Nexus 22

Issue 22, October 1st, 2012

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YOU N O E M CO

E O G I B EXUS WITH N

Good day, travellers. This week we explore the world. A big task for a little student magazine like Nexus, but we did it anyway. Since this is the university of Waikato, you’re probably all dreaming of escaping the farmlands and journeying over to Paris, Greece, America, Thailand, Iceland, or some other strange place. At least it’s not here.

In the lead up to exams, use this issue as it is intended for; procrastination about your summer escapades. This sunny weather sneaking up on us has a daydream affect, and we are it’s supplement. Whether you are flush, and heading on your OE, or strapped for cash and keeping it local, you’ll find something that relates to the summer that’s beginning to take shape.

Daylight savings has just begun, and you’ve either made it to class on time, or are puzzled as to the empty lecture theatre. Enjoy the extra daylight hours! Start planning road trips, and applying for time off! Get your friends together and spend all your extra cash from your sweet summer job on a box of beers or some pool-side cocktails and take advantage of the good weather. There will be good weather this year, there just has to be. We have paid our dues – especially those at last years Corogold, you poor, poor things.

Speaking of New Years… now that we’re officially heading into the warmer months, you should be all sorted for ringing in 2013. It’s going to be a big one, thanks to those crazy Mayans. Unfortunately I am too poor to be going anywhere exciting, so will probably work the holiday… but that doesn’t mean you have to! A beachside rental is pretty perfect for those big group holidays, or RNV if you’ve got the cash. I know a couple of people who are staying in a fancy Auckland hotel and doing a bit of a Sex and the City new years. It’s totally up to you. Just make sure you have the best people possible around you. If you’re stuck in Hamilton, or the weather has gone to shit, they’re the only thing that will make it fun, I swear.

If you are looking to travel overseas, then take care of yourself. Make sure you’re up to date on any relevant shots, and you’ve done as much research as possible about the place you are visiting. Know where the hospitals are!

Have someone who can translate! Nobody likes rabies or yellow fever. All seriousness aside though, make sure you have a great time in whatever place you end up in. If you start to feel down for whatever reason, snap out of it! For once, you’re NOT in NZ. That alone is beautiful.

So after all that, what I really want to say is – yaaaay!

SUMMER IS COMING. ROADTRIPS. TRAVEL. BEACHES. DRINKING ALL DAY. I’m getting started this Saturday. Exams? What are they?

18

Step into the unknown / the world with Nexus

Cover Art by Hoss Aneece

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.

Nexus Ground Floor Student Union Building Gate One University of Waikato Knighton Road Hamilton.

20 To contiki, or not to contiki? / 22 Around

Around the W rld with Nexus

3 Editorial / 5 How Saph Sees It / 6 News / 10 Left Vs. Right / 11 Sports Thoughts / 13 Hot Fuzz / 14 Lettuce / 16 8 Ball and Horoscopes / 17 Puzzles / 18 MMF / 19 Auteur / 25 Top Ten Places You Shouldn’t Visit / 27 Get To Know Your Country / 28 Reviews / 30 Club Spotlight / 31 Secret Lives of First Years and Money Talks / 32 Half Baked with Mel / 33 Off The Rack / 34 Cereal and Verbiage / 36 Advocacy / 37 Tangata Tumeke / 38 Fuyokos Fables Interview / 39 Gig Guide /

Editors: Alix Higby and Sean Goulding / Managing Editor: James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) / Music Editor: HP / Feature Editor: Julia Gabel / Design: Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) / Illustration: Hoss Aneece (http://happiestpageever.tumblr.com/) / Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Contributors: President Sapphire Gillard, Mr. Minty Fish, Dr Richard Swainson, Kylie from YWRC, HP, C-Ball, Skippy, Daniel Farrell, Pseudonym, DC, Kevin Pryor, Jess Molina, Priscilla Ngatai, Nick Marryatt, Alice and Anne, Julia Gabel, Mel

Matthews, Zanian Steele, Constable Nick Sickelmore, Makenzie McCarty courtesy of www.waikatoindependent.co.nz, Captain Neemo, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

Can I sleep yet?!

I don’t know about you but I’m one of those people who loves and needs ten hours sleep a night, and I can’t remember the last time that happened.

Last week was crazy I tell you! Totally out there and next week is going to be similar. This week I’m hoping for sleep a lot but probably won’t be able to. As of Thursday I’ll be travelling to Wellington in my capacity as WSU President to represent you at a number of meetings with our national bodies: SJS, NZUSA, and USNZ. For those of you who don’t recognise the acronyms I’ll explain.

SJS (AKA Student Job Search: www.sjs.co.nz) Student Job Search is a fantastic organisation and you (as a University of Waikato student) have free access to because we (the Waikato Students’ Union) pay a levy each year to be a part of this fantastic group. Last year I was elected to the SJS national council, so spend time considering how this organisation can best serve you. If you have any questions or thoughts let me know.

NZUSA (AKA New Zealand Union of Student Associations: www.students.org.nz) NZUSA offers support to students by offering a national voice and lobbying the government regarding student issues, and student associations through training and networking opportunities as well as collective purchasing powers. Shortly we will be electing the 2013 NZUSA president and passing budgets and an annual plan – similar to the WSU AGM held last week.

USNZ (AKA University Sport New Zealand: www. universitysport.org.nz) University Sport is currently undergoing change and is considering where its place is in our national body family.

Sport is an important part of university life and the WSU again pays a levy to be a part of this organisation. This levy helps reduce your costs in attending Uni Games and allows our students to be eligible for the national blues awards.

Each of these organisations will be meeting over the weekend so please feel free to come and chat to me about any of these groups.

Waikato rowing success in Russia The World University Rowing Championships were held at the beginning of the month in Kazan, Russia. Waikato University graduate student, Matthew Glenn, competed at the event, winning a bronze medal.

Mr Glenn said he has been rowing for ten years, a sport he got into because his father rowed for New Zealand. He first attended the World University Rowing Championships two years ago in Hungary, where he placed eighth. To get to the World University Championships, Mr Glenn had to attend Uni Games in Dunedin, which he won.

Next year, the event is part of the World University Games, which is similar to a university olympics. Attending is something Mr Glenn said he would really like to do.

Meeting is rather general. And annual.

The Waikato Students’ Union held their Annual General Meeting on Wednesday, with a surprising lack of dissent to any motion.

The budget for the WSU for next year is “as close to a zero budget as possible”, WSU President Sapphire Gillard said at the meeting. The budget gives a profit for the period ending 31 December 2013 of $160.

There was some discussion around the Honoraria for Directors of the organisation. One member said that given every other budget line had been reduced due to Voluntary Student Membership, surely the Honoraria should too, as this hasn’t changed much at all. WSU President, Sapphire Gillard pointed out that while the total amount might not have changed, the amount of work required of the Directors has increased significantly since VSM, and this is a trend likely to continue into next year, so when you break it down, it’s actually less. She also pointed out that this is approximately minimum wage for the amount of work required, and while this wasn’t required, it is a good yardstick. Another member suggested that the Honoraria should be raised, saying “if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys”. Mrs Gillard said this wasn’t necessary because, for the most part, the Directors are there not for the money but because they believe in the work the WSU

does. The Director’s Honoraria was voted on by the AGM and only received four votes against. The figures were set at $32,000 for President, $15,000 for both Vice-President positions and $2,500 for Directors.

Kawerau don’t want unemployed Mayor of Kawerau, Malcolm Campbell, has said that he doesn’t want people without a job to move to the area.

He is reported as saying “If you don’t have a job and you live in South Auckland or wherever in New Zealand, then you should not be able to come to Kawerau unless you have an employment to bring here”. Locals weren’t too keen on the mayor saying this, with some saying everyone should be welcome in their town.

Student fees set to increase The University of Waikato is looking to increase student fees by 4%, after the university’s Finance Committee voted in favour of sending this change to the University Council’s next meeting.

Chief Financial Officer of the University of Waikato, Andrew McKinnon, met with students on Thursday at a public meeting in Level Zero of the Student Centre.

He said that because the Government has held the level they are funding most courses at the Budget in May, the University has to meet costs somehow. He said that while the increase in student fees is 4%, the student portion of fees is only 25%, with the Government making up the remaining 75%. This means the increase is only 1%.

At the Budget, the Government also set a 4% maximum fees increase. When asked if the University would have increased fees by more than 4% if they were allowed, Mr McKinnon said it was difficult to say whether that would happen, but he believes the decision would have been made in the best interest of students.

He was also asked if the University was applying a 4% increase to student fees for international students as well as domestic students. Mr McKinnon said that there was an increase for international students, however this was only 2.5%. The University Council will discuss this at their next meeting on October 10th.

CANDIDATES FOR STUDENT MEMBER ON COUNCIL HAYLEY BOUD HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS AND EXPERIENCE - Completed Bachelor of Science (Biology) & currently studying Law - More than 20 years experience in tertiary education - Two years class representative - Proven leadership skills - Ten years of cross-cultural work experience - Outstanding competence in mediation - Excellent communication skills (written and oral) - Experience on a board of trustees as a member, chairperson, secretary and treasurer - Golden Key International Society in recognition of outstanding scholastic achievement and excellence, 2002 - Lab Supply Pierce Ltd Award for Best Science Technician Completing NZCS, 1994 WHY I WANT TO BE STUDENT MEMBER OF COUNCIL I have the best interest of the University of Waikato in mind and can commit to meeting regularly in order to ensure the University maintains its reputation as a world class education provider. I want to ensure the University uses resources efficiently and effectively and make sure all students and staff members have an opportunity to be heard and their views are represented. I want all students and staff at the University to be treated fairly, equally and with respect.

WHY VOTE FOR ME? I believe that I am the ideal candidate for the University Council due to my work experience, my commitment to serve the community and my desire to be the best at everything I do. As the chairperson for the Refugee Orientation Centre Trust I had the opportunity to lead and coordinate people from all ages, backgrounds and cultures and believe this experience along with that gained from managing staff in the laboratory setting will allow me to be a successful member of Council. Skills such as diplomacy and negotiation gained as a Board member for the Little Bethlehem Church will ensure I will be the best student for Council. I am dedicated, enthusiastic, innovative and work well under pressure. I am extremely passionate about the University of Waikato and as a member of Council I will always consider the University’s best interests.

AARON LETCHER Age: 22 Faculty of Law; Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences.

LLB conjoint with a BsocSci. I am currently studying towards a conjoint law and social sciences degree, majoring in political science and social policy. I will be finishing my law papers at the end of this year, before taking a year off to focus on my role as Waikato Students’ Union President, before completing the remainder of my study in 2014.

Why am I running for Council?

I am running to be the student member of Council because I believe that students need a strong and stable voice representing them in the governance of the University. I have been a student for four years, served as a Waikato Students’ Union Director for one year, and have recently been elected as the Waikato Students’ Union President. As the President of the Waikato Students’ Union I will have a strong and diverse support network standing behind me in support, allowing me to represent students to the best of my abilities. I believe the skills I have developed as a law student, and the relationships that I have developed during my years at Waikato University will prove invaluable in representing the best interests of all students. Below are a few more details about myself; however, if you have any question you would like to ask me please feel free to email abl2@waikato.ac.nz and I will do my best to answer them!

Community Involvement: 2010 – 2011 Central North Island Young Nat’s Policy Chair 2011 Contributor to Nexus Magazine.

2011 – 2012 Volunteer caseworker at the Hamilton Community Law Centre 2011 – Present National Party Electorate Chairman – Hamilton East 2012 – Present Waikato Students’ Union Director

UNIV ER S ITY O F WA IK ATO NEW S , EVEN T S AN D N OT I C E S

Postgrad Month Postgraduate Month kicks off this week, and there are plenty of activities and events for postgrad students, as well as for students considering postgraduate study. Workshops, panel discussions, an information evening and meet and greet sessions will take place throughout October – see www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/ postgraduate /postgraduatemonth. shtml for more information.

Global citizenship – public lecture

Th3sis in 3 heats Professor Tina Besley, Director of the Centre for Global Studies in Education, will present a public lecture, Becoming a Global Citizen: Identity, Openness and Interculturalism, 6pm Tuesday 9 October at the Academy.

Wisdom of Waikato Quiz Are you good at trivia? Want a fun night out? Want bragging rights over your lecturers? Register your team for the Wisdom of Waikato Quiz, starting on 9 October at the Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts. There are discounted tickets available for the 25 October Students vs. Teachers quiz – find out more at mrgquiz.com/index.php/wisdom-ofwaikato.

Reminder – new venue for October graduation

She will discuss how businesses and education institutes promote global citizenship differently to their members and how this results in conflict, and asks if global citizenship is a reality or just an ideal.

The first Th3sis in 3 heat takes place 5pm Monday 1 October in S.1.01, kicking off Postgraduate Month. Come along to find out about some of the great research happening at Waikato, and stay for drinks and nibbles, celebrating the start of Postgraduate Month.

Student member of council - voting open

Find out more at www.waikato.ac.nz/ sasd/graduation.

Exchange fair Interested in studying abroad? Come along to the Student Exchange Fair to learn more about the opportunities to study at international universities, 11am-2pm Wednesday 3 October, in the foyer of the Student Centre, Level 2.

There will also be an information session in S.G.03 from 1-1:30pm that day.

www.waikato.ac.nz

Remember – the 17 October graduation ceremony will be held at the Claudelands Events Centre this year. The 16 October graduation ceremony will still be held at Te Kohinga Mārama Marae on campus.

Voting is open for the 2013 student member of council – all enrolled students are eligible to vote. Find out more and place your vote at www.waikato.ac.nz/ about/corporate/student-member

www.facebook.com/WaikatoUniversity

B Semester examination timetable online The 2012 B Semester exam timetable is now online at timetable.waikato. ac.nz/exams. Please check your exam timetable carefully.

www.twitter.com/waikato

“How Else Am I Going To Get The Gerbil Out?” An Auckland man was the subject of international ridicule this week when he checked into Auckland Hospital with an eel inside his bum. While no details were given about the extraction, the man, or how the eel became lodged there in the first place, hospital sources admitted that it was the talk of the building. “I saw the guy come in and honestly that story with the eel is so outrageous it should be the only thing they talk about at this hospital for the next week” said a nude patient with a jar of peanut butter stuck to his penis. Still perhaps the most fascinating part of the whole ordeal was the decision by the ‘Herald on Sunday’ reporter to finish the story like this “According to the Department of Conservation website, there are two main types of eel found in New Zealand - the shortfin and the longfin.” Like the guy was a connoisseur. We can’t speak from personal experience here, but if you are about to stick an eel inside your rectum the breed of eel probably doesn’t come into the equation. It is more “Electric or Non-Electric.” Consumer safety tip: Always go non electric.

Headline of the week The last bastion of journalism that is the Waikato Times proved again that some newspapers just aren’t dying quick enough. Whoever came up with last week’s ground breaking “Ninja admits to crime spree” headline should be sacked. Michael Stark, 20, dressed up like a ninja, stole a tractor, committed several acts of vandalism and graffiti before trying to hold up the Taupri Hotel and patrons having a picnic with a .22 calibre rifle including using the line “I’m fucking serious.” First of all Mr Stark perhaps people would take you a little more seriously if you weren’t wearing a ninja outfit. But worse than Stark is the Waikato Times who actually referred to him as a Ninja. Has anyone in that newsroom ever seen Shogun Assassin, Azumi, or Izo? Ninjas don’t steal tractors, they don’t use shotguns and they don’t have to convince people they’re serious. If a guy jumps in the Uni Lake dressed in orange it doesn’t make him Aquaman, it just makes him a dickhead in a lake, who probably has just contracted a few STI’s.

Journalism, easier than you’re making it look.

Actual Short News It was revealed this week that our government has been spying on Kim Dotcom and that they had bugged his house and were using surveillance equipment. We can

only assume it is so John Banks can collect information for his next fundraising pitch. Seriously New Zealand Government, bigger fish to fry. We have a high NZ dollar causing issues, disputes over water rights, asset sales, most of the people losing their jobs in the employment mecca that is Huntly, education standards under threat, an unstable coalition government, troops being killed, people inserting live seafood into their arse and wannabe ninja losers holding people up at gunpoint, but by all means let’s focus on the living incarnation of the Simpsons comic book guy who may be downloading movies and having a crywank in his mansion. Building a brighter future? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

Haiku

News Key to Dotcom: “I’m sorry” Kiwis protected From surveillance by our spies “Fuck, do it anyway.”

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange classified “Enemy of the State” High-tech terrorist Palin wants him “hunted down” No surprises there

Court granted sex change appealed Sixty-three years old Identity-disorder He’s a killer queen!

Avalanna Routh, girl who called herself “Mrs. Bieber” dies Six years old, huge fan Dies of a rare brain cancer God killed wrong Bieber

Kate Moss reveals her style tips and wardrobe staples Sorry, false alarm She’s just a fucking moron Dressed by a monkey

LEFT vs RIGHT

H

opefully we have all been following the news enough lately to realise that a wealthy German man by the name of Kim Dotcom is facing extradition to the United States because he was the founder of the website megaupload.com. The Americans argue that Dotcom has breached copyright by allowing pirated material to be uploaded and downloaded from his website, he could face up to 20 years in prison for this under the current U.S. law. But not before this whole drama has just blown up in the government’s face.

First Dotcom manages to go to court and have them tell the police that the search and seizure of Dotcom’s property was a bit on the dodgy side, as was freezing all of is assets so that he couldn’t by spend any of his money.

Then over the last week we have learnt that the GCSB, our largest and second most secretive spy agency had been tapping Dotcom’s phone. The problem is that you need to get a warrant and they hadn’t bothered. Which is already really terrible but now we have learnt that Prime Minister John Key, the person in charge of the organisation politically, wasn’t aware of what was going on. So apparently the GCSB just sort of went rouge and decided to start spying on a New Zealand resident because they wanted to, they apparently acted as if they are both above the law and the elected representatives of the New Zealander people. Either that or John Key is lying about approving illegal wire tapping.

So no, in this case the ends do not justify the means.

Considering he is facing a ridiculously steep punishment considering that he didn’t actually steal anything from anyone, at worst he created a website that people could choose to use, legally or illegally. We don’t go around tossing knife manufacturers in prison every time someone gets stabbed, why should the Internet be different.

But the GCSB definitely sis break the law when they were investigating this guy. Considering what this has already cost us in terms of police and court time as well as a decent bit of national humiliation I think we should cut our losses and let the man get on with his life.

1010

Kim dotcom - do the ends justify the means?

J

ustice, ladies and gentlemen. It’s such an important concept. It’s a concept not just about retribution but also about the truth. When someone is accused of something, justice is when the truth is found and either the person is punished as the law intends if they did the thing, or they are found to be not guilty and their name is cleared. That’s why Kim Dotcom’s trial is so very important, for both him and for everyone else involved.

If Kim Dotcom has not broken the law, it’s important that he is found that way so his name can be cleared. For that to happen, all the information needs to be available.

Last week, John Key announced that he has requested an enquiry into some phone tapping that occurred in the lead-up to Kim Dotcom’s arrest. Key said that these were illegal and had not been authorised.

What I question is whether is was intrinsically bad that this occurred. The Government Communications Security Bureau made a decision that, in order to create justice in this situation, certain actions needed to be taken. While those actions were questionable in some aspects, they could lead to the situation that we want - justice.

I don’t understand how the opposition can be against this.

Sure, it’s not the best means to reach the end goal, but, as far as I’m concerned, the ends definitely justify the means.

Sure, the tapping only occurred because the GCSB was given incorrect information about Dotcom, with Police telling them he wasn’t a New Zealand citizen, but it still sends us toward the end goal of justice. I find it interesting that this is “illegal” at all. Justice is a huge part of our legal system, so to have our legal system stopping that justice is outrageous.

Sports Thoughts BONES JONES USED ARM TWIST - IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE

By C-Ball UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon ‘Bones’ Jones has everything going for him. He comes from a family stacked to the tits full of legitimate athletes, with his brothers Arthur and Chandler currently holding defensive linesman positions for the Baltimore Ravens and New England Patriots respectively. His recent submission of Vitor Belfort in UFC 152 added to an impressive 18 fight career which has garnished 17 victories and only one loss - through disqualification, leaving me under the impression the only way anyone will possibly subdue the man will be if Professor Oak shows up and hands you a masterball. You might want to head out to Cinnabar Island and find Missingo, thus replicating the masterball, because chances are you will need more than one to bring this tough motherfucker down.

Jon Jones was a standout state champion wrestler at high school, evident in his mixed martial arts career today. He dropped out of studying Criminal Justice in order to pursue a career in the UFC, ironically going from learning about ways to prevent crime, to partaking in a sport where one wouldn’t be wrong to label it legalised violence. It turned out to be a solid choice, considering Bones Jones amassed an undefeated record of six wins from six fights in only a three month span, thus capturing the attention of the UFC and being asked to replace an unavailable fighter for UFC 87. With only two weeks notice, Jones took the opportunity with both hands and treated it as you would any dumbass willing to purchase the upcoming iPhone, laying a beating down upon Andre Gusmao and taking the fight with a unanimous points decision. He then accounted

for veteran Stephan Bonnar, and choked Jake O’Brien unconscious with a guillotine. His only loss came next, as he was disqualified against Matt Hamill for using prohibited downward elbow strikes, probably along with the fact that he has fully functional ears.

Since that moment, Bones Jones has gone on to systematically pick apart every single contender stupid enough to get inside the ring with him.

Defeating former Light Heavyweight Champion Vladimir Matyushenko with barely a few minutes passed in round one caused UFC President Dana White to take note, realising with Jones he had a potential future belt holder. This lead to Jon Jones being granted a number of fights against the higher echelon of the Light Heavyweight division, all of which he won. He chopped Ultimate Fighter winner Ryan Bader to pieces with a guillotine, and then laid down a beating on Mauricio ‘Shogun’ Rua that would’ve had Jake the Muss impressed, causing Jon ‘Bones’ Jones to become the youngest ever UFC Champion. With the belt secured firmly around his waist, Jones has come under a lot of pressure from so absolute monsters in order to defend it. Rashad Evans, a former teammate who holds an extreme grudge against him, has demanded over and over a chance to take the belt from him. However, the first opportunity went to Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson - you know, that guy who acts in the A-Team and is known for head slamming Asian people in Pridefighting. That guy who is one of the most ruthless, scary, bomb throwing animals the UFC has on offer to spill blood all over the ring and get the crowd

cheering. That guy, who ended up walking around the ring being beaten into submission, without barely even throwing a punch. Jones absolutely nailed him, using his range and patience to toy with Jackson, before finally sending him to bed with a rear naked choke, the first time Rampage has ever been submitted.

Jones then put karate kid Lyoto Machida on ice with a standing guillotine, also Machida’s first submission loss, running rampant through the Light Heavyweight division, even ending his dispute with Rashad Evans through unanimous decision. The fact that Jon Jones has been head and shoulders above the rest of his weight class leaves me wondering who on earth will stop, since Vitor Belfort failed recently and got a twisted arm even bothering to try. Previously, it was planned Jones would fight Dan Henderson (too easy), but he pulled out with an injury, leaving Chael Sonnen to offer taking up the fight instead.

In a rare moment of hesitation (or intelligence, depending on how you want to see it), Jones declined the fight. Sonnen was immediately angered, and I would be too, after he has crushed Anderson Silva twice only to let his attention slip and get choked out, venting his frustrations on Twitter. Jones believed Sonnen didn’t deserve the title shot, to which Sonnen replied - “Deserve? I don’t wait, I take. You’re not the best, you’re just next.” Here’s hoping those two end up in the ring, because Chael Sonnen might mark the only hope humanity has of ever seeing Bones Jones lose before he is old and frail.

Occurences in Hamilton East from 14th August - 29th August 2012

Key: Assaults

Burglary

Unlawfully Takes Motor Vehicle

Information provided by New Zealand Police force

QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS ?

If you have any questions, please contact the University Community Constable Nick Sickelmore.

Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz 07 858 2792

Nexus encourages debate and discussion on almost any topic and welcomes your letters.

Relevant, intelligent and well-worded letters are preferable, and we also enjoy good humour.

Right of reply will generally be accepted provided we have space.

Letters should be kept to a maximum of 250 words. You may hide behind a nom-de-plume but you must tell us your real name (which will not be published unless requested).

Letter of the week is picked on the basis of our feelings, not the persuasion of its content for which we don’t have opinions on.

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Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency.

Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

Send your lettuce through to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

Dear Brendon, Ironically by saying LGBT couples should not be able to marry and that civil unions are enough still makes you prejudiced against LGBT people. You are denying the right for every NZ citizen to marry who they want. I honestly don’t know what people find so hard about the word equality, everyone is entitled to the same things, even marriage. It doesn’t matter if its Gay rights. Black rights, Midget rights or Emo rights. Since I dislike walls of text I will keep my reply short.

Civil Unions are not equal under law, especially not international law. Under a Civil Union, your partnership is only recognized within NZ borders while a marriage is recognized overseas by most countries. It’s the same here too, someone who got a Civil Union in the US wont be recognized here either. (Think about the hot lesbian couple you are denying from living next door) Also the Civil Union bill does not amend many areas such as citizenship, guardianship, evidence, friendly societies, credit unions, insolvency and property. You claim how everyone should be treated the same under law, well why go to the effort to amend all the laws to include Civil Unions, just allow LGBT marriage and hit it all in one go. A conservative such as yourself should be for saving tax payer money after all.

Its time to grow up, appealing to traditionalism just makes you a traditionalist bigot. Just because in societies influenced by the Abrahamic religions that marriage has historically been between a man and woman doesn’t mean it needs to stay that way. If we went back to corporal punishment I would bash some sense into you and make you sit at the back of the bus with us fabulous LGBT guys.

- The Carpet Cleaner

Dear it’s-not-discrimination-coz-you-have-gayfriends /Brendan, It’s nice that you have gay friends. It’s not so nice that you think the law can treat people differently because of it, however you want to try justify that. So, I would just like to quote Logan’s article to you as it succinctly addresses the very issue you raise- “while inequality endures on a legislative level, the ‘normalisation’ of queer citizens is just idealism, and discrimination will continue to be rife” Thanks, I-have-gay-friends-too-and-they-don’t-deservediscrimination

It’s Left vs Right not Left vs Wrong.

The topics the last coupla weeks have been arrest warrants and legal drugs. You managed to talk about crime being bad and animal testing being good. You’re making it hard for my to believe in tax cuts for the richest New Zealanders.

Nick Smith

Dear Lettuce Three questions: 1) If you had sleep with a mermaid would you go top half fish bottom half human?

2) Momento, the station or the other one by the lake.

Who has the best beverages?

3) Speaking of half fish people that like to drink, who will replace Mark Sainsbury on close up?

Discuss Yours, The Spanish Inquisition

Dear Nexus Regarding your article about legal drugs being cool but illegal drugs being awesome.

Yes! Signed 420

Leaving town soon?

Need storage?

Dear Nexus, Left vs Right: Right FAIL. Way to get off topic, moron. Also, way to sound like an ignorant, right wing, bitchy little nobody, oh wait...that’s MOST right wingers so you’re basically just following suit and at least doing THAT well. Testing legal highs on animals? Are you actually serious? Because I completely missed the fact where animals will tell you that they are feeling super wasted and you should totally put this shit on the market, duuude. I’m not going to rattle off a list of reasons why animal testing is one of the most vile, abusive displays of power that assholes like yourself consider perfectly appropriate and successful, because you are obviously an idiot and will not retain any of this information even if I were to staple it to your face.

But to correct your political faux pas, SAFE is NOT a bunch of “militant greenies,” it’s highly mainstream and even has the support of John Banks, of all (right wing) people. You just sound like a wanker having a dig at an organisation you obviously know nothing about.

If drug companies are so keen to test their legal highs, I’m fairly certain there are enough stoner losers who would be willing to volunteer as human guinea pigs.

To quote you, (and point out just how ignorant you sound), “In the long run, animal testing will save lives...”

Seriously, WTF?! Did you forget your point? How exactly is testing legal highs on animals going to save lives? Did you leave out an entire section of your column where you have painstakingly researched, cited and written a full report on the subject? Or are these just the opinions of a ranty little righty with nothing intelligent to say?

Not a militant greenie

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Silence!

The magnificent eight ball commands it. The magnificent eight ball also commands some berocca, some nurofen, 2 packs of throat lozenges and that nobody look him directly in the 8 all day. Eight ball had a really long club awards and let me tell you, a few shots of tequila in and some of the WULSA kids turn freaky.

Questions?

Eight ball is it ok to sleep with someone’s friend after you break up? Cannot Predict Now. I need more information. There are a number of factors that tip the scale from perfectly acceptable to douche move. For instance who broke up with who? How long has it been over? How good looking is the third party? But mainly the rule to live by here is it’s not worth it. Sleeping with someone’s cousin / sister or flatmate who hates them can be fun, but sleeping with the friend is just a world of pain.

Hey 8 ball was René Descartes right when he said “I think therefore I am?” Outlook Not So Good.

Simple mortal I care not for your mustached French philosophizers. I will say this though, the inference is that I am the only one whose thinking I can be sure of, therefore I am the only one that actually exists. If that were true and the world was a creation of my own mind why would I choose to be a plastic Matel toy? Also I know plenty of people who don’t think, and they still are; mostly they are Wintec students.

Aries: It’s nice know that you always have summer school.

Taurus: You had a horoscope, but the government stole it. They’ve been spying on you.

Gemini: You will get sick of people misusing abbreviations so much so that you will FABU the nek jive turkey who decides to roll up on yo block.

Cancer: You shall decide that this summer you want a break, but be careful you may be a haemophiliac.

Leo: It’s not you it’s me? Damn right. Slut.

Virgo: The plants you have been growing are about to seed. I’ve been watching. First back to your house wins.

Libra: Romance shall enter your life this week, or at least it will feel like romance if you numb your hand for long enough.

Scorpio: You will realize having a partner shorter than you allows you to do much more than just rest your beer.

Sagittarius: The Lotto numbers are 4, 17,36,18 and….. The stars have nothing more for you at this time. Come back next week.

Will I get laid before the end of the year? No, switch degrees to something in Fass if that is what you want from University.

Capricorn: Ponder this: Why do they call it StudyLink when all they link you to is massive fucking debt and bad hold music?

Do you know if the world is going to end on Dec 22nd like the Mayans predicted? Yes I do.

Aquarius: It isn’t actually illegal to marry your cousin in this country, FACT. Pisces: Put your worries and exam stress aside. Your problems are nothing compared to the apocolypse that is the wedding between Nickelback front man Chad Kruger and “Compliated” poser punk Avril Levigne. Not to make a picies pun but who cares about exams we have bigger fish to fry.

Face of the week - make me into Petra Bagust

Puzzles Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some fabulous free stuff!

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Opinion

Welcome to Mr Minty Fish’s ‘Sassy Gay Q & A!’ where 50% of us may not be gay but my Sassy Anonymous guest is. We asked each other 11 questions because he has a fetish for giving more than 10 answers and I’m sexually attracted to the letter ‘1’. Brilliant. Leggo.

Sassy Gay interviews Mrmintyfish: Q. Why haven’t you ever been to England, that’s really rude of you.

A. I read in a television program once that a kid in Bristol overdosed on pills so like... I didn’t want to die. Mainly.

And I didn’t want to end up on Jeremy Kyle. And I’m fucked off with them for the whole English language thing.

I’m also shit at ice skating; but that’s separate.

Q. Who is your favourite serial killer?

A. Mindy Macready from Kick Ass for reasons that became obvious the second she walked into a ghetto pad full of Hoochie vagine and called them cunts. An impressive feat for any elderly woman. Particularly if that elderly woman turns out to be an 11 year old.

Q. What is 2x10+0?

A. A shit weekend.

Q. FMK Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal, Adolf Hitler?

A. I would fuck the extra chromosome out of Jake Gyllenhaal. Any guy that looks remotely like a husky is reet up my street. Under one of the bushes. With chloroform on his face. Kill Hitler, mainly because I imagine he’d be very loud and I am not trying to hear that over my Extreme Couponing marathons. I’d Marry Gosling.

Q. What is the creepiest thing that has ever happened to you while in town?

A. The Firecats van locked us in once and drove us past the bus terminal. It would be fine, except they’d kiddy locked the doors, jammed the slider, and told us that we were “never fucking leaving.” Ha. That was a pun. Sorry did I say pun? I meant colossal fucking nightmare.

Q. If you could irradiate one city in the world, which one would it be?

A. Tens, tens, tens, twenties on your titties, bitch.

Something, something ‘on mah dick.’

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Q. Did you ever consider the name Mr. Lemony Fish?

A. Sometimes I consider doing crystal meth, then I think nah, better not.

Q. Explain the theory behind Schrodinger’s cat.

A. The sperms in your wee testicles could be dead or they could be Phelps-ing up and down your dick. We will never know. until you ejaculate though.

Q. My lamp is in a poisonous relationship and I don’t know how to approach the situation.

A. From the right hand side.

Q. Why is Indian food so good? I really feel like butter chicken.

A. Because it never stays out past curfew.

Q. Why is babies made?

A. Because condoms is broken.

Alright you little crack babies.

That’s all you get.

Mail me, tweet me, if you wanna reach me.

Next week we interview 1st years. Probably not.

Love you all forever, MMF.x @mrmintyfish mmf@nexusmag.co.nz P.S. Write something interesting into Lettuce for once. I know you’re capable. Look at you.

You’re gorgeous.

There’s a movie that’s playing at Lido at the moment called Ruby Sparks. It stars and is written by an actress called Zoe Kazan, the granddaughter of the legendary director Elia Kazan. As Elia was also an actor in his youth and an accomplished novelist after his retirement it is hardly surprising that a descendent has inherited like skills.

Only time will tell whether Zoe Kazan’s career will in anyway match that of her famous grandfather.

Hollywood has always been a nepotistic place where the sons and daughters of established filmmakers attempt to walk in their parents’ footsteps. Seldom though does lightening strike twice. For every Judy Garland that begets a Liza Minnelli, or Kirk who sires a Michael Douglas there are untold John Waynes fathering only marginally talented offspring called Pat or Michael, journeyman actors who disappear without a trace into B-grade fodder.

When it comes to true film making dynasties one family stands out for its multi-generational employment: the Redgraves. Beginning in 1911 when the English born Australian Roy Redgrave made his first short, it continues today with his greatgranddaughters Gemma Redgrave and Joely Richardson.

Roy Redgrave’s career was limited to but 10 films, though the last of these, Robbery Under Arms (1920) , has a respected place in the history of Australian cinema. Redgrave’s son Michael was the first member of the family to enjoy sustained

success. Though he might not have quite achieved the heights of like knighted contemporaries Laurence Olivier or John Mills, Michael Redgrave did make his debut in a genuine Hitchcock classic (the lead in 1938’s The Lady Vanishes) was once Oscar nominated (for 1947’s Mourning Becomes Electra) and made memorable contributions to films as diverse as The Dam Busters, The Browning Version and The Go Between. His wife Rachel Kempson, who lived to be 92 and enjoyed a 59 year acting career of her own, is best remembered as the mother of Vanessa, Lynn and Corin Redgrave.

Even if her prime success has been on the stage Vanessa Redgrave is the most respected living English actress.

A contentious and political figure - her 1977 acceptance speech after winning an Oscar for Julia has no rival for controversy - like her father she debuted in a classic - a cameo as Ann Boleyn in A Man for All Seasons - and followed this up immediately with a small but crucial role in a seminal 1960s work, Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow Up. Seven times Oscar nominated, Vanessa’s film career has ebbed and flowed, undermined by a surplus of dull, theatrical adaptations and historical biopics. Still, even in her 70s, taking parts in Hollywood productions that are beneath her and her Marxist politics, Redgrave’s name in the credits is cause for excitement.

Vanessa’s sister Lynn was an accomplished performer in her own right if never quite achieving the reputation of her older sibling. Best known for playing title role in 1966’s

Georgy Girl - a part that had her in awards contention the same year as Vanessa was nominated for Morgan: A Suitable Case for Treatment - she had a late career revival in 1998 as James Whale’s housekeeper in the wonderful Gods & Monsters.

Both Vanessa and Lynn featured in the last Merchant Ivory film, The White Countess (2005). The leading role was taken by Natasha Richardson, Vanessa’s daughter by director Tony Richardson. Prior to her untimely death in 2009 Natasha’s cinematic CV was impressive enough, if lacking the kind of break through role that made her mother and grandfather stars. She did threaten as much in the early 1990s, impressing as Patty Hearst in Paul Schrader’s idiosyncratic version of the heiress’ kidnapping and as the sexual surrogate in Volker Schlondorff’s screen version of Margaret Atwood’s dystopian novel A Handmaid’s Tale.

The achievements of Joely Richardson’s Natasha’s young sister, have been more modest still though much like her mother she continues to crop up in big Hollywood films like the remake of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Cast in everything from Peter Greenaway’s Drowning by Numbers to Ken Russell’s surprisingly mundane miniseries adaptation of Lady Chatterley’s Lover to Disney fare like 101 Dalmations, Richardson found greatest fame on American television in the sexually charged Nip/Tuck.

A Step into the

Unknown At a particular stage in everyone’s life a step into the unknown is the best step an individual can take. For me it was the year after I finished school, for my father it was after university to get away from his Mum, for a family friend it was during a mid-life crisis, and for you I have no idea. But one thing for certain is that when that time of indecision comes, when you don’t know what your next step in life should be and that little voice in your head proposes that you take an OE or do an exchange, DO IT!!!

Don’t fight the idea, don’t try and justify to yourself why it’s not the best thing to do, because it’ll ultimately be the best decision you ever make. Money, relationships and all the other potential hindrances can be managed - it’s one of those instances when one must adopt the kiwi ‘she’ll be right’ attitude. Don’t let these barriers stop you from a embarking on a journey of self-discovery, they’re nothing that a bit of will-power and hard work can’t conquer.

There’s honestly a type of OE to suit everyone’s circumstance - school exchanges, university exchanges, Camp America, US college athletic scholarships, teaching English as a foreign language, Au Pair, Work and Travel, or volunteer work. There are so many companies out there willing to offer you an amazing experience, you just have to find one that fits your needs and never look back.

the surface it appeared that they were helping fund a party year in Germany. My father thought I should go to university first and go travelling after my degree but my mother fully supported the idea, especially considering half the reason I was going was because I didn’t know what I wanted to study yet.

An overseas experience is a formidable and daunting step into the unknown for many, but more so for us Kiwis because often many of us have never ventured overseas before. For people living in non-isolated nations such as most countries in Europe, although an OE is still a great endeavour, for many of them it is not their first time in foreign lands. They’ve usually visited neighbouring nations and experienced different cultures, so the feeling of stepping out of one’s comfort zone is somewhat lessened in comparison to what New Zealanders feel when they embark on an OE.

The list of intangible benefits I took away from my exchange is too long to recount, but the main ones were working out what I wanted to study, being able to better connect and relate to my real family, and not viewing Hamilton as such a shithole anymore. These three aspects alone have molded me into a significantly different individual to what I would’ve been if I hadn’t gone overseas.

My first encounter with the OE/exchange concept was in my last year of school when one of my schoolmates ditched halfway through the year to go on an AFS exchange to Sweden. To be honest I was so intrigued and envious of my mate’s opportunity, that I ended up applying for a school exchange that same year. It was sort of difficult broaching the subject with my parents because it was a lot of money to commit to something with no tangible benefits; on

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Long story short, my one year AFS exchange in Germany was the best thing I’ve ever pursued. I barely knew a word of German and had never been overseas before, but the ‘can-do’ kiwi attitude didn’t let me down. After returning my father saw the benefits the experience had had for me and he never second-guessed spending the money. Three years have passed now and my German host family are coming out to New Zealand this Christmas to visit, and next year I hope to introduce my parents to a significant year of my life that they’ve only heard about through postcards and Skype. Oh, and that friend who went to Sweden, he’s still with his girlfriend he met over there and her family are travelling to New Zealand this Christmas to meet his folks as well. Exchanges are crazy old things.

Strangers to family may seem like a stretch for some, but those who have been on one will know what I’m talking about.

My OE was a school exchange and merely the tip of the iceberg as far as OEs are concerned, but you can still see the effects it has had upon the rest of my life. Any person who has been on an OE will tell you the same thing - the relationships formed and life lessons learnt are not lost as soon as you touch back down on the land of the long white cloud, they remain with you for life. I may not have come home wifed up like my mate, but I came home with a wealth of experience and a new appreciation for my life in Aotearoa.

Feature

An easy way to convince you of going on an OE can be expressed in this way - no one knows of a person who has regretted doing an OE, but everyone knows someone who wishes they had gone or would’ve benefited from going.

My cousin is a perfect example of someone who would’ve benefited from an OE. She had the option of pursuing a full athletic scholarship at a US college around the same time I left for Germany. She let the opportunity pass her by and I’ve pretty much seen her life pan out exactly as I predicted over the past four years. If she’d even taken the scholarship for one year I guarantee she would’ve grown up more in one year than in 22 years under her parents’ roof. There’s nothing wrong with not doing an OE because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but to turn away such an opportunity (especially at no expense to yourself or to your family) is to turn away from the biggest adventure of your life. So if this was you, please don’t post anything about YOLO on your Facebook.

worked out for the better is because I let that little voice speak up long enough and loud enough to convince me that taking the opportunity was the right choice.

It’s never too late to do an OE, the movie ‘The Bucket List’ is testament to that, and from my experience two weeks late is also not too late to apply for an exchange. My advice is that you listen to that little voice in your head, close your eyes and take a step into the unknown.

By Sean Goulding

Exchanges and OEs are becoming ever-more popular for teenagers once they leave school; probably because 18 years-old is an age at which an individual is itching to spread their wings before big decisions concerning study or work need to be made. Most of my school friends did some sort of OE after Year 13 and all of them came home more interesting and level-headed.

And despite what many think, OEs don’t have to cost a lot. In many cases you just need to pay for your airfare and a few administration fees, and the money you earn overseas covers your travel and living costs. Decreasing costs of international travel and constantly-improving communication technology means that in today’s age OEs can be done on the cheap, and now you don’t even have to go without Mum while you’re doing it.

If reading this article has prompted the little voice in your head to start asking questions, don’t try and silence it. That little voice is the passionate and adventurous you speaking up for itself. Both times I’ve applied for exchanges I’ve thought I had missed my opportunity because it has been two weeks after the application deadline. I also stated the normal reasons for not going - I won’t be able to afford it, is it worth it, blah blah blah.

I have been absolutely on the verge of not pursuing an exchange...twice, and the only reason both occasions have

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To contiki, or not to contiki...

If you’re between 18-35, and have been bitten by the travel bug, you may have considered hitting up Contiki to help you get started on your OE. Overseas travel can be daunting, especially if there’s only one or two of you who’s keen. If you’re wanting to visit several different countries, then it pays to have someone with you who knows the cultures and how to get around, right?

For those of you who are done with university this year, the idea of an overseas adventure has probably tempted you terribly. Here’s one option:

Contiki Holidays started in 1962. Yep, organised travel is at least 50 years old. They currently operate in 46 countries with trips ranging from 3 days in length, to six weeks. Recently I caught up with a friend who’d just got back from her Contiki in Europe to figure out whether it was worth the go. She gave me a quick pros and cons break down of her particular trip.

My friend, we’ll call her LC, decided on the London to Athens tour with another of our friends (we’ll call her Audrina). LC mentioned that everybody goes on these tours for different reasons, and you had to respect that, even if you didn’t agree. Some girls/guys were there to get as “cultural” as possible, if you get what I mean… while some people just wanted to party in a different place every night, and others wanted to see the sights, actually remember them, and so desperately avoided hangovers.

The tour kicked off in London with a little sightseeing, and then they headed over to Paris.

The highlights of their trip: You get a map of every city.

Champagne & escargot in Paris!

Parisian Dinner and Cabaret performance in Paris

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Picnic in the French countryside – Ham and Brie baguettes YUM Wine tasting at Contiki’s 12th century Château Fontainebleau in Lyon

Watching the magic fountains on our first night in Barcelona.

Audrina and I didn’t go but some people visited a rooftop bar in Barcelona, which had a very cool view (I think… haha).

Sangria and Tapas in Barcelona!

Walking down La Rambla – a boulevard packed with street performers, artists, markets, shops and stalls.

Eating frog legs at the Contiki campsite in Nice.

Visiting a French perfumery in Nice, where we bought some heavily discounted perfume.

A Monte Carlo casino!

Gondola ride in Venice. In the rain…

Leaning Tower of Pisa! We got out of the bus and had to walk through hundreds of gypsies trying to sell you shit on the way to the tower. Yay. Walking tour through Florence. Such a pretty city! They call it an open-air museum because there are sculptures everywhere.

I ate the nicest margarita pizza I have ever eaten for lunch in Florence! (and I don’t like pizza) Florence’s biggest club - Space Electronic Disco; full of dirty Italian men. There was a wet t-shirt contest on that night with free alcohol if you enter.

We were in Rome on a Sunday so we saw the Pope! Very cool, we waited for about 2 hours in 40degree weather for him; he spoke for 30mins in about 3 languages. Not English.

Throwing a coin in the Trevi fountain!

Being too hot in Rome to enjoy our gelato, it just

melted everywhere!

Greek food! Yumm tzatziki dip and gyros (google it!)

We hired a car and drove round the island.

Greek dinner and dancing. Average food at this dinner but the dancing and plate smashing was awesome! And they got us all to join in on the dancing.

Our last day walking up to the Acropolis & Parthenon in 40degree heat.

Things that kinda sucked: 6am departure on the 1st day!!

Flamenco dance show in Barcelona. Pretty shit.

The free sangria was good though.

Stopping at the Serravalle Designer outlet mall in Italy. It was still way too expensive for this type of tour, we couldn’t fit anything in our bag anyway, and they didn’t have many great shops.

The toga party. The idea was fun but it was actually kinda lame. The bar didn’t have aircon and was full of about 100 people in togas. And the cocktails were sicccck. Most people ditched it and went for a swim haha.

Getting conjunctivitis from a mask at a masquerade party in Venice.

Walking tours on 40degree days after 3hrs sleep.

All the Australians on our tour. Haha.

Two girls got mugged in broad daylight in Paris on our 3rd night!

Our last stop was Athens, it was pretty average, we stayed in a dodgy part of the city. Men. Everywhere. We hardly saw any women. There were homeless people sleeping on the streets, people shooting up on the street, our hotels rooftop bar closed at midnight and we had to

venture out into scary Athens to find a good bar.

We didn’t enjoy standing on the corner waiting to cross the road - there were about 30 of us and we were surrounded by creepy Greek men. We got out of there fast!

Getting boozed every night and throwing up on the bus the next day aha.

Although that didn’t really happen on our tour, (the throwing up on the bus) there was a group of guys on another tour we were with for about a week. One guy threw up in a car park, and then another guy licked it for 100euros…

The same guy who licked it wet the bed about 5 or 6 times from being too drunk and I think twice there was a girl in it… oh and he also bit the head of a live bird for money. BIT THE HEAD OF A LIVE BIRD. LIKE ACTUAL, OUR TOUR MANAGER TOLD ME. HOW FUCKEN INSANE. HE WAS A KIWI. EMBARASSING. There was one girl who slept with a different guy like every night. Like, brought in random Italian guys into her room when her lovely roommates were fast asleep and they got to wake up to this random Italian guy. Not so cool.

But even though the people they travelled with turned out to be slightly insane, they still had an awesome time. If you are thinking of traveling this year, or the next, there are tons of different Contiki tours available to you and they’re definitely a heck of a lot cheaper than traveling solo. If you’re adventurous and a bit crazy, I’d say you’ll probably meet some like-minded people on these tours as well…

By Alix Higby

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Around the W rld with Nexus

There are so many places to visit in this mad world that you probably just can’t decide where to go. Alas, here is an amateur list of far reaching areas on the globe that you may have heard of, but don’t’ quite understand. Hopefully these snippets help your confused mind, and your bid to find your international travel match.

Cook Islands: We love the Cook Islands. While we may be jealous of our British friends who get to “pop over to the South of France for the weekend”, we are more than capable of ‘popping’ over the Rarotonga for the same deal.

You can expect heavenly relaxation, beautiful beaches and wonderful people. Because most of them are probably New Zealanders too.

Japan: Cherry Blossoms! Harajuku Sundays! Karaoke!

Sumo Wrestling! Sushi! SMAP! Japan is famous for many a thing. Thank you Gwen, that’s enough. If you’re American, take a trip down to Hiroshima and think about what you’ve done. If you’re a fitness freak, try mount Fuji. If you’re a fatty – J-town is home to the most threestarred Michelin restaurants worldwide.

India: A crowded, beautiful and vibrant country that will cause a sensory overload. The culture is thick here and definitely worth the visit. If you are easily stressed by traffic however, maybe pick somewhere else. If you’re a single white female, then be wary of what you wear.

Actually, just be wary. 24/7. You’ll also probably feel really bad about the economic equality that does not exist, and the corruption that does. Then you’ll see the Taj Mahal.

Lovely! FACT: Trelise Cooper gets her fabric from here.

She says it’s inspirational.

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Australia: It’s the GC, bro. Australia will probably be the most comfortable place to visit, if you’re a kiwi. Far enough away to feel like a real holiday, but close enough that our cultures are pretty much fraternal twins. If you’re looking for something a little different, head west to the outback for some crazy red dirt and not a lot else. NB; it bizarrely has nothing much in common with the Hamilton bar of the same name, unless red dirt is codename for a new strain of STD. Maldives: One of the most global warming-conscious locations in the world, a no-brainer; given that their very existence depends on keeping sea levels low. The islands are a very expensive place to visit for this very reason, so I recommend adding it to your “honeymoon” ‘wish list’ cos that’s the only time you’ll ever hope to get there. If you marry a Doctor.

New York: I’ll just throw some words at you. Yellow cabs, Times Square, Ground Zero, hotdogs, Central Park, mass marketing, iPods in vending machines, accidentally running into tapings of Gossip Girl, 30 Rock, HIMYM, Girls, Sesame street…. I mean, what’s not to love?

AMERICA. Freedom of Speech > Everything.

Canada: Like NZ, this place is beautiful. If you’re looking for picturesque, she’s yo girl. We know they love Ice Hockey, they’re part French sometimes, British others, and American never. They dabble in Marijuana like it ain’t nobodies business, aaand if you’re a classy lady, you can get the ‘rig pigs’ to fund your alcohol addiction with a bat of an eyelid. A friend just got back from Canada, realised how much NZ now sucks, and within 2 days purchased a return ticket. I cannot fault her.

Peru: Peruvians are awesome. Except when they urinate in the street and charge you for doing anything remotely touristy within a 10ft radius. The main attractions here are Machu Picchu and other strange Incan creations due to a lack of television and (I imagine) rampant boredom. You can go on lots of treks here, and eat some guinea pig if you want. Bless.

Mexico: Highly dangerous, and for that reason highly intriguing. As long as you stick to the white side of town and avoid the streets full of dead bodies you should be okay. Invest in a knife belt buckle, and don’t even think about purchasing weed here… save that for Amsterdam.

Those crazy American Spring Breakers love them some Cancun, so I imagine a holiday between March and April would be a mess. A beautiful mess. A low and poorly enforced drinking age brings the best kinds of tourists. Just don’t trust the cops with aaaanything, most of them are high school kids on a power trip.

Egypt: I wouldn’t advise a trip right now. I don’t think you really wanna get that close to so much civil unrest.

HOWEVER, In the off chance that you are an intrepid traveller with the best kind of insurance and religious tolerance, then you will enjoy such mysterious sights as the pyramids and mummies, and won’t be too bothered when shopping in Medieval Cairo. Another popular destination is the mosque of Mohammed Ali. No. Not that Mohammed Ali. Kenya: Lion King first hand at the Serengeti: witness the migration of Wildebeest, Gazelle and Zebra at the Maasai Mara. Better yet, hop in a balloon and take part in an air safari. Unfortunately, partaking in such invasive

human activities has led to a decrease in African animal populations in the area, and can alter the delicate ecosystem… so be really really quiet.

Prague: Absinthe city! For the tourists they water it down, but you can still smell enough of it from the curb to bring back those first year memories of not remembering. I hear the Czechs do some sweet beer too, and the city’s architecture has survived remarkably well considering WWII and all that drama over who owned what. Being the capital of Bohemia, there is also a wall dedicated to world peace guru, John Lennon. Yes, the term ‘bohemian’ now makes complete sense to you.

Russia: This expansive space is home to Vodka and the coldest cities in the world (-20 is a moderate day).

Dedicated from Catherine the Great, to Peter the Great, the ever-modest Bronze Horseman in St. Petersburg is something to ponder. The ‘thunder-stone’ it rests on was moved by sheer manpower over 6km. Who didn’t see communism coming? The famous Red Square has on one side, the embalmed body of Soviet Union frontman Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, and on the others, a department store, museum, and cathedral. Darling.

If you’ve actually been to any of these countries, you may disagree with a few of these statements, or feel I’ve missed the best bits. But what’s the point in travelling somewhere if you already know exactly what to expect? I’d like to see you condense Russia into 100 words. Happy Travelling!

By Alix Higby

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d l u o h s s you

e c a l p n Top te

d i o v a on your OE

while

10) Belarus: Your large drug cheat population stole a gold medal from us. Don’t think we can hold a grudge?

Ask Australia about the underarm ball, Neil Finn, Pavlova and Phar Lap. Also if you are talking to Australia tell them we said fuck you.

9) Germany: Once a scrappy little series of Prussian nations that, thanks to generations of inbreeding gave England a Royal family. But years on thanks to division and economic hardship the German people allowed the rise of one of history’s greatest monsters, a man so evil he will live forever in infamy forever. That man is David Hasselhoff and thanks to Germany he can add musician to a resume that includes talking to cars and swimming. Well done Germany.

8) Japan: Ever been in a room with someone so smart and charming they just make you feel bad about yourself. That is what visiting Japan would be like. Better Technology, better cartoons, they are actually building a Gundam!

7) Amsterdam: The first time you are old enough to go to a club it isn’t as fun as sneaking in, is it> Legalising something just makes it a little uncool.

6) Paris: The French invented French kissing, French fries and the menage-a-trois. Not for the first time traveller, you have to play at an expert level.

5) Indonesia: Beautiful country, terrible airport security.

One wrong move and you get the full Schapelle Corby.

4) Austria: Because given the choice the full Corby is still better than a Fritzl

3) London: Because if you really want to spend time with self-righteous people who think that they are better than you then you should save yourself the money and join ACT on Campus

2) South Africa: The accents alone...

1) Australia: Yeah. Australia.

Northland – Whether it is the birthplace of our nation (Waitangi) or the eventual catalyst for its devolution into a postapocalyptic hellscape of P addiction and road warriors (Kaitaia) there is plenty to see in Northland.

South Auckland: The future site of Bishop Tamaki’s “Destiny City” and soon to be the largest importer of fake tan but the two are probably unrelated.

Te Puke – Kiwifruit Capital of the World , yeah we know we don’t give a fuck either.

Waitakere: A place where education is vilified and wearing a leather jacket is still cool. Thanks Outrageous Fortune. You ruined a city.

Hamilton – Formerly the home of the V8’s.

Formerly the famed Chlamydia Capital of New Zealand. Formerly a place where libraries and public pools were open all week and people were civil to one another. Still could be worse, right Cambridge.

Taupo: Big fucking lake, big fucking deal

Tirau – Lots of corrugated iron buildings and if you listen closely you can hear the hourly sighs of tourists followed by “oh that is what the guidebook meant by tinhouse, well this sucks.”

Taranaki: Who needs a Delorian when just 279kms down the road it’s still 1991. Also one of the few places in the country where on any school playground you can hear the kids say “give me six” Gisborne: Chlamydia, Oranges, Crime, and Kiri Te Kanawa. Add the often washed out escape route through the gorge let the hunger games begin!

Wellington: John Banks, John Key and Winston Peters all hang out there, anyone else think the only thing worse than the south westerly’s is when a vengeful god will begin to rain down sulphur Sodom and Gamorah style.

Napier: Restored home of a concrete mermaid and thanks to Christchurch second most earthquake effected city in the country

South Island: Nothing to see here move on

what about a staycation?

Stewart Island – Ever wanted to marry your first cousin but afraid to be in the public spotlight…

Reviews

REVIEWS Jack’s Coffee Lounge All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, so they say, and if it’s possible for this proverb to cross over into café-metaphor-land, then someone needs to start bringing the laughs to this place.

Moonrise Kingdom The contemporary work of Wes Anderson has, to say the least, created division amongst moviegoers.

The laconic dialogue and quirky casting choices in his earlier films like Rushmore (1998) and the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. See the case for Anderson; the one frequently made by his fans is that those who don’t like his film just don’t get them.

The argument on the other side is “Stop saying we don’t get them, we just don’t think they are funny.”

At this point I should declare that I am an Anderson fan. Whether it’s bottle rocket or the sublime stop motion that was the Fantastic Mr Fox, so far I haven’t watched a film of his that I haven’t completely enjoyed.

With Moonrise Kingdom he seems to have stuck the missing ingredient to making his films relatable to larger audience. He made Moonrise Kingdom undeniably cute. How cute?

Zooey Daschenel and Betty White having a baby cute.

Moonrise Kingdom tells the story of two 12 year old pen pals who fall in love and decide to run away together. Newcomer Jared Gilman plays self-assured orphan and former scout. Sam and his scenes with fellow debutant Kara Hayward cast as the teenage ingénue Suzy are the movie’s highlights.

It’s probably a little patronising to refer to this as a breakthrough film when the director has already enjoyed such critical and commercial success, but the truth is that this is a whole new avenue for Anderson. He has taken what he has always done well and made it more accessible.

Andersons real talent is still his ability to get the best out of the actors he uses. Usually wooden actors like Ed Norton and Bruce Willis really come alive in this movie while Andersons partnership with Bill Murray once again showcases the actor at his best.

I loved Moonrise Kingdom. I watched it twice and I will probably buy the blu-ray.

Jack’s is a staple in Ham East. It’s been around for ages and has built up a steady set of regulars and nothing I say here is going to change any of that. But really, honestly, Grace on Braid’s brother café requires a gentle poke in the ribs.

My friend and I pop down the road for a mid-morning coffee chat and are met by tables situated in the late winter sun. The woman behind the counter smiles, which is always a bonus, and when we sit down another staff member quickly comes to check that our table, which has just been moved, isn’t wobbly.

Reviews

We order a vegetarian savoury muffin, $4.50 (capsicum, tomato, sunflower seeds, topped with cheese) and a sweet muffin, $5, (black doris plum and white chocolate) to share.

The former comes with a lovely tart plum sauce and butter, the latter with yogurt and honey.

The muffins themselves are okay.

They’re not dry, they’re not stale, but neither has any flavour other than the chunks of white chocolate buttons speckled through the sweet one. A bit of cheese mixed into the savoury muffin may have helped things along, but when you’re charging $4.50-$5 for a medium-sized muffin, you need to make it bang my mouth. These muffins don’t bang, they quietly knock before giving up and meekly excusing themselves down my oesophagus.

The coffee follows suit. My long black, $3, is drinkable but not memorable. Again, it’s bland and lacks the body and pizazz of a truly fine espresso. My friend’s soy chai latte is hot and the milk comes out smooth, but she can only faintly taste chai over the soy milk.

In the past, I’ve had grouchy service here and today’s staff are a solid improvement over past experiences.

Otherwise, the food is nice but high prices mean one expects more from what is actually very meek fare.

Kudos to Jack’s for the nice outdoor seating and occasional smile, boos for boring food and coffee that tastes like it’s on Prozac.

Reviewed by Mackenzie McCarty writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz

The Book of Idle Pleasures

by Tom Hodgkinson & Dan Kieran

What do you do when you’re at a bit of a loose end? Fuck around on the internet? Play games on your phone?

Maybe have a quick knuckle shuffle under the sheets? Yep, the usual suspects. But couldn’t you be doing better things with your time? Is there a more satisfying way to fill in those moments when you’re not working or doing anything in particular?

The good folks at the Idler magazine reckon there is, and they’ve collated these ideas into a book. The Idler is, for those who don’t know, a magazine that’s opposed to the so-called ‘fast pace’ of modern life. Think about it.

Why is today’s world often described as fast-paced? Wasn’t the promise of industrial capitalism that it was going to free up leisure time for the masses?

Yet constantly we’re told we’re working harder and longer than ever.

To truly set yourself free, you need to learn how to be a constructive sloth.

And that’s where the Book of Idle Pleasures comes in. Basically the content revolves around descriptions of fun, free things to do, accompanied with a blurb and an illustration.

Examples of these include, reclining on a deck-chair, climbing a tree, reading on the john, biking, sitting on a park bench, daydreaming, procrastinating, whistling, skimming stones, lying in a hammock, and well you get the idea. Given these activities seem relatively straight forward, you might wonder what the point of such a book is. Well the idea is to celebrate activities that don’t get a lot of attention in today’s global marketing environment. If you watch telly or read mags you’re constantly being bombarded with shit to do that costs dosh. And why is that? Because advertisers want you to buy their products. Well fuck that. Just go for a walk down the street on a sunny day.

It’s the simplest and greatest pleasure in the world.

It’s like the Beatles sing, all the best things in life are free.

Reviewed by Kevin Pryor

Club Spotlight Hamilton Star University Cricket Club Looking to Grow One of Hamilton’s oldest cricket clubs, Hamilton Star University, is looking to grow its player base for the upcoming season.

The club, formed in the early 1900s, is one of Hamilton’s oldest cricket clubs, and became formally aligned to Waikato University in XXXX. Current club President Mark Donnelly says Hamilton Star University now has one of the best structures in the city’s club cricket scene.

“Over the last few years we have worked very hard to develop and refine our set-up, from facilities to equipment to player and club management,” Mr Donnelly says.

“We co-own the covered cricket training facility completed at Waikato University in 2010, we have an effective board of past and present players from a range of personal and professional backgrounds, and a committed coach running training sessions.” Mr Donnelly says cultural diversity is one of the aspects the club prides itself on. “Our current player roster includes guys from a number of cricketing nations – West Indies, South Africa, India, Sri Lanka, Australia, England and Wales.”

Mr Donnelly says the club has built a strong relationship with Waikato University in recent years, and is the club of choice for many student cricketers. “More than a quarter of our 50 players are current students, and we have

alumni and staff from university and Wintec, as well as other tertiary institutions.”

The club fields teams in all four Hamilton Cricket Association grades: Premier, Senior A, Senior B and Senior C, catering from serious high-level club players, to social cricketers who prefer short-format games.

“We’ve built the bones of a great club, and now we’re ready to grow. We’re looking for recruits to join our club, whether they’re aspiring rep cricketers, social players or older guys returning to the game– growing the club and getting more people involved is our main focus this year.

“Our board is keen to enhance our traditions and club social culture: this season we’re reviving the traditional cricketer’s blazer, to go with our Star University CC baggy hats. We’re fortunate to have a very generous sponsor, The Quadrant, where we host social events.”

The club has pre-season training underway on Sundays from 1pm, at the university nets. Tuesday and Thursday evening trainings will begin once daylight saving startz.

Mr Donnelly says people wanting more information should email starvarsity@hotmail.com, or search for the club’s page on Facebook. “If you’re interested in joining Star University, we’d love to hear from you.”

Sounds like an unlikely combination doesn’t it? Students aren’t exactly known for their surplus cash, but investing is more affordable and easier than you might think. All the talk on asset sales has led many ordinary people to consider investment – you should too. While you may oppose National’s asset sales program, it does present many opportunities. I shall pass no judgment as to the moral validity of these policies; merely outline what’s in them for you.

Before I go any further many of you might be wondering what shares actually are? Shares are a portion of the ownership of a company (very small portions) that are traded at the New Zealand Exchange (NZX). Shares provide dividends to investors; a dividend is the portion of corporate profits paid out to investors, for more information, check out: www.nzx.com.

Your first remark might be “Yea ok but I don’t have any money”. Most of us don’t. You don’t need thousands to get yourself set up; to buy into Mighty River Power you need as little as $1,000. $2,000 is an ideal starting point for broader investment. Even relatively low risk investments can provide dividends of 6%+ a year, and of course you can sell your shares.

How to invest?

To invest in Mighty River Power or any of the other assets for sale you don’t need to go through a share broker (so no fees), visit www.governmentshareoffers.govt.nz for all you need to know. To invest in other NZX listed companies you will need a share broker. Brokers will buy and sell on you your behalf for a small commission around 1.5%, and can also provide you with advice and research.

So why invest?

You will likely have an interest free loan but that’s no barrier to investment. Interest-free loans means that any additional money you make on your investments is pure profit: invest now; pay off your loan later. Mighty River Power is a good starting point, and you can use your $1,000 course related costs to invest. That’s a fair bit of cash but you might think it’s worth it, after all your text books certainly aren’t going to generate any added value.

Share investment isn’t just the prerogative of the wealthy, it’s for you too.

Play it Safe On my first overseas trip, I was so excited that I forgot about safety and security and managed to lose my passport, spend half my day dedicated to Disneyland in the medical centre, have a run-in with some gypsies, miss trains and get lost. Here are some tips on being a smarter traveller: Inform yourself: Before you even get off the plane, make sure you know what kind of environment you are stepping into. Talk to your GP at least 8 weeks beforehand, do you need any protection? What is the political climate? Are there any dangers you need to be aware of? What areas should you stay away from? What is the public transport system like? What currency do they use and what payment methods will you need?

Prepare: Make day plans and go to the local information centre to find out about any important events. Make sure you’re sorted for the little things: How will you get to the hostel? What cash will you need each day?

Keep in touch: Tell friends your schedule, such as when are you leaving, where are you stopping and when can you be expected back. Setting up ‘call dates’ are a good idea; give someone a specific date (such as landing, half-way point) on which you will call/text/ email them, just make sure you stick to it. Don’t fall off the radar completely: send postcards, photos and messages back to the friends stuck at home.

Travel smart: Backpacks are much better than suitcases. Pack clothes that will dry fast. Don’t attract attention to yourself; you don’t want to be seen as target. Try not to wear jewellery or valuables. Try to blend in: wear clothes that are appropriate and respectful to the locals (long sleeves are required in some temples and a head scarf may be needed too). Try to carry money on your body, if you can (in a moneybag), rather than in your pack or back pocket as they are easy to pickpocket. It would be a smart idea to wear your backpack on your front, especially if in busy areas.

Record: Record your trip by taking photos, writing in a journal and if you collect souvenirs, do so sparingly: the more you buy, the more you carry.

Save money: There are different travel seasons: high season, depending on where you are, is typically the busiest and more expensive time to travel. Low season tends to be cheaper but you can find cheap flights, student deals, around the world packages and more on websites such as STA travel and www.grabaseat.co.nz.

Paying upfront can be best as prices can rise without notice.

Common sense: Follow your gut instinct and do what your mum told you. Don’t travel alone; drink lots of water and get water purifying tablets; don’t go with strangers; if something seems too good to be true, it probably is; be assertive and be aware that illegal salesmen, gypsies, beggars etc can be skilled con artists and prey on vulnerable tourists.

Paasha Cafe and Mezze Bar, Corner of Alexandra & Hood Street, Hamilton.

Paasha has opened up on the corner where there used to be a fireplace shop, and is split into a dine-in restaurant and a Turkish takeaway. I have a friend who is absolutely nuts for this place.

He goes to the takeaway side of this place multiple times a week, and usually texts me at the same time to say ‘Paaaaaaashaaaaa!’ What can I say, I have weird friends. With his constant recommendations and date-night looming the husband and I decided to head to Paasha for dinner last week. I have to say my friend was right, the place is amazing.

When we arrived it was pretty quiet, with only a couple of tables occupied, it was a Thursday night so I expected it to be a bit busier. My guess is that not many have discovered this gem yet, or are too scared to try something a bit different. We started by ordering some drinks and a breads and dips platter, the breads arrived and had soft pieces of warm garlic bread, toasted flatbreads, hummus, tzatziki and sundried tomato and olive dip ....and they were really delicious, plenty of bread too. Eventually our drinks arrived after the breads; I’m not sure what the holdup was as they were still pretty quiet. I had ordered the Mt Difficulty Pinot Gris, and here’s where it gets a tad odd, when the waiter put it down he said Sav - he corrected himself after I pointed out that I had ordered Pinot Gris - but to be honest I’m not sure he hadn’t mixed them up (they do have a Mt Difficulty Sav on the menu too), it certainly tasted like a Sav to begin with but then sweetened up at the end. So I’m not sure what I’m recommending but whatever it was I recommend it!

After the breads our mains arrived, I had ordered Sigari Boragi: filo pastry fingers stuffed with spiced lamb, the Husband ordered Kofta Shish: spiced lamb cooked on those awesome mini-swords like spikes over the open fire. Sadly you don’t get the mini-swords with your meal. My little lamb thingees were splendid, they were wonderfully crisp on the outside and came with salad, hummus and tzatziki, the latter of which I smeared all over my lamb. So good! The Husband enjoyed his dinner, although I don’t think he was as enamoured as me, his dinner came with tabouli and rice and I requisitioned a little pile of each. I have been craving my Sigari Boragi ever since and I’ll be back soon, although I’m not a big salad fan so I’ll be asking them nicely if I can get the lamby-things with rice and tabouli instead; their tabouli was freaking stellar, I never knew I loved Turkish food so much! I am going to spread hummus and tzatziki all over big fork-fulls of lamb, tabouli and rice; it’s going to be amazing and my tummy is grumbling just thinking about it.

We finished up with a couple of pieces of baklava, and these people know how to do baklava! It was wonderful; super sweet and crunchy, all the things baklava should be – I’m hooked! A few days later my friend told me that they apparently also do an amazing Turkish coffee, I’ll be trying that with my baklava next time. Excited.

Putting stuff in a bag - you wouldn’t think that this would cause a giant problem, but you’d be surprised. Alice’s brother once attempted to go on holiday with an entire suitcase of nothing but comic books. Needless to say her mum had to repack it.

It’s getting sunnier, which means it’s closer to summer, which means it’s closer to holidays (let’s just forget about the ugly blotch in between that is exams). So we, being the caring people that we are, thought we’d give you some advice on how to pack to go on holiday.

The most important thing when packing is to make sure you have everything! Having said that, you don’t want to pack five different types of the proverbial sink “just in case”. Of course you’re gonna want the usual – toothbrush, pyjamas, chargers, sunscreen, tickets, but what we’re concerned with is the clothes. A good idea is to take items that can be mixed and matched to create new looks, whilst cutting down on the amount of clothes in your bag. An example of this would be to take a floaty top that can be worn with jeans, shorts, and over your bikini.

Also, don’t pack sneakers. Let’s be honest, you’re going for a holiday, you’re not gonna waste time with exercise.

Save some space for your new wedges, why don’t you. As to footwear, you’re gonna want jandals, covered in casual shoes and some brightly coloured wedges. Don’t forget a giant beach-bag in a bright colour or floral print. Even better if it’s both.

Now, in the interests of having room for your coconut body butter, you should probably leave a few things at home. We already mentioned about the sneakers – any adventuring over the summer is best done with no shoes anyway. Leave your makeup collection at home. If you really can’t do without though, minimize your haul until it’s just sunscreen, tinted moisturiser, lip balm and waterproof mascara. Forget bringing your entire collection of scarves, belts and fiddly accessories. Instead, settle on one pair of statement earrings, sleepers, and a lightweight scarf for those my-hair’s-a-bit-too-crazy-to-blame-onsaltwater days.

Now the final step is to fit it all in one bag. It’s good to be ambitious but if you know your month-long stay at the bach is going to require a fair few items, don’t try to fit it all into a backpack. Choose the right bag for the job. Once that’s done, fold fold fold! You’re always going to fit more in this way, whether you like it or not. With shoes and bulky items of clothing, try to wear the most awkward-topack items on the trip there. This works especially well if you’re going on a plane to get to your destination – but be careful you don’t end up in an outfit that consists of kneehigh chucks, a ski jacket and a floppy beach hat – you might get some strange looks. Finally, if your bag’s not shutting, enlist a friend or family member to sit on your bag and hold the zip together while you close it. If all else fails use a heavy duty belt to secure the case – we totally understand that it’s better to have too much than too little with you.

Be prepared! But also be kind to the person who has to carry your bags.

Alice and Anne.

After many long seconds of negotiating an A+ grade from Dr.Prill, at the expense of not performing a classical ballet, I stormed out of his bookshelf. To gain this A+ however, I needed to come back to the sub-sub-basement the next day and pilfer, at great expense, a mini digital voice recorder from Professor *****’s office and hand it to Dr. Prill. It was my understanding that this mini digital voice recorder was small enough to be called mini, and that it was the kind of recorder that records voices – digitally. My grasp of technology astounds even me.

I walked quickly down the hall to the elevator.

BANG Ouch, that suspended sign is low.

I got to the elevator.

The next day my conscious got the better of me. I got on the phone, broke it, found another and called the ethics department of the university. I was sure that they would give me sound advice on the most ethical way of breaking, entering and stealing for profit.

“Hello please?”, came a child’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Ethics department please”, said I. “Yes please, one moment please”, came the same young voice.

“Hello, ethics”, came a very manly voice after a brief pause.

“Why, hello”, said I, “Your receptionist sounds too young to take calls”.

“Receptionist? Oh, I see. No, that’s not a receptionist.

That was our overseas call center. Now how can I help you?”

I scratched my head. “Well, I have an ethical dilemma”, said I. “It involves Professor *****.” The line made a momentary static hiss at the sound of his name. There was a long pause.

“Does it involve, say, running over his car with a large bulldozer?” asked he.

“No, nothing like that”, assured I. “Are you sure,’ asked he, “we could supply the bulldozer.”

“I’ve just been asked to take something of his”, said I. “We could make it look like an accident”, continued he.

“You know, a random bulldozer left at the edge of the car park. Then woops! Somebody accidently starts it up, accidently disengages the safety lock, accidently takes off the brake and accidently runs straight over his car!” I could tell he was rather excited at the prospect.

“Not the best idea…”, slipped in I. “Well, obviously a tank would be a lot better, but where are we going to get one of those? Get with reality man!!”

I was, at an astonishingly rapid rate of knots, going nowhere.

“Think I’ll be going now”, said I. “Great!”, said he, “See you tomorrow morning at gate 11 next to the bulldozer. You’ll know which one, it’ll be big, yellow and the only bulldozer there! Ha! Ha! Ha!...”

I hung up.

There are some things in life you’d love to be explained, but they never are. You make mental notes to Google them, but when you’re free, there’s no way in hell you’re going to spend your precious time, dare I say, researching. No, Facebook, Grey’s Anatomy, going to the gym mainly because you want people to know you go to the gym - commitments like these are worth a far greater investment of your time and resources. For instance, you’re writing an essay, and you don’t know which to use: ‘past’ or ‘passed’. This frustrates you, puts you off your work, so you flock to Facebook instead. A simple Google search would solve the problem, but it’s oh-soboring! Well, if you’ve got this far, I trust you’ll continue reading; and because I’m nice, I shall go the extra mile by explaining it for you.

‘Passed’ is the past tense of ‘pass’, which means to move past or through something. Thus, it is a verb - something you do. I see you gritting your fingernails as you read this.

How are you going to remember!? Easy. Like many verbs, you simply add an -ed to the end when you’re talking in the past tense, like climb (climbed), hang (hanged), jump (jumped), and so on. In the same way, the verb ‘pass’ simply becomes ‘passed’ with the -ed.

‘Past’ is the hard one, but at the same time it’s not. Simply put, it’s used for everything else. Nouns: “The long Winter is in the past; it is now Spring”, prepositions: “He rode on past the mountainside”, and adverbs: “We swam past a sleeping plesiosaur.”

You’ll notice I said ‘move past’ a few sentences ago. Such an instance is one where the distinction most frequently gets blurred. This is because you either say, “We passed by a sleeping plesiosaur” or “we swam past a sleeping plesiosaur”. In the second instance, ‘swam’ is the verb, not ‘past’; and you only ever use ‘passed’ as a verb. Make sense? Sort of?

Try this: To pass is to do something. You can pass by a sleeping plesiosaur, if you’re lucky, but you cannot past by a sleeping plesiosaur.

Or this: If you pass all your exams, you’d say, “I passed all my exams!”

Better yet: Since ‘past’ is used for so many things and in so many instances, think of it like pasta minus the ‘a’. You wouldn’t say “I past my exams” just as you wouldn’t say “I pasta my exams.”

So there you have it. Pass-ed and past-a. Easy A!

Organ Donation Gets Sexy Topless babes wandering through your classes? More people with body painted organs on campus than usual?

Organ Donation New Zealand want YOU to make an informed decision on whether you donate your organs, and to encourage conversation about your organ donation wishes with your family and friends.

Last year, 38 people became donors to the benefit of 121 recipients. These 121 people came from a waiting list of over 500.

One reason this number is so low, is due to these common myths on organ donation: Myths…

“It’s probably against my religion.” eligion.”

“I’ll be way too old old by the time I die!” ie!”

“No one will want mine! I smoke like a train and drink like something that drinks a lot.”

“Why? It could only help one person?”

“All good, it’s on my licence.”

Busted!

Busted!

Most religions support organ and tissue donation as generous acts. Including Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Judaism. udaism.

Anyone can donate! People in their 80s have saved the lives of much younger recipients. ecipients.

Doesn’t matter! There’s every chance that some of organs will be suitable. And that organ may just change someone’s life.

Because of all the different tissues and organs that can be donated, just one donor can save or drastically improve the lives of up to ten recipients!

While your license indicates your intention, the final decision lies with your family, so you need to talk with them so they understand what you want.

Go to www.facebook.com/spillthebeans333 or www.donor.co.nz for more information.

HELP! I have just received a fine of $150 for returning damaged books to the library and I can’t afford to pay it, what can I do?

Enquire about it. What books are they? How were they damaged? Was there a mistake made?

With any type of fine that you may receive, whether it may be a parking fine, a library fine. etc. If you are unable to pay the full amount by the due date then give the company or organization a call. This will allow you to ask about payment options to work with your weekly income instead of the fine being referred to a debt collector such as Bay Corp for not paying it. This may save you a lot of time and stress.

Did you know?

By parking on a public road with no Warrant of Fitness or Registration on your vehicle the Hamilton City Council (HCC) can issue you a fine for $200. For parking on a public road over the specified time the HCC can issue you a $12 fine. For parking in a car park without paying to park there can result in your car getting towed - this is at your own expense. If the HCC issues you with a fine for having no registration on your car, your registration has been out for less than a month, and you end up getting registration after receiving the fine you may be able to get out of the fine by showing the documentation to the HCC. Also, if you receive a fine that you are unable to pay for within the specified time period (27 days roughly) you are personally entitled to write a letter to HCC by email or hard-copy asking for a five-month extension on payment without explanation. This leaves you time to save up the appropriate amount to pay it off.

If you need help with a similar matter or have any other situations in which you need support in then contact Amber the Advocate on 07 856 9139 or advocacy@wsu.org.nz

Leave work to Travel Travelling can be an expensive activity, luckily in New Zealand every permanent employee - part time or full time- is entitled to a minimum of four weeks paid time off work a year. This time is relevant to the number of hours you work- so if you work 25 hours a week after one year of working for the same employer you are entitled to 100 hours off work and you will be paid for them.

Your employer must allow you to take your leave within 12 months of it becoming due, however you and your employer can negotiate to take some leave in advance or not take leave and allow it to build up. Please note your employer is not obligated to allow you to take your leave in advance or allow it to build it. You can take your annual leave all at once or in bits and pieces, this needs to be negotiated with your employer. Once you have been working for your employer for a year your employer can instruct you to take your leave. If they do this, they must give you at least 14 days notice of when the leave should be taken. If you leave your job before you have a chance to take annual leave then your leave will be paid out to you in your final pay- if it has been less than a year- then your annual leave should amount to 8% of your total earnings.

You are entitled to your annual leave pay out even if you are fired. The YWRC supports many young workers’ that are often denied their final pay. If your employer refuses to pay your holiday pay you can follow it up with the YWRC and we will help you, or go straight to the Department of Labour (0800 20 90 20).

Employees have the option to sell up to one week of their annual leave back to their employer. The Act states that the employee must approach the employer in writing, and it is up to the employer to decide whether or not they would like to purchase the week. If the employer agrees, the employee will end up with 3 weeks paid holiday and an extra weeks pay. This is a neat option for low income families who may need a bit of extra cash, nonetheless this could result in more people taking less leave which could impact health and safety and productivity. Furthermore if 48 full time workers sell one weeks holiday back to the employer, that is one less full time job. Please note: An employer cannot make you sell your leave.

If you have any questions about this please call the YWRC 0800 AT YWRC or email ywrc@xtra.co.nz

Fifty international students engaged in a Maori cultural experience held at Waipapa Marae in Kawhia last weekend. Noho Marae is a WSU event specifically tailored towards international students, and highlights the uniqueness and hospitality of Maori culture. Students from over 10 nationalities left the university on Friday 21st September just after lunch for the two-day event. Noho Marae began with a powhiri and included workshops on tikanga, haka and poi (to name a few). Students also enjoyed a mega-serving of boil-up from student caterers, Te Whakahiapo, as well as kapahaka performances by workshops hosts¸ Te Waiora. Saturday activities also incorporated a tour around Kawhia which including the breath-taking ocean views and the sacred site where the Tainui waka was buried.

Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai Ngāpuhi, Ngātihine, Ngāti Kahungunu, Ngāti Rongomaiwāhine VP Māori 2012

Fuyokos Fables

I happened to be in Wellington recently and other than it being a great place for coffee, bars and pneumonia, it also hosts a bevy of interesting music. My hosts took me to out to gig by local folk-rock band, Fuyuko’s Fables. I was impressed. The group have taken what the likes Bon Ivor and Fleet Foxes have revived and re-strung it again. There were the buoyant melodies, the sweet lyrics, a double bass and the deft guitar work, but there was more than that. The sound had a sharper edge. The songs took on their own shape in a similar vein from each other, sure, but without the de ja vu familiarity that comes with some of the folk revival. It had carved out its own space that went beyond genres and neat little boxes.

So when I returned to the Tron and managed to get to the Inter-web, look who I found giving away their first EP for free on Bandcamp? Fuyuko’s Fables. Before long I was in touch with guitarist, Jeremy who was running through some of the bands history, their music and the ever present question, what next? It turned out his story, their story, was similar to that of many young bands trying to break through.

He had his own fable if you will about music in this country and to me it had the feeling of history to it. It was a story that musicians everywhere and from all kinds of eras could relate to, because in some ways, it was their story too.

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The band began through three friends at Wellington’s illustrious jazz school decided on becoming a grunge outfit.

Jeremy claimed this was great for a good time, but soon singer, Scott Maynard had enlisted them to work on some songs he had written and they moved away from the grunge sound. Soon they added another couple and became the five piece they often are. Jeremy tells me the gig they played last night was an eight piece noise fest and I feel a little left out having not seen them with all elements. Next time he says.

After much practicing, gigging and gnashing of teeth, they recorded their self-titled debut which you can still download for free/koha. Jeremy explained how much fun it was and how gratifying it was to get the first EP out there, but also, how much work. “We’d rather just focus on the music” he said, but the band is self-managed which means a lot of extra time goes into all the extra stuff. And that is a double edged sward. The group had to blackmail, beg and steal in order to put the next EP, Everybody is Weird, into action. It almost didn’t happen either. With their drummer heading to Melbourne and the band running around like mad people trying to finish recording, Maynard comes down with whooping cough. Some tense moments were evident finalising the vocal tracks after their drummer has taken off for the Australian sunshine, but Jeremy, like the rest of the group is stoked with the outcome.

The new EP, which is only a tenner also from Bandcamp. com, has a lot more electric guitar, but the double bass remains. It reaches further than their first EP and moves them further from clichés and comparison. It’s rockier though and Jeremy seems pretty happy with that. Now they just need to work out how to get interest in it. Once again, being self-promoting doesn’t make for the easiest business management strategy when the five a musicians first and PR people second if not fourth, fifth or sixth. So a few more shows and hopefully they’ll be heading north to old Hamilton before long. Jeremy is confident a trip up the desert road is not far away and I know I’ll be checking them out when they roll into town. They hope you will too.

By HP

Wednesday October 3 Skint House Bar, 7-9 pm.

Down to your last $10 for the week?

Thanks to your dear pals from Nexus, Fevah FM, and House Bar, $5 pizzas and special drink deals are on just for students! We all need a decent meal at least once a week, right?

2 for 1 Wednesdays 5-10 pm Grand Central Hotel If you’ve got a little more money to spend, why not enjoy a cocktail or two? Bonus points: the ambience and vibes of the place will make you feel very posh.

Thursday October 4th Skinny presents Justin Sane at Agenda Agenda Nightclub The Edge’s Party Hard Mix resident DJ Justin Sane is gracing us with his presence! We hear he’s also bringing some special marshmallow shots thanks to Famous Vodka.

Room Service 9 pm onwards Grand Central Hotel Resident DJ Kaon on the decks from 9 pm. Curious as to why it’s called room service? So are we. Guess we’ll be seeing you there, then!

Friday October 5 – Saturday October 6 Altitude Bar & Nightclub R 18 Tickets $20 or $15 for students Burlesque Divas present: Our Favourite Things Fringe Festival Glamilton 2012.

Sounds glam! The night promises to be full of fun, frivolity, and fabulousness! Sign us up please.

Fringe Festival is still on going. For more info on the events check out http://www.hamiltonfringe.co.nz/.

Saturday October 6 Control Alt Delete Gold Coin Entry Static An impressive line up for this edition of Control Alt Delete includes Jake De La Ribbs, Willapede, Hyperkaine, and of course the awesome Mr. Nichols. Looking at the line up makes us want to rage already.

Want to keep up with the latest gossip, events, happenings, and trends? Drive Show with Jess and Mandy over at Fevah FM. Weekdays from 4-6 pm. Stream it live anywhere at http://fevah.co.nz