Nexus Issue 16 2012

Issue Sixteen August 6th, 2012

Section

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ugust marks the 6th month of our academic year. Can. You. Believe. It. So proud of all our little first years making their way in life and becoming grown ups. You’ve come so far! But wait, we’re only halfway through the year… Oh, you have a few things you’d like to achieve or tidy up..? Well, yeah, we agree with you there. There are so many worthwhile (or not…) things you’ve probably overlooked so far and we would absolutely detest it if this university churned out some horribly unrounded individuals. You need that wonderful balance of work/play/weird-stuff-youcannot-explain. Unless you’ve been a total badass at life consistently since birth, then this issue should help you out of your mid-year young person crisis. Having passed the halfway point of twenty twelve, I expect you’re all quite comfortable in your role as students, and have thus become complacent and dare we say…boring. It’s okay, it happens to the best of us. Here’s where we step in to shake it up a little. This week we have a challenge for you; The Young Person’s Guide to University Life. Whether this is your first year on campus, or your fifth, we have developed a wee bit of a scorecard for you to rank your university-life achievements against. How have you spent your academic career? Nose in the books, head in the toilet, or hands in inappropriate places? Anything and everything goes. We count it all. Student life is so much more than studying, good grades, and marketable skills right? You bet.

So take on this student-life scavenger hunt idea and find something you haven’t got around to trying, or something you hadn’t even considered an option. University is all about taking risks and finding out what you’re into and what just doesn’t sit right. You will never know unless you throw yourself into it. Most of it’s a bit of a laugh, but then again, good memories are important too. A degree is all well and fine, but a black hole in the memory banks when you think back to your time at Waikato isn’t very much fun. Do some stupid shit you can laugh about when you’re 80 and use to impress your super cool grandkids. If you find that your overall score doesn’t quite measure up to your expectations, or the number your skank of a bestie has rung up, then you still have four months to sort out your shit. Sign up to that language class, take a chance on the hottie with the body, and do something completely bizarre. Get as much life experience (loosest definition of the term here) crammed into the rest of 2012, and add to your existing stock of best and worst memories.

This should be the time of your lives! Experiment to your hearts content, we’ll still love you tomorrow.

And they say youth is wasted on the young.

Vox Pops Questions 1.What’s the one thing you as a student couldn’t do without?

2.If you had to chose a single food to live on throughout your whole degree what would it be?

3.What’s your favourite de-stress method when studying?

4.Do you think same sex couples should be allowed to marry?

5.If you could describe your student experience so far in one word what would it be?

Hannah Crossan, 21, Masters in Biology 1.Internet, for information, de-stress, and facebook procrastination 2.Sushi 3.Playing LoL or WoW 4.Sure, why the hell not 5.Rad Rick Kyle, 28, Psychology 1.Tea 2.Pies. I couldn’t live without them. I come up to university, and I need a pie!

3.Minecraft, I’m playing hardcore server on the NZ network, so much fun. I’m building the Great Wall of China.

4.Yes 5.Procrastination William Bolwell, 21, BA English Lit 1.Probably cartoons, they keep me sane 2.Stirfry 3.Pokemon on Gameboy 4.Absolutely 5.Excuses Julia Newland 1.Sushi 2.Sushi 3.Movies and town 4.Yes 5.Varied Peter Longmire, 18, BSC Tec Majoring in Chem 1.Student Loan 2.Sushi 3.Video games, mainly Dwarf Fortress 4.Yes 5.Awesome

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20 Young People’s Guide to Surviving University

Cover art by Hoss Aneece

15 Auteur House takes on

Tom Cruise.

Auteur House takes a look back on the hits and misses of Tom Cruise’ Career.

17 Top Ten Wins Gold

We give you the top ten olympic sports that you can do right here on campus.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.

Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton.

3 Editorial / 5 How Saph Sees It / 6 News / 10 Left Vs. Right / 11 Hot Fuzz / 12 Sports Thoughts / 13 Lettuce /14 Mr. Minty Fish / 15 Auteur House / 16 Off The Rack / 17 Top Ten / 18 Horoscopes, 8 Ball / 19 Puzzles / 24 Reviews / 30 Gig Review / 31 Half Baked / 32 Secret Lives of First Years, Diary of a Hipster / 33 Cereal, Verbiage / 34 CAB and YWRC / 35 Amber the Advocate / 37 Tangata Tumeke / 38 Deus Ex Machina / 39 Busted

Editors: Alix Higby and Sean Goulding / Managing Editor: James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) / Music Editor: HP / Feature Editor: Julia Gabel / Design: Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) / Illustration: Hoss Aneece (http://happiestpageever.tumblr.com/) / Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) / Design Intern: Gina Broom / Special thanks to www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Contributors: President Sapphire Gillard, Daniel Whitfield (Waikato Independent) Mr. Minty Fish, Constable Nick Sickelmore, Dr Richard Swainson, Kevin Pryor, Gill from CAB, Kylie from YWRC, HP, Julia Gabel, Alice and Anne, Nick Marryatt, C-Ball, Something Hip, Mel Matthews, Priscilla Ngatai, Daniel Farrell, Skippy, Pseudonym, Courtney Q, DC, Anil Nair, Jess Molina, Ayman Aneece, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

Nominations are in and campaigning will be underway this week.

I’m still amazed at how fast this year is going. How many things we’ve achieved and how many things are still left to be done. Over the last few weeks I talked about what we’ve been up to and why you should run for election.

Hopefully you all considered this and even if you’re not running, you know someone who is and will be supporting their campaign. Through your elected WSU board is your best way to have a say in what goes on around here. The University of Waikato wouldn’t be the same without us and we’d have no purpose without students. So make sure you take and interest and see what’s going on and how you can make a difference.

But talking about achievements and things still left to do, what’s your university bucket list looking like? Are you going to achieve what you set out to do when you first arrived? Have you completed your walk of shame? Have you submitted that assignment only seconds before it’s due? If you don’t have a list Nexus will help you out. As Nexus always does.

If you looked at my list I think you would be rather bored. On the very top is clean the president’s office. This item has been there since I moved in at the beginning of January. If you think your bedroom is terrible, you should come have a chat and see how much paper presidents are able to horde. It’s actually quite impressive. Especially when you think of the hours dedicated to reading and preparing all these reports and committee papers.

Create your lists. Get behind a campaign. And VOTE in two weeks time!

2012 Wallace Corporation University of Waikato Blues AWARDING EXCELLENCE IN SPORT, AND CREATIVE AND PERFORMING ARTS.

APPLY TODAY Proudly Sponsored by: Wallace Corporation Ltd Waikato Students’ Union Coca-Cola ESTA BLISHED IN 1971

Managed by: U Leisure

Online applications now open.

Go to www.waikato.ac.nz/events/blues/

NEXUS NEWS Food for mascots No, the university hasn’t started a campaign to feed the world’s mascots. Instead, they’ve announced a competition for a mascot, icon or symbol to represent sustainability at the University of Waikato. The person who creates the winning design will win a $150 Pak’nSave voucher.

Help future students - rate your degree A new website is offering students the opportunity to rate their university courses. KnowTheCourse has been set up by Brian Moran and is now looking for University of Waikato students and graduates to rate their degrees and courses.

The competition was announced last week at the same time the University announced the signing of the UN Commitment to Sustainable Practices of Higher Education Institutions, which “pledges the UoW to further incorporate sustainability into its teaching, research, operations and community outreach”.

Mr. Moran, who is from Ireland, said he has been looking at creating a website like this since January 2011. He eventually chose New Zealand to place the site, which is now live for students to add reviews of their degree.

The website aims to help potential students know the course they’re entering into so they can make an informed decision about which course and university to attend and hopefully reduce the number of students dropping out of university. Mr. Moran said, “We all know people who have been unhappy in their chosen course and I want this website to be seen as an additional resource for future students to ensure they are confident in their course selection.”

Entries for the competition are due on August 28th and can be submitted in JPEG format to Rachael Goddard, Sustainability & Environmental Coordinator (rgoddard@waikato.ac.nz). The winner will be announced on August 30th.

Want to do university work at a bar?

Economics lecturer at the Waikato Management School, Dr. Michael Cameron, is looking into the relationship between bar density, drink prices in bars and the level of crime and has an opportunity for a student in doing so.

A University of Waikato Summer Research Scholarship helping Dr. Cameron in his research is available, which will involve collecting data at bars around Hamilton and Manukau CBDs. Dr. Cameron said about the project, “It’s well established that lower drink prices leads to more drinking, which leads to more violence, and in the past I’ve been looking at off-licence premises like liquor stores.

With this project the student will help find out qualifying data for the two cities. Most of it will be able to be done over the phone, but in some cases they will have to go down to the restaurant or bar itself.”

Full details can be found at http://www.waikato.ac.nz/ research/scholarships/SRSStudentOnlineForm.shtml, where you can also apply for the role.

The website isn’t just about reviewing courses though.

“Ideally I’d love to see the website eventually become a hub for students (both at Tertiary level and lower) right across the country. For example KnowTheCourse has a forum which I’d like to think students will use to interact with people from other Universities.”

Student at the University of Waikato, Steph Cavell, said that it’s good to have somewhere high school students can find information about the degrees and universities, rather than the universities talking themselves up. Caitlin Ashworth said that she thinks the site has “potential to be a useful tool for future/current students and educationproviders.” Miss Ashworth did add that she wasn’t sure how honest students would be given it’s not the most anonymous forum.

KnowTheCourse can be found at www.knowthecourse.co.nz.

Student gets a top lesson Waikato student and Hillary scholar, Chase Douglas, has taken part in the first ever New Zealand Symphony Orchestra Foundation vocal masterclass.

One of five voice students chosen to take part, Mr. Douglas had advice given to him by New Zealand tenor Simon O’Neil and soprano Christine Goerke. The pair worked on shaping and polishing Mr. Douglas’ voice, giving him plenty of feedback and advice.

Mr. Douglas said, ““The masterclass reinforced my opinion of just how important technique and breathing really is when singing and I would encourage any singer trying to pursue opera as a career to attend as many masterclasses as possible.”

Mr. Douglas is a Bachelor of Music honours student, majoring in voice and is under the tutelage of Senior Music Fellow Dame Malvina Major at the University of Waikato.

Frank’s Sausages entered its chicken Moroccan sausage, Italian sausage, chicken chipolatas and their lamb brissola into the awards. The company was judged on the quality of the product submitted as well as the brand and the story behind the products.

“The judges gave us positive feedback on not only the quality, but also the look, story and feel of the brand which was good,” Mr Nagel said.

Mrs Cook confirmed that Frank’s Sausages will enter the awards again next year.

“Our business is growing rapidly and I think the award gives us that reassurance that what we are doing is in the right direction,” Mrs Cook said.

The judges of the awards were celebrity chefs Jonny Schwass, Julie Biuso and Nadia Lim (winner of 2011 Masterchef New Zealand). The company won silver medals in 2010 at the New Zealand Sausage Awards.

Te Aroha Sausages Sizzle Competition

By Daniel Whitfield, writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz A Te Aroha sausage making business has won a national award at the Taste Farmers Markets Awards. Frank’s Sausages in Te Aroha West won an award from Taste magazine for Tastiest Food Producer from the Butchery, beating around 25 businesses.

Managing directors Frank Nagel and Sheryn Cook said it was the first time Frank’s Sausages had entered the competition and were please with the result.

“We feel that the award is a real testament to the company showing that people really like the products.

“We entered a few products and they judged us on all of the products that we put out as a whole,” Mrs Cook said.

Photo by Daniel Whitfield

UN IVER S IT Y O F WAI K ATO N E WS , E VENTS AN D N OT I CES

Teaching Excellence Awards nominations

Do you know of a great lecturer or tutor who deserves some recognition?

Nominations for the Teaching, Research Postgraduate Supervision and eLearning Awards are now open. Find out more and nominate online at www.waikato. ac.nz/pod/nomination – it only takes a couple of minutes.

Nominations close Friday 7 September.

Umbrella tests emergency systems

Upcoming Careers Office workshops The Careers Office is offers various career skills workshops for students, and specialise in CV and cover letters, interviewing skills, career pathways and networking. They also offer one-on-one appointments with careers advisors.

Find out more at www.waikato.ac.nz/ sasd/careers or check out one of their upcoming workshops: Networking Skills – 1pm, Wednesday 8 August – SG.01 CV and Cover Letters - 10am, Tuesday 14 August - KG.09

Th3sis in 3 entries open

This is your last chance to nominate someone you know for the ViceChancellor’s Adult Learners Awards!

If you know someone whose efforts, achievements, contributions and attitude make them an exceptional adult learner, nominate them today at www.waikato. ac.nz/pathways/adultlearnersweek Nominations close Monday 13 August.

www.waikato.ac.nz

The Winter Lecture Series continues this week with Hamilton – a City for the Future. Tainui Group Holdings CEO Mike Pohio will discuss the organisation’s inland port plans and Hamilton Mayor Julie Hardaker will talk about the city’s 10-year plan.

6pm Wednesday 8 August at the Novotel Hotel, Alma St, Hamilton City.

Emergency procedures were put in place on 25 July, after police received a report of a man with a weapon on the Hamilton campus. While the ‘weapon’ turned out to be an umbrella, the situation was a good test of the University’s emergency preparedness, and will be used to hone future responses. Students’ cooperation and feedback was appreciated throughout the situation.

Adult Learners’ Awards nominations closing

Winter Lecture Series continues

The Series runs throughout August and features a wide range of discussions.

For more info see www.waikato.ac.nz/ events/lecture-series

Summer research scholarships Attention all PHD candidates!

Registrations are now open for Th3sis in 3. The competition is run as part of Postgraduate Month in October, and is an opportunity for you to compete for up to $8,000 in prizes, and help focus your research and develop presentation skills.

For more information visit www.waikato. ac.nz/sasd/postgraduate/th3sis

www.facebook.com/WaikatoUniversity

Applications for ten-week summer research scholarships are now open.

More than 60 topics are available, and the work, which students complete over their summer study break, is worth up to $5,000. Applications are open to undergraduate and first-year Masters students.

Go to www.waikato.ac.nz/research/ scholarships, and click on the Summer Research Programme Student Applications link to apply. Applications close 30 September.

www.twitter.com/waikato

involved.” The alarming words in that sentence are “may have been.” Although there is a silver lining, we finally know what sort of moron needs the instructions that come with toasters.

That Burning Sensation Isn’t Always an S.T.I Anytime it hurts to urinate re-read this story and thank your lucky stars. A 23 year old man from the Northern Territories was flown to Adelaide over the weekend after suffering severe burns to his back, buttocks, anus and genitalia. It appears the man, who we are just guessing is not a Rhodes scholar, thought he would impress his friends at a party by emulating the Thai ping pong ball trick. But kids these days are always looking to make things more extreme, so instead he took a Roman candle firework and lodged it between his buttocks.

Unfortunately it backfired both figuratively and literally.

The detective investigating the incident was quiet on the details, but has suggested “alcohol may have been

Suicide Bombers apparently a Natural thing.

Scientists have discovered a species of termite (Neocapritermes taracua) that puts its elderly to work in the coolest possible way. As workers age they become less useful around the hive, but begin growing a sac of blue crystals. These crystals are harmless on their own, but when combined with secretions stored in the termite’s salivary gland synthesise into a toxic compound which is then splattered across the enemy when the termite’s body ruptures. If we can employ scientists to isolate that gene there is a good chance that Nexus has solved both our military shortage and our superannuation problem. You’re Welcome New Zealand.

Cryptographer wanted: MUST SPEAK TRADIE The tradies working to rebuild Christchurch aren’t just humanitarians, they have also become neo-feminists.

During the rebuild the construction workers have outlawed wolf whistling in an effort to become more respectful. Instead contractors have developed a ‘secret code.’ “We might yell something like, ‘Wayne’s at the gate’,” or “Anyone got a spanner?” But women shouldn’t feel too agrieved “I know there are a few women who miss those days, but I can assure them, they still get checked out.” Feel reassured ladies?

Opinion

LEFT vs RIGHT

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arriage equality is the idea that people should be able to marry who they love, regardless of that persons sex or gender. A bill will is before parliament that will, if passed, define marriage as being between two people regardless of sex, sexual orientation or gender identity.

This is where my writers block kicks in, the idea is simply so good that I can not understand why anybody would be opposed to it. Which makes it very hard to argue for other than to say equality and fairness a lot. Surprisingly a lot of people that disagree with this idea though, even in parliament at the time of writing less than half of MP’s have publicly committed to at least discussing this bill. So I did some research to try and find out why some people think that only straight people should be able who they love.

Firstly I would never recommend going to any of these anti marriage equality websites, many of the punishments in Dante’s Inferno sound more pleasant than what I had to endure. For instance on the protectmarriage website they argued that gay people shouldn’t get married because married people live longer. Which I’m pretty sure is just another way of saying that they want homosexual people to die soon.

But once you get past the cruel insanity of these websites there core arguments come down to gay marriage somehow undermining straight marriage. I really hate to point this out to those people but the institution of marriage is already nothing like what they think it is. Domestic violence, adultery, the divorce rate and Hollywood have already discredited their medieval ideal of marriage, a few people committed to each other getting married can’t do any more damage at this point.

The ideal of marriage as being a tool to bind people into an economic union to enable them to support children is long dead, instead the ideal of marriage that we commonly hold now is that it is a way of people expressing their love and commitment to each other. Once you accept that marriage is about love then there is no reason to exclude homosexual couples from marriage.

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This week we talk marriage equality. Let us know who you think won at lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

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his week, we’re talking Gay Marriage.

Labour MP Louisa Wall has had her bill drawn and we’re heading to a vote on gay marriage. I’m not going to spend a lot of time discussing Gay Marriage itself, given my opinion is probably going to annoy both sides of the debate. Quite frankly, I couldn’t care less whether marriage continues to be defined as one man and one woman. However, this is an important issue that really needs to be discussed properly.

What annoys me about the debate going on right now is both sides are running with “and anyone who disagrees is evil”. Come on, guys, everyone has the right to their own opinion. If you believe that marriage is an idea based purely around the importance of life, then you’re not going to like the idea of two people of the same gender being able to get married. It’s a relatively logical conclusion to come to. At the same time, if you believe that marriage is an idea based purely around a show of love and affection, then you’re not going to like people of the same gender not being able to get married. Once again, logical conclusion.

If we’re going to have a reasonable, informed debate about this, we need to stop looking at this in the terms that are being discussed now, and instead we need to look at what marriage is. Is it a show of love between two people. Is it a show of love between two or more people? Is it based on the importance of life? Is it based on a religious notion?

Those are the important questions in this debate. What we shouldn’t look at is whether homosexuality is right or wrong. That’s something that was answered long ago when homosexuality was legalised. We shouldn’t look at if gay marriage is going to harm heterosexual marriage. To quote The Newsroom (great show - you should watch it), when the anchor is asking questions of a guy who’s supposedly on Rick Santorum’s staff about gay marriage - ”How does gay marriage threaten Mr Santorum’s marriage? Gay Marriage is now legal in five states as well as the District of Columbia.

Has Mr Santorum’s marriage been suffering as a result?

Has he complained.. that he and Mrs. Santorum seem to be fighting more?” I think this answers the question of the threat of gay marriage on other marriage.

Let’s stop this “he’s wrong because I’m right and that makes him the devil.” They have their opinion. They’re entitled to it. They have their reasons and, coupled with other beliefs, neither side is that outrageous.

Occurences in Hamilton East from 17th July - 31st July

Key: Assaults

Burglary

QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS ?

If you have any questions, please contact the University Community Constable Nick Sickelmore.

Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz 07 858 2792

Unlawfully Takes Motor Vehicle

Information provided by New Zealand Police force

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Opinion

Sports Thoughts NATHAN ASTLE DOESN’T USE HASH TAGS ON FACEBOOK

By C-Ball

F

orgive me if Sports Thoughts this week sounds a little like I’m just selling you a possible ‘Badass of the Week’, but it has come to my attention that a number of Nexus editions have passed since I drooled over the greatest sport known to mankind - cricket. In light of this, along with the fact that our national team currently looks about as safe as being Ewen MacDonald’s brother in law, I thought I’d take it back a few years to a time when we had a batsman with so many cuts, if he was a prepubescent girl you’d be hiring a full time psychologist just to try plug that gap at point. Nathan Astle - you’re my fucking boy.

For those of you that don’t know who Nathan Astle is, Cricinfo describes the retired opening batsman as a ‘free spirit’ with ‘breezy confidence’ - pretty much meaning Astle didn’t give a shit about anything and if you caught him on a bad day, he was going to plunder your ass harder than Ron Jeremy. Astle had respectable mid 30s averages in both Test and ODI formats, but statistics sometimes just don’t do a player justice. The man was belligerent to put it lightly, and was surely one of the manliest of men to ever have pulled on the Silver Fern, so manly in fact, that I’m positive he held the record for biggest badass on the face of the Earth despite both Chuck Norris and Sam Gordon being alive at the time.

If that isn’t enough to make you an instant Nathan Astle worshiping disciple, think about his massive 222 in a Test against England back in the 2001-2002 season, a score Richie Benaud would’ve wet himself to commentate about. In

the fourth innings, New Zealand found themselves needing 547 to win the match, a nigh impossible feat considering the highest successful fourth innings chase in the history of cricket sits at 418. However, if you thought such a daunting task would deter a man as great as Astle, you’d be wrong. Astle hulked out and smashed the fastest double century in Test match Cricket, ploughing 222 off only 156 balls, unfortunately

being the final wicket to fall in a defeat which saw New Zealand only 98 runs away from victory. But the result became irrelevant for fans around New Zealand, who had know been lucky enough to see Jesus himself walk the Earth.

His 222 was majestic, but how he went about it was just downright superlative. After reaching his hundred you wouldn’t have blamed Astle for deciding to maybe just kick the fuck back and let the good times roll. Instead, he went on a war path so obnoxiously violent, I can only assume the U.S.A took note of it and adopted his approach for their dealings with any country with valuable oil reserves. In the next 20 balls Astle faced, he slayed 47 runs which included 9 boundaries and one massive 6 onto the AMI Stadium roof, only allowing 3 dot balls to be bowled as he reached 152 off only 136 deliveries. Nathan, surely you’re

going to relax now? Wrong again, because Astle used the NEXT 20 balls to blaze another 50 runs, taking him to the big double century I’ve only dreamed about a million times while asleep. It was almost poetic that Astle was the final batsman to go, caught behind off the shittiest delivery bowled during the entire match, leaving his 10th wicket 118 run partnership with Cairns in tatters. I guess that’s just how New Zealanders roll.

In addition to his big 222, Astle currently has a gold medal being held by the Olympic committee for the day in which being ‘a totally sick mad kant’ becomes an event at the games.

Some historians have even noted that the Queen once wanted to knight Nathan Astle for his services to mankind and the cricket population of New Zealand in general. However, Astle refused, because the Queen wouldn’t use his Kookaburra Sword during the ceremony over the traditional one. All I know is that New Zealand cricket will never be what it once was, and that Astle took the common facial mole and made it a trendy feature, something which could mark the difference between awesomeness and mediocrity. Just think - Ricky Ponting had a mole. I have a suspicion that he grew one knowing it might make him nearly but not quite as amazing as Astle. Yet at the same time, none of the current Black Caps have moles. If I was in my laboratory right now, I’d be deducing that without any players with moles, our team is powerless and we are fucked. But that’s beside the point, because living in the past is where it’s at, and Nathan Astle was and still is the badass of our generation. And no Arjun, you are not his protege. Nor is Sam Harris.

Nexus encourages debate and discussion on almost any topic and welcomes your letters.

Relevant, intelligent and well-worded letters are preferable, and we also enjoy good humour.

Right of reply will generally be accepted provided we have space.

Letters should be kept to a maximum of 250 words. You may hide behind a nom-de-plume but you must tell us your real name (which will not be published unless requested).

Letter of the week is picked on the basis of our feelings, not the persuasion of its content for which we don’t have opinions on.

Disclaimer: letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone.

Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency.

Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

Dear Nexus, What is it with all these Chinese religious dudes trying to convert me to Christianity? Do you see me going over to China to talk about the benefits of communism?

Sincerely, John Hookeriah

Dear Nexus, Recently I had an interesting discussion with a friend about the resurgence in popularity of Sherlock Holmes.

You’ve probably noticed the movies starring Robert Downey Jr. and the BBC modern adaptation starring Benedict Cumberbatch. Our conversation somehow led to speculating about the sexuality of Sherlock Holmes. The sexuality of Holmes has been debated by Sherlockians for decades. It comes down to whether Holmes is practicing celibacy or just not interested- i.e. an asexual.

Not many people know about asexuality. Alfred Kinsey’s famous ‘Kinsey Scale’ puts people on a continuum of sexuality but it totally disregards the existence of asexualspeople who are not sexually attracted to anyone, men or women. However this doesn’t mean asexuals can’t be romantically attracted to people. An asexual may be totally disinterested in sex but still want to develop a meaningful romantic relationship with someone.

In our sex-crazed society, sometimes we forget that sex and romance are not the same things. You can have sex without being in love. You can love without having sex.

Asexuals are born like straight or gay people. Imagine if someone asked you how you know you are straight/gay if you haven’t tried having sex with a girl/guy. Yeah, you’d know.

So the bottom line is simply this- keep an open mind. Just because someone is different to you doesn’t mean they are wrong or that they don’t even exist! For more information check out www.asexuality.org Have a great day!

-Asexy

David Bennett MP FO R H AM I L TON E AS T E LE C TOR AT E O FF ICE

510 Grey Street, Hamilton | Phone 07 834 3407 o.nz Email davidbennettmp@parliament.govt.nz | www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz

Opinion

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here comes a point when you enjoy Friday nights in town more than Thursdays and you think, “I’m an elderly person.”

There comes a point when your lecturer says the word penis and you think, “I’m actually 12.”

There comes a point when you’re sick as fuck and you think, “Oh hey Waikato, I’m going to talk 18% more shit than usual so here’s a disclaimer and if you’re on any heavy medication, I suggest that you avoid the following 600+ words like the plague I am currently suffering from but if you don’t then, thug life.

YOLO n’shit.”

Hey young people. I hear you’re on campus. I’ve written a few odes to you.

1) An ode to that kid in your class that you check out on the sly but can’t figure out if you find him attractive OR if the calibre of men in your paper is the orphan child standing on the side of an African road that even Kony doesn’t want to steal because its wearing sneans.

There’s a guy that sits in your class.

You think that he has a nice ass.

But is he only bangin’ Because everyone else is mingin’ Or does he genuinely have a nice ass.

2) An ode to the lecturer whom continues to stress the importance of readings, journal entries, research and non Google-fied assignments but gives you an A for every Google-fied collection of words you submit.

I’m not sure why you even keep trying, You must know that your efforts will fail.

Google is online and the internet has Facebook, Zuckerburg will always prevail.

3) An ode to the people that wait in the line at Bongos all the way through until the bit where all of the tongs n’shit are then decide they need their lunch this instant or they’ll die so they storm off to wait in another line for curly fries at Momento.

You just waited in line for half an hour.

You chose the strangest time to act sour.

So now you’re in a new line, Wasting your lunch time, And as a side note, if you’re cold enough to wear your Macpac, a scarf, beanie and gloves, Then why are you wearing short shorts and jandals? I’m not saying you’re wrong but “Oh that girl’s outfit makes sense,” said no one, ever.

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4) An ode to that one guy/girl in your paper that is banging most of your mates and has no idea that you know so they are overly nice to you and you’re all, “Knock, knock. Who’s there. Gonorrhoea.”

Years back, you would have been called the town bike, But I think that is slightly unfair.

A bike doesn’t need you to be drunk to ride it, And it also doesn’t have excessive pubic hair.

My throat is currently more swollen than a management student’s workload and my head is throbbing worse than the boner Calculus equations get for being full of shit SO I shall leave you with this photo of the Beebs that I photo shopped to be a girl. Look on it, evaluate it, and it sink into your soul.

Love you, but I’m not going to stalk you because society has boundaries. #HINT mmf.x

I

t’s been my misfortune to be born in the age of Tom Cruise. He of the killer smile and funny religion rose to prominence at exactly the time I was starting to take film seriously.

Like it or not he is the movie star of my generation. In terms of box office longevity Cruise is the equivalent of John Wayne or Clint Eastwood.

The three films that put Cruise on the map were All the Right Moves, Risky Business and Top Gun. I saw all of them on first release. They are, respectively, a coming-of-age melodrama, a teenage sex fantasy and a military recruitment film. My gung-ho mates loved the last one so much they saw it seven times in as many days. They have never quite gotten their heads around the theory that it’s an exercise in homoeroticism.

Val Kilmer sure does want to be the Cruiser’s wingman.

What follows is a list of the best and worst of Tom’s output over the last 31 years, a wee 50th birthday present to go with the divorce papers and rent boy bills.

First up, Cruise’s least work, ranked in descending order of merit. Auteur House stocks but one: 1. Days of Thunder (1990) It’s not a good sign that in the only film Tom takes co-screenplay credit his character’s name is “Cole Trickle”. By the end of the shoot he was trickling all over Nicole Kidman, who is ludicrously cast as the world’s youngest ginga doctor. Likely to turn all but the brain dead off car racing for life.

2. Far and Away (1992) Far and away the worst western of the last 20 years. The curse of Tom and Nicole struck again in Ronny Howard’s woeful reimagining of a John Ford epic. Cruise’s inept Irish accent is likely ignite sectarian violence where ever this one is played.

3. Cocktail (1988) The actor’s first out-and-out star vehicle, a would be romance that’s tonally all over the place. Acceptable as mindless entertainment when Tom’s smiling and juggling the bottles, it takes an ill advised left turn into melodrama half way through and never recovers.

4. Rock of Ages (2012) To be fair, Cruise’s strung out, overthe-hill rock star is the best thing in this wretched Broadway adaptation.

Ugly choreography and weak singing are matched by bland casting, shallow characterisation and the largest collection of musical cliches since last year’s Burlesque.

5. The Last Samurai (2003) Why is the title character a white American? Why was this film shot in New Zealand and not Japan? What was Billy Connolly doing in it? How does Cruise survive a Gatling gun volley at the end? ...but on the other hand, Tom has had his moments. Auteur House has all five: 1. Eyes Wide Shut (1999) Mr & Mrs Cruise found a cinematic saviour in Stanley Kubrick. For

his swansong Kubrick put the pair through the acting hoops for 18 months and came up with gold.

Nuanced, tense and funny, it’s equal parts erotic thriller, romantic drama and black comedy, an insightful study of communication and self deception made by a master.

2. Magnolia (1999) Cruise’s finest acting hour. In a stellar ensemble his misogynistic self-help guru is easily the stand-out if only because it seems to spookily match what we assume is Tom’s real life personality.

3. Jerry Maguire (1996) A dramatically satisfying vehicle in which character takes priority over image. There’s surprising chemistry between Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding and Cruise’s morally challenged sports agent. Much quoted and parodied but only because it actually works.

4. Collatoral (2004) Playing a villain for the first time Cruise had the good fortune to take direction from the action genre’s prime stylist, Michael Mann. Perhaps his psychotic assassin’s ability to endure punishment rivals The Terminator but the performance itself is a lot more shaded than Arnie could ever manage.

5. The Color of Money (1987) Cruise’s one opportunity to work with Martin Scorsese came early in his career and he’s effectively second fiddle to Paul Newman, who won an overdue Oscar. Still, Tom relishes acting with a legend, delivering a sharp, focused performance as an arrogant pool shark on the rise.

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This week’s topic is those long strings of dead cells that grow out of your head, yet look surprisingly pretty when plaited. Yes, ladies, gents and all other mammals that possess fur, today we are talking about hair.

We all know that the Hamilton weather isn’t always conducive to an elaborately coiffured updo, so today we endeavour to help you gorgeous people figure out the right ‘do for you!

So winter. It can be unkind to our follicles.

Whether you have long, short or that awkward neither-long-nor-short hair, you’re bound to have a day where you leave your flat/halls thinking ‘my how I wish I had a good hat to tame this hair-splosion today.’ Well, we hope to give you a few things to do with your hair that will sort it out on ‘those’ days.

Short hair!

Anne has short hair, and always ends up looking amazing (Alice is writing this bit, just in case you all thought Anne was conceited – mind you, there’s nothing wrong with recognising your own amazingness). She attains said amazingness by frequently utilising hair knickknacks that add a bit of pizzazz! If you have short hair, think hair-clips, headbands and the like to spruce up your ‘do on a day when you’d rather shave it all off.

Clips and bobby pins work wonders to hide those weird kinks that happen sneakily while you sleep, and also keep those annoying bits of hair from falling into your face and distracting you in a boring lecture.

Awkward neither-long-norshort hair!

This category is for people with hair from jaw-length to just below shoulder-length. Headbands, whether material or hard plastic, or anything in between, look cute with this hairstyle, and help keep the flyaways at bay. Often you’ll have enough hair at this length to do a little French plait, which is on-trend and helps to keep your hair stuck to your head and less likely to escape.

It looks cute in straight and curly hair alike. If you find that your hair is difficult to stay in position, give it a spritz of hairspray, and try not to fiddle with it during the day.

Long Hair Long hair looks especially lovely in summer, where it can flap about freely in a warm breeze. In winter, the breezes are somewhat less warm and can often be more fierce, leaving you with a bird’s nest where you previously had silken locks. If you’re sick of tying it up in a lazy ponytail or bun (as Alice frequently does) try wearing a turban or headband to keep the roots sitting nicely, while letting the ends either hang out or tuck into a scarf/collar. If you want a variation on the high bun that keeps your hair out of your face and can survive wind and rain, you can try.

Whether your hair resembles Cousin It or Bruce Willis, we’re sure you can figure out how to tame it.

Stay beautiful, Alice & Anne.

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Entertainment People say to me “Man eight ball you must have had some fun at university, what sort of crazy shit did you get up to?” I always tell them the same thing: “that is not in the form of a yes or no question. Concentrate hard and ask again.” The truth is that before I was a galactic overlord I was a nerdy first year like everyone else. I remember this one time I went to the Law Ball and was prom king.

Turns out it was just an elaborate prank and they covered me in pigs blood. It was a good laugh for the guy who did it, until I beat him to death with my sword shaped umbrella; those things are dangerous. Enough hovering down memory lane, let’s get to the questions. This weeks questions supplied by law students a few days before Saturday’s law ball: Will I close the deal at the Law Ball? It is certain.

You are charming, charismatic and well dressed. The Law Ball is the peak of your sexual appeal and your long term partner will certainly appreciate the effort. Remember today’s charming law student is tomorrows Law graduate, and with that comes all the extra stress of learning to work the register at Countdown.

Will the feud between Law and Management Students ever end? Outlook not so good.

Law and Management students are like vampires and werewolves. They are destined to be locked in conflict and... who am I kidding twilight sucked. Any vampire movie where they are not being killed by wise cracking high school cheerleaders, tax-evading B movie actors or Abraham Lincoln shouldn’t exist. If I wanted to see a bunch of emos talk about their feelings I would go see Muse. Law students and Management students will probably hate each other for ever because they want to.

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Hey, am I going to be a successful lawyer and make lots of money? Yes All the money, all the success , all the power, and yet you will still be the guy your classmates ignore at parties, your firm avoid in social situations and your life will never quite be fulfilled. But hey look on the bright side, I read in Nexus a while back that robot prostitutes are on their way and while android phones “might” suck, android girlfriends are programmed to. Who needs friends when you drive a Ferrari, live in a beach house and have a girlfriend who wants to be turned off at the end of the night?

Aries: This week you will ponder the only question of any real merit to anyone “Where can you get a consistently good cup of coffee on campus.” If you find the answer please let the stars know in lettuce.

Taurus: Dr Suess liked green eggs and ham but he’s dead now. Do your flatmates a favour and get rid of them.

Gemini: People will start looking at you differently this week but they don’t know about last Thursday night and you should keep your fucking mouth shut. Only cowards get broken.

Cancer: Sure, letting someone know something in a horoscope is cowardly but the fact you keep calling me a coward is the reason I have been sleeping with your sister behind your back for months.

Leo: This week you can construct your own horoscope but you have to use all of the following words: Love, Destiny, Congenital, Chlamydia, key-party and John Banks.

Virgo: If Puff is now P.Diddy and Snoop Dogg is now Snoop Lion when will Katy Perry become someone who isn’t a worthless parasite hell bent on destroying the world?

Libra: Remember any time you feel a great sense of accomplishment this week that somewhere in London there is a someone younger than you with a gold medal. What have you really accomplished?

Scorpio: It’s your baby!

Sagittarius: Fate is a cruel, cruel, mistress but mistresses are often really exciting too.

Capricorn: Confession may be great for the soul but if you turn the music up loud enough you never have to listen to your conscience.

Aquarius: You have been here a while now is University really your thing?

Pisces: Feeling tired and over exams you will take solace in the fact that when this was delivered there were only 26,820 minutes till the teaching recess.

Face of the week - make me into Bear Grylls

Puzzles Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some sweet free stuff!

SUDOKU

STUDENT SURVIVAL Word Find GOODLUCK CAMPUS FOOD LIFE LOVE

SURVIVAL PARTY SHELTER PIES LAUGHTER

STUDENT NOODLES FLATTING CONDOM HANGOVERCURE

COLOUR ME IN

CAPTION THIS

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Feature

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Reviews

REVIEWS Album of the week - LBSB: The Fruit of my Labour by Loui the Zu. Free legal download of the week – Sweet Life by Frank Ocean (care of soundcloud.com). Sun-drenched pop/R n B off the hit album Channel Orange. Video clip of the week – Art of Almost by Wilco. One of my favourite bands tear it out on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. It’s on Fallon’s website of the same name if you’re keen.

One of the biggest criticisms of pop/contemporary music is that it all sounds the same, especially to an outsider. Hip Hop in particular suffers from this due to its style, the kinds of hip hop popularised by radio play and some of the bravado that permeates much of the lyrical content. Thankfully, there are those operating under the banner of hip hop music who are pushing at its edges, melding it, blurring lines and ultimately making something a little different. One of those at the fore is young New Zealand MC, Loui the Zu displaying his outside

the box hip hop on EP, The Fruits of my Labour. Opening number, Live Yxung and Die Running is fast but swampy, like an Olympic runner in England’s floods. It’s full of Loui’s one liners and electro beats, but it doesn’t give a great impression as to what’s to come. Stranger on the other hand, is exactly what the EP is about.

Slow surly beats, sparse lyrics with only hints of melody. A downbeat and bass filled bean bag filler. Loui’s deep African voice is tinged with that New Zealand accent and bounces around the electronics splendidly.

Third song, Smokers Lung, is back to the pace of the opening number and it kind of jolts the listener out of a trance. It’s poorly placed when listening from start to finish, but isn’t inherently a bad song. By the time you get to Listen to Your Heart you’d be forgiven for thinking this is a two trick pony, accenting the upbeat party vibe with slower numbers.

But in so many ways, this, now the fifth track (including an interlude), is where the EP starts. Loui is back to the bubbling beats, messy soundscapes and drawling vocal flow. It’s really from here that you can immerse yourself in the sticky patterns of sound. Broken Mercedes Benz is one of my favourite tracks where Loui finds a bit more melody and his vocals take on a slow Mac Miller or Method Man flow. The Roots could be on the backing track of the EP’s most sweet number, Missing You, but throughout the influences, Loui is one MC who really focuses on his own point of view.

The EP rounds out with some sludgy atmospheric numbers that Loui has such a solid grip on. The EP says so much about who this MC is going to

be. I am irked a little by some of the production and Loui’s use of the Nword which seems so unnecessary, especially with that kiwi accent, but I can so easily forgive him because at 17, he’s created an EP well beyond his years. And as per usual I’m hoping to give you something new without the cost, so this one too is available for free download from his website.

Reviewed by HP

How to Think More About Sex

By Alain De Botton Surely the topic of this book is something that Nexus readers need no help with. If anything wouldn’t a ‘How to think less about Sex’ reader be more useful? But seriously, De Botton is everyone’s favourite

Four years onwards and the ‘School of Life’ has started releasing books to popularise its teachings. I recently read another in the series, How to Thrive in the Digital Age, which was okay, but tended to state the obvious.

Where De Botton differs from his colleagues is his gift of making particularly perceptive observations.

But even so, in this sex-saturated zeitgeist, do we need to think ‘more’ about it? De Botton’s contention is that we do; and his emphasis in the title would be on the ‘think’ rather than ‘more.’ Whereas our primitive ancestors greatest temptation was the occasional sight of a hairy female lumbering across the African Savannah, in contemporary times we have 24/7 access to sexual imagery that would shock the Marquis de Sade. So De Botton suggests we should spend time thinking about this. That’s the whole point of his School of Life – that we should think more about what we do. In this instance, the seductive power of sex can be so overwhelming that it can completely fuck up your life. That’s why religions have always tried so hard to repress it. Other ideas he promotes is that we should try and encourage new forms of pornography – ones that engage the intellect as well as the crotch. So the next time you’re lying in bed rubbing one out, have a copy of De Botton’s book handy so you can put your orgasm in perspective.

Reviewed by Kevin Pryor

hitting facts, straight forward nature and amusing wit Dawkins provides an enthralling and forcible argument against the ignorance of the antievolution movements which seem to be infiltrating schools worldwide.

The Greatest Show on Earth

by Richard Dawkins “The Earth, its flora, its fauna, and the first two Homo sapiens spontaneously came into being 6000 years ago.”

One would think that 153 years after Charles Darwin published On the Origin of Species (as well as the 153 years of other evolution related scientific research) that people would have stopped opposing evolution so vehemently. But alas this is not the case. I however think that Dawkins puts forward a case so strong and persuasive that it would make more than a few creationists and supporters of intelligent design think twice if they took the time to read it.

So come on creationists, read it. I dare you.

Reviewed by Courtney Q

Anyone else see the foundation for a Tui ad?

The Greatest Show on Earth is an informative, enlightening and astounding collection of evidence for evolution as scientific fact. Dawkins brings to life the undeniable facts supporting evolution; the greatest and most fantastic show on this Earth.

Alan Wake

I do love authors who can write well, and Dawkins writes passionately, elaborately and tenaciously. Yet at the same time someone who has never heard of evolution before nor had a single science lesson could pick up this book and understand it. Only to then be uplifted and swept along on this fantastic journey of knowledge.

For someone like me who has never been a doubter of evolution (ever since I left my Catholic school and moved into public schooling of course) this book solidified in my mind the reality and undeniable beauty of evolution. With his hard-

Alan Wake describes itself as a “psychological action thriller”. It is really a third-person shooter with horror elements and a good story. It is developed by Remedy, the same Finnish studio that brought you Max Payne and Max Payne 2.

The story goes that famous writer

Reviews

pop-philosopher, so any new release by him is worthy of attention.

Particularly so with his latest series.

De Botton founded a so-called ‘School of Life’ in London in 2008.

The idea was to create a new kind of educational institute that would teach people to live wisely, drawing lessons from history and culture, and free from dogma.

Reviews

Alan Wake goes on vacation to Bright Falls, after a couple of award winning novels. His wife Alice surprises him with a typewriter at their cabin and presses him to write another book.

Then some weird shit happens where his wife disappears and the cabin is engulfed in darkness. The story elements shine in this game, as you would expect from the Max Payne developers. Also if you are a Max Payne fan like me, keep an eye out for a few Max Payne related easter eggs in the game.

The “psychological” part of the game is that the game itself blurs the line between fantasy and reality, forcing the player to question Wakes sanity throughout the game. The main enemy is the darkness, and light is your ally. You must defeat enemies by first removing their darkness “shield” with a flashlight and then shoot them with a gun. Rinse and repeat multiple times. There are multiple collectables in the game, including manuscript pages. But be warned, do not read the pages unless you want future game plot points spoiled. The gameplay is solid, but it wears thin after a while. It can get quite difficult at some points, with multiple enemies attacking at once and with just a flashlight a gun, it becomes hard to manage.

As for the horror aspect, there are some jump scares and the game references Stephen King novels a few times but that is a far as it gets. It is an old game so you should be able to get it for fairly cheap. It has just been released on PC however and I recommend that version for the 60 FPS and enhanced graphics. The PC version also comes with all the DLC, while you will have to pay extra if you are playing on console. Alan Wake is a good game, but the combat can get a bit bland at times.

Reviewed by Craig Barrett

Slice of Italy Pizzeria review, located Heaphy Terrace, Fairview.

With rain trickling through our coats, down the backs of our necks, we scramble through the doorway of Slice Pizzeria and are warmly greeted by the cashier in Italian.

The windows are steamy, dripping with condensation; very romantic and cozy. The blackboard displays a selection of topping options for $11.50. The cashier’s bubbly personality, the red and blue checkered table-cloths and the shrill Italian comments between the staff and the customers provide us with a glimpse of what dinning in real Italy would be like. The cashier shows us how to eat pizza “the Italian way” while we wait for our order. There are a large number of us, about 9, and the pizzas come out three at a time. The price, for the medium-base

12-inch pizza, is very reasonable.

I go for the “Neopoli” (mozzarella, anchovies, capers, tomatoes). The pizza was delicious. Very salty and cheesy, as I like it, which contrasts sharply with the choice next to me.

The “chicken and berries” pizza was interesting. With camembert, blueberries, chicken and loads more cheese the pizza was also delicious.

Camembert teamed perfectly with the chicken, and the blueberries were sweet and surprisingly good.

There is a wide range of choices aiming to please everybody. With pepperoni loaded pizzas for the meat lovers, margarita pizzas for those after less meat and more cheese and, of course, your traditional favorites.

There is a glass cabinet with a few cakes and things, which I imagine would have been full earlier in the day. The pizzeria closes at 7.00p.m.

The bathroom, we discovered, was out the back somewhere. If you needed to go, bearing the unfortunate downpour was apart of this Italian experience. There is a fridge of drinks and coffee and tea is on offer. The snugly, little spot is a hidden gem in the middle of Fairview. The price and substantial size of the pizza make the place perfect for students. The delicious pizza, the snugly and warm cafe and the very charming Italian cashier beats Hells Pizza any day, whatever the weather.

Reviewed by Julia Gabel

Based on a book of the same title (written by Seth Grahame-Smith of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies), Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter plays as a straight, historic adaptation of Abe Lincoln’s life aside from the sizable elephant in the room - he secretly hunts vampires.

The plot is tied-in quite neatly with landmarks in American history such as the American civil war and the Em-AXE-epation Proclamation with surprising accuracy. Brushing up on your American history might put things into perspective and give major plot points context, however this is not necessary and the film is good regardless.

To get things over with, here is the bad: The CGI is a bit dodgy in some places, the plot feels rushed at times

(this is no surprise since it covers over about 60 years of history in less than two hours), the initial romance between Abe and Marry feels a bit forced, the hand to hand combat suffers from a bit of slowmo over use (see WANTED – directed by the same dude actually – so at least the man is consistent) and finally the 3D is utterly pointless – but in my opinion all 3D is pointless. Finally my last gripe is a petty one but important all the same: Honest Abe’s beard only happened half way into the movie, which may upset a few pogonophiles in the audience – I’m not saying 9 year old Abe should’ve had a beard – wait that is exactly what I’m saying.

If you’re into fantasy and vampires (the real ones – thank fuck for vampires that don’t sparkle) then you’re in for a good time. If you’re not, it’s still a fun, satisfying movie with juicy action scenes. Watching the 16th president single handily take on rabid vampires with an axe is both a brilliant notion on paper

and even better on screen – the first decapitation was particularly trouser tightening and the finishing moves are instant classics.

Fundamentally what makes this movie excellent is that is completely played straight, it takes itself completely seriously, the only joke is that the joke doesn’t realise that it is a joke and the whole film is shot like a serious adaptation of real events.

Overall it is superbly executed, atmospheric, fun and engaging but ultimately all of this is irrelevant because: ABRAHAM FUCKING LINCOLN KILLS VAMPIRES – WITH A FUCKING AXE and if that doesn’t sound like a good night to you, then you’re as mad as a hyena on its way to an astral projection seminar being run by the Briscoes lady. I will be going to see this movie again.

Reviewed by Ayman Aneece

Reviews

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter - an accurate, historic depiction of Abraham Lincoln’s life and arguably the greatest documentary since Troll Hunter.

The University of Waikato – celebrating excellence NOMINATIONS OPEN FOR TEACHING, RESEARCH POSTGRADUATE SUPERVISION AND eLEARNING EXCELLENCE AWARDS The University of Waikato supports and encourages teaching excellence across all areas.

If you know of an outstanding teacher, nominate them today for the Teaching Excellence Awards.

There are three categories for nominations: » Teaching » Research Postgraduate Supervision » eLearning Those teachers who receive at least five separate nominations for Teaching, two for Research Postgraduate Supervision or three for eLearning will be considered for the awards. You may nominate as many teachers as you wish, but can only nominate each teacher once.

Nominate online today – visit www.waikato.ac.nz/pod/nomination. It’s easy and only takes a couple of minutes.

Nominations close on Friday 7 September 2012.

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe

www.waikato.ac.nz/pod/nomination

THE GIG REV IEW

AUSA presents Kimbra, The Black Seeds, Mt Eden, Ruby Frost, and Vandalism.

The first thing I noticed was a guy all decked out in a Pikachu outfit. Yes, as in the Pokemon character. He has been in line since a few hours prior to the show and when asked why he was dressed like that, he simply said, “I love Kimbra”. And so the night had begun.

Students, fans, and music lovers alike dressed in their most stylish outfits filled Vector Arena as soon as the doors opened. The atmosphere was buzzing, and the anticipation of what’s to come was palpable.

The show was kick-started by a duo called On The Spot. Composed of Reti Hedley from Knights of the Dub Table and Andrew Hall of dDub, they set the mood for the night with their energetic set. Next up was Ruby Frost, who was a natural on stage.

She even had some funny comments in between songs. The

rising star clearly had a strong following, evident in the amount of people singing along as she performed her hits “Water to Ice” and “Moonlight”.

Dj Diaz delivered a diverse set that got the crowd going in between acts.

Judging from the crowds reaction, Diaz is here to stay.

The Black Seeds worked the stage as they played old favourites like “So True” and “Cool Me Down”. The eight-piece band also performed some new songs off their new album “Dust and Dirt”. With the band all lined up on stage, the crowd dancing and throwing their hands in the air, it was a sight to behold.

Kimbra, proof that good things do come out of Hamilton, owned the night with her set. As soon as she came out to perform “Limbo”, the

crowd was already going crazy. It was mesmerizing to watch her on stage.

From her colorful outfit that moved with her, to her vocal prowess and stage presence, Kimbra has made a mark for herself in the industry.

Australian electro duo Vandalism also wowed everyone and I’m sure have gained a strong New Zealand fan base after that.

Mt Eden was up last and provided the perfect conclusion to the show.

The crowd was giving it their all and some have even pushed their way to the front. Calling Ruby Frost back on stage to perform “Oh that I had” towards the end was a nice touch. The strong line-up and intimate setting definitely made the night one for the books.

By Jess Molina of With The Cool Kids Photography by Robbie Gilmore.

Super-Cheap Chicken Risotto Ingredients 2-3 chicken thighs or 4ish drumsticks (skin-on) 1 cup aborio rice 1-2 tablespoons of Oil x2 Onion/ Garlic/ Whatever Butter/Margarine Salt + Pepper Serves 2-3

Method Put the oil in a pot over a medium heat. Season the chicken with a bit of salt and pepper, and once the pot is heated place them in skin down, just until they get a bit of colour on them and then flip them over and add enough hot water to cover them (around 1 litre). Cover them and simmer at a low heat for 20-30 minutes (15-20 for drumsticks). Guess what? You just made your own chicken stock, good work buddy! At this point the chicken should be cooked, pull the chicken out and once cooled pull all the usable chicken meat from the bones and discard the rest. You’ll need a little over a litre of chicken stock for the risotto, if it’s a little low just top it up with a little boiling water.

In a pan, add the second round of oil, and once heated add the onion or garlic and the risotto and cook for a couple of minutes while stirring all the time. Once the risotto has browned up a little bit, turn the heat right down and add about half a cup of the chicken stock, stir often and continue to add small amounts of stock, waiting for each bit to be absorbed before adding more. This process should take at least 20 minutes.

Now you should have sticky, fat little morsels of risotto, add some salt and pepper and a tablespoon of butter or margarine and stir through before adding your shredded chicken from earlier. Now you have delicious homemade Chicken Risotto! Better than the stuff from the box!

It may seem fairly time consuming, but it is delicious so totally worth it. The six-pack of chicken thighs in my freezer cost $4.26, and aborio rice costs around $2-3, which will last for 2-3 of these. So this feeds two people for about $3.50-$4!

That’s pretty good in my book. Bitchin.

Opinion

T

he hipster has been cut down to size, it’s half a page from now on people so I’ve got half the word count to rant about whatever I’m on about. I think this could actually kind of be a blessing in disguise, and is going to force me to make my yarns punchy and to the point. Anywho, I think it’s finally time I tackled the topic I have been considering for many weeks now but have this week thought, f*ck it….Drugs.

I will start out by saying that I have tried and been addicted to several different drugs but am proud to say that the only ones I touch these days are alcohol and, well really I’m not proud of it, but cigarettes. One thing I’ve always struggled to understand is the way our society classifies different drugs. What makes weed more dangerous to alcohol, what makes alcohol less dangerous than cocaine? Most of our drug laws were written in the 70s, whenever the government decides they don’t like something they just add a clause. I’m not preaching the legalization of any type of drug, don’t me wrong, but I do question how and why we have not taken notice of the extensive amount of research made on which drugs are actually more harmful than others to humans and to our society. If tomorrow it was decided that each drug would be classified compared to how much damage and cost it put on our communities, I would be willing to bet that alcohol would come out on top. Yet we have the ability to go and buy this drug at the cost of near one dollar per standard drink, in bulk. Does this not seem wrong to you?

I’m not saying ban alcohol, I’m not saying raise the drinking age, I’m not saying we should have less liquor stores, I don’t know what the answers are, I’m just a simple hipster. But what I can tell you from personal experience with my job being in town in the weekends, the amount of out of control legless idiots with no sense for right or wrong, even up from down, is ridiculous, and nine times out of ten, it’s these fools that cause the trouble.

Something Hip

Life after death.

For the majority of athletes at this year’s olympics, recovery, as a result of failure, will be served cold, accompanied with nothing more than the strength of one’s own will to stand up again. Rejection of any form is one thing, but peeling our face off the door is a whole new low. Soothing a battered ego has to be harder than attempting that leap of faith in the first place.

The best place to start, in any discussion on recovery, has to be with the most common and therefore most frequent need of recuperation; the hangover. Drink after drink after vomit after drink it takes a long time to fully understand that, when fighting against a hangover, you will surely lose. For myself, one of my biggest modern-day first-world crises is the fear of being hungover. I hate it. I hate being hungover so much I go to desperate measures to avoid it. Recovery after a night out is a long, nauseating road, best travelled with patience and powerade.

Broken hearts are scattered everywhere, miserable and unsightly, like jeggings worn with crop tops.

These homeless hearts leave their owners more depressed than Sid the sloth left behind in migration.

This kind of recovery is the most talked about, the most cried about, the most filmed and, arguably, the most embarrassing and gut-wrenching fall from grace. But, thank God, all the recent dumpees have been issued an intervention in the form of a novel.

For a friend of mine, Fifty shades of Grey was a divine intervention. The story of a common girl exploring forbidden territories with an insanely hot male is unrealistic, yet, seductive and very addictive. Read your heart out.

The hardest, without a doubt, would be recovery after loss. Hitting that rock bottom face first is pure hell, and that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I really have no amount of drugs, no book, no inspirational quote or life-changing advice I can give you. All I can say is take time out for yourself and block out everything else, so you can clear your mind and begin to recover. Whatever you are recovering from, do not give up before you return to your original state of mind. Put yourself first, that is the best thing you can do.

By Julia Gabel

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Being the next one in line, I walked up to the counter.

“How can I help?”, said she, whilst turning a grilled piece of chicken on the hotplate.

“Hmm, nice bit of breast there”, commented I. **SLAP!** “Ouch!” yelped I, “I was referring to the chicken!”

“I know,” said she, “Now seriously, how can I help?”

“Well”, started I, stepping back out of striking range, “I’d like to see an advisor. I need to work out what papers I should pretend to take in semester B”.

“Okay” said she as she unplugged the hotplate. She then unclipped her “Student tormentor” badge and replaced it with one that read “student advisor”.

“Can I have your Student ID number “, asked she. I recited it from memory and from my ID card. The receptionist tapped the number into the PC and read the screen.

“So, you’re majoring in linguistics?” enquired she.

“That’s right”, confirmed I. “Well, you seem to be taking all the logical papers for linguistics; Language in society, general linguistics, chemistry, rudimentary animal husbandry… so far so good.” I nodded and thought to myself, why on earth did I take chemistry?

“So what would you like to be once you leave university?” asked she.

“Employed”, answered I. “And you decided to major in linguistics?!?”, asked she.

“Why, yes”, replied I, “I was a fully qualified Civil Engineer, but then I wanted to do something more realworld, hands-on and practical, so I switch my career path to linguistics.” She stared at me and edging her hand toward her “student tormentor” badge.

“Ahh…I was thinking, teaching English, maybe?” said I hastily.

“Well in that case”, said she, “you’ll be looking at a path in applied linguistics.” She handed me a bookmarked booklet with a bookmark in it. “These are these papers that you can choose from. For a better idea, I’d see the linguistics department in BB2.”

“BB2?” questioned I. “Yes, that’s the sub-sub-basement. Ever since that Babel incident I think that linguists have developed a fear of heights”, answered she.

“Okay, I may visit them later” said I, oblivious to the biblical reference. “Oh, and one more thing: can I get an essay back for a paper I’m doing here?”

“No, not here. But the gentleman behind the other counter will be able to help you,” replied she. “Just tell him what paper you’re doing, show him your card and don’t make direct eye-contact. Since he’s had his medication this morning it shouldn’t take him too long to retrieve your essay.”

“Thanks”, said I, wondering if I really needed my essay back that badly. I edged my way over toward the other counter and away from the lingering smell of chicken.

By Skippy

When YouTube won’t play the video even though it says it’s buffered; when your hand’s too big to fit in the Pringles tube; when your yoghurt won’t stand straight with the spoon in it; or when people don’t know what punctuation is, and put an ellipsis at the end of every freaking sentence!

These were mentioned in a YouTube video by Buzzfeed about pet peeves. What? Okay, fine, that last one was mine.

But let’s face it: until Pringles tubes get revised, yoghurt cartons get heavier bottoms, and YouTube gets even more awesome, you may as well hear me out. After all, we wouldn’t want you losing marks in your next essay simply because of a few rogue dots, now would we?

Be it text, email or Facebook (and, believe me, it’s particularly bad on Facebook), there’s always someone who makes a point of attaching an ellipsis to the end of his or her message - and that’s on a good day. Normally there are several. A simple example: Hank types, “Life is great…” and posts it. Now, for Hank, everything is going well for him. The weather’s nice; his lecture was somehow exciting; and he found a dollar. He was smiling, reflecting on his day while walking to his car when he whipped his phone out of his pocket to sum it up on Facebook; and he figured the ‘reflection’ part would come across in the ellipsis. Well, news flash, it didn’t.

Let’s be clear. An ellipsis should only be used when a) you don’t know how to finish your sentence, b) you’re trailing off into deep thought, or c) you’re sad and your day was, in fact, torture. It should not be used to indicate sincerity of thought, or compassion, because the reader doesn’t infer any of that. No, the reader of Hank’s status update thinks this: “Why would Hank be trailing off or be deep in thought, as though ‘life is great’ isn’t true? He must be sad.” Of course, Hank is truly happy; but to everyone else the ellipsis has made his ‘great life’ turn into sarcasm, and posting about it on Facebook has indicated a plea for sympathy because typing “Life is great...” has become synonymous with “Life sucks” followed by a million sadfaced emoticons and refusing to elaborate. And then that’s just one example. Don’t get me started on Bob’s latest post: “Hey Jenora. Want to come over? We could work on the report... together. I have cake...” In short, young Jenora would be giving that cake a miss.

By Pseudonym

TXT BF U BY Solomon had just bought a car from a private seller, but last week a repossession agent came and took the car because of a debt the previous owner had on the car with a Finance Company.

Unfortunately, there is not much Solomon can do except contact the previous owner and ask him to return the cost of the car.

What he should have done –would have been to check that there was no record of the car being used as security for a loan. There are various ways to do this – get a pamphlet from the CAB Office. The easiest way is to txt 3463 with the car registration number and VIN number. You will receive a TXT BF U By reply telling you whether the vehicle has a debt against it and you will be given an SMS ID No.; which you can enter on Google –PPSR/txtb4ubuy – and get details of the loan Don’t buy someone else’s debt!! Don’t even think about buying a car without texting 3463 The Citizens Advice Bureau Hamilton provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Thurs 11-1pm). They also have legal and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

Great opportunity for an accounting student Treasurer Wanted Looking to buff your CV up with real-life day to day accounting experience, want to gain knowledge about employment relations and governance? Do you want to build vital networks within the community? Apply to be the next YWRC Treasurer The Young Workers’ Resource Centre is a non for profit organisation with the vision to have young people that are informed, productive empowered in the workplace. To do this we hire 1.5 staff who go out to secondary schools and other education providers to deliver educational employment relations workshops. We also provide a drop in centre where young people can seek employment advice and raise awareness about issues facing young people in the workplace.

Being a not-for profit incorporated society the YWRC is governed by a voluntary governance committee comprised of 1 president, 1 vice president, 1 secretary 1 treasurer and approx 8 other committee members. The YWRC is looking for a second year accounting student to take on the role of Treasurer for a minimum of one year.

The role involves: • MYOB in put • Wages • Decision Making • Recruitment decisions • IRD communication • GST/PAYE returns • Preparation for annual returns • Funding decisions Requirements • b+ average • 1-3 hours a week available for the YWRC • Training will commence in June 2012 • Be available for Bi-monthly governance meetings Please send CV and expression of interest to Kylie@ywrc. org.nz by 21st August or phone Kylie for more information 07 8347124.

O

ver the last few weeks I have seen many students distressed due to their financial situation; it is often possible that when students are distressed with something it is going to affect their studies.If you feel that you are getting behind in payments and aren’t coping very well with expenses then why not do a budget to see where you are going wrong? In this issue of Nexus I have attached a simple budget to do in your spare time as shown in the table below.

Rent Food Electricity/ Gas Phone/Mobile/ Internet Transport (petrol/bus) Loan and HP payments Childcare Insurance Personal (cigarettes, alcohol/ DVDs) Fines Other (please specify) Total expenses

(A)

Total weekly income(wages, Student Allowance, Sickness

(B)

benefit etc) CREDIT/DEFICIT (B – A)

=

If after doing this budget you feel that you may need extra help from a professional then you have a couple of options: - University of Waikato Budget Advisor: 07 838 4084 - Hamilton Budgeting Advisory Trust: 07 838 1339 - Or alternatively come see me at the Waikato Students’ Union for any other enquires. As a Student Advocate, I have received in-depth training and have made contact networks within both the University and surrounding organisations.

Even if your issue is outside what they normally deal with, they will direct you on to whoever else you might need to get it sorted. Give Amber a call on 07 856 9139

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Congratulations to Olivia who won our iPad2 competition!

B

ack in the day when I was a high school boarding student, there was an unwritten list of experiences or tasks that every newcomer was expected to undertake. This unwritten list was part of the culture of the school, and there was a high expectation to complete it all before the end of your first year. An iconic “must do” on the list was a greasy run, what we now call buying fish ‘n’ chips. In order to accomplish this task a student was expected to contact the local takeaways to make a delivery to an undisclosed location – usually five steps north of a rubbish-bin in some quiet location on campus. However, buying the food was only half the fun, you then had to sneak it past your dorm prefect’s room, located at every dormitory exit, and into your room to feed your starving roommates, who were anxiously waiting.

This iconic task and others were not only character building, but cemented a student’s reputation and therefore student life at boarding school.

The continuity of this secondary schooling behaviour has overflown into aspects of university life, and although it maybe more prevalent in the “Halls” and “Student Village”, the unwritten lists of experiences can still be achieved by all first years, and anyone else who wants to procrastinate studying. As we are in the second half of the year, a few events and activities may have already past their due Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai Ngāpuhi, Ngātihine, Ngāti Kahungunu, Ngāti Rongomaiwāhine VP Māori 2012

date, but there are still some experiences out there for the young at heart to attend. As a Maori student, my thoughts are more tailored towards cultural experiences, but everyone is more than welcome to add these few thoughts to any bucket list they may have in mind.

(1) Join the Rec centre, this is a pretty good way to relieve some of that anxiety from studying and exams, and keeps you fit and looking good at the same time.

(2) Join a social sports team (I personally recommend indoor netball), once again your keeping healthy and making friends at the same time.

(3) Attend Marae graduation, this happens twice a year and is a great experience whether or not you are graduating.

(4) attend an interesting seminar or lecture, there are lots posted about the university all the time, and are actually mind-blowing if you realise it’s something you are interested.

(5) Do something really out there, and put your name down to be a director for WSU, or even better maybe VP Maori for 2013.

Opinion

Japanese sex bots. Yes, you have heard it right ladies and gentlemen, my comrades in incredulity, a machine that can be used to satisfy our every moral deprivation has arrived, or has, since 4 years. Sure, the sex bot may be in its infancy now, but when the technology fully blossoms, the possibilities are limitless. You have to hand it to the Japanese. From weird hentai to game shows you think were filmed for the express purpose of using as torture devices in Guantanamo Bay,.

I appreciate the effort put in by the Japanese, but if I wanted to have sex with a plastic doll with fake moans and fake orgasms, and maintain a relationship devoid of love and passion, I would get married.

But really, humanity’s relationship with machines is rather complicated.

Take my relationship with my iPod for example. I have that thing in my ear for most of my waking hours. It’s a rather simple symbiotic relationship really. It provides me with music and I am sure it draws sustenance from absorbing my brain cells whichexplains my decreasing intellect. If you were to separate me from my iPod, I would probably be lethargic, have anxiety issues, and probably contemplate a career in the sex industry to buy a new iPod. If you replace the word iPod, with crack cocaine, I think it would be a fine summary of my interaction with technology.

I have recently acquired an interest (a layman’s interest mind you) in Science & Technology.teleportation and time travel are not strictly in the realm of science fiction anymore.

And (geek alert!) I am excited.

With time travel I could go back to when my Mother was pregnant and suggest to her that naming a child Anil Nair is not amusing. Has she realised how interchangeable Anil is with anal? And Nair is an atrocious hair removal product. But as I was saying, humanity’s relationship with machines and technology is rather complicated. I feel humans do not appreciate our own creations enough. You can hear people griping that their web page takes 15 seconds to load. A blonde girl complained yesterday that her facebook page takes 10 seconds to load. Oh you poor golden haired simpleton, just give the damn thing some time it’s too busy loading information halfway around the world. What information is so pertinent that you need it faster than toasted bread? You friend in Wellington stepped in dog poo? Your new skin foundation that makes you look like the tall oompa loompa Mitt Romney? New Zealanders probably complain about pressing a few buttons in the ATM machine, meanwhile in Africa, I am sure people will kill to get a magic box that gives you money by pressing a few buttons.

But technology also causes anxiety for us flesh bags. How many of our jobs will be taken by them? Will

there be a genocidal AI hell bent on humanity’s destruction? Even though I appreciate the irony in outsourced jobs in India being outsourced to a bunch of machines, it will not happen. Well not in our lifetime anyway. Fuck the next generation, they can deal with climate change and every other abuse endured by this planet and society for the past six decades. No, the robots are simply not smart enough. They can only complete rudimentary tasks, which still puts them a league above the Kardashians and the Snookies of the world. So the two questions you need to ask when a new piece of technology comes out is ‘how will this help me?’ ‘how will this sate my various perversions?’.

I think Humans will not be supplanted by machines. Rather as Michio Kaku (I expect no one to know him) posited there will probably be a synthesis. Human will be augmented with technology.

Bionic legs, arms and even eyes.

Human performance will probably be taken to levels unfathomable.

I dissagre wuth people who argue thatthis may destroy humanity, or our very essence of existence.Is it not human nature to step foot in the uncharted? Being the tenacious explorers we are, may be this is where we are destined to go.

Anil Nair

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