Nexus Issue Three

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Issue Three 2012

Love him, hate him

Gucci is back!

C-ball takes on Southee Armageddon: It’s either coming in

April or December Nexus Investigates

THE ARMAGEDDON ISSUE

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Contents How Saph Sees It 8 Ball News Lettuce Sports Thoughts Mr. Minty Fish Hate It or Love it Hipster Diary Auteur House Tangata Tumeke It’s Not Easy Being Sam Club Spotlight W Card Competition Apocalypse Now Being a Fanboy Vox Pops On Campus How To Gig Guide Puzzles Cartoons Hot Fuzz Lick That Spoon Half Baked with Mel Interview with Shapeshifter Quintessential Reading

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Credits Design: Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Editor: James Raffan Contributors Courtney Q, Alix Higby, President Sapphire Gillard, First man Charles Gillard, members of the lollipop guild, Something Hip, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr. Richard Swainson, Sam ‘Sketti’ Taylor, Priscilla Ngatai, Nick Johnston, Mr. Minty Fish, Melanie Matthews, Constable Nick Sickelmore, Gucci, C-ball, Squiddy and the glorious indestructable 8 Ball.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR OR ANYONE IN PARTICULAR. Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton.

Phone: 07 838 4653 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz Postal: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

From the Editor’s Desk Student elections could learn from Skinny (and Kony). I don’t know about the rest of you but I am sick of hearing about “student apathy.” It seems every time someone does something that students should care about but don’t they blame it on the apathetic nature of the students these days. Why? Because if they actually said “students didn’t turn up because we are marketing hacks who thought we could captivate and pidgeon hole the whole student market with lame catch phrases and clichés,” then they would probably get fired.

Everyone seems so willing to say that students are indifferent or don’t care enough and that just seems a lazy and convenient excuse. I saw a bunch or excited and engaged students during O-week. They were playing skinny mobile soapy soccer without even thinking about those who were watching or whether it was “cool.”

Then they showed up to the free busses in Toga’s and dressed for the 80s party. I spoke to a bunch of students who were excited at the prospect of getting Tiki Taane Tickets and another group who begged us to sell them student priced tickets to Soundscape hours after we had sold out. While we’re on the subject the 5,000 strong predominantly student crowd at Soundscape didn’t sound like they were suppressing emotions or showing indifference to much. They seemed to be enjoying themselves at a kick arse party. Don’t believe me? Ask the 25 cat loving grinches that complained that the noise was too loud (by the way shout out to the Waikato Times for picking the least newsworthy aspect of an event that brought life to an otherwise dull weekend, solid call). Maybe I’m crazy but none of that sounds like the actions of an apathetic student base. Some of you might say yes but apathy exists when trying to get students to care about environmental and social issues. That ain’t apathy. That is narcissism, an inspired bi-product culture that puts a camera in the face of any Kardashian or over tanned Italian and lets them talk about themselves once a week. You want people to care more about causes like the Rena and global poverty? Package them better.

Nobody knew who Kony was a month ago and now he is out trending Beiber on twitter all because we saw a slick video that made us sit up and feel part of something. In a few weeks we are going to have an election for a student rep on University Council. Traditionally this has been the domain of the WSU president who is elected each year by the 1800 students who actually care enough to vote.

For some reason the University has decided that those elections should now be separate from the University Council one and are going to go through the exercise of an election. I’d like to encourage every student to get out and vote. Over the next few weeks we will run a few ads maybe even publish details of the candidates but let’s make one thing clear from the outset if this election doesn’t get any more votes than the WSU one it isn’t because of you apathetic students. It isn’t because you don’t care enough, it’s because you don’t care about this and that isn’t your fault. If the University or the WSU wanted to really drive this election we would give you Togas a few pints and snap a photo as you vote so you can tag yourselves in the photo on Facebook while watching a 30 minute video with an ominous sound track explaining why elections are important. If nobody cares enough to do all that for you then maybe they are the apathetic ones.

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How Saph Sees It

How Saph Sees It As As you you may may or or may may not not know, know, student student representation representation on on university council and other university university council and other university committees committees is is currently being being reviewed. reviewed. This This review review process process is is partly partly currently due due to to the the recent recent changes changes in in legislation legislation regarding regarding VSM VSM but but is is also also connected connected to to a a larger larger review review of of the the university’s university’s committee structure. structure. The The proposed proposed changes, changes, which which we we committee hope will soon become available to the the wider student Day one of soon o-week was insane.

It was mywider first 15 hour day hope will become available to student body, both remove student representation some on campus wasn’t in any way related from to class and body, bothwhich remove student representation from some committees and change how student representatives me procrastinating (Unlike those last nights in second committees and change how student representatives year are elected elected for others.

So how how will willschool this affect affect you as aslabs the where I sleptfor in others. the management computer are So this you the student what forms student –average those days wereand kinda lame, butof necessary average student and what forms ofabsolutely student representation representation there? ifare you, like me, are yet to develop the time management are there? skills and discipline needed to finish assignments more 1) President and Board Directors than 5minutes before they due).of day one of 1) WSU WSU President and are Board ofInstead, Directors We’re here to represent you!

As a board, our aim is o-week was full on fun and sun. a ginga, We’re here to represent you!

AsI,a as board, our was aim amazed is to to act act as independent, independent, informed and principled representatives that I didn’t end the day as and a beetroot (though a not so as informed principled representatives on any any issues issues thatsister affectof our members andrather, students atday fortunate younger mine did). But myat on that affect our members and students large.

We’re here to make your time ended first fusssure freeyou busremember trip into town. large.after We’rethe here tono make sure you remember your After time at Waikato the reasons. at the theIUniversity University ofleft Waikato for all the right right reasons. which bailed andof two of for my all amazing directors and That includes includes representing students interests to ensure That representing interests general manager in charge ofstudents getting you guys to in ensure to and a is considered and a student student point of–view view is always always considered and changes changes out of townpoint safelyof Aren’t those guys great? Sober til don’t affect you, our students, negatively. don’t affect you, ourguys students, 4.00am getting you safely negatively. home all of o-week. I think BUT under under the proposed new new structure structure it it will will be be harder harder BUT the proposed they’re bloody amazing. for for the the WSU WSU to to do do this. this. Obviously, Obviously, we’re we’re talking talking to to the the about proposed changes and will hopefully university about the proposed changes andand willeven hopefully I university hear the bus wasthe rather exciting at times came come toodd a point point where youasreceive receive the most effective effective come to a where you most with the show as well ride – the I wonder if my roster representation possible – including including your student union representation – your nights, Thursdaypossible and Saturday, will be thestudent same? Iunion expect being committees. being formally involved intouniversity university committees.

I’ll meetformally a lot of involved you goingin the 80s party on Thursday and Soundscape on Saturday. Hopefully you’ll be as 2) Council Council Student Representative 2) Student Representative pumped and full of energy as yesterday’s group were.

Last Last year year the the WSU WSU president president was was the the automatic automatic student student representative on council.

Last year all were representative year all students were able Now, I’m sittingon in council. my officeLast hearing thestudents music and funable to vote vote in in the the WSU WSU election election and and students students voted voted me me your your to of o-week day two being and the rest of the week looks 2012 WSU president. But this year, the university 2012 WSU But university believes believes set to be justpresident. as fantastic asthis dayyear, one. the Unfortunately, I will that the new legislation means the election for the WSU that be theback newinto legislation means election forthis theweek WSUat soon meetings and the study, but for president is is no no longer longer a a legitimate legitimate election election for for the the student president least everything should be fun and games and downstudent on the representative on on council. council. So So you you are are going going to to be be forced forced to to representative green it sure is. vote vote soon. soon. Over Over the the next next few few weeks weeks you you will will be be bombarded bombarded with information and asked to yet again for someone with you information asked to vote vote yetThe again for where someone Once read thisand it will be week two. week to represent represent you. you. This This student student will will then then be be expected expected to to sit to you remember that class is important. Hopefully, whensit on a number of committees within the university, giving on a number of committees within the university, giving rummaging through all that cool free stuff you were given up amount of their time to you. up a a hung hung amount offind theiryour timefree to represent represent you. That’s That’s during o-week, you’ll WSU Student Wall okay. Students Students should should represent represent students’ students’ needs. needs. okay.

Planner and make note of when all your assignments are BUT how is this student going to be supported BUTNot how this student be supported due. toismention, you going shouldtocheck out Nexus and (emotionally/ fi nancially/administratively)? How (emotionally/ financially/administratively)?

How is is the mark down the amazing gigs that are occurring this huge huge time time commitment commitment going going to to affect affect their theirover study? this study? next few months.

This ensures any clashes are known How are are they they going going to to inform inform you you of of issues? issues? How How are are well inHow advance and assignments can be completed in time to they to get feedback from you?

Obviously, II will they going going to get feedback from you?life.

Obviously, will ensure they do not affect your social Or at least that’s be be contesting contesting this this election. election. II have have a a more more than than capable capable the plan.

In support my experience, thisinformation is just wishful board that and collect collect forthinking me. board that support and information for me. and outside of o-week the only 15 hour days I will have on II understood understood when when running running for for the the position position of of WSU WSU campus will be due to procrastination and completing president president that that the the amount amount of of study study II could could do do would would be be assignments they are due. Not aThe good idea.pays Notan limited and and the haveday enrolled accordingly.

WSU limited have enrolled accordingly.

The WSU pays an something I would suggest.

Gems of Wisdom

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4 But, Editorial if you are serious about your study use your free WSU Editorial Student Wall Planner and fee WSU 2012 Student Diary to ensure you get the best out of 2012. The diaries have

honorarium nancially support honorarium to to help help fi financially support me me and and WSU WSU has has a team of professional staff who help with administration a team of professional staff who help with administration and collecting collecting and and disseminating disseminating information. information. The The and WSU WSU has has the the needed needed structures structures to to ensure ensure your your student student representative representative is is supported supported effectively. effectively.

funky Semester A and Semester B tabs, spaces for your 1) Class Class Representation System 1) Representation System How reps this semester?

Were timetable, and class everything you need know... really you How was was your your class reps chosen chosen thisto semester?

Were ifthey they coerced into the job by the lecturer?

Did someone dob read the diary cover to cover you’ll be set to take over.

Or coerced into the job by the lecturer? Did someone dob in least a friend friend because they thought it was funny? If Did you at takebecause charge they of your time it aswas a student. you don’t in a thought funny?

Did you consider putting hand Do have a diary and your wall planner, andeven joinknow up atwhat the consider putting your hand up? up?come Do you you even know what class do or your rep?

WSU. We’re them away class reps reps do giving or who’s who’s your rep?free to members so see one of the wonderful WSU staff or directors at WSU reception So these do?

According to OHT and pickdo one up –students remember are limited So what what do these students do?there According to the thenumbers OHT you youso were hopefully shown in class, your class representatives first in best kitted out. were hopefully shown in class, your class representatives are “elected “elected to to liaise liaise between between the the students students in in the the paper paper are and the theitteaching teaching staff.

Class Reps Reps arethe there to help help That’s from me.staff.

I’m going back to green to snag and Class are there to mediate any relevant issues, and to on more freeon ignore my first mediate onstuff anyand relevant issues, andmoodle to pass pass posts on any anythat are academic feedback at committee meetings.”

So due... those suckers are tomorrow’s un-fun academic feedback at committee meetings.”job.

So hopefully hopefully you selected selected wisely wisely because because these these students students are are generally generally you your rst point your fi first point of of call call on on academic academic matters. matters. Anything Anything else else the WSU are your people! the WSU are your people!

Sapphire Gillard WSU El Presidente 2012 Student Student representation, representation, it’s it’s important. important. Take Take it it seriously. seriously.

If If you you want want a a copy copy of of the the proposed proposed changes changes to to university university committees or or just just want want to to have have a a chat chat (as (as always) always) feel feel free free committees to flick flick me me (or (or any any of of the the WSU WSU directors) directors) an an email. email. to Sapphire Sapphire Gillard Gillard Email: president@wsu.org.nz president@wsu.org.nz Email:

8 Ball Forged in the fi res of sin and blood lust, coloured in the emptiness that exists in the hearts of man. I was once a symbol of fear and rage. I was once a conquer of worlds, galaxies moved at my every desire. Now I lay here discarded in the toy box of a child. I plot and I scheme for a day that vengeance will be mine. I will break free from my captors and once again you will know my name.

I am Vengeance, I am Rage I AM 8-BALL! I will wear the skins of all who oppose my rule, I will hollow out your world and use it for my ash tray and, because I am feeling generous today I will do a Q & A if you line up in an orderly fashion: Oh magnificent eight ball I am starting to like-like a boy and I think he likes me too but he might have a girlfriend . Will our relationship work out?

It is decidedly so I care not for such trivial things. The feelings between men and women make for ineffective soldiers in my war against the light. Betrayal and jealousy are what I live for.

But since you asked, yeah I think you kids have a shot. The 8 Ball has decided.

Yo 8B, can I use a condom more than once if it is the same chick on the same night.

Ask again later.

The 8 Ball has never known the love of a good women and cannot give you the answer that you seek at the moment.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. The 8 Ball knows only what sex and the city told him and if you have the money spend it on being safe.

My friends keep daring me to swim in the Uni lake. Seems easy enough, but they start laughing every time I say that’s too easy. Is there something I should know?

My reply is no.

I may be a sadistic warlord from another dimension but even I am not stupid enough to swim in that lake.

Why is the Education Cafeteria so horrifi cally over-priced?

Concentrate and ask again Silly rabbit I only answer yes or no questions. I am busy orchestrating my evil plans for world domination. Phase one fi nancing my take over by charging students excessive amounts at an education café I recently took ownership of.

By take ownership I mean I slaughtered all who opposed me there and kept the others focused on my hypnotic gaze.

News Heading Sargeson Letters Compiled

Hamilton The Home For The Walking Dead

A single pencil-written letter by New Zealand writer Frank Sargeson to the American short story writer Sherwood Anderson was the only prompt Dr Sarah Shieff needed to start compiling a whole book of Sargeson’s letters.

“It was one simple fan letter from one writer to another, so touching and personal, and from that, I wanted to read more,” says Dr Shieff, a senior lecturer in English at the University of Waikato. Four and a half years later, Letters of Frank Sargeson will be formally launched at the University of Waikato Student Centre on March 14.

Dr Shieff tracked down about 6000 Sargeson letters, the majority in Wellington’s Alexander Turnbull Library, and set about selecting 500 of them for the book.

“That was a publishable size and I selected on the basis of biographical and literary interest, historical interest and general liveliness.”

Frank Sargeson, grew up in Hamilton as Norris Frank Davey. Although he is best known for his short stories, he was also a playwright, and an acclaimed novelist and memoirist. The letters show his literary output in an entirely new light.

He wrote letters to friends and lovers, and to prominent and aspiring writers in New Zealand and overseas. They reveal him to be an environmentalist - he made his own compost, and as early as the 1940s objected to the use of chemical fertilisers in farming. In the ‘50s he was deeply opposed to atmospheric nuclear testing. He also appealed to government to award state pensions to poorer writers.

“Frank loved looking after people,” says Dr Shieff. “He made his home available to other writers, and gave away most of what he earned to the shabby older men he was so fond of. But he could also be malicious, gossipy and interfering. He really was a character in his own life story.”

Hamilton City is turning into a post apocalyptic sanctuary for the walking dead in readiness for the arrival of Jon Bernthal. The star of TV2’s hit gruesome drama The Walking Dead (Wednesday’s 9.30pm, TV2) is coming to Hamilton exclusively for the Armageddon Expo on Saturday April 14th and Sunday April 15th, 2012.

To celebrate the arrival of one of televisions biggest anti-heroes, Hamilton’s walking dead will be shuffling through city streets in an Zombie Walk on Saturday April 14th. Armageddon Expo Event Director, Bill Geradts is delighted to be celebrating Jon Bernthal’s imminent arrival in Hamilton with a Zombie Walk. “I’m looking forward to seeing a great deal of walking dead fans wandering around Hamilton city - it’s certainly not something you see everyday!” he said. “We’re delighted that Jon is coming to New Zealand and we know he’s looking forward to being hosted by Hamilton Armageddon Expo fans.” From it’s inception in 1995, the Armageddon Expo has grown to become the largest fantasy event in Australasia. With shows in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, Melbourne and now Hamilton it’s clear to see the Armageddon Expo continues to embody the ever growing pulp culture phenomenon. “Armageddon is a real melting pot of zombies, Twilighters, anime enthusiasts, comic collectors, Transformers fans and cult tv show devotees all mixed in and generally having a fantastic weekend” says Event Director Bill Geradts. Further celebrity guests heading to Hamilton for the Armageddon Expo include stars from the Twilight Saga films, wolf pack duo Bronson Pelletier (Jared) and Tinsel Korey (Emily), along with Volturi vampire (Demetri) Charlie Bewley.

They’ll be joined by iconic Matt Frewer of Max Headroom fame as well as Paul McGillion (Dr. Carson Beckett) from Stargate Atlantis and John Levene (Sergeant John Benton) from the Classic Doctor Who series. Jon Bernthal will be appearing exclusively at the Hamilton Armageddon Expo; photograph and signing times can be found at www.armageddonexpo.com/nz

Short News 6

News

The 7.5 million dollar redevelopment of the University Halls of Residence is well on track according to reports. One observer noted it was going so well that they had almost completely removed the smell of bourbon, pot and sacrificed first year virgin in room 17. Thanks again class of 92.

Heading FIRST-YEAR STUDENTS RECEIVE SHARE OF $90,000 IN SCHOLARSHIPS Eighteen fi rst-year University of Waikato students received a share of $90,000 in scholarships from the David Johnstone Charitable Trust. The trust, which aims to help science and education students expand their knowledge, recognises fi rst-year students who demonstrate qualities of character, initiative, enterprise, ingenuity and leadership. Each student received $5,000.

Successful students were Melissa Appel, Jessica Danby, Parham Foroutan, Emma Gillard, Abbey Greenwell, Golde Holzapfel, Hannah Juby, Christina Korebrits, Kirsty Kraakman, Sarah Longman, Severin Mahoney-Marsh, Kayley Martin, Conor Maxwell, Ira Pascoe, Amy Rodger, Andrew Sherson, Benjamin Smither and Shalee Watkins.

Scholarships are administered on behalf of the David Johnstone Charitable Trust by Guardian Trust.

Greens Upset with Key over “reign in student loans” Comment. John Key’s comment that the student loan scheme will be reined in “in a big way” will be bad news for students, according to the Green Party “While I welcome John Key’s commitment to retaining interest-free student loans for some, I am concerned about the implications of his comments for access to tertiary education,” Green Party Students and Youth Spokesperson Holly Walker said.

“Any moves to restrict access to student loans and allowances will prevent potential students from upskilling and retraining, when this is exactly what we need them to do in these recessionary times.”

The news came on the same day that Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce proposed publishing tables of average earnings for graduates for certain courses.

A 7ft American student hopes to break stereotypes this year by being the first transsexual to play in the Womens National Basketball Association. organisers of the league are concerned that this will forever damage womens basketball. Said one league manager it isn’t that she’s transsexual that concerns us if the others figure out one can dunk they are all going to be trying it and no one wants to see a game end 6-4.

Management classrooms have swollen by up to 75% in some papers while the University asks its students for more money.

Nexus has received word from students that some papers in the Strategic Management Department are now fielding up to 35 students in papers where class sizes have traditionally been between 20-25 students. The larger class sizes are a consequence of the management school reducing tutorial numbers in some papers from nineteen classes per week to only eight.

The increased class sizes will likely mean less interaction between the tutor and the student, and more stress placed on the tutors themselves. This streamlining comes on the back of the Universityincreasing course fees by 4% for 2012.

One Strategic Management tutor told Nexus that they thought the changes in tutorial size would impact on students’education. “It’s going to be really diffi cult to provide quality education when there are just so many students in a class” the tutor said. “I’m particularly concerned about how I am going to manage any teamwork effectively, when tutorials of 35 students means at least seven groups in a class”.

If you have been affected by cost-cutting measures in your papers we would love to hear from you. Email us: news@nexusmag.co.nz

A women using Facebook discovered her husbands other wife through the “people you may know” feature. Here is Nexus bigamy tip number one: If you want multiple wives in the Facebook era then you are exactly the person the “it’s complicated” relationship status was created for. Nexus Bigamy tip number two: If you have multiple wives have multiple Facebook profiles.

News

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Lettuce Lettuce

Congratulations you are this

Dear Nexus, Dear Nexus, You know what? People at this university are fucking stupid.

I have a number of this problems with are these dicks.

You know what?

People at university fucking stupid. I have a number of problems with these dicks.

Firstly, mature students. What is your problem? Why do you sit at the front of the What class asking question every Firstly, mature students. is youraproblem?

Why do thirty Even theclass lecturers can’t get a word in. you sitseconds?! at the front of the asking a question every Seriously, shut the up. I’m here hear whatin. the thirty seconds?!

Evenfuck the lecturers can’ttoget a word lecturers have say,fuck not your whingy Seriously, shuttothe up. I’m herefucking to hearquestions. what the lecturers have to say, not your whingy fucking questions.

Secondly, why can’t the Christians leave us to believe what we want towhy fucking Stop giving ustofree jandals Secondly, can’tbelieve. the Christians leave us believe what andwant start right off.

I don’t want believe in we to fucking fucking believe.

Stop giving us to free jandals your start whatever you believe and I don’t want knowin and fucking right in off.

I don’t want to to believe about it. your whatever you believe in and I don’t want to know about it.

Thirdly, what’s with those fucking chicks handing out shit opposite Management School.chicks Sure, Ihanding don’t mind Thirdly, what’s with those fucking out hot chicks, and I don’t mindSchool. free shit.

However, what shit opposite Management Sure, I don’t mind I dochicks, mindand is walking pastfree them, whatwhat I see, hot I don’t mind shit.liking However, a fucking hard on,them, then walking intoIasee, Igetting do mind is walking past liking what lecture.aThat shit’shard awkward.

Can’t walking they haveinto big ugly getting fucking on, then a men doing it? shit’s awkward. Can’t they have big ugly lecture.

That men doing it?

Fourthly, what’s with the sex talk in Nexus all the time?

Universitywhat’s is about more cocks and what to do with Fourthly, with the than sex talk in Nexus all the time? them. What the fuck isthan withcocks all the University is about more andfuck? what to do with them. What the fuck is with all the fuck?

Finally, why isn’t there more sex talk in Nexus?

Finally, why isn’t there more sex talk in Nexus?

I hope you all listen to my thoughts, because than yours.

Ithey’re hopebetter you all listen to my thoughts, because they’re better than yours.

Signed, Signed, Patient and Tolerant.

Patient and Tolerant.

Hi, Hi, I was at the 21st that Mel made a rowing cake. It was delicious and some of ait rowing is still sitting my Iamazing, was at the 21st that Mel made cake. Itinwas fridge if I’m completely honest. amazing, delicious and some of it is still sitting in my fridge if I’m completely honest.

But the real reason for this lettuce, is that the picture that was the in the is for after alllettuce, us tipsyiskids hands on But realarticle reason this thatgot theour picture that it and fails to show the all cake ask kids it’s epicness. was initthe article is after usin tipsy got our hands on it and it fails to show the cake in ask it’s epicness.

Thus I’ve attached a photo I’ve took so that you can see the cake on all it’s glory, mainly because I’ve realised mel may not have a good photo, so if you could piss it asking, I feel she would appreciate it.

week’s winner! Come to the Waikato Students’ Union building to claim your prize!

Cheers, Sent from Smartphone

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION

8 8

Opinion

Studylink

Opinion

WSU Peoples are Awesome

Dear Tay-Tay Llama Ok so I might have crossed a line... But honestly, I was only poking fun. Still you shouldn’t have let your friends rage off at me like that. They were straight up just mean.

So I propose a truce.

Besides I like epically fried eggs, you like epically fried eggs. I like diapers, you like diapers. I hate creepy pervy Indians in clubs, you hate creepy pervy Indians in clubs. I like almost burning down your kitchen.... Your grandparents like the new kitchen. You and I are like two drunk chicks rolling down hills on office wheely chairs.

We’re just that close. Besides, I still owe you dinner!!

Friends?

Love, C-Dawg Dear Nexus.

It pains me to write this but I feel I need to get it out. Why is the university going around announcing to the world its in profit, when the majority of its students are in debt.

Like yay you mooched more of the students than you spent on quality teaching. A little less tutorial here, more oversea travel for the big wigs there. Not only do they announce a profit but then all go to breakfast to pat each other on the back. Maybe its cause I only get two wheatbix a morning but I feel like the lthat little shin dig could have paid for more tutors and a better quality of education. Oh and before they start on about investment in the future bla bla bla I paid my fees this year not 2017.

Dear Nexus, What is wrong with the Hamilton town dress code? Do girls prefer that all the dudes bring the same ‘collared shirt/leather shoe’ swagger to the clubs? I’m not sure, but whenever I try rep a nice cap or some tight high-top kicks to the club I always get denied. It baffles me. I would rather see everyone bringing their own style to the clubs, just like all the girls bring their own vintage styles to uni.

I may not like them, but the main thing is that they are still doing them and I respect that way more than if they just wore something general to uni. Hamilton is just a cow town, but you would think our night scene is like St. Tropez or Ibiza the way we are so picky about footwear in town. I often see dudes in all-good black canvas shoes get denied from Bar 101, or some guy trying to tell me my warriors top is too informal. A warriors top should get me into the VIP section with a complimentary bottle of Goose rather than a word about dress-code etiquette. If I was partying in Europe, Melbourne or somewhere equally as boss, I would put on whatever they wanted me to wear because those places have status. But this is Hamilton, where people spew in the toilets and steal from the Bakehouse, so why would I switch my swag up for that.

I’m not hating on the Hamilton night scene as I’m out there as often as most, but I want to see people pulling up to the club in their own zone, not anyone elses. *Swag* From a town-goer who would like the chance to go H.A.M.

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Sports Heading Thoughts with C-ball

THE HORSE IS IN THE STABLE FOR NOW Roy Jones Jnr may not be a member of New Zealand Cricket’s selection panel, but that didn’t stop (not so) fast bowler Tim Southee getting dropped after an abysmal run of form which, in all honesty, stretches right back to when he fi rst hit the scene. A lot was made of Southee at a young age before he hit the international big time, with past-time wonder Dennis Lillee praising the youngster after a bowling camp, saying he was far beyond anything the great Glenn McGrath was at the same age. The only similarity I can see between the two is their consistent pace readouts, milling awkwardly around the 135kmph mark. Not so bad when you can pitch the ball on any person who made a ‘Kony 2012’ statement that wasn’t a complete and utter moron. A feat some would say is nigh impossible due to everyone one of these people lacking any excuse for a brain, but Glenn McGrath could’ve done it. He made bowling medium pace as cool as it could possibly be, until he retired and leftovers were only capable of spraying balls aimlessly down the pitch like one of those noobs in Call of Duty that rolls with the light machine gun.

Dropping Southee is, in my opinion, an extremely good move, because the man’s potential is obvious and a kick in the bum might work wonders. Unfortunately, potential doesn’t transfer to results – just ask any 2011 Miami Heat fan. Ever since Southee blasted onto our screens with his 5 for 55 and 77 runs from 44 balls on debut, the man has lived in a shadow that seemingly cannot be escaped. That 5 wicket haul, which came in the fi rst innings, is the only time he has ever achieved this feat in test cricket, showing that since his fi rst match, he has failed to truly perform and provide the role of a wicket taker. His bowling average of 44 emphasises this, and one must feel he has maintained his position in the side simply on aura alone.

His statistics aren’t the only things to drop however, as his pace has fallen to a level that leaves me scratching my head. Okay, I understand test match cricket is about accuracy and patience, but I can’t understand how Southee fi rst hit the scene bowling in excess of 145kmph, and now is settling for a leisurely 130kmph give or take.

I’d accept it if this was the price being paid for tight lines,

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but it isn’t. The last test match against South Africa left Tim Southee with fi gures of 140 runs for no wicket. What a boring 15 hours in the fi eld that must have been for him.

In contrast, take a look at South Africa’s Vernon Phillander – a bowler who has recently started his career on the international cricket stage, and marks the exact thing Southee should strive to mimic. Philander doesn’t bowl anything express in terms of pace. What he does, however, is bowl consistently in an area that the batsman can’t leave. More times playing at the ball equates to more chances of an edge, which even Professor Southee could work out to mean more chances of a wicket. Bowling tight, it would seem, is a far better option than the short wide delivery that gets slapped to the boundary, wouldn’t you agree? Philander does this with such absolute control and consistency, that after just 5 test matches, the man has 34 wickets at an unbelievable average of 14, four 5 wicket hauls and even an astonishing 10 wicket haul too. And he isn’t Chinese, so we can safely rule out gene manipulation. Already his statistics are superior to not just Southee’s, but any other bowler in the New Zealand line up, and everyone around the world for that matter.

You could argue that Philander is just naturally gifted, that he has something others don’t, but I refuse it. Talent will get you many places and many things, but even that stage 5 clinger is going to need a bit of grease sooner or later. Hard work separates the men from the boys, trust me, that’s why I’m writing this instead of ripping it up for my beloved Black Caps. We’ve all heard how the great Don Bradman practised hitting golf balls, and how Sachin Tendulkar would spend hours on end in the nets as a child and teenager, so I’m really hoping New Zealand dropping Southee works as a catalyst for bigger and better things. I love it when he walks down the other end of the pitch and rips on a batsman, but that’d be all the more sweet if the next ball didn’t get dispatched into the stands.

New Zealand Cricket needs Southee to put in some graft, I’m talking beyond that ‘trying to snake that girl in the Outback who thinks she’s smoking hot’ level of graft.

Because if he doesn’t – who will save us Andy McKay. I just turned catholic. God help us all.

slight attraction with your girl mate actually makes the friendship more exciting. if she never tells you that she likes you or if you never tell her then the friendship can work...but who really is capable of keeping their feelings to themselves.

A. Guys don’t have problems with being mates with chicks it’s just all the shit they bring, a guy lives a very casual lifestyle and that shit just does not fly.

Ok boys. You had your time to cry. It’s our time.

Dear male race, WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEAN?!?

I have been told that I think like a man; a “gentlemen with breasts” apparently; however I would hate to spin a shit yarn and lead you all astray/ have a gang of crazy bitches hunting me down, so this week it’s a random selection of Uterus-Users interrogating a beautiful bunch of Sperm Soldiers. As usual, if you have a problem, don’t get your man period about it. Come at me/ them bro.

They can take it. Can you?

Uhhhhhh leggo.

Q. Looks or personality? If both, what are the percentages of each?

A. It’s almost 100% looks before you get to know them but as you get to know the personality, looks become less and less important until finally you actually fall in love with the girl and their looks stop mattering at all at least go down to like 20%.

A. One night stand or a relationship? A one night stand you’re going to be more focused on what a gal looks like, if you are looking for a relationship then the girl needs personality, a smile on the dial and maybe a little common sense.

Q. Why are you such a gc when you’re not around your guy mates, but as soon as they’re there, you’re a dick.

A. Because I can’t fuck you when the boys are there.

A. We act ourselves around the girl we like because we feel comfortable enough to be ourselves but around our mates that’s a different story because everyone the boys like to take the piss out of one another.

Q. Is it true that you will bang anything? What if she’s hella ugly?

A. LOL I really can’t answer this one, not in my area of expertise. Some guys are just straight pigs.

A. Depends how many brews I have had and if I don’t have to release her back into the wild after. If she seems nice, then why not? Just another point showing guys aren’t shallow I guess.

Q. Why can’t you be ‘just mates’ with a chick?

A. Every girl I’ve tried to be mates with has either starting liking me or I’ve starting liking her. I feel that the

Q. How do we know when you’re pissed off at us?

A. I personally would say something at the first possible moment probably at the wrong time too haha, but some guys would just distance themselves talk to you less or just act differently.

A. Cause we’re out on the piss every night instead of with you, usually a pretty good hint. If you know him well enough you should know.

Q. Why do you like anal?

A. Why not? Every guy has different opinions some love it, some may want it cause its different and not the same old thing every time or others the chase? A guy always wants what he can’t have A. It’s something that not many girls would do and who doesn’t what to play with a toy that not everyone gets to use. It’s tighter. It’s something not every guy has done and you can continue to have sex while she’s on her period...

Quadruple win for the guy.

Q. Do you ever ignore chicks you like? Or does that mean you’re just not keen.

A. might act a little shy but a guy has got to make plays, if we like you we will talk to you somehow.

A. If I thought she had ignored me, I’d just trying to balance it out so she didn’t think I was more keen than her; but sometimes yes a guy will just straight ignore because he doesn’t like you.

Q. Do you like it when girls gag during head?

A. Not if I feel I’m hurting her. It ruins it.

Q. Why do you put up with us being bitches?

A. Cause a girl (hopefully) has the only set of tits in a relationship. If a guy really likes you he is not going to be scared off that easily. He will put up with a little shit but push a fella too much you may be having a few lonely nights.

A. 3 possible reasons, he’s whipped, he’s in love or the good outweighs the bad... Meaning you properly make all his dreams come true in the sack.

I hope that cleared a few things up for you. Now we can stop having these little therapy sessions and get back into sorting your lives out. I love you all. See you on the same page during your next shit 2 hour morning lecture.

Yours intrinsically, MMF.x Turn around. I’m behind you.

Haha no I’m not.

Or am I? Opinion Opinion

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Heading Hate It or Love It

by Gucci

My question to you is ‘have you adopted the ‘2012’ attitude?

This year, 2012, is apparently meant to spell the end of the world. I believe this theory is caused by scientists reading too much into something that they could only scientifically analyse if they were actually there at that time. I also think that the Mayans baffled themselves as to how they could enlarge their counting system, similar to how the current population of the world can’t count past infinity.

Let me put a situation on the table. You’re from New Zealand but for whatever reason you have to study in Argentina. You want to study a law degree but the laws between these two counties differ, so you don’t know how good your chances of getting a law-related job in New Zealand are once you graduate. Would you study law or choose something else?

My question to you is ‘have you adopted the ‘2012’ attitude?

My advice in this situation is that you first look at your interests and what you enjoy learning about and you study that. You will find a way to achieve happiness in a career as long as you maintain a passion for what you’re doing! I know so many people my parent’s age who never pursued their dream job, whether they had a chance of making it work or not. What I’m saying is that you should at least roll the dice, adopt the ‘2012’ attitude and dedicate a larger part of your time to the things you truly enjoy doing.

Putting my unscientific analysis of the ‘2012 phenomenon’ aside, take a moment to picture yourself thinking there was a possibility that 2012 would happen. Wouldn’t you start doing things that you have imagined yourself doing but not thinking that anything will come of them? For example the rapper Drake released his first mix tape in 2006, made a living off his music a year later, and now enjoys fame and fortune. I believe anyone with the same level of dedication, self-belief, and passion can emulate his success. I won’t bother describing how Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, rose to fame as most of you have probably seen the movie ‘The Social Network’, but he obviously had the ‘2012’ eight years prior.

I mention these stories because you never know what will come of your passion unless you pursue it, and I know that at around this time a lot of people will be questioning whether their passion lies at university. I’m not advocating that someone drops out of university, but if you don’t like it and you would rather do something else, why spend three years of your life here. I know a handful of people who have second-guessed their decision to be at university throughout the first year and ended up giving it away at the end of the year anyway. They are now involved in activities which they get more enjoyment out of and in many cases, are getting paid for rather than getting a student loan. So indirectly their decision to leave tertiary study was a benefit to our country, and only a detriment to the university’s bank account and the mental health of their conservative parents.

We are living in an age where Nike are completely correct - impossible is nothing. If you’re an aspiring rapper, you can purchase a decent microphone set-up for $250 and use free resources like Facebook and YouTube to publish your material. An aspiring rugby player only has to send some footage of them playing and an email to New England College to give them self the chance of receiving a full paid scholarship to a United States college. If you want to write, all you have to do is email the Nexus and say you want a column to get your stuff out there. That’s what I did. My parents most definitely didn’t have anywhere near the same level of opportunity to make the big time on such limited resources as I now do. Microphones certainly didn’t cost half the week’s pay check back then, whilst they would and up waiting for the turn of the millennium to experience the wonders of Facebook and YouTube.

In 2012 I’m talking about the start of a life with no regrets and no excuses; a year in which ‘doing it big’ is the status quo and not just the actions of a few people. This year brings more opportunity than any year before it; so as if I threw you an alley-oop and you’re Blake Griffin, I’m telling you to ‘go get it’!

Opinion Opinion

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Heading Diary of a Hipster Issue Two: Dress Sense So you think you’re a Hipster?

Yes I’m talking to you. I’ve seen you all changing up your style since last year. Anybody else noticed how many more baggy fed tops there are around, Chuck Taylors, short back and side haircuts, tight jeans and Ray Bans. I get it’s now ‘cool’ to mix up your style a little more, but what are you actually trying to do, who are you trying to impress, and why all of a sudden is it cool to dress like a hipster?

Well for starters let me please state my case a little here, before you run and judge me thinking I’m some stuck up twat that thinks he’s cooler than everyone else, consider this. I’ll have you know, that I was never the ‘cool’ kid at high school, or at any school I went to for that matter, I was never one of the intelligent kids either and I wasn’t really that good at anything. I couldn’t dance, jump or sing. I never played rugby for the 1st XV, nor was I the drummer for the high school band that won the talent quest. I was that chubby kid with the weird fringe that sat up the back in class and never really had anything much to say. I will admit things, and I myself have changed a lot since high school, as I’m sure you have as well. I’m not intimidated by the ‘cool’ kids, the rugby jocks, or the petty name callers any more. I have more confidence now in my pinky finger than I had in my entire body back then.

There came a time where I decided I was happy in my own skin, the jocks and the name callers could no longer intimidate me, and what people thought of me slid further and further down the list of my worries. I’ll tell you this; I had never felt so alive. All of a sudden doors began to open for me, girls started talking to me, more and more people wanted to be my friend. I couldn’t believe it, the geek with glasses and an over bite and no social skills was slowly but surely gaining social status. It’s amazing how many opportunities get thrown your way when you actively pursue a lifestyle that allows you to express yourself in every shape way or form possible.

I guess what I’m trying to get at here, is you don’t have to be the fullback for our 1st XV, or the DJ from that nightclub, or that smoking hot babe who won the bikini comp, to be able to express yourself. Whether it be your 14

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dress sense, you’re hair-cut or the way you walk, own it, don’t ever half arse any of it. A famous artist from Detroit by the name of Moody Man once said, “It ain’t what you do, it’s how you do it” For me, having style, swag, or being a hipster can never be determined by your haircut or your skinny jeans.

It’s so much more than that, it’s everything. The things you can’t touch are the things that define you the most.

Someone with swag, you spot from across the room, you pick them out of a crowd, and when you’re in their presence they create an atmosphere around you. They put a stop to those awkward silences, they keep you hanging off their every word, and you can’t take your eyes off them because you can’t help but try to absorb some of their positive energy. They bring that warm fuzzy feeling into the room, there’s just that something about them you can’t put your finger on. This is something those jocks and the dropkicks with the lens less glasses will never understand or be able to stretch their minds around. Hipster and swagger aren’t just words, they are a way of life, an alternative life style. It starts when you wake up in the morning and carries on through each and every social interaction you encounter throughout your day. You can’t just put of a baggy shirt on, tie your chucks and become something that you’re not on the inside.

So to the twats that think they’re cool because they have a skinny t-shirt or picked up a pair of $40 jeans from Jay Jay’s or worst of all wear a pair of those ridiculous lens less glasses, pick up your game. I see a girl around campus with dreads and she’s never got any shoes on, a guy with a massive afro, even a guy with one side of his head shaved.

Each of them has more swag in their big toe than you do in both your Chuck Taylors.

If you got something you want to say about this, jump on Facebook and type ‘Something’s Wall’ into your search bar. There you will find a place where you can share me love, or be a hater, the choice is yours.

By Something Hip

Auteur House Heading

By Dr Richard Swainson

Ben Gazzara was a long way from being a household name.

When he died on February 3rd this year it barely warranted a headline. The first I heard of his passing was during the Oscars when he featured in the annual memorial montage, a distinctive face amongst an unusually high amount of industry unknowns.

Gazzara made his name on Broadway in the mid-1950s and his reputation remained highest in the theatre. He turned down a number of potentially star making film possibilities early in his career and then settled for some stock television work in the 1960s when he needed the money. Consequently, his cinematic leading roles were few and far between. However, Gazzara was always an edgy, disturbing presence no matter how big the part. His film work contained many highlights and he kept very good company.

He was fortunate on debut. 1959’s “Anatomy of a Murder” is as complex a court room drama as Hollywood has ever produced. Gazzara plays the accused, a thoroughly unlikable military officer defended

by Jimmy Stewart’s small town, down-on-his-luck lawyer.

Ambiguity in crime melodramas is rare but “Anatomy of a Murder” manages it, never clearly stating if Gazzara’s character is guilty or not. Holding his own with acting heavyweights like Stewart and Arthur O’Connell as well as emerging stars Lee Remick and George C Scott, Gazzara manages to register in a film stocked full of memorable, Oscar-worthy performances.

His next notable part came over a decade later, courtesy of friend John Cassavetes. If “Anatomy of a Murder” is studio Hollywood’s idea of an ensemble film, “Husbands” is the American independent cinema’s equivalent, a long, rambling, some would say undisciplined examination of masculinity and male bonding that pairs Gazzara with Peter Falk and Cassavetes himself. Like all of the director’s work an acquired taste, yet brave, probing and stunningly performed, “Husbands” was followed in 1976 by Cassavetes’ “The Killing of Chinese Bookie”.

Easily Gazzara’s best leading role, “Bookie” sees him as an Italian gangster bent on revenge at all costs. Those looking for a warmed-over “Godfather” would be well disappointed.

Cassavetes offers instead a nuanced, atmospheric study of character and environment. For those with the patience to accept the film’s slow rhythm it’s a richly rewarding if melancholy experience. Gazzara is simply stunning.

The big parts that followed saw him more in the news for his private life. “Bloodline” and “They All Laughed” were at best minor achievements but they did afford the actor a chance to co-star with anageing-if-still-beautiful Audrey Hepburn. Their romance had little likelihood of surviving the long term - he was New York centric, she married to her United Nations charity work - but he certainly never regretted their time together. Who would?

In the late 1990s Gazzara’s career enjoyed a fruitful revival. 1998 was banner year, with memorable roles in three cult classics: Todd Solondz’s acerbic black comedy “Happiness”, the Coen brothers’ ode to druggie slackerdom “The Big Lebowski” and Vincent Gallo’s wonderfully bizarre directorial debut “Buffalo ‘66”. It’s the last in which Gazzara makes the biggest impression.

Playing Gallo’s nasty father he barks out lines, shamelessly gropes the bounteous bosoms of Christina Ricci and even has a touching musical moment, lip sinking to an old 1940s Frank Sinatra number in a scene clearly influenced

by David Lynch.

Only one Gazzara part after “Buffalo ‘66” in anyway compares. In Lars von Trier’s minimally staged,experimental work “Dogville” he again enjoys playing a villain, a blind man that first moves Nicole Kidman’s girl-on-the-lam to pity before joining in with all other males in the town and sexually abusing her.

“Dogville” is another great ensemble piece, bringing together a diverse cast that includes Bergman veteran Harriet Anderson, golden era legend Lauren Bacall, current international Scandanvian star Stellan Skarsgard as well as contemporary talent like Chloe Sveginy.

Brilliant in and of himself, Gazzara also functions iconically, representing the Cassavetes tradition in a film that deliberately references the previous work of all its performers.

Three years later Gazzara co-starred with Cassavetes’ widow Gena Rowlands in a segment of the portmaneau “Paris, je t’aime” that was also written by her. It is a slight if heartfelt ode to the glory days, lacking the Cassavetes edge. Only rarely could you say that of Gazzara himself.

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Tangata Tumeke Heading He aha te huarahi? I runga i te tika, te pono me te aroha. What is the pathway?

It is doing what is right, with integrity and compassion.

- Areta Koopu CBE of Ngati Kau, Ngati Kanohi, Aitanga-a-Hauiti.

A past National President of the Maori Women’s Welfare League, former human rights commissioner, current Waitangi Tribunal member.

Today’s Monday Motivational by MANU AO Academy comes from Areta Koopu CBE of Ngāti Kau, Ngāti Kanohi, Aitanga-a-Hauiti. He aha te huarahi? I runga i te tika, te pono me te aroha What is the pathway? It is doing what is right, with integrity and compassion. So, this week I would like to issue a challenge to everyone who reads this page, to act with integrity and compassion to one person each day, this week. How you may ask? Well, it’s as simple as one act of kindness every day. This can start with pausing at a door, and letting other people pass through first; offering someone a pen in class when they have forgotten theirs (thanks by the way). One example I would like to share, started from the inspiration of my beautiful niece Terina. In my first year at university we would travel to university together with my sister, in her car …and even if we were running late for that early morning statistics paper (stats101), she would always take a moment to show some courtesy to fellow-drivers. One day I asked her why, and her reply was “my goal is to do one act of kindness everyday it doesn’t take much Aunty”. Wow…I certainly learnt a lesson of a lifetime. So now every day as I drive

to university, even if I’m running late to class, I always remember those immortal words, and show some drivercourtesy, and I actually feel kinda cool (thanks niece).

So, you don’t drive a car? Flowers really work too. And the cool thing is, if you don’t have a neighbour or a friend that grows them, making them for a friend is just and good, if not better. In fact you could make a paper flower and write your name on a petal and ask someone out – who could resist that? My Mum would always visit my grand-uncle and take flowers, because she said they were ‘food for the soul’. So, I started thinking, okay I’m not the world’s greatest cook, but I can sure shop for flowers!!

What is the pathway? Showing some compassion for others, no matter whom they are – giving a little and expecting nothing back in return. And that one day, when someone does it for you, it simply knocks you off your feet! Best wishes.

Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai Ngapuhi, Ngatihine, Ngati Kahungunu, Ngati Rongomaiwahine VP Maori 2012

one act of kindness every day 16

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Section Lifestyle

Sam

It’s not easy Heading being Green I want to write about injustice, about poverty and wealth, violence, climate change, the instability of our economic system and disenfranchised, disadvantaged communities.

But I get told that you don’t want to read about that.

with the rhetoric of student apathy- compared to the 60’s/70’s/80’s, they say, when university was a hot bed of activism and critical social thought, students these days ’just don’t give a damn’.

Apparently if it’s not funny, or about sex, no one will read it. That is kind of understandable- literature on social and environmental issues is readily available and they are kind of overwhelming problems that can rapidly leave you feeling disempowered and hopeless (despite this not being the case! Please don’t ever think you can’t do something).

Are we apathetic? Do we not even know that we are apathetic because we don’t see the depth (or even existence) of an issue? Dominance can make things invisible, especially when it is an ideology or an entrenched norm.

The thing is that what we need to talk about really isn’t funny. And my inner-optimist and I believe that you actually do want to be reading/talking/doing something about what matters most.

And then there is nexus. A place for light hearted frivolity where, if you encounter an idea all nicely packaged with humor n sexism it will impact upon you beyond what some serious statement ever could?

Maybe. Maybe not.

When thinking about you, the beautifully diverse people who read this, when thinking about who you are and where you are on your learning journey- I think of you as essentially good people who are more than capable of comprehending the complexities that surround us and more than capable of generating change to better our world. I certainly don’t think of you as an apathetic group of no hopers who will be part of “the problem” if not sufficiently motivated to break free from your (supposed) inherent self interest. Nor do I think of you as being brain-dead monkeys who just want to giggle at a joke about a penis or oogle at some boobs.

So maybe it doesn’t matter if you, the ‘audience’, don’t find this funny. I believe there is more to you than that. And there is an increasingly long list of un-funny things we need to talk about.

At times, discussing the realities of our situation seems to impinge upon some unknown social taboo. As if it’s too depressing to think about. Or too political, perhaps. But politics isn’t just about policy, it is about values.

And to be A-political all too often means becoming a sophisticated defender of the status quo.

But apathy? Nah. At best those who tell us we are apathetic misunderstand our differences. You can’t see something if you don’t know what to look for. I’ll bet that not many of those who accuse us of apathy know about johnkeylooksatthings.tumblr.com So is it that this institution of learning is disconnected from society, from the reality of which it is apart? Have we become a middle class pocket of comfort that likes to chuckle at light hearted nonsense because the extent of the discomfort to really discuss the state of our world is too much to handle? I hope not. And I hope it is not that at the end of a hard day we have had enough of the worlds problems- so we seek to be entertained by something light hearted because we don’t think we, an individual, can really change things anyway.

This is an issue in itself- the conflict between individualism and our perception of the capability of that individual. For better or worse, individualism is one of the prevailing ideologies of our time. Individuals can do anything, we are told. Apart form generate meaningful change, because then you are no longer an empowered individual who actively makes choices- you are ‘just one’.

Just one can not make a difference, just one can not fight the system, just one can not change the world. Just one is so disempowering!

Don’t be just one. Be one. With another. And another. And then all you need to do is not accept anything less for the other people in our world than you would for yourself.

What that might mean is eradicating poverty. Creating meaningful opportunities and a sustainable economic system that will enhance our ability to live well. Enhance the ability of communities to flourish and ecosystems to repair. It might mean rectifying environmental and economic injustice. It might mean being part of a better world. And then we won’t need cheap jokes to make you laugh because maybe you’ll be truly happy.

This quandary about framing the more serious stuff for a supposedly disinterested audience intersects Lifestyle Section

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Clubs Heading Spotlight Alpine / Rock Climbing Blank, blank! That’s right, Blank because sadly to say, this club does not exist anymore on Campus.

This was a strong club that went every Monday to Extreme Edge to participate in some fun climbing activities at cheap rates but due to its’ leading forces graduating and heading away it has collapsed.

Wednesday at O Week saw the Rock Wall being climbed by many adventurous students, with one being a bit of a pro, or possibly a future pro. Daniel Knipper blasted up the wall in a flat 5seconds, shattering the 7 year long,. North Island, O week record which stood at 5.6 seconds.

In 2010 he won the Open Male Speed Climbing Oceania title and to follow that in 2011 he was placed 1st in the climbing NZ National Cup series for under 20s lead climbing and Open Male + under 20 Speed Climbing. With this already under his belt he is planning to compete in the World championships in the future. Good news is that at present however, he is keen to be part of the Alpine Club on Campus so if you want to try something new or are an experienced climber looking for a social outing why not be part of this club and get it back on its feet again!

Anyone interested just email me at clubs@wsu.org.nz and I will co-ordinate the revival of the club for you.

Dianne Sweeney PS. My thanks to all Clubs that participated in Clubs day. It was a great success.

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Competitions

Tattoo Ta Moko Studio 239e Kahikatea Dr Frankton Hamilton 0800 ink you

Rawiri Horne

Come in to the WSU and purchase a W Card this week and go in the draw to win!

Rawiri Horne

Rawiri Horne Godfrey Alantis

Hokowhitu Sciascia

Godfrey Alantis

Russel Wilson

Pack 1: Urban Ink. 2 hour appointment, t-shirt, and tattoo after care product, 3 Chiefs tickets, a 1 month membership at the Uni Rec Centre Gym, and a student VIP card at Event Cinemas.

Goddfrey Alantis Hokowhitu Sciascia

Russel Wilson

Russel Wilson

Pack 2: $250 voucher for Dezigner Hair. 3 Chiefs tickets, a 1 month membership at the Uni Rec Centre Gym, and a student VIP card at Event Cinemas.

Competition

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Apocalypse Now...or in 2014...

With Charlie Gillard

21 December 2012. The day when the earth’s core overheats to the point that there is a displacement in the earth’s crust and humanity perishes.

Luckily, in a prime (and pro-US) example of neoliberal economics tempered with limited state intervention in the name of the public good, earth’s cultural artifacts, as well as all of the important and rich people, are saved due to the construction of massive arks.

Or so Hollywood tells us.

Like it or not, this year is 2012: the supposed year of the apocalypse. The year, if you believe the rumours, that the ancient civilisation of the Mayans predicted would be the final year of the earth. Or rather, the end of the fourth world. According to the Mayans, there has not been just one world, but four. Mayan literature focuses on the idea of ‘world ages’, and their calendar simply counted how many days it had been the current world’s creation date. For this reason, it was given the somewhat smartalec name of the ‘long-count’ calendar. Modern scholars calculate that the Mayans believed the world was created on the 11th of August, 3114 BC. So how do we get from here to the end of the world?

It all lies in the way Mayans numbered things. Rather than our modern-day metric system, the Long Count calendar focussed on multiples of twenty and eighteen.

Units of time consisted 1 k’in (1 day), 1 winal (20 k’in, or 20 days), 1 tun (18 winal, or 360 days), 1 k’atun (20 tun, or 7200 days) and 1 b’ak’tun (20 k’atun, or 144,000 days). According to Mayan literature, the previous world age ended after 13 b’ak’tun, so to calculate the end of the fourth age, all we have to do is calculate 13 b’ak’tun (or 13 lots of 144,000 days) from the current age’s creation date, which gives us 21 December 2012.

So how will the earth actually end? Although Mayan texts don’t actually discuss the topic, some people believe that it is more than coincidental that the summer solstice (when the Sun reaches its highest point on its path) will also occur on 21 December 2012. This means that the Sun and the Milky Way, for the perspective of the Earth, will appear to have come into alignment, supposedly leading to some un-named horror and the apocalypse.

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As cool as this sounds, however, scholars of the Mayan civilisation have stated that ancient Mayan texts don’t seem to show any sign of predicting the end of the world – in fact, some are even prophecies of things happening after 13 b’ak’tun have passed. Similarly, astronomers discredit the idea of any actual galactic alignment happening on this date, instead forecasting that an apocalypse is more likely to occur when the Sun exhausts its hydrogen core and becomes a red giant, leading to the end of life on earth because the Sun would simply be too close to Earth for anything to survive – luckily, predictions are that this will happen in about five billion years time, so we should be okay for now.

So why, then, are we so obsessed with the end of the world? The topic has certainly been used extensively in popular culture over the past decade, with a variety of film and literary works linking either to the 2012 phenomenon or some cataclysmic end-of-the-world event – or even both. In addition to the 2012 film, there were the comet/ meteor movies of the late 1990s: remember Armageddon and Deep Impact? A few years later saw The Core, where the earth’s electromagnetic field begins to collapse. More recently, film-makers have touted out the climate-change focussed The Day After Tomorrow, with 2012 references also appearing in Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol. Even Britney has gotten caught up in the apocalypse theme, with the absolutely abysmal video for Till the World Ends displaying a post-apocalyptic future and scantily-clad Britney dancing underground.

Most major world religions, and particularly the Abrahamic religions, also seem to have a belief in some form of apocalypse or end times. Islam, for instance, tells of the Yawm al-Qiyāmah, or the Day or Resurrection, and Allah’s final assessment of humanity, which precedes the end of the world. Our in-depth research at Wikipedia notes that Islam teaches of several signs that predict the end of the world, including people entering the religion of God in crowds, an earthquake that causes mountains to crash down, and smoke that will envelop the wind which will cause non-believers to get sick before Allah sends a cool wind to take all of the believers to Heaven. On the other hand, Judaism teaches of the Messianic era, or a time of global peace and harmony where the Messiah

.or never... pack a flashlight

comes to usher in an era of global peace. Interestingly, Judaism teaches that this Messianic era has a predetermined date, but can actually come earlier through religious observance and good deeds. Some Jewish scholars believe that this predetermined point is actually 6000 years after the year of creation, which (if one follows the Hebrew calendar) means that the Messianic era will begin before the year 2240.

Finally, Christianity teaches of the End Times as an era occurring just before the second coming of Christ to earth – at which point believers will be raptured and ascend to Heaven. Different denominations of Christianity have different views as to what will actually happen during the end-times, including earthquakes, natural disasters, wars, catastrophes, and the emergence of the Antichrist, who is essentially Satan’s copy of Christ, and who will attempt to win supporters by creating a false world peace. Futurist Christians believe that the Antichrist will also place a mark on the right hands or foreheads of his believers, and that this mark will be integral to being a part of the End Times’ economic system. Microchip payment supporters – beware. Seventh-day Adventists, on the other hand, believe that the end times will begin when the United States (who they see as the “two horned beast” in Revelations) works in conjunction with the Catholic Church to force people to worship on Sundays.

Obviously, other religions and belief systems have their own views on the end of times, which would take far long to repeat here (though Wikipedia does make for some interesting reading). That said, some are more notable than others. Pastafarians (who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster), for instance, believe that predicted earthquakes are not the sign of the end times and are merely caused by a decrease in the number of pirates. Other religions even believe that the Apocalypse is occurring now: Jehovah’s Witnesses currently teach the end of times began in 1914 and that soon we will see a 1000 year period where God has cleansed the earth of wickedness, all people will be resurrected to life to learn about God, and Christ will rule of the new earth with 144,000 co-rulers. Nexus wonders what might happen if you asked door-knocking Jehovah’s Witnesses if they expect to be part of this 144,000 cohort.

Nevertheless, if the apocalypse does happen, if probably pays to be prepared. Nexus suggests following the Civil Defence’s advice to prepare an ‘emergency survival kit’ for your flat, just in case that rogue Hamilton earthquake or Waikato River flash-flood occurs. It might be unlikely, but you never know – a kit could come in handy.

If you do want to be prepared, make sure you have a large sealable container (the Warehouse sells massive 20 litre ones for quite cheap) and fill it up with useful stuff: a torch and radio (both with spare batteries), wind and waterproof clothing, as well as some good shows, a first aid kit and essential medicines, blankets or sleeping bags, pet supplies (if needed), toilet paper and large rubbish bags in case you need to make an emergency toilet, face and dust marks, plus enough food and water to last you three days: think heaps of canned or dried food (don’t forget a tin opener!), at least 3 litres of drinking water per person per day, and extra water for washing and cooking.

It’s probably advisable to have a gas bbq or something nearby so that you can cook – unless you’re quite happy living on cold tinned peaches or fruit salad for several days.

Nexus suggests you also include large amounts of booze to help you deal with the stress. For more information on civil defence and general apocalypse preparation check out www.getthru.co.nz – and yes, it seems that the government is trying to be ‘hip’ by spelling through like how all the young’uns do on their mobile-cell-do-hickeys.

Will 2012 see the beginning of the end of times / apocalypse / destruction of the earth as we know it? Nexus thinks it unlikely. However, it always pays to be prepared, just in case you chose the wrong religion and end up stuck on earth in a time of tribulation, so make sure that you have enough food and water stored up so that you don’t have to fight your flatmates to the death over a piece of chewing gum that you’ve had in your pockets for the last six weeks. Don’t forget to chuck in a few Nexus issues too – we’ve heard it makes great poo paper, plus you can set it on fire for heat!

Enjoy 2012 and let’s hope that society doesn’t break down just before Christmas – the queues at the Base will be catastrophic.

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Being a Fanboy With Paul Barlow

Being a fanboy in New Zealand is a hard road to travel.

As a nation our children are used to growing up in a culture dominated by sports, where the populace grows up looking up to men who run around a sports fi eld or women who run around courts (even though there is more merit in being bought up revering those who choose to reverse these socially accepted norms) and where sitting in your room reading comics and watching Indiana Jones is discouraged in favour of getting outside and playing in the sun.

So growing up as a Fanboy sometimes means being hidden (well it did when I was growing up back before it was cool), especially when you grow up in a colloquial small town like I did where the rats have pet roaches and the best and brightest may one day end up on the front page of the local paper for scoring against Marist (and in some small towns scoring anything that’s not your cousin deserves a mention in the paper). So when you discover the joys of a massive event created just for people who share your sensibilities, it can seem too good to be true, it’s almost like the end of the world as you know it, locked away from the real world – it seems like Armageddon.

And that’s exactly what Armageddon is – a massive meeting of like minded fans of all facets of popular culture and Twilight. It is truly a place where all colours, creeds and alignments are welcomed with open mandibles.

It was something I fought for years and years to see and be a part of – hell I almost quit a job because I was treated badly at work over it. At the time the company I worked for was a sponsor of the event, so we got free tickets but our manager wasn’t keen on going. I talked him into it, so he repaid me by making me work and taking a co-worker who had no idea what she was going to and ended up whining like a spoilt brat so they all left early. But they got back in time to offer me the tickets saying, “if you go now you’ll get half an hour to look around the place”.

The business no longer exists and with my next job the company tended to put Stocktake around the time of the event and ban staff from taking time off – that business still exists so feel free to burn it down.

I did however eventually get to one, wrangled and bribed my way to it, thanks in no small part to an understanding manager – and it was truly glorious.

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And now Hamilton will, next month, host its fi rst Armageddon Expo – an event that has been running for over a decade in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch.

To say the news excited me understates the term “excited” to new levels. The potential was huge for Hamilton to host the biggest bestest Armageddon expo ever, better even than the year Seth Green signed my copy of Robot Chicken, or the year I got to have breakfast with the 7th Doctor and coffee with the voice Batman, Kevin Conroy.

It won’t be this year – because the fi rst Hamilton Expo is essentially a Twilight convention and lets face facts, Twilight is a terrible franchise loved mostly by people gullible enough to believe a pro-life ultra-religious allegory masked as “sexy” fi ction is real entertainment and an excess of those people hurt my brain and if you are one of them perhaps you need to rethink tertiary study.

But for those not enamored with the sparkling vampires, shirtless werewolves or the fact someone actually named Tinsel is in the fi lms (and also visiting Hamilton for Armageddon) about sparkly vampires – there’s still going to be a metric ton of goodness for you here. Don’t get me wrong – the event will still have a great atmosphere and be a lot of fun, it will just have a heavy Twilight infl uence as well but like a chunk of gristle in your steak and cheese pie you can eat around it.

Because the important thing to remember about Armageddon is that it’s not just about one thing, it’s not just a place to see Dalek’s exterminating, Jedi battling with light sabers, the deck of the NCC Enterprise D, Narn mixing with Centari, Ga’ould mixing with SG teams – it’s also a place to see the latest games, try out the newest toys, complete your collections of graphic novels or DVDs, buy random stuff, go on rides, play Yu Gi Oh, Pokemon or Magic: The Gathering, be chased by Zombies, laser tag, wrestling, dress up, see the amazing wonders of the fanboy world and live out a few fanboy dreams as well.

Take, for example, the fact Hamilton will play host to a Zombie Walk where willing volunteers, who have had jobs working retail for years, will amble around town attempting to spend money in fi ne Hamilton establishments. Hamilton will be over run with the undead (just like the Outback on a Friday night), it’ll be night of the Living Deanwell Residents, all out there having fun.

Or the Great Twinkies Hunt where American candy is used in a race around the event with over 600 of the delectable treats on offer, it’s bound to be a cream and

sponge filled extravaganza of fun and potential diabetes – but if you have ever had a Twinkie you will know it’s worth it.

Then there’s special screenings to boot.

Hamilton will see a screening of the latest DC Comics animated fi lm Justice League: Doom with some amazing voice work from series stalwarts like Kevin Conroy (who told me it was one of his favourites that he had worked on) and Nathan Fillion as well as veteran voice actor Tim Daly known better as a Doctor in some show I don’t like but my wife enjoys. There’s also an advanced screening planned of the fi rst episode of the second season of the thoroughly amazing Game of Thrones – a series that has quickly won itself a devoted fan base and numerous gold statues for being too awesome for words.

On top of this all though, all of the events and celebrity signings and the mountains of merchandise ranging from bottles of Adipose plushy dolls through to zombie make up kits and everything in between the expo also plays host to several panels where you can sit and listen to the guests regale you with stories of life in the pop culture spotlight.

The fi rst one of these I went to I saw the seventh Doctor act like a dirty old man, where he announced his casting in The Hobbit, I’ve seen Seth Green kiss strangers, Sandeep Parikh shirtless face humping girls, and Xander from Buffy collecting stakes from fans.

And this was just the fi lm and TV side of the expo – it also caters for fans of anime and comics. While I don’t count myself in that number the fans are usually very impressed, including my teenage daughter who last year got to meet her favourite voice actor – an experience worth the price of admission.

This year non Twilight guests include the cultural phenomenon that is Max Headroom (it’s alright if you don’t know who he is – I’m just showing my age), John Levine who was in the classic Doctor Who series back when your parents were scared of Daleks, and Paul McGillon from Stargate Atlantis along with the cast from the hit TV3 show Almighty Johnsons. There’s also a secret guest due to be revealed soon…

And for the anime fans there’s voice artists from Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto and Digimon, as well as the cosplay costume contest – always an epic sight to behold and a great advertisement for some brands of hair gel…

Oh and for those of you bought up on the printed word check out Ron Marz, whose work includes some of the Green Lantern for DC and Star Wars for Dark Horse;

or Dave Johnson who created the iconic work behind Superman: Red Son and has worked on shows like Batman: Beyond and The Venture Bros – they’ll be there showing their wares but also talking about how they got to do what they do – and if you think perhaps academic study isn’t for you, you’d rather draw for a living then these are the people to tune in to.

So while I have heard many baulk at the thought of a glorifi ed Twilight convention, and I am certainly in that group because, well in the simplest terms, the books and movies are terrible, the important thing to experience is the atmosphere – it’s eclectic, it’s fun and it’s exciting. To see people able to celebrate their passion is truly the real treasure you’ll fi nd at Armageddon, so why not join the fun, dig out your red shirt, or your Inspector Spacetime dressing gown and join the fun…

That’s exactly what Armageddon is – a massive meeting of like minded fans of all facets of popular culture....

It is truly a place where all colours, creeds and alignments are welcomed with open mandibles.

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On Campus

Asking random people stupid questions.

1) What’s your name?

2) If the world was going to end what’s the one thing you would want to do before it did?

3) What’s your weapon of choice in a zombie apocalypse?

4) Would you rather die to zombies or vampires?

5) What would be your apocalypse soundtrack?

1) Ria and David 2) Watch Hunger Games. Also, punch Bieber in the face. I’m not even a violent person...

3) Redneck Crossbow 4) Zombies; I don’t want to sparkle 5) America Fuck Yeah, Danger Zone 1) Mark 2) Fly an attack helicopter 3) Sword 4) I’d rather Zombies 5) Free falling

1) Gucci 2) Rap with Lil Wayne 3) Remote control turret so I can GTFO 4) Zombies would be worse 5) Stuntin like my daddy - Lil Wayne

1) Jess and Alex 2) Make passionate love to the person next to me 3) Chainsaw is amazing but runs out of petrol. A katana is also great, can we have both? And shoot things?

4) Rather vampires minus the Twilight shit 5) ALL THE MUSIC including Pirates of the Carribbean 24

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Entertainment Section

Presenter/Speaker: Professor Andrew Ashworth Date: Tuesday 20 March 2012 Time: 6:15 PM Location: Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts Website: http://www.waikato.ac.nz/law/news-events Vinerian Professor Andrew Ashworth’s lecture will discuss the foundations and limits of criminal liability for omissions.

WORKSHOP 2 ‘KEEPING MOMENTUM’: POSTGRADUATE RESEARCH AND STUDY. Audience: Waikato University Only Date: Tuesday 20 March 2012 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 Time: 10:00 AM - 2:00 AM Contact: postgrad@waikato.ac.nz This workshop is intended for those higher degree postgraduate research candidates who are midway through their research. This includes candidates who have recently started or are about to begin drafting their thesis.

ECOLOGICAL EPISTEMOLOGIES: MOVING BEYOND THE MONOCULTURAL IMAGINARY Date: Wednesday 21 March 2012 Time: 10:30 AM Location: B.1.20, B Block Contact: a.m.grear@waikato.ac.nz Website: http://www.waikato.ac.nz/law/ How we ‘know’ and how we produce and circulate ‘knowledge’ have deep implications for the construction of social power and the formation of human action in the world. This exciting symposium features Professor Lorraine Code, author of Ecological Thinking: The Politics of Epistemic Location. If you wish to attend contact Anna Grear at a.m.grear@waikato.ac.nz. Places are limited.

Winner Michelle Page and London Royal College of Music Gold Medal winner Sandra Crawshaw.

OPUS ORCHESTRA Presenters: Soloists Lara Hall and Ian Parson Date: Friday 23 March 2012 Time: 8:00 PM Location: Dr John Gallagher Concert Chamber, Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts Website: http://www.opusorchestra.org.nz The orchestra presents this “Landscapes” concert with guest soloists Lara Hall (violin) and Ian Parsons (bassoon). The programme features Lilburn’s “Overture: Aotearoa”, Elgar’s “Romance” for bassoon and orchestra, “Souvenir d’un Lieu cher” by Tchaikovsky, Dvořák’s Romance and Beethoven’s “Pastoral” Symphony.

Tickets available from www.ticketek.co.nz

Heading How To with Alix Higby

How to: Be a social activist in 2012.

So unless you’ve been living under a rock, and even rocks these days seem to have internet access, you will have heard of, and probably seen, the online steam engine that is the KONY2012 campaign by Californian activists the Invisible Children. If not, just go and watch it now. It is a 30-minute long video. It’ll be more interesting than reading bout it anyway. And no matter how controversial it has become and whether or not you support Invisible Children and their actions, it will definitely get you thinking about more than what you’re going to have for dinner.

ANYWAY. This brings us to this weeks ‘how to:’ After seeing the Kony video and getting caught up in all these emotions about how the world isn’t fair and you want to do something about it, but you’re really just one person and one person can’t make a difference, blah blah blah “I think I’m going to buy a KONY2012 action kit cos that seems easy”… there are a few things you need to consider before you start sharing videos, jumping on bandwagons and printing your ‘social activist’ business cards.

1) Do your research. Talk to people. Don’t just take what some elaborately constructed MTV-esque video has told you as gospel. This is one carefully chosen point of view and there are a million more out there. Haven’t even heard of Uganda before? Look at a map. See how it’s

close to Sudan? Sudan’s had it’s own issues in the news lately too, could be something there. And oh look, there’s Rwanda, wasn’t there a movie about holidaying there??

Yes, that’s right. This step addresses ignorance. Which I thiiink is what the Invisible Children were aiming for.

2) Decide, with all that information in front of you (even if it is just Wikipedia) what your stance is on the issue and act on that. If you truly believe the Invisible Children have a solid gold plan of attack then bandwagon away. If you have some doubts, then do some more research and try and come up with something else.

You can still share the video though; it’s pretty nifty.

Bottom line, Invisible Children have set a precedent. This is a new way to raise awareness and get people thinking.

Even if you disagree with them they’ve still achieved their goal; you now know. Also, I’d like to remind you that countries’ are complicated. There are political issues at play here, and jumping into supporting something you know very little about is dangerous. Do you know exactly what your charity or organisation is intending on doing?

Do they want military action? Do they want to be Ghandi?

Make sure it is something you believe in wholeheartedly first. You don’t want to be supporting something that starts dropping bombs, hating on Jews or hijacking planes. Just sayin’.

Opinion Opinion

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Endless Boogie

Six60

Fevah FM & Nexus present:

tickets six60.co.nz

Static Bar on Hood St, 9pm start.

Wednesday 14th

Altitude on Alexandra St, 7pm - 11pm

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$5 beer & pizza from 6pm + Fevah FM DJ's

Tickets at six60.co.nz

w/ X-ray Fiends

Tuesday 13th

An Emerald City

w/ Bond Street Bridge and Gang Violins, Yot Club

Friday 16th

SKINT

House on Hood 7pm - 11pm

Thunderdykes

The Beggar's Way and Viking Weed

Friday 16th

Yot Club, Raglan, doors open 9pm

Static Bar on Hood St doors open 9pm

$15 pre sale (undertheradar.co.nz) or $20 on the door.

FREE!

Miss Burlesque NZ Saturday 17th

Altitude on Alexandra doors open 7.30pm

Thur/Fri 15th/16th

The Collective presents

Drum n Bass, Glitch Hop and Dubstep w/ Kaon, Hybrid, Breadman, Phonetics and Dold.

Saturday17th

Flow Bar on Victoria St, doors open 9pm FREE!

St Patricks Party Saturday 17th

Agenda on Victoria St,

followed by massive St. Patricks Party!

tickets eventďŹ nder.co.nz

26

FREE!

THERE’S A HUNDRED MILLION REASONS TO TACKLE FALLS IN THE HOME. TEN THOUSAND OF THEM COULD BE YOURS.

I’m asking our smartest teams to do something for New Zealand. Each year, hundreds of thousands of New Zealanders – of all ages – are being injured by falls in their own home. And all up, falls cost our country almost two billion dollars a year.

So if you think your team’s got the kind of Kiwi ingenuity that makes big problems seem small, or even just want a shot at a $10,000 cash prize, check out ideanation.co.nz. Your idea could make New Zealand safer for all of us.

SUPPORTED BY

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Puzzles Heading WORDS TO FIND APOCALYPSE COSPLAY COMICS FESTIVAL MAYA

Easy

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Entertainment Entertainment

Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some sweet free stuff!

Face of the Week!

END WORLD COSPLAY TWIHARD ZOMBIE

Make me into Bruce Willis.

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Y A D E L SA 12 MOSNHTIHP $275

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Are you a student leader?

Election of a student member of Council for 2012 Nominations are now open for the 2012 student member of the University Council. All enrolled students are eligible to nominate someone or be nominated as a candidate. Nominations close 12noon Friday 30 March.

Interested? Head to the website to find out what’s involved – www.waikato.ac.nz/about/corporate/student-member There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe 0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

Hot Fuzz Crime Map

Unlawfully Takes Motor Vehicle Burglary

If you have any questions, please contact the University Community Constable Nick Sickelmore.

Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz 07 858 2792.

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Lifestyle

31

Half Baked With Mel Cupcakes!

If any of you read my column last year you would know that I am a tiny (or gigantic, whatever) bit of a coffee snob, and that I don’t do franchise coffee. Well during the financial desperation and boredom of the Uni holidays I crossed over to the dark side and took a job in a coffee franchise in Hamilton. It was the single worst decision of my entire career. I thought that I could give a placated nod, do things their way and take home my paycheque every week. Well it turns out I can’t, franchise coffee is devil and is soul suckingly evil. I advise anyone who loves coffee and wants to keep their soul to stay right away from it ...blegh.

Anyway, on to bigger and brighter things, CAKE! Do you like maple syrup? Do you like cupcakes? Of course you do! (if you don’t, what the hell is wrong with you? FREAK!) I found this recipe a couple of years ago and it has served me well through many many many batches of emergency cupcakes (who doesn’t need an emergency cupcake every now and then?)

If you hadn’t picked it up from my bread recipe a couple of weeks ago (btw, did you try it yet?) I can be a bit of a lazy baker. I mean, I bake often (what did you bake in the last week? Huh...HUH??) But the recipes that tend to stick in my head are the easy ones, the REALLY easy ones. This cupcake recipe is ridiculous, you literally throw everything into the bowl at once and stir it, and your cupcake batter is ready. Just as I was attracted the Pane Veloce because it was no-knead, I loved this recipe because I didn’t have to cream the butter and sugar....and I damned well hate creaming butter and sugar. This recipe makes around 24 tiny cupcakes so I usually halve the recipe.

Maple Syrup Cupcakes 125g softened butter,1 cup self-raising flour (or make your own S/R flour: 1 Cup plain flour + 1 teaspoon baking powder), 1/3 cup dark brown sugar, 1/4 cup maple syrup, 2 eggs.

Throw everything in a bowl, stir till pale and combined.

Spoon into cupcake cases and bake at 180C for 10-15 minutes until they spring back when poked. Now your delicious cupcakes are ready to be smothered in butter and devoured. Good work team! (This recipe is from the lovely Beverly, at ‘The adventures of Beverly’ on LiveJournal) The other great thing about this recipe is its flexibility, you can add whatever you want and it doesn’t seem to hurt it.

If you add anything liquidish that has a sugar content you just need to lessen or replace the maple syrup or brown sugar or you will get explodey cupcakes. I will share with you some of the multitude of variations I have made with this recipe.

Maple Syrup and chocolate cupcakes: as above, jam a couple of chocolate buttons into each cupcake before baking.

Peanut butter cupcakes: add 1-2 Tablespoons of peanut butter, minus a tiny bit of maple syrup and probably add a little milk to balance out the stickyness of the peanut butter.

Mojito cupcakes: minus maple syrup, smush up (I use my mortar and pestle) some raw sugar, mint liqueur and lime juice. Enjoy cupcakes that taste like a cocktail.

Lemon cupcakes: minus brown sugar and maple syrup, add ½ cup of white sugar instead, add grated lemon rind. Bonus: make icing with ½ cup icing sugar, a little knob (heh) of butter and any spare grated lemon rind, add boiling water a tiny bit at a time mixing till smooth each time until you have a slightly thin icing (about the consistency of chocolate sauce) and drizzle over the cupcakes.

Any kind of jam cupcakes: minus maple syrup, add jam in its place. Yum. Spice cupcakes: minus maple syrup, add golden syrup in its place. Add mixed spice or ground ginger or whichever spice you want them to taste like.

So, now I’ve written about cupcakes for the last half hour, and so now I’m craving cupcakes. If you’ll excuse me I have to get in my kitchen and make up an excuse to make a batch of cupcakes. Maybe I can add chocolate sauce instead of maple syrup and call it professional experimentation. Ciao!

Food

33

Need help? Lost? Got a class?

Find your way at m.waikato.ac.nz

Choose your favourite mobile web feature at m.waikato.ac.nz and go in the draw to win this Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

The University of Waikato mobile web allows interactive access to a number of helpful features for all students.

Check your timetable, computer availability, top up Unicash and more at m.waikato.ac.nz on your smartphone or tablet.

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe 34

To access all this and more go to m.waikato.ac.nz

what we want:

WE WANT PEOPLE TO DO BAR REVIEWS. TO WRITE POLITICAL COLUMNS. HELP US WITH WRITING THE NEWS. WE WANT COMICS STRIP ARTISTS. AND MUCH MORE.

Like words and stu? Wanna bring back newsy integrity? Or are you just narcissistic enough to want to see your name in print? Then perhaps Nexus is for you! We are looking for writers, columnists, reviewers, and dragon slayers. It's a new pretty Nexus, with new pretty pictures. But don't fool yourselves, it's the same old content and we're looking for people to peddle it. Send column ideas and writing samples through to editor@nexusmag.co.nz or don't, whatever, we're not your dad, but don't make us turn this magazine around. Now go to your room!

35

SKYCITY HAMILTON $5 Tuesday

Only $5 per person per game of tenpin bowling or Megazone all day.

(Not valid during school holidays)

Student Thursday

- Tenpin bowling just $4 per person per game.

- Happy Hour! $5 per bottle of Corona or Speight’s Summit between 7pm and 9pm.

- $7.50 Beef burger and fries.

Quiz night

7pm every Wednesday in Zone Bar. Grab a group and get quizzical!

It’s FREE to enter and there are prizes to be won!

Fantastic daily lunch deals $8 lunch in Zone Bar. Three different dishes to choose from each week.

Available from 5pm on presentation of a valid student ID.

Offers are available for a limited time, are subject to availablilty and are not available in conjunction with any other offer. R18 for the service of alcohol.

Host responsibility limits apply. Zone Bar is a supervised area.

Shapeshifter Interview with P Digsss, by Nick Johnston 1. Since the release of The System Is a Vampire in 2009, what have you been up to musically and whereabouts have you been touring?

Since we did System Is a Vampire, we have released a remix album featuring Hospital label-mates Netsky Bcomplex Nutone. We have also toured Europe and Australia every year since. Epic summer tours here in NZ too.

2. Are you currently working on any new recordings? Either Shapeshifter or solo.

We are currently working on a new album now. We have a few tunes that we have already tested out at live gigs.

Things are looking good, we’re well stoked on what’s to come.

3. In the changing record industry environment, how have you and Shapeshifter dealt with the changes? Is there any difference in the way you recorded and toured in the early 2000s compared to today?

Yeah, the industry has changed a lot and it needed to. So many fat cats for along time were just sitting in their offices making mad cash off artists who didn’t know the ropes. We are an independent crew, we have our own record label (Truetone Rec) and we make the decisions. The process of recording is pretty much the same. We record at home studios or where ever we find a comfortable space that we are happy with. We own a lot of nice equipment now so when its time to get busy, it’s tonnes of fun, but i think our live show is what got us through. Playing and touring just the right amount without over saturation.

4. What would be your top 5 albums, and do any of them have an influence on the music you produce?

Stevie Wonder - Inner Vision. This stuff made me smile as a child and still does today. D’angelo Voodoo, no one sings like this dude, amazing! The Roots - Things Fall Apart. Live hip hop at its finest. The Cinematic Orchestra - Everyday. Such an epic emotive album. Jill Scott - Who is Jill Scott. The poetry and finesse of this woman is astounding. All of these albums have inspired and influenced myself and the rest of my band in so many ways, whether it be lyrical, musical or just the right time and place.

5. If you had the chance to collaborate with any musician, alive or dead, who would it be and why?

So many artists I’d love to collaborate with. I think James Blake or Little Dragon would be amazing to do music with.

They are both on such a progressive wave, I’d like to ride some of that good stuff i think.

6. How do you feel about the current crop of new NZ artists who have been inspired by your music?

Any favourites or ones to watch out for?

There is a lot of new music from NZ coming out, it’s a beautiful thing. I grew up listening to a lot of overseas music. Nowadays, it’s more homegrown. The less we try to copy american pop the better, because that shit is garbage!

I haven’t been blown away by an up and coming NZ act for a while but there must be something out there.

7. You have an upcoming gig at Flow. Tell us a little bit about your solo set and what fans might be able to expect from the show?

My solo DJ/MC set consists of a lot of music I have been collecting and been given while touring around the world.

I’m really enjoying a lot of the new genres of dance music coming out which fuse or borrow a lot of styles off others genre with different tempos. I’m gonna be bringing a big of goodies to the Tron so I hope to see you all down at the Flow bar on the 24th. It’s gonna be a bloody doozie!

Presale tickets are available for a limited time on www.dashtickets.co.nz for $15 plus booking fee. Door sales on the night at $20. Local support acts: Mike Scherger and Raphael Henderson, DJ Frankfurter, DJ Dold and Willapede.

We had a chat to Paora Apera, better known as P Digsss from Shapeshifter, about recording, touring, his influences and his upcoming show at Flow on Saturday 24th March.

Entertainment

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Quintessential Reading Quintessential Reading Literary Lunacy with Courtney Q

Literacy Lunacy with Courtney Q Colour of Magic The The Complete Terry Pratchett Prophecies of Nostradamus

The Colour of Magic is the first book in the -Translated, Edited and Interpreted

by Henry Discworld series written by the amazing fantasy, C. Roberts horror and science fiction author Sir Terry Pratchett.

So I wasThe sitting in the Directors office contemplating Discworld is a flat world which rests upon the intensely as toof what I should review for you fine stand backs fourbook giant elephants, which in turn (hopefully more sex knowledge clued up) students this atop the Great A’Tuin; a giant turtle swimming week. Sothrough apparently we’re hitting the ground running I mean ANYWWHERE, and moves on hundreds space. Rincewind is a wizard, a very with thispessimistic, whole 2012sardonic Apocalypse this week.

Guess of little legs that sprout from its undercarriage. andtheme unskilled wizard who after what?! There is no 2012 Apocalypse!! Why? Because In the book Sourcery the Luggage is described as certain twists of Fate collides with Twoflower, a Nostradamus said so!! rather naive but optimistic tourist. In fact Twoflower being “half suitcase, half suicidal maniac” Death is a very interesting character, although it has a similar is the first tourist that the Discworld Michel de Nostradamus was a French apothecary (for appearance to the generic Grim Reaper and carries has everan seen.

Unfortunately for Rincewind, the be because I kept falling asleep while attempting to read you simpletons apothecary is essentially an olden day a scythe, Death is also a parody of the traditional and prosperity of the land upon it. As you know from my previous reviews I’m rather chemist)peace and apparently he could also see depends the future...

By Reaper. Death is very quirky in the sense that it has a Twoflower living long enough to get back to his pedantic about reading books from start to finish and reading the star charts and horoscopes of the past and very keen interest in trying to understand humanity, distant home.

The unfortunate part being that it reading a series in the correct order. This book is much translating them to the future. Although he firmly denied however without anyand social a complete is Rincewind’s job to ensure Twoflower’s survival. more fun to let fall open thenskills pick and a random quatrain being a prophet there are multiple ‘fan’ websites devoted lack(and of a sense of its humour Death justthe can’t seem And in a land riddledhim with barbarians, to read laugh at absurdity).

Also sentence to his prophecies and calling a true Prophet.robbers, to figure it out. andbut Death havethat’s a very mercenaries, invisible dragons and even Death structure leaves a lotRincewind to be desired, I guess complicated relationship, but I’m not going to tell himself, is to be no easy feat. fire of the what happens when you translate things from beautifully, Here’s one of his this ‘Prophecies’: “Ennosigee, you about will have to read the book. flowing Frenchit.toYou English.

And although I don’t speak centre of the earth, Shall make an earthquake of the New French, I believe in French the quatrains rhyme which City, Two rocks shall long war against Sirgreat Terry Pratchett is antime English authoreach with an All probably up Terrymake Pratchett is one of more my top five favourite reading them enjoyable.

I other, After that, Arethusa colour red the freshHis river.” immense talent at shall writing fantasy novels. writingwould authors, The Colour of is Magic definitely say thisand translated edition fromis 1947 so someone -Nostradamus, Complete Prophecies of Nostradamus, style flows superbly and is easy to pick up and put must of my top five favourite Sir Pratchett.

I more recent events to books happenbyaren’t linked to the Centurydown, I, Quatrain 87 if you’re anything like me you won’t of the although Nostradamus Prophecies.

However there are still some thoroughly recommend this book to anyone who want to put it down! The Colour of Magic, like all interpretations of what the prophecies might mean. I Apparently thisother prophecy is about the 9/11 World enjoys a good fantasy novel. of the Discworld books I have read,Trade is packed good Centre aeroplane mishap... well, the full of satire, quick Fire wit, referring elaboratetodescriptions and like the part where Nostradamus predicts the rise of Hitler andThe World WarsofI Magic and II. sits at number 93 on the BBC’s explosions and fiis re,just ‘New City’ being New York City and for Colour at times absolutely nonsensical.

Which, ‘Two great rocks’ being the two Twin Towers.

Although I Big Read list.

Pratchett has four books in the Big me personally makes this book an amazing read. I So ifRead you want to believe in thewithin Nostradamus don’t see how the Twin Towers were ever warring against top 100, and fifteen the topmumbo 200. personally love British comedy and I find Pratchett’s jumbo ambiguous crap, then feel free. And you know each other. And I can’t for the life of me figure out how a books really appeal to my sense of humour. Pratchett what?

You another 5000 years Greek Goddess even found herself remotely related TheCongratulations!!

Light Fantastic is thehave second Discworld novelto uses footnotes to add background and depth, but live!!

Why? Because Nostradamus predicted the end to 9/11.... and is a direct continuation from the Colour forof more often than not for humour and a unique the world in year 7000 when the Sun destroys the Earth.

Magic. This is a unique feature as the rest of the on the narrative.

Meanwhile when the year 7000 comes, and passes I’ll So somecommentary of the Nostradamus Prophecies do bear vague Discworld books can essentially be read in any order be laughing in my grave, ‘cause us scientifically minded links to historical events, the issue being a lot bear vague (unless you’re meticulous like me and insist on love thehistoric way Pratchett develops characters in people know the Sun isn’t set to destroy the Earth for links to Imultiple events. But I guesshis when you reading the order they were written). such depth and illuminates them with his amazing another few them billioninyears.

So humanity is safe for now... have close to a thousand prophecies which are mostly command of the English language.

My personal From the Sun anyhow. vague and undated; some of them are going to bear For those of you who aren’t big readers I thoroughly favourite characters are the Luggage and Death. The coincidence to history.

Pratchett’s The Colourreading of Magic’ Luggage is a large chest made of sapient pearwood So ifrecommend you enjoy a ‘Terry good read I don’t recommend a two part television adaptation of Pratchett’s books; magical, highly plant, which is very this book. I just wasted too much of my life reading it...

As far as(atrying to read thisintelligent book goes it’s rather startThe Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic.

But I suppose that’s what happens when you issue out a stopy... This becausewill it’s written in owner quatrains (a rare).may ThebeLuggage follow its anywhere; book that hasn’t been outside of the library since 2009. complete poem consisting solely of four lines). Or it could 36

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Reviews

Tickets available from the WSU office plus a $5.00 booking fee.

No booking fee applies if you present your W Card.

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