Nexus Magazine No. 22 2014 by Nexus Magazine

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EDITOR RACHAEL ELLIOTT EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ DESIGN HAYLIE GRAY MANAGING EDITOR JAMES RAFFAN

CONTENTS —

CONTRIBUTORS

_03

Editorial

_04

Lettuce to the Editor

_05

News

_08

News from the University

_09

Sport

_10

Ridiculist & Vox Pops

_11

Reviews

_14

Honest Matt

_15

Horoscopes & Playlist

_16

Auteur

_17

Arts and Stuff

_18

C.V. Tips

_22

The BA Guide: What to do

When You've Got Bugger All

ANDRE KONG

_26

D'you want a career with that?

ADVERTISING

_29 Columns

SPORTS GUY DR RICHARD SWAINSON HP BEATS BY J PETER DORNAUF AUNTY SLUT MELISA MARTIN ALIX HIGBY JESSICA WILSON AMBER CARDALE KARL GUETHERT LOUISE HUTT SWEET PAINTED LADY LAURENCE MCLEAN MATT HICKS CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER JULES CRAFT SARA LEMME DARCIE TEE SHIP ONYX LILY TIM ELPHICK ZAC LYON COVER ARTWORK MARY FABER TYPOGRAPHER, WELLINGTON WWW.MASHSTUDIO.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/MASHSTUDIO PHOTOGRAPHY LOUISE HUTT JOHNNY RYAN BECKI MOSS

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_38

Blind Date

GROUND FLOOR STUDENT UNION BUILDING GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO

_39 Advice

KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON

_41 Recipe ONLINE NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/NEXUSNZ @NEXUSMAG SPOTIFY: NEXUSMAGAZINE

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_42 Puzzles

PHOTOGRAPH: JOHNNY RYAN

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EDITORIAL RACHAEL ELLIOTT

—

ere are the pros and Cons of various part-time jobs you

shifts. Getting absolutely covered in placenta. Sometimes, if you’re

don’t want to turn into a career, tried and tested by yours

really lucky, it goes in your mouth! Also, some of these horses are

truly.

worth millions of dollars. The first foal I helped deliver was insured

Lolly Girl at the Dairy Pros- This was actually a pretty sweet gig, if

for $1.6million before it even stood up. That’s a lot of pressure at

your definition of ‘sweet gig’ is, I occasionally got to eat 5c lollies

4am. Then there’s knowing the cute baby horses are probably going

without my boss knowing. Cons- one really huge arm from rolling

to be physically fucked up and put down before they’ve even finished

800 ice creams a day in summer, and standing there listening to

growing, because money.

EVERY five year old child in town say “I’ll have 5c of gummy bears

Bartending on a charter ferry Pros- There was this one time I saw

and uhhhmmm….. 5c of….” Let’s just say, the instinctual urge to kill

dolphins and it was magical. Cons- People vomit on boats without

small children on sight stays with me to this day. Cow Milker Pros- Um… the majestic sight of the mist rising off the

getting drunk. Drunk people vomit a lot. The combination can be truly fucking spectacular. On a rough day you have to be kind to all the

paddocks in the morning? Cons- Watching the mist rise off the pad-

people vomiting, and you must not vomit yourself. If you vomit, the

docks knowing that it’s -4 degrees and you’re going to be very cold

masses will lose all hope and you’ll have mutiny on your hands- and

very soon. Also covered in shit. Pretty much all over. Probably piss

mutiny never ends well. There is also the possibility you’ll lose half

too. And there’s always the possibility you’ll get kicked in the head.

your hand in a rope accident (not me, a friend) or an unexpected wave

Did I mention the 4am start time? Goat Milker Pros- Goats are cleaner than cows (dry pellets instead of sloppy pats) so if they shit on you it bounces off. Cons- They smell

will unbalance you as you try to tie the boat up and you will fall into the water, convinced you’re about to be crushed between the ferry and the wharf.

like old piss and dirty socks. They chew everything, including your hair

Nexus Editor Pros- Getting (sort of) paid to write things, laugh at

if you’re not careful. They have sharp demon hooves to stomp you

people’s poor grammar/spelling and then fixing it, working with awe-

when you’re not looking and they’re very clever escape artists. It’s as

some people, scoring review tickets to rad gigs and getting to give

if they’re TRYING to get you fired. Foal Watch Pros- Watch the horses and help them have babies!

people free stuff. Cons- Wait, I DO want to turn this one into a career. There are no cons! #pleasehireme

Cute baby horses! Cons- Standing in the rain and mud for 6pm to 6am

LETTUCE

nexus magazine

Cupcake Disappointment

take more than the temptation of cupcakes and coke to get you to come and talk about your future as students. Futhermore, the conduct displayed by some of the board members was embarrassing. Actually, it was mainly just

ANONYMOUS

Zanian Steele. Seriously dude, you were acting like a child out there. We would have gotten more intelligence out of the crying baby a few rows in front of me. Nice

I thought that the cupcakes could have been bigger at

jacket, by the way.

the AGM, I am a hungry poor student - and I depend on

Anyway, we need fairer, more accurate means of deter-

the goodwill of our student body to help us out in the

mining what the majority of students want because

most practicable ways. They need to provide more, the

these meetings aren't getting us anywhere. Maybe we

cupcakes just didn't cut it.

should look at online meetings where everyone has a secure vote that can be easily counted. Or something like that.

Event of the Decade! A STUDENT WHOSE VOTE WON'T BE BROUGHT BY A CUPCAKE.

Student politics came alive! Shit got real when every motion at the AGM got shut down. Well over 150 students came to be heard and they were not happy, especially with the WSU president. In the end the meeting was adjoined. What a mess, almost the entire audience and even some members of the board opposed the motions! I hope the board actually listened to those who were there and change their plan and budget to cater to what students actually want. People love to say students don't care, that they are apathetic. Well not on that Wednesday.

WSU AGM SAM

So I went along to the WSU AGM yesterday, mainly because of the free beer and delicious looking cupcakes (they were delicious, big ups to the chef!) But it was evident that cupcakes couldn't quell the anger and frustration of a broad range of students. Students were angry that they hadn't been consulted on decisions made that would impact their time at university. What was interesting was how the WSU Board dismissed these claims as unimportant. Board members rolling their eyes at Maori representation and a safe space for LGBT students isn't a laughing matter. If I can see that as a straight, white first year student,

Dearest Waikato JUST-A-LITTLE-BIT-EMBARRASSED

DISCLAIMER: Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

nexusmag.co.nz

When it takes an hour to move past something as trivial as minutes of the last SGM, there's something seriously

how come these 'experienced' board members can't? Or is it that they just don't want to?

Physic Link? DEEPLY SPIRITUAL TELEPATHETIC PERSON

wrong with our AGM. Words such as 'unconstitutional' and 'no confidence' would actually mean something if the majority of the meeting wasn't one crazy person's personal crazy group. How can we say that our meetings are a fair representation of Waikato students when you've gone and asked all your mates to turn up and agree with everything you say? The only thing that tells us is that you have a lot of mates. Good for you.

I'm afraid that the WSU president and quite frankly the next President, seem to be sharing thoughts and strategies together lol - not in word but by telepathic communications and by that, they think they thought stuff - the President described his record of certain motions are correct by nature – that’s really really legal!

The fault mostly lies with Waikato students, though. This is important stuff we're talking about. You should care more about this! Seriously, get involved. It shouldn't

Got something to say? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine

NEWS

LEADERSHIP CHALLENGES ARE CONTAGIOUS JAMES RAFFAN

— Last week’s WSU AGM had it all. There were big personalities, a clear show of dis-

The Annual Report (which was passed) highlights what the board views as sig-

sent from at least two board members, a ticking clock and a question about how to

nificant work for students around extended library hours, swipe card access, vans,

vote ‘no confidence.’ For those of you that love this sort of thing, the good news is

and better internet access. However the majority in attendance at the AGM were of

that we will get to do it all again in a few weeks. Due to lecture theatre bookings the AGM was under pressure to be done within

the view that issues such as the SGM and the decision to remain outside of NZUSA have not been properly considered or consulted on.

the hour. Unfortunately the events of the last few months (starting at the SGM and

The meeting stalled over accepting the minutes of the SGM with a number of

continuing through the election) had set this up to be a conversation that was never

members asking for amendments to the record and suggesting that the record was

going to be contained in a fifty minute booking.

inaccurate and did not reflect the members’ recollection of the events that trans-

“It’s unfortunate that we were unable to discuss the substantive business of the

pired. When it became clear that no agreement could be reached on the minutes

meeting because I’m certain that the large majority of students are supportive of

they were deferred for further discussion. There was not enough time to pass the

what we are doing in the clubs, lobbying and finance areas. The issue is that it

Annual Plan for 2015 and, more concerning, the budget.

wasn’t these students sitting in our AGM and it was quite clear that we had a group of students in front of us who were feeling disenfranchised. I’ll be working with

“Constitutionally we need to schedule a second AGM in no more than 15 business days. The budget and annual plan are the two most important documents

our Vice-President Maori to meet with the various Roopu over the coming week

for our organisation so we will be working hard to get them across the line.” said

to try and put forward a plan of action that we can all live with,” said President

Aaron Letcher.

President Letcher was also asked to provide the meeting with the process for

Alvina Edwards who attended the meeting and has been vocal in recent criti-

removing him with a vote of no confidence. This would require a signed petition of

cisms of the board said to Nexus following the meeting “I am horrified to think that

700 students to instigate an SGM and 250 students must vote on the motion. The

our current directorship in WSU [excluding a few] would consider any part of their

question led to a show of hands as to how many people would sign such a petition

recent actions in the Elections, SGM, AGM and in their own meetings- is anything

(pictured above).

near accountable or even being transparent. It all lacks good faith and fair consultation; zero is culturally appropriate; and they make things up as they go,” “I suggest that we all start asking some tough questions of our current WSU representation - because they are only there because of us” she added. The issues that exist seem almost as much to be about the personalities involved on both sides as they were about what was being discussed. In one corner there

WSU Board member Zanian Steele was openly critical of the annual plan and budget including the decision not to re-commit to the New Zealand Union of Student Associations (an organisation the WSU was last part of in 2013 at a cost of $20,000). Mr Steele felt membership to a wider network of student organisations was an imperative function of the WSU and money should be set aside for the next board to rejoin.

was a board who feel that they have done significant work for students this year

“It’s disappointing that some board members would rather voice their concern in

and in the other corner there was a group who felt under-represented, unconsulted

a public meeting than work through the issues constructively in the appropriate

and disenfranchised. “It was a little disappointing as I feel this year’s team has achieved a lot for stu-

manner but what’s done is done. This is now an internal matter that we will work through.” said President Letcher.

dents and we were hoping to put forward a plan for 2015 that would allow them

Should the board carry the remaining motions at the second AGM, then it will

to build on that good work. Unfortunately we didn’t make it far enough through

likely earn a brief respite until next year. A number of the key players in last week’s

the meeting to even discuss the annual plan or budget,” said President Letcher.

events have been elected to serve on the board together in 2015.

nexus magazine

"OBVIOUSLY, A LOT OF STUFF WENT WRONG." – NO SHIT. SARA LEMME

— After barely a year in the position, Labour leader David Cunliffe is already being blamed for Labour’s defeat. His

SEA CHANGE? CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER

—

head is set to roll and his hissy fits are hopefully going to continue. In a seven hour caucus meeting last Tuesday, the Labour MPs discussed the party’s future- and then wouldn’t tell anyone what they talked about afterward. The meeting came after Labour suffered the worst loss the party has had

The post-election stocktakes and prognostications which temporarily blanketed New

since 1922 and Cunliffe, following standard procedure, came

Zealand's news media may have dampened the impact of the People's Climate March

out that morning and took full responsibility for it. Declaring

on some news-watcher's psyches down here. Despite the inconsiderate timing on behalf

himself captain obvious, he acknowledged things didn’t go

of the Yanks and the U.N., the rally which took place on September 21st to precede the

to plan: "obviously, a lot of stuff went wrong."

U.N. Climate Summit on the 23rd in New York City, is something that's probably worth thinking about.

Cunliffe was also quick to reprimand other senior MPs, namely former leaders Phil Goff and David Shearer, who had

The Climate March, which was called for by the high-profile climate change activism

spoken to media following the election. Apparently all the

group 350.org in May, was announced by full page advertisements in the New York Times

MPS had made a secret pact in a club called “Senior MPs

and video advertisements in Times Square.

only - no media allowed” or something of the like. Shearer

Estimates of the turnout range to around 400,000 participants of diverse backgrounds and

said he was not aware of the agreement to not speak to

political affiliations gathering in New York City, as well as 2808 solidarity events in 166 other

the media before the caucus meeting and didn’t feel he had to stay quiet either. Shearer is wanting to see a proper independent analysis as to what went wrong, before any

“IT IS THE BIGGEST POLITICAL ACTION TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE ISSUE OF CLIMATE CHANGE IN HISTORY, AND ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROTEST GATHERINGS IN RECENT HISTORY.”

decision on whether leadership needs to change is made. It seems as though the Labour caucus is yet again going to be heading into a primary-style leadership contest before Christmas- if Cunliffe has his way, though many within the party believe this doesn’t leave contenders much time

countries. It is the biggest political action to draw attention to the issue of climate change

to prepare.

in history, and one of the biggest protest gatherings in recent history. Our own iteration

Using the popular blame-the-leadership scapegoat, the

of the People's Climate March can stake the claim to being the first of the actions in the

Labour caucus are following the recent trend of constant

world on the 21st. It involved several hundred people from around the country meeting in

power battles within the party. Goff stood down as leader

Auckland to march up Queen Street.

after one term in 2011, superseded by Shearer who lasted

At the somewhat overshadowed Climate Summit, U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon

until last year when he resigned and was replaced by

called for "bold pledges" from the assembled representatives, opening the proceedings by

Cunliffe. National on the other hand, has had John Key

saying "we are not here to talk, we are here to make history."

since 2006.

Vice-Premier of China, Zhang Gaoli announced in a long-anticipated move that China's

When Helen Clark became leader of the opposition for

emissions would peak, aiming for deep emission cuts by 2020. For their part, the American's

Labour in 1993, she didn’t win the 1996 election, but she

most significant move is Obama's new executive order which will require federal agencies

wasn’t rolled by any power hungry, middle-aged white

to factor sustainability into their development programmes. Time is running out to look serious for the Paris Climate Summit at the end of next year which is supposed to yield the first universal and legally binding agreement on climate.

males either. She went on to kick ass in the 1999 election and continued to kick ass for the following two elections as well, becoming the longest serving prime minister. Perhaps Labour needs a history lesson- or maybe Cunliffe, is in fact, not kick ass enough.

nexusmag.co.nz

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FLAGGING SUPPORT RACHAEL ELLIOTT

— Like all people who stay in a job too long, John Key is determined to leave a lasting visual reminder of his tenure. Selling off our assets is not enough- he wants to be the PM who holds a referendum on our flag. But with the debate over it spanning decades, whether he’ll get his wish remains to be seen. Despite the fact that in a March survey 52% of people didn’t see a need for change, Key says a new flag is his priority. (It’s not like he has enough to do, sorting out the questionable behaviour of his party members after all.) Flying since 1861 and official since 1902, critics describe our current Union Jack/Southern Cross combo as a colonial relic that is no longer representational of New Zealand. But fans say that it’s disrespectful to all those who have died for it to even consider a change. Possible alternative flags range from the silver fern (that anyone who has ever attended a sports event with recognise), a hybrid silver fern/southern cross flag made popular by a 2002 NZ Herald article or a slightly swastika-esque design, featuring a tessellated ‘NZ’ in the place of the Union Jack. Some are championing tino rangatiratanga (the official Maori flag), while others think we should take Helen Clarke’s lazy option of just blanking out the Union Jack altogether and being done with it. In March Key stated “The flag remains dominated by the Union Jack in a way that we ourselves are no longer dominated by the United Kingdom… I am proposing that we take one more step in the evolution of modern New Zealand by acknowledging our independence through a new flag.”

TWO KIDS WORK TO CONNECT EVERY UNIVERSITY IN NEW ZEALAND. PRESS RELEASE

—

I’m not sure when we declared Independence from Great Britain, but either way I think we could save a lot of time

Facebook bloggers Two Kids at University (TKAU) are

opportunity to give back and also continue promoting

and resources by just using a huge picture of John Key,

targeting every single university in New Zealand with

student culture.”

because I doubt anything less will shut him up.

their new competition Camp Two Kids.

“Louis and I have always been about meeting and con-

Louis Davis and Jules Craft are offering pairs of friends

necting people, we want to offer and create events that

from each University in New Zealand the opportunity

connect students from all the universities across the

to win V.I.P passes to the Gisborne New Year’s music

country.” Added Jules

festival Rhythm and Vines. As a package deal the pairs

With Rhythm and Vines already being one of the

selected will also be camping in a specifically reserved

largest student attended events in the country Camp

spot within the sister BW summer festival camp grounds.

Two Kids gives students the chance to make their trip

Two Kids are asking pairs of students all over the country to prove why Rhythm and Vines, and BW summer

more affordable and also a completely new way to experience it.

festival will be missing out if each pair’s respective uni-

The Two Kids duo will be choosing University reps

versity is not represented by their duo at Camp Two Kids.

based off of how creative the video content is, how

This idea must be represented in a video (or picture)

well the pairs represent their university, and the “social

format no longer than 15 seconds and be posted on the

butterfly factor.” Entries for the competition open today

Two Kids at University Facebook wall with the hashtag

however the first round of winners will not be announced

#CampTwoKids.

until the end of October.

“This year we have been so humbled and grateful for the constant support we have received from students all over the country, organising this event is an amazing

nexus magazine

NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

NEW ART TO CELEBRATE FIRST HALF CENTURY — There’s a new sculpture on campus. It’s sitting on the grass area between L Block and Te Manawa – the Student Centre. The work is to celebrate the University’s first 50 years and will have its official unveiling on Tuesday 7 October at sunrise (around about 6.30am). Students are welcome to attend the unveiling but must email rsvp@waikato. ac.nz before 2 October. The work’s creator is artist Sophie Hermann, and it comprises six elements all in the shape of an “L”, the Roman numeral 50. Five of the forms represent the past five decades of the University and the sixth represents a portal to the future. A dance performance for the new sculpture will take place on Wednesday 8

CAREER WORKSHOPS IN TAURANGA - 6 OCTOBER

October during cultural hour (1-2pm).

— Looking for advice with CV, cover letters, job search, career pathways or interview skills? Come along on Monday 6 October to our workshops and/or book a one-on-one appointment in Tauranga. There is a cover letter writing workshop at the Windermere campus from 10.30-11.30am in C12, and a CV preparation workshop at the Bongard Centre from 10.30-11.30am in DT423. Our Career Development Advisors are also available for half-hour, one-on-one advice appointments. Bring

B SEMESTER EXAM TIMETABLES —

your CV and cover letter examples, have a mock interview, or get some other employment or scholarship application-related advice. Appointments are at the Bongard Centre in DT132 (in the Atea) and Windermere Campus in V3. You must register for an appointment. Email uwt@waikato.ac.nz or phone 571 0190 ext 7500 and advise your name, student ID and contact phone number.

The 2014 B Semester Examination Timetable is now available. Please check the Examination Timetable carefully to make sure you have the correct room, time and date for your exam. You can check the timetable now by visiting timetable.waikato.ac.nz/exams. For further enquiries please email exams@waikato.ac.nz or phone 07 838 4466 extn 8018. Tauranga students – if you are enrolled in Bay of Plenty Polytechnic papers and are worried about clashes with your University of Waikato exams, please contact Anne-Marie Kell, DT419A, Level 4, Bongard Centre or on 07 571 0190 extn 5158 or at amkell@waikato.ac.nz

CAMPUS FUN RUN SERIES ON AGAIN IN HAMILTON — The Campus 5km Fun Run and Walk is returning to campus, starting Monday 6 October and running every Monday night until 15 December and then again from early 2015. Registrations start at 5pm outside Momento Café on the Village Green. Walkers start between 5pm and 6pm, while runners start at 6pm. Registration is $6 which entitles participants to a free beer, cider or non-alcoholic drink at the end. Spot prizes are also awarded on the night. The Campus 5km Fun Run and Walk is in association with the Hamilton City Hawks running club, UniRec, Momento Café and Good George. For more information email unipr@waikato.ac.nz

BLUES AWARDS THIS WEEK — The University will be honouring more than 60 high-achieving students who excel in sports and the creative and performing arts at the 2014 Wallace Corporation University of Waikato Blues Awards ceremony on 3 October at the Academy. Congratulations to all our Blues Awards recipients. www.waikato.ac.nz/events/blues

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WHAT’S WRONG WITH MANCHESTER UNITED? (THE 2014/15 EDITION) SPORTS GUY - OPINION

— Some of you might remember last EPL season I wrote a piece about what was wrong with United in which I defended David Moyes. He was fired at

the newly promoted teams, they have picked up just 4 of a possible 9 points;

WHY TAKE UP A SPORT?

drawing 0-0 with Burnley, beating QPR 4-0 and LOSING to Leicester 5-3.

SPORTS GUY

This leaves the Red Devils sitting in 12th position on the table with only 5

—

the end of the season and now they’re doing even worse to start the new season under a new manager. In the three games United have had against

points after 5 rounds. So what’s wrong here? I think the 5-3 result with Leicester tells the story. Their new manager spent their entire off season signing midfielders and strikers, not defenders. It’s no secret that Manchester United lack a decent and consistent centre back. So instead of spending more on the signing of Di Maria than Burnley have spent in the history of their club’s existence, they should have been looking at CBs; and it’s not like they’d have had to shell out a bunch of cash to sign someone who can play that role. If I was the manager, I’d have been targeting Bacary Sagna. The French defender was a free agent in the off season, meaning you don’t have to pay a transfer fee for him. Why on Earth would you overlook someone who would fill the giant flaw in your team, who you could get for free? It would have been smart to try to sign him, and then go after the big money players. All signing Sagna would have done is delay it, not reduce the available money for transfers. Oh well, I’m glad I’m not a Manchester United supporter at the moment. Let’s see if they can turn the season around sometime soon.

It always baffles me when I hear people who don’t play sport knocking it and questioning why anyone would want to do such a thing. I’m not saying that everyone on the planet should play some form of sport, but here are a few reasons to give it a go if you’re considering it. Wellbeing: Probably the most obvious reason to participate in anything that requires the expending of energy. Most sports require a lot of movement and will give you a massive dose of your exercising needs. It’s a good way to get to and/or maintain a certain fitness level, and pushes you to not let that slip. Discipline: I like to argue that playing a sport can teach good discipline. There are a number of rules that must be followed in each sport, but the focus and determination required to train numerous times a week can also contribute to this. Training is a great way to work on your goal setting and self-motivation too. Enjoyment: Playing sport is fun. Even if you have no idea what you’re doing. Almost every club sport is divided into leagues dependent on your skill level. So if you’ve never played before, you can be put in a team with other beginners and learn together. You won’t feel stupid because everyone will be on the same level, and you’ll make some new friends in the process. So if you’ve ever considered trying out a sport, I highly recommend it. It’s fun, keeps you healthy and is a great way to stay in shape.

nexus magazine

RIDICULIST

VOX POPS

Part-time jobs you shouldn't tell Mum about.

Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.

1 Anything that involves a costume with a huge cartoon head. Small kids will punch you in the nads. Big kids will tackle you. Your 21st is coming, and there will

Rebecca, Psych and Management. If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Join the police or the army. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be? Professional snowboarder. Best life lesson you've learnt so far? Be nice to people.

beÂ pictures.

Matt, Accounting.

Sign Spinning.

If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Working in some

Unless you have moves so rad people crash into each

retail store. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be?

other because they're too busy watching your genius,

Hunting guide in the states or CEO of sports team in America. Best

you'll never live it down. Also, she will make you do

life lesson you've learnt so far? If you have the right mental approach

this for funsies whenever you go visit.

then you'll be sweet.

Jessica, Psychology.

Call Center Work. To your Mum, this means that you're always available to chat. Your workmates will get sick of her asking for you, and it's only a matter of time before your boss finds out.

If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? I don't think there'd be another option. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be? Always wanted to be a cat - sitting in the sun all day! Best life lesson you've learnt so far? Just do it - no matter how hard it is.

4 Sperm/Egg Donation.

Amy, Screen and Media.

Whatever else she says, she doesn't want a grandchild

If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Working full-

that badly.

time. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be? Listen to music professionally. Best life lesson you've learnt so far? Don't

sweat the small stuff.

Pizza Delivery Person. Your mum hasn't forgotten those people who were lured to a fake address and beaten with a baseball bat. She worries, you know.

Ashleigh, BCGD. If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Snowboarding. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be? Owner of

Redbull. Best life lesson you've learnt so far? #freespirit.

Any job that requires you to be topless. No matter how legit it is, she's just going to think you're on drugs.

7 Drug Trials. No matter how legit it is, she's just going to think you're on drugs.

nexusmag.co.nz

Ashlee, Chemistry. If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Mountain biking. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be? CEO of Bongo Sushi. Best life lesson you've learnt so far? "Together everyone achieves more" - Karon Brown.

nexus magazine

Magic In The Moonlight

The Maze Runner FILM REVIEW BY DARCIE

FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON The maze runner is another attempt to bring a YA book series to the Blue Jasmine, Woody Allen's 2013 hit, took its lead from Tennessee Williams' A Streetcar Named Desire. Magic in the Moonlight, this year's effort from Allen, would seem to be equally inspired by George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion and/or its musical adaptation, My Fair Lady. Set in Germany and in the south of France during the summer of 1928, Moonlight is a romantic comedy, the tale of a relationship between Stanley, a middle-aged illusionist and Sophie, a 20 something spiritual medium whose psychic powers he sets out to debunk. Both characters are well cast. Colin Firth is particularly impressive as the curmudgeonly rationalist, imbuing Stanley with the ranting anger of a John Cleese character and the insufferable arrogance and condescension of Rex Harrison's Henry Higgins. The continental backdrops are both beautiful and atmospheric, Allen's recreation of the sound and aesthetics of the Jazz Age reflecting his usual craft and attention to detail and personal enthusiasm for the music of the era. For all the surface charms though, this is mid-range Allen. His dialogue often sounds forced, if not mannered and the thematic oppositions rapidly become one note. A science versus spirituality debate is laboured at the expense of developing an emotionally credible connection between Stanley and Sophie and his unrelenting smugness challenges audience sympathy. The last scene - clearly lifted from My Fair Lady - has its own satisfaction but mostly the magic is

big screen. These often turn out average at best, but on a rare occasion morph into something big, like Harry Potter and The Hunger Games. Whether or not the latter is the case with The Maze Runner is undecided at this stage – but probably not. Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) finds himself ascended into a strange closed field, surrounded by about a dozen other boys, and the field itself is surrounded by The Maze. Like the others, Thomas’ memory is kind of kaput, save for his name. He learns what little is known about their situation – they are surrounded by a maze, they don’t know why, don’t know who put them there and don’t know how to get out. Being the curious one, Thomas wants to know more, and tries to insert himself into the role of ‘runners’ who are those who explore the maze to find a way out. This movie actually wasn’t too bad, it didn’t linger unnecessarily, it had its moments of suspense, and the actors were well picked. Although the actual characters mainly seemed so-so, Will Poulter, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, and obviously Dylan O’Brien in lead were good. Ki Hong Lee was one who I was impressed with acting and character, as well as Aml Ameen. The diversity of the characters in regards to ethnic backgrounds was awesome to see, but the main thing was that I was constantly intrigued about the purpose of the maze.

missing. Also, for those who care about such things, the plot twist is rather predictable.

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FVEY

Deep Fantasy

ALBUM REVIEW BY JAMES RAFFAN

ALBUM REVIEW BY HP

I used to wonder if James Reed from the Feelers lay awake in his

Feminist Punk Rock holds a sweet spot in my heart I have to admit. It

Christchurch flat wondering why his music was commercial and soul-

reminds me of my sweet lady friend ranting and raving. It reminds me

less when compared with John Toogood’s Shihad. I thought Shihad

of bands I used to play in. It reminds me of getting angry. So Canadian

could do no wrong. Then they changed their name to Pacifier and

quartet, White Lung was probably a band I was always going to have a

seemingly spent the majority of the next decade producing shit music

predisposition to enjoy. Their third album, however, might be as close

and hiding behind hackish clichés like “We are discovering a new

to perfect as anyone could hope for.

sound.” And just like that I was done with Shihad. After 2010’s “Ignite” it seemed even Shihad was done with

At 22 minutes, there is a lot to love in not a lot of time. The band flies along at breakneck pace. Opener, Down with the Monster, is

Shihad. And it seems weird to be writing the next part but it

a microcosm of the album. It screeches and smashes with heavy

feels like the band was reawakened after the tragic events of the

cymbals while singer Mish Way chants rhythmic mission statements.

Christchurch earthquake.

Then the band hurtles into standout track, Down it Goes, with its

FVEY doesn’t just sound like a love letter to Christchurch, it sounds

pop-hook-laden chorus and frantic guitars. The energy of this band

like a desire to return back to their roots and to rediscover what made

is infectious; soon feet are tapping, heads nodding and if you’re not

them great. Toogood is back to his “General Electric” best and, unlike

careful, a mosh pit is bound to break out in your kitchen.

the upcoming Brooke Fraser album, they haven’t tried to ride the

The word feminist can put people off. For one reason or another,

Lorde wave and create a derivative new sound. Shihad are just back to

some have interpreted that word as man-hating fascists, but that’s not

what made them fucking great to begin with. Hard driving guitar riffs

the essence of this band or their message at all. It’s about a woman

and vocals that make you want to lose your shit and throw yourself

(or women) holding their own. Lyrics like “I'm not as strong as you/

around. This isn’t just rock for the sake of rock though. Shihad has

But I am everywhere” are throughout. But hey, if you don’t want to

something to say. Songs like “The Big Lie,” “Think You’re So Free,” get too deep, just get this record cos it kicks serious ass. and the slightly punk (at least in chord progression) “Model Citizen” let you know that Shihad are angry. And let’s face it- angry has always worked best for Shihad.

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White Is For Witching

Lollipop Chainsaw

BOOK REVIEW BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT

GAME REVIEW BY KARL GUETHERT

Helen Oyeyemi knows that it isn’t just children who like ghost stories

Cheerleaders, zombies and the disembodied head of a boyfriend.

with a gothic vibe, and in amongst the strangeness of White is For

What more could you ask for? Lollipop Chainsaw certainly has all

Witching (WIFW), I’m still not entirely sure what the hell happened.

those, alongside lashings of action, brutality and some big name 70’s

But I do know that I loved it.

and 80’s musical hits. In this fluoro-coloured zombie slaying gore-fest,

At first a bit confusing, I eventually figured out that WIFW is nar- you take on the role of Juliet – chainsaw wielding high school cheerrated by Eliot (Miri’s twin), Ore (Miri’s lover), an omniscient third

leader and expert on the occult. Think Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets

persona (Miri? Her Great Grandmother? I still don’t know) and the

any of the Bring It On movies, and you’re probably halfway there.

menacing presence of the house itself. It took me a few chapters to

Lollipop Chainsaw never takes itself seriously at all. You’ll find

figure out who was speaking and when, but instead of being distract-

almost every cliché thrown in – Undead Elvis, Rockstar Daddy on a

ing, it added to the creepy vibe.

motorbike, dimwitted yet talented kid sister, and more, but that’s the

WIFW follows the story of Miri, who, devastated by the loss of her

point. When the musical line-up includes Cherry Bomb, You Spin Me

mother, develops an eating disorder and begins to fade away. At first

Right Round and a lovely ditty titled Zombie Vikings Sail On Lightning

this seems a reasonable explanation for Miri’s weight loss and general

Seas you’ll know you’re in for a good romp.

degeneration. But it’s not that simple- because Miri’s family live in

Each Zombie kill will give you coins to spend on unlocking things –

their ancestral house, which her father is determined to turn into a

skills, upgrades, costumes and game extras. The more kills you get

bed and breakfast. But the house, xenophobic, predatory and eerie as

at once will give you more coins. Combo-skills are great for this, and

hell, isn’t having a bar of it. WIFW uses the house to comment on the

some of these are both brutal and hilarious. However, despite the

racist, homophobic tendencies of the British: the house is pissed for

gore, the game has an achievement for looking up the main charac-

several reasons but especially because Miri is having the sexy time

ter’s skirt, so, well, you know ‘mature’ doesn’t factor into the make-up

with a Nigerian woman. In amongst the multitudes of fucked up shit,

of the target audience. Many of the jokes have more cheese than

the house seems determined to consume Miri herself. A book that doesn’t require drugs to trip you out- WIFW is a mustread. Maybe not at home by yourself though (just in case it eats you).

a plain cheese pizza (and will make you groan just as much). Much of the fighting can get repetitive. But, for mindless fun, this game’s pretty great.

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HØNEST MATT MEETS TWO KIDS AT UNI Honest Matt Matt Hicks

You guys are both pretty cool dudes. If you had to pick one who would

Jules: Went and got a check last Monday for only my second time, I’m clear

you say is cooler (and why)? Louis: That’s dude voice is way too loud, he

bitches! Na but on a serious note I think the stigma around getting check-ups

needs to shut up ae. I can hear his annoying as shit voice all over the campus.

needs to be abolished, it’s ridiculous that guys and girls would risk harming

In regards to who is “cooler?” depends if you like tie-dye shirted hippies with

themselves and others because they’re too scared to piss in a cup, I mean

ball-heads or normal people? Hahahaha

it’s basically just a really small toilet. What are your favourite piss/drugs

Jules: Aw I believe in equality I’d say we are both as shit as one another,

combinations? Louis: Education and hard work…

however while I’m on equality I feel like it’s unfair that Louis is allowed to

Jules: I’ve been getting into my wine, it makes me all warm and giggly.

have so much more space in the world to fit his head, it kinda reminds me

Say you were dual Prime Ministers for the day- what would be some

of the age old argument where fat people should have to pay for two seats

changes you’d make to the country? Louis: Crucify all paedophiles in the

on an aeroplane because they’re taking up more space and oxygen. You

park and let wife-beaters go smash them to blow off steam.

guys are pretty famous now. Have you ever pulled the “do you know

Jules: Compulsory life swaps so everyone understands what it’s like to stand

who I am card?” Louis: I don’t think I do? But my friends do to take the piss

in someone else’s shoes. Finish this sentence. Hamilton would be better

out of me. They always give me shit saying “you’ve changed”, “the internet

if… Louis: They realised that nothing is going on here without students, give

made you a dick” and “the old Louis would of ...”.To that I say, I love my bro’s

students more awesome stuff. Grow the uni and the city will grow.

hahahahaha – safe answer.

Jules: If every single student took pride in where they are and every sin-

Jules: Hahahaha Only if I’ve got too horsed and literally can’t remember my

gle person frothed out at the mouth to participate in live acts, D.Js, and

name. I feel like in this context it’s a fair card to pull. Shoot! Root! Marry!

university events. EVERYONE SHOULD COME TO “FUCK OFF FRIDAY”

- John Key, David Cunliffe, Kim Dotcom (please provide reasons why)

Everyone is shit at something. What are you guys most shit at? Louis:

Louis: Marry Kim Dotcom then live it up on his money. Shoot DC, and root

Following the plan. I’m chasing every dream other than the one the people

J… ~error478{unknown}..

paying for it want. Salute to my family, scholarship panels and overly zeal-

Jules: I’m a sucker for a chubby bunny. Marry Dotcom, Root David and make

ous lecturers who have a vision for me. I appreciate it but I have to do this

a private sex tape, shoot John Key when he sniffs through my meta-data like

adventure myself.

a predator in an undies draw to find our private love film.

Jules: Pulling girls without my long luscious locks.

Have either of you ever got a sexual disease? Louis: Nah but I got a pimple there when I was like 13 and I thought I was gonna die of AIDS.

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More at sounzgood.co.nz

Holy shit this is going to be a great week for you. You should take advantage of what the gods have planned for you - why not start planning a post-exam holiday to Fiji. No, I don’t care if you can’t afford it, when we say great week, we mean a great week.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Quality over quantity, my dear. Who actually feels their existence is justified by a fuck ton of loose acquaintances or social media followers? Please, for the love of humankind in the 21st century, aim for something higher than a contrived popularity contest. Emma Watson should deliver a speech on this.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Before you viciously attack someone, take a moment to re-organise your room, make a new playlist, take a bubble bath and think about what brought you to this point. We all make bad choices, but an assault charge is something you’ll have to live with forever.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results – so maybe if the same shit keeps happening, and you’re the common denominator… you’re what needs to change… Like, maybe it’s you in the same way maybe Taylor Swift is her own problem?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

HOROSCOPES

Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is something you just made up in your head to get you through an ordeal. Cling to this reason and remind yourself that impenetrably strong individuals are defined by these trials, or are just really, really stupid. Take your pick.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

This week is a struggle. The cosmos will use every trick in the book to test your limits. Beware of friendly strangers and seemingly safe neighbourhoods, the gods are gonna mess with you so bad you won’t trust your own judgement on which ice cream flavour will truly satisfy your cravings.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

What’s the big deal now? Take a step back, meditate on it for a minute, take another step back, and then realise you’ve just taken two steps back and achieved nothing so maybe you should just get on with it and stop reading horoscopes looking for advice.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

“Destiny is for losers” – Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl. This week’s mantra comes from just another unrealistic TV show full of cattiness, backstabbing, and everyone sleeping with everyone… hmm actually, if they lost all their money and moved to the suburbs it could almost be set in Hamilton.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Cheer up Charlie; it’s not so bad. You may not have the golden ticket this week, but in the lottery of life you usually get second chances. The chocolate factory will only lead you to a high caloric intake and diabetes anyway, particularly with the state of mind you’re in at present.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Your happiness level is about to skyrocket – there is love in the air. Now, don’t get ahead of yourself, the love pollution is not necessarily in the romance department, it could just be that Whittakers comes out with another novelty way for you to eat your feelings.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Yo. Don’t fuss. Go with the flow, man. Wanking on about every little hurdle will only irritate those who care about you and you will be left with no one. NO ONE. Not even the happy little spring Tuis in the Kowhai trees can deal with that brand of shit right now.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

You know that thing you can’t get over? Well this week you’ve at least got to stop talking about it. The important sky people are reacting to your repetitive tirades like everyone who's been confronted by Kim KardashianWest crying. First they were amused, and now they’re exasperated.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

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Motivate BEATS BY J

Girl On Fire - Inferno Version Alicia Keys / Nicki Minaj Run the World (Girls) Beyoncé / 4

David Guetta / Sia

Titanium

Flo Rida / Good Feeling

Good Feeling

Gym Class Heroes / The Papercut Chronicles II

The Fighter

Kanye West / Lupe Fiasco / Late Registration Touch The Sky

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis / The Heist Can't Hold Us

One Direction / Take Me Home: Yearbook Edition Live While We're Young

The Chemical Brothers / Push The Button Galvanise

DJ Khaled / All I Do Is Win All I Do Is Win

Lady Gaga / Born This Way The Edge Of Glory

Kelly Clarkson / Stronger

Stronger

Kanye West / T-Pain / Graduation

Good Life

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AUTEUR HOUSE PRESENTS FILM FEST Auteur Dr Richard Swainson

The annual International Film Festival wrapped up a fortnight ago.

with vodka, paying off politicians and mouthing platitudes in the Orthodox

Whilst it will be some time before any of the festival movies come out on

Church... or at least that's what this wrenching drama suggested. Earlier

DVD, Auteur House has the earlier work of many of their directors. The fol-

films by director Andrei Zvyagintsev include The Return (2003) and Elena

lowing list takes some of the better titles from the festival and details the

(2011).

back catalogue of the respective auteur. 1. Winter Sleep - for me this 3 1/4 hour epic from Turkey, this year's Palme d'Or winner at Cannes, was the pick of the litter. Comparisons to Chekov and

the iconic political activist and ground-breaking linguist Noam Chomsky.

Bergman were not misplaced. Co-writer/director Nuri Bilge Ceylan's previous

Gondry's best work includes Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

films are even slower and a lot less dialogue heavy but offer rich rewards for

and Science of Sleep (2006). Chomsky has previously been profiled in the

the patient viewer. We stock Uzak (2002), Three Monkeys (2008) and Once

classic Manufacturing Consent (1992).

Upon a Time in Anatolia (2011). 2. Under the Skin - more abstract and art house than mainstream science

6. Two Days, One Night - this harrowing tale of a Belgian mother who is forced to beg her work mates for the right to keep her job whilst simultane-

fiction, this intriguing puzzler saw Scarlett Johansson as an alien seducing

ously battling depression should be compulsory viewing for any fuckwits

lonely hearts in coastal Scotland. Director Jonathan Glazer is as well known

who voted for the National party. The hand-held camerawork and cinema

for his music videos as his features. We have a collection of the former as

verite style is very much in keeping with earlier masterpieces by two-time

well as Birth (2004) and his stunning debut, Sexy Beast (2000).

Cannes winners the Dardennes brothers. The Son (2002), The Child (2005)

3. Maps to the Stars - a pitch black, corrosive comedy about contemporary

and The Kid With a Bike (2011) are all essential works.

Hollywood that made The Player look like Mary Poppins. A real return to

7. Charlie's Country - a third teaming of writer/director Rolf de Heer and

form for veteran Canadian horror specialist David Cronenberg. We have all of

actor David Gulpilil, based in part on the latter's own life. A beautifully shot

Cronenberg's previous features, the best of which are The Fly (1986), Dead

and told tale of the contemporary Aboriginal experience. Auteur House has

Ringers (1988), Crash (1996) and A History of Violence (2005). 4. Leviathan - life in Putin's Russia involves drinking yourself senseless

5. Is the Man Who is Tall Happy? - a stylised rendering of a series of conversations between French director and animator Michel Gondry and

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both The Tracker (2002) and Ten Canoes (2006) as well as the cult Bad Boy Bubby (1993) and many other films by the prolific Mr de Heer.

nexus magazine

DEATH DOCUMENTARY AND STILL LIFE Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf

Woody Allen once quipped that he was not afraid of death, he just

burnt, efficiently cremated and the ashes disposed of. Not mourned, not

didn’t want to be there when it happened. Comedian and now cancer

farewelled, not remembered – vanished as if they’d never existed, swept up

sufferer, Billy Connolly, has also declared his fearlessness of death, but,

and discarded like so much accumulated detritus.

according to the man, he’s not too worried about being present at the event.

It immediately called to mind a movie I’d recently seen at the Hamilton

He has just completed a TV series on the dark subject which has recently

Film Festival, a wonderful production by Italian director, Uberto Passolini,

been showing on TV One. Fronting the programme, he looked a little wan

called ‘Still Life’. I am hard man to please when it comes to the film medium

and washed out, but like his friend and Monty Python member, Eric Idle, he

and it takes a lot to prompt effusive praise for anything on celluloid, but this

always tried to look on the bright side with touches of levity along the way.

was one of the best films by far I’ve seen in my life. A perfectly weighted,

The doco was a fascinating personal examination of everything from the

understated, controlled and deeply affecting drama about a very ordinary

bizarre to the banal and back again on matters to do with dying and the

humble but devoted minor bureaucrat working in some London borough

deceased: funerals, mortuaries, cemeteries, rituals, coffins, the whole nine

Council. His job was to administer to the fate of the very people Connolly

yards. There are no taboos when it comes to Connolly. From bodies carved

spoke of – all the unloved, forgotten, overlooked and forsaken people living

up and devoted to science to burning banknotes to buy off evil spirits, it’s all

and dying in bedsits and worse. And doing it with dignity.

there in unexpurgated grisly and sometime macabre detail.

Thinking about the very end of the film still has the capacity to move me. In

But the most poignant part he touched on in the series would have to

the darkened theatre at the time, as the ending of the narrative played itself

be a short reference made, almost in passing, to the fate of the homeless

out, my chest heaved and suddenly there were tears rolling down my face.

when they die, as they do in large numbers, swelling exponentially during

This was not mawkish sentimentality the film was indulging in, but rather

the downturn in the economy, an event that seems to happen with greater

the starkest look at the human condition shot through with the spectre of

frequency these days. At this point, the State simply takes matters in hand.

reciprocal humanity that can well up spontaneously at times to meet and

The bodies, which number in the thousands each year in Glasgow alone, are

challenge the darkest shape of despair.

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C.V. Tips LOUISE HUTT

Too scared to look at the clusterfuck of your old CV, or don't have one yet? Louise has all the info you need to create an amazing resumé! I’ve been applying for lots of scholarships recently

1. Use positive language. Presumably you should be

for requires me to submit a CV or résumé with

wanting to show you’re passionate and keeping a posi-

the application. I’m fortunate enough to be currently

tive tone is a key way of conveying that.

working for the university, who hired me because of

2. Regularly update your CV.

my grades, as well as a freelance photographer, where

3. Tailor the CV to the job: have one for your shitty

I’m usually hired via word of mouth or my portfolio.

part-time jobs, talking about your retail or hospo skills,

Résumés are not something I have to deal with regu-

then have one with your actual industry experiences for

larly and mine hasn’t really been updated since first

the field you are studying in.

year (I shudder to look back on it). It’s basically the template they give you at careers.govt.nz with some fancy fonts thrown in there for good measure.

4. SPELLCHECK! And get at least two other people to read over it. 5. If you’re also hosting your CV online, somewhere

Because I know that there could be hundreds of

like LinkedIn, make sure both the one you send to

other applicants, the need to be brief but memorable

scholarships or employers and the one they can see

is important. I’m definitely a believer in a one-page

online are the same. It shows consistency and that you

CV, (because if you have more information than that,

are definitely the person you say you are.

you’re probably waffling) and also because it produces

CV Don'ts

an excellent design and writing challenge. I checked out some design templates over at The

1. Unless they ask for a photograph, don’t include one. They can probably find that online if they want to and

Design Blog [thedsgnblog.com/post/92874184096/

it’s just taking up space where you could be otherwise

freebies] and they really made me re-evaluate how I

talking about how great you are!

was presenting my information. No more word documents for me! However, I’m using them as inspiration; taking elements and creating a SUPER-CV! For example, I

CV Do's

and almost every single scholarship I am applying

2. Don’t waffle. You should be able to summarise everything you need to say on one page, because you’re less likely to be memorable if it’s longer and they’ll probably skim it anyway.

like Ayoob Ullah’s best, but it doesn’t have a spot for

3. Include what sells you the best. If it’s not relevant

awards and achievements, which I definitely want to

to what you’re applying for, get rid of it. It’s not about

include. I’m also not super keen on including a photo-

filling the whole page, but communicating what skills

graph of myself (ironically, as I’m a photographer) even

you have that make you the best candidate.

though several of them have a spot for that.

Sven Kaiser 7/10

But that’s what good design is when it comes to

Pros: Experience focused, which is great if

personal branding; making something which fits your

you’ve done lots of stuff. Not so much if you’re just

needs and communicates your “you-ness” best.

starting out.

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Has a space for clients you’ve worked with, which

coloured background.

other industries.

No name (Jonny Evans) 4/10

Uses colour, which is great if you’re physically send-

Pros: One page.

ing it to them but if they have to print it out, it’s pretty

Lots of space for details.

likely they’ll make it grey scale but it would probably

Although it uses colour, it would also look okay in

still look okay.

grey scale.

Cons: Two page template, which means the content

Probably more suitable for professionals who are

is spread over two pages (experience and education on

looking for something more exciting than a word docu-

one, and skills on the other) but that could mean that

ment, rather than creatives.

the second page could very easily be ignored. Ayoob Ullah 9/10 Pros: One page! But the design is not so complete that you couldn’t add more pages if you needed to. Will work for any industry and you can always add in more sections (e.g. awards, personal skills) because the layout is so flexible Not douchey, it’s not over-designed, it’s clean and simple but also has space for some details. Cons: Probably more text based than the other templates (but gives you the ability to give more details without overwhelming with text). Also uses colour but I think this will also work fine if converted to grey scale. John Doe (Abdullah Al Mamun) 6/10

Cons: This would be my least favourite because of the weird layout. The most important information is at the bottom of the page and while they’ve used a grid to align sections, they haven’t used a grid over the whole page so the information is difficult to skim-read. I cannot tell from a glance whose CV this is, which I feel shows a poor hierarchy of information. Georgian-Sorin Maxim 6/10 Pros: One page. Minimal but with sections for more details if you want to include them. Use of graphics and text means that the reader can quickly absorb information, making reading time quicker You tend to be drawn to the black items on the page.

Pros: One page

You would need to make sure that they’re your selling

Gives you a lot of freedom on the left hand side, lots

points

of opportunities to discuss in detail. Cons: Page looks very full from their use of coloured sections and includes a lot of information. Uses a lot of space giving links, which I feel is a bit of a waste of space. You would want to get it printed professionally if you

Cons: A lot of white space, which can make it seem quite empty at first glance. I’m not 100% sold on the name font but that could be easily changed and I would increase the body font size. Nice colour scheme but I would make the blue a little

were giving it to someone because of the coloured

darker in case it is printed in grey scale.

backgrounds (they’ll look terrible printed cheaply).

Fernando Baez 7/10

Hadi Reda 6/10 Pros: One page Ultra-minimal, so it forces you to be concise and to

Pros: One page and black and white. Stands out through its mixture of clean graphics and text.

the point. This would work the best for creatives who

Has lots of sections available.

also have an online portfolio available.

Cons: Harder to customise because of the hobbies

Cons: You really need to have experience and an education which will speak for itself for this to work

sections (finding icons to suit yours). Very small text.

because it may not supply enough information for

I dislike the way they’ve shown work experience, at

some employers (or supply further information online)

a glance it’s not clear what it’s trying to communicate.

It’s in black and white, but like the John Doe template,

it would be best printed professionally because of the

makes it more creative but could also be adapted to

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Might not work for every industry.

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PHOTOGRAPH: BECKI MOSS

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The BA Guide: What to do When You’ve Got Bugger All RACHAEL ELLIOTT

The BA is not-so-affectionately known as the Bugger All degree. You do bugger all and get a piece of paper that is worth bugger all, or so they say. So what exactly are your options? Our cynical correspondent from the other side has the answers. Or at least the right questions. Or maybe just bacon. (We’re not sure anymore.) It’s intimidating as all hell finishing uni with a BA.

that can be tweaked for each position and settle in for

Everyone tells you that there’s no way you’ll turn it into

the long haul. We are facing the toughest economy

a career. Your student loan, overdraft and credit card

in our lifetimes (hopefully, because if it gets much

debt looms over you. The government treats you like

worse, we’ll never recover). We have ludicrously high

you’re a piece of scum if you fail to miraculously land

unemployment rates, increasing competition for the

the well paid job you envisioned at high school and

few jobs available and mounting debt from the cost of

everyone wants to know just how much money you’re

uni (and lack of support available). Anything is better

going to earn now that you’re ‘qualified’.

than WINZ (trust me) so apply for everything. Apply

Want to know a dirty secret? I have a Bachelor of

for things you know you’ll hate! Agree to go full time

Arts. For those of you thinking that isn’t too bad- I have

with your current shitty hospo or retail job so you

a Bachelor of Arts- majoring in Japanese.

can earn some coin while you hunt for the right job.

So you’ve got an Arts degree, now what? And how

After I graduated I worked at Cambridge Stud doing

the hell do you silence the nay-saying bastards who

foal watch (in some ways the best job ever- all the tiny

think you’ve wasted three years of your life? To quote

baby horses!) while I job hunted. I eventually landed a

Tim Minchin, “Arts degrees help you find meaning

translation job, but it was part time, so stayed on at the

where there is none. And let me assure you, there

stud too. I kept myself afloat while getting the post-uni

is none.” So tell the next douchebag who gets in your

CV holy grail- experience.

face about your employment prospects to take a flying

Don’t- get a teaching degree

leap. Money isn’t everything.

If you’re only going teaching because you think

“Yes!” I hear you say. “But it helps!”

you’re more likely to get a job, DON’T DO IT. Become

To that end, here are my BA do’s and don’ts that will

a teacher because you’re passionate about educating

(hopefully) leave you employed, successful and most

kids. Become a teacher because you love learning and

of all- HAPPY.

want to share your experiences. Become a teacher

Do- Apply for everything

because you don’t care about being poor, having no

Set your CV up, write yourself a cover letter template

free time and spending your days reciting a litany of

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“sit down. Be quiet. Do your work” to assure the little

breakdown and buy a sports car that just cannot fill the

shits respect you enough to actually learn. But don’t

empty void of their souls when they turn 40. Buy the

do it because you think you’ll get a job because you

fucking sports car now!

won’t. I wanted to be a teacher from the time I was 14.

Do- more study if you want to

I wanted to teach Japanese and English and I chose my

I know, I know. Post-grad funding is slashed. Post-

subjects and degree accordingly. When choosing the

grad study is expensive, and may not help you get a job.

pre-reqs for my senior subjects, business with Japan

But what if we did some learning just because… we

was booming and the industry was crying out for peo-

love learning? After three years of smashing my head

ple who spoke more than one language. Hindsight has

against the wall that was secondary teaching, I decided

taught me to go more carefully when I see industries

to come back to uni and pick up some papers so I could

‘crying out’ for certain skills. Because with those cries

teach another senior subject. Long story short(ish), I

comes the inevitable oversupply, the kind of oversupply

selfishly and with much forethought, decided to com-

that creates the clusterfuckery our teaching industry is

plete my first piece of tertiary education, not to get a

currently experiencing. Just because 50% of teachers

job, but just because I wanted to. Just because I loved

are over the age of 50 doesn’t mean we need 300+

it. Just because it turned me on, and it made me happy.

teaching graduates coming out of our School of Ed

So I started my Masters in Creative writing- and if

each year (to say nothing of the other institutions)

anything is less likely to get you a job than a BA in

especially since they now don’t forecast any kind of job

Japanese, it’s that, right?

“...HOW THE HELL DO YOU SILENCE THE NAY-SAYING BASTARDS WHO THINK YOU’VE WASTED THREE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE?”

market until 2020. People passionate about teaching

But want to know a secret?

are destroyed by people who do it just because they

Since I made that selfish decision, I’ve been

need a job. And on that note…

people things! I’m employed to teach creative writ-

No matter how many voices tell you you’ll never

ing. I’m employed to edit Nexus. I’m employed by a

make it, to give up and accept that your future only

business chain to help them make the written content

holds a series of administration or labouring jobs- do

of their website sexier. I’m making money doing the

not listen! Do the thing that makes you happy. Do the

things that make me happy above all others. And no,

thing that gets you excited. Do the thing you’re pas-

it’s not heaps of money. And no, it’s not always a cushy

sionate about, because while a job isn’t guaranteed,

gig. But I’m happy.

if you’re doing something you love, you’re winning.

And that’s the point, isn’t it?

Sometimes life is not about having the career that

My final advice to you, fellow BA sufferers is: never,

makes you happy- sometimes life is about having a

ever, under any circumstances, give up. Because as

job that allows you to do the things that make you

Karl Vonnegut says “Go into the arts. The arts are a very

happy. Find a balance you can work with, and conquer

human way of making life more bearable. Practicing

the world.

employed- and I’ve even been employed to teach

Do- Follow your dreams

an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make

Don’t- panic

your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower.

Don’t be in a rush to land your ‘forever’ job, because

Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend,

there’s no such thing. Apparently we change career

even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can.

three times over during our lives, but I’d say it’s a lot

You will get an enormous reward. You will have created

more than that. People that are sure of their career

something.” And if you’re really lucky, you might make

path at the age of 21 are the same people that have a

a little coin doing it.

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D’you want a career with that? ONYX LILY

How to translate your fancy piece of paper into a job that doesn't involve a deep fryer... hopefully. We all know one of them. Those smug gits who

a lot of people do very badly. If you can write well, in

cruise through their uni studies with minimal effort

general people are more likely to give you what you

and maximum beer, crowing “Cs get degrees baby!” want, because they can figure out what the hell you whenever their attitude is questioned. And they’re right

want. There are a bunch of writing papers you can

– all you have to do to get an undergraduate degree is

take at Uni, like MCOM292 Business Communication

pass. But the good news for those of us who grit our

(most faculties have one), plus about a million online

teeth and head back to the library for the fourth Friday

resources you can use to improve your grammar, sen-

night in a row (until it closes at freakin 6pm anyway) is

tence construction, and spelling, (as well as millions

that Cs may get degrees, but unless you fancy a job

of online commenters ready to mock you if you do it

“CS MAY GET DEGREES, BUT UNLESS YOU FANCY A JOB THAT INVOLVES ASKING PEOPLE WHETHER THEY’D LIKE FRIES WITH THAT, CS AREN’T GOING TO GET YOU A FANCY CAREER.”

that involves asking people whether they’d like fries

wrong) so no excuses! Or you could just listen to Weird

with that, Cs aren’t going to get you a fancy career. The

Al Yankovich’s “Word Crimes” on repeat until it burns

bad news is, a transcript of A’s might not either.

itself into your skull.

Employers these days are looking for a bit more from

Work experience. Going out into the cold, unfriendly

a prospective employee, especially one straight out of

job market with nothing but a page full of qualifica-

tertiary education, than just a handful of grades on a

tions and a dream in your shiny little eyes is likely going

transcript. So if you want to find work you love, and

to win you nothing but a pile of rejection letters with

hopefully make enough dosh to pay back your student

which to kindle your shopping cart fire. OK, that’s a

loan before you retire, here are some things you might

little bleak, but basically, without some kind of employ-

like to consider.

ment experience it’s going to be hard to convince a

Communication skills. Pretty much every study of

graduate employer to take you on. Any kind of work

the employment market concludes that the number

experience helps, whether you’ve done your time

one thing employers are looking for is the ability to

in retail during Uni holidays, can shake the meanest

communicate clearly and effectively. Written commu-

mojito this side of the Bombays, or spent your summer

nication is particularly important and is something that

wrestling little Von Trapp children into their curtain-suits

nexus magazine

and romping all over the Austrian hillside. So it’s really

get chatting. This is harder than it sounds and will take

quite thoughtful of MoBIE to have ensured that you

some practice, but if you do make an awesome con-

couldn’t live on your student loan payments and had to

tact, get their business card and follow up with them

get work while you were studying...

in a week or two.

Having said that, if your pre-graduation job(s) are in a

Internship. Another great way to get a foot in the

completely different field from where you’re heading,

door is to include an internship as part of your study. If

you’re going to have to work a little harder to convince

you search for ‘work placement’ on the website, you’ll

your prospective employer of your transferable skills.

find a link to the section of the catalogue of papers

Another way to get relevant work experience on your

that lists all the current work placement papers. Or ask

CV is...

your Faculty student advisors for advice. Internships

Volunteering. Giving your time for free may seem like a hard sell when you have rent to pay and beer to

can often lead to a job offer, or at least to some very valuable networking.

drink, but can be all important when you’re out in the

The University of Waikato Careers office has been

big bad job market. If you’re interested in, say, market-

through a recent revamp and is in the process of mov-

ing, and you get a stint helping the Cancer Foundation

ing to awesome new and easier-to-find quarters in

promote Daffodil Day, or the local Saturday farmers’

the Student Centre. If you’re keen as, bruh, but not

market promote its big annual event, then you will have

sure where to start, give them a buzz and they’ll sort

some really valuable stuff for your CV, some real life

you out.

experience to draw on in the future, the beginnings of

Having said all of that, the great news for those of

“IGOING OUT INTO THE COLD, UNFRIENDLY JOB MARKET WITH NOTHING BUT A PAGE FULL OF QUALIFICATIONS AND A DREAM IN YOUR SHINY LITTLE EYES IS LIKELY GOING TO WIN YOU NOTHING BUT A PILE OF REJECTION LETTERS WITH WHICH TO KINDLE YOUR SHOPPING CART FIRE.”

a network (see below) and a warm glow in your heart.

you at the tail end of Generation Y, is that in the next

There are loads of different volunteering opportuni- 10-15 years all of the Baby Boomers currently clogging ties and a good place to start is by registering with

up the top end of the job market are going to have to

Volunteering Waikato at www.volwai.org.nz.

retire (or, y’know, die), leaving a gap in the employment

Networking. You’ve no doubt heard the statistic that

minimum so far, and can’t be arsed with any of the

found through word of mouth, filled internally, etc? If

stuff I’ve mentioned, just bide your time. Ten years of

you want you a piece of that action, you’re going to

flipping burgers can’t be that bad…

have to make some contacts. There are a few ways to go about this, depending on your areas of interest, and the University organises a bunch of networking events you can attend. But if you want more ways to get your name out there, you can check out some of the Chamber of Commerce networking events, attend relevant public lectures on campus, events in the city and so on. Once you’re there, make sure you’ve prepared yourself with some interesting, relevant things to say, then sidle your way into a circle of likelies and

market. So if you’ve cruised through Uni with the bare

only X percentage of jobs are advertised, the rest are

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nexus magazine

ROCK THAT THREESOME Aunty Slut

Dear Aunty Slut, My girlfriend is kinda interested in girls and sometimes kisses them at parties (I don't mind really). She mentioned last week about maybe having

your partner’s boundaries. Not feeling threatened because the person your partner is engaging with doesn’t have a cock is stupid, so it’s reasonable to be uncomfortable with it. Talk it out with her.

a threesome with one of her friends. Obviously this is every guy’s fantasy

In a threesome situation no one should feel pressured to share their body

but I got kinda nervous about it. I don't know her friend that well and I think

in a way they aren’t comfortable with. Tailor your threesome to suit everyone.

it might be super awkward and not sure if turning it down is wise. Some

Maybe your threesome doesn’t involve penetration. Maybe it has lots of oral

advice would great? -2 girls 1 guy

sex. Maybe it doesn’t involve penile penetration with the third party. Maybe you’re keen for a threesome but not keen for it to be with that particular friend. (The only thing your threesome really SHOULD have is condoms.

Dear 2 girls 1 guy,

Change condoms every time you swap positions.)

While I’m sure most men would down on you for being nervous about a threesome (probably the same men who have never had one), I’m glad you’re nervous- it means you have something to lose. You’re inviting some-

“YOU NEED TO TALK TO EACH OTHER AND

one into your relationship, however briefly. And when you’re dealing with

FIGURE OUT WHO IS COMFORTABLE FUCKING

multiple partners, communication issues get magnified. You need to talk to each other and figure out who is comfortable fucking who’s what and how,

WHO’S WHAT AND HOW, BEFORE ANYONE GETS NAKED.”

before anyone gets naked. It’s important that everyone present is really into it, and possible jealousies have been worked out previously, or someone’s going to get their feelings hurt. Do not expect that this will be like porn. You’re not playing some star-

Threesomes can be fun. I’ve had great ones and terrible ones. Without fail

ring role just because your sexy bits stand up and theirs don’t. You will not

the great ones were the ones where we talked about it a lot beforehand, and

be laying back and enjoying two chicks at once (well, not the whole time

everyone felt comfortable saying ‘no’ if something happened they weren’t

at least). Equal opportunity orgasms! Everyone having fun- no one feeling

cool with.

left out! And I’m hearing that you’re concerned about getting left out while

Regarding “not sure if turning it down is wise”: do not do this just because

some girl gives your woman the kind of cunnilingus you can’t even imagine.

your partner wants to. Do it because you want to, or not all. If her love for you

She’s ‘kind of into girls’ as in she’s bi or bi-curious? Have you talked about the fact that she kisses girls at parties and are you sure you don’t really

is contingent on a threesome, then you are better off without it. Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!!

mind? It winds me up when girls treat kissing their friends as a lark, but wouldn’t be okay with their man doing the same. It’s a double standard

Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz

based on body parts and genitalia is not an instant excuse for stepping over

nexus magazine

OFFENSE - IN A ROUNDIE-BOUT KINDA WAY Give a Shit Tee Ship

Here’s the thing, at some point we’re going to have to grow the fuck up as a society. This year’s “RoUndie 500” hosted by the lovely (and not in any way, shape or form inbred, redneck or hickish) folks at Canterbury University, and successor to the throne of douchebaggery held for years by the infamous “Undie 500”—a student car rally in which teams decorate their vehicles in a theme of their choice and just drive… for an extended period of time—has been responsible for exposing the inherent racism, misogyny and ignorance that plagues New Zealand society, lurking behind the every pithy “I’m not racist but…” and that old proverb “I’m just saying that if you move to somebody else’s country at least learn

LOVELY LASHES Sweet Tips Sweet Painted Lady

the language.” During this rally hosted by ESOC (the Engineering Society of Canterbury, whom it is rumoured receive more funding every year than other UoC clubs), the predominantly white contestants (this may not necessarily be the case but Jesus ESOC, if you want to come across multi-cultural, post some pictures with a little goddamn diversity in them) were encouraged to decorate their vehicles in the most offensive way possible, with cash prizes for the most offensive. One of the teams, that I really want us to get behind next year as a nation, was the ‘Gaza Strippers.’ These rambunctious young tykes took it upon themselves to paint their van with the Palestinian flag and dress as strippers in turbans and burqas. I can only assume that they also stripped down at some point because… without that the ingenious punchline is just lost… Of course this is mimicking this year’s hilarious Gaza Strip conflict in which 2,104 Palestinians were killed between the 8th of July and the 27th of August, 1,462 of these being civilians, 495 of which were children, murderous murderous children... Oh and then hahahaha, get this, and then some super radical brothers, and I mean that in the whitest way possible, dressed as chicks, and decorated their car with some like porn and shit and like totally named their team FemSoc after the University’s newly formed feminist club. Now that’s funny as shit, stupid femmy bitches will love that aye? Fuck women’s rights right? No, not fuck women’s rights, don’t make fun of the Gaza crisis, don’t take the piss about the Taliban beheading people, don’t dress your car up as Malaysian Airline’s flight MH370 and then have a bunch of dudes dressed as Saudis lean up against it for a photo (certainly don’t dress the drivers as Saudis because if that is the case then I literally have missed the point of the joke…) This is not shit that doesn’t offend people, and the sooner we stop encouraging shit like this, especially in places like Universities, the sooner our society can grow into something that is accepting of different cultures instead of fucked in the head.

nexusmag.co.nz

Thicker lashes! Bold Lashes! Long’n ‘lush! Hypercurl! Sound familiar? The many promises of the seemingly endless varieties of mascara you can find on the market. While mascara is great you can use these simple tips to create long lovely lashes. 1. Invest in a lash curler – Create a beautiful upward curl by using a gentle pumping motion at the base of the lash line to create an upward curl that will open up your eye. 2. Comb between coats of mascara to avoid clumping and “spider lashes” Apply your coat, wait a few seconds and then comb through, apply another coat of mascara. 3. Brush translucent powder between coats of mascara to create thicker, longer lashes. 4. Condition your lashes to keep them at their best – Coconut oil and Almond oil have been said to promote healthy, strong lash growth. sweetpaintedladynz.com

nexus magazine

TRIP TIP: GET INTO IT Carnage Jules Craft

Well after a few visits this year I have come to realise that

little things like styley burger stalls, this dope as hell beat boxer, and

Wellington has to be the second best W crowned geographical

the sickest street art out; my favourite two being a big yellow “Young

point in New Zealand. Over the last two semesters I have been

Gifted and Broke!” and a massive portrait of the one and only B.I.G !

lucky enough to be on board a few missions of debauchery down in the windy capital. In my experience with Victoria I’ve learnt a few things:

gremlins we all hated being dragged to things that were “good for

1) The top floor at Joan-Stevens is smaller than all the other ones,

us” however I’ve found that when you arrive at those sort of places

up there even a midget could feel like Roald Dahl’s protagonist in

on your own accord it’s much more enjoyable. For example: Te Papa

the B.F.G

museum is dope as hell!!! Have you been there? There’s like 5 dif-

2) When carpooling, choose to drive on the way there so you avoid the return shift hung over on Sunday.

ferent levels of all this crazy old shit. I know that’s the point but this was the first time I’d ever really engaged myself properly when I

3) Don’t try hit on girls waiting at the waffle truck, they’ll literally

had the opportunity to look at live history. I found out the Rata tree’s actually a parasite, learnt about a giant squid, and also got a bit more

run away from you. I’ve actually learnt of shit load of semi-irrelevant information all relatPHOTOGRAPH: ANDRE KONG

The second thing I’d recommend is try to do all the “cultured” things your mum made you go to when you were young. As young

of a taste for the Maori culture which is something that I have always

ing in some way to nights out on the horse or causing mischief within

been really interested in. I don’t just recommend museums either,

flats but last Wednesday I figured out that although I would definitely

take a sniff at some live music, a musical, some theatre, and even

recommend sculling wine like a desperate housewife, there are few

the Dr. Seuss art gallery. Visiting a new place should never mean only

other dope things to do in a new place too.

at looking at one aspect, it should mean fitting every single square

The first thing I’d recommend is just taking a stroll through the place with no general direction or idea, just kind of follow the flow of

inch of new experience into your timeline while you are there. Travel broadens the mind but only if you allow it to. So go get artsy.

traffic and people. As I walked through the streets I started noticing

“VISITING A NEW PLACE SHOULD NEVER MEAN ONLY AT LOOKING AT ONE ASPECT, IT SHOULD MEAN FITTING EVERY SINGLE SQUARE INCH OF NEW EXPERIENCE INTO YOUR TIMELINE WHILE YOU ARE THERE.”

nexus magazine

CHEAP SUBSTITUTES Cash Hacks Alix Higby

Any carb for Toast. Generally, most carbs are cheap. But if you’re

Macbook Pro. Use your eagle eye to scout out other people’s trash

stuck and desperate for dinner and Studylink has worn through your

and turn it into a piece of functioning furniture. But please ascertain

patience; toast, a meal doth make. Particularly handy when you’re

that its former owner does indeed not want the material before you

craving pizza but don’t have the dough (sorry). Throw whatever you

start tearing it to pieces and remodelling your house to suit this new

have left in the fridge on some bread and toast it. Pizza a la tight ass.

hipster vibe. No, you can’t save money with a lava lamp.

Food for Water. Sometimes you’re not really hungry, you’re just

Sleep for coffee. Calm down calm down. I don’t mean give it up for

thirsty. Sometimes you are actually hungry, and you only have $2 in

reals. Just ease up eh. I realise things are getting hectic and 3 oclock

your bank account. When you’re at uni and you’re abstaining from

is a hard time for everybody. Just hear me out for a sec – if you time

food purchases this is the dice you roll. Either way, make sure to sip

manage a little tighter you can swing those 8 hours and cut back on

on that H2O, that liquid gold, and pray it’s the former.

at least one coffee a day. Just don’t stay up so late – and get up a

Cleaning products for White Vinegar and Baking Soda. No one wants to break the bank over keeping the flat clean. Should you be lucky

little bit earlier. 11am starts are basically a write-off anyway. So get off facebook and go to SLEEP.

enough to live with people who aren’t neat freaks with borderline personality disorders perhaps you could broach the topic of cleaning on the cheap. Vinegar is a great fabric softener too. If your flat is the type that lets leftover pizza conduct its own science experiments however, you’re already too advanced in saving at this level. Although, try explaining first class honours in ‘chore avoidance’ to your landlord. Pallets and recycled materials for furniture. You’re a uni student who don’t need no fancy things – aside from the new iphone 6 and a

nexusmag.co.nz

“YOU’RE A UNI STUDENT WHO DON’T NEED NO FANCY THINGS – ASIDE FROM THE NEW IPHONE 6 AND A MACBOOK PRO.”

nexus magazine

LONDON FASHION WEEK A Fashionable Lifestyle Jessica Wilson

I’m taking a break from listening to my incredible, ground-break- thing next season, you can bet on that. ing, amazing, AND free U2 album (thanks Apple!) to inform you,

Topshop Unique. “The faded glamour of the British seaside” was

the 6 people of Waikato University who actually bother reading

the chosen theme for Topshop Unique’s Spring 2015 collection. The

my articles, about London Fashion Week.

outfits were cute, but about as inspiring as a dream-catcher tattoo.

Meadham Kirchhoff. Rad as fuck. The collection was unmistakably

Mary Katrantzou. The collection was inspired by our Earth 200 mil-

punk, but also very reminiscent of a fucked up teenage girl with

lion years ago. Katrantzou looked to the great ocean of Panthalassa

a stolen childhood (holla). There were “blood” soaked tampons in

and the massive continent Pangaea, becoming inspired by both the

the decor and the casting included normal sized models. So edgy.

environment and the life forms inhabiting it. Not sure if that’s preten-

Someone grab a sander, I don’t want anyone getting cut on Meadham

tious or awesome.

Kirchhoff’s edges. House of Holland. Style.com said the collection was too literal, how-

Marchesa. Fashion critics said all this stuff about Marchesa being inspired by fairy tales and English gardens, but to be honest, I’m

ever I disagree. The collection was satirising clichè collections being

pretty sure the collection was inspired by shower poufs. If you’re a

inspired by 20-century time periods. If you look closely, you will notice

fashion critic, please reference me for this.

how poorly designed and referenced the outfits are. It’s a joke guys.

Preen by Thornton Bregazzi. The theme was stripes. Okay.

It has to be. Please be a joke.

Jonathan Saunders. Saunders took inspiration from Japanese prints

Christopher Kane. Kane was more lux than usual, there were no

and fabrics, menswear, and Matisse, to create a collection that was

plastic buckles, patched jeans or fluoro colours. Breasts (or lack

simultaneously delicate and feminine, as well as being structured

thereof) were a focal point in Kane’s Spring 2015 collection. Exposed

and hinting at ideas of masculinity. I too like to hint at the idea of

breasts, dresses structured around breasts, and nipples. Lots of

masculinity by not shaving for weeks on end.

nipples. Speaking of nipples, I’m predicting nipple prints to be a big

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HOBART, TASMANIA Overseas Experience Tim Elphick

Why did you choose this particular destination? I wanted a tropical island, and she wanted somewhere close. Also, we wanted somewhere near to a city, rather

Salamanca Street, both for the Saturday market and just for the general nightlife and great restaurants, many of which offer free WiFi, unlike our hotel.

than a resort in the middle of nowhere. This was a compromise – not very close

MONA is a very interesting art gallery, full of weird and interesting modern art

and not very tropical. (The sign of a good compromise is when no one is com-

and installations. Just the building itself is a marvel as you travel three stories

pletely happy.) Did you go via a program? No. We booked stuff off the Interwebs.

underground to get to it. But don’t get excited about the signs for a Max Brenner

We used RCI to book the resort – if someone offers you a free show just for having

chocolate shop or the free WiFi by the fountain, as they don’t exist. What was

a quick chat, then run a mile, it’s not worth it. In fact the Wyndham group who

something unexpected? We went to a Tasmanian Devil sanctuary, and although

own the resort we stayed in tried the same thing, but we decided that a $25 Coles

we are not normally a fan of zoo-type places, this was great with mostly open

voucher was not worth sitting through a 90-minute quick chat. What were the

pens, where you could see the little devils play and eat. I wouldn’t go so far as

highlights of your trip? Salamanca market on Saturday mornings is awesome.

to say they are lovable, but they were unusual, and reasonably photogenic. They

It has over 300 stalls and takes over a whole street. Lots of food and drinks and

also put on an awesome show of local birds, including a cockatiel that would

crafts and interesting locals. A great sampler for the whole island in one place. We

steal coins from your hand, and also had Tasmanian Quolls which were the cutest

especially loved the chilli ginger beer.

spotted rodents ever. What was the biggest lesson you learnt while travelling

Also, we rode on an old quarry train that used to transport lime up until WWII.

or what would you have done differently in hindsight? When transferring in

It was very pretty, the driver was informative in the talks at the stops, and it only

Melbourne to the domestic flight, read the terminal numbers carefully, to avoid

slightly rained on us. What are your 'must do' things while at this place? Go up

stomping off down the road to the wrong terminal, and then having to rush back

to the top of Mount Wellington – a steep drive, but the views were great, although

again. I did get the equivalent of a wolf whistle from a construction crew on the

it is windy and cold, so wrap up. (Seriously, you drop 10 degrees from what the

way, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.

temperature was in town.)

Oddly enough, take a book or two. Movies were expensive, TV was worse than

Do one of the winery tours, or drive yourself, and make sure to include Wicked

in NZ, the WiFi was poor in our hotel, and the Internet seemed hard to get almost

Cheese in your travels — the cheeses were awesome and a great break from

everywhere we went. So we ended up reading a lot, and buying some DVDs to

wine tastings.

watch. (The library in Sorell was the best bet for free WiFi.)

nexus magazine

SNAPPED

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Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week (printed with the Burgerfuel logo on it), wins a voucher from our mates. Claim it from the Nexus office at SUB.

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Blind Dat�

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US, EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE

I decided to show up 7 on the dot. Walked in and noticed

So went on a blind date for the first time at first I was

this guy by the door. He had this look on his face that sug-

scared as hell. This is not something I would usually do

gested he didn’t want to be there. Had a feeling that THAT

and in fact kind of a worst nightmare. I walked inside to

guy was my blind date and thought “well, fuck! It’s going

the bar and discovered my date already at the table, I sat

to be a shit night...” I continued on anyway and headed to

down and tried not to be too awkward – this guy was

the bar. I approached the bartender (who by the way was

a babe! Lucky for me he was pretty chatty and got the

really cute) and told him I was there for the Blind Date. I

conversation rolling without too much effort on my behalf.

was the first one there. Got myself a drink and waited on

Once we got through the initial awkwardness/introduc-

the table. A few minutes later, this guy comes up to the

tions and got talking we had fun getting to know each

table and says hi. I was right. It WAS the guy by the door.

other talking about who and what we do for fun.

Not usually the type of guy I’d go for but I thought fuck it.

Soon enough we were knocking back shots – they were

We introduced ourselves and started chatting. It was clear

so yum! – and we ordered some food - he had nachos and

that we were not going further than just mates (but not in

I had the fish and chips.

a bad way at all). It didn’t stop us from enjoying the night

At this stage I was getting drunk and my date was looking

and making the most out of the $150 tab, though. We

better and better – I was letting my mind wander as to

spent most of the tab on drinks; more specifically these

how the night would end but he seemed to have eyes for

shots which were called “cock-sucking cowboy” – fucking

the bartender more than for me.

appropriate for a two-dude date. And that’s how it went

We talked for over a good hour we both walked out pretty

for the rest of the evening: shots, more drinks, talk about

drunk but unfortunately both went home alone … Unless

people we both know on Grindr, perv at hot people in the

he went back for the bartender.

bar (aka the bartender) and more drinks.

It was a really cool night so thank you

Overall it was not a bad night. Had good chats and drinks and some food. We ended the night with one last cocksucking cowboy each and headed home. And no, there was no gobby down by Graham Street by the museum, this isn’t a Nexus Blind Date fairytale ending people.

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SO, DON’T GET OUT AND VOTE THEN?

SPECIAL CONSIDERATION AND REVIEWS OF GRADE

MELISA MARTIN FROM YWRC

—

AMBER CARDALE & LAURENCE MCLEAN

The election is over and here’s what we at the

—

YWRC have to say about it. Firstly, congratulations are in order to John and the National Party, obviously a well-played campaign

Every week our column presents to you some serious shit that us student support

turned out the supporters, and the beauty of demo-

advocates are able to help you with. The fast facts this week are all about what to

cratic process is that because the Nats convinced the

do when something with your assignment goes wrong.

majority of those who voted, they won. What hadn’t been predicted is that we would see

If you want to pass

almost the same number of non-voters as in the sta-

This is what you need to do Follow this haiku

tistics for the election in 2011. Despite the efforts of non-profit campaigns ‘Get Out and Vote’ and ‘Rock Enrol’ a huge portion of New

•

If you can’t get your assignment done in time because you are sick or have had

Zealanders either take no pride in deciding who runs

something personal happen to you in the week beforehand then you can ask

their country, or they don’t have any faith that there is

for an extension. You should have evidence where possible and talk with your lecturer first. Some departments have a form to fill in so if you are unsure of

a worthy candidate.

the process talk to your faculty receptionist or come in and see us.

Even though polling booths have been open since mid-September, the number of National voters nearly equalled the number of people who didn’t bother vot-

•

ing at all.

If your performance in an assessment or exam wasn’t 100% or you missed it then you can apply for special consideration. But by all means try not to

Since Election Day, these facts have consistently led

miss your exam as it is better to arrive and not do so well than to not go at all. #nogettingwhitegirlwasteythenightbefore

me to discussion on whether someone needs to start lobbying for voting to be compulsory. I’m of two minds about it, because I believe you can’t

•

take away someone’s right to choose.

If you get a mark back and you think that the grade you get doesn’t reflect the quality of work you can get a review of grade. There are always options if you’re not happy with something. So turn that frown upside down.

But I’ve learned that Australia has a 97% voter turnout because they’re issued with a monetary fine if they don’t make an appearance at the polling booth.

•

All of these applications have time limits so you should get them completed

Their forms still allow for a person to actively make

ASAP once you know you need to apply. You need to apply within 72 hours

no political choice, but Australian residents and citizens

for special consideration applications and 14 days for a review of grade. If

are required by law to at least turn up to a polling booth

you have any problems then make an appointment to come and talk with us.

on Election Day and declare it. To quote Emma Watson, otherwise known as that

We be dem advocacy angels that you kind of don’t know about but dat can be really

feminist Harry Potter girl: “If not me, who? If not

helpful. If you’re not too sure if we can help, quiz us, Laurence loves it. Amber likes

now, when?”

coffee, just saying.

Contact: 0800 AT YWRC or ywrc@xtra.co.nz

Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz

PHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HUTT

nexus magazine

PRESIDENT'S ANNUAL REPORT 2014 AARON LETCHER

— The Waikato Students’ Union was a very different place when I was first • The purchase of a van for use by our service delivery team and clubs network; elected as a Director in 2012.

• Successfully lobbied the University for free unlimited high-speed internet;

Membership was compulsory, funding was guaranteed and a seat at the • Removal of fee’s for afterhours swipe access to labs; University Council table was given as of right. All of this changed with the • Successfully lobbied for extended library hours; passing of Voluntary Student Membership. Although this has been a chal-

While the year is not yet over I am optimistic that we will have our books

lenging time for the students association we have worked hard, planned “back in black” as opposed to the $59,600 deficit that we budgeted for. strategically, and budgeted sensibly to enable our organization to both sur-

While 2014 has been a difficult year with a unique set of challenges I am

vive and thrive in our new voluntary environment. While laws, contracts and

proud of the work that we have completed as a team and I believe we have

personalities have changed our objective remains the same: To deliver value

left the organization a better place than when we found it. Changes made to

for our members.

the constitution at our recent SGM to remove wording that remained from

In previous reports 2012 was described as a year of change and 2013 as a year of consolidation. With that in mind I would describe 2014 as a year of

administratively necessary.

growth. Last year’s Board did an excellent job in setting the strategic direction

This was about accepting our new environment that we operate in and

of the organization with a four year plan and our team has worked relentlessly

embracing it. We are no longer looking back reminiscently but are looking

to deliver on the key objectives it contained. Highlights for the year include: • Increasing our revenue through Service Level Agreement negotiations; • Expansion of our advocacy service to include a second advocate, an indepen-

the days of compulsory student unionism were as symbolic as they were

forward aspirationally and I hope that this is the mindset the organization takes into 2015. I wish Shannon, Roy, Taha and the rest of their Board all the best for the year ahead of them. I am confident that the annual plan and budget we have

dent budgeting service and a food bank for emergency hardship situations;

proposed here today will set a clear strategic vision and allows the finances

• Securing the funding for a technology overhaul for the organization to ensure

they will need to deliver. Serving as an elected representative is never an easy

our team have the tools to deliver the standard of service that our members

job but I have every confidence that as a team you will continue the good work

expect;

that this organization has carried out since 1977.

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BEEF NOODLE STIR FRY Cooking for Students Zac Lyon

Ingredients 500 g of beef (or you can use chicken breast sliced into chunks) 2 Tbs of tomato sauce 1 Tbs of brown sugar 3 Tbs soy sauce 1 tsp paprika 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp of fresh ginger crushed 1 tsp of fresh garlic crushed 1 red chilli, crushed seeds removed Salt and pepper Broccoli, carrot, onion, beans, mung beans, mushrooms and any other vegetables you wish to throw in. Directions 01_ Throw together all the spices, sauces and garlic and ginger.

Mix and taste. Add in beef chunks and let it marinate for at

least 1 hour.

02_ Heat a large pan on high, and put some water on to cook

noodles in a separate pot. Once pan is sizzling hot throw

on marinated beef and any leftover marinade.

03_ Fry briefly until meat is just cooked, don’t dry it out.

Remove from pan and let sit.

04_ Add a bit more oil into same pan and stir fry veges. When still

crunchy but heated through, add the meat back and stir to

incorporate all the juices.

05_ Serve with some noodles or rice, and enjoy!

When I get back into the country I’ll write another recipe up for a dessert that I have been thinking about! Head to Cooking4Students on Youtube.

nexus magazine

Codewords

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26.

KenKen

Crack the code to solve the crossword.

Sequence

The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the

What shape comes next?

upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to form that cage’s target number. You may not repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)

Syllabic

1. An uncivilized person: 2. Atmospheric conditions of living organisms:

From the following syllables and clues, form ten words of a least two syllables.

3. Sign of the zodiac: 4. Any group of one hundred:

al - an - ate - bar - bar - bi - bin - cap - cen

5. To separate:

- ci - corn - cur - dis - ex - glo - gro - gy - he - i - in - ma - me - mo - mon - nar - ne - nent - o - o - ol - or - per - ri - sion - so - te - te ter - tion - tu - y

6. A short trip: 7. Oxygen-carrying pigment: 8. Between countries: 9. A constituent republic of Yugoslavia: Draw answer here.

10. Everlasting: Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,

nexusmag.co.nz

HARD

MEDUIM

column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.

EASY

Sudoku

nexus magazine

Target How many four (or more) letter words can you make from the letters in the square without using proper nouns? Each word must contain the centre letter.

Crossword

Solve the clues and fill in the words. Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.

Across

33. Sort (4)

73. Proverb (5)

9. Astounding (7)

54. Drink (8)

1. The fifth planet (7)

37. Perplexed (7)

74. Innovation (9)

10. Embroiled (9)

55. Blare (9)

4. Elevated (6)

39. Dimplomacy (4)

75. Lubricant (3)

11. Troubador (8)

57. Really (8)

6. Edge (6)

40. Publish (5)

76. Gemstones (5)

13. Sudden (6)

60. Handrail (9)

9. Consumed (3)

42. Profited (6)

77. Tripod (5)

15. Insect (8)

61. Type of monkey (8)

12. Algebraic symbols (9)

46. Dried grapes (7)

78. Stray (3)

17. Oriental sword (8)

62. Part of the eye (6)

14. Edible tuber (3)

47. Felons (9)

79. Tremendous (9)

25. Expenditure (12)

64. Haggle (7)

16. Notions (5)

48. Number (7)

80. Japanese currency (3)

27. Gardening (12)

66. Proposition (7)

18. Jumped (5)

49. Bicycle for two (6)

81. Spoke (6)

28. Floor show (7)

68. Go forward (7)

19. Unwell (3)

50. Extreme happiness (5)

82. Creature (6)

30. Humble (6)

69. Flair (7)

20. Cut (9)

51. Particle (4)

83. Support (7)

31. Plans (7)

70. Intentional (6)

21. Fails to win (5)

52. Protected (7)

34. Disregarded (7)

72. Sample (5)

22. Vitality (9)

55. Yield (4)

Down

35. Asserted (7)

23. Hinder (6)

56. Precise (8)

1. Field event (7)

36. Porridge (7)

24. Happened (8)

58. Airstrip (6)

2. Insular (9)

38. Pretended (7)

26. Illicit (7)

59. Flows out (4)

3. Associated (7)

41. Disperse (7)

28. System of beliefs and

63. Vegetable (7)

4. Dwell (6)

43. Deceives (7)

rituals (4)

65. Pleads (8)

5. Pastoral (7)

44. Atmosphere (3)

29. Buy from abroad (6)

67. Chacma (6)

7. Greek letter (5)

45. Mystery (6)

32. Amulet (8)

71. Predominant (9)

8. Dependable (8)

53. Agenda (8)

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