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16/02/15 5:30 PM
Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz
01 EDITORIAL 50 Shades of Jess
Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz
03 NEWS
This Is Not the News We Intended to Write
Deputy Editors Brittany Rose Jules Craft
07 SPORT
Southee Riding a Wave of Form
Managing Editor James Raffan Contributors Alyssa Witte Alexander Nebesky Ty Hart Chris Reive Christopher Yousef-Kader Sam Marelich Jared Wooldridge Richard Swainson Caitlin Orton Hp Kelsie Morland Kevin Pryor Peter Dornauf Grace Archer Hunter Martoncik Aunty Slut Resident Gay Rachael Elliott Emma Nygard Shannon Stewart Zac Lyon Alix Higby Cover Photography Louise Hutt Advertising aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine
10 ENTERTAINMENT Horoscopes/ Trending on Twitter/ Please Don’t Quote Me / Beats by J
13 REVIEWS
Force Majeure / Onyx / Ancient Tapes / Not that Kind of Girl
16 AUTEUR Hamilton: Cultural Meca
17 ARTS Words Words Words
20 FEATURES
Better Safe Than Sorry / Are You too Old for O-Week? / #ORI2015 There’s No Place Like Home
26 YOUR SPACE A Squatter’s Paradise: Hillcrest
29 COLUMNS
ALC 101 / Aunty Slut / The Weekly Grind / Carnage / The Single Life
36 PRESIDENT’S COLUMN Students of the University of Waikato — Welcome to 2015
38 COOKING Eggs Benedict
39 SNAPPED Send us your snaps
40 PUZZLES
Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE
50 Shades of Jess
student loans, heavy workloads and busy social lives, all whilst sustaining their mental and physical health on an income fit for a small turtle. We will also be encouraging conversation between Nexus, the WSU, and you, the students, to promote a better understanding
I’m Jess and I’ll be your guide for Nexus’s 50th year. You may
of students and their needs to the University, John Key, and well,
have seen me sulking around Uni or on your Tinder application,
everybody really.
but don’t be turned off by either of these; I know –for certain in fact– that this is the start of a beautiful relationship between you and I. Soon I’ll be serving you whiskey out of beautiful 18century decanter whilst dancing slowly to the smooth rhythm of generic
Finally, Nexus is going to be more entertaining than ever. In the great words of Robbie Williams “Let me entertain you.” All of that hopefully starts in this, our #ORI2015 issue.
jazz. You’ll be laying on a red earlyVictorian velvet couch and I
Since it is #ORI2015, you may have noticed the ridiculous ratio of
will be standing in front of you in a black silk kimono. As I reveal a
advertisements to written content in this magazine. This is only
highquality leather flogger from behind my back, you will quiver
temporary and there will be more content to come. Other signs
ever so slightly. Email me if you would like me to finish this story.
it is O-Week include: a strange itch in your underwear, a general
Anyway. So what the fuck are we doing with Nexus for its 50th year? Bitch don’t get me started, except do because my boss wants me to tell you. Nexus is going to have more news because
sense of hungoverness, hospitalisation, spontaneous orgasms, the scene of burning doorways à la Otago, and bigoted articles grouping all students as STI infested, binge drinking idiots.
we think a student magazine should be informative. Knowing
We are not what the media tells us we are, we are independent
what is happening around you, including globally, nationally
beings who can decide for ourselves what our O-Week will
and universityly, is vital in helping you make sense of the world.
be and that is a safe and happy one. Know your limits when
Informed people do everything better, including, but not limited
drinking, have only consensual and protected sex, and treat
to: social interactions, political discussions, buying products,
everyone nicely. Have fun kids.
essay writing, smashing genitals together, structuring their morals and values, travelling, and understanding who they are and what they believe in.
Next week Nexus puts away the Hullabaloo hangover and gets back to whatever the fuck passes for normal round here. All your old favourites will be back, Lettuce, an Advocacy column
Because we love you, this year’s Nexus is going to have a greater
and Blind Date. So write to us (lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz), Let
focus on student lifestyles and the student voice. Nexus is a
us set you up with strangers (date@nexusmag.co.nz) and keep
magazine for students and, as the Nexus Editor, I want you all
reading. Also we turn 50 this year! So maybe we should talk
to be happy and not eating ramen or drinking cheap vodka.
about whether we are too old for O-Week.
Students have it fucking hard underneath the pressures of
1
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
NEWS FEATURE “We correctly stayed out of the 2003 Iraq war. It is ridiculous that 12 years later we are being dragged into its aftermath.” Dr Russel Norman. Dr Norman was perhaps the most eloquent and reasoned opposition voice. He highlighted a number of issues and a lack of cohesive reasoning for our involvement, including the fact that it would breed more extremism. He certainly would have been the most effective in the discussion had he not addressed the whole thing directly to President Obama and made himself look a little batshit crazy in the process. SO AGAIN WHAT ARE WE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT? Basically, a super complicated geo-political conflict with an infinite number of moving parts. It also has a shit-tonne of emotionally charged rhetoric and questionable motives on both sides. However, if you take away two things from
THIS IS NOT THE NEWS WE INTENDED TO WRITE On Tuesday February 24th, Prime Minister John Key announced to Parliament that New Zealand would be deploying up to 143 military
this so far, they should be that our Prime Minister tried to quell debate on Military engagement with a line similar to how six year olds bully each other into playing bullrush, and two; that 143 New Zealanders with husbands, wives, families and friends are going into a volatile and unpredictable combat zone. Finally, wherever you are on the issue, we hope that we can be united in wishing for their safe return, whenever the fuck that will be.
personnel in a non-combat training role to be stationed north of Baghdad. We feel we have a duty of care to try and spend some time explaining both sides of the issue so we will put aside what would have been a rather promising “This is what the Nexus news team missed on our summer vacation” piece and try to deconstruct things. SO WHAT ARE WE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT. Details are not fully disclosed, but our understanding at this point is that the military personnel will be training coalition troops to fight ISIL insurgency. This won’t be the same as American “non-combat” troops who are often embedded with fighting forces in an “advisory” capacity. Having said that, loss of life is still a paramount and very real possibility as with any active combat theatre.
SIDE NOTE
STUDENT PERSPECTIVE How do you feel about John Key sending 143 military personnel to Iraq? Levon, Music. I feel in terms of our relationship with the US and other countries fighting against terrorism, he feels obligated to do it. It keeps our international relationships up. I don’t necessarily agree with it, but he was fairly pressured to do it. Dennis, Sports & Leisure. My understanding is they’re
It is also important to note that the government announced a review of
only going there to do training. I think it’s cool for New
the deployment after nine months and an end to the mission within a two
Zealand, because it shows our superior fighting skills. I’m
year time frame.
pretty sure New Zealand has always had that role of being
Conversely, Mr Key refused to put the issue to a vote in the house a number of times reportedly because Members of Labour, NZ First, The Greens, United Future and The Maori Party were all opposed to the action. ONCE MORE WITH FEELING. It would be virtually impossible to talk about military engagement or the Middle East completely dispassionately, so follow ups will include the opinions of experts, lecturers, political leaders, and students themselves. For now let’s look at last week’s debate. “Get some guts and get on the right side” John Key We can’t be sure, but we think our Prime Minister did the MP version of calling the leader of the opposition a pussy for not agreeing with him.
peacekeepers. Victor, Teaching. I’m not overly-aware of the situation and what role New Zealand should have in foreign affairs. I see it more as an act to show other countries that we believe in the cause. I don’t necessarily believe we should show we care for the cause by sending troops; there’s better ways. Eric Savage, Te Reo Maori and Geography. My opinion is that going to Iraq for this war against ISIS has nothing to do with Iraq or terrorism, but pleasing other countries. It’s all fueled with the hope of monetary gain. There’s no monetary gain in helping with the Pacific and West Papua.
“We will only deal with [Islamic State] when we deal with the underlying
Tim, English. If I put rose tinted glasses on, I could see why
causes and the underlying unrest that is spread across that region.” Andrew
John Key thinks he’s working in New Zealand’s benefit. But
Little.
I don’t think it’s worth the cost of lives and the goodwill of
We aren’t political scholars but surely the biggest problem is that we have
the public to be sending people over there.
been trying to “deal” with the region since the crusades. 3
NEXUS MAGAZINE News
SHORT NEWS
VENEZUELA AT A LOSS FROM DECREASING OIL PRICES Alyssa Witte
Venezuelan politicians attend to a mass public outcry. Throughout grocery stores across Caracas there have been riots, Venezuela is suing a grocery chain, as the establishments remain empty. I am sure the drop in petrol prices have made a considerable impression on us Kiwis. Such a commonly used commodity dropping in price seldom goes unnoticed. Around the world people have posted images on facebook in celebration of petrol prices decreasing. In Venezuela the impact of this drop in price has certainly not gone a miss as Venezuela is somewhat of a communist country which has heavily relied on oil exports. Our much appreciated discount has in turn had a devastating impact on Venezuela. The country that survived on the oil exports, was left in huge financial strain and the local groceries left empty. Uproar surrounding the matter, accusations of grocers hoarding the food have been flung about and is the talk of the city. The communist policies are questionable, who is to blame? The government is suing and pointing the finger at the grocers themselves. With nothing left to be done, it seems evident that it is the communist policies of the government itself have led to the downfall of what many of us take for granted, food. I cannot imagine going to the grocery store and finding nothing to buy for tea that night. Although we may be happily enjoying our savings here in New Zealand, there are hundreds of people left with no way of feeding their families.
THE TRANS-PACIFIC PARTNERSHIP AGREEMENT IS A CRAPPY HOUSE PARTY Alexander Nebesky
of money from you, the taxpayer- and here’s why: The agreement would give overseas businesses the right to sue the New Zealand Government for any law that somehow hinders their profits. For example: Everybody’s favourite cancer merchants, Phillip Morris International or British-American Tobacco could sue our government for our anti-smoking legislation and tobacco taxes. Of course that would never happen because the tobacco industry loves us all and cares about health and wellbeing more than profits, they’re the Sanitarium of things that kill you. Except Ole’ Phil Morris already sued the Australian government for its plain packaging laws. God Bless.
Have you ever been dragged to one of those house parties where someone else
Corporate lobbies have attempted to fast track the TPPA to combat the negative
has planned the whole thing and tell you it’s going to be great even though they
reaction from the public. What sort of country wants to gain foreign investment
won’t give you any actual details. When you get there it’s a collection of everybody
at the cost of its own autonomy? I’ve decided I don’t, but since most of our
and everything you never knew you always hated and your other friend drove you
parliamentary representatives have been kept in the dark we can’t object. It’s the
so you are stuck there forever. That never-ending shitty house party is the TPPA
perfect environment for them to scoot it right past us. Who is really discussing the
The ‘Trans Pacific Partnership Agreement’ is a deal we were forced into by our
agreement? Nobody at all? Probably.
government and its ever present desire to sit at the cool kids table. This ‘free trade
That’s the most disturbing thing. If we forgave the suing bit, and we forgot about
agreement’ between New Zealand, the United States and 10 other Pacific and
the fact that its permanent, and we discounted the slew of economic sanctions we
Asian countries has been discussed in secret, probably by people wearing masks
would be put under, like a ban on parallel importing and a rise in pharmaceutical
and sacrificing virgins and, as such, everything we know about it has come from
prices, then the problem is that we haven’t been asked. It’s undemocratic. If the
leaked documents. Also, it’s binding forever and ever.
country is going to get fucked up, we should be the ones doing it. I don’t want
On the surface ‘free trade’ sounds pretty good, but what the TPPA sets out is more a series of guidelines by which big corporations can make massive amounts 4
N.01 / V.47
some overseas lobby screwing with my county. I’m fully capable of fucking up on my own, aren’t you?
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY
CHANGING PAPERS – DEADLINE 13 MARCH The deadline to submit a Semester A or Y 2015 Change of Enrolment and get a refund of fees, is 5pm Friday 13 March 2015. You can do this on iWaikato, under Common Tasks tab, select ReEnrol/Change of Enrolment, then Apply to Change Enrolment. If you need help or advice call 0800 WAIKATO or drop in to the information desk on level 2 of the Student Centre.
HELP US NAIL IT Habitat for Humanity is calling for volunteers for a blitz-build on our Hamilton campus right now. Volunteers are needed for three-hour shifts either in the morning or afternoon from now until Friday 6 March and it’s not too late to sign up. A minimum of 15 volunteers are required for each shift. No previous building experience is required and qualified builders will be onsite to assist you. Sign up now at www.habitat.org.nz/volunteer/construction
SMOKEFREE CAMPUS The Hamilton campus is Smokefree; part of our commitment to provide a healthy environment. If you smoke, please leave the campus grounds before lighting up. If you’re thinking about quitting, call Quitline on 0800 778 778 or visit www.quit.org.nz for free advice and support, or call into the Campus Pharmacy or the Student Health Service.
CAMPUS 5KM RUN AND WALK The Campus 5km Fun Run and Walk series runs every Monday evening until 30 March. Registration is from 5pm outside Momento Lakes Café (Village Green). Walkers start between 5pm and 5.30pm, and runners at 5.30pm. Entry is $6 and includes a glass of beer, cider, or non-alcoholic beverage and spot prizes. The series is brought to you by the Hamilton City Hawks Running Club, UniRec, Momento Café and Good George.
STAYING SAFE AT UNI If you see something suspicious on campus, need to report an emergency or accident, or you are feeling unsafe, Campus Security is available 24/7 to help you.
CHECK YOUR TIMETABLE Before you start classes, make sure you know where you’re meant to be. The allocated rooms for your classes can sometimes change, so make sure to check the timetable at timetable. waikato.ac.nz
You can use the blue-light emergency phones located around the campus, call 07 838 4444 from your mobile, or call extension 4444 from any University phone. Remember to keep a close eye on your belongings while you’re on campus. 5
NEXUS MAGAZINE News
NOT NEWS
FREEZE… PRINCESS
ISIS FIGHTERS NEED TO HARDEN UP Ty Hart
Police in Harlaan County, Kentucky have issued an arrest warrant for Elsa from Frozen due to all the cold weather and snow storms. A police spokesperson said of the
ISIS fighters in the Syrian city of Raqqa are allegedly becoming
warrant “ “Suspect is a blonde female last seen wearing a long blue dress and is known
desperate for the little blue pill as well as purchasing ‘kinky underwear’
to burst into song ‘Let it Go!’
in bulk for their partners. I won’t pain you with the obvious innuendos,
“As you can see by the weather she is very dangerous.” While Not News is impressed that for the first time in history a police officer has displayed a sense of humour we are also glad the warrant for Elsa wasn’t issued in New York where police have already
but trust me when I say that they are numerous. Rather, such reports fall among existing concern surrounding forced marriages and sexual slavery in the region.
killed seven disney characters who they say may have been armed. That is of course a
Bringing the fear home are reports of a mass-exodus of migrants
joke, we were never worried Elsa would be killed by the American police, she’s white.
from Northern Africa, as Islamic radical groups pledging allegiance to the Islamic State cement their foothold in countries such as Egypt and Libya. Over last weekend Italy rescued 2,164 migrants from the Mediterranean, stoking fears of an influx of Islamic racialist fighters into Western Europe after the capture of the coastal town of Sirte in in Libya. As ISIS makes bold claims about next bringing Italy into the fold of it’s dominion, Western European Governments are concerned about the possibility of ISIS fighters crossing the Mediterranean under the guise of fleeing migrants seeking sanctuary. With the shadow of the Charlie Hebdo attacks still dividing Central Europe the fear of repeat shootings appears to becoming more and more real. The silver lining of all this? At least the suppliers of the little blue pill might start saving on postage.
NEWS IN NUMBERS 1 Amount of people shot and killed in Hamilton in the year so far 2 Million Projected number of people to be living in Auckland by 2030
ARE THE POLICE DOING ANY WORK? Dutch police have found a new way to avoid doing work. They literally waited for snow to help them figure out which factories were illegally growing cannabis. Apparently the temperature levels required to grow cannabis meant that any snow would instantly melt leading police to their biggest search and seizure operation in decades. So now,
1043 Dollars Price of the world’s most expensive ice cream in Dubai 24 Number of people planned to be heading to Mars after 2024 485 Billion Dollars Greece’s current debt in New Zealand dollars 200,000 Number of volunteers for said mission to Mars 143 Total New Zealand military personnel sent to Iraq by John Key 20 Percent Increase in Air New Zealand’s earnings
not only do we believe in global warming we believe it is a bit of a fucking nark. Also
2 in 3 Number of smokers who will die from their addiction
does anyone know where I can store 43 “tomato plants” in case of a snow storm?
according to a new Australian study
6
N.01 / V.47
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
SPORTS OPINION
HIGH FIVE
UNUSUAL RITUALS Recent NBA retiree Shane Battier would always drink a bottle of Bud Light before taking the court. Bud Light got word of this and gave Battier 1100 cases of the stuff. You know, because it’d be rude not to give him 26,400 cans for free. Around 2009, the ritual of Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Nationals was made very public; he says it helps his game if he can score off the ice before and after the game. Yes, that means what you think it means. Michael Jordan used to wear a pair of basketball shorts from his college team, the North Carolina
SOUTHEE RIDING A WAVE OF FORM
Tar Heels, under his Chicago Bulls playing shorts.
Chris Reive Portuguese football captain and world renowned pretty boy Cristiano Ronaldo will not play a
It can be said whenever there is a major sporting event; some thrive when it’s their
match unless he has a fresh haircut beforehand.
turn in the spotlight, and others can’t handle the pressure. It has become clear the
Yes, really.
Black Caps fast bowler Tim Southee quite obviously thrives on such occasions. Being the Black Caps leading wicket taker at the 2011 ICC Cricket World Cup, Southee looks poised again to take that title, if not the top wicket taker overall award, after
Tennis star Rafael Nadal takes a cold shower 45
dismantling the English side with figures of 733 — the best figures by a New Zealand
minutes before every match, points the labels
bowler in a One Day International, and the third best figures by any bowler in world
from his drink bottles toward the end of the court
cup history.
he’s playing from, and never gets out of his chair before his opponent.
What really cements this argument is the fact that Southee normally plays second fiddle to left arm bowler Trent Boult, who is usually leading the way in terms of wickets and economy rate. The recent form of Southee has largely come out of the blue, which means that it could disappear as quickly as it came about. Here’s hoping he holds it
SAFE BET
for the rest of the tournament. If our bowlers keep performing how they have been, and our batsmen give B Mac and the Kane Train a bit of help, the Black Caps could go
Safe Bet: South Sydney Rabbitohs to make the NRL Top 8 $1.20
close to winning this thing.
Bit of a Risk: South Africa to win the Cricket World Cup $4.50 Long Shot: Sage Erickson to win the 2015 World Surf League Womens’ title $101
MEET
GOING DEEP DYLAN DUNLOP-BARRETT We sent our Sports Guy Chris Reive to interview Rio Olympic hopeful Dylan Dunlop-Barrett. Shortly after this interview Dylan retired from swimming. We are labeling the phenomenon ‘The Nexus Effect.’ If you have a lecturer, an ex-girlfriend or someone you would like Chris to help retire tweet us @nexusmag #NexusEffect What’s your training like? Training for swimming is like a full-time job. Ten swims a week for about 2-2.5 hours, then 3-5 gyms a week for about 1-1.5 hours. But it’s a lifestyle, so even outside of training you have to be aware of what you’re doing with your body. Who inspired you to take up swimming? Not sure, I followed my sisters into the sport. I just never stopped and was fortunate enough to work hard and kept getting better at it. What drives you to continue to push yourself in the sport? Swimming is a sport nobody has perfected, and probably never will. But it’s so addicting trying to chase perfection in something. What’s the earliest memory you have of competing? I started competing when I was 5, but my first real memory was when I was 8 or 9 and I won a bronze in a relay (I was the worst in the team by far) at the Taranaki champs. I think I cried with happiness. What has been the highlight of your career to date? Without a doubt the 2012 Olympics. But there have been a lot of highlights on the way. What do you do when you aren’t training or competing? I’m studying, working at the St Cuthbert’s Swim School and I just recently started my own music blog “klek”. I also love golf and scuba diving. 7
NEXUS MAGAZINE News
LEFT VS. RIGHT: TROOP DEPLOYMENT LEFT
RIGHT
When asked about things like how long New Zealand troops might stay
Setting a Jordanian pilot on fire. Systemically rounding up and executing
in Iraq, John Key exploded that the opposition should “get some guts!”
600+ male prisoners. Forced marriages between Yezidi women and girls
Questioning the rationality of military action, or even just asking for a
to ISIS gunmen. All videoed so you can see it on Twitter. It’s hard to
few crucial details is shouted down as cowardice. By the way, the answer
argue that the Islamic State is an organisation filled with nice people
to that question was ‘two years’. If you believe that, it means that in two
who care about making the world a better place.
years, 16 of our trainers are going to help achieve what America and the club who destroyed Iraq, haven’t manage in a decade - turning the Iraqi army into a viable force. We will be sending many more troops to guard them and provide logistical support. The SAS are going too, if they’re not already there. The SAS will work hand-in-glove with foreign partners and their intelligence agencies, that’s what they’re trained to do. That could include designating targets for air strikes(if that isn’t already happening), it could include facilitating torture, as occurred in Afghanistan. As for our Iraqi wards, they’ll be training on the same weapons systems you see in the hands of ISIL, the ones ISIL acquired when the Iraqi army abandoned them in retreat. If we happen to be training Iraqis who want to fight, they’ll take what we teach them and apply it in more effective units under the command of Assad, Iran, Hezbollah… Or ISIL The depressing thing about all this is that the people who decided this on our behalf know these things. Does anyone think that sending troops to Iraq reduces the(previously negligible) risk of terrorism here? Did we suddenly realise our people were the missing link in defeating ISIL? Are Iraqis gaining anything? No amount of emotivism changes the answer to these questions. The real reason we’re going to Iraq was put best by our PM: It’s just “the price of the club”.
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New Zealand is at a bit of a crossroads right now - do we send troops to fight the cancer that is ISIS or do we sit back and pretend that everything is fine? If we believe any of the feel good Kiwi PR that “we’re a peace loving and accepting bunch of people” that we like to tell everyone we must follow our allies as they deploy troops into the Middle East. To paraphrase the words of Liam Neeson: we need look for them, find them and we need to kill them. Despite what the Facebook commentators might say, this isn’t about hating Muslims (in fact most of the victims are Sunni Muslims). This isn’t about supporting our good friends from the States, Australia and the U.K - this is about standing up for what is right. Across the world countries including Iraq, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, France, Albania and Denmark have contributed to the task of fighting ISIS - it’s hardly a G20 or Five Eyes exclusive event. It is our duty to speak out for those who can’t speak for themselves the Egyptian labourers who had their heads sawn off on the beach at sunset, the Japanese journalists who were beheaded. This kind of shit is ridiculous. We cannot justify sitting on our hands, quietly condoning murder that’s playing out in the most horrific, graphic form imaginable.
* Terms and conditions apply. Promotional period February 23rd - March 8th 2015
NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment
HOROSCOPES
TRENDING ON TWITTER
Aries (March 21 — April 19)
#XFACTORNZ
Jupiter, Mars and Venus are in perfect alignment. What does this mean? We have no idea we have been too busy pre-loading at house parties and setting couches on fire to care about the stars. Ask us next week when reality sets in. Taurus (April 20 — May 20) Venus is telling you to take risks and hook up with randoms. But don’t listen to her, she’s not a planet she’s just some girl in your new tutorial group with questionable
Alex Rabina @alexrabina · Feb 15 You get to go through! And YOU get to go through! AND YOU GET TO GO THROUGH!!! #xfactornz 2
7
fashion choices. Ignore her and listen to fictional horoscopes for life advice instead. Gemini (May 21 — June 20) Sarah, before we start our second year at University together I wanted to tell you I have always wanted to be more than friends. I know you don’t feel it too but I if you broke up with Mike then I’m ready to be more than just flatmates.Also Mercury is aligned with... nominate 2 drinks. Cancer (June 21 — July 22) Legally we are required to state somewhere that #ORI2015 isn’t just about drinking, house parties and questionable one night stands. They didn’t say we couldn’t do it in horoscopes #suckituniversitypolicy. Leo (July 23 — August 22) It’s not paranoia, your flatmate is using your toothbrush. Put down the bong and do something about it. Or don’t this is just a horoscope not a life advice column. Virgo (August 23 — September 22) Mars is in retrograde. We don’t know what this means but we think it probably
Brock Ashby @brockashby · Feb 22 If you could ask me anything about Moorhouse, what would it be? #MoorhouseQandA #xfactornz 7
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has something to do with Mars wearing old 90s clothes and bitching about drinks prices in towns. So, umm... stay away from black cats, don’t walk under ladders. Libra (September 23 — October 22) This week you will meet your true love *Shameless Plug* probably at a reasonably priced music festival in Claudelands with international artists including NERO. Scorpio (October 23 — November 21) It’s possible we are all reflections of one conscience, fractured and splintered images of our creator or all just molecules bouncing around. Of course it is also very possible we were fucking baked while writing these horoscopes. Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21) This week is all about pressure. Your choices in life are your own and you should embrace them. Being a virgin today is brave and bold. In related news Debsoc are looking for new debaters. Capricorn (December 22 — January 19)
Rose Matafeo @Rose_Matafeo · Feb 21 Dom Bowden’s side of stage demeanour is often like a guy who doesn’t know anyone at a BBQ #xfactornz 10
101
Nic Sampson @NicSampson · Feb 21 “I lost NZ Idol and became a teacher. Now I’m back to prove I can win X Factor and then go back to being a teacher.” #xfactornz 4
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Sharyn Casey @ShakefieldCasey · Feb 22 I wanna see Dom Bowden celebratory pash someone’s Mum #xfactornz 5
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For you it’s a case of good news bad news. Good news, you will meet someone who makes you feel alive and sexually adventurous. Bad news, it’s your lecturer. Good news, your lecturer is a total L.I.L.F. Bad news, check your schedule, it’s not even your class. Aquarius (January 20 — February 18) Embrace change. Your soul yearns to be free. Either that or your soul yearns to watch 50 Shades of Grey in a theatre while crying about how your life will never be like that and how you will never find / be Christian. Pisces (February 19 — March 20) This week just feels like you are endlessly pursuing a white rabbit into a strange world where you are being chased by a monster made entirely of neapolitan icecream (strawberry body, chocolate arms, vanilla legs, in case you were wondering). This should be the last time you buy drugs from a second year chemistry major. You’re not in a safe space and may not even be reading a magazine right now. #BrokenBad 10
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l*** r**** @lucyfruits · Feb 22 my #fanart of the #xfactornz judges @NataliaKills @ willymoon @melblatt @1stanwalker 4
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Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE
BEATS BY J
PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME
THIS NEXT PRESENTER IS SO LOVELY YOU COULD EAT HER UP WITH A SPOON
Kendrick Lamar The Blacker The Berry Big Sean One Man Can Change The World Mr. Probz Nothing Really Matters (Afrojack Remix Radio Edit) Hot Chip Huarache Lights
– Neil Patrick Harris on Reese Witherspoon
Florence + The Machine What Kind Of Man
I REMEMBER CRYING MY EYES OUT WHEN I WATCHED THE END OF THE LION KING
Drake 6 God
– Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Carmada Maybe Anna Of The North Sway (Chainsmokers Remix) The Avener & Phoebe Killdeer Fade Out Lines Mt. Eden Distance Kills Follow nexusmagazine on Spotify
FEAR IS THE CONDOM OF LIFE. IT DOESN’T ALLOW YOU TO ENJOY THINGS. – Alejandro González Iñárritu, director of Birdman
WHO GAVE THIS SON OF A BITCH HIS GREEN CARD? – Sean Penn on Alejandro González Iñárritu
BEST OF THE WEB
ALTERNATIVE FASHION INSTAGRAMS @ashiondads_ riding on the coattail of the recent success of #normcore, these fearless fashion dads are your new style icons @baddiewinkle this badass grandma who claims to have been “stealing you man since 1928” lives and breathes sexy alternative fashion @fashionkids evidence that even infants dress better than you
WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT
@mensweardog …as does this dog
What's Hot
What's Not
1. Fruju Tropical Snows. Summer might
1. Richie McCaw and Stephen Fleming's
as well not even exist without these tasty
high five fail at the CWC opening ceremony.
morsels of joy. How we ever survived
So much cringe.
without them I do not know. 2. Rocking up to uni in singlets, shorts, and jandals like you're off to the beach... And then ditching classes after one lecture and going there anyway! 3. Signing up to 30 day free trials just to enjoy the benefit of the service with no intention of ever purchasing it after the trial period ends. I'm looking at you Neon.
COMEDIAN GUY WILLIAMS LOOKS LIKE BRISBANE CITY COUNCILLOR FOR DOBOY WARD
2. Sunburn. Dat shit hurts. 3. Showering when you have sunburn. Dat shit hurts more.
TOP FIVE
FIVE SEXY MOVIES BETTER THAN 50 SHADES OF GREY
1. Nymphomaniac 2. Brokeback Mountain 3. Secretary 4. Blue Is the Warmest Colour 5. The Graduate 11
Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE
FILM REVIEW
THE INTERVIEW
FORCE MAJEURE
Jared Wooldridge
Richard Swainson
Here it is, The Interview, the movie that sparked so much
How would you react if caught in the middle of a life-
controversy and threats of terrorist violence. After watching it,
threatening natural disaster? Would your first thoughts be
I cannot really see what all the fuss was about. Sure, it is funny,
those of self-preservation or would you look to the safety
but in the end it’s not really worth the storm it kicked up.
of loved ones? Force Majeure, a compelling Swedish drama,
For those that do not know, The Interview follows two journalists, blowhard Dave Skylark (a very funny, very stupid James Franco), and his more serious producer, Aaron Rapaport (Seth Rogen). When they score an interview with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un (a hilarious Randall Park), they are tasked by the CIA to assassinate him. Needless to say, things do not go according to plan. The main draw of the movie, and why most of the humour works, is the great chemistry between the actors. Franco and Rogen effortlessly bounce joke after joke off one another, and while they do not all work, enough of them stick to make The Interview an entertaining, if not particularly clever, comedy. Randall Park also puts in a great comedic performance, his Kim building a weirdly touching bromance with Franco’s Skylark. While the movie deals with some pretty heavy subject matters, they present it in such an absurd, childish, and stupid way that comparisons can be drawn with that other great North Korean based comedy, Team America: World Police. For those who enjoy comedies like South Park, or Rogen’s and Franco’s previous efforts, this movie comes highly recommended. If you do not, then you might find it unfunny and a little bit offensive. In the end, though, all I can say is this; thank you, Katy Perry.
begins with such a moral dilemma. On a skiing holiday, an affluent thirty-something couple and their two young children find themselves in what seems like an avalanche. Ebba, the mother, stands by her offspring, attempting to shield them from the worst. Tomas, the father, prioritises his cellphone and his own skin, beating a hasty retreat. When the snow finally settles the pair find their marriage has been undermined. At first this is subtle and understated, but as Ebba’s frustrations mount there can be no papering over the cracks. Tomas is defensive, then desperate. Broader problems with the relationship and his character emerge and these also threaten the romance of another couple, an old friend of Tomas’ and the friend’s much younger mistress. Force Majeure isn’t quite the laugh out loud comedy expected by some but there’s a wry Scandinavian wit apparent throughout. Tomas’ crisis-in-masculinity has its funny side even as the script pays scrupulous attention to how the parental meltdown affects the son and daughter. As expected in any Swedish production, the acting is impeccable. The measured pace and careful structure pay big dividends, exploring ideas of bravery, cowardice and gender. An open, slightly ambiguous ending is entirely appropriate for a film that asks as many questions as it answers.
13
NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews
CAFE REVIEW
ALBUM REVIEW
ONYX CAFE & BAR
ANCIENT TAPES HUMMINGBIRD
Caitlin Orton
Hp
Bus ticket to Cambridge, $2.40 Time spent getting there, 30 minutes Meal at Onyx Cafe & Bar, priceless. Or... fifty-five dollars split between two to be exact. But who’s counting? Oh right, all the stingy students waiting for their course related costs to come in.
While some of us spent the summer knee deep in the sweltering heat and festooned in sunscreen, Hamilton four-piece Ancient Tapes set about creating their lush debut EP, Hummingbird. These shoe-gaze inspired rockers layer scrawling guitars, bass and drums in a wall of noise that vocalist, Sam Brockelsby peers
Forget the packed restaurants on the main road of Cambridge
over. His vocals drift out like a call from an old friend and so it’s
and step down a one way side street for a classy meal at Onyx.
so easy to sidle up to Ancient Tapes, get comfortable and spend
It’s so classy that Salt and Pepper Calamari is actually Moroccan
a little bit of time.
Spiced Calamari. I’m just saying, I like my menu’s like I like my eyebrows; on point. Maybe next time I’ll try some reverse psychology and order Moroccan Spiced Squid.
Opening track, Passing of a Year, begins softly spoken and inviting with the lead guitar jangling a rhythmic groove. Midway however, a spark of distortion and a harder edged sound spins
The atmosphere is very unlike the main street, which is packed
out and around the rhythmic drumming of Mark McGeady. Don’t
with old couples and hipsters waiting for their food. Instead it’s
Fade Away may well be the standout track here with the vocals
a quiet venue with a large indoor area and an outdoor area that
coming to the fore especially for the chorus. However, it’s the
gets flooded with sunlight. It’s the perfect location to bring that
final number that’s likely to grab the more adventurous listeners.
fine hipster lady friend you’ve been trying to impress considering
Guitars start bending around strange sounds and start to create
the local antique store is only 100 metres away.
an anxious beat. This instrumental track pitches and heaves with
The staff were young and friendly and the food came out hot
effects pedals before finally settling into a satisfying conclusion.
and fast. As someone whose main enemy in life is lactose, I was
With a sound that seems to be able to sit alongside the UK shoe
surprised to overhear a waiter encouraging a meal adjustment
gaze pioneers like Ride and My Bloody Valentine comfortably,
for the lady next to us. After some more research I found that
Ancient Tapes move their sound to new places. They might be
this restaurant is “intolerance friendly” so to all you gluten haters
a psychedelic version of The Smiths or some of the sweeter
out there, this one’s for you. It’s not worth going to Cambridge
moments of Sonic Youth. You can add your own description by
just for this restaurant, especially as our bill didn’t include drinks.
downloading the EP for a pay-what-you-like/koha model over at their bandcamp page.
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Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE
BOOK REVIEW
NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL BY LENA DUNHAM
ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES BY JENNIFER NIVEN
Jessica Wilson
Kelsie Morland
Whether you think Lena Dunham is a selfish and insensitive white
All The Bright Places is THE summer novel to read. The recently
girl riding on a train of nepotism and entitlement, or a feminist
released book is classified as ‘teen fiction’ but don’t let this
godsend escaping out of patriarchal shackles to encourage
put you off. This already best-selling story delves into the hard
women to love their quirks and thighs. There is no doubt that
hitting subjects of depression, suicide and grief.
Dunham is a hot topic right now.
The two main character Violet and Finch first meet on the ledge
Not That Kind of Girl isn’t astounding literature, nor is it a feminist
of the school bell tower. Struggling with the idea of returning to
breakthrough. Dunham’s book is personal, but it is still relatable
normal day life, both individuals come from backgrounds filled
to some women. It dabbles in the subjects of sex, virginity,
with anger, loneliness and despair. Although an unlikely pair,
assault, and body image, however these themes tend to get lost
they are drawn together and slowly but surely begin to give
in lazy chapters such as “10 Reasons I <3 NY” and “18 unlikely
eachother purpose. But the big question stands: Can they save
things I’ve said flirtatiously”. Dunham’s lazy chapters resemble
each other? Or will one of them be left behind?
cheap Internet clickbait designed to appeal to the poor attention spans of Facebook’s young women, rather than what could have been good, even breakthrough, writing. But my biggest issue with the book is not how poorly written it is, but how poorly it speaks to women as a whole. With such a large platform, it is extraordinary how Dunham lacks any intersectional understanding. With the show Girls copping flack for only having white main characters, I thought Not That Kind of Girl could have made some sort of an effort to remedy
This gripping tale paints a very personal and realistic view of the issues of depression and grief; it is one of the very few that deals with such issues upfront. As someone who has been through a lot of trepidation in their lives this book delves right into the psyche of suffers. This book really spoke to me about the pain a human being can go through and the ends we will go to in order to feel better about our own existence (if we have an existence at all).
that. A wealthy white women’s fight for gender equality is not
I recommend this book to all readers. If you read even one book
nearly on par with the struggles of women of colour, let alone
in your life-time, this should be it.
disabled, poor, or trans women. Yet Dunham’s book has no societal insight. Since Dunham’s head it so far up her ass; it’s understandable how she believes she is the only woman on earth.
15
NEXUS MAGAZINE Auteur
Sometimes Life Can Be Black and White
doesn’t, if you ask nicely enough, the good Doctor behind the counter may order
Kevin Pryor
Literally translating as Black Film from French, the genre does not include wanky
in the movie especially for you. So as a loyal customer for nine years I’ve had plenty of opportunities to indulge in my own personal hobby horses. One of these is the genre known as ‘Film Noir.’ art house coming of age stories about Albanian goat herding families. In fact Film Noir had its heyday in 1940s and 50s Hollywood, and the content was mainstream fare. Even today releases such as ‘Sin City’ and ‘LA Confidential’ remain popular
Hamilton has a well deserved reputation as a cultural mecca, and Auteur House,
due to their dark themes — corruption, murder, betrayal and sexual obsession.
along with such venerable institutions as the Meteor Theatre and the Ward Lane
Film Noir is where Hollywood legends such as Humphrey Bogart, Robert Mitchum
Events Centre, provides the back bone.
& Rita Hayworth made their reputation. Titles such as ‘Casablanca,’ ‘The Maltese
Located above Mark One Comics on Victoria Street, a DVD rental store may seem an idiosyncratic throwback to a bygone era — in the age of download and streaming. However the House’s point of difference is the rarity of most of its collection. As I’ve found in my own experience, it’s all very well finding some
Falcon,’ and ‘Taxi Driver’ shouldn’t be abstract names only to be used when called upon in a pub quiz, but living, breathing movies worth watching now. Does it matter that they are in black and white, and don’t feature CGI? Of course it doesn’t — they’re called classics for a reason.
obscure Italian Zombie Sex flick on the internet, but will it have subtitles? More
The other great thing about these gems is the WWII generation were a bunch of
often than not it won’t. And this is where Auteur House fills the gap — often
tough cunts, where women dressed like real women and men were men, drinking
stocking a decent English legible copy of the title you’re looking for. Hell even if it
their scotch straight — in stark contrast to the Red Bull quaffing pussies of today.
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Arts NEXUS MAGAZINE
Words Words Words
race) so Sophie Hermann, the creator of our new sculpture is no exception.
Peter Dornauf
grooved into black painted thick slabs of wood. Only by standing back a little can
I stood there reading them, large looming letters in large capital font deeply one decipher the text. “Haeremai my friend come”. Well that was cheerful and welcoming enough. Next: “Bathe at Sundown”. I usually bathe in the morning, but hey, each to their own.
Haere mai. Just practicing my Te Reo, post Waitangi. Actually I was greeted by the
There were other statements that sounded like some cryptic puzzle that could
word etched in wood as I made my leisurely way up toward the library the other
have come straight out of a spoof spy movie. “Where North stands and five
day: cue art talk.
soldiers.” Ok, a bit of head scratching needed here. However when placed in
Yes, the University has installed a new sculpture to mark the Fiftieth anniversary of the institutions existence. The sculpture is positioned just below the library adjacent to the water feature, if you’re looking. To say that the work resembles some kind of picnic spot for the inhabitants of Brobdingnag, (see Gulliver’s Travels), would be unkind, because I essentially think the piece works. It’s one of those crossover breeds in the art world today, making stuff accessible in good postmodern fashion, partaking in this case of two parts art and one part furniture.
juxtaposition to another line: “And South the waka lands,” by joining the dots we perhaps get a reference to New Zealand history, maybe the Land Wars? It’s all very postcolonial and politically apposite. The two colours used in the work, black and red, reference traditional Maori hues and make a nice minimalist aesthetic. But the cleverest thing about the work is their L shaped configuration. The separate pieces look like seating but contrive at the same time to make a link to the Roman numeral for fifty. The title “L Blocks” also makes play with the categorization of buildings on campus, while the sculpture’s grided pattern echoes geometric and architectural forms. Tipped up
Then there’s the text. New Zealand art has a long history of needing words. It all
on its end, one of the pieces conspires to look like a roof or even an abstract tree,
began with the preachy work of Colin McCahon and his biblical quotation paintings
providing a reference to the forest that once stood on the land, evoking all things
that looked like huge school blackboards covered in chalked script. God was still
historic. Intelligent and astute.. My one concern on inspecting the work is that the
half alive in the Seventies back then in this country, at least in some quarters.
timber used is already starting to split. This needs immediate attention or it will
New Zealand artists have never recovered and still have recourse to words. There are a plethora of contemporary examples (interesting for a largely inarticulate
deteriorate further, much like what happened to Brett Graham’s wooden sculpture situated in the Law School forecourt.
17
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#ORI2015 SCHEDULE SUNDAY MARCH 01 – FRIDAY MARCH 06 SUNDAY MARCH 01 4:00PM
BAR 101 POOL PARTY
MONDAY MARCH 02 8:30AM
PAK ‘N SAVE BIG BREAKFAST
9:30AM
ALL DAY DJ
11:00AM
THE HUNGRY GAMES “HEAD DOWN, ASS UP”
12:00PM
LIVE BAND
1:00PM
BURGERFUEL BODY PAINT
4:00PM
PAK ‘N SAVE KAI RUN
9:30PM
BBQ
10:00PM
BUSES : UNIVERSITY – HAMILTON CITY
TUESDAY MARCH 03 8:30AM
PAK ‘N SAVE BIG BREAKFAST
9:30AM
ALL DAY DJ
10:00AM
U LEISURE STRONG MAN DEMO
11:00AM
THE HUNGRY GAMES “SMOOTH AND SLIPPERY”
12:00PM
BURGER FUEL BIG EATER
12:30PM
LIVE BAND
1:30PM
MEAT PIE MILE
4:00PM
PAK ‘N SAVE KAI RUN
9:30PM
BBQ
10:00PM
BUSES : UNIVERSITY – HAMILTON CITY
WEDNESDAY MARCH 04 8:30AM
PAK ‘N SAVE BIG BREAKFAST
9:30AM
ALL DAY DJ
10:00AM
CLUBS DEMO : KENDO
10:30AM
CLUBS DEMO
11:00AM
THE HUNGRY GAMES “TONGUE IT”
12:00PM
LIVE BAND
1:00PM
CLUBS DEMO : KAPA HAKA
1:30PM
CLUBS DEMO : WAI DRUMMERS
4:00PM
BUSES : UNIVERSITY – CLAUDELANDS
5:00PM
HULLABALOO
10:00PM
BUSES : CLAUDELANDS – TOWN – UNIVERSITY
1:00AM
BUSES : UNIVERSITY – HAMILTON CITY
THURSDAY MARCH 05 8:30AM
PAK ‘N SAVE BIG BREAKFAST
9:30AM
ALL DAY DJ
10:00AM
U LEISURE STRONG MAN COMP
11:30AM
LIVE BAND
12:30PM
THE HUNGRY GAMES “WHO CAN COME THE FASTEST?”
1:00PM
SLIP ‘N SLIDE
9:30PM
BBQ
10:00PM
BUSES : UNIVERSITY – HAMILTON CITY
FRIDAY MARCH 06 8:30AM
PAK ‘N SAVE BIG BREAKFAST
12:00PM
OPEN MIC / PICNIC / BBQ
4:00PM
CHIEFS PRE GAME
6:00PM
BUSES : WAIKATO STADIUM
NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
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Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY Grace Archer
With #ORI2015 upon us it is expected that students —old and
In regards to keeping yourself out of some sticky situations, be
new — will welcome in the new uni year with great amounts of
conscious about your limits of how much you can really drink.
revelry and well-mannered stupidity, before settling down into
Even if your ego, or even someone else, is telling you otherwise.
a semester of hard work. There has been many great activities
Knowing how much your body can tolerate and what alcohol
during O-Week run both by the Waikato Students’ Union and
you can drink best will insure you have a great time, without
outside businesses. O-Week can lead to some fantastic stories,
ending up blacking out and waking up with a splitting headache
but also some pretty shady ones if not handled well. So whether
and a night you wished you could remember.
you’re hitting up a quiet house drinks, or challenging yourself to the full six-day bender this week, here’s a few tips to keep yourself safe, your head out of a strangers toilet, and still have the time of your life for #ORI2015!
The events run by the clubs and Hullabaloo are surely going to be a blast. With town so busy over the next week, it’s good to take into account your own personal safety while out on the piss. A week like this bringing big crowds into town, it’s a good idea to
The big A, alcohol is the world’s best party maker, the cause of
keep your phone on you (and charged!) just in case you lose that
about 1000 deaths in New Zealand annually, and the biggest
one friend that is a little more, ahem, “happy” (not drunk, never
reason for the most mistakes on record. For most people,
drunk in town). But, please, for everyone’s sanity, don’t be that
when you hear the word “O-Week”, it translates into “the last
guy, who stands on the dancefloor, and sways side to side while
Summer drinking binge before uni starts, but with themes”. If
ignoring everything else apart from their phone screen. Nobody
you are going to be doing some hard drinking yards during the
likes that guy.
week, then try to take it easy on your liver during the day. The main cause of hangovers is dehydration, so keep yourself well hydrated in non-alcoholic style. Make sure you eat too, if you drink on an empty stomach, you could end up getting a second look at your dinner. An even better idea is to take a nights off from drinking during O-week and volunteer as sober D for your mates. Then charge them extra gas money and pocket it later. Top tip: Drunk people are often very generous when it comes to paying for Maccas on the way home. If I still haven’t convinced you to make ultimate sacrifice, keep in mind that the uni will have a bus and vans shuttling people to and from town. If you’re going to be going out, be mindful of your drink; if you suspect your drink to be spiked, get a new one. The loss of one drink will be less harsh on yourself than what else could happen that night. Symptoms that your drink had been spiked set in within 10 to 20 minutes and include dizziness, tiredness, slurred words, and loss of inhibitions.
It’s also a good idea to try and keep some extra money on you for that cab ride home that’s not dedicated towards shots or food after town. And if you are gonna walk home, for the love of all things don’t do it by yourself. Did you come into town with a bunch of mates? Leave with them as well. Arrange a place where you’ll all meet at 3am when the clubs close to leave town, so you can all leave together. Same can be said with general personal safety; be aware of your surroundings both in the university and elsewhere, especially at night. The university has emergency phones positioned throughout the campus in case anything looks particularly off. O-week can be an absolutely great time, and you come away with some stories you remember, and some you’d rather regret. Want to go out and party with that group from your lecture your friend introduced you to? Go ahead. Give that big eating competition a go? Do it. Hook up with that hot guy from your hall that you’ve been eye-sexing since you’ve both moved in?
Keep in mind that alcohol is the number one date rape drug. In
Fuck yeah! I hope for your sake he’s a good kisser. But it’s all
2008, alcohol was the date rape drug of choice in 80% of sexual
about being smart about your choices and being safe so you
assault cases. If you have been assaulted, remember that being
can have the time of your life at night, and turn up to those 9am
drunk does not grant others permission to your body and it is
lectures with a blue Powerade hating the world, hung-over, in
not at all your fault. Counselling services are available at Student
your “I thought this was clean” shorts and “it was on the floor”
Health and the national helpline for the Rape and Sexual Abuse
top, ready to do it all again.
Healing Centre (located in Hamilton) is 0800 88330.
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
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Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
#ORI2015 THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME Hunter Martoncik
Before I came over from The Homeland, they told me that New
Even better, the morning after — while you may or may not
Zealanders party like no other. That was coming from a girl at the
be nursing a hangover — you can roll up to the Pak’n’Save Big
number one party school in the United States. She wasn’t wrong,
Breakfast before you crawl to your early morning classes. Otago
however she should have said Hamiltonians party like no other.
even offers a free workout class to burn off the alcohol calories,
Auckland may have O-Week club themed nights for two weeks, but H-Town does it harder and better. Apart from two extras, Auckland has all the same themes we get at Bar 101, including the
but WSU was a bit more creative. Instead on Thursday at 1pm walk to the fields for a bit of fun on the Slip ‘n’ Slide. Its bound to burn off a few calories anyways.
Beach Party, Jungle Party, Toga Party, Little Black Dress Party,
The biggest night of the week will be Wednesday, when both
Fluro Party and Jägermeister Party. But what Auckland doesn’t
the legendary Toga Party and Hullabaloo are happening. There
have is The Outback. For a mere 50 metres down Victoria Street,
will be no march this year, instead students are invited to kick
you can also experience the Foam Party, Cowboys and Indians,
the night off at Hullabaloo before spending the rest of the night
Traffic Light Party, Beerfest, Paint Party and finally on Saturday,
partying away in an old sheet at the legendary Bar 101. WSU will
Outback XL. On top of that, The Hut (another 50 metres again)
be running a bus at 4pm to Claudelands, where Hullabaloo is
is also having themed nights.
happening. At 5 the madness starts featuring NERO, Gorgon
Of course, Auckland has more bars, but they lack the proximity that make it so easy to navigate Hammy-Town. On top of that, Aucklanders often face long lines that wrap down the street to get in. Hamilton may have a bit of a line, but no longer than five minutes before you are in with the crowd enjoying the night like O-Week promises. I guess that is why some Aucklanders come down to us instead. The University of Auckland also holds its annual Hip Hop day with b-boy battles and beat boxing. Similarly Victoria is holding a workshop where a few students can learn to DJ. But this year our Waikato Student Union has put in tonnes of effort in making #ORI2015 one to not miss. First of all, there’s the pièce de résistance that is Hullabaloo on Wednesday, as well as events all week long on the Village Green, including live music, Burger
City, Dodge & Fuski, Akouo, Kilter, Azizi Gibson w/ Kamandi, A Sides, and Young Gifted and Broke. From there at 10pm, WSU will run a bus from Claudelands to town and then to the University. Might I also add how lucky we are that our Toga Party is free; at Massey, Otago, Victoria and Canterbury they have to pay to attend their toga nights. So the party continues on for one heck of a Wednesday. During the day just like Wellington with the acoustic locals shows, we have live bands and DJs playing all day in the Village green. So in between classes, you can catch up with your mates and enjoy the exciting atmosphere or maybe just rest a little in the grass listening to the music. During Wednesday at Clubs day there will also be demos like the Kapa Haka. A very good chance for any internationals to get an eye full of some Maori culture.
Fuel Bodypaint competition, the Slip ‘n’ Slide, the Meat Pie Mile,
To wrap up #ORI2015, on Friday there will be an open mic, picnic
The Hungry Games, and the U Leisure Strongman competition.
and a Chiefs pre-game event. You can then catch the WSU bus
There’s also the Pak’n’Save Big Breakfast and Kai Run at Gate 1
to Waikato stadium to watch the game. Either watch a try made
during the week.
from the grass or view the whole game in the stadium seats.
Otago promoted their free ice cream, free candy and free “healthy” lunch for those who insisted. But how can that
Enjoy a Waikato Drought while waving a Chiefs flag to support the team and enjoy the last bit of #ORI2015.
compare to WSU putting on a BBQ every night right before they
At Massey they bring in a hypnotist for their O-Week. Here in
drive free vans into town from 10pm till 4am? Not sure how it is
Hamilton we don’t need one. A day full of activities and a night
down in Otago, but nothing compares to a juicy sausage right
full of drinking and dancing, you wake up feeling like you were
before town when you are already feeling it. BBQ just tastes that
hypnotized anyways. It’s truly a week unlike any other and one
much better on a stomach full of alcohol.
you will just have to experience for yourself. Why would you want to be anywhere else?
23
NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
ARE YOU TOO OLD FOR O-WEEK? Brittany Rose
We all know that Hamilton gets a bad rap. When the go-to joke is about chlamydia I can’t help but roll my eyes. Hamilton really isn’t as bad as people seem to think. Sure, during the day the CBD may look like a ghost town, but once the sun has set and the taxis start streaming down Victoria Street, Hamilton comes alive. Central city is not dead, Victoria St thrives after dark and is home to many places to sit, drink and talk with friends. Town after 10pm is the perfect setting for becoming BFFs with that random girl in the bathroom, and there’s no better time to grope around under Riff Raff’s skirt just to check if the statue really is anatomically correct. So, in celebration of Hamilton town (and in preparation for O-Week), it is imperative that you find out how your personality stacks up against the identity of Hamilton clubs. Or in other words, what club are you?
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What’s on your pre-town playlist?
If you’re buying a drink in town, what’s your go-to?
A) Club Bangers! Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!
A) I appreciate the occasional backdraft, and student
Everybodyyy!
discount is always helpful.
B) LDRU, CTFD, TWRK... Keen if it’s trap, electronica or an
B) A jug of beer. I like to sit down and have a yarn early on
anagram.
in the night.
C) Who needs loud music when you can gossip with your
C) Vodka, lime and lemonade, perhaps? A glass of Sauv?
girls and Insta your outfit?
Maybe a cider?
D) Savage ‘Freaks’ is your jam, mix that in with Kanye, Drake
D) Smirnoff Ice! If it’s in a bottle I can chuck a straw in and
and some Chris Brown please.
dance with that cutie without spills.
Girls, what is your typical town ensemble?
How do you like to spend your time in a club?
A) I have so many party dresses from House of G to pair
A) On the D floor! Gotta love messing around on the stage
with high heels!
or being up on the pole.
B) I look good in anything I wear. If I can dance hard in my
B) Chilling outside and talking to mates or throwing myself
shoes, then I’m sweet.
around in a drugged-out state.
C) SO sick of my old town dresses, I’ve started playing
C) Singing/yelling along to live music and sitting outside. I
around with separates & denim.
meet new people & socialise.
D) As long as my hair’s done and I can get low then I’m
D) Chilling in the smokers area and people-watching or
ready.
busting out my legit af dance moves.
Boys, what’s your typical town ensemble?
It’s 2.47am, you know the clubs are about to close, what
A) I chuck on skinny jeans or chinos with a fairly clean
do you do?
T-shirt and consider it sorted.
A) The club’s about to close? I’m too wasted to check the
B) I lace up them canvas shoes and I’m ready to party in my
time. I’ve also lost my phone.
printed button-up.
B) I’m still amped! Party on, then home for a spliff and the
C) Simplicity is key. Besides, my watch, leather lace ups and
comedown.
cologne add that little extra.
C) Grab a taxi! Trying to find one once 3pm hits is a
D) I love my brands! Federation, Lower and Crate. Drop-
nightmare that you’d like to avoid.
crotch jeans and a snapback cap.
D) You go to leave, but then your fave song comes on so you stay for just one more dance.
Mostly As
Mostly Cs
You are the Stereotypical Student! This means you’re the
You are the Alcoholic ‘Adult’! The Bank, or Good Home
perfect match for Bar 101 or The Outback. You’re in town
(formerly House) are ideal. You’re super sick of 18 year olds’
because you’ve already drunk a lot and want to keep
tragic attempts at hitting on you, and laugh at the drunk
partying past your noise complaint. Screw spending your
chicks who can’t walk in their shoes yet. You like the live
precious alcohol budget at a bar, you’re here to dance with
music because the band interacts with the audience, unlike
your mates and talk shit at the 101 garden bar.
arrogant DJs who won’t play requests.
Mostly Bs
Mostly Ds
You are the Cool Cat! Congrats, you’ll love Static, and on
You are the Hip hop Homie! You’ll be right at home at The
the odd occasion should hit up The Back Bar. You like small
Hood, and maybe even The Hutt if you feel like trekking to
venues packed with people who are on the same vibe as
Alexandra St. You like hip hop, you like R&B and you like
you. Cheap drinks before midnight suits you well...so does
dancing to it. Why else would you go to town if it wasn’t for
the lack of top 40 music.
a sick beat from a dece sound system?
25
NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space
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N.01 / V.47
Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE
A Squatter’s Paradise: Hillcrest I arrive to see two males stuck in the stages between boy and manhood leaning against a racing-cum-grandma car. One is the well-dressed photographer, Cam, the other is a tall and muscular boy named Kiko; he has Rick James tattooed across his fingers and is wearing only his faded black underwear. Out walks a slightly older, though still boyish, man named Benn. I can tell instantly that he is Cam’s brother; he has the same sort of smile that runs from ear to ear. Benn is the homeowner — or something close to it. The exterior of the house, from what I can make out through the masses of foliage, is minimal and mid-century. Though built 40odd years ago, the house still looks modern, with its large grey breeze bricks and natural wood. I was told the same architect who built the original Waikato University buildings also built this very house. Inside, the well-lit and open-plan house is spacious, with tall ceilings and endless cork flooring — perfect for parties. Strange imagery, ranging from Jim Morrison and his nipples to 1960s posters of naked women in forests, covers the walls in the lounge. A mutilated poster of Justin Bieber catches my eye in the corridor. Hundreds of flies buzz around a passed out looking Kiko on the couch. He moves and they switch their attention to the halfdrunk bottle of Schweppes Ginger Ale sitting on a makeshift chest coffee table. A party occurred here last night. A naked baby balances on top of a cupboard in the kitchen; below it is the head of a Barbie atop a play dough figure of a squashed man with a large penis. Cam tells me of the “incestuous” nature of the house, explaining how it often becomes home to passing friends, relatives, and lovers. I can see why people would want to stay here. The open spaces and tall ceilings give you room to think. The unusual knick knacks and wall art add a homely touch. This bohemian space is a little escape from reality.
27
Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
ALC 101
Lesson One: Beach Drinking
Raglan is by far the best option due to its proximity to Hamilton,
Drunk Professor
Avoiding Arrest
and accessibility via the Raglan 23 bus (runs Mon-Fri, check busit. co.nz for more info). Otherwise nab a sober driver because those corners are as blind as three mice.
As many New Zealand beaches have liquor bans in place it is highly recommended that the student research areas affected by said bans to avoid arrest. Alternative solutions are: New Zealand has a culture where it is a custom — and matter of patriotic duty — to partake in traditional summer activities, quite specifically the ‘day at the beach’. This activity is an aspect of New Zealand society that permeates with an individual’s sense of identity from childhood, through adolescence and well into their adult life. Once a NZ child reaches full maturity and leaves the comfort of the family home in favour of the sticky-floored, poorly heated flat/halls of residence, they are in prime position to experiment with the highly recommended (yet potentially life threatening) act of ‘beach drinking’. Choosing a Location Dear students of University of Waikato, you have two options in regards to this activity, each of which involve fleeing from the city: 1. Drive 1½ hours east, over the Kaimais to The Mount and/or Papamoa beach, 2. Drive/bus 40 minutes west, through winding roads to the quaint, black-sanded town of Raglan.
1. Purchase Old Mout, remove the label, and pretend you are drinking cheap fizzy drink from the local Four Square, 2. Empty half a bottle of Kristov into a litre water bottle and top it up with cranberry juice, 3. Cruise into the waves with a fuck-it attitude and watertight goon in hand. Medical Advice It is evidenced that beach drinking may result in undesirable physical afflictions such as dizziness and vomiting (symptomatic of heat stroke/sunburn), a gritty, sandpaper-like sensation in the vulva area, and certain death, so proceed with caution. For my final piece of advice: a reminder. Raglan has a steep hill down to the ocean; so unless you wish to walk back up the hill to recycle your empties, don’t take a 12-pack. Instead, stop off at the Dinsdale Countdown, purchase a few ciders and drink them at the lookout before heading down to the sand. Join me next week for a lecture on the sacred act of flatwarming.
29
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE
O-Week Dressing for Clueless First Years
therefore pants (or a long skirt if you’re so inclined) are the only
Jessica Wilson
at a goth club spinning Spice Girls. For the gals, I’m starting from
way to go. You may think this is horrendously sexist and unfair, but that’s just the matriarchal society we live in. Opt for either a pair of slim fit jeans or a pair of chinos in any earthy or vegetable colour. I like pumpkin and aubergine. Gals. I’m going to mix it up a little because I’m crazy. I’m like a DJ the bottom up. If I were Indiana Jones it would be heels, not snakes, that I would fear most. If you can’t walk in heels, don’t risk the broken ankle
Guys. We’re going to start from the top up. Nothing says ‘under
and wear flats instead. Watching girls (and non-girls) stumble
the diamond-lit sky I will embrace your body better than a womb
around in heels like a dying fawn is on par with watching your
to an embryo’ than a low scoop neck t-shirt. But warning: don’t
best friend get skinned alive and fed to a pit of demonic mice. I
go too low. As a rule of thumb, the more muscular your chest, the
wouldn’t know however, as I do not have friends.
higher your neckline should be. If you consider yourself average or a bit above, opt for a neckline that’s only slightly low. The skinnier you are, the lower you can work the neckline. If you’re not into showing off the goods, you can never go wrong with a short-sleeved button-up shirt. Avoid plaid shirts if you don’t want to look like a lumberjack or worse, an accountant.
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N.01 / V.47
The next part is easy. All dresses must be either above knee or midi. No exceptions. If you want to still look chic whilst showing off your hot bod in a tight dress, then wear a dress that is blacker than your eyeliner, but not quite as black as your soul. If you’re in the mood to wear some colour, opt for a dress that is either floaty or strongly structured. Coloured body-con dresses almost always
Unless you’re ridiculously good looking or know the bouncers,
look cheap (though that may be the effect you’re going for). If you
most clubs won’t let you in wearing anything above the knees,
hate dresses, then wear a skinny suit. Fuck the patriarchy.
Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
AUNTY SLUT
THE WEEKLY GRIND
Communication. Consent. Cunnilingus.
The Foot Guy: Backseat of His Rental Pt.I
Aunty Slut
Resident Gay
Dear Aunty Slut,
A year ago everyone thought I was on the road to pussy and straight-
How can I laid?
salvation. When I came out as gay (no pun intended), everything
Sincerely,
changed. I became the gay best friend to every lip gloss crazed girl. As
Every First Year Boy Partying for O-Week.
well as becoming quite well dressed, I also became quite the manwhore. I call him ‘The Foot Guy’ because he offers a decent amount of cash
Dear First Year Boys, O-Week is a magical land where there are no parents to tell you off, no limit on how much alcohol you can buy, and often, no pants. And let me
in exchange for sexual encounters with man-feet. Did I ever dream I would be pleasuring a stranger with my feet to make some dosh? Yes, since I was 3.
tell you, there will be hot people. Lots and lots of hot people, who won’t
So like the goaded sheep I am, I began to send this potential business
be wearing all that much (especially on toga night).
partner a portfolio of my feet with the occasional erect penis pic thrown
But do you know what is even sexier than hot, sweaty, semi-naked humans? The three Cs. Communication. Consent. And Cunnilingus.
in. Things got weird when he ventured down the path of “Do they smell?”…“I like them to reek!!” but each to their own, I guess. I mean who am I to judge, I’m one of those blasted homosexual types who insist on
I don’t care what that malingering bint who wrote 50 Shades of Grey
jamming their appendages up waste holes. Which begs the question,
(which is just domestic violence masquerading as erotica, and about as
‘was I only into this because of low self-esteem?’ Most likely.
sexy as walking into the toilet after your lover finished a really smelly shit) has led you to believe, coercing someone into sex is not ok. Getting someone so pissed they don’t know what they’re doing is not funny or clever. Pressuring someone to have sex with you is not sexy. And staring at people while they shower just makes you a stalker. Instead of being a creepy creeper, talk to each other! Sex is only sexy when everyone invited to the party is keen as to be there. And you know, talking about the sex can be nearly as sexy as having the sex, and it can sometimes lead to the sex! Just this morning I had an X-rated dream involving my lover so I rolled over to tell him about it, and by
At this point I went cold on him and thought the gimmick was up with nothing to show for it. But lucky for me, a man who tries to coerce other men on Grindr to sell him their feet, is a persistent one. He declared he was already in Hamilton – creepy – and would very much like to see ‘my feet’. Notice that he wasn’t interested in me as a whole, just wanted my feet, go figure. By utilising the epitome of safety that is the Gate 10 Car Park at 10pm, I agreed to hold an introductory orientation of my feet for him in his car.
the time I was halfway through he was making my dream come true.
In a flurry of adrenaline, I paraded into my friend’s cottage and
Communication is key to coming. (Cunnilingus also helps.)
cautioned him that if I was not back in 30 minutes, he ought to call
First year boys, if you want to get laid the key is to not be a selfish
the police.
d-bag. Go out and find someone who turns you on (who is hell-yes
The time spent standing on the sidewalk, waiting for someone to come
enthusiastic to have sex with you), then pleasure them. And no matter
pay me for sexual favours was invaluable, and created a really special
how much fun they are having, I guarantee you will enjoy yourself too.
moment to cherish for the rest of my life. “You’re a fucking twat” I sung,
And if you know that smashed babe would not be stoked you bumped
ever so slightly deranged. Crying from my ass, tears of sweat soaked
uglies together by the time they wake up, don’t do it. It’s that simple.
through layers of pants, in blatant fear of the situation.
If the person you want to bang doesn’t want to bang you back, find someone else! O-Week is crawling with students who are new to town and keen to experiment. If you can’t find someone else, go home with the one person who will always be there for you when you need to come — you. It’s a better alternative to a sexual assault conviction.
A bright pair of headlights now entered the carpark and like a moth to a flame I drew nearer. With the engine still running, I jumped in the front seat without confirmation it was even him because fuck. The good news is that it was him, the bad news is that this was still fucking crazy. To be continued…
Love, Aunty Slut Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz
31
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
CARNAGE
Freeedddomm Jules Craft
Since that point I stopped creating pictures, I stopped practicing, thus I stopped improving. I never learned how to get what was inside my brain onto a piece of paper with a paintbrush. Now I’m constantly tormented by my inability to paint the beautiful images that I have in my mind. The fact is that way too often I drop nuts to self-expression, not because I don’t like it, but because I’m worried that if I try I’m going to churn out another overweight Orangutan.
Yup, you guessed it, Crafty’s back with another action packed year of “I know he’s talking shit but I’m kind of feeling what he’s saying.” You see, I was meant to refine my writing over the summer holidays, really give it some good practice. I was hoping to come back with a brilliantly rehearsed and well themed column. Something with structure; an easy to read, easy to follow stepby-step manuscript of entertainment... buuuttt instead I chose to get freaky in India for a month and come back full of my usual disorientated mumbo jumbo.
I get so stuck thinking about what I can’t do properly that I never do anything. I sort of end up over turning the same ideas over and over again in my head, my brain becomes stagnant. When I do manage to sack up and put something out however, my mind is reopened. All of a sudden when I can see the physical representation of what was in my head out in front of me, my brain starts to branch off in all different directions. I find new inspiration and new perspectives on what I was thinking about because I’ve emptied my mind out onto the external world allowing for more
That’s my goal for myself and you, yes you; the dapper, intelligent,
space in my internal world. I find that thing William Wallace got all
twisted reader that you are. LET THE MUMBO JUMBO REIN FREE!
fired up about “FREEDDDOMMMM.” Think about it.
While I was over in the land of Shiva, Vishnu, and Hanuman without a whole lot of internet or the availability of personal networks, I began to realise how important it is to stop and listen to yourself. Not just to stop and listen, but to also act on it. We spend so much time distracted by the external world that we forget we have something going on internally, something that needs to get out.
There’s your weekly dose of your hippy, trippy, “I spent a month in India and now I’m enlightened” advice… express what’s internal in anyway possible. Writing, painting, rapping, rhythmical dance, synchronized swimming, whatever allows you to show your own mumbo jumbo. Life is like any decent hierarchal job: if you want to go anywhere new you’re going to have to put out.
I’ve always thought I was a shit artist, well not always. It’s ever since my childhood friend told me that my painting of a wasp look more like “an over-weight Orangutan” and laughed at me.
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N.01 / V.47
ERRR MONGG CRAFTY OUTTTTT.
Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
HAMILTON GEMS
The Sugar Bowl Brittany Rose
‘The Bowl’, as Rachel refers to it, had a pretty casual start. They just “sorta winged it,” opening a few weeks after the birth of their first child, they filled it with stuff from home - which explains the aesthetic. Although both are involved in the day-to-day, Aaron is the consistently smiling face behind the coffee machine. Say “Hi” once and he’ll remember your face.
The Sugar Bowl Cafe is the cutest damn cafe in the city. With an Antique Roadshow aesthetic, Sugar Bowl’s mood is characterised by an eclectic bunch of knickknacks that line the wall of shelves. The grandma-chic look is contradicted by a large scale bohemian girl (Esme) stenciled onto plywood. Think brass swans, mint coloured 70s vases, and tattoo flash art and you’ve got the idea of this week’s Hamilton Gem. Although it’s on the other side of the river, (150 Maeroa Rd) it’s well worth a Sunday morning visit. If not for the menu, then at least check it out its
Well and truly a family business, Weka coffee beans are provided by Rachel’s father who lives in a loft above his business in Frankton. Weka coffee beans must be damn good, because the team at the cafe can turn them into an early morning pick-meup that rivals any other. The baristas are excellent, as are the chefs. Take a scroll through their Facebook page and you’ll salivate at the photos of food. Entirely made from scratch (even the relish), the menu is fair trade, free range, and caters to gluten free or dairy free diets.
welcoming staff and the charming barista who looks a little like
Sugar Bowl have a swag of recent culture/fashion/lifestyle
Joseph Gordon Levitt.
magazines and newspapers to browse through, so go check
Sadly Jo Gordon is taken. He’s one half of the Bidois couple who own and manage the business which will reach its 10 year anniversary in November. Before opening, Rach worked as a graphic designer, and Aaron as a hairdresser. Both living in Auckland, now based in Raglan, they found the site and decided
them out! Drink your cappuccino, munch on your French Toast with bacon and blueberry sauce while flicking through the latest issue of Remix (or take a copy of Nexus!). Either that or spend the whole time Instagramming your meal, you pesky millenial. Tag us @nexusmag and show us your favourite #HamiltonGem.
to commit to the obscure location, and change of lifestyle.
TRAVEL
Crocs and Cocktails
bought me a Gold Card. Designed for Aussie residents, it gives
Rachael Elliott
it was bloody brilliant. I’m sure Sea World isn’t perfect, but the
the bearer admission to Sea World, Movie World and Wet’n’Wild for a year. I have to admit, I wasn’t sure I’d be into the theme park jazz- but enrichment offered their wildlife, and the rehab they’re doing for dolphins who wouldn’t survive in the wild is awesome. Movie World was an absolute riot- mostly because I’m a big chicken,
I swore to myself that once I finished my thesis I’d go on holiday. Somewhere big: Japan, Scotland, Canada, Hawaii… but after a bank balance reality check (it takes a while to recover from the bone-crushing poverty of post-grad study) I realised that luckily, the place I really wanted to go was just across the ditch. My brother skipped out just over a year ago to live in Brisbane, so
and therefore quite entertaining. We didn’t go to Wet’n’Wild, but wandered through Surfer’s Paradise and had dinner at the Hard Rock Café instead. I spent several afternoons lying beside the pool in my brother’s apartment complex, drinking fruity drinks, and rolling off the edge into the water every now and then to cool off.
I snapped up some flights and headed over for the xmas break.
The highlight of my trip was my childhood dream come true: a
Brissy is a great place to stay- it’s just up the motorway from the
trip to Australia Zoo. I’ve been a huge fan of the Crocodile Hunter
Gold Coast, but without the GC price tags. I also saved dollars by
since I was a kid, and even though Steve wasn’t there (sob) I got
crashing at my brother’s place, and taking no-food flights that
to see all the crocodiles from the series. I also got to hold an
arrived at 1am.
alligator which was fucking ACE. Bubba Joe was so soft I just
When my brother asked me what I wanted to do during my holiday I said “drink fruit cocktails and go to Steve Irwin’s zoo.”
wanted to cuddle him! (I refrained though. He probably would have eaten my face off.)
What can I say, I’m easily pleased; also, I’m broke. But my brother
Brissy holiday: perfect mixture of sitting on my ass drinking fruity
has his game plan for kiwi visitors down pat, so for Christmas he
drinks, hanging with my bro and going on exciting adventures.
33
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
THE SINGLE LIFE
You’re Never Alone In O-Week Emma Nygard
to those floating in the single ship. Plus, it’s totally gross when couples PDA in town, but when two strangers dry hump on the stage of BAR101, although also slightly icky — it’s far more acceptable. There aren’t many times in the year I like to revel in my single-status but this is a special occasion, so here’s my quick O-week Hook-up guide for all you newbies. • Get on Tinder! Why not? Okay, there’s lots of reasons… but when you’re drunk it’ll sound like a great idea. You can scope
If there is one consolation prize for being excruciatingly alone on Valentines Day it is the infamous STI fest that is being single during O-Week! One of the few times during the year that the culprits of emo Facebook statuses about unrequited crushes and just general gloom seem to disappear entirely, everybody is out for a good time (but not necessarily a long time). I am, of course slightly biased — having never spent a single Hamilton O-week (or any other week of the year for that matter) tied down, but I would compare the amount of fun had by couples
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N.01 / V.47
the sexy singles in your area without getting a virus (of the computer kind anyway) and practice your God-awful pick-up lines that will only work with other dangerously intoxicated people. • Take selfies — so everybody knows how hot you look, including that girl/guy you’ve got your eye on, because after five minutes in town you won’t look anything like your pre-town selfie. Anybody who still looks like a 10 in town is not having enough fun/shots.
during this initial week of crazy, drunken antics to the amount of
• Don’t go out looking for love — you probably won’t find it.
fun had by couples at RnV. Yeah, you get the alcohol, the music
What you might find however, is bad drunk sex in a toilet, or
— but the uncertainty of who’s bed or what hall you will end up in
being kicked out at 8 in the morning after he promised to take
the next day… no amount of comfortable cuddles with your better
you to Maccas breakfast the night before (call me naïve but I’m
half can compare to that.
still bitter about that).
I’m not saying couples can’t have fun, but there is an element
So grab a handful of condoms free from the Waikato Health
of freedom and just general not-giving-a-fuck O-week provides
Centre and prepare for a week full of drunk, single fun.
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NEXUS MAGAZINE President’s Column
To those of you who are experiencing their first week of University life I congratulate you for surviving the Great NCEA Cull of 2014. If this is your first week at University I’m going to use my special powers of deduction (acquired over a very long University career) to assume this is your first time reading Nexus Magazine. This magazine comes out every Monday and will get you through those boring early morning lectures. If you have recently found yourself lost in the maze that is our campus, I am sorry we can’t offer you a University map — but what we can offer you is a map that could lead you to the greatest week of your university life. ORI2015 or O-Week is a week filled with debauchery and shenanigans, but be careful, there is nothing worse than realising the 2 girls that you hooked up with at the toga party live on your floor, or finding out that the first lecture that you missed would have made you pull out of the paper.
Students of the University of Waikato — Welcome to 2015 Shannon Stewart, WSU President
Whether you’re keen for some free breakfast, live music, free buses to and from town or some sweet prizes and events we have got you covered this week. Who are we you may ask? We are the Waikato Student’s Union and it is our job to make sure that you have everything you need for a great time at Waikato. We have a range of services including advocacy, a clubs network and a budgeting service so we’ve got all your student related problems covered. We also provide things like this magazine, ORI2015 and other events that you’ll see around campus. My name is Shannon and I am the President of this fine establishment so it is my job to keep our board in line and make sure we deliver some cool and useful things for our students. When you see us in O-Week make sure you sign up, get
Let this be the year when you finally pass that paper, speak to
36
yourselves a free bag and get involved this O-Week.
that cute girl across from you in the library or manage to hold
One last thing.. Wherever you are reading this whether it is on the
down more than three bottles of that dirty river water we call
green, in your flat or in a poli-sci lecture, put down this magazine
Waikato Draught without throwing up a little in your mouth. It’s
right now and go and get a Hullabaloo ticket it is going to be the
an acquired taste but you’ll get used to it.
thing people talk about all next week.
N.01 / V.47
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Cooking for Students
Eggs Benedict Zac Lyon
And it’s that time of year again… O-Week. The start of your Uni lives for some of you greenhorns. Love it or hate it, it’s almost a rite of passage into the big bad world of Uni. Pull those big boy/girl pants up, get loose and have a good time. My job is to make you Monday mornings slightly more bearable or unbearable, depends on how you look at it. As some of you will be intending to get pretty messy by the time this goes to print, I thought a recipe on post party recovery might come in handy.
Ingredients 4+ Muffin splits Streaky bacon – the more the better 4 eggs Hollandaise Sauce 3 egg yolks 1 Tbs lemon juice (approximately half a lemon) 130 grams of melted butter 1/2 tsp salt (to taste)
Method Get a bench top blender out, or a whisk if you want to get a wrist workout (not that kind of workout lads). Throw in the three egg yolks along with lemon juice and beat until the mixture pales slightly. Slowly add in the butter while whisking/blending until the mixture thickens. Add salt to taste. Toast those muffin splits, and throw the bacon into a hot frypan. Poach the other 4 eggs in a pot of hot water (not boiling) – if you wanna know how to poach an egg right, head over to my Youtube Channel, Cooking4Students. Once all your elements are done, bacon is fried nicely, muffins are toasted and hollandaise sauce is done, construct your tower of deliciousness. Start with the muffins, then add bacon, then poached eggs and top with hollandaise sauce. Sprinkle over chopped parsley to be nice and healthy and consume.
Serves 2-4
If you fullas can’t figure out how to follow these really easy instructions, check out Cooking4Students on Youtube for follow along videos. Piece of cake.
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Snapped NEXUS MAGAZINE
SNAPPED
Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! he best snap each week (printed with the Burgerfuel logo on it), wins a voucher from our mates. Claim it from the Nexus office at SUB.
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7
1 7
6
1
3
9
10 15
19
23
15
26
12
20
1 2
1
2
4
5
7
3
7
6
5
9
6
2 3 7
HARD
SLITHERLINK
7 11
3 1
3
Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1 –26. Crack the code to solve the crossword. 17
2
5
3
8
MEDIUM
10
7
7
7 5
6
5
9
CODEWORDS
25
9
2
3
2
4
1 3
6
EASY
5
9
8 3
6
8
2
9 9
6
8
19
17
12
18 26
5
8
23
15
18 18
3
21
8
15 19
11
19 15
15
21
Join the dots to create a single continuous loop. The A B
numbers indicate how many lines must surround each number. The loop must never cross itself.
C
3
D
3
3
3
0
1
3
1
1
3
3
E 19 23
8 3
24
21
13
2
17
21
15
5
15
22 2
26 7
15
17
25 21
2 19
2
21 15
24 8
18
2
17 13
8 17
5
15
2 19
18
15 26
F G H I J K
3
L 26
21
19 21
1
2
9
15
5
15 18
17
17
22
8
12
12 19
21 13
4
5 14
7 16
15
17
10 5
21 11
8
5
15 15
2 2
17
26 15
12
19
O P Q R
6
18
13
5
17
8
19
17
19
21
13
17
5 2
2 20
3
17
19 21
2 23
8 8
18
17
7 23
12 26
8
19
8
2 26
2 19
15
8 2
11
15
T U V W X Y Z
WORD TWIST
S
I
S
D
V
O
E
R
O
N
R W
N
Z
H
40
S
N.01 / V.47
How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.
2 3
N
S 9
1
M
3
1
1 2
2
2
Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE
CROSSWORD
KAKURO Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the
Solve the clues and fill in the words. 1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number
14
15
17
16
18
19
20
21 24
28
29
30
37
40
26
48
54
55
63
34
35
49
64
7
17
16 17
17 23
4
21
6
46
13
6
13 8
50
16
43 18
57 65
37
27
52 56
9
11
42 45
51
19
39
44
16 22
40 33
38
44
5
27
41
43
6
23
32
36
53
22
25
31
47
more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).
58
59
60
61
15
62
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
SIMPLE PUZZLE FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE Are regular puzzles too hard? Do your flatmates not let you
Across
52. Burn (4)
22. Like some tea (4)
1. Pierce (4)
53. Egyptian cobra (3)
25. Ranch enclosure (6)
5. Skidded (4)
56. Scrape roughly (4)
27. Tiny (6)
9. Absolute (5)
58. Revolve (6)
28. Stadium (5)
14. Give a job to (4)
63. Root for (5)
29. Courage (5)
15. Not difficult (4)
65. Cleaned (clothes) (9)
30. Makes eyes at (5)
16. Indigent (5)
67. Beatle ____ Starr (5)
31. Stopped (6)
17. Lacking the ability (9)
68. Apex (4)
32. Worship (6)
19. Cookstove (5)
69. Sub store (4)
33. Nuzzles (5)
20. Macaroni and spaghetti (6)
70. Finance (5)
34. Act toward (5)
21. Famous canal (4)
71. Necklace part (4)
35. Appears to be (5)
23. ____ Moines, Iowa (3)
72. Pepper’s companion (4)
38. Agent (abbr.) (3)
use scissors? That’s alright we think your special. Join the dots to make a surprise animal.
44. Buddhist monk (4)
24. Photos, for short (4) 26. ____ and gown (3)
Down
45. Memorized (7)
28. Guacamole ingredient (7)
1. Ocean vessel (4)
48. Not wide (3)
32. Eases up (7)
2. Songstress ____ Turner (4)
50. Trampled (4)
36. Frenzy (4)
3. Circle sections (4)
52. Area (5)
37. Was mistaken (5)
4. Whip (4)
53. 43,560 square feet (4)
39. Ripped (4)
5. Beach (7)
54. Leg part (4)
40. Singer ____ Fitzgerald (4)
6. Hunting dog, for short (3)
55. Remain undecided (4)
41. Clergy mem (3)
7. The British ____ (5)
57. Thick slice (4)
42. “____ dead people!” (1,3)
8. Color changer (4)
59. Williams and Koppel (4)
43. Refusals (4)
9. Imaginary (6)
60. Neighborhood (4)
44. Jacket part (5)
10. Pekoe, e.g. (3)
61. Narrate (4)
46. Squad (4)
11. Take care of (4)
62. Rewrite text (4)
47. Arms depot (7)
12. Border (4)
64. Self-esteem (3)
49. Quizzes again (7)
13. Bread grains (4)
66. ____ Thurman of “Kill
51. River barrier (3)
18. Dad (4)
Bill” (3)
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