Nexus issue 7

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Nexus Goes

META

Issue Seven April 30th 2012

Is Daniel Right?

Lettuce Says No!

and interviews itself

Our Virgin is Back Game Reviewers FIGHT TO THE

DEATH (not really)

with more to confess

Plus Horrorscopes and more in the...

HEALTH ISSUE

2

Editorial

with Sean As we move into the cold, frosty and foggy Hamilton winter it seems very appropriate that this issue talks about health.

Health can basically be interpreted as anything - riding your bike, reading a good book, eating well, whatever. I’m no health guru, but I think I speak for us all when I say that I hate being sick. You can’t train properly, you can’t go out properly, you can’t study properly, and if you try and do any one of those things while you’re sick you will probably just prolong your suffering.

Once again on behalf of us all, I will say that something I hate equally as much as being sick is sitting next to a person in your class who is sick. Let us all pledge an oath now that if we contract the common cold (complete with the ‘chainsaw throat’ and runny nose) at any stage this winter, we will do everyone a favour and stay at home. It all comes back to the rule of commons - if we were the healthy ones we wouldn’t want our good health jeopardised by sitting next to some zombie (complete with the tissue box, slippers, and puffy red eyes).

So understand this, you are welcome to play the role of zombie in your flat, in the clubs, or at work, but at university we don’t want to see you. We made specific choices to avoid having the flu, you obviously weren’t so intelligent, so don’t make us pay for your bad judgement!

If you are currently feeling like half-man half-zombie, let it be known to you that the secret weapon when it comes to your health is your mum. She has nurtured you (I hope), breastfed you, watched you sleep (not in a disturbing way), and is therefore a pretty good judge of how you are feeling.

Many a time I have risen early in the morning thinking going to work or class would be a good idea, but instead I have been swayed by my mum at the very last minute to stay home and play zombie - the best decision ever. The wonders an extra few hours sleep and a bit of motherly care can do for you are limitless. I know of people who have gone home to get nursed by their mum, I know people that always use a ‘get right remedy’ which they learnt from their mum, and I know that Mums know their shit about shaking off a cold so utilise the resource.

If you are reading this in a good state of health you are probably on top of the world right now thinking that all the people I just mentioned are ‘mummy’s boys’. But it only takes one cold walk home from town, one day when you forgot your jumper, or one night training in the rain, and the next morning that nose starts running, those eyes start puffing and your throat starts reddening. At this point I assure you that you will be the first person calling mum to ask her what to do. There is no shame in it; on the contrary it is commendable showing of intelligence. You could call your dad but getting told to “harden up” never gets you as far as telling mum you’re starting to feel ill.

There are a number of theories floating around on how best to cure a cold. It’s hard to go past a good night’s sleep and a healthy meal. If you’re one of those people who get other people to fix your problems you could go and see the doctor. But going to the doctor for the common cold is not only weak, it clogs up resources and gets you into bad habits of thinking doctors don’t have more pressing issues at hand than curing your runny nose. Going to the doctor is also painstaking work - long waits, expensive visitations, and all that time in the waiting room with people probably sicker than you, no thanks. Medicinal marijuana; I reckon whoever was recommended this by their mother has got it easy. It’s cheap, effective, easy to use, and illegal. Oh the irony.

So students beware; university stresses can get pretty bad in good health, but trying to deal with that stuff when you’re sick, then you’re definitely going to need some herbal remedies.

Editorial

3

NEW ZEALAND SIGN LANGUAGE (NZSL) - GIVE IT A GO! fst on to your ch our es ey t ov M

MY

NAME

on

f forehea d. M ide o es ov th e

Editors Alix Higby and Sean Golding

fn ded. Put two ten fn ex ge rs rs ge

Credits

ard & twist pal m orw ou tf t ris w

d fst up with tw Hol o

Have fun with your whanau, family and friends. Learn your name and how to count to 12 in New Zealand Sign Language!

Note: In NZSL we don’t sign the word ‘is’ in a sentence.

Just sign ‘my name’ then fingerspell your name.

Design Interns Anna Bennett, Eva Hou, Shaun Jay

Managing Editor James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) Contributors C-ball, President Sapphire Gillard, Amber the Advocate, Sam Taylor, Priscilla Ngatai, Mr. Minty Fish, Something Hip, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr Richard Swainson, Mel Matthews, Courtney Quinn, Alice and Anne, Kevin Pryor, Kylie from YWRC, Jill from CAB, Nick Marryatt, Julia Gabel, Craig Barrett, DJ Purvis, Constable Nick Sickelmore, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.

Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton.

Phone: 07 838 4653 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Health with Nick Marryatt Nexus on Health NZ Sign Language Week

News 6 6 8

Advertising Troy Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz)

News The flying Nexus monkey Daniel Farrel

Features 10 20 37

Design Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz)

Cover Art Anna Bennett

What’s Inside?

Mr. Minty Fish

Short News Long News Good Sorts

Opinion 3 5 9 11 12 18 19 22 23 27 30

Editorial How Saph Sees It Sports Thoughts Am I right?

Lettuce Mr. Minty Fish Diary of a Hipster The Secret Lives of First Years How To Confessions of a 22 year-old Virgin Auteur House

Lifestyle 14 15 24 25 28 33 34 35 38

Advocacy Week ASKEW Tangata Tumeke It’s Not Easy Being Sam Off the Rack Lick that Spoon YWRC and CAB Half Baked with Mel Hot Fuzz

Entertainment 17 25 29 39

8 Ball and Horrorscopes Beats the Kangaroo Puzzles Cow and Fold

Reviews

31 32

Book Reviews Versus

How Saph Sees It I’ve been told this week’s issue is on Health, so at the risk of providing way too much information that you didn’t want to know, I thought I’d share a bit of a personal story with you all.

My husband and I have both had more than our fair share of dealings with the health system. He has spinal osteoperosis (brittle bone disease), and I have the pleasure of having stage four endometriosis. Wikipedia it if you don’t what it is, but be warned, it’s to do with ‘that time of the month’ and has quite explicit images.

This meant that for years I lived in incredible pain one week per month, until I finally braved it up and decided to do something about it by having laproscopic or ‘keyhole’ surgery at hospital. This is supposed to be non-invasive surgery, which you only need three or four days to recover from.

Unfortunately for me, my surgery went wrong. I ended up waking up on an oxygen machine, with tubes coming out of my stomach, and a huge scar from hip to hip where they had sliced me open to stop me bleeding to death on the operating table. I ended up staying in hospital for eight days, and needed another five weeks before I was able to work or study full-time again.

Go Waikato.

My work later accused me of purposefully having major surgery to claim ACC and take sick leave. ACC ended up not paying me wages anyway, so I ended up with no income of my own. I needed to delay my study (luckily I had my operation in the mid-term break) until I was better. Life was not awesome. However, I managed to get through it because I had the support of my friends, flatmates and family throughout the whole process.

And in my opinion, that’s what good healthcare is about – it’s not about just doctors and nurses and hospitals. It’s also about support. It’s about looking out for one another, and helping people out when they get sick.

It’s about taking your sick flatmate to the medical centre, or waiting at A&E for six hours because your brother was stupid enough to spray Exit Mould in his eye. It’s about visiting your friends when they’re in hospital and just sitting with them, because at least then they know that someone actually cares.

So, if you have endometriosis or any other medical condition, I’d encourage you to network with others who are going through the same thing. It helps and all the stories aren’t like mine. I’m glad I had the surgery, even with the disaster that it was, and I’m happy to talk to anyone who is thinking about going through the same (email: president@wsu.org.nz).

Opinion

5

Long Heading News We’re Number One! We’re Number One!

Students turn Hamilton into a ‘zoo’

Figures released under the official information act show that your Waikato University is the only one of the eight universities to have an increased amount of cheating and plagiarism this year.

It has been alleged that students are turning Hamilton’s “hospitality precinct”, which was described by Lonely Planet as “the best place to go out in New Zealand” into a “zoo”.

In 2011, 215 Waikato students were found to have cheated on exams or assignments.

Head Chef and Owner of Palate, Mat McLean, is moving his restaurant to get away from the area students frequent in town. He says he’s had to deal with “vomit on [the] building every weekend” as well as people urinating on the side of the building.

Waikato uncovered 111 international students being dishonest in their work compared to 104 domestic students, while Lincoln recorded just 13 cases involving international students, against 11 domestic cases.

At Waikato last year, 70 students had their assignments disallowed, 211 had their marks reduced and one person was excluded from the university for various types of dishonesty offences.

To give some context to our 215 incidents it should be noted that in second place was Lincoln University with 106 incidents and the bronze medal went to Otago with 61.

Furthermore it should also be noted that we have plagiarised large portions of this article from tvnz.co.nz and the Fairfax news feed. You should read the in depth article there. (http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/cheatingattempts-students-drop-4854236)

However, the accusations have been questioned by bar owner, John Lawrenson, who said there’s only two student bars in that area - The Outback Inn and Bar 101, both of which are owned by his company, The Lawrenson Group.

He went on to say that he had not experienced similar issues.

Nexus spoke with Heidi Jordan from Agenda, another bar on Victoria Street, who said that as both a restaurant and nightclub in the south of Victoria Street, they do see incidents around them. She went on to say that these incidents are often caused by a single individual letting down the side. “Often such incidents arise from people who arrive in town too intoxicated to be welcome at the south end. Agenda loves the vibrant night-life at the south end, no matter what others might call it.”

We also called the police for comment but they had not responded at time of print.

Short News 6

News

Repetitive Stress Injury Claims on the rise in 3…2..1..

Biben Laikhuram of the times of India stirred up controversy last week when he published an article giving five reasons we should masturbate. While we don’t disagree it should be noted that there were some glaring omissions from the list including “My girlfriends being a bitch,” “it was a really good movie” and “If everyone else in the room is doing it then it’s rude not to.”

Heading Student Volunteer Army Honoured

Climate Change theorist admits being an ‘alarmist’

Canterbury’s Student Volunteer Army was awarded the RSA Anzac of the Year award by the Governor-General last week.

James Lovelock, who has become a guru to the environmentalist movement with his Gaia theory, had admitted being an alarmist when it comes to the threats of Climate Change.

The presentation marked the first time that the honour had been given to non-military personnel and to a group.

Governor-General, Sir Jerry Mateparae said the actions, initiative and spirit of the Student Volunteer Army exemplified the Anzac values of courage, comradeship, commitment and compassion.

“The young men and women who went out and delivered exceptional support did so in the true spirit of the original Anzacs,” he said.

“The Student Volunteer Army’s work shows that the values of the ANZACs are not relics of a bygone era.

They are as important to young people of today as they were to the young people-the ANZACs-that landed at Gallipoli 97 years ago,” Sir Jerry Mateparae said.

Lovelock also accused other prominent Climate Change activists, such as former US Presidential Candidate, Al Gore, of being alarmists too. In a new book he is writing, the 92-year-old says that climate change is still happening, but not as quickly as it was originally said. He qualified this by saying “The problem is we don’t know what the climate is doing. We thought we knew 20 years ago. That led to some alarmist books – mine included – because it looked clear-cut, but it hasn’t happened.”

He went on to say that has an independent, he has no problem admitting he made a mistake, whereas other scientists would fear a cut or removal of funding if they admitted something like that.

Time out or time served?

Oregano a cancer fighting super drug

Police in Indiana have arrested a six year old after violently hitting his school principal. This is the second incident in a month after police in the state of Georgia arrested a six year old girl for similar violent acts. Two things:

Researchers from Long Island University in New York have hailed the cancer fighting properties of a drug taken from Oregano. In early testing the Oregano cure has wiped out cancerous cells in prostate victims with fewer side effects than conventional methods. “See I told you I was doing them a favour” said that guy who sells Oregano on the village green to naïve first years from the halls looking to buy pot.

1.

You didn’t see arrests in Texas, or any other state with the death penalty. Just saying.

2.

Disney channel NZ, if you’re reading, never stop showing Hannah Montanta. There will be blood!

News

7

Good Sorts Waikato University Continues to be Source of Amazing Refugee Services Volunteers Alexandra Hitchmough and Briar Thompson are not your average talented, young Waikato University students. In addition to their accolades - Alex was just awarded the Waikato University Sir Edmund Hillary Medal and Briar recently received a Rhodes Scholarship - the two women have also changed the lives of former refugees in the Hamilton area as Refugee Services volunteer support workers.

“I was inspired by my Mum who volunteered a few years ago and met a beautiful Colombian family who became great friends of ours,” says Alex about why she initially wanted to volunteer with Refugee Services. “I also felt that I had a responsibility, as a person who has always lived in safety and comfort with access to education and support, to offer my services to those who haven’t been so lucky.”

For Briar, it was her interest in human rights issues that drove her to take on the role. “I used to be on the Young People’s Reference Group for the Office of the Children’s Commissioner, and I’d been missing having that sort of involvement during university, so volunteering with Refugee Services was great,” says Briar. “The ongoing commitment we made as volunteers and the development of relationships with the family through challenges they faced were really rewarding.”

Both Alex and Briar encountered their fair share of challenges in their placements, not least of which were language difficulties and the frequent and often hilarious use of miming. “Although I speak some Spanish, Colombians speak very quickly, and I often did not have the vocabulary to keep up with conversations,” says Briar.

“We played a lot of charade-like scenarios to communicate!”

But with the challenges came the rewards. “I will always remember arrival day, it was such an emotional experience, and I cried a lot!” says Alex. “I still love visiting them - they are great hosts and always feed me up!”

8

News

Their volunteer experiences went far beyond learning about new cultures and meeting new people. Briar and Alex also came to better understand the refugee journey, the strength and resilience that former refugees bring to New Zealand, and, in Alex’s words, how long and complex the resettlement process is. “My family is incredibly resourceful,” says Briar. “They found ways and means of doing the things they wanted, and they were so resilient through all sorts of challenges they faced. I have enormous respect for their perseverance and good attitude.”

Both young women have excitement ahead, as Alex finishes up a graduate diploma in politics and prepares for a move to Perth and Briar heads to Oxford for postgraduate work in refugee and forced migration studies with a long-term goal of working for UNHCR. But in the meantime, both are quick to recommend the Refugee Services volunteer programme to those who are interested. “Getting involved with Refugee Services is really rewarding and a fantastic way to invest in your community and get to know people from a walk of life you may never have been exposed to,” says Briar. “It’s amazing to see the celebrations and events the refugee communities collaborate to produce. Resettlement around the world is really important and a welcoming resettlement community makes all the difference.”

“It is one of the most educational, inspiring, emotional, humbling and FUN things I have ever done!” says Alex. “It is only through the work and dedication of organisations like Refugee Services and volunteers that we can remain positive that the world is a beautiful place full of good people. Former refugees in New Zealand are part of our national community and make us who we are. New Zealand wouldn’t be the friendly, forward thinking and generally amazing place that it is without them!”

“I am very lucky to get to work with so many dedicated, caring volunteers like Briar and Alex,” says Lorraine Hooper, Refugee Services Volunteer Programme Coordinator in the Waikato. “They are such perfect examples of how much young people can do and how inspirational they can be. I’m sad that they’ll both be going overseas soon, but I know that it just means a wonderful new group will be coming through, and I’m really looking forward to that.”

Interested in volunteering with Refugee Services? Call Lorraine 8532195 or lorraine.hooper@refugeeservices. org.nz You can come along to our information evening at the Waikato Migrant Resource Centre on Tuesday 8th May at 6pm.

Sports Thoughts with C-Ball STACKS ON THE MILL – AUSTRALIA IS SADLY JUST TOO GOOD When the Kiwi’s lose to Australia in the annual rugby league Anzac Test, I’m never really all that surprised.

At first, it started off breaking my heart. Then I grew accustomed to the pure and simple fact that Australia is far superior in league than New Zealand, and any defeat at their hands that isn’t close to rape, if anything, makes me feel much better. Because the truth of it is, the systems New Zealand Rugby League has in place and the situation we find ourselves in as Kiwi supporters is an extremely one sided one.

Let’s start off with the most obvious fact. Australia is the backbone of a sport which is unique in the sense that its popularity is based mostly in the competitions run at club level – the NRL and Great Britain’s Super League. Much like Football and Basketball, New Zealand finds itself having to enter teams in competitions that are already successful and financially achievable in Australia. Yet when it comes to internationals, Rugby League is almost non-existent except for the annual Anzac Test played between Australia and New Zealand, along with the end of year Tri Nations that used to also involve Great Britain. Nowadays it is called the Four Nations, as League attempts to accommodate associate nations who are extremely weak in an attempt to increase its popularity and reach throughout the lesser countries which also play the sport.

Great Britain is yet to lift the silverware, whereas New Zealand have constantly battled the unfortunate circumstance of losing Kiwi players by birth right to Australian schools, the far stronger systems they have in place for League players, and the dollar dollar bills of State of Origin. The Test just passed highlighted this perfectly, as 2010 Kiwi’s Four Nation squad member James Tamou decided this year to swear his allegiance to Australia, along with State of Origin side New South Wales. In addition to that, Tonga’s Feleti Mateo has also lodged a change in nationality to Australia, also in the attempt to play Origin for New South Wales this year. Not only is the money good, but the competition is arguably one of the hardest, most bitterly fought contests around the world. Such is the popularity of the concept that New Zealand Rugby League has floated the idea of making their own Origin series, pitting Auckland-based players against the rest of the country. Big mistake.

A New Zealand Origin series would fall on its ass faster than reality TV show The Hasslehoff’s, because if people don’t want to see a has-been semi-celebrity embarrass himself and his family, they definitely won’t want to witness New Zealand Rugby League put together a concept that would lack all the credibility and history that Australia’s State of Origin has. Not to mention the fact that most New Zealand players would probably not even take part due to their allegiances with NRL club sides. Therefore, the whole idea would be an uncontrollable and potentially devastating train wreck that would have even Madrid ducking the fuck down in fear. New Zealand’s best option is to continue hoping Australia accommodates the Kiwi’s into State of Origin.

My thoughts are that the most kickass thing would be to see the winner of State of Origin then play New Zealand in a one off match at the very least. In addition to this, for international Rugby League to continue to grow, there needs to be at least one more stand alone test between Australia and New Zealand each year. The test could be played on October the 15th, to commemorate the day Willie Mason laughed during the Haka and got sat on his ass by David Kidwell in response.

Every time New Zealand meets Australia, they also have to contend with the extremely harsh reality that their opponents play together constantly. New Zealand’s team often a mash of players from all over the NRL, with 5 or 6 coming from the Warriors and usually 1 or 2 players flown all the way in from the United Kingdom. Australia on the other hand boast a spine of Billy Slater, Cameron Smith and Cooper Cronk who all play together for the Melbourne Storm, not to mention the vast majority of the team plays together three times a year as the State of Origin Queensland representative team. This isn’t an excuse to lose to Australia, but a very obvious reason for it. The Kangaroo’s are well oiled, play together in perfect unison and rarely make the mistakes that the Kiwi’s do, because they are used to each other’s company and know what to expect from each other. In direct contrast to that, the Kiwi’s find themselves brought together a week out from the Anzac Test, tasked with learning who their new members are, learning their plays and trying somehow to spark some sort of relation with players they may only play with once a year if they are lucky. So put the tissues away (unless of course you are using them for some private time), and take hope that maybe one day the Kiwi’s will have more opportunities to gel as a team.

Opinion

9

HEALTH with Nick Marryatt

So this week it is the health issue, Unfortunately most of my knowledge of health and the treatment of ill health comes from TV shows like House.

So on House a person wanders into the ER with an array of symptoms and House and the team do a bunch of random tests, MRI scans and risky surgeries to figure out that the person has some weird form of cancer, or STD or whatever. What you will never see on a show like House is a decent cancer screening program, healthy eating and exercise or practising safe sex stopping people getting diseases in the first place. It just doesn’t make a sexy medical drama.

The problem is the idea that the big flash medical equipment and challenging surgeries is the best form of medicine is embedded in our healthcare system.

Personally I think it would be more true to call it the most expensive form of medicine that the average person has access to. Our medical bill as a country is huge, around 18% of the money the government spends goes to the Ministry of Health.

The thing is if we were to put as much effort into stopping people getting sick as we do on all the fancy stuff to make sick people better we could still have a wicked good health care system and save a lot of money as well.

Look at something like bringing in home insulation, it is cheap to do and people are much less likely to get sick.

But instead of bringing in a decent standard of insulation for all homes in New Zealand we spend our money on medicine, doctors and equipment to treat all the people that get sick.

I feel sort of obliged to bring up the Cuban model of health care. Due to the American blockade and general poverty they had to create a healthcare system on a budget. So

they focused really heavily on screening to catch diseases early, public education and disease prevention. It turns out that doing things this way gives them a life expectancy comparable to the best countries in the world, which is really amazing considering the American blockade hasn’t allowed much medicine into the country.

According to the World Health Organisation Cubans only spend 11% of their tax dollars on health care. Of course Cuba has a lot less money to spend than us and they don’t have any money going into private healthcare either so in actual dollar terms they are spending a hell of a lot less than us to get results that are almost as good.

Which makes it really obvious that we are wasting a lot of money in making people healthy when stopping people getting sick in the first place is so much better.

Which isn’t to suggest that our healthcare system is bad or that Cuba’s is good, both have strengths and weaknesses. I think it makes sense to look at what is working around the world and try to merge the best of what countries like Cuba do with the best of what we do. If we can get a really good public health system going in New Zealand just think of the money that will free up to buy flash new equipment or maybe we could pay our doctors a salary that is competitive with what the Aussies pay their doctors.

So moral of the story, just because something is sexy and dramatic doesn’t mean it’s the smartest thing to do, at least not in medicine.

10

Opinion

Am I Right?

By Daniel Farrell Yes, this week we’re supposed to be talking about Health.

But I’m not going with that this week, mostly because I couldn’t think about something I could write about regarding Health. Instead, I am going to talk about the Mixed Ownership Model for State Owned Assets, or as the left incorrectly brands it, Asset Sales.

too”. Instead he said that he thought that would not be a smart idea. Why is that? I would suggest it’s because the Mixed Ownership Model makes sense and works. Labour bought all of KiwiRail in 2008 - couldn’t they have done the same thing with Air New Zealand if Mixed Ownership was so bad?

Okay, it might seem a little bit of a minor distinction, but I don’t think it is. It might not be hugely different by definition, but in terms of connotation, it’s very different.

When people think of asset sales, they think of the 1980s when Labour sold 100% stakes in New Zealand’s assets. That’s very different to the Government having a controlling 51% stake in the assets.

Let’s look at a more theoretical reason why Mixed Ownership works - particularly when it comes to assets like power companies. No, lefties, I am not going to say the trickle-down theory. I am, however, going to say Mixed Ownership will work here because it will provide competition that currently does not exist in the market.

No, it’s not creating more power companies as such.

However, right now, Mighty River Power, Meridian Energy and Genesis Power are all owned outright by the Crown. This means while they are three separate companies, in effect they are one, and we have a lack of competition. In reality, we have a duopoly - the Crown and Contact Energy.

We don’t need to look far to see positive examples of the Mixed Ownership Model in practice. Just look at Air New Zealand. In 2001, after the purchase of Ansett Australia by Air New Zealand almost brought the company to collapse, the organisation was renationalised, with the New Zealand Government owning 76.5% of the company. Since then, the company has been given at least ten awards, including Airline of the Year in both 2010 and 2012. Does this seem like a failed business, left to the wolves by a stake of the company not owned by the Government? I can’t see a single award that Air New Zealand won before 1994, which was well after the Government sold the airline in 1989.

What Air New Zealand shows us is Government ownership doesn’t give high performance, privatisation gives high performance but can lead to issues (such as the near collapse of Air New Zealand), and a Mixed Ownership Model gives both the high performance of external owners and the stability of Government ownership.

During the election campaign last year, you will have heard Labour saying that they learned from their mistakes of the 1980s in terms of asset sales. However, I didn’t hear them saying they learned from their mistakes of 2001 when they introduced a Mixed Ownership Model to Air New Zealand. That’s what you need to remember - Labour was the first party to introduce this model. In fact, Labour leader, David Shearer has been asked if he would buy the externally owned share of Air New Zealand. He didn’t say “Oh yes, of course. The Mixed Ownership Model is terrible, so we need to remove it from Air New Zealand

It’s not too recent history when we had a duopoly in the mobile phone market. The introduction of more players in the market (in particular 2degrees, but also Black & White, Slingshot, Compass, TelstraClear, Orcon, etc) reduced the cost significantly.

By selling 49% of Mighty River Power, Meridian Energy and Genesis Power, you are creating a market with four major players. If the mobile market saw marked decreases in price with the introduction of a third player, imagine what will happen for energy in the long term with not only a third, but a fourth player.

Note, I did say in the long term. It will not be immediate, but in the long term, prices should drop.

Yet, the left is not wrong in saying a company is going to work to make its shareholders better off by increasing profits. With prices dropping, how can they increase profits? By increasing efficiencies. For New Zealand, this would probably involve investment in the infrastructure, which in a lot of places is getting quite old. Yes, that will possibly increase prices for consumers in the short term, but in the long term, market forces will reduce prices.

Opinion

11

Nexus wants your Lettuce!

Write about anything you like, as long as it’s under 250 words. We’re like FOX News, in that we’ll publish anything if it’s funny. Your name won’t be attributed to your letter if you choose, and pseudonyms are fine (we still need your real name). Send them through to lettuce@nexusmag. co.nz before 5pm on Wednesday for a chance to be included in the next issue.

Also, we won’t edit anything you send us, because it’s funnier that way.

READ: WE DIDN’T WRITE THIS, AND IT’S THEREFORE NOT OUR FAULT. LOVE, NEXUS

Dear University Students, I just thought I’d write in and make a suggestion... don’t just whinge to your friends, make change happen! Over the past couple of years I’ve been privy to conversations or seen posts on bookface where people bitch about stuff, eg ‘nexus should do xxx’ or ‘wsu is stupid because it does yyy’ or ‘why does the university do zzz? That’s dumb’.

Here’s a suggestion: why don’t you ask them? If nexus has done something you don’t like, write a letter and tell them.

If you think wsu is not doing something that it should be, go to their reception or email the president. If you don’t like something about the uni then find out who made the deicioson and complain to him or her. Dont just bitch so that people can ‘like’ your status or whatever: act.

I’ve heard that some high up uni people even read nexus to make sure their names aren’t mentioned, so maybe just write and bitch here. In short, if you don’t like something, tell the person whose job is to fix it – don’t just bitch to friends or on facebook and expect stuff to change. Even better, if you can make a change yourself, then do it.

That is all Amy Briggs

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

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12

Opinion

Congratulations you are this week’s winner! Come to the Waikato Students’ Union building to claim your prize!

Dear Nexus,

Dear Squidy,

Reading last week’s education edition was a lesson in tolerance. Don’t get me wrong, I saw this coming – every so often New Zealand gets bored of bashing unionists and beneficiaries, and tries to hunt bigger game: teachers. “Teachers are incompetent,” “Teachers aren’t communicating relevant information,” “Teachers are only motivated by their pay check.” These are ridiculous generalisations (particularly the last one, because Lord knows we’re not doing it for the money) and they undermine everyone in the profession; whether they be seasoned educators or educators-in-training. A few points to consider:

As much as everyone likes free stuff, I have to disagree with your position on the failing education article. I have to start by saying that I’m an international student, which is important because I know how lucky New Zealanders are to get subsidized education and healthcare among other things. However, very few kiwis place a great value in education, and it is my belief that part of this might be caused because they don´t have to pay the full amount that it is worth. This could only be worsened if education was free, which by the way, is a very unrealistic ideal.

University is already full of lazy people affecting the learning of those who really want more than a diploma out of it, and free education would only bring more of them.

And where do you propose funding for free education and better paid teachers to come from?

While performance-based pay is desirable in principle, how do we measure educational growth fairly? The model being discussed by government would only recognise student improvement in limited areas – what if a teacher succeeded in greatly bolstering their students’ confidence, or in equipping them with vital leadership skills, or in bringing out their inner ar-teest? Should these things be trivialised? (Note: the same logic applies to National Standards). Additionally, making educational leaps is tougher in lower decile schools; why should the immensely hardworking teachers in these institutions be deliberately disadvantaged?

And finally, to Mr Farrell: I understand Nexus will never be a truly credible source of current events and factbased commentary (what with all the delicious sex and profanity) but surely, as individuals, we should strive to ensure some measure of journalistic integrity. A third of all Waikato University students read at an age level of 13?

Without evidence, I can only assume this is fear mongering.

Yours scholastically, Butch.

Dear Scarlett and Cinnamon, and Mr. Minty Fish.

Please keep writing.

Chur John To Sapphire and Mark Savage If your going to write your name all over campus in chalk, can you at least do some other cool stuff too? Like draw us some hopskotch squares or something? Some pics would be a bonus.

I believe in meritocracy. You do not deserve free education because of what other smart kiwis have done; that is a very weak argument. You and others deserve free education if there´s some serious hard work put in getting a university degree, and if those people are prepared to give back to the country afterwards (which can be done in many ways).

Free education for everyone just gives the wrong incentives to the wrong people (encouraging mediocrity), and is not likely to be successful at helping the country become an intellectual nation.

Sincerely, C. Dear Art, I agree, God studylink needs to get some better fucking music. In fact, that pretty much applies to all government agencies. Or better yet, how about they take less time to answer their phones?

Sometimes I wonder if studylink is actually a front for some secret market research agency that is measuring how long people will bother listening to shitty hold music for before they give up, you know, so that they can figure out the lowest number of Indians or Filipinos or whatever to hire in the big company call centres. Spooky.

AJ

Artwork Appreciater Opinion Section

13

Advocacy Week with Amber the Advocate Come check us out during Advocacy Week on the Green or at the WSU Level Zero Room of the library. You can expect to find out information about services available to you as a student on campus and outside of campus, activities, and workshops just to name a few.

Get to know YOUR rights as a student!

Workshops available: - Employment Relations 2.30PM Thursday in the WSU Level Zero Room - NZ Sign Language Taster Classes 1 – 2PM Tuesday 1/5 and Thursday 3/5 in the WSU Level One Room When you attend a taster class you’ll learn how to fingerspell the alphabet, sign greetings and some words and phrases commonly used in your everyday environment. The idea is to get you started on a lifelong journey of discovering this beautiful language.

Check facebook.com/waikatostudentsunion for the Advocacy Week timetable.

14

Lifestyle

ASKEW

Askew is the club on campus for students who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, takataapui, fa’afafine and their friends and supporters.

Askew has been around for over 10 years and has participated in many of the issues which were and still are relevant to queer students. Our membership is varied; most members are queer but the club openly

welcomes straight supports as this breaks down stereotypes that often have a negative backlash for queer students. The club meets every Wednesday at 1pm during cultural hour in the Queer Space. Club members also have access to the Queer Space (open 9am to 4:30pm) which is located in the Cow shed just across the courtyard from the WSU building, just look for the Rainbow!

We also hold social events during the semester, with our biggest event being Pride week in September.

If you have any queries or would like to join our mailing list please contact Tim on askew.waikato@gmail.com

College i, n U r u o y w o When you sh tudent / staff card or WINTEC s

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She was the head nurse of my heroic 7th army. Her healing powers were matched only by her striking beauty and her soothing voice. From the first moment I saw her I knew I loved her and that she would forever be my only love. One night she confessed that she felt the same way and pleaded with me to stop my conquering ways. She implored me to put down my sword and allow the great war of the 5th plain to stop. I knew I couldn’t do what she wanted and I watched as she walked out of my life forever.

She stopped for a second, allowed herself to glance back and look lovingly at my sheer plastic surface one last time.

I will never forget the last words she spoke to me. “Hey what are you doing with that death ray…nooo….”

I am eight ball merciless commander of the 7th army, answerer of questions and co-producer of Justin Bieber’s new single, ‘Boyfriend’….

Hey 8 Ball “Will the chick I’m stalking return my calls?” My reply is no.

Stupid, impudent mortal. If you’re asking me for advice you’re reading Nexus and clearly stalking a first year.

Most first years were born in 1994. Most girls born in 1994 can surf the internet, facebook, tweet and text on a smartphone. They can not and will not call. Good one granddad. I shall make your death painless.

Eight ball. Medical Question. Can I get an STI from not using a condom but still not going for a “big finish?” My sources say no.

Now bear in mind I am an evil genius hell bent on the destruction of your filthy race. Maybe I am giving you the answer you seek or maybe I am just waiting on natural selection to rid the world of the terminally stupid leaving you weak and defenceless. If only their was a place on campus you could go to find out about STI’s.

8 ball should I hook up with a random that is both super quality and quite possibly criminally insane? The answer is definitely yes.

Firstly I will declare my own criminal insanity and super villain genius tendencies give me a skewed view. Having said that if you don’t try and reform them, get them to meet your parents or “bone the crazy out of them” then I say go for it. This is the one you will be telling your grandson about when he is 18. Any story that starts with “I once banged a crazy chick with a knife in her hand,” Is going to be worth telling over and over again when you’re retired.

Send your questions through to 8ball@nexusmag.co.nz

Aries: You will get good news from an STI test. The bad news is that your partner will not. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Taurus: You will get suspicious of your flatmates intentions and wonder why you keep hearing the strange noises from their bedroom. Also why do they keep using your hairbrush? It might be time to move. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Gemini: You will contemplate the frailty and beauty of life in all its forms. You will also learn how to fashion a home made bong from an apple but the two are not related. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Cancer: Still nothing happening Cancer. What did you do to piss off the stars? Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Leo: You’re going to get laid this week. Fact. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Virgo: You will face a major change in your life but be warned: eating healthy and exercise will not mute the sirens call from beef eaters at 3am and drunk you does not care about your health. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Libra: You will be spend the week in conflict with yourself the stars will help you settle the argument. Milk expiry is only a recommendation. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Scorpio: Save the cheerleader, save the world. Lucky number 12 Drink of choice for the week: Anything but a long island Ice Tea… too many people are drinking them these days.

Sagittarius: One of your Gemini friends has been having erotic dreams about your mother. Paranoid, you will spend the week trying to find them. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Capricorn: I know this is the wrong way to tell you. In the wrong place at the wrong time but I’m in love with you and I think you feel the same way. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Aquarius: Procrastinate. No test, essay or lecture can’t wait while you have a couple of Long Island Ice Teas. You will be rewarded for your commitment to liver function.

Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Pisces: They are on to you. They know about the strange noises and they are suspicious about you taking their hair to make a wig. If they ever find out about the lifelike mannequin they will surely move. Exercise caution or lose them forever. Lucky number 5 Drink of choice for the week: Long Island Ice Tea. Entertainment

17

Mr. Minty Fish If you go into this thinking of ‘yarn’ as something you knit with, this is just going to end badly for all of us.

Hey sluts and virgins; no there is not a middle ground. If you have sex, you will get pregnant and die.

How ARE you? I hope you’re well. Oh you’re good? Oh you had a tomato sandwich yesterday? It went soggy?? Get out! Seriously. Get the fuck out. SHIT YARNS. We’re all about rapists here in Hamilton. Actually, that might have come out wrong. We don’t go around throwing them parties and pride parades but we have ‘Rape Parks’, that bus driver with the black tooth looks ‘rapey’ and if someone sneaks up on you then they’re a rapist. It’s our insult of choice; but there’s another danger that we all too often forget about. It may not lock us in the Smush Room but that’s because it can trap us anywhere it likes. Unlike a rapist, this dick doesn’t have to wait until you’re alone.

They don’t have to watch until you can’t walk to drag you into a room and if your friends find you being attacked, they’re more likely to laugh and leave you than they are to help. Shit yarners. That’s what’s wrong with society today.

“Oooo tell us what a shit yarn is MMF? Am I a shit yarn?”

Yes. If you have to ask whether or not you’re a shit yarn then you are blatantly the shittest of yarns.

“No I’m not. I’m a good yarn.”

Then why did you ask me?

“Because I wanted to check...”

And why did you want to check?

“I’m a shit yarn aren’t I...”

Oh you have no idea.

Because Hamilton is basically a poorer, less attractive episode of Gossip Girl, I have ‘trusted sources.’ Upon hitting these trusted sources up on Facebook chat, the definition of a good yarn was agreed on as a combination of: “anything thats not about themselves, no wingeing etc.. A common topic. ask ******.. apprently i got shit yarn” And then upon asking ******: “constructive sentences, funny sayings/cliche’s. the topic should be something that both parties are aware of or involved in.”

Therefore a poor yarn is anything involving bleeding uteruses, dick cheese, sandwhiches, forgetting to take out the rubbish and how funny it is that your cat is called Dog.

18

Opinion Section

I suppose the main thing to note is that everyone has a poor yarn from time to time. It’s inevitable.

If you’re anything like me; which for your own sake, I hope isn’t the case; it’s probably an occurrence throughout at least 30% of your life. When it’s happening more than 25% it’s a slight worry but you’re not in any grave danger until you hit 40%. I’m sorry but if 40% of all yarns uttered from your mouth put people to sleep then WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Seriously what do you talk about.

-“People that talk about how poor they are when really they have $10,000 in savings and are just a fucking Jew.” -Faber, S.Survey. In Facebook. Retrieved April 22, 2012 -“Those stories when they finish telling it and everyone’s still waiting for the non-existent climax.” –Miller,S. Survey. In Facebook. Retrieved April 22, 2012 -“Fugly people who think they are the shit. “I slept with blah blah blah”. It’s not cause you’re hot, it’s cause you’re easy.” –Carson,J.Survey. In Facebook. Retrieved April 22, 2012 - “People who harp on about how much they drink and how many pills they take, even though you know for a fact they are yacking up a storm off 4 cruisers and half a party pill.” -Faber, S.Survey. In Facebook. Retrieved April 22, 2012 -“Good looking people whose only yarns are, “I’m so ugly.”

“I’m so fat.” -Allen, S.Survey. In Facebook. Retrieved April 22, 2012 If you want some wisdom, just stop being boring.

Poor Yarns are the unplanned children of Average Experiences and Below-Par Social Skills. The latter is harder to fix than the former but all someone needs is one decent parent to do alright and not end up on Jeremy Kyle. I suppose the politically correct thing to say in this instance is “Be yourself..” To be quite honest that’s probably half your problem. Being yourself doesn’t mean walking into a room, telling them that you got a text from your mum and how it’s so funny because she forgot a capital letter on your name. Why the fuck are you not mentioning that the txt interrupted a group battle on Chat Roulette where you played to see how many rounds you can go without seeing an old mans penis. Here’s a hint. Zero.

Meh. Some people can’t be saved. I suppose birds of a feather fuck together or something. If all of your friends are shit yarns; well.. cute.

I love you all regardless.

Hope you’re still phenomenally attractive.

Yours until we hit a midlife crisis and decide we can do better but really we can’t so I just go out and get expensive fake tans with the settlement money whilst you buy a motorcycle you can’t ride, MMF. x P.S. The chick closest to your left wants your dick. Shhhh she doesn’t want you to know.

Diary of a Hipster Issue Six: Health Well aside from telling you guys to wrap it before you smack it and gurls to make sure your boi gloves it before you let him shove it, I really know little to nothing about health so I thought this week I’ll stray away from the theme and spin you a yarn about the meaning of life, so here goes, if you want to know about how often to wipe or how to floss flick the page, cause this is about to get trippy.

Nobody knows what the hell is going on. Don’t kid yourself and say that you do understand because you can’t possibly explain your own existence. Think back to when you were a child… You thought your parents were all knowing and understood life. I thought to myself… when I grow up I’m going to be able to do whatever I want and know exactly how life works. As I grew up I realised they don’t really know what is going on… and that they are just two of 6 BILLION human beings living on a rock surrounded by oceans and all other forms of life. People dedicate their lives to discovering the truth. No one has come close. I can’t believe any god/creator religion simply due to the fact that if god made us then who made god?

And if you say he created everything including himself, well that’s fine, go bash a bible for me while you’re at it. How can there be a good and evil if that concept is essentially made up by humans? I don’t even know if we are ever meant to find out the meaning. If you knew the meaning of life would it possibly kill the excitement?

Below is my (thank you Joe Rogan) theory anyway. I think we are a very complicated form of bacteria, a leech sucking on mother earth’s ass, born to survive and grow as part of the collective human consciousness and to eventually consume our host which is the planet earth.

just a measure of growth. If you are flying above the earth it looks amazing. Oceans, trees, rivers and mountains.

Then you fly above a city and it looks like shit, a bacteria growing on the earth. Where there was once naturally growing trees and vegetation and all sorts of life… there is now concrete jungles plagued with garbage smelly stuff and worst of all, ourselves. Nothing apart from the human race has any chance to grow or live here. These cities are expanding at a rate faster than ever before. The human population has shown no signs that it will slow down until there is nothing left to eat/drink/consume.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a greeny tree hugger, don’t class me with that damn dreaded girl from WSU (<3 you dreads :p). But all around us is this consuming growth of civilization. We urinate on buildings, throw our McDonalds rubbish out the window, flick our cigarette butts in the gutter and drive our polluting cars two blocks on a fine day when we could walk. It all just points to the fact that we are just like the homeless guy who we say is a drain on society, except we are a drain on the very thing that keeps us alive, provides us with food, water, air and everything else we take for granted. You only have to drive an hour and a half over to the mount to see effects of New Zealand’s worst environmental disaster, or in the other direction to raglan to see that hideous looking wind farm on our beautiful shore line.

- Why is human social interaction a basic human need? Species Survival.

I also think all this kind of negative energy we direct in mother earths direction we direct at each other as well. Fights in town, the petty name calling, the dirty rumors, the back stabbing, the mean things guys do to girls and then ways girls manipulate their boys. It’s all such a spiraling desecration of what we could actually be creating for each other. I kind of feel like this has been a giant piss and moan from me here, but I’m sure on some level you can relate to this. Who cares about being a hipster, who cares about being cool, who cares about being smarter or better looking than that guy / girl. CAN”T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? So I believe the meaning of life is to love, laugh and find a passion, inspire and be inspired, smile and try to make others join you, but hey it’s easier to frown and be boring right?

I believe we are all part of one giant organism growing at a rapid rate on the host that is mother earth. Time is really

Much Love, Something Hip

- Why does sex feel so good? Species Survival.

- Why does everyone have parental instincts?

Species Survival.

- Why does the human race keep getting smarter and innovate? Species Survival.

Opinion

19

Nexus on Health We could have devoted serious column inches to the same stuff we seem to cover every year. STI checks, how to get use and dispose of condoms and all that other great stuff that you are going to get from 12 other sources anyway. Instead we decided we would go completely Meta and just talk to ourselves. So between the student writers on Nexus and a couple of randoms we created a forum to let them tell you what they know about life, love and eating right. No judgements, no spin, just students talking to students. Enjoy.

Louise (19) On diet: I live most of the time on a vegetarian diet; this is mostly because of the price of meat but also because I feel New Zealand laws aren’t strict enough on animal welfare.

When I do eat meat or animal products, I try to make sure I know where they come from and how the animals were treated (e.g. free range eggs) but that isn’t always possible.

I also try to eat as little processed foods as possible and as many organic foods as I can (when my bank account allows me to). I have a small garden at my flat where I grow my own vegetables.

On Stress / mental health: Having suffered from serious bouts of depression in the past and been on medication for them, I know the importance of mental health. If something is stressing me out, or I feel upset about something, I tend to write lists. Knowing what is possible for me to change and what’s beyond my control is really important. Asking for help when things do become too much is a really valuable skill to have. It doesn’t make you weak – but is probably one of the most intelligent things you can do, and it could save your life.

On Sexual Health: Contraceptives are cool. Don’t be afraid of the doctors or asking for the morning after pill/ condoms/the pill. They were all young once too.

On Alcohol: I drink occasionally, but it would definitely not be more than a couple of times a month. Alcohol is a depressant, makes my skin bad, and is very expensive. I also don’t like “town” - being a rather petite female going out to nightclubs I tend to get stood on, intimidated and pushed around a lot, and being intoxicated has never helped those situations.

On Drugs: Since they’re illegal and if I was caught with them, the conviction would make it harder to find a job, travel into countries such as America and Japan (whose laws are super strict on drug convictions), and also probably cost me a heavy fine or jail time, I’m not really interested in them.

Section

On Night life / Sleep: Sleeping 8+ hours a night for me is a must. Any less than that and a she-hulk replaces me and terrorises my flatmate and friends. My usual bedtime is probably around 11 although it’s not hard for it to suddenly become 1 or 2am.

Blair (22) On diet: I’ve been eating a lot healthier lately. Earlier this year, I decided to cut out all soft drinks and fast food, and I’ve started cooking more. When potatoes run out at my flat, it’s as emotionally crippling as being Irish in the 1840s.

On Stress / mental health:: I’m not as stressed as I probably should be. There’s a lot on my plate at the moment, but the pillar holding it up hasn’t entirely withered away yet.

On Sexual Health: Knowing how to use a condom properly does better work for one’s stress levels than any first-year will ever understand On Alcohol: I don’t drink as much as I have in the past.

It’s not so much budgeting the money as it is budgeting the time to do it.

On Drugs: My attitude towards drugs is simple – do what you like, as long as it doesn’t get me arrested.

On Night life / Sleep: I prefer a house party to clubbing.

Clubbing is just a bunch of loud noises, bumping elbows, and people drunker than they should be. That’s not a good time, that’s childbirth in South Auckland.

Name: Wakatoomba (21) On diet: I feel more satisfied and better in general when I eat a healthy meal rather than an unhealthy one. Fast food after exercise is a cardinal sin in my book. Pretty much every meal of mine must contain some sort of meat otherwise I find it unsatisfying. I drink about half a litre of milk a day which is probably a bit unusual, but it’s something I can happily consume at any stage of the day.

On Stress / mental health: Go out Saturday night no matter what - everyone deserves some downtime otp, avoid people who always complain or talk about their problems, and listen to lots of music.

On Sexual Health: Use common sense and remember that it’s better to be safe than sorry.

On Alcohol: Figure out what agrees with you and doesn’t.

I don’t like Bourbon or wine. Over three years I have discovered a combination of drinks that puts me on a top buzz every time, usually about 12 beers and six 8% RTDs. This combo can be tweaked here or there with shots and drinking game drinks.

On Drugs: Stay on the greens or buy some Illusion at the dairy, anything else is too expensive and I think Hamilton nightlife doesn’t justify spending a lot on pingas and what not.

On Night life / Sleep: I don’t club-hop - I’m happy to just put up with one club’s music for the entire night; I don’t keep going to town if I’m getting sick of it; never go more than two nights without a proper eight hour sleep.

lots of pasta, rice and potatos. They are reasonably healthy and go the distance. My favorite food ever is bread; like warm, fresh bread straight from the bakery with lots of butter. Probably not the best obsession but it’s better than cigarettes huh. I shop with others for about five or six dinner meals a week as well as lunch and breakfast. I usually have the other meal at someone else’s dinner table.

On Stress / mental health: Stress come with being a student. It’s not with money or uni work that much. It is mainly with things like parking and that it takes half an hour to find a park anywhere close to uni. Also people sipping there drinks as loud as possible. There is someone behind me right now savaging the last of their drink through a straw like a blender.

On Alcohol: Alcohol is great. Hangovers are not so I avoid them as much as possible. I take Neurofen, eat bread to soak it up, skull loads of water and even put more pillows under my head to try and steer clear. I live in town above a night club which cuts down the cost of taxis and we never have to hunt out a sober driver which is great.

Daniel (20)….

On diet: To be honest, my diet consists of whatever I can cook that comes out of the freezer. Most of that stuff is what I grabbed from my parents freezer last time I was there. I try to do the “three balanced meals a day” thing, which seems to work for me.

On Stress / mental health: I know a fair bit about stress as I’m not really one to make my own life easy. I leave assignments until far too late, I do far too much outside of university work (I do far too much volunteering, right now with Nexus, Contact FM and (though not now the season is over) the New Zealand Breakers). My personal way of dealing with stress is either to hit the gym or just go for a walk.

On Sexual Health: To me, you make sure you’re doing whatever you need to in order to stay safe – particularly in the areas down below. If the other person doesn’t like it, they’re probably not worth it.

On Alcohol: I used to be someone who wouldn’t drink often, but when I did drink I would drink a lot. Now, I tend to drink more often but less. I’m not saying I don’t drink a lot sometimes.

On Drugs: I don’t touch them. Next question?

On Night life / Sleep: I go into town far too often (during the first half of the semester, it was about three or four times a week) but it’s almost always for going to see bands or DJs at Static/Flow/Biddy Mulligans/Void. I do spend far too much time at the casino too. Sleep for me is usually too late – both starting and finishing.

Julia, 19.

Name: Alix (21) On diet: I’m terrible with eating well. I’m pretty sure working during usual mealtimes means your diet’s fucked no matter what. I go through phases where I’m really good, but mostly my diet consists of toast. It’s cheap.

Won’t give you a body like Katy Perry though *sigh*. I did try a Gluten-free diet last week at the insistence of my mother. $8 for bread?! Not on my paycheck.

On Stress / mental health: Stress is a HUGE one for me.

Every appointment I make with my doctor ends with the advice “Just try to be more calm” I know, sounds like I need anger management but I promise that isn’t the case usually.

On Sexual Health: If your prince charming turns out to be a frog, it shouldn’t unfairly label you. And because I’m a cynical bitch, I reckon everyone should get checked, even you serial monogamists. You’ll thank me later.

On Alcohol: I don’t drink often these days, as all my friends have real jobs now answering other people’s phones. This unfortunately means when I do get the chance, I end up dancing to Def Leppard on one of RodeoRodeo’s tables. Unhealthy.

On Drugs: I’ve seen my fair share of drugs. Auckland hospitality is a dark place, man. One guy, affectionately dubbed “spaceman”, turned up to most Monday shifts giggling and hiding behind curtains. But it wasn’t my scene, or my work colleagues were taken for a ride by their dealers. Whatevs.

On Night life / Sleep: I work nights, so tend to stay up late trying to de-buzz. I watch a lot of New Girl and have no brain function before my morning coffee.

On diet: My views on diets are pretty much governed by my student budget. Carbs, I found, are the cheapest. I eat Feature

21

THE SECRET LIVES

OF FIRST YEARS

One Large, half-strength, chai, decaf, soy, latte to go with one sweetener please?

While waiting for my coffee I really felt pain for the barista; rush hour lunch time traffic as well as meeting the specific demands of the lady in front of me. Half of that and none of this, it was as if she was planning her wedding. It seems to me that as time passes we are continuously discovering more needs and more intolerances that never existed before. Strict dietary restrictions are treated as if they are fatal when really they are a fashion trend; the new black. I’m not sure what it is but as humans we have this scary obsession with image and how we look to those around us. Yet, for those who aren’t crying wolf, requirements and intolerances will never go out of fashion.

If you were sent to a desert island one thing you would take is water, right? Nothing, really, can live without it. Aquagenic Urticaria is a skin reaction caused by contact with water and it must be the most unfortunate condition of all. For those who have it, touching water or even crying can cause rashes and painful skin reactions.

So, next time the water runs out when you haven’t paid your bill, count yourself lucky it’s not burning you!

Apples or oranges? For Grace Morley it really depends where she is standing. She is not allergic to either nor is she allergic to birch trees. But for Grace, eating an apple close to a birch trees can result in shock and even death!

One of the best times of the year has to be summer. Not because it’s christmas or a school break but because there is a chance the sun may make a debut. Everybody

22

Opinion

emerges from their winter hibernations to bake in the sun. The barbecues, one-pieces and pasty thighs come out for weekends at the beach. For some people, the sun can mean an immediate home detention sentence. Solar Urticaria is an allergy to sunlight and UV rays. Even just a little sun can cause the skin to blister and rash!

This year summer was a blink and you miss it event. I am always waiting for those proper kiwi summer days like the ones that came as a kid or on the Tip-Top adverts; the days where you actually get sun burnt. Just when I thought summer was finally here, it had gone. All of a sudden the air conditioning was off and the heater on in the same day. Believe it or not there is actually an allergy for this. It is called Cold Urticaria and it is an allergy of the cold or drops in temperatures. Cold air, cold water and even cold drinks bring on the symptoms leading to fainting and shock.

What we know as organic or wholesome today is what our parents called ‘food’. The more options we are given the more we expect. Once upon a time, milk was known best as ‘milk’. In the supermarket today you can find; trim, full, skim, lactose-free, soy, almond, powdered and flavored milk, to name a few. Each has alluring qualities and packaging which makes you feel as though it is the must have staple of the season. Eggs can be free range or caged. Cheese comes in a variety of styles either in a block, shredded, cubed or in a squeezey bottle. There is also many different types of water to suit anybody’s needs; whether you need sparkling, mineral, flavored or still.

My cup of tea choice can either be ethical partner, New Zealand owned Bell tea or Nuclear-free, no animal-testing Chamomile. Its a toughy. Saying ‘NO’ to pretty colours and apparently life changing results saves a lot of money when most of the time you are buying the same thing.

There is one good thing about being in the full-catered halls of residence. The endless choices lined up at the supermarket are an unknown battlefield. Navigating from class to class or even getting out of bed is hard enough without having to choose between penne, spiral, shell, fettuccine, spaghetti or macaroni. Staying at the halls of residence really does make the rise to semi-adulthood and the choices that come along with it, a little less daunting.

If you are any thing like me choosing one thing from another usually results in eenie-meenie-meinee-mo.

So staying in the halls or at least shopping with some more decisive friends is the best way to go!

How To: Keep a Healthy Mind With Alix Higby

Here’s something that really hits me where I live.

STRESS. It has been known to wreck havoc with my organisational skills, strain my relationships, and hit me with a myriad of health problems I’d never even considered before. Take now for example; my jaw’s currently locked up because, as my dentist has informed me, I’ve probably been clenching my teeth in my sleep…

STRESS. It’s so stressful. What’s most horrible about it, is that once you’ve got stress-related health problems, you stress even more, and then you get more health problems.

WHY?! THAT’S JUST SO UNFAIR. But as I’ve learned, when there’s nothing you can do about it, you might as well just fuckin’ chill. Here are some other pointers for avoiding stress and all it’s negative karma.

1: When that voice in your head says “Don’t worry, you’ll remember”, ignore it! Write whatever you were thinking down, and finish whatever you were doing before moving onto something else. Today I forgot my lunch because halfway to the car I put it down somewhere odd to run back inside to grab something else. Should’ve put it in the car first! Learn from my mistakes. I was so stressed today without my lunch and I don’t want you to have to go through that.

2. Don’t be nosy or overly suspicious of others. If you’re looking for trouble, you’re going to find it. Even if it’s all in your head. This rings particularly true for boyfriends/ girlfriends – don’t check up on them, it’s dodgy. And avoid overanalysing situations by being straight up and honest with your concerns. Otherwise it’ll stress you out to the max. See Fatal Attraction.

3. Avoid financial ruin. Don’t let anyone convince you that you need those extra chicken tenders. You have a perfectly good burger already. Especially when you’re a poor student in a mass of debt and you’ve just spent way too much on a damn burger. You were fine before this culinary masterpiece, and you’ll be fine after as well.

Just be sensible all right? Stick to necessities as much as humanly possible and your bank balance, and therefore your sanity, will thank you.

4. Laugh. All the time - Even when you’ve forgotten your lunch, spent too much on a replacement lunch, and you think your boyfriend’s texting another bitch. While crying and moaning about your misfortune can be cathartic, and it is perfectly acceptable to do these things, too much has the opposite effect (I speak from experience – seasoned wallower). If you decide to laugh and have a jolly good time instead, then you’re sweet. Being happy is just a better alternative to being miserable, plain and simple. So next time you’re feeling down, stop before you get into a spin cycle and drive yourself crazy. No one wants to hear it anyway!

At the end of the day, life is easier and heck of a lot healthier with less stress. We all know this. So be proactive about it, and make positive, conscious choices for a stress-reduced lifestyle and attitude. Just choose to be happy for happiness’s own sake. Next time you freak over four assignments in one week, I dare you to give it a try. Whether you are miserable and stressed today or optimistic and burden-free tomorrow, it’s your prerogative.

Opinion

23

Tangata Tumeke

The names of our Māori warriors echoed at Te Kohinga Marae last Tuesday in commemoration of ANZAC. Māori students and staff set aside their books and laptops to remember their loved ones that fought for their freedom.

Attendees shared names of whanau that had fought during the World Wars, and we all rejoiced to hear the stories of those that had returned. The commemoration was conducted by Tom Roa who spoke of how his seven uncles had returned from fighting for their country, and of our 28th Māori Battalion (pictured). The event was my personal favourite that I have attended during my past three and a half years at Waikato University, and gave a personal appreciation of our Tama Toa. The health and well-being of our people has always been paramount to our ancestors and that legacy remains today. An essential aspect is knowing who we are and where we come from. For me, this is back home in Pipiwai, a little valley up North with a big heart. As you drive across the one lane bridge which leads into our valley, you draw in your breathe and wait for the aroha in the air to get pumped to your heart, and then you can breathe again. When you visit whanau, you feel treasured; when you eat together, you feel full; and the longer you stay, the more nourished you feel. You can read in magazines or over the net how people spend thousands of dollars on attending health spas to feel better, $100.00 petrol and I’m home.

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Lifestyle

Here at Waikato our Māori staff also realise the importance of personal well-being and whanau support.

This acknoledgement is provided through support mechanisms such as the Māori Consultants and the Māori Mentors in our school of study. We also have Māori student networks on campus: Te Ranga Ngaku (Management), Te Waiora, and Te Whakahiapo (Law).

A couple of weeks ago I attended the graduate dinner for our Māori law students, and the strong whanau support from the staff and Te Whakahiapo was evident from the graduate’s speeches. I have also attended kapahaka with Te Waiora, where our Māori students full rooms to capacity, and full our souls with their waiata and haka. On Thursday nights after tutoring from 4-6pm I walk down to the rec hall with my daughter (Rachel-Moetu) and we catch a game of social sports with Te Ranga Ngaku, and once again I feel at home among friends. So, being well is a spiritual and physical experience, and getting the right balance is easier amongst whanau and friends. and just like our loved ones who fought in the war we can draw strength from each other. Mauri ora!

Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai Ngāpuhi, Ngātihine, Ngāti Kahungunu, Ngāti Rongomaiwāhine VP Māori 2012

It’s not easy being Green Crazy. Insane. Mad. Weirdo.

Nuts. Mental.

Words that I am all too often guilty of using. Words that might be guilty of stigmatizing people who are unwell, suffering from mental illness and perhaps not loving life quite so much. Or are they actually words that empower and liberate the people who reclaim these historically oppressive terms? Might their use in the vernacular even be an indication that mental illness is no longer a taboo subject? Or is it an invisible mechanism that perpetuates stereotypes and stigma, preventing wellness whilst masquerading as acceptance?

Whatever the answer, stigma with mental illness remains really problematic. It prevents wellness, stops us from seeking help and silences those who we most need to be receptive of and listening to. The eleventh edition of Abnormal Psychology, a text book I begrudgingly purchased, says that personal contact can help reduce stigma. Curiously, that applies when we perceive the other person to be of similar status as ourselves- so for the sake of Nexus, I am going to interpret status as class and be like those lovely commies, who have no class, and I will assume that we think of ourselves as equals. And then it is story time, otherwise known as ‘personal contact in an attempt to help reduce stigma’ time.

I am going to tread delicately here in the hopes that this topic is not upsetting for anyone - despite the stereotypes of students living a chilled out life of drinking, sleeping in, missing classes and having it all subsidized by studylink, things around here can get really stressful and in different ways, to varying degrees, we have all experienced ‘the black dog’, as Winston Churchill called it.

So the purpose of this is not to tell you what you “should” or “shouldn’t” do when you aren’t feeling so good- there is enough of that advice around in magazines, oddly enough often accompanied by weight loss tips (cue real places to go for help if you are feeling rubbish or are worried about someone - text 5626 (a real person texts back), ring 0800 543 354 for someone to talk to 24/7, or hit up http://www.thelowdown.co.nz).

Plus, learning about yourself and developing your own ways of dealing with your experiences and feelings is part of the process- don’t let someone undermine your agency or disempower you by telling you what they think you should do. By all means be open to trying anything and everything until you find the best ways for you to move through the murky mood fog- you are worth not giving up on- just don’t give away the power to change the way things are for you to someone else. Damn it, that sounds an awful lot like “advice”.

If only obtaining happiness was as easy as coke (and most liquor stores) wants us to believe. Unfortunately

happiness does not reside in a bottle, and unless you have the time to get lost in an existential mind field, don’t think too hard about what happiness really is just yet.

Time for stories with someone who has been crazy, insane, mad, mental, nuts (and is still a weirdo)? Where this story starts is virtually impossible to know, so I will start at the ‘end’; being discharged from a psych ward. Claiming I was a certified crazy did not amuse my doctor when several months prior to that, I had been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder amongst other things. Diagnoses change a lot and I am very fortunate to have emerged completely label free but life had not been all smiles and laughter (apart from the times when it was only smiles and laughter). Depression for me felt like being the ash that remains when the fire has gone.

It felt like a vast nothingness that I hope you can not understand. “How are ya?” my friends would casually ask, “oh shit” I’d think- do I lie and tell them I’m sweet or do I tell them the truth and just try not to cry? The simplest of things can be overwhelmingly difficult at times.

A nice happy ending to anyone’s story or experience doesn’t ever do justice to the growth, the effort, the choices and the whole journey of recovery that accompanies depression, or any kind of mental illness. I feel fortunate for my experiences, and if someone were to hold it against me- I might think about holding that against them. But there would be a reason they couldn’t understand or were choosing to be judgmental. I just hope that being the person who tells complete randoms way too much about themselves helps in some way to start to break down the stigma of mental illness, and starts to cultivate understanding and acceptance.

PS- totally read the black dog, it is a very gentle and possibly quite helpful picture book.

if you are feeling rubbish or are worried about someone, text 5626 ring 0800 543 354 or visit www.thelowdown.co.nz Lifestyle

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26

Confessions of a 22 year-old Virgin

By Virgo It has been a few weeks since my fist article and before I get sidetracked by today’s thoughts I wanted to take some time and address some criticism, especially those who question whether I am really a 22 year old virgin.

How dare you good sirs/madams? How dare you cast aspersions on my sexual status and malign me? As any guy will tell you , there are certain things men don’t confess to. How lousy they really are in bed, how unfunny they are, and still being a virgin. I went a step further and actually put it on paper for the campus to read.

Last time, I focused primarily on the sexual aspect of being a virgin, but in my case virginity is also a lack of romantic attachment. What I have found out about living a life without life is that my life is now devoid of passion.

There is a distinction to be made about the verbiage.

To me love as an emotion is defined by the accidental nature of it. You often hear people say ‘I have fallen in love.’ ‘I am falling for you.’ This suggests that you almost stumble upon it, the hand of fate has guided you towards it, that the cosmic forces of destiny are at play. You can conflate love with spirituality. Passion, on the other hand is a more base, raw emotion. When you are passionate about your country, your sports team or when with your lover the passions run wild and both of you end upon the bed for a session of vigorous love making. To me it is an emotion that you discover within yourself. That fire in your belly that gives you energy to do what you love.

There is something spontaneous about it, a groundswell of emotions that tugs at your self-control, while liberating at the same time.

But as you would have noticed, in order to have passion for something, it is necessary to love it first. In order to find a job you are passionate about you need to love that job. My life is bereft of love, the sort of love that awakens the passions in a person’s life. For me, apart from the

obvious sexual frustration and passionless masturbation, being a virgin has left me with no romantic attachment.

To delve deeper into what I mean, I realise that in terms of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, romance is not a necessity. But to me I do feel like that I am missing out on an important aspect of my life experience. The feeling of being swept along in a torrent you have no control over. Having the knowledge that someone out there loves me despite my faults and quirks. I do feel like Gibreel Farishtar in the Satanic verses. The man who dreams of beautiful women and has a large capacity of love, and none to share it with.

Buddha at this point will probably interject and say that my attachment to an idealised form of romantic is the source of my suffering. In a way, he would be right, but I have to disagree with the enlightened one here. I am of the belief that humans are defined by the attachments they form. During our childhood we are defined by our filial love. During young adulthood for most of us, we search for romantic love. During our latter years we give love to our offspring and eventually succumb to the winds of time. Our various attachments of love during the journey of life, or the search for it largely defines our life. The suffering that results from the attachments add spice to our otherwise dull lives.

To me, at this point my life feels incomplete, as I have not experienced romance. As my life stretches into the great darkness and beyond, it would be comforting to know that I have a companion.

Sorry if I have not amused the readers this week with more masturbation jokes. next time I promise to regale my readers with stories of my failed attempts at attracting the opposite gender. Tragedies of course in my opinion make great comedies.

Opinion

27

This week’s theme is health and other than the obvious, what’s the most important thing to keep healthy as a student?

Your wallet - that’s what.

Financial stress sucks more than a hole in your brand new tights, so this week we have a tutorial for you on how to make a cute new skirt, and still have money in the bank.

Things that tick us off: those lovely high waisted skirts you see in Glassons, etc. They look super sweet on the mannequins, but when you actually see them in the store and realise a piece of material with elastic is going to cost you $40+, well that’s just criminal. You should be able to buy all the materials for this tutorial for under $20 (or less than $10 if it’s a good day at the op shop). And just to make things easier, I’m going to do it along with you!

1. Lay the material out on your floor

with the nice side facing you (aka the side you want on the OUTSIDE of the skirt). Fold it in half horizontally and pin together.

2. Now grab your sewing machine

and stitch along that side about 1.5cm from the edge of the material.

You should now have a tube.

3. With the not-as-nice side facing

you (aka the side you want on the INSIDE of the skirt), fold over the top of the tube more than the width of the elastic (e.g.; if you elastic is 2cm wide, then fold over the top 4cm and sew it so there is a 3cm gap)

4. BEFORE you sew all the way

around though, leave a small gap before you get to the place you started sewing so you have a hole to thread the elastic through with.

5. Grab a safety pin and pin it to

one end of the elastic then thread it through the hole till you come out the other side. You can either then tie the elastic in a knot, or sew the ends together nicely (but don’t get it twisted!)

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Lifestyle

6. Now simply turn up the bottom edge however short you want the skirt, sew down, and you now have a lovely new skirt!

Extra for experts: Instead of using a rectangular piece of material, you could instead use a large top with pretty material (just cut off everything above the sleeves and follow from steps 3-5) or do the same with a skirt which is too big or too long (again, just cut off the old waistband and follow from steps 3-5).

Good luck!

Alice & Anne (but mostly Anne, Alice was busy this time).

All you’re going to need is: 1. A piece of rectangular material, more than wide enough to fit around your waist (the wider it is, the more volume, mine was 150cm wide) and long enough not to show the world your hoo-hoo (mine was 60cm long) - the best place to score cheap material is the Victoria St Salvation Army Store.

2. Elastic (about 5cm shorter than your waist measurement) and a safety pin - which you’re able to buy from the Warehouse, Spotlight or David’s Emporium.

3. A sewing machine with thread - beg, borrow or steal from your mum or grandma!

WORDS TO FIND HEALTH GYM VITAMINS EXERCISE NURSE

DOCTOR HYGIENE CONDOMS CLEAN FOOD

STANDARDOFLIVING GRAPEFRUIT SEXUALHEALTH RUBBERGLOVE PHYSICAL

Puzzles Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some sweet free stuff!

Easy

Medium

Colour Me In

Hard

Entertainment

29

Auteur House

By Dr. Richard Swainson

Few directors have achieved the qualitative extremes of Paul Verhoeven. In 1999 his second feature, 1973’s Turkish Delight, was proclaimed the “Best Dutch Film of the Century” at a prestigious Nederlands Film Festival.

Three years earlier Verhoeven had the sporting grace to accept in person his Golden Raspberry award for directing Showgirls, perhaps mainstream Hollywood’s worst ever attempt at soft core pornography. These bare facts might suggest that, like so many other European auteurs before and since, Verhoeven was forced to bastardise his art in America. The truth is more interesting.

Verhoeven is known for content that many would consider extreme or at least in poor taste.

Sex and violence are his hallmarks and subtlety a sworn enemy. However, there is little gratuitous or even really exploitative about his treatment of such material. Nor is there much that you might call sensual. Verhoeven is just matter-of-fact. He doubtlessly sees himself as a pragmatic realist. Fighting and fucking are everyday occurrences and should be dramatised as such. It’s a sometimes crude but always refreshing attitude.

In New Zealand it’s always been difficult to get hold of Verhoeven’s early work. After importing his 1977 epic Soldier of Orange recently I discovered a movie very much in keeping with Black Book, Verhoeven’s 2006 return to Holland. In their amoral depiction of the realities of World War II the films are unlike any others I can think of. Soldier of Orange traces the fortunes of a group of university students as they adjust to the German occupation of their country. Whilst Rutger Hauer’s laid back resistance soldier assumes centre stage Verhoeven retains equal sympathy for one of the character’s friends, who joins the SS. When another of the group cuts a deal with the Nazis to save his Jewish fiancee from deportation Verhoeven treats the betrayal as dispassionately as he does the woman’s earlier decision to sleep around on her man. Even the British are depicted less like allies and sponsors than cynical manipulators of the situation, buying time with Dutch lives.

Black Book goes further. Perhaps tired of seeing movies too wedded to the mythology of the Resistance, Verhoeven concentrates less on the cruelty of the occupation than on the internecine tensions amongst those who oppose it. He even makes the head of Gestapo the male lead in the film and a mostly sympathetic one at that. This isn’t an endorsement of fascism, it’s a refusal to indulge cliche.

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Opinion

Verhoeven is interested in studying the reaction of his characters to extreme conditions rather than in making obvious moral points. In any case when his nude female protagonist has a bucket of shit poured on top of her it’s clear that the Germans are still the bad guys.

Verhoeven’s Hollywood output is inconsistent. Despite claiming no special enthusiasm for science fiction he found box office success helming some of the bigger budgeted films of that imperfect genre: Robocop (1987), Total Recall (1990), Starship Troopers (1997) and Hollow Man (2000). The first and third display a nicely satirical touch, even if Troopers’ witty flirtation with Nazi iconography and flagrantly fascist ideology were misread by some moronic critics. It’s less possible to say anything nice about Total Recall - a great premise sunk by the neanderthal casting and non-acting of a pre-Governator Schwarzenegger - or Hollow Man, a truly B-grade throwback that at least gave Verhoeven and star Kevin Bacon a belated opportunity to show off the latter’s wedding tackle.

It is more the female genitalia that an English speaking audience is likely to remember Verhoeven for. The Dutchman’s orchestration of Sharon Stone’s vulva in Basic Instinct (1992) became one of the great moments in 1990s cinema: a consumerisation of the cunt, as it were. The film itself is overblown and ridiculous, playing like some fifth generation photocopy of a Brian De Palma rip-off of Hitchcock but it’s a masterpiece next to Showgirls (1995), Verhoeven’s follow-up collaboration with screenwriter Joe Eszterhas. If evidence were needed that Verhoeven is not a pornographer Showgirls provides it in spades.

Despite the presence of some beautiful women - whatever else you say about Elizabeth Berkley and Gina Gershon they are surely that - and a backdrop of stripping and sleaze all the director proves himself capable of is placing a camera in the correct position to capture the clothes coming off. There’s no erotic atmosphere whatsoever and the acting is cartoon like. When Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan fuck in a swimming pool it looks like that old primary school game where you pretend to be a washing machine.

Happily, Verhoeven bounced back from the debacle and even learnt something, discovering a new ironic mode.

One of strengths of Starship Troopers is its deliberate cartoon tone and performances. Auteur House is proud to stock it along with all but one of the other titles mentioned above.

The Magic of Reality – by Richard Dawkins

The Clan of the Cave Bear - Jean M. Auel

I like reality. I like living in it. So do you. The feeling of a gentle sun on your back as you walk down the street, or wrapping yourself around a loved one on a cold winter’s night - it’s all good. But there’s some people who aren’t so fond of reality. They’re called religious believers. They believe in made-up stuff.

You’re lost and all alone in a big wide world almost devoid of Human presence.

There’s an outside possibility that what they believe in might be true, but there’s not the slightest shred of evidence to back it up. Yet most religious people don’t think their belief is a possibility, they live as if it’s a fact of life.

The sub-heading of Dawkins’ book is ‘how we know what’s really true.’ And that’s what the book’s about. For instance Scandinavians of yore used to believe lightning was the result of Thor hurling bolts down from the clouds. Now as cool as that explanation is, and as much as we may want it to be true, it’s a bunch of bullshit.

The Magic of Reality attempts to address the fundamental issues of existence and offer up a non-religious explanation. Chapter titles include ‘Who was the first person?’ ‘Why are there so many different kinds of animals?’ ‘What are things made of?’ It takes the building blocks of science and makes them accessible to ordinary folk. The book is nicely designed and heavy on illustration, easing a potentially boring subject. There’s even an app that you can download to your i-pad, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Now before Christian readers start foaming at the mouth and firing off Nexus Lettuce, you can be assured the Magic of Reality is tamer than the likes of ‘the God Delusion,’ and isn’t just a relentless atheist diatribe.

Attacked and mauled by a Cave Lion, a gaping thigh wound bleeding and festering, you haven’t eaten in days and can’t reach water. You pass out in the heat of the sun.

Dazed and confused you open your eyes to see a woman, a woman who looks nothing like those you have known, one of a drastically different culture, a woman of a different species.

This is how Ayla, a four year old Homo sapiens girl’s new life and story begins. After losing her mother and her kind to a devastating earthquake, she is found by Iza, the medicine woman of a Neanderthal tribe, who takes her in as her own. Her story is one of hardship, misunderstanding, brutality, survival and trying to adapt to a culture and social system that her mind did not evolve to be part of.

Jean. M. Auel is one of my favourite authors. Her books are thoroughly researched and beautifully descriptive. It’s amazing how informative her books are and believe it or not her books actually helped with my Human Evolution exam in my final year of high school. Her writing style flows in such an amazing way that reading it is so easy and fluid that time flies by as you read, and you get to the end of the book before you know it and then you HAVE to go read the next one! And I’m telling you the next two books in this series only get better! Packed full of adventure across a land untainted by humans, hunting giant beasts now long extinct, jealousy, romance, and yeap, you guessed it, sex. Lots and lots of graphic sex. Seriously, what more could you want From a book?

With that in mind, perhaps this is the one Dawkins book religious peeps could have a go at. At the end of the day I’m not asking you to love the guy - far from it - but I don’t think you should hate him either. I simply suggest you should read him.

Also since we’re on the health theme this week, if you’re into natural remedies, Auels’ books are packed full of them!! However I don’t recommend relying on plants for contraception in this day and age. Play it safe kids, always wrap your tool.

By Kevin Pryor

By Courtney Q Reviews

31

Versus 2 enter, 2 will probably leave again

Some of you may not be old enough to remember the 8-bit days, the days where you had lives and one hit from an enemy would kill you. Dark Souls takes it inspiration from those difficult days, with some modern gaming tropes.

Dark Souls is what is nowadays known as an action-rpg. It allows you to choose a class of character, each with their own sets of stats.

But don’t be fooled. The class choice you make in Dark Souls doesn’t really matter, as the type of character you want to be (warrior, spell caster etc.) is dictated by your characters equipment. The tagline of the game is “Prepare to die”. And you’d better believe it. Dark Souls doesn’t hold your hand like modern day games. There is no tutorial level, only messages scribbled on the ground to tell you the controls, and you are thrown in the deep end and have to figure out the rest of the game mechanics yourself. After just defeating your first few enemies, you’re in a boss fight.

And this boss can kill you in one hit. ONE HIT. That shit is crazy. You start off like most fantasy RPG’s, in a jail cell but with a twist: you’re a zombie. Yep, you start the game and you’re already dead. Why you are dead is explained in the opening cut scene of the game, although there isn’t much story to this game, but that’s not what the game is there for. It is there to challenge you, make you angry, and make you cry. This game is definitely not for the fainthearted. The enemy design in this game is awesome. It is one of the best I have seen in a fantasy game in a long time.

Have no fear you PC-elitists, while it is only available on 360 and PS3 currently, a PC version should be on its way soon.

If you are impatient or hate dying a lot, give this game a miss. But if you like a challenge and the great sense of accomplishment that comes with overcoming something difficult look no further.

By Craig Barrett

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Reviews

I want to take trip back down video game memory lane and look at a classic, like Sonic the Hedgehog, increased Sega’s dominance of the gaming world and players alike.

Dr. Robotnicks Mean Bean Machine is on of the various Sonic themed spin-offs but one that has become very successful in its own regard. Unlike other Sonic games, Mean Bean Machine is a puzzle based game, taking the qualities of both Tetris and Columns and producing a whole new experience.

Dr. Robotnick has hatched a cunning plan to ensure that no music or fun remains on Mobius, To ensure this, he kidnaps the jolly citizens of Beanville and stuffs them into a giant roboticising machine called the Mean BeanStreaming Machine, so they become devious little robot slaves, as well as getting rid of them completely. In order for the beans to be saved we must set off in a daring adventure and once again destroy the turny of Robotnik!!

The game is played with 2 oppontents, each controlling one of two grids. Beans fall from the top in groups of two, each containing various of colours and one pair falling each ‘turn’. The player must attempt to arrange them into groups of at least four beans all of the same colour; should they achieve this, the beans in the group will be set free.

There is also a different type of bean called the “refugee” bean which has no use except as a space filler and can only be removed with the combination of other beans.

The main aim is to create chain reactions of beans being released which, depending on the different amount of chains, will cause your opponents grid to fill up with refugee beans. The game ends when one of the players grids is full and they collapse on themselves. Mean Bean machine is a highly addictive and sometimes annoying game if you can’t complete that awesome combo!! If you like/ good at Tetris or Columns then this a game for you.

I would recommend it for any vintage and modern video gamer.

Rating: 7/10 (As addictive as any good modern video game)

By DJ Purvis

Sick leave Keeping healthy is crucial to a successful career and a happy employer. That is assuming your career is not staying on the sickness benefit. Sometimes no matter how well we look after ourselves the flu or a cold can keep us away from work and that is why we have a minimum amount of legislated sick days per year.

A common misconception young people have is that; there is no paid sick leave. I have found that young people will take unpaid days off work when they are sick, because they did not know they are entitled to sick leave. In one case a student was told they could have the day off and when they were feeling better they had to go into work and make up the time they were away for, as well as their usual hours of work.

Your entitlements to sick leave are as follows: after six months continuous employment with the same employer you are entitled to a minimum of five days paid sick leave per year. You can use your sick leave to look after yourself, or a dependent such as your child, parent and or spouse.

True Story: One young worker worked for the same employer for three years and every year the employer would wipe the unused sick leave. This is illegal.

New legislation now enables your employer to request a doctor’s note to confirm you are unfit for work. If your employer requests that you provide a doctor’s note it is their responsibility to pay the associated costs on the first and second day you are too sick to work. On the third consecutive day of sick leave it is your responsibility to pay the associated costs.

PLEASE NOTE: 3 consecutive days off can be counted as Friday and a Monday, even if you don’t usually work the weekend.

- These are just legal minimums you can ask for more sick leave...

- Unlike annual leave, sick leave does not get paid out to you when you leave your employment - Sick days are available for Health and Safety reasons, if you are unfit for work- stay at home it will keep your workmates healthy, you safe and any clients safe Any question about sick leave call Kylie, 07 834 7122, email ywrc@xtra.co.nz

But I have an Extended Warranty?

Jocelyn has bought an expensive phone from a local dealer. She signed up for an extended warranty. The phone has had to be repaired three times and now the dealer is saying she must contact the manufacturer.

Wrong!.. Wrong!.. Wrong!...

Firstly, the TV programme Fair Go and Target along with the Consumer NZ and the Ministry of Consumer Affairs repeatedly warn against buying “Extended Warranties” Because usually they offer no more (and sometimes less) protection than the Consumers Guarantees Act. Secondly, Jocelyn’s phone is the retailers problem – NOT the customers.

Although the Fair Trading Act prohibits retailers giving false and misleading information, larger retailers often try to persuade their customers to buy an extended warranty to give protection they already have under the Consumers Guarantee Act. Don’t be fooled by the salesperson’s blurb!!

The Citizens Advice Bureau Hamilton provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Thurs 11-1pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

Half Baked

Mel

with Punnet

A couple of weeks ago some friends, the husband and I went to Punnet. I’ve been meaning to go for aaaaaages and don’t actually live all that far away so it shouldn’t have taken me this long.

I’ve heard a lot of wonderful things about the place. I was also fairly excited about ‘The Country Providore’ a cutesy little market type store at the same place; I believe it is all a part of a larger business called ‘The Strawberry Farm’ but since their website is somewhat crappy it’s kinda hard to tell. While there is a (geocities-esque) website available for the cafe, there is no trace of ‘The Strawberry Farm’ or ‘The Country Providore’ online bar a few telephone and address listings.

The oddness started from the moment we arrived.

We took a seat outside and then my lady friend and I went to investigate the contents of the cabinet and collect some brunch menus. Delicious looking things abound in the cabinet I was drawn to a roasted red pepper chutney and cheese scone that I decided needed to be a component of my brunch. At this point we tried to pick up some menus from the counter, but the counter guard got strangely defensive, covering them with her hands and telling us to sit down and a waitress would bring them out to us shortly. We were allowed to move tables (it was a little chilly out) and the waitress relocated our menus and brought out water, ok start so far.

The boys decided on big breakfasts and my friend on her usual eggs bene, I settled on a couple of sides at $4 each since I was having scone as well; ‘eggs any style’ (poachedNOM) and toast. The waitress thought the side would be one egg (despite the s implying more than one) which I was fine with, but it actually came with two, which I was also fine with ...I am not going to complain about extra egg. The meals came out in a timely fashion, although waitress availability seemed to drop off after this. I’m not going to lie; the food was pretty much amazing. My eggs were perfectly poached and far too filling – I had to ask for a bag for my scone, my friend’s only quip about her eggs bene was that there wasn’t more of it since it was so tasty.

The boys enjoyed their breakfasts and struggled to finish them toward the end.

Once the plates were cleared we decided on a second round of coffee, we waited ...and waited ....and waited ..when no waitresses materialised (or those that did stealthily avoided eye contact) the lady friend and I went to the counter to order on our way through to peruse the providore. It was filled with wonderful looking things, but to be honest it was pretty much the same kind of stock you would see in Nosh or Farro’s, at the same kind of prices, with a few ornamental things also on sale. Within the providore there is an ice cream parlour type set up which I believe dispenses fresh fruit ice cream. I can’t tell you any more since I didn’t investigate at the time and as I mentioned earlier they seem to have a complete inability to promote themselves online.

The kicker came when we went to pay, there was a bit of a mix up with a discount voucher we had and we were blatantly overcharged. When I tried to clarify the situation later on that day it was a struggle, the snarky manager/ counter woman did not want to back down and it took a lot of work on my part to get an apology and a refund for the extra charged.

All in all our experience at Punnet was kind of average, while the setting is beautiful and the food is fantastic, the coffee was just ok and the service was lacking coupled with the strange behaviour of the manager. I get what they are trying to do with the solely sit down service and it’s nice, but apart from the basics like order taking, food delivery and plate clearing it can be pretty hard to find (or at least make eye contact) with a willing waitstaff. A smile wouldn’t go amiss for the manager either!

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ENTr close thisies week

MAY 3RD

NZ Sign Language Week Want to learn some basic sign language?

Deaf Aotearoa is holding taster classes for students this week anyone is welcome!

1-2pm Tuesday 1 May 1-2pm Thursday 3 May Venue: WSU Space, Level 1 Student Centre, Opposite Bennetts.

Or if you can’t make a class, come down to the Green on Wednesday during Cultural Hour and say hello

NEW ZEALAND SIGN LANGUAGE (NZSL) - GIVE IT A GO! fst our ey ov M

on to you rc he st

MY

fn

ded. Put two ten fn ex ge rs rs ge

NAME

on

ard & twist pal m orw ou tf t ris w

d fst up with tw Hol o

f forehea d. M ide o es ov th e

Have fun with your whanau, family and friends. Learn your name and how to count to 12 in New Zealand Sign Language!

Note: In NZSL we don’t sign the word ‘is’ in a sentence.

Just sign ‘my name’ then fingerspell your name.

Feature

37

Hot Fuzz Crime Map

Unlawfully Takes Motor Vehicle Burglary

If you have any questions, please contact the University Community Constable Nick Sickelmore.

Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz 07 858 2792.

Assault

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Lifestyle

Carving in Ice presents, A double bill of two comedies of bad manners by Jo Randerson.

Directed by Gaye Poole 1st May - 5th May at the Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts, Hamilton This double bill of Jo Randerson plays, staged by Carving in Ice, offers a unique opportunity for Waikato audiences to see two of Jo Randerson’s plays, Fold and Cow, on the same evening. This cast of Waikato University Hillary scholars, theatre students and community actors revel in the chance to work on these non-naturalistic plays. Fold and Cow: refreshing, absurd, surreal, impish, irreverent, grotesque, puzzling and hilarious in turn.

Dates and Times Tues 1st May 8:00pm Wed 2nd May 8:00pm Thurs 3rd May 8:00pm Fri 4th May 6:00pm Fri 4th May 9:00pm Sat 5th May 8:00pm

PREVIEW OPENING NIGHT PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE FINAL NIGHT

BOOK AT TICKETEK: 0800 TICKETEK or at www.ticketek.co.nz COW Beth’s heart is set on making a cow out of leaves, but with a father who believes he is a cat and several opinionated interlopers will she realise her dream? Ever so slightly surreal; a wry look at the New Zealand family and the pressures of conformist society.

FOLD Friends without benefits. A play about parties, presents, pegs and clean underwear. Witty, grotesque, refreshing and chilling; a mockery of pretension, self-obsession and selfdelusion.

For more info, visit www.carvinginice.co.nz “Very black, it’s a hard-hitting comedy,” laughed Michael Potts describing the dual plays fold and cow. According to Michael the plays are prime examples of New Zealand absurdist theatre. The story of “Cow” centers around a protagonist trying to create a cow out of leaves. The play explores the illusion of art . In this case the cow is representative of “the great system taking away the independent thought of the lowly artist.” The sentiment will likely strike a chord with others in the art community.

Comparatively “Fold” has more of a sophoclistic nature to it. Fold depicts a series of parties, and the hypocritical nature of those who attend them.” Fold acts as a criticism of typical upper middle-class New Zealand culture, in a way which the audience will connect with directly and personally.“ Michael said that anyone with an open mind would enjoy the attacks on society and hypocrisy seen in both performances, and promises that they aren’t pulling any punches. “Come prepared to be rather shocked”.

‘Well he’s been having sex with me for 3 years, but I’ve never had sex with him...If i refuse to acknowledge it, it simply isn’t true.’

‘No matter how many times I have had sex with Karen, she remains a virgin until she CHOOSES otherwise.’

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