Nexus Issue 16, 2013

ISSUE 16, VOLUME 45

29 july 2013

Guru DJ Potentially the worst advice column ever.

Spark 2013 Design, Animation, Workshops, Cool Shit, Nerdgasm

Waikato vs. Wintec Two shall enter, two will probably leave again.

Let Them Eat Cake: The PM talks strong economy, good jobs but Nexus can’t afford coffee.

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contents

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor zanian steele news@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, Morgahna Godwin, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Dr Burton C Bogan, Jess Molina, Caitlin Ashworth, Kevin Pyror, Nathan Sweetman, Kelsey Weld, Tony Stevens, Gil Denny, Amber, Tony Stevens, Nate Ross, Saranna Drury, Tom Petchell, Hoss and Ayman Aneece, Emma Knapp, Taylor Sincock and Aaron Letcher

Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers.

Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

issue 16 / VOLUME 45 / 29 julY / 2013 News

[3] University News.

[4] News.

[6] Sports Thoughts.

[7] Left vs Right.

[8] Not News.

Opinion

[10] Third Degree + Guest Rant [11] Random Profile Top 10.

[12] Lettuce to the Editor.

Entertainment and Reviews [14] Film, Gig & CafĂŠ review.

Horoscopes [15] Book, Comic & Album review.

Horoscopes [16] @Honest_Matt Meets...

[17] Eight Ball.

Cool Not Cool.

[18] Puzzles [20] Feature - Prime Minister.

[22] Feature - Spark Festival [24] Feature - Waikato Vs Wintec

Lifestyle

[26] Auteur + Little Beer Corner [27] Boganology 101 + The Afterlife [28] Religiousity + Auditor [29] 50 Shades of Gay + Making Living Cheaper [30] Guru DJ + Google This [31} Mr Minty Fish + Diary of a Single Girl [32] Alice & Anne + Trendspotting + SSC [33] Arts - Saranna Drury

WSU

[34] President’s Column + Veeps [35] Ask Amber + Citizens Advice Bureau + Young Workers Resource Centre [36] Was This You? [37] Shit you can Do.

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Editorial

Editorial

Highlight Reel

By Alix Higby

this week in nexus // Pg: 20

SAVE THE METEOR Hamilton’s on a bit of a hipster arty trend this year, don’t ya think? Picking out pretty little fashionable people each week for the style section of our mag has steadily gotten easier (although maybe we’re just better at talking to strangers), and I’ve recently met a bunch of artistic folk who possess that genetic unicorn, talent. There are some really cute cafes and shit sprinkled all over town too. It seems Hamilton’s developing a bit of an indie personality over here.

Which is an interesting thought, given that the HCC is considering selling our little indie theatre on the corner, the Meteor. I have very

Maybe the Meteor just needed a larger audience and we let the place down...

Somebody once told me that the reason I have no single friends in Hamilton is because there’s nothing else to do here but find a boyfriend. Were we too busy getting boozed in 101 and wishfully macking on randoms to take a chance on art? That has got to be the lamest thing Hamilton’s been known for, and chlamydia is pretty damn low.

Hamilton’s heading towards a totally reworked image with the help of lovethetron and other good willed characters, but what happens if we sell off our creative assets? If we hope to continue holding these annual festivals of

“Somebody once told me that the reason I have no single friends in Hamilton is because there’s nothing else to do here but find a boyfriend.” rarely been to the Meteor in all the years that I have been a Hamiltonian, and only now do I understand what a waste this was.

Jesse Mulligan wrote a little opinion piece in the Waikato Times on his memories of the theatre, obviously much fuller than mine, and why he believes the Meteor is worth saving.

I’ve found that despite my lack of movement in creative circles and ability to put on a show, I agree whole-heartedly.

I went to a fringe festival show last year at the Meteor, and it was amazing. If I’d had more free time I would’ve gone to all of the shows that week. The stage was small enough to ensure I didn’t feel like an outsider, but left enough space for the performers to really deliver professionally. Now that the Meteor seems to be on the HCC chopping block, I’m wondering what shows they’ve put on since then that I just haven’t been showing up to.

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creative expression, we need a theatre that is readily available to the creatives among us. The Meteor Proposal, a Facebook page dedicated to resuscitating the theatre has declared that they wish the venue to be handed over to a community trust and transitioned into a creative hub for the city. Which sounds swell to me, and I’d never even be good enough for Shortland Street.

Get on the web and like their page to show your support. It might also help if we put the RTD’s down and swap a night of purple vomit for one of weird creative shit that will make you soberly question everything. Regardless of whether the Meteor makes it out of this, we really should stick up for our artistic peers, because god knows they’re not getting jobs once they graduate.

Alix

Five minutes with John Key Cos that’s all you really need. // Pg: 24

Waikato vs. Wintec We pit one Waikato tertiary institution against the other in a no holds barred cage match.

Two will enter two will leave again but it’s in no way biased, promise. // Pg: 30

Guru DJ Need help with your shitty, shitty life but don’t want to ask someone who already has their shit sorted? Well... // Pg: 22

Spark is back!

Get your creative buzz on or at least fake it.

Just get to fucking spark. // Pg: 29

Living Cheaper Honest Matt shows you the ‘correct’ techniques for water conservation.

NEWS NEWS

UNI NEWS

RESEARCH INSTITUTE SCHOLARSHIPS The University is offering new Research Institute Scholarships. Each of the six research institutes is offering a doctoral scholarship worth $22,000 a year and a masters scholarship worth $12,000 – twelve scholarships in all. Applications close 31 July. www.waikato.ac.nz/go/rischolarships

FINAL WEEK FOR LIBRARY TUTORIALS WINTER LECTURE SERIES 2013

Library tutorials are a great way for students to learn important skills. Tutorials available this week are APA for Electronic Resources, APA Referencing, PowerPoint 2010 essentials and Excel 2010 essentials. Sign up online: www.waikato.ac.nz/library/study/teaching/

TEACHING EXCELLENCE AWARDS

The University’s annual Winter Lecture Series Do you know of a great lecturer or tutor who deserves some recognition? Nominations for the Teaching, Research Postgraduate Supervision and eLearning Awards open this

runs each Wednesday in August from 6–7pm at the Academy, with the Opus Bar open from 5pm. All lectures are free and open to the public. www.waikato.ac.nz/go/wls

HRC PACIFIC ROADSHOW TODAY The Health Research Council of New Zealand’s (HRC) Pacific Roadshow in on Monday 29 July from 10am-12noon in B.G.24 and will provide information about career development awards for Pacific students and researchers. Guest speaker is PhD candidate Byron Seiuli. www.hrc.govt.nz/funding-opportunities

Friday. Find out more and nominate online at www.waikato.ac.nz/pod/nomination – it only takes a couple of minutes. Nominations close Friday 6 September.

DROP, COVER AND HOLD When an earthquake strikes, do you know what to do? If you are inside, make sure to

If you are outdoors, move no more than a few steps away from buildings or trees then Drop,

drop to the ground, seek cover under a desk or table, and hold on until the shaking stops.

Cover and Hold. More information and survival tips are available at www.getthru.govt.nz

A

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NEWS

NEWS WSU and NZUSA on collision course ahead of crisis meetings The Waikato Students’ Union has effectively handed in their notice to the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations citing concerns with their efficiency and structure.

A motion passed unanimously at Thursday’s board meeting not only signaled the WSU’s intention to withdraw from NZUSA, but stated that they would be withholding their second installment of payment for 2013 ahead of a meeting with NZUSA President Pete Hodkinson.

WSU President Aaron Letcher cited a change in leadership structure, the addition of polytechnics and a lack of commitment to cost reduction as “going concerns.”

“The reality is that when you look at how

president structure elected from its member base.

are very different academic institutions with different challenges and concerns.

Mr Letcher also questioned whether developing international relationships with student organisations in the United

“The other part of that is the notion that we need to get together on conferences and discuss ideas has been made a little

“We can achieve the same if not more every week with Skype and a laptop at a fraction of the cost to our members.”

Kingdom and abroad had any tangible benefit for Waikato students.

“At the end of the day we are accountable for every decision we make and every student dollar we spend. When I report to my board that the NZUSA President is in the United Kingdom or Fiji for meetings they ask why, and when they inform students

“NZUSA need to recognise that things have changed dramatically for student associations in the last few years...”

NZUSA has performed over the year they have simply failed to meet our expectations of what a useful resource should be,” Letcher said. “A part of that has to be the move to a single president of the organisation which has had a negative effect” In the past NZUSA had adopted a two

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they get asked the same question.”

“The travel isn’t our sole concern. When we signed up to NZUSA it was seen as a great way to share information and have a united voice among New Zealand Universities.

Since then an increasing number of polytechnics have become members and they

obsolete by technology. We can achieve the same if not more every week with Skype and a laptop at a fraction of the cost to our members.

“NZUSA need to recognise that things have changed dramatically for student associations in the last few years and they need to react and look at ways we can work together to reduce costs and extract more benefit for our members otherwise we might not be the only ones withdrawing.”

Mr Letcher did suggest that the decision to withdraw would have little to no effect on Waikato Students “The decision to withdraw from NZUSA will not affect our relationship with Te Mana Akonga or University Sport NZ.” Earlier in the week amidst speculation we had made a request for further information. We will cover this story further as it develops.

NEWS

A Thousand Words North Korea celebrates the anniversary of the Korean War by getting a bunch of girls to literally jump through hoops.

In Their Words “Those who worship God weekly have the best sex.” — Patrick Fagan, senior fellow at the Family Research Council, on research showing married Catholics tops in sexual satisfaction (U.S. News & World Report, Wednesday)

1,289,800

The no. of New Zealanders who tuned into the X-Factor finale.

20,000

“This guy is evil. This is the real Boston bomber. Not someone fluffed and buffed for the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.” — Massachusetts State Police photographer Sgt. Sean Murphy, on Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, after releasing crime photos to counterbalance the magazine’s glam-shot cover (Boston Magazine, Thursday)

The customers served in the first world record breaking week at Frankton’s new Wendy’s Restaurant.

“It [Viagra treatment] has been trialled on mice, sheep and a small number of Canadians.” – TV3 reports on a potential new use for the erectile-dysfunction drug in improving ­in vitro blood supply to slow-growing fetuses.

3.798

“There was no physical contact – if he meant finger point that may have happened but there was no prodding,” – Mr English’s press secretary Craig Howie told NBR ONLINE. in response to claims the Deputy Prime Minister had intimidated a visiting professor back stage before a live TV discussion.

“One student involved in the USC complaint, who asked to remain anonymous, said a DPS detective told her the campus police determined that no rape occurred in her case because her alleged assailant did not orgasm, and that therefore they had decided not to refer the case to the Los Angeles Police Department.” – An article talking about the alleged mishandling of rape allegations by the University of Southern California.

The birth weight of royal baby in kilograms.

news in

numbers

900

The number of people who applied for the 90 jobs at Fonterra in Hamilton last week.

185

The ticket price for Big Day Out 2014. The lineup will be released on August 1st at 6am.

3,000,000,000

the cost of Tainui Group Holdings new plans for an inland port.

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NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS The America’s Cup – Favourable Winds Blowing Our Way?

Normally Sports Thoughts wouldn’t touch a subject like yachting. But of recent, I’ve come to accept that people love the mundane. They get thrills out of the trivial.

They write statuses about the Royal Baby, speculating about its gender despite the whole publicity stunt having nothing to do with us. It never will. Rafiki didn’t even get a fucking call to hold the damn thing up and rub shit on its forehead. But the America’s Cup IS important. It holds relevance to our nation, and best of all, it’s admittedly a pretty lame sport where the actual sport itself pales in comparison to what winning such an event means for this country.

If Team New Zealand beats Oracle and wins back the America’s Cup, shit will get real. The shockwave from such a victory will be enough to shut Wellington the fuck up and send more dumbass Hamiltonians with nothing better to do back on facebook for another status about how they felt the tremors. Holy shit, call the Waikato Times for your guest appearance on the front page. The America’s Cup is such a beast of an opportunity for New Zealand, it kind of makes the sheer amount of money wasted on a single stupid boat that uses sails to move in the water not seem so bad. It kind of makes me want to ignore the stupidity of such a sport.

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Because the America’s Cup offers this nation a chance to cash in on rich people with too much money for their own sense. If Team New Zealand wins the cup and brings it home, we get to drag all the rich in their massive super yachts to Auckland, then let them loose on the city to pump money into our economy. That’s what the whole event is about. Not sailing, not racing and winning, but having the rights to host the event and pump life into a stagnant swamp of surveillance and milk bottles you can’t see inside anymore.

What’s more, if Team New Zealand brings sailing back to New Zealand, everyone will suddenly care. So make sure you care before it becomes trendy. Chances are next year Sonny Bill Williams will announce himself as a grinder for Team New Zealand and then everyone will be interested anyway. What’s more, if the America’s Cup returns to our lands, die hard sailing fans can finally rest easy with the defection of Russell Coutts and Brad Butterworth, and we can wear sick to tits red socks again and put on a massive show for the world.

Because as New Zealanders, isn’t that all we really enjoy doing? Get behind Team New Zealand. Now. C-Ball.

vs

NEWS

THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: Charter Schools

Charter schools are for bigots, ideologues and freaks. For the purpose of time saving here feel free to replace the words “Charter schools” with anything ever proposed by John Banks in his one horse, right wing, lunatic vanity show formerly known as the ACT party.

The dumb part of all of this is that the supporters of charter schools know this. They know it was one of the big pre-election cup of tea subjects under the heading “What’s in it for me John.” However supporters of charter schools are going to say that the real fringe elements like Destiny Church have their applications denied which is tonally similar to saying “I’m burning your house down but I am not using petrol so it will take a really long time.”

Charter schools will be schools that: 1) Don’t have to hire qualified teachers 2) Don’t have to follow the national curriculum 3) Will not be subject to Official Information Act requests For those playing along at home it means they can do what the fuck they want, however the fuck they want and aren’t accountable to public scrutiny. Yes education is broken but the answer is to hire more teachers, entice people to become teachers or better teachers with a pay scheme reflective of their role and then give them the resources and support they need.

The fact that people think it’s a good idea to fix education by letting anyone teach shows just how much of a clusterfuck policy this is. Our health system’s overrun too, are we going to get the unemployed in to take over cardiac surgery?

Let’s be honest here. The Charter school system was set up so that every quasireligious, fundamentalist and isolationist can set up a sanctuary so their kids don’t get exposed to mind altering ideas like evolution, equal rights, gender equality or santa not being real. It’s one more sign that if the fault lines don’t get us, the tinfoil hat brigade of the ACT party (who will do everything in their power to make sure their kids don’t end up playing with a boy who has two mums) will.

Right

I want to start with a question – are there children that our education system is failing? If you find a way to respond with anything other than yes, I want to know what you’re taking and who you got it from because you’re way off from reality.

Charter Schools open a door for students who are being failed under our current education system. Think about it, if you’re being taught at home in a certain way, it can’t be bad to have that continuity in the classroom too. If you’re a member of Destiny Church, and you bring your child up with the values of Destiny Church, it’s going to be much easier to fall behind if the values you’re being taught at school are different, and conversely easier to excel if those values are the same.

And yet last week, Destiny Church was told they are not allowed to open a Charter School, and members of the Destiny Church community are losing out because of this.

Whether you like them or not, there are several thousand members of that community. That’s a community that deserves to not be left behind.

RIGHT

Lef

Left vs Right

Left

Yes, Bishop Brian might be what most New Zealanders would refer to as batshit crazy.

At least he isn’t Jim Jones, who named a city Jonestown and led a bunch of people into mass suicide. He’s only trying to name a city Destiny City. That’s not named after him at all. On a side note, are there any film students at the university who’d be interested in making a film about him? You could call it The Life of Brian.

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NEWS

NOT NEWS

SHE’S A SURVIVOR WTF: Waikato Times Focus Kelly Rowland was rescued at sea last weekend when her whaling expedition suddenly lost power. This serves as proof that both god exists and is going deaf as 1/3 of Destiny’s Child was lost at sea and all of Destiny’s Church is still safe and dry. I don’t know why I even bother praying anymore.

Stirred, but not shaken Because talking about an earthquake and the potential seriousness of New Zealand’s pacific location along fault lines is boring unless we fuck up a James Bond reference to get people to read it.

Testicles have taste buds, study reveals A new American study has revealed that both testiciles and the anus have taste buds.

More importantly that those taste buds have an effects on the ability of sperm to reproduce. This study could have long term effects for the infertile, sperm with low motility and prostate issues. This study definitely will help those guys that can now make the argument “My testicles have to taste this all day, I am just asking you to do it for 30 seconds.”

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Will HCC Sink The Munis Pools You don’t sink a pool you drain it, but otherwise really clever headline. I love the way you have shortened Hamilton City Council and Municipal. It isn’t like people turn to the press to read English.

SLIME THE SECRET Tokyo has figured out the secret to beauty and it is having slime all over your face.

According to research the trend of Japanese snail salons is taking off. Apparently there is a rejuvenating effect in the skin that comes from snails crawling over your face called “The snail trail.” Interestingly enough first year boys have been advocating for the rejuvenating effect of a different snail trail.

The premise is the same but has nothing to do with actual snails.

Headlines from the Waikato Times.

Miley’s parents call off divorce Not actually news.

Buddhism: Not better than KFC I call bullshit. Anything is better than KFC

90 jobs, 900 applicants Actually a great headline but holy fuck! I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Cleanse beggars from streets Is the Times advocating genocide?

NEWS

THIS WEEK ON TWITTER...

CARTOON

Zach Braff @zachbraff So the glad the royal baby is healthy and safe. After the Red Wedding, I get very nervous for royal babies. #SpoilerSomeoneStabsHim ColinMathura-Jeffree @colincitizen My front door has been a hot bed of activity...its almost as if I’ve had the Royal baby!

Rihanna @rihanna Phuck niggaz, bitches too!

Rachel Morton @ReporterRachel I wonder if Julia Gillard still gets to give the #RoyalBaby the kangaroo she knitted?

Guy Williams @guywilliamsguy “Bloody Kiwis! cheap f@*king home made BASTARDS” - Kate receives NZ’s Official royal baby gift a “hand-knitted shawl” pic. twitter.com/H2rTI1ztAX lilyrosecooper @lilyrosecooper Is it true there’s only 190 calories in a cornetto ? #cornettodiet John Key @johnkeypm Media Release: Prime Minister welcomes Royal baby http://www.national.org.nz/Article. aspx?articleId=41560 …

Guy Williams @guywilliamsguy @johnkeypm You are the prime minister!

Referring to yourself in 3rd person is creepy as heck!

MEME OF THE WEEK

Professor Snape @_Snape_ Dear William & Kate: If William is 100% royal and Princess Kate is 0% royal, will that make your son a half-blood prince? #royalbaby Greg Boyed @GregBoyed Reading “Bogan” by Dave Snell he is on @ SevenSharpTVNZ .Best quote yet “The last thing I want to do is hurt you.. but its still on the list” PAUL EGO ‫@‏‬thepaulego Destiny Church has had their school application turned down. Shame, ‘Destiny’s Childs’ an awesome name for a school.

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oPINION

THIRD DEGREE GUEST RANT Exchange Student Edition 01_ If there was an election today, which party would you vote for?

02_ Is Waikato better than Wintec? Why? 03_ If you could pick anything, what would be your secret talent?

Students make up many of the weekly 12,555 Hamilton bus trips.

Since 2002, trip numbers have risen from 1.5 million to 4.6 million – that’s a massive increase.

20, Sports and Leisure.

But we can’t please everyone. People grumble when peak time buses are full and moan when buses are “half empty!” Some don’t want buses at all (usually car owners). Some want users to pay the total cost while many, including students, want discounted (or subsidised) fares.

01_ I don’t follow politics... The

It’s difficult to provide the best service at the best cost when the Government demands that 40% of bus costs come from fares.

Tony

Maori party? There should be an Asian party. Wait, the Mana party actually. Changed my mind.

02_ Yes! It has better facilities and it’s bigger, with better people.

03_

I wish I could fly.

“...40% of bus costs come from fares.

Personally, I’d like more people on buses, at all times of day, in all areas of the city and at a cheaper cost.”

Ramon 23, Sport and Leisure

Personally, I’d like more people on buses, at all times of day, in all areas of the city and at a cheaper cost.

01_ Anyone but National.

02_ Yes. Never been to Wintec

But buses don’t come free. Someone must pay and currently it’s the Government, passengers AND local ratepayers. Finding funding is like wringing an already dry sponge.

though...

03_ I wish I could sing good.

Alice 22, Sport and Leisure.

01_ I’d go green.

02_ Waikato. Because I dunno, it’s cool.

03_ I reckon being really fast.

Meanwhile, when the Ministry of Education stops funding school buses there are more students, the same number of seats but no additional funding.

Solution? What about parking charges? It’s been noted that the University has a very large, free car park. What about services like the Nightrider which don’t have huge usage, but are very important?

But it’s not all bad news. In Hamilton we have 1000 city bus stops, 20 routes (stopping at most key destinations) and some of the lowest fares of medium cities in New Zealand. Given the funding restraints, maybe we’re doing quite well.

Paula Southgate - Waikato Regional Councillor

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OPINION

RANDOM PROFILE

TOP TEN Top Ten Reasons not to go to Auckland University.

10_

It’s in Auckland.

09_ The effort of trying to get any Sharyn Casey The Edge 97.8 News Reader and Four Live host Sharyn Casey took some time to answer some random profile questions.

What would you do if you won lotto?

Go to the Greek Islands, buy a new car and pay off my mortgage as well as both of my sisters’.

If you could change your car horn to any sound, what would you choose?

The “uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh” from Beyonce Crazy in Love.

If you had to get rid of one public holiday, which would you choose?

(Christmas, Easter, Queens Birthday, Waitangi Day, Anzac Day) NONE OF THEM!!!! If I had to choose though probably Queens Birthday since it’s not actually her birthday when we celebrate it.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Cheeseburgers and chocolate. First equal faves.

What did you want to be when you were a child?

A Spice Girl, a dolphin trainer and a radio host – My Mum has some cringey tapes of me doing the Sharyn Dees and the Weekly Top 40 when I was 9, sang my own jingles and everything.

What’s the most frustrating thing you’ve ever lost?

I lost a bangle my grandparents gave me when I was a baby that has been resized my entire life so it still fits.

Somehow it got caught in the ironing board and because I don’t iron that much it was gone for about 6 months, I turned work, home and my car upside down

hysterically crying then one day I decided to iron something and there it was.

What’s the one olympic sport you’d get up at 3am to watch?

Boxing – I love watching boxing if it’s someone I don’t know.

If you had to, would you rather lose one arm or one leg?

My left arm.

If you had to either walk, bus or skate to work for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

Bus – Great people watching… and I’m lazy.

If we came over for dinner, what would you cook?

I hate cooking so my husband Bryce would be left in charge of that, but I’d make him do an eye fillet steak & his yummy kumara salad with side of garlic bread!

Has there ever been any song you got sick of hearing?

Jay Z & Kanye West – N***as in Paris Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers – Islands and the Stream Green Day – Jesus of Surburbia You get to pick one talent, what would it be?

To tell a good story… I tell shit stories, they’re always too long.

where means you will never actu-

ally turn up on campus or bother

with class. I knew an AU student

who actually lived on Symond St. Still never went.

08_

07_

The tutors will spend more time telling you how cool they are, than how to accurately measure gamma radiation.

The engineering students are pricks. They built themselves a glass house for fucks sake.

06_

You laugh at that impractical girl

in the super stacked creepers

walking sideways down the library

stairs... multiply that by 1000.

Auckland.

05_

It’s impossible to be alternative

and cool in the city that spawned The Ridges.

04_ Their student bar Shadows

charges the same price for beer as any other bar. What?

03_ If you want to spend half your

student living costs on parking, then whatevs man. Your loan.

02_ You’re not allowed to eat in the

library, and yet people still spend all day there. That’s not normal, probably best to keep away.

01_

They don’t have ducks OR a lake.

What’s the best thing you have done so far in 2013?

Started a nationwide petition to bring Beyonce to New Zealand and now she’s coming!!! haha probably not cause of the petition but hey, let’s claim it anyway.

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OPINION

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR. Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

Why Do You Always Have To Be So Mature.

Dear Editor Regarding Harry’s comment (1. Mature Students, I mean honestly do you really think someone at a firm is going to hire a pensioner as a grad, F*** Off).

First of all, thanks for been straight forward.

Secondly, Immature Student, I mean honestly do you really think someone at a firm is going to hire a “job INEXPERIENCE grad” just like that on the spot because you are young and have good grades. Be real!”.

Remember, when you get your first job, you will be first on low salary and it will take several years to review your status to increase your salary and you step by step make your way up there....

Out there, there are SOME companies looking for people with job experiences in their portfolio, especially when the company immediately needs someone urgently who knows the job and not someone whose just fresh out of Uni. Companies deal with risk when trying to meet deadlines or make profits and if someone has that Job Experience, these companies can overlook Good Grades for Mature Graduants with job experiences.

Also bear in mind that some of these Mature Students on campus left their jobs to gain some new insights. And these very Mature Students, some of them have held senior managerial positions but have humbled themselves to gain knowledge of another field. So if they were back to work and saw your job application and you were one of those who was a Smart A** against the Mature Student audiences, these very persons can overlook your application.

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#nexuslettuce.

SO JUST BE A GOOD KID AND BE NICE TO EVERYBODY BECAUSE WE ALL LIVE IN A WORLD THAT GOES ROUND AND WHAT GOES AROUND DOES COME AROUND LOL!!!

Miss All-Age-Group-Supporter :)

Harry, you Divisive Bastard!

The top ten picking on a pack of rowdy halls kids, know it all mature students and wankers who complain about their student loans was a bit of a laugh and had the right mix of honesty and entertainment. Even as Harry Houdini (the name is some what justified as this was a touch of magic) spoke, Prof Tony Far in his adjacent letter showed once again the disposition of a great deal of mature students, in a ridiculously long rant this post grad pensioner made assertions about the state of national politics based upon one engagement at clubs day, this arrogance is on par to the mature students in my socpol classes say “don’t worry I already know that because I am a mother”. I am at a loss as to how I am struggling to get a degree and that guy is a professor and clearly off his nutt to Colin Craig proportions. Finally yes those people who sit out the edges of isles so I have to embarrassingly walk to the back when I am late, you know who you are. Your too are the bain of my existence.

Bob Semple

A Royal Proclamation I’m sure most of us were glued to the warm glowing light of the tv set in anticipation of royal birth, i know i was.

I’d like to firstly welcome our new king.

All hail King “ “ of the Houses William

and Middleton, the First of His Name. King of Great Brittain, the Wales and the First Men Lord of the United Kingdoms, Protector of the Common Wealth.

He will the the last king.

He was born 22 july 2013 22-13 Revelations 22:13 “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” John

Young Labour showing more fight than actual Labour It seems that Waikato Young Labour has been reborn and is here to stay. If the sign ups at clubs day were anything to go by, it would appear that a great deal more than 70% of our student population will be voting Labour next election. Prof Far was unjustified to deduce from one interaction, the attitude of Labour as a whole, furthermore the attack levied on only one individual does not show a great deal of maturity from a well traveled, well educated man. Interjecting in someone’s conversation by thrusting a flier would irritate anyone; most would wave it away and continue talking before even looking at it. One can deduce that Labour is for Peace in the Middle East, and to condemn a party based upon one probably misjudged action’s unfair!

Walter Cronkite

Nobody cares about anything; except grammar?

On a very serious point is Prof Tony Far even a professor? Cause if he is then damn son, how low are the standards in this country for education? To be frank I don’t give a crap if Labour care or don’t care about the Middle East- hell who cares about Labour at all.

However, in all seriousness how can someone get a PhD and all that jazz if they can’t even scrape together a coherent letter?

To sum up, Tony Far your opinions and letter writing skills are poorly thought out and generally total shit. Perhaps you could write an editorial for the Waikato Times? xoxox -Gossip Girl

Obese Hambeast?

Nexus

Dear the obese hambeast of a girl that forced me to slow down to her waddling speed because I couldn’t fit past her. I couldn’t help but notice that your ass is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, it looked like a big sack of ham jelly that was bursting at the seams. I almost had to through up.

For the good of society please loose some weight because I would hate for another human being to go through the same pain and torture that I had to endure. I am definitely not mirin.

Scuba Steve

We threw up in our mouths just reading this Dear Nexus, Was it just me, or was John Key on campus this week?

I thought election year was next year, what was he after? Of course, he could just be a good guy but being a politician that’s highly unlikely. Anyway, I thought it was pretty cool that he took the time to stop by for a chat, unlike that tosser David whoever who doesn’t seem to have enough votes in his own party, let alone the electorate. Perhaps this is the start of a Bro-mance. That handsome devil can privatize my ASSets any time he likes. #Marriage Equality.

Clubs Noticeboard Film for Action presents Sex, Lies, Cigarettes A two-year old baby becomes the awakening of the ultimate David vs Goliath Battle.

Wednesday 31st July. Level Zero, WSU Room, Waikato Uni, Midday Free and Free snacks

WSU Talks Help fight apathy on campus and come along to Level Zero for a series of short talks on the theme of ‘Youth Involvement in Organisations’. This Wednesday the 31st of July, at 1pm, a bunch of passionate young people are sharing their stories; why they volunteer and how they’re making a positive difference in their communities. At the end, there will be an opportunity for anyone to promote their own events and projects.

Alcohol Survey.

Welcome back to the second semester.

No doubt over the break you have reviewed your academic progress and your work life balance.

The following link takes you to a confidential, all ages, on line assessment tool that you might find useful. After asking a few questions it will give you research based feedback on how your drinking compares with your peers and how this sits against known health benchmarks. http://survey.alac.org.nz/index. php?sid=74867

See you on Wednesday!

Maggie

Babe of the Week? Maybe Dear Nexus Bring back babe of the week! You guys used to do that shit all the time in 1st year and now I have to go on facebook for that shit. At least you guys had some decent photos and talked some shit with the girls (or that guy). Fuck Facebook. That shit just seems like it’’s for stalkers and Waikato UnI Babes doesn’t even ask people if they can use there photo.

Natural Selection

DISCLAIMER Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

13

entertainment & reviews

LIDO CINEMA film

This is the end Rating: Disclaimer: I am a massive James Franco fangirl, and this review may be skewed due solely to this fact.

Centred on the fading friendship between Jay Baruchel and Seth Rogen, This is the End deals with the issue of maintaining our existing relationships when our lives are constantly changing and our friendship circles are evolving. It then throws in a world that is imploding, forcing this particular group of LA’s celebrity elite to re-evaluate their lives as the ‘end’ approaches. It’s also totally hilarious because, well, look at the cast – Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, Michael Cera, etc. The entire feature unfolds as one giant self-deprecating inside joke, with the exception of Danny McBride, who is annoying no matter what ‘character’ he plays. It works because the audience has enough info to feel included, but diehard Franco and Rogen fans get an elevated experience. Franco portrays himself faultlessly, and meets his end in the perfect in-jokey way. The overhanging plotline itself screams predictable, with apocalyptic films a dime a dozen these days, but it plays out in such a way with one-liners and crazy side plots throwing you off, that you don’t really expect the twists.

You will particularly love this film if you’re familiar with Franco and Rogen’s past work, like that one season of Freaks and Geeks, so I advise that you do some prior research before you get along to this one. I predict you’ll also very much enjoy Michael Cera’s departure from his overplayed dorky typecast. Perfect.

pay & cafÉ

THE COOK GIG

Country Market Rating: The phrase “nothing can rain on my parade” definitely proved to be true last weekend.

It was a rainy Saturday morning, but the Tamahere Country Market only happens once a month so the only option was to suck it up and go. And off I went to my little adventure feeling like Dora the explorer. I was wrapped in my warm clothes and daisy print raincoat.

What could go wrong?

It wasn’t surprising to see that a lot of people still ventured out despite the weather. The Tamahere Country Market had everything a market should have – pretty stalls, friendly sellers, treats & knickknacks for everyone, and an overall great vibe.

If you haven’t been, I highly recommend you check the next one out (will keep you posted in the gig guide). What better way to start the weekend than by going to a market like this?

It’s just one of the perks of living in a city like ours – there’s always something cool going on. You just have to know where to look.

Rating: I felt like a cow girl at ‘The Cook’ on Cook St. A fire was burning, there was wood everywhere, and I could order a double shot whisky if I wanted. But I didn’t ... I ordered a peppermint slice and a mocha. The slice was the perfect strength of mint - you know what I mean, not too minty but not bland; the caramel slice was also just as delicious with a slightly oaty base and was very rich, which I guess is what you are looking for when you order a slice, as a slice really is just a lump of sugar with a gloss on top. But the best bit, it was only $4.50 !! for a coffee and a slice and they were both normal size and everything.

The coffee was a typical bar coffee, so nothing special, but still it was hot and tasted like coffee and had froth and chocolate on top and all of that, so it still hit the spot. The Cook has a definite pub-vibe but did not seem dark or dirty and you could tell that it was a social hub for some of the locals as there were posters for pub quizzes, comedy shows and burger deals! It was busy enough to give it a nice warm winter hum but not busy enough that we missed out on the awesome couch seats in front of the fire. I will definitely be back to sit on those couches in front of the fire and have this deal again.

Kathlene Cook

Alix Higby

HOROSCOPES ARIES

taurus

gemini

(21 mar - 20 apr)

(21 apr - 21 may)

(22 may - 21 june)

Jupiter is out of alignment. You told your landlord about it three weeks ago and he still hasn’t fixed it. Landlords are cunts.

Mercury and Venus are at it again, those two should just get a room.

Uranus moves into your alignment this week.

We are pretty sure that means it’s one night stand time.

14

entertainment & reviews

BOOK

I Have Lived A 1000 Years Livia Bitton-Jackson

MARK ONE COMIC

Hoax Hunters

If you haven’t already guessed, this novel recounts the nightmare known as the Holocaust and how Elli Friedmann, a thirteen year old Hungarian girl, is stripped of her belongings, beliefs and her youth. It is BittonJackson’s autobiographical account of a year spent in four concentration camps, where she witnessed horrors that she describes with intensely graphic detail.

For this reason, her novel is impossible to read without giving yourself a dose of reality as it was during 1944. She experienced the Holocaust at its most terrifying in Auschwitz.

Having her hair shaved was like losing her childhood and her memories, only to become a frail girl who aged 100 years every day by enduring inhumane conditions. Bitton-Jackson is so truthful and open about her experience, it only makes you wish you were there with her, but then again, no one would truly wish that.

Her story of survival makes her liberation so much more satisfying, as you feel like you have held your breath throughout the entire book till the end!

Ritmo De Las Calaveras

By Deela

Rating: Imagine being targeted, humiliated and hated for no good reason. When the novel’s main character, Elli, is faced with these challenges we see her eyes open up to the extent of human cruelty. She realises that being proud of who she is no longer makes a difference, with no choice but to forget how things were and accept her inevitable fate.

album

Rating:

Rating:

What if Bigfoot, Aliens and the Jersey Devil were all real? The Hoax Hunters are a band of experts who travel the globe to disprove these myths, all for a reality TV show. Their secret mission though isn’t just to prove wrong these sightings, but to cover them up! Hoax Hunters reads like a mix between the X-Files and Myth Busters and it comfortably takes its place amongst the great library of independent comics on the shelf today.

Unfortunately, Hoax Hunters doesn’t quite deliver on its awesome premise. It more than justifies its existence and for $30 there’s a lot of reading to be done, but, the writing is fairly clunky and the characters are typical, by the book. It almost feels strange to say that, when the characters are equipped with crazy super natural abilities and one of them is an astronaut made out of ravens (seriously), but their personalities run the gauntlet of ‘brooding black man with a mysterious past’ and ‘nerdy science dude’. I’ll put it this way: I read a lot of comic books and it’s surprising how few bad comics there are out there. The quality of storytelling these days blows my mind and I honestly encourage everyone to give it a try. But it makes it all the harder for books like this to stand out from the rest and justify a purchase. Hoax Hunters just isn’t as strong as most titles out there. Monster lovers, though, will get a kick out of it for sure.

Not to stereotype, but Germans are known for their funky Latin infused Afro-beats right?

Okay so maybe not, but German born Deela is doing just that with his latest EP. This offering is full of horns, big thudding drums and electronic melodies. So in other words, it’s about the best thing on my stereo this week and considering you can download it free from bandcamp.com, it should be on yours too.

Daniel Petersen

Hp

Opening track, Cumbia De Lolita, is break beats and synth driven funk. Deela has managed to remix the vocals of some AfroCaribbean soul star into this track which gives it a real authentic flavour. It sets the tone of the EP; it’s lush and vibrant. Quasi-cover ‘Get Your Freakumbia’ is a fantastic Latin Rhumba with Missy Elliott’s Get Your Freak On lyrics flowing over the top; a fantastic mash up!

And it may well be the mashup aspect that makes this EP so good. Its combination of horns, decisive rhythms and Spanish lyrics along with electro and house tinges and break beats gives this a culture all its own. Listening to tracks like El Mechánico and Reina De Cumbia you could easily mistake yourself for being in a Cantina in Havana. Now the ability to role that feeling of the world into a DJ set is quite a phenomenal feat and Deela has done it with ease. Fantastic little EP, a must have.

http://www.mk1.co.nz/ www.facebook.com/Mark1Comics

Julia Jeanplong

cancer

leo

virgo

(22 june - 23 july)

(24 july - 23 aug)

(24 aug - 23 sep)

Mars is telling you to stand and fight. NB: If Mars is actually telling you to fight it may be time to put down the bong.

Saturn is moving into the Suns orbit. Saturn has always been a bit of a star fucker.

Neptune is wreaking havoc with your life.

There may be something fishy going on (that’s this week’s worst horoscope pun).

15

entertainment & reviews

@Honest_Matt Meets Matt Hicks has a chat to Guy Williams about life as a comedian in NZ, his first stand up appearance, and who’s funnier out of Jono or Ben?

It must be frustrating for you being essentially the third man on the show considering you are clearly the most talented.

Are there coup plans afoot to supersede Jono and Ben and take over as the front man of the show?

Thank you for this lovely compliment slash horrible insult against my friends. Obviously my dream would be to be the supreme king ruler of my own show a la “Campbell Live” or “5.30 with Jude” but right now its great to be on a show where I have pretty much freedom to do whatever I want without the pressure of carrying a show on my own.

You turn up to some serious press conferences with some serious journalist/people.

Ever been told off/got offside with any of these serious people? Andrew Saville didn’t seem like a big Guy Williams fan.

I would never go to a press conference where actual serious news was happening they’re pretty much all sports related and it is ridiculous how seriously these idiots take these things. They treat the naming of a squad to play Fiji like its war crimes tribunal and I feel like they deserve to be ridiculed! TV1 and TV3’s head news reporters are always nice to me but terrified to appear on camera. I think

they’re afraid I will lampoon them.

How tall are you?

1.98 meters almost 6’5”. People never get their meters to feet conversions right so I googled it.

chance to open for Dai Henwood and appear on C4.

Who is funnier, Jono or Ben? Ben is a better writer and ideas man and Jono is a better off the cuff… so I’m going to go neither of them… both equally rubbish.

Were you the class clown at school? What did your usual school report say about you?

I was very unfunny at school and still am pretty unfunny. Kids used to call me the De’Longhi 950 like the dehumidifier, because I dried up the room. I think I probably became a comedian just to prove those dicks wrong.

If you weren’t a TV comedian what would you be doing?

Non TV comedian.

When did you first start doing stand up?

My first gig was 2006 first year at Vic Uni but I didn’t really get regular gigs until 2008.

What’s been your proudest achievement in your comedy/TV career thus far?

Ahhhhh, yet to have one? Winning the Billy T award was to quote the Nelson Mail a “dream come true”.

Many comedians talk about their first stand up experience being a difficult experience. How did your first stand up experience go?

Terrible! My favorite comedians at the time were Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle so I did a lot of terrible racial humor.

You hoaxed your way onto TV1s breakfast as a Pro Whaling activist. Would you say that was your big break?

Yeah that got me on screen properly for the first time so it was a good break, my real break was entering a comedy competition called “Dais Protégé” which got me the

Who are some comedians locally and internationally you admire/ look up to?

Flight of the Conchords, Overseas I like Dave Chappelle, John Mullaney, Mitch Hedberg in the USA and Stewart Lee in the UK.

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

(24 sep - 23 oct)

(24 oct - 22 nov)

(23 nov - 21 dec)

Stay away from Genesis, the star sign, the power company, the biblical book, twins in general and the band.

Pluto is no longer a planet and neither are you, congratulations on the weight loss you look amazing.

Be suspicious of strangers in trenchcoats. This has nothing to do with horoscopes.

16

08 entertainment & reviews

COOL VS NOT COOL

eight ball

tHREE THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW AND THREE THINGS THAT AREN’T SO MUCH. COOL The sun is setting ever so slightly later.

Daylight savings can’t be far away, right?

Welcome to the 8 ball. In the depths of my gooey black ass I will answer the secrets OF THE universe. You may not like MY answerS but lets be honest who else is going to tell you the truth, ugly.

Will the royal baby be named something bizarre like lequan?

All signs point to Colin. King Colin. All hail King Colin.

Will Jackie Thomas be a one hit wonder?

Yes. You know why? Because Benny should have won. Boom, bitch.

Does doing drugs when an earthquake hits just make it better?

Well, you know how much fun it is to be on the Motion Master at Rainbowsend? It’s like ‘that’ fun except you wet your panties.

Is it inappropriate to recommend that my friends mum come stay a while?

Beanies That’s one more day without washing your hair.

Not if she’s a babe. Go get some lovin’.

How old is to old to hit the clubs?

Jennifer Lawrence She just is..

I feel old and I’m mid twenties. But maybe you’re nearly thirty and you still drink Vodka Cruisers (this isn’t a plug) then you belong in the ‘clubs’.

NOT COOL More people in the library all day every day.

This can only mean one thing... assignments.

Will the outback ever shake its rep as being the place that’s easier to pick up than the uni bus stop?

The dooshbags will always find a place to perch. If not Outback then the ‘Hamilton class’ will move to 101.

Will time stand still if it is connected to a mannequin?

The Royal baby BABIES HAVE HAPPENED BEFORE. ITS NOT MAGIC.

What. Does. That. Even. Mean?! This question makes me feel inferior because I can’t interpret it *bows head in shame*.

Selling Beyonce Tickets on trademe for a bazillion dollars.

You sir, are a cunt.

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

(22 dec - 20 jan)

(21 jan - 19 feb)

(20 feb - 20 mar)

This week the perfect zodiac partner for you is whatever the hot person in front of you in the lecture theatre says they are.

You will lose money on something completely pointless.Sometimes horoscopes are just probability.

Someone will ask you this week to take your relationship to the next level and move in with them this week. There is a 60% chance you have met this person before.

17

entertainment & reviews

Puzzle Page Complete the puzzle page, be the first to bring it in and show us, and you’ll win stuff!

Each oval contains a different number 1-11. Follow the clues to find the correct location of each number in the Numerator diagram.

Note: ‘Left’ or ‘Right’ is from your point of view and means any location along the same horizontal line. ‘Above’ or ‘Below’ means any location along the same vertical line.

Clues: Number 6 is left of 9 and above 10.

Number 1 is below 3 and left of 4.

Number 5 is left of 7 and below 11.

Number 8 is below 4 and right of 7.

Number 2 is below 5.

Across 1. Constant (6) 4. Evidence of past injury (4) 8. Haggard (5) 9. Fiends (5) 10. Salutary (10) 13. Clearly (10) 17. Dialect (5) 18. Copious (5) 19. Part of an egg (4) 20. Pressing (6)

Down 1. Mentor (4) 2. Evade (5) 3. Point (3) 5. Breed of dog (5) 6. Answer (6) 7. Outcome (6) 11. Mystery (6) 12. Collector’s item (6) 14. Motionless (5) 15. Oversight (5) 16. Portable shelter (4) 18. Atmosphere (3) 4 letter words CHEF LENS

5 letter words ALERT ANGLE ATTIC CHILD COACH EXILE GENUS OWNED RADAR TROUT 6 letter words ECHOED FACILE HEATED OCTAVE SAMPLE SCENIC

18

SLEUTH VIRTUE 7 letter words IMAGINE LIBERAL MACHINE NEGLECT RAINBOW UNIFORM 8 letter words FORTRESS WELCOMED

LIFESTYLE

19

Feature

Prime Minister Alix sat down with the Prime Minister John Key to discuss the economy, student debt, and people getting mangled at Hamilton International Airport.

When did you decide you wanted to get involved in politics?

Well, I decided I wanted to be prime minister when I was eleven, so that’s thinking ahead [laughs], but obviously I ran in 2002, and I think truthfully everyone who comes into parliament probably wants to be prime minister, so yeah, fairly early on.

What do you think the legacy of John Key will be?

Hopefully good economic leadership, because effectively I took over when the global financial crisis was there and we had the Christchurch earthquakes and all those things and I think parliaments been trying to strengthen the economy and make sure that we’re in a position to, you know, take advantage of the opportunities that are there in the future, so that’s one thing.

Secondly, hopefully trying to make NZ more confident that it can succeed on a global stage and do well, so that’s been part of kind of opening the borders of NZ and integrating with other countries. And the last thing really is probably around education; we do a lot of work around underachievement of certain segments of students, 20

particularly Maori and pacific students trying to lift that.

Student debt is at record highs and changes made in this year’s budget seem to be short term fixes. Wouldn’t the real investment be in making education free again?

Well, the challenge there is if you spoke to the universities they would probably say that we put too much money into student support and not enough money into funding the university because overall, our spend is right up there with sort of you know, bigger spending countries in the world you know, in terms of what we put into tertiary. Successive sort of administrations now, have made a commitment to stay with zero percent loans and so what we’ve really been trying to do is narrow what we think are rorts in the system and increase the repayment rate, so a lot of the changes made in previous budgets have been around that, and in this budget it’s really been about isolating examples of where we think people have essentially taken student loans not really for the purposes that they were intended. So yes obviously in a way you could make it completely free because we still only collect really half of everything we get under student loans, but that might be unfair to a whole generation of New Zealanders that have paid the loans in the past.

Do you consider it ageist to be restricting access to student loans for the over 40s?

Well, I don’t really, because I think that there are a number of different restrictions that we made, and essentially we are still allowing people to study for an undergraduate degree. One of the issues with the way the system was set up was that under the rules, there is no recourse to state, so it’s quite possible for

feature

someone to take on a student loan very late in life potentially never with the intention of working. Their income level would be actually fundamentally quite low because they’re on NZ super at that point so there would never be a repayment of that loan, but actually ultimately there’s no recourse to that borrowing when they ultimately pass away. And we see that as a bit of a rort of the system. So we certainly want people to re-train and re-skill but I think the system still allows them to do that.

Do you think students overall are better off now, than when you came into office?

I think, my view would be yes, but the reason would be because they A. for the most part student loans are still zero percent, for the fast bulk of students its zero percent, you think about the financial crisis that the worlds gone through, and a lot of countries around the world have been cutting entitlements in a very significant way, we’ve really been tweaking things at the edges, but most importantly people are students, generally speaking, for a short period of their life, the bulk of their life is actually working. So the question really is, what are the opportunities for the graduates who come through Waikato University when they ultimately leave and I think that the amount of work that we’ve done on restructuring the economy is significant, and you’re seeing that with the reduction of people leaving. Actually migration numbers are now trending positive into New Zealand, so my view would be, people might not think that today, but that’s because they’re studying at university. When they leave the big challenge for them will be do I have a job, and how much does that pay, and on that basis, then yes.

If you’re a first year student today, what degree would you study?

I think that comes down to what actually particularly interests you, so our daughter is twenty and she’s studying fine arts, and our son is eighteen and he’s studying law and economics.

So if you want to get a job, and you want to stay in NZ...?

I think there’s a range, I mean obviously, if you think about what we do well, personally it’s anything in relation to food production there’s a whole wide range of things you can do around science and agriculture that would fit that space, it is obviously a big and fast growing part of the sector in NZ, and a lot of demand there, and there’s always going to

be demand for lawyers and accountants and business people and the likes, but it depends on what interests you. So you know, I’m much more economically interested, as an individual, and so is my son, but my daughter is extremely artistic and you know, turning her into an economics student would be like asking her to have a sex change; she has no interest in doing that.

We’re not trying to restrict that, we’re not trying to say to people you’ve gotta go do that, in fact the system supports that because ultimately you know, they have a zero percent loan, the loan is targeted to their income levels, so if their income level is lower for a period of time, as it can be for some artists when they come out, then they’re actually not required to make a repayment.

You’ve been in office close to 5 years now, what are your three biggest regrets?

I think there are certain things we could have potentially moved on a bit faster and a bit quicker. So I mean, we’ve been undertaking reform of the education system, but that’s a very long and slow process, and I think we could’ve moved faster on that, because in the

You have been a polarising figure in New Zealand Politics, what sort of personal toll has that taken on you?

Well, if you can’t stand the heat you shouldn’t stay in the kitchen. So, I mean in the end you know, as Prime Minister you’re going to cop a fair bit of flack. Am I particularly polarising?

I wouldn’t have said so, actually. By definition when you’re prime minister and you’re leading a government, you have to make decisions. You’re paid to make decisions, and sometimes you make decisions that people on day one might say, well I don’t necessarily agree with that, but later on they might look back on it and think that’s it, that’s a good thing. By definition, every Prime Minister is polarising because they have to make some decisions, but people want leadership and inertia is not going to get you anywhere and even if it takes something like the GCSB legislation. There’ll be plenty of people around this campus who think that’s a terrible thing, but actually if they had to go to Hamilton airport and get their legs blown off because some nut job comes into NZ and explodes a bomb, they would then spend the rest of their life in a disfigured form and be pretty bitter and twisted that the government hadn’t done it’s job properly.

“my daughter is extremely artistic and you know, turning her into an economics student would be like asking her to have a sex change; she has no interest in doing that.” end you’ve still got a world class education system in NZ, but the people that are missing out are so hopelessly ill-equipped to cope in the modern economy that we can’t actually continue to have that. And I think if we’d set better public service targets that we’ve now set, earlier on, it arguably might’ve helped us a little bit. I think welfare reform we should’ve been tackled a little bit earlier, again it’s quite a debilitating system, so I think that would’ve been useful. Economically, there are a few things we could’ve moved faster on, RMA reform and the likes. But I mean generally speaking I think, the pace has been about right, and if it wasn’t we wouldn’t have maintained the level of public support, which has been fairly extraordinary now for a very long period of time, I think that shows that people are broadly comfortable with where we are at.

So it depends on what perspective you’re looking at that from, and I don’t have the luxury of being able to say that somebody else’s problem. It happens to be my problem, to look after people’s national security, so I don’t, and will never start apologising for making tough decisions even if some people don’t agree with them because in the end, I’ve got to do what I think is right.

21

feature

SPARK FESTIVAL. Monday 12 th August The annual Spark Festival is on again at Wintec. For those of you that don’t know what Spark is think of it as a less virgin filled comic-con for creative people and design students.

Every year Wintec creates a week long programme filled with with journalists, film makers, musicians and animators.

They also reach out to their extensive group of alumni that work in the industry to come back and hold seminars and workshops with aspiring creatives or people with a passing interest. This year that includes Nexus Designer Haylie as part of the MASH exhibition on typography. When we asked Haylie for some advice here she said “Just tell them to go to fucking Spark.” We learned two things: 1) Never ask designers questions on a production day without holding chocolate 2) Just go to fucking Spark!

Here is the programme for the week.

Key

9.00 - 10.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Cristine De Middel Spain Photography

11.00 - 12.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Genty Marshall Austalia Creative Business, Design, Interior

1.00 - 2.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec River City Music Sessions Music, Music Videos, Film

3.00 - 4.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Cristina De Middel Spain Photography

5.00 - 7.00 | Ramp Gallery Sandy Gibbs New Zealand Exhibition

5.30 - 7.00 | Draw Inc Gallery What’s Your Type? New Zealand

Speaker Presentation

Exhibition, 127 Alexandra St

Workshop Event

5.30 - 7.00 | R Block, Wintec Signal Response New Zealand Exhibition

Tuesday 13 th August 9.00 - 10.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Smith Journal Australia Graphics, Advertising, PR, Design

11.00 - 12.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Fred I’Ami Austalia/New Zealand Design, Photography

12.30 - 1.30 | The Atrium, Wintec John Safran Australia Journalism, Documentary

3.00 - 4.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Don Driver New Zealand Magic, NZ Art, Film

3.00 - 4.00 | Wintec Smith Journal Australia Graphics, Advertising, PR, Design

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Wednesday 14 th August 9.00 - 10.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Ben Pearce New Zealand Sculpture, Visual Arts

11.00 - 12.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Julian Wilcox New Zealand Journalism

11.00 - 12.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec

Friday 16 th August

Sandy Gibbs New Zealand Film, Visual Art

1.30 - 3.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec

Thursday 15 th August

Grad Panel New Zealand Advertising, PR, Journalism, Music

9.00 - 10.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Zara Mirkin New York

3.00 - 4.00 | Wintec

Fashion Design, PR

Hazel Squair New Zealand/Australia Advertising, PR

11.00 - 12.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec Contemporary Painting Panel

6.30 - 8.30 | The Atrium, Wintec

Visual Art

Pechakucha Music, Visual Art, Public Relations

1.30 - 3.00 | Gallagher Hub, Wintec

9.00 - 10.30 | Lido Cinema Roseanne Liang and JJ Fong Film

11.00-12.00 | Calder and Lawson Gallery Glokool: The Bonus Issue Visual Art

8.00 - 12.00 | Static, Hood St Black City Lights Wellington Wrap Party

Nic Manders and Nick Kraenzlin 6.30 - 8.30 | The Atrium, Wintec

Music

Interference New Zealand Music

1.30 - 3.00 | Wintec Zara Mirkin New York Fashion Design, PR

1.30 - 3.00 | Wintec Bryce Galloway New Zealand Design, Visual Art

5.30 - 7.00 | Calder and Lawson Gallery Glokool: The Bonus Issue Exhibition

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waikato vs.

When deciding what to do with your post–secondary life, sometimes you just go with the easy answer. I’m sure for most of you, like that skanky red-headed chick in town, deciding to stay in the Waikato was the easy answer. You’ve been in Hamilton your whole life, you can stop by mum and dads whenever you want, and you get to keep all the same friends. However, this isn’t a comparison piece between remaining in the Waikato and venturing down to Welly or up to Auckland. We all know Waikato is more often than not, the safe option there. This is instead, a piece on how the University of Waikato stacks up against its midtown rival, Wintec. _______

I will say it once, and I will say it probably a few more times before I graduate, one of the biggest wins for Waikato is that the parking is free. Our campus is situated rather nicely over this side of town, and thanks to the ring road development, we can completely avoid troublesome traffic no matter where we’re headed on our two-hour break. If higher education is sold to you on this basis alone, it’s probably because your parents have already lined you up a job at their law firm, or you’re really just keen to spend your next few years trying to avoid real responsibility. Choose Waikato.

Seriously though, Waikato is a pretty sweet place to study for a myriad of other, completely valid reasons.

Class sizes are pretty reasonable for those mainstream kinds of papers.

They’re big enough that you really get a good chance to meet a wide range of people and the competition for higher grades is evident, but the tutorials whittle it down so you can actually get some real one-onone help from your lecturer or tutor. Waikato campus itself is always full of people, even on fridays, and this makes it optimum for finding those brilliant quirky people you build lifelong friendships with.

Networking at University is significantly harder, as it’s not at all integrated into the coursework, and knowing the right people to meet is only a sideline deal you get with signing up to clubs and associations. This means it’s worth more. If you get out of your comfort zone and attend networking events, meet a bunch of potential 24

employers and really get your name known, then you’ve voluntarily put yourself out there and that’s a big deal.

The most obvious draw card for Waikato though, must be the range of academic disciplines on offer. Multidisciplinary conjoint degrees especially stand out. They’re going to take you forever, but in the end you can show how dedicated you are. You stuck out 4.5 years of this place, tried a bit of everything, and you can stick out whatever it takes to get you where you want to go in your career. At least that’s how I’m playing it.

Lastly, Science. Science, bitches. Where are all your astrophysicists at, Wintec? Don’t you know that’s where the money is?When deciding what to do with your post–secondary life, sometimes you just go with the easy answer. I’m sure for most of you, like that skanky red-headed chick in town, deciding to stay in the Waikato was the easy answer.

You’ve been in Hamilton your whole life, you can stop by mum and dads whenever you want, and you get to keep all the same friends.

However, this isn’t a comparison piece between remaining in the Waikato and venturing down to Welly or up to Auckland. We all know Waikato is more often than not, the safe option there. This is instead, a piece on how the University of Waikato stacks up against its midtown rival, Wintec.

Alix Higby

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wintec

I was originally planning to study Fashion Design so Wintec was the obvious choice for that. However, I found myself enrolling in a Bachelor of Communications degree instead. I started B semester and while although a clueless freshman, I immediately liked the creative vibe and energy around campus. I felt like these were my people and that I have found a place of belonging.

I sometimes look at the graduates profile in the Media Arts website and feel a strong sense of pride for my alma mater. I could start by naming Wintec graduates who are successful and respected in their respective industries but to do so would be a whole article in itself. So instead, I ought to break it down into what I think makes Wintec the best option.

Practical and hands on.

Early on we’ve been trained to do things exactly as how our industry pathways would. Last semester I had real clients for every paper I took. I can honestly say it made me work harder because I wanted to produce quality work that would meet the client’s needs. It was definitely harder than any semester I’ve done, but because I’m used to a hands on approach when it comes to assessments, I was confident with my skills and work done.

Similarly we have core papers that give us the opportunity to work alongside graphic designers, musicians, journalists, PR and Advertising majors, artists, and photographers that see us collaborating on projects.

A variety of options for papers I liked that I could choose papers that didn’t seem to be directly related

to my major. I took a Drama and Performance paper last year because between you and me, I’ve always been inclined to performing arts. It was a small class but an interdisciplinary one. There were people in class who were doing Journalism, Painting & Sculpture, Animation, Graphic Design, and me the PR major. How incredible is it to be able to perform as an assessment that would count towards my degree? One of the major things that I got from it was confidence as well as a better understanding of my craft and myself.

Industry Connections There are festivals like Spark where international and local industry professionals come talk to us and hold workshops. It’s a great, relaxed environment to mingle and hear first hand how the industry works and how we can get there. Even on normal class sessions, my tutors would often have guest speakers coming in and since the classes are more intimate, we get to really engage with the speakers and build connections.

Three years later and here I am, 6 months away from graduation with a Communications job in my field. I’m not saying that if you go to Wintec, you’re guaranteed that, but all I’m saying is, is that because of Wintec I was able to look into what my career goal was and take necessary steps towards it. To be able to bring out the best in people and equip them for a strong career ahead – that’s what makes a school great in my opinion. I am proud to say that my edge as a graduate would be that I am well rounded with skills that go beyond my PR/Advertising title.

Jess Molina

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LIFESTYLE

Little Beer Corner How your course related costs could be better spent... on beer!

Step 2, and repeat.

Congratulations you are now a home brewer!

At this point, you will still have two thirds of your course related costs remaining. Fill up your petrol tank, grab a few mates and hit the road, making your way to our nations Capital.

Set yourselves up in one of Wellington’s fine backpackers for a few nights and indulge in the wonders of the craft beer scene that Wellington has on offer. Be sure to visit some of the local breweries to become inspired for your next batch of home brew.

Now that...is $1000 well spent!!

How did you spend your last allocation of course related costs? I got my last lot a whopping eight years ago and blew it all on a sweet car stereo for my 1989 Honda Accord.

That was all well and good, until it got broken into and the stereo stolen. Being a student, I only had third party insurance #studentlife.

Instead of blowing your next lot of funds on a three night bender and that pair of jeans you’ve had your eye on all semester, you should invest it in becoming the Tron’s next hottest home brewer.

Next time you receive your $1000 course related costs, invest it in the following ways...

Step 1 – Head down to your local liquor store and grab two swappa crates of some fine ale.

Step 2 – Consume all twenty four big bots’ with a large group of friends, responsibly of course.

Step 3 – Wake up from what was no doubt an awesome sleep, shake off the effects of the night before and clean your swappa bottles.

When I say clean, I mean sterilise.

Andrew Jones

Auteur Forever Alone? These films may/may not help.

Beyond obvious selections like The Wedding Crashers or Bridesmaids what are the best wedding films? Here’s a Top 10 list. All of the below are stocked by Auteur House.

Step 4 – When it’s safe to drive, head down to your local Home Brew supplier. For most of you this would be in Te Rapa. Ask the kind folk at the store for a ‘Mangrove Jack Craft Series Microbrewery Starter Kit. It’ll only cost you a quarter of your course related costs and bring you many happy returns.

1. Seven Chances (1925). Buster Keaton is a man who has 12 hours to find a spouse or he will lose a $7 million inheritance. One of the great silent comedies, highlighted by a scene where the sleepy groom awakes in a church to discover literally hundreds of prospective brides, all dressed for the occasion.

Step 5 – Take your bargain home brew kit home and set it up (following the instructions of course).

2. The Philadelphia Story (1940). Katharine Hepburn resurrected her career playing a spoilt heiress caught between three men: a would-be new husband, her ex, and a cynical journalist covering the nuptials for a gossip mag. Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart play the second and third, respectively. To perfection.

Step 6 – Using the ingredients provided, make your first home brew. Again, you should follow the instructions provided.

Step 7 – Follow the instructions of home brewing through this website http://www. brewshop.co.nz/starting-home-brewing Step 8 – After 3 weeks of your brew conditioning in its bottles. Invite the same group of mates over who helped you with

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3. Father of the Bride (1950). Forget the crass Steve Martin remake, this is the ultimate wedding-as-middle-class-nightmare movie. The incomparable Spencer Tracy is the godfather of all harassed, bourgeois patriarchs faced with losing his darling daughter.

4. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954). All musicals are romances, most are comedies and many end at the altar but this is the only great one in which marriage assumes such a central part of the story. If you can overlook its creepier aspects - the titular spouses are kidnapped - the songs are tuneful, the performances charming and the dancing breathtakingly acrobatic.

5. The Graduate (1967). Okay, you could complain that the wedding comes only at the end and is but fleeting. However, the ‘runaway bride’ imagery has survived the test of time, the disruptive, open ending a perfect conclusion for a classic that so questions conventional, middle class American values.

6. The Deer Hunter (1978). The first act of

this bleak, brooding and oblique commentary on the Vietnam War takes place at a Russian Orthodox wedding. Scenes of preparation, ceremony and reception go on for almost an hour of screen time, movingly conveying a sense of culture and character that resonates throughout the balance of the film.

7. Muriel’s Wedding (1994). Toni Collete become a star playing Muriel, an Aussie ‘ugly duckling’ of low self esteem but big dreams.

Whatever the use of ABBA on the soundtrack and over the top ending, the movie is grounded in the realisation that few fantasies ever come true.

8. Kill Bill (2003-2004). Quentin Tarantino’s two part revenge fantasy is perhaps his least derivative work, a near-perfect integration of character, nuance and set-piece about a wedding that goes wrong and a vengeful bride determined to square the ledger.

9. Rachel Getting Married (2008). As a recovering drug addict uneasily released from rehab to attend her sister’s nuptials Anne Hathaway makes you forget The Princess Diaries. The wedding scenes are uncannily naturalistic, playing like the ultimate amateur video (if all your guests were actors and musicians).

10. Melancholia (2011). What does a wedding matter if the world is about to end?

Lars Von Trier puts things in perspective with this morbid style piece.

Richard Swainson

LIFESTYLE

Boganology 101 Metallica doesn’t suck.

The Afterlife The secret to adulthood.

I always wondered when in life I would truly become an adult? Is there a turning point when you suddenly tick over to the other side, is it meant to happen when you leave your teenage years and turn the big 2-0 or when you finish studying and begin your first proper job? (If this is the case I must be delayed).

Maybe it’s when you get married or buy your first home, is there actually a set moment or achievement in life when you can sit down and think yup I have made it to adulthood.

I was watching a movie the other night and there was a quote that went something like this “nobody feels like an adult, that is the world’s big secret” and that’s when it hit me, I have been duped all these years. All these so called ‘adults’ have been parading about acting as though they have got it all figured out when really they are just as confused as the next person! (For those of you wondering, the movie was called Liberal Arts). Throughout high school I always thought it would happen once I was out of school, and then it came and went and I didn’t feel a whole lot older or wiser. Then I started to think it would definitely happen once I finished my degree and entered the working world but so far that’s not quite the case. Sure I feel I have ‘grown’ as a person a lot in that time, but I don’t feel like I am anymore of a ‘grown up’.

When I think of adults I think of people who are completely sure of themselves, who know exactly where they are going in life and how they are getting there but I am slowly realising that nobody feels this way 100%. Most people are going to fumble their way through life because there are always unknown twists and turns along the way and that is just life.

But that’s what makes it more interesting, right?!

The column Metal Sucks (www.metalsucks. net) is a great one, and you should read it.

At the moment it’s doing a poll to see which Metal band is unnecessarily bagged by Metallers. It’s an interesting exercise. This isn’t a vote for who is your favourite band, but the band you think is ridiculed without totally deserving it. There are groups like Avenged Sevenfold, Megadeth, and Pantera

album and Master of Puppets is arguably the greatest thrash metal album of all time. Yet people will say that you’re not “truly metal” if you like Metallica. Despite Metallica being around in various incarnations since the very early 80s, people will claim you don’t know much about Metal if you proclaim yourself to be a fan. Again, they’re not my favourite band, and they’re not as Metal as say Slayer. Slayer is so metal that their band members include the world’s angriest guy with a shaved head, and whose other guitarist recently died from a necrotizing spider bite that lead to liver failure (so metal, so brutal). But they’ve done a lot, at least in the past, for metal. Yet people want to shit all over them like a Cleveland Steamer.

Someone else’s pick is Burzum. I disagree.

Varg can, as a wise man once said, “eat a bag of dicks”. His music is terrible, he has a face like a chipmunk, and if you’re not descended

“...band members include the world’s angriest guy with a shaved head, and whose other guitarist recently died from a necrotizing spider bite...” (who bags on Pantera, I mean really?) My pick for finalists would be Metallica vs Slipknot, with Metallica winning. To me, even though Metallica aren’t my favourite band – they do get mocked relentlessly. Death metal fans like to mock them because they’re not as brutal as something like Pig Destroyer, Nerds like to spew forth about Metallica suing Napster, Elder Bogans will point out how terrible St Anger is and how Lulu is an abomination. All of that is true. However, Metallica were one of the big four. Kill em All is a highly influential

from Vikings (who he once claimed also came from aliens) then he hates you. He also stabbed a band mate for money. Scum.

I bring this up to not only vent, but because it’s a fine line being not deserving to be shit on, and deserving it. I’ll admit that I don’t like Metallica’s recent stuff, but let’s at least give the band their dues, and remember the good old days. Stay Bogan \m/ Burton C Bogan

Emma Knapp 27

lifestyle

Auditor [pun alert]: Chilling with the cool kids.

reference, extraterrestrial overlords, human culture has advanced to the stage where only the most awesome still feel the urge to wear loud hawaiian shirts and play sultry, bass-heavy music over their porn) give an anticipatory quiver, the deep breath before the plunge, and suddenly I’m so completely out of

making to the laws of physics.

We get a full-on photo of an abattoir cooler, filled to the brim with sheep carcasses, and 80s-burns maintains way too much enthusiasm for freezer technology in the face of their facelessness. This is some seriously

“Kitchencraft? Nope. This is Engineering Thermodynamics...”

“Introduction to Refrigeration” has to be one of the least inspiring initial slides I’ve ever seen. Really? You’re getting paid to tell a roomful of feckless fidgeters how to put away their groceries? Listen up, university: I’ve spent several years perfecting the delicate dance of fridge tetris. I am an expert at this shit, and for twenty bucks and the chance to play with one of those cool clip-on microphones the lecturer’s wearing, I will happily teach this class. I can’t believe this whole hour’s going to be wasted on slouching in the back of Earth Culture for Aliens 101.

The lecturer’s glorious sideburns (for future

my depth that the roles reverse and I am the alien. Kitchencraft? Nope. This is Engineering Thermodynamics, and– well, at least I’m prepared for dinner.

Everything is entropy and endothermic reactions and tables upon tables of figures, and my God, if you think Grammar Nazis are a pedantic breed then try sitting down with an engineer for an hour (that’s relativity).

Let me assure you with the full force of an impromptu ENMP crash course, you do not appreciate the sweet, reality-warping love your refrigerator is constantly and tenderly

is divine empathy or an audience with the God.

Religiousity All About Hinduism.

I am a Hindu by birth but to explain my belief system is a tough task for me. I never gave a thought about my religion until the last few years. My parents introduced me to Hindu beliefs and rituals in my childhood. But to me then, Hinduism was a source of cool mythological stories and colourful festivals.

When I was a kid, I used to go to temples with my parents once a week. Hindus don’t have the concept of commandments so it doesn’t tell what is right or wrong. Hence, when Hindus go to the temples, all they seek 28

Growing up I started questioning my assumptions about Hinduism and getting more involved into Hindu philosophy and spirituality. I started having deep conversations with friends, elders and yogis (spiritual leaders). No Guru or Yogi that I ever talked to asserted his/her beliefs on me. It was all about seeking answers from within. I found answers to some of my questions but I am still seeking for more. I started getting more interested in Hindu philosophy and spirituality, and this led to a gradual shift in my beliefs; from theistic to atheistic.

Hindus don’t see Hinduism as a religion but as a way of life. To call me a Hindu or an atheist would be oversimplification of my beliefs.

Hinduism is a conglomeration of distinct intellectual or philosophical points of view, rather than a rigid common set of beliefs.

Hinduism is the oldest living religion. It has no single founder and no single belief system.

A typical Hindu would have faith in the Law of Karma, the law of reincarnation or Avatara, Dharma or righteousness and Vedas (ancient scriptures). Hindus believe in a cyclical pattern of life where a person lives infinite lives rather than one.

Hinduism does not assert that the final emancipation is possible only through its means and not through any other. Hinduism believes in the existence of more than one

chilling, science of the lambs shit. He only slightly shakes the serial-killer vibe later; when outlining the ridiculous power of blast freezers, he confides the one time he was working in one and had to call OSH on his boss, because his eyelashes were icing over carbonite-style.

So, if engineering’s your cup of tea, go to.

The sole appeal for the rest of us seems to lie in how it’d be pretty freaking sweet to brag about having alien Han Solo for a lecturer.

path that leads to moksh (salvation). Hinduism celebrates the plurality in mankind. Hinduism allows absolute freedom to the rational mind of man. Freedom of thought and freedom of reason are given utmost importance in Hinduism. Overtime, significant contributions to mathematics and various sciences and arts have been made by ancient Hindu Gurus.

Hinduism accepts all types of belief systems.

Atheism, agnosticism and nihilism have various sections in Hinduism. Two major schools of thoughts in Hinduism (Samkhya and Mimansa) are atheistic in their central philosophies. They are focussed on a man’s need to reach higher levels of consciousness.

Yoga is one of the six schools of Hindu philosophy. In Hinduism, yoga is much more than just a physical workout. The role of yoga in Hinduism is to balance the spiritual, mental, and physical attributes through your alignment of energy and hence lead to nirvana (liberation). Although one does not need to believe in Hinduism to practice Yoga.

For me, Hinduism is a way to celebrate colourful festivals, perform Hindu rituals, ponder over the ancient scriptures, do yoga, meditate, experiment with my consciousness, ask myself some of the most fundamental questions of life, and also question the old norms or existing human beliefs but at the same time, also respecting other people’s beliefs.

Sri Swami Sivananda

lifestyle

50 Shades of Gay Smug Life.

This week is a deep column. Lately I have spent many an hour contemplating life and important things while riding the bus and looking intelligently out of the window. Or it could also be that the deadline for this column is imminent and I had forgotten about it completely. Either way, such powerful thoughts emerge in these moments.

Someone once asked me if it was hypothetically possible for a room full of lesbians to simultaneously fancy every other lesbian in that room. They then assumed that that was what a gay club would be like... alas, Hamilton is a very small pond to go fishing in my friends, and as many of you will know, ladies be craycray.

Heterosexuals are unlikely to ever know the awkwardness of running into an ex who is now dating another ex. Or the awkwardness when you find out that you and your current crush/partner share an ex. Or the very real danger of syncing cycles, and the accompanying week from hell where you and your loved one may actually slaughter one another for that last piece of chocolate.

Often lezzers go into hibernation when they settle down, so as a couple that ventures out occasionally, my partner and I sometimes get asked what the secret to our happy relationship is. I do wonder if the secret to our lesbian bliss is that I have not spent much time in the Hamilton dating pool (pond really) and my current partner is from overseas. My advice: break the cycle folks, consider dating an international student or an out-of-towner.

Lezbi Honest

Making Living Cheaper Steal some water you pussy.

This week we take a look at saving money on the water bill.

1. Only flush when needed.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “If its yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down”. It’s a vulgar topic but in all honesty you’re just wasting water if you don’t really need to flush.

2. Shower with a friend.

You can save water and probably have sex as well. Win Win! Sure this may be awkward for flats that aren’t gay but if you have a strong personality and are truly comfortable with your sexuality this shouldn’t be an issue. It’s just one man washing another man’s back. My mate Fighty McGightson (who served three to five) said they employed this practice all the time at Waikeria and I’m yet to see anyone accuse him of homosexuality. Its 2011 you hatemonger.

3. Use your neighbour’s water.

If you’re flatting next to another bunch of youthful ruffians then you can probably use their hose. Most likely you get on the sauce with them so you guys aren’t against sharing a few resources for the betterment of neighbourly harmony. If you don’t really know them there’s a good chance you can just sneak over and have a shower/fill up a paddling pool/some containers when they are asleep/hungover. Most students wake up at the crack of noon so you have plenty of time to get over there and use some water. No ones going to get out of bed at 9.30am after destroying 27 cindy alcypops to see who’s using their shower. If you have the kahunas definitely try this. I mean what’s the worst that can happen? An early morning fist fight?

Moments like those make a man! Character building at its finest.

If you’re living next to Mr and Mrs. Bernstein a lovely pair of pensioners then make sure you use their water as well. They will most likely be inside most the time watching Emmerdale so you will have plenty of opportunities to use their hose. As far as potential fist fights over water goes? No worries! He’s 75 with two bad hips, bad sight and terrible hearing.

All moneys on you champ. If you’re stealing water from them though make sure to turn the hose off properly. They will smell a rat if you don’t. Old people thrive on life’s seemingly minor details. twitter.com/Honest_Matt

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Lifestyle

something like “Holy shit, have you seen (insert popular new movie title here)?” and then wait for their response – such an easy in.

Also, don’t stand in the corner and remember to share your drinks and/or drugs. Drugs will help you make friends faster than anyone else - better bonding through chemicals.

Google This All the internets.

How do I know if a girl likes me?

Get the Tinder app on your smart phone – that’ll tell you.

Seriously.

Guru DJ You’ve got questions, he’s got answers! (of questionable propriety)

We wanted to do a new advice column for Nexus, so we hit up the least qualified person we could possibly think of, Slut DJ. This will be happening once a fortnight so send your questions to advice@nexusmag.co.nz How do you crash a party successfully?

It depends on where and who you are really as in, if you’re Maori and you rock up

I have so many guy and girl mates on that damn app and they’re all getting laid because of it. But if you’re one of the good ones and not lazy, believe that romance isn’t completely dead and actually like putting in work then it’s simple to find out if a girl likes you – you ask them out for coffee. Really though, that question is not the first step – it’s the final one in the first stage of, er, courting. Also, it only works if you actually like them and are not just wanting to sleep with them. I repeat, don’t get a girl to like you only to sleep with them once and then throw them away like a used tissue – you’re better than that and she’s worth more than that.

If you want a girl to like you then you need to give her a reason to, straight away. Make a move when you first meet her, not six months later when you’re having pillow fights after dinner with her parents.

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Hoon | Wikipedia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoon So it turns out that colloquial language is really amusing to look up on Wikipedia and hear it described in an academic manner; “A hoon tan describes where one arm is tanned from being out the driver’s window, whilst the other arm is white from being inside the vehicle all the time.”

That’s the friendzone.

She needs to know straight away that you see her as a potential mate cause if not she’ll chuck you right in the zone with every other guy dumb enough not to say anything.

However, you can’t be an arrogant dickhead in those first essential moments cause that’ll also sting you (which is why I’m never going

“...cause no one likes new people – unless you’re hot.” to a Pakeha Party, Facebook or otherwise, you’re going to have a bad time. It’s not because of racism (which it probably is) but because you’ll look out of place and also, like everything white people do, it’s probably going to be incredibly shit anyway. Really the trick to crashing a party is acting like you belong there, walk in like you own the place say “Hi” to everyone and introduce yourself.

The trick to making friends is to treat them like friends straight away, cause no one likes new people – unless you’re hot. Talk to them like you’ve known them for ages. So, say

National Pyrotechnics Festival | Global Yodel www.globalyodel.com/yodels/ national-pyrotechnic-festival-tultepec Tultepec, Mexico is home to the National Pyrotechnic Festival which lasts for nine days.

Photographer Thomas Prior caught some of the pyrotechnics in this photo series.

to have any luck with that lovely Editor of this magazine).

Sex in a public toilet? Pros and Cons.

Pros – sex* Cons – in a public toilet** *wash your hands after ** thoroughly

Create Your Own Nebula 29a.ch/sandbox/2011/neonflames/ Use the paint tools on the left to create your very own nebula. You can even save your images once you’re finished.

Calming Manatee calmingmanatee.com Are your classes already proving too much?

Take some wise words from a manatee.

They’re sea elephants. They’re wise as fuck.

What Are The Hardest Languages To Learn | Daily Infographic dailyinfographic.com/what-are-the-hardestlanguages-to-learn-infographic Want to take up Japanese but you leave for Japan in three weeks? Check out this infographic for realistic time frames and explanations on why some languages are harder than others.

LIFESTYLE

Diary of a Single Girl Nice guys 101 - where are they at?

My grandparents met at a dance. Not the kind of dance where there is alcohol and scandalous behaviour. The kind of dance where there are wallflowers, polite chit-chat and the foxtrot. My parents met at a Youth Group activity. I like to frequent pubs and nightclubs. Whenever one of my friends or I get a new boy crush generally the first encounter occurred in a nightclub. However we’ve never made the connection when each and every one of them has turned into an ass!

Now that I’m thinking about it, this connection should probably have been obvious from the beginning. Even though nightclubs are probably not the best answer to a single girl’s mission to find a nice guy to roll around in the hay with there are very few other options.

When I brainstormed about where I could go to meet a nice guy I came up pretty empty. I’d already tried joining a sports club…however hockey doesn’t generally attract the most mouth wateringly alluring boys. My mother is doing renovations and so we’ve been frequenting hardware stores. I realize that these places might not be for all of you single ladies, but if you lean towards a manly man then it might be somewhere to look. Hotty alert: Mega Mitre 10 Te Rapa. There was a very fetching young man who works in the timber department on Saturdays and Sundays.

Promise I wasn’t stalking, I had legitimate reasons to be there each day. However the next time I go my reasons might not be so innocent. So girls put on your gumboots and get to one!

Mr Minty Fish Bitches may be cray, but a dick is still a dick. laugh off her ‘clumsy bruises’ coincidently straight after your favourite team lost. Dick.

Guys. I’m usually in your corner, fighting your fights but this week you need to sit down, shut the fuck up, and take the dick of responsibility. Take it all, we have to.

If you’re the kind of guy that still gets excited to drive a Skyline, you need to sit the fuck down.

If you’re creeping with your ex that you publicly slag off as being crazy, you need to sit the fuck down.

If you have to wait for your mate to make a play on a girl before you’re keen on her too then there’s something you need to do. What is it again? Oh yeah, you need to sit the fuck down.

Bitches are crazy, that’s a given, but sometimes dicks are just dicks.

And gay guys don’t think you’re off the hook.

You dicks.

- He came out to his parents; for you; so how about not jumping on the first dick you see in the Shine bathrooms. Dick.

- You spent a year stringing your boyfriend along with the promise of a ring and now you can legally give him one, you’ve decided you don’t “believe” in marriage. It’s not fucking Santa Claus. You DICK. I’m a believer that you should have sex with/ be with/stay with whoever you want; but have the decency possessed by most rodents to tell your other half first. You should never feel guilty for what you want to do, you should also just not be stupid enough to do it behind their back. That goes for you too ladies.

Whores.

- You have a girlfriend that loves you to pieces and you’ve fucked two of her mates in The Outback. Dick.

I’m not happy with you this week, fishies.

Miss you though. xxx MMF

- At your gf mum’s funeral, you told her that you love her, then you broke up with her the week after. Dick.

mmf@nexusmag.co.nz rant at me babes.

- You’re lucky your fiance still manages to 31

ALICE & A Lifestyle

Alice & Anne

By ALICE & ANNE

Ball Dresses.

It seems ball season has snuck up on us once again, although admittedly numerous bolts of satin draping and voluminous chiffon ruffles barrelling towards us can barely be described as ‘sneaking’. It has arrived, in any case, bringing awkwardness to the high-school students and a bit of confusion to the rest of us.

I’m sure we all remember our first ball, the increase in giggling around the corridors as our pimply high-school selves became more wary of the opposite sex. When the night came, we unintentionally stabbed each other with corsage pins, donned our cringe-worthy matching dress and bowtie combinations, coated ourselves with hairspray and spilled sparkling grape juice on our date’s rented suits. Aaah those were the days, it was all so clearly defined. But what is the proper protocol now that we’re at university?

Trend Spotting

By ALICE AND ANNE

Campus Trends

The Parka.

have a think around what you think you look the best and feel your most comfortable in – they’re good starting points.

Girls, if you’re looking for outfits, there are heaps of options. You could shop online at ASOS, pick up a bargain on Trademe or eBay, or for the more fancy among us, check out net-a-porter.com. If you’re going with a dress that has to be shipped, start looking a fair while before the date to ensure it gets here on time. If you want to keep it local, you could try Pagani, Farmers, Wild Pair, Max or other chain stores in the malls, have a look at Dressmart at the Base (hello Trelise Cooper), or look at bridal stores in the city centre.

Whatever you choose to do/wear/paint your face with, make sure you do it for you, rather than to conform with any ingrained highschool traditions. You’re all grown up now and this is your chance to free yourself from satin slippers and awkward parent-and-date photos.

SLIGHTLY STONED The answer to this question is essentially ‘whatever you like!’ Anne wore a top/maxi skirt/fur vest to her hall ball and looked totally amazing, I went with a knee-length designer dress and heels for mine, and we both had a great time - honestly, it’s up to you. If you’re looking for inspiration, have a Google of the theme, ask your friends what they’re wearing,

SLIGHTLY STONED CHEF Fritatatatatata 32

Stay safe my lovelies,

Alice (Anne was off having an overseas adventure – I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it upon her return).

Gather 2 cups of veges or leftovers, 3 potatoes chopped small, 1 onion, 100g bacon, 4 eggs, 1 cup cheese and 1 cup milk.

Fry the onions and potato until brown and crispy. Add all the other veges until cooked.

lifestyle

Arts Saranna Drury New Zealand graphic designer.. studied at UoW.. likes typography.. part of MASH.

Put the veges in a lined dish. Sprinkle the cheese throughout the veges.

Whisk the 4 eggs and milk together. Pour over the veges. Bake in a 200c oven for 30mins until golden and puffed up.

ENJOY!

33

WSU

Veeps Prime Minister’s visit gets Veep’s vote.

President’s Column Aaron likes us. He really, really likes us.

Last week hell froze over and the leader of the New Zealand National Party, The Rt. Hon. John Key, visited the Waikato Students’ Union.

The visit was a part of campus visit organized by a WSU affiliated club, the Central North Island Young Nationals. For many people this may have seemed a bit rich, considering the Prime Minister and his Party supported Act MP Heather Roy’s Private Members Bill making student union membership voluntary, fundamentally changing the environment that students association such as the WSU operate in, however, I was just happy to see our country’s Prime Minister take the time to stop at a campus, not to negotiate with the Vice-Chancellor or open a building, but to talk to students and hear first-hand how we feel about issues. Surprisingly the issues that students raised weren’t about student loans, funding cuts or the price of beer, but rather, about animal testing, the environment, or how to become a merchant banker and make bank like he did. An opportunity missed, in my humble opinion, but perhaps I’m just out of touch.

The Aaron Letcher of 2011 was an avid supporter of the VSM movement that saw student union membership become voluntary, however, the Prime Minister’s visit provided a valuable opportunity for the Aaron Letcher of 2013 to reassess his feelings on the matter.

34

My understanding of the inner workings of a students’ association have improved dramatically over the two years that I have spent with the Waikato Students’ Union as I have witnessed starving students knock on our door in hardship, sat on admissions appeal committees, and helped international students navigate a new campus. While I am still personally pleased with the voluntary environment, and extremely proud of how the WSU is performing in the circumstances, I can understand why so many staff and students were upset by the prospect of losing valuable services that really do stop some students from falling through the cracks of the University system.

I am pleased to report that at the time of writing this column the Waikato Students’ Union, to my knowledge, still exists. We continue to provide a professional advocate and clubs co-ordinator, we continue to put on large scale student events such as O’week, and we still ensure you get a copy of Nexus hot off the press every Monday morning. The continuation of these valuable services, albeit on a tight budget, is a testament to the resilience of the Waikato Students’ Union, our staff, and the students of the University of Waikato.

Aaron Letcher

Last Tuesday one of the campus clubs, the Young Nats, hosted the Prime Minister, the Hon John Key, here at the University of Waikato. After an interview with our Nexus Editor and a bit of a tour through the University, the Prime Minister made his way up to Level Zero where he had hundreds of photos taken with students, ate a sausage, and went inside the Level Zero room to speak on what is happening in the Beehive at the moment. It was great to have so many students show up and get involved. After Mr Key spoke, he opened up the floor for questions.

Most of the students that attended and spoke up had genuine concerns about the direction of our government and it was great to see that dialogue happen in such a positive way.

As there had been rumors of possible protesters attending, it was great to see questions being asked in a civil manner; after all, it’s better to whisper from inside the tent than to be outside screaming in. Unlike most politicians, I found that Mr Key answered the questions really well, he gave numbers and statistics and opinions, which I think most people really appreciated.

While we’re on the topic of politics – those who have been nominated to be on the 2014 WSU board will begin their campaigns this week! Keep an eye out for posters, flyers, facebook pages and free stuff. Learn what you can about these people, they could be representing you next year.

Danyell Summers

WSU

Ask Amber

messages but he has not replied. What can he do?

A quick thank you from Amber.

Hey everyone.

I think after planning, organizing, and running our second successful advocacy week (Fix My Life) I am starting to get a better appreciation of the need for stress management exercises and taking breaks. Fix my life was a week long programme where we delivered seminars on financial management, social issues and small business ownership thanks in part to the magnificent guest speakers we got in from the ANZ bank, House Bar and Local and Regional Council. Fix My Life wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for the help and support I get from LJ and Khayt, our events and clubs team, and some cool posters from Haylie.

Aside from the seminars I got the chance to get out of the office this week and talk to students who wouldn’t otherwise come and see me at advocacy and it was eye opening for me to realize just how commonplace the issues we hear about such as tenancy and budgeting are amongst students. It also reaffirmed why I got into advocacy and why the WSU continuing to provide the service is really vital.

At the end of the day the thing I heard the most this week was that sometimes people don’t want you to solve their problems but just listen and give them some perspective.

Advocacy is as much about giving people the tools and resources to help them make changes for themselves.

Next week we are back to business as usual in Advocacy so if you need anything please don’t hesitate to call by the office and make an appointment or get in touch online at wsu. org.nz

Citizens Advice Bureau My Landlord is ripping me off.

Jian has not sighted a Bond Lodgment Advice form. A landlord must get the form filled in and signed by him/herself and the tenant. The landlord legally must lodge the form and the bond with the Department of Building and Housing within 23 working days. The tenant will get notification that the bond has been lodged.

Jian can take a complaint to Tenancy Services, 533 Anglesea St. (make an appointment 0800 836 262) and he must have the landlord’s name and address.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. Come and speak to the CAB (by the Printery) any time between 11am and 1 pm, Monday to Friday or 0800FORCAB (free)– Fri or phone 0800FORCAB

Jian has left his flat and the landlord has not returned his bond. Jian has rung him and left

Young Workers Resource Centre Sexual harassment can happen to anyone. Even dudes can get sexually harassed – by other dudes.

I’m not kidding. A 16-year-old Christchurch boy found himself in the paper recently after he was awarded $35,000 from the Employment Relations Authority, who found that he had been repeatedly bullied and harassed by his colleagues.

Amber the Advocate Some staff members were asking the poor chap for oral sex, frequently enough that he would often resort to locking himself in the bathroom at work to escape.

Still, statistics show that the ladies have it roughest. Ninety per cent of 18-29 year old

women will be sexually harassed in New Zealand, and the perpetrators? Men aged 48 and older, in positions of authority. No surprises there.

Those stats most likely refer to the more traditional and obvious forms of harassment like the butt slap, and unwanted flirting, but sexual harassment is a hard concept to define.

What’s important to remember is that ‘sexassment’ (yes I made that up), is wide open to interpretation. What is harassment for one person might be the norm for their colleague.

The classic example is the dodgy foreigner (cough* Italians* cough) who gets a job in New Zealand and carries on like he would back at home, slapping butts, crude jokes, you get the picture. Problem is Kiwi ladies aren’t really into all that and may find it offensive, but poor Fabio doesn’t know any better.

The key is, whether you are male or female, to let the offender know that their behaviour is unwanted. Nine times out of ten they will probably cut it out, but if they carry on then you need to start recording the incidents and inform your employer. If your boss is actually the culprit and they won’t take no for an answer, then go above their head if you can. It may be that you need employment mediation, or if it’s really serious – the Police. But you can always come get advice at the YWRC. 35

WSU

Was This You? OUTBACK

36

SHIT YOU CAN DO. WSU

Holla. I have gathered you here today to talk about the gigs and events happening this week. There is so much happening this week be it your music gig or whatnot. I feel like we should start calling Hamilton “the city that never sleeps”. Too far?

Monday 29th July Build Your Own Burger Starting from ten bucks you get to build your own burger... Fuck yeah!

From 5pm, House Biddys Open Mic Night It’s like doing a real gig with absolutely no money.

Starts 6 pm, Biddy Mulligan’s Irish Pub Quiz Night Hell yeah first quiz night of the week. Are you up for it?

7.30pm at The Cook

Tuesday 30th July

6-9 pm, House Quiz Night The third quiz night in three days. People are just taking the piss.

7:30-9:15 pm, The Riv Quiz Night The fourth quiz night in three days. You people must really like knowledge.

7:30-9:15 pm, Homestead Whisky Wednesdays 30% off scotch! Get sophisticated.

8-11pm, Agenda

Thursday 1st August Musical Feast It’s a feast of music. Classical music.

12-1 pm, Waikato Museum Pint n Pie Thursday It’s a feast of pies. 2 Homestead pies with any pint of tap beer for only $20 Homestead

Quiz Night Second quiz night of the week this time at a steakhouse 7.30pm at Smith and McKenzie Chophouse

Writers without Borders It’s like doctors without borders except instead of saving lives and treating diseases they read and talk.

6:30-8:30 pm, Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts

Celtic Jam Night Irish music, guinness and a bunch of gingers.

Who knew Irish pubs were open on non-St Patrick’s days, 6:30-8:30 pm, Biddy Mulligan’s Irish Pub

Friday 2nd August

Wednesday 31st July

Agora goes live, featuring Wilderness Love Get on the indie scene. $5 entry donated to Zeal.

6-10pm, Cafe Agora

Skint Student Night $5 Pizzas and acoustic music this must be what heaven looks like

Bogan Book Launch Burton C. Bogan wrote a book.

9pm, Biddy Mulligan’s Irish Pub

Uprising A monthly event that provides up and coming DJ’s opportunities to play in the club.

Feat: Greg Stack Justa Beat MDM Tsar & Dreamer Back Bar Electro Static If you don’t know what this is, you’re probably not cool enough.

10 pm onwards, Static

Saturday 3rd August Stack & Piece & Friends A monthly event that showcases the extensive & talented network of established DJs from within NZ Feat: SIZZORHANDS (N.Z Red Bull Thr3Style Champion)

Stack & Piece Bevan Nichols Mowgli Back Bar

Sunday 4th August Sunday Sounds at the Museum – Hummingbird A Cappella group from Dio showing you how it’s done.

3-4:30 pm, Waikato Museum Roller Derby Open Day Fishnets, rollerskates and smashing into other ladies? When else will this be publically appropriate?

12:30 pm, Melville Skate Rink

37

Nexus Makes A Mayor

Sick of the same old mayoral candidates?

Nexus is giving one student the opportunity to register as a mayoral candidate and we will pay the registration and run your campaign.

If this sounds like you then write 250 words on why your should be mayor and email us at: Mayor@nexusmag.co.nz