03-31-16

Thursday

March 31, 2016 Volume 112, Issue 46

northerniowan.com

Opinion 3 Campus Life 4 Sports 10 Games 11 Classifieds 12

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

We are Survivors.

NICK FISHER

Executive Editor

THE FRENCH FRY The French Fry is a satirical version of the Northern Iowan.

INSERT PAGES 5-8

AG INDUSTRY Columnist says it's time to stop unconditionally defending the industry.

OPINION PAGE 3

FILM REVIEW Film critic doesn't think superhero movie is all too super.

CAMPUS LIFE PAGE 4

A film has the power to reach anyone who might feel alone, said Vanessa McNeal, graduate social work student, of her most recent film project, “We Are Survivors.”

The film tells the stories of eight sexual assault survivors, four of which are UNI students, and it will be screened in McCollum Science Hall April 5 at 6 p.m. A panel discussion will follow.

“I am reaching people,” McNeal said. “Even if they don’t tell me. There are so many silent watchers.”

McNeal’s 15-minute film is a follow-up to her previous documentary, “I Am,” which aired in August and focused on McNeal’s story.

McNeal overcame a life in poverty and estrangement from her siblings to tell her story and work to help others. McNeal herself is also a survivor of sexual assault.

According to McNeal, she was approached by sexual assault survivors who had heard her story or had seen the film, and they all expressed gratitude for telling her story. McNeal says this is when she decided to

IRIS FRASHER/Northern Iowan

Vanessa McNeal, graduate social work student, has finished her film project entitled, “We Are Survivors.” The film features eight individuals who have survived sexual assault. It will be screened in McCollum Science Hall April 5 at 6 p.m.

make a follow-up film focusing on the stories of others.

Megan Kennedy, senior family service and psychology double major, shared her story for the film. She said the experience was empowering.

“To take [my story] away from what everybody else

might want to say about it to the way I want to tell my story; [it’s] like taking control over it,” Kennedy said.

Kennedy says she faced a difficult, uphill battle while trying to report when she was sexually assaulted in high school — she had to tell and retell her story multiple

times and she faced constant doubt; doubt she attributed to the popular reputation of the perpetrator.

“It’s like you have to prove, without a reasonable doubt, that this happened,” Kennedy said.

See SEXUAL ASSAULT, page 2

Clean-cut 'comic’s comic' CLINTON OLSASKY News Editor

FRIEDMAN BERGMAN/Courtesy Photo

Brian Regan is a stand-up comedian who is coming to the Gallagher Bluedorn Performing Arts Center. He is known for not using vulgar language.

“If you like music, if you like dancing, and if you like comedy, well come on out because you’re going to see one-third of that,” said stand-up comedian Brian Regan in reference to his upcoming show at the Gallagher Bluedorn Performing Arts Center (GBPAC) on Saturday, April 2.

Regan has been described as a “comic’s comic” by the New York Times.

Specializing in observational humor on otherwise mundane topics, Regan has fashioned a distinct comedic style in which he incorporates a significant amount of body language and facial expressions.

However, perhaps the most identifiable aspect of Regan’s comedy is the lack of vulgarity.

“I just try to do what works for me,” Regan said about his relatively clean style. “You know, I’m not on stage trying to please an audience. I mean, that’s part of it, but the most important thing is just trying to do what I think is funny. I want audiences to agree. And so, the clean thing for is just that that’s the kind of stuff that I enjoy creating.”

See COMIC, page 9

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PAGE 2

MARCH 31, 2016

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NEWS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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CLINTON OLSASKY News Editor

VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

Lebron James “slams” UNI team KATHERINE JAMTGAARD Staff Writer

On Wednesday, basketball star LeBron James, player for the Cleveland Cavilers, was quoted saying, “I would quit basketball if I was Northern Iowa, I would quit.” This comment came after the UNI basketball team’s downfall to Texas A&M. A student that preferred to stay anonymous said, “I just think people look up to him so I think when young high school students see him say that they’re like ‘well if I’m not very good, should I even play?’ if he’s saying that.”

James went into the MBA without experienc-

ing college basketball. He wouldn’t have had to deal with the balancing act that student athletes have to go through with athletics, traveling, academics and other activities.

“I just think it’s disrespectful,” said Kate Duffy, junior communications and marketing major. “He should understand the pressures of what comes with a basketball game and how stressful situations, accidents happen.”

Michael Kennedy, senior technology management major, and Jacob Hackman, junior finance and accounting major, thought that the comment was supposed to come off more lighthearted.

With UNI making it to

SEXUAL ASSAULT

continued from page 1

IRIS FRASHER/Northern Iowan

Felicia Shumpert, senior family services major, was assaulted on multiple occasions, spanning from childhood to the present. Here she is reflecting on the impact of multiple assaults on how she views herself.

All the material for the film was shot in one day in December when McNeal and the eight survivors took a trip to Des Moines.

The film was shot and produced by Mike Phipps and Quinton Wayne, two filmmakers who own the production company PLVTOS, located in the Ames and Des Moines areas. They also filmed “I Am.” UNI’s Student Wellness Services sponsored the trip to Des Moines for filming, and Joan Thompson, health educator and victims services advocate, provided support for those sharing their stories that day.

Thompson was also inter-

the Round of 32 in the March Madness tournament despite a rocky season, Hackman looked at it in a positive light.

“We did make it that far so it’s not like we’re a joke of a team,” Hackman said.

Even if James meant the comment as a joke, some students still were offended.

“You know, they [UNI] worked their butts off and they played the hardest they can, and I think it’s awesome that they got to where they got after this season’s struggles that we did have,” Duffy said.

Instead of tearing university teams down, some students thought that players in higher leagues should be encouraging to aspiring viewed for the film.

“It is important to me to convey the message: ‘Believe anyone who says they’ve been assaulted,’” Thompson said. “Because the healing process is so important and the response that someone receives initially is so very important.”

Thompson said she was honored to be asked to be a part of the film.

Felicia Shumpert, junior family services major, also shared her stories of sexual assault for “We Are Survivors.”

Shumpert has been a victim of sexual assault on multiple occasions. She said the film provides an opportunity for viewers to truly connect with survivors.

“You read about it, but putting faces to stories ... makes a difference,” Shumpert said. “It just makes it a lot more real.”

“I’ve been victimized by the more than one person, and by one person more than once ... And it does do something to your self-esteem and how you see yourself: ‘Why do people keep targeting me? What is it about me ... that attracts me to perpetrators?’ ... I’m still working towards getting my self-esteem back, even though it’s been years since I’ve been assaulted ... Since I was assaulted as a child, and then throughout my life, I guess you can say I never really formed ‘self-esteem.’ I never really lived a normal childhood.”

NORTHERN IOWAN L011 Maucker Union Cedar Falls, IA 50614 www.northerniowan.com northern-iowan@uni.edu 319.273.2157

NICK FISHER

Executive Editor fishenab@uni.edu 319.273.6826

HANNAH GIBBS Managing Editor gibbsh@uni.edu 563.580.5628

MICHELE SMITH

Northern Iowan Manager michele.smith@uni.edu

LAURA SMITH

Adviser laura.smith@uni.edu

EDITORIAL STAFF CLINTON OLSASKY News Editor olsaskyc@uni.edu

KATIE BAUGHMAN Campus Life Editor baughkaa@uni.edu

CIRCULATION ANGIE SCOTT Circulation

PRODUCTION STAFF HANNAH GIBBS

BRANDON TJEPKES IRIS FRASHER

DOMINICA SALDAJENO Production Graphics

Art Director frasheri@uni.edu

KYLE REKEMEYER Copy Editor rekemeyk@uni.edu

For McNeal, the film confirms the resiliency of sexual assault survivors.

“In [both films], we quote, ‘My truth is my own, but what is true for one is true for all,’” McNeal said. “And I think that really encompasses the last film and this one. My story was my own and it’s unique and it has its different features, but we all share common denominators. We’re survivors, we’re overcomers.”

There is free, confidential help on campus available to students who have been sexually assaulted or are victims of physical/ emotional abuse, stalking or harassment.

Contact Joan Thompson with Violence and Intervention Services: joan.thompson@uni.edu 319-373-2137. For more information see uni.edu/ safety.

“I’d probably just ignore it for the most part,” Kennedy said. “There’s not much you can do about it.

You can try harder, wherever you go or end up next year.”

Hackman explained how no matter who you are, no one will be wholly perfect in their game or in life.

“You’re not going to be perfect all the time,” Hackman said. “They didn’t really expect to get that far, I’d say, but it was a good run.”

The UNI men’s basketball and the UNI Athletic Department declined to comment for this story.

Representatives for James did not reply to requests for interviews.

IRIS FRASHER/Northern Iowan

Megan Kennedy, junior family services and psychology double major, was assaulted in high school and again during her time at UNI. Here she is reflecting on her decision not to report the perpetrator at UNI.

“When you’ve been through so many things, reporting is just another thing to put yourself through — the way it’s set up now. I guess I sometimes regret not reporting, because he is still on campus here and I sometimes see him and that’s really scary. Like not just for me but for others ... I do [have regrets]. I wish I would’ve been strong enough to report for the sake of the other people involved ... But at the same time I had to do what was best for me. And the way things were set up it wasn’t healthy for me to go through all of that and revisit the situation over and over again.”

Senior Production Typesetter Webmaster

Sports Editor tjepkesb@uni.edu

players.

“If they play basketball in college is something they’re aspiring to do with their life so you should be supportive of that because you were in that situation at one point,” said Tre Goodhue, sophomore history and secondary education teaching major.

“And how would you feel if a major basketball player just told your team to just quit?”

Specifically for UNI, Goodhue said, “They should try to build them up.

Obviously they feel terrible about it. And that’s just like rubbing salt when someone does that. So they should try to be like, you know, come back from it, do better next year.”

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Accounting Assistant

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PAGE 3 NICK FISHER Executive Editor

MARCH 31, 2016

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OPINION

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

Time to think critically about ag industry At a time when environmental research is constantly turning new pages, it is time to make the conscious decision to stop unconditionally defending the animal agricultural industry. This isn’t about me trying to harm the industry and it certainly isn’t about me wanting to push for veganism – this is about the survival of our planet and of our species.

Not only is this industry actively and physically destroying the environment we live in and adversely affecting individual bodies through human consumption of meat and dairy products, it is also riddled with political corruption and lobbyists that work to deceive the public’s perception of the indus-

try’s immense influence.

This industry is using vital resources at rates that cannot be sustained. 56 percent of all water use in the U.S. is devoted to growing feed crop for grazing livestock (Center for Science in the Public Interest). Between one and two acres of rainforest are cleared every second.

And the leading cause of this deforestation? To create grazing land for animal agriculture.

How about greenhouse gas emissions? You hear people talk about the impact that fossil fuels have on the so-called “greenhouse effect” – which accounts for 13 percent of all emissions, but have you heard of the ag industry’s impact?

Combining livestock and their byproducts accounts for 51 percent of all emissions, according to WorldWatch.

A large contributor to the release of these emissions is the methane produced by cows – roughly 150 billion

gallons per day (International Business Times). Yes, cow farts actually pose a very serious threat to the wellbeing of this planet, especially as the overgrazing of these particular animals increases.

These are just three examples of the ways in which this industry directly affects the planet.

So, if raising livestock is affecting the environment this seriously, why aren’t we hearing of environmental organizations and activists speaking out against the industry’s practices?

This industry is powerful and full of resources that ensure its survival. Officials aren’t willing to risk their careers to speak out against a very strong industry that is backed by an unstoppable legal team.

Humans, especially Americans, over-consume meat. That is not a recent finding, as we comprise one-sixth of the world’s

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Columnist Cobb says that the agriculture industry should not be immune from criticism about the environment.

meat consumption and only five-percent of the world’s population (Network for Public Health Law).

Human bodies need protein and we have many sources for this nutrient at our disposal, but meat happens to be the most accessible.

It also happens to be the worst for our bodies in copi-

ous amounts.

This product is known to contribute to an array of health problems, including cancers, diabetes, heart disease, and thus premature death – all problems that we, as Americans, are very familiar with (Network for Public Health Law).

Post-caucus, don’t forget climate change a planet to live on. Many people think that because climate change is a slow process it means there is time to set it aside and deal with more timely matters.

Of course, there are other With so much going on in affairs that need to be tended our lives and around the world, to, the U.S. has no shortage it is easy to get distracted from of significant problems to deal what is really important. Since with, but the environment has the political stoplight has been been set on the back burner for shifting from state to state, too long. This is not a trend Iowans aren’t feeling as much that will come and go out of pressure to be active in the fashion, it is real and happengovernment. ing faster than most people After the caucuses, there is think. no one calling you or knockAccording to studies coning on your door soliciting ducted by NASA, within just support. Although at first, the the past century the Earth’s break from political notifica- post-Ice Age average recovery tions was nice, we cannot for- rate is nearly 10 times faster get about the issues we face, than previous centuries. This the most important being cli- means that the planet is getmate change. ting hotter faster than ever In the big picture, nothing before. else matters if we don’t have NASA also projects that the rate of warming for the next century will be twenty times faster than the Earth has ever seen.

This extreme change is not natural in the Earth’s history and we do not know how much TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE time we have Columnist Baxter says that simply forgeting about the before huge issue of climate change after the Iowa caucuses is not c h a n g e s acceptable. occur in our

This extreme change is not natural in Earth’s history and we do not know how much time we have before huge changes occur. environment.

It may be surprising, but numerous studies have proven that it is not factories, cars or water usage that make the biggest impact on our planet.

All the things we have heard about taking shorter showers and driving less are practically futile. The real problem stems from what we eat. Meat!

Recent data shows that every day roughly 80,000 acres of rainforest are cut down.

On average, 60 percent of that land is then used for cattle ranching. What does this mean?

It’s simple; when trees are cut down, they release CO2.

Too much CO2 is bad for the atmosphere, but on top of that, ranchers are raising cattle on the newly cleared land.

What’s wrong with cows?

Well, cows eat all day and in the process release methane.

Methane, like CO2, is really bad for the environment in

abundant amounts. diet to make a change, there is With all this CO2 and no doubt that eating meat aids methane being released into in global warming. the atmosphere, it is getting Vegetarianism can seem like stuck in the ozone and instead a scary thing to us Iowa folk, of leaving the planet, it is add- but it is proven to help the ing to the heat and pollution environment. I urge you all to problems. take the next step in saving the On top of the unnatural planet by eating more plants! amounts of CO2 and methane Try meatless Mondays or being added to our atmosphere, start by cutting out just beef. raising cattle and producing Every little bit counts and the beef uses so much energy and more people aware about the water. issue, the better off our planUp to 2,500 gallons of water et will be. It’s cliché, but it is are used to produce just one true, it starts with you! Become pound of beef. Imagine how informed about climate change much water could have been and tell your friends. saved if meat were not such a This is not an issue we can substantial part of our diets. push aside any longer, it must You may think that it is be addressed now. Don’t go ridiculous to blame a cow’s through life saying that it isn’t natural digestion process for your problem because whether our planet’s vulnerable state, you see it or not, it is happenbut the facts do not lie. Of ing right now and it is only course, factories produce huge getting worse. amounts of pollution that affect the process, but the main source is clearly cattle ranching.

The great number of cattle being raised for food is becoming unsustainable and the result of this booming meat business is climate change.

Whether people TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE are unaware of the correlation Baxter says “this extreme change is not natural or just too com- in Earth’s history.” She encourages eating less fortable with their meat as a simple way to combat the problem.

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MARCH 31, 2016

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CAMPUS LIFE

NORTHERNIOWAN.ORG

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KATIE BAUGHMAN Campus Life Editor

VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

FILM REVIEW

Impending doom weighs down new DC film JOSHUA ROUSE

Film Critic

Numerous comics, TV specials and animated movies have recounted and retold the near-historic matchup of the Son of Krypton and the Dark Knight. Now, director Zack Snyder brings the pair to the silver screen as a sequel to “Man of Steel.”

Taking place two years after Superman’s destructive battle with General Zod at the end of the last film, “Batman

v Superman: Dawn of Justice” puts the focus on Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck), Batman, as he deals with growing distrust of the god-like being that is Superman (Henry Cavill).

Accusing each other of acting above the law, the stage is set for a clash of fists and ideals. But acting behind the scenes is the mad genius, Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg), using the clash of god and man as a cover to bring his own nefarious schemes to fruition.

“Batman v Superman:

Dawn of Justice” worked amazingly well; better than I thought it would, or at least a third of it did. The other twothirds of the film, not so much.

At its core, “Batman vs.

Superman” is just that; they’re opposing, ironically similar views of each other collide and the growing tension between the two is a main driving point of the film.

Affleck was a wonderful Bruce Wayne/Batman. Taking the role of an elder, more gray Caped Crusader, it was certainly a fresh take on represent-

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

DC Comics brings Batman and Superman, with an appearance from Wonder Woman, to the big screen in the new film “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” released on March 25.

ing Batman on the big screen.

Alongside him was Jeremy Irons as Alfred Pennyworth, Batman’s loyal butler.

Irons is one of those actors that you can never go wrong with, and he more than proves his talent and likeable onscreen presence despite the small amount of screen time he was allotted.

Cavill, Amy Adams and Laurence Fishburne reprise their roles from “Man of Steel” as Superman, Lois Lane and Perry White, respectively.

Yes, when it comes to the title of the movie, “Batman vs.

Superman” is exactly what the film excels at and is exactly what you’ll get. It’s the “Dawn of Justice” part that fails.

Cramming in awkward cameos of other Justice League members in order to setup the DC movie extended universe was one of the problems the film had.

Working Gal Godot as Wonder Woman into the plot was okay, but overall, her presence in the film didn’t contribute anything to the plot other than some backup during the final battle.

Speaking of the final battle; while Snyder certainly has an eye for explosive cinematog-

raphy, sometimes it can be a bit too much. The fast-paced camera work becomes lost in a CGI effects-laden climactic fight.

Another aspect of the film that just didn’t work was Eisenburg as Lex Luthor.

There was an unrestrained eccentricity to the acting of Eisenburg that made Lex Luthor more annoying and emotionally fickle than the intricately plotting, devious mastermind that the character is commonly known for.

But the most glaring problem is the specific “Dawn of Justice” subtitle. Those words alone add in a whole of heap of pointless fluff to the film that ultimately overshadows the core conflict that works so well.

Confusingly, pointless dream-sequences and weight of “things to come” bog down the plot and several character’s motivations get lost along the way. It’s as if the film makers are more distracted with looking to the future of the franchise, rather than focusing their efforts on the current project in front of them.

Showcase for National level talent TORI RAYNER

Staff Writer

The UNI Speech Team’s “Night B4 Nationals,” sprince showcase brought commentaries on social justice issues and more. Despite more serious topics, the performers often found ways to work humor into their speech.

The year’s most successful pieces were performed in the Mauker Union ballroom on Monday, March 28, the night before 12 of the team’s members, who qualified to perform at the American Forensics Association-National Individual Events Tournament (AFANIET), set out for Florida, the site of this year’s tournament.

UNI’s team has attended the AFA-NIET for the past several decades.

The showcase on Monday consisted of six full performances and several previews in order to give the audience an idea of what the team has been working on throughout the year.

These performances varied from after dinner speeches to poetry interpretations.

Jessica Wayson, senior comprehensive secondary science teaching major, said that each piece performed at the show-

case qualified for nationals and that hundreds of hours of work was put into perfecting each piece for the big event.

“Each person has multiple events generally, so if you add it together, it piles up really quickly,” Wayson said.

Among the crowd of around 100 students, faculty and community members, many were delightfully surprised by the performances they saw.

Katie Kozak, junior interactive digital studies major, originally attended the event as a way to earn extra credit for a class.

However, upon leaving, Kozak said that she found a piece based on the true story of a young boy who died of AIDS particularly moving, titled, “The Yellow Boat.”

“I think it was a really beautiful interpretation,” Kozak said.

Abby Martin, junior communication major, was involved in speech when she was in high school, so she attended the event to see the differences in content. She also said that she enjoyed “The Yellow Boat” performance.

“At first, I was wondering where this was going, but how it all came together made my heart sink,” Martin said.

The speech team is currently at the national tournament at the University of Florida in Gainsville, where they will be for the rest of the week.

Over 80 schools from across the United States will gather to compete against each other for the next week, starting with three different preliminary rounds. Those who advance will move on to the quarterfinals, the semi-finals and the national finals.

Last year, UNI’s speech team placed ninth in the tournament, something that hasn’t happened in several decades. In the last four consecutive years, UNI has placed in the top 10.

Speech team co-director Sadé Barfield explained how difficult it is for a smaller school to achieve something like this.

“There are schools who are able to have 66 events [at the tournament],” Barfield said.

“We don’t have enough people to get to do that, but to be able to compete on the same level as them is sort of a hallmark of our team.”

According to senior English major and speech team member Jake Westpfahl, the speech team owes much of their success to the quality of work they put into each performance.

“We’ve always maintained a

pretty good amount of success feeling to know that it’s in good at these tournaments, and I hands once I’m gone.” would like to think that we’re As the AFA-NIET propretty well respected on the gresses throughout the week, circuit,” Westpfahl said. “We’re the UNI Speech and Debate not a really big team, but what Facebook page and the we tend to focus on is quality.” Communication Department Westpfahl went on to homepage will be providing explain the team’s performance updates about the team’s perat a tournament in Texas earli- formance at the national tourer this year made him feel con- nament. fident in the future of the team.

“We all did really well on the first day, and it’s really cool to see a lot of the younger people on my team have success,” We s t p f a h l said. “It’s nice to see them get their first taste of it, and you can see the want for more success coming through them with nationals prep. Being able to look NORTHERN IOWAN ARCHIVES at the younger team, it’s Jessica Wayson speaks at speech event. The UNI Speech Team presented their spring showcase, “Night a really great B4 Nationals” on March 28.

PAGE 5 NAME

Editor Position

~tHe f r e n c h fRy~ the french fry is completely satire. pls don’t take dis srsly k. ne resemblance to any real persons is completely coincidental. da statements in tHe french fRy are in No way any offishul viewz of da Northern Iowan. Mkay? thx MARCH 31, 2016

Once in a life-time performance JIMMY SMITZ Cat Control

This is a believed replica of the sandwich Clive Buttertable ate in his performance.

DAFFODIL SEINFELD/French Fry

Drump new NISG Pres.

PUNK MAHONEY h8s women

Northern Iowa Student Government (NISG) president, Katherine Evansdale, abr uptly resigned Wednesday morning. In a statement to the Northern Iowan, she announced that her lame duck presidency will be vacated and filled by current GOP frontrunner Donald Drump — who has been taking online classes at UNI since the Iowa Caucuses.

“Mr. Drump tells it like it is. He is the strong businessman that we need to run this university,” Evansdale said. “Because that’s what a higher ed. institution is: a business.”

An impromptu press conference was held Wednesday evening to announce the news.

“We’re gonna win here at UNI,” Drump said. “And we’re gonna win so much it’ll make ya sick of winning.”

When asked about the state of the university — and specifically about issues of diversity and inclusion— Drump’s solution was as simple as it was

comprehensive.

“Oh, that? We’ll build a big, big… big beautiful wall,” Drump said.

He went on to explain that building a wall around

hinges upon a strong fortification — perhaps the Great Wall of Drump — that cloisters those who “talk of ‘political correctness.’”

DAFFODIL SEINFELD/French Fry

After trashing the French Fry, Drump announced he would be the new NISG president.

those who may complain about hostility on campus would allow them the proper time to think about their problems, and subsequently recant their “dumb opinions.”

He referred to those attempting to elevate silenced voices as “losers” and that isolating them from “the winners” would have a positive impact on the campus culture.

Drump said that protecting the right of free speech

“Those people are dumb,” Drump said.

At this point, several dozen students broke out in protest at the press conference chanting, “Bigots can’t be student body president!”

Witnesses later told the NI that the protesters were escorted away from the press conference peacefully by men in black military uniforms with red bands on their sleeves.

See DRUMP, page 6

Students of UNI and residents of the Cedar Valley area anxiously waited for famed performance artist Melody Schlick to take the stage this past Saturday afternoon. However, it seemed that the opening act before Schlick stole the show.

Clive Buttertable, junior apathy major, gave an opening performance which critics have immediately started calling “The Performance of the Century.”

15 minutes before Schlick’s cue to enter the stage, Buttertable came from stage right with a paper sack in hand, went to the center, sat down cross-legged and began pulling out his lunch, which he proceeded to eat in front of the entire audience.

The items pulled from the paper sack included: a turkey

sandwich (light on the mayo), a small carton of milk one would find in a high school lunchroom, a small bag of baby carrots, one granny smith apple and a single Fig Newton.

“At first I wasn’t sure the message he was trying to get across,” said Beth Marone, sophomore art major, “but as he continued to munch on his turkey sandwich, light on the mayo from what I’ve heard, the meaning started to grow. It was hard to spot someone in the audience who wasn’t trying to hold back tears.”

At one point during Buttertable’s performance, there was a simultaneous gasp throughout the audience when it appeared as if Buttertable was choking on one of his baby carrots. However, the symbolism there did not go over anyone’s head.

See ART N STUFF, page 6

More selfies than service DAFFODIL SEINFELD literally a joke of a flower

“I just really like think I’m making their lives better, ya know?” said Jessikah Schnob, sophomore deciding major, who spent her 2015 summer tirelessly on a mission trip.

“We had to play with the local kids once,” Schnob said. “It was, like, really hard work.”

The mission trip was six weeks in length in a rural area along the African coast.

Students enjoyed their stay in a cabin with Wi-Fi while the children slept nearby in their huts.

The students could choose to spend their time canoeing, rock climbing, hiking and occasionally helping the local residents with minor things, such as making bracelets that were sold via sweatshop labor.

While away, Schnobb and other students in attendance said the experience was “life changing.”

Special activities included several photo ops, a “foreverin-our-feed-but-not-in-ourthoughts” friendship bracelet making station and a safari expedition.

The trip was not free, and students had to pay a hefty fee to attend.

Chance Broman, junior general studies major, spent approximately $6,500. The total cost included complementary selfie sticks.

“Sure it’s a lot of money,” Broman said, “but I’m sure me being here is much more of a relief than what that money alone could’ve done for these people. At least we get to give them a glimpse of a great life.”

Jordan Joocee, UNI alum, thought the trip was definitely an experience when he went several years prior.

“The kids going now have no idea,” Joocee said. “It was really hard to post a photo to Facebook on your Razr. I thought I’d get more likes, honestly—I went through a lot of hard work to get that posted.”

The mission trip children were unavailable for comment, as few, if any, have access to the Internet—or basic needs, such as clean water or an adequate supply of food.

Schnob explained that she was going to attend the program again next summer.

“Well, of course,” Schnob said. “I’ve learned how to contour since then, so I totes need a new cover photo while I’m there helping those poor folks.”

PAGE 6

MARCH 31, 2016

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KNEWS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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Staff Writer

From something as small as switched letters to something as major as a wrongly spelled word in a heading, errors in Northern Iowan (NI) articles are becoming all too frequent, as many readers have noticed.

“It’s embarrassing,” said Connie Moore, senior graphic design major. “They’re a newspaper for god’s sake! They should see these errors. I can’t image [sic] a reason for why there are so many.”

However, the reason for these may not be as obvious as missing a typo. In fact, the reason is other-worldly.

“We have a ghost in the machine,” said Nick Fisher, executive editor of the NI. “Simple as that.”

According to copy editor of the NI, Kyle Rekemeyer, the errors sreen on the page happen after everything has been corrected.

“I’m an English major,” Rekemeyer said. “So I know how to speak. The odds that I miss something after eight reads is highly unlikely. We’ve all [the editors] have come to accept the fact that the ghost haunting the Northern Iowan computers will not let us put out a perfect paper.”

There is a common mistake that affects campus life editor, Kate Baugh, who was kind enough to share her difficult situation.

“I’ll be editing, and everything starts out just fine,” Baugh said, “but out of nowhere, my computer will start typing random numbers! Do you know how embarrassing it is to print a newspaper with a random number just inserted into the sen98tence?”

Michele Smith, manager of the NI, was unable to be reached for comment on who this ghost might be. However, sports editor, Brandon Tjepkes, has an idea of who it might be.

“From what I’ve heard,” Tjepkes said, “the ghost is a former editor of the NI. I believe his name was Jeremy Bittertaint.”

According to Tjepkes, Bittertain was a former sports editor who was nearly perfect at finding errors, until one day he completely missed a major error in the headline.

Bittertaint was so distraught by this that his work began slipping, and more errors frequented the sports page. After being belittled by the editors at the time, Bittertaint just disappeard.

“I believe this is his revenge for the constant insults of his poor editing. But, in the end

He said he’d lead UNI into the future, making it great again. continued from page 5 “I wouldn’t be no loser about these things, and I Drump also discussed his think even the basketball team plans to tackle mental health could learn a few lessons on concerns on campus. He said winning from The Donald,” state appropriations don’t Drump said. He then offered adequately match the level of Jeeves Clouseau, UNI basketneed at UNI. ball player who was in atten“We need better negotia- dance, a copy of his book, tors,” Drump said. “If I had “The Art of the Deal.” been negotiating, those Iowa Billy Barnaby, freshman legislators would have given business major, said the prous enough money to fund testors, and all Drump detracmental needs and more. Heck, tors, were taking the incomI bet they would’ve agreed to ing student body president’s pay for the wall if I’d talked message out of context. to them.”

“When he says ‘Make UNI Addressing concerns great again,’ it isn’t a mesabout his ability to work with sage of hate,” Barnaby said. the administration and lobby “He just wants UNI students legislators on behalf of UNI, to recognize that without his Drump provided reassurance. walls, we don’t have a university, ya know?”

“Some people have made comments about my ability to serve as student body president,” Drump said. “And for those dummies, I want them to know: see these hands? These aren’t small hands!

These aren’t the hands of losers; MCT Campus these hands are Newly elected UNI student body president yuge! I assure you Donald Drump embraces an adult supporter’s there’s no probhand in a sign of solidarity. lem.”

DRUMP

it’s [Bittertaint’s] fault and no one else’s,” said Clinton Buttface, news editor for the NI, who is now on Bittertaint’s hit list for the comment.

The one person who has not been affected by the ghost’s devious ways is art director for the NI, Iris Frasher.

“I’m not exactly sure why I’m not affected,” Frasher said. “Maybe it’s because he wasn’t an art person? Or maybe he just really appreciates art?

That might explain DAFFODIL SEINFELD/Northern Iowan why I sometimes Northern Iowan editor Kate Baugh buries her find unsigned love face in her hands after falling victim to spectral letters on my com- scribbler Jeremy Bittertaint yet again. puter desktop.”

Frasher blushed they try to slip in the correcbefore turning back to work on tions before the ghost is able a front page graphic. to detect that a correction has But one thing is evident, been made. according to Fisher.

The most embarrassing “[The ghost] is not going error the ghost slips in? away,” Fisher said. “No matter “Sometimes,” Rekemeyer how many times we correct our said, “the article will just end errors, they’ll just be reverted randomly. I’m not saying that it back to the original state.” ends on one page and jumps to Collectively, the NI staff another. The article just ends would like to issue an apology and there’s nothing we can to the readers for errors, as

Elves supply food JACOB JACOBSON

His name is Jacob

The UNI dining centers were recently rated the number one college food in Iowa. But the students largely scoffed at this bold claim. Now, the administration and food service staff are speaking out about the secret behind their great food.

According to the press release by Dining Services, UNI redirected the funds intended to finish Lawther Hall to acquire a house-elf for each dining service staff member.

President Ruud commented on the decision.

“Well the students kept complaining about the food,” Ruud said, “so instead of a nice, cushy residence hall, they get food made by a figment of J.K. Rowling’s imagination.

Don’t ask me how much imaginary creatures cost these days because prices are skyrocketing.”

The Northern Iowan was able to get in touch with one of the elves and see what he thought of his new residence.

“The work here is quite a lot easier,” said Kodpey, “than defending your master with your life or being relegated to a

OFFICE PARIAH

VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

Misstakes haunt newspaper RICHARD BACHMAN

CLINT O’SASSYPANTS

cupboard. But yes we do all the cooking. All the UNI classics: burnt pizza, soggy fries and as always, a salad made with pizza topping lettuce instead of edible ingredients.”

Jennifer Crawley was assigned Kodpey to help her work in Piazza.

“It is kind of nice, not having to actually work,” Crawley said, “except for the fact that it’s like being handcuffed to a nightmare against your will.

Yeah, we didn’t have any say in if we wanted one or not. One morning he just startled me awake by trying to make Easy Mac in a toaster.”

While the house-elves have mixed reviews at UNI, they are causing rifts in the larger elf community. The Keebler elves have filed legal suit against UNI. According to Ernie Keebler, “Cooking is entirely the domain of the Keebler elves, and this decision is in direct violation of our sole purpose for existence.”

President Paul Ruud responded to the Keebler elf.

“Ma Keebler is just mad that I didn’t call her back after the first date,” Ruud said. Ruud expressed no intention to reverse the decision.

ART N STUFF

continued from page 5

“It did not go over my head,” said Susan G. Anthony, graduate political science student. “It was clear that he was commenting on the suffocation one feels in today’s society. To interpret it any other way would be silly.”

Mandy Brew, junior psychology major, interpreted it another way.

“When he choked,” Brew said, “it was almost as if it was a calling. A calling for help. It reflected how life is so short.”

It took Buttertable at least 12 minutes to finish his performance. As soon as he put the last bit of crust from his sandwich in his mouth, the entire audience of 150 got to their feet and gave him a thunderous applause.

Though it was not part of his performance, an audience member threw a Twinkie onto the stage, rather than a rose, in which Buttertable proceeded to eat the Twinkie.

“It was almost like an encore,” Marone said.

However, some were not able to find meaning in the performance.

“I didn’t get it,” said Tony Slackberry, Cedar Falls resident. “Nobody ever applauds me when I eat my lunch.”

Slackberry spit on the sidewalk before walking away.

Schlick, who was watching from the sidelines, was so impressed that she cancelled her performance because she knew that there was no way to follow it.

“Performance art like this comes once in a lifetime,” Schlick said. “There was no way my piece, entitled ‘Spitting Water,’ was going to be able to top it. I just told everyone to go home. Buttertable will go down as one of the greatest performance artists of all time because of this.”

Audience members believe that Buttertable’s performance has its own mythology and is a three-part series, with meals like breakfast and dinner to still be accounted for.

Buttertable gave a comment after his performance, adding to this believed-mythology.

“I just took a wrong turn looking for the cafeteria,” said Buttertable.

Could this comment be a reflection on how humanity is unsure of its future? A comment on how undecided majors will find their calling? Or could it mean something else? Buttertable did not extrapolate further.

As of right now, Buttertable has not announced further dates for what audience members and critics alike are calling the “Eating series.” A true performance art spectacle that may never be replicated.

LIB BRO

LEFTWING MOUTHPIECE

PAGE 7

LIBERAL COMPLAINING

MARCH 31, 2016

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NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

Student orgs offer help to those in need HAMBONE CARMICHAEL Columnist

As a female, I often have trouble making decisions for myself, especially concerning what is best for myself and my body. In today’s rapid lifestyle, I can’t expect my girl-brain to think fast enough to make what would be a healthy, positive choice.

Luckily for me, two campus organizations are making themselves available to make decisions on behalf of all female UNI students.

UNI Right To Life and UNI College Republicans have recently begun working with the administration to add several UNI policies “to improve the health and safety of female UNI students.” Here are just a few of their suggested policies: In stores like Biscotti’s, dining options in the Union and at other campus dining locations, a kiosk for female students will be added before the checkout or at the end of the food service lines. All

females will get an opportunity to talk to a nutritionist about their food choices and answer the question “do you really need that?”

Proponents of this policy say it will help women make better nutritional choices, which will in turn help them maintain an attractive figure and get a husband while at college.

In academic buildings throughout campus, hall monitors will be patrolling the halls and making sure female students are taking an appropriate time for bathroom breaks during classes. Female students will be expected to carry hall passes displaying the time they left class and the classroom number they need to be returned to.

One Right-To-Lifer called this new policy “a no-brainer to ensure women are in their place.”

These hall monitors will also be enforcing the new dress code for female students, the details of which have not yet been unveiled.

For female students living in dorms, a curfew of 10:00 pm will be instituted, with a study hour and then lightsout at 11:00. This has been touted as a way to protect the reputations of female students at UNI and ensure they have ample beauty rest, to make campus more beautiful.

In addition, it will allow male students to go out at night and patronize establishments on College Hill without worrying that they may be tempted to sexually assault anyone.

Said one College Republican, “the curfew and study hour will be a huge help to women’s grades, I think, since it takes them so much longer to do math and other homework that requires critical thinking.”

Lastly, female students will be issued new UNI ID cards with GPS tracking capabilities. This tracking system will work on a perimeter basis, where UNI police and counselors will be alerted whenever one of these

DAFFODIL SEINFELD / French Fry

Carmichael says she and all other women have trouble making decisions, such as ordering food, that stretch the limits of their lady brains.

ID cards enters an establishment offering reproductive health services.

“We are really doing this to protect women from harming themselves by making promiscuous life choices,” said a Right To Life member.

When speaking to prospective students about the implementation of these policies, I found that many dads were in favor of them, citing the general belief

that fathers are to make sure their daughters are virgins until they get married and the responsibility of the woman’s body goes to her husband.

Of course, there will be a process for female students to opt out of participating in these policies, which will include a $2,000 paperwork processing fee and require proof that her mental faculties are up to the challenge of body autonomy.

Sexuality in video games not NI article hurts tied to marketing schemes at all student’s feelings

The video game “Overwatch,” created by Blizzard, strives to be the bridge between the tower defense MOBA (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena) games like “League of Legends” and team based first person shooters such as “Halo.”

But like most games that feature prominent and playable female characters, the gameplay isn’t what sells the game. Sex is. Thats right, for all of the 20-something, basement-dwelling men who have plenty of missed opportunities with women throughout their high school and college careers, sex in video games has become a replacement.

Whether it is titles such as “Dead or Alive,” or the more recent Lara Croft titles, sexuality has become a primary way to sell game, even when the game is devoid of all gameplay.

These young men are more than happy to stare at pixels arranged in the shape of anime women in scantily clad bikinis. However, the game’s developers have decided to

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Columnist Botz says sexuallity in video games purely arbitrary and is no way tied to marketing strategies.

remove in game content that would appeal to these involuntarily celibate gentlemen, at their own request.

Yes, as it would turn out, sexualizing the wrong character is a big no-no. One of the characters apparently is not supposed to be sexy, and the developers had implemented an optional animation in game for that character.

Despite this being exactly what the intels would want, they turned on the developers demanding that the content be removed.

This is why every video game that chooses to market itself with sexual content should have to report the level of sexuality of the characters

in its game. What their orientation is, how active their sex life is and what positions they prefer.

This way the developers will never step out of line again, and players know exactly what to expect and cannot complain. If you wanted to take it a step further this should also apply to games of a non-­ sexual nature just to prevent confusion.

This could be distributed by the ESRB or the developers themselves. The ostracization of gamers who consume video game character-­ based pornography must not be allowed to go on any longer.

It is the only way to prevent future school shootings.

Dear editor, As a avid reader of the Northern Iowan, I recently read the article in volume 112, issue 44 entitled “Bad Roommates”.

This article written by staff writer Casey Allbee seemed interesting at first but became malice overtime.

As a student of the University of Northern Iowa, I believe this kind of reporting is hurtful to myself and others who may have made errors with roommates and friends in the past.

My current roommate is a nice guy but what is to say he

doesn’t take a small slight from me as “bad roommate” material and begin to air our dirty laundry on social media? This article is the basis for “witch hunting” and “shaming”.

My living quarters should be a safe space from others and with the article you have allowed to be written, I will lose said safe space. It is at this time that I will no longer read the Northern Iowan publication from this point on.

You have lost a reader as I have lost my safe space.

-Timothy Lieb, senior deciding major

Wi-Fi...just why?!

I’m going to be frederick here, the Wi-Fi on campus has driven me to legit insanity.

Are you aware how frustrating it is to be taking an Instagram picture, be in the process of uploading it and then be told that it can’t be done because the Wi-Fi pooped out?

I’ve been on this campus for at least three years now, and truthishly, I expect better.

Every time my tweet fails to send, I go into a blind rage and start tearing apart the couch pillows with a carving knife.

Okay, so maybe my actions might be a little extreme here.

But i’ve never hurt someone

because of the Wi-Fi (except that time I punched my roommate when I was kicked out of my multiplayer session in “Rocket League”).

I say us UNI students need to take a stand against the Wi-Fi. We need to get Michele Obama in here to help push for better service! Because we all know she’s helped with problems like this before.

It’s unjust the way I, and probably many others, have to put up with this dispicable act against the 1st Amendment.

Jeffy Dahmer-Gein, Angry student

PAGE 8

MORE FUNDING!!

MARCH 31, 2016

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SPERTZ

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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BRO JETSKII

SPORTS GURU

VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

UNI athletics now resorts to socialism SPORT MCSPORTY

Sports Writer

On the week of Feb. 7, state senator David Johnston proposed a bill that would have the University of Iowa and Iowa State University help the University of Northern Iowa’s athletic funding issues.

The bill proposes that Iowa and Iowa State pay $4 million per year to the University of Northern Iowa. Iowa would have to direct $2.28 million while $1.72 would come from Iowa State.

The bill was passed on March 25 with very mixed

emotions.

Students at Northern Iowa did not view the bill as a positive outcome.

Sophomore CPR major Blue Trainer feels the money should not be given to the university.

“UNI needs to pull itself up by its bootstraps and fund itself,” Trainer said.

Johnston said that the bill had incredible bipartisan support. Both Democratic and Republican parties came together in support of what they said is always their number one priority: higher education.

“UNI athletic funding is

like a sick, dying elephant,” Johnston said. “And it’s in need of saving.”

Bob Carrigan, junior tennis player, welcomed the idea of the legislation.

“At first I wasn’t too keen on having another school help our funding,” Carrigan said.

“But without this must-needed funding, I don’t think I would be playing next year.”

Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders highly praised the passing of the bill.

“This is how it needs to be done,” said Sanders. “It’s unfair that bigger schools like Iowa and Iowa State receive

more funding than smaller schools.”

UNI will start receiving

the funding from Iowa and ISU in the fall semester of 2016.

NORTHERN IOWAN ARCHIVES

UI and ISU will be funding UNI athletics. Plans for the future include UNI adopting black and yellow as their colors.

PANTHER NATION!

Cyclone athletes transfer after Harris’s hiring JUSTIN CASE

Sports Writer

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Due to Harris’s new position of athletic director, it is expected the entire ISU team will transfer to UNI.

As you guys probably know, we have a new athletic director.

His name is David Harris.

Harris is the former senior associate athletic director at Iowa State University.

At Iowa State, Harris had the role of sports administrator well, for a lot of things: football, men’s basketball and wrestling.

He supervised student-athlete development, compliance, athletic training and strength and conditioning.

Harris did a lot of stuff at ISU, and was so invested in the athletics, the student-athletes were crushed, absolutely crushed to see him go. Some of ISU’s best athletes threatened to quit sports all together if he left.

So, being the super smart fella that he is, developed a master plan. Harris made a deal with these athletes.

“I told them that if I go to UNI, they should transfer,” Harris told the Northern Iowan.

I had a chance to catch up with Mike Warren, former running back for ISU who rushed for 1,300 yards as a freshman.

I asked him what his thoughts were on transferring, even after the Cyclones hired new coach Matt Campbell.

“Harris has made such a huge impact on my life. I just couldn’t envision an Iowa State without him,” Warren said in an official interview. “I mean, I love Coach Campbell and Coach Ayeni, but I saw a great fit with Coach Farley.

That man is a genius.”

Mike Warren is not the only athlete leaving Ames. Harris’ responsibilities didn’t even cover women’s basketball, but that shows how big of an impact he has made.

Seanna Johnson, who led the women’s team in points with 17 per game will be a senior next

year, will be taking her talents to UNI. Even basketball great, Monte Morris, will be coming to Cedar Falls. This one is huge for the Panthers, especially with Wes Washpun leaving.

Morris led the country the last three years in assist-to-turnover ratio. He also took a huge step forward this past year on the offensive side of the ball as he averaged 14 points per game.

The Northern Iowan caught up with him while he was on his official visit.

“I am truly excited to play for Coach Jacobson,” said Morris.

“When Fred left, we were devastated. I was devastated. I mean there were times when Georges, Abdel, Jameel and I would have group crying sessions . . . Coach Prohm is alright, but what Coach Jacobson did to turn around this season to almost make the Sweet 16 was amazing.”

LEBRON JAMES!

Karma forces LeBron James into retirement NUTTY FUDGE

Sports Writer

If you did not watch the UNI Panthers play against Texas A&M last week, you have probably heard about it countless times. The Panthers gave up a 12-point lead in the last 44 seconds of regular time to lose it in double overtime.

Not only was the game talked about by students and analysts everywhere, but NBA great LeBron James gave an opinion if he was on the Panthers during the loss during a press conference.

“If I was on Northern Iowa, I would have quit basketball,” said James. “You’re up eight in 20-plus seconds, you up five with 10 seconds…yeah I would quit.”

Well karma got back to James on March 24 as the Cleveland Cavaliers lost to the Brooklyn Nets, 96-95.

Cleveland gained a 94-85 lead with 30 seconds remaining in the game and James had scored 29 points at that moment.

Brooklyn’s Bojan Bogdanovic drained a three and quickly called timeout with 35 seconds left. James was fouled and made one of his two free throws.

Shane Larkin responded with a three of his own to cut the lead to 95-91 with 24 seconds remaining. James then turned the ball over twice that led to five straight points and a 96-95 lead for Brooklyn.

With five seconds left, James had one last chance to make a jumper for the victory, but the ball hit the rim for the loss.

James and the Cavaliers gave up 11 points in the last 30 seconds of the game. That is about as bad as Northern Iowa’s loss to Texas A&M, or maybe even worse because the 51-21 Cavaliers lost to the 20-51 Nets.

Northern Iowa was the underdog against Texas A&M and were not even supposed to win.

The Cavaliers are an NBA powerhouse team that should win against a team like Brooklyn.

James remembered his comment on quitting if he was UNI and took it as a sign.

On March 26, James called a press conference to announce his retirement from the NBA. “After this past loss, I felt it was sign saying that I should be done,” James said upon retirement. “On regards to Northern Iowa, I was serious that I would quit basketball. Personally, we had pressure to lose the game because of Brooklyn’s record.

Now that we blew about the same lead, it’s time I put my money where my mouth is.”

With LeBron James’ retirement, no one is sure what will TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE become of the Cavaliers’ season LeBron James isn’t exactly sure where he went wrong. It is unkown if he and championship hopes. believes in karma.

KATIE BAUGHMAN Campus Life Editor

MARCH 31, 2016

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PAGE 9

CAMPUS LIFE

NORTHERNIOWAN.ORG

Why I relay

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VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

A collection of stories of why students decide to relay for life

I Relay because I HATE CANCER! I Relay for my mom.

I Relay for my aunt.

I Relay for my grandparents.

I Relay for many friends who have been effected by cancer in the past.

I Relay for those who have and will hear those three terrible words, “You have cancer.”

I Relay for those who can’t.

I Relay for more birthdays.

I Relay for a cure.

I know that by raising funds and walking in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life event, I will help save lives. The research being done is making a difference.

When my aunt, Therese, was first diagnosed, I was only in grade school (second grade, I think). I didn’t fully understand what was going on at the time. After some time and many tests at the Mayo Clinic, the results came back saying the cancer had spread.

My mom’s side of the family all traveled to be at Mayo with my aunt and uncle during this time. Therese also took the decision to undergo some genetic testing.

“Why not do it? The doctors are already in there,” she explained.

Therese pasted away Jan. 29, 2003. I remember thinking that Christmas that we won’t have her much longer. I think that everyone was taking each day at a time, enjoying what we have left.

Her doctor highly recommended that the immediate family get colonoscopies because Therese was so young. I think this came as a shock to my mom, grandma and aunts, like thiscan’t-happen-to-me attitude.

They all had colonoscopies done within the next couple years. When my mom decided to get IRIS FRASHER/Northern Iowan her colonoscopy, she also did the genetic testing. Her test came back positive from the tumor found in her colon.

This was hard news to take at a young age. I didn’t always have the greatest relationship with my mom, but I remember thinking that I still needed her. I stayed with family friends while my dad could be with my mom in Rochester, MN whenever he could get off work for more than a weekend.

My brother wasn’t in school yet, so he stayed at Grandma’s for a long time. I remember asking too many questions and wanted to see her. I got down there a few weekends.

One of my other aunts found out she would have to be watched; while the other was clean. My grandma had her test done a few years after my mom and her test came back positive as well.

My mom’s “cure” was to remove the whole colon. This surgery was the best decision for how young she was and with what they knew about it. When my grandma had surgery she only got part of her colon removed. This surgery method was the best for her at her age.

From these genetic tests, the family learned that it was genetic. This is called Lynch Syndrome.

Cancer has hurt my family and myself in many ways. The testing that has been discovered and improved upon has made it easier to detect earlier.

The improvements in the options for surgeries have also made it easier to live a normal life after. Colon cancer runs in the family. Basically, I probably have the gene. I have not been tested yet, but I will not die from cancer.

I know way too many people that have had cancer change their life even in the slightest bit, not to try to find a cure to them all. I have few family members that have been directly affected by cancer in my lifetime.

My mom’s side has been affected by colon cancer. On my dad’s side, my grandpa had prostate cancer, and my grandma had thyroid cancer. Multiple friends and multiple kinds of cancers.

It’s overwhelming to think that millions of people will be diagnosed with cancer this year. It might be someone close to us – or you or me...

I believe in more birthdays!

Together, we can finish the fight!

-Ami Jensen, senior interior design major COMIC

continued from page 1

Regan has virtually devoted his entire adult life to building up his stand-up career.

Before deciding to become a comedian, he had attended Heidelberg College in Ohio with plans of becoming an accountant. However, in his last semester in 1980, he dropped out.

“When I decided I wanted to be a comedian, that was like – wow! All of a sudden, passion went into my soul,” Regan said. “I just wasn’t passionate about being an

accountant.”

Regan would later finish his college degree in 1997.

Since that time, Regan has been able to carve out an incredibly successful career for himself, largely off the strength of his stand-up performances.

According to Regan, he typically does around 100 stand-up performances a year across the country.

The performance this Saturday will be Regan’s first ever show on UNI’s campus. However, he said that he had performed in the city of Cedar Falls once before, in 2009.

“I tend to like to play

anywhere and everywhere,” Regan said. “I like smaller towns, but I also like big cities. And it’s nice to be able to do a little bit of both.”

Besides his extensive work on the stand-up circuit, Regan has appeared on talk shows hosted by David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon and was even featured in Chris Rock’s hit movie “Top Five.”

Regan has also appeared in an episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” a web series hosted by Jerry Seinfeld.

In addition, Regan’s most recent stand-up special, “Brian Regan: Live from Radio City Music Hall,” was

Editor’s Note: Relay for Life is on April 9.

the first ever special that was broadcast live on Comedy Central.

Regan reflected on how many of the opportunities he has received in his career came as a result of his friends in the comedy community, which have included Letterman, Rock and Seinfeld.

“Comedians have given me a boost, if you will,” Regan said. “That’s what comedians have done for me. I have a strong feeling towards my fellow comedians. Lately, I’ve been fortunate that people have been giving me opportunities like this. It’s been fun.”

Regan went on to explain what audience members can

expect from his show, citing simplicity as one of standup comedy’s most appealing aspects.

“Comedy is beautifully simplistic; that’s one thing I love about it,” Regan said.

“I like looking at the stage before the show starts. It’s a microphone stand and if you’re extravagant, you have a stool and a bottle of water on it. And that’s it. And I’m just going to stand behind that thing and try to make people laugh. It’s a fun experience.”

Regan’s performance at the GBPAC will take place at 8 p.m. on April 2. Ticket prices start at $41.

PAGE 10

MARCH 31, 2016

SOFTBALL

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SPORTS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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BRANDON TJPEKES Sports Editor

VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

Softball goes 2-1 in series against Evansville DYLAN PADY

Sports Writer

The UNI women’s softball team just increased their season record to 24-9 after a 2-1 series victory over Evansville.

A double-header on Friday, March 25 resulted in a 6-0 victory for the Panthers in their first game, following with a tough 6-1 defeat against the Purple Aces.

In their 6-0 victory game, many points did not come until the end of the game, where they would deliver the initial dagger after Anna Varriano hit it out of the park and put three points on the board for UNI. After a 5-0 run, Micalla

Rettinger stepped up to bat and hit a home run of her own, adding to the lead and sealing the deal as Evansville could not get anything going for them in the bottom of the seventh.

On Saturday, the Panthers won the game as well as the series with a final score of 2-1.

Evansville started the bottom of the first with an RBI and the first points of the game.

UNI wasted no time to respond to the deficit in the very next inning. Alyssa Buchanan sailed the ball towards right field to bring Kristin Lock to home base for an RBI of her own.

Later in the second inning, Buchanan stole second base and

Kennedy Bailey scored on an error to put the Panthers up 2-1 for the rest of the game.

To finish out the series, senior pitcher Chelsea Ross totaled 12 strike outs against the Purple Aces.

This was a season high for Ross, passing her previous high against Ole Miss where she sent 11 batters back to the dugout empty-handed.

After a long stretch of away games, the Panthers’ softball team will play their next three games at home. The first two will feature a double-header against Indiana State on April 2 and 3, followed by Iowa State on April 6.

NORTHERN IOWAN ARCHIVES

Chelsea Ross winds up for a pitch. Ross finished the three-game series with a season-high 12 strike outs.

TRACK & FIELD

Personal records set at Bill Cornell Spring Classic ZACH HUNTLEY

Sports Writer

NORTHERN IOWAN ARCHIVES

Junior Brett McCalla launches into a relay. Four Panther athletes set personal records during the Bill Cornell Spring Classic.

The Panther track and field athletes have been pushing themselves to new limits this season, improving in both personal and team records.

Remaining consistent, the team continued that success in the Bill Cornell Spring Classic this weekend in Carbondale, IL. Taking second in both the men and women’s discus, senior Chloe Schmidt and freshman Issac Holtz improved in MVC standings after their results in the classic.

Schmidt threw 151’ 4 3/4” to place herself second in the MVC. A personal best by Holtz, 171’ 1 3/4”, moved him into the second place rank as well.

In the women’s high jump,

junior Chaley Rath placed second as she fell less than three inches short of first with a 5’ 5 3/4” leap.

In addition to her placement in the high jump, Rath also took fifth in the women’s javelin throw with a length of 105’ 4”.

A huge victory for Justin Baker came this weekend as he took first in the men’s hammer throw for UNI, reaching a new personal best of 209’ 1 1/4”, ranking him first in the MVC in addition to setting a university record.

Stepping up again in the shot put competition, Baker launched a 57’ flat, earning second in the classic.

Another first-place ranking came from junior Brette Correy with a personal best in the women’s 1,500 meter of 4:37.20.

Right behind her was teammate Ashley Norem, taking second with a time of 4:38.71.

Taking both titles in the men’s and women’s 800 meter run was junior Dylan Eigenberger along with Correy.

Eigenberger’s 1:54.68 time was a personal best that ranked him No. 1 in the MVC. Correy’s first place finish also ranked her first in the MVC with a 2:13.16 finish.

A final two wins in the 400 meter dash were juniors Raheem Black and Jennifer Roberts. Black’s 54.80 finish and Robert’s 1:02.64 finish set the bar high for future legs to come.

UNI is currently competing in the Texas Relays and will be in Austin, TX until Saturday, April 2.

OPINION

Team streams give viewers a more fan-based commentary RYAN HERRING

Sports Columnist

You are watching a basketball game on TV and a controversial play happens. A bangbang play resulted in the ball going out of bounds.

It is way too close to call, making it ultimately a 50/50 chance it will go your way. The ref makes the call. One team and their fans are happy and the other team and their fans are upset.

Regardless of which side you are on, you have an opinion. In your head you either think it was great call or a terrible call.

Naturally, you want to hear the commentators on your side agree with you, not only on that one play, but also the entire game. That is where Team Streams come in.

This weekend there will be Team Stream Broadcasts for each of teams competing in the Final Four courtesy of Bleacher Report. Syracuse,

North Carolina, Oklahoma and Villanova will each have their own stream for fans.

These include unprecedented local flavor, such as comprehensive team and player storylines, custom graphics, music, graphic and show packaging, additional cameras, team-centric replays and custom halftime shows with school features.

This is a generally new concept which still causes some confusion. The people not aware of these different broadcasts will find themselves scratching their head through the course of the game as they slowly start to realize just how one-sided it is.

You know, a lot of time people don’t know what channel the game is on, so they flip to the first channel that has the game playing not thinking much of it. Well here is a guide to clear up all the confusion.

TBS will televise the NCAA

Final Four National Semifinals on Saturday, April 2, and the National Championship on Monday, April 4. This is the neutral broadcast which will have Jim Nantz, Grant Hill and Bill Raftery on the call.

Also for Saturday: “Oklahoma Team Stream” will be on TNT at 6 p.m. with “North Carolina Team Stream” following, and “Villanova Team Stream” will be on truTV at 6 p.m. with “Syracuse Team Stream” following. Oklahoma’s stream will consist of Chad McKee (play-by-play), Eduardo Najera (analyst) and Jessica Coody (reporter).

Villanova will be Scott Graham (play-by-play), Brian Finneran (analyst) and Kacie McDonnell (reporter). North Carolina’s is Wes Durham (play-by-play), Brendan Haywood (analyst), and Dwayne Ballen (reporter). Syracuse will have Tom Werme (play-by-play), Roosevelt Bouie (analyst) and

Donovan McNabb (reporter).

So we have plenty of different options for viewing these big games. It may seem a bit ridiculous that there are three different channels all showing the same game, but that kind of puts into perspective just how popular the Final Four is.

Bleacher Report also has

team stream apps you can download on your phone to keep up with your favorite teams (of any sport) all year long.

Common rule when it comes to broadcasting is not to be biased. However, these Team Streams make it both acceptable and quite beautiful.

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Villanova celebrates their victory against Kansas in the Elite Eight.

Villanova’s Team Stream will be on truTV at 6 p.m. on Saturday, April 2.

PAGE 7

FUN & GAMES

HANNAH GIBBS Managing Editor

MARCH 31, 2016

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NORTHERNIOWAN.COM |

VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

CROSSWORD

SUDOKU

Sudoku One

Across 1 Library recess 7 Brief amt. of time 11 Karaoke need, briefly 14 Slanted 15 With 34-Across, concert band instrument 16 Big fuss 17 Parody involving molten rock?

19 Sneaky job 20 APA member?: Abbr.

21 Med. test 22 Eight-time co-star of Joan Crawford 24 Teeth: Pref.

27 Note 28 Wind god’s whaling weapon?

33 Crybaby 34 See 15-Across 35 Arctic flier 36 Stalling-for-time syllables 37 Honor earned by 27 Super Bowl QBs 39 Light lead-in 41 Scoreboard fig.

42 Director Preminger 44 It borders It. 46 Sparkling wit 48 Blubbering Belgian?

51 8th-century Japanese capital

36 Days

52 Runs while standing 53 Try a new color on 55 June portrayer in “Henry & June” 56 Repeat, but more softly each time 60 First name in shipping 61 Hollywood harlequin?

65 Java 66 Eclectic quarterly digest 67 Hard to read, maybe 68 Animal in some fables 69 He says to Cordelia, “Thy truth, then, be thy dower” 70 Cerebral __ Down 1 __ breve 2 Pastures 3 Home team at Cleveland’s “The Q” 4 Uninterrupted 5 Mph 6 Former PBS host LeShan 7 Place setting items 8 Tough march 9 1940s stage for Ike 10 __ eel 11 Apple with a Force Touch trackpad

12 Fan club focus 13 Lane-closing sight 18 Physical leader?

23 Gear on stage 25 Kind of tchr.

26 Buddhist state 27 Klinger’s first name on “M*A*S*H” 28 Vital supply line 29 Where to find Java 30 Magic show prop 31 __ the cold 32 Democratic donkey drawer 33 Litter cry 38 Wrinkly little dog 40 __ Royale, Michigan 43 Skin care brand 45 Pool party?

47 Be the subject of, as a painting 49 Furious 50 Not much at all 53 Indian noble 54 Love deity 55 Forearm bone 57 Egyptian Christian 58 “The thing with feathers / That perches in the soul”: Dickinson 59 Cameo stone 62 Suburban trailer?

63 The Trojans of the Pac-12 64 “Alice” spinoff

Sudoku two

Suduko One

Suduko Two

Crossword

2016 Polar Plunge freezing for a reason

Until Summer

Saturday April 9, 2016 George Wyth State Park Register online at: www.firstgiving.com/soiowa

PAGE 8

MARCH 31, 2016

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CLASSIFIEDS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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HANNAH GIBBS Managing Editor

VOLUME 112, ISSUE 46

FOR SALE / FOR RENT

FOR SALE / FOR RENT

FOR SALE / FOR RENT

Nice close to campus 4 bdrm, 1 bath duplex. $1400/mo. Laundry, hardwood flooring, garage, offstreet parking. 515-570-6826.

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Full living room, large eat in kitchen with sliding door to deck, ref, dishwasher, oven, microwave, pantry, W/D, family room and oversized 2 1/2 car garage. 2340 sq. ft. Rent 1880/month. $1000 deposit. May/June leasing.

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3-4 bdrm by UNI. 2 full bath, off street parking central air, washer/ dryer. Year lease $1180/mo plus $1180 deposit. 319-239-4246 Brad Room to rent available now and/ or summer semester. Half a block to campus. 319-240-0880

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319-731-0220 Available 6/1/16 Call for Showing

Must see!!! 2 bedroom house.

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Call for showing. (319) 731-0220 Variety of 2 bedroom apts, 1-2 blocks from UNI. Clean, quiet.

Off-street parking. No smoking; no pets. Responsible landlord. 12 month lease begins June 1. Rents $670-$750.Will go fast. Call Dennis (319) 290-6463 if interested.

A nice large 3 bdrm house close to UNI. 3-4 tenants. 319-2664200, 319-404-1285 NICE AND CLEAN!!!

3 and 4 bdrm apartments for rent from May 7, 2016. One is two blocks from campus, and the other two are in quiet neighborhoods, and a must see. Please call Mel at 712-330-5409 for a tour.

1 bdrm, West Waterloo (by YMCA) rent $575 deposit $400 includes appliances W/D and utilities. No pets. 319-287-7676, 319230-7676 Nice close 3 bdrm, 1 bath duplex. Laundry, updated flooring, garage, off-street parking. $1050/ mo. 515-570-6826.

Leasing today for June 1, 2016 start. 1010 W 11th Street, Cedar Falls. Four bedroom two bath apartment available. Laundry onsite. Ample off street parking including tuck under garage stall which works great for extra storage. Clean, efficient, and updated property. No pets or smoking allowed. $325/person/month plus utilities. Call or text Kevin for a tour at 515-201-0198.

Willow Falls CONDOMINIUMS

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For Rent House

LIKE GETTING PAID? The Northern Iowan is in URGENT need for staff writers.

Duties include; - attending events - interviewing contacts -writing articles.

Contact Executive Editor Nick Fisher (fishenab@uni.edu) for more info.

Apps available @ northerniowan.com or @ the NI Office, L011 Maucker Union

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LEASING INFO

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