Nexus 2017 Issue 22

FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

N.22 / V.49

Sports: Extreme Ironing — Page 08 The Dichotomy of the Cool Girl — Page 17 Full Exposure: More Jacinda Ardern?!? — Page 22

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1 EDITORIAL

8 Possums vs 17 Pukeko (Quaint Lifestyle Section Terrain, Late Afternoon)

4 NEWS NEXUS ISSUE 22 18TH - 22ND SEPTEMBER 2017 CO-EDITORS Bronwyn Laundry Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz

MANAGING EDITOR James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

DESIGN Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz

DEPUTY EDITOR Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz

REVIEWS EDITOR Alexander Nebesky reviews@nexusmag.co.nz

• National MP Accuses Ardern of Encouraging Suicide • Green Party to Increase Student Allowance Rates • Not Another Election Story • TL;LR • News in Numbers • The Diminutive Post • Top Ten

20 CENTREFOLD

Artwork by Sam Timmings Instagram: @samtimmings society6.com/samtimmings

22 FULL EXPOSURE Interview with Jacinda Ardern

8 SPORTS

• Extremely Domesticated • Of Course It's All About the Money

12 ENTERTAINMENT 14 REVIEWS 24 STUDENT EXPERIENCE • Food: Pana Chocolate • Video Game: ‘Dead Island Riptide: Definitive Edition’ by Techland • Album: ‘Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy)' by Brian Eno • Film: 'The Killing of a Sacred Deer' directed by Yorgos Lanthimos

CONTRIBUTORS Sam Timmings Kate Lunn

• Puppet Master Politics • Quiz: Choose Your Party From a Party

31 COLUMNS

• Opinionated • Pass the AUX • Lonely Tarts Club • Yam & Troy the Science Boys • Auteur House

Cameron McRobie Laura Hetherington Conor Maxwell Archie Porter Ben Hansen Jean Balchin Jacqui Swney Troy Anderson Richard Swainson

OFFICES Ground Floor SUB, Gate One University of Waikato Knighton Road Hillcrest Hamilton 3216 Private Bag 3059

DISTRIBUTION Matthew Rae

16 RANDOM AUDIT 17 FEATURE ANTH102-17B

The Dichotomy of the Cool Girl

37 SNAPPED 39 BLIND DATE 40 PUZZLES

Editorial — Pānui Ētita

NEXUS MAGAZINE

8 Possums vs 17 Pukeko

(Quaint Lifestyle Section Terrain, Late Afternoon) Let’s crack in from the perspective of the possum, at first glance they’re definitely at a solid disadvantage.

What we’re really looking at here is the equivalent of an overgrown nocturnal tree rat, not only will these organisms suffer for the first few hours due to overexposure to solar rays, but lifestyle sections aren’t known to have a great variety when it comes to trees. Off the bat our possum brethren are at a serious loss.

Pukekos are nothing but feathered bastards. They’re primary downfall is their inability to threaten anything that isn’t swamp dwelling vegetation or their related insect populations. What they do have though is ‘can do’ attitude. Reports show that pukeko have single handedly caused countless car crashes. By utilising guerilla warfare tactics, swamphens launch themselves directly at the windscreen of fast moving vehicles, thus causing the driver of said vehicle to rip their handbrake in a fit of panic, the brave pukeko managing to escape to the safety of adjacent shrubbery as the now out of control vehicle skids straight to fatality.

Phase One: Dusk In the early stages the possums would definitely be clinging to the mid-upper branches of the available vegetation, using this period of blindness to discuss tactics and establish a military hierarchy. At this point the Australasian Swamphen would already be displaying their dominance with a variety of scare tactics and somewhat-annoying squawks. Lifestyle sections are commonly equipped with some form of water feature,

anywhere from a small stream to a simple trough, these have without a doubt become designated strongholds for the aquatically inclined pukeko. Battle movements are at a minimum, both respective parties eagerly anticipate a first move.

Phase Two: Nightfall With the temporary absence of the sun it would be in the best interests of the possums to really take one for the team and try their claws at combat. Sadly their mental capabilities are fairly lackluster, I doubt they’d be able to distinguish the appropriate moment to strike, let alone how to go about such an act. Pukekos on the other hand are masters of innovation. Dependent on the layout of the terrain our fearless swamphens may have been able to find an area of raised land, from here they would first establish the whereabouts of their pesky opponents before engaging in flight, hoping to spook the possums to such an extent that they fall from their elevated position, tumbling straight to fatality.

At the end of it who knows what would happen. We’re not entirely sure what either pukekos or possums have to do with this week's fairly serious magazine but it’s fair to say we all just need a break from talking about the shit that matters. Snapchat us your opinion of which of these pests would come out on top, maybe we’ll flick you something somewhat exciting.♦

— Lyam & Bron 01

Uni News — Pitopito Korero

U N I

NEXUS MAGAZINE

N E W S

Beat the rush, vote early You can vote early on the Hamilton campus.TC.2.27 (FEDU) will be an advanced voting place from 1115 and 18-22 September from 9am-5pm each day.

The room is next to the Gateway Building, Gate 5, Hillcrest Road. Anyone can vote early. If you’re not enrolled to vote you must do so quickly. You can enrol on site at the advanced voting place, or register online at elections.org.nz, freephone 0800 36 76 56, go into any PostShop, or freetext your name and address to 3676.

The world’s best are coming, are you?

In November, Hamilton will host two blockbuster matches in this year’s Rugby League World Cup. Pacific rivals Samoa and Tonga will face off on November 4 before the New Zealand Kiwis come to town to take on Tonga on November 11. Student tickets start from just $10 so get in quick! For more information on the tournament, head to RLWC2017.com.

Code of Student Conduct The University is committed to providing a safe environment. A draft Code of Student Conduct (waikato.ac.nz/student-life/student-safety) has been has been developed to give clear guidance on the standards of conduct expected by the University and to refer students, staff and other members of the University community to the procedures for making, investigating and resolving complaints of misconduct. Feedback on the proposed Code of Student Conduct is invited to the University’s Manager Policy and Governance at policy@waikato.ac.nz by Friday 6 October 2017.

Planning your next steps?

Come along to one of our information sessions on Wednesday 27 September to find out more about your postgraduate study options at the University of Waikato. Register for our 122pm session in MSB.1.37, Management School Building, Hamilton campus or for our 5.30 – 7.30pm session at the University of Waikato CBD Office, 109 Ward Street, Hamilton (map). For more information, visit waikato.ac.nz/go/info Be your own boss this summer Do you have an idea for a business or project you want to get off the ground? Make it happen with the University of Waikato Start-Up Scholarship and the University of Waikato and Toi Ohomai Institute of Technology’s Project Ignite. With $5000 and 10 weeks, you’ll learn from expert coaches as you work to get your start-up venture up and running. Applications close 28 September 2017. For more information, visit waikato.ac.nz/go/ start-up or waikato.ac.nz/go/project-ignite Applicant Day 2017 The University’s Applicant Day is coming up on Saturday 23 September. If you know anyone beginning their studies at Waikato next year, this is a great chance for them to explore study options, talk to student advisers, see the Halls of Residence, and be guided through the enrolment process.

Encourage them to register online at waikato. ac.nz/events/applicantday/hamilton-register

Go to iWaikato or Student eNews for more information and other need-to-knows.

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News — Pitopito Korero

National MP Accuses Ardern of Encouraging Suicide Kate Lunn National MP Simon O’Connor has accused Jacinda Ardern encouraging “the suicide of the elderly, disabled, and sick.”

Early last week, Mr O’Connor made comments on his Facebook page, which coincided with World Suicide Prevention Day. “It’s strange that Jacinda is so concerned about youth suicide but is happy to encourage the suicide of the elderly, disabled, and sick.

Perhaps she just values one group more than the others? Just saying.”

While the Facebook post attracted over 1,500 comments and received over a thousand angry reactions, the Tamaki MP has defended his comments.

"At one level saying youth suicide is bad, but saying other forms of suicide are acceptable, that's an inconsistency. That's always been the approach I've had," he told Newshub last Monday.

"You cannot allow suicide for some and prevent it for others. The intention of taking one's life is called suicide. There are some who say that there are legitimate opportunities where it should be allowed, and we call that euthanasia or physician-assisted dying. So no, it's just an inconsistent approach."

Ms Ardern has fired back at Mr O’Connor, telling Newstalk ZB that euthanasia and suicide were "completely different issues".

"The 600 people in New Zealand who have 04

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taken their own lives will shock and appal all New Zealanders. The fact our mental health services aren't doing enough for those people, that's something we should be talking about this election.

"To draw then a comparison to the issue of the people having the ability to make choices about their own end of life if they're facing terminal illness, is absolutely a completely different issue again. I've said openly that I believe people should be able to make their own choices in those circumstances. Mr O'Connor disagrees, he chaired a select committee on this issue and disagreed there too. That's a conscience vote for us all."

Previously Ms Ardern has expressed her support for ACT leader David Seymour’s End of Life Choice Bill. The Bill, which is yet to pass its First Reading, would give “people with a terminal illness or a grievous and irremediable medical condition the option of requesting assisted dying.”

Mr Seymour hit back at Mr O’Connor for his “inaccurate and offensive” comments, while Labour MP Grant Robertson labelled it “offensive, desperate and sad”. ♦

↑ SIMON O'CONNOR

↑ D AV I D S E Y M O U R

News — Pitopito Korero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Green Party to Increase Student Allowance Rates Kate Lunn The Green Party has announced that it will introduce a universal student allowance for all post-graduate students and increase the base student allowance.

“The rise in the cost of living and higher rents are making life increasingly hard for students, and the Green Party has a plan to fix that,” said Green Party leader James Shaw in a statement.

Under this policy, all postgraduate students under 24 years old and not living with their parents will receive $237 per week.

The base student allowance rate would increase by 20 per cent, as a first step towards a universal allowance for all students.

In addition to these increases, the Green Party wish to introduce the student Green Card, which would guarantee free off-peak transport for all tertiary students.

The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations, NZUSA, have been welcoming of these student policy announcements, calling them a positive step forward in helping to improve the lives of students.

NZUSA National President, Jonathan Gee, said in a press release, “Students are looking for

policies that speak to their lived experiences.

Transport and energy costs are big drivers of student poverty, and poor mental health is too often correlated with tertiary study. This policy package is a positive step towards making a difference in students’ lives.”

“We have long said that tertiary study should be a way out of poverty, not a way into it. We’re glad that the Greens have heeded our calls, particularly around removing the lifetime limit on student loan borrowing and allowances, and moving towards a universal student allowance for all those in tertiary study.”

Gee warned that a universal student allowance must be a plan for any Government. “Students tell us that they need help surviving now, but are also worried about the impact of student debt on the rest of their lives. The Greens have acknowledged the unfairness of students being the only group in society expected to borrow just to get by, and we strongly urge them to end this discrimination.” ♦

Not Another Election Story Bronwyn Laundry Elections for the 2018 WSU Board of Directors have begun and this year, none of the positions will be uncontested.

Candidate speeches will be held during Cultural Hour (1pm) this Wednesday (20 September) in Level Zero and voting will open on Monday 25 September and close Wednesday 27 September.

Voting will be online. Check social media for updates on where to vote.

A list of candidate bios will be released in next week’s Nexus for further information but the Director candidates are as follows; Shiv Gounder, Todd Harper, Josh Herbert, William Hohepa, Safiya Noorzai, Francis Okpateke,

Genevieve Palmer, Karissa Paterson, Jamie Pentecost, Nathan Rahui, Emily Reid, Connor Schween, Hannah Strauss, Charissa Tan, Conor von Keisenberg and Terina Walker. The VicePresident candidates are; Connor Schween, Nicola Smith and Elliot Wilks. The Vice-President Maori candidates are Laani Lloyd and Nathan Rahui and finally, the Presidential candidates are Candra Pullon and Nicola Smith.

Remember your vote is entirely your own, so if one of your friends tries to coerce you into voting for themselves/someone else, tell them to scram, egg. ♦

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News — Pitopito Korero

TL;LR

Too Long; Lyam Read Nexus interpets news headlines so you don’t have to.

“Large aquatic lads not too stoked with lack of water.”

— Hurricane Irma: Manatees marooned in drained bay saved by residents. Two manatees were stranded after Hurricane Irma sucked the water out of Sarasota Bay.

“Increased personal circumference surprisingly not the best of news.”

— Doctor’s warning: If you’re fat you can’t be fit.

People who are overweight are at increased risk of having a heart attack, no matter how healthy they are.

“Nihilistic fellow spooks unsuspecting TV lady.”

— Jim Carrey goes on bizarre existential rant at fashion show. Explaining to an interviewer that neither of them existed and that nothing really matters.

“Teenager absolutely dupes sad lonely fellow.”

— Man robbed after meeting woman online who didn’t exist. An 18-year-old was later charged with the theft and is on bail.

“Long wet boy attempts to befriend vertical landfish.”

— Great white shark washes up on iconic Sydney beach. Swimmers fled from the water after a great white shark washed up - next to the safe swimming flags.

“Overly sculpted man enjoys own reflection a little too much.”

— Plastic surgery addict left with permanent erection after botched nose job. Claiming his erection is painful and won’t disappear after orgasm.

News in Numbers $13m

$10k

90%

92

1,848,000

100

a year extra offered by National for farmers to adopt environmentally friendly habits.

of Westpac ATMs now offer Waikato Te Reo option, helping to revitalise the language.

pages of Nexus will have been printed by the end of semester.

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prize awarded for the winner of a Tekken 7 tournament last week in Auckland.

months in jail for ex-senior staff of Waikato Diocesan who stole $2.77m total.

extra Plunket and Tamariki Ora nurses promised by Labour for vulnerable families.

The Diminutive Post

NEXUS MAGAZINE

News — Pitopito Korero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

TOP 10 WSU Candidate Convinced New Approach of Plastering Their Face Over Campus Best Way to Secure Votes

With the release of the new iPhones we got thinking about which features we wish had been announced, animated emojis just aren’t vapid enough so here are our top ten features we wish had come with the iPhone X:

“Not only do I get to see myself whenever I go to class but hopefully I’ll now be respected in social situations.” Anonymous candidate reveals why they’re really campaigning. “This would look so good on my CV, that’s not why I’m doing it though, honest.”

10. A pre-shattered screen. When you eventually drop it you’re not as scared to pick it back up.

9. A higher price. If I’m buying the latest iPhone I’m wanting to flaunt it in such a way that everyone realises just how trendy I am. Fuck this $2000 bullshit, let’s make $4k the benchmark.

8. Blood ID technology. Face/touch recognition doesn’t cut it anymore. I should be required to bleed to utilise my phone.

Politically Inclined Young Adult Continues to Thrust Opinions Down as Many Throats as Possible “Wait what? Are you trying to tell me that you don’t agree with my niche views?” Current affairs correspondent witnesses strange trenchcoat man conversing with blatantly neoliberal student. “Communism isn’t flawed, it’s just hasn’t been done properly yet.”

7. A completely impractical chassis which requires a series of new accessories, exclusively produced via child labour.

6. Reinvented headphone jack. Let's be real, wireless headphones are too convenient. Let’s bring in something exclusive which breaks easily and constantly needs replaced.

5. Monthly subscription fees. Paying for the physical phone isn’t enough, I need to pay for the right to utilise its features as well.

4. A new charging port. What’s the point of having the latest and greatest if I can’t oppress everyone around me and be a genuine hassle because of it?

3. Personal data marketplace. Fuck it, I’ve got nothing to hide. I want to see for myself just how much my personal information is being sold for.

Social Reject Finally Understands Feeling of Accomplishment After Finding Spelling Mistake in Recent Nexus

2. No back facing camera. Why would I ever need to take a photo that I’m not the focal point of?

1. A battery which can’t last any longer than 45 minutes, fuck convenience. ♦

“Wow they can’t even pick up on simple errors. Fuck, I should just be the editor!” Self proclaimed ‘god of grammar’ brags to peers about their groundbreaking discovery. “I’ll definitely be sending them a Snapchat of this with a snarky caption.”

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Sports — Hākinakina

Extremely Domesticated Cameron McRobie Are you the flat mum? Always cleaning up after your lazy 20-something year olds and never have time to keep fit and do the things you truly desire?

Whether you’re simply a bloke who believes in washing the dishes in a flat full of creatures or the queen of the flat cracking the whip on cleaning day, you’ve almost undoubtedly gained +100 in multitasking. (A trait commonly associated with mums, also helpful for preloading whilst report writing). For you to keep your flat ticking over such that none of the inhabitants die of the black plague, or leave for a placement interview without a crisp shirt - Extreme Ironing may just be your solution to kill two birds with one sport.

Dubbed EI by purists of the sport, Extreme Ironing is an extreme sport (no shit) in which people take ironing boards to questionable locations and iron items of clothing – pretty selfexplanatory if I do say so myself. EI is rumoured to have humble beginnings by some bloke named Phil Shaw in his back garden, Leicester, England, ’97. Phil came home from what he recalls as a “bloody hard day” in the local knitwear factory and had a chocka list of chores to do, including ironing his shirts. Preferring the idea of an evening out rock climbing with the boys, he decided – as most lads would, to combine the two activities into a new extreme sport. Now with its highest governing body – the Extreme Ironing Bureau (EIB), EI attracts athletes everywhere who crave the rush of danger sports as well as the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt.

Following an international promotional tour that targeted major Extreme Sports nations such as the United States, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia and South Africa led by Shaw, now going by the 08

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nickname ‘Steam’ – a few EI enthusiast groups were formed. Notably, a tour happenstance with German tourists in New Zealand led to the establishment of a group called “Extreme Ironing International”, and the “German Extreme Ironing Section” or GEIS. This core international interest in EI called for the maiden Extreme Ironing World Championships to be held in Valley, Bavaria in September 2002.

Though the broad sport of EI is one of nonconformity, and can be done wherever the fuck you want (think wakeboarding, on mountain peaks, skydiving or regular diving) – the specific World Champ sections being contested were; Urban – which involved ironing in/on/around a broken down car. Water – battled out on a fast flowing river (am I the only one who’s questioning the use of an electric iron in the presence of a large body of water?), contestants could use surfboards, canoes or rubber rings as assistance. Forest. Rocky – this involved a purpose built climbing wall, which ironists had to climb and iron a T-shirt. Freestyle – this section encouraged creativity and had zero restrictions on what Ironists could do to nab points.

Forget Ultimate Frisbee, Dog tossing and Lacrosse – if you want to be up with the most alty of minor sports, leave the expensive paper plane foundation you call a degree behind. Join the movement of Extreme Ironing. This is not a meme. ♦

EI RECORDS: → 10 JANUARY 2009, 128 DIVERS INCLUDING SIX F R E E D I V E R S , AT T E M P T E D TO B R E A K T H E P R E V I O U S W O R L D R E C O R D, M A N A G I N G TO C O N F I R M 8 6 D I V E R S IRONING WITHIN A 10 - M I N U T E P E R I O D. → 2003, JOHN ROBERTS AND BEN GIBBONS F R O M C H E LT E N H A M , G LO U C E S T E R S H I R E I R O N E D A UNION JACK JUST ABOVE E V E R E S T B A S E C A M P. T H I S I S B E L I E V E D TO B E T H E W O R L D A LT I T U D E R E C O R D F O R T H E S P O R T. T H E R E P O R T E D H E I G H T WA S 5 , 4 4 0 M E T R E S A LT I T U D E . → 18 APRIL 2011, TENOR J A S O N B L A I R WA S F I L M E D IRONING ON THE M1 M O T O R WAY I N LO N D O N , U K . → 2 0 1 2 , O L’ M A T E S T E A M CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT T O TA K E O N A N E W CHALLENGE AND RUN THE H A S T I N G S H A L F M A R AT H O N IN MARCH WEARING AN I R O N I N G B O A R D, P R E S S I N G G A R M E N T S O N T H E W A Y.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sports — Hākinakina

Of Course It's All About the Money James Raffan There is a quiet revolution happening in sports and I think it’s one we need to embrace.

Professional athletes from all around the globe are starting to become professional and it’s time we as spectators believe that.

Look at the case of American tennis’ new Wunderkind Sloane Stephens. Last week the 22 year old not only beat a former idol in Venus Williams but went on to win her first major. She was visibly overcome and it was the underdog story we all love to see, and then they handed her a cheque for 3.7 million dollars and the result was meme-worthy.

Later, when asked if she would be back again to chase that winning feeling Stephens was more direct “Of course, girl! Did you see the cheque they handed me? Like yaaas. Man, if that doesn't make you want to play tennis, I don’t know what will," she responded.

She was equally as direct when asked is she felt bad for her opponent “Nah, she made the final too. Did you see the cheque they gave her?

I don’t feel bad for her.”

Sloane’s comments are both hilarious and serve a larger theme. Tennis as with all sports is becoming a job and in her job she had a very good day. Look at the recent fallout from former Australian star Bernard Tomic who said he doesn’t really like tennis but will play it because he likes getting paid. Australian tennis great Pat Cash came out and called him a disgrace, but that is a little unfair. Don’t get me wrong I have sympathy for the great amateurs and those who did it for the love of the game but the world is moving on.

And it isn’t just tennis. Conor McGregor vs Floyd Mayweather was a fight both men readily 10

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admitted was capitalising on fame to make money, Ronda Rousey said her image mattered because that allowed her to pay the bills. Even in Rugby 18-22 year olds are leaving New Zealand in droves for big money moves capitalising on a season or two in Super Rugby to head for europe.

But professionalism is a two sided coin and we can’t hold players to a different standard than my boss holds me. Ray Rice hit his fiance and settled out of court he should have been fired, Jesse Ryder showed up drunk, fired. Aaron Smith on work time having sex in a bathroom, fired. The Chiefs and management probably should have been fired. But while we are at it let’s ensure people doing their job are adequately equipped with the right tools and for some of these All Blacks in waiting that means lessening their sense of entitlement, not putting them on a platform from year 10 and handing them everything they want. They should have to go through training modules teaching them how to respect people and a course in people saying no to them from an early age. Then pay them whatever you want.

I can accept that sometimes the athletes I love are just doing their job and that while I want my Manchester United team to win every game it is for a different reason than the player getting a win bonus. If you still want to see good triumph over evil and root for the underdog because he loves the fans then watch professional wrestling because sports are jobs like any other. ♦

For Money, Not Love: 4 athletes who liked their pay cheques more than their job.

1. Eddie Irvine, Formula 1 Once said of opponent Jenson Button “I’m Playboy, he’s playstation... When he goes home he studies racing when I go home it’s with a model.”

2. John Daley, Golf Told a reporter that he liked the fact he had a job that allowed him to smoke as he walked and be hungover.

3. Andre Agassi, Tennis The fan favourite former world number one wrote in his book “I play tennis for a living even though I hate tennis, hate it with a dark and secret passion and always have."

4. Evander Holyfield, Boxing After fighting in several of boxing's wealthiest bouts came out of retirement at 50 because he had run out of money.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Entertainment — Whakangahau

ENTERTAINMENT Hottest to Nottest →→ Rick and Morty Season Three →→ The sweet relief of the impending end of term →→ A pair of graphic socks →→ Abbreviating the Scandinavian design aesthetic to “scandi” →→ Reflecting on how bad your handwriting is mid-exam →→ Planning your life on Pinterest instead of living it →→ Youtubers putting mayonnaise and Nutella in their hair →→ Realising a fear of clowns after watching IT and American Horror Story Season 7 →→ Achieving little to nothing off your to-do list →→ Double dosing on preworkout before town.

So 2015.

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Crush of the Week – The Orange Man He’s arguably the single most significant person in New Zealand political history.

Every three years, the Orange Man pops up to show the PAK’n’SAVE stick figure how to do things. He encourages us to be functioning members of civil society and bathes the country in his warm, orangey confidence like Trump staring at the solar eclipse. The biggest dreamboat of 2017, the Orange Man is the real #Kingmaker

Clickbait Moodboard

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Reviews — Arotakenga

Food

Video Game

Arotakenga Kame Pana Chocolate Review: Laura Hetherington

Arotakenga Tākoro Ataata ‘Dead Island – Riptide’ by Techland Review: Conor Maxwell

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

If one single product could dry up my bank account, it would have to be Pana Chocolate. A vegan brand from Australia, this creamy, dreamy chocolate is my ultimate weakness. There are over 10 different flavours, including ‘sour cherry and vanilla’, and ‘fig and wild orange’. I’ve managed to find five of the flavours in Hamilton, but be warned, at around $8 for a 45 gram bar of goodness (compared to the average 250 gram block of Whittakers chocolate), it’s not a cheap investment. Being completely raw, refined sugar free, and made from raw cacao powder creates a bitter flavour that only serious chocolate lovers will enjoy. Coconut oil, and coconut nectar are the only two other main ingredients. Then, for each flavour other natural ingredients added like orange essential oil, cinnamon, or cherries.

My favourites include the simple ‘raw cacao’ flavour and ‘coconut and goji’. Both of these can be found at Bin Inn, Hamilton East. I did discover the ‘hemp’ flavour in Raglan, which had to be advertised in store as a body soap! This earthy, nutty flavour has since disappeared from NZ shelves, and is only available online, due to the laws around human hemp consumption. Let me reiterate, it is extremely hard to stop at one bar and I just don’t have enough coins in my pocket to justify eating my living costs for the week in chocolate. If you are a regular coffee consumer however, Pana chocolate could replace your daily fix. Raw cacao has outrageous amounts of fibre, magnesium, and iron and can provide lots of energy for your busy day. Maybe something to keep in mind during the study break? So, if you enjoy high quality, kind, wholesome sweet treats Pana Chocolate have got you pretty well covered...in chocolate. ♦

The Dead Island franchise has had a rocky life.

From creating cinematic trailers that misrepresent the content and tones of their games, to spinning off into a shitty MOBA and a shittier rhythm game, Dead Island has a number of low points, and no real highs. Dead Island: Riptide is a standalone expansion to the original Dead Island, and adds little to a series already shallow in plot and content. Riptide takes place on a zombieinfested tropical island (like the original), and features a bunch of survivors (most of whom were playable in the original) who are trying to escape to a less-infected location (the exact plot of the original). This is a First-Person Shooter à la Borderlands, where players upgrade their characters, customise weapons and murder the crap out of undead tourists. There’s something satisfying about cutting off a dead someone’s arm with a machete that’s on fire, but outside of this feeling, the game is essentially a collection of fetch-quests, held together by a loose plot with far too many Australian characters. Finally, as the title of this review suggests, I played the Definitive Edition of Riptide, and not the original.

In this PS4 remaster, there is significantly more gore and the zombies are even more disgusting, but the facial animations of human characters are still very much trapped in the uncanny valley. If NPCs in a horror game have scarier faces than the actual zombies—even after the remaster—then something is definitely wrong with this product. ♦

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Reviews — Arotakenga

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Album

Film

Arotakenga Pakaemi ‘Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy)’ by Brian Eno Review: Ben Hansen

Arotakenga Kiriata ‘The Killing of a Sacred Deer’ dir. by Yorgos Lanthimos Review: Archie Porter

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

Amongst Brian Eno’s enormous catalogue of glam-rock, pop, ambient, and experimental albums, a few gems shine through. Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy) is one of those gems.

Remastered this year by Abbey Road Studios, now is the perfect time to revisit the silliest and most cheerful of Eno’s solo pop works.

Taking Tiger Mountain takes its name from a revolutionary Chinese opera which inspires the shameless orientalism of the whole concept. It begins with ‘Burning Airlines Give You So Much More’: the tale of Regina who has gone to China to ‘do a bit of spying’. It’s followed by ‘Back in Judy’s Jungle’, a galloping post-war PTSD flashback (think Apocalypse Now but in Candyland). Eno’s nonsense rhyme is at its best here. He tosses his listener about in his oriental garden of absurd stories and strange sounds. Parts are downright cheeky: “These poor girls are such fun / they know what God gave them their fingers for / (to make percussion over solos)”, followed by a cacophony of typewriters. The frantic industrial rhythms of ‘Third Uncle’ fade out to the waltzing organ of ‘Put A Straw Under Baby’, which turns into a sinister nursery-rhyme with a grating string section. Nothing on this album sounds like a pop album should. Bright, angular, and anything but pretty, Eno’s voice adds a lively character to each track. It all comes together with the left-field orchestrations, always refusing to sound exactly musical. I don’t think I can name another album as consistently entertaining. The ridiculous lyrics, arrangements, and Eno’s personality make Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy) an absolute delight. It charms with every listen, and deserves every relisten—for ‘the subtleties a spectrograph would miss’. ♦

Greek filmmaker, Yorgos Lanthimos, returns his warped cinematic vision to the screen with The Killing of a Sacred Deer. The film follows a surgeon, played excellently by Colin Farrell, as he and his family are tormented by a sinister teenage boy. Lanthimos’ back catalogue consists of an extremely eerie and darkly comic trio of films: Dogtooth, Alps, and The Lobster, all of which poke fun at genre expectations while simultaneously tackling very heavy themes. His latest release is no exception of this, and might just be his most refined work to date. From the opening shot – which, in my humble opinion, is one of the most memorable opening sequences I have seen in a long time – we’re drenched in a wash of dread, disgust and palpable tension.

The film feels stripped of all fat, and every scene, every shot, feels crucial to the story at large. The musical score is utterly mesmerizing, harking back to Kubrick’s The Shining, particularly when paired with the gorgeous wide-angle tracking shots of long, empty hallways, and sterile, claustrophobic rooms. Its slow, creeping pace puts the viewer in a nauseous trance, which in turn makes the sudden acts of violence all the more disturbing and impactful. Yet, despite being extremely dark and visceral, the film is, like all of Lanthimos’ work, hilariously downbeat.

The awkward, off-kilter comedy creates a contradictory sense of security, as we bear witness to a man’s entire life crumbling around him. At its beating heart, The Killing of a Sacred Deer is an absurdist tragedy, and a brilliant one at that. Everything in the film feels so deliciously wrong, and so it’s clear that Lanthimos is hitting every note just right. ♦

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Random Audit — Kauwhau

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Feature — Kupu Whakaatu

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Jennie-Louise Kendrick 17

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Feature — Kupu Whakaatu

This week Deputy Editor and resident Lonely Tart columnist, Jennie-Louise Kendrick, dissects the idea of the ‘Cool Girl’; our modern obsession with pressuring women to act as chill as possible and the not-so-modern foundations behind the phenomenon.

I remember the first ever time that I tried to force myself to like things I didn’t because I liked a boy who did. I was nine, his name had one syllable and his shoes were always dirty. He loved playing rippa rugby and I fucking hated sports. I still do hate sports. He was the first man I lied to about liking sports and he wasn’t the last. I don’t really like whiskey. I don’t really like the way that he kisses, or his cologne. I hate snow and I think that snowboarding is stupid. Every person has felt this way, however when you are a person with a vagina, there are infinite ways to lose yourself in order to become an object of affection. I started shaving my legs at ten, despite having nary a hair there, because a friend told me that it will make boys like me. I started wearing low-cut tops and pretending to watch the boys play soccer at fourteen. Women have always been forced to conform to a smaller, more manageable versions of ourselves in order to be considered worthy of being fucked by a man who probably hasn’t washed his balls and doesn’t even know what her middle name is.

Tove Lo’s ‘Cool Girl’ was a hella chill bop for a while there in 2016, however the concept of the Cool Girl originated long before the noughties’ and will continue long past us millennials become pensioners. We all know a Cool Girl; perhaps she tormented us in high school, explicitly or not, or perhaps you are her. In 2014, Gillian Flynn cemented the concept with a definition in her novel and subsequent film adaptation Gone Girl, inspiring Tove Lo’s hit song. The antagonist Amy Dunne stands at the basin, dyeing her

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hair, and theorising on how she came to be in a relationship with a man in love with the idea of her. Her tone is unapologetic and monotonous; her disgust unrelenting.

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl....

There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else.

Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.””

So there’s the definition. The Cool Girl is a myth created to squish strong independent women, to vilify the aspects of us that do not conform to a hetero-normative concept of attractiveness. The Cool Girl is anti-feminism, because “women already are equal” and “men don’t like feminazis”. She may look like an empowered, free-thinking individual but really, she is an attack on the women’s liberation. The Cool Girl puts up with unwanted sexual advances, pay gaps and uncomfortable conversations. She doesn’t want to rock the boat or offend anyone in case it will make men think that she is unstable, unattractive and unfuckable. If you’re not a Cool Girl, then you’re a Bitch, Slut, Prude or a Freak.

You’re hysterical and high maintenance, too much for any man to handle.

Historically, the absence of the Cool Girl was put down to one having a disorder. The Cool Girl is ultimately our generation’s answer to hysteria - the ultimate fantasy of a woman to quell the overriding feminine neuroses. Hysteria was a totally fake condition that was once very

Feature — Kupu Whakaatu

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common and totally reserved for those with a vagina. The origins of the word comes from the Ancient Greek word for uterus, hystera, and the Greeks thought that a rogue uterus was scooting around inside a woman’s body and fucking shit up, a “wandering womb”. The main symptoms of hysteria are all things that we know now to either be totally normal or signs of a possible undiagnosed mental illness or other medical condition; like faintness, anxiety, insomnia, fluid retention, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite and sexual desire. So basically, 18th century men got sick of women wanting to bang or being angry at them not helping with household chores and decided to chuck them in an asylum. In extreme cases, they were even given hysterectomies (removing the full female reproductive system). They weren’t being Cool Girls and got punished by men. The reason women are afraid of not being Cool Girls is a primal response to centuries, nay millennia, of being persecuting for challenging men and not cutting ourselves down to a size manageable enough for them.

While there’s nothing wrong with being chill or a laid back person, but if it’s at the expense of your own comfort in order to attract a mate, then the situation needs to be re-evaluated. We should not try to get people to like us, whatever their composition, but rather focus on liking ourselves. The Cool Girl is not an enemy, she’s simply the person some of us feel we must be in order to get into a relationship. In 2016, Tove Lo told Rolling Stone that her inspiration for the song came from watching Gone Girl and reflecting on past relationships.

I was thinking about it, and it’s really true.

Why do we try to be someone we’re not to make someone love us? Would you want to fake yourself for the rest of your life? That’s fucked up. Even though she’s creepy, I kind of thought it was funny that it’s just very common to see that.

“I’m totally fine with the gray area,” she explains. “That’s usually where it’s effortless. [In the song], I can tell that he’s trying to play this game with me, and I’m like ‘Yeah, go ahead. Do your thing. I’m being chill.’ But then in the bridge, I reveal that’s not what I want. I want to have a fire. I want to feel that.” ♦

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Full Exposure — Mārakerake

When Jacinda Ardern came to town, our co-editors Bron and Lyam got to sit down with her. Bron went into the interview as a steely journalist, wanting to know how Labour were going to help her as a graduate hopeful.

She came out gushing about Jacinda’s captivating gaze and winning smile.

I’ll be finishing uni in the next couple of weeks, and I want to know what Labour will be doing that will be beneficial to people in their later years of study, or people coming out of study and going into the workforce?

Of course for that group, jobs. Job opportunities.

Those are the things that are going to make people stay. And also, just the cost of living people experience, I think. So on the jobs front, I want New Zealand’s economy to be, high wage, high value jobs. That probably feels a bit intangible right now, but as long as we’re investing in education and innovation, R&D tax credits and things that make people really develop new ideas, finding ways for capital startups, then that changes the nature of the jobs that people are moving into. So that’s a bit of a longer term plan. Actually, just things like the ability to find a house to live in. Keeping rent reasonable. So we’ve said we want to build more houses, we want to stop foreign speculators buying existing homes and we want to close tax loopholes, so whether you want to buy or rent those housing costs hopefully will start to become a bit more reasonable. I don’t want you to have to pay a letting fees. So we’ll get rid of that, because those are painful, expensive and are an additional cost for renters. If someone says you have to move out, I want you to have an extra 90 days time to find somewhere to live. Basic things that we can make life easier

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for younger people who are in the workplace looking to rent or buy. But also, I just want you to be left a country that’s in a pretty good state, and at the moment our inaction on climate change, our inaction on the environment, we’re gonna leave you to pick up the tab on that if we don’t do something on it and if we don’t save for your retirement either. So some of that stuff might feel a bit distant, but it’s really relevant because that affects the kind of country you end up inheriting.

So you have a lot of say on student debt and welfare, would you consider writing off existing student loans at any point?

I’ve been involved in campaigning around free education for a long time. I started uni in 1999 when you paid interest while you were studying.

Which was brutal. Which was why I lived at home. I was only the second person in my family to go to university, so taking down debt was just it was such a big hurdle in my mind and in my family’s mind. So, 1999 Labour gets elected and interest while you’re studying goes. 2005 I was working for Helen Clark and alongside some members of that team then, helped with the campaign that removed interest full stop. Next step is that we want to make education free because it helps not just students, but people re-training. If we then wrote off the 16 billion dollars worth of debt that students carry that would of course, come at a big cost. It inhibits our ability to move forward on things like free education, but there is a sentiment that actually

Jacinda

Full Exposure — Mārakerake

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unfortunately, probably what we need to do is keep paying it forward. Keep making it easier and easier. It does mean that it’s harder for those in the past, but we’ve tried as well to make it as easier as possible for them too.

With the rental WOFs, what’s in the plan for student housing?

Every house that students rent, they will have to be insulated, and have a heating source, because every private rental will need to be. But we’ll also help landlords, we’ve got a subsidy of $2000 to help with making sure those homes are warm and dry too.

Has growing up in a police family given you a different perspective to your colleagues, especially considering Labour were considered the ‘soft of crime’ party?

Yeah. I mean, everyone, our experience growing up shapes the way you see the world. Definitely.

It has made me believe in community policing.

And preventative policing. Policing works by consent. You’re never going to have more police than members of your community. So policing only works when you have that mandate from the people around you. And that means them being a part of the community. So that has shaped my thinking in that space for sure.

And finally, if you were to become PM, are we to believe that Labour will be settled, given the recent tumultuous events?

Absolutely. Absolutely. ♦

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Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

Puppet Master Politics An Election Season in Review Polling percentages based on the Colmar Brunton Poll for the 2nd - 6th of September With time ticking away both Puppet and Puppet Master talk about why they think you should and shouldn’t vote for each party. The important thing is that you vote. We already have.

Labour – 43% PUPPET: Why You Should Vote Labour Jacinda is the motherly figure you never realised you needed. Her pure demeanor and raw passion make for the loveliest combination, at this rate she’s looking like a fairly solid PM. Highlights: →→ They’re planning to increase student allowance/living costs and eventually introduce three years three tertiary education. On top of this they’re also bringing back allowance eligibility to postgraduate students, how lovely. →→ Promising $8 GP visits along with free mental health care, even lovelier. →→ Labour is also planning to restore rivers to a swimmable state within a generation, hoping to restore the quality of our waterways overall with the financial aid of a water tax on commercial users.

PUPPET MASTER: WARNING! Don’t be fooled by the ‘Stardust’ effect. Your vote should be decided by three things: 1. Do you trust the person?

2. Do you agree with the direction they want to take the country?

3. Are you informed enough about what that means?

National – 39% PUPPET: Why You Should Vote National Big ol’ Bilbo is a loveable dude. I’ve heard on fairly good authority that he’s hyper intelligent but isn’t the biggest fan of spinning yarns. I’d like to be able to say a little more about him but sadly Nexus isn’t cool enough to be allowed an interview, apparently. On the other hand, David 24

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Bennett is a quality fellow.

Highlights: →→ National are promising to reduce carbon emissions, up to 30% by 2030. →→ They’re also hoping to incentivise electric and hybrid vehicles which is lovely. →→ These blue folk are also in love with the economy so if you care about money and want a few tax cuts then National is for you.

PUPPET MASTER: WARNING! National is a bad boyfriend/girlfriend. For nine years they have taken you for granted. In fact they have actively done things that have either hurt you or shown little to no regard for you.

Now they are making a bunch of promises about things they will do because for the first time in a long time they may lose you. But it’s been nine years, they either show you they care or you have to kick them out.

New Zealand First – 9% PUPPET: Why You Should Vote NZ First Winny P is a bit of a wild card. He’s got some solid policies but some of his views are a little off the bat. If the current polls are anything to go off there's a good chance he’ll still be the ‘kingmaker’ responsible taking one of the major parties into Government, he may not get your vote but it’s probably best to know what he’s planning. Students definitely aren’t his target demographic but he’s still chucking a few treats our way.

Highlights: →→ NZ First is promising to meet you dollar for dollar on your student loan repayment if you stay and work in New Zealand for five years. →→ Winston is also proposing he’ll stop the massive competition coming from overseas which is driving our wages down.

PUPPET MASTER: WARNING! Winston is like your drunk slightly racist uncle, He rambles through 12 or 13 ideas and you sit in a corner feeling really embarrassed by about nine of them while being stopped dead by the two or three that actually make genuine sense. He was careful to mock a list candidate last week for Kiwi not Iwi without ever denying it is his party’s

Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

position. Yet, like your drunk uncle, you know he will be favoured by either mum or dad and you will be expected to listen to what he says for a few more Christmases yet.

Green – 5% PUPPET: Why You Should Vote Green If you’re even slightly youthful there’s a fair chance the Greens are in love with you.

Their policies revolve around students, the environment and every fairly liberal issue in the world. They won't the main governing power any time soon but there’s a good chance they could be forming a coalition with Labour to allow them to be in control. If you’re a student who only thinks about being a student then the Greens are a safe bet.

Highlights: →→ They’re planning to increase student allowances by 20% and make all postgraduate students eligible, while eventually working towards a truly universal student allowance. Students in long courses will also have access to allowance/loans beyond seven years of study. →→ Free counselling for under 25s will be introduced with the goal of extending this to adults, along with a general funding increase for mental health services. →→ A Zero Carbon Act goal will also be established, aiming for zero net emissions by 2050. They’re also committing to 100% renewable energy scheme by 2030, also making major investments and incentives for green energy use.

PUPPET MASTER: WARNING! This was your election! The stars were aligning, and at one poll you were just seven points from being the second biggest party. Now it’s time for those youthful voices you suggest you have to translate into real votes. There is a real risk that the Green Party is becoming the world vision of this election “And if you want to see candidates like Chloe Swarbrick become more than just a policy think tank for Jacinda Ardern to steal and make popular all it will take is one party vote from you this month.”

Māori – 2% PUPPET: Why You Should Vote Māori The Māori party are all about whānau, they absolutely fuckin’ love it. Their main focuses are based on improving communities within society, moving away from that whole

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individualistic ‘each for their own’ syndrome we’re currently in.

Highlights: →→ They're planning to eliminate homelessness by 2020 and build 90,000 affordable houses by 2022, focussing on areas such as Auckland with the most severe housing deprivation. →→ Introduce a universal student allowance with adjustments to ensure a livable income during study for all tertiary and postgraduate students. Also writing off the living cost component of all student loans. →→ The Māori party are also improving the rights of renters, enforcing a warrant of fitness for all rental homes and reviewing the bond system.

PUPPET MASTER: WARNING! The Maori party have not announced a coalition preference yet. So if you are voting strategically then Greens or Act may be a better bet. But if you are choosing to vote for your own interests and vote with your heart then few parties will do more for you with regards to Universal Student Allowances, Housing or Bond schemes provided they win a seat.

TOP – 2% PUPPET: Why You Should Vote TOP These folk aren’t in it to get in power, they’re just kicking around to stir some shit and implement a whole bunch of policies that they believe could really make a difference. They’re aiming to provide the same opportunities for all New Zealanders, they’re definitely a little eccentric but fuck it. Someone has to stir it up.

Highlights: →→ Unconditional basic income for all 18-23 year olds, providing $200 a week universally, no questions asked. →→ Legalise, tax and regulate cannabis. Aiming to reduce harm and put the money into mental health as well as drug and alcohol rehabilitation. →→ Help renters, give them better rights and ensure that all houses are warm and dry. Also preventing tenants from being kicked out for no good reason.

PUPPET MASTER: WARNING! Don’t vote for TOP. I don’t care how many letters we get they won’t get near five percent and they are starting to smell desperate. A vote for TOP is a vote for Act because their percentage will increase and maybe get a second MP when TOP’s wasted votes get shared out.

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2. A few pre-drinks ensure you’re no longer socially challenged. As you turn up to the flat party you’re greeted by early arrivers. You… a. Greet them all but in a very superficial way so can move on to the next group. b. Wave at them while calling them all the wrong names because you couldn’t care less. c. Stand and talk to them for long enough for them to feel uncomfortable and leave.

1. You start the evening in the local liquor store. What’s your beverage of choice? a. Rose. Because beauty can make you a beast. b. Slab of diesels. Losing touch with reality is your plan A. c. Waikatos. Drinkable fucking rivers! d. Long Island Ice Tea. Because it doesn’t matter how you get there. It will be worth it. e. Cruisers. Because you want to look working class.

In our final attempt to reach you and let you you know how important it is that you actually vote, two of our senior writers stayed in the office all night getting ston creative, and thinking about how you can tell who you should vote for. What they realised is that vote compass is just as shit as deciding to vote for someone because they have done the job a long time, have a super impressive record on the environment, share your values, or in some cases bare a striking resemblance to Jacinda Ardern. They decided instead the only way real way you can choose who to vote for is by going on a “choose your own adventure.” Please enjoy our choose your party, party.

8. A flock of postgraduate students walk through the door. You... a. Ignore them. Old people mean fuck all to you. b. Walk over, promise them the best drinks, offer them the best drinks and introduce them to everyone. Stick to their side in the hope that they will reward you later. c. Offer them weed and ask them about their life experiences in the hope of gaining wisdom. d. Put your phone away, run over to them and proceed to make snarky comments about all the young people here ruining this cool party you’re at. e. Play it cool, know they’ll come to you when they’re bored with the others.

7. You’re approached by a frazzled young man who offers you a selection of substances for a discount price. You... a. Don’t take them but instead tell him about the one time you did take them because you’re youthful and relatable. b. Ask them if there's a further discount for seasoned veterans. c. Tell them you’re not into any of that harmful shit as you rip another cone from an apple bong. d. Shake the man's hand, congratulate him on industry and personal choice before looking down at your phone and walking away. e. Tell them these illegal drugs ruin parties, follow this by chucking a few cans through a funnel.

realise you can’t live without your phone before awkwardly looking down at it and walking away. e. Chuck on the TOP 40.

CHOOSE YOUR FROM A

MOSTLY B: You’re a person of opinion and facts. Often opinions that weren’t asked for and facts you can’t prove but the important thing is that you feel those opinions in your soul.

We aren’t saying that you are an only child but you give off that vibe.

At times emotional insecurities can lead to you wanting to be thought of as older or smarter than you are

MOSTLY A: You’re a 30 year old at a first year party. Desperately clinging to the fact that someone asked you for ID buying cigarettes. You want to be seen as young and cool and as a result you tend to play for style over substance and come off a little superficial. You’re a big ideas person and mean well and want to have a better world but maybe leave the details to friends — VOTE THE JACINDA PARTY or her coalition partner Labour.

DISCLAIMER: If you find none of these answers suit you at all then you likely vote United Future or TOP. We are sorry, but just like parliament you probably weren’t invited to this house.

6. Someone fucks with the music before being kicked out, you see a vacant AUX cord. Do you: a. Put on your own mix because you’re in touch with the youth. b. Tune in to Newstalk ZB to ensure everyone keeps up to date with current events. c. Refuse to play music until a consensus vote can be reached as to what the best music for the party is. d. Look wistfully at the AUX cord, imagine all the cool music you could put on and how everyone would love you for it. You then

5. You come across a punter who’s clearly had too many. You... a. Listen to their rambling nonsense, become captivated by their style over substance. b. Realise you’re not the drunkest at the party, catch up. c. Sit down with them, grab some water and care for them for the rest of the evening. d. Look down at your phone and awkwardly walk away. e. Hand them another drink and toast to mutual success.

4. You find yourself in the smokers area. What’s your next move? a. You walk back inside and close the door, establishing a re-entry tax into the house. b. You take out your four packets of Marlboro and vintage zippo, you sit amongst them as their new king. c. You introduce yourself to everyone before offering a natural herbal alternative. d. As you’re about to ask to bum a cigarette you make eye contact with a smoker, you then become nervous. You look at your phone and walk away. e. You confidently walk out and light up one of your own, however with your first drag you realise this was a terrible mistake. You’re not a smoker, you just wasted $30 trying to fit in.

3. You walk past a beer pong table, your first instinct is to: a. Refuse to play but tax everyone for filling up their cups. b. Attempt to win, but bitch that everyone changed the rules if you don’t. c. Super-politely decline and instead talk to everyone about the dangers of drinking excessively. d. Watch everyone else play, stand next to the winner and claim you both won. e. You play because you enjoy a friendly game of beer pong.

d. Look down at your phone and walk straight past them because parties are all about you. e. Shake their left hand, steal their wallet with your right.

12. You awaken in an unfamiliar bed: a. Realise it’s been awhile but this is what success feels like. b. Realise you're on the couch at your childhood home, make your mum a cuppa and then boost. c. Roll over and engage in a discussion about what transpired, recognise you’re both adults and that you made a consenting choice, exchange Snapchats and phone details before inviting them to a vegan breakfast at your favourite Grey St Cafe. d. Don’t questions. Leave money on the nightstand. Look down awkwardly at your now flat phone and walk out without saying a word. e. Apologise profusely for not being able to perform, blame it on the last person you were with.

11. You finally make it to town, where do you head first? a. Whichever bars C decides to go to as we’re just a bunch of cool alternative youth. Unless E goes to a cooler bar then we’ll just go their cause we’re just cool mainstream youth. b. Make your way to Keystone, you’re entitled to it. c. Hop between Static and Back Bar because you’re actually cool and alternative d. Be refused entry wherever you go, end up sitting in the shisha toilets waiting for the night to be over. e. Join up with all your relatable buddies in Outback, grab a Jagerbomb and Snapchat your favourite Top 40 remix.

10. The party comes to a close and your mates begin sussing transport to town. You... a. Decide it’s best to probably not go to town so you can be cool and responsible by being in bed before 10pm b. Spend the whole time arguing with a taxi driver about road rules before refusing to pay. c. Walk. d. Pay your share of the taxi, you’re utilising a necessary service. e. Talk about how smooth the drive is on these roads, point at the kid awkwardly on his phone and tell them to pick up your share of the bill.

9. At the peak of the night noise control roll up. You... a. Calmly walk up to them, apologise by saying ‘sometimes us cool youth get a little loud, we’ll turn it down’. b. Agree with every point they make but refuse to turn the music down. c. Talk to them about their life experiences and what led them to this point but don't offer them weed. d. Continue to look at your phone and walk away. e. Say the music was this loud when you got to the party and you’ve spent the whole time trying to turn it down to no avail.

MOSTLY E: Let’s face it, the years of high school were the best years of your life and it’s starting to feel like everyone around you is changing and you are stagnating. You like beer, you like tractors and you love roads, oh you fucking love roads! But lately you haven’t been the captain of the first XV or the coolest person at the party. Things will turn around, ‘til then you keep listening to Top 40 music and hanging around at Bar 101. — VOTE NATIONAL

MOSTLY D: Honestly you shouldn’t be at this party. You should be at home playing Call of Duty with Damien and Hone. You’re only here because your older sibling dragged you along so they wouldn’t be viewed as the weird overly authoritarian one. You’re so desperate to fit in, you are laughing too hard at every joke and contemplating what you could have done better in every scenario. — VOTE ACT (unless you live in Epsom then you can candidate vote National party vote ACT)

MOSTLY C: You should own any party you’re at. But you don’t and you only have yourself to blame. You were the one who liked the cool bands before they were cool but not in that annoying hipster way, you were unique but relatable and then you fucked it up by being super intense and a little creepy.

The Kaupapa is still cool but as your Labour friends know sometimes it’s the best messenger not the person that believes the message the hardest that gets the win — VOTE GREEN / MĀORI

so you find yourself spending time in the company of the elderly and reflecting on how much better it was in a time that never existed outside of your own imagination. — VOTE NEW ZEALAND FIRST

Student Services Levy By now you may already know about Compulsory Student Services Fees (CSSF). If you don’t here are the important points: 1. Every University has a CSSF. 2. The money is spent on a range of things from the WSU to Financial Support, Childcare, Health Services, Clubs, even this magazine.

3. What Universities can spend it on is defined by ministerial directive.

TOTAL CSSF COLLECTED $20,668,000

$11,574,000

$10,363,000

$7,994,000

$4,049,856

4. We have the lowest CSSF in the country at Waikato but consequently that means that you could be getting more out of your student experience.

The University and the WSU have worked hard over the last 12 months to consult you through groups, clubs, surveys and Reo Tauira to learn what we could do better. We believe we need to fund three key areas a little higher: Student Experience, Wellbeing, and Communication.

We are proposing an increase of $40 to the fulltime levy for 2018 that would allow us to meaningfully improve services in all three areas.

This would include increasing support for mental health, a wider range of more engaging digital content including Nexus TV and Nexus Radio, and the formation of a governance group to strengthen the dialogue and coordination between WSU and the University. Which in turn means more support, and grants for clubs as well as bigger and more frequent events and social activities and a more collaborative relationship with UniRec to support open court and social sports.

As always, we are keen to find out what you think on issues that affect you so if you have specific feedback on this proposal send it to us at consultation@wsu.org.nz

PER STUDENT $754.80 (2016)

$745

$728

$526.56

$454.80

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Opinionated Purity Culture Jean Balchin Growing up as a minister’s daughter, I was regularly taught to cover my body as a mark of spiritual integrity. At camps, conferences, and youth groups, I was taught about the inherent sinfulness of my flesh. When a friend’s father cornered me on a school trip to the aquarium and told me he couldn’t keep his eyes off me, I immediately blamed myself. I shouldn’t have been wearing sparkly skinny jeans that hugged my 12-year-old figure. I donated those jeans to the Salvation Army and prayed to God for forgiveness.

Instead of placing the responsibility for sexual thoughts or actions on the man or boy who enacts them, purity culture blames the woman or girl being lusted after. The dehumanisation that purity culture peddles extends to sex education. At one Christian camp, I learned that I was like a sticking plaster. ‘‘Imagine you’re a Band-Aid,’’ said the camp speaker’s wife. ‘‘When you have sex, you lose your stickiness, and if you do that lots of times, you’re going to become an old, useless un-sticky sticking-plaster. Who’s going to want you after that?’’ Even though I was only 11, I felt indignant and hurt. No woman or girl is ever a Band-Aid or a chewed up piece of gum. No woman is a plucked rose, or a licked cupcake, or a dirty rag or any other obscenely dehumanising metaphor.

My brothers were never warned about the dangers of exposing too much skin. My brothers were never taught their worth lay in their virginity.

Men who have sex aren’t unsticky Band-Aids or flavourless pieces of gum — they’re players. Purity culture teaches young women that they need to control the brakes of sexual responsibility.

Male agency is ignored, and men and boys are characterised as aggressive and brutish. Men are no more rapists in their natural state than I am a lizard in my natural state. Purity culture is also coupled with homophobia, silencing many boys and men who are assaulted by other men.

And for men assaulted by women, the broader cultural assumption that men always want sex discourages these men from reporting and dealing with this abuse.

Ironically, abstinence-only programmes have never been proven to delay or reduce youth sexual activity. Virginity pledge programs have failure rates as high as 80%. Conversely, various studies have indicated that students subject to comprehensive sex education programmes are more likely to delay their first sexual encounters, to have sex less frequently and to have fewer sexual partners than those in abstinence-only programmes. Surely the inaccuracies and omissions that accompany purity culture’s abstinence-only programmes cause more harm than good.

Purity culture teaches young girls that they don’t own their bodies and that virginity is far more important than intelligence, selfconfidence, humour and kindness. If you tell a girl her body is inherently shameful, she’ll grow into a woman who feels supremely uncomfortable in her own skin. Limiting sex education to a series of platitudes from ‘‘guard your heart’’ to ‘‘don’t have sex, you’ll be damaged goods’’ cheats ourselves out of mature discussions about the human body’s extraordinary capabilities, the nuances of consent, and proper sex hygiene. ♦ 31

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Pass the AUX Playlist_16

↑ M A R S H M E L LO & K H A L I D

Jacqui Swney Now, I avoid ZM like the plague (except when they’re giving away free shit). They have a terrible habit of playing too much Taylor Swift and killing a good thing. However, there is absolutely no shame in indulging in pop music in the same binge-worthy nature you would with an entire tub of ice cream. As much as I try to deny my love for it, there will never be a time that I won’t have a white-girl freak out upon hearing the queen whisper “It’s Britney, bitch” like the little angel on my shoulder. This week’s playlist is compiled of some gems that’ll help you maintain the illusion of dignity and self-respect the next time you have an inkling for a some pop.

Havana by Camilla Cabello This song is the very essence of Camilla Cabello. Its funky and clearly Cabello’s Puerto Rican heritage has played a part in the subject matter of this song. The trumpets and Latin piano intro give off heavy Puerto Rican vibes, and her raspy vocals give life to the potentially bland and repetitive verses. The downfall to this song is when Yung Thug comes in and thinks he’s spitting mad rhymes but really he’s just taking away from Queen Cabello’s shine. Fifth Harmony didn’t deserve her.

Silence by Marshmello & Khalid Khalid and Marshmello joined forces to create this tune. It initially surprised me that I like Marshmello so much, because his music takes me back to the days that I played Dance Dance Revolution like my life depended on it.

Khalid has an endearing voice that adds some 32

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depth and emotion to the track that Marshmello lays down. The strength of their individual parts is C+ material, but together they compliment each other well and produce a song that I’ve had on repeat.

Lonely Together by Avicii & Rita Ora If I’m being honest, I thought Avicii was gone forever, forgotten just like the one song of his that I knew. But he’s dropped a new album in August, and on it there’s some absolutely solid dance bangers. Songs like ‘Lonely Together’ and ‘Without You’ have weaselled their way into my heart like any feel good pop tune will.

Their classic pop themes about love and moving on and loneliness provide the all-too-relatable material that Avicii needed to bring his already dancey beats to the next level.

2000s Pop by osornios Having mentioned my favourite current pop songs, there was no way I couldn’t bring the old classics into the spotlight. The only problem is, I only get 500 words a week and that is far too constraining to talk up the Early 2000s or even begin to choose my favorites. So here lies a very thorough playlist of all the Britney, Gwen Stefani, Ke$ha, 3OH!3, Missy Elliot, Sean Paul, P!nk, and Justin Timberlake anyone could desire.

You name it, it’s probably there. Now go listen to some Britney, bitch. ♦

↑ CA M I L L A CA B E L LO

↑ M A R S H M E L LO & K H A L I D

↑ AV I C I I & R I TA O R A

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Lonely Tarts Club Sex Work Part 1 Jennie-Louise Kendrick The amount of young people engaged in, or considering sex work is a lot higher than you might think. Sex work is broader than just sex exchanged for money, it also includes erotic dancers, pornographic actors and models, and phone sex operators. For the remainder of the article, I will continue to refer to this field of expertise as sex work as other terms like ‘prostitution’ imply the person is a cisgendered female and encourages the misconception that all sex workers are not participating on their own volition, but are instead being pressured into it by addiction or abuse.

While this may be the case of some, it is not the case for all. For those on the fringes of society, sex work seems to be more of a reality.

As a woman, cis or trans*, there is always the thought that selling one’s body would be a quick solution to money woes. While sex work is legal in New Zealand under the Prostitution Reform Act 2003, there is still an incredible amount of stigma and prejudice attached to being a sex worker, and to a lesser extent, being a client of a sex worker.

Historically, sex workers have participated openly in functioning society - including the OG, Mary Magdalene. The earliest recorded instance was around 2400 BCE, in the first urban civilisation Sumer, in Mesopotamia - now modern-day Iraq. Other early civilisations like the Ancient Greeks, Phoenicians, Ancient Romans and in Eastern religions like Hinduism and Shinto, where priests and priestesses performed sex in exchange for payment.

It’s fantastic that sex work is legal here, it provides protection for members of society often targeted by violent crime and allows them to

operate their business above board. It also means that sex work is not inherently connected to the criminal realm, as it is often perceived to be. While there are some unsavoury characters, usually men, using sex workers to increase their revenue, the modern madams and sexual entrepreneurs are law-abiding citizens. Not for profit organisations like the New Zealand Prostitute Collective can provide information and resources for those in sex work, like condoms, lube and needle exchanges.

People are going to engage in sex work whether society approves it or not, so it is important to have services to support those going through strife and discrimination because of their profession.

Sex workers provide an important service.

A large number of differently-abled people visit sex workers, their sexual needs as humans often ignored and disregarded as a result of their disability. As Tuppy Owens describes in The Guardian, “many mothers call the sex and disability helpline, which I run, worried that their disabled son is physically unable to masturbate and desperately needs an outlet”. I think Owens raises a rather beautiful and poignant point when she says “I really love the idea of sex workers giving disabled people the chance to be touched in a non-medical way, perhaps for the first time in their lives, to be held in a warm pair of arms and have their sexual dreams respected and lived out”.

In the second installment of this topic, I will be exploring the downside of sex work and how as a society, we may be able to remove the stigma and violence from a profession that is often vilified. ♦ 33

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Yam and Troy the Science Boys Vibrations, Motion and all That Jazz Troy the Science Boy Ever since particles with mass reckoned they existed, and ever since those particles reckoned they could be physically attracted to one another in a fashion stronger than Jesus Christ’s love for you, vibrations have existed. Because those very same particles, for the most part, have decided they don’t want any other fucker up in their shit, they are affected by Newton’s first law of motion.

Newton’s first law means that any particles invading the personal space of others will result in them moving also, and thus, vibrations were born. From then on, they have enhanced our lives by giving us music, visible light, basic hearing, electricity and the like. They have also fucked up our lives by giving us earthquakes, tsunamis, and gamma radiation.

Sound is the product of mechanical vibration in any material, although, for us, this is usually air.

When someone plucks a guitar string or blows air through the reed of a woodwind instrument, they are causing resonation. This is where a material or object, in this case, an instrument, amplifies the vibration. This occurs when the frequency of the vibration matches the natural frequencies of the object. These vibrations travel through the air, into your ear, transfer to some small as fuck bones and eventually trigger responses in the brain. When you have people who aren’t absolute bell-ends in control of these vibrations, it can feel rather good on your ear holes.

I’m probably massively pushing boundaries here, but I’m an engineer, not a scientist, so call the cops, but visible light is also the product 34

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of vibration, or rather, movement of particles.

Because no one’s one hundred on whether light is a wave or a particle, we’ll just call it a particle. When particles come into contact with one another, they can get electrons all kinds of pissed off. They have to move out of their personal space and when they return they have a little tanty and throw some photons out. This is what gives us visible light as well as colour, colour being the influenced by the exact nature of the infraction committed against the electron.

When particles vibrate near each other, the surrounding ones have a tendency to get real excited and start doing that too. This is usually referred to as conductive heat transfer and it’s pretty dope when it happens to your food and shower water and stuff like that. However, it is not dope when it happens to extents, much too hundy, inside our earth. Then you end up with pressure build-ups, volcanic eruptions and tectonic plate movement. Needless to say, when really big shit invades the personal space of other really big shit, it’s usually not the best because you end up with vibrations on a massive scale, and in the case of our plates, earthquakes.

They ruin days up and down the planet.

So remember what Buddha said, some shit about nothing is good or bad, whatever happens, happens. ♦

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Auteur House The Oscars Richard Swainson One of my obsessions is the Oscars. I have a love/hate relationship with the Academy, perpetually dismayed at its inability to champion the right films at the right time.

To prove a point I thought it might be useful to look at the Top 5 Hollywood movies as determined by the 2012 Sight & Sound survey of international critics. How did each of these films fare with the Oscars in their year of first release? ↑ VERTIGO (1958)

↑ CITIZEN KANE (1941)

↑ SUNRISE (1927)

1. Vertigo (1958, Alfred Hitchcock) Hitchcock’s direction, James Stewart’s and Kim Novak’s performances and even Bernard Herrmann’s peerless score all failed to be nominated. Vertigo was instead recognised for its sound and its set design, though lost in both categories to a pair of musicals, South Pacific & Gigi, respectively.

2. Citizen Kane (1941, Orson Welles) Orson Welles won his only competitive Oscar for Citizen Kane. It was not his groundbreaking direction though, nor even his staggering performance in the title role, but rather an award shared with co-scenarist Herman J. Mankiewicz.

Kane lost in the eight other categories it was nominated for. The big winner was John Ford’s How Green Was My Valley, admittedly a masterpiece in its own right.

Picture, as well as Oscars for cinematography and art direction. Unfortunately, the category was discontinued a year later, lessening its historic importance.

4. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968, Stanley Kubrick) The yardstick for serious science fiction, 2001 garnered only a special effects gong, Stanley Kubrick’s sole Oscar. Though Kubrick was nominated for Best Director, the film itself wasn’t, the Academy favouring minor musicals Funny Girl and Oliver!, the latter winning. Kubrick quipped that Planet of the Apes beat 2001 in the Best Makeup category because the Academy mistook his apes for the real thing.

5. The Searchers (1956, John Ford) If Ford, helped by studio politics, cleaned up in 1941, beating Orson Welles as Best Director, his greatest film failed to attract even a single Oscar nomination. This would have been an utter disgrace in any year but in 1956 it was particularly outrageous as the Best Picture winner was the bland Around the World in Eighty Days. John Wayne’s performance, as good as American acting gets, was ignored by his peers. ♦

3. Sunrise (1927, F.W. Murnau) In some ways Sunrise was recognised in its day, winning the only award ever given for “Unique and Artistic Production”, a category which was meant to be as prestigious as that of Best 35

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Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week wins a voucher from our mates at BurgerFuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB. If you wish to remove a snap from the mag before publication on Thursday, let us know what the snap is and why it needs to be removed.

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Blind Date — He aru makau

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Blind—

Brought to you by House on Hood Street.

Each week Nexus attempts to make a romantic connection.

If you're keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz He’s definitely a strapping young lad, some would call him a Greek god, others would say he’s just another preppy rowing lad. She’s a saucy lady who applied for this blind date with a quality snap of her assets. Have we finally found a match of true love? Or are we in for another ‘more of a friend’ connection.

He said: “A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.” Shame I’m not a fucking wizard then, thought I’d clocked the art of arriving tastefully late – but my date still managed to leave me high and dry for another five minutes after I was seated.

She was a second year Biotech student (big yes) and also let on that she was from the bustling metropolis of Kaitaia. Something she should’ve maybe kept d-low for a little bit longer than the 80 seconds we had known each other however was that she was a horse chick, waving your freak flag a bit early hun.

I had promised my flatmate I’d try and pry her political views from her, so decided this may be a good idea to do early on, seeing as I had already planned an early exit in fear of having to look at horse pictures all night. When she too proved to be #BackingBill, all adverse thoughts ceased and I began spading up a storm in an attempt to win this pretty Young Nat gal’s affection. Conversation topics (that I can remember) ranged from ______ to ______. Soon enough she let on that she was more of a party girl than I had been able to presume. Turns out she’d been up to some antics the previous night that her mother may not have been too stoked about, this resulting in her staying awake until our date. I mean as much as I love a good all-nighter not on a fucking Tuesday. They say absinthe makes the heart grow fonder or something like that right?

Either way I ended up with a series of embarrassing attempts at getting her to spend some quality time later on– but oh well, you get that. Probably shouldn’t have let on that I’d once slept with her mate in hindsight.

She said: I was ready for my blind date, new sheets, a few pep talks and a fresh brazilian. I arrived at the bar with my support crew, standing there I was freaking out about the total stranger I was about to meet. I was escorted to the table and was greeted by a rather good-looking lad, my nerves vanished instantly. The conversation flowed easily and my first impression of him was high, a smart engineering student and a New Zealand sports player, yes please, he was a bit of me.

However, as the night went on his demeanor started to change and his true colours began to show. We had a few drinks, and he had no problem telling me about himself, I was the one that seemed to ask all the questions. We had a few things in common, we shared the same passion for partying and dabbling in some deviant activities.

As the night went on it started to go downhill, we worked out we had a few mutual friends and he asked me when my last one-night stand was. To this I replied months ago however he had a cheeky laugh as said his was only a couple of weekends ago. He then went on to tell me who the girl was, and surprisingly I know her quite well (HUGE red flag). As the night was ending he asked if I was keen to go back to his place. By now I had made the decision that it was a solid no, I give him an A+ for persistence, but sorry mate I’m not one for sloppy seconds. It didn’t stop there, he came sliding into my dms later on, unfortunately I had a “9am class” and that was that.

A few tips that that would be beneficial for him on his next date would be to not to the following; 1. Ask questions about your date and give them a chance to talk.

2. Don’t push it, you’re a lightweight.

3. Don’t stop mid conversation to watch girls walk past the table.

4. Don’t go on your phone when your date finally gets a chance to talk.

Date.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Puzzles — Panga

HOROSCOPES Aries: March 21 — April 19 Unfavourable astral winds may dislodge established opinions. Rexona doesn’t make you smell fresh, you smell over-sanitised.

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Gemini: May 21 — June 20 Wearing Patagonia threads doesn’t make someone a bad person. Wearing three or more pieces of it at once does.

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Cancer: June 21 — July 22 Just because you keep running into each other doesn’t mean you have a lot in common. Double check Snapchat map visibility.

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Leo: July 21 — August 22 Le chou est frais. Profitez de cette occasion pour consommer des quantités abondantes. Passez une bonne journee.

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Libra: September 23 — October 22 Foresight is of the essence. Start saving a little bit of money each week so you don’t feel like a cunt at Christmas.

Scorpio: October 23 — November 21 Innovation brings ease to a busy mind. It’s time to stop quoting Rick and Morty. Please, do it for those who love you.

Sagittarius: November 22 — December 21 If you don’t hate your neighbours chances are they hate you. Bring them some homemade baking to clear the air.

Capricorn: December 22 — January 19 Mathematical prowess proves valuable in the coming weeks. Just because it’s 30% off it doesn’t mean you need it.

Aquarius: January 20 — February 18 With graduation looming the possibilities seem endless. Don’t get your hopes up, you’ll be sticking around.

Pisces: February 19 — March 20 Beware of baked goods. If your neighbours approach you with a peace offering ignore it, keep hold of the upper hand.

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WORDFIND

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THEME: Dolphin species and things that aren’t dolphin species.

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SIMPLE PUZZLES 4 SIMPLE PEOPLE

Spot five differences.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Puzzles — Panga

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Across 1. Assortment (7) 5. Group of insects (5) 8. Large herbivorous mammal (5) 9. Pagan (7) 10. Unfeigned (7) 11. Ledge (5) 12. Lifted (6) 14. Appraise (6) 17. Notions (5) 19. Fruit (7) 21. Direction (7) 22. Taut or rigid (5) 24. Days of the month (5) 25. Embroiled (7)

Down 1. Chart (3) 2. Inert gas (5) 3. Dissimilar (7) 4. Reverberated (6) 5. Photos (5) 6. Attain (7) 7. Public declaration (9) 10. Decorated food (9) 13. Imprecise (7) 15. Abridge (7) 16. Captured (6) 18. Secret agents (5) 20. Invalidate (5) 23. Conclusion (3)

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Find as words longer than three letters by connecting the letters vertically, horizontally or diagonally.

Letters can be used only once per word.

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