition without presenting a complete case against him, as a result of domestic spying, shows that there is a threat to our security.

This threat is however neither a terrorist or a foreign agency, rather it is our own Government.

A brief history: The GCSB or Government Communications

Security Bureau was formed in 1977 on the instruction of the then Prime Minister, Robert Muldoon. With economic instability, domestic unrest and the ‘cold war’ putting pressure (real and perceived) on our security services, it was decided that this organization, originally a part of the Ministry of Defence, would take responsibility for the collection and processing of intelligence, the distribution of intelligence, and IT security.

Originally the organization was top secret and even Cabinet was not briefed on their activities but as a part of the widespread reforms of the 80’s information was slowly declassified and by 2000 it had split from the Ministry of Defence to become a separate department. In 2008 three activists managed to make their way into the Waihopai spy base and deflated one of the domes protecting a multimillion-dollar spy satellite with sickles. The trio were arrested and put on trial for what was deemed by the then Labour Government to be “a senseless act of criminal vandalism”. In Court the activists admitted to their actions but defended their charges as a “claim of right” to save human lives. All three were acquitted.

It has been undeniable that there has been a strong US involvement with the GCSB. With GCSB’s conception in the midst of the ‘cold war’ and economic turmoil, the Government looked to its allies to contribute to its formation and since then much of what the GCSB has done has been to the advantage of the US. Kim Dotcom has broken no laws here, nor is he a threat in any way to the security of the New Zealand people, yet he is a threat to American commercial interests

and it is only their interests that have been served by the information gathered on him.

Illegal Spying: After the media outburst caused by the Police treatment of Kim Dotcom, the Government ordered a report on GCSB compliance. The report was compiled by an analyst, Rebecca Kitteridge, who had assessed the GCSB, found that the organization, whilst it had value had committed a number of acts of illegal domestic spying. The report also found that the GCSB was not effectively organized, having an excess of staff and overly complicated procedures.

Dotcom confronted Key in his submission on the proposed legal changes to retrospectively justify the spying, and the Prime Minister’s sheepish but ambivalent response seems to well characterize much of the public’s opinion on the issue. Budget cuts have been widespread yet the GCSB has received a 174% budget boost in the last ten years and no major political party has put up an adequate fight on this issue.

The unlikely hero: Tweet from Dunne: “Memo to spooks – I will be leaving Parliament buildings around 12.20 pm for lunch, Is that ok, or do you want to know what I will be eating?”

Though Peter Dunne has denied leaking the Kitteridge report or its contents to the Dom Post reporter Andrea Vance, it is clear that he has been instrumental in getting the evidence of illegal spying into the public realm. Dunne, regardless of his intentions, has done the right thing. The media has made a mockery of him, some even propagating disgusting and entirely ungrounded rumors that he refused to grant access to his emails to investigators because he was having an affair with the reporter he reportedly leaked the information to.

While many regard Bradley Manning, Edward Snowden and Julian Assange as heroes, Dunne has been treated as a fool and the Parliamentary Opposition have condemned him for leaking the information, rather than turning their attention to what was actually leaked. Dunne is an unlikely hero but without our bow tied crusader the public may have never received the information it needed and deserved.

Police Intelligence, Military Intelligence, SIS, EAB and GCSB; will we ever have enough security organizations to protect us from our own Government?

21

feature

On Tuesday you will be giving a lecture as part of the University of Waikato Inaugural Professorial Lectures series. What is the topic of your lecture?

How Kim Dotcom is helping New Zealand make friends and be influenced by Nations.

An interview with Waikato University Law Professor Neil Boister.

The topic of my lecture is a review of the situation around United States request for extradition of Kim Dotcom and his co-accused. There are many different dimensions to this situation.

I first sketch the general context in which it takes place – the controversial maximalization of the protection of intellectual property, the specific problems related to policing the Internet, and the steadily increasing levels of cooperation in the suppression of transnational crime between like-minded states.

Then I focus on the law enforcement aspects of the US request to New Zealand for assistance, including the highly theatrical arrest of the accused, the unlawful search of their property and the seizure of their possessions, including obviously the computer data, the unlawful transfer of clones of that data to the United States, the initial mistakes made in the seizure of their financial assets, and finally what later transpired to be unlawful surveillance of the accused.

I turn then to the extradition itself, the legal basis for extradition between New Zealand and United States, the conditions for extradition pertinent to this particular case, and the outcome of the extradition request.

Finally, I draw some conclusions from this situation more generally about the nature of the relations between the United States and New Zealand in the suppression of transnational crime.

The GCSB search and seizure of Kim Dotcom’s property happened in January 2012. When you were planning your lecture did you think that this would still be an ongoing and newsworthy topic?

I probably somewhat naïvely thought that by now it would all be over and I would be engaging in the more comfortable task of reviewing the litigation. What has been surprising about this case has been what it has revealed about our relationship with the United States when it comes to law enforcement cooperation. This sort of exercise is never entirely uncontroversial because it requires the use of coercive state power here in New Zealand on behalf of another state, with its own priorities and political agenda. What renders it acceptable to New Zealanders is the adherence to our standards and not the standards of the foreign power.

22

feature

When that adherence begins to break down as it appears to have done in this case, it becomes a source of unease.

immunity, in New Zealand even if they are conscious of the abuse of their system they may still be immune from prosecution.

Can you give us a brief summation of the legal process to help our readers understand why this is an ongoing issue?

5. What role if any has Kim Dotcom’s German Nationality and New Zealand Residency played in Kim Dotcom’s decision to extradite?

There are in fact a number of legal processes involved. The main request made by the United States to New Zealand is for the extradition of Dotcom and his co-accused to face various charges, most of which are based on criminal copyright violation, because of the alleged facilitation of the uploading and downloading of copyright violating material on his cyberlocker MegaUpload through the design of the system. The legal basis for extradition to the United States is the Extradition Act 1999 read with the bi-lateral United States New Zealand Extradition Treaty which dates from the 1970s. In effect it’s a two stage process – a judge makes a decision as to whether the person is eligible for extradition and then it passes to the Minister to make the decision to extradite or not. A lot of the early litigation has been around the question of whether the United States is obliged to allow the accused discovery of all the evidence against them prior to the extradition hearing and the Court of Appeal has decided that the cut-down Record of Case procedure does not require this. The Supreme Court will hear an appeal in this regard shortly.

The main difficulty for the extradition hearing itself is that while the Extradition Act insists on double criminality for extradition – that the offences alleged against Dotcom and his co-accused would also be criminal if they occurred in New Zealand - the bi-lateral Extradition Treaty simply lists extraditable offences and criminal copyright violation is not on the list. So which applies?

It would make no difference under our law if he were a New Zealander. But it may make a significant political difference because it would be certain to be even more controversial.

What separates this from a simple extradition case?

The problem of double criminality is exacerbated in this case by the nature of the crime for which extradition is requested.

While New Zealand and the United States have very roughly similar offences for criminal copyright violation, in both state’s there is a provision establishing immunity for an Internet Service Provider from such offences except the scope of that immunity is much greater in New Zealand than in the United States. To put it more simply, while an Internet Service Provider which could be proven to know about the illegal upload and download of such material on their servers may fall within the scope of the offence because they may not avail themselves of that

With Kim Dotcom’s criminal convictions in Germany, Thailand and a case to answer in the United States shouldn’t there have been a mechanism to stop him from gaining residency?

I am not sufficiently familiar with the Immigration procedures though to comment.

How has extradition law changed since the development of the global community and tools such as social media and the internet?

There is no doubt that a significant lowering of the threshold for extradition occurred in 1999.

Conditions which were part of the process were dispensed with by the legislator at the urging of an executive that has agreed to do so with other nations. In regard to some of our closer allies such as the United States it is moving towards a purely formal process, although it has not got there yet.

In your opinion has America been over zealous or taken extra ordinary measures to protect the intellectual property of its citizenry?

I would say that the criminal law is used far too frequently to achieve social goals – in this case the protection of Intellectual Property – and the danger is a lack of respect for that law. This problem is exacerbated when the activity is extraterritorial in a realm of human activity like the Internet where norms of behaviour are not settled. To put it another way – would New Zealand prosecute Kim Dotcom? I think not.

In your opinion was the New Zealand Court of Appeal right to overturn the court’s decision requiring the United States provide a lower court decision “requesting the US disclose a broad swathe of the evidence underpinning its record of the case” in United States of America v Dotcom [2013].

I am reluctant to comment because the Supreme Court is about to hear this matter.

But I think tentatively that the Court of Appeal read correctly what the state of current extradition relations with the United States under the Extradition Act is. It is not for the Court to make the law but interpret it; the decision to establish relations at this low threshold was taken years ago by the Executive and transformed into law, under urgency and probably without sufficient awareness of its full implications.

Why is America one of the three exempted states in the extradition act (1999)?

The United States is one of our closest Allies, and we trust its legal system, so we have undertaken not to insist that it produce more than a record of the case that it has against the accused. To put this in perspective however, many non-common law states have never insisted on the production of evidence in order to extradite because they do not view extradition as a criminal process, but rather as one in which one state renders assistance to another.

What changes would you like to see to each of the following in order to align ourselves better with the global community? i) Telecommunications Interception Capability and Security Bill I do not think that the securitisation of law enforcement is a good idea; the erosion of basic rights of privacy is occurring at a rapid rate because of the availability of certain forensic tools.

II) The Extradition Act I think the Record of Case procedure needs to be clarified – just precisely what does it entail?

III) The 1990 Bill of rights It should be entrenched under a new constitutional arrangement to balance the rapid giving up by the State of its rights under extradition by granting enforceable rights to individuals subject to extradition.

IV) Police procedure in extradition cases I think the procedure is fairly clear – the police simply need to adhere to it.

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feature

“Now that whistle-blower Edward Snowden has leaked a bunch of info on the extent to which the U.S government is spying on their citizens we know that anything we share online, despite our best attempt at privacy settings, can be found and read.”

Gen Y Online.

Alix Higby talks security in the 21st Century.

As children, we had access to computers, CD-ROM’s and Encarta. In high school we had Nokia 2280s and Bebo. Now we have Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and one ubiquitous little device in which to manage them all. We’re the first generation to have grown up alongside the web. We have an imbedded knack for surfing the net, building online social networks, and interweaving technology into daily activities like eating an aesthetically pleasing sandwich.

Despite this, the technology we hold so instinctively has outpaced us in growth, and our knack for keeping ourselves safe has slipped. Youth renders the young invincible, even before cellular-tech James Dean was playing chicken in typical teen angst fashion.

We’re too young to die. The difference in risky behaviour and false sense of invincibility now as opposed to then is that we’re risking more virtually.

Gen Y is renowned for their recklessness with the content they post and the information they throw at their online communities.

Snapchat caused an outbreak of editorial pieces when concerned parents and teachers

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discovered the app could be used (and mostly is) for sexting. The app’s privacy feature of deleting the image after a nominated number of seconds attracted a wide audience of people who were sick of overthinking every goddamn photo they took. It’s totally fine that this photo is unflattering, because it’ll only live for 7 seconds… unless someone screenshots it, but that’s totally a risk I’m willing to take. We have Facebook friends that can number in the 1000s, but two-thirds of them we wouldn’t acknowledge in the street let alone have stop by our place unannounced.

Too late, I say. Security and personal privacy are monster issues at the moment, but like the one that lived in your closet when you were six, we tend to forget about them during daylight. It’s not until you’re faced with the shame of a private snap gone viral, or your account has been hacked, or your girlfriend scrolls through all the messages you’ve ever sent to another girl, that we realise how much information we are willing to share, and just how much it could get us in hot water.

Where do we start? There’s the bevy of online services you willingly supply your

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details. There’s your Facebook profile, your check-ins, your account details with multiple online shopping stores… when we tumble drunkenly out of a taxi at 4am Sunday morning leaving an iPhone on the back seat, we suffer phantom limb pains the next day.

“This phone is my life! It has everything in it!”… and therein lies the risk. How often do you log out of your social media accounts on your personal laptop? Probably never. If my laptop were stolen, they’d have immediate access to my Facebook profile, where I’m sure they’d find some useful information lying helplessly amongst the screeds of messages I send to my close friends and family. Some of that information should really only be shared in person, and some of it I should really just keep to myself…

Of course, all of the concerns with privacy already mentioned are basically Saved by the Bell and only really touch on the real issue. Now that whistle-blower Edward Snowden has leaked a bunch of info on the extent to which the U.S government is spying on their citizens we know that anything we share online, despite our best attempt at privacy settings, can be found

Nexus nexusmag

firm RSA), 7 out of 10 young adults admitted that they’re not as careful with their online sharing as they should be. And this was researched cyber-years before Snapchat.

Everyone already knows it’s either face or boobs, not both; the real issue is keeping tabs on the overall information you put forward and ensuring that you haven’t left a trail of keys to your bank account, the hours you’re not at home, or the relationships you’ve been ruining. If you haven’t yet read 1984, I suggest you do so quickly because the references from here on out are unlikely to let up. Big Brother is watching and until we’ve had a frank discussion with our governments and online privacy is granted a reality, it’s probably best to keep your cyber-nose clean.

and read. Apparently screening everyone’s conversations for terrorist tendencies is the not-so-new national defence and while in a post 9/11 world this has some merit, the revelation has posed some hard questions on what our rights are as citizens and where exactly the line between privacy and security falls. The discussion over online privacy has quite seriously ignited, and its time we took a long hard look at how we use the services, particularly those that are free, available to us.

The concept of online activity being actively tracked is not new, but the evidence is. Your cyber actions are traceable, and if you’re not 100% sure you’d want anyone else to read this conversation, it’s best to take it into the real world. PRISM may not be interested in the fact that you’ve been cheating on your girlfriend for the last three months, but I’m sure someone out there might be. Angelina Jolie had to save a bunch of babies to get her name out of the mud after stealing Brad. Can you really commit to something like that?

The key is to remain vigilant. According to a survey taken in 2010 commissioned by the RSA (not that RSA, the American security

“This phone is my life! It has everything in it!”… and therein lies the risk. How often do you log out of your social media accounts on your personal laptop? Probably never.”

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LIFESTYLE

Auteur Autuer Talks Amour and the Palm d’Or.

Amour, winner of the Palm d’Or at 2012 Cannes Film Festival, has just been released on DVD. Few artists have ever faced the issue of mortality with such honesty and unsentimental rigour as Michael Haneke does in this film, detailing the physical decline of a women in her mid 80s and the challenges this presents for her husband of 50 years.

Haneke belongs to a select group filmmakers who have received the Palm d’Or twice and is the only director to do so with consecutive features. His 2009 winner The White Ribbon, is equally stunning, if stylistically worlds apart from Amour. Aesthetically matched to the monochrome photography of the pre-WW I era in which it is set, The White Ribbon is equal parts psychological thriller and drama, with elements of black comedy, horror and romance thrown in for good measure.

Little Beer Corner There’s beer festivals and there’s beer festivals.

Auteur House stocks 13 of the last Palm d’Or winners, dating back to the turn of the century. Between 1975 - when the Palm d’Or was reinstated as the Festival’s top prize - and 1999, we have another 24 winners available for rental. We also stock a further 22 features made between 1946 and 1974, films which won Cannes at a time when its top award enjoyed different names.

What follows is a list not of the best of these rather of four of the more unusual selections.

1. Rome, Open City (Roberto Rossellini, Italy, 1946). The founding document of Italian NeoRealism, shot on actual locations and mixing non-professional performers with experienced actors, Rossellini’s film had to share the first post-war award with five other movies, including the famous British melodrama Brief Encounter and Billy Wilder’s Academy Award winning The Lost Weekend. None of the co-winners though were as revolutionary or as influential as this hard-hitting drama about anti-Fascist resistance during World War II. 2. Othello (Orson Welles, Morocco, 1952).

The only Festival win in Welles’ long, broken and problematic career, Othello is arguably the greatest Shakespearean adaptation of

If you hear someone say the words ‘beer festival’ your first thought may conjure up memories of sawdust, steins of Tui or Speights and dancing on tables. I’ve been to plenty of these types of festivals so I’m not throwing cold water on them but I do want to make sure you know there are different events out there.

The growth and development of craft beer in New Zealand is a result of more and more kiwi’s developing a taste for different brews.

If us beer drinkers weren’t craving new beery products then they simply wouldn’t be getting made. With this in mind, more and more festivals and events are being put together all the time.

Typically these festivals aren’t big boozefests. Attended by a variety of New Zealands 70+ breweries, their focus tends to be on showcasing many different styles and types of beer made. If you want to broaden your mind don’t be afraid to get a gang together and hit up a beer festival with a difference.

The mother of all these events is called Beervana and it’s due to run again at Westpac Stadium in Wellington on the 9th and 10th of August. From humble beginnings in a

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them all. Transcending a shooting schedule spread across many years and just as many countries, it’s visually stunning, tense and atmospheric, with Welles’ black-face Moor well matched by the Iago of his old Gate Theatre mentor, Micheál Mac Liammóir.

3. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (Jacques Demy, France, 1964). An all sung musical drama that made leading lady Catherine Deneuve a star. Whereas American musicals are coy about sex and jingoistic about war, Demy’s film features teenage pregnancy and the colonial problems of Algeria. There are few more beautifully realised sequences in cinema than Cherbourg’s bitter-sweet coda.

4. Wild at Heart (David Lynch, USA, 1990).

Few directors could claim that they won the Palm d’Or with their worst film but that’s what Lynch achieved with this tasteless, postmodern pastiche, an ill-disciplined homage to Elvis, The Wizard of Oz and the colour red.

The full blown performances help, though it remains a mystery to me how the over-the-top Diane Ladd was nominated for awards and a nasty, never better Willem Dafoe, completely snubbed.

Richard Swainson

shed on the Wellington waterfront this year’s festival will see around 10,000 punters flood through the stadium gates over the two days.

Those lucky enough to attend will get the chance to try upwards of 400 different beers from across our fair land but also some great Australian, European and even American

“...a must do on your ‘beer shit I have to do this year’ list.” beers. In addition there are beer and food matching sessions, home brew master classes and the chance to rub shoulders with your favourite kiwi brewers. If you’re into beer, either as a nerdy expert or a curious beginner then it should be a must do on your ‘beer shit I have to do this year’ list.

There are other events across the country throughout the year if you can’t make it to Welly next month. Marchfest in Nelson is a goody, City of Ales in Auckland has made a great start and Aucktoberfest in Jafaland later in the year a just a few to keep an eye out for.

Nathan Sweetman

LIFESTYLE

Boganology 101 Bogan’s get starstruck too.

A while ago my fiancée Nina and I went to see Jello Biafra, former frontman of the Dead Kennedys. He was doing a spoken word tour.

At the after function Jello came and started playing some vinyl. Nina and her brother, also a Dead Kennedys fan, were too nervous to go up and talk to him. So was the entire room as they nervously shuffled towards him.

I was worried that Nina and Colin would miss the perfect opportunity to meet their hero, so I went up and started chatting to him and then brought them over to meet him. Nina just kept saying good show, and Colin used the word mate several times. He never says mate. Their star struck behaviour amused me and I had a grin on my face in the car ride home as they discussed how they would never wash their hands again. I never thought that would happen to me. Several weeks later, through a series of strange events, I had an opportunity to talk to Dez Fafara from

Devildriver on the phone. It was my turn to be starstruck – which was even more ridiculous given that it was on the phone.

I say this not to name drop (ALTHOUGH IT WAS DEZ!), but it strikes me as weird.

That’s right; this column is one of those philosophical ones. But isn’t it weird that your favourite stars are just people? For Bogans, they’re people who have made the dream a reality and are playing their music to thousands of people. Yet we quiver in our little space boots at the thought of shaking their hand. You end up making small chat (which I hate when it’s strained) about the weather, or what they think of New Zealand. I’ve met Immortal and Chimaira too and while I didn’t go all girly fanboy, I still felt it awkward as I didn’t know what to say. What do you say to someone whose music you like but otherwise you know little about?

So my question is what would happen if you met a singer you hated? Would you still be frozen to the spot and not know what to say?

We all make jokes of strapping Justin Bieber to a sky rocket and launching the little pip squeak into space. But what would happen for instance if I met that idiot Varg Vikernes?

Would I cream pie him like I’ve always wanted to? Food for thought.

Burton C Bogan

The Afterlife Sometimes change means setting an alarm clock.

There are a number of significant periods in your life where you need to learn a heck of a lot in a short time. The facts are things are always changing and the best thing you can do is enjoy the ride and try to learn and grow as much as possible along the way. Change doesn’t scare me, I actually love change, but it can be scary when you are still in that initial ‘change period’ and haven’t yet figured it all out. So today I thought I would fill you in on ‘5 things I have learnt/am in the process of learning since finishing my degree’.

1) You are now expected to have the answer to everything and be an expert on everything.

If you don’t know the answer, you better figure it out. Quick.

“No one really cares if you’re tired, grumpy, sick, whatever. You are there to do a job, do it.”

2) No one really cares if you’re tired, grumpy, sick, whatever. You are there to do a job, do it.

3) Sleep in? What’s a sleep in? That alarm going off at 6am becomes easy and normal.

I mean, I’m even up before 8am in the weekends now!

4) Speaking of weekends, they now actually mean something other than just being a night to go out on the town and a day to waste being hung over (Not that I don’t still enjoy the odd weekend like that...) Weekends become this dreamland that take forever to reach but always pass in a flash.

5) Feeling like a grown up can be pretty cool.

Most of the time. There are still times when I don’t want to be a grown up and want to built a fort in the living room and watch my favorite cartoons while wearing pj’s and eating fairy bread or some other delicious food from my childhood. Don’t judge me.

Emma Knapp 27

lifestyle

consume bread and wine. This isn’t your average Tip-Top and Castle Rock merlot, however. With the aid of some complex theology, the Eucharist (bread and wine) is understood to be transubstantiated into the actual body and blood of Jesus, which he commanded us to eat in the bible. The Eucharist is the heart of the Mass, and unites Catholics both locally and globally.

Religiousity CATH123-Catholicism: From cradle Catholics to St Peter.

Another article in this series has already covered the broad spectrum of Christianity: the belief in God who humbled himself to descend to earth in human form, and suffered ignominious and painful death by crucifixion at the hands of his own people, following which he arose from the dead and flew off into the sky and out of this world (i.e., back home to Heaven); and to whom Christians offer their lives and wills, in order that they may gain a permanent spot in Heaven after death (the alternative being Hell). Catholicism is a denomination of Christianity, just like the Anglicans, Baptists and a host of other groups who worship the Christian God. While the similarities between Catholicism and the other Christian churches are almost too long to list, there are a few differences, some of which I will try to detail.

It is biblical fact that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, passed his earthly authority over to Peter (you know, the “So a lawyer dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates…” Peter) after his rising from the dead. Catholic teaching asserts that this authority was passed from Peter to Linus to Anacletus, all the way down through the ages (and a fair amount of politics), to John-Paul II, to Benedict XVI to the current Pope, Francis. Thus the pope is the head of the church on earth (under God in Heaven), and he is held in high esteem by Catholic’s as God’s representative. However, it is generally held that the most important group within the Church is the people themselves, and that all power flows from Christ.

The core of the Catholic faith lies in the Mass, our church service, within which Catholics 28

Outside of the chapel the Catholic lifestyle is governed by the two Great Commandments, to love God with all our hearts, minds, and strength; and to treat others as ourselves.

These aren’t some magical spell to make you a better person; they are incredibly hard to carry out, or even remember most of the time. However, since Catholic teaching, unlike many other Christian denominations, teaches that entry to Heaven is not guaranteed upon conversion, these two commandments provide us with a worthy goal for our daily lives, and also supply a solid framework for our social teaching.

I am a cradle Catholic. My parents baptised me at birth, and brought me up within the Church. When I reached the rebellious teenage years, they never forced it on me, and let me go my own way and make my own path. During this time, and after a few mistakes which served to drive me away from God, I came to realise that the Catholic Church wasn’t just for the holy folk. As a mentor recently said to me, the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a resort for saints.

Tom Petchell

Making Living Cheaper Saving on wedding presents.

Hello cheap living enthusiast. How’s life going? Mine’s been swell. Thanks for asking.

This week’s tip is to: Attach your card to someone else’s present.

I would like to paint you a picture. It’s your friend’s engagement party and you’re expected to give a gift. They are streaks ahead of you in the maturity stakes and already own a house, car and dog together. You on the other hand have a bottle of Appleton’s and half a pack of b & h to your name. You don’t really feel like spending your fickle income of these smug bastards who are carving you up in the game of life. What do you do?

The first thing you do is go to Whitcoulls and buy a card, a nice envelope, a ribbon and some cellotape for around $10. Ok you have your card all ready to go, now all you need to do is find a suitable present to attach it to at the party. The next step is a game of stealth and cunning.

Second thing you do is rock up fashionably late to the party with your two rough mates Animal and Steve. Ideally the couple will know them well enough to let them stay but will still be keeping a cautious eye on them.

Animal and Steve will act as your diversion.

Showing up late is crucial, as you will need to do this under the cover of darkness. While its dark and everyone’s dancing and having a good time its time to strike. You will have your card in hand surveying the table in a hawk like fashion to find an appropriate present to attach it to.

Once you have found an appropriate present (never the biggest present) its time to get the plan going. Indicate to Animal and Steve that its time to execute the plan (do this is through subtle signals such as a flick of the nose or a tap of the ear). Once this is understood its time for the distraction to begin. Animal will distract the blokes with his “watch me skulls three jugs in 30 seconds” trick while Steve distracts the bizzays on the d floor with his cute but ultimately disappointing caterpillar attempt.

While all this is all going down you simply rip a card of one of the more modest presents and attach your one. Problem solved, money saved. twitter.com/Honest_Matt

lifestyle

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Lifestyle

Slut DJ One guy, one girl and two onesies.

The one-piece garment really sums up student life; they’re cheap, practical, lazy and absorb food and alcohol as easy as a DJ on a bender.

Thankfully, there is one thing that breaks the friendzone barrier and that’s jealousy. One of the greatest things I’ve ever learnt is that when you want to get laid by a specific chick you don’t start by hitting on her, you hit on her mates. If her friends all start saying you’re hot then she’s far more likely to start thinking the same thing – unless you’re a fuckwit ‘cause douchebag rules still apply.

Which, at the time, sounded like a great idea.

So, when I ran into her at uni on the Monday of Re-O:Week and talked to her about her plans for the week I was stoked to hear she was planning a big mid-week night out in her pyjamas.

I clumsily ran to the toilet, still in my onesie, and emptied my stomach.

Onesies really are the great leveler.

By removing the pretentiousness of ‘town’ clothing suddenly everyone is on the same level – everyone looks frumpy and incredibly approachable.

The latter of which is a very important quality if you want to get laid.

Anyways, I’ve had a bit of a thing for one of the promo girls you would’ve seen round campus. She does a bit of work for one of the bars in town and is one of the very good looking, gym-addicted, petite blonde girls who only dates a very specific sort of guy.

You know one, the type who only sleeps with rugby players, wanna-be rappers and other stereotypical high-profile Maoris who reside at The Hood.

She is also friends with a number of my other promo-gal mates so I’ve known her for a while. The problem with this is that if you’ve known a girl for a while and never made a move then you’ve friend zoned yourself. This means you’re destined to spend countless evenings with a box of tissues scrolling through the bikini pics in her “Summer on the Gold Coast” album on Facebook.

Don’t act shocked.

You know we all do it.

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We swapped numbers and planned to meet up with a group of mates on Wednesday evening.

To beat the winter cold and to get over the fact that I was wearing less clothes than in the peak of summer, I started drinking – a lot.

Thankfully she said yes but on the provision that I found my own way home the next morning.

Halfway through a set of yoga-esque exercise the heat of wearing a flannel bodysuit became over whelming and I needed to throw up.

I washed my hands and mouth the best I could and returned to the bedroom to finish what I started. Once done, still incredibly hot, I threw my onesie on the floor, rolled over and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke to hear her singing in the shower - this is the chance you dream of after a one night stand. The chance to slip away before things got awkward.

Stumbling into town later, I met with the group of girls and started to hit on what I thought was Promo Girls best friend. At some point I forgot that I was supposed to hit on the girl I came to see and ended up drinking with the friend. It was around the time I suggested we go sit down that Promo Girl grabbed my arm and asked me why I was “trying to sleep with her younger cousin”.

So I battled my incredible hangover and jump out of bed to put on my clothes only to discover a noticeable lack of pants, shirts, jackets, phone and worst of all no wallet.

What came next was an awkward hyperdramatic conversation which involved her yelling at me, her yelling at her cousin, her cousin yelling at her, both of them yelling at me, me laughing a lot and finally suggesting that we all just go our separate ways, friendzone intact

As there was no other option, I rolled on the soggy and incredibly smelly onesie said a swift “good bye” through the bathroom door and made my way onto the street to start the worst walk of shame I’ve ever done.

So the now angry, but still very good looking, Promo Girl and I jump in a taxi to drop her off on the way to my flat. We get to hers and she asks me to come inside and I suggest in the most eloquent of ways “maybe we should fuck while wearing our onesies”.

All that I owned in the vicinity was a singlet, a pair of underwear and that damn onesie sitting in a corner covered in spew , sweat and DNA, just judging me.

It took me over an hour to walk from Hamilton East to Dinsdale and all I could think about on the entire trip was how there really is “nothing sexy about a onesie”.

LIFESTYLE

Google This

Mr Minty Fish

This weeks best of the internets.

I cannot stress the following public service announcement enough.

Chart Girl chartgirl.com “For things best explained with charts” including: “Westboro Baptist Church: aka the worst. family. ever.” and “Taylor Swift: MANEATER”

Hark, A Vagrant harkavagrant.com A comic in a suitably quirky and witty style from a Canadian, who studied history and now lives in Toronto.

Waikato University GPA Calculator joeloughton.com/blog/web-applications/ waikato-university-gpa-calculator Need to know what your GPA is for honours, scholarship applications or study abroad programs? Waikato student, Joel Oughton has created an online calculator which should give you a pretty good estimate.

BITCHES. ARE. CRAZY.

This is not your typical “oh *laughlaughlaugh* bitches be crazy” PSA. I’m genuinely giving you possibly the most helpful advice you’ll ever receive between “wear a condom” and “please sir, don’t shake that baby,” so you better fucking listen; because I are bitch, and I too, are crazy. I’m helping your tiny man penis out of a lot of sticky situations and hopefully into a lot of warm pink ones. Ew. Ok, even I know I just took that metaphor too far.

TRUST THE BITCH YOU CAN SEE. I don’t care if ‘Steph’ is a sweetheart. Every girl was born with their fair share of ‘the crazy,’ and that doesn’t exclude yours. My safest suggestion is try and find the crazy. Now, girls that wear their crazy on the outside like a badge of crazy honour are safe. You can see their crazy and as a rule, that’s the full extent of it. It’s

the “well isn’t she as sweet as diabetes” girl next door that you should be worried about because EVERY GIRL HAS THE CRAZY, and you’re just waiting to find hers. Maybe she’s ‘slowly cut you off from your friends’ crazy.

Maybe she’s ‘let’s invite my ex to christmas’ crazy. It doesn’t matter. Until you know, it’s a ticking time bomb waiting to happen. There’s a reason why it’s “better the devil you know” .

I can’t help all of you, but Yeezus knows I want to. So here’s a list of the more subtle signs that your bitch is crazy. Trust me, I’m crazy.

-The “babe can you not go out tonight? I’m just really tired” -The “omg I love being one of the boys” -The “ugh I’m so glad I’m not all about drama” -The “we’re having ladies night tonight, bitches” and my favourite, -The “ew sandwich jokes are so demeaning, I’m glad you never use them babe. You’re a real man, unlike your friends” If you can be demeaned by a sandwich, then the terrorists really have won. Thanks Obama.

Love you kids, mmf.xx Tweet at me yo nikka @mrmintyfish mmf@nexusmag.co.nz

I am Maru sisinmaru.blog17.fc2.com If you can excuse their use of Comic Sans, I Am Maru is the adventures of Maru the Scottish Fold cat via YouTube. If there was a king of the cat videos, it would be Maru.

3D Printed Casts by Joe Evill | De Zeen www.dezeen.com/2013/06/28/cortex-3dprinted-cast-for-bone-fractures-jake-evill Looking like an mutant sponge, these concept casts could replace the gross fibreglass monstrosities which are currently in use, and they were designed by Jake Evill, who studied at the University of Victoria.

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ALICE & A Lifestyle

Alice & Anne

By ALICE & ANNE

Alice & Anne teaches you how to look good in photos.

It might sound ridiculous, but there is an art to always looking good in photos; and no, it’s not having a certain brand of make-up, clothes, etc, etc... Some people are just naturally photogenic, but if you’re not one of chosen few whose wit and charm just shines through at all moments, you can cheat the system.

1. Relax The camera won’t steal your soul. Having the attitude that “I always look bad in photos” is DEFINITELY going to make you look bad in photos. So just relax, a forced smile looks exactly that; forced. You might not like everything you see in the mirror, but photos are so important. Not just for your Facebook profile picture, but also as memories.

2. Posture Relaxing doesn’t just include having a good attitude, it also means not being scrunched up. Rolling your shoulders down and sitting/ standing straight means that you’re less likely to give yourself any accidental chins, and it means that you’re going to look taller too (important stuff if you’re like me and only just make it to 5’2). Despite how unnatural it might feel, it’ll make you look more natural and far less awkward.

Trend Spotting

By ALICE AND ANNE

Campus Trends

This chick is just plain cool.

and have a side fringe, avoiding having photos taken on the side which has less hair or no fringe means you’re less likely to see a photo and go “...I never noticed I have a strange bald spot on one side of my face”.

4. Perspective Where the actual camera is can play a massive role in how you look in the photo. Photos taken from a higher perspective (like eye level) will make you look nicer than a photo taken at a lower perspective (like chest or stomach level). The idea of most portraits is to have your face as the focal point, and looking up from chest level to a face gives weird proportions. Most people with cameras take photos at eye level, but just be careful of phones and tablets.

5. Practice Have you ever seen posed photos of yourself as a kid? I have. And they’re terrible. The ones from about 8 - 14 years old are particularly bad. So if you ever think you’ve finally taken the worst photo ever, remember those photos and how much better you’ve become. The only way to improve at something is always, unfortunately, practice. So just think how good you’ll be by the time you’re 80.

SLIGHTLY STONED 3. Know your “good side” This might sound like a cliché, but some people do have a good side. If you’re like me

SLIGHTLY STONED CHEF Beer Goggle Cookies 32

Lots of love, Anne.

Gather yourself 180g of soft butter, 1/3C sugar, 125g condensed milk, 1 ½ self raising flour and 250g of choc chips.

Cream butter, sugar and condensed milk together.

lifestyle

Arts Ashleigh Muir I am a 19 Year old venturing through life with her camera and a pure passion for photography.

I currently study at Wintec in Hamilton and have also studied a year in Auckland.

Photography is an amazing career to pursue but also such a creative lifestyle that can take me all over the world. I am heavily inspired by people and places that surround me and carry my ideas.

Add flour and choc chips.

Roll into balls. Put onto a 180C oven and cook for 15mins.

These are the best cookies ever! ENJOY!

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WSU

Veeps

President’s Column

Danyell goes in search of inspiration.

Aaron talks alcohol and when NOT to drink.

Most of the students that I have spoken to this week are feeling tired, sick and already can’t wait for the year to be over. It’s only the beginning of second semester! Get some vitamins and chicken soup into you and get excited about life again! There will be an end in sight soon. Until then, here are some inspirational quotes to keep you going.

“Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there’s love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.”

–Ella Jane Fitzgerald “Happiness is not the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of the creative effort.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt “Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.” –James M. Barrie “Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing” -Theodore Roosevelt “Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” –Aristotle “Hard work is painful when life is devoid of purpose. But when you live for something greater than yourself and the gratification of your own ego, then hard work becomes a labour of love.” –Steve Pavlina “Never work just for money or power. They wont save your soul or help you sleep at night.” –Marian Wright Edelman “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best you are capable of becoming.” – John R. Wooden So bottom line is it’s all about attitude! Don’t forget why you chose to do what you are doing and keep at it. If it gets too much and your studies become affected, contact Amber our advocate on advocacy@wsu.org.nz.

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I hate to do this again, but after four nights of driving students to and from town during O’week and seeing a number of you needlessly arrested it’s apparent that you simply don’t understand the liquor ban laws. As a student representative it’s never easy to see your fellow students loaded into the back of a Police car, but as a law student it’s hard to dispute the facts. The liquor ban exists, whether we like it or not, and it is designed to reduce alcohol–related harm, crime, and disorder and provide a safe city environment – things that are in all of our best interests.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume you probably don’t want to be bent over a Police car, cuffed, arrested, and have your undoubtedly pristine criminal record tarnished. I’m also going to go out on an even longer limb and assume the Police probably don’t enjoy spending their Friday nights dealing with drunk 18 year olds breaching petty bylaws, debating the law with a second year “lawyer” who has all the answers, and driving you back to the station to fill out the associated paperwork. So do yourself, and the Police, a favour and stick to the rules. If approached by the Police just do as they say and everyone has a good night. You know you were doing wrong, they know you’re sorry, and for such a small offence I doubt there is any need for it to go any further.

In Hamilton City Central the liquor ban is in effect 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you are caught drinking liquor outside a licensed premises you are breaking the law, and will be arrested if caught. The only exception to this rule is if you are transporting SEALED liquor

to a BYO restaurant or to a private residence.

Similarly, the liquor ban for drinking in a public place in Hamilton East runs from 10pm to 6am. For the purposes of the liquor ban a public place is defined by the Hamilton City Council as being “any area that is open to, or being used by the public and includes roads, service lanes, footpaths, pedestrian malls, public car parks, parks and reserves”. Team Policing, also known as the big guys you really don’t want to disagree with, are often found creeping around the University area picking up first years walking between flats or house parties drinking a beer. So don’t do it.

A little known fact is that a private vehicle still constitutes a public place, and the Police have the power to search a vehicle that is in, or is entering, a specific public place to ascertain if liquor is present. The Police have the power to search you or your vehicle, seize any liquor you have, or arrest you. If you are convicted the Court may imposes a fine up to $500 under local Bylaws. They don’t require a warrant, so for all those overeager first year law students please shut up. They do, however, need to inform you that they are going to conduct a search and give you an opportunity to promptly remove any liquor, or a vehicle containing liquor, from a public space.

At the end of the day it’s a two way street.

The majority of cops out there are good guys just doing a job. Sure, you get the odd wanker – but you get that in any job. Know the law, and know your rights, and you shouldn’t have a problem.

Aaron Letcher

WSU

Citizens Advice Bureau It Isn’t My Fault.

Theresa has a difficult flatmate, Madge.

The phone is in Theresa’s name and while Theresa was absent Madge took a call from a telephone company offering her a mobile package. Madge accepted in Theresa’s name and ran up huge bills which were charged to Theresa’s account. Despite numerous calls to the telephone company, it refused to recharge the bills to Madge.

Madge has committed a crime (fraud) and Theresa should complain to the police. The phone company is not really at fault.

This is a complex problem and needs legal help. The UNI CAB offers a free legal service(as does Victoria St CAB ) but clients need to book their appointments beforehand!

Book a university appointment on Fridays at cabunilaw@gmail.com The Citizens Advice Bureau has a lot of information to help you. They can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. Visit them at the Village Green by Waikato Print 11am – 1pm, Mon – Fri or phone 0800FORCAB

types of matters - financial, Studylink, accommodation, extra study support….. but the main query would have to be letters from the University.

Ask Amber Mail time.

Welcome back, I hope you all enjoyed RE-O 2013 and your semester break.. . I think I even kind of missed you all a little bit…

Anyways, over the last couple of weeks I have seen or had students referred to me about all

Young Workers Resource Centre

Now as a past student myself I can’t say I jumped with excitement every time I received a letter from the University. However, now that I am a Student Advocate and have more of an understanding of how the University operates, I now know how important these letters actually are.

If you end up receiving a letter from the University on any particular matter and you’re unsure of what it actually means then come and talk to me. We can sit down together with your documentation and go through what it says together. If the letter requires you to provide something then I will help you to get that ‘something’ together to submit… easy peezy.

Have a question? Give me a text message on 027 2065 011 Amber the Advocate

the Waka Ama championships after his boss discovered a picture of him at the competition doing the thumbs up. He was promptly sacked.

Over in California, a 22-year-old woman got sacked after her employer discovered some potent racial slurs towards to freshly re-elected President Obama, it went something like this: “Another 4 years of the n*#ga, maybe he will get assassinated this term!”

Have you ever read someone’s post on Facebook and thought to yourself, “Oh my god, I can’t believe they just said that”?

Wow.

I’d bet my house you have.

Facebook can even prevent you from getting hired in the first place. Many employers use the site to screen people before an interview, and even if your security settings are maxed out they can still find out what you look like, your age, your marital status.

For some reason there is a huge misconception out there that what one does online has no real-world consequences. That our status updates on Facie Bee are confined to our private lives. We know now that nothing online is private – even if you delete it, it just ends up in the giant internet-recycling-bin.

Stories of workers getting axed because they failed to consider the consequences of their Facebook usage are flooding in. In New Zealand, a Gisbourne man took a week’s sick leave but was busted having a good time at

A KFC worker in New Zealand posted a picture of her licking a giant mound of mash and received hundreds of shares. Eventually the photos were linked back to the particular restaurant and the boss gave our comedian the chop.

The message is simple. Facebook can get you fired or not even hired if you do not consider how your social media usage influences your employer’s opinion of you. I’m not taking a dig at everyone’s favourite social network. It’s not Facebook’s fault, it’s how we use it. To borrow an old saying – guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

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