Northeast Ohio Parent Magazine | Preschool Guide | August 2023

Dealing with Preschool Separation Anxiety?

(For you too, parents)

By Aisha Taylor

When my twins first started school, I dropped them off and assured them everything was going to be okay. Then, I slowly walked back to my car as I tried not to cry. I didn’t know how they would manage without me at school and I didn’t know what I was going to do while they were at school. I wasn’t ready. Can you relate? If so, you aren’t alone.

Sara Miller, director of Carol Nursery School, says “I think it’s hard for every parent to drop their child off at school because they are dropping their child off with people they don’t know. That’s a big ask to have that trust. That can cause separation anxiety or regular anxiety.”

MANAGING SEPARATION ANXIETY STARTS WITH YOU

Don’t worry if your child also experiences separation anxiety. It is common among children and is a healthy part of child development. However, the degree of separation anxiety varies by child. This is why it’s important for parents to manage their own emotions and pay attention to their children to know how to best support them throughout this process.

Dr. Jay Berk, child and family psychologist, says children can sense their parent’s anxiety. This can make the child nervous instead of sending the message, ‘I know that you can handle this.’

Parents can reduce their anxiety by building trust. The foundation to building trust, according to Miller, is “choosing a school whose philosophy matches your philosophy.” This is done by building a relationship with the people in the school and asking as many questions as you need to in order to feel comfortable with the program, process, building, and teachers.

MILLER RECOMMENDS ASKING:

• What is the process for separation?

• What will you do to help my child?

• What does the first day of school look like?

• What do you do before school starts?

• What do you do to help integrate my child into the program safely and securely?

• Am I allowed to stay if my child is struggling and where would that be?

• Am I allowed to come into the classroom?

• What are your policies on parents helping out in the classroom or school?

• What is their discipline policy?

• What do they do if the child is sad or hurt?

• How do they care for and nurture the children?

When parents feel trust with the school, they are better equipped to help their child to develop the trust to overcome separation anxiety. “The child needs to trust they are okay because if the child is anxious about where their parents are, when they will get picked up, and when the day will end, then they aren’t learning. However, once the child is settled and safe, then the learning and socialization can begin,” Miller adds.

PREPARE BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS

Helping your child prepare for the first day of school can minimize separation anxiety. Miller recommends parents:

• Visit the school with their child.

• If there is a playground, take them to the playground over the summer and begin talking about how this is their special playground and they can play there with their friends.

• If parents can get into the building, use the bathrooms so the child can see what that looks like.

• Make a book about what school will look like. You can do this by taking pictures of the classroom. If you can’t go into the classroom to take pictures, then draw your own or clip them out of a magazine.

• Read a book about going to school for the first time to help your child to mentally prepare for school.

However, Miller cautions parents not to start too soon.

“That can cause more anxiety, because children don’t have a sense of time,” she says. “But, parents know their child and how much information they can handle.”

HOW TO SUPPORT A CHILD WITH SEPARATION ANXIETY ONCE SCHOOL STARTS

This process may take time, so be patient. Use positive language to reinforce that your child is safe during this process. Miller recommends using the phrases, “You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.” “I will be right back.” Don’t say “You’re okay, right?” The last phrase is a question and it can cause your child to feel uncertain about whether he/she is safe.

“Your goal is not to solve that anxiety situation, but to build your child’s toolkit that they can carry with them through different situations and experiences,” Berk advises. This toolbox includes helping children to develop the skills to handle situations that can be uncomfortable.

Also, do not talk about leaving your child. Miller says “if you can stay, tell your child, ‘I will stay with you as long as you need me to stay.’” If the policy requires you to leave, then be honest and tell your child you can’t stay. Instead, tell your child. ‘I found you the best school ever, you will have the best teacher ever, and your teacher will be there to play with you, and after I will pick you up.’ This will help your child to be excited about the upcoming school year.

WHAT IF THE CHILD NEEDS MORE SUPPORT?

Some children may need more support than others. The level of separation anxiety can be impacted by a child’s personality type, major life changes, a loss of a loved one, socialization during the pandemic, fear of making friends, or more.

“The pandemic had a major impact on separation anxiety, because children weren’t able to develop skills that they normally would have developed,” Berk says. “Therefore, parents and teachers may need to provide the child with extra support.”

IF A CHILD IS HAVING DIFFICULTIES SEPARATING, BERK RECOMMENDS TO PARENTS:

• Attach pictures and cards with messages from home to a ring for the child to flip

through.

• Give 10 envelopes to the teacher. Each morning the child gets an envelope that contains an encouraging message from the parent.

• Ask deeper questions. Get to the source of why your child is having trouble separating. If you don’t get to the source, then the separation anxiety can reoccur.

• Put the electronics away. There are a lot of natural opportunities in everyday life to develop social skills that will also help to reduce separation anxiety.

IT’S POSSIBLE FOR THE CHILD TO BACKSLIDE

Separation anxiety isn’t limited to the first week of school. For some children, the separation anxiety starts after the first few weeks or later.

“Separation anxiety can impact some children at two weeks while it can impact others at six weeks,” Miller says. Some children who had previously overcome separation anxiety can backslide and begin having difficulty again. However, this isn’t something to worry about. She doesn’t want parents to be alarmed and recommends parents to encourage their child and then go through the process again. Typically, this is a shorter process because they already mastered this before.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU ARE STILL HAVING A HARD TIME?

Even after asking questions, researching the school, and successfully helping your child master the transition into preschool, it’s possible that parents can still feel anxiety. If you are still struggling, Miller says to “walk away with good posture and then cry, if you need to, once you get around the corner. If you don’t, the child will wonder if they really are safe at school.” Also, speak to someone at the school or a therapist about your emotions so you become more comfortable with your child at school.

The earlier you teach your child how to deal with preschool separation anxiety, and master them yourself, the more successful your child will be at overcoming separation anxiety in the future. Your goal is to create an independent, well-functioning adult. Believe it or not, managing preschool separation anxiety well for both parent and child is a critical building block towards achieving this goal.

Potty Training

101

When Are Kids Ready to Toilet Train?

Many parents are unsure about when to start toilet training or “potty training.” Not all kids are ready at the same age, so it’s important to watch your child for signs of readiness, such as stopping an activity for a few seconds or clutching his or her diaper.

Instead of using age, look for signs that your child may be ready to start heading for the potty, such as being able to:

• follow simple instructions

• understand and use words about using the potty

• make the connection between the urge to pee or poop and using the potty

• keep a diaper dry for two hours or more

• get to the potty, sit on it for enough time, and then get off the potty

• pull down diapers, disposable training pants, or underpants

• show an interest in using the potty or wearing underpants

Most children begin to show these signs when they’re between ages 18 and 24 months old, though some may not be ready until later than that. And boys often start later and take longer to learn to use the potty than girls.

There are some times when you may want to put off starting toilet training, such as:

• when traveling

• around the birth of a sibling

• changing from the crib to the bed

• moving to a new house

• when your child is sick (especially if diarrhea is a factor)

HOW LONG DOES TOILET TRAINING TAKE?

Teaching a toddler to use the potty isn’t an overnight task. It often takes between 3 and 6 months, but can take more or less time for some children. If you start too soon, the process tends to take longer. And it can take months to even years to master staying dry at night.

Potty Types

The two basic potty options are:

• a standalone, toddler-size potty chair with a bowl that can be emptied into the toilet

• a toddler-size seat that can be placed on top of a toilet seat that will let your child feel more secure and not fear falling in. If you choose this, get a stepping stool so your child can reach the seat comfortably and feel supported while having a bowel movement.

It’s usually best for boys to first learn to use the toilet sitting down before learning to pee standing up. For boys who feel awkward — or scared — about standing on a stool to pee in the toilet, a potty chair may be a better option.

You may want to get a training potty or seat for every bathroom in your house. You may even want to keep a potty in the trunk of your car for emergencies. When traveling long distances, be sure to take a potty seat with you and stop every 1 to 2 hours. Otherwise, it can take too long to find a restroom.

About Training Pants

Disposable training pants are a helpful step between diapers and underwear. Because kids’ nighttime bladder and bowel control often lags behind their daytime control, some parents like using training pants at night. Others prefer that their child use training pants when they’re out and about. Once the training pants remain dry for a few days, kids can make the switch to wearing underwear. But some people think that disposable training pants might make kids think it’s OK to use them like diapers, thus slowing the toilet-teaching process. Ask your doctor if your child would benefit from using disposable training pants as a transitional step.

Tips for Toilet Training

Even before your child is ready to try the potty, you can prepare your little one by teaching about the process:

• Use words to express the act of using the toilet (“pee,” “poop,” and “potty”).

• Ask your child to let you know when a diaper is wet or soiled.

• Identify behaviors (“Are you going poop?”) so that your

child can learn to recognize the urge to pee and poop.

• Get a potty chair your child can practice sitting on. At first, your child can sit on it wearing clothes or a diaper. When ready, your child can go bare-bottomed.

Common Toilet Training Problems

Many kids who’ve been using the potty have some trouble during times of stress. For example, a 2- or 3-year-old dealing with a new sibling may start having accidents.

But if your child was potty-trained and is regularly having problems, talk with your doctor.

Talk to your doctor if you have any questions about toilet training or your child is 4 years or older and is not yet potty trained.

• Set aside some time to devote to the potty-training

Don’t make your child sit on the toilet against his or

Establish a routine. For example, you may want to begin by having your child sit on the potty after waking with a dry diaper, or 45 minutes to an hour after drinking lots of liquids. Only put your child on the potty for a few minutes a couple of times a day, and let your child get up if he or she wants to.

Have your child sit on the potty within 15 to 30 minutes after meals to take advantage of the body’s natural tendency to have a bowel movement after eating (this is called the gastro-colic reflex). Also, many kids have a time of day they tend to have a bowel movement.

Ask your child to sit on the potty if you see clear clues of needing to go to the bathroom, such as crossing legs, grunting, or squatting.

• Empty a bowel movement (poop) from your child’s diaper into the toilet, and tell your child that poop goes in the potty.

• Avoid clothes that are hard to take off, such as overalls.

Kids who are potty training need to be able to undress themselves.

• Offer your child small rewards, such as stickers or time reading, every time your child goes in the potty. Keep a chart to track successes. Once your little one appears to be mastering the use of the toilet, let him or her pick out a few new pairs of big-kid underwear to wear.

• Make sure all caregivers — including babysitters, grandparents, and childcare workers — follow the same routine and use the same names for body parts and bathroom acts. Let them know how you’re handling toilet training and ask that they use the same approaches so your child won’t be confused.

• Praise all attempts to use the toilet, even if nothing happens. And remember that accidents will happen. It’s important not to punish potty-training children or show disappointment when they wet or soil themselves or the bed. Instead, tell your child that it was an accident and offer your support. Reassure your child that he or she is well on the way to using the potty like a big kid.

If you’ve decided that your child is ready to start learning how to use the potty, these tips may help:

Have a stack of your child’s favorite books next to the potty to entertain them while they wait.

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Preschool Developmental Checklist

Thinking about enrolling your child into preschool? You want to know if they are ready for this first school step. Here’s some milestones — movement, language, cognitive, emotional, social — for ages 3 and 4 according to the American Academy of Pediatrics to think about as you make your decision to send them off to school.

• Is your child becoming more mobile and steady with their hands and feet?

• How is your child’s motor development — can they draw shapes, use child-safe scissors or play with blocks?

• Can your child use three-word or more sentences, use words that are 75 percent understandable by strangers or tell stories?

• Does your child understand some colors or numbers, engage in imaginative play or follow three-part directions?

• Think about your child’s independence. Does your child dress or undress, eat independently, or be in a social setting with children or strangers?

• Can your child use the bathroom independently?

Book Nook for Preschoolers

Doggies

By Sandra Boynton

Big dogs, little dogs, short and long hair, powerful woofs, and tiny yaps are packed into this deceptively simple counting book that gets noisier with every page. Perfect for reading to little ones and doggies alike, this book will have the youngest of readers and their grown-ups howling with laughter.

What Will My Story Be?

By Nidhi Chanani

After spending an afternoon listening to her aunties tell her stories from their pasts, a young girl ruminates on all of the tales that she can create using her imagination and begins to feel as if the possibilities for her future are endless.

Watch Me Throw the Ball! An Elephant and Piggie Book

By Mo Willems

Gerald is determined to teach Piggie that ball-throwing is serious business, but Piggie is just as determined to have serious fun.

How Do Dinosaurs Play with Their Friends?

By

Jane Yolen

and illustrated by Mark Teague

Laugh-aloud illustrations, along with playful text, this book hopes to show children that “playing nice” can be easy and fun.

From Head to Toe

By Eric Carle

A colorful and energetic book that will have young readers clapping their hands, stomping their feet, and wiggling their toes by following along with animal friends.

Preschool, Here I Come!

By D.J. Steinberg and illustrated by John Joven

From saying goodbye to parents on the very first day of school to watching butterflies hatch in spring, this celebrates all the landmark moments of preschool.

Preschool Guide Listings

CLEVELAND MONTESSORI SCHOOL

Cleveland Montessori has been serving the Little Italy and Greater Cleveland community for over 25 years, providing an education for life, which celebrates diversity, growth and joy. Students from preschool through eighth grade are met with respect and compassion as they strive to meet their individual potential in beautifully prepared classrooms that offer social, emotional and academic experiences in a unique urban setting. Apply now for 2023-24. 216-421-0700, info@cleveland montessori.org, clevelandmontessori.org

CREATIVE PLAYROOMS Creative

Playrooms

Montessori and Child Care Centers

give children a leg up as they begin to climb the ladder of lifetime learning. Their gifted educators help kids fall in love with learning, and their centers focus on enriching the whole child — physically, emotionally, and cognitively — through their traditional and play-based Montessori approach. As an award-winning childcare provider with six locations and 50-plus years of experience in the Greater Cleveland area, Creative Playrooms offers multiple programs for infants through school-age, but also provides families an additional choice of traditional or montessori programs. creativeplayrooms.com

GILMOUR ACADEMY

Gilmour’s Montessori Preschool Program serves toddlers (18 months to age 3) three or five days/week; half-or full-day and prekindergarten (ages 3-4) five days/week; half-, three-quarter- or full-day. Montessori students enjoy unique opportunities including Spanish instruction and experiential learning opportunities such as collecting eggs from their chicken coop. Before and after care available for those who would like to extend their day. Students then move seamlessly into the Lower School for grades K-12, where they continue to develop as curious learners. gilmour.org

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HAWKEN SCHOOL

Hawken School, a co-ed toddler-12th grade day school, offers a nationally recognized early childhood program on its Lyndhurst campus. The school’s forward-focused mission of preparation through the development of character and intellect applies to even its youngest students through a dual commitment to academic and social curricula. Teachers put students at the center of learning by focusing on language development, science inquiry, math awareness, creative arts exploration, and social and emotional growth. hawken.edu

LAKE ERIE NATURE & SCIENCE CENTER

As one of the first and largest nature-based preschool programs in the region, Lake Erie Nature & Science Center serves children ages 1 to 6 with age-appropriate activities to support social, physical and academic development. Children explore the wonders of science and nature with hands-on activities, crafts, music, live animal encounters, and planetarium shows. The surrounding 100-acre parkland and access to Lake Erie serve as an extended classroom for outdoor adventures. lensc.org/preschool-programs

MONTESSORI SCHOOL OF UNIVERSITY HEIGHTS

Montessori School of University Heights, established in 1968, is a pre-primary school dedicated to helping each child become the unique person his/her creator intended in a Christian atmosphere of peace, love and respect. Children enter at age 3 and remain through their kindergarten year. The Montessori approach involves: providing comprehensive, individualized opportunities for growth; engaging children in a caring, supportive community; and developing concentration, independence, self-discipline, compassion, confidence, and joy in learning. 216-381-8388, ms-uh.org

THE MUSIC SETTLEMENT

Early Childhood at TMS offers morning & full-day preschool and kindergarten programs with a creative curriculum that includes music, drama, social/ emotional learning, and more! Our courses foster brain and social development, build confidence, encourage expression, and promote play. Offering open enrollment, generous financial aid options and an inclusive community, TMS has campuses in Cleveland’s Ohio City and University Circle. Early Childhood Open House is on Thursday, November 9 from 5:30-7 p.m. at both campuses. themusicsettlement.org

PIONEER PRESCHOOL

At Pioneer Preschool they provide a caring and loving Christian environment that encourages children to develop spiritually, socially, emotionally, physically and cognitively, in preparation for kindergarten. They offer a 2-year old class, 3-year old class and 4/5-year old Pre-K class. Pioneer Preschool has been educating young minds for over 45 years. Their school day is 9-11:30 a.m. with daily enrichments offered ending at 12:30 p.m. For a tour or more information contact director@pioneerpreschool.org or visit pioneerpreschool.org

SPRING GARDEN WALDORF SCHOOL Spring Garden

Waldorf School

offers a nurturing and joyful early childhood education that fosters a child’s intellectual, physical and social-emotional capacities. Their warm classrooms are filled with natural materials and activities that help your child’s imagination and curiosity flourish. Their outdoor space – where children spend half their day – is ideal for developmentally appropriate learning through play with peers. Each day little ones give and receive empathy, respect and kindness while reaching developmental milestones. sgws.org

ST. PAUL WESTLAKE

St. Paul has served the Westlake community for 165 years. St. Paul lead teachers for their preschool programs are highly educated specialists that provide a rich academic environment and share the love of Jesus with students every day. They offer a preschool 3-year-old program for both full and half days (5 days) and a pre-kindergarten program for 4-year-olds full day (5 days). Contact admissions@ stpaulwestlake.org or visit at stpaulwestlake.school

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Preschool Guide Listings

YMCA OF GREATER CLEVELAND

Y-Club helps hundreds of children every day reach their fullest potential in a welcoming, supportive environment. By incorporating the values of caring, honesty, respect and responsibility into all of their youth programs they give children the solid foundation they need to thrive. Preschool at the YMCA is like a home away from home, where kids ages 3-5 years of age laugh, learn and explore while creating memories and friendships that last a lifetime. clevelandymca.org

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