How to Master Your Self-Confidence from deCODE Spring 2020

How to Master Your Self-Confidence

by Amena Aphsori @coachamenpshori

We always hear so much about the idea of being confident. We want to be confident and act as our best selves. In our pursuit, we desire to become a fully radiant light that's bold, beautiful and brave. Society has put somewhat a pressure to monitor or measure the confidence levels we have.

For a number of reasons, whether it is lack of self-love, self-esteem, self-worth or self-acceptance, many people find it difficult to build their self-confidence. This often goes back to our roots. It takes us back along a journey to our childhood. Back when we were perhaps unwanted, didn’t receive attention or affection as much as we’d like, maybe didn’t get the reciprocation of being loved by the ones we loved, and faced a lot of shame and embarrassment when it came to our body. Perhaps we didn’t love ourselves the way our soul desired and deserved. Perhaps we couldn’t give ourselves the approval and validation that we have been aching to receive from others.

It is crucial to know that self-confidence is an inside job. It is about learning to value and honor yourself, bringing out the best in you and trusting yourself. In order to boost your self-confidence, it is extremely important to acknowledge and reflect upon yourself as an individual and know that you too are worthy of all that you are. You too are valuable for what you bring to the table and not just by your performance, but also by your being.

Believe and recognise your worth and abilities. Know that you are good enough and you do not need to listen to those negative voices which tell you otherwise. Do not fall into the trap of comparison or insecurity. Rather choose to remember and have faith that you are valuable and precious in what you have to say, to stand for and to be. In short: believe in your worth.

Establish a core of self-confidence from the inside out and tell yourself ‘ I can do amazing things. I am doing something awesome. I will be going through beautiful experiences.’ Believe that you are wonderful and magnetic.

Pamper yourself. Recognize your value. Place yourself as someone truly expensive and honourable. Start with self-belief. Make a list of all the good things you admire about yourself and read it from time to time.

Get really comfortable with your body. I cannot stress this enough. Love every bit of it. You might feel tensed in some particular areas such as the shoulders, back, waist. Breathe in and tap into those areas by relaxing and letting loose of the muscles. Let go of the stiffness and the rigidity while embracing the flow and fluidity throughout your body. Check in very often to see if you are in a comfortable position physically. Your posture, laidback spine, alignment in your shoulders would be a boost to your confidence. You can practice this in any and every situation. Look at yourself multiple times a day and tell yourself ‘I love you, with all the imperfection, flaws and marks. You are gorgeous. You are radiant. You are light.’ Practice this positive self-talk. If you do this consistently your brain will condition your mindset to develop self-confidence faster. Your image will rise above and beyond & so will your self-confidence.

Be excited, happy, joyful and abundant so that when you speak, your energy is in high vibration and that would boost your confidence level. Smile. Use eyecontact. Create a natural flow and tune into your voice. When we consciously and deliberately practice being enthusiastic intentionally we start gradually making ‘FUN’ a daily part of our lives. It becomes the new norm. Our energy is everything. When we learn to tune in to our energy and vibrate it to higher levels of activation, we release our potent self-confidence.

Try not to overthink. It might be very easy to fall into the trap of adding on too many things to your ‘To-Do List’ but don’t get yourself too hung upon it. Rather break it down into fine outlines and consider what you can say or do and work at it specifically. Learn to prioritise your tasks according to categories which could include what you must do right now and what you can do a bit later. Focus on one thing at a time. Write down things to get a better and clearer perspective. Focus on small bits, pay attention to details, and proceed with one thing at a time. This will build your efficiency hence your belief would be rewired and you will feel much more accomplished.

Get really clear on your passions. Think about the things that make you feel good and you just want to do more of if you had more time in your day. Think of the things that make you feel productive and valuable. This develops the confidence by enhancing your skills, challenging your abilities and leads you towards growth and expansion as a human. Find something creative and colourful to do everyday in your life. Do something which is meaningful and fruitful to you.

Connecting to our passions and our inner calling really builds our self-esteem as it gives us something worthwhile to do. It makes us feel like we add value through our passions and hobbies.

Instead of putting other people on a pedestal or seeing someone as your competition, put yourself on that pedestal! Don't compare yourself to others. The challenge is to love yourself more and more with every passing day. Make yourself a priority and be unapologetic about it. Raise your standards and boundaries by knowing how and when to say 'no' and be sure to embody those standards. Don’t let other people’s success get to you. Someone else’s success isn't your failure! You will get much higher in your goals if you don’t compare yourself to others and stay in your lane. The grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side. It’s greener where it is watered most.

Do something that scares you. Fear wants to keep us down and stuck. If you give in to your fears you will feel like you cannot move forward. So face your fears by doing something challenging for yourself. For example, if you are scared of water, try learning how to swim (by all means use all safety precautions in every way possible!).

Get to a point where you can be open-minded to try out new dishes, new hobbies etc. Build your life with variety and diversity and use that to explore yourself. A journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step and so does a journey to selfexploration.

Allow yourself to make mistakes. Building selfconfidence is a marathon, not a sprint. Know that a little bit of nervousness is okay. Accept it. Embrace it and learn from it and do better next time. It’s the growth and valuable lessons we pick up each time that help us be masters at what we want to accomplish. It’s the consistency and practice which will get you there.

Self-confidence is an inside job. Build that belief in yourself that you are worthy. You are capable. You are honourable and valuable. You have importance and significance in other’s lives and you can create an impact. Take better care of yourself. Focus on forgiving yourself and loving yourself more. Give yourself time and compassion and care. Allow yourself grace and let yourself relax. Be open and receptive.

Embrace every part of you that you had previously neglected or didn’t like. Embrace every emotion that you perhaps hadn’t welcomed before because you had perhaps associated some shame or guilt or fear around it.

When we can absolutely embrace our imperfect selves and own all our flaws and everything that we are and truly accept the entire spectrum of all feelings and emotions and qualities, that’s when we master our core inner self-confidence.