Annoying Little Book by Alex Nicholson

The

Annoying Little Book Written and illustrated by Alexander Nicholson

Contents But first!

Just a quick message from the author! Ever noticed those really annoying little things in life? You could be having a great day, in fact you could be having an amazing day but all of a sudden your mood is ruined... What the hell. It depends on person to person but something so small can have such a massive impact on your attitude. Anyway, here's a few that really annoy me. Feel free to get in touch on Instagram and share the things that absolutely do your head in!

#AnnoyingLittlethings

Out of milk

Lost Your Key

No Loo Roll

Flat Pint

USB won't fit

No Charge

earphones

alarms

open doors

Pen runs out

Noisy cinemas

lights on

Forgetting a towel

storage full

picture frames

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Forgot to charge your phone?

Today’s the day! The interview for the job of your dreams is only hours away. The only thing that stands in your way is

Today’s day!noThe interview the jobyouofwake yourupdreams is only hoursyouraway. only that the carthe journey, problem. Feelingfor confident early so you can charge phoneThe to use as athing sat-nav. Showered, dressed and fully awake you grab your briefcase and car keys. All you need to do is collect your phone stands in your way is the car journey, no problem. Feeling confident you wake up early so you can type in the address. After unplugging the phone the screen illuminates, wait... 12% Battery? How can that be? It's chargeandyour phone to use as a sat-nav. Showered, dressed and fully awake you grab your briefcase been on charge for the last two hours. You turn your attention to the plug, you never flicked the wall switch. Great... and car keys. All you need to do is collect your phone and type in the address. After unplugging the phone the screen illuminates, wait... 12% Battery? How can that be? It’s been on charge for the last two hours. You turn your attention to the plug. You never flicked the wall switch. Great...

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Collide/2016 Want to listen to some music? Guess not.

Early morning start! You draw back the curtains and to no surprise it’s throwing it down. To make things you’restart! on the You bus. Looking like you’re heading out expedition you head out into theTocold. Earlyworse morning draw back the curtains andontoannoArctic surprise it’s throwing it down. make Five minutes later you reach the bus stop, by this time your utterly soaked and totally miserable. Maybe thingssome worse on the Looking like you’re headingthis outmorning. on an Arctic expedition you head musicyou’re will cheer you bus. up? You neatly folded your earphones Reaching into your pocket you out into the cold. Five minutes later you reach the bus stop, by this time you’re utterly soaked and retrieve the damp earphones, surprise, surprise they have managed to completely knot themselves intototally a ball.miserable. Is it really worth hassle? Maybethesome music will cheer you up? You neatly folded your earphones

this morning. Reaching into your pocket, you retrieve the damp earphones but it’s no surprise they have managed to completely knot themselves into a ball. Is it really worth the hassle?

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Collide/2016 The cows dead...

Monday morning, 6 am start at work. Hardly able to keep your eyes open, The phone starts ringing, the paperwork piles6upam andstart it justatall gets too much.able Wait,toakeep coffeeyour will eyes wake you up, right? The thought the Monday morning, work; Hardly open, The phone startsofringing, idea is so tempting you fly to the kitchen. Mug out, coffee out, kettle on. Even the smell of the coffee seems thetopaperwork piles up and all just Wait,swing a coffee wake The help wake you up. Just one itmore thing.gets Milk.too Youmuch. frantically the will fridge dooryou openup, butright? all that thought is glass so tempting youdreams fly to the kitchen. coffee out, kettle on. Even the greets of youthe is anidea empty bottle. Your shattered you Mug face aout, difficult decision, drink black coffee or return to your prior zombie state. Great start to the week. smell of the coffee seems to help wake you up. Just one more thing. Milk. You frantically swing the

fridge door open but all that greets you is an empty glass bottle. Your dreams shattered you face a difficult decision, drink black coffee or return to your prior zombie state. Great start to the week.

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An accurate representation An accurate representation of your life in ten years time of your life in 10 years time.

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Today's the day of your important presentation. Everything's set. You’re feeling confident as you glide into the office, the clients and making small talkEverything’s whilst everyone far so good. You stride Today’s the greeting day of your important presentation. set.arrives, You’resofeeling confident as up you to the stage and boot up the laptop while the lights dim for the projector, you ask for everyone’s attention. glide into the office, greeting the clients and making small talk while everyone arrives, so far so After a short speech all eyes are on you, reach around your laptop in order to insert the usb. It won’t fit, good. You stride up ittoover. the stage boot upfit.thePeople laptop theyoulights the projector, you no worries just flip What? Itand still won’t arewhile staring, repeatdim the for process as the stress to get to you, it finallyAfter fits!, What a relief Fifthall time lucky. noticed...Right? ask begins for everyone’s attention. a short speech eyes areNobody on you, reaching around your laptop

you try to insert the USB. It won’t fit, no worries just flip it over. What? It still won’t fit. People are staring, you repeat the process as the stress begins to get to you, it finally fits! What a relief, Fifth time lucky. Nobody noticed...Right?

Collide/2016 Flip it... Now flip it again.

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Long day at work? Not to worry, you’ll be home soon. You hop off the bus into the rain and dwindling As you Not begintoyour walkyou’ll home be youhome begin daydreaming, wondering to have tea Long sunlight. day at work? worry, soon. You hop off thewhat bus your into going the rain andfor dwindling and whether there’s anything on TV tonight. Finally you reach the front door, reaching for your pocket sunlight. As you begin walk home wondering what going your heart sinks. You doyour the classic pocketyou grabbegin as youdaydreaming, begin to panic, you search your bag you’re but it’s no use, to have your for tea there’s anything on TVwindow tonight. at the front door,you. reaching keysand arewhether gone. Peering in through the front you Finally see themyou’re sat on the table, mocking All the for neighbours are out and your phones dead because you forgot to flick the charger switch this morning. your pocket your heart sinks. You do the classic pocket grab as you begin to panic, you search your

bag but it’s no use, your keys are gone. Peering in through the front window you see them sat on the table, mocking you. All the neighbours are out and your phones dead because you forgot to flick the charger switch this morning.

Collide/2016 Forgot your keys?

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to his own room. You’re relieved he’s gone so you continue with what you were doing until something catches your attention. He’s left the door slightly open... You try shouting him but he doesn’t answer leaving you to do it. Mood: Ruined.

Close the door!

It's been a long day at school, all you want to do is chill out in your room, maybe play some computer games or listen some music your annoying other already toldplay him some to ‘sod It’s been toa long day atbutschool, all you little wantbrother to do ishas chill outidea’s. in yourYou've room, maybe off’ a few times but he persists. The bedroom door flys open as he announces something of minor computer games or listen to some music but your annoying little brother has other idea’s. You’ve importance. After a harsh exchange of words he Leaves, returning to his own room. You're relieved he’s already toldcontinue him towith ‘sodwhat off’ you a few times persists.catches The bedroom door flys asdoor he gone so you were doingbut untilhesomething your attention. He's open left the slightly open... You tryofshouting but he doesn’t answer leaving you to doofit.words Mood: ruined. announces something minor him importance. After a harsh exchange he leaves, returning

Well done. Now you've broken my book.

Th e most awesome thing ever!

Collide/2016 Ding Ding Ding Ding

It's Thursday night and you’ve had exams all week with on more tomorrow. You're feeling confident so a few hours playing won’t If anything calm the nerves, right? Maybe not. You get It’s Thursday nightvideo andgames you’ve hadharm? exams all weekit will withhelp on more tomorrow. You’re feeling confident carried away and before you know it, it’s 1 am. Quick get to bed! Before you can say ‘exam’ the curtains are so adrawn, few hours playing video games won’t harm? If anything it will help calm the nerves, right? the lights are out and you’re all wrapped up in bed. Soon you’re asleep, dreaming away. The hours Maybedrift not.byYou carried and before youready know it, it’sthe 1 am. Quick get you’re to bed!fast Before untilget 7 am. The timeaway you should be getting to catch bus, but instead asleep.you Twocan more hours by until finallythe openlights your eyes and and look at the clock...Shit. say ‘exam’ the drift curtains areyou drawn, are out you’re all wrapped up in bed. Soon you’re

asleep, dreaming away. The hours drift by until 7 am. The time you should be getting ready to catch the bus, but instead you’re still fast asleep. Two more hours drift by until you finally open your eyes and look at the clock...Shit.

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Shhhhh!

It's finally time! You and your friends jump in the car, setting a course for the cinema. The excitement builds as discuss various stories,jump unfortunately the release night so busy, not It’syoufinally time! Youplot andlines yourandfriends in the car,it’ssetting a course forit’sthefairly cinema. Theto worry tho, you’re soon at the front of the queue. Tickets bought, you grab the essential supply’s such as excitement builds as you discuss various plot twists and story lines, unfortunately it’s the release coke and popcorn. Once you’re sat down you begin to relax, the cinema slowly fills when a group of twelve night it’swalks fairlyin... busy, Not tohorror worrythey’re tho, you’re soon at the of thechatting queue.through Ticketsthe bought, yearso old’s To your asking questions andfront generally film, youtelling grabthem the essential supply’s coke andaspopcorn. Oncetoyou’re sat down you begin to relax, to ‘shut it’ only makesofthem worse they continue mess around... Great.

the cinema slowly fills when a group of twelve year old’s walk in... To your horror they’re asking questions and chatting through the film, telling them to ‘shut it’ only makes them worse as they continue to mess around... Great.

#AnnoyingLittleThings

Collide/2016 Quick, grab a pen!

You've been waiting for this call all day, checking your phone every five minuets. You're all prepared, pen and paper on hand to jot notes. Finally thephone phone begins The conversation You’ve been waiting fordown thisany callimportant all day, checking your every to fivering. minuets. You’re allis going well when they ask if you can jot down some notes, you grab the prepared pen and paper. You begin prepared, pen and paper on hand to jot down any important notes. Finally the phone begins to writing down information when the pen ‘jutters’ and cuts out. A quick scribble at the bottom of the page ring.should The conversation islicking going the wellpenwhen they askNotifsoyou canit’sjotdead. down notes, you grabthethe help right? If not nib will help. lucky, Nowsome you have to interrupt person on the phone whilst you scramble round trying to find another. Great first impression. prepared pen and paper. You begin writing down information when the pen ‘jitters’ and cuts out. A

quick scribble at the bottom of the page should help right? If not licking the pen nib will help. Not so lucky, it’s dead. Now you have to interrupt the person on the phone whilst you scramble around trying to find another. Great first impression.

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Estimated time remaining - God knows

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You’re late for work because you forgot to set your alarm clock so you bolt out of bed and into the bathroom getwork a quickbecause shower, as frantically washing yourself get sop in you’re You’re latetofor youyou’re forgot to set your alarm clock,you so manage you boltto out of bed and eye. into Great, you try wash it out with water but it still stings. One eye blind you stumble out of the shower the bathroom to get a quick shower. Aseven you’re frantically washing yourselfblind, you late manage to get searching for your towel... Wait... You never picked one up. Now you’re freezing, and soaking soapYouincan you’re eye.forGreat. Youyour try flat washmates it outwillwith waterjust buttease it stillyou. stings. eyehave blind wet. try call help but probably Looks One like you to you make astumble run for it,out careful to slip. searching for your towel... Wait... You never even picked one up. of thenotshower

Now you’re freezing, blind, late and soaking wet. You can try call for help but your flat mates will probably just tease you. Looks like you have to make a run for it, careful not to slip.

Collide/2016 Cover your bits!

#AnnoyingLittleThings

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F%#@ Sake

It seems like an average day, everything is going fine when suddenly an elephant rides past on a unicycle

Itwhilst seems like anEveryone averageis inday, everything going normal suddenly an elephant rides juggling. shock. ‘The guys is will neveras believe this’when you think you yourself. You reach for your phone and open the camera, poised, waiting for the perfect moment to get the best pic! The elephant past on a unicycle whilst juggling. Everyone is in shock. “The guys will never believe this”, just focus when hit the just as notification up. No!forYou youcomes thinkinto to yourself. Youyoureach forshutter your phone anda ‘memory open thefull’ camera, poised,pops waiting frantically try deleting photos as the elephant come back around for another pass. You still cant take a the perfect moment to get the best pic! The elephant just comes into focus when you hit the picture! Unsurprisingly your friends will never believe you and will most likely take the piss. shutter just as a ‘memory full’ notification pops up. No! You frantically try deleting photos as the elephant come back around for another pass. You still cant take a picture! Unsurprisingly your friends will never believe you and will most likely take the piss.

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Plop

No need to discuss... We've all been there... No need to discuss... Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve all been there...

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Please insert New batteries To continue.

#AnnoyingLittleThings

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Just nudge it

You've made friends with a lad at work and he invites you over for a few drinks and to watch the football. You’ve made friends with a lad atthat workevening. and heAfter invites overtalk for you a few and tothat watch You gladly accept and head over later a bityou of small thedrinks other blokes are there you open aYou beergladly and sitaccept down toand watch theover game.later Out ofthat theevening. corner ofAfter your eye your the football. head a bitsomething of smallgrabs talk you attention, there’sblokes a photoopen on thea wall TV.. It'stoslightly but you saycorner anything, mean and the other beernear and the sit down watchwonky the game. Outcan’t of the of Iyour you’ve only known the guy a few days... The game starts but it’s in the back of your mind driving you mad, eye something grabs your attention, there’s a photo on the wall near the TV.. It’s slightly wonky maybe straighten it when he walks out of the room?

but you can’t say anything, I mean you’ve only known the guy a few days... The game starts but it’s in the back of your mind driving you mad, maybe straighten it when he walks out of the room? You reach up but get caught in the act... Awkward.

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It’s been a long, hard day at work. It’s Friday night and you’re ready to chill out and have a drink with your

Gulp

down at thehard pub. You walkIt’s to Friday the pub night and head to the bar, it’s to busy butout you and manage to make It’spals been a long, dayeagerly at work. andupyou’re ready chill have a drink your way to the front. ‘Pint of lager, please’. just the thought of it wets your palate. You pay and grab the withcool yourglass, palsheading down atover thetopub. You eagerly walk to the pub and head up to the bar, it’s busy but you your seat. You collapse into your chair, finally taking the weight off your feet. manage make yourtoway to the ‘Pint of lager, justface theand thought palate. Thingstoseem too good be true, youfront. grab the glass, pullingplease’. it up to your talkingofa itbigwets gulp. your It's flat. Nowpay youand physically havecool to getglass, up andheading walk backover to the to get lookinto of the barmaid, You grab the to bar, youronly seat. Youa nasty collapse your chair,great. finally taking the weight off your feet. Things seem too good to be true, you grab the glass, pulling it up to your mouth, talking a big gulp. It’s flat. Now you physically have to get up and walk back to the bar, only to get a nasty look of the barmaid. Great.

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Collide/2016 Do you know how much that costs!?

15 This one annoys dad’s around the world! It happens to all of us, you’re in a rush and you forget to turn the

This one around world! Itall happens all of us, you’re gets in a home. rush Ifand you forlights off,annoys meaningdad’s they’re burningthe electricity day untiltosomeone inevitably your brother gets home first you might be able to get away with it, but... Oh boy, if your parents get home first you’ll know get to turn the lights off, meaning they’re burning electricity all day until someone inevitably about it! Inevitably getting the lecture about ‘how much it costs’ and that they will make you buy all the gets home. If your brother gets home first you might be able to get away with it, but... Oh boy, light bulbs once they blow. That’s all you need when getting home after a long day. if your parents get home first you’ll know about it! Inevitably getting the lecture about ‘how much it costs’ and that they will make you buy all the light bulbs once they blow, leaving you sitting there, working by candle light whilst your dad continues to shout and ball.. That’s all you need after getting home after a long day.

#AnnoyingLittleThings

Solutions Or they might just anger you even more. To be honest this book isn't helpful at all.

I blame the author!

glue the plug on

use a boom-box

Get a better cow

try your best

Never leave home

Live alone

Buy a cockerel

Buy all the tickets

Hire a scribe

Just Smell

Buy a better phone

cross your legs

never return

call aa?

sit in the dark

Hello readers! At this point you’re probably wondering why you should bother reading this book if it’s only going to annoy you... but it might, just maybe help prevent those annoying little things in life from happening to you! While this book helps warn you about the the daily annoying little things it does so in an annoying way, and one which is hopefully comical as well! To sum things up it’s a top 15 of my most annoying little habits, some will anger you just by looking at the illustrations while others won’t affect you at all. But... Don’t fear there is a way of venting your frustration too! Simply upload a picture of what annoys you the most onto Instagram with the #AnnoyingLittleThings and i’ll find it! (Equally, you could give this annoying book as a present to someone you hate) #AnnoyingLittleThings