Nexus Issue 24, 2012 by Nexus Magazine

RETROSPEXUS Issue 24, October 15th, 2012

This editorial is a sentimental one for me, seen as it will be my last direct involvement with the magazine (although I’ll be sure to send a few postcards from Arizona State!). My two years with Nexus have undoubtedly been the highlight of my time here - considerably more worthwhile than my Communications degree. During my association with Nexus I’ve come to relish healthy debate on all topics. Whether it be dinner table debates, listening to Newstalk ZB at work or reading the Lettuce section, I’m always eager to hear other people’s opinions and voice my own. So much topical debate has made me more outspoken, more controversial and less-tolerant of people and things I don’t agree with, but I’m happy with the outcome. All you have in life is your opinion so you may as well make it one worth hearing. In my three years of knowing Nexus I reckon this year’s issues have been the best yet. I know Alix, being the female member of the Editing team, will have done the right thing and thanked everybody for their efforts. So I’ll just speak briefly on what it was like to be a part of Nexus this year. Nexus offices have been a real engine room of creativity and productivity. I’ve relished every minute of banter and fun we’ve shared and Nexus drinks will forever remain a highlight of my university drinking experiences; they were also the only two times I’ve driven drunk in the last two years. Maybe I’ll make it three in a row...jokes. I guess because I volunteered my time and intelligence to Nexus on account of being a mad GC, karma spared me and ended up catching two of you guys intoxicated behind the wheel instead. I hope so. I would say a lot of us needed Nexus more than Nexus needed us, I being one. It gave us a safe-haven, a place where we could say what we feel and be ourselves. Importantly it gave me a routine which didn’t involve That 70’s Show and that other stuff, and it gave me a sensation of progressing at university despite my BCS taking me nowhere. I know I’ll succeed in life on account of being involved with Nexus, not because of my degree.

Goodness. The last editorial of the year. What will I do with all my free time? Probably earn some money in a real job. What will you do? I don’t really care, I don’t know why I asked. I kid. Nexus loves you for picking up this issue and we love you for actually reading it. I got thrown in the deep-end this year, trying to figure out how a magazine actually functions, and in particular how this magazine actually functions when most content is voluntary. I cannot stress enough that we do this mostly out of love, and the rest out of arrogance. Don’t hate. Appreciate. It has been so so super cool though, and I am so so super excited for 2013. Next year is going to be even better, because now I halfknow what I am doing, and that’s always a positive. If you have ANY suggestions for the magazine, pretty please send me an email and I will ponder it’s content and get back to you. We will need new writers, passionate ones with a bit of free time, so if you think that could be you, then send us something! Go onnnn. On that last note, I’d like to thank our contributors for giving up that precious free time this year. I know it ain’t easy so we greatly appreciate it. I’d also like to thank Sean for co-editing and sharing the load. Chur. And to James and Katrina for dealing with our useless time management skills. Even today, I am submitting this very near deadline… Thanks guys! I guess this is farewell for another year. Enjoy your 2012 Nexus in retrospect, pass your exams, and have the best summer EVER. Alix Higby

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.

6 Staff departures and spending cutbacks give WMS that sinking feeling. / 18 Nexus Signs Off / 21 Columnists out of Context /

Nexus Ground Floor Student Union Building Gate One University of Waikato Knighton Road Hamilton.

3 Editorial / 5 How Saph Sees It / 9 Sports Thoughts / 10 News in Review / 13 Auteur / 14 Lettuce / 16 8 Ball and Horoscopes / 17 Puzzles / 22 Vox Pops / 24 Reviews in Review / 26 Off the Rack / 28 WSU Events through the Year / 31 Clubs Awards / 32 Babe of the Week / 33 Tangata Tumeke and Samâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Garden / 34 MMF / 35 Amber the Advocate / 36 Night Club Photos / 38 Top 5 Gigs of the Year / 39 Autograph Page /

Editors: Alix Higby and Sean Goulding / Managing Editor: James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) / Music Editor: HP / Feature Editor: Julia Gabel / Design: Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) / Illustration: Hoss Aneece (http://happiestpageever.tumblr.com/) / Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Contributors: President Sapphire Gillard, Mr. Minty Fish, Dr Richard Swainson, Kylie from YWRC, HP, C-Ball, Daniel Farrell, Kevin Pryor, Jess Molina, Priscilla Ngatai, Nick Marryatt, Alice and Anne, Mel Matthews, Amber the Advocate, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

I’m told it’s the end. I’m not sure how that works seeing I still have a quarter of my term left and I still have a hundred unfinished projects. But apparently it’s time to let loose. Summer must be here. Exams are upon us. No one can write lettuce complaining about my column... but you all have my email address so feel free to offer feedback that way. So here we go... the time when you get the honest truth, that moment where everything comes out. Kind of like when your “best friend” gets drunk and you don’t know if they are going to embarrass you by being overly soppy and emotional, by trying to give someone twice their size the bash, or even just by raging against everything you both hold dear. While I sit here typing (and unfortunately it’s about 2hours after deadline so I don’t really have all that long to reflect), I’m not sure which of those people I am. Have I enjoyed my year? Absolutely, this has been the hardest but most rewarding job I have ever had. Have I hated my year? More than anyone will ever know. Do I like the 2012 board? It could easily be described as a love-hate relationship with me showing signs that resemble bi-polar. Do I like the 2013 board? I like anyone who is happy to put themselves on the line for the greater good. Am I glad I’m going? I don’t think you could make me stay. Is there more I want to get done and wish I was going to be to see it completed? You better believe it. So thanks. You are fantastic. I love you and the fact that you read this.

News

Breaking News Staff departures and spending cutbacks give WMS that ‘sinking’ feeling By Daniel Farrell and James Raffan Staff at the Waikato Management School are concerned for their own future following a number of high level academic departures in 2012, funding shortages and a budget that will be significantly reduced in 2013. Earlier this year the school parted ways with highly regarded head of Management Communications Professor Ted Zorn who took up a role as Pro Vice Chancellor of Massey Albany’s College of Business. Following Zorn’s departure Associate Professor Jared Haar also moved to Massey and was elevated to the role of Professor in Management and Director of the Centre of Maori Business Research. Nexus understands that at the conclusion of the academic year Zorn and Haar will be joined by as many as four current WMS mid to senior level academic staff who have accepted or been offered positions at Massey. Nexus has confirmed the following three departures: Professor Harald Van Heerde from marketing; Professor Paul Childerhouse from Systems; and Senior Lecturer Valentyna Melnyk who will take up a Professorial position in Marketing. “It is part of university life that academic staff do change over the years, and while the University is always sorry to see good staff leave, we are always working on bringing in equally good new staff so we can continue to offer excellent teaching and research that enhances the student experience at Waikato. “said Lisa Finucane, Head of Communications and External Relations, UoW. News of these departures was compounded by WMS failing to meet its EFTS targets in 2012 which may have significant impact on funding for papers. Sources within WMS said that middle management have been told to make cutbacks in spending, to “avoid” losing

staff. One source said that it’s like WMS is a “sinking ship”. Professor Frank Scrimgeour, Dean of The Waikato Management School said “it is common knowledge that Waikato Management School did not hit its student EFTS targets for 2012 and as a result we have had to reduce expenditure. We seek to do that in ways that do not impact students adversely.” Nexus has received information suggesting a number of papers in WMS have been operating on a significantly reduced funding level to complete the 2012 academic year. Coupled with the staff departures this could result in students having reduced paper options in 2013. As a result of EFTS targets not being achieved, departments were being encouraged to be ‘proactive and encourage’ students to enrol in summer school. This was reinforced by Lisa Finucane, Head of Communications and External Relations who said “WMS is currently 5% short of its target for 2012 and the University anticipates that because WMS is offering six extra T Semester papers, it will end the year at 4.5% under its target.” Management Students have already felt the impact of tighter financial control this year. During a meeting of the Faculty Board of Management on the 27th of September it was noted that both domestic and international EFTS were below target and therefore the Dean expressed the need for caution in spending activities for the remainder of the year. Furthermore 2013 would be a very tight year with a number of initiatives being implemented to target 2014 enrolments, with a particular focus on international enrolments. Student representatives at the meeting expressed concerns that a number tutorial sizes had increased in 2012 and according to their own quality assurance manual this was past the recommended maximum of 25 students. This was also noted in a number of conversations Nexus had with current WMS students including Bachelor of Communications student, Janelle Singh, who said that in some of her tutorials, “there [are] easily 30 people.” Miss

Singh also said that it takes a lot of the class time to get a question you might have asked, impacting the learning of the class. As a result of the concerns raised it was recommended that Chairpersons were asked to report on tutorial sizes for all papers and that this information would be reported at the next Management Group meeting. If as a result of this information a serious trend was noted a working party would be convened to consider the issue. When asked If the University was aware that some tutorials in the management school have been exceeding their own quality assurance guidelines by having attendance over the maximum recommended number of students in tutorials and whether they had been given any indication of the problem occurring in other faculties the University noted that “there has been an allegation about tutorials in one academic department in WMS and the Associate Dean at WMS will investigate.” Professor Scrimgeour advised us that he is currently working on finalising 2013’s budgets and “expect[s] to successfully complete that challenge by late November.” The Waikato Management School was established almost 35 years ago, and has been New Zealand’s top business school since 2003 and is considered to be a top business school worldwide.

Why should I give an EFT(S)? EFTS or Equivalent Full Time Students is a measure of the number of students that would be studying full time given the numbers in courses. It is used by organisations such as StudyLink in providing student loans and allowances, as well as by the Government in making decisions regarding funding for a university. The university receives funding from the Government based on the number of EFTS the university brings in. Faculty budgets are usually drawn up based on a projected number of EFTS. If a faculty fails to meet their EFTS target as has happened with WMS then it can mean they are committed to spending more than they have incoming. This can result in cuts to resources, tutoring hours, availability of papers and in the worst cases job losses. The flow on effect for you as a student is that there may be fewer paper choices and tutoring hours. By decreasing tutoring hours students may have fewer tutorials to choose from potentially resulting in overcrowding and a reduced quality of learning. The EFTS value of each course is decided by the Tertiary Education Commission. A year of full-time study is considered to be between 0.8 EFTS and 1.2 EFTS.

So just how EFT up is your faculty? We asked the University to provide some contrast between WMS and the other faculties. Jarrod Harr

Nalentyna May Melnyk

“The University is at 102.5% of its Ministryfunded (domestic) EFTS target and is pleased with enrolments throughout 2012.” “The Faculty of Law is currently at 97% of its target but is anticipated to achieve at least 98% of target by the end of the year. “ “The Faculty of Science and Engineering is likely to finish the year at 98% of its target.” “By contrast FASS will end the year at 108% of its Ministry funded EFTS target.”

Harald Van Heerde

Ted Zorn

U N I V E R S I T Y O F WA I K ATO N E W S , E V E N T S A N D N OT I C E S

Postgraduate Month events

It’s your future

Check out the upcoming events happening as part of Postgraduate month, or see www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/postgraduate/postgraduatemonth.shtml

Current students – to apply for 2013 undergraduate papers, submit your application to guarantee your place.

Keeping Momentum: Postgraduate Research and Study

For more information about enrolment and entry requirements for summer school and A Semester, talk to your school or faculty.

Th3sis in 3 Final

Tuesday 16 October, 10am-2pm, WSU Bennetts Room

Are your details correct?

A workshop for candidates midway through their research, offering a forum for discussion as well as tips and practical advice on writing. RSVP to postgrad@ waikato.ac.nz

You can easily check and update your contact details in iWaikato, under Personal Details – please make sure these are correct.

Career Development Workshop Thursday 18 October, 9am-1pm, WSU Bennetts Room For research candidates in the final 18 months of submitting their thesis. Topics covered will include career pathway planning, and CV and interviewing skills.

Panel Discussion – The Value of a PhD Thursday 18 October, 6pm, Academy

Wednesday 24 October, 7pm, Academy The top 10 presenters will compete for their chance to win their share of $8,000, hosted by comedian Te Radar.

Workshop – Finishing Up: Postgraduate Research and Study

You don’t have to be an ‘academic’ to embark on a PhD. Doctoral studies can open the door to a range of rewarding real-world careers. Hear from PhD graduates and students about where their doctoral journey is taking them – and where it could take you.

Friday 26 October, 10am-3pm, WSU Bennetts Room

Doctoral Writing Conversations

Friday 19 October 10am-12noon, Faculty of Education A & B Meeting Rooms

Friday 26 October, 10am-12noon, Faculty of Education A & B Meeting Rooms

Topic – Digital Literacy Tools to Help With the Doctorate. Associate Professor John Williams speaks about coding qualitative data.

Bring your writing to discuss and receive practical suggestions on how to improve it. Doctoral candidates from all Faculties are welcome.

www.waikato.ac.nz

Reminder – new venue for October graduation

This workshop is intended for higher degree postgraduate research candidates within the final year of submitting their thesis for examination. RSVP to postgrad@waikato.ac.nz

www.facebook.com/WaikatoUniversity

Remember – the 17 October graduation ceremony will be held at the Claudelands Arena this year. The 16 October graduation ceremony will still be held at Te Kohinga Mārama Marae on campus. Find out more at www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/graduation.

Good luck for exams! To all students, good luck for the upcoming B Semester exams.

www.twitter.com/waikato

Sports Thoughts A REVIEW OF SPORTS IN 2012 By C-Ball Sport in 2012 has been kickass, but then again, each year it always is anyway. While we have witnessed the crowning of new champions and emergence of new stars, we have also had to sit by and watch some of the same old shit be reproduced to ill effect. It might be 2012 – but Netball still sucks. The ANZ Netball Championship is about as mouthwatering a prospect as a wet dream over Queen Latifa. The Wellington Phoenix are still as uninteresting as ever, and the All Whites have managed to shrink back into relative obscurity after looking better suited to taking part in the Paralympics. Even my beloved Black Caps have licked the proverbial cranny axe, but we humans are creatures of habit, so we must be thankful for at least a little consistency in our lives. Except Netball, that can consistently choke and die. Viewer ratings would sky rocket. First up it’s Rugby, because there’s nothing a fucking devoted New Zealander loves more than thirty men having one massive orgy. Sonny Bill came to Hamilton, I said it wouldn’t be for long. It wasn’t, but he managed to help the Chiefs win the Super 15 Rugby trophy so everyone loves him even more than they already did, which was quite a lot. Waikato won the Ranfurly Shield – snore. The All Blacks went about pillaging the world, leaving our most experienced commentators spewing forth bullshit like they could possibly be the best ever team to have played. Wait, I’ve seen this before. This is where our fickle New Zealand sporting public starts jacking off over the All Blacks, for them to only, inevitably, lose a few games. Then

we will be straight back to hating on them and getting sick of Rugby because there is just far too much of it on television, before they bring the World Cup back to New Zealand and we win again, thus falling in love all over again. The Melbourne Storm won the NRL, which wasn’t surprising. Maybe now all those premiership tattoos players have can be inked over to resemble a 2012. Or maybe not. Either way, Cameron Smith is still a very good hooker, and the world’s biggest grub with a huge bumchin. The Warriors were about as useful as the new iPhone maps – good one you iDiots. They even went from heralding the arrival of Brian McClennan as a new era, to firing him within the year, just because Shaun Johnson figured out it is a little harder to break ankles once you’ve already broken them a few times. The Maroons won again but who really cares. None of you are Australian, and no it doesn’t count if your cousin’s mate’s brother in law moved to Brisbane to live, buying a van instantly so he could get his seven kids around the place. You will never be anything to do with State of Origin, so enjoy the spectacle but shut the fuck up about which team is your favourite. And don’t buy the shirt – you look like a bunch of tools. The Breakers won their second Championship, and got rewarded with a visit from Usain Bolt. Meanwhile, the Black Caps got molested in both the United States and Caribbean by the West Indies – embarrassing I know. Not only are the West Indies absolutely shit box, but taking Gayle out of their team leaves them resembling

pornography without tits and.. the other thing. Ultimately pointless, boring, and dare I say it, not worth watching. Ouch. Ironically, they somehow won the World T20 Cup but who really gives a fuck about a 20 over game. It’s either five days of pure endurance, or it isn’t worth my interest. As far as I’m concerned, you know Test Match Cricket is good when a lady wanders into the room, emits some shrill form of disgust for what is on television, and then leaves. Mission accomplished, now to sit back and watch a batsman leave 139 deliveries, selectively hitting one or two every 30 minutes or so. Awesome. So, to sum things up for 2012 – bring back Stephen Fleming. The Black Caps performed better when they were smoking OG Kush, much like my University grades. Manchester City are the biggest fakers in all of the EPL, those of you who are fans are disgraceful. The Olympics were mildly entertaining, good for a light nap. Netball was the same old. No one did anything creative, but someone did graze a knee because she was running too fast and tripped. As for Bathurst – when will you white trash moronic Ford or Holden lovers realise it’s the same god damn car, just looks different on the outside and has a different badge on the grill. I bet you dumbasses have a favourite milk too – because Anchor tastes SO MUCH DIFFERENT to Pams. And no one probably even read this. Chances are you went to Wintec and can’t read or do anything with your future. P.S – I’ll write about Cricket and League as much as I want bitches. Cball coming out hot.

News in Review

This year has been a bit of a nightmare for the Hamilton City Council (HCC), they are those people that provide us with roads, footpaths, water, sewage, libraries, the museum, art gallery, gardens and zoo along with countless other services. Unfortunately they are heavily indebted ($385 million) which the people of Hamilton will have to pay for via rates (including renters since your rent pays your landlords rates). So this year wasn’t going to be great for them but it has probably been a bit worse than anyone could have predicted. The V8’s was the first issue of the year, a report came out at the end of 2011 that showed that the council had spent $38.7 million on the V8’s without providing proper oversight or decision making. Before this report no one was even aware how much the V8’s cost the city, even now no one is sure how much money the V8’s brought in although it is likely to be less than it cost us. Not surprisingly many people called on all the councillors to be sacked and the Local Government minister put them all on notice that he was able to replace them with commissioners if he felt it justified. So it was a bad start to 2012 for the HCC but you would hope after that warning they would have been a bit better at providing proper oversight on what they were spending money on. To bad that February brought another report, this one stating that the Claudelands event centre would make a substantial loss. So people got more upset but there wasn’t really anything the council could do now, they had just built the place and they had to do the best they could with it. But people still were demanding that the council stop wasting money. Getting the city out of debt was the main focus of the ten year plan finalised this year. However large rate increases aren’t politically feasible when so many people in Hamilton are struggling through the recession, so the council went for a combination of a lot of small rate increases, selling assets and cutting back on services. However after numerous protest the council decided to

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back down on most of these service cuts deciding that we will just pay more money in interest on our debt over the next decade. Of course this being the HCC it was at this time that we learnt that the council was spending $12.8 million on new software, when this could have been done for about half the cost and they had spent $2.3 million on a new website and intranet, which should have only cost them a few hundred thousand dollars. But this was not the end of the nightmare for HCC. A few months later they managed to anger and confuse a lot of people by sending them letters saying their houses were prone to flooding. This was news to a lot of people and they got a little bit upset thinking that their property values were about to plummet or even worse their house might get swept away. Turns out that most of Hamilton is technically at risk of flooding, it was originally a wetland before we drained it so that isn’t surprising. But the council didn’t do a good job of explaining to people that the chances were low and they received a lot of backlash over this. But things have settled down a bit since then. There was a debacle when the council asked the workers in the water treatment plant to reapply for their jobs in exchange for up to 25% less money. Most of them chose not to reapply and so the council had to scramble to find staff to replace them, eventually flying in Americans and paying them $120 per hour, almost six times what the previous workers were making. Hopefully the nightmare for the city council is coming to an end, if not 2013 is an election year and if things continue as they have done then we will get to make changes at the top. They wouldn’t really have anybody else to blame as most of these problems have resulted from ineffective oversight from the city councillors themselves. By Nick Marryatt

Student Allowance Reform

BDO?

The two main changes were surrounding the student allowance and who is eligible to get the allowance. Firstly, the exemptions to the 200-week limit were removed, meaning no one can get the student allowance for more than 200 weeks of tertiary study.Secondly, postgraduate students will no longer be eligible for the allowance.

The last BDO I attended was in 2010, and while it was amazing and I regret not returning, it is hard to comprehend the event without the sardine sauna of a train trip there and back. Breathing space? Buying one cold beer at a time? Actually being able to escape the mosh pit between stages? It doesn’t seem right.

Probably the biggest story that’s affected students in 2012 would be the changes to student loans and student allowances announced at the Budget.

Removing the exemption means that people doing longer degrees or who change their degree may not be able to get a student allowance throughout their time at university. It was said the 200 weeks equates to roughly four years, which is approximately the length of most single degrees. It is important to note that with A and B semesters both being 15 weeks long, assuming a student does not do Summer School, the 200 weeks actually lasts approximately six years eight months. With both summer school semesters being seven weeks long, the student allowance would last about four years six months. Sure, this is the four years mentioned by opponents to the policy, but let’s be honest, the four year degrees take less time if you do two extra semesters a year. What I’m not even going to bother trying to put in a good light is the removal of the allowance for postgraduate students. When we did an interview with Labour Deputy Leader Grant Robertson earlier in the year, he made a very good point. If, as a country, we want to see research and development, how can this happen when the majority of research is done at postgraduate level at university. We should be promoting research, not disincentivising it. By Daniel Farrell

In entertainment news this year we waved goodbye as Big Day Out officially departed our shores. Tragedy, or blessing in disguise?

The boiler room tent, one of my personal faves, abandoned the final farewell. Sweltering in appreciation of dance music or the rather lax drug and alcohol security? A BDO staple. Instead it was just another stage and St John was refreshingly underwhelmed this time around. Not exactly the bang you’re looking to impress onto people after so many years. A few of the acts playing at this year’s BDO in Australia are popping over for what is being marketed as “BDO side shows”. Instead of seeing The Killers amongst many other bands, you’ll just see The Killers. Sounds like a regular concert to me… For a little perspective, organisers said the Auckland stop had been sapping profits since the beginning so there’s no use in thinking that maybe we’d still have BDO if Kanye had actually delivered. So BDO, Au revoir. Until I get a proper job and can afford to hop the ditch, I’ll cherish that last glorious Auckland day of warm beer, hallucinating pals, and the difficultly of ascertaining if you left now, would you make it to the boiler room in time for Calvin Harris? By Alix Higby

END OF TERM 2 CELEBRATIONS? WHAT A COINCIDENCE! WE’RE TURNING 2 Hamiltons oldest, cheapest and best Mexican Restaurant and Bar. Meals from $9.90, Beers from $5, Tequilas from $4, Cocktails from $7.

$5 CORONA AND SOL ALL WEEK* FROM 5.30PM WED-SUN PH 838 1777 IN THE MARKETPLACE. HOOD ST.

*WITH CURRENT STUDENT ID. JUST MENTION THIS AD.

A year ago I sat down to write an equivalent column to this. Auteur House was under performing and I was in a melancholy frame of mind. The column is in part meant to be an advertisement for the store and by this standard it was something of a failure. Continuing with the column made about much sense as continuing in business: both the writing and the shop are anachronistic oddities, idiosyncratic, niche market amusements out of step with current tastes, technology and social practice. I wish I could report that things have turned around in the last 12 months. In some ways the Auteur House finances have improved. With three paying flatmates there is some income to offset the inconsistent custom. However, the essential problem remains: to cling to a DVD rental format in the age of the download is unrealistic and downright foolhardy. No matter how superior our collection or personalised our service the world would on the whole prefer to steal films off the internet. For all this there’s been a couple of transactions in the last few weeks that have lightened my heart with hope, if only symbolically. The first saw a student - first or second year if my middle aged estimations are accurate - come into the shop and confess that she had actually read something that I had written in these pages and was keen to join this place. After briefly considering a press release to advertise the minor miracle all doors

were locked and full attention given to the precious patron. The young lady had a hankering for Fred Astaire films and left Auteur House with six or so musicals. Stimulated by our conversation, I subsequently wrote a column on Astaire, memorializing it for all time. Just last week this pattern was repeated writ large. A gaggle of Waikato Uni’s finest ascended the stairs on a quest to find 1920s silent melodramas. You could not have scripted a more perfect Auteur House moment: customers looking for something only this store can provide, getting advice from someone who is interested and at least claims to be knowledgeable about their field of study. The fact that the students had an assignment due on the topic in no way lessened the significance of this transaction: Auteur House was, for one of the few times in its 5 1/2 year history, being put to exactly the use I always envisaged it would be. Of course one or two swallows don’t make a summer. Any accountant hearing such anecdotes would shake his hard head and appraise our fiscal health in a more rational, circumspect manner. Auteur House continues to be what it always has been: romantic folly. Contrary to the doom and gloom tone of my 2011 wrap up though I hereby declare that for the foreseeable future we are here to stay. Whether this humble column continues in its current form in the 2013 Nexus is another matter, one that must

involve next year’s editorial powers to be. I’ve at least completed my primary goal of writing for this publication over two complete decades. Perhaps I have overdone the list format in 2012. Nevertheless, the current editor would like a final, personal one. I thought I might respond by recommending two Auteur House titles that should ideally be watched once a year, films rich and warm in their humanity: 1. Wild Strawberries (1957): Ingmar Bergman’s meditation on the aging process is no sentimental, Hollywoodstyle melodrama. A curmudgeon of an old professor - a man loathed by many in his own family if professionally respected - travels across Sweden to receive an honorary degree. The physical journey reflects an internal one in which memories and selfdoubts intermingle and death is faced honestly. 2. Seven Samurai (1954): To call Akira Kurosawa’s greatest film an action epic is accurate but sells it short. Aesthetically jaw-dropping, brutal and uncompromising in its violence and at 3 and a 1/4 hours in length a long watch in anyone’s book, it’s the depth of characterisation and human drama that hold the attention more than the sword play. If you only watch one samurai film in your lifetime make it this one.

Nexus encourages debate and discussion on almost any topic and welcomes your letters. Relevant, intelligent and well-worded letters are preferable, and we also enjoy good humour. Right of reply will generally be accepted provided we have space. Letters should be kept to a maximum of 250 words. You may hide behind a nom-de-plume but you must tell us your real name (which will not be published unless requested). Letter of the week is picked on the basis of our feelings, not the persuasion of its content for which we don’t have opinions on. Disclaimer: letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech. Send your lettuce through to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

a noticeable lull in speech (we have all been there, don’t think to deny it). There is a need, within myself especially, to rid the scene of awkwardity and produce some profound or knowledgeable comment that will invoke deep and meaningful discussion. In so succumbing to this urge, I find that I misrepresent myself or the ideals that I hold to myself which aid in the conception of self (yes, I know this is very self-important, and I am trying to rid myself of this. Trust me, I recognise the flaws). I’m not going to suggest a massive overhaul of the social dynamics, or a group meeting to discuss how awkward we feel sometimes (the first weekly meeting of the Self-Improvement Group Striving to Rid themselves of Social Awkwidity will commence on Wednesday 17th of October, 5:30 a.m. in S.G.25 :3) I write this to tell all who experience this on a regular basis that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. People experience this all the time, and it’s just another byproduct of this fucked society. You are not alone, for we are in the same boat. Stay true to yourself and find some little quirk that will fish you out of awkward situations (I look at all of the corners, but don’t use this for all the corners will be worn out and every building will become dome-like). Seek advice from your trusted friends, strive to improve yourself and stay happy. No-body enjoys the company of a grouch. Yours in Honesty, Marquis de Meschief P.S. I secretly love make situations awkward sometimes, because I’m the troll that is hidden in plain sight. Transformers, more than meets the eye *mechanical noises*

Dear Nexus readers: I was very disappointed to find that nobody seemed to find the most glaring flaw in brendan’s argument from the week before. I thought it was obvious myself, but I politely withheld my letter in the expectation that somebody more intelligent than me would find it and suitably shred it to bits. To my immense surprise, though intelligent people did respond to and refute his arguments, nobody seemed to see exactly what I saw. “equal, but separate” ~ Brendan

Dear Nexus, I write to you now as one human being presenting an observation on the whole. Recently, I’ve found myself in situations which I imagine near everyone, at one time or another, would experience throughout their lifetimes (I realise this is a gross generalisation, but fuck you this is a personal letter about a personal aspect that I will apply to everyone else whether you like it or not. Back to the original intention of this letter we return). It is not often that I feel the need to perform for the people I find myself in company with, but when it does, I feel as if I am merely performing actions that I imagine would suit the situation. For example, when I finds myself in a social grouping at Momento and feel slightly awkward for not contributing to the overall discussion, or there is

His words exactly. Such a simple thing, a small and seemingly innocuous phrase, but pointing it out unravels his entire argument. This was all anybody needed to highlight to show why his argument is wrong. This is the argument that racists used to enforce segregation in the American South, and it is the argument that men have used to keep women in domestic roles throughout history. I think both of these examples show why keeping gay civil unions “separate but equal” is a terrible idea - by separating them, you are “othering” them, making them a target for discrimination and making excuses to legitimise it. If something is “different”, then it is no longer the norm, and therefore becomes a threat to the norm. Even if a civil union was legally equal to a marriage, culturally it is still a way of ensuring the status of heterosexual couples is

given legitimacy to the exclusion of that of gay couples. I am not religious, nor am I gay, but as far as I (and I think the enlightened part of modern western society is with me on this) am concerned, marriage is a partnership to be entered between two people who love each other, and who want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Beyond that, it is nobody else’s business whether they’re male or female, gay or straight, and I wish the same crowd who take such pride in claiming to promote “personal responsibility” and “private enterprise” would also stop trying to use government and the legal system to enforce their own socio-cultural beliefs. Nobody likes hypocrisy, guys. Yours, Amused Agnostic

HAE NEXUS I want to open this up with a hot, sexy, allegory. You’ll love it. Just like bunnies love lettuce. That’s the allegory: it’s their kai ‘til they die, but the sneaky little axe-grinders won’t stop digging holes everywhere. That sucks. We’re trying to hit up this constructive little rabbit society but we’re just making any hole a goal and replicating ceaselessly. It’s like these little dudes are literally copulating with the environment. I can’t handle it. It has to stop. Stop. STOP IT. I bet none of you even went to hear the University scapegoat tell you why they won’t budge on raising your fees 4% this year, in addition to their 4% raises pretty much every other year. Good shit. Never care ever. Hold fast to your principles, Waikato. It’s not like any other University does. Yeah, better check that.

Dolphins are superior to women i wouldn’t dating a dolphin. apparently they can move their fanny muscles to make it really tight for maximum pleasure and you can also ride a dolphin. Dolphins are not clingy and they do not want your money and attention 24/7. Dolphins are also very intelligent and can fend of shark attacks. thats always a bonus. your girlfriend would be terrified. Next time you take a woman out on a date and spend money on her, remember how much better it will be if it was with a dolphin. RANT: Fix the god damn pressure of the water fountains in library.

Oh sheeeeeit. Who hit up the Soliloquies night in Hamilton on Thursday? That show was cray cray. Go next year if you missed it, holy damn. Hey Brendan ma bro, great stuff. I love arguments where the conclusion (i.e. Marriage can’t be expanded) is suggested on the basis of the alleged origins of marriage, rather than its current meaning or context. Find me the actual historical genesis of marriage and I still won’t care. Marriage is an institution catering to different purposes, whether they be social, economic, legal, or religious. The claim simply doesn’t work. If you really want to endorse a fair society, you’ll man it up and start advocating JUSTICE. The time has come for us to stop the discrimination. The time has come for us to remove ALL forms of marriage from the legal sphere. It’s time to Illegalise Love! Finally. FUCK YOU DAN FARREL SAVE DA ANIMALS U SUK DIS TESTING UNJUSTIFIED DESMOND SWAG-TIGER

Dear Nexus You guys used to be sick but now I have to lisen to people talkin bout poor kids and bananas and shit. I’m just saying if you call somethin Sams Garden it shouldtalk about how to grow buds and hydraponiks and shit. Come on man you have dredz don’t be a hold out. Yours, Too high to know my own name.

Entertainment Vengence is mine, you worthless disgusting mouth breathers. Pain, suffering and the anticipation of knowing what I have known all along. You are all nothing to me. You will go on and live unremarkable lives and wail in the mediocrity of your own pathetic existence.* *If you are not doing the Agri-business degree please discard this entire intro. Look at me I am so much better than philosophy students. Well Nietzsche would tend to disagree with you and he never had to jerk off a Bull. My friend and I had an argument the other day. He said if he fucked a mermaid he would go bottom half woman, top half fish, but that’s just crazy right? Reply hazy. If you really want to screw a woman with a weird shaped head, no personality and the hint of a tail, bite the bullet and just ask out Paula Bennett. What is the worst she could do? Oh that’s right take away your benefit, make you homeless and grind away at your soul until you are a dehumanised shell of your former self. I may be demonic but that woman is evil. My friend and I had an argument the other day. He said if he had to fuck a cartoon character it would be Betty Rubble. Everyone knows it should be the ginger one from Pokemon right? No. I may have been stuck in a toybox for a student magazine for over a decade but everyone knows the answer is Jessica Rabbit. She was both attractive and kinky enough to bone a rabbit. Are all people that like seafood pizzas virgins? Yes.

Aries: Relax: Don’t stress about exams. Whether it’s an A or a C, take solace in the fact that your not studying at fucking Wintec . Taurus: Overcome: Pull yourself together. Only little girls and national association presidents cry. Gemini: Focus: You may feel like you are losing touch with reality, but if you don’t “believe that vampires were sent to walk among us and lead us into sin” then you barely register on the Universities bat-shit crazy scale. Cancer: Contemplative: Are you sure you want to graduate without EVER having jumped in the lake. Leo: Trusting: You have been turning to your horoscopes page for advice every week. It’s time we leveled with you. Because of austerity measures, we have been outsourcing the writing of horoscopes to a small Nigerian child we adopted in A semester to get on the domestic purposes benefit gravy train. Sure he’s funny, but I wouldn’t take his advice too seriously. It’s not like he’s even allowed to leave the house. Virgo: Mature? There comes a time in every person’s life when they will learn to accept things with grace, poise, and dignity. That time is usually around your mid 30s, so if your exam results aren’t what you expected it’s because your lecturer is an evil narcissist who has held a grudge all semester because they can’t deal with the fact that you are cooler and funnier and smarter, than they will ever be. Libra: Romance: Sure Sapphire’s married, but you’re on study leave in a week. Just ask, maybe she feels the same way…. what is the worst that can happen? Scorpio: Political: You had a horoscope but Paula Bennett took it. What a bitch. Sagittarius: Nervous: Some people stress about exams. If I were you I would stress about the final exam night out. It’s a hedonistic, polyamorous, Sodom and Gomorrah we like to call downtown Hamilton. Capricorn: Caution: Fail an exam, you get a lecture from your parents. Fail to get an erection while having a one night stand with the girl who sits across from you in first year poli-sci, and you get three years of everyone she knows pointing and laughing at you everywhere from Pita Pit to the station for until you graduate. Aquarius: Freedom: Whoever said “lead by example ” should get hit by a bus. You’re young, you’re alive you’re about to be on holiday. If you can’t smoke it, drink it or have sex with it, then it can wait till 2013. Pisces: Wise: That’s it, the stars have taught you almost everything you need to know….. Make sure you clean the mushrooms first….ok now the stars are done.

Face of the week - make me into Mike Tyson

Puzzles Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some fabulous free stuff!

SUDOKU

END OF YEAR Word Find YEARBOOK STUDY ENDOFYEAR PARTY DRUNK

GRADUATION HOLIDAY IMOUT TIRED HIGH

EXAMS NOTASINGLEFUCKWASGIVEN REFLECTION TIMEFLOWNBY MEMORYLOSS

COLOUR ME IN

CAPTION THIS

Nexus Signs Off We asked some of our contributors to give us their final thoughts for the year. Here are a few of the ones we received, plus words of wisdom from the prior 23 issues of Nexus. Read, reflect, or don’t; we don’t really care anymore. Love, Nexus. “Be suspicious of things which seem too good to be true - which includes boys and Ralph Lauren jumpers which claim they’re a size 10” - Alice and Anne. “I’ll miss your everything, 2012. Fuck. I spelled ‘penis’ wrong again.” - Mr. Minty Fish.

“Do what you love, just for the hell of it. If all else fails, have a wine/cupcake.” - Mel Matthews.

“Nexus has done more for me than a three year Communications degree. I just blazed my way through communications.” - Sean Goulding. “The word frape isn’t such a big deal when millions of people are starving to death around the world, being murdered by the United States or turned into zombies by MTV - so find a real cause to fight for, and be less of a moron.” - C-ball To all those who read my column thank you it’s been a pleasure writing for you. To those who don’t read my column... Well shit happens. See you in 2013!!! (If the editors let me back in...) - Courtney Comparison is the thief of joy- enjoy your success because you deserve it. - Kylie YWRC

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Sam says

Issue Four 2012

sluts... a lot

Did you see

Six60? O Week 2012 Issue #1

Nexus chases the big O!

New layout, new features, new president, same old Mr. Minty Fish and Sports Thoughts.

University is a fuck off big reset button – so push it. Challenge your lecturers (it’s called learning), ask that hot girl or guy out for a drink (it’s called growing balls), drink a lot (it’s called higher Oh, What a Wonderful World functioning alcoholism), try new things (it’s called group sex), support a political movement (there are better choices than National or Act) – this is the chance to re-invent yourself.

Plus virgins and secrets

fe Issue The Nightli A lot of people frequent the same two or three bars and then turn around and bitch about how shit Hamilton is. Branch out, try a different bar, go exploring, you never know what you’ll ﬁnd.

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Issue Five 2012

SQUIDDY

HATES PEOPLE

Charlie reviews

GUCCI

MMP

COUP

POLITICS

STAGES A WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

the ASPA award winning

Issue Two 2012

Auteur House

Alix talks ofﬁce

THE POLITICS ISSUE

for you ﬁlmy type snobs

Our book reviewer ﬁnds an ORGASM NEWSY RANTS ABOUT PEOPLE BEING

DOUCHEBAGS

Classic Agony Art is back!

Featuring how to get

FREE SHIT

Section

Welcome to the real student life. Student debt is a huge issue with the educated nation already owing over $12 billion and it’s only going to get worse.

The real reason I stopped caring about politics with a passion is two-fold. I got laid and then I got an xbox. After that the machinations of Gerry Brownlee and Jacinda Ardern didn’t seem to matter so much to me.

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Issue Six April 23rd 2012

Issue Twelve May 4th 2012

Teachers should inspire you to read Dickens and Tolstoy, just for fun. They should take an active interest in what you do and they should instil in you the qualities that drive you to succeed.

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Nexus Goes

META

Embrace the Clichés If American TV has taught us anything it is that there are certain expectations of the student fl at. Tables are for old people: If you don’t have a multi use table then you’re doing it wrong. Beer Pong, Foosball or (for the slightly more upmarket) Air Hockey tables can all be eaten off stop being a snob.

Issue Seven April 30th 2012

Is Daniel Right? Lettuce Says No!

Section

and interviews itself

Our Virgin is Back Game Reviewers FIGHT TO THE

DEATH (not really)

with more to confess

Plus Horrorscopes and more in the...

HEALTH ISSUE

There were no tears – just laughter. It was like a wake for an old Irish alcoholic - full of bad language, good memories and spirits. There was an emptiness that took hold of me as I stumbled home a few hours later, a depression of the heart, something I had loved, enjoyed and thoroughly abused, had gone – just like that. The paint had dried. It was over. Issue Fourteen July 27th, 2012

#popcultureissue

Knowing how to use a condom properly does better work for one’s stress levels than any ﬁrst-year will ever understand. My attitude towards drugs is simple – do what you like, as long as it doesn’t get me arrested. I prefer a house party to clubbing. Clubbing is just a bunch of loud noises, bumping elbows, and people drunker than they should be. That’s not a good time, that’s childbirth in South Auckland.

Issue Eight May 7th 2012

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

The Olympics Issue

The answer isn’t going ofﬂine or disconnecting from society either. Perhaps all we can really do is try to ﬁnd a better balance for everything. Pop culture has a place but surely real culture does too. So go get stoned and watch the Avengers in 3D but then next week go get stoned and watch a play at the performing arts centre.

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

THE CULTURE ISSUE

Issue Nine May 14th 2012

When Michael Phelps had a hit of weed at a party we came down on him like a tonne of bricks. Some even tried to suggest he was doing it for performance-enhancing purposes. I don’t know if those people have ever tried to swim 200 meters in world record time? I imagine that is hard. Have you ever tried to watch an episode of Game of Thrones stoned? Issue Fifteen July 30th, 2012

New student ﬁction in

Cereal LEFT vs

RIGHT IS BACK HP meets

Jahna

Plus

our guest Feature Writer actually wants students to do something...

Future students need to make informed decisions about their education; Current and future students need the opportunity to stand up and say that they are part of the population of this University and they want a say in their future.

Auteur House

introduces

Gabby Hayes Gucci goes

HIP HOP

Issue Ten May 21st 2012

Issue Seventeen August 13th, 2012

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

The elite entrench their power while the ordinary people can’t change the rules no matter how many of them want to, instead they just have to struggle along under the rules that are designed to keep them at the bottom.

want to be a

muso?

We show you how

C-Ball

HATES THINGS 1

Maybe one day we might see you on the cover of Rolling Stone, with your guitar amp that goes to 11 and we can say we saw you ﬁrst. We can become one of those people in the future who says “yeah, we saw them ﬁrst in 2012, playing a local venue in Hamilton! No, no, I swear…. it’s the truth!”

What I am getting at here in a very roundabout way,is that university students are a distinct demographic made up of a variety of people who can potentially clash, disagree and cause social havoc.

Nexus goes all myths and stereotypes

Issue Eighteen August 20th, 2012

a personal experience, we shouldn’t belittle their reasons for disagreeing with legalisation but we shouldn’t allow them to set the tone or even the timing of a national conversation. Issue 22, October 1st, 2012

Uni means I’m going to have endless fun in summer at pool parties with bikini- clad hotties? We do have the convenience of a lake right next to the village green, except that it’s filthy and probably contains a plague. The closest we get to a babe in the lake is a female scientist in overalls taking water samples.

YOUR COME ON

OE BIHGNEX US WIT

There was one girl who slept with a different guy like every night. Like, brought in random Italian guys into her room when her lovely roommates were fast asleep and they got to wake up to this random Italian guy. Not so cool. Issue 23, October 8th, 2012

I’m always a bit astonished when I hear people using the word gay as a synonym for crappy, un-cool, or stupid. For me, it’s such a random and out of context word to use. What makes it gay? Does it actually have anything to do with sexuality when people say it? Issue 21, September 24th 2012

It seems to me that university is one way of buying time while you figure out what you really want to do, and network with the people who will get you there, without needing to actually prove yourself yet.

There will always be people who object to drug use. Whether their argument is moral, religious or the result of

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COLUMNISTS OUT OF

CONTEXT It’s the last issue. If as the Mayan’s predicted the world will descend into a fiery pit of chaos and ultimately explode, then we wanted one last reminder of the hard work and effort our contributors put in during 2012. ...But we also wanted to mess with them a little. And make them sound stupid. Hey sluts and virgins. The one rule I was given was no slavery, sex trafficking, environmental injustice or female circumcision until at least week two. I don’t care how your New Year’s went; partly because all I did was sit on the couch with a bottle of cider and feel sorry for myself, partly because if the state of my News feed is anything to go by, your lives are terrible. If you ask the government, they’ll tell you that students are irresponsible, untrustworthy, money-laundering scumbags who spend their evenings kicking puppies, setting fire to police officers, and jaywalking. Unfortunately, they’re right. To everyone new here to the Waikato University campus, welcome to Hamilton - the town where you can watch 4 out of 10 girls in clubs act like they’re at least a solid 9, and the home of the one and only Sonny Bill Williams. Sluts. Sluzas. Skanks. Whores. Those loose chicks who have casual, meaningless sex. Maybe with ‘randoms’. Maybe with ‘regulars’. Maybe with friends. The first time I met Courtney she was half naked at House. And how do I alleviate my anxiety? Although I did not manage to get her number, I would call the evening a success and would very much like to meet her again, hopefully on a second date. Through masturbation of course. Or as I euphemistically refer to it, “anxiety relief”. The actions are purely mechanical and I derive no pleasure from it. I knew just by seeing him that he wasn’t my type. Call her baby, bitches love being called baby. You can call me judgmental or as I like to say, truthful. On a side note, I have a brand new copy of the AMAZING orgasm bible. Females filled the floor for what they knew was going to be an epic event. If Netball wasn’t already the lamest sport of the face of the Earth, it certainly is now. Get off your ass, and go to Easy Tiger. God, you’re such slut today. Complain endlessly. I do. Like, a lot. My mouth is an almost immediate extension of my brain. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles painted the Mona Lisa. If New Zealand is ever decimated by a nuclear winter, the Cockroaches will

survive and when they evolve and form a government, Winston Peters will be their preferred coalition partner. The media follows Ryder around because they know, much like the Honeybadger, he doesn’t give a shit. I want to buy you a puppy. I want to let you fall in love with that puppy. I want to steal the puppy away and then I want to sell it on Trade Me. Manchester City can lick my balls. Treat your waitress like she’s just graduated Kindergarten. Fuck alcohol being the devil’s drink. Lactose-free milk. There is one good thing about being in the full-catered halls of residence. The most important thing you should know, girls, is the power of the morning after pill. While Fifty Shades of Grey does have slightly clever and humorous moments, it just doesn’t make a sexy medical drama. If you have sex, you will get pregnant and die. Banging together a few bits of wood. I kissed a girl. And I liked it. Hope my Government don’t mind it. It is winter. It is going to be cold. It doesn’t matter how sexy your skimpy beach bunny outfit is, getting pneumonia is not. I like reality. I like living in it. So do you. You had a reputation for a whole of being one of Hamilton’s most eligible bachelors. Don’t get your man period about it. Nexus suggests you also include large amounts of booze to help you deal with the stress. In my case virginity is also a lack of romantic attachment. The world isn’t fair and you want to do something about it, but you’re really just one person and one person can’t make a difference. Clothes do come in handy - you’d definitely get a terrible case of frost-butt in winter if you wandered around with no pants on. It might be two weeks late, but unlike a period this is news worth welcoming. That’s just the occupational hazard that comes with inhaling copious amounts of orange juice without checking if it has vodka in it. I’m out!

Vox Pops 1) What’s been your best paper this year? 2) What’s the best party you’ve been to this year? 3) What is a lesson you have learned this year?

Jacqui 1) Electronics 2) O-Week foam party 3) Don’t question the free stuff.

Tom 1) ENMP 102 2) The National Party 3) Girlfriends make you study less.

Georgia 1) Art 2) Haven’t been to one 3) No idea.

Caitlyn 1) Earth 103 2) New Years party at Hamburg 3) Invest in a raincoat.

Chris 1) Engineering Design 2) All 21st’s,can’t remember which was which... 3) Yardys are brutal.

Rachel 1) TESP 718 and 719 2) Jitz’s party 3) Petrol is really expensive.

Ye-Gon 1) MUSI 215 2) Church, any Student Life event 3) Don’t buy Pams guacamole.

David 1) TESP 718 and 719 or LORNA 2) Nicki Minaj’s (Heaphy Terrace) 3) Rachel gives the boys a run for their money on the piss.

Jitz 1) 735 PICT 2) My party 3) Don’t order stuff from the E-caf.

Michael 1) Physics 2) Ryan’s party 3) I can’t live without Damyon.

Tymon 1) Religious Studies and Biology (Evolution) 2) Jitz’s party 3) It’s hard to find a park after 9:30am

Ryan 1) Logic 2) Beach / Foam party 3) There is only so much sushi you can eat.

Katie 1) LORNA 2) Jitz’s party 3) The whole education block looks exactly the same.

Scotty 1) CUP 2) I’m too old for parties 3) Don’t trust girls.

Jess 1) Bio 2) Paint party 3) Curly fries are overrated.

Aleisha 1) Critical Thought 2) None 3) Keep on top of your work.

Reviews

REVIEWS Top Five Books of 2012 This week I’m supposed to be summing up the best books of 2012. But as you already may have noticed with this column, reviewing new releases is something I seldom do. Not because I don’t have access to new books, quite the opposite, but because most of them are ephemeral things that are soon consigned to the dust bin of history. Frankly you’re better off reading a decent newspaper article than most of the stuff I get sent. But be that as it may, a decent book, a book ‘written in blood’ to paraphrase Nietzsche, is a precious commodity. So what I’m going to do here is list five authors worth the effort of tracking down. Hermann Hesse – Crap 1960s band Steppenwolf are named after this German Nobel Prize winner. His novels were ‘discovered’ by the sixties counter-culture movement who identified with his search for ultimate truth. But don’t let Hesse’s popularity with hippies put you off. Novels like ‘Steppenwolf’ and ‘Siddartha’ are deep, challenging works about finding meaning in life. Raymond Chandler – wrote novels whose movie adaptations made Humphrey Bogart a Hollywood immortal. His wise-cracking dialogue defined the cynical, hard-boiled hero with a soft heart underneath. Bret Easton Ellis – forget the movie ‘American Psycho’ and read the novel instead. Ellis is a ruthlessly satirical writer, capturing the narcissism and emptiness underlying the American dream.

Douglas Coupland – I’ve already reviewed a couple of his books this year so I won’t say too much, other than as well as being the most prophetic of modern authors, he’s also extremely adept at taking the piss. Jack Kerouac – a bit of a cliché choice, but he still captures the glories of young adulthood better than anyone else. There’s also more to ‘On the Road’ than Kirsten Stewart’s double hand job might lead you to believe. As you may have noticed no women authors are included here, so in concession to feminist readers, Francoise Sagan, Camille Paglia and Marion Zimmer Bradley are all scribblers of some note, worth asking about at Browser’s bookstore. By Kevin Pryor

IN REVIEW Favourite Coffee: Scotts Epicurean Admittedly I used to work for Scotts Epicurean, which is why it hasn’t been reviewed by me in the last two years; I don’t review places I used to work because I don’t want to appear biased. But it has to be said: Scotts makes a damn good coffee. I continue to go there five years later because the coffee is ALWAYS excellent. Favourite Cafe: Milk and Honey As you know, I’m in love with this cafe. The setting is awesome, the staff lovely, and the food and coffee amazing. If you haven’t been there already what the hell are you waiting for? Favourite on Campus: Espresso Plus I haven’t actually managed to go much this semester, my class schedule has seen me on campus a lot less and on the other side of campus most of the time. Regardless, the last three years has told me this is still the best place on campus for a coffee, and Stacey and co are way more fun to deal with than the scowly-faces at certain other establishments. Favourite New Comer: Paasha I’ve only been once, but I was super impressed, give it a try! Favourite Restaurant – Casual: Metropolis Caffe I still love the casual and nonetoo-expensive dinners we have at Metropolis when we want to go out

Favourite Restaurant – Fancy: Victoria Street Bistro I haven’t been for dinner yet but I’ve been for dessert and I have heard a lot of good things. My sticky date and banana pudding was magic, with a special mention needed for every other component that came with it: the butterscotch sauce, macadamia brittle, a medjool date, coconut and vanilla bean cream and double popping caramel corn. It was all fricken stellar, I am looking to go back for the peanut butter and jelly crème brulee, because doesn’t that just sound amazing?? By Mel Matthews

So it comes to that time of year when I need to look back at music this year and conjure up some form of memory so I have something to say about it. I have to concede, that remembering was the hardest, choosing songs, not so much. These are the songs that I have managed to form a wee crush on this year but also have returned to, as they are the kind of songs that have found their way into my ears again and again. In no particular order… Yoko Ono by Clap Clap Riot. It has been a big year for the Auckland rockers and this song is just so fun and bouncy, I thought it should get a nod. It’s the kind of music to start your day to (as long as your night before wasn’t too rambunctious). Good Things by Nadia Reid. A live recording of this song is available on Bandcamp.com and I highly recommend it. Beautifully eerie vocals over sparse acoustic guitar and one of the saddest and most endearing numbers from a NZ musician this year. Stay Useless by Cloud Nothings. Just been announced for Laneway and I would go see them on the strength of this song alone. Fantastic energy, punk rock feel with indie grounding. A song that embodies what Rancid or The Strokes could do at their best and still holds a contemporary feel.

Ruin by Cat Power. Bluesy American singer is back with a stunning lead single off her new album. This song holds the delicacy of her early work with the power she is known to deliver. Rock greats like Eddie Vedder and Dave Grohl are praising this, so you can too. Amen by Meek Mill and J. Cole. Up and coming hip hop stars unite to create a drunken, chauvinist frenzy, but somehow link it to the church? Meek’s flow is all accent and clipped syllables while Cole comes in with his Polo shirts and Jay Z backing to clean up superbly. Not to be taken too seriously. By HP

Reviews

for dinner but don’t have a lot of money. Try the green thai chicken curry, gado gado with chicken and the macaroons. I haven’t had coffee there is a while but the Iced Mochas are tops.

2012 has been a year of contradictions in the fashion world. From 90’s grunge making a comeback to pretty ﬂoral prints (again) being popular this spring – there’s definitely been a trend out there for everyone. From the outside, fashion can come off as elitist, intimidating and snobby. “I don’t know what’s trendy!” my mum often shouts at me, “I have no idea what’s cool”. Except fashion isn’t really about being “cool”, and the trends this year have definitely shown that. It’s not about looking down your nose at that poor girl whose wearing last year’s dress. It’s not about thinking you’re better than someone because you know what all the shops are selling. Throw yourself into fashion and you’ll soon realise that there’s no one “right” way of dressing – you have people like Alexa Chung who are constantly cool and chic, but then also your Agyness Deyn’s who are forever pushing boundaries and styles. The late designer Alexander McQueen noted “it’s a new era in fashion - there are no rules. It’s all about the individual and personal style, wearing high-end, low-end, classic labels, and up-andcoming designers all together.” Fashion ultimately is expression and if you feel like channelling your inner 50’s housewife, then pop on down to Dotti, or Glassons and get yourself one of those pastel lace dresses. Pair it with some cute wedges and go out into the world dressed to the nines. If you’re pissed off the government is taking away your student allowance and you’re having the worst bad hair day since Dolly Parton decided to get a perm, then you need an outfit that screams “fuck off”. Don’t be afraid of letting out your inner Sid Vicious if your 50’s housewife dresses aren’t cutting it. Put on your black shirt with the studs, your shredded jeans and the black best eyeliner you own. This year’s trends seems to have incorporated the more eclectic mix of punk, grunge, preppy and vintage to bring together this melting pot of styles for everyone, even if that means a metaphorical middle finger to anyone who sees you in the street.

Bright winter coats gave us the opportunity to bring some colour into our dreary Waikato winter, but there was still the unending torrent of ugg boots and Kathmandu jackets which made an appearance again this year. The strange pairing of Kathmandu puffer jackets (which I’d imagine are incredibly warm) with leggings (which are incredibly cold) will never make sense to me. Perhaps they were just trying to be ironic – like the choice of straightened hair and immaculate make up with this look (despite the fact your average winter’s day will ruin both within minutes of stepping out your front door). Another somewhat ironic look is the infamous mullet dresses and skirts. Mini-skirt at the front, calf-length at the back – they’re perfect for the girl who’s indecisive and isn’t sure if she wants to be a bohemian fairy, or belong on Jersey Shore. Perhaps it’s just an attempt to hide the fact they didn’t shave the back of their legs. Fair enough too, with the oncoming summer, cut off demin shorts ala Lana Del Rey are looking to be a staple, and with that comes the end of the winter fuzz. However we probably shouldn’t complain too much, shaving your legs is nothing compared to what Lorna Bliss must have gone through to prepare for her audition for X Factor UK 2012. If you’ve never heard of a bodystocking before, be thankful. Imagine fishnet stockings, but in the form of a jumpsuit. Her choice of a lime-green g-string was also interesting. YouTube it if my description hasn’t been enough. With summer approaching us faster than an assignment deadline, the most important advice we can give you is always ‘wear sunscreen’. We can assure you looking like a lobster will never be in. Lots of love, Anne (Alice got lost under a pile of dirty washing and law assignments this week).

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I got on-the-job media experience

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Made contacts and graduated with job offers

Shake Out Pride Day Winston Anthony

Boat Race

Easter Egg Hunt

Pink Shirt Day Happiness Truck

O-Week

Events in Pics

REOWEEK David Bennett Uni Open Day

Noho Marae And many more. Cheers to LJ and the WSU for putting on so many awesome events this year!

WSU Club Awards Results 2012 Service to Clubs CHERYL GREEN Club member and General service to Clubs: MORIA BRANHOUSE (WULSA) Club Contribution SIFE Club of the Year Sports Club: RUGBY Cultural Club: SAMOAN Academic Club: Management school Lifestyle, Interest or Activity Club: ASKEW Rookie Club: WAAG Overall Club of the Year: Arise

Babe of the Week

Returning 2013

“Haeretia to haere, tutuki noa “ (Hoani Henare, Ngati Hine) My journey brought me to the WSU nearly two years ago. I began as the Cultural Director and six months later became the VP Māori. Eighteen months down the track I can now count the weeks, if not the days before my journey will be completed. There are many famous sayings that people use to capture their time in an organisation. I have always preferred to think of a favourite TV programme “Star Trek”, in essence, “to go where no man has been before”. The VP position has allowed me to do things a little different. This began at the start of the year in supporting “Kingitanga Day” through show-casing artists such as Watson Tuhua and Grant Haua. At the Ball “Takuahi” students were entertained by Vegas Brown and Raniera Rakena down at the Dons. Last month the WSU also changed the venue for Noho Marae to Waipapa Marae in Kawhia. This event was supported by Student Networks – Te Whakahiapo (chiefs) and Te Waiora (workshops), and highlights the resourcefulness and capabilities of students on campus. The WSU also supported hakinakina once again with resources and student spaces - Te Ranga Ngaku walked away with the trophy both times. Most importantly has been the opportunity to be a student advocate for our students on campus, whether at university committees or through student services. This essential service is the most rewarding, to know that you helped a student complete their studies – as that is why we are all here. My journey here at the WSU is nearly over, only acquittal reports left to go. Best wishes to you all with your final assignments, tests and exams. Priscilla, VP 2012-2013.

Sometimes people use the term ‘student politician’ which I don’t fully understand or agree with, and certainly don’t apply to myself. Perhaps that is because politicians are always accused of ‘pandering’ and telling you what you want to hear as opposed to what they actually think. That’s pretty appalling, really. So I won’t bore you with the run down of my thoughts on student politics ‘year-in-review’ style or how I hope good politicians, students or otherwise, are the antithesis of bad politics. Instead, I’ll just avoid being one of those what-you-want-to-hear people, and let you decide what I think instead. This year has been full of amazing experiences, wonderful people and big ideas/ an unmitigated disaster/ pretty dull actually, and I’m quite glad it is coming to an end (delete those that don’t apply). It has been an absolute pleasure/ horror to serve you on the WSU, and have the opportunity to meet such amazing/talented/delightful/annoying/stupid people. Thank you so much to everyone who has shared this journey with me. I am humbled and grateful to have met, worked with, learned from and been inspired by you. / There is nothing to thank you for and I wish you’d leave me alone. If I have learnt anything this year, it is that ___________________________________. There are no gems of wisdom or insights/pretentious mumbo jumbo statements I have to impart upon you, you don’t need it- you are at university because you are smart/ didn’t want to get a job and passionate/undecided about something/everything. Being at University means you are capable of questioning our ways of being, our society and ourselves. You are already engaging with the narratives and discourses of society, so as this is my last column and I will no longer be able to plea for compassion and humanity, with words that inspire you to act on injustice/ write enthralling articles about important world issues/piss and moan about anything and everything- all I want to do is ask that you be completely outraged by the things that are outrageous, and see where it takes you. You stay classy, Waikato. Sam Taylor, VP 2012.

Opinion

2012 is ending and if the Zombies don’t get us, the hangovers definitely should. But after a hard year of being baller baller shot caller on course related costs, you now find yourself turning tricks on the corner just to make a dime. Dollars make you hollaaa. There’s only one New Years Eve solution for you, and that’s the New Years Eve of a povo person. Welcome to the club Honey Boo Boo.

NEW YEARS IF YOU’RE POVO Get arrested at like 7pm so that when people asked what you did for New Years you can say you missed it and sound like a loose cunt, and not just some guy that was too broke for RnV and petrol.

Who brought what? Translation: Hunt out who your stingey friend is. Name them ‘The Jew.’ Now you can have Hanukah. Eat in. Translation: Or eat out. Oooo. Sexual innuendo Root beer ﬂoats. Translation: Or, root. Beer. Float away on a giant blow up Havaiana Jandal. Oooo. Sexual innuendo.

Break your arm and/or have a baby so you get pumped full of morphine and ride the rainbow all of the way home.

A trip down 2011’s memory lane. Translation: Call all of your exes and tell them that they are your New Years resolutions. Because you want to do them now but will stop wanting to do them tomorrow.

Offer to work a bar shift then tell all your friends that they forced you to work and you’re guttered because you had heaps of plans. Almost too many plans. With all your friends.

Play New Year’s Bingo. Translation: I actually don’t even know how to make more of a joke out of this than it already makes out of itself.

Find a scattering of acquaintances that you don’t particularly like and play never have I ever at about lunchtime on New Years Eve. This really has no purpose other than to dull the pain for an hour or 2.

Give your party some spark. Translation: Burn your couch. Or your laptop. Or your dreams.

Get a job. Well. That’s the extent of my advice. I did Google it though. According to http://abcn.ws/PmRglh, There are 11 steps. So, for the sake of you all not writing to me with the saddest stories ever next year, the following is a list of their suggestions followed by how that works for you povo dicks and damsels. Set a table in an eclectic fashion, instead of matching. Translation: Basically, just get wild. Pair floral with stripes if need be. Who cares. You’re loco. Buy party items on sale after the holidays this year and use next year. Settle for the most eats New Years ever and spend what little funds you have ensuring you don’t fuck up again next year. Buy pre-made chocolate or pastry shells. Translation: Prepare for some pretty kinky self lovin’. Have a fondue party. Translation: This might actually be the saddest list I have ever written.

Find a cheap bus, train or plane ticket for Dec. 31. Translation: Start looking for new jobs so that next year you can actually do something that doesn’t involve cock blocking your parents. My only other tips are to stay safe, look after yourself, and don’t get pregnant. Unless you want to; and even so, the fact that you’re reading this means you probably won’t be a fit parent anyway. Goodbye for this year, Genuinely love each of you. Yours eternally, MMF.x Call me, tweet me @mrmintyfish P.S. I spent last New Years on my mums couch alone and drunk off cider. I may not be a reliable source.

Exams are coming up!

FYIs:

Where do I start?

If you try to make contact with your lecturer after your exam, you are likely not to get a reply until after the exam results are out. Why? Because they arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t allowed to communicate with you until then.

DO NOT take you phone with you to your exam. Leave it in the car or at home. The consequences of being caught with one (even in your pocket) are not worth it.

Take water in the room with you.

Make sure that there is no writing anywhere on your body.

Bring your ID card, or alternatively if you not able to bring an ID card bring other photo ID e.g. drivers licence.

If you believe that your exam was impaired because of illness, injury, personal bereavement or any other critical circumstance then you may be able to apply for special consideration for impairment to exam preparation.

On the list below are some important facts and places where you will be able to find additional information to help with your study. If this is your first set of exams then it is best to read up as much as you can on what to expect and what not to do.

Exam preparation: -

Check out the library website for revision tips

Use your paper outline timeline as a guideline of what topics to study for your exam

Make the most of any lecturerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s office hours and any exam workshops

Take breaks between study sessions

Form a study group with people in your class, these are good for theories you may not understand as you will be able to ask others for help.

Make sure you know where your exam will be held. This saves stress on the day of the exam.

If you have any questions regarding circumstances that may affect you participating in your exams or completing them to your best ability, please contact Amber the Advocate on 07 856 9139 or advocacy@wsu.org.nz

Top 5 gigs of the year by Jess Molina of With The Cool Kids Oh wow, I can’t believe that this year is just about to end but the party doesn’t have to end (Summer is another story) for us. We’ve thought long and hard about those nights that turned into mornings, the nights where you were sweating inside a club from all the raging, and the nights that you know you’ll remember forever (the less you remember, the better?). We’re talking the 5 best gigs that we’ve been to this year! In no particular order. . X-Ray Fiends, The Redheads, Threat. Meet. Protocol at Static It was a magical night, like I was part of something special. We were one with the music. And that, my friends, is what I think it should be all about. Kiwi Bandwagon NZ Music Month was given an Htown twist thanks to the guys who call themselves the adventure artists. Best Tuesday night rage ever! OUSA presents Kimbra, The Black Seeds, Mt Eden, Ruby Frost, Vandalism, and Diaz Grimm So three out of those acts are playing at RnV this year and one has played at Coachella. Needless to say, it was epic! Manatee party at Flow Bar Long live Flow Bar. Manatee: The Gash Pit edition was the last manatee party at Flow before it closed down. It was as emotional as it was amping that’s for sure. Soundscape presents Homestyle Kids of 88 brought the house down that night. Also, the party went on until 4 am. Definitely took advantage of that extra hour!