How times have changed

by Theresa Bergeron

For international women’s day, I thought I would enlighten the younger generation on how times have changed in my lifetime.

I was born in 1951, making me 71 today. Through the 50’s, women were expected to be housewives and mothers and obey their husbands. They were referred to as Mrs John Smith, not Mrs

Marie, as women were still considered chattels to men. The roles were very well defined. Well into the 60’s, career choices for women were very limited. I was raised in a French Canadian Catholic family. Women were not expected to go beyond grade 12 for education. After that, you either became a secretary (you took the commercial high school course with typing and shorthand), a nurse, a primary school teacher (not high school), or a nun. And you were expected to be married in your late teens or early twenties. Any single woman beyond that age was labelled an old maid.

My father kept the strict roles that were set for men and women at the time. He was the “breadwinner” and my mother, upon getting married, quit her teaching job to become a housewife. Note that in those days when a woman “showed” that she was pregnant, she lost her teaching job, with no compensation. Heaven forbid that a child would question that bump on her abdomen. But then my father had six girls and contrary to his beliefs for his generation, he put us all through post secondary education so, as he said, that we could all have a career and not depend on a man for a living! He was ahead of his time. But even then, in the late 60’s, university education was limited to women based on “quotas”. There were quotas for those who wanted to

Women’s Day message

giving. The loss of a child is a pain so unbearable that many cannot overcome it, but I chose to overcome. Today and everyday, I look for things that bring me joy. I do things for myself that nurture my own heart and don’t rely solely on others to do that.

be doctors, dentists, veterinarians and engineers. At Queen’s university, the quota for pre-med was 5 out of 65 students. High school boys got in with averages as low as 65, the girls, 92. When I inquired with a professor, he mentioned that the board of governors thought it was a waste of taxpayers’ money to educate women in these careers as they would probably end up as “housewives”. By the early 70’s, this was found to be sexual discrimination and today, the medical careers have more women than men. Also in those days, people thought that girls only went to university to catch a husband. My parents’ generation had well defined roles. My generation had confused roles. Women were having careers, getting married and having children. Men took a while to adapt. They still hung on to women managing the house and children, but enjoyed the added bonus of a wife contributing financially to the family. Now we were double worked and burning out. And there was lots of strife and many divorces.

Today, we are not shamed and pointed at for being single. And if we do couple up, married or not, we can choose not to have children. And men finally see families as a shared responsibility. They step up to the plate to cook, change diapers, wash dishes, and do the laundry. In my day, we had six weeks of maternity leave. Now it’s a year or more with shared leave between the parents.

And there was a time, I think into the 80’s, when if a woman wanted to have a tubal ligation, she had to have written permission from her husband. And when a woman wanted to get a bank loan, lets say to start a business, she was required to have a spouse co-sign. Thank God, those days are over. Yes, we can manage very well on our own. Yes, times have changed for the better. I’ve lived it and I’m glad to see it!

by Nanda Wubs-Huizenga

“This current chapter of my life is called my turn, and I’m unapologetic about it.” This quote resonates with me.

As a Wife, Mother, Business Owner and Community Volunteer, I’ve spent my entire adult life meeting the needs of those around me. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself and it took special people to nurture me back to where I needed to be. How about you?

Do you give yourself space to be you? Do you have people who nurture you? If not, do you nurture yourself? International Women’s Day is a good day to start reflecting on you!

Last summer was a time of personal reflection and I realized that while meeting the needs of others motivated and inspired me, there was something missing. I forgot to listen to what I needed to be happy and settled far too often. Life was ‘good enough’ and I was blessed with the love of family, goodwill in the community and business success. Yet, I was hurting.

Hurt has a way of disconnecting you. Pain can be so deep that your heart can’t bear to feel anything. When I lost my son to cancer in 2019, grief made me numb. So… I filled my time with more

As women, we grieve for many reasons; relationships that are not healthy, loved ones who are suffering, children who are making bad choices, even our aging appearance. I am my own worst critic. As a young mom, I was frustrated and angry a lot, raising four busy boys. The grief and guilt of not living up to my own standard of motherhood took years to overcome. Eventually though, I learned to forgive myself. We can be so understanding with others, but can we be that to ourselves?

Counselling has been an important part of my healing journey. Recently, my therapist asked me to put my hand on my chest and tell myself loving things. “It’s going to be okay; you’ve endured so much…” I didn’t expect the response I had. My chest was warm with emotions and tears poured from my eyes. Often, we bury our emotions just to cope with the busyness and stresses of life. This lesson taught me how important it is to be a friend to myself and not just others.

A short time ago, I felt inspired to post this on Facebook. “Who needs a friend today? I’ll bring you a cup of coffee or some flowers or a beer. You pick! I know we all have times where we need a friend. Just want to put it out there.” One Facebook friend said she needed flowers. Her husband had been battling cancer for a few years and life was hard. Bringing her a beautiful, large bouquet of flowers brought joy to both of us. Do you need someone to bring you flowers? Maybe you just need to take time to smell the roses. Give yourself that pleasure and buy some!

My friend’s life is still hard, but a moment of joy broke through her hardship. I don’t know what hardships you’re going through. We aren’t always who we want to be when we go through these times. Sometimes we disappoint ourselves. Regret can weigh heavy on our hearts. Sometimes deciding who we are is deciding who we will never be again.

When our hearts are troubled, it affects every part of our life. We can shut down and avoid life, just to cope. Many of us stop caring about our looks, for this reason. As a mom, my focus was not on my looks or well-being, but on how to be a mom. When I became a business owner, work ruled my time, so I didn’t do things for myself. I realize now that those decisions were based on the needs and expectations of others.

Now that I’m healing and nurturing myself, I look after my skin, my health and my fitness, as well as my looks. Joining a gym last summer has had a huge impact on my healing journey. Putting 100% effort into a recent wall-sit completion, I was able to place second out of all participating men and women. What a feeling that was! Visiting a naturopath gave me insight into the type of diet I should eat and the vitamins I should take. Even getting my nails done every six weeks makes me feel good about myself and reminds me that I’m worth it.

Do you know what you need to feel good? Are you taking time to look after yourself? There’s no need to pause your life until you are healed, so listen to your heart. Discern what makes you happy and what doesn’t. I chose to dance in the puddle of my tears and not drown in them. I chose to love myself and stop living to please others. We can “remove the ‘I want you to like me’ sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror where it belongs,” says Psychologist Susan Jeffers.

Let’s make today - International Women’s Day 2023 - about being kind to each other and most especially to ourselves. So, on this day set aside for WOMEN, go ahead… buy the shoes (or the flowers), give yourself grace, be beaYOUtiful.

HAIKU submitted by Katie Nolan

Female scientist/ Gets ignored Her Whole career/ Whoops! Her work's the cure.

For women who love to sing!

Malala Women’s Choir

Invites you to explore uplifting music for treble voices including contemporary and folk songs with emphasis on Canadian compositions

Rehearsals: Wednesday evenings

7:00 – 9:00 pm

March 15– June 1, 2023

Concerts mid June

Location: Spencerville United Church

Director: Sheila Fawcett

To register: contact Sheila at 613-658-5290 sheilafawcett92@gmail.com

No previous choral experience required. Membership fee: $30 to cover cost of music, use of rehearsal space, insurance and accompanist’s honorarium

Proceeds from the choir’s performances are donated to the Malala Fund to support girls’ education projects in vulnerable communities around the world.