N.23 / V.46
Clarence Street 7am – 10pm, 7 days a week. Phone (07) 839-4056
Chilled Big Ben Single Pies 2 for
2
00
Reflect Laundry Powder 500g 2 for
2
00
McCains Curly Fries
2
00
Big Softy Toilet Paper 12pk
2
00
Prices valid until Sunday 12 October. Trade not supplied. Deals valid until this Sunday or while stocks last. Valid at PAK’nSAVE Clarence Street only.
WHOA! THAT’S CRAZY CHEAP
nexus magazine
EDITOR RACHAEL ELLIOTT EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ DESIGN HAYLIE GRAY
CONTENTS —
MANAGING EDITOR JAMES RAFFAN
_03
Editorial
CONTRIBUTORS
_04
Lettuce to the Editor
_05
News
_08
News from the University
_09
Sport
_10
Ridiculist & Vox Pops
_11
Reviews
_14
Honest Matt
_15
Horoscopes & Playlist
_16
Auteur
HAZEL BERKLEY
_17
Arts and Stuff
COVER ARTWORK
_18
Fake It Till You Make It
_22
We Don't Need No
Stinking Career
_26
How To Be A Grown Up
_28
Reflections of an
Examinations Manager
SPORTS GUY DR RICHARD SWAINSON BEATS BY J PETER DORNAUF AUNTY SLUT MELISA MARTIN ALIX HIGBY JESSICA WILSON AMBER CARDALE KARL GUETHERT LOUISE HUTT SWEET PAINTED LADY LAURENCE MCLEAN MATT HICKS CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER JULES CRAFT SARA LEMME DARCIE TEE SHIP ONYX LILY ZAC LYON SHANNON NEWLAND
JOSEPH SCOTT PHOTOGRAPHY BECKI MOSS ASHLEIGH MUIR BROOK JAMES CAM ROBINSON WILLIAM STILES ADVERTISING ADS@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ OFFICES GROUND FLOOR
_30 Columns
STUDENT UNION BUILDING GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO
_38
Blind Date
KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON ONLINE
_39 Advice
NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/NEXUSNZ
_41 Recipe
@NEXUSMAG SPOTIFY: NEXUSMAGAZINE
2
nexusmag.co.nz
_42 Puzzles
PHOTOGRAPH: ASHLEIGH MUIR
nexus magazine
EDITORIAL RACHAEL ELLIOTT
—
T
he theme of this week’s Nexus is Afterlife and unless I have
I therefore don’t believe in them. I do, however, follow all the rules
comically misunderstood something, I’m pretty sure this
outlined in Zombieland, just in case. Specifically I indulge in Cardio
means an entire issue devoted to heaven, hell, and the zom-
and I limber up every morning, I always wear my seatbelt, I keep
bie apocalypse.
my backseat so filled with miscellaneous stuff that no zombie could
Let me start by saying there is no God. I do however believe in
ever hide there and even though I don’t plan it, I always seem to be
aliens, Thetans and reincarnation. I’m also open to the possibility that
surrounded by morons (which I figure is a small price to pay for them
Descartes was right and none of you exist outside of my own head.
getting eaten first).
And don’t even get me started on whether or not my brain is in a jar. Here is what I think about the afterlife.
Aliens: I’m not arrogant enough to think that we’re the only sentient beings in the universe, and you should seriously question the
Religion: Dogmatic religion is everything that is wrong with the
sanity of anyone who thinks we’re the be all and end all of all things
world, personified by people who think standing in a Church makes
ever. Seriously, if human beings turn out to be the most advanced
you a Christian. Those people should all go and stand in a garage
life-forms in all the universe I will be gravely disappointed. Humans
and wait to turn into a car. Preferably with the door closed, and an
are fucking stupid. And while the idea of some ‘Independence Day’-
engine running. Dogmatic religion is the reason women are subju-
esque massacre scares the living shit out of me, let’s be honest, we
gated, homosexuals are vilified and children are taught that the only
probably deserve it.
reason they shouldn't be hideous people is that they will be punished.
I'm kidding of course, the theme for this week is afterlife as in
Fear and hatred shouldn’t be what religion is about. Y’all should quit
what would you do after your life at university. But the truth is I’m
banging on about your Christian values, and start fucking living them.
so fucking jaded by the crushing reality of what’s facing us out there
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and usually that
that I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. Especially now we’ve
reason has something to do with alcohol. Specifically, too much
got another term with a government who thinks we exist to earn
alcohol, and not enough clothing. I want to say that my tendency to
them money and keep them safe, instead of the other way around.
get naked when drinking has diminished over the years, but it really
So instead, I’m going to start a religion devoted to alcohol, cynicism
hasn’t. The reason for that is alcohol. See? Everything happens for a
and nakedness. I’m happy for it to be a democracy as long as I get
reason! Someone should put me in charge of a religion, I’m pretty
a crown. And a cookie. And a big stick to hit idiots over the head
good at this!
with. Join me!
Zombies: I am yet to see a zombie, and like all good cynical bitches,
3
LETTUCE
nexus magazine
Momento Food Poisoning ALICE IN PLUNDERLAND
direct swap with the current Women’s Room which is in the same building as our Queer Space. The Women’s Room is almost never used (seriously, do people not know that it exists?) and would offer us the space that we sorely need (the privacy is a welcome bonus). But because we’re nice people and don’t want to displace or alienate anybody, we’d like for anybody with an objection
I would like to thank the MS2 Momento for giving me the worst food poisoning I have EVER experienced (even worse than Namaste Kitchen). Those nachos I
to email us at uniq.waikato@gmail.com. Don’t forget to also CC in Aaron Letcher (president@wsu.org.nz) and Shannon Stewart (vp@wsu.org.nz).
got served on 23/09 were absolutely fucking great. The slightly spicy flavour disguised the nasty little bacteria
Mistype
who would take hold of my digestive system and cause me utter discomfort (for 3days and counting). Thanks for giving me chills, (almost) spills and outright
DISGRUNTLED
feeling like shit for most of the week. Never again shall I try my luck at the Momento Roulette Wheel of Grossness. I have learnt my lesson.
I was comforted and inspired by your BA guide in this week's Nexus, as a current BA first-year struggling to see the point it reminded me that education has a
9am Nexus
greater purpose than an eventual paycheck - if only politicians could understand it too, what a world we could live in.
OPENLY BI BUT TOO SHY FOR BLIND DATES
However I was surprised to see an inspired quote coming from Karl Vonnegut about following your dreams, seeing as I have read the exact same quote from the
That proud moment when instead of taking notes you
rather more well-known Kurt Vonnegut - a hero of
flip through the nexus during your bleary-eyed 9am lec-
American literature, and someone whose poignant
ture about no-one-knows-what because there are only
words deserve to be attributed to him correctly. Tell me
10 of us (out of 80 or so) and judging by the amount of
the point of a magazine editor again...
heads propped on arms we didn't get enough sleep (and or coffee) to make this lecture interesting and realise the blind date section is a same sex couple. Glad nexus isn't totally heteronormative (see mum I do actually learn
Road Rage
stuff at uni). Would be cool for nexus to have a singles mixer... Halloween is on a Friday.
Queer Space DISCLAIMER: Letters published contain the opinion of
JAY JOHANSSEN, PRESIDENT – UNIQ WAIKATO
the writer and the writer alone. Nexus
mitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.
4
nexusmag.co.nz
Dear Fucktard who just about crashed into me last night, If you're not going to use your indicator on a roundabout, you no longer have the right to toot your horn and give me the fingers for assuming you're not turning right. I think that assumption is a fair one to make, since you
publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By sub-
ROAD RAGIN
UniQ Waikato is the representative group for queer (and questioning) students at the UoW. We run as both a social and support group. Part of our responsibility to
WEREN'T FUCKING INDICATING RIGHT. That stick that makes the orange lights flash? Learn how to use it or get off the road.
the queer students on campus is the operation of a safe space (Queer Space). We have 86 members and we’re still expanding – in fact, we’ve outgrown our current Queer Space, so we’re currently working with the WSU to find a more appropriate room for us. One of the WSU suggestions has been a
Got something to say? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
NEWS
WE ARE BETTER THAN OTAGO BECAUSE... PORN JAMES RAFFAN
— In a stunning article in last Tuesday’s New Zealand Herald an Otago Student called his University policies around alcohol and pornography for students in the Halls of Residence “Draconian.” We thought he had a point, the argument isn’t about whether someone should be looking at porn in the library or in a lab. Everyone knows that those are solely for Facebook and the pretence of work. But when a student lives in the Halls of Residence? So we thought we would seek clarification from Michelle Jordan-Tong who is the head of Student Services. “The Halls are 'home' for these students and we are very respectful of that,” Ms Jordan-Tong says. It’s a pretty straight forward answer, but there is a caveat. The University will block illegal internet sites that come to the University’s attention and monitor traffic for any filesharing infringements. “Illegal activities of any nature are not tolerated in what is a safe and secure environment for these students.” There is more good news though. At the moment Halls
“CHINESE DEMOCRACY” WILL BE A LONG WAIT IN HONG KONG
students currently have internet supplied through a third party and purchase additional quota beyond the 2GB provided by the University. But starting in 2015 Halls students will have unlimited internet provided for fair and
CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER
reasonable use.
—
So, in summary; you can have a drink in your residence, starting in 2015 you can play all the legal online games you
Angered at Chinese backpedaling over democracy
to budge on this issue, Benny Tai says Hong Kong
promises, thousands of protesters have camped
will enter an "era of civil disobedience" until the pro-
themselves in the heart of Hong Kong. China has
tester's demands are granted.
promised Hong Kong democratic elections by 2017,
There are large constituencies in Hong Kong which
but in August the Chinese legislature explained
favour the status quo, or at least something short of
what they really meant, saying that Hong Kongers
full democracy, but the tide may be turning in the
would only be able to choose between two or
reformer's favour due to police brutality in attempting
three candidates.
to clear occupiers from the financial district. All this
Aforementioned candidates would have to secure
has timed itself nicely with China's own anniversary,
50% support from a special 'nominating committee'
National Day, on October 1st ,which involves seven
which would be formed "in accordance with" Hong
days of patriotic celebrations of the establishment of
Kong's pro-Beijing election committee.
the People's Republic in 1949.
Meanwhile, Hong Kong's activist movement
It remains to be seen whether the protesters will
Occupy Central (AKA the 'Umbrella Movement') lead
claim the head of pro-Beijing Chief Executive of Hong
by dissident academic Benny Tai organised their own
Kong CY Leung or make any progress toward a re-
unofficial referendum in June asking Hong Kongers
interpretation of 'One Country, Two Systems' in the
what kind of electoral system they would like. They
near term.
received a massive response of nearly 800,000 voters.
Chinese officials say direct election would lead to
On July 1st, the anniversary of Hong Kong's return to
a 'chaotic society' and their capacity for repression
China, Occupy Central organised the largest democ-
should not be underestimated, but with citizens con-
racy protest in their history.
tinuing to brave the pepper spray in the heart of their
Now, because of Mainland China's unwillingness
want with your unlimited internet access and you can view all the porn you want, provided you are not downloading illegal porn from a file sharing site. In fact it’s fair to say the only draconian part of their policy is that if you perform a sexual act while viewing this porn, you then have to leave your residence and walk to the nearest road off campus to have a cigarette.
city, something has got to give.
5
nexus magazine
ONLINE SUSTAINABLE EVENTS CALENDAR FOR THE WAIKATO LAUNCHED SARA LEMME
— Last Saturday was the official launch of a new website designed to provide a hub for organisers, businesses and the general public to inform each other and find out about environmental events in the Waikato region. The Sustainable Events Calendar (www.sustainableevents.org.nz ) is free to use by those wanting to look up and list events. These could include anything from community gardening and tree planting days, to educational events, to local markets. The website’s designers, Dori Media, are members of the Sustainable Business Network. The website itself is hosted on a solar
SHOWING THE COUNCIL HOW TO TRULY ADDRESS HOMELESSNESS SARA LEMME
— A Hamilton initiative, called The People’s Project, has been addressing the issue of homelessness in the city over the last couple of months. The People’s Project involves a number of agencies, including the Wise Group, Waikato DHB, Police, Hamilton City Council and Corrections. They are currently working with about 30 people and have successfully aided 4 people out of homelessness. The goal of the People’s Project is to get the city’s homeless population to zero by 2016. Using the resources of all agencies involved, each person helped get support from all necessary areas. Along with the government agencies, the Wise Group includes a number of
“THE GOAL OF THE PEOPLE’S PROJECT IS TO GET THE CITY’S HOMELESS POPULATION TO ZERO BY 2016.”
charitable organisations that are able to provide support in areas relating to mental health and addiction, employment, training and education. Julie Nelson, Wise Group’s project leader, understands there is a lot of debate around the issue but stated that “Everyone should and needs to have safe, affordable, and appropriate housing…it is hard to work if you do not have a home, it is hard to have good health and well being if you haven't got a home. The purpose is about connecting people, organisations, and communities to readjust society for all." In a deliberate decision, the main office is located in Garden Place and the project itself is funded by all agencies involved.
6
nexusmag.co.nz
powered server and is managed by the Waikato Environment Centre and is supported with cooperation between the Hamilton, Waikato, Waikato Regional and Waipa District Councils.
nexus magazine
GO AND DONATE SOME FUCKING BLOOD, PLEASE
THE NEXUS SHORT NEWS CRYSTAL BALL SPECULATORIUM: LABOUR LEADERSHIP EDITION!
SARA LEMME
JAMES RAFFAN
—
—
Hamilton’s blood bank is really low on blood and plasma stores.
In the wake of the second worst Labour defeat of all
episode of Downtown Abbey, the Labour Party would
This is the shit that saves people’s lives. What might seem like
time and the resignation of David Cunliffe (and subse-
never let a woman of colour or culture be anything
a trivial amount to you is a big deal to someone who needs it.
quent pitch to get his job back) we thought we would
but second place. Chances: If she were racing at
Team leader recruitment Dean Hill has said that they need
wildly speculate about potential opposition leaders
Addington we would say about 38 to 1.
to double the number of active donors, which currently sits
and their likely running mates.
Jacinda Arden. Twelve words or less: Tough
at 4000. An estimated 700 appointments per week need to be
Grant Robertson. Twelve words or less: Liberal
made in order to meet demand, but the cold and flu season has
champion, presumed favourite and potentially the
better teeth? Pros: She’s Jacinda Fucking Arden.
seen the number of people donating weekly drop significantly.
first post-baby boomer leader ever. Pros: He’s kind
The question isn’t if she will be leader but when. It
on crime, easy on the eye. Aunty Helen reincarnate,
“I know people are often at odds as to what charity to donate
of the anti-Cunliffe and also gay... which when you
probably should be now, it probably won’t be now.
to. Donating blood costs nothing and you can help save lives.”
think about it shouldn’t be a pro or a con in 2014
Cons: She’s a liberal progressive female who adds youth and energy but also has a father who was a
The blood types in highest demand (O+ and A+) are the most
and it’s kind of fucked up that it’s new and unique
common (70% of the population), but also O- is needed as it is a
in a potential leader. Cons: He’s still a white male,
police superintendent and diplomat as well as hav-
universal blood type and is taken on board rescue helicopters
career politician in a sea of white male career politi-
ing a former but lapsed church background. She may
when there isn’t time to establish the blood type of an injured
cians. Potential running mate: Depends on Ardern’s
actually be too perfect for the job and the risk is that
person.
own ambitions but otherwise the job will go to mad
her leadership change might be seen as a simple but
magazine impersonator Chris Hipkins. Chances: Start
largely cosmetic fix to endemic problems that exist
There is criteria to be eligible to donate- all of which can be found at www.nzblood.co.nz. You can book appointments on the website, or alternatively
putting the white smoke in the chimney now and let
in the very core of the Labour party at the moment.
the anointment begin.
Also, we heard she’s a pretty shit DJ. Likely running
just call in, even if you just have questions. The centre is
David Shearer. Twelve words or less: Never going
mate: Literally anyone. Chances: 100% certain to be
located at Gate 1, Waikato Hospital, 21 Ohaupo Road, Hamilton.
to be Prime Minister. Nice guy though. Pros: Was not
the Labour leader. Maybe now. Maybe after Shearer
Phone: 07 839 3679 or 0800 448 325
PROTESTING ON A POTATO CHIP RAFT SARA LEMME
—
the leader in the last year Cons: Was the leader the
in 2015, Maybe after Robertson in 2016 if he replaces
year before that. Potential running mate: Phil Goff
Shearer in 2015, maybe after Cunliffe again in 2017,
because two failed leaders make a successful one.
maybe for the Greens in 2020?
That’s just straight up science. Chances: To be fair
David Cunliffe. Twelve words or less: No. Pros:
to him, no one thought he would get the job the first
The only pros to a Cunliffe return would be for
time so who knows.
National voters already thinking 4th term. Cons: Did
Sue Moroney. Twelve words or less: Bloody lucky
you even watch the election? Likely running mate:
to be in Parliament. Blah blah blah paid parental leave.
We hear Hone Harawera is out of a job... Chances: Too
Pros: Did we mention paid parental leave yet? I’m
fucking good for our liking
One of the biggest first world problems out there- seeing the
pretty sure she wanted us to mention paid parental
D a v i d B e n n e t t . Tw e l v e w o r d s o r l e s s :
excessively large empty space in a chip packet- is a pain that
leave because, paid parental leave. Cons: She lost to
Opportunistic political chameleon. Think Frank
transcends geographical borders. This has been highlighted by
Timmy Macindoe, twice! He is pretty much the MP
Underwood: House of Cards. Pros: Mother fucker
a group of really pissed South Korean students who have given
we book when we can’t get David Bennett back from
knows how to win and will do what he thinks is in
Greenpeace a run for their money in extreme water protesting.
whatever ski holiday he’s on with a random date. Also
his best interest. Cons: He might be too busy being
The students last week set out to publicise the ridiculous-
he basically said vote for me because I love Jesus...
superman’s arch nemesis to take on the role. Potential
ness of the space in chip packets by making a raft out of
Potential Running Mate: Nanaia Mahuta because
Running Mate: We’re guessing a blonde. Chances:
unopened potato chip packets and rowing it to protest for
she is likeable and good at her job but, much like an
How much money does Labour have?
consumerist justice almost 1.3kms, all the way across Seoul’s main river, the Han. While it is common for nitrogen gas to be in chip packets to prevent damage or the product going stale, the group believed the amount was too high. Using 160 packets, and attracting almost 200 people, the two students, who surprisingly made it without sinking, seemed to have made their point and made it well.
7
nexus magazine
NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY
REDUCING EXAM ANXIETY WORKSHOPS — The Counselling service is offering practical-based, one-hour workshops to assist you in developing skills and behaviours to reduce anxiety before and during examinations. Hamilton: 8 October 1-2pm in K.3.20, 15 October 1-2pm in K.3.20, and 16 October 1-2pm in I. 1.10. Tauranga: 15 October 9.30-1.30am in V124/5 Windermere, 11am-12pm in V124/5 Windermere, 1-2pm in DT222 Bongard, and 2.30-3.30pm in DT222 Bongard. Numbers are limited so registration is essential. To register please contact Maria Reynolds at mariar@waikato.ac.nz
FREE PUBLIC LECTURE ON ANCIENT ROME NEXT WEEK — Professor Robert Hannah, Dean of the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, is an international expert on issues relating to time in the ancient world. He will give his free and public Inaugural Professorial Lecture Measuring time in antiquity: Archaeoastronomy in the Greek and Roman worlds, on Tuesday 14 October from 6pm at the Academy. The Opus Bar is open from 5pm.
POSTGRADUATE INFORMATION SESSION NEXT WEEK —
CAMPUS FUN RUN SERIES MONDAY NIGHTS — The Campus 5km Fun Run and Walk takes place every Monday night until 15 December and then again from early 2015. Registrations start
Are you considering postgraduate research? As part of Postgraduate Month, you are invited to attend our drop-in information session where you will be able to discuss Masters research and doctoral programmes with University postgraduate staff. The info session is on Wednesday 15 October from 1.15-1.45pm in S.G.01 on the Hamilton campus. For more information, visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/postgraduate/postgraduatemonth.shtml
at 5pm outside Momento Café on the Village Green. Walkers start between 5pm and 6pm, while runners start at 6pm. Registration is $6 which entitles participants to a beer, cider or non-alcoholic drink at the end. Spot prizes are also awarded on the night. The Campus 5km Fun Run and Walk is in association with the Hamilton City Hawks running club, UniRec, Momento Café and Good George. For more information email unipr@waikato.ac.nz
LOOK WHO’S MOVING TO THE STUDENT CENTRE — To make it easier for you to access our services, the Careers, Scholarships, Alumni, and Postgraduate Studies offices are moving to the Student Centre. From Wednesday 8 October you can find these services on Level 1 of the Student Centre (opposite the new Bennetts store) on the Hamilton campus. Come in and see us or call us on (07)838 4439.
GIVE BLOOD ON CAMPUS — NZ Blood’s Mobile Blood Collection Unit will be at UniRec from Monday 13 to Thursday 16 October, 10am-2.30pm. Drop-ins are welcome, but it’s best to make an appointment beforehand – you can do this by calling 0800 448 325 or visiting www.nzblood.co.nz and clicking ‘Book Appointment Now’. Don’t forget to bring your ID.
8
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
AFL GRAND FINAL – DID THE SYDNEY SWANS CHOKE? SPORTS GUY - OPINION
— Before the AFL Grand Final, every man and his dog was backing the Sydney Swans to take it out in a real nailbiter, with the line being only 8.5 either way. The Swans, however, got absolutely pummelled into the dirt by a Hawthorn Hawks team who were on fire; the final score being 137 – 74 in favour of the Hawks. So the question
THE POTENTIAL FOR PROFIT ON TENNIS
is – did the Swans choke?
SPORTS GUY
In a word; no. You can take into account the fact that
—
the Swans finished at the top of the ladder come the end of the regular season, and had some dominant performances in the playoffs. However, more important things need to be taken into consideration before you call them chokers. Hawthorn finished second on the table – on the exact same amount of points as the Swans, the Swans got the top spot on percentage. Also, the teams split their two regular season match-ups with one win apiece; and Hawthorn were one of only five teams to score more than 75 points past the Swans. Hawthorn were probably the
If you follow tennis, you’ll know how vital breaks of serve are in the men’s tournaments, and how common they are in the women’s tournaments. If you enjoy having the odd punt every now and then, and there is a tennis tournament going on (which is more often than not) have a look at the match ups. In the men’s games, breaks of serve pay around $2.50 - $3 unless the match will be 100% lop-sided. The women’s games pay just as well and are a hell of a lot more common.
one team Sydney did not want to meet in the finals but, unfortunately for them, the one team left in the competi-
My advice would be that if you’re watching a match, see
tion who knew how to score past the Swans was the
who has the momentum and who is tiring. If you pick your
team they came up against on the grand stage.
spots right, you can make a butt load of profit from one match; especially in early stages of the tournament where
Everyone was down playing Hawthorn which, in the end,
you get match results like 6-0 6-0.
worked to their advantage. One more bit of advice would be the number of games in set option. If you see a top player like Novak Djokovic or Serena Williams against some unknown in the first round, looking at how many games there will be can be beneficial. Early results can often be thrashings like above, and because there’s a little more risk to this option, it pays a bit better. If you are going to gamble, make sure you’re only putting down what you can afford to lose. Good luck out there, kids.
9
nexus magazine
RIDICULIST
VOX POPS
Lies about getting a job after university.
Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.
1 “You’ll walk into a job after uni!” The only thing you’re likely to walk into is a landslide of rejection letters.
Mike, Biology and Psychology. What did you wanna be when you grew up and how different is that now? I wanted to be a zoologist. What's the first thing you will do once you graduate? Party. One place you'd rather be right now? Playing Xbox.
2 “A post-grad course is worth the time and effort because it impresses employers.”
Ash, Mechanical Engineering.
No one cares about your post grad cert in TESOL, or
What did you wanna be when you grew up and how different is that
your Masters. At all.
now? Engineer/Businessman. I'm working on it right now. What's the first thing you will do once you graduate? Marry my girl. One
3 “That string of As puts you a head above the rest!”
place you'd rather be right now? Europe - Liverpool - I'm a Liverpool fan.
Employers won’t read your grades off your CV. Let’s be honest, they won’t even read your CV.
4 “Who wouldn’t want to employ someone with a music degree?” Uh... most humans.
5 “With a degree like that you’ll probably pay your
Helen, History and English. What did you wanna be when you grew up and how different is that now? I wanted to be teacher - I did a whole bunch of stuff between and now training. What's the first thing you will do once you graduate? Take a break, or a holiday. A real holiday. One place you'd rather be right now? Happy where I am.
Jack (BP), Sports & Leisure and then Teaching. What did you wanna be when you grew up and how different is that
student loan off in a year.”
now? I wanted to be a primary school teacher. English cricketer. I
Not likely, even if you strip on the side.
wanted to play for England. What's the first thing you will do once you graduate? Move to England. Free accom so travel around. One
6
place you'd rather be right now? Partying in Tokyo.
“We’re so proud of you.” Nothing to do with job hunting, just your parents lying to you.
Nixi, Psychology. What did you wanna be when you grew up and how different is that now? Dolphin trainer... But then I grew up. What's the first thing you
7 “There is no reason to leave the country to get a job.”
will do once you graduate? Probably going to go to New Caledonia, I've already got the cash I just need the time. One place you'd rather be right now? Mount Maunganui, Astrolabe. Martini.
If you’re cool with that job being at MacDonalds.
8 “You can live at our house until you find a job.” Said no parent ever.
Holly, Psychology and Screen and Media. What did you wanna be when you grew up and how different is that now? Movie maker... basically the same now. What's the first thing you will do once you graduate? Travel. If I can afford it. One place you'd rather be right now? The beach, definitely the beach.
10
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
Boyhood
Step Up All In
FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON
FILM REVIEW BY DARCIE
Boyhood is Richard Linklater's masterpiece. A coming of age tale like
I love a good Step Up movie; well at least I loved the first two. As
no other, it was shot intermittently over a 12 year period, with actors
number 3 and 4 came out I still went and saw them, but died a little
aging at the same rate as the characters they are playing. On its
inside as I watched the ideas being repackaged and labelled as new.
most obvious level the story is of an individual boy's progress from
‘Step Up All In’ was probably one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a
6 through 18, however its drama also captures the life changes of his
while though. The story is the same old, trying to get big, win some
sibling and parents as well as the wider social and political shifts in
prize and get the girl/guy, whatever. This time it’s set in Los Angeles
American society between 2002 and the present day. As Linklater wrote the script in collaboration with his cast as they
and Las Vegas, and the cast includes a mixture of those from Step Up 2: The Streets mostly, but also Step Up 3D and Revolution as well.
aged, the narrative arc feels fresh and uncannily naturalistic, as
There aren’t a whole lot of good things to say about this movie.
though this were an actual family. The 7-Up documentary series
The storyline was bad, the movie was just dancing, but to the point
comes to mind as a point of comparison yet the shifts between time
where the actual story was lacking a lot. Those who watched Step Up
periods are seamless. The continuity of the writing and the acting
1 and 2 might remember there actually being a story with the dancing
is remarkable, especially from young actors Ellar Coltrane, as pro-
revolving around it; well this was the other way around.
tagonist Mason Evans, Jr., and Linklater's own daughter Lorelei, as Mason's sister Samantha. Seldom, if ever, have the pleasures, the frustrations and the
The acting was average at best, and disturbing at worst; the dancing was average and there wasn’t really anything special about it because we’ve seen it all before. The best thing about this movie was Moose,
simple mundanity of growing up been captured with such emotional
because Moose is the man. His scenes with Camille were probably
accuracy. Mason's growth from curious if quiet child to thoughtful
the best in the movie, because there was actually some depth there,
adolescent and budding photographic artist is profoundly moving, as
while other scenes tried and failed to have that.
he benefits from the support of loving parents but is also challenged by their flawed choices and limitations. All the usual movie clichés of this type of story are avoided: Mason is neither the stereotypical rebel nor the archetypal nerdy swat. Instead, he's a credible human being, one we can all understand and identify with.
11
nexus magazine
Tomorrow’s Modern Boxes
Royal Blood ALBUM REVIEW BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT
ALBUM REVIEW BY JAMES RAFFAN It’s no secret I have a mad on for drummers. It’s a combination of A few months ago I reviewed Damon Albarn’s disappointing solo effort and posited that Albarn without Blur or Gorillaz was basically whining and self-obsessed. I bring this up now because if you go back with a vivid and cross out the words ‘Damon Albarn’ and ‘Blur’ and replace them with ‘Thom Yorke’ and ‘Radiohead’ then you have the album Tomorrow’s Modern Boxes. Boxes is a 39 minute therapy session for Thom Yorke to convince people he’s still a fucking genius and he fails miserably at it. Even the pretentious way he tweeted a “buy my album via torrent” made me hate it even more. Starting with “A Brain in a Bottle” and meandering its way through eight pointless tracks, the album is basically just Yorke screwing around with electronic equipment in his basement. Tracks like “The Mother Lode” still highlight that he’s a talented guy but I just don’t get it this time around. I really feel that the fault doesn’t lie with Thom Yorke though. It’s the rest of us who take musicians like Yorke and Albarn and put them on a pedestal and tell them that they are great. Which they are, just not as solo artists. At least Chris Martin had the sense to realise Coldplay is all the self-indulgent crappy music he ever needs to make.
things I think, I’m a drummer myself, I’m a dancer whose heart beats in time with a bass drum, and I’m a big fan of men with good rhythm. I love it when a band gives proper dues to their drummer, because I don’t care how much you leap around at the front of the stage, it’s all going to turn to shit if your drummer walks off. So Royal Bloodcomprised of British duo bassist/singer Mike Kerr and drummer Ben Thatcher- was always going to do it for me. But I never thought I’d love their album quite this much. I hear you say, but how can they be THAT good with nothing but a bass guitar and a set of drums? Genius, that’s how. The balance of brutal grunge and swinging melody reminds me of Metallica and early Foos, but what they invoke more than anything else is Queens of the Stone Age at their very, very best. It’s grungy, it’s bluesy, it’s melodic, it’s catchy, it’s heavy and sexy, the lyrics are smart, the riffs are razor sharp and fun as hell, the drums are tight, relentless and energetic- this album has it all. The single Figure it Out tilts from a come hither riff into a full blown strut, Little Monster lurks ominously, heart bleeding in anguish and You Can Be So Cruel rolls along, catchy riff mixing with heart-felt, clever lyrics and thundering drums. Buy this album. Turn it up. Get amongst. Royal Blood: my 2014 jam of the summer.
12
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
The Color Purple
Duke Nukem Forever
BOOK REVIEW BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT
GAME REVIEW BY KARL GUETHERT
The Color Purple was written in 1982, and some of you might think
I think it’s a little appropriate that the review I do on a game that
that’s enough of a reason to give it a miss. But it won the Pulitzer Prize
took (almost) forever to be released is itself written long after that
for Fiction (among other things) and is definitely worth it- and I’m not
game had been released. I’ll acknowledge that Duke Nukem is no
just saying that because I’m a book-freak with a deep love for a story
way Politically Correct - he’s equal parts offensive and cliché tough
focused on overcoming insurmountable odds. This is the perfect book
guy. But then, when the ‘90’s “Duke 3D” had lines like “I’m going to
to read if you’re really busy studying- it’s broken into reasonably short
rip off your head, and shit down your neck” I wouldn’t have expected
chapters (one for each letter written by Celie or Nettie) and the story
any less from this version.
is gripping enough that even if you only read one of them a night you
The game itself took so long to come to fruition (over 10 years in
won’t get lost. I needed some hope in bite sized pieces, and The Color
the making), that many people wish it never got published. But I think
Purple delivered in spades.
there was a high expectation that this was going to be “the next big
The book tells the story of Celie, a young black woman living in Georgia in the 1930s. She’s poor, she’s uneducated, she’s black, she’s
thing in gaming” – a claim nothing can ever live up to. To be fair, it’s not the greatest game around either…
treated as a chattel by both the man she believes is her father (who
That said, if you’re looking for a mindless shoot-em-up where you
begets two kids on her via rape, then takes them away) and the
barely need to think, this should suit. Duke’s one-liners feel like they
man she’s married off to before she’s sixteen- even though he really
fit your ears like a glove (many stolen directly from movies and pop-
wanted her sister. If the subject matter is grim, the presentation of it
internet-culture and/or memes, so often recognisable). Explosions
is not. While shit definitely goes down, the overwhelming impression
and gunfire awe your eyes and gratuitously long-loading screens
you’re left with by the end of the book is that of strength and defiance.
quicken your heart rate. Okay, maybe that last one doesn’t really help
The Color Purple might highlight stereotypes of race and gender, but
much… There’s more of a nostalgic feel to the game (if you are a fan
it also subverts them. The story has its quirks, (like Celie falling in love with her husband’s
of the older games) than anything else, but I wouldn’t completely write it off. I did buy the Balls of Steel Collector’s Edition after all…
mistress) but overall it’s a marvel.
13
nexus magazine
HØNEST MATT MEETS KVKA Honest Matt Matt Hicks
Matt Hicks has a chat with young Hamilton based, Zambian born rap-
relationships that people tend not to give real criticism if you’re business
per KVKA.
partners (I didn’t want a yes man). Tony has helped me musically, physically
So KVKA tell us a bit about yourself? Well I’m KVKA (pronounced koo- (encouraging me to eat right and stuff like that) and helped me emotionally so ka). A lot of people say it’s wrong. They call me out on the spelling because
working with him has changed my life completely. How would you describe
they don’t know understand the “v” is a “u”. I changed it to V to symbolize
your style of music to those not in the know? I’d describe my music as
a lot of things but one of the main things is ‘V’ in roman numerals means 5
all the thoughts people can’t articulate properly. Like when you’re trying to
and there are 5 people in my family. I’m also the 5th child, so it’s a reminder
explain something but you can’t think of a way to say it. My music is those
not to act like the cliché last born and expect everything to be handed to me
thoughts articulated but it’s also emotional. What rappers/musicians do
(don’t act spoiled and work hard).
you look up to? In music I look up to the obvious greats like Nas, Biggie, Pac,
I’m from Zambia, I moved to England then Wales when I was 6 or 7 and
Jay Z, Andre 3000 etc but the person in NZ music I look up to most (apart
then moved to beautiful New Zealand after that. I’ve been here almost 9
from Tony Douglas) is Raiza Biza. My dude learnt a lot of his English from
years. I’m 17 years old, finishing my final year of high school. I’ve been doing
watching T.V and now is one of the best in NZ thanks to his dedication, focus
music seriously for just over a year but I’ve been rapping since year 10 or 11.
and drive. What’s been your proudest achievement in your career so far?
I read in an interview with you that you originally “hated rap”. Why was
My proudest achievement to date is being told my music inspires people and
that? Being raised as a suburban kid I never really understood rap because
that my songs have helped people (that still today makes me choke up). Any
at the time all I knew was Biggie, Pac, 50 Cent and DMX. I hated it because
final words? Don’t let people tell you what or who you should be because
all they talked about was the hood and I never could experience nostalgia or
at the end of the day you have deal with your life and what you’ve done and
catharsis from their music. When I discovered Outkast and Kanye West I fell
all your regrets. I want to say thank you to everyone that has shown me
in love with it. You work closely with respected producer Tony Douglas
love and sent me kind messages on Facebook, twitter or other social media.
from CTFD. Has working with Tony been beneficial to your progression
Thank you to everyone supporting me. To all the youth in the world don’t
as an artist? Tony is my brother (not literally). When I met him the first
forget to put up your Vs and be visionaries.
thing I told him is I don’t want us working together to be like a business type thing but for him to really become like a brother. I had realised from past
14
nexusmag.co.nz
More at sounzgood.co.nz
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. “Nice” is of course an objective term so while “your shoes are so unique” may translate as a compliment to one, it could conversely mean “there is a reason this brand doesn’t employ sweatshop workers, i.e. lack of demand” to another.
Yeowch. It stings. In this case the reference term “traitor” is not an over reaction, you can scratch their name out of your black book and forget that they exist. No, really. Stop following them around and watching them across the library. Look “coincidence” up in the dictionary - it’s not this.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Drinking, partying, and never being on time is permissible and even expected at this stage of life, but fisticuffs and insulting someone based on their looks will send you straight to the naughty corner and no one will be your friend anymore. There. Horoscopes will always put baby in the corner.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Behold the future. Do not be afraid, for we shall guide you through. Put down the problems of the past and embrace the uncertainty. Surprises are good for you, they keep you on your toes – and not picking up your assignments for an entire semester isn’t negligence, IT’S A THRILL.
You’re currently tearing it up in the style department and campus goers will be falling over themselves to unravel the inner workings of your aesthetic genius. Well, it’s that, or you’re dressing like you grew up in Remuera and the Hamilton tall poppy syndrome is strong. Be wary of garden shears.
I dunno what to tell you, you’re basically acing life right now. Could you be any better at this? Fuck. Might as well quit your job and retire by the beach. Grab your margarita mix, Havanas, and a guidebook to Paris. Contemplate a post-retirement plan of life-coaching a’ la Jordan Belfort. You wolf, you.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
When life takes a turn for the worse and you’re not sure you will make it through the week, reflect on this: if Harvard believes in the merits of a study on Beyonce, you can believe in the merits of yourself. If that’s not inspirational, we’re done trying.
Something or someone is going to sweep you off your feet this week. This will either please you greatly, life has been a bit boring as of late, or it will freak you the fuck out. In either situation keep your cool and try not to hit them with your laptop when they eventually show up.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Make like the bull that you are, and tear the bitch's head off. You have a reputation around these parts; people just can’t wave red flags in your face and expect unperturbed silence… show them who’s boss by parking too close to them in gate 1 and slightly denting their car with your door.
Heeeeey, whatcha got there? Is someone keeping a little secret? Such scandal! Things like that can make or break a career, you know. Choose wisely who you share this information with; you are Kim Kardashian or Bill Clinton in this situation, there is no in-between.
You’re just excelling this week; your happiness and self-fulfilment stats are off the charts. The galaxy credits this work ethic to the lure of a summer escape once school is out. Good for you, Leo. I haven’t seen this much success since I wrote Gemini’s horoscope. You must be friends.
Not sure what you mean there, Aries. “Life’s not fair” is something we only let third world orphans bandy about and even then they use it sparingly. Oh, you feel bad now? Good. You’re a whiny little bitch, all you need to do is reboot it and your apps should start working again.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
HOROSCOPES
nexus magazine
Tomorrowland Playlist BEATS BY J
Michael Woods / Lauren Dyson
In Your Arms - Club Mix
Bassjackers/ LIKE THAT
LIKE THAT
Porter Robinson / Urban Cone
Lionhearted - Arty Remix
R3hab & Ummet Ozcan Remix / Calvin Harris
Summer
Hardwell Remix / Krewella
Alive
Shot Me Down feat. Skylar Grey David Guetta / Shot Me Down
Monkey In Love - Original Mix Tommy Trash / Monkey In Love
Sebastian Ingrosso / Tommy Trash / John Martin Reload
Third Party Remix / Sigma Nobody To Love
LOUDPVCK / Gladiator / Nipsey Hussle Tony
Steve Aoki / Diplo / Deorro / Steve Bays / Rickyxsan
Freak
Dimitri Vegas / Martin Garrix / Like Mike
Tremor
Brillz Remix / Galantis
You
Follow nexusmagazine on Spotifiy.
15
nexus magazine
AUTEUR HOUSE PRESENTS STARS WHO FELL ON THEIR OWN SWORDS Auteur Dr Richard Swainson
In a year when far too many movie stars have shuffled off this mortal
was also romantic: Boyer poisoned himself two days after the death of his
coil, Robin Williams' suicide still managed to shock the world. From a
wife of 44 years, unable to live without her.
historical perspective it is equally significant. Williams is perhaps the big- 4. Gig Young (1978). Young had a huge range and brilliant comic timing and gest star ever to have consciously taken his own life. Mabel Normand, Jean
won a much deserved Oscar in 1969 for playing the cynical emcee in They
Harlow, Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland, Alan Ladd, Heath Ledger and Philip
Shoot Horses, Don't They? The precise reasons for his suicide are unknown.
Seymour Hoffman all checked out well before their time but accidentally
Three days after marrying his fifth wife - a woman 31 years his junior - Young
and mostly as a result of mixing too many drugs, prescription or otherwise.
killed her and then himself. He had met the unfortunate lady on the set of the
The following list catalogues other stars who fell on their own swords.
prophetically named Game of Death, both Young's and Bruce Lee's last film.
1. Everett Sloane (1965). Sloane debuted in the greatest film of all, playing
5. Jean Seberg (1979). After an over-hyped debut, miscast as Joan of Arc,
Citizen Kane's loyal right hand man Bernstein. Six years later he was even
Seberg made an indelible contribution to the development of cinema, star-
better in another Orson Welles classic, as the bitter and crippled millionaire
ring first in the cult Bonjour Tristesse then its unofficial sequel, the seminal
Arthur Bannister in The Lady from Shanghai. Sloane ended it all because he
French New Wave classic Breathless. Beset with emotional problems and
feared he was going blind.
hounded by the FBI for her association with the Black Panther movement,
2. George Sanders (1972). In 1937 Sanders, a promising character actor, told
two decades later Seberg parked up in a Renault outside her Paris apartment
a friend that he would kill himself when he was 65. 35 years later, having
and took a handful of barbiturates.
achieved the age, he did just that but not before winning an Oscar for All
6. Richard Farnsworth (2000). A stuntman and extra for the bulk of his career,
About Eve and using his trademark velvet voice in everything from Alfred
Farnsworth only became a legitimate actor toward the end of his life. After
Hitchcock's Rebecca to Walt Disney's The Jungle Book.
receiving an Oscar nomination and world-wide acclaim for playing the lead
3. Charles Boyer (1978). The French born Boyer, a star of some standing in
role in David Lynch's The Straight Story he blew his brains out rather than
the 1930s and 1940s, featured in films on both sides of the Atlantic and was
suffer a slow death from bone cancer.
known especially for his romantic leading roles. After a fashion his suicide
16
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
APPROPRIATE APPROPRIATION Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf
Cultural appropriation can be a funny thing; or not, depending on where
But cultural appropriation has travelled in the opposite direction. Maori
you’re standing. It can be the cause of a bit of friction, but often it depends
have sourced the European store of cultural heritage and used that for their
on who is doing it and which direction it’s coming from.
own enriching purposes. A classic case can be seen in the Maori prophet
The art world is full of it. Appropriation, cultural and otherwise, is meat
movements. Te Kooti appropriated Jewish stories of exile and journey to the
and drink to contemporary art. In New Zealand, well known ‘Pop’ artist, Dick
Promised Land, applied them to his followers and set himself up as a second
Frizzell, is a standout example. His Tiki series from the mid 90’s, (Maori
Moses. His successor, Rua Kenana, created a temple in the Ureweras and
motifs translated into modern abstract forms), is a celebrated case. He
decorated it with clubs and diamonds taken from European playing cards.
borrowed from indigenous culture and borrowed from styles of famous
This kind of cultural appropriation, or cross-fertilization of ideas to create
modernists like Joan Miro, and fused the two together: and ta-da, an amal-
a hybrid mix, is part of a healthy give and take that exists in the now plural
gamation that created something new and vibrant that involved adroit and
postmodern era. It reflects well on a society that engages happily in the
clever double coding.
to-and-fro of cultural exchange. There’s a certain fizz and energized creative
Such smart referencing is de rigueur in the art world and a measure of sophistication on the part of those who can read the language. The show toured the country without a murmur until it reached Hamilton,
renewal that happens when two diverse cultures come together, resulting in the birth of something new. A prime example from America would be the invention of Jazz and later Rock n’ Roll.
at which point the exhibition was promptly banned. It was the first case of
Walter’s koru remake in the Sixties provided the impetus for Maori artist,
art censorship in New Zealand and a sorry chapter in this city’s history. It
Michael Parekowhai, in the Nineties, to construct a cheeky reply with a retake
reflected badly on our lack of cultural urbanity and reinforced certain ste-
version that mimicked, in engineered steel, the original Walter’s abstract.
reotypical notions about the town and its inhabitants that unfortunately
This is how things play out in the contemporary world. We have learnt in a
still prevail.
plural economy that the “sacred” is simply a social construct. That particular
Frizzell wasn’t the first to appropriate Maori motifs and modernize them. Gordon Walters, back in the Sixties, took the koru form and abstracted it into
perception has provided a release from narrow over precious parochial thinking which can be only beneficial in a conflicted world.
what we immediately recognize today as the Walter’s aesthetic.
17
nexus magazine
Fake It Till You Make It ALIX HIGBY
Part-time jobs can be degrading, boring and often hideously repetitive but when we least expect it they can also be character defining. Years from now you might look back and thank that crappy boss for that shitty job because it taught you something about perseverance and tolerance. Here are some of the things Alix learned from jobs she hated. Trust in my experience; as it stands, this is my 6th
hadn’t slid down the well and rolled around in the muck
and final year in the lengthy pursuit of a simple
a while I would’ve prematurely jumped into some other
undergraduate degree, and to fund this process I’ve
half-hearted venture instead.
worked a few less than awesome jobs on the side.
There’s a lot to be said for struggle and deep seated
At one point I even switched my career trajectory and
detestation and loathing. A terrible job typically offers
did a 6-month stint waitressing in Auckland full-time; an
terrible co-workers and bosses, and the casual sexual
eye-opening experience that led me to declare that I
harassment I have witnessed has provided distinct
would personally never ever ever happily make a living
markers for the type of environment I refuse to pas-
in the service industry. Kudos to those who do, and
sively work in, i.e. those with stereotypical sleazy
do it well.
white male business owners. Where for art thou good
18
I detested this line of work with a passion that pro-
clean honest business men and women? Observing
pelled me out of there before my head blew off and
clear cracks in the management (or mismanagement)
landed on someone’s plate. Every day was a variation
of your dreadful occupation can also drive home a prob-
of the same, there was no upward or forward move-
lem solver attitude that extends beyond this repression
ment, and I still struggled to pay my bills. Plus, I hate
of passion for life. Take the right attitude and you’ll find
people. I was running in place and the scenery wasn’t
you’re better equipped to fix things rather than sit lazily
even that great. I re-evaluated my life, thinking “if this
by and watch the whole city burn - something that will
isn’t what I want, what is?” and my 12 hour days of
come in handy when you find yourself in a city you
absentmindedly filling water glasses and clearing
kinda like.
smeared plates was put to some psychological use.
Another fruit of the struggle is a fresh ability to stand
Eventually I picked up the BA/BCS I’ve almost com-
up for yourself. When you finally land a job that you
pleted now (slow clap) and got involved with Nexus. If I
want to devote your unborn children to, you have a
nexusmag.co.nz
PHOTOGRAPH: BECKI MOSS
“IF I HADN’T SLID DOWN THE WELL AND ROLLED AROUND IN THE MUCK A WHILE I WOULD’VE PREMATURELY JUMPED INTO SOME OTHER HALF-HEARTED VENTURE INSTEAD.”
nexus magazine
19
nexus magazine
little more to lose. Speaking your mind is a bit of a risk,
me 18 months to realise that sometimes the most logi-
and if there’s something you want to change you have
cal choices are not the most sensible in the long run.
to bring it up carefully. If you’re mopping floors and
You cannot maintain high quality work in something
your head is dreaming of running up small business
you detest. This also tends to be the case when you
accounts, A) you probably need your head read, but
work for the paycheck and not for the personal reward.
B) you’re less likely to take shit from out of line supe-
It happens, and so it should every now and then. If you
riors. “You don’t pay me enough for that” becomes
really want to understand yourself and discover what
an unspoken mantra of the minimum wage earners
will drive you to get out of bed in the morning for the
who deliberately fall short of anything more. Passion
rest of your life, find out what won’t. Situations like this
for the profession can make up effort and fiscal reward
will inform you of the things that will push you over the
disparity, so if your work days are spent in an inescap-
edge and that is actually something you can work with.
able malaise there’s not much hope for your output.
Shitty jobs will teach you that life indeed sucks. You
You really begin to appreciate an abysmal paycheck for
cannot negotiate with life, the bitch is happy enough
what it is. No, it is not a blessing thank you Mr/Mrs
without you and will get on like a cold and callous ex-
employer; it is pretty standard and borderline work-
wife. Dead-end jobs will suck you dry of the vitality of
place dispute qualifying. Thank you for allowing me to
life, but accept this fact and roll along as best you can.
meet half of my expenses.
You’re a survivor, after all, you not gonna give up, you
Most of my part-time work has been in the service
not gonna stop, you gonna work harder. This situation
“...SOMETIMES THE MOST LOGICAL CHOICES ARE NOT THE MOST SENSIBLE IN THE LONG RUN. YOU CANNOT MAINTAIN HIGH QUALITY WORK IN SOMETHING YOU DETEST. THIS ALSO TENDS TO BE THE CASE WHEN YOU WORK FOR THE PAYCHECK AND NOT FOR THE PERSONAL REWARD.”
industry, and let me be clear on this point; customer
is not ideal but neither is it permanent. Get a handle
service is really code for crash course in the failures
on the situation, and don’t waste your precious time
of first world humankind. You will bear witness to the
off ranting and whining about how awful everything
banalities of people’s concerns and learn to differen-
is. You are the problem; the issue can be resolved by
tiate between the good, the bad, and the smarmy
your own hustling attitude and an overpowering desire
through simple observational means. Does he lean
to be rid of the darkness. Survive the soul-crushing
too far over the bar with a clear disdain for ‘indoor
experience of working at a job you can’t stand and you
voices’? Hand him over to a male co-worker unless
can do anything. Fake it till you make it, and if you still
you back your chances of a tip. Does her “hiiiiiii” linger
manage to cock it up you’ll always have a job in the
with an overdone gaping grin? Tread carefully, this one
service industry…
thrives on complaints. Do their children run wild with disregard for the laws of gravity? Make a mental note to never become these people, and maybe rethink having children. Parents generally have some solid life advice, so when I presented mine with the dilemma of choosing between a career in the Sciences or the Arts, I went with the logic they presented of picking the most financially sound. Which, clearly, was not the Arts. It took
20
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
Leaving town soon? Need storage? Safe, Secure, Affordable
SPECIAL STUDENT OFFER
LEAGUE 1 ENTRIES CLOSE 23 OCT
3 months fixed term Save $200
TOUCH RUGBY
six-a-side soccer
S E L F S TO R AG E
Call Shirley or Nigel for all the details Ph 846 6144 • storeit4U@xtra.co.nz • 176 Ellis St, Frankton www.storeit4u.co.nz
facebook.com/playsocialsport
21
PHOTOGRAPH: BROOK JAMES
nexus magazine
We Don’t Need No Stinking Career ONYX LILY
Tired of everyone asking you what fancy job you're going to get with your fancy degree? Here are some alternative options to getting a job straight out of university. So your grades are in, you’ve passed – woohoo!
in Europe and need to apply for a working holiday visa.
You’re officially a graduand of the University of
As well as the cost of applying for a visa, and paying for
Waikato. (You’re a graduand when you’ve completed
flights to the UK, you’ll need to have £1,800 worth of
your degree but haven’t officially graduated. After you
readies. Google ‘UK Visa Bureau’ for more info.
walk across the stage and shake the Chancellor’s hand,
Some tips – avoid flying through LA if you can; it’s
you’re a graduate. Remember that, it’ll probably come
a nightmare. My fave stopover airport is Changi in
up in a pub quiz one day.) As the alcohol slowly passes
Singapore. I would live there. Seriously. If you have a
out of your bloodstream, and the novelty of actual,
decent amount of time to kill you can go to the gym
guilt-free FREE TIME wears off (it happens, trust me),
or swimming pool, or hire a room at the airport hotel
your family and friends all start to ask you – “so, what
for a horizontal kip.
“...IF YOU DON’T HAVE PARENTS CONSIDERATE ENOUGH TO HAVE BEEN BORN IN EUROPE AND NEED TO APPLY FOR A WORKING HOLIDAY VISA...”
next?” The assumption is that you’ll clutch your wee bit
When you get to London, get an Oyster Card (like a
of official Uni paper in your little hot hand, and toddle
prepaid travel card) and a tube map, and figure out how
off to get a job, using all the tips used in last week’s
they work. London is divided into zones – you want to
Nexus, and start on your life as a tax-paying citizen. But
live in zone 2 or 3 for a combo of affordability(ish) and
if that doesn’t tickle your fancy just yet, what are your
ease of getting around. Temping is a great way to get
other options?
started, and agencies love antipodeans. Don’t take the
The Big OE. This classic Kiwi rite of passage usually
night bus on your own, and don’t ever ever get into an
involves moving to London, finding a 5 bedroom flat
unlicensed mini-cab. And don’t forget that the UK is
to share with 12 other Kiwis and Aussies, and work-
much more than London – see some of the rest of the
ing just enough to pay your living expenses and save
country. Cornwall, Cheshire, Cumbria and the Kingdom
for the next foray into greater Europe. This is a great
of Fife were some of my favourites.
option, but you’ll need a decent amount of cash in your
If London doesn’t appeal, maybe you want to go
account before you head off, especially if you don’t
backpacking through India, go on a Contiki tour, or go
have parents considerate enough to have been born
bear-spotting in Canada (from a safe distance). The
23
nexus magazine
world is your oyster – just make sure you know what
money. Make sure you read the small print and know
your responsibilities are in terms of paying back your
exactly what you’re getting into – if sipping margaritas
student loan, and sort out your finances before you go.
is your kind of travel, this is probably not for you.
Camp America. If you want a shorter overseas
See your own country. If you don’t want to go
experience with a bit more structure and something
offshore, why not see your own country first? New
interesting to add to your CV, Camp America might be
Zealand is a beautiful country (as long as National
for you. USA summer camps are big business and run
doesn’t fuck it up by mining everywhere) and there
from 9 -12 weeks. You’ll get paid a bit, but you’ll need
are huge differences between the landscapes and life-
to come up with money for your own flights, trans-
styles in the north, south, east and west. If you grew
port and visa. You’ll need experience with kids, and
up in the city, go fruit picking or WWOOFing (World
preferably some specialist skills in a sport or creative
Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) in the South
discipline. Camp America holds information and recruit-
Island. If you grew up in Raglan, spend some time in
ment days in NZ, so if all that sounds like a bit of you,
Gisborne. From small-town Waikato? Throw yourself
check out www.campamerica.co.nz for all the deets. Teach English overseas. There are a bunch of companies who facilitate this, the most well-known being
into Wellington and see what you think. It’s easy to forget how lovely our own country is, and to see it through fresh eyes, so give it a go.
JET who recruit for English teachers in Japan. In most
If all of that sounds like way too much effort, you
cases you don’t need a teaching qualification, or to be
could just go home and mooch off your parents for as
“THE MOST INTERESTING PEOPLE I KNOW DIDN'T KNOW AT 22 WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES. SOME OF THE MOST INTERESTING 40-YEAR-OLDS I KNOW STILL DON'T.”
able to speak the language of the country you’re going
long as they’ll have you. And if you don’t know what
to, but both those things help. Make sure you do your
you want you want to do with your life, don’t feel guilty.
homework about the company (there are some dodgy
In the words of Mary Schmich, immortalised by Baz
ones) and about the country you’re going to – the last
Luhrman in Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen: “The
thing you want is to be stranded in the middle of some
most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what
rural town in Taiwan with no way to communicate
they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most
with anyone! And if you’d rather not be locked into a
interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.” So fuck it, go
contract, think about doing a TEFL qualification and
have some fun, kids!
working casual-style while you travel. Check out www. statravel.co.nz/tefl.htm Volunteer overseas. Volunteering in a community is a great way to really get to know and experience a different culture, while also adding some more great stuff to your CV. It will cost you money, and you don’t get paid for the work you do, but the experience can be life changing. Again, there are a bunch of different companies and charities who can facilitate your volunteer trip overseas – Habitat for Humanity, World Vision and STA Travel were a few I found – and make sure you check out the company thoroughly before handing over any
24
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
The future is calling and the University of Waikato is answering that call by creating innovative graduates who will lead the way. We offer flexible postgraduate programmes designed to suit your needs. If you are interested in gaining an edge over other graduates and standing out in a competitive job market, you can choose from a range of postgraduate qualifications, including Masters degrees that can be completed in as little as one year. At Waikato, we’re focussing on finding solutions to real world problems. Masters student, Mahonri Owen, pictured, is working on perfecting a brain-controlled electro-mechanical prosthetic hand, including building and programming it from scratch. What will you design? Come along to our postgraduate information session to find out how you can set yourself up for where the world is going, at the university that is going there. Date: Time: Venue:
Wednesday 15 October 1.15 – 1.45pm S.G.01, University of Waikato
For more information and to register visit
waikato.ac.nz/study/postgrad
waikato.ac.nz
25
I DONT KNOW WHAT PICTURE TO PUT HERE!? :(
nexus magazine
How to be a Grown-Up SHANNON NEWLANDS
Top tips for sensible ways to be a grown up or at least look like one. The end of another uni year is upon us and many
Sensible clubbing. Yes, grown-ups do go clubbing.
of us will be coming to terms with the fact that, Although it’s usually called ‘girls night out’ or ‘a few after November, we will no longer fall under the
drinks with the boys’, and doesn’t end with you fucked
safe umbrella term of ‘student’. Scarier still, we’ll be
off your face in the courtyard at 101 offering shitty life
panicking about the fact that it’s time to officially grow
advice to anyone that will let you bum a cig. Grown-ups
the fuck up, say goodbye to backdrafts and become an
shy away from student bars (aka 101 and the Outback)
adult. I’m here to give you five handy tips on how to
and you don’t catch them trying to get a freshly 18
be a grown-up so when the time comes, it (hopefully)
year old chick to come home with them. They stick
won’t kill you.
to their own turf – CBD and Rodeo Rodeo – probably
Pasta portion. Part of becoming a grown-up is knowing when to slow down on the pasta. Mac n Cheese
purely because they don’t know how to booty dance to Anaconda and don’t wanna get shamed out.
will forever be a stable, loveable part of a student diet,
Taxes. Grown-ups are all about taxes. Half of them
but as a grown-up it is important to know when to stop.
probably have no idea what the fuck taxes are or how
Apparently, grown-ups don’t have a microwave sized
to do them, but taxes are their go-to topic. They’re
bowl of Mac n Cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner
always talking about them, complaining about them,
“APPARENTLY, GROWN-UPS DON’T HAVE A MICROWAVE SIZED BOWL OF MAC N CHEESE FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER...”
when the budget is tight (or has been spent on piss).
saying they have to do them or thinking about them.
Try having delicious, nutritious Mac n Cheese maybe
Taxes are probably the most important part of adult-
twice a week.
PHOTOGRAPH: CAM ROBINSON
Budgeting. Every student in history has said, at least
hood and if you are fucking clueless about them you should fit right in.
once in their lives, ‘I can’t, I’m on a budget’ (which is
Give a shit. Grown-ups care about stuff. Genuinely
more often than not, complete bullshit). Budgeting is
care about stuff, not just trying-to-impress-the-hot-guy-
not having too much week at the end of your money,
while-pissed care about stuff. They give a shit about
or spending your student allowance on quick fucks for
more than just how the coke at Unimart got more
that hot chick at the Outback on Saturday night who
expensive. They care about stuff like the environment,
didn’t even come home with you. Surprisingly enough,
politics, education, the weather… so if you don’t think
grown-ups only have $5 for lunch on purpose. If you
you can go out there and give a shit about real stuff, it’s
budget properly, I guarantee that the free pizza from
probably best to throw in the towel, cut your losses
the WSU wouldn’t be a must because there was no
and start a post-grad degree.
money to afford groceries that week.
27
nexus magazine
Reflections of an Examinations Manager HAZEL BERKLEY
A cautionary tale, or: how to not fuck up your exams this semester. Amy sits looking at me with the wide eyes of an
touched the bag – she raised her hand and felt her face
innocent six-year-old. I can see her tears welling up,
burning as all eyes in the room turned to her. She
though she tries to ignore them herself. Maybe she
could hear their silent voices as she walked down the
thinks that they will just go away if she concentrates
front to turn off her phone. The supervisor took her
hard enough on my words and the form she is about
details from her student ID and filled in a green com-
to sign. She’s a victim of her own forgetfulness, and
plaint form as she returned to her seat. Most of the
she knows it. She’s mad at herself, and feels stupid
other students had now resumed scribbling into their
for making such a silly mistake. The tear is now so big
yellow booklets, but some of them were still watching.
it can no longer be contained and it spills over and rolls
Their eyes followed her all the way back to her seat.
down her cheek. I pass her the tissues. She barely
After the exam, she was accompanied to my office
hears what I am saying. “Blah, blah, blah, …breach of
by one of the assistant supervisors. The green form
regulations…, blah, blah, a fine of up to $150…, disci-
and phone were in the firm grip of the supervisor all
pline committee…, blah, blah”. She nods her head as
the way from L Block to the Gateway Building. Amy
if she’s actually understood what I am saying, when
could have sworn she’d turned the phone off. She was
really she is berating herself for being such an idiot. The signs were everywhere. NO mobile phones. The
so furious with herself for forgetting. And who the hell ever calls her anyway?
examination supervisor told her when she entered the
Now, with tears wiped and vaguely reassured by the
exam room. “Please switch off your phone and put it
fact that the fine hopefully won’t be too bad, she signs
on the table behind you or in your bag at the front of
the form to admit that she has breached the assess-
the room”. She was so nervous about her exam, still
ment regulations by having a mobile phone that made
reciting some of the swot notes in her head as she
a sound during the exam. She hadn’t intended to cheat,
entered the room, that she hadn’t even noticed the
clearly, as the phone was in her bag. But she had still
supervisor was giving instructions, let alone under-
disrupted the entire examination by failing to turn it off.
stood what they were.
I hand the phone back to her and she asks if she
Mid way during the exam a bird started chirping. A
can now turn it back on. Once on, she notices she has
hundred heads looked up from their exam papers to
missed a call from her dad. She listens to the message
look for the bird trapped inside the exam room. They “Hi Sweetie, I just want to wish you good luck for your
28
watched intently as the supervisor tried to locate
exam, I know you’ll do well”. We both smile at the irony
where the bird could possibly be hiding. He picked
– dad wishing her well and ruining the exam all at the
through the line of bags at the front of the room, while
same time. I jokingly suggest that perhaps she might
Amy sat watching with her breath held in horror. She
hit him up for the fine, since he was the one that made
knew where the bird was. It was in that blue back-
the phone ring. She says that next time she’ll just leave
pack with the hibiscus on the front. As the supervisor
the phone at home.
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
DON'T BLOW YOUR LOAD Aunty Slut
Dear Aunty Slut, I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. When we started dating
Twice a day at least- good morning and good night sex. (The good night sex will most likely be better than the good morning sex, at least at first.)
I could last for aaaaaages in bed. Basically as long as I wanted to, however
Also, have a go at edging. Take yourself (or have your girlfriend take you)
it's at the point now where I blow my load in two minutes or less. The exact
right to the edge, and then stop. Do this over and over, until you have more
same thing happened with my last girlfriend, and I know it's a problem for a
control. You can also try working your kegel muscles (yes you have them
few of my friends too. Is there something wrong with me or is this a com-
too!). To find them, try to stop peeing mid flow. You can practice doing this
mon thing among guys? And most importantly, how do I fix it? Yours sincerely, A rather confused ejaculator
at any time, (but it’s best not to do it while urinating once you’ve figured out how to do it, because it can lead to UTIs.) It’s important to exercise them BOTH ways (squeezing in and squeezing out) or it can, in some cases, make the problem worse.
Dear Confused Ejaculator,
Regulating your breathing can help prevent orgasm too. Often we uninten-
I answered a question similar to this in issue 17, so go and hunt out those
tionally hold our breath when we’re about to come because it makes it easier.
answers because they apply here too. But your case is a little different and
Concentrate on keeping your breathing even, and it may help you last longer.
you also mention that it’s a problem for a few of your mates too.
But I think for you the most important thing is to chill out.
Firstly- I’m beyond fucking stoked if you and your mates are talking about
You obviously care about and want to please your girlfriend - props to you.
this stuff. The sooner people realise that sex isn’t some dirty, shameful thing
If you’re having a one night stand you generally don’t give too many fucks
and start talking about it openly, the better their sex is going to get. The
whether the person you’re with is getting off- but in a longer term situation
mere fact that you are aware that you aren’t the only person experiencing
there’s a lot more riding on the riding, and it’s probably messing with your
this problem is a big part of figuring out how to fix it.
head. Have you talked to her about what’s going on? The more you say noth-
You’re likely experiencing a combination of two problems. When you first got together with your girlfriend, you were fucking a lot, right? And I’m picking that now you’ve been together a year, you’re maybe
ing, the more anxious you’ll feel, and the more it will happen. So talk to her about it, and don’t feel bad. It’s common as, and most importantly- you’re keen to do something about it. Good luck!
not having sex as much as you used to. When you’re having lots of sex, you last longer, so have more sex! If you’re only doing it once a week, once every couple of weeks, once a month or less, then you’re going to come quicker.
30
nexusmag.co.nz
Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
HITCHHIKING, BEING A WIZARD, AND LIFE LESSONS Carnage Jules Craft
“To survive in life you need two things: ignorance and confidence.” thing with hitchhiking is that anyone who picks you up has gone out of –Mark Twain I’d say there couldn’t be a more perfect quote befitting someone who has just dressed up as a Wizard, taped his Cindy cans up as a
their way to help you out. I think it’s pretty cool that there are people out there who will just let a stranger hop in their car without making them pay for petrol, this sort of thing means a lot to a student.
makeshift staff, and proceeded to hitchhike to Auckland on a Friday
If you need something ask: I cannot stress this point enough. If you
afternoon. Well, I suppose I would add a third thing: A bunch of mates
need to know how to get out of the city, ask. If you think someone
who are just as ignorantly confident. I recently found myself adven-
might help you out a bit more by dropping you closer, ask. If you’re
turing with a crew of boys with these qualities. Due to a red card
in the middle of town at 2am in the morning, call a girl 5 times and
challenge a group of the boys found themselves in a two man team
when she doesn’t pick up, ask why on her answer machine. I probably
race to the Sky Tower. As a bit of a twist, teams had to dress up as
wouldn’t advise the last one but honestly sometimes straight asking
wizards, pirates, bachelors, scrumpy monkeys, and crate carriers. The
is the only way you can get what you need. Oh and get good at taking
idea was that we each complete our respective drinking challenges
rejection in your stride as it’s going to happen a lot.
and then it was a flat out race to the Sky Tower using only our dashing
Remember your manners and have good chat: I genuinely dislike
grins and enticing thumb signals. I don’t think the boys really under-
it when people don’t put effort into communication. When you meet
stood what we were getting ourselves into but by the end of it we all
someone look them in the eye, smile, and introduce yourself. It’s a
somehow managed to touch the country’s tallest building, even the
pretty simple formula that people forget. I can understand being shy
pirate who ‘fell asleep’ after his share of the rum. This year I have been
or being scared of getting a cold response but if you follow these
on a few hitchhiking adventures. When you are dropped off on the side
steps and the person’s a cock about it, it says more about them than
of the road with no idea which stranger’s vehicle you are about to be
you. If you have nothing to talk about with someone just ask what
jumping into, you start to query how many marbles you’re clutching
they’re interested in. When you listen well enough you’ll find they’ll
onto. However once I’ve reached my destination I’ve never regretted
do all the talking for you. Communication is a key to life, hone those
my ordeal as from every hitchhike I’ve learnt a thing or four:
skills bitches.
humans out there, a percentage of the time I feel like one myself. The
Don’t be scared, back yourself. The greatest tool at your disposal is your brain.
PHOTOGRAPH: WILLIAM STILES
People are good Cats: Yes, I know, there are millions of terrible shitty
31
nexus magazine
CHEAP STUDY TIPS Cash Hacks Alix Higby
Ration your study snacks. High stress levels can lead to an irra-
Library: Pros- USE ALL THE POWER. Charge your other shit too,
tional need to stock up on chocolate and candy to munch while
don’t go home with anything less than a full laptop battery and
studying. Your food budget is going to capsize your holiday plans if
you’ve technically earned money by studying. The library is golden
you don’t think ahead. Cold turkey is literally and figuratively harsh
for those who cannot focus with background chatter so you should
and uninteresting, so make sure you’ve got a few treats up your
get your money’s worth from your petrol enjoying the silence. Cons-
sleeve. Allow yourself a chocolate break or beware of temptation. If
People flock en masse to this mid-campus sanctuary when exams
you’re trying to cut out the sweets but don’t trust yourself to stick
draw near so if you’re not keen to spend 20 minutes looking for
out a full 9-5 library session, a $1 Whittakers Sante bar from Uni
a park and another 20 trying to find a desk and chair combo then
mart is a much wiser decision than a $20 blowout at Momento on
maybe give it a miss or get here before 10. You will most likely take
slices, cake and coffee.
around 2-3 trips to the vending machine or the level 2 Momento if
Choose your location wisely. Home: Pros- you can eat straight from the fridge and cut your take-out spending. Pyjamas all day,
you lack self-control, so unless you’re stacked with snacks it could be costly.
son. You can make as much coffee as you like and it will be cheap
Be prepared. Following from that last point, the best way to make
and sans judgement. Cons- you’ll be using your own power for your
sure you’re keeping to your tight ass budget is to come prepared or
laptop. You’re surrounded by familiar distractions and will probably
don’t come at all (this works for sex also). Don’t leave any excuse
be painting your nails or playing FIFA within 30 minutes of opening
for buying food or skipping home early. Pack a lunch, a few sweet
your textbooks. Online shopping sans judgement (yes this is a con,
treats or a Redbull or two and you should be good. I advise that
this is a money saving column after all).
you triple check that you have your laptop charger, phone charger,
Café: Pros- Public scrutiny can be a wonderful motivator and will
a sweater, drink bottle, and all required materials. If you forget one
keep you from dangerous online purchases. For some, background
thing it might throw your whole plan off and you’ll find yourself skiv-
ambience can help to keep the mind on task as well. Cons- Might be
ing off at a local café or driving back home and putting that petrol to
hard to find a spot that is just right AND has a power outlet. If you
waste. Be vigilant!
want to keep your spot and not piss off the staff you might need to
So there we go, some simple tips to keep you on track with your
keep those lattes coming… $$$$ - not ideal. Too much hustle and
summer savings while you hit the study grind at full speed. Good luck, you’ll
bustle can really detract from your study mojo, so don’t fork out the
probably need it.
cash for espresso if you won’t be getting the educational return.
32
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
ALTERNATIVE FASHION LOOKS A Fashionable Lifestyle Jessica Wilson
I’m just going to totally ignore the fashion weeks in Europe, frankly because I don’t give a fuck. You know who else doesn’t give a fuck? Meerkats. Love those things. Here’s how to achieve that desirable alternative look. Get a Bridge Piercing. This is the septum piercings cooler and less overexposed cousin. Placed between the eyes through the skin on the bridge of your nose, this piercing invites workplace discrimination like no other. Unlike the septum, the bridge isn’t likely to hit the mainstream, so you can look trendy without that basic bitch jacking your totally alt. style. Get Jail Tattoos. In some parts of the world, a tear-drop tattoo on your face can mean you’re serving a long prison sentence, in others it can mean you’ve committed a murder, and in some it means your mommy bought you a Chanel bag when you were seven years old. Shave Your Head Bald. Being bald is probably the best thing ever - for other people. People can use your shiny head as a mediocre mirror. Want to test out a shoe polish for your nude shoes but don’t have them on
“START DRESSING LIKE YOU MARRIED A RUSSIAN BILLIONAIRE WITH A SILICON FETISH AND BECOME NEW ZEALAND’S HOTTEST SOCIALITE.”
you, that’s what bald friends are for! People will also be willing to eat at your house again because there’s no longer a risk of your long hair being found in their food (shit happens, okay). Grow Talons. I had a dream recently. I was on an airplane when a flight attendant tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I’d like to chat to the pilot. I said yes, when in reality I would have probably stared at her until she walked away. Anyway, I did this, and the pilot was driving the plane with massive faux nails. We all died. The end. Become a D-List Socialite. Being underground or having a cult following isn’t cool anymore. Gaining fans by having integrity and passion for your work is for poor people, and as we all know, society doesn’t care about poor people. If you want to get invited to the hottest of fashion events, you have to start appealing to the mass market. The aim is to get as many people as possible to THINK they recognise you. You don’t have to do anything, you just have to look rich and/or famous. Catch my drift? Start dressing like you married a Russian billionaire with a silicon fetish and become New Zealand’s hottest socialite. Remove Your Eyebrows. For $5.99 I’ll pluck your eyebrows out. You're welcome.
33
nexus magazine
OVERCOMING ABUSIVE DICKS Louise Vs. The World Louise Hutt
We all have people we don’t like in our lives. Some of them are parents, some of them are friends, and some of them might be lovers. I don’t just mean people who you don’t like, I mean people who make you feel like shit, people who push the boundary between douchebag and abusive. It isn’t easy to kick those people to the curb, especially if you rely on them financially, emotionally or physically. Sometimes they’re people who are well-meaning but can’t see that their actions are hurting others, sometimes they’re a bit more sinister than that. If I know it’s the former, it’s so much less stressful to be like “Hey, there’s this thing which I didn’t appreciate, do you mind not doing it? It made me feel x, y and z and that wasn’t cool”. Generally the answer to that ques-
MAKE YOUR OWN LIP PALETTE Sweet Tips Sweet Painted Lady
tion lets me know whether it’s a two way street of “I didn’t know I was doing that, I’m sorry, thanks for bringing it up” or blatant denial that their actions can have a negative effect on others whether they meant to or not. Having a frank discussion of “this thing you’re doing isn’t cool, and I’m telling you because I respect both you and myself” is crucial to any relationship, no matter what kind. It’s not always black and white: maybe you misunderstood something or maybe they overstepped
Got too many lipsticks (no such thing!) and not enough room to store them? Make your own lip palette! It’s simple and easy to do and the perfect way to transport around multiple lip shades without taking up all your handbag space. You will need a candle, an old teaspoon, palette - I bought a fake nail container from the dollar store, threw away the nails and used the container - You can buy lipstick palettes for this too, but I was being impatient and decided I wanted to do it now! Toothpick or skewer and a marker. 1. Light candle, cut off a portion of the lippy (I use the skewer) and put into the teaspoon. 2. Hold teaspoon over the flame and you will see the lipstick melt. Keep the melting point at a light turnover- not vigorously bubbling- you don't want to burn the lipstick. The skewer is great to move the lumps around, though I have found the better quality the lippy the quicker the melting point. 3. When melted pour into a partition of your palette and tilt the palette around so that the product spreads and sets evenly- setting happens quickly. 4. Turn the palette over and mark the bottom with what the lip colour/ brand is, or if you can get the reference sticker off the bottom of the original lipstick canister then pop this on. Use the skewer to scoop the lipstick out of inside the tube as there is generally a lot of product in there. Want to create a new lip colour? Try mixing two shades together at melting point. sweetpaintedladynz.com
34
nexusmag.co.nz
a boundary, but it makes it hard to move on until you’ve had that discussion. Sometimes moving on is an apology, sometimes moving on is lessening their role in your life. It’s not easy if you realise that person is in fact an abusive dickbag. I’ve unfortunately had to deal with it a few times in my short stay on this earth and I find the best way of dealing with it is this: Have you given their behaviour ample time for discussion? Did one (or both) of you get angry and lose the plot? If yes, give it a few days to think about the situation. If it has been a few days and they’re still an abusive dickbag, consider how often they make you feel like this. Every time you interact with them? Sometimes? This was the first time? How often have you confronted them about it? Have they given you a similar reaction each time? Consider how often you are required to interact with them. Is it entirely voluntary? Will there be times when you have to share a space? Sometimes simply stopping all contact with someone is the healthiest option for you, but if you work with them, or will see them around other friends or family, you might have to consider other options. Maybe if you aren’t available all the time, and they want to see you, it’s on your terms. There are some great resources at womensrefuge.org.nz if you are concerned about any relationships in your life.
nexus magazine
MINED YOUR OWN BUSINESS Give a Shit Tee Ship
Many times in my life I have found myself driving through the
So now the community is up in arms, Iwi are trippin (as is their right)
Karangahake Gorge, generally on my way home from Auckland
and lil old me is sitting here thinking of the future of our country’s
to Tauranga or vice versa. On these occasions I am always floored
gorgeous forests and waterways. This is obviously just another notch
by the natural beauty of the area with its wild forest and staggering
on the bedpost for the National government and their lust for money.
sheer cliff-faces. It is truly a sight to behold and one of my favourite
Personally I do not believe that money is everything in life, and funnily
areas of the North Island.
enough when asked, most people will probably say “money can’t
However, and this is a big however, our amazing government,
buy happiness” and “there is more to life than money.” Yet these are
headed by John ‘Rockstar’ Key, has once again dropped the ball envi-
the same exact people who have voted back in the National govern-
ronmentally and allowed for the mining of over 600 tonnes of ore a
ment because “they’ve done such great things for the economy…”
month in the Karangahake Gorge area by Talisman Gold Mines- an
As far as I’m concerned these people are complicit in destroying
AUSTRALIAN mining company. The company has received the go
our country’s green image (more a muddy khaki now.) By electing
ahead from both the Department of Conservation and the Hauraki
a government comfortable with selling off our assets, mining our
Council to ride in on horseback with six shooters and start minin’ up
beautiful Coromandel Peninsula, drilling off the coast of Raglan (etc)
the place, wild-west prospector style. This of course is speculation
the people of this country have allowed greed to rub its dirty mitts all
based on my extremely limited knowledge of gold mining… but I
over what used to be considered an untouched corner of the world.
think it’s safe to go right ahead and assume the guy in charge looks like the above picture… but you know… less huggable.
This is not a call for action. It’s far too late for that. I just want you to know.
35
nexus magazine
SNAPPED
36
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week (printed with the Burgerfuel logo on it), wins a voucher from our mates. Claim it from the Nexus office at SUB.
37
nexus magazine
Blind Dat�
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US, EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
XX
XY
THE LADIE'S EXPERIENCE
THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE
So I walk into the bar, nervous as hell. I was the first one
About 5.30 I get a call. “Hey bro, can you be ready for the
there so that was good. Got a bit of time to compose
Nexus blind date at 7?” I thought fuck it, why not. I shot
myself before my date showed up. When he turned up, I
down to the bottle store and spent the remainder of my
gave him the old once over: definitely bangable material.
student allowance on alcohol to gain a bit of Dutch cour-
So we ordered some drinks and got talking. The conver-
age. Walking into the Bank I was pretty nervous, hoping
sation was flowing and we were having a good time. By
to hell I would find a bad bitch in there waiting for me. But
closing time, the white wine and fancy cocktails had left
I was skeptical after last week’s blind date. I was pointed
me pretty drunk and he was looking even better! My
to a table with a very well dressed attractive FEMALE….
attempt at being classy kinda failed when we had some
what a relief. Conversation was flowing well and so were
fun in the bathroom. And that alley. And kinda in the taxi
the drinks but I needed to find out if this was the bad
on the way back to mine. Got to mine and started all over
bitch I was hoping for. By this time we were both pretty
again. EVERYWHERE. So all in all, had a pretty good night.
smashed so I made a move. Things got pretty heated in
Free food, free booze and sex. A student’s perfect night.
the bathroom and then down an alley way but we decided
Cheers to The Bank, The Edge and Nexus for a great night
it would be better if we went back to hers. I fingered her
with a FANTASTIC ending.
in the taxi to keep her keen and when we got to her’s it
#perfectnexusdate
was all on (in every single room at her place). Shout outs to Bank of the night and Nexus for providing me with such a bad bitch. #BOTAM
38
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
PROPOSED LAW CHANGES WILL AFFECT YOUNG WORKERS NATIONWIDE MELISA MARTIN FROM YWRC
— There’s a quite large possibility that you’ve heard PHOTOGRAPH: WILLIAM STILES
none of the palaver about National’s proposed changes to employment law, and how the Council of Trade Unions are all up in arms about it. So, let me enlighten you. Basically, a Union is a workplace organisation that protects, and negotiates for the rights and entitlements of the worker. Employees can choose to sign a collective employment agreement which entitles an employee to free legal advice, fair pay and raise rates, leave entitlements, and break allowances as negotiated by whichever
SUMMER MONEY TIPS AMBER CARDALE & LAURENCE MCLEAN
Union they join.
—
Under the current law employers have an obligation to conclude any collective agreement negotiations with the Union. The new law will get rid of that, meaning bosses can simply walk away if they don’t like what
This week’s column presents some serious shit about how to get ‘money over summer holidays’. Yep, them summer holidays aren’t far away now (yay!) but have you thought about how you are going to finance yourself over the break? (ahhh
“...ALL THE WHILE BEING PAID A SUB-STANDARD MINIMUM WAGE.”
crap no FML). So Amber and Laurence, the advocacy ninjas (who are extremely good-looking), put their thinking caps on and came up with the following ideas: Register on Student Job Search (SJS); every year many positions are not filled because students have not bothered to apply. There are so many great positions
they hear – meaning these collective contracts may
on SJS.co.nz at the moment it would almost be dumb not to check it out. Do some
never get off the ground.
forward thinking about your near future and start getting some cash in your pocket.
90-day trial periods will stay in place, meaning young people will continue to fall victim to unfair dismissal
Getting the Student Loan Living Cost? Want to finish your degree faster? Enroll in
without a leg to stand on, all the while being paid a
papers for S and T semesters! Be mindful that you do need to pay this money back
sub-standard minimum wage.
and that it is best to check with a course adviser that the papers you choose over
As for the workers right to strike, employers will
the two semesters fit into your degree structure.
be allowed to instate a lesser pay rate during strikes, which makes striking a far less effective bargaining
Getting a Student Allowance which stops after exams in November? Start getting
chip for workers.
your Student Hardship Benefit application ready. This is similar to the allowance but
Tea breaks could be history as they will be made optional under the new law. Business New Zealand
as you are not a student over the break and you haven’t got a job in place then you need to apply for Student Hardship.
says that our break times are safe because most of us have existing contracts with breaks clearly outlined,
Got the contacts and the experience? Ask your friendlies who are in work if they
but what about the break times outlined in contracts
know of any one-off or part time work going at their workplace anytime soon. You
from here out?
never know till you ask huh!
The National Party say that workers’ rights will still be protected, yet the law change is set to provide employ-
Got a question about your summer break or want to pick our brains about this
ers with far more power in the workplace.
week’s column? #totezmessageus.
Contact: 0800 AT YWRC or ywrc@xtra.co.nz
Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz
39
nexus magazine
CARRØT CAKE Cooking for Students Zac Lyon
OK, so now I have settled into back into the tedium of normal life. I’m not walking across ice caps, dodging large crevasses and hunkering down in blizzards that are intent on blowing me to the land of Oz. It’s called post-expedition blues, and I have a gnarly case of it. One of the only positives is the fact that I need to put 7kgs back on, the amount I lost in 27 days – and that means a crap ton of food!!! I promised in last week’s column that I would have a dessert recipe for you, so here it is. You have absolutely no idea how many times I thought about this, and it was the first thing I ate when I got home (apart from the double cheeseburger combo and three BP pies on my way back to Hamilton from the airport). It’s the wonderful, dream inducing, moist, sweet…. Carrot Cake. Ingredients 4 eggs 1/2 cup oil 1 cup of brown sugar 1 cup of white sugar 3/4 cup of apple sauce/puree 2 tsp vanilla extract 2 tsp of baking soda 2 tsp of baking powder 2 cups of flour 2 tsp cinnamon 1/2 tsp nutmeg 3 cups of carrots 1 cup of raisins 1 cup of chopped walnuts or pecans Icing: 2 cups of icing sugar 250 g cream cheese 1/2 cup of softened butter Juice of 2-3 lemons Zest Directions 01_ All dry ingredients go into a large bowl and give it a wee mix.
Add oil, eggs, vanilla into a smaller bowl and whisk.
02_ Add wet ingredients into dry, along with apple sauce, carrots,
raisins, and chopped nuts. Mix again.
03_ Don’t over-mix, only until all flour is incorporated. Spoon into
a 19cm greased cake tin.
04_ Bake at 170C for 30-45 mins or until knife come out clean. 05_ Once cooled on wire rack, mix together icing ingredients
until thick creamy icing is formed.
06_ Apply lovingly to the cake. Remember thicker is better
– despite what they say…
41
nexus magazine
Codewords
Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Crack the code to solve the crossword.
KenKen
Sequence
The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the
What shape comes next?
upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to form that cage’s target number. You may not repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)
Syllabic
1. Operating underground: 2. A republic in eastern Africa:
From the following syllables and clues, form ten words of a least two syllables.
3. Not attractive: 4. Prove the truth:
a - a - a - a - a - a - ab - an - bal - bar - ble -
5. A shortened version:
bre - ca - cat - cy - de - de - er - fy - i - le - lo - moc - nal - ne - ni - ni - ra - ra - ri - ro - sir - sis - sub - tan - ter - tion - un - ver - vi - y - za
6. Close examination: 7. Obstructs progress: 8. A spanish gentleman: 9. A region in northeast Spain: Draw answer here.
10. Government by the people: Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,
42
nexusmag.co.nz
HARD
MEDUIM
column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.
EASY
Sudoku
nexus magazine
Target How many four (or more) letter words can you make from the letters in the square without using proper nouns? Each word must contain the centre letter.
Crossword
Solve the clues and fill in the words. Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.
Across
34. Large church (9)
68. Trainee (5)
10. Take a risk for profit (9)
45. Commenced (5)
1. Ignited (7)
35. Make ready (7)
69. Average (3)
11. Meteorological indicator(6)
46. Rend (4)
5. Express strong disap-
37. Consultant (7)
70. Deport (5)
12. Currency of Nigeria (5)
47. Chess piece (6)
proval of (7)
39. Tenders (4)
71. Dens (5)
13. Forstalled (9)
49. Lukewarm (5)
9. Intense emotion (7)
40. Hide (7)
72. Repose (7)
20. Swamped (9)
51. Famous people (11)
14. Stitched (5)
42. Administration of the
73. Male relative (5)
25. Paid close attention
52. Astonishment (9)
15. Changed (7)
law (7)
75. Conference (7)
to (6)
53. Athletic contest (9)
16. Angry (5)
43. Weapons (4)
76. Conundrums (7)
28. Dull pains (5)
54. Harbinger (9)
17. Mediterranean fruit (5)
48. Sweepstake (7)
77. Pills (7)
29. Strainer (5)
55. Exactly the same (9)
18. Joke (3)
50. Go before (7)
30. Unit of sound intensity
59. Previously (7)
19. Elevate (5)
51. Persuaded (9)
Down
(7)
60. Stuck (7)
21. Departing (5)
52. Clapped (9)
1. Kind of falcon (7)
31. Concordance (7)
61. Deference (7)
22. Highway (5)
54. Atoms (9)
2. Novel (3)
32. Notion (4)
62. Female performer (7)
23. Oblivious (7)
56. Successors (5)
3. Ridge (5)
33. Top line of a hill (5)
63. Buy back for money (6)
24. Chuckled (7)
57. Tallies (4)
4. Hauled (7)
35. Serenity (5)
65. Used to control a
26. Extra (10)
58. Increase speed (10)
5. Prejudicial (11)
36. Entertain (5)
horse (5)
27. Tight (4)
61. Reproduction (7)
6. Group of sentences (9)
37. Goes up (7)
68. Small piece of bread or
30. Evade (5)
64. Sincere (7)
7. Commanded (7)
38. Dwells (7)
cake (5)
31. Thumb a ride (9)
66. Coarse (5)
8. Protocol (9)
41. Roman god of love (5)
74. Pool stick (3)
33. Treasured (9)
67. Attempts (5)
9. Inert medication (7)
44. Remedied (9)
43
A G . THE CLUB AWARDS A 7pm at TheBank - 9th October 2014
Bought to you by Burgerfuel
A G . A
A
G . A × M . A × G . M A . G . A . × G . M . A G . × A M . G . A A × × M . M . G . G A × M . A × G . M A . G . A . × G . M . A G . × A M . G . A A × × M . M . G . G A × G . M . A G . × A M . G . A A × × M M . . G G . . A A × A the second WSU ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING
WEDNESDAY 15TH OCTOBER 1PM IN L.G.01 Business to be conducted includes: •
Presentation of the audited accounts
•
Presentation of the annual plan and budget
•
Approval of membership fees and directors honoraria
•
Appointment of the auditor and the solicitor
•
Ratification of the ballot carried out at the recent SGM