Nexus, Issue 21, 2013

ISSUE 21, VOLUME 45

16 SEPTEMBER 2013

Meet Uni Q, Waikato’s LGBT club.

We’ll also introduce you to WaQuY: Waikato Queer Youth.

Queer Education: where our kids are missing out.

Nexus goes gay for Pride week

Book your 2014 travel

today!

LONDON

979

ONE WAY FROM $

ALL AGES

BANGKOK

RETURN FROM $

1099

LOS ANGELES

RETURN FROM $

EUROPE

RETURN FROM $

STUDENT/UNDER 26

1349

STUDENT/UNDER 26

ROUND THE WORLD

1769 ALL AGES

2299

FROM $

STUDENT/UNDER 26

PLUS - Get up to 10% off Contiki North America tours - $50 off Summer Camp USA - 10% off Work Canada - And heaps more in-store

COME AND SEE THE TEAM AT STA TRAVEL WAIKATO UNI TODAY! Gate 1, Knighton Road, University of Waikato P 07 856 1300 E waikatouni@stores.statravel.co.nz *Terms and conditions apply. Ask in-store for details.

elcom sue Fo

contents

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor zanian steele news@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, Morgahna Godwin, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Jess Molina, Gil Denny, Amber, Tony Stevens, Hoss and Ayman Aneece, Liana Tere, Jackson MasonMackay, Suzanne Cunningham, Craig Burns, Rhiannon Bond, Nicola Potts, Zac Lyon and Aaron Letcher

Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers.

Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton

issue 21 / VOLUME 45 / 16 SEPTEMBER / 2013 News

[3] University News.

[4] News.

[6] Sports Thoughts.

[8] Not News.

Opinion [10] Lettuce to the Editor.

[13] Top Ten

Entertainment and Reviews [14] Film, Gig & CafĂŠ review.

Horoscopes [15] Game, Comic & Album review.

Horoscopes [16] @Honest_Matt Meets...

[17] Eight Ball.

Cool Not Cool.

[18] Puzzles [20] Feature - Pride Week

WSU

[26] President’s Column + Veeps [27] Ask Amber + Citizens Advice Bureau + Young Workers Resource Centre

Lifestyle

[28] Food Page [29] Auteur + Google This [30] Religiousity + Crime Map [31] Campus Style [32] Louise vs The World + Making Living Cheaper [33] Arts - Nicola Potts [34] Slut DJ [35] Mr Minty Fish + Diary of a Single Girl [36] Was This You? [37] Shit You Can Do

online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

1

Editorial

Editorial

Highlight Reel

BY ALIX HIGBY

this week in nexus // Pg: 20

Pride Week All the gay you could want, and more.

Relationships are hard work. We’re raised to view them as straight forward, black and white affairs (depending on your household), and when we’re old enough to experience them ourselves, we eventually realise just how messed up they really are. You’re never prepared for it until you’re in it.

Relationships come in a wide variety. I don’t just mean gay, straight or bi. People have open relationships, they are monogamous, dependent, one-sided, balanced and respectful, and then of course, they can also be built on lies, mistrust and all the other undesirables. Sometimes you don’t even know the type of relationship you have until it’s finished. You look back after a couple of years and think, “hey, he was a terrible boyfriend.

in their own feelings and need to discover the meaning of their own (spoiler alert) meaningless life in particular, that they neglect anything that occurs beyond the end of their nose and inadvertently (and also very knowingly) use those around them for their own personal gain. Douchebag101: Born or made?

Sometimes it’s just a phase, sometimes you will never ever change them and they are lying to your face while they chase tail elsewhere.

I’m going to step out of this now before I name anyone my friends are currently seeing.

With all that being said, I will segue this ridiculous editorial with IT’S PRIDE WEEK and Nexus is on board to support all sexual orientations, even if they choose to partake in the oft life-destroying business of relationships.

“That relationship was akin to 15 cheeseburgers in one drunken sitting, so unbelievably unhealthy.”

That relationship was akin to 15 cheeseburgers in one drunken sitting, so unbelievably unhealthy.” Or you think “hey, she was actually really awesome, I can’t believe we let [insert stupid argument here] get in the way of that sweet raucous sex we had regularly.”

Or you float off into the distance like Natalie Portman at the end of Closer and don’t ever think of them again. Unfortunately, that’s a theatrical reference point most of us will never achieve, and instead we sit in empty lecture theatres pondering the ‘what if’s’ and wondering if you really can repeat the past (you can’t. See: The Great Gatsby.)

It’s a beautiful train wreck, but every now and then the jolts smooth out and it’s not so bad.

Surely everyone deserves socially accepted access to this emotional rollercoaster? I am a firm believer in not denying anyone his or her right to personal growth. There are other rights that shouldn’t be denied either. You’ll find plenty of content on Pride Week and what it means in this week’s issue, so get stuck in. We live in a colourful world, let’s celebrate it!

// Pg: 34

Slut DJ is over word count again But at least he’s topical. // Pg: 32

Louise vs. the World And on the 7th day, God created naps.

// Pg: 20

50 Shades of Gay: A History We get a bit of background to why Pride Week is important. // Pg: 28

Alix Food Page

Humans are terrible beings. Take John Mayer for example. Sometimes they get so absorbed 2

This week, SELF SAUCING CHOCOLATE PUDDING. Send winter off in style.

NEWS NEWS

UNI NEWS

PUBLIC LECTURE THIS WEEK Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King and Gandhi – we know the names, but do we know what made them good leaders? Such a question is the focus of Education Professor Chris Branson’s Inaugural Professorial Lecture, Leadership for the Future: Has leadership theory lost its way?, on Tuesday 17 September at 6pm in the Academy.

INFORMATION EVENING 3 MINUTE THESIS HEATS The University is hosting an information evening on 2 October from 4–7pm in the Student Centre. It will provide info on Summer School, study in 2014, accommodation, scholarships, course choices and the application process. It will also include specific information for those considering postgraduate study, with presentations from academic and administrative staff on research, study and funding opportunities. There will be a Masters research presentation from 5–5.45pm, and a higher degree presentation from 5.45pm–6.30pm.

WORKSHOP: LIFTING OFF The workshop Lifting Off: An Introduction to Postgraduate Research and Study will take place on Wednesday 9 October from 8.50am–1.00pm. It will provide an overview of the journey ahead and will show candidates what they can expect during their postgraduate study. RSVP to postgrad@waikato.ac.nz by 10am Wednesday 2 October including your ID number and School/Faculty of study.

B SEMESTER EXAM TIMETABLE Heats for the 3 Minute Thesis (3MT) competition begin next week. Heat 1 is on 23 September at 3.30pm in S.G.05. Heat 2 is on 25 September at 11.30am in S.G.01.

Heat 3 is on 26 September at 9.30am in S.G.03. Heat 4 is on 27 September at 1.30pm in S.G.03. Head along and hear PhD candidates pitch their research to a lay audience in three minutes.

The 2013 B Semester Examination Timetable is now available online – please check your exam timetable carefully. timetable.waikato.ac.nz/exams/ For further inquiries email exams@waikato.ac.nz or phone 07 838 4466 extn 8018.

SMOKEFREE CAMPUS FROM 2014 The Hamilton campus is going Smokefree.

From 1 January 2014 smoking will no longer be permitted anywhere on campus; this is part of our commitment to providing a healthy learning environment for all. www.waikato.ac.nz/about/smokefree.shtml If you smoke and are thinking about quitting, call the Quitline on 0800 778 778 or go to www.quit.org.nz for free advice and support.

A 3

NEWS

NEWS

WAIKATO STUDENT UNION ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING The Waikato Students’ Union will debate the merit of a partial asset sale of uLeisure at their Annual General Meeting this Wednesday at 1pm in L1.

The proposed move would see the WSU transfer 24 percent of its stake in the joint venture to the University of Waikato, reducing the WSU stake to a total of 26 percent.

In exchange the WSU would be given cash consideration.

Although this move would mean a significant change in the governance structure WSU President Aaron Letcher moved to allay any fear that students would lose out in the deal.

“We have been approached by the University to see if there was any room for change, we have had conversations, and I firmly believe will see a better product as a result.

“It is proposed that the WSU will still retain two seats on a board of six, with two University directors, and two independents appointed by the University in consultation with us. We would still be active in representing student interests and making sure that uLeisure helps to create a better student experience.

“The other side of it is that we also get much needed cashflow and we can start working with the university on other projects that will directly benefit our members.

We asked Mr Letcher if this was simply a case of the WSU being the “University’s bitch” now that VSM had created a need for it. In part because the whole thing smacked of VSM from the late 90s when the only thing we could tell you with any certainty

4

was that students got screwed.

“Not at all, this is a very different situation. If you look back then it came at a time when the WSU was going to the University throwing assets at them and pleading with them to buy our stuff. This is an entirely different circumstance,” Letcher said.

We have a WSU trust set up now where any proceededs from the sale will go. This won’t pay directors wage but ensure the long term sustainibility and growth of the organisation and it’s asset base.

“Since VSM was drawn out of the private members ballot, successive WSU Presidents’, board members, and staff have worked tirelessly to ensure that a fire sale wouldn’t happen. This is just an extension of that.

“At the AGM we will present a vision for the next three years that we believe will be the next logical step in a long journey for the WSU. We will deliver the strategic plan, the annual plan and the budget that will show we are not just surviving anymore but starting to make real ground.

“It will also show that the steps taken by Sapphire Gillard and last year’s board created and executed a plan to stabilise the WSU and allowed us to grow and better deliver our services this year.”

Anyone can attend the WSU AGM on Wednesday but only those who are members will be given voting rights so come early.

WSU AGM L1 1PM FOOD AND REFRESHMENTS PROVIDED AT THE CONCLUSION OF BUSINESS

NEWS

In Their Words “I do not believe people choose their sexuality; they are gay if they are born gay,[...] and therefore the idea that this is somehow an abnormal condition is wrong” Kevin Rudd former Australian Prime Minister “The radiation level in Tokyo is the same as London, New York and Paris.” Tsunekazu Takeda The head of Japan’s Olympic Committee responded to fears that the Fukushima leaks could compromise Tokyo’s chances to host the 2020 Olympic Games.

“He made a tremendous contribution.

And this says it all. No more, no less.

Tremendous is the word to characterise him.” -- Former leader of the Soviet Union Mikhael Gorbachev on former SA president Nelson Mandela.

“If any of you know a little bit about history and fashion, you’ll know Hugo Boss made the uniforms for the Nazis. But they did look f***ng fantastic, let’s face it, while they were killing people on the basis of their religion and sexuality.” -- Russell Brand at the GQ Men of the Year Awards, where he collected the prize for Oracle of the Year.

Hugo Boss confirmed later that Russell wore one of its suit jackets to the Grey Goose Pre-Oscar Party in February.

15 70,000 350,427 Cats dead or missing in a small Raglan suburb.

The cost of a new sculpture that may still be installed in Victoria Street.

The average value of a house in Hamilton.

17,000 The cost for a new curved TV from LG.

6 Million

The amount of taxpayer money Kim Dotcom could receive in damages from the NZ Government.

500,000

132 $76,165 The average number of Kiwis tuning into races in the Americas Cup.

The age of the Christchurch Cathedral that seems destined for demolition The amount spent by the New Zealand following the earthquakes.

Defense Forces in a defamation case. weeks Counties Manukau coach could be banned for after abusing referee Glenn Jackson following a 22-20 loss to Auckland.

26

11

The amount of places the Waikato University has dropped in the Quacquarelli Symonds worldwide University rankings.

A Thousand Words Entries for the the National Beard and Mustache Championship in New Orleans, USA Picture: EPA.

5

NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS

Premier League Players Who Lost Control

God Defend New Zealand... from the All Whites.

Vinnie Jones Before Vinnie Jones became a movie star hitman he was a common place thug. Jones spent almost as much time suspended as he did on the park including the time he famously twisted the testicles of Newcastle star Paul Gascoigne.

Our nation will hopefully be saved from having to grin and bear the coma-inducing embarrassment that is the All Whites, after they played to their potential and got stomped upon by the United Arab Emirates.

Ironically, since our players are so garbage and like drawing more than a child with autism and a box of crayons, some guy called Ben Sigmund that I’ve never watched but can assume is mediocre decided to physically stomp on a player in the UAE team who was lying on the ground.Thus, football for the first time in years actually had some form of entertainment. Even more entertaining, the All Whites now need to play a team like Panama, Honduras or Mexico in order to qualify for the World Cup. To put such a task into perspective – Mexico plays at the 104,000 seat capacity Azteca, which is about seventy four times the amount of people who have ever even bothered watching a Phoenix game on television without ending up overcome with regret, and ironically less than the amount of people in New Zealand who back the All Whites and actually think draws are cool.

Fuck yeah. I love draws in football so much,

6

I’m going to go celebrate the All Whites’ successes at the last World Cup, because a good New Zealand football fan lives in the past – wait what past?

Burn.

Drawing achieves nothing, and losing to the United Arab Emirates at magic carpet flying races might’ve been acceptable, but this is football. When we don’t like someone, we fuckin’ whistle at them. Yeah, that’ll show them how we feel. Never fear though football fans, because I’m sure the All Whites’ awesome coach Ricki Herbet, with his impressive coaching record, has something up his sleeve. Other than employing a new strategy for team selection, a.k.a blindfolding himself and pointing at people at random, Herbert says a game against a team like Mexico isn’t ‘mission impossible’. He has since been sent to jail for eternity for being bad at coaching and taking bribes from Tom Cruise to market his crappy movies.

C-Ball.

Eric Cantona Unlike most of football’s “enforcers” Cantona was talented. In fact he may have been one of the most talented to ever play the game, but he was also fucking crazy. Especially the time he got sent off and then Kung Fu Kicked an opposition supporter in the face. It was awesome.

Luis Suarez Isn’t tough, he’s actually just crazy. Biting, racism, batting the ball off the line with his hand in a world cup. He is unpredictable and a good player so people will always turn up to watch him.

NEWS

NZA1238R

NZA1224_CHCH_Nexus.indd 1

10/09/13 10:58 AM

7

NEWS

NOT NEWS

All Animals Are WTF: Waikato Times Created Equal But Focus Some Are Drunker Than Others Headlines from the Waikato Times.

Mayors under fire

Gareth Morgan, pussy hater, fixes North Korea Just six months after making headlines over the eradication of neighbourhood cats, G-Morgs is back with his wildest task ever.

He and wife Jo have been taking a casual motorbike tour of North Korea. In Gareth’s view, “what North Korea has achieved economically despite its lack of access to international money has been magnificent.’’

In a country where Kim Jong Un has been professing to being a breeder of Unicorns and recently had his ex put to death for a sex tape, the moustached lothario actually seems normal. By holidaying in North Korea, Gazza may have actually simultaneously made both countries a little more sane (Credit D. Lange for the joke). One thing’s for sure, if we can just get Miley to move over there we will actually have a real axis of evil again.

In weird UK News, a pig got drunk after drinking 18 cans of beer out of its trough and then tried to fight a cow and then passed out under a tree drunk. This is weird because if the other animal was the one drunk and trying to fight a pig, you could add half a joint, set the whole thing at the Outback Inn and you have my entire first year.

South Korea Just “Taking The Piss” Out Of China’s One Child Policy At home in Yongin, in the Gyeonggi-do province of South Korea a giraffe named Jang-Soon gave birth to her 17th calf. This apparently breaks a record that she jointly held with a slutty French Giraffe. What makes this story better is that Jang-Soon apparently celebrated her 27th birthday the same day she gave birth. Yep, 17 kids before she turned 27. When asked, four out of five mormon women saw absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Back in my day we stole TV’s American police are on the lookout for watermelon. Specifically a 150 pound watermelon worth 1500 bucks. Police have said at this point they have no leads. I don’t want to play detective but maybe they should start looking for anyone in the area who has purchased 22 litres of vodka, and 3kgs of weed recently.

8

If only there was an election of some sort coming up then the Times could capitalise on their use of hyperbole...

Chance to grill next mayor ...Or the person in charge of headlines this week just has unresolved pyromania issues.

Indian summer for cricket fans Ah, it’s because we are playing India, not because it’s hotter than usual in Autumn.

That would be correct and far less “pun racist”

Are We Drinking Too Much Caffeine No, next stupid question.

Judge asks for ‘troll’ assault video In the landmark case; Squatter vs Billy Goats Gruff

Waikato University take spoils Waikato University taking ANYTHING IT WANTS isn’t news to anyone on this campus

Is Farmers’ departure the end for Alexandra St? Like anyone going through a bad breakup, Alexandra street will eat icecream and listen to a lot of Taylor Swift. It’s a street... who gives a fuck?

Sculpture rejection ‘stupefying’ Some people just hate Lego.

NEWS

CARTOON

LAST WEEK ON TWITTER...

“The best is yet to come!” -announcer at world’s slowest masturbator competition @MrEmilyHeller “I prefer their older stuff” -Archaeologists @weismanjake bro what if soy milk is just regular milk introducing himself in spanish? @trevso_electric ladies, call me a badly designed excel spreadsheet because my D column is unnecessarily large @Fred_Delicious i just realized there are more toes in the world than people @iphone420s an octopus is just a wet spider @zoebread “You go girl” - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like @mofrorock I’m late to this meeting cause I have a boner and can’t get out of my car @DILLONFRANCIS what if you looked as good as your best selfie all the time wouldnt that be wonderful @pradacid And on the second day, God created the sunset and He saw that it was good but decided it would looketh better with the Amaro filter. @trevso_electric what idiot named them horses and not zerocorns @McSwtrvst If you trip over in public, a cool thing to do is break into a jog, leave the country, have plastic surgery and change your name. @sixthformpoet texting and driving is dangerous because u might accidentally text the lips emoji to your boss @lawblob Now that “twerking” is in the Oxford dictionary, we probably can go back to grunting and hitting things to communicate. @albz

9

OPINION

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR. Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

This from a guy who likes small dicked women.

Dear Nexus, This is directed to the woman you have writing the always disappointing ‘sports thoughts’ column. All she ever writes about is cricket and fucking rugby. Does she realize that those are not the only two sports in the world??? I did have more to say but then I remembered I don’t really give a fuck.

Kind Regards, C-Ball should #suckadick P.S. If the writer is actually a dude, then I bet he has a small dick which is comparable to being a woman anyway.

Thanks. We will let our CGRD (Hons) designer know. @Nzdating: Do we really need to know? This is Nexus, not Dr Phil. @Nexus: If you’re going to do an infographic of the results of the WSU online student survey, please get someone who actually knows how to do one (like a CGRD student for instance). Trust me, there’s more involved than just sticking icons next to slightly relevant text. The only thing yours conveyed was that whoever did it sucked at infographics. @MMF: A segway is something you roll over a cliff on. A segue, however, is a smooth transition from one thing to another. sincerely aCGRDstudent 10

#nexuslettuce.

Space fo Gace (Their title not ours) The Queerspace is a special kind of room.

There are ripped couches that dance and make you swear they’re alive when someone sits on the other end. There are cardboard boxes covered in cushions masquerading as chairs. There are never enough seats to go around, and the room is so small you best not have issues with people being all up in yo grill.

And crikey if it doesn’t just get so damn cold in there sometimes you swear you could cut diamonds with your nips. But gosh darn it, it’s just the besterest place around! Walking into that room, you feel the warm wave of acceptance wash over you. People smile and engage you in conversation even if they don’t know you. It’s a home away from home (sometimes more of a home than home) and the people are family! It’s a place you can go to socialise and meet other people like you, it’s somewhere to escape away to when you’re feeling vulnerable or struggling, it’s somewhere to find support and acknowledgement, its somewhere you can safely be open even if you’re not open anywhere else. It’s a place where people share food, stories, laughter and occasionally stress over last minute assignment writing.

Put bluntly, Queerspace is the sheeit! Never get rid of it!

A Nizzle

Yeah It’s Pride Week We need spaces. We have spaces. Let’s keep it that way.

We’ve been lucky enough as a University to have a Queerspace. It’s located in The Cowshed and is regularly used by UniQ Waikato and LGBT* students. It’s been helpful

for those students who identify as something other than straight or are questioning their identity. It’s not always easy when you’re different, especially closeted, and have nobody to turn to and nowhere to go to be yourself.

Many people turn to the internet, using social networks such as Twitter or YouTube to hear from like-minded people and watch people share their stories and encouragement, but nothing beats being able to have that experience in real life. Queerspace on campus provides students of all kinds a safe environment to be themselves, meet people like them and really helps them understand who they are as well as understanding others.

To remove Queerspace, Women’s Space or a space for the disabled from campus would be to remove a vital support to those students in need. I’d really like to see The Cowshed retained as a safe area to house spaces on campus. This would help foster community and understanding between occupants using the area and have such a positive affect on the students participating. Rooms for LGBT* Women, Disabled students etc., safe spaces for these people to be free are vital. Not only should we retain them, but we need to make sure they are welcoming environments and something that students would want to inhabit and can be proud of.

C Jolie

Three Lettuce on one topic and it has nothing to do with Jesus or Wheelcakes.

There are two things that need to be looked at to answer this question. Firstly why are clubs vital and secondly why do clubs need spaces to function? So why are clubs vital? A good student campus culture is formed around clubs. Not only does it give you an excuse to do all of the socialising and yarn spinning that your heart desires it also provides you with a few more benefits.

Extra curriculars- these are now more important than ever because having a degree is not enough to get you a job.

Sense of community- representing your university allows you to interact with other campus as well as a diverse range of people internally.

Skills- leadership, time management and responsibility all things you learn from giving clubs a go.

Why do clubs need spaces? For some clubs a

Nexus

hangout space is really important for students feeling like they can just be themselves without judgement. Queerspace and women’s space are examples of this. A student community is out there waiting to develop around these spaces. For other clubs an office would make their admin a lot easier. It would be simple to set this up, you’d need a desk, chair and lockable storage.

Ultimately all of the space in the cowshed is far better used for clubs then left abandoned or turned over to the university.

Elaine Gyde.

Beginning to sense a theme.

For as long as i have been a student here nearing 5 years now (woow!), Queerspace has always been here for me. A space where i can not only attend the weekly meetings, but a space that i can just hang out in and sit around with other club members. The space has also been beneficial for catering to movie nights, sleepovers, shared lunches and even a place to nap in between classes :-) on a personal level, Queerspace has provided me its security and safety. So many times i remember being comforted by many club members whenever i was upset/stressed and that made me feel amazing that i could share some of what was bothering me to my family in Queerspace. As club rooms are nearing its scarcity, from an Askew/UniQ perspective - it is critical that we still maintain and keep our room. Past presidents and members were given this room a little under 10 or so years and to keep this room for further queer generations would be amazing. UniQ Waikato are lucky compared to some of the other universities. Some of the LGBT/Queer clubs unfortunately don’t have their own ‘Queerspace’ so to speak and in retrospect, we are quite lucky that we get to have a queer space here on campus. UniQ are not thinking about today, but we are thinking about tomorrow and what that would mean for future generations who enter this room. I know that I’d like to visit the university in another 5 years and see more beautiful faces in the UniQ Queerspace :-) That’s the legacy that i have for this club and for this room: just simply, a space. A space where we can chill, be our crazy and loud selves and most importantly, enjoy life. I know i can’t speak on behalf of every club on campus - but in order to keep something, you must fight for it and that’s what i am willing to do. Thanks WSU first and foremost for all of your support. And thanks to

everyone who have been a part of the club in some way, shape and form. :-)

cabinet. Go on Nexus, why don’t you suck their dick too.

Liana Tere - UniQ Waikato President.

Anonymous.

So you admit - we used to be cool.

UNI NEWS IS 100% PREPARED, EDITED, AND PRODUCED BY THE UNIVERSITY

Dear Nexus, You’ve changed. You used to be cool.

It’s not your fault though, you’re now the university’s puppy. The principles of nexus have been fucked in the ass by a need for funding.

Nexus is supposed to hold the university accountable but why wasn’t nexus asking the hard questions during the Christopher Monckton fiasco or the Chase Douglas debacle? “Lord” *ahem* Moncton’s crazy nonsense should have been documented. As a supposedly sustainability focussed institution, there should have been answers as to how such a fraud was allowed to spout his crap “science” to gullible Waikato farmers who don’t want to pay environmental taxes.

The scholarship of Chase Douglas should have been exposed in light of his assault conviction and most importantly HIS ACTIONS. Such scum should not be allowed to set foot on this campus, let alone complete his masters.

It’s like censorship. Stay quiet or you’re fucked. Well good news everyone! You’re already fucked. VSM shouldn’t have happened the first time. Pretty much, I blame John Key and his suspicious wankers in

Picked up Issue 20 / Volume 45 / 09 September 2013 and found the first spelling error.

‘Gandhi’ (pronounced Gaa-n-dhee) not Ghandi.

A lot of people know him. No harm knowing how to spell his name. No pressure :-) Ta! Sneha (pronounced snay-ha)

DISCLAIMER Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

11

oPINION

NEXUS READERS SURVEY DO YOU THINK NEXUS FUCKING SUCKS? TELL US WHAT YOU ENJOY AND WANT TO SEE instead.

GO TO WSU.ORG.NZ TO TAKE THE ONLINE SURVEY.

12

OPINION

TOP TEN Momento meets Good George (cider for everyone, all the time) Top Ten ways to amass judgement.

10_

Wear high heels on campus.

Wobble, trip, hunch your back and

take the elevator everywhere.

09_ Complain about lack of funds

whilst ordering off the Momento menu.

08_ Complain about anything at all,

really. But you must refuse to change anything as well.

07_ Boobs AND Legs.

06_ Be eternally miserable living off

mum and dads dollar.

05_ Drive a Subaru.

03.

Nevermind this terribly confused “spring” weather; we have some wonderful news to tide you over until sunny days finally decide to hang about. Good George is coming to Uni. Momento Lakes specifically. While we are guilty of bitching and moaning about the price of food on campus in almost every issue, let’s be real for a moment(o). We students will spend whatever we like when it comes to socialising, but up until now there’s never been much of an opportunity to do so on campus post 4pm. There’s that awkward few hours between the last round of classes and the appropriate time to start drinking where you return to your flat to pretend to study while you wait until the bars get pumping or your bestie invites you over for a casual Thursday scrumpy hands. You needn’t worry about that limbo of awkwardness any longer.

Momento Lakes have partnered with local brewing magnate Good George and extended their opening hours just in time for those late summer days that drag on after class and before town.

That’s you, in the sun on the green drinking cider every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

07.

The plan is; late nights from 5pm Wed-Fri, starting with opening night on the 18th of September, a full dinner menu, and three kegs on rotation full of George goodness.

Momento are also introducing open mic nights every Thursday from the 26th .

04_ Don’t drive at all. Take the bus

because you’ve never sat your learners.

03_ Females: When the opportunity

06.

Opening night will feature the iconic Good George kombi, and follows the WSU AGM so you should make a day of it and hang around campus doing non-uni-related activities until dark.

We’ve got a handful of vouchers on hand for opening night, which we will be giving away via our Facebook page, so unblock our posts ASAP.

arises, sleep with your ex who is now seeing someone else. Tell your friends. Males: When the opportunity arises, don’t sleep with your ex who is now seeing someone else. Tell your friends.

02_ Deal out advice like it’s expiry

date is approaching, and live your life completely perpendicular to it.

01_

Be Miley Cyrus.

13

entertainment & reviews

Gig

NzFW Rating: pay & cafÉ LIDO CINEMA film

The Way Way Back

It’s hard to review Fashion Week as a whole because every show was different, so let me just tell you the things I heard and saw on that fateful Thursday.

Em-Bar-Go Rating:

Rating: It’s not hard to hate a Steve Carell character, but this time it’s not because he’s annoying as fuck. He’s actually a creepy, abusive d-bag.

However, Steve Carell isn’t even the main character of The Way Way Back. It’s a sweet, sometimes sad, and almost always awkward story of a young boy, Duncan, on summer vacation. And boy, is it awkward.

The last time I had to look away from something because it was too awkward was when I was eight, and Helga from Hey Arnold was just waaay too into him. If you’ve ever had parents separate, or been an awkward adolescent (or both, yay), then this movie will be entirely too relatable. Duncan’s mother’s new boyfriend (Steve Carell) and daughter complete the “new nuclear family” that so many movies try to portray, without ever really understanding one. The Way Way Back perfectly sums up the discomfort and frustrations of children from separated families, without the douchey step-parent being the good guy at the end.

Sam Rockwell, Jim Rash and Nat Faxon play his new family, all employees at the local water park, which provides welcome comic relief from Duncan’s awkward and uncomfortable home life. While their treatment of the female swimmers made me mildly uncomfortable, the movie as a whole is delightful, charming and well worth sticking through the awkward moments for.

Saw: New Zealand’s most stylish place. Wynyard Quarter, the strip leading to the viaduct, had off-duty models and fashion people about.

Sitting outside, I saw someone taking an OOTD photo and her hat flew mid shot. I’ve never seen so many girls in high heels run to get said hat. The coveted front row had goody bags and the people who sat up front were media personalities, celebrities, buyers, and bloggers. Rumor has it was that 70% of the front row was composed of bloggers! There was even a whole hub dedicated to bloggers where they all sat with their laptops after shows and just blogged.

Heard: “I look like a try hard!”

“What does a try hard look like?”

“Like me!”

I tweeted this with #overheardatnzfw which was a thing last week. A lot of technical terms were thrown like “Can you take my OOTD?” which is an abbreviation of outfit of the day.

There was a lot of conversation regarding getting more coffee, and from where I was sitting during one of the shows, some “oohs” and “I’d wear that” were thrown.

Em-Bar-Go restaurant was not what I expected. The fact that it had ‘bar’ in its name made me believe there might be simple spud fries and burgers up for grabs there. Oh, how I was wrong.

Em-Bar-Go is a place where I would not expect to see many students because it is slightly pricey and a little out of the way.

Situated in Garden Place, it does make for easy (illegal) parking thanks to the new cobbled road through there but that is about the only cheap thing about the place.

Inside, it is rather minimalistic with metal chairs and small square tables. A large red feature wall brings some colour to the room but the concrete floors keep the place feeling cool. There is a bar, but I would expect the bar staff are used to bringing out wine rather than Waikato pints.

The reason for the price: the food! The food has that ‘I’m fancy’ feeling about it. The European chef easily whipped up delicious seafood pasta and snack sized satay chicken portions.

All in all, Fashion Week was exhausting for those who were working (especially the designers, models, and bloggers) but if you’re merely a spectator, I’d say grab the champagne, wear your best, and enjoy the show!

However, I don’t think that I will be back to Em-Bar-Go simply because I am more of a ‘what can I get for my buck’ type of girl. But if you have a hot date coming up and you want to impress, or if your work is looking for a fancy place to have a work-do, then perhaps Em-Bar-Go is the place for you.

Jess Molina

Kathlene Cook

ARIES

taurus

gemini

(21 mar - 20 apr)

(21 apr - 21 may)

(22 may - 21 june)

Creativity? Originality? Overrated! Borrow George of the jungle’s loin cloth and the lyrics from eye of the tiger and call it your own.

People will love you.

Sometimes you feel like taking a wrecking ball to your life, which is fine, but licking a sledgehammer is NEVER ok.

Feel like everyone thinks you’re an untalented hack who has made your money reciting cliches? Just find stupid people to hang out with and they will appreciate you. Alternatively you can marry the guy from Nickleback.

Louise Hutt

HOROSCOPES

14

entertainment & reviews

MARK ONE COMIC

Bravest Warriors GAME

Rayman Legends Rating: Following on from the fantastic ‘Rayman Origins’, those geniuses at Ubisoft have developed a sequel so good that it makes ‘Origins’ look positively amateurish by comparison; It even outs Mario’s Mario and for now, at least, it should rightly take its place as the best platformer out there.

With ‘Rayman Origins’, Ubisoft created a vibrant world that bordered on perfection, with ‘Legends’ they found perfection and then laughed as they plowed on by. It’s as if they were given a license to make anything, any idea, no matter how big or insane a reality.

Every level becomes your new favourite, until you reach the next one, as ‘Legends’ constantly throws new ideas at you. The sheer amount of content and variety really is astonishing. The highlights have to be the bosses, that fill the whole screen and the musical levels that will have you dancing as you play.

From a technical level, ‘Legends’ is a vast improvement on its predecessor. The bright, lush worlds of ‘Origins’ are somehow even prettier and the environments teem with life.

I never really warmed to the floaty controls of ‘Origins’ and in ‘Legends’ they feel sharper and more refined. The extra months waiting for this title (after the controversial dropping of Wii-U exclusivity) have surely paid off - The amount to do in ‘Legends’ is crazy (they’ve even thrown in 20+ levels from the original game) and to be fair, the Wii-U version is the definitive version, if only slightly.

Pendleton Ward Rating: Based on ‘Adventure Time’ creator Pendleton Ward’s new animated series, ‘Bravest Warriors’ follows four teenage space-explorers who fight for justice throughout the galaxy - not to mention enjoy plenty of downtime hanging out, playing video-games and eating pizza. If you’re a fan of ‘Adventure Time’ you’ll know that ‘Bravest Warriors’ is of the highest pedigree and you really needn’t read anymore.

Just like ‘Adventure Time’, it’s clear right from the start that this series doesn’t take itself too seriously - or at all. And yet, just like in Finn and Jake’s adventures in the land of Ooo, ‘Bravest Warriors’ isn’t afraid of going ‘deep’.

A recent issue about an attack on an alien beauty-pageant is hilarious, but it also deals with adult themes like body disorders.

Unfortunately, for now at least, this isn’t quite as good as ‘Adventure Time’. The script meanders a bit and maybe it’s because the web-series isn’t out yet (despite the comic-book being based off it) but none of the randomness is quite as endearing as ‘Adventure Times’. To be fair, Lumpy Space Princess wouldn’t be nearly as funny without that voice and it is an issue this type of comicbook has to contend with. Still, it’s great to see series’ like this hit the stands. They provide a great opportunity to get younger readers into comic-books and that’s great by me. Volume One is out now at MK1, it’s cheap, it’s great looking and I have a feeling it’s the beginning of another classic cartoon series.

Daniel Petersen

Put simply: buy this game.

album

Pterror Dak Trill Nick ‘41’ Maclaren Rating: Nick ‘41’ Maclaren was one half of pioneering NZ hip hop duo, Frontline, with the now much loved David Dallas. Both have said they would still be working together if Maclaren had been ok with the limelight. It turns out he is exceptional at crafting international quality break beats, but rather poor at interviews with the media. Needless to say, there was little press accompanying his new E.P. Opening with the energising and funk-filled, High-ball, hip hop heads and instrumental music enthusiasts will be revelling in the texture of bass and treble. This song and in fact the E.P. as a whole marks a shift for Maclaren as he concentrates on big and bright sounds away from the gritty beats he was known for in Frontline. Dallas is still amongst this E.P. with Maclaren’s instrumental for Dallas’ Paid Off single sitting in between lesser known beats.

Stand out tracks here are the grungy Run and the remix of Aaradhna’s I Was A Mess.

The vocal samples are deftly chopped up and swung in the front of the beat. However, the double hi-hat fills start becoming too repetitive at this point and the high energy has little to balance it out. Up and coming MC’s should grab this to get a feel for what rapping over quality beats sounds like, but otherwise these tracks belong with vocals or mingled in on a playlist. Pick it up for free/koha from bandcamp.com.

Danial Petersen

http://www.mk1.co.nz/ www.facebook.com/Mark1Comics

HP

cancer

leo

virgo

(22 june - 23 july)

(24 july - 23 aug)

(24 aug - 23 sep)

“Just like the current love of your life a pop star will have their career, talent and success forever” - We assume Vanilla Ice said in 1992.

As Lady Gaga... we aren’t stupid enough to make fun of Lady Gaga in a pride week issue.

Just be Saggitarius for a week.

You will find enlightenment reading tweets from the person who finished 6th in XFactor NZ, yeah we don’t know their name either.

15

entertainment & reviews

@Honest_Matt Meets

honest matt meets bulletproof

How long did your new album ‘#Listen’ take to make?

I began production on the album in April 2012, and had a deadline of September release 2012, so in all it took me five months to make initially. During that time I learned that EMI was to be sold to Universal Music so that caused a major delay, and the album was put back, and allowed me time to look at the album again and make some adjustments.

had become bored with listening to electronic music. Something for people to chill out to chuck on in the car or have playing in the background on a sunny Sunday. Something people could relax and just #Listen to. For me personally, I’m really proud of the tunes on there.

Each one has or tells its own story. There’s ebbs and flows in the pace and energy of the album. It’s not about club bangers or radio hits, consciously.

Tell us about the sound of the new album.

We hear it’s not purely dubstep?

If you’re talking about the Americanized stuff you hear throughout most media outlets these days then no, it is in no way shape or form that kind of, “Dubstep.”

I set out to make an album for people who were put off by that whole noisy movement that was embraced. And don’t get me wrong I’m not dissing that sound at all, because I played that style of dubstep when that’s what the kids wanted, and I get how it works. It’s loud, it’s noisy and it’s high energy, perfect if you’re 16-20yr olds entering the clubbing/rave scene.

So with #Listen, I wanted to do the complete opposite. I wanted to make an album for people who would never even consider, or

Any standout tracks on the album you think we really gotta listen out for?

Yeah, “4 Million Voices” (feat. Jah Red Lion) is the intro track on the album. It’s a protest track against our National Party led government. Our Prime minister and his fellow gangsters are selling our whenua; our rights and our privacy up the river and every New Zealander should make their voice heard in protest of such treason. So I made 4 Million Voices.

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

(24 sep - 23 oct)

(24 oct - 22 nov)

(23 nov - 21 dec)

If you’re friends with the talented one, the short one, and the Irish one that makes you the Harry Stiles of your friends #1 direction slam.

Release your inner spice girl, you’re a feminist and you don’t care who knows. Unless you run a poorly written blog site then everyone loses their shit.

It may be time to reassess your relationship.

Sure he’s the love of your life but if you broke up with him and faked playing the guitar you could win 8 Grammy’s.

16

not about cracking it for me. It’s about living a life with passion, inspiring, and being inspired.

I’m broke 90% of the time. I make music, because it moves me, when I move people.

I’m a junkie for that. The moment my music reaches out and moves a single person, is the moment I crack it Did you ever have times when pursuing the music dream seemed too hard and you just thought about settling for a 9 to 5?

Yep, and I did that. Unfortunately and regretfully, I have no formal qualifications, so getting a good paying job in any field outside of my vocation was an impossibility, so ended up working pretty dismal jobs here and there. I worked on commercial fishing boats. That’s some hard work for no money and that taught me the value of a dollar vs. a hard days work, and I decided that making a living from music is the ONLY way for me Full interview available at sounzgood.co.nz

Can you pinpoint a time in your career where you think you really cracked it?

The last time my bank account had more than $20 in it, I recall thinking to myself that I was cracking it. If I did this job for money or fame, I’d have given up a long time ago. It’s

08 entertainment & reviews

COOL VS NOT COOL

eight ball

tHREE THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW AND THREE THINGS THAT AREN’T SO MUCH. COOL 27 year old NZ writer Eleanor Catton is shortlisted for Man Booker Prize. In other news, our editor has tall poppy syndrome.

Welcome to the 8 ball. In the depths of my gooey black ass I will answer the secrets OF THE universe. You may not like MY answerS but lets be honest who else is going to tell you the truth, ugly.

Is someone going to ask you questions about yourself?

There is no question about ‘myself’.

Is it hard being the 8-ball rather than say a nine or a seven?

9’s and 7’s are lame. Eight is infinate.

What herb or spice would you be?

Oregano. Nuff said.

The America’s Cup. Boats and shit, we get it. It’s cool.

If you were a cocktail, what type would you be and why?

Fuck cocktails. Drink something real, retard.

What’s your spirit animal?

A meerkat. Obviously.

Do think you could work for a woman?

The term ‘work’, in that sentence, is a bit vague. Specify.

A Breaking Bad Spinoff?

CONFIRMED.

Would you rather have a boy or a girl?

Neither. Fuck that. Children are not our future.

NOT COOL

Would you rather have no eyebrows or have a mono-brow?

Considering I had a nasty ass accident with some scissors whilst drunk and now have 1 and a half eyebrows I think I’d appreciate a monobrow.

The more the better.

Slut shaming. Miley Cyrus is still just another independent freethinking person, you vicious beasts. On to the next.

Storms.

What a shitty way to spend the weekend.

Do you find that some of the qualities you first liked about me, have suddenly turned into faults?

Woh woh woh. Who said I ‘liked’ you in the first place. You just got served.

Boston’s Logan International Airport holding a mock fire drill on the 12th anniversary of 9/11.

At what point did that seem like a good idea?

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

(22 dec - 20 jan)

(21 jan - 19 feb)

(20 feb - 20 mar)

Study hard, invest sensibly, stay away from the drugs, don’t drink and settle down with a family. In short Chris Martin from Coldplay is a boring cunt.

So you did something embarrassing in Bar 101. People don’t remember that shit. 12 years ago True Bliss had two number one hits and you can’t remember three of their names.

If you have read these horoscopes 1-12 and didn’t get any of the jokes then you don’t need horoscopes. You have already won at life.

17

entertainment & reviews

Puzzle Page Complete the puzzle page, be the first to bring it in and show us, and you’ll win stuff!

Across 1. Hanker (5) 3. Lariat (5) 6. Decimal base (3) 8. Conundrums (7) 9. Garret (5) 10. Dull pain (4) 13. Long narrative poem (4) 14. Commence (5) 17. Vegetable (7) 18. Novel (3) 19. Nursemaid (5) 20. Synthetic fabric (5)

DIGI-SEARCH Find the hidden numbers - They may be horizontal or vertical.

08436, 11911, 15345, 23367, 33472, 38627, 48397, 64358, 67987, 73839, 78586, 79873, 82484, 83733, 96477, 98035.

Down 1. Abominable snowman (4) 2. Serviette (6) 3. Indolent (4) 4. Choice (9) 5. Marine mollusk (6) 7. Sustenance (9) 11. Time of year (6) 12. Gentle breeze (6) 15. Untrusting (4) 16. Aquatic bird (4)

3 letter words ASP SKI 5 letter words ADEPT ANGLE CAUSE CLIMB LUCID SLOPE TERSE TRAIN ULNAR 18

VOGUE 6 letter words ASSIST CLOSER EMPIRE REBUKE REGRET SALUTE SYNTAX TURTLE 7 letter words AMULETS

LANGUID NARRATE NOVICES OBLIGED PADLOCK PICADOR UNEQUAL

LIFESTYLE

annual general meeting WEDNESDAY 18 TH SEPTEMBER AT 1:00PM in L1 BUSINESS TO BE CONDUCTED INCLUDES: PRESENTATION OF THE ANNUAL REPORT, PRESENTATION OF THE AUDITED ACCOUNTS, PRESENTATION OF THE ANNUAL PLAN AND BUDGET, APPROVAL OF MEMBERSHIP FEES AND DIRECTOR HONORARIA, APPOINTMENT OF THE AUDITOR AND THE SOLICITOR.

19

Feature

Happy Hamilton Pride Everybody!

This year’s pride week will be my 4th pride week and I have to say that it most definitely is damn awesome in my books. The last three pride week ‘cultural hour’ activities have been hosted by Askew Waikato, but this year with a slowly but steady transformation of the club, I will be celebrating this week on campus with Uni Q Waikato.

The transformation, the growth and the change has been amazing for this club. I have seen so many individuals grow into such beautiful and strong human beings over this year and most definitely since my first pride week. We have gained new members, lost some and we have also kept a few of our life time members so to speak at Waikato Uni and Wintec =P. It has been amazing to see the difference and most certainly, the development that these four years have conjured.

Pride week for me has always been about celebrating diversity. It is about having fun and embracing the differences in each other and loving who we are as human beings. Four pride weeks ago, I started off very timid, very unsure of how my first ever pride experience would be. I was scared shitless that I wouldn’t make any friends at any of the events held during. Thank goodness I was wrong! I attended a quiz night, a knitting night, movies, games, made some new friends and finished it off with a bang at the pride party held at 20

Hamilton’s only gay (and fabulouusssss! *high pitched voice*) nightclub. Since that first pride week, I’ve enjoyed the other two since and am looking forward to getting involved this year.

As someone who identifies in the LGBTTI community, it makes me proud that I get to wear my heart on my sleeve and celebrate pride week with my own personal pride.

With good things that have come to the LGBT community such as the passing of the Marriage Equality Bill 2013, it makes me proud to know that progression has developed over time in this society. It makes me proud to know that NZ as a country has taken a step to allow anyone regardless of sexual/gender preference or sexuality to marry. In knowing this, it makes me darn proud to know that I can marry my beloved sweetheart one day without a problem. These factors to me, in my eyes, most definitely are what celebrating pride week in Hamilton and on a national basis really means.

Happy pride everybody whether it’s your first pride week or another year for you, get amongst the activities and enjoy every moment of it.

With love and light,

50 Shades of Gay Don’t Rain On The Parade.

Every year, without fail, someone writes in asking why there isn’t a straight pride. A week of seeing people kick up their heels with gay abandon, celebrating who they are, would surely make anyone jealous. And by all means we should all be proud of who we are, and who we love. So let me provide a snippet of history to inform why this event exists. New Zealand’s first gay pride week was founded in the 1970s in the wake of the Stonewall riots in New York in 1969, the symbolic start of the modern Gay Rights Movement. This was an incredibly brave act considering homosexuality only became legal in NZ as recently as 1986 with the passing of the Homosexual Law Reform Act. Before that, violence against gays and lesbians was often condoned. In 1964, a group of men beat Charles Aberhart to death in Hagley Park, Christchurch because they claimed he propositioned them. They were tried for murder but found not guilty. And here, as in many countries, homosexuals were often committed to mental institutions and given ‘treatment’ (such as electro-shock therapy) for what was rendered a mental illness. This is pretty recent history! Discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation was only outlawed in NZ as recently as 1993. Still today, LGBTI youth are seven times more likely to commit suicide than their peers.

There is much work still to be done here, and of course, internationally! So, once a year, we stand together and celebrate who we are, and who we love. We party, educate, support one another, and remember those we have lost.

We are proud of who we are, and of how far we have come. So don’t feel left out, join in and support us, be proud to support the rights and lives of your rainbow friends!

Lee Tere – [Uni Q Waikato President] Lezbi Honest

feature

Liana Tere - President

Jackson MasonMackay - VP

Kia Orana, ‘anau My name is Lee Tere (Lee or Mama Lee) and I am the Uni Q Waikato President for 2013.

I have been a member of the club for four years now.

The reason why I joined Uni Q (formerly Askew Waikato) was the mere fact that I love working with people. For me, joining the group was a big step as moving out of home in beautiful West Auckland to another awesome city meant that I had to start all over again. I had to find new friends, learn my way around and start building networks. The most joy I get out of being in Uni Q is the diversity, the different life experiences and the conversations we have. This LGBT club here on campus has provided a safe hub for me, a space where I feel I can be myself.

Though I am pretty much myself every other time of the day, it’s very hard to explain :P. This club and the people in it are essentially my family and I could never ask for a more awesome group of individuals.

Be yourself, be true & stand out ~

I am proud to be this year’s Vice President for UniQ Waikato. Throughout my time at Waikato I’ve been disappointed with the levels of homophobia and intolerance among the student body. I want to help create a more active, visible queer community on campus, and show others that we’re a fun group to be a part of! This year our club is brimming with talented, energetic people who have made the club so cool to call my own. I hope UniQ grows to have a stronger presence at Waikato University, acting to make all LGBT students feel welcome here.

Who are UniQ? Christian Rika Communications Officer Hey I’m Christian and I’m Communications Officer for UniQ Waikato.

I’ve been involved with the club for around two months now and I’ve had quite a bit of fun already.

I joined because I wanted to become more involved in Hamilton’s LGBT* community and help the club help others on campus who were trying to better understand themselves and others. I’ve met some really wicked people through UniQ so far and I’ve enjoyed my time as Comms. Officer. I think I’ll be sticking around to ensure things only get better for UniQ as well as other clubs on campus! Come say hi, the Queerspace door is always open!

Suzanne Cunningham - Treasurer Hey hey, My name is Suzanne and I joined UniQ Waikato way back when it was still Askew.

I was a fresh new first year, straight out of high school. As fun as the halls of residence were, I was looking to make some new friends about the place. I was the only gay in the village where I came from, so was super keen to know some other peeps like me. I’ve seen the group evolve over the years, from hosting the national UniQ conference in 2011, to this year’s pride week. In the years to come I would love to see the club continuing to support all the awesome diverse people we have on campus.

Craig Burns - Secretary Hi I’m Craig the Secretary for UniQ Waikato. I joined the club way back in 2010. I joined the club because I have a sense of pride in not only myself but my fabulous, amazing community. I also joined because I felt it was a great way to connect with other like minded people who have been through the same things as I have, and to offer my own experiences to help others grow. One thing I enjoy about the club is that we get to go out on campus and spread our pride around. I feel this doesn’t only help us but helps the hetero community as they get to experience something that they wouldn’t normally experience in everyday life. I also love hanging out with the UniQ family, not only on Wednesdays but any day of the week, there is usually someone in the UniQ room.

21

feature

Queer Education

The biggest problem that the LGBTQIA* community face in New Zealand is a profound lack of education. The thing is that “positive puberty”, sex education and any other developmental programs in schools are all heavily skewed towards the hetronormative. We were told there were gay people and that was pretty much it. This of course made it really confusing when I started to develop romantic feelings for my same sex best friend in intermediate. I, like all the other tween girls, had crushes on boys but I couldn’t shake the attraction I felt towards my bestie. The problem is school had taught me there were girls and boys that liked each other, boys that like other boys and girls that liked other girls. No one had ever said, “hey guess what class, there is a spectrum of attraction!”

This made life incredibly awkward, especially when I realised my friend liked me back (yep, like-like) but maintained she was straight. The education system said there was no in-between, she knew no other way. So despite the mutual attraction, kissing and occasional flirting, we never happened. She was straight and that was that. So I gave up. The problem was that I still had no idea who I was meant to have feelings for, so I settled on the term ‘Bi’. The problem with this is because our generation was so sadly uninformed, whenever people heard this they ran a mile assuming I would automatically start humping their leg or something.

I will never forget my ‘straight’ friend’s birthday party. She told all her friends I was Bi and they avoided me like the plague, standing on the opposite side of the room. I tell myself now that this was ignorance, but at the time it cut deep. Talking to my younger sister, despite all the gains we have made in society we are still failing to educate our younger generation. They learn that genitals and reproductive systems define your gender, and therefore, who you can love. They are still told there are straights 22

and there are gays. The rest of us are forced to use other less reliable sources of information. No child should have to go out of their way to learn about things that are so vital to who we are as humans. It’s not fun trying to find explanations or labels on Google in amongst the hate and misinformation.

These days I settle on the term pansexual, I fall in love with people I have emotional connections to regardless of gender. It still astounds me that when I Google this term half of the explanations are incorrect, saying things like pansexuals are kinky for kitchen wear and other pointless nonsense. What is our education system doing for the 13 year old falling in love with her bestfriend? The answer is still sadly, nothing. I am lucky that I have always had support from home, but for those kids relying on our schools to fully educate them in the ways of modern society, we are failing and we are failing in the worst possible way. Our education system is creating prejudice and perpetuating a confusion which deters people from embracing who they really are. It is down to us to make things better for the generations coming through this system, to remove prejudice so that society can be a more accepting place for all.

Rhiannon Bond

feature

23

feature

Waikato Queer Youth

Waikato Queer Youth (WaQuY said wacky) is a social support group running out of our Collingwood premises.

We cater for queer youth up to the age of 27 and have three groups, under 18s on Tuesdays, over 18s on Wednesdays and Beyond Binary which runs every other Tuesday after under 18s.

WaQuY is one of the best supports I have ever come across, members have so many different backgrounds and yet come together as one family to support, mourn and celebrate together. From the moment I first walked into group I felt like a part of the family. I have seen people blossom from being shy into social butterflies and each time it’s the most beautiful thing to see happen.

At the start of the year, WaQuY ran into some troubles with access to funding being tightened and the fact that we were moving towards a fully youth run organisation. As a group we came together to sort out what we could do to keep our doors open, knowing that whatever happened, we would not go down without a fight. The wider queer community came to our aid with help from the organisational side of things as well as the funding side of things, and everything in between, along with some awe inspiring anonymous donations. It’s truly amazing to see so many people willing to come out in support when you feel so secluded and unknown.

During Pride week WaQuY, along with UniQ, are putting on a ball so that everyone has the opportunity to go to a ball no matter how they identify or how they express themselves, just like every day at WaQuY. Some of our members never got to go to their school ball because they wanted to take their same-sex partners and either the school officials wouldn’t allow it or their peers made them 24

feel unsafe to take their partner . This is a chance for them to feel safe and excited to be able to take their partners to a fun night of music and dancing without fear.

WaQuY has come a long way in just 9 months. We feel more secure in our position and are making plans for our future, and are celebrating the fact that for now, we are staying in our current position. We would not have made it this far if it had not been for our community but especially for Rebecca for her admin, funding and continuing support, Sarah for her knowledge and understanding of the way an organisation like ours runs and what we need to do to go above and beyond what we ever thought we would be able to do. A huge thanks to Hamilton Pride for bringing the queer community together to support us. I think the members of WaQuY should pat themselves on their backs for being who they are and doing everything they can to keep our doors open and spreading the word about us. Most importantly to me is thanks to Casey and Nate, our volunteer staff members, they have been doing their full time paid work as well as doing full time work for WaQuY which generally goes unseen without whom we would not have been able to get to where we are.

Finally to Alex, she goes above and beyond anything that could ever be expected of her and is a huge support to everyone. Without these people, it is unsure where we would be right now but thankfully we don’t have to think about that anymore.

For more information check out our facebook group WaQuY (Waikato Queer Youth)

feature

25

WSU

Veeps Change before change is necessary.

A sigmoid curve is a mathematical term for a small dip followed by a massive spike. In marketing and communications they often use a sigmoid to suggest the notion of change before a plateau. In other words change before change is necessary. At this week’s AGM the WSU will be asking for your permission to make some changes that we feel are going to lead to some pretty wonderful things in the near future. Things that, after reading your survey results, we are confident are aligned better with what you feel you need from YOUR students’ union.

I am confident that the Strategic Plan we have put together sets out a clear vision and direction for the WSU for the next three years and provides a platform moving forward. Whilst everyone worked on it I think Aaron and WSU Manager Dave West deserve a lot of the credit and I am glad the two will be working together next year to implement it.

On a personal note it feels weird for me to be talking about change in a WSU context as I am about to finish my term as your VP and move on to other things. The experience has been a phenomenal one and it has been a privilege to serve on a WSU board these last two years when the organisation as a whole was adapting to massive changes. Seeing everyone go through the election campaigns and speeches was not something I am going to miss but I was pleased with the result. I think Shannon is an excellent choice for VP and I truly believe you got it right with the board you elected although I would have like to see a few more girls.

Looking forward to seeing you all at the AGM Danyell Summers

26

President’s Column It takes a village.

At the time of writing this I have just completed a pretty long week and I am looking forward to the weekend and maybe a quiet trip to the pub to finish off the work week.

On the bright side Momento now has Good George on tap so it doesn’t feel like I am cheating on sponsors that have been good to both the WSU and Nexus this year.

The last few weeks these columns and indeed this entire publication has been weighed down by NZUSA stuff which I am sure has been as boring for some of you to read as it has been for both Nexus and I to write. But the one thing it has managed to do is convince me of the need to have a support network to communicate student issues and talk to you directly about what is going on.

That is why just before starting this column I completed my nomination to once again serve as the Student representative on the University Council.

Having spent the last year as the student rep it has made me more aware than ever that this is a role that needs to be held by the WSU President, as it was automatically before someone interpreted VSM a certain way and decided that there needed to be another election.

The WSU represents your interests on a number of committees and sub groups and are champions of your needs and wellbeing. More than that we are answerable to you at every turn, a lesson we will once again be reminded of at this Wednesday’s AGM (1pm LG.01).

The reality is that it really does take a full organisation and some full time professionals to ensure that we are able to effectively listen to you and advocate for you and I don’t believe electing an individual into the role who isn’t connected or resourced could work as effectively.

Finally, I do want to encourage you all to attend the AGM at 1pm on Wednesday.

There is a lot to talk about and some major decisions regarding the direction the WSU is going and how we can best serve you in the future. There are annual reports, budgets, and strategic plans to pass but more than that we will be providing pizza and refreshments.

So finally I will say once more, Vote Letcher (again) in the upcoming election.

Aaron Letcher

WSU

Legally he can only get rid of you if he has a genuine business reason to do so – like this far fetched example: “Our customers will never purchase our products off a Jedi so I’m going to have to let you go. Nothing personal.”

Does KFRY have a genuine business reason for discriminating against Jared? You tell me.

It’s a bit of a grey area and I’m sure their expert lawyers will keep them out of hot water but poor Jared has had financial independence and his routine shattered, routines being crucial for those with autism. He was doing his job fine for 16 years – why not now?

Wicked Wings will never be the same.

Young Workers Resource Citizens Centre Advice Bureau Human rights are taking a bashing in one massive fast food chain.

I was shocked when I picked up the paper last week and discovered a stack of Kiwi workers with disabilities had been scratched by fast food giant KFC. Instead of salivating when I see the Mexican burger on TV now I just get angry.

Jared, an autistic man who had been working at the brand’s Greymouth restaurant for 16 years, is now out of a job because KFC have adopted a new staffing policy they’ve dubbed “all-star level.” And he’s not alone. Why’s this so distasteful? Because on the surface it looks like blatant discrimination.

KFC being a meanie is a great opportunity to highlight how little employees and employers understand about human rights.

So here’s a crash course on how they factor into employment: Refusing to employ someone, treating them less favourably, or sacking them because they are black, white, Catholic, Muslim, able-bodied, disabled or just different is discrimination – and discrimination is a violation of our human rights. It is illegal in the workplace.

Problem is it seems too easy to get away with.

Cancelled appointment.

Edgar has cancelled a dental appointment only 3 hours before he was due to be there.

On the desk was a sign stating ìf you need to cancel you must give 48 hours notice.

If the appointment was made over the phone then he should have been advised of the cancellation policy.

Will he be charged?

If Edgar knew of the cancellation policy then by cancelling the appointment he is breaking a contract made with the service provider. They are entitled to charge him, but only if they cannot find somebody else to fill the appointment. With only three hours notice this is most unlikely. If they choose not to charge him, it is an act of goodwill.

The Citizens Advice Bureau has a lot of information on legal issues. They can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. Visit them at the Village Green by Waikato Print 11am – 1pm, Mon – Fri or phone 0800FORCAB

Ask Amber Get Advice First.

Okay.. so over the last couple of weeks I have had queries about processes for what you do when you are unhappy about something.

If we want to get all serious and stuff, we are talking about things like complaints and grades etc here... tricky stuff I might add.

When one is unhappy with how they’re being treated it is only natural to want to go right to the head of the department and let them know exactly how they’re feeling.

Amber’s recommendation: It is so not worth it going to speak to the top person first off, things get messy and complicated that way.

Amber’s suggestion: Come make an appointment with Amber and bring all of your documentation with you relating to the situation. Amber will then go with you to speak to the person that you are having trouble with and try to sort it out. I can’t speak on your behalf for the whole meeting but I will make sure you are well equipped and feel comfortable about going into your meeting.

Think you may be going through a situation like this and may need some guidance?

Then contact Amber the ‘free, confidential’ Advocate on 027 2065 011 or advocacy@wsu. org.nz Always remember that your tutors, lecturers and deans are all human. They may seem slightly scary to approach but they were all undergrads once too :-) Amber the Advocate

So what do you do when your boss finds out you are secretly a Jedi Church worshipper and is threatening to sack you because he only likes hiring staunch Christians?

27

Lifestyle

Nom Nom Nom Chocolate Self-Saucing Pudding

It is a rather bleak Monday morning at the time of writing, with winter still trying to ensure my undies don’t dry on the clothesline. Therefore, in a way to stick it to this winter weather, I have a lovely warm indulgent self-saucing pudding.

Ingredients

Directions

1 cup of white sugar 2 Tbs cocoa 100g butter, melted 1 1/3 cups of flour 4 tsp baking powder 1/4 tsp salt 2/3 cups of milk 1 tsp vanilla Topping 1 cup of brown sugar 1/2 white sugar 4 Tbs cocoa powder 2 cups of boiling water

1. Throw white sugar, cocoa and melted butter together to form a nice thick paste.

2. Add flour, baking powder and salt. Mix it together lovingly.

3. Add milk, while mixing, then finally add some vanilla essence, you should have a nice thick mixture.

4. Grease a baking dish (preferably with high sides), drop in the mixture and smooth the top with the back of a spoon.

5. For the sauce, mix together brown sugar, white sugar and cocoa into a fine crumbly powder.

6. Sprinkle over batter in baking dish evenly.

7. Pour hot water onto back of spoon over mixture. (Guys, hot water = parental guidance).

8. Put the dish into preheated oven (180C) and bake for 40 mins.

9. During baking the whole thing flips over to leave a nice cake top with a hot chocolate sauce beneath.

Now, as with my previous recipe this contains a warning, the sauce here is like lava. Let it cool people. Patience is a virtue.

Again head over to my facebook page Cooking for Students to show some support! Peace.

28

LIFESTYLE

Auteur North by Northwest.

Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 thriller North by Northwest was for me the highlight of Hamilton’s 35th International Film Festival.

Like all true classics it is of its own time yet speaks to succeeding generations. If you cannot see Cary Grant’s New York advertising executive as a prototype for Jon Hamm’s Mad Man character chances are you are culturally impoverished twice over, ignorant of both Hitchcock and cutting edge 21st century television. Roger Thornhill might have a few more mother issues than Don Draper but is likewise the ladykiller, similarly a veteran of two marriages for whom there are no lies, just “expedient exaggerations”.

It would however be a stretch to see any of the Mad Men copywriters coping so well with kidnapping, intimidation and unfounded accusations of murder, not to mention enforced drunk driving and dive bombing crop dusters. It helps of course that Roger Thornhill is played by Cary Grant. The casting of Hitchcock’s ultimate innocent-on-the-run part was a cinch given Grant’s background in screwball comedy. Thornhill is a role that draws on the actor’s charm, wit and sensual appeal as much as his physicality. Grant’s incredulous looks get a workout in the first act but by the time the celebrated auction scene comes around he’s delivering nonsensical dialogue for outright laughs. Proving himself up to the challenge of climbing Mt. Rushmore, the 55 year old circumnavigates presidential faces with ease before getting his carnal reward. Cary’s train lustily entering Eva Marie

Saint’s tunnel was the only piece of phallic symbolism that Hitchcock ever owned up to.

The Cold War is the ideological backdrop against which all these shenanigans play out.

With its mellifluous voiced villains and set piece chases North by Northwest informs the entire James Bond genre, Hitchcock proving instructional for lesser filmmakers when it came to adapting Ian Fleming’s spy thrillers to the screen.

We might also see similarities between on-going espionage in the era of Al-Qaeda, Wikileaks and Kim Dotcom and the Master of Suspense’s playful games. There’s not much of a stretch from murderous bi-planes in the American mid-west to gung-ho helicopter raids on Auckland mansions other than perhaps a higher degree of competence from the movie bad guys.

Whatever the influence of the film there can be no replicating the absolute precision of Hitchcock’s direction nor the sensational score of maestro collaborator Bernard Herrmann.

Either side of North by Northwest Herrmann did work for Hitchcock that is perhaps more celebrated - the obsessional crescendos of Vertigo and the stabbing strings of Psycho have no equals - but both of these are, in a sense, art films. By contrast Herrmann’s score for North by Northwest is music for a thriller par excellence, rising and falling magnificently with the action.

The moment in which Martin Landau steps on Cary Grant’s fingers as the latter desperately attempts to cling on to a Mt. Rushmore ledge is not only the climax of the movie, it’s the apotheosis of commercial cinema, the perfect blending of performance, image and music.

Google This Check out the Lady with her Python.

Python Taking A Bath http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=nJD_iLS8ntA If you don’t think you need a python taking a bath in your life, you are wrong.

Waikato Students for Justice in the Middle East https://www.facebook.com/WSJME “We are a group of students, faculty and community members that organize events on democratic principles to promote justice, human rights, liberation and selfdetermination for the Middle East.”

Shit New Zealanders Don’t Say http://youtu.be/l6dYOP5ddjk Featuring gems like, “I’m just tweeting Daniel Bedingfield to find out where he gets his clothes made.”

Richard Swainson

Mem:o http://youngsangcho.com/work1/memo/ If you want the prettiest goddamn memo/ calendar/budgeting/etc app then go buy this beautiful little thing.

29

LIFESTYLE

Religiousity

for one, quite like this piece, that seems to have fallen out of favour in recent days from the Bible, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” Many others can be found in Eastern religions, or in the memoirs of notable people from history, or just about anyplace you care to look; people tend to not be shy about sharing their views.

Atheism

To anyone who doesn’t believe in any form of afterlife, life itself becomes the most valuable thing you will ever have. It means to make the most of your life, to try leave your mark on the world and experience everything this world has to offer.

Atheism is perhaps one of the most bizarre belief systems around. Perhaps because fundamentally Atheism is not a belief system, and it has nothing to tie it’s members together, it’s simply a statement by an individual that I either do not believe in a God (or Gods) or I see no evidence for one. This will simply be about how I find value, morals and hope.

If Atheism can offer anything to anyone of any religion, it would be this. Don’t blindly accept your religion, its preachers or its texts as perfect. Shop around a little, read widely, discuss openly with people of different persuasions (and I don’t mean argue that your way is better), treat them all as a bit of a pick and mix from the lollie section of the supermarket, find what makes the most sense for you today, in the world of today.

Atheism, can lead to a very liberating and humbling life and doesn’t at all require you to hate religion outright, or religious people.

For me it’s been a journey where I have had to carve my own path, finding values that have inspired me to be better person, a path which I hope to continue travelling for some time. Great bits of wisdom can be found in many religions, and non-religious works. I

hEa t Es s old

st

NE

av E

tcE

N to

ora

G iN rr

au r

ca

tEr

E s av

aNu

av E rs tE as M

cE ht uG Ed r

M as

Gr

oKF

iE l d

MaN

st

sEl

av E Mo

r r iN

sv il

d lE r

BEr

st

st

Ey

aNE

B ro

st

ico

st

ENt

ll

l io

rd

st

id G E rd

d Nr

l Fa r

JE

orE

r r is

lor

rd

F ly N

M ac

N ay

h

Mo

ro

rG

t ay s

st

N st

Bo

Bu

l ow

h st

y st

N iXo

F irt

GrE

ls

iN

KlE

ca id GE

s

Br

rE dc

rd

w

For

iE

GEr

sv tc

huN

E y av

M

dr

hN

haM

Jo

coB

rr

rEG

st hil

av E

Ga l

Ea

E rt

s

Ed

st

Es

alB

st

ca

Ba

KaK

Gl l iN

F oX

aN wEl

N G to

o

i av E

K st

rd

rd

c oo

Br

E

Na

al rd

lE

ca M Br

E

30

rd

E lv

st

st

GE

dEy

st id

da va

si

hE

clyd E st

st

a Br

tr d hi

ll

KN

st

r ld

dE c ly

ri st

Es

UNIVERsITy OF WAIKATO

cr

ho

assaults

rd

d Nr

ria

K yo r

Mo t lE s

o ct X

st

car thefts

E ro

y st

ME BEa

w

N ils o

st

Burlaries

vE tt a sco

HAMILTON BOys’ HIGH sCHOOL

vi o KN

M ay

CRIME MAP FROM 26/08/13 - 08/09/13

rd

caM

GrE

rd

M Fa r

N

Ja M

Ga

st

ht oN

a

rd

r

a rd

iG

oh

st

vE

ruaK ur

st

ylE

ri

ha

NottiNGhaM dr

a rG

ar tE

ro tE a

d

M

d

sr

Fa r

au

Nd

d

cl

a El

ol

NE

st ill

E rd pEachG rov

o’

rd

tcE

Ko

phy

pia

iE

cr

Es

lifestyle

Campus Style 31

lifestyle

doing something I know I shouldn’t.

Louise vs The World Louise vs Naps

I have a really bad habit of napping. I mentioned having anxiety before and it often means I have trouble getting to sleep at night. I get overtired the next night; get more anxious, sleep even less and am then even more tired the next day. Lather, rinse and repeat. It’s a fairly vicious cycle. Then comes in naps. Having a bad day? Nap. Hungry? Nap. Assignments piling up? Nap. My friend works as a kindergarten teacher and let me tell you, those four year olds don’t know how lucky they are.

“10-20 minutes is the optimal power nap, while naps between 30 to 60 minutes will leave you feeling groggy and hungover...”

Naps, despite my love of them, don’t really help me that much. Being able to sleep for three hours during the day isn’t going to wow future employers, and it usually makes me feel worse. Sleeping in general is kind of weird. We let ourselves become so relaxed we fall unconscious, so our brains have time to process all the things we’ve done in the day. We even have special rooms and clothes for being unconscious in. While we’re unconscious, our brains make crazy, surreal and ridiculous scenarios and images for us to experience. If I’m anxious during the day, my dreams often reflect that. Having anxious dreams and anxious days sometimes makes me wonder why I bother sleeping at all. Naps can be okay though; perhaps it’s the idea of sleeping while everyone else is awake or 32

The Wall Street Journal just released findings on naps (by scientists, not serial nappers); 10-20 minutes is the optimal power nap, while naps between 30 to 60 minutes will leave you feeling groggy and hungover (also known as sleep inertia). However, they also said that college students are more likely to have longer naps and as we age there is a tendency towards shorter naps. Is this something I will grow out of then? My friend sometimes naps with her four year olds, so I don’t know.

I’m all too aware I nap to avoid the things I am worried about, whether it is not having enough food, my assignments, or other people. It has occurred to me that I could spend the several hours I spend asleep, working out those things which are bothering me. That would be intelligent though, and when I’m stressed out, exhausted and over tired, intelligent is not always my default.

Sometimes I need to just escape the world, even if it’s just for an hour.

Making Living Cheaper Hey Wankers

Honest Matt here. How the bloody hell are ya? That’s good. Right, here is this week’s tip for making life a little bit cheaper/making some money.

The human body is a money making machine that is highly underutilized. Have you ever thought about donating sperm for money?

White gold, testicle tea, whatever you want to call it, semen is a precious resource that far too many young men are guilty of wasting (don’t you dare deny it).

Anyway I suggest donating a bit of your MANaise to the salad of society. First of all you must go through a bit of a screening process (psychoanalysis/making sure your baby batter is grade A etc etc).

This screening process takes from 8 weeks to 6 months depending on the sperm bank to which you are applying (so get cracking now).

I must be upfront and warn you that the world of love yoghurt donation is a competitive business. The banks only accept 5 percent of their applicants.

If you get the green light however you will be paid from $40 to $100 for each semen sample. A donor can sire a maximum of 10 children and potentially make up to $6,000 in a year. That’s a good chunk of dosh for busting out a few knuckle children!

The donation process is simple. You walk into a private room (which is usually stocked with pornography) and masturbate into a sterile container. The semen sample is collected from the container and is mixed with a cryopreservative solution, divided in

“White gold, testicle tea, whatever you want to call it, semen is a precious resource that far too many young men are guilty of wasting (don’t you dare deny it).” aliquots, sealed in vials and frozen with liquid nitrogen. The frozen semen is stored at -321 degrees F. When needed, the semen sample is thawed and used in artificial insemination.

Too easy!!!!

So next time you’re jerkin the gerkin in your cold, drafty, leaking flat and thinking to yourself ‘wow this self exploration would be much better in a warmer house’ remember this advice and go apply to donate some man chowder. With $6,000 you could be ‘pulling it’ with a brand new Daikin heat pump warming your room. Oh what a feeling that would be!!!… Take a moment and think of all the money you’ve wasted since the age of 12 or 13? Sickening isn’t it? Don’t let this continue.

Donate some man mustard today and get paid.

Matt Hicks Twitter.com/Honest_Matt

Lifestyle

Arts Nicola Potts I am a third year Computer Graphic Design student at Waikato uni. I have always had a passion for both fashion design and drawing so have decided to combine these to create an online clothing brand for my end of year degree project. The name of this brand is Pandamonium. When I’m drawing I like to go a bit mad and just draw whatever pops into my head even if it’s completely random or absurd. My drawings tend to be of anthropomorphic animals or illustrations of a rebellious nature. When I finish my degree this year I plan to get back into painting and fine art again.

33

Lifestyle

Slut DJ Gay Times At Hamilton High

As an impressionable pre-teen my parents sat me down and told me the horrible news - I was going to an all boys school. I was shocked, as an eleven year old I’d already heard the playground rumours of soggy biscuit and kids being turned gay. Why would my parents do this to me? Why would they doom me to a life of skincare products and anal sex?

So I stood up, I made my stand, I crossed my arms and loudly stated “nope, no way – I am definitely not going to a school without any girls. There is no way you’ll ever see me step foot in an all boys school. No way. Not going to happen. I hate to tell you this but you are completely wrong.”

The next year I started at an all boys high school.

their wrist or spoke in a high voice. Though inaction, silence or bullying – we all handed them their sentence.

For the first few years of high school I avoided them. It wasn’t hard - I was playing a lot of sport, I lost my virginity at a young age so I had girls to worry about and I’d been suspended multiple times for fighting.

My high school career was going well.

Then one Saturday my best fiend and I had been left home alone at his house. I sat at his computer mindlessly browsing the Internet while he got some food.

“Dude,” he yelled from the kitchen ”download some free games or something – so we can play it when this finishes cooking” I clicked on the search bar on this free game mission and started to type “FREE GA…” But before I could push down the ‘M’ the recent search history dropped down with a bunch of sites I’d never seen before.

And, truth be told, it wasn’t that bad.

“Free gay sex. Free gay porn. Free nude men” ….The list went on.

There was no soggy biscuit, no gay rape and if you were somewhat homophobic – like 99% of us were – it was made really obvious who was gay so you could avoid them.

I was shocked. Why would a 15 year old mate be looking up gay porn, surely there was a mistake? So I clicked the first link – as you do.

They were the kids always getting spat on or punched in the hallways for being different.

They were called “faggot” or “cum guzzler” whenever they raised their hand in class.

They were the ones who’d secretly cry and would curl in a ball when kicked in the head.

They were the ones we decided deserved tormenting based on the way they flicked

34

Giant. Black. Dick.

I immediately clicked ‘back’ and then clicked the next URL in the search history.

Moderately sized white dick.

I sat in silence just staring the boer constrictor of penis’ directly in the eye. I was confused – why were these on my friends computer?

How the hell did those dicks get so big? Wait … Is he gay? Is he gay for me? Fuck, am I gay for looking at so many cocks? Do all gay guys have big dicks? Do those pills sold on porn sites actually work?

He walked into his bedroom with the food, saw the screen and immediately went bright red. He started to stutter “Wha … um … my mum uses the computer bro” I said that it was OK and that I didn’t care - he then broke down and started to cry.

He told me that he’d known for years that he was gay and he hadn’t chosen it, he just was. He told me of his fears of his family finding out or, even worse, his friends. He told me how words like ‘fag’ and ‘homo’ used playfully on the sports field made it harder to come to terms with being, what many called, ‘different’. He told me of the depression and isolation of holding the secret, the fear of being beaten up or bullied for being himself.

He told me that he didn’t want people, church, society to judge him but he knew it was inevitable.

He told me that he just wanted to be happy.

Years later and things have gotten better for the LGBT community but not without sacrifice – a couple of the young guys who I walked past getting beaten up at school committed suicide after leaving and others struggled with depression. It’s easy to talk about how easy life is and it’s even easier to judge – I have such an immense amount of respect for all the young men and women who are going through the struggle at the moment and I just hope they know that it will get better … as long as they delete their browsing history.

LIFESTYLE

Diary of a Single Girl Blame the Smirnoff.

When out for a night on the town you should never ever drink Smirnoff black! It has taken me awhile to make the connection between black-out nights and this lethal drink, but I have finally figured it out and from now on vow that I shall never again drink that awful stuff that makes you do ridiculous things.

Mr Minty Fish Hating things like the Kardashians, One Direction and Miley Cyrus, is stupid.

Unless you hate Taylor Swift because omg THAT bitch is the worst.

A friend of mine actually met Kim Kardashian in New York last year at the launch of her latest fragrance. She basically had a huge

I ALSO have a theory that if you’re a feminist, then you can’t expect equal pay and still have the guy pay for your half of the date.

Equality is good, but equality does not mean we are the same. 2+4=6 but so does 9-3. We treat men differently than they treat us but that does not necessarily mean that we are seen as unequal. I don’t think most women want equality anyway. I think we’re pretty fucking equal. I think bitches want superiority; because bitches are crazy. I prefer my men to be men because I like men to be my equals.

I don’t want a subservient puppy dog, I want someone that’s going to tell me when I’m being a crazy bitch and then make me some soup. Thank you.

I also have a theory that working in retail has completely dulled all shine my life once had.

So next time you write in to complain about

“I’m not even the biggest Kim K fan, but I’m a fan of basic humanity and I appreciate the fact that she’s not an absolute broken ovary.” ‘discussion’ with her management and ended up staying 3 hours longer than had been originally planned simply because she wanted to meet everyone and actually talk to them.

I’m not even the biggest Kim K fan, but I’m a fan of basic humanity and I appreciate the fact that she’s not an absolute broken ovary.

In other news, my house is more glamorous than you’ll ever know so thanks for asking.

I also have a theory that you yawn when you’re tired because you’ve stopped breathing as deeply; because you’re tired as fuck; so every so often you need a huge intake of air.

my lack of soul, maybe spare a moment to pray for the fact that retail stole it. Thank.

I like you all. Message me, I’m so ronery.

Love you dearly, MMF.x

As always, pacts like this come after you have done something especially stupid. In my case this time it could have been worse but it could also have been better (aka not have happened).

As you may have figured I had a big night out and saw one of my ex’s besties in a club. He was out with a workmate and I was out with my two uber hot flatties.

He found us and stayed to dance and I think we were both a little bit too drunk for the

“This move was later explained by my flatties to look like I was “trying to initiate a threesome.” situation because all of a sudden I found myself dancing with my ex’s best mate who had gotten a bit too handsy for my liking.

To try and save the situation my “special drink” fogged mind thought a good out would be to grab his friend on my other arm. This move was later explained by my flatties to look like I was “trying to initiate a threesome.”

Thankfully apart from a chaste kiss on the lips things didn’t get too out of hand and I’m hoping that since he was also in a bit of a state this situation will NEVER be brought up in his circle of friends.

But take this as a warning first years, those things with a black label that seem like a good idea will never lead anywhere good or pretty.

35

WSU

Was This You? House.

36

SHIT you This week we eat, drink, party, learn Mandarin, open our eyes to inequality, possibly get lucky, and spend all our hard earned Studylink cash money. May I present to you, THE GIG GUIDE!

couldn’t be more true. It’s a good after dinner treat too!

Friday 20th September Katchafire, Altitude 2013 saw Katchafire tour around the UK and USA, but now the boys are back in their homeland and ready to do what they do best.

Their tour, aptly titled “The Best So Far”, will give fans a glimpse of their new material.

Monday 16th September Biddy’s Open Mic Night, Biddy Mulligans 6:00 pm – 1:00 am One of these days, I swear I will gather the guts to get up there and say my piece. But for now, you’re welcome to go ahead.

Wednesday 18 September th

Millionaire Monday, CBD 5 pm onwards Bonus: Every team that joins gets a Lotto ticket. Want to get extra lucky? Why don’t you wear your lucky what-have-yous, bring your lucky charms, and listen to Daft Punk’s Get Lucky. No need to be S-O-L (shit out of luck) today!

Inequality in NZ – A panel discussion, Waikato Uni 6-7 pm Seems like Waikato Uni is the place to be on this Wednesday evening. Raise your social awareness and come along to this discussion.

Learn Conversational Chinese, Waikato Uni 5:10-6:10 pm Because Mandarin is the new English. Where else can you learn the language and practice speaking it? Get cultured, folks!

Skint Student Night, House 6 pm onwards Spring weather means some more sun in the afternoon. It’s still cold enough for a jacket, but sitting outside is definitely an option now.

Bring your student ID to get the $5 pizza and special drink deals!

Wax on Wednesdays, Static 8 pm onwards Where people who enjoy good music meet.

Not yet ready to go home after dinner? Why not go for a nightcap?

Build Your Own Burger, House Because House Bar is designed like a House – from its interior down to the relaxed, homey vibe – it’s totally okay to spend everyday there, right? Starting with this build your own burger for dinner. Mmm burgers.

Tuesday 17th September Sweet Tooth Tuesday, Iguana Their tagline “Have your cake and eat it too,”

Ask if they’ve got any student deals. You’re welcome.

Thursday 19th September Student Nights in Town Fun fact: You haven’t really lived the student life if you haven’t gone out on a Thursday.

Seriously, at least once, you have to experience the thrill of going out on a school night and feeling ridiculously naughty for doing so.

Do the rounds. I’m talking Bar 101The Hood-Agenda-Outback-Thirty Two 04-Altitude-Static.

Punk Rock at a Skate Park, Wrong Skate 8 pm – 12 midnight, $5 entry Punk Rockers rejoice! This gig has something for you no matter what kind of punk rocker you are. Line up includes Prowler (hardcore punk rock), Future Theft (pop punk rock), Penny Dreadfuls (riot grrl punk rock), Super Narcoman (rock punk rock), and The Prophet Motive (acoustic punk rock).

Landslide – The Fleetwood Mac Tribute Show, Hamilton Cosmopolitan Club 8 pm, Free Entry I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wanted to see Fleetwood Mac live. I missed out so many times, but hey a tribute show right at the heart of Hamilton might just cut it for now. R18 event.

Date Month Year and Palaces, Static Usher in the weekend right. Friday nights at Static are notorious for that. Free entry for this gig too! This one is for the hip hop enthusiasts especially.

Saturday 21th September Puketaha Country Fair, Puketaha School 10 am – 2 pm This bi-annual country fair promises stalls of fresh produce and food, rides for kids, country animals, homemade treats, and handmade crafts. Frankly, they had me at food. This one is a small town affair at its best!

Electro Static, Static The vibe, the music, the hospitality of the Static people. It’s one of those things where it’s a win-win for everyone. hamiltonpride.co.nz have updated event information about Pride Week.

37