NICK NOTE
Anything worth doing, is worth doing right. - Hunter S. Thompson
BY NICK VUJICIC
elcome to the second issue of
work and a commitment to stay in it for
AIA digital magazine! We are
the long haul. In other words, in order for
so excited to bring you more
me to be all in, I need to have my heart in
inspiring
the game.
and
enlightening
stories to lift your spirits. Thank you for all
When I saw Kiyoshi being born and he
of your kind comments and your enthusiasm
looked directly into my eyes with his electric
for this new effort to reach people around
baby blues, my world changed forever. My
the world with our messages of hope and
heart changed, too. When the nurse put him
encouragement.
The theme of this second edition of
AIA—Keep your heart in the game!—is near and dear to my heart because of two of the greatest events in my life: my marriage to
“The best way to attract and find love is to give it away as freely as you can.”
Kanae, the love of my life, and, exactly one year and one day later, the birth of our first child, the amazing Kiyoshi!
on my chest to rest, we melded together. And
Our bouncing baby boy is now two years
now when he comes running to me and hugs
old! Getting married and having a child is
me on his own, well, there is just nothing in
such a blessing and a joy! Sure, it’s hard
the world like it.
work. But these past few years have taught
An older friend of mine says that as her
me so much about love, namely, that as
children grew up, she thought each stage—
Hunter S. Thompson once said, “Anything
from infancy, to pre-school, to grade school,
worth doing is worth doing right.” I take
junior high, the teen years, and college
that to mean that the best things in life -
age—was better than the previous stages.
like marriage and parenting - require hard
That is how I’m feeling about love as it has
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 01
progressed from the courtship stage, to marriage
shared passions, including your devotion to your
and family.
children. That’s what happens when hearts are all in
Kanae also has made me a much better person, and
for one another.
she says the same for me, though I’m not sure I believe
I am so grateful for our life together, in part, because
that is possible. When both of us have our hearts in
I searched for love for so much of my life. Because
the game, we learn how to love each other better,
of my disabilities, I wasn’t sure I’d ever find it. As I
which is another incredible blessing. In other words,
matured, I grew more aware of the fact that everyone
we are committed to each other and complement one
deals with insecurities and hurts and rejection. It
another in our strengths and weaknesses. As a result,
is part of our shared humanity. I also realized that
we want to be better for each other and for our son and
because we are all insecure and vulnerable, the best
the other children we hope to bring into our family.
way to attract and find love is to give it away as freely
By the way, baby number two is due later this year!
as you can.
Having a child together really brought our
So do not hold back. Give love without expectation
hearts into the game even more. Our lives changed
and conditions. Guard your heart only from those
“When I saw Kiyoshi being born and he looked directly into my eyes with his electric baby blues, my world changed forever. My heart changed, too. When the nurse put him on my chest to rest, we melded together. And now when he comes running to me and hugs me on his own, well, there is just nothing in the world like it.” dramatically and the way we love each other is
who’ve shown that they are not worthy of your trust
deepened by the appreciation and gratitude we feel.
and affection. Live, learn and love if that is what God
At that stage you realize you have this lover and best
has put in your heart. Know that you are worthy of
friend and partner who also shares your love for your
love and let all of those within your reach know that
child and your extended family. And all of these good
the same is true for them. That requires hard work and
results are available to those who hold nothing back in
sacrifice but results in lasting joy! Love is a miracle
nurturing the loving relationships you already have!
we all can share. Our hearts are in the game! Yours
And there’s more! Your lives become deeply
should be, too!
intertwined and putting the family’s interest above your own seems so natural that it requires no effort
Love,
at all. You become partners with common goals and
Nick
a common mission and direction. You may have different passions, but you also have many more
02 APRIL 2015
100
days of summer. days of hope. Summer is the season we’ve all been waiting for. It’s100 days of high dives, ball games and barbecues. It’s100 ways to dress a burger, catch some shade or get out of town. It’s100 chances to clear the calendar for what’s most important.
Every two seconds this summer, someone like you will need blood. Donating is quick and easy and,. like all good things this time of year, it’s worth celebrating.
What are your summer plans? This summer, there are100 chances to give hope. Choose your day to help save three lives. Donate blood.
Choose your day to give hope. redcrossblood.org
CONTENT
08 THE HEART OF A MAN WHO WANTS TO CHANGETHE WORLD If you don’t know Shai
Reshef, you should. Or, rather, you will. You see, Reshef is out to change the world. Through online education.
FEATURES 06
DAD’S HEART OF INFLUENCE
HIGHLIGHTS 22
line between love and infatuation
motivational speaker Zig Ziglar,
and knowing the difference.
for motivating others.
30
THE HEART OF SUCCESS Motivational Speaker, author, and break down and explanation of his process for success.
COOKING FROM THE HEART Daniel Churchill shares with us a delicious recipe to cook for that special someone.
pastor, John Maxwell, offers us a
18
Dr. Mary Lamia discusses the fine
Tom Ziglar, son of renowned shares his father’s “secret” formula
14
PROTECTING KIDS’ HEARTS
36
HAVING THE HEART TO RISE ABOVE Australian Idol pop star, Thanh Bui, and his rise to the top.
HEART TO HEART AUTHENTICITY Dr. Randi Gunther shares the
KEEP YOUR HEART HEALTHY
24
benefits of being up front and open
38
when beginning a new relationship.
Dr. Keisuke Miyahara talks about the risks of heart disease and the importance of keeping your heart
GOOD WORKS FROM A HEART OF FAITH
healthy.
One man’s discovery of his life’s avocation.
00
NICK NOTE Nick sends his warmest welcome from Attitude is Altitude Magazine.
41
CURRENTS Smiley, the Blind Therapy Dog, Jessica Cox the Armless Pilot, The Grace Factor and more!
LEADERSHIP
The key to success is having a heart of influence helping others keep their hearts in the game!
BY TOM ZIGLAR
My late father, the motivational speaker and author Zig Ziglar, impacted and influenced millions of people around the world during his lifetime. He always had his heart in the game and was able to help others to greater potential. If you desire to influence those around you, and your motive is to leave a powerful, positive legacy, then you will benefit from the influence formula that Dad used. I call it his “secret” formula because I don’t think he realized he was doing it. It’s just part of who he was and it came from deep inside him - from the heart. In fact, he was so skillful after years of training and thousands of speeches that influencing others came naturally to him. You can have a similar impact! It doesn’t matter if you are working with someone one-on-one, in a small group, or speaking to a room of thousands, the formula for a heart of influence will work for you. And here it is.
06 APRIL 2015
HOPE
that you have overcome great challenges, and that you have made some bad decisions along the way.
Dad knew that without hope, people will not even
When they see the transparent, real you - when
try to better their lives. In a presentation, he would
they can look into your heart - they can identify with
ask his audience members to raise their hands if there
you. When they identify with you, they will try what
was anything they could do in the next week to make
you recommend and get results.
their personal, business, or family lives worse. Then Dad would ask if there was anything they
WILL + SKILL
could do in the next week to make their lives better in those same areas. Finally he would say: “Ladies and gentlemen,
Dad believed that to be successful we all need to work on our Will and our Skill on a daily basis.
without realizing it, you have determined in your mind that you have the power to make things better
Will is the heart, the desire, the want-to, the passion, and the attitude.
or worse. The choice is yours.” This is where hope is born. The hopeless won’t even try. When you realize
Skill is the how-to, the process, the system, and the technique.
you can do something, however, you have hope, and action follows hope.
IDENTITY
Success in anything we do requires both. Every day we need to fill our minds with things that build our Will and Skill, including positive books, CDs, seminars, and associating with positive, uplifting people.
Never underestimate the power of your personal
REFILL
story. In his speeches, Dad shared his personal story of being born in and raised in Yazoo City, Mississippi,
Finally, don’t underestimate the need to Refill.
during the Great Depression. He was the 10th of 12
Refill is the daily reminder we all need to remember
kids. His father died when he was five. His mother had
to Refill our Will and Skill.
only a fifth grade education. Dad’s first job was selling
We should never stop learning or growing. Every
peanuts on street corners at age six. He entered the
day presents a new challenge. People who experience
Navy after high school and never finished college. In
success year after year, and those with the most
his first sales job he sold nothing for the first two and
influential hearts - constantly Refill themselves with
a half years.
life-changing Will and Skill material.
After giving those unimpressive details, my Dad would say, “One day everything changed.”
If your goal is to influence others in positive ways
- whether it’s your family, your team, your company,
At that point, people in the audience saw my
a large audience or an individual - remember Hope,
father as an unremarkable person, so they often
Identity, Will and Skill, and Refill. Emphasizing those
would think: “Well if he can be successful, maybe
key areas will help you and others keep your hearts in
I can, too.” No longer was Zig Ziglar a celebrated
the game and committed to long-term success!
motivational speaker with super powers. Audience members realized he was just a normal person who had overcome enormous challenges. The people you are trying to influence need to know and relate to your story. They need to know it
TOM ZIGLAR serves as CEO of Ziglar Inc. For more information,
wasn’t always easy for you either; that you have scars,
visit ziglar.com or contact Tom at tziglar@ziglar.com.
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 07
FEATURE
BY MARK RICHARDSON If you don’t know Shai Reshef, you should. Or, rather,
of them professors from the most prestigious universities
you will. You see, Reshef is out to change the world. Through
in the nation, handle the teaching and academics. About
online education.
a third of UoPeople students are from the U.S., but the
Reshef is the president and founder of Pasadena, California
rest come from other countries - some impoverished -
-based University of the People (UoPeople), the world’s first
where education is unavailable, culturally unacceptable, or
tuition-free online university. Started in 2009, UoPeople
financially impossible. With a simple application process
has so far admitted over 2,000 students from 150 countries
and an Internet connection, any student willing to pay
around the world, offering degree programs in computer
the $100 per exam fee can embark on a journey leading to
science and business administration. The year 2014 marked
an associate’s or bachelor’s degree. But more than merely
the university’s official accreditation as well as its first
gaining a degree, Reshef says UoPeople graduates are
bachelor’s graduates. Three thousand volunteers, many
equipped to bring greater societal change around the world.
08 APRIL 2015
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 09
His heart to see this through is as lofty as his goal for
Fellowship; selected by The Huffington Post as the Ultimate
UoPeople: “If we give 100,000,000 students an education,
Game Changer in Education; nominated as one of Wired
our world will be a different world.”
Magazine’s 50 People Changing the World; and selected as a
Early indicators are that Reshef, an educational
Top Global Thinker by Foreign Policy Magazine.
entrepreneur with over 25 years of experience in the
Starting a university, let alone one that is staffed by
international education market, is on the right track with
thousands of volunteers and charges no tuition, is no small
UoPeople. He has been named one of Fast Company’s 100
feat. And Reshef’s vision to educate 100,000,000 people is
Most Creative People in Business; selected by OneWorld as
outrageous, in some degree. So in an exclusive telephone
one of its ‘People of 2009’; awarded an Ashoka fellowship;
interview, AIA Magazine asked Reshef to provide a glimpse
joined UN-GAID as a High-level Adviser; granted
into his heart and how he will accomplish something
membership in the Clinton Global Initiative; granted an RSA
that’s clearly so much bigger than any one person. His
10 APRIL 2015
guiding principles for how he started
necessarily mean reinventing the
UoPeople are instructive for anyone
wheel. “No matter what your dream
who wants to accomplish anything
is, see what ingredients already exist
worthwhile.
to make acheiving your goal easier. I
“If you want to accomplish
used existing Internet and computing
something that is big,” he says, “first
technologies; all I had to do was put
make sure you know your objectives
all the ingredients together.”
- the how and why of your goals are critical. And then never give
UoPeople
currently
educates
students from 151 countries and, as
"IF YOu WANT TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING THAT IS BIG, FIRST MAKE SuRE YOu KNOW YOuR OBJECTIVES -- THE HOW AND WHY OF YOuR GOALS ARE CRITICAL. AND THEN NEVER GIVE uP."
Shai with students in Haiti. In November 2010, at the Clinton Global Initiative, UoPeople committed to accepting 250 qualified Haitian youth to study free online, helpi ng them acce ss educ ation and develop the skills needed to rebuild their countr y. UoPeople fulfilled its commitment to accept 250 Haitian students in May 2014.
up.” Beyond clear vision and self-
such, very diverse backgrounds. Reshef
determination,
Reshef
says the current students range in age
quickly cited the need for others to
from 18 to 66 (average age: 29); 30%
be on board with your idea.
are female, 70% are male; and 65% are
however,
“Success requires other people, so
from foreign countries. “These stats,
surround yourself with other people.
however, don’t reveal who the students
You’ll convince them to join in your
are,” he says, noting that many
dream if you believe in it,” says Reshef.
students are actually from hardship
Years ago, when he first announced the
situations where they could not finish
vision for UoPeople at a conference,
a previously started degree program or
the New York Times picked up on
could not attend another school due
the event and wrote an article about
to cost or lack of seats. Reshef says
it. From that event and that article
UoPoeple students include women
Reshef received hundreds of emails
from
from professors wanting to join. “So
deprived of education for religious or
many could identify with my vision for
cultural reasons, or they are refugees
UoPeople; they saw that my heart was
because of political reasons, and so
in it, that I believed in it with all my
on. Some are survivors of genocide in
heart. It’s time had come.”
Rwanda. Because of the many hardship
African
countries
who
are
Reshef adds that a vision for
situations, however, many UoPeople
big change and impact doesn’t
students are more motivated than a
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 11
"NO MATTER WHAT YOuR DREAM IS, SEE WHAT INGREDIENTS ALREADY EXIST TO MAKE ACHIEVING YOuR GOAL EASIER."
typical university student.“These
like this are great,” he says, “but
are people who want to improve
we want to serve the refugees who
their
may not read magazines or hear
life
and
have
a
better
future,” he says. “So we offer opportunity where there is no other opportunity.” Of
course,
news in the media.” So what drives Reshef to stay at it and get the word out about
the
UoPeople? “I honestly believe that
opportunity at UoPeople requires
I’m changing the world,” he says.
a willingness to face obstacles.
“The mission for me is so big, I
At
the
can’t stop. It must be achieved.
recruitment of volunteers would
Something inside me makes me
prove most challenging. With the
run without stopping, working 16
outpouring of support and interest,
hours per day. Some internal thing
the next challenge that loomed on
keeps pushing me forward. And I
the horizon was the accreditation
love it!”
first
Reshef
offering
thought
process. Reshef says that while it
Reshef’s goals for UoPeople
was a top priority, it took many
include
years to acheive, and a lot of work
sustainable, which occurs, he says,
and money. An additional challenge
at 5,000 students enrolled. He’s
is getting word about UoPeople to
also working on two additional
people in other countries. “Articles
programs, one in health science as
12 APRIL 2015
becoming
financially
I n M a rc h o f l a s t y e a r, R e s h e f m a d e a n a p p e a ra n c e a t t h e T E D C o n f e r e n c e i n Va n c o u v e r, Canada to discuss University of the People and shed light o n h i s g o a l s f o r d e m o c ra t i z i n g higher education.
well as a Master of Business Administration degree.
Shai Reshef wants to change the world through
In any programming decisions, Reshef hopes to have
online education. Staying focused and motivated to
a significant operation with refugees.
accomplish this goal, he says, requires him to remember
“More than anything else, I want to help a lot of students,”
a piece of advice he received long ago. “A friend told me:
he says. So UoPeople is building a model for the universities
When you give to others, you get so much more back
in developing countries to show them how it can be
than what you gave. This became my motto and informs
done. “Look at our model,” he says. “You can educate
my heart for UoPeople.”
every single person in your country!” This, says Reshef, is one way of solving the issue of the 100,000,000 that need an education. “If they start this and stay at it, one day they’ll wake up and realize they’re doing it.”
MARK RICHARDSON is the editor of AIA Magazine. You can reach him at editor@theaiamag.com.
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 13
LEADERSHIP
All of us are born for a reason, but all of us don’t discover why. Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others. - Danny Thomas
BY JOHN MAXWELL
hen will you be successful? If
And I’ve developed a definition of success that
you’re like most people, the
underlines that truth, yet puts success within
answer that comes to mind is
the reach of anyone. Do you want to know
... someday ... somewhere off in
what it is?
the future. You think suddenly you’ll wake up and declare, “I made it!” because you reached a
LET ME GET TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER.
particular goal, accumulated a certain amount
SUCCESS IS...
of money, or received a type of recognition you’ve always wanted.
Knowing your purpose in life, Growing to reach your maximum potential, and Sowing seeds
THAT’S THE WRONG KIND OF THINKING
that benefit others.
I’ve studied success and successful people
Now, let’s take a look at how pursuing each
for almost five decades, and I’ve discovered
of these things is part of the ever-unfolding
that success is a journey, not a destination.
process of success.
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 15
KNOWING YOUR PURPOSE Psychologist Viktor Frankl said, “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life. Everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.” In other words, each of us has a purpose for which we were created. Our responsibility - and our greatest joy - is to identify it. To find your purpose, look at two things: your passion and your giftedness. What is the deep desire set in your heart, the thing that sets your soul on fire? What do you get most excited about? Add to that your unique mix of abilities, skills, resources, and opportunities. No one else’s in the world are exactly the same. What could you be great at that you would love to do? GROWING TO YOUR POTENTIAL Novelist H.G. Wells said that wealth, notoriety, place, and power are no measures of success whatsoever. The only
To find your purpose, look at two things: your passion and your giftedness. What is the deep desire set in your heart, the thing that sets your soul on fire? What do you get most excited about?
true measure of success is the ratio between what we might have been and what we have become. Did you get that? If you are willing to strive to become who you can become, you’re moving closer to realizing your purpose and potential. It’s been said that our potential is God’s gift to us, and what we do with it is our gift to him.
others. Without that, the journey can be a lonely and shallow experience.
How do you reach your potential? By focusing on what
Entertainer Danny Thomas said, “All of us are born for a
you’re best at. Training in it. Improving it. Making the most
reason, but all of us don’t discover why. Success in life has
of it. I did that in the area of communication. It’s my best
nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for
thing, and it’s the foundation for everything else I do.
yourself. It’s what you do for others.”
Dedicate yourself to growing every day. Doing that makes you successful today, and it prepares you for tomorrow.
You can change the world by giving yourself away to others. Take that step, and your success journey will be complete and fulfilling.
SOWING SEEDS THAT BENEFIT OTHERS When you know your purpose and are growing to reach
JOHN MAXWELL is the founder of The John Maxwell Company, The John Maxwell Team and EQUIP. These organizations
your potential, you’re well on your way. But there’s one
have trained more than 5 million leaders worldwide. Visit
more important part to the success journey: helping
www.johnmaxwellteam.com for more information.
16 APRIL 2015
MEDICAL ADVICE
BY DR. KEISUKE MIYAHARA
Today, we all ag re e t h at a h e a lt hy h e a r t i s e s s ent i a l fo r o u r s u r v iva l . Whethe r yo u are 2 2 o r 102 , the re
a re thing s yo u c an an d s h o u ld do to h el p m a i nta i n t h i s i nc red i b l e b i o l o gi c a l machi n e. Afte r all, yo u r “ ti cke r ” d o e s eve r y th in g it c an to ke e p yo u u p a nd r u nni ng, r i ght ?
THE HEART For the ancient Greeks, it was the center of the soul. For their Egyptian contemporaries, it was the center of life and morality. The Romans considered it the most vital organ in sustaining life. Clearly the heart has long been a focal point
A n c i e nt G re e ks b e l i eve d
for humankind and still serves as a symbol of
t h e h e a r t wa s t h e c e nte r
love and life around the world. Sometimes we
of t h e s o u l .
talk of having “heart” in terms of having soul, passion, and drive. Sometimes we talk of the heart in terms of beats per minute and blood pressure and health. “Having your heart in the game” is more than just a physical matter but it is not less than that. And no matter how you look at it, modern medicine only
T h e i r Eg y pt i a n c o u nte r p a r t s b e l i eve d t h e h e a r t wa s t h e c e nte r of l i fe & m o ra l i t y.
confirms the importance of taking care of this most vital organ. Whether you are 22 or 102, your heart is an incredible biological machine, critical to maintain in order to live a full and healthy life. In fact, your heart first began to beat at about 22 to 23 days into your creation in your mother’s
18 APRIL 2015
T h e Ro m a n s c o n s i d e re d t h e h e a r t t h e s i n g l e m o st v i t a l o rg a n i n s u st a i n i n g l i fe.
Yo u r h e a r t f i r st b e g i n s t o b e at at a b o u t 2 2 - 2 3 d ay s i n t o yo u r c re at i o n i n t h e wo m b.
A heart attach is a life-threatening emergency needing immediage medical help. Don’t hesitate to call 911. If a hospital is near, have someone take you.
womb. It sent blood flowing in your
HEART DISEASE
fourth week of life, making it one of
your first functioning organs. Every
The most common type of heart
day since then, your heart beats about
disease is ischemic heart disease,
100,000 times, sending 2,000 gallons
caused by the hardening of the arteries
of blood surging through your body.
due to fatty deposits that build up
And although it’s no bigger than your
inside the arteries, blocking blood
fist, your heart has the power to pump
flow. Basically, if your heart doesn’t
blood through 60,000 miles of vessels
get enough blood to do its job, you will
that feed your organs and tissues.
experience a symptom called angina
Throughout
history,
with
- chest pain that feels like pressure,
advances in medicine, improvements
squeezing, or, as some say, feeling like
in nutrition, and better sanitation,
an elephant sitting on your chest. This
By comparison, the circumfrence
the risk of infections and other deadly
pain can occur after climbing stairs or
of the earth is about 25,000 miles,
health problems have decreased. And
exercising and lasts just a short time
meaning your blood vessels could
for that, we’re thankful! Despite the
after you rest.
wrap around the world about 2.5
improvements, a threat still exists.
Angina
times!
Heart disease is now the largest cause
potentially serious problem, especially
of death in the world.
for those over 40 years of age, who may
may
be
signaling
a
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 19
be overweight, have high blood pressure, diabetes, or a history of tobacco use. You should see your doctor if these symptoms occur. Don’t ignore them. More serious heart attack symptoms match those of angina, but the pain is stronger, lasts longer and doesn’t go away with rest. These symptoms may occur after exercise or even while you are in bed early in the morning. In addition to chest pain you may have shortness of breath, dizziness, stomach ache, nausea, cold sweats, or clammy skin. Let’s be clear: A heart attack is a life-threatening emergency needing immediate medical help. Don’t hesitate to call 911. If a hospital is near, have someone take you. EVALUATING THE RISKS Do any of these risks describe you? If so, you are at a greater risk for heart disease. •
Tobacco u s e an d ex p o s u re to s e condhan d s m o ke
•
Dia bete s
•
High blood p re ss u re
•
High chole ste ro l o r t r i g lyce r i de l eve l s
•
Obe sit y
•
Fam ily histo r y of h e ar t di s e as e
LIVING HEART HEALTHY Eat right and exercise. The risk of heart problems increases if you are a man over 45 or a woman over 55. You can’t do anything about that, of course, but you can help fend off heart disease by eating a healthy diet, limiting unhealthy fats, avoiding sugary soft drinks, and exercising regularly even if it’s just a fast-paced, 20-minute walk. Put your mobile device to work for you. Many apps exist to assist in tracking your eating and exercise levels. Check out MyFitnessPal, Calorie Counter Pro, LifeSum, Fitocracy, and RunKeeper. Think about those you love. You want to be with them as long as you can, and of course, they want to keep you around, too. Keeping your heart healthy will keep your heart in the game!
DR. KEISUKE MIYAHARA works in internal medicine at Dr. Ignacio Morones Prieto Hospital, in San Luis Potosí, Mexico.
20 APRIL 2015
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FAMILY MATTERS
BY DR. MARY LAMIA
ur culture is awash in conflicting definitions
Infatuations indeed are exciting. They elevate moods,
and demonstrations of romantic love. As a
increase happiness and give positive feelings. A child with an
result, it can be difficult for children to know
infatuation may talk about “walking on air.” He or she may
what is actually love and what is merely
feel “butterflies” when they see the other person because
a crush. Parents may be amused to find that a child has a
they are so excited. A child also may constantly think about
crush and get caught up in teasing them playfully about it.
and talk about that person as he or she tries to figure out if
Maybe it’s because adults know what it’s like to have a crush
the feelings are mutual.
on someone. But crushes or infatuations are important to
Infatuations are not always rational or reasonable.
understand and provide children with important lessons for
A child may think of the other person as perfect even
forming truly loving relationships outside of the family.
though they haven’t spent much, if any, time together.
An
infatuation
involves
being
interested
in,
Even so, experiencing a loving feeling toward another
fascinated by, or obsessed with another person.
person whom you don’t really know can feel as strong as
Someone who has an infatuation will think about the
true love, which may confuse a child into thinking they
other person often and, of course, desire that person to
are the same thing.
be interested in him or her, too.
Researchers have found that deep in our brain are
Unlike love, infatuations are usually based on
memories that may explain why we may have infatuations
superficial attraction such as looks or status. And since
with certain people and not others. These memories are
most infatuations are based in fantasy more than reality,
called “implicit memories,” which means that they are
the smitten person may think the object of their affection
memories outside of our awareness, even though they still
is “exactly” the right match.
can affect our choices.
22 APRIL 2015
Infatuations are not always rational or reasonable. Even so, experiencing a loving feeling toward another person whom you don’t really know can feel as strong as true love, which may confuse a child into thinking they are the same thing.
The
implicit
memories
that
are
formed
by
relationships are similar. Loving feelings toward parents or caregivers may be connected with their specific mannerisms and personality traits that become buried memories in our brain. These qualities that may attract us to other people are made up of memories that are imprinted on the what’s called the limbic system of our brain - the center of our emotions. So, love and infatuations are very complicated. A parent or mentor has a unique opportunity to convey helpful lessons about love, whether the object of a child’s infatuation is a pop star or a classmate. Most often a child will desire to have the kind of love and admiration for
•
What are your best qualities that others might admire?
•
Would you have to do anything different in order to admire yourself more? As early as childhood we might seek out in a relationship
exactly what we need at the time. Perhaps that is simply the way we are built. Thus, exploring the infatuations of children can help them – and us - to recognize what they might need for themselves, as well as what they might want to look for in relationships as they reach adulthood. By lovingly talking with a child about any infatuations, parents and mentors can protect a child’s heart and help set them up for future success.
themselves that they have for the object of their infatuation.
DR. MARY LAMIA is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst
To help a child with an infatuation, parents might ask
who works with adults, couples, adolescents, and preteens in
these questions: •
What qualities does that person have that you like?
•
Did you ever wish that you had those qualities yourself?
•
What would it be like to be admired in that way?
her Marin County, California, private practice. She is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley. Her books include: Emotions! Making Sense of Your Feelings; Understanding Myself: A Kid’s Guide to Intense Emotions and Strong Feelings: and, The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself From Your Need to Rescue Others. (WWW.MARYLAMIA.COM)
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 23
PROFILE
24 APRIL 2015
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 25
Thanh Bui singing a duet with The Voice Kids contestant, Ngoc Duy, in 2013.
n 2014, just six years after making the Top Eight
Now a solo act, Thanh is working on his so-far
on the Australian Idol television show, singer
unnamed album’s first single for release this summer with
and songwriter Thanh Bui, recently conquered
top producers and songwriters AJ Junior (Achraf Janussi)
the Asian market with a number one hit song.
and Wayne Hector, whose clients include Jennifer Lopez
Now this humble performer born to Vietnamese refugees in Australia is preparing an album to conquer the world.
and Pitbull, One Direction, and Nicki Minaj. Thanh recently co-wrote the successful song,
“Only now do I have enough courage to be vulnerable
Just Like You, collaborating with Filipino-American
and share my story with everyone,” he said from his home
rapper Apl.de.ap of the Grammy-winning American
base in Vietnam. “The final frontier is to get out to the rest
group Black-Eyed Peas. That song was recorded in the
of the world. Now I feel like an artist, and that has given me
Philippines, edited in the United States, and features
belief in myself, a sense of depth and the creative freedom
Filipino singer JR.
to believe I can do this and no matter what happens I’m glad to be following my heart and my passion.”
Along with his global career aspirations, Thanh is dedicated to elevating the lives of others through
Thanh first experienced Asian pop stardom in his
music and by making the world a better place. His Soul
early twenties as a member of the group North, which
Music Academy in Ho Chi Minh City serves as a training
put out two albums and had number one hit songs in
center to nurture young talent. In addition, he is an
Thailand and Indonesia, as well as huge hits in Malaysia,
ambassador for the Wilderness Foundation and Wild
Singapore and Philippines.
Aid in Vietnam in their campaign to improve awareness
26 APRIL 2015
“IN SCHOOL I WAS BULLIED A BIT AND CALLED ‘CHING CHONG’ AND ‘NOODLE FACE,’ BUT I LEARNED TO ADAPT AND FIT IN AND PART OF THE REASON I CAME BACK TO VIETNAM WAS BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE TO TRY TO DO THAT ANYMORE HERE. I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM.”
of
the
endangered
rhinoceros
inspiration as well,” he noted.
population decimated by poachers
“They were among the original boat
and smugglers.
people refugees who left after the
Thanh holds a bachelor’s degree in
information
and
make it or die. That is the honest
is an ambassador for the Loreto
truth; two million people left the
Vietnam-Australia Program, which
shoreline, one million died and one
works to reduce poverty and provide
million survived.”
educational
technology
Vietnam War. For them it was either
opportunities
for
After reaching Australia, Thanh’s
disadvantaged and disabled students
parents worked first as cucumber
in Vietnam. Since 1997, LVAP has
farmers and potato pickers before
helped over 25,000 children.
finding jobs in a sweatshop earning
He intends to follow the example of his pop heroes, Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder, who both were
lowly wages while making designer jeans that sold for $150 a pair. “They
sacrificed
to
put
us
musical innovators also known for
through school so we could have
their humanitarian efforts.
better lives,” he said. “I have to
“My
parents
28 APRIL 2015
have
been
an
protect my heritage and my history.
Bui made an appearance on stage in the role of 2013 Vietnam Idol’s musical mentor and guide to the top 5 contestants.
When I meet other kids whose parents have similar
authentic,” he said.
stories, there is a bond there. We are all very lucky
Today when Thanh mentors young artists, he tells them
to have what I see as a second chance. I want to give
to be proud of their heritage, to pursue their passion, and to
back to my mum and dad, but nothing will ever suffice
always be true to their beliefs and values. And that’s how
for all they’ve done for me.”
they’ll keep their heart in the game.
Thanh welcomes opportunities to encourage other
“I believe that if you are undeniably authentic,
immigrants and their offspring to embrace their roots
you will connect with people. If you make authentic
and their authenticity as human beings.
music, you will find the right song at the right place
“In school I was bullied a bit and called ‘Ching
and the right time.”
Chong,’ and ‘Noodle Face,’ but I learned to adapt and
“Know that there will always be hurdles to get over,
fit in and part of the reason I came back to Vietnam
don’t feel entitled to have your career delivered on a
was because I don’t have to try to do that anymore
plate. Put your head down and go for your dreams,”
here. I am proud of who I am,” he said.
he added.
He acknowledges that having to overcome bullying and stereotypes made him stronger, more assured,
“As my sixth grade teacher told me, ‘People who never give up are never defeated.’”
and more determined to succeed. “I know where my roots are, who I am as a human being, as an artist, and as a musician and that has made my music more
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 29
FOOD + COOKING
30 APRIL 2015
up all the senses—sight, smell, taste, touch and feel. You probably knew that from personal experience, but did you know also that the careful presentation of a lovely meal can release some very interesting hormones? Yep, this has been scientifically proven. It’s the love connection that every cook covets! Cooking for someone displays care and affection. When you work up an awesome meal and serve it up on a plate, the recipient feels loved and appreciated. This triggers the BY DANIEL CHURCHILL
release of happy hormones and a warm rush of gratitude. You’ve heard the saying that the easiest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach; well, it’s true for all of us and
ou know what does my heart good? Making
just another way of expressing what I’m saying here!
my special someone super happy and
Without getting into all the biology and chemistry, let
seriously impressed with beautiful, simple,
me just share that cooking for your loved one is regarded
delicious, and healthy home-cooked meals. It’s how I keep my heart, and theirs, in the game! I began cooking because I was passionate about concocting delicious and original recipes for my friends and
“Cooking for someone displays care and affection. When you work up an awesome
loved ones. Then, things heated up for me even more when
meal and serve it up on a plate, the
my closest mates came seeking advice on what they could
recipient feels loved and appreciated. This
cook to impress their girls. They realized that their ladies and even their mums found me more appealing because I could cook, so coincidently my mates developed a keen
triggers the release of happy hormones and a warm rush of gratitude.”
interest in pots and pans. To help out my boys, I came up with some super
as one of the most positive emotional experiences you can
seductive recipes and before I knew it there was a cookbook
muster. The release of serotonin and endorphins can be a
in the works. In fact, my first international book, Dudefood,
serious turn on for your dinner partner.
has been released this month!
Happiness is the key to health, so I am all about turning
Now, please understand that my dishes of course can be
up the flames and serving up romantic meals. It is such a
cooked up by women as well as by men. And I know some
fun and joyful experience and a great way for all of us to
of you ladies might be even better cooks than your guys.
keep our hearts in the game!
So please don’t think I’m cutting you out of the kitchen. I would never do that! When it comes to cooking from the heart, one of my favorite things to do is cook for the special women in my life—or to have them cook a meal with me. When you put a delicious-smelling, freshly made meal in front of your loved one, a few miraculous and mystical things happen. First, you receive a big smile, then maybe an inviting
If you are looking for a recipe to light the fires of romance or strengthen the relationship bonds, here’s one I recommend whole-heartedly (pun intended)! DANIEL CHURCHILL is an Australian chef and author of two cook books — Dudefood and The Healthy Cook. You are invited to subscribe to his Youtube channel www.youtube. com/danchurchillcooks for weekly how to and cooking videos, including special recipes for impressing your loved ones.
glance, and, finally, a sigh of happy anticipation. You see,
Subscribe to the website (www.danielchurchill.com.au) for free
a home cooked meal has very seductive qualities. It lights
recipes and let him know on social media how it worked out.
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 31
CHICKEN OVER BUTTERNUT PUMPKIN + QUINOA WITH A HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE INGREDIENTS
INSTRUCTIONS
• ½ a butternut pumpkin, peeled
Resting time 5 minutes
and diced into 2 cm cubes 1.
Preheat the oven to 180˚C.
• 4 chicken breasts, skin on
2.
In a mixing bowl, add the pumpkin along with a
• 4 good handfuls of baby spinach
pinch of salt and a drizzle of olive oil and mix through.
• 1 pinch salt • 1 cup quinoa
Line a baking tray with baking paper and spread the DRESSING
pumpkin on top before putting in the oven for 20 minutes or until colored and soft to the touch.
• 1 tbsp honey • 1 tbsp whole grain mustard
3.
• 100 ml olive oil
the quinoa plus 1¾ cups of water. Bring to the boil before
• Juice of half a lemon
turning to low and simmering for 12 minutes.
COOK’S NOTES
4.
Meanwhile, in a small saucepan on high heat, add
Now add oil to a fry pan on high heat. Add the chicken,
skin-side down; it should sizzle. Once the chicken begins Oven temperatures are for conventional; if
to cook halfway up the sides, flip it over. The skin should
using fan-forced (convection), reduce the
have a lovely golden color. If you have an oven-proof fry
temperature by 20˚C.
pan, place it straight in the oven, if not you can transfer it onto a roasting or baking tray. Cook for about 5 minutes or
We use Australian tablespoons and cups: 1
until chicken is springy to the touch. Remove from oven
teaspoon equals 5 ml; 1 tablespoon equals 20
and allow to rest for 5 minutes before slicing.
ml; 1 cup equals 250 ml. 5.
For the honey mustard dressing, combine all
All herbs are fresh (unless specified) and cups
ingredients in a bowl or a jar and mix, or shake until
are lightly packed.
combined, set aside for serving.
All vegetables are medium size and peeled,
6.
unless specified.
upside down over a mixing bowl and tap it out, don’t
For the salad, turn the saucepan full of quinoa
stir it otherwise it may turn stodgy. Add the spinach to All eggs are 55-60 g, unless specified.
the quinoa and gently toss through the pumpkin; you don’t want to break it up.
You don’t want to burn the skin of the chicken when frying it; you want it to be nice and
7.
crunchy, so monitor it and, if need be, turn
a sliced chicken breast before drizzling around
the heat down slightly. As with everything in
the dressing, avoiding the skin of the chicken so it
the kitchen, practice makes perfect.
maintains its crunch.
32 APRIL 2015
To serve, spoon onto four plates and top with
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 33
RELATIONSHIPS
DR. RANDI GUNTHER
Think about the last time you were getting to know someone. Maybe that’s happening right now in a new dating relationship. Or maybe you’re in a serious relationship that’s been going on for several years. In those earliest and most important days of getting to know one another, were you completely honest with your partner? Were you upfront about issues from your past or did you downplay them? Did you mention any potentially major issues such as financial trouble to children from previous relationships? Did you speak up when you weren’t in agreement with your partner, or did you just go along with certain things? When your partner said or did something you didn’t like, did you speak up about how uncomfortable you felt? If you haven’t been completely honest all of the time, you’re not alone. People hide or ignore all kinds of things in the early stages of a relationship in an attempt to be more attractive or to seem easygoing to their prospective partners. And it can be a dangerous formula.
T h e e a r ly p h as e of a re l at i o n s h i p i s t h e b e st t i m e t o b e c o m p l et e ly a u t h e nt i c w it h yo u r p a r t n e r. W h e n a c o u p l e i s f i r st g et t i n g t o k n ow e ac h ot h e r, t h e re i s a n a b u n d a n c e of p o s it ive fe e l i n g s , a n d fo r g ive n e s s c o m e s e as i e r. T h e re i s a l s o a h i g h d e g re e of re s i l i e n c e , a n d it ’s e as i e r t h a n eve r t o b o u n c e b ac k f ro m a n y s et b ac ks .
In fact, as a professional counselor, I’ve had couples in therapy - some who have been together for years – see
No matter the background, not being authentic with your partner can be like carrying around a ticking time bomb.
their relationships ripped apart by confessions. People
When you aren’t straightforward, you miss out on heart to
can drop all sorts of bombs, anything from criminal
heart authenticity and actually put yourself at a tremendous
records to sexually transmitted diseases to past affairs,
disadvantage. By hiding the truths of your past or present,
even after a relationship has been established. And the
you actually prevent the other person from getting to know
results can be devastating.
the real you. As a result, you may end up spending time with
Why do we hide things from our partners? It usually comes down to fear. When things are going well and we really like someone, we’re afraid of losing them by rocking the boat or coming across as high maintenance. Perhaps you’ve been burned in a previous relationship by a partner who reacted negatively to your honesty and trust. Or maybe you think some negative aspect of your past won’t matter or won’t come to bear in a relationship.
36 APRIL 2015
the wrong person. Moreover, you only create more problems down the line when the truth does come out. When partners aren’t authentic with each other, they usually find that they can only play that game for so long. Sooner or later, the truth emerges and often they are poorly equipped to cope with the disruption it causes. The early phase of a relationship is the best time to be completely authentic with your partner. When a couple
“ Pe r h a p s yo u’ ve b e e n b u r n e d i n a p rev i o u s re l at i o n s h i p by a p a r t n e r w h o re act e d n e g at ive ly t o yo u r h o n e st y a n d t r u st . O r m ay b e yo u t h i n k s o m e n e g at ive as p e ct of yo u r p ast wo n’ t m at t e r o r wo n’ t c o m e t o b e a r i n a re l at i o n s h i p. N o m att e r t h e b ac kg ro u n d , n ot b e i n g a u t h e n t i c w it h yo u r p a r t n e r c a n b e l i ke c a r r y i n g a ro u n d a t i c k i n g t i m e b o m b. ”
is first getting to know each other, there is an abundance
or other sensitive things on a first date. Intimate and
of positive feelings, and forgiveness comes easier. There is
delicate matters should be shared only after you are
also a high degree of resilience, and it’s easier than ever to
comfortable that the person will respond with support
bounce back from any setbacks.
and caring.
You might think that if you’re honest, the other
By the way, it’s never too late to practice heart to heart
person won’t like you. But the reality is that the fastest
authenticity with your partner. Make a commitment
way to find out if the two of you are a good fit is to be
today to be completely transparent about what you’re
exactly who you are. And the more you disclose about
feeling and what you need from each other. You may
yourself, the more your partner feels safe to do the same.
be nervous when you first try it, but you’ll soon realize
Being completely authentic builds trust. And if there
that the payoffs, including true intimacy, connection,
are early disputes, a foundation of authenticity can help
and lasting love, are limitless.
develop critical conflict-resolution skills needed later. In fact, I’ve witnessed dramatic transformations in couples when they practice “speaking from their truth.” Of course, you don’t need to reveal childhood traumas
DR. RANDI GUNTHER is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor with over 40 years of experience. She is also the founder of heroiclove.com.
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 37
PROFILE
38 APRIL 2015
One of XMO Camp’s many athletes experiencing the extreme sport of wakeboarding. XMO Camps use “extreme” sports to empower blind/visually impaired athletes and volunteers to live more fulfilled lives.
I was visually disabled because I was distracted by the cars people drove, the clothes they wore, or the houses they lived in ... those things kept me from seeing who people were on the inside. - Bryan Schwarz
ack
in
his
college
heart when she suggested to Schwarz
days, Bryan Schwarz
that while she was blind, he was the
went
person who could not see.
searching
for
a cheap way to go
“She said that I was visually
skiing in his native state of Colorado.
disabled because I was distracted by
In the process, he discovered his life’s
the cars people drove, the clothes
avocation—one that would benefit
they wore, or the houses they lived
thousands of people.
in. She said those things kept me from
“I was 18 years old and looking for a free season pass,” he says. While
seeing who people were on the inside,” Schwarz recalled.
checking out a campus bulletin board
She also said that the only
for spring break skiing opportunities,
important thing for either of us to see
Schwarz found an advertisement
was Jesus and she could see Him just
from a Winter Park, Colorado, resort
as good as I could. “I pondered that
looking for volunteers to help with
conversation for many years and it
its program for visually impaired and
began my relationship with Jesus and
blind skiers. Those who volunteered
formed how I now look at the rest of
received free lift tickets.
the world.”
Bryan signed up, got the the free
The National Camps for the Blind
lift tickets, but after working with
of Christian Record Services ran the ski
blind skiers for a couple years, his
program in Winter Park. Schwarz and
perspective changed and he “began
his wife volunteered there for more
to understand the real benefits of
than 20 years until it closed.
being there.” One of the participants touched his
At
that
point,
the
Schwarz’s
decided to start their own version of
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 39
The goal is to increase self-awareness and self-confidence in participants, and to light the fires of faith in their hearts. ‘We believe that it is more important to live by faith and not by sight.’
the non-profit sports camp. In 2008,
spiritual components because the
they started XMO Camps to provide
Schwarz’s are very strong advocates
a variety of outdoor adventures for
for their beliefs.
visually impaired youths and young
“We have found that blind and
adults. The Schwarz’s two grown
sighted people are more open to the
children are staff members at the
word of God when they are having a
non-profit,
great time in a fun-filled environment.
which
is
supported
entirely by donations. Bryan says the goal of the camp is to increase self-awareness and selfconfidence in participants, and to light the fires of faith in their hearts. “We believe that it is more important to live by faith and not by sight.” Depending on location (Colorado or California) and time of year, their free camps offer participants the opportunity to try downhill skiing, snowboarding, snowmobiling, crosscountry skiing, sleigh rides, tubing, water skiing, jet skiing, wake boarding, summiting or backpacking. While camp staff, volunteers, and participants are not required to be Christians, the XMO Camps include
40 APRIL 2015
An XMO Camps athlete heads up the mountain with one of the camp’s ski instructors. XMO Camps partner with the world renowned National Sports Center for the Disabled (NSCD) at Winter Park Ski Resort in Winter Park, Colorado to provide athletes with certified ski/ snowboard instructors.
We have watched Jesus melt the hardest hearts and we have witnessed many give their lives to Christ.” For additional information, check out their website at xmocamps.org.
Bryan and Mindy Schwarz’s daughter, Marleigh, pictured below with two XMO Camps athletes. Marleigh along with her younger brother, Bradon, contribute their time and talents to helping with XMO Camps.
CURRENTS P H O T O C R E D I T: H A P P Y TA I L S P E T P H O T O G R A P H Y
Plenty of people participate in road running races for charity or to raise awareness for a cause. But it’s notable and inspiring when the very young get involved. New Beford, Massachusetts residents Gabe Monroe and Will Benoit - both 12 years old - ran the city’s HalfMarathon on March 15, 2015 to raise money
You’ve heard of dogs helping the blind, right?
for the Jimmy Fund, which supports
Well, meet Smiley, a blind service dog who helps all kinds of
Boston’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.
people. Born with dwarfism and missing eyes, Smiley was rescued
Remember, a half marathon is 13.1 miles,
by Canadian Joanne George, his owner. Since then, Smiley has
a significant distance for adults to run, let
brought joy and encouragement to dozens of people, including the
alone children. Both finished the race in
elderly in retirement homes, special needs kids, and more. Smiley
1:58:56, placing 1,260th (Gabe) and 1,261st
had such an impact on others that George had Smiley trained and
(Will) out of a field of 2,386 finishers. To
certified as a therapy dog with the St. John Ambulance Therapy
learn more about the Jimmy Fund, go to
Dog Program. For more information, www.sja.ca.
www.jimmyfund.org.
he published a memoir titled No One’s Perfect, which, within a year became Japan’s third best selling book following World War II. He followed up his memoir with a career in sports journalism and teaching at a Tokyo elementary school. In 2013 he starred in a movie about himself Ototake shares with Nick Vujicic the same genetic disorder, tetra-amelia syndrome. In 1998
titled Nobody’s Perfect. Ototake (right) in a scene from the 2013 film, Nobody’s Perfect.
WWW.THEAIAMAG.COM 41
Attitude literally is altitude for
“ We need grace. So get ready to give some from time to time.”
Arizonan Jessica Cox, born with in 1983 without arms. Despite her disability, Cox has accomplished much in her life, including earning a pilot’s license,
If you follow AIA on Facebook (facebook.com/aiamag), you
two black belts in Tae-Kwon-Do, and
recently saw this image (Nick being carried up stairs) with his quote,
SCUBA diver certification. She also
“We need grace. So get ready to give some from time to time.” Even
holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology
when he’s on his way to deliver a motivating word to thousands
from the University of Arizona and
in an audience Nick is reminded of his need for grace, moment by
speaks all over the world on the
moment, just to get from one point to another. Grace, or unmerited
topic of motivation. So captivating
favor, is a critical and needed aspect of human relationships. It is
is her story that it is the subject of a
evident in all the Currents you have read about here, and it is played
documentary titled, Rightfooted. “The
a role in your life today as well. We at AIA thank you for reading
goal of this film is to touch and inspire
through this issue. As you do, think of all the grace that has been
anyone who feels different, and create
given and received in the myriad of circumstances and lives of each
enormous change.” Learn more at
of these people. Keep up with AIA at facebook.com/aiamag.
www.rightfootedmovie.com.
42 APRIL 2015