Nexus 04 Nightlife

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Sam says

Issue Four 2012

sluts... a lot

Did you see

Six60?

Plus virgins and secrets

e h T

e u s s I e f i l t h g i N

From the Editor’s Desk It is with great pride that I announce this will be the last editorial I write for some time. It isn’t that I haven’t enjoyed it or that I don’t like the rage fuelled 3am sessions at my keyboard, I have. It is simply an indication that the process works.

Nexus needs to have student voices. It doesn’t need to be solely student voices but they need to be the ones shaping it and talking about things that interest you. A few weeks after we made the call for people to step up people stepped up.

Starting next week Alix Higby and Sean Goulding will be the voices and faces of Nexus and let me tell you they will be outstanding.

Having engaged students willing to step up and speak to you is what Nexus has always thrived on.

But it isn’t just Sean and Alix willing to step up.

This week we are previewing two brand new columns. The first is called ‘Diary of a 22 year old Virgin’. Let me assure you it is both real and unique in its honest appraisal of student life. I don’t want to talk it up too much but I will say that I have read it and laughed at least five times because it takes me back in the most awkward way possible.

The second column is by a new writer called J who presents the ‘Secret Life of First Years’. J is showing a maturity that is already compelling and makes her easy to read. If these four people are indicative of student culture and where Nexus is heading then I am overwhelmingly excited for what the rest of the year holds.

Alix and Sean will be alternating the editorials from here on and although I will be around, I am also looking forward to the anonymity that comes from my desk and planning B semester re-orientation. While I have some space to kill though let me conduct one last rant.

This week we were going to cover politics but we decided to change our minds because we heard about a recent trend of assaults, violence and theft in town. Now I’m not going to get all self-righteous, I once walked up on the ferry to Devonport without any shoes and no memory of the weekend. What I will say is that University is about being social and having fun but it is also about being safe where possible.

Common sense and going out in groups never hurt anyone. Drink, dance, kiss a girl, kiss a boy, kiss both, I’m not your Dad. I can honestly say that the best nights I have had are when I am coherent enough to call a cab and fall asleep somew where on my property - either inside or out.

With those words of wisdom I leave you in the capable hands of Sean and Alix. Treat them well, they really are nice. And remember, if you want to be involved in Nexus, then come and have a chat.

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What’s Inside?

How Saph Sees It 8 Ball News Lettuce Sports Thoughts Mr. Minty Fish How To: Enjoy a Night Out Hate It or Love It Diary of a Hipster Auteur House Tangata Tumeke It’s not easy being Sam Club Spotlight Bar Reviews Confessions of a 22 Year-Old Virgin House Blind Date Gig Guide Half Baked with Mel Puzzles Citizens Advice Bureau Lick That Spoon YWRC Student of the Week The Secret Lives of First Years Quintessential Reading Did You See?

Credits Editors: Sean Goulding, Alix Higby Design: Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) Design Interns: Anna Bennett, Eva Hou, Shaun Jay Cover Image: Bernard Williams, Do U C Photography Advertising: Troy Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Nexus Reporter: Daniel the Flying News Monkey Managing Editor: James Raffan Contributors C-ball, Courtney Q, President Sapphire Gillard, first man Charles Gillard, Sam Taylor, Priscilla Ngatai, Mr. Minty Fish, Bernard Williams, Melanie Matthews, Bevan Nichols, Hoory Yeldizian, Virgo, J, Kylie Zanetti, Gill Denny, Dr Richard Swainson, the glorious indestructable 8 ball, and a special thanks to our two blind daters; may you find happiness.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR. Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton.

Phone: 07 838 4653 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

How Saph Sees It Seriously guys, I want you all to read this.

Previously, I’ve written about WSU, O-Week, and student representation. These are all important topics, but none compare to this: watch out for your friends! DONT BE STUPID SMART PEOPLE. Over the last few weeks, I’ve heard a number of stories about students getting themselves into trouble. Whether this is alcohol related or simply poor judgement, too many students are doing things they regret later. Here are two examples of what I mean: One: You’re out with mates and will be sober driving.

You’re okay with that as it’s your turn and to be honest you’re still a little hung over from two nights ago – it’s about time you did a detox and that requires you to stop drinking for a bit anyway. So you go sober to a friend’s friend’s flatwarming. Low and behold your friends decide to be weird and start excluding you – on purpose? Not sure – But all in all it’s a bit awkward and people start offering you drinks. To start with you say no but once it becomes clear that no one intends on going to town, you decide what the heck – you’re not going to be needed to drive anyway and your friends are still off being random.

You haven’t brought any drinks with you (as you were intending on sober driving) but the guy next to you offers you one, so you take it. He’s just poured himself a drink from the same container so it must be okay. Next thing you guys are making out.... not sure when that happened. He’s not the cutest guy here and now you mention it, you don’t really know him and his voice is kind of annoying but making-out stops him from talking, which equals less annoying and he’s actually an okay kisser...

When your friends come back they start screaming “get a room” “ew” “keep it to yourself” and then someone actually offers you a room so off you go.... One thing leads to another and next thing you know you’re getting crap from some girl who likes the guy and for some reason you can’t stop shaking and keep getting cold and hot flushes. You feel shit; your friends are giving you shit; and annoying wannabe girlfriend of random guy won’t shut up. All in all tonight really sucks.

Editorial

Two: You’re sitting at home being bored and don’t really know how best to procrastinate. You’re not one of those kids that clean or play on facebook as a way of ignoring those lecture notes you should type out and lab work you should prep for. You’re more of an x-box fan. But no one in you flat has one. You don’t even have a decent tv.

Then your mate has a brilliant idea. Why don’t you buy an x-box and tv? Dah. You’re a poor student and hence do not have the money for such luxuries. Or is that really the case? Someone suggests course related costs and with the wonderful new online system you apply, are approved, and have the money in a blink. You’re driven to the shop, buy an x-box and tv and come home on top of the world.

After playing Halo for an unimaginable amount of time you realise you haven’t done any of this weeks uni work and don’t know how you’re going to buy your textbooks....

As much as yesterday was fun you’re not so sure about how you’re going to afford transport to uni now and the 45min walk during dark winter nights isn’t all that appealing.

True story: one in 4 women and one in 20 men will experience sexual assault sometime in their life. So what can you do about it? Check out www.whoareyou.co.nz and find out who you are and how easy it is to make a difference. You can change how someone’s night ends and instead of being part of the problem become part of the solution.

True story: student debt is now more than 12 billion dollars. Students are having more problems with finances and need to get smarter about how they budget. If you need any advice or help with budgeting come and talk to our WSU advocate.

Let’s get smarter about how we act and what we spend our money on.

8 Ball The young child sat in his year four class and began to write. “Bola ocho se levantará otra vez” again and again on the page. “Bola ocho se levantará otra vez.” He didn’t know why he was writing it or what was compelling him to do so. His teachers didn’t understand, his parents couldn’t stop him. For weeks it was the same. Then one afternoon when she could take it no longer his mother grabbed him by the shoulders shook him violently and implored him one final time. “What does it mean!” She screamed. The young boys eyes turned as black as night and in a soft and unsettlingly calm voice he whispered “Eight ball will rise again.”

Witness my power through anecdotal evidence and fear me. Now on with the questions.

8 ball will you be my best friend for lyfe?

My sources say no.

You disgust me with your impudence. The desire for friendship is one restricted to Humans and Penguins that sound like Morgan Freeman. I have learned much of what I know about your kind from morning television like ‘Jeremy Kyle.’ From what I have deciphered friends will ultimately sleep with your girlfriend steal all your liquor and move to Scotland. This will be key to my plot when organising the downfall of your pitiful species.

Loan me twenty bucks?

It is certain.

The 8 ball has not become a galactic ruler of men without being generous. Only a few years ago I owned several of the banks in America. I will happily lend money to you infidels but only in the new currency featuring my likeness. It will be accepted by 8 ball and scientologists everywhere.

Is that your profile on NZ Dating?

Signs point to yes.

Even the 8 ball needs some “strange” from time to time.

I may not be of this world but neither are half the gold members on that site.

Should Nick Smith have been fired?

Outlook doubtful.

Corruption is my life blood and unfortunately Nick Smith barely registers on that scale compared to the politicians 8 ball has heard about running horse fighting rings, trafficking human organs and gun running and that is just the South Island. Compared to that all Nick Smith has done is written a letter to impress a girl and as previously noted even the 8 ball needs some “strange” from time to time.

News Heading University gets social

Having a student loan gets a little less lame

The University of Waikato is getting social, with a much stronger presence on social media website, Twitter.

Changes to the student loan scheme mean you may not need to pay back as much on your student loan.

The university’s Twitter account, @waikato, started to become more visible with the creation of a hashtag over O-Week, #waio. Continuing that work, they have now created a hashtag for general discussion about the university, #waitalk. A number of students are currently using the hashtag.

Inland Revenue have announced that full-time students who are working and persons with more than one job may be eligible for either exemption from repayment or a reduced repayment rate, depending on your circumstances. The changes come into effect on 1 April.

Twitter user @shewawal said the new hashtag makes it “easy to follow uni tweets”.

The university’s #waio hashtag was also picked up by the Waikato Times, who created an article on their website quoting people who used the hashtag. It was also used by the Waikato Students’ Union twitter account, @WaikatoStudents during O-Week.

If you are a full-time student and earn less than $19,084, you may be eligible for a repayment exemption. If you have more than one job you may be eligible for a lower repayment rate if your main income is less than $367 per week and your secondary tax code is SB, SL or S SL. Both of these must be applied for online at the IRD website, which you can do now to ensure you’re paying the right amount when the scheme begins on 1 April.

The university already has a commonly used Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/WaikatoUniversity

For more information, including information about other changes to the student loan system, visit the IRD website www.ird.govt.nz/studentloans.

Hamilton residents forget it’s O-Week

Student helps prevent a burglary

The Hamilton City Council has announced that they received 15 noise complaints regarding O-Week street party, Soundscape.

Hamilton East Police credit a recent burglary victim’s presence of mind for alerting them to the suspicious activity of a man trying to burgle a neighbouring flat last week.

A University of Waikato student, who did not want to be named, said, “It’s pretty clear that some people somehow got stupid and forgot it was O-Week.” He continued to say, “let’s be honest, Soundscape is one of the few times you’ll see a whole damn street closed for some damned awesome music. You’re going to get a bit of noise. Either come out and play too or bugger off back to your knitting.” What the HCC intends to do about the complaints is, at the time of writing, unknown.

Short News News

Waikato University student Jacob Wainwright was just getting out of the shower in his Hamilton East home when he noticed a stranger go past his window, heading down the shared driveway to a neighbouring flat.

“I know my neighbours and he wasn’t one of them but they have people come and go so I thought I’d

Time for Cubby Hole Tauranga?

A 39-year-old man was refused entry to a Tauranga night spot on the grounds that he was too old. The man claimed he was of a reasonable standard of dress and not intoxicated which is why it came as a shock when he was told by a bouncer that he was too old. Adding insult to injury, just seconds before being declined for his age the man watched as his girlfriend and friends were let in. If David Bennett takes a stand against such blatant ageism before the epidemic sweeps Hamilton he will win Hamilton in a landslide in 2014. We are pretty sure that would sway the vote of the faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at least.

Heading just check what was going on by approaching the flat and asking for some milk or something.

“I heard the guy knocking on the door then it was quiet, I came to the front door and found it open with a man inside stuffing a laptop into a bag. When I asked what he was doing he tried to bluff his way through by saying he was just grabbing his gear but when I questioned him further he tried to flee.”

“My flatmate’s mother had her laptop stolen when she was visiting here and in the shower after someone came through the sliding door and took it.

“It’s a really horrible feeling when your privacy has been invaded like that so it is good to be able to prevent it happening to someone else.”

The man fled by climbing over a back fence and on to York St and then down an alleyway trying to escape via Dey St but he was stopped by Police.

“I’d rung a friend before I went over to check next door and he said to ring the cops straight away which I did, I was blown away by how quickly they got their and arrested the fellah.”

Arresting officer, Waikato University Liaison Officer, Nick Sickelmore, said the timely arrest was a result of Mr Wainwright seeing something wrong and doing something about it.

“Really it’s a text book case, here you have someone who has taken the trouble to get to know his neighbours and realised this person was not supposed to be there.

“He’s then contacted someone to come while he went to check what was going on and when he became suspicious he’s contacted Police enabling us to act in a decisive manner, it’s a classic case of if you see something not right give us a call and let us make the decision on what is right or wrong.”

After his own flat fell victim to burglars just two weeks into the university year Mr Wainwright said it was good to land a blow for the victims and help stop a crime happening so close to home.

Seriously. Am I a narcissist?

The study suggested that those with personal Facebook pages that have over 800 friends display narcissistic tendencies, which is perhaps a reflection of how society has changed over the years. It used to be that if you had 800 friends online you were a lonely individual that collected dolls, kept your daughter in the basement, wore a David Bain cardigan and were described by your neighbours as ‘a quiet person who was always nice to us’.

Marmi-gate Not so much short news as a public service announcement to tell all the people who cared about the marmite shortage to stop. If you’re paying $60 for a jar then come see us, we have a Fairfield bridge we would like to sell you.

By the way, vegemite is virtually the same product. Sure there is a slight taste difference but isn’t the important thing that you swallow? You know, for nutritional value…

News

Lettuce

Congratulations you are this week’s winner! Come to the Waikato Students’ Union building to claim your prize!

Dear Lazy Recyclers,

Dear C-dawg.

Please change. It is not hard to read a sign about where to put your rubbish. Around the shops and uni lake there are a few recycling stations that are not being used correctly.

How hard is it to read a sign and put your rubbish in the right bin? It’s not hard at all! Only plastics numbered one and two can be recycled in the PLASTIC bins, only glass can be put in the GLASS bins, and only aluminium can be put in the ALUMINIUM bins. If some lazy folk could just spend more than half a second looking and where your rubbish is going, they would change the fate of many worms. There’s a worm farm on campus now that works to decompose our food waste instead of putting the waste into landfill. When people put plastic and other unsuitable rubbish in these food scrap bins, the worms could suffer. Why harm worms? They are actually doing you a huge favour by breaking down your feed scraps and turning them into compost soil. They can even break down napkins. Napkins! Give the little fellers something yum to munch on and recycle correctly. Please.

I must admit, a line was crossed, but it’s in the past now and whats done is done.

Sincerely,

Friends will always stick up for one another, but even I admit they were a little mean but your negativity was hurtful.

So, I accept your truce.

I like avocado on crackers with late night TV, you like avocado on crackers with late night TV. I like to dance sexy, you like to dance sexy. I hate cookie dough’s, you hate cookie dough’s. I love/hate tequila and its effect on us, you love/hate tequila and its effect on us. I like covering your mums car in metres upon meters of wool...

Your mum didnt not like her newly decorated car very much. You and I are like two drunk chicks, falling out of car doors onto concrete and being so plastered that we cannot remember our night and need to be carried out of clubs. We’re just that close. Friends? Yes, i’ll take you up on that, and as for dinner? I am fucking hungry and free on friday night.

The Green Ranter.

Love, Tay-Tay Llama

Nexus wants your Lettuce?

Write about anything you like, as long as it’s under 250 words. We’re like FOX News, in that we’ll publish anything if it’s funny. Your name won’t be attributed to your letter if you choose, and pseudonyms are fine (we still need your real name). Send them through to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz before 5pm on Wednesday for a chance to be included in the next week’s issue. Also, we won’t edit anything you send us, because it’s funnier that way.

Opinion

Signed, Patient and Tolerant.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION

8

Moby Dick,

Dear Bennetts

Yea this lettuce is aimed at you Mr Drives a White Toyota Moby Dick Van...

LEARN TO DRIVE PROPERLY!!

I am penning this letter in regards to the debauchery that is the current regime of the monopolistic Bennetts Bookstore.

Studylink

I thought I was alone in my quest to try and obtain the relevant textbooks to assist in my tutorial work, essays and Deartests.

WSUAfter many heated discussions with my peers I have found thatactually they too, are having their raped Thank you for being awesome thiseducation year! O week and pillaged by Bennetts Bookstore. was great as usual, but what was really nice was to see so

Opinion 1.

50km zones mean you do 50km!! Not 35-40km.....

2. Learn to use your indicator!! It’s there for a reason.

3.

The Studylink, bike lane is for BIKES! Learn to drive in the middle Dear of thesuck. road!I mean, Not theyou’re parking and bike lanes!!

You a government agency – and are

therefore useless – but come on. Can’t you do any better?

Yes, I realisebe you attend It shouldn’t that hard.University, therefore you should be intelligent enough to understand and apply the road rules. you and manage get aI licence?

And This isHow my fithe fthhell yeardid at uni everytotime need to deal for the record the Moby Dick whale on the back of your with you, it’s just a nightmare. First – what the hell is up van appropriate, because MASSIVE COCK. withisthe mystudylink page. you Whyare do Ianeed to remember some bizarre combination of letters and numbers for my From: Someone knows how(to tofidrive! username, anotherwho odd combination t within your 10 gazillion rules) for a password, and THEN have to remember the exact order of letters in some passphrase.

That’s a lot of remembering, and to be honest, it’s just unnecessary. My online bank account at ASB doesn’t have that much password remembering, for goodness sake. And if I forget any of this stuff, it’s a bloody mission to reset my password or passphrase, requiring a ridiculous amount of thinking that is just (frankly) too much effort.

However, this year was even better than usual. That’s because I actually had a query that couldn’t be solved by the supposedly ‘solve everything’ masterpiece that is the mystudylink website – as I’m finishing off my Masters degree, I’m not quite a full-time student (I’m doing 90 points this year and 120 is full-time) but I can’t take any more papers as I don’t need them to finish your degree. As a result, I rang up studylink to find out what I needed to do, and what do I get? A two-minute-long message telling me about the wonders of mystudylink, and then the best part: “Unfortunately we are currently experiencing high call volumes and are not able to answer your call at this time. Please accept our apologies for this inconvenience”.

I got this message twice each day for four days in a row before I got through. Right, so I’m just supposed to use magic to figure out my question then?

WSU Peoples are Awesome

many WSU director people on the green helping out and Now, in other I have beento able to avoid this multiactually (shockyears horror) talking students.

Especially that island corporation with the friendly folk down A+ – hot ginger president babe, she’s awesome. As isat(sorry Bookstore, turnedso out, were However, don’t knowwho youritnames, you willaptly now name. be stereotyped by these folk have packed up shop leaving me with other your experience) the hippy dreads girl, the lovelynoMaori alternative butcute to fuck around with Bennetts decided lady (with the daughter), the hot blondewho chick, the that their primary purpose of selling overpriced textbooks friendly Tongan girl, and the lolz right-wing guy. Plus all will take aWSU backseat instead being unhelpful, unreliable the other people who Ito can’t think of stereotypes for. and generally, as theand saying goes, fucks.”

You’re all awesome thanks for“up nottojust sitting in your office wasting my money, but instead bothering to talk to A management battles of time, by students, being student on the bus at 2 at in the the best morning, andbut just not being able to have their textbook four weeks into the be friendly people. Also, it’s great to have friendly smiley semester though been ordered people ineven the WSU offiitcehad toosupposedly – yay! Please keep it up. 2 weeks ago, is setting us up for failure and potential reenrolment into a degree such as communications or a BA. Francis Silvester Laughable.

Bring back Sex on Campus

One more anecdote, a good friend of mine, who we will call… “Kirk”… went to go sell his textbooks to Bennetts unaware that there was a 10:30am deadline. Kirk Dear Nexus trudged backback with sex a handful of textbooks nextItday Please bring on campus for me tothe read. was before 10:30am onlyand to be told that had bought deliciously exciting raunchy andthey sometimes even up their quotaPlease for thetrack day. Kirk flabbergasted.

He instructional. downwas Dick and Fanny and returned thewrite next again week only to beI know sent away with this make them for you? its juvenile buttail I between hislol legs andwords told seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeya in June. just like to at the ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ and ‘uni’ Un.Reasonable. all in the same sentence. If you bring it back then I might even have a story of my own to tell.

C+ Bookstore at best. Down with Bennetts. More rights for Wrastlers.

The S Block Wonder

Please sort your shit out next year, studylink.

You really need to.

Erin Davison

Opinion Section

9

Sports Heading Thoughts with C-ball

MOHAMMAD – YOU’RE HAVING ‘A MARE’ If you couldn’t get passed how brilliant that pun was, you’re not alone – neither could I. So take a moment to absorb it all. Pakistan’s young fast bowler Mohammad Amir, the kid who got snapped spot fixing along with Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif and received a 6month jail sentence for his troubles, has recently made his first dramatic comments to the media. Turns out he was – drum roll please – a victim. Yeah. That’s right.

Mohammad Amir was “tricked into spot fixing” by his captain, because apparently accepting corrupt payments with the conspiracy to doctor a game’s result is something someone can easily be tricked into. Amir was at the centre of the storm created last year when he seemingly overstepped to a huge degree several times, bowling no balls that had even the commentators saying how unbelievable the errors were. I’m trying to understand how you get tricked into doing that.

Amir has levelled a majority of the blame at Salman Butt, and deservedly so, because any country’s captain that cheats on the side to make extra money is an absolute fucking cockroach. As far as I’m concerned, the two year sentence that Butt received for being an example of how spineless some human beings can be is far too short, and I can only hope he is getting some special showering privileges. But the fact remains the same – Amir agreed to do whatever he was asked to do by Butt and his bookmaker, and because of that, any sympathy for him is in short supply. The sympathy is almost non-existent now, after the kid hit the media with a number of really stupid excuses for his actions.

It is alleged that Amir was tricked by Butt, as the Pakistani captain told his young fast bowler the ICC had recorded phone conversations he’d had with bookmakers. This caused Amir to panic, and then Butt asked him to bowl two no balls for a different bookmaker. I shit you not – this is how the story goes. First thing that strikes me about this is: why would you panic that the ICC has recorded corrupt phone messages between you and a bookmaker, unless you truly have been in contact with one? So I’m now led to believe Amir was already conspiring to make a

Opinion

few Franklins on the side. Secondly, if you were told your shit was falling faster than the viewership numbers for the Rosie O’Donnell Show, wouldn’t you zip your fly up and stop fucking with the integrity of Cricket?

Apparently not, because Amir in all his panic then agreed to bowl the two extremely obvious no balls for Butt’s bookmaker, cementing his place in the cheating and dumbass hall of fame. That’s right. When told the ICC knew he was cheating, Amir somehow decided the best course of action to take was to cheat more. The only time cheating and then cheating more to cover yourself is acceptable is in backyard cricket, when with home ground advantage you make up the rules as you go to help yourself on a mammoth game winning innings. Such an example would be when I get caught first ball – “you can’t get out first ball sorry guys”. Then my opponent hits their first ball over the fence and down the bank – “you can’t get out first ball UNLESS you hit it over the fence, sorry, you’re out.” Works every time.

To be completely honest, I was a bit of a fan of Mohammad Amir. Anyone that rips it down at 150kmph while looking like Pakistan’s version of the Hansen brothers gets two thumbs up from me. But to say you were a victim when you’ve clearly been caught with your hand in the cookie jar just smells more than one of those mature university students who hasn’t heard of Rexona. Amir accepted a whopping 15 grand for bowling his two no balls, and this is where I start to question whether he was truly a victim. I’m not sure what type of salary the kid was on, but I’m assuming it would’ve been rather lavish to say the least. He was 19 years old, and had just been named Man of the Series against England for cheese grating ass left right and centre. He was a future star of the game. He was bound to earn a butt-load of cash, on top of what he was already getting. I don’t think throwing all that away for 15 grand has anything to do with being tricked. I’d say it comes down to a few of man’s biggest vices: greed, stupidity and ignorance.

Money: It’s basic science. After a couple of bitch drinks and/or a bottle of equally bitchy wine, all of a sudden, you’re a fucking millionaire. Drunk Jizz often hits up Baller Jizz for a loan and because Baller Jizz worked an extra hour a couple of Sundays ago, she starts ‘making it rain’ all up in the club. We all have that friend. Shit’s not gunna change. It’s no use saying “don’t spend your money,” because in their mind, you’re telling Oprah that she can afford Cool-Aid OR fried chicken; but not both.

Just take a free shot then hide their card.

My bed is phenomenally creaky; and in other news, I am sick. I felt it to be proper protocol that I inform you as to why you are about to embark on a full page of little more than bedroom commentary and the odd joke.

Very well, let’s begin.

I like town. So much so that somewhere between this paragraph and the last, I decided “fuck it. No one wants to know that there are 12 bobby pins, 2 fake tan bottles, a small mountain of clothes and a cat on your floor,” and so I’m sparing you the shit yarns, and taking you on a journey of wonder and discovery that is; TOWN. Now some of you do town like a boss. Others do town like... well, a boss on sexual harassment charges. Gropey, hairy, and creepier than the thought of Dumbledore’s testicles. So for the latter, these are my words of great wisdom. Tips for town. ‘Town Tips.’ Tips for hitting the old t-wown. Towning tips for townio...ok let’s just start.

Dress code: Every bar has their own picky standards. If they don’t want to let you in with your ass pant suit, then they don’t have to let you in with your ugly ass pant suit. If they don’t want to let you in with your cameltoenian tights, it’s the same deal; but basically your dress code is as suitable as your banter. Guys, if you rock up and you see the bouncer questioning your shoes, spin him a decent fleeting yarn. Don’t settle in for a full night of hair braiding and secret swapping; just give him a budster grin, say “howzit mate,” (or something to that effect) and you’re home free. If all else fails, just stand uncomfortably close. That way if he looks down at your ugly ass shoes, he’ll feel like he’s checking out your dick. As for girls?

Boobs. Basically. Girls, if you get turned away for dress code reasons other than jandals, crocs or giant swastika flags, you need to take a good hard look at your lives.

Possibly stop shopping solely at Pagani. Or at all.

“Oh I love your tight glitter knitted crop shrug with that Velcro on rose,” said no one ever.

Photos: Obviously 90% of the time you’re going to be drunk so it’s a bit like Russian Roulette as to how your social situation deals with 28 duck face poses in one night, but the real problem is bitches trolling pics the next day.

If you’re going to publically and ruthlessly cut someone down in town photos (in a forum other than your head or your flat) for reasons other than the fact that he gave you Chlamydia or she left you for your dad, then you better be fucking hilarious. If your yarn about some guy’s manboobs doesn’t get 20 likes in 10minutes, take your shit down. You’re a cock.

Bouncers: I like them. Love them even. Make them your friends. They’re bigger than you, they’re better than you, and they’re paid to be able to fuck your shit UP. They also have insanely good memories. Except for you ironic hipsters over at The Outback. I’m there every single fucking week. Stop spending months staring at my ID, it’s been the same for the last 3 years. Dicks.

Again, I’ve run out of room. You’re all phenomenally hot this year.

Especially you Rich.

Kudos.

Love you forever.

Yours, MMF.x -Don’t walk home alone. We call basically every park in Hamilton ‘Rape Park’ for a reason.

-If you are going to try certain white, pink or blue things, do not acquire them in a club or off complete strangers.

-NZ cops are some of the most legit cops in the world.

They’ll take photos with you, they’ll start a conversation with “Hey bro,” as opposed to “Ma’am. You have the right to look towards my person, but should you make eye contact with me, I will plant drugs on you and kick you in the face,” and they seem to be getter better and better looking. Like, insanely bangin’. If a cop tells you not to do something, don’t fucking do it. Also if they ask why you’re crying, don’t tell them that you lost your iPhone and now your dad’s going to kill you. They’re the police. They will literally think that your dad is going to kill you.

Opinion

How To: enjoy a night out with Alix Higby

I know. You’re probably like, wow, that’s stupid.

Who doesn’t know how to enjoy themselves when they hit the town? But oh. my. goodness. SO many people. I actually know quite a few personally. Like those people who just chill silently at bar leaners with perpetually sour faces (sometimes even in groups, which kind of makes me laugh), or those stupid girls who visit every single bar for approx. 30 seconds because “This place is soooo totally boring, let’s go somewhere else” (basically all of my close friends) and then you get those dickheads who just wanna smash everyone…. WELL. Enough. It’s time for you to enjoy yourself in spite of the growing population of town losers/snobs/and angry motherf*ckers. Here’s how.

Numero Uno: Choose your company wisely

You want to hang out with people who have the same expectations as you. I.e. if your primary goal of the evening is to dance, don’t invite someone who hates dancing and would rather gossip about pointless shit in a secluded corner or binge drink until they pass out – either way you’re not getting anywhere near the dfloor.

If one of your friends has just broken up with her on/off again boyfriend/ girlfriend for the thousandth time and she/he never was much into the club scene to start with, probably not a good idea. Crying and moping is much less embarrassing, and not to mention a shit ton cheaper, when done in the privacy of one’s own home. Essentially, party with people who want to party and leave the rest for another day.

Opinion

Dos: Allow a little spontaneity Some of my best nights out have been completely unpredictable. Of course, you need to have things like a sassy little outfit and a ride home planned, and you shouldn’t ditch your friends and run off with the first cute guy/girl you see, but if you go with the flow and leave the high expectations at home, you’re far more likely to enjoy yourself. Don’t try so hard to have a good time, and if you’ve been to 5+ bars and they’re all boring then maybe you should go home. You’re just irritating everyone!

Tres: Leave your anger issues at home. Infact, leave all your issues at home!

Drowning your sorrows is great. I do it all the time. But if you actually want to enjoy yourself; drown them quickly and then leave them at home. There’s no need to be dragging them round behind you letting them pick fights with boys (or girls) who are bigger and stronger than you.

You’ll embarrass your friends, get kicked out of clubs, and waking up tomorrow will be pretty damn painful. And guys, it’s probably just me, but I don’t think it’s such a “good buzz” if you’re amping for a fight. Cool your jets.

That’s actually all I have. Oh, and you’re never too old for town! So stop saying it you stupid 20 year olds. If it makes you feel sad being omg 2 years older than everyone, stop going to Outback. Shesh.

Don’t be a dick. Have a good time. Get home safe. www.drinkresponsibly.co.nz

Hate It or Love It

By Gucci “I hate politics.” “Politicians only care about what I want every three years.” “My vote won’t make a difference.”

These are all statements I have heard many a student make regarding this seemingly uninteresting topic.

Politics is not only important; it has a constant and measurable influence on your life. Heard of the Government? The organisation which is probably funding your tertiary education, giving you the Student Allowance which only half of you deserve, and putting my taxpayer money towards graduating an excessive amount of sport scientists each year. Imagine if all that were taken away.

Yes, that would be extreme, but possible. That is the mere nature of politics.

My main problem, however, is not that politics is so often flawed, or that many of our political participants are overpaid, out of shape ass-kissers; it’s that society has forgotten about where the power really lies – with the people.

Whether you approve of it or not (I’m still trying to decide), we students at university are going to shape New Zealand society for a good few decades to come - well at least those of us who don’t move to Aussie. We will soon hold the power over the politics in this country. All our drinking, blazing, and obsession with social media is somehow going to convert us into a forward-thinking, economy-supporting, politically-informed workforce.

You see just this summer break I was ‘nine to fiving’ as part of the aforementioned group and trust me it sucks to see over a grand of your earnings put down to tax. It blows even more when you hear about students getting the Student Allowance when their parents are assetwealthy farmers or ‘Jewish’ professional-types who hide their income in trusts.

society has forgotten about where the power really lies – with the people.

These are the people I hate on. The ones that ‘take, take, take’ and don’t give back. It’s not long until they have forgotten about their weekly hand-out and they’re complaining that the minimum wage is too low or that food is too expensive. How is a country supposed to run itself when the attitude of the people is that the government should provide for us but we don’t have to give back in return? It basically boils down to whether you have a social conscience or not.

I know of one student whose father you would think of as a good kiwi bloke, except for the fact that he’s sitting on a $5 million farm and he still considers it acceptable for his child to be getting the allowance. I understand (hint of sarcasm), it’s because your $5 million asset won’t cover the living costs for your child, so they need a token $195 each week from the government. Good on ya mate; like that money couldn’t be better spent elsewhere.

It seems absurd that I’m barely 21 and thinking this way.

He’s ‘forty-something’ with his head still buried in the sand. I guess it comes down to what a wise girl once told me - age and wisdom are completely different things.

I could have received the Student Allowance throughout my university career...if my parents had made a trust fund, and if my pride was less than that of Zac Guildford after his trip to Rarotonga. But I’m actually very proud; therefore I ask myself first why I would take an allowance that would offer me no real benefit in my life; an allowance that would just be excessive piss-money for me but probably food on the table for an underclass New Zealand family. Something simply tells me that at some stage I have to be grateful for what I already have in life and recognise the people who are more unfortunate than me - for some individuals this threshold is a lot higher than that of others.

You may tell me that one person won’t make a difference, but I believe in the ability of people to affect one another and instigate change. I like to think that we, for the most part, are a society not all made up of selfbenefiting pricks, but instead a people that look to give back to society, a people that understand not everyone has been brought up with the silver spoon in their mouth.

Opinion

Diary of a Hipster Issue Three: What is a hipster and do they really exist?

After talking to a friend about what they thought of last week’s article, which you can read for yourself if you missed out at the ‘Something’s Wall’ facebook page, I realized I may have been received a little differently than I intended. For those of you who are maybe breaking out of what has been normal or traditional for you, and it moves you in the direction of this weird term hipster, well I applaud you. Don’t let me or anybody for that matter influence your own style, even personality movements, inclines or declines, because hey I don’t know you. All I was asking is that you don’t try and align yourself to something because it’s becoming ‘cool’, especially if it means you become something that you’re not. So I I’m at this weird kind of cross road now, where I don’t know what angle to take on this, so I thought where better to start than with my version of the facts?

Well, here goes.

The term Hipster arose in the 40s to describe a subculture of young middle class white people acting like black rappers. It was associated with independent music, so you can count Katy Perry and D Guetta out. They insisted on non-mainstream styles and fashions and alternative lifestyles, so I’m afraid that unless you stole your latest pair of sun glasses from Kanye West, you can count them out too. They rebelled against societal norms and authority as well as right-wing politics.

Skip past the punk and hippie movements to the early 2000s, where really life as we know it began, when you think about social media and communications.

While mainstream society was being brainwashed by reality television, dance music and who Britney Spears was banging, from within the shadows of back alleys, university campuses and underground clubs, long forgotten styles of clothing, beer, cigarettes and music were becoming popular again. Retro was cool, old-school became nu-skool and the mullet your dad was so proud of on his wedding day could now be seen walking down the street. Kids wanted to wear ripped jeans, ray bans, strange scarfs and knitted cardigans. The act of making something that to mainstream culture was seen as social suicide, seemed cool. Above all they wanted to be perceived as different, to diverge from what would make them disappear into a crowd, to what would make the crowd look at them and think wtf? For this generation, style wasn’t something you could buy at Back-door, Glassons or any well-known clothing store for that matter.

Opinion

It became something you found at the op shop, or online, even better you made it yourself. I think the hipster is the boogey man who keeps us from becoming settled within our identity. They keep us moving forward into new fashions, keep us consuming more creatively and discovering new things that haven’t yet become popular.

But wait because here’s where I’m really trying to take this. If someone now asked you to define what it is to be a hipster, you might say they like obscure music, dress to be perceived like they don’t care what you think, and dislike all things popular. But when I stopped banging away at my key board and thought about this, it hit me.

If I have more style, listen to more cutting edge music and am more knowledgeable about something , doesn’t that mean I’m better than you?

When you break it all down, a huge part of this subculture boils down to judging. Judging bands, companies, clothes oneself and most importantly other people. If I have more style, listen to more cutting edge music and am more knowledgeable about something , doesn’t that mean I’m better than you? This is why hipsters strive to stay one step ahead of everyone else. Worshiping unheard of artists and bands until they release a single that then cracks in on ZM. Ever heard someone reply to a question about a band “I was into them before…” It’s rumored that if a hipster uses this phrase it makes their penis larger. They try so hard to stay right on the edge of their perverted perceptions of fashion. You must have heard the old “do you think I’d suit a tattoo” or “should I get my nose pierced, it looked really good on Laura right?” So the questions I’m kind of trying to ask here, is although these hipsters are all about looking like they have just travelled back from the not too distant future, I can’t help but wonder: is this future populated by douche bags? Isn’t all this ridiculous scrambling to attach oneself to the next big think tiring, and does it reflect the basis of our society that relentlessly consumes rather than attempts to create.

Love it, hate it. Tell me on facebook at ‘Something’s Wall’. That’s me for another week, Something-Hip

Auteur House

By Dr. Richard Swainson

Auteur House Presents The Godfather The Godfather turned 40 years old last week. In the history of medium few films have been as influential as Francis Ford Coppola’s adaptation of Mario Puzo’s pulp novel. It might not be the greatest American film ever made - back in 1972 it wasn’t necessarily thought even the greatest of its year, winning only 3 Oscars to Cabaret’s 8 - but it’s one of only two movies to top the all time money making list whose contemporary critical acclaim matched its box office receipts. You would have to go right back to 1915 and The Birth of a Nation to find a similar example, albeit one blighted by DW Griffith’s unacceptable racism.

Gone With the Wind, Jaws, Star Wars, Titanic and Avatar all have their fanatical fan bases but their popularity with audiences has never extended to the kind of critical consensus enjoyed by The Godfather. Conversely, the likes of Citizen Kane and Vertigo have immense reputations amongst those who take film seriously but neither made much of a commercial impression on first release and their popular appeal is always likely to remain limited.

If anything The Godfather’s reputation has grown over the years, in part because its even better sequel put to rest the suspicion that Coppola’s vision was romanticised and overly sympathetic in its depiction of organised crime.

The best gauge of a film’s critical standing is Sight and Sound magazine’s once a decade survey of international opinion. In the 2002 critics poll the first two Godfather films, considered together, were adjudged to be the fourth best of all time (behind Citizen Kane, Vertigo and Jean Renoir’s The Rules of the Game). Amongst the directors surveyed they were collectively thought second only to Kane.

Coppola’s achievement is all the more remarkable given the studio politics that bedevilled the project. Only 31 and with no significant directorialachievements to speak of Coppola got the job on potential and the strength of his Italian ancestry alone. His casting decisions were opposed at every turn. The studio feared that Marlon Brando had grown too difficult to work with and had lost both his talent and star power. They favoured Ernest Borgnine in the part of Vito Corleone and also bitterly disputed Coppola’s choice of then unknown Al Pacino as his son Michael. The director was forced to cast James Caan as Sonny Corleone, an inspired choice in someways.

However, Robert De Niro’s audition for the part was electrifying and left an impression on Coppola. De Niro became the first choice to play the young Vito in The Godfather, Part II’s flashback sequences.

The impact The Godfather had on the gangster film cannot be overstated. It makes the classic 1930s genre pieces look like simplistic melodramas, even if Coppola’s idea of using the Mafia as a metaphor for American capitalism can be traced back to the likes of Howard Hawks’ Scarface and Raoul Walsh’s The Roaring Twenties. The craft, the aesthetic, the unprecedented, collective excellence of its ensemble cast and sophistication of ideas are all more reminiscent of high end European productions. The Godfather has a lot more in common with Visconti’s The Leopard than it does with even then recent, celebrated gangster films like Bonnie & Clyde.

It goes without saying that without The Godfather there would have been no Goodfellas, no Sopranos and no Boardwalk Empire. Even if later examples of the genre have tended to shift the dramatic focus away from the Mafia management to its foot soldiers - especially those made by Martin Scorsese - the epic grandeur of Coppola’s work casts a shadow over all. The Godfather remains the high water mark, with Brando the definitive Don. The film’s influence goes well beyond the confines of the genre and even beyond the kind of superficial cultural impact that always comes with popular success. Yes, phrases like “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse” have become cliches and spin-off books have been devoted to Corleone one-liners. “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer” is a maxim that could well describe American foreign policy. Beyond all this though and beyond even the parodies and the rip-offs (I would recommend Brando’s self-mocking performance in The Freshman as the best of these), The Godfather brought a seriousness to American cinema that simply didn’t exist in commercial, A-list productions. Perhaps the impact was subsequently diluted by the blockbuster mentality ushered in by Coppola’s protege George Lucas, but Hollywood would never be the same again.

Opinion

Tangata Tumeke Aroha ki te tangata Having respect for others Professor Michael Walker of Whakatohea, Auckland University. Recipient of the Prime Minister’s Supreme Award 2011 for sustained excellence in tertiary teaching in a kaupapa Māori context.

Professor Walker is a biological scientist, and continues a whanau legacy of academic excellence. He has been described as a true Rangatira – humble, empowering visionary, deriving satisfaction from other people’s success. Professor Walker encouraged the practice of looking for the best in people that you meet each day. This practice entails believing in yourself, so that others will believe in you. This positive attitude also promotes the expectation of looking for the best in others and ourselves, and encourages us to make our lives better.

When you have achieved your goal, pat yourself on the back and move on to the next one. MANU AO Academy.

Being Māori is really cool, because it provides opportunities to share a positive attitude by just saying “Kia ora”. All it takes is a little pause when you say it and a smile, and you will win over the heart of everyone you meet. The best times this experience occurs are when you are stuck in traffic, and you look up to see a friendly face that almost yells at you “haere mai – take my spot”.

Or when you are walking to your next class and you see a friend, even if you caught up just the day before, you can just walk over and catch up again. Grandparents are the professionals at projecting a positive attitude as they never Lifestyle

seem to tire talking about you to whanau and friends. It’s like having your own private marketing assistant. I used to always think it was a little hard-case that Māori were always so happy to see each other at a tangi, as it’s pretty sad when someone has passed away. But not us, we find a silver-lining even in our grief, as sometimes it’s our only opportunity to catch up with whanau, and so we cry tears of joy from just being together. Māori are truly amazing.

We like to hang-out together, go to classes together, join groups together, have a kai together, it’s no wonder we attract attention. So, maybe it’s time to give yourself a pat on the back for being the wonderful person that you are, and then move on to the next goal. Maybe with a positive attitude you too can create a whanau legacy of academic excellence from working hard at your studies, and then influence someone else. Just go for it!

Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai Ngāpuhi, Ngāti Hine, Ngāti Kahungūnu, Ngāti Rongomaiwahine VP Māori @ WSU 2012 This picture was drawn by my amazing son John, his smile wins my heart every time…

Samam

S

It’s not easy being Green It’s not easy being green I want to write about injustice, about poverty and wealth, violence, climate change, the instability ourmakes economic There is one word, more than any other,of that me system and disenfranchised, disadvantaged communities. wonder if we are as sexually liberated as we might like But I get told that youhas don’t tosignifi read about that. to believe.

Feminism hadwant some cant wins.

The right to vote? Tick. Equal pay for equal work? (in Apparently if it’s not funny, about sex, will read principle, not practice) sure.or The ‘right’ tono beone more than a it.

That is kind of understandableliterature on social baby machine aka reproductive freedom. We’ve all heard and environmental issues is readily how much fun the 60’s were, right? available and they are kind of overwhelming problems that can rapidly leave you feeling disempowered and hopeless (despite this not being the case! Please don’t ever think you can’t do something).

The word I can’t stand? Slut.

Sluts.

Sluzas.

Skanks.

The thing is that what Whores. we need Those to talkloose aboutchicks really who isn’t have causal, meaningless sex. Maybe with ‘randoms’. funny.

And my inner-optimist and I believe that you Maybe ‘regulars’.

Maybe with friends. something actuallywith do want to be reading/talking/doing Sluts, apparently. about what matters most.

“Slut” is athere versatile term too.

Skirt short?

Slut.frivolity Clothes And then is nexus.

A place fortoo light hearted too tight?

Slut.

Too flirty? muchpackaged make up?with where, if you encounter anSlut. ideaToo all nicely Probably a slut. Open sex?

Total humor n sexism it willabout impact upon youslut. beyond what some serious statement ever could?

It doesn’t matter that you might actually feel good about yourself so called ‘slutty’ clothes. It doesn’t matter that Maybe. in Maybe not. the way we dress is connected to more than (and largely unrelated to) our desire forthe sex.beautifully It doesn’t diverse even matter that When thinking about you, people how dress basically decided by are society. who we read this,was when thinking about for whousyou and We women think making ourjourneyown choices butofare where you arewe onare your learning I think youwe actually conforming to various norms are well as essentially good people who social are more thanthat capable of embedded into our of what itthat means to be feminine. comprehending theidea complexities surround us and We are kind of positioned as being passive even more than capable of generating change to (or better our willing) of sexism. world. I recipients certainly don’t think of you as an apathetic group of no hopers who will be part of “the problem” if not We we dress and who sleep with, but it suffichoose ciently how motivated to break freewe from your (supposed) is still ourself badinterest. for being labelled a slut. to be inherent Nor do I think of It’s youhard as being anything but a “slut” who whenjust thatwant is connected to awhat brain-dead monkeys to giggle at jokeit means be sexually about ato penis or oogleliberated. at some boobs.

That’s confusing, right?

It’sifjudgmental and contradictory.

So maybe it doesn’t matter you, the ‘audience’, don’t find It’s thereisare several ways of that. And thiscomplex funny. I because believe there more to you than understanding what lieslong beneath word slut and what there is an increasingly list ofthe un-funny things we it means… need to talk about. to the point where youof are AtGetting times, discussing the realities named a slut is only half the fun.

Not our situation seems to impinge upon thatunknown kind of fun.

Nottaboo. fun atAs all,ifreally. some social are some disturbing things it’sThere too depressing to think about.

Or lurk behind theBut surface.

If you toothat political, perhaps. politics arejust identifi edpolicy, as a slut, you are isn’t about it isthen about values. also if things go further And to to beblame A-political all too often than becoming you intended with someone. Or means a sophisticated if thingsofgo anywhere at all. defender the status quo.

Because being a slut means you’re asking forframing it. It means This quandary about the youserious want it. more stuff for a supposedly disinterested audience intersects

with the rhetoric of student apathy- compared to the 60’s/70’s/80’s, they say, when university was a hot bed of Calling someone a slut is caring more about how they activism and critical social thought, students these days are dressed and who undresses them, than it is about the ’just don’t give a damn’. woman herself and whether she wants to be undressed.

This somehow exonerates the other person who was Are we apathetic? Do we not even know that we are taking things too far. apathetic because we don’t see the depth (or even existence) of an issue? Dominance can make things So the dress, the drinks. The flirting, Society says that is invisible, especially when it is an ideology or an why you were taken advantage of. Not because someone entrenched norm. took advantage or anything. It’s because of you. Because of your ‘slutty, slutty’ behaviour. Obviously, you bought But apathy? Nah. At best those who tell us we are this on yourself. Um. What? Clothing doesn’t give consent. apathetic misunderstand our differences. You can’t see Alcohol might fuck people up sometimes, but it doesn’t something if you don’t know what to look for. I’ll bet that fuck people. Yes, sometimes the little black dress is not many of those who accuse us of apathy know about for attention. Attention. Not assault! johnkeylooksatthings.tumblr.com It is rapists who rape people. Alcohol, clothing and flirting So is it that this institution of learning is disconnected do not rape people. So let’s stop caring about what ‘the from society, from the reality of which it is apart? Have slut’ was wearing, and let’s start caring about her. Let’s we become a middle class pocket of comfort that likes to stop calling women sluts and start calling rapists rapists. chuckle at light hearted nonsense because the extent of the discomfort to really discuss the state of our world is Putting that R word aside, we can make our liberation too much to handle? I hope not. And I hope it is not that more meaningful than it currently is. That means more at the end of a hard day we have had enough of the worlds than doing what you want with whomever you want. It problems- so we seek to be entertained by something light means checking with yourself that you are into it- and hearted because we don’t think we, an individual, can checking with them that they are into it. Take care of each really change things anyway. other and you’ll have a far better time together. Apart from the words that come out of your mouth, nothing ever This is an issue in itself- the conflict between gives anyone the right to take from you what you don’t individualism and our perception of the capability of that want to give them. Even when you are the hottest thing individual. For better or worse, individualism is one of around, in a sexy dress. Even when you are wasted. Even the prevailing ideologies of our time. Individuals can do if he brought you a drink or gave you a ride home, you anything, we are told. Apart form generate meaningful don’t ‘owe’ him anything. change, because then you are no longer an empowered individual who actively makes choices- you are ‘just one’.

But you do owe it to yourself to make sure you are into it, Just one can not make a difference, just one can not fight and to stop if you are not. It doesn’t make you a tease. It the system, just one can not change the world. Just one is makes you courageous and strong. so disempowering!

Sluts don’t exist. So, empower your own sexuality.

Don’t be just one. Be one. With another. And another. And Wear what you want to wear: wear what makes you feel then all you need to do is not accept anything less for the good; and feel good about doing it. Don’t accept being told other people in our world than you would for yourself. you’re a slut from anybody. Including, and especially, yourself.

What that might mean is eradicating poverty. Creating meaningful opportunities and a sustainable economic system that will enhance our ability to live well. Enhance the ability of communities to flourish and ecosystems to repair. It might mean rectifying environmental and economic injustice. It might mean being part of a better world. And then we won’t need cheap jokes to make you laugh because maybe you’ll be truly happy.

Lifestyle Section

17

Club Spotlight Young Labour

“The greatest danger to our future is apathy.”

- Jane Goodall.

Are you passionate about ensuring New Zealand is moving in the right direction? Do you desire a rewarding extracurricular activity to enrich the often tedious nature of university? Are you a fan of the colour red? Waikato Young Labour may be the right fit for you.

We’re a group of emphatic young people up to the age of 26 who subscribe to ideas which form the basis of the Labour movement. To name a few, we are staunch on fairness at work, social justice and equality, clean green innovation, keeping state assets in our own hands and supporting students to reach their potential. We’re a diverse bunch, with members working towards degrees in a plethora of areas, from political science and law, to teaching and communications. Regardless of your strengths and interests, we’d love you to get involved.

(Side note: the extent of your involvement is entirely up to you – no pressure!)

Labour has been, and continues to be, a powerful force for change in our nation’s history. Early Labour governments introduced state housing, laws to protect workers’ rights and a comprehensive social welfare system to ensure equality of opportunity. Later Labour governments cemented New Zealand as a nuclear-free state, decriminalised homosexuality, set up Working for Families and removed interest from student loans.

Labour has always been the people’s party, not simply the party which serves the interests of select groups.

Labour is the party of compassion and understanding, but also of sensible economic solutions. Furthermore, the new leadership (fronted by ex-UN peacekeeper David Shearer) presents exciting opportunities for Labour’s political future; it’s been said in humour that John Key went overseas and made millions of dollars, while David Shearer went overseas and saved millions of lives.

We shouldn’t underestimate the political power of young people. When we’re not boozing, lighting furniture on fire and sleeping with first years from Bryant Hall, we have the potential to achieve great things. It is condescending (not to mention, inaccurate) to insist that all young people are apathetic. Indeed, the many bright-eyed activists who participated in occupying Bastion Point and its associated Lifestyle

demonstrations weren’t in the least bit disengaged, nor were the leagues of bushy-tailed protesters who filled stadiums in ’81. As we speak, a nationwide campaign to oppose ‘Youth Rates’ is gearing up; the empowering idea being that we shouldn’t accept anything less than total fairness in the workplace.

To those cynics out there who legitimately believe all politicians are corrupt and the role of government is inherently evil, this probably isn’t the club for you.

Waikato Young Labour is an optimistic team of changemakers with common and individual aspirations for New Zealand. We’re interested in winning support by the merit of our arguments, not by relentlessly attacking the current National government to earn cheap political points (we will always verbalise our disagreement, however!) By this method, we make sure our democratic contribution is characterised with integrity.

If you’re keen to join Waikato Young Labour, or would like more information, come along to our introductory drinks and nibbles at Gaura in the Student Union building on Monday, the 26th of March. In addition, join us on Facebook to stay updated with our projects and related news. Looking forward to meeting y’all, Nāku noa, Logan Reynolds Secretary, Waikato Young Labour

Bar Reviews

regardless, the people there were awesome, and I certainly regret having not gone there more often.

Greg: I’m pretty confident the dresscode for Axces consists entirely of “wear black”. However, like Thirty Two 04 and The Hood which also get unfairly labeled due to their, er, black-ness there is a lot of good stuff that happens here.

Their O-Week lineup included Tiki Taane, Dick Johnson and Bulletproof which shows the scope of the bar. Daniel is probably the happiest I’ve seen him all night.

3204:

Bar 101

Prices not recorded.

Courtney: I’ve only been to 3204 twice before, both times to dance, but I do love the layout of their bar. Also the staff have been really nice the two times I’ve been.

Greg: Everyone at Thirty Two 04 dances better than me … and yes that is a racial sterotype – I’m a white male. It’s one of the few bars in Hamilton that plays hip-hop every night and does it well.

Agenda:

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $5 With Vodka: $8.50 Cider: $10 House Bourbon on the Rocks: $8.50 (McKenna) We didn’t stop to drink here because they were closing as we came in.

Courtney: From memory it’s a really cool place to go clubbing, and I’ve heard it’s a good place to have dinner to. I’ve only ever been to dance though.

Greg: Agenda is an odd little nightclub, it seems confused about what it wants (like every woman in the world).

It spends half it’s time as a fantastic, and well priced, restaurant and the other half of the time it is a nightclub.

The club took a while to become well known but it has become one of the cities best hotspots (which may be due to the fact they were one of the first commercial clubs to play dubstep). The staff are amazing and the music is just as good.

Altitude:

Courtney: Unfortunately Altitude wasn’t open when we did this review but from all the times I’ve been in the past I can say this is a great bar to go dancing, have a drink (especially in Gravity downstairs) or just play a round of pool.

Greg: Altitude is easily the best live venue in Hamilton, it has had some of the best acts in the country (if not the world) play on the stage and is repositioning itself as more of a student bar. That means drink deals! Score!

Axces:

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $3 With Vodka: $8 Cider: $8.50 (Speights) House Bourbon on the Rocks: $8 (Jim Beam) Courtney: LLB was really good, probably the best of the night (4/5 ****). Bar staff were awesome, happy to chat and smiled lots. Got to love great service!

Daniel: Another bar that had Speights Cider on Tap. Seriously, if you want a good cider, get Speights Cider. But Feature Section

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $3 With Vodka: $6.50 Cider: Handle: $7.50 (Monteiths) House Bourbon on the Rocks: $6.50 (Early Times) We didn’t stop to drink here because they were closing as we came in.

Courtney: From experience it’s more a place to go clubbing in, not really what I’d call a sit and drink bar atmosphere... Prices were really good though.

Daniel: While we didn’t drink here, the person behind the bar was quite rude. They insisted that they were better than every other bar, but didn’t say why. Having said that, they were quite cheap compared with other places.

Greg: On entry to a different bar I received a “I need to talk to you” from the bar owner. Now, any man will know this is never a good thing and it’s made even worse if the person saying it is a woman. So you can imagine how worried I was to receive that single sentence from a female bar owner. Yes, St Patricks Day had come back to haunt me. Around this time my two reviewer ‘friends’ decided to seek out 101 while I was trapped. I eventually caught up to them leaving the Victoria St bar with Daniel ranting - I pretended to listen (much like the telling off moments earlier). 101 is one of the most popular bars in Hamilton and just like the students it appeals to it does very little but still manages to do well. Amazing drink prices helps to raise its grade.

CBD

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $3.50 With Vodka: $8.50 Cider: 414ml: $7 550ml: $8.20 (Issacs) House Bourbon on the Rocks: $8.50 (Jim Beam) Courtney: LLB was yummy, tangy yet tasty (4/5 ****).

We were served promptly after getting to the counter (it wasn’t busy), but the bar staff could do with smiling a bit more.

Daniel: Person behind the bar was nice enough, though, let’s be honest, they could teach how to smile at bar tender school. Drink was quite good, and the bar tenders seemed to know what they were doing, which is always a good thing.

Greg: I don’t care what the others say, the bar staff at CBD are great (and the girl who served us was ridiculously hot – hence Courtney’s jealousy). The corner pub, previously know as The Handle Bar and before that Kato’s, is an adult version of a student bar. A place where people with degrees can come and act like students. The clintele is also a lot more upmarket than the student equivilents and that’s a very good thing. Also, the music here is great.

Grand Central

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $3.60 With Vodka: $8.50 Cider: Large: $9.50 Half Pint: $7.50 (Old Mount) House Bourbon on the Rocks: $8.50 (Jim Beam) Courtney: Didn’t actually buy a LLB here, but I imagine it would have been amazing. The precision with which they construct their drinks and cocktails!! It’s like art!!!

Great staff and service too.

Daniel: Quite humourous people behind the bar and really, really good at what they do. The cocktails they do are really some of the best in Hamilton.

Greg: Grand Central is one of the coolest spots in Hamilton but due to it’s back alley location it gets overlooked because, quite simply, you can’t tell it is there.

The bar is amazing as are the drinks and the staff.

House

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $3.60 With Vodka: $8.50 Cider: Large: $9.50 Half Pint: $7.50 (Old Mount) House Bourbon on the Rocks: $8.50 (Jim Beam) Courtney: My lemon, lime and bitters (LLB) had too much lime and too much bitters and was really overpowering (3/5 ***). Service was ok, would have liked more smiles but they did come and wipe down the messy table we were at without being asked.

Daniel: It seemed the people there were a little unimpressed that we were reviewing them. However, they seemed to accommodate us all the same. The cider I had was probably the second best of the night.

Greg: The first time I met Courtney she was half naked at House as an entrant in a bikini comp at O-Week. The second time I met Courtney it was at House tonight and she was wearing more clothes. The end.

Limestone

Courtney: LLB wasn’t too bad (3/5 ***). Cute little bar, with pretty unique yet somehow good music.

Daniel: A cool little bar. The DJs there were playing a bunch of anything and mixing it, once again, with a bunch of anything. It was music that shouldn’t mix but did – mad respect.

Greg: Limestone, like Grand Central, is a bit of a hidden treasure. It’s only recently opened and is one of the nicest looking bars in Hamilton. Mid-week they host the Wednesday Theory an indie hip-hop gig which has some of the best music in Hamilton. I heard the DJ mixing the likes of The Doors, Oddfuture and N.E.R.D., the best thing about that? It worked.

Outback Inn

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $2.50 With Vodka: $7.50 Cider: Handle: $7.50 (Speights) House Bourbon on the Rocks: $7.50 (McKenna) Courtney: Really good LLB (4/5 ****). However I don’t

know why, in a bar themed to resemble an Outback bar, they have my nanas floral wallpaper.... Bit odd....

Daniel: I have been openly critical of the Outback since the ownership changed hands, but I have to say, I was surprised going here. The service was quite pleasant, and they had Speights Cider ON TAP, which really did make my night.

Greg: The recent renovations to The Outback are pretty impressive and the bar staff were very welcoming (they gave me a kick-ass drink deal). I’ve had some of my best nights in that bar followed by some of the worst hangovers. An iconic venue which looks to have improved with age.

Static

Lemon, Lime and Bitters: $3.50 With Vodka: $7.50 Cider: $8 (Issacs) House Bourbon on the Rocks: $7.50 (Jim Beam) Courtney: LLB was really good, great technique at assembling it, nice and tangy but overall too much lime (4/5 ****). The staff were AWESOME and they put an umbrella in my LLB!! Mad props for presentation!!

Daniel: Seriously, I can’t say a bad word about Static. The people who run the place are amazing, and if you choose the right night (usually Friday) they have some amazing bands playing. And even if you don’t, the people there are just so cool – particularly Amanda and Grahame.

Greg: When Sekure closed down to become a ‘rock bar’ I was gutted to say the least … then Static opened. And thank fuck it did. Static is easily one of the coolest bars in Hamilton, the music is amazing, the drink deals are great and I’ve never met such lovely bar staff. I really hope this place grows into one of Hamiltons most popular bars because it deserves to be.

The Final Verdict: Courtney: My favourite bar that we drank at tonight was probably Axces. The yummy LLB, the good staff, chilled out atmosphere and live band were a good combination.

However my firm favourite will always be Altitude; pool table, chilled downstairs bar (Gravity), raging club, great customer service, and they even have a stripper pole!

Daniel: I still say my favourite had to be Static. It’s just so ridiculously casual there, and the owners are the greatest people the world. Sure, they’re not the cheapest place in town, but if you want to have an awesome time, Static is the place to go.

Greg: Over the last six months Static and Grand Central have become my favourite bars in Hamilton - largely due to the amazing service and great DJs and bands. In terms of student bars, Agenda and Altitude are my firm favourites. I often think how incredibly lucky we are to have such a huge variety of bars, restaurants and nightclubs, of such high standard, in such close proximity.

Yet a lot of people over look this fact and frequent the same two or three bars and then turn around and bitch about how shit Hamilton is. Branch out, try a different bar, go exploring, you never know what you’ll find.

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Confessions of a 22 year-old Virgin

By Virgo What follows are the confessions of a 22 year old virgin.

An autobiographical and light-hearted account of what life is like for a sexually frustrated male. I share with you my insecurities, my hopes and all the sordid details.

It was the University O-week. And a good looking girl approached me with a free condom. ‘No thanks, I will not be needing that’, I said, rather callously. She was taken a bit aback, her fine features of her face contorting with a mix of bemusement and horror. Rather the same look my friend had when I told him that I have never witnessed a woman in the throes of passion, nor the embrace of her soft, warm thighs.

Every person has a background story, how they came to be. Mine is not so surprising. I have always been socially inept, preferring the world of books and the sanctuary of my imagination. I am in other words, a social hermit.

Nothing much changed when I entered University.

So what is life like for a 22 year old virgin? Well as my sexual status implies I have never had sex. And due to this, I battle my sexual frustration almost every day. I have to battle with that base, primeval urge we all have to get a good fuck. Well, apart from life fucking me over on a consistent basis, no luck in that department. Of course, you become obsessed with the thing you don’t have and I am obsessed with sex. Well, I have that in common with all the horny men walking around in campus. Various sexual perversions invade my mind on a regular basis.

And no one is safe from being the object of my fantasy.

Fellow students, tutors and some members of the teaching staff (No need to lie, I know some readers have thoughts along these lines too). I am obsessed in the sense that I want to know whether I am capable of seducing a woman and what it feels like to indulge in that carnal pleasure.

Basically I am in the closet about being a virgin. I mask my situation with a mixture of bluster and bravado. I often

regale my friends with fictitious accounts of my sexual conquests.

And how do I alleviate my anxiety? Through masturbation of course. Or as I euphemistically refer to it, “anxiety relief”. In fact, my celibacy is punctuated by a healthy dose anxiety relief. But at this point I have done it for so long and so much, it is comparable to the sex life of a married couple who have stayed together for years. It has gotten stale, the actions are purely mechanical and I derive no pleasure from it. It has become ingrained into my life.

To me the worst aspect of being a virgin is how it shatters your self-confidence. When I learned that my less good looking friend got a girlfriend last year, instead of being happy for him, my reaction was ‘HIM! He got a girlfriend before me?’ And subsequently being rejected by the girl I had a huge crush on, I sort of stopped. I think of myself as being ugly, or having a stale personality. In fact my emotions are so petty I avoid romcoms and love songs.

I avoid romcoms not because of the god awful storyline, cheesy dialogues or gag-inducing acting, the guy gets the girl ending reminds me of what I do not have and shoves it in my face. Same with love songs. I have not experienced the bliss of being in love, or having a broken heart. In fact these movies and songs engender in me a feeling that my current status will continue for the rest of my natural life.

By writing this, I am not looking for sympathy or words of support or kindness. This is just me having a rant. I have decided that some time ago, that this is who I am and I have to accept it. In terms of my romantic life, I feel like I should hold onto hope that I may yet find romance, but at the same time I feel I should be ready to accept that romance may not be an emotion I inspire in the opposite sex. So I dedicate this column to virgins everywhere, people who deserve to get laid and are not, people who deserve love and don’t.

Opinion

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House Blind Date At a time when the world is teetering on the brink of meltdown, ministers are resigning and the Warriors are one from three we decided to offset the bad news with some good news. See the plan was simple.

Armed with absolutely nothing we made a few calls posted some messages and all of a sudden Nexus Blind date was born. Two people who had never met, who we knew next to nothing about were paired for dinner at House. Would it go well? Would they get married? Would they name their first child Nexus?

We will let you be the judge. But we just wanted to say thanks to Nathan, Amy Amanda and the rest of the people at House. You guys were awesome.

Mars

As a young guy on his first blind date I was nervous. But then, who wouldn’t be? Your partner in question could be nearly anyone. The people you can meet range to the near infinite, and each of their unique personalities even more so. But then who could pass up a free meal? especially as a new entrant to the government’s student loan scheme. I arrived at eight. Those organising the evening neglected to arrange any means of recognising each the other party so it took a while to find each other. After our introductions we all waited, eyes trained on the doorway waiting for what I expected would be a serenade of trumpets. And we waited. The worst case scenarios tend to worm their way through your brain. What did she look like? What was she like? Might this work or was this endeavour doomed from the start?

This didn’t do wonders for the anxiety I was feeling. Of course my blind date should arrive fashionably late, the consequence of a miscommunication, but when she did I was blown away. I felt as if I had lucked out as the young woman before me was both beautiful and smiling. Or more importantly, she was smiling at me. After general introductions we took our seats and began to talk about ourselves. I’d say at that point any anxiety I had earlier seemed to disappear. We enjoyed a few laughed while discussing Monty Python sketches and ordered our meals, and with a considerable bar tab to play around with we didn’t have to be economical about it. This freedom did not go unappreciated. We discussed our various hobbies; she happily listened as I explained my esoteric love of archery and to me her affection for movies, especially Harry Potter. It was at about this point that I realised that this was going very well. I was enjoying her company and she apparently mine. During dinner we talked about a host of subjects, she proving herself as both witty and intelligent. I was interested to find out that she was studying for a conjoint degree which to be honest is no small feat, and after finding out how close she was of achieving it I’ll have to say that I was nothing short of impressed.

Although I did not manage to get her number, I would call the evening a success and would very much like to meet her again, hopefully on a second date.

Venus

I’m a big fan of dates. Having the chance to spend some quality one on one time with new and interesting people of the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re into that) can be a real privilege. You never know what you’re going to learn about someone and if you’re compatible,who knows, you might even end up spending more time together. Maybe even get laid once or twice.

While I personally have never balled up and delved into the murky world of internet dating, I am definitely intrigued by the concept. So when I saw that Nexus was setting up a blind date, I thought “Why not? I’m single and he could be fun.” I applied to be the first girl chosen for the Nexus Blind Date experience. Good fortune was on my side and I got chosen. I turned up for the date with anticipation of the lucky lad Nexus had carefully selected to suit me. All I knew about him was that my Nexus contact had not met him but seemed confident he was “a lovely young gentleman”. Possibly a bit young, ay, Nexus?

Your judgement call however, just sayin’.

We were seated at House bar and were provided with delicious drinks and yum food. I’ve heard that it takes girls only 10 seconds to know whether they would date a boy and I completely agree with this statement. These judgements can be fought against by a boy who is adamant he is ‘the one’, but he had better be worth it as it will take some convincing. Surprisingly, conversation flowed easily through casual first-date topics like the meaning of life, fantasy literature, high school (and of course University), the world population and then classically, the decor of House. I was pleasantly surprised that I really enjoyed talking with this guy. I did feel like I was keeping the conversation flowing at times but he perked up when we talked about his medieval live action role-playing hobby.

You can call me judgmental or as I like to say, truthful, but I knew just by seeing him that he wasn’t my type. This was only reinforced when I found out that he was four years my junior. All in all a very pleasant night, although sadly missing that romantic spark. I lost nothing and had everything to gain. So I encourage you to take a chance next time Nexus gives you a blind date opportunity, or your newly loved up friend offers to set you up with her beau’s buddy. You never know, he may just be ‘the one’. Or a good lay. Either wins.”

Opinion

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with The Flying Burrito Brothers A few years ago I spent almost a year living in America, I was in the Midwest so Mexican food was prevalent and since I returned I have been hanging out for some good Mexican food. Last year I reviewed a Mexican restaurant in town and I was horribly disappointed by their indeterminable mush filled Mexican offerings. Then, late last year I discovered that The Flying Burrito Brothers would be opening a Restaurant in Hamilton. There are many wonderful stories and legends of the greatness of The Flying Burrito Brothers. A dedicated group of us got terribly excited and then waited months for the store to actually open. In January the store finally opened and the eight of us excitedly descended upon them in a flurry of margaritas, coronas and corn chips.

The Husband and I were first to arrive. While we waited I got stuck into the margarita special for the night, of which I had a choice of passionfruit or fejoa and strawberry.

I was impressed when the kindly bartender poured me a sample of each to taste to help with my decision. Not being a huge fan of strawberry or fejoa and being totally in love with passionfruit in most of its forms it wasn’t a hard decision. While we sat we perused the menu and had some questions about ‘Mole Pablano’ sauce (turns out it was chilli-chocolate) and wondered if it had dairy in it. They not only brought out a box of the Mexican chocolate they make it with to check, they also brought out a wee dish of the aforementioned sauce for us to sample.

It was all going so well! The Burrito Brothers were living up to the legends we had heard of them! Then the rest of our table arrived, and it all seemed to go downhill from there.

Seated at our table, I had moved on to my second (or third?) margarita and the others ordered drinks. My friend ordered a sparkling wine and we were a bit baffled when it came out at room temperature, no problem though- some of the boys had ordered a bucket of coronas so the tiny bottle was plonked into the bucket to chill for a while. We all placed our orders and got some corn chips to start, they came out quickly and I happily crunched away on them, delighted to have finally found some freshly cooked corn chips like those available almost everywhere in the states but unheard of in Hamilton so far.

Then we waited an hour for our mains to arrive.

Ok I understand that we were a big table, the place was pretty busy and it was a new restaurant. With my history

in hospo I can be a bit more forgiving than others and wasn’t as peeved as the rest of my table to wait so long, but an hour is getting a bit excessive.

The problem is that not one person at the table was enamoured with what was put in front of them once they did arrive. I was probably the happiest of the table and I was really just hanging on to their stellar service when we had first arrived. From a table of eight people who were so excited for this place to open it was disappointing that not one of them was terribly happy with what they got, mostly they found it flavourless and bland. Mine was a ‘Flautas’ corn tortillas filled with adobo marinated beef, potato and served with a peanut mole sauce. It seemed good to begin with, but by the end I had to agree with the rest of the table, I hadn’t come across a piece of beef or potato while I was eating. I’m confused by this practise of everything seemingly being pureed together; I don’t remember Mexican food in America being an indeterminable mush dammit!

Strangely, despite our experience, I want to give The Flying Burrito Brothers another go. Maybe it’s all the wonderful things I heard about it, maybe it’s just me desperately hanging onto the amazing impression I got from them at the beginning of our outing. Maybe I just want to drink two whole pitchers of delicious margarita for $35.

One good thing did come from the outing though. The substandard food lead to one friend proclaiming that they could make better quesadillas than that, which was followed by another friend claiming that they could make better quesadillas than the other friends quesadillas. This all lead to a quesadilla-off between the two of them which was held last weekend, and they were both DELICIOUS.

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Citizens Advice Bureau LOGAN WISHED HE’D BEEN INSURED Logan thought he couldn’t afford to get his car insured.

Full insurance cover was way too expensive for him.

However Logan should have thought about insurance cover in case he damages another car. He had that morning run into another car at the supermarket causing serious damage. He was at fault and responsible for paying for the repairs. If Logan had bought 3rd party insurance he would have been covered for the damage done to someone else’s vehicle or property.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed on Thursdays from 11am – 1pm during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB or visit www.cab.org.nz. ).

They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. By the way, as about a quarter of vehicles in New Zealand are not insured, the Government is considering making third party car insurance compulsory. This would address issues of equity and road safety as at-fault insured motorists would be protected against potentially hefty costs in the event of a crash and responsible drivers wouldn’t be left out of pocket. At present, those who have vehicle insurance are paying for the costs of all motorists through their insurance premiums.

Lifestyle

I WAS CHEATED Stephen bought a car from a fellow student. He paid $5000 for it and has just discovered there was money owing on it and there were mechanical faults. What can he do?

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed on Thursdays from 11am – 1pm during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB or visit www.cab.org.nz.

By the way if you are buying privately (ie from its owner who is not a dealer) then you are not covered by the Consumer Guarantees Act. Therefore you MUST check. a. If there is money owing check www.lemoncheck.co.nz, www.motorweb.co.nz www.carjam.co.nz , www.autofinder.co.nz .

(Some of these sites cost money for the information) or phone 090055007 (also a charge). b. The car must have a warrant of fitness which has been issued not more than a month before hand.$ c. If something goes wrong with a car bought privately you may be able to claim a refund under the Contractual Remedies Act if the seller provided untrue information and therefore you have lost money. d. You and the owner must complete a change of ownership form within 7 days of purchasing (from Post Shop, AA, or Vehicle Testing). It is important to ensure this is done by BOTH parties.

Are you a student leader?

Election of a student member of Council for 2012 Nominations are now open for the 2012 student member of the University Council. All enrolled students are eligible to nominate someone or be nominated as a candidate. Nominations close 12noon Friday 30 March.

Interested? Head to the website to find out what’s involved – www.waikato.ac.nz/about/corporate/student-member There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe 0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

Casualisation of work what does that mean?

Alot of New Zealanders are sacred for the future of work in New Zealand and what it could mean for their family life and financial sustainability.

How will these issues impact you? I speak to a number of people who think this will not impact them, but the point is if we let this trend continue it is more likely to impact you and if it is not you it will be Mr. and Mrs. Smith down the road who all of a sudden can’t go on your annual summer holiday to Whangamata because of work or financial reasons.

When I think about what I want for myself as I progress through the game of life I dream about: 1) owning a home, 2) bringing up a family, 3) enjoying family holidays, 4) enjoying quality and safe work, and 5) having time with my friends and family. This is what I think allot of people would like to see in their future. The only problem is if the trend of a casualising our labour market continues and more and more jobs are offered on a fixed term, casual basis or worse as a contract; then this dream will only be granted to the well off and their children. People who have been given the opportunity and networks to have a job that enables all of the above to happen.

Casual work now might not be so bad but as causal employment becomes more prominent we run the risk of enabling causal employers or sub contractors to become more demanding and imposing

When working on a casual basis employers are not legally obligated to provide you with work past the agreed date, this makes gaining a mortgage and paying a mortgage very difficult-dream one gone.

That is all we as workers want- to live quality and full lives, I love my job, my job is awesome this does not mean that I would like to be open and available to work at all times of the day and night, or that I would be happy to live with the knowledge that I might not have an income next week.

Having a baby will now become even more inconvenient and economically unstable. When working on a casual contract there is no entitlement to maternity leave so if I leave work to have a child and my employer disapproves then I could be out of a job because there is no legal obligation to give me work. Furthermore if on a causal employment basis I could be called into work at anytime and if I don’t go the employer may choose not to offer me more work- what if it is my child’s 5th birthday party?

As a causal worker I am also less likely to be motivated to become better at my role. Why would I if there is no promise of on-going work. Who knows what my next role might involve the skills could become redundant. This could also impact on workplace culture as every causal employee is in competition with each other and team work and a supportive workplace culture may go out the window. Finally if I’m a causal worker from site to site health and safety procedures are going to be much more difficult to remember and as a contractor I might not have time to follow any procedures.

on general life as we know it.

This is why some of the most recent industrial disputes impact and affect all of us workers and future workers.

Many of the disputes could be setting a precedent of what is and what is not a acceptable working condition. A balance must be found where business makes a profit and accepts their social reasonability as profit benefactors to look after their workers including enabling them to live quality and full lives.

A good job is a good job and I (and others) are lucky to have them, there are a number of people on casual, low paid employment or working as contractors. This does not mean that people should have to give these good jobs upthis means we should be fighting to improve all working conditions.

So I ask you: please think about what some of these disputes are really about and what conditions you would like your daughter, sister, brother, son, dad, niece etc to be working in now and in the future- because it will impact their quality of life.

Kylie Zinsli kylie@ywrc.org.nz 07 834 7124

The Secret Lives of First Years There is something truly amazing about the ritual and process that goes behind preparing one’s self for the wonderful world of ‘town’. So why is it that this cold, dark place causes such a fuss? As well as sucking every penny we may have left in our course related costs fund, these sacred streets marinated in vomit and beer are the guilty pleasures of many mainstream university students.

Now this discussion I direct to the girls, women, girlfriends and guidettes out there. After a good hour and a half of working on the I-didn’t-even-try outfit and the I’m-not-wearing-any-makeup makeup routine we are ready to reveal ourselves to the night. As I have found out, the uneven concrete of Hamilton streets and sky high heels do not co-operate, especially when I am fuelled by cheap white wine and miscellaneous RTDs. Neither do cab drivers and the “one sec-I’m coming down now” trick.

However, night after night we pour our bodies (which at times seem to have a mind of their own) into the perfect dress and the perfectly painful shoes. On themed nights, such as the intrepid journey of O-week, a whole new persona emerges. It is nothing less than a tradition to grace the streets in a barely-there toga or a swimsuit over lycra channelling our inner superhero. We throw ourselves into pools of foam and who would have known that rolling around in paint could be so much fun. And so it is, the highly anticipated O-week is a first-year must.

Now ladies, let’s not forget the boys. Unless you are seriously having an absolute girls-only-post-break-uphate-all-men night then you have an exception-but for the rest of us, whether you will admit it or not, boys play a very, very big role in our night. Firstly, there is our beloved man in black- a type of town God. With those block shoulders, a somewhat expressionless face and oozing with masculinity, the bouncer is the maker or breaker of all fun and games. So try to stand straight, hide that bottle of wine you consumed in the circle of death and the find that legitimate ID (be confident for once you are actually legally allowed to be there). Once inside, it’s drinks all round with no limits except that of your eftpos card. Swimming through the crowd you find your way

to the dance floor. While ignoring that creeping wink followed by the slow-motion lick of the lips by the guy who seems to just stand there-all other cheeky but somehow sweet looks of appreciation are accepted. Oh, and then there is that guy. I think you know the type I am referring to. That guy that grabs your ass, begs to dance or flirts uncontrollably with you before returning to his first girl.

Whether we leave the house in pursuit or for an honest night with the girls-guys have the power to secretly make you smile or seriously piss you off to the point where you are already forming a plot of revenge in your head. Either way, it is all a part of the fun.

The term ‘all good things come to an end’ kicks in by the next morning. You didn’t think you could have all that fun without some form of consequence did you? Whether you return to your own bed or ‘his’-the morning after is a sick reminder of that one drink too many. Skipping that lecture to nurse your fragile state of mind or fighting through it at work; the beauty of the hangover never fails to impress.

There are many cures-my favourite is a big sleep in followed by Powerade and a bacon and egg pie. Many of you night owls may not have the pleasure of sleeping in.

The walk of shame is a universal term-so the pain is shared. That dreaded walk through town, hall of residence or your street is one, thanks to your flatmates or neighbours, you will probably never live down. All in all, you only live once. Right?

With the details of the night broken down it seems worse than it is. So why do we do it over and over again? The answer is to simply relax. To act our age. To experience the realms of first year life and beyond; a forbidden kingdom for 18 years. A way to forget about that upcoming assignment, bills or that epic fail at your seminar. To show how carefree, fun and spontaneous you are; or to make a highly anticipated debut. Whatever it is; as humans we are genetically designed to socialize and that we shall do till the end of time. Being midway 2012-apparently end of the mayan calendar-that may be sooner than we think. So make the most of it, grab the girls and probably the vodka and go out and have a good time!

Opinion

CONTROL

DELETE call it what you want IT is what it is

Indie | Hip-hop ||glitch electro | dubstep

FEATuring DJ’s

GREG STACK BEVAN NICHOLS LEWIS JONES GUESts

Sat march 31 STATIC 9pm-3am CNR Vic HOOD

Quintessential Reading Literacy Lunacy with Courtney Q When the Lion Feeds – Wilbur Smith “Something always dies when the lion feeds and yet there is meat for those that follow him.”

This is the book that turned me into a reading fiend!!

‘When the Lion Feeds’ is both the first book Wilbur Smith wrote, and the first Wilbur Smith book I read. And it is amazing!!

Set in the 1860’s through to the 1890’s, ‘When the Lion Feeds’ follows the life of Sean Courtney. From his upbringing with his twin brother Garrick on his father’s cattle ranch in Natal, Sean ends up in the brutal and climactic Zulu Wars. The second half of this book follows Sean’s life through the Gold Rush in the newly founded town of Johannesburg. A town where Sean finds everything he lost in the Zulu Wars: friends, money, and romance. But unfortunately for Sean, tragedy follows him.

Wilbur Smith has an amazing, flowing and descriptive writing style which really draws you into the story.

Smith paints a vivid picture of life in Africa in the eighteen hundreds from both the Native Africans and the Europeans perspectives. This book is packed full of drama and violence from the first page. I have never read a book where violence and brutality is so horrifically and yet beautifully described. Even when there’s political themes involved (which in his later books there is a little bit), he writes it in such a way that I understand it and it doesn’t make the story tedious or dull. Smiths’ books are also packed full of Africa’s history (and some of his own family history), yet he manages to present the facts and events in such an intricate way that you don’t mind the history lesson you are getting.

A true master of the English language, Wilbur Smith has the ability to disgust, intrigue and excite you, while ensuring that you keep turning those pages. ‘When the Lion Feeds’ is one of the hardest books to put down that I have ever read. He is definitely in my top five favourite authors of all time. As the year progresses you will probably get to know who my favourite authors they are, and what kind of books they write. But the most basic description is if it has: adventure, graphic violence, some historical themes, a bit of a love side story and sex, it’s

something I will read (and probably enjoy). And yeah, you guessed it, ‘When the Lion Feeds’ has all these wonderful themes, and more, in spades.

This book has a very wide appeal. I first read this when I was 14 or so, and I still love re-reading it. So whether you’re young or old, a guy who likes blood and guts, safaris and hunting, adventure and intrigue, sex and debauchery or you’re a girl who likes a big strong, manly, main male character or tragedy, drama and romance, this book is for you.

If you are super, uber pedantic about reading books in chronological order then start with ‘The Birds of Prey’ (set in the 1660’s). If you want to read the Courtney series in the order they were written (like I did) then start with ‘When the Lion Feeds’. Whatever you do, make sure you start somewhere! This is an amazing series that everyone should read.

On a side note, I have a brand new copy of the AMAZING orgasm bible; The Big O by Lou Paget that I reviewed in Nexus Issue 2. And guess what?! I’m going to give it away!! So if you answer my question and send your answer to: courtney@nexusmag.co.nz The first person to email me the correct answer wins the book!!

So here’s my question: What were the two books that I mentioned in my ‘Big O’ book review (in issue 2) that are also written by Lou Paget?

Entertainment

37

Did You See? SIX60 at Altitude - 16th & 17th March 2012

By Bernard Williams ( Do U C ? Photography ) Altitude bar was always going to be the place to be last Thursday and Friday, with Six60 (one of NZ’s most popular bands at the moment) playing to a jammed packed audience of 600+ screaming, dancing, stomping fans. I’m sure they brought those special amps that “go all the way to 11”, and they needed them too as the, at times piercing, screams from the fans shocked the building as much as the bass.

Females filled the floor for what they knew was going to be an epic event and the opportunity to see the Six60 boys up close and in person.

Marlon Gerbes took his standard stance behind the mixer, adding his own flow and feel to each song in a different way. He swapped it out for his guitar for a few songs, showing that his talents extend beyond the table he is normally attached to.

Ji Fraser grooved the night away on his guitar, putting soul into his slides and rage into his rhythms as he strutted the stage in his regular smooth style.

whatever else was thrown into the crowd. The chants of ‘encore’ after the main event couldn’t be denied and the band were happy to oblige.

These guys are as kiwi as they come and I don’t think they will forget their roots anytime soon, as they have now released an official music video for their song ‘forever’ which is compiled entirely from footage taken at this year’s Homegrown held in Wellington in February .

The sound and lighting was of international quality and Altitude proved it was the ultimate venue for such an event. The stage has now been set as Six60 start their 2012 world tour including stop off’s in Australia, Scotland, England, Germany and a few more countries.

March has more massive acts coming to Hamilton.

Peacekeeper (A.K.A P.Digsss from Shapeshifter) drops in to Flow Bar on March 24th, The Exponents are at Altitude on March 29th.Then Shihad are back in town on April 5th to play The Meanest show. (Which we all know will live up to its name)

Chris Mac expelled his excess energy in his most common form, mashing it up on stage with a mix of bass and synth’s, feeding off the excitement off the crowd, his antics adding that bit extra to an already amazing act.

Make sure you get your tickets now. So when your mate asked Did You See ...? You can say “Fuck yeah. I was there!!”

Eli Paewai’s drum kit made me drool, a precisely placed puzzle of percussion, with several cymbals, a few electronic elements scattered amongst the mixed array of tightly tuned toms, and a bass with more kick than a Kony kid with an AK. He played it with passion and power, giving real depth to the music.

Females filled the floor for what they knew was going to be an epic event and the opportunity to see the Six60 boys up close and in person.

Matiu Walters lapped up the love as he stood centre stage, a constant combination of cheers, cries and the always appreciated scream of “I love you”. He took the, jammed to capacity, club on a journey through rock, d’n’b and some true blue kiwi roots.

Except for one or two scrappy scuffles between, some shall we say ‘over passionate’ types, the night went off without a hitch and everyone came away with some great memories.

Granted some of these won’t come back to them until they have checked the recordings on their phone. Some got an autograph or two and even a t-shirt, drum stick and