Observe: A Satirical Look At Human Behaviour.

OBSERVE

A Satirical Look At Human Behaviour

By Adenike Akinbisehin

OBSERVE

DEDICATION

This book is for the nosy, the wary, the idealistic, and the misunderstood.

May your paths meet with surprises, and may you always find kindness in strangers.

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AUTHOR’S NOTE “Believe it or not, perhaps I don’t show it much, or well, but I like people”.

The great Hugh Laurie said that. If Universities offered PhD degrees in ‘People Watching’, I’d have earned three. Not because I’m an expert or anything, but people amuse me. My love affair began as a bored introverted 8 year old in a lonesome park.

I began to imagine the stories behind the lives of the strangers that walked by. This addiction has been unchecked ever since.

Observe was born from this constant dialogue between the self and society. I hope you find it humbling, hilarious, and heart-breaking. May the words renew your faith and interest in people, and perhaps if the mood is right, you’d be inspired to find a cozy spot in your neighbourhood, with an awesome view of your fellow humans.

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Whenever a place gets unusually quiet, there’s always someone who thinks they can get away with anything.

They take the time to look around to see that no one’s watching, and then they commit a most deplorable crime... like farting.

There’s a peculiar phenomenon that occurs in bookstores and libraries, that afflicts its victims at random. Have you ever intended to just flip through a book after glancing it on the shelf, only to end up reading it for 2 hours while standing?

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You can always tell when someone is doing something shady on a computer screen, or if they’re reading or watching something they’re not proud of. When you walk past them, they either turn to look over their shoulder, or instinctively click away so you don’t see what they were viewing.

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Art galleries have gotten so peculiar these days with design elements and innovation. The drawback is that now it’s even harder to tell which art pieces you’re not supposed to touch, and which ones you’re allowed to sit on.

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During an amateur soccer competition, there’s always a handful of players who don’t realize they’ve been busy daydreaming until the soccer ball passes them, or an aggravated team player screams their name.

A soccer game is not complete until there has been a catastrophic crotch accident, head butt accident, or if the ball hasn’t gone into the bleachers and knocked a spectator smack on the head.

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At restaurants, when it comes to courtesy from waiters, there’s a thin line between friendly, flirtatious, and trying too hard to get a big tip.

Have you ever noticed that when a group sits at a restaurant table to eat, conversations that begin at either end of the table usually stay exclusive? But those that start from the centre spread out, and include everyone seated.

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At airports, you’re bound to spot a possible Guinness World Record winner for the longest goodbye / ”I LOVE YOU” hug ever.

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Ever noticed that at airports, there’s always that family sitting in a corner with tons of luggage? You get the feeling they’ve been there for a very long time... so much so that they’ve adapted to the boredom of waiting, and have come to feel very comfortable in it.

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Whenever I see a woman traveling in 6 inch heels at an airport, I automatically assume she’s never been late for a flight, been delayed, had a layover, or sprinted from one end of the airport to the other because a boarding gate announcement has been changed.

Funny how people who need directions, tend to seek them from those who are in the middle of (what appears to be) very important phone conversations.

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Cyber cafes are places where you get to see people’s true character... especially when the Internet connection is just that nano-second too slow, or when the computer is old and about to crash. I have seen people pray, beg, and caress computers, not to mention throw temper tantrums if they don’t get their money’s worth of browse time. Ironically, a lot of the delays and setbacks are caused by the complainants themselves.

More and more modern Churches and religious institutions around the world have taken on an interesting trend. These places are increasingly becoming avenues for bragging, show-offs, and popularity contests under the guise of praise, worship, and seeking the Lord’s forgiveness.

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Even if you’re not aware, trust that at these Churches, everyone and their grandma is giving you the quick assessment. Their eyes bore into the back of your head as they try to figure out who you are, where you’re from, how much you make, and if you’d make a great life mate for their daughters and sons.

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When people are speaking in a foreign language around you, do you ever get self conscious and wonder if they’re saying something unpleasant about you? Chances are high that they are, and yes I think that kind of behaviour is very disrespectful.

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You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat those they think are inferior to them, especially those in the service professions. Most people are either rude, awkward, overcompensate, or express sentiments of how grateful they are to be at (in their minds) a better and more privileged station in life.

Fear and insecurity makes people act in very ugly ways. When one is threatened by a another’s strength, intelligence and power, do not be surprised if they try to dominate, humiliate, belittle or dismiss the other. In a bid to project feelings of insignificance, the insecure seeks to assert imaginary control.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Adenike Akinbisehin is an alumnus of Illinois College, with a Computer Science and Communications degree.

Between working for Unicef, joining a comedy troupe, and a brief stint at a library, she stumbled feet first into the world of Advertising, as a Copywriter for SO&U Saatchi & Saatchi.

Akinbisehin has been published in newspapers, journals, odd literary magazines, and is currently studying photography and videography at Miami Ad School.

On graduating, she hopes to spend her time as a storyteller working in various visual art mediums, and to host philosophical debate parties with her four pet tortoises - Salinger, Vonnegut, Dylan, and Camus.

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People Watching is an age old art and science. In order to be fully rounded human beings it is important to stay in touch with what it means to be Human, as varied an experience as that is. Observe takes the liberty of pointing out certain truths and realities we may be aware of, but never paid much attention to. Served with a dash of humour and wit, this book is bound to keep you pensive.