4-2-18

Monday

/NorthernIowan

April 2, 2018

@NorthernIowan

Volume 114, Issue 47

northerniowan.com

Opinion 3 Campus Life 4 Sports 6 Games 7 Classifieds 8

INSIDE THIS ISSUE Women in MIS 2

FB data breach 3

‘Blockers’ review 4

French Fry satirical issue 5-8

Drew and Kristen look to connect with students SARAH HOFMEYER Staff Writer

In a spirited runoff election, the student body elected Drew Stensland, a junior political science and public administration double major, and Kristen Ahart, a junior english education and TESOL double major to be president and vice president of Northern Iowa Student Government (NISG), respectively.

Stensland is from Cedar Falls, and served as student

body president at Cedar Falls High School. Ahart is from Denison, Iowa and was brought to UNI because of the excellence in the music department.

The pair met within their first five hours on campus their freshman year during a lively game of spoons in Campbell Hall’s ballroom.

“I can honestly say that I have never seen someone throw more elbows in a game of spoons than Kristen Ahart. And that was the first time we met,” Stensland com-

mented.

The duo has more in common than a penchant for spoons, too. Both Stensland and Ahart have a history of campus involvement, from the moment they arrived their freshman year.

Ahart has been an RA for two years, spending a year in Dancer and a year in the ROTH complex. She has been active in NISG since her freshman year, when she started as a CHAS Senator and also got involved in CATS.

Ahart feels like her involvement on campus has been more than a resume-building mission.

“Some of the most important lessons I’ve learned have been outside of the classroom,” Ahart said. “Like how to connect with people on a personal level and show them that you value them.”

Stensland has been involved in Campbell Hall Senate, Residence Hall Association and Sigma Phi Epsilon, where he has maintained an active executive

Women’s tennis 10

position in Sigma Phi Epsilon for two years now.

Recently, he has gotten involved with the Student Life Team.

Stensland explained that being involved has taught him the value of combining productivity and fun.

“The Student Life Team has especially taught me that you can get a lot done while having a lot of fun,” Stensland said. “If you can have fun while being productive, that’s the ultimate goal.”

Both Ahart and Stensland said they intend to bring these attitudes to their new administration.

“I am looking forward to working to change the culture within NISG,” Stensland said. “I am excited to make it more positive and make sure students can get a lot done while enjoying each other’s company.”

Both Stensland and Ahart are also eager to start their 280 Tour, where they will meet with every student organization individually. Ahart is excited to hear about issues facing students and student organizations she would not have known about otherwise.

Both Ahart and Stensland readily admit to a gap between students and NISG at times, and they hope this tour will create a more open relationship.

“I am excited to hear about problems I was unaware of,” Ahart said.

See NISG, page 9

Amnesty bill seeks to prevent student deaths SARAH HOFMEYER Staff Writer

A new bill in the Iowa Legislature, Senate File (SF) 415, could change Iowa policy in favor of good Samaritans in precarious situations.

Specifically, the bill calls for amnesty for minors in possesion of alcohol in instances where medical attention is needed.

Maggie Miller, Northern Iowa Student Government (NISG) Director of Governmental Relations, said the bill was recently passed through the Iowa House Judiciary Committee unanimously.

According to the Committee on Judiciary, SF 415 will provide immunity “from certain alcohol-related criminal offenses and prohib-

its certain disciplinary sanctions for persons who seek or require emergency assistance for alcohol overdoses or protection from certain crimes.”

This amnesty already exists on UNI’s campus.

According to section 3.02 of the Student Conduct Code, the policy, titled the Good Samaritan Provision, dictates that amnesty is available for students who need medical assistance or aid if there are minor policy violations, like underage drinking, occurring at the time of the incident.

Jared Riter, senior public administration major and member of the UNI Legislative Liaison Team, explained that the Good Samaritan Provision is helpful in the university’s lobbying efforts.

“When talking about SF

NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF DRUG ABUSE/Public Domain

415, we share information with legislators about the bill

or how UNI’s policy is very similar to the bill,” Riter said.

See AMNESTY, page 2

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APRIL 2, 2018 |

JACOB MADDEN

NEWS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

|

News Editor

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 47

UNI blazes trail for women in MIS SKYLER SCHRUM

systems.”

One student currently involved in the MIS program is Julie Hendrickson, who is a senior double majoring in MIS and supply chain management.

“I enjoy analyzing and reporting data through either program I create or using a multitude of other platforms available,” Hendrickson said.

“With UNI having a strong women’s presence it is definitely an asset to the MIS program,” Hendrickson said. “The IT skills we learn on campus like Computer programming, analytical and management skills are not gender specific like stereotypes presume. It is important for people to see women breaking this stereotype.

Administration and faculty support have been and will continue to be integral to the success of this program.”

Another student, Danielle Lorenz, is currently a senior accounting and MIS major.

The MIS program allowed Lorenz to have “more opportunity for innovation and working hands-on with systems.”

Additionally, Lorenz’s future career as a business analyst will allow for a hybrid role between accounting and IT. During her time at UNI

MIS is one of Forbes’ “15 Most Valuable College Majors,” clocking in at number eight on the list. Not only is it on Forbes’ most valuable college majors list, according to a Forbes article

by Niall McCarthy published in 2016, but Management Information Systems is one of the highest paid business majors out of college, with an average starting salary of $58,526.

One of the professors of MIS at UNI is Arti Mann.

“Management Information Systems are really good at fulfilling that gap [in busi-

ness], because people need business knowledge and technical knowledge,” Mann said. “There is a big gap of people who can understand both sides.

“In the Management Information Systems, you learn the programing, and you are starting something which is business analytics, and you get a very good understanding of the technical side of it. With your other business courses, you get the business part of it. So, people who can do this — bridge the gap — open the potential [for future careers].”

Mann also explained that information systems is becoming necessary in the field of business and because of the necessity, it is becoming a core for every single discipline in business.

“If you take accounting, if you take finance, if you take any side of business, information systems are either playing a supporting role, or they are kind of replacing human activity,” Mann said.

“So, any knowledge related to information systems — even if you are not core management information systems — is really helpful.”

For Mann, having female professors in the MIS program can help encourage female students to join the MIS program.

It can give them a sense of “maybe I can do that,” according to Mann.

In introductory courses, Mann and other professors attempt to engage students on the possibility of going into the MIS program.

“A lot of students who want to do accounting end up taking MIS as a minor; those who want to do supply chain end up doing MIS as a minor,” Mann said. “There are a lot of benefits to be had, because if you understand information systems you will always be better than people who have had no training, because you can’t survive without snformation

NORTHERN IOWAN

EDITORIAL STAFF

CIRCULATION

Staff Writer

UNI is unique in a variety of ways, but one that some students may not know about is the diverse group of Management Information Systems (MIS) majors on campus. Around half of the MIS majors at UNI are female. This is in strong contrast to the majority of the field, in both study and employment, which is heavily dominated by men on the national level.

According to the Census website, in a report regarding Occupations in Information Technology written by Julia Beckhusen in 2016, in most information systems careers men make up around 60 percent or more of the workforce. This puts UNI in a unique position to help female students gain an upper hand in an increasingly necessary field, whether the focus is on business and management or a heavier focus on the technical side of information systems.

There is a great deal of support and opportunity for women in the MIS program...

Danielle Lorenz Senior MIS major

L011 Maucker Union Cedar Falls, IA 50614 www.northerniowan.com northern-iowan@uni.edu 319.273.2157

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“This gives them a better understanding of what the bill could look like if passed into law.”

Miller explained that the bill will be important for underage drinkers who find themselves, or others, in need of emergency medical assistance but are hesitant to call for help for fear of repercussions, like a Minor in Possession charge. Miller noted that this initiative has passed in part because of coordinated lobbying efforts

by Iowa Regent students.

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LAURA SMITH

continued from page 1

SYDNEY HAUER Associate Executive Editor hauers@uni.edu

Managing Editor steens@uni.edu 319.939.8190

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AMNESTY

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Circulation

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Business Assistant

SARAH RITONDALE Business Assistant

CENSUS BUREAU/Public Domain

According to this 2014 Census Report, IT workers make up an increasingly large portion of the United States’ now service-dominated economy.

she sees the changing number of woman in the MIS program as a good thing.

“It’s very encouraging when you’re pursuing a field that was originally dominated by males,” Lorenz said.

“There is a great deal of support and opportunity for women in the MIS program, and I think this is very crucial if we want to keep building and improving upon our MIS program.”

Efforts to pass this legislation began two years ago with former Iowa State University Student Government (ISUSG) President Cole Straudt.

According to the Iowa State Daily, Straudt’s administration sparked this effort because of his personal experience. Straudt once saved a friend who was choking on their own vomit — a symptom of alcohol poisoning. This experience shaped his decision to pursue SF 415 during his presidency.

Since then, the new ISUSG administration, NISG and the University of

Iowa Student Government have joined together to pursue this amnesty bill.

Nathan Carignan, a senior public administration major, feels SF 415 is imperative.

“Of course it should be passed,” Carignan said. “I can’t believe it is not already a law.”

According to Riter, the next step to passing this bill into law will be a House vote on SF 415. The session will end on April 17, according to the 87th Iowa General Assembly, meaning it is possible that the bill will not get voted on until next year’s session.

The Northern Iowan is published semi-weekly on Monday and Thursday during the academic year, except for holidays and examination periods, by the University of Northern Iowa, L011 Maucker Union, Cedar Falls, IA 50614-0166 under the auspices of the Board of Student Publications.

Advertising errors that are the fault of the Northern Iowan will be corrected at no cost to the advertiser only if the Northern Iowan office is notified within seven days of the original publication. Publisher reserves the right to refuse any advertisement at any time.

The Northern Iowan is funded in part with student activity fees.

A copy of the Northern Iowan grievance procedure is available at the Northern Iowan office, located at L011 Maucker Union.

All material is © 2018 by the Northern Iowan and may not be used without permission.

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CLINTON OLSASKY Executive Editor

APRIL 2, 2018 |

OPINION

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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PAGE 3

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 47

FB data breach impacts users Facebook is something I’ve written about many times. I prefer my mediabased topics, and the largest social media platform is usually in the news.

However, they’re usually in the news for some kind of innovation or new experiment they’re trying.

This week, they’ve been in the news for some very bad things.

The story goes like this: it was discovered last week that a company known as Cambridge Analytica had acquired the personal information of 50 million Facebook users. They then used this information to compile psych profiles of voters who were then targeted with ads that were designed to persuade them to vote a certain way.

This was used in both the 2016 election and the Brexit vote in the UK (New York Times).

Now, why is this bad?

Well, 50 million people had their personal information used without their consent.

The data was also acquired using unethical and possibly

illegal means.

Additionally, the ads that were used could have significantly, and unfairly, impacted both the U.S. election and Brexit vote.

The data was acquired via an app that was made back in 2014. A group of 270,000 people consented to their data being used for academic purposes and a small payment; however, 270,000 is a very different number compared to 50 million.

The app was able to successfully branch out to the Facebook friends of those 270,000 and swipe their information without them knowing (Al Jazeera).

Facebook is at the front of this problem due to a few things.

One, Facebook failed to inform its users when it first learned about the breach.

Two, Facebook denied that a breach ever occurred, as at the time the data was taken, app makers were allowed to take information from users’ friends.

There was also nothing at this time to stop Facebook from selling personal data to third parties.

This all makes for a big mess for Facebook. With concerns about Russian propaganda and fake news circulating throughout

the social media giant, the Cambridge scandal only worsens this.

Oh, but it gets worse.

Facebook’s stock has taken a gigantic hit. It’s estimated that they’ve lost around 80 billion in market value (CNN). CNBC also estimated that Facebook’s stock could remain in a poor spot for an entire year.

I think it’s safe to say that this scandal is hurting them.

Now, allow me to explain what this all means and why this is a big deal, as this scandal could have some serious repercussions for millions of people.

Let me start with one of the biggest concerns over this scandal. I do not want to get into conspiracy theory thinking here, but it’s not ridiculous to think that other companies have harvested data from Facebook or other sites and sold it to people or used it for their own agenda.

The idea of one’s personal information being used like this is a scary thought.

Another major problem is the fact that this data was used to serve propaganda to citizens before a major election. This could have influenced the outcome of both elections, as well.

These methods are both

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Opinion columnist Sam King takes a look at the recent Cambridge Analytica scandal that impacted Facebook users last week.

unethical and possibly illegal. I try my best to stay away from politics, but this is an incredibly important topic.

It’s very clear that this data was used to push a specific ideology, and this push has directly undermined our democracy.

Modern day democracy, all undermined by a social media website? It sounds so small, yet it’s such a big deal.

These elections have affected hundreds of millions of people, and they might have been altered because of this data.

College student or not, this could affect all of us.

In my personal opinion, I’m not usually bothered by

websites collecting my data.

I know companies like Google keep my data that I provide to them. I normally don’t care either. However, this Facebook case is different for me.

Google keeps data to target ads that they think are relevant to me. Cambridge Analytica, on the other hand, kept this data to push an ideology and purposely influence some seriously impactful elections.

To me, that’s horrible.

It’s bad on so many levels that I could write an entire article solely about that.

I really wish we weren’t in this situation, but here we are. All we can do now is wait and see what comes out of it.

Police rarely punished for shooting black civilians Salamoni and Lake, two white officers in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, are responsible for the 2016 shooting death of 37-yearold Alton Sterling.

On Tuesday morning, Louisiana’s Attorney General, Jeff Landry, announced that the two officers will not face any charges.

For a multitude of reasons, this decision comes as no surprise. Among these

reasons is the fact that out of 10,000 police-involved shootings between 2007 and 2017, only five officers were incarcerated after killing a black civilian.

And three of those five officers were convicted for Last week, Blane Salamoni the same case (murdering a and Howie Lake II proved 92-year-old woman). yet again that American law Additionally, black enforcement officers are selAmericans are consistently dom held accountable for overrepresented among vicuse of deadly force against tims of police use of excescivilians. sive and lethal force. In 2012, despite constituting only 13 percent of the U.S. population, black Americans accounted for three percent of all people killed by police and 39 percent of people killed by police while they were not attacking officers.

It doesn’t matter if you’re six-yearsold or you’re 92. It doesn’t matter if it’s your wedding day or your birthday. It doesn’t matPEXELS Opinion columnist Abbi Cobb discusses the issue of police violence against black ter if you’re selling Americans and the disproportionately low incarceration numbers for police officers cigarettes or CDs. It doesn’t matter if you involved in related shootings.

can’t breathe, can’t see, can’t comprehend.

It doesn’t matter if you’re holding a cell phone, a toy gun or have a real gun that you’re permitted to carry on you. It doesn’t matter if it happens in front of your child, your mother or your grandmother.

It doesn’t matter if the cops raided the wrong home or failed to obtain a warrant. It doesn’t matter if the incident is recorded or if the officer’s body/dash cam wasn’t operating.

It doesn’t matter if they shoot you once at close range or 16 times in the back. It doesn’t matter if they claim, “I’ll kill you, bitch” before taking your life or if they have shot other black civilians before you.

It doesn’t matter if you’re Sandra Bland, Michael Brown, Korryn Gaines, Freddie Gray, Tyre King, Samuel DuBose, John Crawford III, Sean Bell, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Jerame Reid, Aiyana Stanley-Jones, Philando Castile, Kenneth Chamberlain, Keith Lamont Scott, Stephon Clark,

Amadou Diallo, Rekia Boyd, Patrick Dorismond or Terence Crutcher.

It does not matter because American law enforcement has always been a tool of hegemonic classes used to preserve their status and social norms.

It does not matter because these white officers will always hide their skittish, racist tendencies by convincing juries that are comprised of their white peers (if there’s even a trial) that the officer “feared for their life.”

It will not matter until investigations of misconduct are no longer carried out by the internal affairs division of officers’ respective departments. It will not matter until the war against drugs is no longer waged against black bodies. It will not matter until black youth are no longer perceived to be dangerous, grown adults.

We say black lives matter because the consequences of having a black identity are real and they are inescapable. Say their names; say their lives matter.

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APRIL 2, 2018 |

CAMPUS LIFE

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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LEZIGA BARIKOR Campus Life Editor

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 47

FILM REVIEW

Teen sex comedy transcends genre CLINTON OLSASKY

Executive Editor

Prom is the magical night in which all teenage girls fall in love with the boy of their dreams and enter into the realm of womanhood through the transformative act of sex.

Or, at least that’s what decades of prom night narratives would have us believe.

However, in the new comedy “Blockers,” that narrative is ultimately subverted through the generic trappings of a teen sex comedy that is both predictably raunchy and surprisingly thoughtful.

“Blockers” follows three teenage girls who agree to form a sex pact, with all three planning to lose their virginity on prom night. All the while, the three girls’ respective parents learn of the pact and make it an effort to stop their daughters from having sex before the night is over.

Despite some slight storytelling shortcomings and visual flatness, “Blockers” generally rises above expectations — thanks, in large part, to a uniquely female perspective that transcends the traditionally male-oriented sex comedy genre.

Directing: 3/5 “Blockers” serves as the feature film directorial debut for Kay Cannon, who had previously worked as a writer for the “Pitch Perfect” films.

Although “Blockers” is similar to “Pitch Perfect” due to its feminist undertones, Cannon achieves something greater by exploring not only female sexuality, but also parent-teen relations.

Visually, Cannon lends a kinetic energy to “Blockers” — perhaps to reflect the chaotic night around which the film revolves. Opting for jump cuts and brisk editing, Cannon’s first foray into the teen sex comedy genre often unfolds with the same liveliness that characterizes the night of debauchery the film depicts.

With that being said, “Blockers” does often suffer from a handful of incongruent cuts that, while distracting, aren’t egregious enough to hamper the rest of the film’s wonderfully brisk pace.

It should be noted that while Cannon also deserves praise for attempting to feature a diverse range of shot compositions, she often relies too much on her master shots, cutting from extreme closeups to full coverage, seeming-

ly without proper motivation.

In general, this sometimes results in a visual flatness that unfortunately pervades even the most narratively compelling scenes of the film.

Writing: 4/5 “Blockers” undoubtedly benefits the most from a smartly written screenplay that treats its characters as fully-fledged human beings.

As opposed to most male-oriented sex comedies of the past, the women in “Blockers” are allowed to be funny without being sex-obsessed “sluts” and are also thoughtful without being “moralist killjoys.”

This refreshingly nuanced characterization of the film’s young female protagonists can also be felt in the depiction of their parents, each of whom come across as incredibly sympathetic, as well as uproariously funny.

And it is in these interactions that “Blockers” really succeeds.

Just as much as the film delivers the comedic goods by way of hilarious set pieces, so too does this inspired take on the teen sex comedy transcend its genre clichés by exploring the complex relationship between a parent

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

The Universal Pictures film “Blockers” stars Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz and John Cena. The movie will be available for wide release on April 6.

and their daughter.

Unfortunately, the film’s screenplay does suffer from moments of conspicuous proselytizing that would have benefited from a touch more subtlety — specifically, the film’s advocacy for female empowerment and feminine sexuality. Make no mistake, these points of advocacy are certainly commendable and should rightfully be celebrated.

However, it would have been more effective if these points were more seamlessly interwoven into the main plot points of the film and into the characters’ motivations, rather than through a thinly veiled and awkwardly delivered soliloquy about the dangers of toxic masculinity.

Acting: 4/5 Buoyed by a smartly funny screenplay, “Blockers” features several memorable performances that are both hilarious and heartfelt.

Comedic heavyweight Leslie Mann (“The 40-YearOld Virgin,” “Knocked Up”) is particularly memorable as Lisa, Julie’s mother who experiences separation anxiety at the thought of sending her daughter off to college.

Unsurprisingly, Mann hits every comedic note without fail but is at times unconvincing as the concerned single

parent.

John Cena, best known for his time in WWE as the slinger of the catchphrase “You Can’t See Me,” could very much be seen in “Blockers” as Mitchell, Kayla’s beefy, dimwitted father. As it turns out, Cena proves to be the source of most of the funniest moments in the film, thanks to his knack for overthe-top facial expressions and physical humor.

As for the teenage girls in the film, Geraldine Viswanathan is the definitive standout of the group as Kayla, who embarks on a psychedelic trip throughout the night, resulting in some sidesplitting set pieces and equally riotous one-liners.

Overall: 3.5/5 “Blockers” is a worthy entry in the teen sex comedy canon that, most importantly, attempts to flip the genre on its head by exploring the issues of feminine sexuality and parent-teen relationships.

Despite lacking a touch of subtlety and a bit more visual richness, “Blockers” is a commendable comedy that turns a night of debauchery into an unexpectedly earnest coming-of-age odyssey.

*~a preview 4 u~*

SGNI begs for spare change six

Microwaves take over 7

XFL vs. LFL eight

Bookstore haunted by ghost of student debt CLINT O’SASSYPANTS Executive Office

When UNI finalized their purchase of University Book & Supply on Feb. 27, the news was met with a positive reaction from faculty and students alike, who anticipated lowered textbook costs and increased savings.

However, as UNI proceeded to reopen the bookstore under the new ownership, both customers and employees soon reported a number of unexplained paranormal phenomena.

“I had never seen anything like it before,” said Louis Tully, freshman philosophy major and bookstore employee. “Just the other day, while I was stacking some textbooks, I could have sworn I saw a figure — like this wispy, transparent figure — floating between the rows of books just moaning, ‘The markups! Oh, the markups are murder!’”

According to Tully, he had seen other ghostly apparitions

since then who have called out similar messages warning students of the extreme markups of the store’s various textbook prices.

“Last night, I gathered the courage to approach one of these things to see what it really wanted,” Tully said. “So, as we were closing late in the evening, I slowly crept up behind this figure that was huddled in the corner of the store, and as I approached, I saw that it was crying and tearing up its credit card! Apparently, the overpriced books had gotten the better of it.”

Other bookstore employees have since stepped forward to corroborate Tully’s claims of paranormal sightings. One such employee was Dana Barrett, a senior criminology major who has been working at the bookstore since her freshman year.

“Oh yeah, the bookstore’s definitely haunted now,” Barrett said. “And based on the spirits’ messages, it’s clear to me that they have formed as a

FRENCH FRY ARCHIVES

Since the aquisition of University Book & Supply by UNI, employees of the bookstore have reported sightings of the alleged ghost of student debt, captured here on camera.

result of the decades of student debt that has been incurred here over the years.”

Peter Tankman, bookstore

manager, has fervently denied any claims of hauntings or other paranormal happenings, especially as it relates to ghost-

ly manifestations of student debt.

“non-disclosable reasons,” but Hall Secretary Elle Lemon has her own suspicions as to why Long left.

“Edward had a long history of arachnophobia,” Lemon said. “Last year, when we had spiders crawling all over the place, Edward tried to get transferred over to Lawther.

When that didn’t work, he told me that he was taking off.”

The former RLC has reportedly moved to Tahiti and is working to recruit other employees from the Department of Residence (DOR) to follow him.

So far, several other DOR employees have left their positions, including RLCs in Dancer, Lawther, Noehren and Roth/Hillside Jennings.

“All of these sudden vacancies have put the DOR in a tough spot,” Lemon said.

“And they are scrambling to fill spots.”

According to Castle, out of desperation, the DOR has started to fill the empty positions with real panthers. Kat Prowells, the actual panther that replaced Long as Rider RLC, assumed the position in January of 2018.

Castle went on to discuss how the Rider staff is handling the transition.

“So far, Kat is cool. She’s a pretty sly gal, you know!”

Castle said. “But I mostly just try to stay on her good side because when my on-call partner didn’t show up for rounds, Kat, well, ate her.”

Castle reported that Nikel Baker, the Rider RA who was eaten by Prowells, had it coming, but he is “still pretty torn up about it.”

Despite the alleged consumption of Baker, the DOR has placed several other panthers in halls across campus to account for the missing coordinators.

The department claims it is only a temporary fix for a growing problem because they couldn’t leave entire halls without a boss for an entire year, so they had to do something, Beyond the supposed recruitment to Tahiti by former RLC Long, there is no official word yet on why the RLCs have all chosen to leave at once.

Rider RLC replaced by actual panther KAT PROWELLS/Courtesy Photo

NIC KNACK

Barely A Staff Writer

In the fall of 2017, Rider Hall was met with a surprise. This time, instead of encountering poisonous spiders lurking about the hall, residents and staff members were met with an empty chair, in an empty office.

The mystery as to what happened to Edward Long, the Rider residence life coor-

dinator (RLC) and why he left could only be guessed at by those who knew him.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m confused and surprised to see that he was gone at first,” said Jules Castle, resident assistant (RA) in Rider. “But after I realized it meant I wouldn’t have a boss all year, I didn’t really pay much attention to my missing RLC.” Other staff members

expressed similar feelings about their missing boss, such as Griff Filberg, Rider RA. “Sure, it would be easier to have a boss, especially since it is my first year as an RA, but I know we all can manage,” Filberg said. “Plus, it means we can play sports in the hallway. No boss, no rules!”

The RLC’s official account for departure is filed under

See BOO A GHOST, page 6

See PANTHER RLC, page 7

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NEWSY MCNEWSFACE News Person

VOLUME 6393828, ISSUE -0

SGNI begs for spare change at UI, ISU SARAH HUFFLEPUFF

Staff person

Representatives for the Student Government of Northern Iowa (SGNI) recently traveled to sister schools Iowa State University and University of Iowa to appeal to the schools’ altruistic roots, considering the current state of funding.

“We’ve been trying to get adequate funding for a while now, and we figure Iowa State and Iowa have plenty to share,” Peggy Killer, government outreach director for SGNI, said. “We thought we would be able to build up our athletics program to better position ourselves for Regent funding, but it just isn’t panning out.”

The outreach team gathered several minority and LGBTQ* students to stress UNI’s diversity to better appeal for funding.

“If we say inclusion enough, there’s usually dollar signs,” Killer explained.

“This is basically the only time we pay attention to them, but if we get enough funding, maybe we can buy more snacks for the CME.” Oscar Chapovelli, sixth year senior and Business Administration major, empa-

thizes with the plight of balancing diversity needs and funding, discussing his part in raising funds.

“It beats working the corners, but I mean it feels less dignified than working the corners,” Chapovelli said.

“If you ask me, which no one does, it’s just exploitation. It’s a doggone shame that we’re only trotted out like Token on South Park.

But yeah, es una mentira que esta administración le vale lo que pensamos. Somos arm candy, my guy,” he lamented.

Even with diverse students in tow, the outreach team had to get downright thrifty.

Three representatives spent the better part of an hour sifting through ISU’s Memorial Fountain for spare change. Wet, cold, and with little change in hand, they were cited by ISU Campus Police for trespassing. They received a ticket that canceled out all their hard work.

“They aren’t nearly as nice as they seem on Twitter,” Killer said.

Killer did manage to get the team in a meeting with Kirk Ferentz, Iowa’s head coach and the state’s highest paid employee in 2017.

Ferentz told students he

would give UNI an eighth of his salary — $625,000 — if just one student could outperform his red shirt freshman.

Unfortunately, UNI representatives couldn’t manage the physical feat and left the University of Iowa empty-handed.

The liaison team didn’t stop there, though. They positioned several music students on street corners to appoint themselves campus troubadours.

This was arguably the most effective tactic, considering Iowa City’s adoration for local music, the outreach team noted the value of including music students.

Finally, the team used their social media prowess to try and make enough money to keep the Maucker Union roof from collapsing into Chat’s Coffeehouse and maybe save the Campanile.

T hey e m p l oye d GoFundMe pages, offered to complete handyman tasks for change and even put their Venmo username in their Tinder profiles with a brief bio: “Please help us.”

All in all, the zeal and dedication of these student servants raised them enough money for the gas-hogging

WHATEVER/SomeBODY ONCE TOLD ME...

Definitely real live photo of Peggy Killer diving into ISU Memorial Fountain.

university vans they drove home.

On the bright side, they

have already begun revising their tactics for next week’s solicitations.

Slow walkers to be fined, as they well should ANASTASIA FLANNIGAN of UNI Police explained.

HUMAN PERSON

On Friday, Mar. 29, UNI announced that starting in Fall 2018, they would be imposing a series of sidewalk regulations, including passing lanes and minimum speed requirements that will vary depending on location.

The UNI Police Department’s foot patrol division will use radar guns that are specially designed to monitor foot traffic to ensure that students are following the requirements.

Violators will be ticketed and fined $12 to $35, depending on the location and seriousness of the violation.

“The regulations are meant to create consistency in UNI sidewalk traffic,” Lieutenant Hugo Brown

“When there’s inconsistencies in sidewalk speeds, people get frustrated, and people get hurt. So, we monitored the foot traffic and realized that in between classes, there can sometimes be a real traffic f low problem. Slow walkers are almost always at fault.”

UNI Police will make exceptions for extenuating circumstances, such as high heels, slick sidewalk conditions (i.e. every day in winter in Cedar Falls) and excessive backpack weight.

The reforms are not without their backlash.

“It’s completely unreasonable that I’m being discriminated against. Some people are naturally slower walkers,” said senior management information systems major Lisa Moe. “The thought of being fined for

my gait is enough to make

me want to transfer.”

BOO, A GHOST

continued from page 1

“We do not and have not ever overcharged on textbooks for the sake of overcharging,” Tankman said. “We arrive at each and every one of our book prices through a rigorous process of calculation and cost assessment. So, there wouldn’t even be a need for past student debt to come back and haunt the — oh my god, what was that?!?”

It should be noted that at this point in the Northern Iowan’s interview with Tankman, a nearby macroeconomics textbook flew off a shelf on the wall in Tankman’s office, striking Tankman on the shoulder.

“Wow! I can’t believe I, uh, left the window open,” Tankman went on to say.

“These damn drafts can real-

ly blow your hair back, you know?”

Other members of bookstore upper management haven’t been as quick to dismiss the alleged apparitions, however. Lisa Stance, the vice president of sales operations at the bookstore, went on record to confirm that she has seen some of the specters herself.

“Yes, it’s true. I’ve seen some spooky stuff going on around here lately,” Stance said. “The student debt we’ve caused has really come back to bite us in the — well, you know where.

I’m afraid no one will want to come buy their textbooks here anymore because of the fact that the bookstore is, well… let’s face it, it’s haunted!”

Other bookstore employees who have wished to remain anonymous have also reported seeing strange happenings,

See SLOW WALKIES, page 7

such as price stickers being ripped off of books and packs of empty ramen noodle containers strewn about the floor.

It is unclear as of press time if the UNI Bookstore will be continuing operations as normal, but Tankman did go on record saying that they may have to consider closing the store temporarily.

“We may have to close the store for a few days, or at least until we’re able to remedy the situation,” Tankman said. “But you can expect to see the UNI Bookstore back up and running in no time!”

When asked about lowering textbook costs as a possible solution to the alleged hauntings, Tankman was quick to reject any such plans.

“Lower costs? Are you kidding?” Tankman chortled.

“Over my dead body!”

~*~northern iowan staff (totally real people not fake news)~*~ clint o’sassypants executive office meme queen sierra steen memeing editor

syd’s knee associate executive office

editorial staff jacob madden knewz editor leziga barikor camp is lyfe editor

dyl pickle spertz editor

josh dausener copy editor

dabrielle leitner art director

-------no contact info because we r shy :/

PAGE 7 Child of El Shaddai bottom text

camp is lyfe |

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

#CookinUpSomeSnacks.”

Since then, the university has purchased a surplus of microwaves in an effort to ensure that students never have to stand in line to heat up leftovers again.

“We regret having overlooked this situation for so long,” said President Mark Gnook, who spearheaded the initiative, in a campus-wide email. “Here at UNI, we always put students first. If that means spending millions of dollars on new kitchen appliances, then so be it. I would rather our music and art departments take a 50 percent budget cut than a student wait more than the required two minutes to cook their instant mac-n-cheese.”

However good their intentions, it soon became clear that UNI went slightly overboard.

The first stage of the program installed one microwave on each floor of every academic building. But it didn’t stop there. Microwaves began appearing in every classroom, in every stairwell landing — even in every bathroom.

“We wanted to make sure

we covered all the bases,” explained Knook in an interview with the NI. When the university began installing compact microwaves under every seat in the UNI-Dome, some students voiced their concern.

“It was terrible,” recalled freshman physical education major Michael Rowave. “That beeping noise they make kept ringing in my head and the whole campus smelled like burnt popcorn. I had nightmares.”

Gnook finally drew the line when the appliances proved to be a major safety issue.

“We placed microwaves by the bus stops, but it turns out that electronics don’t withstand precipitation very well,” Knook said.

“When I found out the microwave wasn’t waterproof,” Rowave said, “I was shocked.”

It has now been several months since the beginning of these spontaneous campus microwave appearances.

However, last week, other varieties of kitchen apparatuses began materializing on campus.

walker who joined the Twitter debate was junior Esmerelda Gonzales, who is majoring in communications.

“This is a safety issue, but it’s also an academics issue,” Gonzales explained. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been late to class because of slow walkers. Sometimes leaving 20 minutes before class isn’t enough! I’ve been told this is a 12-minute campus. If I can’t get to class in 20 minutes, that’s not my fault. It’s the slow walkers.’”

“Frankly, the health and safety of slow walkers is a bigger fish to fry than an attendance record,” Moe countered.

“I’ve always said that my personal hero is the tortoise from ‘The Tortoise and the Hare.’ If Aesop were here with us today, he wouldn’t stand for what UNI is doing to those who are imitators of the tortoise, such as myself.”

“Sure, it might be all fun and games if you’re heading from the Quads to Kamerick, but some of us have to go to Lang, people!” Gonzales said.

“There’s a reason we say, ‘It’s a Lang way away’ around here.”

Slow Walkers who want their voices heard can join the Slow Walker Stampede that will be happening all over

campus on Friday, April 6, at 12 p.m.

“We’ll be holding up signs that say things like ‘Slow walkers are people too,’ ‘Slow walking is the safest walking’ and ‘Don’t tread on me, fast walker’ while we walk around campus really, really slowly,” Moe said. “It’s going to be epic.”

Unfortunately for Moe and other followers, there may be more sidewalk regulations to come in the future.

“We’re going to start with the minimum speed requirements, but there’s a good chance we won’t stop there,” Brown said. “We also have a real texting while walking problem on this campus. It’s not safe. Nothing you’re going to see on SnipChitter is worth the danger you’re putting yourself and other students in.”

Fast walkers have their own ideas about what UNI Police should do next.

“I’d love to see these regulations extend to the dining centers soon,” Gonzales said.

“There’s nothing worse than when it’s nugget day, and you get stuck behind some students taking their sweet time checking out their options. I’m impatient for nuggets, and I take no shame in saying it.”

APRIL SECOND, 2K18

|

VOLUME ?, ISSUE ?

Microwaves taking over campus SPOHIA LABASKI

Staff Writer

UNI’s campus has been overrun by all manner of kitchen appliances. And it all started right here, in these pages.

Last October, in one of the most controversial Northern Iowan pieces published to date, an anonymous contributor wrote a letter to the editor (LTE) calling for more microwaves on campus.

Following an account of the microwave shortage in Maucker Union and resulting wait times, the author concluded: “Rod needs to get a microwave by Book Bistro because this is a major inconvenience. More microwaves are not a lot to ask. UNI, please have enough microwaves so students, faculty and staff can cook their meals in a timely fashion.”

Only two weeks after the LTE’s publication, the Rod Library Twitter account shared a photo of a shiny new microwave, saying, “Remember that one time the NI had an article about the Rod needing a microwave? Boom. #WeDoNow

SLOW WALKIES

continued from page 6

In fall of 2015, Moe was walking from Maucker Union to the Curris Business Building when she was plowed down by a fast walker. Moe suffered a broken leg, bruised ribs and wounded pride.

“I still have nightmares,” Moe admitted. “I may never walk to class without the fear of being fast walked-over again. Sometimes when I hear those quick steps coming up behind me, I still break out in a cold sweat. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.”

Moe’s fast-walking offender, Jack Nimble, was charged with reckless endangerment and fined $400 for the incident. According to Moe, it wasn’t enough. Nimble has never commented on the incident but has since transferred schools.

Moe has used her experience to become an advocate for slow walkers. After the announcement Friday, she took to Twitter with #SlowWalkersSpeak to voice her concerns. Within minutes, UNI Confessions was flooded with students on both sides of the issue.

One self-identified fast

CHILD OF EL SHADDAI/Northern Iowan

The letter to the editor written about the shortage of microwaves on campus led to the influx of the appliances.

“Because of all the microwaves on campus, it seems word got around that UNI is accepting donations of used kitchen equipment,” Gnook said in a public statement.

“We’ve tried to tell people otherwise, but they just leave their stuff and run when nobody’s looking.”

As of press time, student volunteers had begun to collect the “donations” and transport them to Lawther Field, where they will remain until the university has formed a plan of action against the infestation. The appliances

PANTHER RLC

continued from page 5

There is no reason to believe, as some suspect, that the cause of their vacancies has anything to do with higher salaries at other universities. Right now, it seems that the spider infestation that struck Rider Hall in the spring of 2017 may be the

present ranged from coffee makers and Easy-Bake Ovens to turkey fryers and an icebox dating from the 1910s.

The author of the LTE that began this chain of events, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: “You get what you ask for, I guess. I have zero regrets about advocating for student microwave access. But I never thought it would go this far.”

Students who wish to help with the clean-up can report to Lawther Field between 12 and 5 p.m. on Monday and Tuesday. only cause.

“Perhaps the spiders have spread to other halls, and that is why all our bosses are leaving. Who knows?” Filberg said.

The DOR investigation into the exodus of hall coordinators is currently suspended, as the department is reportedly satisfied with the new feline replacements.

PAGE 8

spertz AYYYPRIL 2, 20AYYYTEEN |

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

|

TROY BALLTON Sports!!!!!!!!

VOLUME 42, ISSUE 0

LFL accidentally takes on XFL DYL PICKLE

Spertz Editor

Rejected back in 2001, the Extreme Football League (XFL) folded after receiving a lot of negative attention from the media and losing a lot of money. But rumors of the league’s return are being discussed.

In case you forgot, the XFL Championship took place in Los Angeles, California, and the Los Angeles Xtreme beat the San Francisco Demons.

It had been previously confirmed that these two teams were due for a rematch, just to see how fans would react to an XFL game in 2018.

A minor mistake was made, and instead of booking the Xtreme to play the Demons, someone accidentally booked the Los Angeles Temptations, part of the Legends ‘Lingerie’ Football League team (LFL).

The San Francisco Demons travelled to LA, mentally preparing for the game, as they did not know what to expect. Obviously, they had size over their opponents, but

vs what they didn’t know was that Ashley Salerno was the fifth best quarterback in the LFL. Completing 20 of her 52 passes, she cranked out 300 yards and five touchdowns on the season. Her play style is, in fact, considerably similar to that of NFL star Tom Brady.

Alongside Saler no, Carmen Borseau is the second-leading rusher in the LFL. On just 59 attempts she rushed for 343 yards and 11 touchdowns. Los Angeles is

one of the only four teams in the league to score 200 or more points.

Megan Hanson, 5’10”, commands the Temptations’ defensive line. She is second in the league with 34.5 tackles, she averages 6.9 tackles per game and has one sack and two interceptions.

The Demons have secret weapons of their own; they just have to stay focused and not get distracted. Remember, Mike Pawlawski completed 186 passes for 1,659 yards and 13 touchdowns in his

2001 debut.

Pawlawski and the Demons also have the league’s third leading receiver and will surely shoot out the Temptations’ secondary alongside wide receiver, Jimmy Cunningham.

Cunningham has 408 yards and three touchdowns.

He gets nitty gritty for every single yard he earns but fails to execute in the red zone for any actual bragging rights on the scoreboard.

It should be a pretty even contest. Both teams have

their strengths, and the winner will be the first team to find and exploit the others’ weakness.

Hopefully, the contest will attract positive feedback from the media and help develop a larger fan base for each franchise.

The Atlanta Steam, Chicago Bliss, Nashville Knights, Omaha Heart, Austin Acoustic, Denver Dream and Seattle Mist are all rooting for the Temptations in hopes that LFL vs. XFL can become a regular tradition.

eSports pwns UNI men’s basketball team SPORTS GUY MCBASKETBALL Sports Guy

UNI men’s basketball hit a new low last week after the club lost 117-89 to the Panther eSports team.

The eSports team, which ended up playing the men’s basketball team due to a clerical error, knew the basketball team had had a rough year but was not expecting to actually defeat the team.

“I knew the basketball team had fallen on tough times, but I never thought this could happen,” said Rick Snafoo, Panther eSports member.

Snafoo led the eSports team, shooting well on the court and scoring 32 points.

“I’m disappointed, but not really surprised,” said Sean Johnson, men’s basketball team member.

The play of the game was when eSports team member Harold Bluetooth performed a double- triple-dash-mcgriddle, much to the detriment of the men’s basketball team.

When asked how he managed to do it, Bluetooth credited a rigorous workout regimen of walking to class five days a week for keeping him in game shape.

“My MondayWednesday-Friday is absolutely brutal. I walk from Dancer to Latham for geology, and then all the way back,” Bluetooth said.

Bluetooth went on to credit his performance to his considerable time commitment to NBA 2K. During the showdown between the basketball team and the eSports team, the women’s basketball team continued to outperform

WD-40 MAN/Courtesy Photo

The beguiling WD-40 Man was in attendance when the Panther eSports team thrashed the UNI men’s basketball team. Mr. Man has gone on record saying he hopes to collect 40 individual cans of WD-40 before he turns 40.

expectations at the MVC Tournament but still failed

to receive consistent coverage from any reputable

news outlets for unknown reasons.

LEZIGA BARIKOR Campus Life Editor

APRIL 2, 2018

|

PAGE 9

CAMPUS LIFE

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

Why I relay

|

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 47

A collection of stories of why students decide to relay for life

My name is Rylie Lawrence. I am a senior bachelor of fine arts major with an emphasis in printmaking, and I plan on graduating in May of 2018. My personal story for why I relay began in 2008, when I was in sixth grade, my father was diagnosed with Neuro-Endocrine cancer.

Luckily, the doctors were able to perform a surgery that would remove the cancerous cells, and prevent my father from needing to undergo chemo-therapy or radiation. While there were a few complications after surgery, my father emerged cancer free and thriving.

At the time, I didn’t quite know what was going on with my dad, as my parents didn’t tell us kids much of the details, but now that I am older and have been involved in Colleges Against Cancer here at UNI, I have learned much more about cancer, and I have seen how it has affected my life and the lives of others around me.

Two of my closest friends in high school both lost a parent to cancer, GABBRIELLE LEITNER/Northern Iowan one lost a father her sophomore year of high school, while the other lost her mother in her freshman year of college. In addition, I have a friend who has won her battle against cancer. All of these people have impacted my life immensely, I could not imagine my life without my father, and I admire and support my friends whose parents have lost the battle.

Two years ago, after a check-up for hearing aids, my father was diagnosed with another type of cancer, though this one is much less threatening and slower in growth. My life has been touched by the devastation of cancer in many ways, but this year I’ll be celebrating at Relay For Life. I will be celebrating my good friend Marie Angier; my boss Shelley Pruess; remembering lives of both Tom Russell and Sonya Verner; and supporting my father in his current fight. Many of us know people in our life who have survived their fight against cancer, but there are many that are not that fortunate.

— Rylie Lawrence, senior bachelor of fine arts major Relay For Life takes place Friday, April 6, from 6 p.m. to 1 a.m. in the McLeod Center NISG

continued from page 1

“It’s an awesome way for us to stay connected with students, and to keep us grounded,” Stensland commented.

Stensland and Ahart will continue working on initiatives like maintaining and building lobbying relationships and adding diversity-centered curriculum. Stensland notes that November’s election will

change the way NISG has lobbied previously, as students will need to shift toward creating relationships with new legislators as opposed to maintaining established relationships.

Mostly, however, they are enthusiastic to start anew.

“The White-Bernhard Administration has done awesome work, and they have shown the power of student government on completing initiatives,” Stensland said.

“Moving forward, we want to look at how we can develop relationships with people outside of NISG while developing a team atmosphere within NISG — which has been somewhat of a struggle this year.”

“No one is

more important than another, and that starts with us. We are here to be a team,” Ahart added.

Ahart and Stensland also want to prioritize their accessibility and transparency. They urge students to seek them out.

“Please stop us if you have an issue you want to talk about. Besides that, if you see us working in the Union, feel free to stop by and say hi,” Stensland encouraged.

The Stensland-Ahart Administration is also currently accepting applications for their Upper Cabinet positions until April 2. Upper Cabinet positions are paid, and positions include directors of diversity, finance, governmental relations and public relations, as well as the position of chief of staff. Both Stensland and Ahart encourage students from all backgrounds to apply through the NISG website.

Re-Lei For A Cure 2018

April 6th, 2018 6:00 pm - 1:00 am in the McLeod Center

What to do the night of Relay For Life: Ice Cream Eating Competition Pickle Spitting Contest Root Beer Pong Cake Walks Knockerball

Save Lives Celebrate Lives & Lead the Fight For a World Without Cancer

and MORE!

UNI Colleges Against Cancer brings you a stroll down a Hawaiian Relay For Life

Sign up at relayforlife.org/uni

PAGE 10

APRIL 2, 2018

|

SPORTS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

|

DYLAN PADY Sports Editor

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 47

OPINION

MLB: opening day for Chicago baseball DYLAN PADY

Sports Editor

The 2018 MLB season officially began after opening day on Thursday, Mar. 29. Fans witnessed a handful of great games, two of which included big wins on the road for both the Chicago White Sox and the Cubs.

The Cubs played the Marlins, the Cardinals played the Mets, the Twins played the Orioles, the Astros played the Rangers, the Yankees played the Blue Jays, the Angels played the Athletics, the Phillies played the Braves, the Red Sox played the Rays, the Brewers played the Padres, the White Sox played the Royals, the Giants played the Dodgers, the Rockies played the Diamondbacks and, finally, the Indians played the Mariners.

For the city of Chicago, the Cubs and the White Sox combined for a total of 22 points on the road during opening day. The Cubs defeated the Miami Marlins 8-4 and the Sox beat the Kansas City Royals, 14-4.

For the Cubs, Ian Happ drilled the very first pitch of the season towards right field and earned his first homerun of the season pretty easily.

The Cubs scored two more runs in the first inning due to a walk and Javier Baez was hit by a pitch, both advancing the runners.

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Yoan Moncada celebrates his RBI double after scoring in the fifth inning.

Anthony Rizzo stepped

up during the second inning and hit a homerun on his first pitch out towards right field. This put the Cubs up 4-1 and essentially woke the Marlins offense up, as they proceeded to tie the game 4-4 by the end of the third inning.

Wilson Contreras hit a double in the fourth and brought Kris Bryant home.

Additionally, Kyle Schwarber hit a homerun in the seventh inning, deep into a 3-1 count, and Tommy La Stella hit a double bringing two more teammates home.

The White Sox were actually down 4-0 after the Royals hit their stride early in the first inning. In the top of the fourth, however, Garcia found himself on second base after an easy double. Abreu, Davidson and Anderson proceeded to hit three homeruns and scored a total of five runs in the fourth.

Davidson and Anderson were still hungry and each cranked out another homerun, taking an 8-4 lead by the end of the fifth inning.

Neither team scored in the sixth, but the White Sox scored three points in both the seventh and the eighth inning.

It was a good opening day for Chicago. The Cubs will play the Marlins three more times in Miami, followed by two games in Cincinnati against the Reds and will finally head to Milwaukee

TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Ian Happ runs the bases after hitting a home run off the first pitch of the 2018 season.

for four games against the Brewers.

The Cubbies’ first home game will be against the Pittsburgh Pirates on April 9.

The White Sox have two

more games against the Royals, followed by three games against the Blue Jays before they host the Detroit Tigers on April 5 at Guaranteed Rate Field in Chicago.

TENNIS

Women’s tennis is 3-7 before playing Drake DYLAN PADY

Sports Editor

The UNI women’s tennis team participated in the Drake and Gopher I nv i t at i o n a l during September, followed by the Individual Championships and Regionals throughout October.

After Regionals were finished in Kansas, teams took a break before beginning the regular season in January. The Panthers lost their season opener to Iowa 7-0, followed by another 7-0 loss to Minnesota.

The Panthers did turn it around with two consecutive victories against South Dakota State and Milwaukee.

UNI defeated the Jack Rabbits 5-2, taking the No. 1 and No. 2 spots in doubles.

Gisela Kemper and Reghan Lynch won first spot with a 6-2 count, and Harri Proudfoot and Valentina Caro took the second spot, 9-7.

Their second win against Milwaukee recorded a final score of 4-3; in singles play each team won three matches.

Following their victory with a two-game road trip to Omaha, Nebraska, the Panthers lost both games, the first to Omaha, 5-2, and the second to Creighton, 7-0.

Winning their third game of the season against Cardinal Stritch (5-2), the Panthers are now on a three game losing streak.

This Saturday, the team will travel to Des Moines and take on the Drake Bulldogs.

COURTESY PHOTO

PAGE 11

FUN & GAMES

SIERRA STEEN Managing Editor

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM |

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 47

SUDOKU ONE

SUDOKU two

APRIL 2, 2018 |

That’s so punny!

A horse walks into a bar. the bartender says “hey.” the horse says “sure.”

Crossword

68 Skinny 69 Dominican Republic neighbor 70 Triangle calculation 71 Prefix with -pathic 72 Max of Dadaism 73 Consider

Across 1 Romantic kissing at the mall and such, briefly 5 Skier’s challenge 10 Ref ’s decisions 14 Finnish architect Saarinen 15 Egg-shaped 16 Tipsy 17 Rich 19 To be, in Bordeaux 20 English china 21 With 61-Across, seriously overweight

LIVE ON CAMPUS REASON #8

fictional sleuth 22 Chick’s cry 23 Tree-toppling tool 25 “That’s cheating!”

27 Wine evaluators 31 Get in your face about 34 Lisbon hello 35 Shankar’s instrument 38 Personal, as thoughts 39 Break in relations 41 Lawyer’s backlog 43 “I’m paying for the drinks” 44 Dined at home

46 Indian breads 48 “A mouse!”

49 Sound equipment that may pick up a private remark 51 Prayerful chants 53 Scold loudly 56 Sticky stuff 57 “Cosmos” author Sagan 59 Chief Asgard god 61 See 21-Across 65 Healthful berry 66 Object of the puddy tat’s pursuit

Down 1 Benches flanking church aisles 2 Thoughtful 3 Guthrie at Woodstock 4 Went for in an auction 5 Homer’s bartender 6 Pizza maker 7 Ancient Greek physician 8 In __: not yet born 9 Batted first 10 1993 film with an instrument in its title 11 2000s best-seller involving flying toys, with “The” 12 Fairy tale meanie 13 Herding dog name 18 Evil spells 24 Guitarist Clapton 26 Muhammad in a ring

All-Inclusive

27 Hebrew scroll 28 Samuel on the Supreme Court 29 Protective bar on a flat roof 30 X-Men co-creator Lee 32 Mythical lion’s home 33 Arduous journeys 36 Words that connect each pair of four-letter words intersecting at a circle 37 Unit at Staples 40 Facebook feature 42 Stocking tear 45 Zip, in soccer 47 Wintry and white 50 Provide apparel for 52 “Tough!”

54 No-holds-barred commercial competition 55 Advertising link 57 Suffragist Carrie 58 Tooth pain 60 Brooklyn NBA team 62 Old Italian cash 63 Priceless?

64 Cheese from the Netherlands 67 Tiny songbird

#LIVELIKEAPANTHER

dor . u ni .e du

2/19 4/2

PAGE 12

APRIL 2, 2018 |

CLASSIFIEDS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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|

SIERRA STEEN Managing Editor

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 47

WHERE

FRESH & FAST MEET

®

WE DELIVER! VISIT JIMMYJOHNS.COM TO FIND A LOCATION NEAR YOU

@northerniowan /northerniowan northerniowan.com

SUDOKU ONE

Puzzle answers SUDOKU TWO

Crossword