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UNIVERSITY OF NORTHERN IOWA CEDAR FALLS, IA THURSDAY, APRIL 5 VOLUME 114, ISSUE 42 CEDAR FALLS, IA
THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2022
VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
GNUS
CAMP IS LIFE
SPERTZ
GNUS PAGE 5
CAMP IS LIFE PAGE 7
SPERTZ PAGE 8
The squirrels of UNI have risen up in revolution with a thirst for vengence... and peanuts.
Kurt Warner makes a shocking return to UNI.
President Mook’s car was stolen the other day. TK Panther is listed as a suspect.
UNI student breaks record for fastest time running across Iowa MALLORY SCHMITZ Staff Writer
While the majority of students spent their spring break on vacation or enjoying the time off from classes, UNI sophomore Paul Noble had a much more ambitious goal: to run across the entire state of Iowa. Noble set out on his trek from Muscatine at 5 a.m. on March 13. Three days, 22 hours and 50 minutes later, he crossed the Nebraska border having run 279.85 miles, setting a new fastest known time for the run. Noble is considered an “ultramarathoner,” someone who runs races longer than the traditional marathon distance of 26.2 miles. As he followed his route on Old Highway 92, he averaged roughly 70 miles per day and only slept between two and five hours each night. After completing the run, Noble wrote in an Instagram caption, “Lots of ups and downs but the coolest experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world.”
COURTESY/KWWL
Paul Noble, pictured above, ran 279.85 miles across Iowa over Spring Break, setting a new record for the fastest time run across the state. Noble averaged 70 miles per day and averaged two and five hours each night.
Although his own name will sit next to the fastest known time title, Noble insisted in a post he made on Facebook that his supporters deserve the title as much as he does. “The main crew throughout the whole race consisted of my girlfriend Sam, and my mom and dad. My crew was top notch. My mom was funny and reli-
able during the trip. My dad was the logistics genius, and my girlfriend was my rock throughout the whole thing,” he wrote. Noble went on to explain how his friends and family provided meals during his run, helped check him into hotels, drove ahead of him during the night to keep tabs on oncoming vehicles,
al fund appropriation,” said Rep. David Kerr, a leader on the education budget proposal. “But this is just what fit into the budget. That’s the way I decided to move the budget forward.” Data from the Board of Regents shows state funding for the University of Iowa, Iowa State University and the University of Northern Iowa has fluctuated over the past 20 years. This fiscal year’s allocation of just over $486 million is nearly $20 million less than the state gave to public universities in 1999 — not adjusted for
inflation. To put that into scale: $100 in 1999 would have the same buying power as about $173 in 2022, according to a calculator by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That means prices have risen significantly while the state allocation has decreased. The universities are not funded solely through state appropriations. Board spokesperson Josh Lehman identified three main funding streams for the universities: “tuition, state appropriations, and savings/reallocations.” “These three areas must
and kept him motivated with words of encouragement. “I get the credit for running across Iowa,” he wrote, “but in reality it wasn’t just me. It was all of us. Without them, I would not have finished.” During his second day of running, the previous record holder ran alongside Noble for nine hours of his 18.5 hour day. Taylor Ross com-
pleted the run in four days, 15 hours and 32 minutes in October 2020. He returned to pace Noble as he attempted to beat Ross’s own record from just a year and a half earlier. By the fourth day, as physical and emotional stress continued to grow, Noble had another special surprise. “My grandpa came out and we walked for a bit,” he wrote on Facebook. “Grandpa then asked, ‘Are we gonna start running?’ He’s 84 years old and wants to run! Talk about a true inspiration.” Noble met a crowd of loved ones and supporters when he reached Council Bluffs and finished the run at 3:50 a.m., beating the old record by roughly 15 hours. “The record is cool and all,” he wrote, “but it doesn’t compare to the journey and memories and friendships I created along the way.” This accomplishment isn’t the first ultramarathon Noble has completed. See RECORD BROKEN, page 2
Proposed GOP budget for state universities is less than 20 years ago KATIE AKIN
Iowa Capital Dispatch
House lawmakers have proposed another year without a state funding increase for the Iowa Board of Regents, instead introducing a $12 million scholarship program for future teachers and students studying other high-demand professions. If the House plan passes as proposed, 2023 would be the third year in a row that the Regents universities would see no increase in their state allocation. “We don’t cut their gener-
COURTESY/Iowa Capital Dispatch
Above is a graph representing how Board of Regents appropriations are lower than 20 years ago. House lawmakers have proposed another year without a state funding increase for the Iowa Board of Regents.
be looked at collectively, as able to provide the top-notch each is interdependent on the education that our students other, to come up with total deserve,” Lehman wrote. financial resources avail- See PROPOSED BUDGET, page 2
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MARCH 31, 2022 |
NEWS
NORTHERNIOWAN.COM
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CAROLINE CHRISTENSEN News Editor
VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
RECORD BREAKING continued from page 1
He completed his first 100 mile race through Zion National Park in April 2021 and continued to compete in races challenging in both distance and terrain over the course of the year. Despite the incredible achievement over spring break, Noble is far from done with ultramarathons. His next planned race is the Bigfoot 200 in August, where he will attempt to run 209.5 miles in the Cascade Mountains of Washington. To learn more about Noble’s achievements or to help fund his future races, visit www.paulnobleruns. com. Noble also hosts the podcast “The Old Man and the Kid” where he interviews other extreme athletes, which is available on Spotify and YouTube.
PROPOSED BUDGET
COURTESY/Paul Noble
Noble has completed several ultramarathons, and his next planned race is the Bigfoot 200 in August where he will attempt to run 209.5 miles in the Cascade Mountains.
How did we get here? Recent history on Board of Regents funding The Board of Regents slashed university budgets in the summer of 2020 amid the first months of the COVID19 pandemic. The Board voted to decrease University budgets by $65.4 million for the upcoming year, citing COVID and an $8 million cut in the state appropriation as the impetus. “We are working to minimize the effect of our financial challenges on students, faculty and staff. However, this is really an unprecedented situation,” Iowa State University President Wendy Wintersteen said at a July 2020 meeting. “These are extraordinary times and we are forced to make difficult decisions to maintain the financial health of the university.” When the Legislature reconvened in 2021, the Regents requested a restoration of that $8 million cut, plus an additional $10 million for higher education. Lawmakers instead approved an education budget with status-quo funding for the public universi-
ties. Kerr said in 2021 that COVID-19 relief funds and a declining enrollment made the flat appropriation “very adequate” in 2021. House Speaker Pat Grassley said the funding would also encourage universities to rein in spending. The 2021 budget did make one major change for the Board of Regents: it removed a tuition freeze, allowing the universities to increase the cost of attendance. They voted to do so in July, approving a 3.5% increase for in-state students at University of Iowa and Iowa State University. Residential undergraduates at the University of Northern Iowa saw a 1.5% increase. “A lack of funding has greatly increased our financial challenges,” Wintersteen said in a 2021 meeting. “Without competitive salaries and salary increases, Iowa State will see increased difficulty in retaining excellent faculty and talented staff members. Increasing inflation for supplies and services is also a serious concern.” Grassley said introducing the $12 million scholarship proposal rather than a general fund increase for fiscal year 2023 was a “creative way”
NORTHERN IOWAN
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COURTESY/Iowa Capital Dispatch
The Board voted to decrease University budgets by $65.4 million for the upcoming year, citing COVID and an $8 million cut in the state appropriation as the impetus.
to encourage competition among public universities and address the state’s workforce shortage. Lehman said the Board of Regents was “very appreciative” of the proposal. “We look at this as a way that, hey, the Legislature’s going to step up and invest in our Regents institutions — and more importantly, invest in our students across the state,” Grassley said. House Democrats criticized the proposal in a committee meeting March 22, arguing the universities need
additional funding to improve their programs. “We’re paying more at the gas pumps. We’re paying more at the grocery store. Our universities have the same issues,” said Rep. Sue Cahill, D-Marshalltown. “For us to have the highest quality programs for our students, we need to provide them with some opportunities to increase and improve their programs as well.” Negotiations on the fiscal year 2023 budget are ongoing. The Senate has not yet
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The Northern Iowan is published semi-weekly on Monday and Thursday during the academic year, except for holidays and examination periods, by the University of Northern Iowa, L011 Maucker Union, Cedar Falls, IA 50614-0166 under the auspices of the Board of Student Publications. Advertising errors that are the fault of the Northern Iowan will be corrected at no cost to the advertiser only if the Northern Iowan office is notified within seven days of the original publication. Publisher reserves the right to refuse any advertisement at any time. The Northern Iowan is funded in part with student activity fees.
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released its education budget proposal. “Funding challenges are common across the United States and are not unique to the state of Iowa,” Lehman said in a statement. “The Board has had a positive partnership with the state of Iowa for more than 100 years, and we will continue to work with the governor’s office and Legislature to advocate for the level of funding necessary to provide high-quality education for our students.”
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OPINION
NIXSON BENITEZ Executive Editor
MARCH 31, 2022 |
NORTHERNIOWAN.COM
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VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
Disclaimer: The following opinion articles featured do not reflect the opinion of the Northern Iowan newspaper or staff as a whole.
What is the cost in a barrel of oil?
Tribune News Service
Petroleum is far more ingrained into today’s society. A majority of products being purchased today are made from the use of Petroleum.
DREW HILL
Opinion Columnist
Recently, the price of oil per barrel by the United States crude oil benchmark, the West Texas Intermediate (WTI), topped $112 on March 21, and the Brent crude international benchmark topped $122 on that same day, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration. Both have come down about $10 since then, with the WTI dropping to $103.71 and the Brent Crude coming down to $109.65, according to Bloomberg energy, as of March 29. For people who use electric cars, the price of a barrel of oil may not seem like a big deal. Some may view the price rising as potentially beneficial as a way to reduce U.S. demand for fossil fuels. However, crude oil, called petroleum, affects our lives in so many other ways that we do not think about. Even if a person has an electric car, they probably purchase things made possible by transportation used with gasoline. Most groceries arrive at stores on trucks that use gasoline
or diesel. Many machines used to process the products we buy run on gasoline. However, a barrel of oil is used for far more than gasoline. According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, only 44% of an average barrel of crude oil is used to make gasoline. Another 21% is used to make diesel. 18% is used for hydrocarbon gas liquids, such as propane, and 6% is used for jet fuel. The other 11% is used for other petrochemicals and substances. This may sound unimportant, until you realize that almost all synthetic products are made with petroleum. Turning back to the transportation involved in the supply line, it might seem like if all trucking companies switched to electric vehicles, we might not be so reliant on petroleum. However, many of the roads we drive on are made with asphalt, which is made with petroleum. Tires are made out of synthetic rubber, which is made with petroleum. Motor oil and lubricants, necessary to keep the supply line moving, consist of crude oil too. Even car bodies them-
selves are made with petroleum. So, even electric cars are made with petroleum. Even if we go past transportation, many products themselves are produced with petroleum. Farmers need products made with petrochemicals to produce crops. These products include many fertilizers, insecticides and herbicides. Synthetic rubber, as mentioned earlier, is a building block for many products, from water hoses to shoe soles. One material made with petroleum that has a huge impact is plastic. Hundreds of the products we use contain plastic, including car parts, computers, toys, pipes used in construction, fishing lures and even many of the parts of your phone. You might be wearing a petroleum product right now, because polyester and nylon are both synthesized from petroleum. Petroleum products can even help you recover from illnesses, as some medicines and vitamins are made of petroleum. However, this is not even close to the number of products made with pet roleu m if we break it
down specifically. The list also includes chewing gum, shoes, tennis rackets, cleaning agents and so on and so forth. These are just a sampling of the many products we may use on a day-to-day basis that are either synthesized from petroleum entirely or include parts that are. So, petroleum products inf luence us in every area of our lives. Though oil companies are painted as greedy mass causers of climate change, it is important to realize that not all oil is bad. Ceasing the manufacturing of synthetics made from crude oil could potentially set our civilization back to well over a hundred years ago. The impact made by oil prices rising and falling affects us in more ways than we realize.
Tribune News Service
The list continues to include and isn’t limited to includes hearing aids, crayons, bug spray, purses, paint, cups, bandages, dentures, parachutes, basketballs, lotions, umbrellas, toothpaste, shaving cream, toilet seats, balloons, boats, trash bags, artificial turf, contact lenses, pillows, heart valves, helmets, credit cards and so on and so forth.
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CAMPUS LIFE
CATHERINE CROW Campus Life Editor
Sans smith slap, another tiring Oscars MARCH 31, 2022 |
NORTHERNIOWAN.COM
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VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
HUNTER FRIESEN Film Critic
The Oscars have been desperate to recapture the social zeitgeist that they have been rapidly losing over the past few years. Viewership has steadily declined since the glory days when 55.2 million people watched in 1998, with this year’s show attracting a paltry 15.4 million viewers. It was still a 56% increase from last year’s pandemic broadcast of 9.6 million, but that increase was inevitable as things couldn’t get much worse. And, in what seemed like a monkey paw deal, the Oscars got their wish to be relevant again. At about 9:30 p.m., almost two-thirds into a no-nothing show, Will Smith provided the moment of the night when he slapped Chris Rock across the face after the comedian made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair. Audiences were left stunned. Many of which, myself included, thought that it was a poorly conceived comedic sketch. But once the camera cut to Smith’s furious reactionary yelling, the overall mood darkened as the truth became clear. The event was no longer a celebration of cinema. Instead, it was mired in controversy as the online spaces filled with people taking sides over who was right and who was wrong. As a cinephile, I was upset that this glorious night was taken away from me. But I couldn’t blame people for only focusing on the Smith-Rock altercation, because the show itself didn’t produce anything else worthy of comment. Things were already heated before the 7 p.m. start time as
COURTESY / TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE
Film critic Hunter Friesen calls the Oscars an event that “was no longer a celebration of cinema.”
eight of the total 23 categories were handed out in the pretaped event that occurred earlier in the day. Producer Will Packer claimed that these cuts were done to keep the show under three hours in length and that the excised categories weren’t particularly popular anyway. It’s not just that the decision was insulting to the people represented in those categories, especially from the Academy, whose mission statement is to “recognize and uphold excellence in motion pictures.” It was doubly insulting because this decision didn’t even come close to harvesting its intended benefit. The show ran three hours, 39 minutes (longer than last year’s three hours, 19 minutes, which awarded all categories in the main broadcast), proving that unfairly punished technical categories were not to blame for why the show habitually runs late. So instead of awarding all
the categories as they should have, the Oscars replaced that time with a litany of questionable comedic bits and retrospectives. And instead of going hostless for the third year in a row, comedians Amy Schumer, Regina Hall and Wanda Sykes were brought in to steer the show. Their opening monologue provided the regular flat jokes, almost all at the nominee’s expense. It seemed weird that a show with the tagline of “movie lovers unite,” would continually talk down to those being nominated. And it seemed weirder (but not surprising since broadcaster ABC is owned by Disney) that Disney products would be shoe-horned into the show. From the performance of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno,” (which wasn’t nominated for Best Original Song), to Amy Schumer dressing up as Spider-Man which was her “favorite movie of the year,”
and several trailer promotions for “Moon Knight” and “Lightyear,” the whole thing reeked of corporate synergy. The one thing that the Academy can’t control is the winners, which was shown last year as Anthony Hopkins upset Chadwick Boseman, derailing the show’s plans to give a tribute to the “Black Panther” star. This year’s crop of winners turned out to be the most predictable bunch ever, as the only upset of the night came in Animated Short, a category that was included as part of the ones edited down from the main broadcast. Yours truly went 20/23 in predicting the winners, with my curveball predictions for Cinematography and Film Editing failing to materialize. “Dune” won the most awards on the night with six, all of which came from the craft categories. Apple TV+ won the ultimate prize of Best Picture
with “CODA,” beating Netflix’s “The Power of the Dog” (whose only award from 12 nominations came for Jane Campion’s direction) to be the first streamer to win Best Picture. Sian Heder’s film also won for Best Adapted Screenplay and for Troy Kotsur’s performance. Will Smith and Jessica Chastain got their overdue wins in the lead acting categories. Both speeches were mired by Smith’s slap just moments earlier. Kenneth Branagh got his first Oscar win after eight career nominations, as he was rewarded for Best Original Screenplay for “Belfast.” But even with all these deserved winners, nobody will remember them in the near or far future. Because the only thing that people will talk about is Will Smith slapping Chris Rock. I can’t blame the Oscars for that moment, but I can blame them for not providing anything else of entertainment value. Following and watching awards shows has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s fun to get wrapped up in the composition, even if I see right through the sham of it all. But as shows like the Oscars and Emmys keep sinking in relevance, producers will try anything to get viewers to tune in. These decisions have angered loyal viewers like me, but we all know I’m still going to watch anyway. So for the foreseeable future, award shows will continue to fade into obscurity, and the only ones left to watch will be those that feel betrayed by desperate and unimaginative producers.
DA FRENCH FRYYYY!!
the french fry is completely satire. any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. the statements in the french fry do not reflect the views of the northern iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisers outside of this insert.
CEDAR FALLS, IOWA
THURSDAY, MARCH 31
VOLUME 7, ISSUE 10
Squirrels of UNI mount violent rodent revolution CARL MCCHRISTENSEN Human Bean
The time of revolution is nigh for the squirrels on UNI’s campus. The furry fiends have armed themselves with acorns and a thirst for vengeance against students. Unsuspecting pedestrians have found themselves bludgeoned with acorns and even small branches hurled from squirrels perched in the trees. One student, Jed I. Knight, found themselves a target for the squirrels while walking to Lang Hall in between classes. “They came out of nowhere,” Knight said. “About seven squirrels just started pelting me with acorns. For such tiny arms they can throw surprisingly hard.” They added, “I swear I heard one of the squirrels squeak “viva la revolution.”’ Hammockers have also been victims of the violent furballs, with many reporting being bombarded by barrages of squirrels receiving scratches and other minor injuries. The squirrels’ guerilla warfare seems to be advancing, as one unfortunate incident occurred in a classroom in Curris Business Building
when a rogue squirrel snuck into the backpack of an unsuspecting student. The squirrel then launched out during the middle of class causing mass chaos. In a ghastly turn of events, the squirrels have taken beloved UNI school mascots TC and TK hostage, and have made a list of demands to President Nark Mook. Their demands include justice be served for the squirrels who have been run over by cars, freedom from systemic rodent oppression and two bags of lightly salted peanuts. President Nark Mook has vowed a swift victory against the revolutionary rodents, publicly stating his solidarity with the squirrel’s victims. “We do not negotiate with squirrel terrorists,” Mook said in a press release. “TC and TK are in our thoughts as we continue to assess this hostage situation. Hiring an exterminator has been considered.” NISG President Bam Sennett has introduced legislation encouraging students to wear helmets while walking around campus to prevent injuries from squirrel attacks. Additionally the Student Health Center will be offering free rabies vaccinations for those who have been
COURTESY/UNI Squirrels
UNI squirrels have taken up arms against humans in a revolutionary fight for freedom and vengence. Photo provided by UNI Squirrels’ Twitter.
attacked. In order to combat these violent vermin, some students have taken to arming themselves with BeeBee guns to protect themselves from surprise attacks. One student, Jek Porkins, has taken action against the mutinous squirrels by arming himself with a handheld beebee gun, a ghille suit and binoculars. “War is hell,” Porkins said. “You’ve always got to be on your guard for those vicious
little tree rats.” However, not all students are supportive of violence against the revolutionary rodents. Animal activist Elaine Sleazebaggano staged a peaceful sit-in below an oak tree in defiance of violence against squirrels. “These squirrels are just misunderstood,” Sleazebaggano said. “We shouldn’t go around shooting these squirrels willy-nilly. They aren’t all homicidal maniacs.”
Dining halls introduce latest in dishware saga: ZooPals MALIBU SCHMOOTZ
Former Infant
In the midst of the ongoing staff shortage, UNI dining halls have taken a rather “wild” step. The standard glassware plates usually available to students have been replaced entirely with ZooPals paper plates. Since the change, the Student Health Center has reported an unprecedented improvement in mental health and morale across campus. Representative Jolene Bakersfield emphasized the impact, saying, “The ZooPals are changing students’ lives. I’ve never seen anything like it. While the dining centers only having paper plates for the majority of the past semester was a frequent complaint, apparently if the paper plates
have images of cartoon animals, they actually enhance students’ college experience.” “My plate has ears,” one student commented, “what could I possibly have to complain about?” “I simply cannot think of a better use of the department’s resources,” another added. As it is peak campus tour season, over 200 prospective students ate at the dining halls this past week. Afterward, when surveyed about their experience, 95% of the students listed “ZooPals” as a reason why they are now interested in attending UNI. Dining halls are now drawing in record numbers, a change largely attributed to the ZooPals. When asked about the origin of the fancier disposable plates, a student supervisor at
Northern Iowan Archives
Since the dining centers have used ZooPals plates, an unprecedented improvevment in mental health and morale has been reported.
Piazza remarked, “I’m not sure, they just kind of appeared one day.” Nevertheless, students are enjoying eating at the dining halls more than ever now that they can separate their food by placing it in an animal’s ears or paws, and they can gaze into the smiling face of a ZooPal as they finish their meal. However, employees in the
dishroom have a very different perspective on the introduction of the animal-themed plates. One Rialto employee who requested to remain anonymous submitted the following statement: “When I close my eyes at night, I see them, the innocent eyes looking up at me from the depths of the trash bin. As
I go to tie the bag, I feel the stares of dogs, pandas, frogs, as though they plead a final, fleeting prayer. Sometimes after the dining hall closes, I can hear whispered “oinks” and “quacks” from the stacks of unassuming ZooPals, soon to be victims of the next morning’s breakfast. Laugh all you want, but my fellow employees and I have been introduced to a neverending torment, a firsthand experience of the sins of Man.” During meals, students and staff have also begun to observe rather bizarre behavior. Students have been reported to congregate based on which animal their ZooPal is. The big cats all sit near the entrance, presumably an attempt to assert dominance. The pigs have established their own corner, a sty no one else dare enter, even the custodial staff. See OINK OINK ZOOPALS, page 6
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NORTHERNIOWAN.COM
CARL MCCHRISTENSEN Human Bean
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VOLUME #, ISSUE 24603
McCollum reptiles make grand escape DILL EMMA
Barely Average Writer
Spring being just around the corner, the reptiles of McCollum decided to get out and enjoy the warmer weather on Monday, March 28. However, this stroll through campus was not under the supervision of reptile lab assistants or professors; the reptiles managed to make the escape from their enclosures all on their own. “I thought it was a joke when I heard that the reptiles escaped from McCollum, I was worried about the squirrels around campus but now I have to worry about reptiles!” said Taylor Krieps, junior elementary education major. Students making their way to early morning classes on Monday were the first to find the loose reptiles across campus, with some hanging out within campus buildings. A bale, or group of turtles, was found in various spots within the botanical center, taking advantage of the warm atmosphere and various plants. Among the acrobat sculp-
ture near Redeker, snakes were seen imitating the three figures and dangling from limbs. Specifically, snakes known as Big Noodle and Darth were at the highest point and refused any efforts to remove them. As for the lizards, they scattered themselves among the campanile. A majority were seen lower on the base and closer to the ground, leading to their discovery. But a select few decided to ride the hands of the clock as it rotated around. It took a lot of coercing and creative efforts to get them down from such heights. Kennedy Haldsrud, junior English education major, was one of the first to find the lizards out and about, “I was just walking to class when I noticed something moving among the base of the campanile, it freaked me out! As I got closer, I realized it was a lizard! While I was passing by, I noticed more scaling the entire height of the campanile, it was so weird!” said Halsrud. The two alligators of McCollum, Steve and Wally, also partook in the great reptilian escape. Steve, being the old-
est of the two, headed for the botanical center for a relaxing, warm getaway. Wally, who is usually seen resting in his large tank of water, headed for the pool in the WRC to get some laps in. Ruby Mitchell, freshman biology major and McCollum alligator enthusiast, knew exactly where the gators wandered to, “I was kind of rooting for them, if I’m being honest. You should’ve seen how happy they looked while at their place of escape. I mean, is it dangerous for alligators to be roaming campus? Probably. However, Steve and Wally wouldn’t even think about harming a UNI student. They should be treated as well as the squirrels on campus are treated.” said Mitchell, who was later found petting both alligators and giving them treats in their proper enclosures. By the afternoon on Monday, all the reptile escapees were collected from around campus and put back into their enclosures in McCollum. UNI PD was the first to answer calls about the loose animals, but they found that they could not accomplish this all on their own
COURTESY/Frightened Student
Reptiles from the Reptile Lab escaped on Monday, as seen here in front of McCollum. Rounding the reptiles up proved to be difficult.
and needed to call in reinforcements. “It was clear we did not have enough manpower or experience to deal with this incident, so our next step was to contact Blank Park Zoo who successfully located and returned all reptiles to McCollum,” said one officer. As the reptiles are now all safe and sound in their respec-
tive places, reptile lab assistants and professors are starting to evaluate the security of keeping the reptiles on campus. Extra locks, laser sensors, and additional infant security gates are potential ideas. For the time being, professors hope the reptiles will be satisfied with their unexpected campus stroll long enough for increased safety measures to be installed.
charging students for the supplies,” Mook continued. “Think of it as the price of a required textbook for a class. You need to buy the book to be able to do well in the class, and you’ll need to buy the sample tests and swabs to be able to buy a parking pass. It’s really pretty simple.” The price of the sample tests and swabs aren’t the only prices students might have to worry about. With the new requirements being implemented, permit and ticket prices are also being raised. The old price of a $100 CP pass will be raised to $150, and the old price of a C pass will be raised from $60 to $100. “If you think that’s bad, try going to ISU and buying a parking pass,” Mook continued, referencing Iowa State University’s lottery method of parking pass distribution and high prices. In addition to the sharp uptick in
parking pass prices, ticket prices will be raising, too. Long gone are the days of $10, $15, $25 tickets. Mook’s decision to raise each ticket price to $50 and $75, depending on the parking offense, doesn’t come without reason. “Students need to learn that their actions have consequences. A harsher consequence will lead to more students abiding by our rules here at UNI.” With the new rules coming in the fall, students weigh in on Mook’s decision. “I think it’s outrageous,” Kinsley Kale said. “A drug test? For a parking pass? Have fun not being able to fill your lots.” Another student, David Dumplings, had a different angle. “Maybe just don’t oversell your lots. You made the parking lots. You know how many spots you have. This is an issue you created by overselling, putting more restrictions on student’s autonomy won’t fix it.” Mook stands by the University’s decision. “The extra cost won’t be an issue to the students that want permits. We’re going to wring every cent we can from the students, as we’ve always done.” He ended the interview with an evil laugh while spinning slowly around in his spinny chair. UNI Parking will begin selling permits for fall semester on June 1, 2022. Sample tests and swabs will be for purchase at the UNI Bookstore and Gilchrist on May 1, 2022.
UNI requires DNA test for parking pass BRAD KRISTOFFERSON
Stop, hammertime
In a recent press release, president Nark Mook acknowledged the ever present parking issues here at UNI. Students who live on campus have forever dreaded coming back from a long shift at work to the crowded CP lot. But according to Mook, that issue will be something of the past with new regulations that will be implemented in this fall. “Since students are having such difficulty with finding parking after paying so much for it, instead of limiting the amount of passes that we sell to the number of spots we have we’re trying out something different.” Mook said. This change involves a lot of cooperation and participation between UNIPD, UNI Parking and students. This coming semester, to acquire a parking
Courtesy/ Sad UNI Students
Students laugh away their sadness regarding the ridiculousness of the new parking requirements.
permit from UNI students will have to present a DNA sample, nasal swab, blood sample, urine sample and drug test to UNI Parking and UNIPD. According
to Mook, this change will, “ensure that students that actually want a parking spot will be able to get one.” “Obviously we will be
~*~northern iowan staff (totally real people btw)~*~ Dixon Ticonderoga Editor in Pencils en hristens Carl McC Bean Human ella goin gs spinach editor
rlson karl ka age??? o i man what d thing. no
call in horning most winningest sportz editor lausen Dori C s in places er he pap I put t no contact info - we only accept contact via smoke signals now
Strawberry shortcak e comma relocator Blu cam e Jay C p is life row edit Advisors:or Fox News and C NN exclusively
OINK OINK ZOOPALS continued from page 5
One specific incident involved a student with a lion ZooPal knocking a zebra ZooPal out of another student’s hands. When questioned, neither party could recall the incident. UNI’s Department of Psychology is beginning to investigate the matter and hopes to publish findings within the following weeks. When reached out to, UNI Housing and Dining declined to comment.
BLUE JAY CROW
Camp Is Life Editor
MARCH 31, 20222222
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PAGE 3.141592653589793238462.......
VOLUME ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN, ISSUE TWO
Ghosts protest demolition of Honors Cottage CARL MCCHRISTENSEN Human bean
With the proposal to demolish the Honors Cottage, built in 1890, by administrators, the ghosts of UNI have made it clear to the university that they will not tolerate the building being razed. Zelda the Ghost (known for haunting Strayer-Wood Theatre since 1963) has taken a leading role in protesting the demolition. “The Honors Cottage is our main base for spookiness,” Zelda said. “If they tear it down, we will be forced to haunt the student body in
retaliation.” Augie the Ghost (who haunts Lawther Hall) also commented, “Us ghosts hold our bi-weekly spooky meetings in the Honors Cottage. It is the perfect place for ghosts. There are so many old crevices, creaky floors, and of course lots of nerds from the Honors Program to scare the crap out of.” Numerous other ghosts from campus, including the ghosts who haunt Rider Hall and Hagemann Hall, have vowed to haunt UNI administrators until they repeal their request to the Board of Regents to have the cottage
demolished. “I have been haunted by ghosts for the past three weeks,” UNI administrator Mike Hagrid said. “I haven’t slept in days. I’m a wreck.” The ghosts refuse to back down from their haunting shenanigans until they know the Honors Cottage will be saved. “Us ghosts get a bad rep for all of our spooky antics,” Zelda said. “But really all we want is a place to call our own and the freedom to scare the UNI community for years to come.” COURTESY /ZELDA THE GHOST Zelda the Ghost laments the potential loss of the Honor’s Cottage, a popular haunt among the ghost community.
Mooks minvan tragically stolen KARL KARLSON
What do I manage????
Every student got the emergency email, call or text last week – another stolen car. But this time the notification was a little unexpected, the stolen car was none other than Nark Mook’s purple 2004 Dodge minivan. Having parked his car on 23rd street, he claims he did everything right, but that did not stop the thief. Mook’s car was stolen around 4:43 p.m. and has not been found yet. The police are still investigating. “Honestly we’re not surprised it was stolen,” Policeman Jerry Smith said.. “It was unlocked and a few windows were rolled down. We’re still on the search for the vehicle, but it’s an oddly popular vehicle driven today.,considering it’s a purple minivan.” With all these vehicles being stolen lately, we got some great advice from Smith. “Always lock your car. Mook was just going to Chad’s pizza, but he still should’ve locked his car for a short trip. You should always take valuables out of your car, or keep them hidden. Mook may have been going in for a quick stop, but he left his house keys in there. So we’re also keeping a close eye on his house.” “We have had a few witnesses speak up, but they’re all very bizarre,” continued Policeman Smith. “One witness mentioned they had really big feet and a tail. Another witness said they were wear-
COURTESY / UNI CANT PARK
After much surprise, Mook’s vehicle is still not found. Although many suspects have been interrogated, they have no leads.
ing all black, but had a purple jersey on. Now we don’t want to blame our lovable mascots TC and TK, but we are starting to wonder.” So just take this as a friendly reminder that no one is safe anymore. If Nark Mook can have his minivan stolen, your vehicle can be stolen too. Nobody is safe anymore.
WD-40 Guy / Courtesy
WD-40 steals the air out of the tires of Mook’s car, then screams “WD-40 rules!” If you have any leads please reach out to WD-40 guy. He has been working with the police to find the culprit. He only told the NI that he took the air out of the tires. Also if you have any connection with this photo please reach out to the NI, we are very concerned why he gets to be in the NI every year. Please look at our contact info, we do accept contact via smoke signals, but if you have info please reach out to our “real names.”
page FORE!!!
SPERTZ!!!!!!!!!
MARCH 31, 30221
FERTBERR
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CALL IN THE MORNING SPORTZ EDITOR
VOLUME 1, ISSUE 0 ;)
Kurt Warner makes shocking return to UNI NFL’s St. Louis Rams, leading Spertz Werter them to a championship in Super Bowl XXXIV. Warner also won the MVP twice, was In recent days, a shocking inducted into the Pro Football revelation has come over the Hall of Fame, and had a feaUNI football program. After ture film, American Underdog, an up-and-down, 6-6 season released this past December. a year ago, the Panthers are While you may have known looking for any edge they can all of that, did you know that get heading into the 2022 sea- Warner still has college eligison. The Panthers may have bility? just found that edge in the It was brought to head form of Kurt Warner. coach Fark Marley’s attenMost at UNI are very tion by a team manager this familiar with Warner. After past week that there was a three years on the bottom of miscommunication regardthe quarterback depth chart, ing Warner’s redshirt status Warner finally got the chance during his freshman season to start his senior season in in 1990. While the coaching 1993. Warner played very well, staff and Warner himself did passing for nearly 3,000 yards not think he was redshirted, and 17 touchdowns to lead paperwork was filed indicatUNI to an 8-4 record. He then ing that he was, meaning he went on to play for the Iowa never lost that year of eligiBarnstormers of the Arena bility. Because Warner played Football League, stocked professionally in the NFL, the shelves at the local Hy-Vee NCAA had to make an excepfor a short while, before final- tion to let him play at UNI ly getting a chance with the next year. DAVID “WARNER” WARRINGTON
“With the implementation of NIL (Name, Image and Likeness), we felt that it was acceptable to allow Kurt Warner to use his final year of eligibility,” said an NCAA representative, speaking under the promise of anonymity. “Besides, we couldn’t bring it upon ourselves to crush such an exciting story.” Warner, who is now 50 and hasn’t played competitively since 2009, is very excited to get back in the groove of football. “What an unbelievable opportunity. I thought my playing days were over,” said Warner. “I have no doubt that I’ll be able to get back into game shape. I can’t wait to Courtesy Photo/Radio Iowa lead UNI to a great season.” “Today is a great day for After discovering he has more collegiate eligibility available, Kurt Warner announced he would be coming back to UNI next season. UNI football,” said Farley There are still many ques- affect the morale of other when announcing Warner’s tions to be answered, such as UNI quarterbacks, but for return. “Possibly the most how Warner will respond to now, those in Cedar Falls exciting news I’ve ever the college game after over can’t wait to give a heroes received is that Kurt Warner a decade away from foot- welcome to the hometown will be suiting up in the purball, as well as how this will hero. ple and gold once again.”
YOU & I DOME
UNI-Dome to be deflated to create Iowa’s largest swimming pool Airhead, says that these supply shortages are because of the Spertz Werter drastic increase in working from home. “Because everyone is now For the first time since 1977, the UNI-Dome will be deflat- working from home, there are ed from 124 feet in the sky to a lot more people that demand just 18 feet off the ground. The indoor air. We’ve raised our pricdeflation will occur imminent- es because we can. What are you ly as the UNI-Dome remains going to do, not buy air? Good empty during the offseason for luck breathing.” Those may be harsh words the school’s football team. “Everyone knows the econ- from an executive, but that omy has been bad since the doesn’t mean they aren’t true. pandemic started, and that pric- Global indoor air consumption es as a whole have gone up. The has gone up a whopping 6,000% price for air is just one of those since the start of the pandemic. In the meantime, the deflatthings that we can’t afford anymore,” said Dave Sportacus, ed dome will be filled with water to create the state’s largDirector of Athletics. Yes, the price for the air est swimming pool. Sportacus that fills the dome has drasti- hopes that the pool will increase cally increased since the start tourism to the Cedar Falls area, of the pandemic, mainly due and help residents cool off in the summer. to supply shortages. “This plan should go off CEO of Air Inc., Buzz HUNTER “I’M FREEZING” FRIESEN
without a hitch, as long as no one pokes a hole in the fabric,” Sportacus said nervously. Once the football season starts up again, UNI athletics will turn towards a renewable solution to reinflating the dome. Instead of buying a large amount of air, the facilities staff will simply prop all the doors open and let the wind do the rest. “I don’t know how we didn’t think of this solution earlier,” said facilities manager Beth Domerson. “We’ve finally found a way to use this nasty wind to our advantage.” The water from the pool will be used to water the city’s grass for the next few months, free of charge to all residents. And if everything goes well, Sportacus has plans to refill the deflated dome in the win-
Courtesy Photo/Minnesota Vikings
Due to lack of funding, the UNI-Dome will be deflated in the offseason in order to save money on the price of indoor air.
ter and create a giant ice rink. “Who knows, maybe we’ll finally be ready to make a bid
for Cedar Falls to host the 2030 Winter Olympics.”
GO CATS MEOW
TC Panther to be replaced with a live panther SHADEN MCKAY Spertz Werter
In April, UNI plans to unveil its brand new mascot Obsidian to the masses. Obsidian is a real life panther who was rescued from the country of Nepal to be
used as the new mascot for the University of Northern Iowa. For a long time, there have been complaints that the current mascot, TC, was too “cartoonish” for the current audience at UNI. Many UNI students have spoken out about how there wasn’t enough action in
between breaks of UNI sporting events. “I would prefer it if there was a sense of danger within the games,” one student told the French Fry. “I believe TC strikes fear into the hearts of our opponents and their fans, but there feels like there is something miss-
ing. We need for them to be filled with absolute terror when they enter the building and I think that is exactly something that Obisdian can do.” Obsidian was chosen over hundreds of other panthers that “auditioned” for the role of the new UNI
mascot. Many people sent in their panthers from all over the world to have this prestigious honor. TC has been a part of the UNI family for years and it will be a tough goodbye. See TC PANTHER, page 10
CATHERINE CROW Campus Life Editor
N.I. ARCHIVES
CAMPUS LIFE MARCH 31, 2022 |
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VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
Allies successors in new greenhouse seem unaware of danger Editors Note: This article is from Sept. 29, 1939. This was published when UNI was the Iowa State Teachers College. Remember Allie? Allie was an alligator, and he lived for many years in the old greenhouse. Allie furnished young reporters with inches of copy. Once, he even became so ambitious that he left his green house home and trod (do alligators tread?) the sidewalks of our fair campus, sending
shrieking coeds scurrying for cover, which is not surprising in view of the fact that an eight foot alligator is some what removed form his natural habitat when on the sidewalks of an Iowa college. And what happened to Allie? “Tis a sad, sad story. The powers that be, decreed that Iowa State Teachers college should have a new greenhouse, which was well and good. All was not well and
good, however, for it soon became apparent that there would be no home for Allie in the new structure. The College Eye editor pleaded. Fond admirers of Allie remonstrated. All was in vain. There simply was no room for Allie. On the nineteenth day of July, 1938, within one month of his thirty-fourth birthday, poor Allie was removed from this world. There would no longer be any Allie to provide copy
for reporters. Visitors would no longer be shown this curiosity. Allie was gone. But take heed, you who sorrow! Allie now has-no, not one, but - two successors, Ike and Mike. Ike and Mike came to live at Iowa State Teachers college last June and are now very happily situated in the biological laboratory of the greenhouse. They came from a man in Davenport. They are not twins, but are so nearly
identical that they were given twin names. They are 12 years old, approximately two feet long, and still growing. They apparently have no realization of the danger which lies in becoming too large. Perhaps they should be informed of Allie’s fate and adopt a reducing diet.
Editors Note: This article is originally from July 26, 1946. When this article was written UNI was called Iowa State Teachers College. Greenhouse or zoo; take your pick. Teachers College calls it a greenhouse but that is a questionable definition of the glass structure south of the Vocational building. In fact the college greenhouse has a variety of plants and animals extending from banana plants to tadpoles. Probably that first indication of the sideline in the greenhouse will come to a
visitor as he passes from the tropical plants to the office. To the left of the transparent passageway is a large cage containing two horned owls. Besides two adult owls that greenhouse possesses a two month old screech owl. It is the most recent acquisition of Roger Wardin, foreman of the greenhouse. A few feet to the left of the screech owl are two cages, each containing a Hamster mouse. Thy have cinnamon-colored fur with pinkish feet and nose. Hamster mice have bob tails, rather long legs and pouches
inside their cheeks. Their adult size is about that of a half grown rat. They are natives of Eastern Germany. Amphibious, Aquatic Animals Amphibious and aquatic animals make up a large portion of the greenhouse menagerie. Some of those exhibited are turtles, alligators, frogs, toads, snails, tadpoles and various kinds of fish. The four varieties of turtles exhibited are the western painted, box blanding and snapping turtles. Western painteds obtained their name
from the yellow red and black markings on their underside. Box turtles are the kinds found in and near the creeks and rivers of this vicinity. Snapping turtles are green shelled. The largest snapping turtle is about 75 years olf. He has been a resident of the greenhouse for approximately 27 years. As snapping turtles are dangerous visitors are cautioned to exercise care while near them. Located near the turtles are two Florida alligators have two eyelids. One is transparent and the other opaque. The
transparent lid is closed while the alligator is under water. When sleeping, they close the opaque lid. Fish Pools All pools containing fish are clearly marked by the presence of a screen on the top edges of the pool which keeps the fish from jumping out. Even this precaution does not always prevent a disaster as in the case of the wall-eyed and northern pike. Mr. Wardin believes the animals are of a real value to the students from the standpoint of the personal satisfaction and curiosity.
Animals make greenhouse like a zoo
PAGE 10
MARCH 31, 2022 |
SPORTS
NORTHERNIOWAN.COM
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COLIN HORNING Sports Editor
VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
TC PANTHER
continued from page 4
The people, however, have spoken and as a part of the goal for UNI to be more nature centered and environmentally aware in the future, they would like for a real panther to represent this change the university is going in. Following in the footsteps of great mascots like UGA the bulldog from the University of Georgia and Ralphie the Bison for the University of Colorado, Obsidian looks to be the next great live mascot. In order to compete with these great mascots, UNI believes that Obsidian will be a welcomed addition to athletic events on campus. Look out, University of Northern Iowa, Obsidian is making his way to a field or court near you.
Frency Fry
Following an outstanding playing career for the UNI men’s basketball team, A.J. Green will be the new handler for Obsidian the Panther next season at UNI sporting events.
COLLEGE BASKETBALL
Final Four preview: Duke and UNC meet in New Orleans COLIN HORNING
Sports Editor
The first two weekends of the 2022 NCAA Tournament have come and gone with the same craziness that we as fans are used to seeing year in and year out. We’ve had thrilling finishes, unpredictable upsets and Cinderella runs from schools that most people counted out in the first round. But through all of the games, upsets and busted brackets, only four teams remain to determine who the 2022 National Champion will be, with this year’s Final Four being held at the Caesars Superdome in New Orleans, La. The first of the two weekend matchups in the Big Easy will take place between the Villanova Wildcats and Kansas Jayhawks with tipoff scheduled for 5:09 p.m. The Wildcats won their conference tournament, the Big East, and rolled through the South region of this year’s tournament, defeating Houston in a 50-44 defensive battle in the regional finals. Head coach Jay Wright’s club has shown poise and experience thus far in the Big Dance, beating 15-seeded Delaware by 20 points in the first round, knocking out Big Ten teams Ohio State and Michigan in the Round of 32 and Sweet Sixteen, respectively, before grinding out the regional final victory over Houston. The Wildcats are seeking their third national championship in six years, having won it all in 2016 and 2018 (the
2020 NCAA Tournament was canceled due to COVID19). Matching up with Villanova will be the Midwest region champions Kansas. The Jayhawks are no stranger to the big stage, having won numerous Big 12 titles and consistently find themselves ranked amongst the highest seeds in the NCAA Tournament. Led by Big 12 Player of the Year Ochai Agbaji, Kansas will be matched up against a strong defensive team in Villanova. After a blowout of Texas Southern in the first round, the Jayhawks won two close, single-digit games over Creighton and Providence. Their Elite Eight matchup against Miami was close in the first half, but they outscored the Hurricanes 47-15 in the second half en route to a 76-50 win in the regional final. Expect this game between the two teams to be a close game, with Kansas holding the slight edge due to Villanova’s depth issues and the potent scoring ability of Agbaji. The second game of the night is no doubt going to be the most-highly anticipated college basketball games in history. Longtime rivals Duke and North Carolina will meet for the first time ever in the NCAA Tournament, with this season being the final year of legendary Duke head coach Mike “Coach K” Krzyzewski at the helm. Coach K had announced at the start of the season that this would be his last season coaching,
and it is fitting that one of the greatest rivalries in all of sports will be played on college basketball’s biggest state: the Final Four. Duke certainly did not have an easy path to get to New Orleans. After an opening-round win over Cal-State Fullerton, the Blue Devils went through a gauntlet of Michigan State, Texas Tech and Arkansas in order to earn the right to play their longtime rivals in the Final Four. Led by Paolo Banchero, Mark Williams and Wendell Moore, Duke has five players averaging in double figures this season. Their matchup with the Tar Heels will be expected to be a high-scoring shootout. North Carolina had a bit of a more unconventional Final Four run. Under first-year head coach Hubert Davis, the Tar Heels went through a bit of a rough patch in the regular season before playing better near the end, earning a No. 8 seed in the East region. Carolina decimated Marquette by 32 points in the first round, took down the East’s No. 1 seed Baylor in the Round of 32, beat last year’s Final Four squad UCLA in the Sweet Sixteen and put an end to No. 15 seed Saint Peter’s Cinderella run in order to get here. The Heels are led by four players averaging double-figures: Armando Bacot, Caleb Love, Brady Manek and R.J. Davis. Bacot has proven to be a hassle for many teams to handle due to his size on the inside, and Love has a
Tribune News Service
For the first time ever, North Carolina and Duke will meet in the NCAA Tourament. The two legendary programs will match up in the Final Four, set to take place in New Orleans in April 2.
tendency to take over games when he gets hot. Along with the tensions in this rivalry, expect this game
to be one for the ages. The winner of this game will most likely end up winning the national title.
PAGE 11 KARLA DEBRUIN Managing Editor
MARCH 31, 2022 |
Across 1 Japanese cartoon art 6 Search high and low 11 Bar with beers 14 Like kings and queens 15 Abode 16 Tina Turner’s onetime partner 17 Rolling friction-reducing part 19 After taxes 20 Like a properly sized carry-on bag 21 Regret
FUN & GAMES NORTHERNIOWAN.COM
23 Condo management gp. 24 Type of pants with a flared leg 29 Flag maker Betsy 31 Southern California Air Force base 32 Indy competitor 35 Fancy neckwear 36 Pay attention to 37 Punk rock offshoot 38 “The Science Guy” 42 WWII command for 16-Across 43 Lowers, as lights
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45 Grabbed a chair 46 Juárez coins 48 Still on one’s plate 50 Shaft of light 52 Cotton-picking pest 54 Place to crash 57 Simpson trial judge Lance 58 Lashed out at 61 11-Across drink 63 Stubborn but fun-loving dog breed 66 “__ Misérables” 67 Prefix with face or lace 68 Visibly sad, say 69 Orchestra space 70 Trunk of the body 71 Twisty turns Down 1 Some Wall St. traders 2 Opposite of o’er 3 Inuit home 4 Online viruses and such 5 Idris of “The Wire” 6 Oil-bearing rocks 7 WordPerfect producer 8 Apt rhyme for sí 9 Admiral’s org. 10 Sprout again 11 Forest cone droppers 12 Luau strings 13 Wager
VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
18 Goes out, as the tide 22 Salt Lake state 25 Boxer Spinks 26 Person’s yearly celebration, for short 27 “__ Joy”: component of Beethoven’s Ninth 28 Windows predecessor 30 Planet 32 Provide new audio for 33 Type of acid in proteins 34 Most attractive 35 Sandwich initials 39 “Ah, of course” 40 Daily Planet colleague of Kent and Olsen 41 MPG-testing org. 44 Rock __: ice melter 47 Roman and British realms 49 Small-time 50 Unpretentious restaurant 51 In addition 53 Lowlands 55 Wanted poster word 56 Plow pioneer 59 “Laugh-In” regular Johnson 60 Prohibitionists 61 Austrian peak 62 Gift with an aloha 64 Game with Skip and Draw Two cards
Today's Horoscope March 31, 2022
Today’s Birthday (03/31/22). Grow with friends this year. Coordinate team routines to score major prizes. Harvesting abundance this spring provides resources for shared accounts with summer changes. Joint financial ventures hit gold next autumn, easing personal finances around winter challenges. Discover opportunities, resources and connections in social networks. To get the advantage, check the day’s rating: 10 is the easiest day, 0 the most challenging. Aries (March 21-April 19) – Today is a 9. You’re getting stronger. Energize personal projects. Carve out time in your schedule. Nurture your own passion to increase productivity and satisfaction. Develop new tricks. Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Today is a 7. Find a private spot to get lost in thought. Imagine, create and invent. Develop a brilliant idea. Revise plans around new circumstances. Consider possibilities.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) – Today is an 8. Play your part to advance a common dream. Envision what could be possible. Share solutions with allies, friends and partners. Invite participation. Collaborate. Cancer (June 21-July 22) – Today is an 8. Find a professional opportunity and go for it. Someone important is paying attention. Go the extra mile. Do your best work. Give thanks. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) –Today is an 8. Expand territory. Take advantage of excellent conditions. An adventure develops naturally. Explore a curious mystery. Study potential solutions to a challenge. Investigate possibilities. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – Today is an 8. Astute financial management grows your shared accounts. Study the situation and strategize for success. Invest time and money for future gain. Profit from collaboration. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Today is an 8. Keep promises and bargains, especially with
your partner. Together, you’re a powerful force. Rely on each other for support. Set realistic goals and achieve them. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Today is a 9. Prioritize health, fitness and vitality. Do what you know works. Stretch, practice your moves and get your heart pumping. Natural beauty inspires and uplifts. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Today is an 8. Discover hidden beauty and sweetness. Love opens your heart. Keep your feet on the ground. Get outside to play in the sunshine. Enjoy attractive company. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – Today is a 7. Settle into the comforts of home. Make upgrades and repairs for increased beauty and functionality. It doesn’t need to get expensive. Savor family recipes and traditions. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – Today is an 8. Write, edit and record. Research and sift through data. Compile your discoveries. Revise the plot.
Express your message and share it with the world. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Today is a 9. Lucrative opportunities await. Your ideas are attracting attention. Overcome old fears. Apply yourself to advancing a profitable venture. Balance expenses for positive cash flow.
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MARCH 31, 2022 |
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KARLA DEBRUIN Managing Editor
VOLUME 118, ISSUE 45
PRESENTS Rodgers + Hammerstein’s
S T R AY E R - W O O D T H E AT R E APRIL 7, 9, 13, 14 7:30 pm
APRIL 10 & 16
ability-inclusive performances 2:00 pm tickets available at UNITIX.UNI.EDU
Cinderella is presented by arrangement with Concord Theatricals on behalf of The Rodgers & Hammerstein Organization. www.concordtheatricals.com
Syphilis is on the rise in Iowa. Syphilis is a sexually transmitted infection. Early numbers show a 75% increase in syphilis cases in Iowa from 2020 to 2021. It’s more common and easier to get than you might think. Syphilis is curable but can cause serious health problems without treatment. Talk to your doctor about whether you are at risk.
Find a testing location near you: gettested.cdc.gov Free and low cost options available
Are you looking for the horoscopes, crossword and Suduko? Flip back to page 11!