Nexus, Issue 23, 2013

ISSUE 23, VOLUME 45

30 SEPTEMBER 2013

Save The Cheerleader Save The Meteor What is The Fringe Festival?

We Asked What You Wanted. You said Free Stuff

Get Ready Graduates The Real World Is Coming

Antarctic Online Summer Course Learn about Antarctica and gain 15 points!

Enrol in our fully online course exploring climate change, environmental management and conservation in Antarctica – ANTA101 Nov–Dec www.anta.canterbury.ac.nz/courses/ E: gateway-antarctica@canterbury.ac.nz P: 03 364 2136

elcom sue Fo

contents

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor zanian steele news@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, Morgahna Godwin, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Jess Molina, Gil Denny, Amber, Tony Stevens, Hoss and Ayman Aneece, Liana Tere, Jackson MasonMackay, Suzanne Cunningham, Craig Burns, Rhiannon Bond, Nicola Potts, Zac Lyon and Aaron Letcher

Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers.

Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

issue 23 / VOLUME 45 / 30 SEPTEMBER / 2013 News

[3] University News.

[4] News.

[6] Sports Thoughts.

[8] Not News.

Opinion [10] Lettuce to the Editor.

[13] Top Ten & Meteor

Entertainment and Reviews [14] DVD, Gig & Cool Shop review.

Horoscopes [15] Book, Comic & Album review.

Horoscopes [16] @Honest_Matt Meets...

[17] Eight Ball.

Cool Not Cool.

[18] Puzzles [19] Feature - Fringe Festival [22] Feature - Degrees in Retrospect [25] Nexus Readership Survey Results

WSU

[26] President’s Column + Veeps [27] Ask Amber + Young Workers Resource Centre

Lifestyle

[28] Food Page [29] Auteur + Google This [30] 50 Shades of Gay + Little Beer Corner + Mr Minty Fish [31] Campus Style [32] Louise vs The World + Crime Map [33] Arts - Val Cabadonga [34] Slut DJ [35] Making Living Cheaper + Diary of a Single Girl [36] Was This You? [37] Shit You Can Do

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Editorial

Editorial

Highlight Reel

BY ALIX HIGBY

this week in nexus // Pg: 22

I got out of bed at 6am last week. This is atypical because I am a regular human being and I don’t usually get in till about 12am. The reason for my early bird rising was of course, the clusterfuck of deadlines that usually occur around the final three weeks of semester. This is my opener because I’m trying to be engaging and what is more engaging than bitching about a problem everybody can murmur and nod at in agreement. These next few weeks

We also decided to take the pressure off a bit and throw in some Fringe Fest. for balance.

This town is about to get weird. Creatively weird. It will distract you from the current happenings and dramas of your so-called life, and maybe even offer up some different perspectives to mull over. We have Natalie and Shani with their latest dance offering of Demi-god/ Half Human, explaining their motivations and attachment to contemporary performance art.

“If you’re like me, a regular human being, you’ll probably concur with the general sentiment that the big bad real world is unnaturally cruel to fresh graduates...” will be the worst of your academic career to date (or at least that’s what you’ll say) and for those of you moving on to bigger (maybe) and better (probably) things than Waikato, you are most likely losing your shit already.

To deal with these prevalent student issues, we collected a small group of near-graduates and heckled them with pointed questions about the value of their degree, where they see themselves in five years, and just how low their morale got over contemplating the possibility of future gainful employment. If you’re like me, a regular human being, you’ll probably concur with the general sentiment that the big bad real world is unnaturally cruel to fresh graduates and when you’ve gotta start from the bottom, you’ve gotta start from the bottom. Use your alumni’s shared experiences to soothe any mortal wounds such as ‘not making enough connections’, ‘not applying for enough scholarships’, ‘not earning enough awards or A grades’, and ‘generally not giving a shit about the future’, that delivered you to this point of panic. They’ve been through it too, and through it you shall also get.

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Get an insight into what drives their passion and how you can get involved in the local arty scene. The Hamilton Fringe is a pretty cheap form of entertainment and is so out-of-depth from your usual go-to’s that it really is an act of escapism. Break your study rut.

In other news, this is the last week for regular Nexus content this year. This is purely due to the fact that this is the last regular issue of Nexus that 2013 will see, with our usual Yearbook edition hitting the stands just in time for your summer-time nostalgia and pre-exam jitters. We will be back next year! I, myself, am planning a temporary excursion to the United States of A for the first part of 2014 so will be on a Nexus editor hiatus, but expect the odd appearance and contribution because I really can’t get enough of the hatin’ that comes with such a prestigious role.

Nexus talks to students on the verge of graduating about their future You decide whether the outlook is good. // Pg: 18

Puzzle page features crossword.

This week, fully functioning. Thank you for all the concern, we actually had too much lettuce this week. // Pg: 19

Fringe Festival Hamilton pretends to be Wellington for a little while. // Pg: 28

Raspberry and White Chocolate Slice You’re welcome. // Pg: 28

Until next week, Alix Campus Style No cute outfits were wasted in the making of this segment.

NEWS NEWS

UNI NEWS POSTGRADUATE MONTH OPENING CELEBRATIONS Join us for the opening of Postgraduate Month 2013 on Tuesday 1 October at 5pm in S.1.02. The 10 3MT heat finalists will be announced and the 2012 Th3sis in 3 winner, Ku Marsilla Ku Ishak, will be the guest presenter. Drinks and nibbles will be provided.

WORKSHOP: COPING WITH EXAM ANXIETY Feeling anxious about your exams coming up?

A workshop being held on Wednesday 2 October and again on 9 October from 1–2pm will give you the skills and strategies to help you reduce the effects of anxiety on your performance in tests or exams. Numbers are limited to ensure maximum benefits to participants.

To register email betheaw@waikato.ac.nz

HALLS RESIDENTIAL STAFF 2014 Are you returning for full-time study in 2014, have experience living in Halls and have outstanding communication and leadership skills? Apply now to be a Halls Senior Residential Assistant or Residential Assistant.

Senior Residential Assistant applications close at 4pm Monday 30 September and Residential Assistant applications close at 4pm on Friday 4 October. Applications can be submitted to Samantha Entwistle at the Bryant Hall Office. For further information email betheaw@waikato.ac.nz

UNIVERSITY INFORMATION EVENING Are you or a friend considering further study in 2014? Come along to our drop-in information evening on Wednesday 2 October from 4pm in the Student Centre. Info on Summer School, study in 2014, accommodation, scholarships, course choices and the application process will be provided. Specific information will be available for those considering postgraduate study with presentations from academic and admin staff on research, study and funding opportunities. There will be a Masters research presentation at 5pm and a Doctoral study presentation at 5.45pm.

STUDY ABROAD AND EXCHANGE FAIR Travel, study and earn credit towards your University of Waikato degree while experiencing foreign cultures first-hand. Come along to the Student Centre foyer this Wednesday 2 October from 11am–2pm to find out more about how to add a truly global dimension to your university life, what it all costs, how to apply and what countries you can visit.

STUDENT MEMBER OF UNI COUNCIL Voting is now open to elect the 2014 student member for the University Council. All enrolled students are eligible to vote, and voting closes at 4.30pm on Friday 4 October 2013.

To find out more about the candidates and to place your vote, visit www.waikato.ac.nz/ about/corporate/student-member/

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NEWS

NEWS The Uni Talks Less Good Now For the last seven years the University of Waikato’s Communications and External Relations Department has been a virtual conveyor belt of professionals coming and going, most likely after the novelty of working near a lake wore off. The one constant was Lisa Finucane, Head of CER since 2007. That all changed on Friday when she walked out the door for the last time.

Generation Zero Candidate Scorecards Released Youth organisation Generation Zero today released scorecards communicating information on candidate stances on important local issues, which it has gathered from conducting interviews around the country.

The group believes there is a real lack of clear and accessible information available to voters and that the innovative candidate scorecards they have created will help solve this problem.

To collect the necessary information, Generation Zero has interviewed local council candidates to see where they stand on key issues in each region, from housing and urban design to transport and climate change.

Generation Zero spokesperson Madeleine Foreman says, “We’ve surveyed candidates on key issues in different regions and asked them to sign a pledge to prioritise policies that reduce carbon pollution.”

centres, and by electronic survey in other parts of the country.

The group believes local elections are important and that the scorecards will play a key role in informing voters.

Madeleine Foreman; “Local councils are important decision makers in areas such as transport, infrastructure and urban planning which have long-term implications and are crucial to respond to the issues presented by climate change.”

“We’ve created an innovative and simple way for voters to get a lot of the information they need to be adequately informed and to vote this election,” says Ms Foreman.

In Auckland the scorecards were released at a press conference where the group presented its vision for New Zealand’s largest city and candidates who scored highly were interviewed.

The interviews have been in person in main “Lisa played a key role in enhancing the University of Waikato’s profile and reputation during the past six years, and along with all her colleagues I wish her the very best for the future.” Said Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford.

Lisa was appointed in August 2007 to what was then a Director of Communications role. She was the immediate past-president of the Public Relations Institute of New Zealand (PRINZ) and already came with some 20 years’ experience in PR, encompassing both consultancy work and in-house roles.

Lisa had played a key role in centralising all University communication channels and the majority of school and faculty advertising.

She also very seldom got cross with Nexus.

Lisa will be returning to Auckland to be closer to family. We imagine her role will be filled in some type of Hunger Games scenario with PR and Comms hacks both internally and externally eating their own young to take up the challenge.

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The WSU Also Slightly Less Cool Friend and occasional Nexus 8 ball question contributor LJ Pijnenburg also left his job on Friday.

Leonidas was in his second spell with the Waikato Students’ Union after coming back last year in a sole charge Field Officer Activities role.

During his tenure with the WSU, Little Jonah was a key member of the team that designed, planned and implemented O-Week and REO as well as weekly club events, club awards, free BBQs and the “coolification” of Level Zero.

Currently LJ seems relaxed about future plans although they may involve overseas travel. They may also involve just sitting on a couch playing Fifa and drinking but time will tell.

Scorecards for candidates in Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin are published on Generation Zero’s local body elections website and will be distributed around electorates in the coming weeks.

NEWS

In Their Words “The crisis in Syria and the destabilisation of the region goes to the heart of the broader challenges the international community must now face.” US President Barack Obama “and we don’t think the veto should be used essentially to stop the Security Council taking firm action against Syria.” Prime Minister John Key “We have to find a new balance; otherwise even the moral edifice of the church is likely to fall like a house of cards, losing the freshness and fragrance of the Gospel.”

Pope Francis “The theme of the conference is student recruitment, engagement and retention but institutions are beginning to realise that the outcomes they are seeking are compromised without a strong student voice on campuses to maintain and improve quality.” NZUSA’s Dr. Alistair Shaw “I promise that we shall have a full accountability for the mindless destruction, deaths, pain, loss and suffering we have all undergone as a national family. These cowards will meet justice, as will their accomplices and patrons, wherever they are.” Kenya’s President Uhuru Kenyatta

3,000,000 The “slush fund” Winston Peters suggested is being created to fund pet projects for select communities.

67 People died last week in an attack on a mall in Nairobi, Kenya

37.7 $600 New NZ Herald polling gives Labour the ability to form a coalition government.

The average per property one council candidate believes can be shaved off the rates bill without any changes in operations.

9 $500,000 7.7

Cows killed in a Kihikihi paddock.

Magnitude earthquake kills 285 in Pakistan.

sought by the Wintec Student Association in alleged unpaid fees.

A Thousand Words An artist performs the annual ‘Pulikali’ or Tiger Dance in Thrissur, in the southern Indian state of Kerala. Pulikali is a folk art performed to entertain people during Onam, a harvest festival.

Picture: Arun Sankar K/AP

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NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS C-Ball Hates Christchurch - God does too.

If our current government hates beneficiaries and giving hand outs so much, or helping people when they face tough times, then what the hell is with all the charity towards Christchurch. Okay, so they got mowed by a zillion earthquakes - but building a city on a fault line was never written in the book of good ideas. And now, New Zealand Cricket seemed destined to follow suit, kneeling at the heels of a ruined city for reasons even a magic eight ball couldn’t fathom.

If you wonder what I mean, the impending 2015 Cricket World Cup shared between New Zealand and Australia sees us get a number of games, which sounded good for the North Island considering Christchurch’s AMI Park got busted the fuck to pieces.

And then NZC go and do a number of really stupid things. Firstly, they pledge to renovate the picturesque Hagley Oval so Christchurch can get some games, costing an arm and a leg. Then, they take the first game of the World Cup and New Zealand’s campaign to Hagley Oval.

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If there was a God, he would have firstly not destroyed Christchurch unless he wanted it to be decimated. And, he would’ve sent another natural disaster towards NZC for their stupidity since. The coincidence is, maybe, God sees the future, and NZC’s headquarters used to be just outside Christchurch. It could be that he foresaw what they would do after he decimated the town, so tried to hit two birds with one stone and destroy both?

Or maybe not. But it doesn’t take much intelligence to think the first game of a World Cup, involving a host nation, should probably sell a fair number of seats. There is going to be an opening ceremony, and Eden Park is the gem of our country’s sporting stadia. It got a massive facelift for the Rugby World Cup, it has an enormous number of seats, and just so happens to sit inside our most populated city. When you think about the opening game of the Cricket World Cup being there, and then realise the truth is Christchurch gets that game instead for its shitty park that needs to have tonnes of money blown on it before it can even hold

one quarter of Eden Park, you start to get pissed off.

I’m pissed off. I’m sorry Christchurch but you need to stop living in the past, get house insurance and stop ruining our Cricket World Cup with your stupid need to have sport brought to your broken lands and money needlessly wasted on upgrading facilities. Summer is upon us, so make sure you blow your money on shit other than Christchurch, with better investments like Double Brown, a three man slingshot and housing insurance. West.

C-Ball.

NEWS

NEXUS 2014 “Sometimes it is so crude, like you are just saying this stuff to sound cool”

“All things considered, it’s pretty good”

“Too much hipster crap. Too much alcohol/drugs.”

“It is a very good magazine and I enjoy it’s current format :)”

We have collected all the survey information and now it’s time to get to work. Next year will be a brand new Nexus. redesigned from ground up with new columns, new features, a new layout and apparently a lot less douchebaggery.

Alix is going to be on sabbatical in Africa helping people learn to use twitter during Semester A. so we will be looking for a new Editor, Sub Editors, Columnists, Puzzle Page creators, prize getters, social media managers and bartenders. If you want to be involved in the new Nexus then email Editor@nexusmag.co.nz

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NEWS

NOT NEWS Clowns Are Fucking Creepy A Northampton man has been dressing up like the serial killing clown Pennywise and running around town scaring people. The man, who refused to be identified when interviewed, was a fan of the Stephen King novel “IT” and thought it would be funny.

“I just wanted to amuse people. Most people enjoy being a bit freaked out and then they can laugh about it afterwards, “It’s like watching a horror movie. When people get scared, they usually start laughing.”

“Naturally, some people would have been extremely frightened by what they saw, but I hope many are starting to see it as a bit of harmless fun.”

His answers have helped us solve one age old puzzle, we now know that the only thing creepier than a serial killing clown is the guy who decides to dress up like one.

The Best (and possibly worst) Defence Ever.

WTF: Waikato Times Focus

Two weeks ago Anthony Watts was a former NRL player, a husband, a father and a team member of the Tugun Seahawks. Today Anthony Watts is a man who may or may not bite your penis. At least that is what opposition players are alleging. Footage of the match posted on YouTube showed the Tugun Seahawks utility pulled down in a tackle near the tryline and subsequently becoming involved in a melee with remonstrating players from the Bilambil Jets team. The video later showed one of the Jets players pulling down his shorts in front of the referee.

Principles want tougher penalties

Watts however denied the charge stating, “I was wearing a mouthguard and there’s no way I bit him on the dick.” We aren’t lawyers here but the “mouthguard defence” probably wouldn’t be our starting point. “I would never do such a thing,” or, “I am not a guy who bites dicks” tend to read better than the inference, “if it wasn’t for the mouthguard I may totally have done it.”

Headlines from the Waikato Times.

Maybe after they get tougher penalties Principles can get together and teach journalists how to spell “Principals”.

Drunk drives through fire scene We don’t want to marginalise drunk driving, but someone allegedly burnt down an athletic club in Te Aroha, isn’t that the more important story?

Hamilton hosts world alpaca expo This is an actual thing.

Fluoride decision creates more work for staff So decisions to make changes to something creates more work? Not exactly breaking news.

It’s Time You Talked About Guns Emergency or just a whine?

A Florida couple woke up to their ten year old girl complaining of pain and bleeding in her underwear. Assuming the girl had gotten her first period they started talking to her about her changing body and what she should do. It wasn’t till they went into her room and noticed bullet holes in her pyjamas and bedding that they realised she had been the victim of a stray bullet in a drive by shooting. That is fucked up. Sort your country out, America.

England: A Manchester patron has been fined for inappropriate use of emergency services after he called police to settle a dispute with a local restaurant.

According to Inspector Phil Spurgeon, the man who placed the call, “said he was having a dispute with staff because they would not give him a refund because his wine had bits of cork in it.”

Fortunately in New Zealand we don’t need to waste the time of emergency services as we have the alcohol advisory board which you can call for free on 0800 787 797.

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NEWS

LAST WEEK ON TWITTER...

MEME OF THE WEEK

If sex with 3 people is a threesome, and sex with 2 people is a twosome, now I understand why they call me handsome. @Seewaymore Grand Theft Auto reminds me of Florida.

Except one lets you shoot people without consequence and the other is a video game. @KevinFarzad Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours @donni Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark @mofrorock Hiding from people at parties is my cardio. @BoobsRadley I accidentally have two dates tomorrow night should I handle this like a sitcom or an adult @space__elevator i’m fat but at least i’m not “my facebook profile picture is a pokemon” fat @robwhisman Fun Fact: It is annoying that some people think facts are fun. @JimGaffigan If you’re first on a YouTube comment thread, I assume you’re last in pretty much everything else. @nealbrennan One time I asked “What would Jesus do?” & then a close friend betrayed me & everyone started misinterpreting what I said for their own gain. @Kyle_Lippert I wonder how people who are tired of working in the jade business describe their attitude. @scullymike smh, I bought tickets to Disney on ice & it was just 2 hours of Donald Duck smoking crystal meth @nealbrennan “Don’t fret.” -Guitar that apparently doesn’t want to be played @Michael_Erhart Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear. @weinerdog4life

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OPINION

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR. Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

Writers Without Agreement I was confused by the comments made in Lettuce a couple of weeks back, where the Writers without Borders event was heavily criticised. The person claims that the evening was boring, but everyone I know who went thought it was really interesting. It is safe to say, I think, that this person’s complaints were not shared by the rest of the audience.

Writers without Borders was advertised as being a group of successful writers talking about their current work. How can this person have been disappointed that they didn’t give “lessons for further thought” when no such thing was promised? How can this person have expected a “fiery discussion” when there was no promise of a debate?

It appears that this person formed their expectations quite independently of the events description, as stated on the posters. And, to get so upset about his seemingly random expectations not being met, while attending an event that cost him nothing, is illogical, almost to the point of sad really.

I’m also confused to see that this person has described winners of the Katherine Mansfield, the Common Wealth Prize, and the Prize in Modern Letters, and the editor of top NZ literary journals, as “supposedly celebrated”.

I mean, there is rather a lot of evidence that each these published writers are in fact celebrated, at home and abroad.

And, finally, the use of “authoress” instead of “author”, “the lady” and “the lady professor” is disrespectful. I also consider the use of “the lady professor” to name a person who is not a professor of anything as clear evidence that this person did not bother to find out anything about the event, or the speakers, at any

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#nexuslettuce.

point. Perhaps, this is why he had expectations that were not met.

Regards, Confused

We like crosswords too.

the influence though. You are harming other people. You’re killing them, their friends and family, or destroying their lives.

Pengu

Guerrillamail is the 3rd best type of mail Not sure if you’ve seen it yet, but our beloved CompSci lecturer Simon Spacey made it to r/newzealandhttp://www.reddit.com/r/ newzealand/comments/1mrip6/i_do_computer_science_at_waikato_uni_this_showed/ You’ll also find the forced apology in the comments somewhere.

He’s rude, arrogant and belittles anyone who he thinks isn’t academically at his level. Also, there are doubts from a few other lecturers whether all of his degrees are legitimate - he allegedly got very basic concepts completely wrong while discussing a topic he has a masters in with other lecturers.

God dammit nexus, all I wanted to do was a cross word, but you dicks can’t get that right.

Now what will I do in my 2 hour lecture?!

And yes, I feel guerrillamail is necessary. If he ever figured out who I am, I feel my grades could be affected.

Be better.

Do with it as you see fit.

I’d be a little more concerned with drunk cops

You’re a Lawyer Harry If law lecturers were harry potter characters.

Sup Nexus, I saw an article about how some cop drank 13 pints and was under the legal limit for driving.

There’s a call to reduce the alcohol limit. I’m okay with that, but I’d prefer something else.

Zero. There’s two benefits to that. Firstly, when someone’s out drinking, they’re going to know that if they drive, they’re breaking the law. Some people could be way over the limit and barely be feeling it then think they’re good to drive.

Secondly, there’s the fact that if the limit is zero, there’s no chance someone will be under the limit and still killing people with their drunken driving.

And before you assume that I’m some crazy Christian with a vendetta against alcohol, you’re very wrong. I spent most of second year out of my mind drunk, supported the Keep It 18 campaign. Plus, I’m a libertarian, so I don’t give a shit what other people do as long as they don’t harm other people. That’s where my issue comes with driving under

Gay morgan would be Sybill Trelawney.

Trevor somethingbottom would be either neville longbottom or Filius Flitwick Juliet would be Dolores Umbridge Marie would be Hagrid Doug would be Horace Slughorn wayne rumbles would be Remus Lupin neil bolster would be snape those are the only teaches i can remember now so maybe more will come. ill probably be harry potter dick johnson

DISCLAIMER Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

Nexus

Club Notices

Yoga & Pilates WEEKLY CLASSES

Yoga Basics:Every Monday I 5:30 - 6:30pm Flow Yoga:Every Wednesday I 5:30 - 6:30pm Pilates Matwork: Every Wednesday I 12:05 - 12:50pm

Open to the community!

FRIDAY night OPEN MIC FRIDAY 4th oct 6:30 - 9 PM at namaste kitchen 11

oPINION

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OPINION

TOP TEN Top Ten to be on all the social media.

10_

You can tell the WSU they’re shit at Twitter.

03.

09_ You can upload pictures of

other people’s cats without them knowing.

08_ To make your communications

degree relevant.

07_ Because hashtags CAN be funny.

06_ For a multi-platform time waster in

two hour lectures.

05_ For the thrill of being phone-less

for an hour after draining your bat- tery before 5pm.

04_ Because one day, these things

will be artefacts of a time long before and you’ll need your own stories to tell your grandkids.

03_ Stalking.

02_ To save having to ask what your

friends had for dinner.

01_

Because printed magazines are no longer entertaining.

the meteor A long, long time ago there was a Roller Skate Rink in Hamilton. You read that right, a Roller Skate Rink. Every week thousands of parents would take their children out skating only to watch them get mangled, trampled on, sprain their ankles and bruise their knees. Sadly, those were the good old days for the Meteor.

07.

Eventually disco, bell bottoms and the desire for Americana faded and the roller skaters became bladers and moved out to Te Rapa.

Meanwhile the venue became a vacuum for failed marketing concepts and the school ball after parties of drunken sixth formers.

Until someone came along and said you know what Hamilton needs, a theatre. At the time no one thought to say “What, Like Riverlea, Founders and Clarence Street?” Instead they thought this is great, theatre’s are awesome.

06.

The strange thing is that this time they were right. The Meteor holds a special place in the hearts of those who have spent time there. It catered for an audience that wasn’t being addressed. Young creative people who wanted to workshop small plays, put on intimate concerts and, well, still actually throw sixth form after balls.

The problem was that art and civility is the first thing to die when things fall apart. The recession, the economy, job losses and a lack of disposable income meant that those who would normally patronise the theatre couldn’t anymore and slowly it began to die.

The sight of an unoccupied Meteor Theatre remained a constant on the skyline and luckily it was enough to spur a small group of concerned citizens into action. Thus the plan to save the Meteor began. Local arts people started to petition the council and eventually Seven Sharp host Jesse Mulligan and local Hamilton twitterphiles @lovethetron got involved and the council finally started to take notice.

On Thursday morning of last week the council accepted a proposal to gift the Meteor to the One Victoria Street Trust. They also confirmed they would gift the trust $75,000 per year for the next three years.

The Meteor has been saved! Now we should actually try using it.

Leaving town soon?

Need storage?

SPECIALT STUDEN OFsFfiExeRd term

Call Shirley or Nigel for all the details: 3 month $200 Ph 846 6144 storeit4U@xtra.co.nz 176 Ellis St Frankton SAVE

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Safe, secure, affordable 13

entertainment & reviews

dvd

Adapt or Dai COOL SHOP Rating: To begin with, stand-up comedy is extremely hard. I have massive respect for stand-up comics and what they do. Telling jokes to a crowd who don’t know you is a very different situation to making your friends laugh while you sit around in the lounge. When you are with your mates you are most probably throwing around witty banter, on the stage you have to have your jokes ready to go and you have to make sure they are funny.

Dai Henwood’s newest comedy DVD, Adapt or Dai, had funny moments. In most of the other moments, though, I caught myself not laughing and instead thinking about how hard it must be to be up on stage. This was because some of the jokes would have been hilarious on Seven Days, where one of the other comics could have picked it up and run with it, but with little ol’ Dai just throwing it out there it sometimes fell flat.

To be fair to Dai, starting a comedy routine must be hard. You have to wear in the crowd before they can pick up on your style and rhythm. I have even watched some Bill Bailey comedy performances where the start is a little rough and it isn’t until later that the laughs come out.

So overall, Dai did okay. I mean you can tell that I don’t want to slam him because it is a tricky thing to do, but it kind of lacked in areas which meant overall I didn’t turn off the DVD with my sides stinging from laughter. Watch the DVD if you like looking at Dai Henwood or are already a fan, otherwise watch Bernard Black.

Kathlene Cook

Auteur House gig

KATCHAFIRE Rating: The truth is, it is virtually impossible not to smile when you are in the presence of reggae music. Something about the beat, the marriage of the different instruments in creating that distinct sound, and how united the audience is in its presence. Yes, a crowd can be as united with every other gig, but with reggae, it’s a different kind of rage. People are just kind of… chill.

Last Friday saw Katchafire’s comeback to the New Zealand music scene after being away on their US, UK, and Europe tour these past few months. Their return to the homeland was aptly called “The Best So Far” and featured a lot of their classic hits and some new songs that the crowd heard for the first time.

Of course just like any concert, opening acts play beforehand and this time around they were quite underground. Just before the main acts went on stage, you could feel the crowd getting quite restless in anticipation.

Finally Katchafire took the stage and the crowd couldn’t be happier! It’s been a long time coming, this proud Hamilton band coming back to their roots. They started off with some older songs much to everyone’s delight.

The atmosphere was again quite chill yet happy, and everyone was just standing there swaying to the beat. By the sound of it (and all the new music they’ll be releasing soon) another night like this one is in order.

Rating: Auteur House can be found next to MK1, on Victoria Street. I have always looked at the sign and thought, “Gee, that sign with King Kong on it sure looks cool and cultured,” and then I have never gone up the stairs. This was not due to laziness. This was due to me feeling out of depth - as I am no movie buff - or thinking that upstairs would be full of old black and white or experimental films.

However, Auteur House is not as intimidating as it seems. Walking up the stairs is much like walking up stairs anywhere in Wellington; it has the instant feel of culture. Once upstairs, there was no pressure to buy anything and, in fact, the movie selection was surprising. I recognised many of the titles, as there was a variety of new movies along with older, more alternative films.

Other titles I was assured were very famous and classed as classic movies that I must see.

The covers of them seemed cool (this is why I am not a movie buff) and now that I have been up the stairs once I will be going up again to get to know some of these classics.

You have to sign up to be able to hire anything - as per usual - so make sure you have a drivers licence on you as ID. Other than that, I think it would be marvellous for you to brave the daunting stairs of culture and check it all out. p.s the prices are cheap! Only five bucks a movie, three for ten.

Kathlene Cook

HOROSCOPES ARIES

taurus

gemini

(21 mar - 20 apr)

(21 apr - 21 may)

(22 may - 21 june)

Trepidation: Whether you are finishing your last year or your first responsibility awaits and it is terrifying.

Anarchy: In a few weeks the rules will no longer apply to you. Particularly the ones about keeping out of the lake.

Exploration: It is time to spread your wings and travel. Hopefully before the DNA test comes back.

14

entertainment & reviews

MARK ONE COMIC

Infinite Vacation Nick Spencer and Christian Ward Rating:

BOOK

Mick Jagger Rating: Mick Jagger has been a constant source of media fascination for the last fifty years, and Philip Norman is the latest writer to try and reveal the ‘true’ Mick. His biography is a sprawling six hundred pages and is a serious attempt at the task.

At times Norman is a little too serious. The book is intelligently written and flows nicely, but some of the outrageous tour incidents are related too matter-of-factly, and the opportunity for humour lost.

Better is Norman’s chronicling of the Stones life and times, their rise to fame and controversies. The myths of Jagger’s involvement in Brian Jones ‘murder’ and the incident at Altamont for example, are debunked. We also learn of Jagger’s business drive that was omnipresent beneath his bad boy image, and the tension that created with the other Stones. There’s also plenty of space devoted to his prolific love life.

For die-hard fans, this portrait of their hero is not a pretty one. Jagger generally comes across as an arrogant, narcissistic prick.

Norman tries to balance this impression by portraying his softer side, but overall, the reader may be left with little sympathy for this devil.

Infinite Vacation really snuck up on me. I hadn’t heard of it until recently and it’s one of those nice surprises that the comic book world so often throws at you. Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you had done things differently? What if you had asked that girl out when you had the chance? Or, if you had followed your dreams of becoming a rock star? Heck, what if you turned right instead of left yesterday when you were looking for a place to eat? Now, picture having the technology to visit those paths not taken.

Imagine the infinite possibilities that would come from being able to vacation in these alternate realities. I’ve always been a sucker for novel ideas like this and while it’s a novel idea that hooks you immediately, thankfully the writing is sharp enough to pay justice to it - and don’t get me started on the art.

Ok, I’ll start with the art. Christian Ward does a brilliant job. He uses the page in such creative ways and his watercolour technique is bold and very effective. His style is refreshing and helps carry the high-concept story a long way. As for the story, it’s well told. There are some clunky moments where Nick Spencer experiments with comic conventions that are more jarring than genuinely inventive, but his story shines through as it drags you along, dying to see where it goes.

Infinite Vacation is, at its core, a simple story about a man obsessed with finding the right version of himself. We’ve all wondered, ‘what if?’; it’s perhaps the most alluring and dangerous question of them all, and it is this simple truth that makes Infinite Vacation such an excellent read.

Daniel Petersen

album

Supervillains RMC Self-titled Rating: Supervillains RMC are a hip hop collective from Auckland and not a comic book nemesis.

Although with their prowess with the microphone and those trendy Zoro masks, they could moonlight as both. This multi-vocalist stronghold recently released a self-titled debut EP that sees each member display their lyrical wizardry.

Opening track, Over and Out, sees the full range of hip hop vocal styles, from gritty openings, swift and melodic second offering to the drawl of a relaxed pro to finish. Each lyricist dances around similar themes with the others supporting on the punch lines like expert hype men. Second number, Durham Lane, may be the high point of the EP. This is less due to any particular member staring, but because each vocalist utilises the bright and buoyant beat as a springboard to dive into their ever confident flow.

There is a little street bravado caught up in the lyrics in parts and unfortunately they don’t come with the unique kiwi flavour that the likes of Mareko ooze. With their influences firmly grounded in American rap this is not surprising, but less hackneyed American references would allow the lads to come out from behind their masks and make a genuine New Zealand hip hop album. You can download for free/koha from bandcamp.com

http://www.mk1.co.nz/ www.facebook.com/Mark1Comics

HP

cancer

leo

virgo

(22 june - 23 july)

(24 july - 23 aug)

(24 aug - 23 sep)

Love: Just like livers and teeth it can be bought. Don’t surrender your ambition.

Sex: It’s coming to the end of the year perhaps you should try it.

Stressed: You may be about to leave the safest, most failure accepting environment you will ever know and go into cut throat competition with hundreds of others for low paying jobs to service your massive debt.

Kevin Pryor

15

entertainment & reviews

@Honest_Matt Meets You heard a few folks talk about ‘The Escape’?. What went down? What was this ‘Escape’? We’ll I’ll tell you. The Escape is a legendary Waikato party that went down last December (she was a little bit special). People lucky enough to have attended the first event still talk about the craziness that went down that day/ night (or morning) a year on. We (the event organizers) could hark on about how cool it was (but in the fear of tooting our own horn too much) we turned to Facebook to ask the original Escape revelers what there favourite memories from the party was.

Here’s a few >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The next Escape is going down on November 30th in a mystery location (revealed on the day via social media/text) with a choca lineup of music/ activities all for the bargain price of $30.

To get ‘on the list’ go to facebook.com/ escapefromit and inquire how to get you and your mates an invite (also check out some photos of the first Escape here and here). The second Escape will be bigger and better than the last. Just like the original R&V a decade ago this feels like the start of something special. Pencil the Escape in for November 30th and be part of Waikato party history.

Don’t be the one who wasn’t there. She’s gonna be loose.

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

(24 sep - 23 oct)

(24 oct - 22 nov)

(23 nov - 21 dec)

Casual: Ok the year is almost over but still you should NEVER use your lecturers first name... Right Si?

Oblivious: Did you see that episode where Spongebob took part in the talent quest at the Krusty Krab. That was funny shit man.

Wisdom: Like Socrates it is time to accept true wisdom exists in the admission that you know nothing. Of course had you learnt that 28 weeks ago you could have saved yourself an entire year law school.

16

08 entertainment & reviews

COOL VS NOT COOL

eight ball

tHREE THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW AND THREE THINGS THAT AREN’T SO MUCH. COOL

Welcome to the 8 ball. In the depths of my gooey black ass I will answer the secrets OF THE universe. You may not like MY answerS but lets be honest who else is going to tell you the truth, ugly.

New Clothes from the Clothes Swap Fuck the cash money medium.

Who was the hottest chick in the 90’s?

Sabrina the Teenage Witch, obviously.

Post-Graduate Study You’re nearing the end of your degree; why not prolong your student status?

Wait, is this a trick question?

Don Jon JGL in a white wife beater and gold chains objectifying women.

You break that typecast. Written, directed, and starring the man himself.

Two part question: 1) Who’s fault would it be if on their wedding night a husband puts his wife in hospital for bumming her too hard?

2) If you say husband, I disagree. Don’t you think it’s the brides fault for stupidly condoning it on their wedding night? a) you need help. b) it’s always the womans fault.

I hate the new Katy Perry song, I feel it’s a rip off of the classic “Eye of the Tiger” and cliché Muhammed Ali quotes. What do you think? I concur.

Do you think students on campus would benefit more from a subway on campus or a student run bakery? Fuck Subway. Retards eat Subway.

Miley Cyrus is one damaged girl. Shes licking a sledge hammer and swinging around naked. And your point is? I’m doing all of those things right now and I aint damaged. #talent

NOT COOL Boat Racing. Complete waste of time and energy. You should’ve gone back to bed.

Is there a subliminal message behind her song ‘Wrecking Ball’?

Yeah she wants to cut up testicles. Cover your nuts.

Not getting a movie reference.

This is why multiple viewings of Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Snatch, Mean Girls etc. are essential.

Did she get Wrecked by a guy with a cock the size of a sledge hammer? Either that or shes trying to tell us she has a cock the size of a sledge hammer.

Which New Zealand act would you suggest to play at O’week 2014? J Williams. Coz thats what you get for being in Hamilton.

If you were to have a super power, what would it be?

Expanding asshole.

Exams. Goodbye social life, hello death by brain + junkfood overload.

Do you think people rely too much on technology these days? I say this cause on numerous occasions I hear people complaining that they haven’t been on twitter for 5 minutes….5 FUCKING minutes, cry me a fucking river!!

Stop living in 1999 you prude. Get Twiiter, fuckstick.

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

(22 dec - 20 jan)

(21 jan - 19 feb)

(20 feb - 20 mar)

Sadness: It’s time to say goodby to College, Student and Bryant and hello to arguments over a power bill, people drinking your milk and your flatmate bringing home girls who treat your kitchen like they own it.

Doubt: In three months time if you feel unsure of yourself or like life is kicking your arse you can always spend time on the green and realise you never have to be a first year again.

Remember: Where you studied, who you studied with and the people who taught you will impact you but never completely define you. John Key went to Harvard they aren’t all douchebags.

17

entertainment & reviews

Puzzle Page Complete the puzzle page, be the first to bring it in and show us, and you’ll win stuff! Sorry about last week guys!

Across 1. Obscure (5) 4. Nimble (5) 7. Monumental (7) 8. Fencing sword (4) 10. Test (5) 13. Woodwind instrument (5) 14. Celestial body (4) 17. Innovator (7) 19. Carapace (5) 20. Raucous (5)

18

DIGI-SEARCH Find the hidden numbers - They may be horizontal or vertical.

02098, 07871, 08823, 09873, 12313, 27997, 37783, 39234, 39332, 45484, 45943, 49348, 58493, 89039, 90398, 92834.

Down 1. Smooth fabric (6) 2. Precious stone (3) 3. Simple (4) 4. Bee house (6) 5. Imprecise (7) 6. Reverberation (4) 9. Oval (7) 11. Saunter (6) 12. Blood vessel (6) 15. Optical device (4) 16. Ursine mammal (4) 18. Uncooked (3)

3 letter words ARC DIM

SALON ZEBRA ZONES

5 letter words BAGEL CAVES DISCO INCUR LAIRS LLAMA MAGIC REACT RODEO

6 letter words ABSURD AGREED CYCLED JAGUAR 7 letter words AUDIBLE BACKLOG ENCODED

EXCUSES JAVELIN NOTICED RUMBLED VARIETY 9 letter words ADVANTAGE MAGNIFIED

LIFESTYLE

Fringe Festival Comedy, puppetry, installations, spoken word, mixed media, dance…

The Hamilton Fringe is back in 2013. We talk to two young, talented kiwi girls hitting the tron with their latest dance show, Demigod/ Half Human, on the state of the performing arts in NZ, and how one draws inspiration from pedophiles...

How did you initially decide to dedicate yourself to the performing arts?

Nat: When I was six, mum took me to see Riverdance at Founder’s Theatre. The consequence was that 8 months later I ended up tap-dancing in a lycra zebra costume, tail, ears and all, in the Te Awamutu College Hall for an end-of-year recital (VHS footage still exists). But seriously, I do have a clear memory from 2010 (which actually was my second year of my degree, already) of feeling a sense of ‘duty’ to choreographers and performers who have gone before us.

It was at Tempo Dance Festival, during an honouring of Douglas Wright, one of NZ’s most prolific choreographers. Hearing how he had influenced (and continues to influence) the lives of so many people, I had a new sense that dancing and making choreography was something to be gifted to others - not just a thing one does for yourself. Indeed, the best performances are those that feel generous and give something to the audience - are more than just a thing to be passively observed.

Shani: I began when I was six, like Nat - magic age. I performed in Annie (the musical) as a

little orphan. When I was 19, I decided to give up my job and study dance full time. Going in young and blind was a bit of a shock, I learned what it actually meant to dedicate my life to an art. But, best plunge ever. I remember sitting in the lecture theatre at Unitec for the first time in 2009, with the entire degree (film students, actors, production students, musicians, etc.) feeling like I was finally ‘home’ even though I knew nobody. As Nat said, discovering choreographers like Douglas Wright (NZ), Malia Johnston (NZ) and Pina Bausch (Germany) made me feel that I needed to be the next generation and give back to what they’d worked so hard for.

How would you describe your style of choreography in one sentence?

Shani: One of those awesome mystery lolly-mix bags you used to get at the dairy as a kid, full of different ideas combined to make something exciting, with a strong aesthetic of the bizarre and the feminine (my choreography, not the lollies).

How would you describe the show in one sentence?

Nat: Intriguing and captivating in the way that 19

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Lady Gaga a horror movie is: it’s bizarre and a little dark, yet you just have to watch.

Shani: A celebration of what it means to be human: we are savage animals, we are orderly people, we are majestic Gods.

Since you studied together, how would you say you’ve influenced each other’s creative growth?

Nat: In the first week we met, going for a wander down K’ Rd, I think Shani was a bit weirded out/curious about my enthusiasm for the strange smells, sounds and kinds of people there -- but it can’t have been that bad, because quickly we were good friends (now we’re also flatmates). We’ve always known that we’d work together in some capacity. It’s turned out to be a good mix because we are equally enthusiastic and diligent, with different skills to offer. I think it’s very beneficial just to have someone around who’s in the same ‘world’ as you, and understands when you’re jumping around the house about a new idea.

Shani: Natalie keeps me on track! She’s made me aware of how important it is to have a framework and deadlines for yourself when you work, and how important it is to work with clarity. Natalie is always really clear and great at making decisions, which is valuable to her both as a choreographer and producer.

She questions everything, but without judgement, which is the best kind of feedback and support - honest and supportive. When I moved in I joked that she was going to “sort out my life”! … and her talents sure are rubbing off in a positive way. Yay. Where did you draw your inspiration for Demigod/Half Human?

Shani: My very initial idea was a response to an event in my hometown up North. A local priest and school teacher were found to be sexually abusing young boys, and that got me thinking about people in positions of power and higher respect - that they are still human, and susceptible to temptation, dishonesty and disguise just the same as any of us. The choreography uses a lot of this religious imagery: Eve’s apple in particular, which is a symbol of temptation. This is also why the choreography is quite dark, because it shows the dancers in their most ‘human’ form - confronting, blatant, fragile, vulnerable, beautiful and irrational all at once. I always think of contemporary dance as a magnified body language: it can’t lie, it’s the most honest form of performance.

Do you have any particular role models?

Where would you like to see the performing arts take you?

20

Nat: New Zealand dancer and choreographer Sarah Foster-Sproull is, I think, a very important person in NZ dance at the moment.

She choreographed on us for our graduation show, and definitely influenced me a lot both choreographically and in terms of my mentality towards dance. She’s at a point in her career where she has the maturity and experience to do incredible things, and is also young enough to offer fresh, exciting ideas.

She’s actually presenting a work at Hamilton Fringe herself, COLT, for Footnote Dance Company’s ‘Made in New Zealand’ season. As a female artist, I look up to her achievements, because ironically, the rarity of males in our industry can make it very competitive for us gals.

As for where I would like performing arts to take me, I would hope to become an important choreographer that changes dance in NZ - even if just a little. Particularly, engaging new audiences who before didn’t go to dance shows, and working in a way that is a positive experience for the dancers involved; dance that is inclusive and that values both the dancers and the audience.

Shani: One of our tutors at Unitec, Charles Koroneho, was a crucial influence. His experience is heavily in performance art, not just dance, which is in part where the vivid imagery in my choreography comes from. He took the time to know each of us individually, and nutted out for me a lot of the things I was confused about as a wee naïve first year! His patience amazes me, he’s very thoughtful and gives a lot to each student.

I would love to have the opportunity to go overseas and develop connections with international choreographers and artists.

Bring back different skills to New Zealand, so that our dance industry can become richer and more universally connected. We’re a bit isolated all the way over here in little ol’ New Zealand! But it’s interesting: New Zealand dancers are always loved overseas for their physicality (being vigorous and athletic dancers). Probably our desperate need to prove ourselves on a global scale, which exists in all areas (especially film & sport!)

What drew you to bringing the show to Hamilton?

Nat: Having gone to school there (Sacred Heart Girls’ College - don’t judge) was the main hook, but it’s also an opportunity to connect with audiences who might not otherwise get to see contemporary dance, which usually only tours Wellington and Auckland. Admittedly, I want to challenge people’s idea of what they think dance

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is! Choreography like this is a much more theatrical and intellectual experience than the sequins and high-kicks the public usually associate with dance (that certainly has it’s place, too, but its not the only kind of dance there is, ladies and gents).

Shani: It’s great to be able to take contemporary dance to smaller towns - I’d like to take dance to my small hometown up North someday, so Hamilton’s a start! Also, Hamilton City Council gave us funding… cheers, guys!

How would you explain your interest in and experience with the Fringe Festival?

Nat: This is both Shani’s and I’s first Hamilton Fringe, but earlier this year I toured the “Fringe circuit” (Auckland, NZ Fringe in Wellington and Dunedin) with my own choreography. I think Fringe is the most insane, amazing experience for both artists and audiences. It’s a brilliant starting point for artists because you get the support of a venue, festival publicity, and open-minded audiences who are enthusiastic and ready for everything, which makes it easier. You definitely get a post-festival low afterwards!

For audiences, it’s a great opportunity to see a hugely diverse pool of stuff. So I encourage people to see a few things (if one of them was our show, that would be great..!) Most things in a Fringe festival are free, koha, or cheap, too (like our show - ten dollah!)

Shani: Festivals are amazing, to be in a supportive creative environment restores faith in what you’re doing. Fringe is a worldwide concept - Edinburgh Fringe, for example, has

around 3000 events each year - it’s crazy! On that scale, they can totally transform a city.

Though I’ve performed in Fringe Festivals before, this is my first time presenting my own work at a Fringe Festival.

How did you find breaking into the industry post-graduation? Was it as tough as you expected?

Nat: Yes and no. It’s just different, neither easier nor more difficult. I think this is probably the same across many fields though, not just arts, from talking to some other friends about Life After Graduating.

Institutions are easy and safe, compared to the ‘real’ world! However, we were really well prepared by our tutors at Unitec, and we’re definitely doing ok. Haven’t starved to death or become a bum yet, and still making shows…

Shani: It’s hard, but for good reason. As an early-career artist, you have to sort out a lifestyle that supports your creative endeavours. You do a lot of networking during your study etc., and then at the end of three years, it kind of just happens - whether you like it or not! It certainly sorts the “boys from the men.” And we are determined to be (feminine) men.

If there’s one reason Waikato students should get behind the arts, what would you say it is?

Nat: Do something different, goise! I guess I like to have a variety of experiences in my life, and the arts definitely offer that. I also like hearing what people have to say about the world, what ideas they have to share. No,

Facebook doesn’t count. Go out and interact with some real people, on stage, without the filter of a camera; look at some real photographs in a gallery.

Shani: See something that doesn’t come to Hamilton often. You might surprise yourself.

Fringe is open to interpretation, you’re not just sitting there being told what to think and feel. Live on the edge a little! We certainly are (*show contains discreetly-lit nudity. Wooh. #YOLO).

Any advice for newbies to dance and choreography?

Nat: See as much performance and dance as you can - whether you want to perform or create. There’s nothing more valuable and it will also help you avoid getting stuck in your own ego (the most dangerous thing an artist can do). Also, you should probably move to Auckland or Wellington. Not hatin’, just sayin’!

That’s where artsy stuff is happening. Hence why we’re bringing a little slice of it down to the Tron, because our mums taught us to share. Lucky you guys.

Shani: Ditto to Nat, go and see as much dance as you can - and as many kinds. Figure out what you’re most drawn to, where you fit.

Nat: Yeah, when I was at high school I knew I was attracted to more abstract/innovative forms of art, but I didn’t know that there was actually a genre of dance (contemporary) that did this, and that it had a name and a global community of practitioners and audiences… then I moved to Auckland and became ‘educated’. Haha.

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Degrees in retrospect.

As spring tiptoes in, and classes begin to wind up, we see another batch of fresh graduates shafted into the real world. Just to freak out the first years who are already fairly certain they’re making all the wrong decisions, we spoke to a few recent grads and some that hope to be graduating after this semester (if all goes well), about their hopes and dreams and whether it was all worth it in the end. What you’ll find is that your situation is not so uncommon and everybody is fighting an uphill battle against shoddy student finances. Hear, hear!

Our Panel: Courtney / 21 / Early Childhood Kathlene / 22 / BCS Blair / 24 / BSc Dan / 23 / BSocSci Psychology Loren / 21 / BA/BCS

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What did you want to be when you started your degree?

Dan: A lawyer.

Courtney: I wanted to be a scientist. Then decided that was actually a boring desk job and switched degrees.

Loren: I wanted to get out of Whangarei. Nah, I actually started out just doing a Bachelor of Arts, then I picked up communications my second year. I wanted to get into politics or political journalism.

Blair: Employed. Honestly, I don’t think wanting to work in chemistry factored into my decision to study chemistry. It was something that didn’t suck at high school, and I just had this understanding that, “University is just what you do when you finish high school.”

Kathlene: Well, I started out doing a Graphic Design degree as I have a love of painting.

I didn’t want to study Fine Arts as I was swayed by all of the talk of “you can only be an under-paid artist or an art teacher.” Once I started design I knew it wasn’t for me. So my next favourite thing was English. A similar mentality surrounding the Fine Arts degree stopped me from doing an English degree.

I also wanted to head a little closer to home than Wellington, so I grabbed a Waikato booklet and read up about some degrees.

Loren: What do I want to be now? I still want to get into politics, but I wanna have a real life first, like I don’t wanna go straight into policy planning and stuff like that, do like real jobs so that when I help advise policies I’ve got some real life experience rather than being a career politician.

What field do you plan to go into? How do you see your career starting and where would you like to end up?

Dan: Applied behavioural psychology, studying the ecosystems that breed crime.

Loren: Theres a couple of options, but I think I’ll be tempted to use my PR degree

What do you want to be now?

Dan: Out of University.

Blair: If not for the lack of money, social stigma, and unfathomable debt, I’d be a student. There’s something to be said for having a seven-day weekend.

Kathlene: I want to be in internal communications. My degree means I could be media focused or internal focused or marketing focused, but I prefer internal communications.

Courtney: An Early Childhood Teacher, which I will be qualified to be in a few weeks!

What do you think your chances of employment are as a graduate? Are you optimistic that you’ll get where you want?

Do you have a back-up plan?

Dan: Poor, but one day, a long way from here..

Loren: I’m quite confident, quietly confident, but I think its more of my networks and things rather than my actual degree.

Courtney: Unfortunately National scrapped the 100% qualified teachers thing in 2010, so

“I think if you have been serious about your degree, gone to class, made contacts in your classes, and made contacts in the professional realm then finding a job should be okay.” first and then use my politics later, so yeah I’ll do public relations or internal relations or something like that.

Blair: I really don’t think anyone can know, based on a few years at university, which field they want to go into. With regards to picking a field, all a degree really does is tell you

“...all a degree really does is tell you whether or not you have any passion left for what you’ve studied.”

Communications seemed good so I signed up. Once in my degree I still didn’t really know what my degree was about or what I could do with it but it was enjoyable.

Head Teacher at a Kindergarten (those guys have epic pay, professional development and holidays!). Or maybe I’ll return to study, someday, way down the track, and become a lecturer.

whether or not you have any passion left for what you’ve studied.

Dan: I’ll have to go back to University for post-grad study, but I’d like to end up in some form of governmental agency directing and implementing support and policies into the most effective places.

Kathlene: Internal communications. My degree is more about networks built than the actual degree, in terms of getting a job. I want to start in internal comms and eventually I want to be my own boss. The biggest matter for me is to be respected.

Courtney: Early Childhood Education. I see me starting at the bottom, maybe as a qualified reliever teacher, then impressing someone enough that I get the next full time position on offer (hopefully I can by-pass the reliever step!). Eventually I’d love to be a

I’m now a lot less in demand than I thought I would be when I started my degree. I’m prepared to work any full-time job I can get to be honest, but I won’t stop looking for fulltime employment in Early Childhood, it’s my passion and where I want to be.

Blair: My career has started already; I’m currently working as a business consultant and software trainer. I’ll be damned if I know what that has to with chemistry, or what chemistry had to do with me getting this job.

As for where I’ll end up, I have no idea. My Dad told me, while I was looking for jobs, that my expectations of employment would change. What I really want to get out of a career now may be very different to what I’ll want to get out of it five years from now.

Kathlene: I think my chances are pretty good.

I have made a few great contacts that will hopefully pay off in the job hunt. My back up plan is to just work in a café in Auckland until I can find something in my profession. I wouldn’t mind being in a low paid internship if it means it will lead on to something more. I think if you have been serious about your degree, gone to class, made contacts in your classes, and made contacts in the professional realm then finding a job should be okay.

Blair: I was really really lucky with the job hunt. I have quite a few friends who have equivalent or better degrees, who spent two or three times as long as I did looking for jobs, and didn’t manage to find one. A degree is 23

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the new black; everyone’s expected to have one these days. It’s either that or a decade of experience, and even then you’ll need something to set you apart.

them is priceless (laughs).

Blair: My backup was, like many young men, to become a rockstar. That’s basically living the life of a student, with none of the financial difficulty. Although, to a certain extent, it’s the degree and full-time job that are the real backups.

Courtney: I don’t have a loan. I scrimped and saved and worked my butt off every weekend, teaching recess and holiday.

It’s meant living at home, not getting the flatting (read: drunken party-hard student) experience, not having a great social life, and not having an iPhone (and all that other fancy pointless crap). But I think it’s worth it. The money I earn now, is my money. Next up, house deposit (how’s that for a positive and responsible life decision!).

Do you feel your student loan is worth the degree that you have? Has it affected your career and life decisions?

Do you plan on paying off your loan as soon as you can, or chipping away at it slowly?

Kathlene: I think student loans sure are hefty.

This loan affects things I am looking forward to buying in the future. I want a new car. I

Courtney: Don’t have to! If I had one I would pay it off as soon as I could though.

Dan: Back up plans? Hundreds.

“This loan affects things I am looking forward to buying in the future. I want a new car. I want to buy a house.” want to buy a house. I think time will tell if I need to come back and get my masters in order to further my career to higher levels of management.

Dan: Haha! Not in the slightest, I ignore it completely.

Blair: I have a student loan that I might be able to pay off in the next ten years, if I continue to live the way I did when I was studying. It’s something that hangs over my head, and will until I pay it off. I was thinking about going back to uni in a few years, and looking at a teaching degree, but that’s potentially another twenty grand, not accounting for scholarships and teaching grants. That’s money I’d have to borrow, and then try to pay back on a teacher’s salary.

There is no doubt in my mind that anyone who studies for more than three years, especially those who aren’t eligible for the student allowance, will have their career decisions affected by their student loan. When an offer was made for the job I’m currently working, my first thought was, “How much of my student loan am I going to be paying off each year?”

Loren: I’m not actually sure what the starting salary is. I’m terrible, people ask me, “so what will you start off on?” and I’m like I dunno. Like 40k for PR? But it’s been worth it because I’ve learnt lots of life experiences and I’ve met some amazing people and meeting

24

Loren: As long as it remains interest free, if they put interest on it then I’m screwed. I’ve got some savings. I was going to put a whole lot on but then they removed that 10% thing, and that gutted me because I wasn’t so sure whether I was going to study more and then I found out that they were going to take it off, so I was like do I take the risk, pay a whole lot of it off and then not end up having a job and needing my savings or going back for more study? Or do I just not pay it off and not get that 10%. So I decided not to. But I think scholarships have helped keep it down a bit.

Although there are a whole bunch of papers that don’t actually count towards my degree, because I started with Arts and then switched to a conjoint.

Dan: There is no motivation or benefit to even think about my student loan, I plan to continue ignoring it completely and let it slowly wither away in the dark.

Kathlene: I will pay mine off quickly. I was lucky enough to receive student allowance during my study, so my loan isn’t as big as others, and I feel it is my responsibility to pay back what was lent to me. I don’t like being in debt of anyone. The system will break down if nobody pays back their loans. I could not have gone to university without a loan so I want to pay it back so somebody else can go too.

Blair: I’d thought about not paying it off at all.

If I left the country, and my income wasn’t

“There is no motivation or benefit to even think about my student loan, I plan to continue ignoring it completely and let it slowly wither away in the dark.” taxed by the New Zealand government, I wouldn’t have to worry about it. But, if I did that, I’d never be allowed to set foot here again without being arrested. But when your student loan could pay the deposits on two houses, it’s something you seriously consider.

As for actually paying it off, I’m planning to save as much money as I can each year; if it ever looks like the interest-free student loan is going the way of the dinosaur, then I’ll at least have something I can throw at my debt before the interest makes it worse. One of these days, I’m going to be a student-loan-paid-off-ionaire.

feature

NEXUS READERSHIP SURVEY Results from the first 100 responses.

Would you like to see (options below) in the magazine?

Responders rated the following options from ‘Would Hate it (1)’, ‘Would Dislike it (2)’, ‘Not bothered (3)’, ‘Would Like it (4)’, ‘Would Love it (5)’. Below are the results starting with most popular to least along with the average rating.

What do you think of the advertisements currently?

Irrelevant and Unappealing

4.03 3.89

Puzzle Page

3.88

How to Guides / DIY

3.86

Student Stories / Interviews

3.85

Regular Columnists

3.83

Crime Maps

3.82

General Knowledge

3.82

Stuff about the Community

3.81

Stuff about Hamilton

3.78

Letters to the Editor

3.75

Stream of Consciousness

Stuff about Money & Budgeting

3.72

List

Stuff about Career

3.71

A Gig Guide

3.71

They’re OK Appealing but Irrelevant Appealing and Relevant

20 to 22

What feature/article style do you prefer?

22 to 24 24 to 26

Interview

27 or older

Gender Female Male

Narrative Persuasive Expository

Other

Don’t Mind

How frequently do you read Nexus?

Weekly Bi-Weekly

Are there any features or topics you’d like to see?

Never

Where do you usually pick up your copy of Nexus?

Top 5 locations.

L-Block Momento Library Entrance S-Block Management Foyer

How long do you prefer articles/columns to be?

Very Short (50-200)

Med (400-600)

Longer (800-1000+)

Stuff about Flatting

3.67

Notices for Flatmates/carpooling

3.64

Advice 3.64 Studying / Productivity

3.63

Sex / Love

3.60

Travel / OE

3.60

Stuff about Health

3.57

moar puzzles! MOAR! and a bigger style section.

Stuff about Music

3.51

More stuff baout graduation/what to do after you graduate.

Updates from the Student Board

3.51

In depth pop culture stories discussing movies, comic books, video games etc. Top 5 list relating to movies, music etc are always cool!

Technology 3.46

Reviews 3.53

Science 3.50 Identity / Life

3.49

Sports & Fitness

3.44

Stuff about Books

3.43

Stuff about Cafes

3.43

Art / Design

3.42

Any other comments about Nexus?

Cartoons 3.42

Get serious. We’re not all douchey dude-bros.

By dumbing down your content and appealing to that type of person you’re affirming that as the norm and it isn’t/shouldn’t be. Challenge yourselves, enlighten us.

Less douchebaggery would be a plus

Stuff about Film

3.40

Pop Culture

3.40

What to Buy

3.35

Blind Dates

3.29

Maori & Pacific Island Interests

3.18

LGBT Interests

3.14

Fashion 3.13 Feminist Interests

3.13

Stuff about Comics

3.08

Horoscopes 3.03

Short (200-400)

Long (600-800)

Recipes 3.67

Politics 3.57

Once a Month Once a Semester

4.19

News 4.03 Stuff about Leisure / Fun

Age 18 to 20

Competitions / Prizes Stuff about Uni / Campus

Relevant but Unappealing

We stuffed this up but you still get the idea.

Humor 4.24

You eat dick cunts.

Too sexual, too much about partying, too anti-religion. I don’t support the magazine as it currently is.

Stuff about Drinking / Partying

2.99

Presidents and Veeps Columns

2.99

Business 2.94 Town Photos

2.92

Religious Interests

2.51

25

WSU

Veeps Learn to love your work.

In church on Sunday my pastor spoke about hard work. I know a lot of you don’t believe in God and disagree even more strongly with the concept of church – but hear me out.

President’s Column Aaron wants you to vote Aaron.

This week my column can only be described as a shameless plug for my re-election as the Student Member of the University Council.

The University Council’s Constitution requires that, “one student member be appointed following an election by the students of the University conducted in accordance with the University of Waikato Election of Members of Council Statute” but this hasn’t always been the case. Elections for this position are a new development. Prior to Voluntary Student Membership no election for the Student Member was held as the role went automatically to the Waikato Students’ Union President. Although this system was abandoned two years ago, to date the sitting WSU President has never lost the position with both Sapphire Gillard and I holding it in 2012 and 2013 respectively.

I cannot stress how important it is for the Waikato Students’ Union to hold this position. It allows us to have an ‘inside man’ of sorts on all major university committees, keeping us in the loop with major developments, and helps us access the information that we need to represent you effectively.

Without this position our job of representing and advocating for students and their rights becomes significantly more difficult, and I believe the standard of representation that students receive will suffer. Although I have no doubt that other students standing for the position are highly capable and motivated by 26

the right reasons, but I have real questions as to how effective they would be in the role. By voting for the WSU President you are voting for a candidate that has a committed team of 10 Directors behind them, a professional team of staff ranging from communications to advocacy, and the ability to communicate with a large cohort of students through Nexus Magazine. This ensures that you not only have a token seat on Council, but a real voice advocating for your rights.

Having served in this role for 2013 I can tell you that having a Student Member is certainly of value. Although there are some great people on our University Council, they aren’t exactly spring chickens. None of them are enrolled in full time study or living on a student budget, so none of them can really understand how their decisions will affect the average student. Sometimes it takes a real student to understand how the intricacies of Studylink operate, or how a $1 increase here and there can throw a student budget into a downward spiral.

So please, Vote.

And most importantly, vote for Aaron Letcher

Aaron Letcher

He spoke about how we often view work as a necessary evil to get through life. Those who see it as a necessary evil work most days of the week, often very begrudgingly, and enjoy two days over the weekend if they’re lucky.

Pretty crappy odds really.

I think this is very applicable to university.

Lectures, tutorials, study, labs, meetings, assignments, tests, and exams are only a few of the dirtiest words known to a lot of us. Who can be bothered with it? Most of us drudge through the mountains of work to get to the weekend, where we can relax and have a bit of fun (if there’s no big test to study for), and then begin again on Monday. Five dreary days versus two fun ones if you’re lucky? Do the math. That’s not a good time.

What my pastor was saying was that we have been given talents and passions for a reason and generally, if you’re pursuing whatever that may be, you can find a way to get over the all-too-common attitude of work being woe and begin to love what we do. I think if we let ourselves be a bit nerdy and choose to enjoy our studies we might just do that.

Danyell Summers

WSU

Ask Amber 5 ways to deal with stress.

These past few weeks have been interesting.

If anything the last few weeks have taught me something.

Now I am no doctor, psychiatrist, counselor or professional health worker but I have learnt that one’s wellbeing is sooooo important.

In my role I see a lot of students, domestic and international of all ages, overwork themselves to meet a personal or family expectation. There is nothing wrong with this, if anything goals are great things. But one should back up completed goals with rewards.

For example, ‘once I finish this box load of paperwork I shall reward myself with a Big Mac combo and a refreshing apple cider,’ says Amber all the time.

If we overload ourselves with too much and set our self-expectations too high then we are just setting ourselves up for disappointment and stress. I too feel like I have done

Young Workers Resource Centre Casual employment Don’t you just love this time of year?

Uni is shutting down and while you may have exams looming you can smell summer just around the corner.

It’s a safe bet many of you will grab some seasonal employment to plump up your income since student allowance or living costs is on hold till next year.

this recently, as well as many others, but how we deal with it varies from person to person.

These are some examples of what myself and others have done.

Ideas on what you can do when things seem to get on top of each other: · Book an afternoon/ day in your calendar for ‘me’ day. Turn off all phones and communication devices and chill by reading a book or watching TV. · Say no. If you feel people are asking too much of you at the moment and you haven’t got the time for it then say no, you are allowed. · Come see Amber the Advocate. If you feel your studies are being affected for whatever reason then come and see Amber, she wants to help you! · See the doctor. Maybe you’re lacking in iron or vitamins? The GCs down at Student Health will be able to point you in the right direction. · See a counselor. We have some pretty awesome counselors here on campus… and they’re free.. and awesome… so why not try them?

Feel like this is something you maybe going through at the moment? Come and see Amber! Contact Amber on 027 2065 011 or advocacy@wsu.org.nz Amber the Advocate

It’s also a safe bet that many of those jobs students flock to over the summer will be considered “casual” employment, meaning you work on an “as and when required” basis.

I’ll translate that into English: basically your new boss is not obliged to offer you any work at all, and you are under no obligation to accept any work offered to you. Each time you go into work it’s a separate term of employment which terminates when you knock off.

Realistically though, the employer is in the power seat here. If you make a habit of turning down offers you might find when you need one it’s not there.

Casual work is supposed to be infrequent and irregular, so if you find yourself expected to work regular hours or days then you are in fact a permanent employee, regardless of what your contract says.

slashed their hours or intends to give them the boot without fair process. Under a casual employment agreement, if your employer wants replace you they don’t even need to sack you, they can simply avoid offering you any work. But if you had been working regular hours, shifts, or days for a period of time then you could argue that you are permanently employed.

So if you are on a casual employment agreement and suspect you are being used as an enduring fixture, seek advice as to whether you have actually transformed into a permanent employee.

It’s not uncommon for young people to come into the YWRC complaining that their boss has

27

Lifestyle

Nom Nom Nom Raspberry and White Chocolate Slice

Since this is my last article for this year, I thought I would treat you guys with a favourite of mine. This one came from my lovely mother, and honestly was one of the best things I have ever tasted. If you would like to impress someone, bribe your lecturer, or make new friends, this is the recipe to do it with.

Ingredients

Directions

200g Butter 1 cup of Caster Sugar 1 tsp Vanilla Essence 2 cups of Flour 2 tsp Baking Powder 2 cups of Raspberries ½ -1 cup of White Chocolate

1. Line a square tin (20 x 20 cm) or near abouts, with baking paper.

2. Cream the butter and sugar together (don’t be gross guys!) until it’s fluffy. Add in vanilla essence and beat till fluffy again.

3. Fold in flour, baking powder and mix into a smooth dough.

4. Press 2/3 of the dough mixture into the baking tin.

5. Scatter raspberries and chocolate evenly over the dough.

6. With the other 1/3 of the dough, break up into small (2 cm balls) and scatter over top of raspberry and chocolate.

7. Slightly press down and whack the tin into the oven at 180C for 35-40 mins.

8. Should be golden brown and crunchy, with a soft chocolate and raspberry centre.

9. Prepare for the food orgasm you’re about to have.

Hope you guys smash out your exams and get an early start to enjoying the summer.

Stay safe people, see you fullas next year.

Zac.

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LIFESTYLE

Auteur The cinema of extreme length.

What’s the longest film you have ever watched? Gone With the Wind, maybe?

Lawrence of Arabia? The third part of Lord of the Rings? All three of these clock in at well over three hours but they are also-rans when it comes to the cinema of extreme length.

Last week I enjoyed - or endured - a Hungarian film called Satantango. Some critics are of the opinion that this 7 and a half hour epic is the best film of the 1990s. I’m not sure that I agree, but it is something. The tale of a group of mostly middle aged, miserable inhabitants of a collective farm, struggling for direction at the end of Soviet era, it proceeds at a glacial pace with many scenes playing out in real time. The cinematography and acting are often astonishing but co-writer/director Bela Tarr seems to enjoy testing the patience of his audience for no discernible reason.

One scene of drunken dancing goes on for damn near 10 minutes without a single cut or camera movement. As much you can respect the effort this kind of filmmaking involves and the iconoclastic spirit of an auteur who sees himself very much in the Tarkovsky tradition, such artistic choices border on the indulgent.

Tarr’s film is not the longest stocked by Auteur House. The following list details others available for rental whose running time exceeds 6 hours.

1. Berlin Alexanderplatz (1980, 902 minutes).

A 15 1/2 hour mini-series adaptation of Alfred Doblin’s Weimar Republic novel, this epic is

often thought German wunderkind Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s greatest work. Because it was shown theatrically both on first release and when digitally restored in 2007 it also qualifies as a film, not a piece of television, though it has usually been screened over successive nights.

2. The Decalogue (1989, 616 minutes). A 10 part Polish series based on the Bible’s Ten Commandments, The Decalogue was considered by Stanley Kubrick to be the only masterpiece produced in his lifetime. Like Berlin Alexanderplatz, it was shown in film theatres outside of Poland. As the individual episodes share only a common location they can be viewed discretely. Two were also expanded and released as stand alone feature films.

3. Shoah (1985, 540 minutes). The last word on Holocaust documentaries, a 9 hour meditation on the 20th century’s most shameful crime. Eschewing any period footage, director Claude Lanzman instead interviews survivors, juxtaposing their testimony with purposefully repetitive shots of trains entering concentration camps and slow tracking around the ovens.

4. Les Vampires (1915-1916, 339 minutes). A ground breaking 10 part film serial, arguably the basis for the thriller, crime and gangster genres. Unusually, the episodes are of uneven length, the shortest 12 minutes, the longest just under an hour. However, the net result is seamless.

5. The Best of Youth (2003, 368 minutes). The tale of two Italian brothers from the mid1960s until the turn of the century set against a backdrop of turbulent politics. A moving family saga.

Richard Swainson

Google This Best of the net this week.

SlyPhone for iPhone http://minorasset. com/?product=slyphone-black-mirror-edition Ever wanted to turn your iPhone into a periscope? Let’s be honest, who hasn’t.

SlyPhone is an attachment with an angled mirror so you can take a photo of whatever’s in front of you, while still looking like you’re playing Candy Crush.

Nike Photoid https://photoid.nike.com/ Shoes matching your outfit is one thing, but Nike has come up with a way of matching your shoes to your instagram feed. Choose a photo, choose a shoe, then let Nike do the rest...

Bartendro – A Cocktail Dispensing Robot http://www.kickstarter. com/projects/partyrobotics/ bartendro-a-cocktail-dispensing-robot You might be complaining you don’t have a jetpack yet, but what about this robot that lets you hook up liquors and then make a drink by using your tablet or smartphone? It just got funded on Kickstarter!

Kitties & Bullshit http://kittiesandbullshit.com/ What do you mean those songs aren’t about cats? Kanye definitely wrote that song about cats.

29

LIFESTYLE

Little Beer Corner Beerfest Management 101

50 Shades of Gay Proud of Pride

This year’s pride week on campus was, in this columnist’s opinion, the best this campus has seen in a good five years at least. Props to the UniQ crew for organising it so well!

And props to everyone who was involved for making it such a wicked-cool event. Not only was it great to see so many of the rainbow community coming out of the woodwork and saying hello, but it was also fantastic to see so many straight supporters rocking up and joining in. The diversity of support, from so many different kinds of people, is always humbling to see.

It was also fantastic to see WaQuY (Waikato Queer Youth) with a stall, and to have some of the Hamilton Pride members coming along and jumping in photos. Really felt that sense of community!

The pansexual gods/goddesses were clearly smiling love down upon us with the gorgeous weather, and the Love Day event happily tied in with the whole vibe with roses and love aplenty. I can’t rave about this day enough there was fire breathing, stilt walking, balloon animals, free sausage sizzle from The Edge, games/prizes, and music. What a buzzy day!

Looking forward to next year’s pride on campus already. Rock on you radiant revelers of the rainbow!

It’s that time of year again. Oktober comes along each year and a number of bars, clubs, social groups and the odd motorcycle gang decide to throw a beer fest. Some of you will have your favourites and some of you wouldn’t have been to one yet, so we thought some helpful beerfest survival tips wouldn’t go amiss.

Just like it says a beer festival is normally about drinking beer and more often than not this beer is drunk from a large German style vessel called a stein. They range in sizes, but the most common version these days is one litre. This is where your first potential land mine lies – whether you’re at the pub or at home on the couch, you normally wouldn’t knock back a whole litre at a time. Be careful.

You want to pace yourself. Drink the beer fast enough so it doesn’t get warm but don’t feel the need to chop it back in boat-race winning pace.

Most beer fests tend to roll up the stein and beer parts with heaps of food and lots of ‘sing-along’ live music – insert Oom Pah band here. So, while you’re drinking some tasty ale and singing your lungs out to, ‘itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny yellow polka dot bikini,’ make sure you eat some tucker. The rule ‘eating’s cheating’ doesn’t have a literal translation into German so it doesn’t apply.

Beer fest’s are great fun. Lots of good beer, heaps of food and great entertainment plus a group of girls and guys all up for a good time is always a recipe for a great day out.

The advice from this old bugger is to pace yourself. A beerfest is a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time so you can be one of the ones still standing at the end.

Mr Minty Fish A Day in the Life of...

Ermergerd it’s the second (or third; I don’t know) to last week of September and you know what that means! Daily Grace is gunna teach you, how to, do, SOMETHING *ding*.

On another note, I get up really early every morning and it’s probably one of my biggest life struggles tbh. I don’t particularly have anything important to do but I have to allow for a lot of time to just sit and process my life. For example, if I have to leave for work at 8, I will get up at 5 to do my makeup, hair, and create some semblance of a breakfast.

Does it take me 3 hours to do those 3 things?

No. But in order not to stress, I have to factor in a lot of doing fuck all; mixed with my current sham of a routine; to trick myself into getting ready. So I’ll wake up, *drank*, no, well actually I wouldn’t complain, but for the purposes of this exercise, no. I wake up, fuckin’ just lie there like a dick for 20 mins, then have a shower. After my shower I lie face down on my bed and have a mini nap.

Then it’s time to do my makeup. This usually consists of me drawing on eyebrows then watching a movie. This always ends in me ‘running out of time’ and deciding to do my makeup at work so that I have a solid hour dedicated to nothing other than watching Vine videos about bitches and unicorns that ‘be like’ while I eat toast. I’m a 22 year old woman and I have to trick myself into going to work. It’s all downhill from here my friends.

I love you all and shall miss you all annnnnd keep in touch. @mrmintyfish (twitter annnnnd instagram yal) Stay safe, Mmf.xx

lifestyle

Campus Style

31

lifestyle

Someone stole my bike seat. Not my bike, not my new tyres (which I had only got a few weeks ago), my bike seat. As you can imagine, this was fairly frustrating. My bike is my main mode of transport and they had rendered it fairly useless. Are there not enough bike seats to go around? Or was this just an act of vandalism against those are able to afford bike seats? Maybe a bike seat killed their second cousin, who knows.

I hate the feeling you get after something of yours is stolen; the invasion, the frustration.

I’m not particularly sentimental about my bike seat, so how it feels when something special to you gets taken, I can only imagine.

A few years ago some burglars broke into my Grandma’s house, and went through her jewellery box, taking things my Grandfather and my Great-Grandmother had bought her before they passed away. In comparison to how my Grandma felt, my frustration gets taken down to “slightly miffed”.

Louise vs The World

We seem to be getting an avalanche of pamphlets and fliers in our mailbox, reminding us to call Crime Stoppers and lock our doors and windows and seeing them on my kitchen bench afterwards just made me mad. As soon as I saw my bike seat was gone, I immediately thought, “shit, I didn’t even

Louise vs. Criminals

know you could take the seat off. How was I supposed to lock that?” The flats behind mine got burgled a few weeks ago, and the police kindly informed us last week the house across the road got done as well. “Be even more careful now” was one piece of advice, “they always come back to get the new stuff you got from the insurance”. Sigh.

“It would make more sense if they robbed the rich to give back to the poor...”

What I don’t understand is why areas like Hamilton East and Hillcrest get hit so hard? I’m sure they have much nicer bikes in Rototuna and Huntington and basically anywhere that isn’t filled with students. I guess rich people can not only afford nicer stuff, but also security systems. It would make more sense if they robbed the rich to give back to the poor, and not just because it would mean my stuff wouldn’t get nicked.

Or maybe owning a bike seat makes me rich to some people, maybe some people don’t even have a bike to get stolen. In a few pay cheques I’ll be able to get a new seat, so if they need it that badly, they can have it.

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Lifestyle

Arts Val Cabadonga I am a New Zealand based photographer & graphic designer, inspired to produce works that is filled with creativity and inspiration.

I think photography and design are ways to convey messages artistically, in a way no words can, the sense of the mystery and the beauty of life, nature and achievements of mankind. It captures emotions and atmosphere where words cannot. website: valcabadonga.com fb. facbook.com/valcabadongaphotography email: iam@valcabadonga.com

33

Lifestyle

last few years, they are as important as family and should be treated as such.

Do not take shit from your colleagues: Often in prison television shows you’ll hear the badass convict say to the new guy that he has to beat up another prisoner to show that he’s not a bitch? Well, work’s like that – except you’d hope there’s less shanking and rape.

Do not let yourself get pushed around in your first role, I know it’s compelling to put your hand up for every assignment to show your worth but you’re just going to end up getting dumped with the shittest jobs until you muster up the courage to quit. Trust me on this. Do not be an arrogant asshole but know that you can say no.

Slut DJ Goodbye Uni – Hello Adulthood.

You know that time you complained about how hard life was because you had so many assignments due? Or how you considered breaking your arm ‘cause it would get you out of your exam? Or how hard it was to attend class hungover and on a comedown? Well, my friend, in six months time when you’re stuck in an office with a tie cutting the circulation off like a cotton noose, you’ll look back on those hardships and realise that those were the easiest and best times of your life. Welcome to adulthood. For better or for worse, graduation is the closest thing to ‘becoming an adult’ in today’s society. Traditionally, puberty would get you kicked off the books and into a job (or pregnant) but nowadays with hormones kicking in super early, fondness for tertiary education and a Lost Boys mindset, our teenage years have extended well into our early twenties. This is not a bad thing, cause ya’ know YOLO and shit. However, the last decade of life hasn’t really actually prepared you for real world employment. Over the next few years you are going to discover quite quickly that life isn’t necessarily what you planned so I thought, for my final column, I’ll fill you in on a few things I’ve learnt about having a career: 34

You are not special: We’re raised to believe we are all amazing, that we can be the next Prime Minister or All Black or Kardashian but it’s completely and utterly wrong. It’s this sort of arrogance that leads to ‘fail’ videos and people belting out horrible renditions of whatever is sitting at the top of the charts at the moment (see: Katy Perry) on reality TV. We all have that little voice in our head that says, ‘yup, I can be an actor or whatever,’ but it’s wrong and so are you. You’ll quickly discover that in your first real career job you’ll be given a staff ID that means you’re now a number – so fall in line, dumbass.

No-one cares about your talent: Talent is the one thing that our generation really overrates.

No-one cares about how good you are at X, there are more people out there better than you at it anyways. Really, if your talent doesn’t give you the ability to make friends (they call this ‘networking’) in the workplace or stack those shelves faster, then it doesn’t mean squat.

‘Adults’ are worse at everything than you but that means nothing: Most bosses are your parent’s age and have been in their jobs since they had their kids. Chances are they still type with two fingers while staring at the keyboard and they will be getting paid four times as much as you. They take longer breaks, are less efficient and do not understand new technology. They hate their job more than you and see you as a threat to their livelihood – which you are. Don’t take it personally, you’re not your job – live for the weekend. Keep in contact with the friends you made over the

‘Work’ is a word to describe people putting in the smallest amount of effort to stretch an assignment over the longest period of time: As part of Gen Y I pride myself on getting things done as quick as possible. You know that saying, “slow and steady wins the race,” – yeah, that quip can get fucked.

However, you’ll quickly discover that just cause you’re all enthusiastic and want to get things done straight away doesn’t mean you can – welcome to bureaucracy. You don’t have ADD. Learn to look busy without talking. Deal with it.

Grades don’t actually matter: When I was at high school I was suspended a number of times for fighting. On the last time I was suspended I was told that I had ruined my life and these ‘stand downs’ were going to hurt my career prospects. They didn’t. I went through my courses with one bloodshot eye open and didn’t get all A’s and you would hate to know what I earn. However, this takes time and although I sound like an absolute wanker in these columns one thing still pays off and that’s the perception of hard work. I’m currently writing this column in Word on my work computer, I’m wearing a suit and have just finished browsing facebook on my phone.

No-one can see what I’m doing right now but they know that every day I’ll have completed my work and that’s what matters.

All of these points may seem pessimistic, but honestly you’re about to set out on a remarkable journey. There is no time in your life where you will be free of almost all responsibility. You have the opportunity to write your future and become who you want to be – so ride off into the sunset and make your happy ending come true. Or just get married, have kids and turn into your parents.

Till next gig. X

LIFESTYLE

Making Living Cheaper Getting Free Internet.

Gday. I’d like to tell you abit about myself and what I do. When I’m not spinning yarns to you students about making living cheaper, I am (by day) a freelance video producer/ social media manager (I make web video/tailor FB campaigns for small to medium businesses).

The work is all good, but I have the constant struggle of an irregular income. I just never know when my next job is coming in and when the bastards are going to pay me.

Because of this I have a night job where I work pouring pints at a pub in Cambridge. This job is pretty fun and gives me the security of a weekly pay packet.

This year I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a bunch of new people (workmates) whom I now consider friends. New friendships are an interesting prospect for us money savers.

Now I have cautioned you in previous articles about the perils of friends and how they can affect your saving goals by inviting you to events/activities etc. These past statements are usually true but on the other hand you can use ‘new friends’ as a tool to save yourself a few bucks.

I’ll give you an example of how to use new friends to your money saving advantage.

I work with this chick who’s one of my managers. Lets call her K Porteous. Wait no, that’s too obvious. Lets call her Kim P. Anyway, Kim is a real dog tucker bastard to

work for (doesn’t give a fuck about the union/ worker rights, etc.) but outside of work she’s a simply one of the loveliest people I’ve ever meet (a real split personality type.)

Over the last year we’ve formed a friendship that has been highly beneficial to my day job and the costs of my day job. Uploading large video files to the Internet is quite hard on the old broadband limit (before meeting Kim I was going over my monthly limit all the time.)

Months ago this Kim sluzza made the financially stupid mistake of kindly giving Honest Matt her wireless password (dumb move with a wedding to save for.)

Anyway once a week I go around and have a coffee/chat with Kim and her fiancée Simon.

While we drink coffee (and bitch about Palmer, Amber, Rebecca, Georgina, Jessie and Richard) my car sits innocently in her driveway while my laptop chugs away uploading a large video file on her dime.

During the day Kim P is usually doing the banking or some other management type crap so I’m free to pop into her driveway and skype a few friends in England.

The satisfaction is immense. Not only am I saving money on my Internet bill but I’m also schmoozing with management while subtly getting a bit of my own back (for all the telling offs) at the same time. So good when the union man gets the last laugh.

Matt Hicks Matt Hicks (Honest_Matt) on Twitter The latest from Matt Hicks (@Honest_Matt).

I’m Honest Matt, @sounzgood @kiwifm @ nexusmag @TheEscapeFest All round top bloke. Subscribe to my vids http://www. youtube.com/sounzgood or I’ll fight

Diary of a Single Girl First-year Reborn

My life right now consists of three things.

Partying, friends, and a little bit of uni work when I absolutely have to. It has started to resemble a wild first-year stage where I go out twice a week and make the worst of my weekend. This last weekend I had a midget lick my cleavage Friday night, and lost my shoes Saturday night. How you do this, I do not know! Ask my friends, they probably have a better idea… then again they might not.

Because of events like these I’m thinking it might be a good idea to calm the farm. I am getting kinda old and I’m not quite sure what age it is that girls start to get booed out of town. When I go into Furnace these days I

“This last weekend I had a midget lick my cleavage Friday night, and lost my shoes Saturday night.

How you do this, I do not know!” look around and everyone looks so young I could be their mother (slight exaggeration for dramatization.) When exactly do girls become that sad old lady dancing in the corner with crazy old-school moves? Would you judge me if you saw me in town? At this stage I’m refusing to settle down. A boyfriend would probably keep me under control, but who really wants to have one of those yanking on your lead every Friday and Saturday. So for now I guess I’ll keep going with this first-year reborn stage. I’m having fun! God, my whole flat is having fun and the others don’t even have the excuse of being uni students!

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WSU

Was This You? Outback, Bar 101 & House.

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SHIT you “The Earth, without Art, is just Eh”

This quote has been circulating the interwebs for a while and judging by the amount of shares and cover photos on Facebook, we all seem to share the same sentiment. Look around you. There are so many things going on right now especially in the Tron. This is your last regular gig guide for the year and wow is it full. It truly is a great time to be alive right now. Let’s celebrate!

The Hamilton Fringe Festival is on until the 12th of this month. Check out their website for daily happenings. Catch you on the flipside. http://hamiltonfringe.co.nz

a basketball game with the boys (or girls. Or boys and girls) on this fine Tuesday evening?

Banished 7:30 pm, Meteor Theatre “I walk this cold empty road with four sets of eyes. The road never ends. I am surrounded by people who see but don’t know how to reach me. Bound… by what? We are blinded by guilt and shame. I stumble in the darkness.

I avoid looking up. Will you see me?” – blurb taken from Fringe Website.

Intrigued yet as to what this is about? I know I am. Only one way to find out…

Wednesday 2nd October Skint Student Night, House 6 pm onwards Final stretch you guys! If you’re part of the graduating class, hooray, your poor student days are hopefully almost over. Don’t feel nostalgic yet because we have this night. Still got a long road of studying upon you? No worries, let the delicious pizza and $5 ciders make the journey just a bit better.

Hamilton International Film Showcase, The Lido 8 pm onwards 8 films both local and international top the lineup this year. Nothing screams “cinema” like the beautiful Lido. Feel free to dress up accordingly.

Thursday 3rd October Monday 30th September Big Muffin Serious, Waikato Museum 10 am – 4:30 pm Ukuleles are cool, y’all. And, as if we needed more proof about how badass these instruments really are, this exhibition happens. Free art exhibition. It’s a Monday. Really the start to the week doesn’t get any better than this.

Tuesday 1st October NZ Skycity Breakers vs China’s Dongguan Leopards 7:30-9:30 pm, Claudelands Arena More into sports? Why not pencil in to watch

Allie & Beep, The Meteor 6 pm Have you ever gotten so close to someone to the point that you become inseparable only to wake up one day to find that your friend has gotten into a relationship and you don’t like it at all? Story of your life? Now there’s a play about it. It’s written by Benny Marama (ya know, he’s the guy that looks after you at Agenda when you’re drunk) and is almost guaranteed to give you “all the feels.”

Keeping NZ on the move – the Exhibition Express, Frankton Station 11 am – 4 pm I’d normally try and be all “pun-ny” with this but I feel like you should just move along and

get to this exhibition. Free entry.

Waikato Home and Garden Show, Claudelands Arena 10 am – 6 pm While this is going on until Sunday it’s best to get in there quick because as they say, “the early bird catches the worm.”

Friday 4th October Agora Goes Live, Café Agora Go see some local talents perform, have something delicious to eat, and enjoy a cup of coffee all while supporting Agora’s charity of the month, Streetworks.

Demigod, half –human, The Loft Space Alexandra S 8:00 pm ‘Play human. Avoid taboo. Shed the primordial skin.’ – taken from blurb.

Again… ?????? What.

This sounds like a performance art/dance/ music/design/show collaboration that has never been done before. Intrigued, yes.

Scared? More like it. Might be good to come with a bunch of friends. There’s safety in numbers! Read the Nexus interview on page [WHAT PAGE NUMBER IS IT?!] for more insight into it’s conception.

Lisa Crawley ‘All In My Head’ Album Release, Gravity 8 pm onwards Lisa Crawley is fast becoming a household name and it’s easy to see why. She’s travelled around the world in the name of music and she’s parking in our backyard for a night of music and fun. With support from Sound The Ocean.

Saturday 5th October Dissolve, Access Bar 11 pm – close Rock band covers. Sometimes, when you just can’t see the real deal, this is the best that you’re gonna get. Bonus points for requests written on serviettes!

For all your gigs and gigging needs: gigs@ nexusmag.co.nz.

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