Mother wins battle to live Whangarei mother of three Marama Flay-Alker never considered making a bucket list when she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of stage three cancer – she knew she would beat it. Here, she shares her story with Jodi Bryant.
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f it wasn’t for the slower pace of lockdown a year ago, there’s a chance Marama Flay-Alker wouldn’t have seen this Mother’s Day in with her three young children. But, with a close friend’s recent breast cancer journey fresh on her mind, followed by swift yet harrowing action backed by sheer determination, she is here today to tell her story. After her friend’s experience, the 42-year-old had become vigilant with self-exams. “It was Monday in the last week of level 4 and I did a self-exam in the shower when I felt a small ‘marble’ at ‘5 o’ clock’ in my right breast. That night I lay in bed and gave it another feel. It was still there and, in this position, it felt more pronounced, more solid and more foreign. I could push down on it and it would pop up on one side or the other of my fingers,” she describes. “I decided to leave it for a week and hoped it would just go away. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to alarm anyone for no reason.” One week on, the lump was still there. Finally telling her husband Malcolm, together they went to her doctor’s where she was examined and advised to get a mammogram immediately. There were lengthy waits due to Covid but, with private health insurance, the process was sped up. “I had to sit and wait in a small cubby stall, dressed in a gown and wait by myself (due to the lockdown level),” she recalls. “It was a very lonely experience. Both the technicians were eerily quiet while performing the mammogram and scan and when my right breast took 40 minutes to scan versus my left which took five, I knew there was something not quite right.” Malcolm accompanied her to the Thursday appointment with Dr Vanessa Blair the next day where, following an exam, she confirmed there was a high chance of breast cancer. She took a biopsy and said the results would be in on Tuesday or Wednesday. The ensuing weekend was the longest of Marama’s life. “I cried with worry about the ‘what-ifs’, I didn’t sleep thinking about never seeing my kids grow up and all the things I would miss if I died. I stayed awake watching tv till I fell asleep from exhaustion to avoid thinking. I was terrified of dying and angry because I didn’t deserve to have cancer.” 4 | SAVVY
Despite the aggressive diagnosis, Marama was determined to beat it.
Finally, on Wednesday, she was asked to visit the clinic that evening. “If driving to a doctor’s clinic in the dark down a metal road isn’t a cliché to a bad omen, I don’t know what is. “Vanessa got straight into it and confirmed that I had a 1.8cm aggressive stage three triple negative breast cancer. In her opinion, it had only been there a few weeks but was growing aggressively which is how I could feel it after not noticing it earlier. “After a weekend worrying about all the ‘whatif’s’, I was actually relieved to have a diagnosis I could start fighting against. I didn’t cry, in fact my reaction was to ask, ‘Where do we go from here? What’s the plan of attack?’” It was decided on chemo first to shrink the tumour, then surgery (an MRI two weeks after the mammogram showed the tumour had already grown from 1.8cm to 2.4cm). She then went home, poured herself a large glass of wine and for the first time in six days, relaxed. “I had the best sleep that night.” The next day she broke the news to her extended family who were living with her in a bubble of 12. “We called a whanāu hui and I just ripped the band aid and told them I had breast cancer. My two littlies (then aged six and four) didn’t quite understand and asked if they could go back
upstairs and watch cartoons. The other adults and big kids were shocked. However, because I wasn’t upset, they weren’t upset. I honestly answered their questions and explained all the information I had and confidently told them that I was going to be ok, and I truly believed I would be ok. I kept them all in the loop throughout. “I believe that knowledge is power,” continues the primary school teacher. “If my kids were armed with the knowledge, then they had answers when asked, and had some control over the situation. I didn’t want them left wondering or thinking the worst by what they might hear or see.” The next step was an appointment with Canopy Cancer Care oncologist Dr Lisa Dawson who recommended an aggressive clinical trial treatment called BrighTNess before starting AC treatment. This involved two different chemos every Friday for 12 weeks before dropping to a different two each fortnight. Marama describes the first 12 weeks as “rough” as she had a mild reaction to the Paclitaxel which increased each week. “My skin became so sensitive, I couldn’t even tolerate the seams on my clothes touching my skin. It became so debilitating, I couldn’t wear shoes and socks that would rub my feet and set off a reaction. It was pretty depressing not being able to do physical activity, but my sister
suggested swimming and aqua fit, which was a lifesaver. The water helped for both my physical and mental well-being.” As soon as she stopped the Paclitaxel treatment, the allergic side-effect stopped. “However, then I began the AC treatment and it made me so very sick. This treatment was how I imagined having chemo was like based on all the characters with cancer from tv. I lived on a constant regime of anti-nausea tablets and then other meds to counteract the side-effects of the anti-nausea. I had gone from a Panadol every now and then to be literally bursting full of poisons. “My long hair stayed put for two treatments before it started coming out in clumps. So, we sat in the kitchen and each member of my family took turns to shave my head. It was really cool to have them be a part of it. It was liberating and devastating at the same time, but I ended up loving being bald. The rain on my bald head was such a joy.” Marama says the fatigue was “unreal”; After chemo on a Friday, she would sleep most of the weekend. “It was like the absolute worst hangover without the good time getting there. It was miserable.” The tumultuous journey also entailed the bittersweet postponement of chemo twice due to low white blood and neutrophil cell counts, along with several blood transfusions to increase depleted iron levels. “I always cried when it was postponed. I was so impatient to get to the end that I was always disappointed when I couldn’t have a treatment. The upside was that extra days between treatment made the world of difference to how I felt.” The daily cocktail of meds and steroids and having no appetite for anything but toast saw her gain 14kg in nine months. “It felt so unfair to be so sick on the inside and gain so much weight on the outside.” During surgery to have a port-a-cath inserted in her chest, Marama discovered that she was severely anaphylactic to patent blue dye, ending up in ICU in Auckland Hospital and having it inserted with a local anaesthetic. Marama describes this as an “absolute surreal experience
