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NORTHERN MICHIGAN’S WEEKLY • january 01 - january 07, 2018 • Vol. 28 No. 01

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2 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

those are small farms or businesses. The new law doubles the exemption amounts, so in the future, even fewer estates will pay any estate tax.

The people who effectively pay the estate tax aren’t those who accumulate the fortunes; it’s their heirs. As someone said, it’s less a “death tax” than a “trust-fund-baby tax.” And a large portion of the estate tax that is collected every year is due to unrealized capital gains that otherwise would never be taxed at all.

Money begets money; those who have it use it to tilt the playing field their way. Absent an effective estate tax, our already extreme economic inequality will steadily worsen, the mega wealthy will further increase their influence over government, and we’ll eventually have a full-blown plutocracy in America.

Meanwhile, Paul Ryan has made it clear that programs like Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid will be cut to make up for the revenue lost due to the new tax bill.

The Republicans who voted for this awful bill, including our own Jack Bergman, are representing themselves and their wealthy donors, not their constituents. We need to repeal and replace them next November.

CONTENTS

features Crime and Rescue Map......................................7

A Trail Floating Through the Woods...................10 Subzero Swimmers........................................12 Get Your Winter On.......................................13 2018’s Weirdest Holidays..............................14 Milkweed....................................................15 Northern Seen...................................................17 Hair o’the Dog...................................................18

dates...............................................19-20 music Make 2018 Rock............................................16

Tom Gutowski, Elmwood Township FourScore.......................................................21

Nightlife.........................................................24

Bergman’s Back-scratching

Projection Rejection

Letter writer Charles Knapp got it half right when he stated this in his Dec. 18 letter to Northern Express: “If you want to know what liberals are, listen to what they call their opposition.” Actually, this is called projection; it is a psychological ploy incorporated by the subconscious that reveals what the attacker tries to hide about themselves. He/ she reveals it by projecting it onto someone else. When people (liberals and conservatives alike) attack others, they project their own faults and vices onto those whom they are attacking. The less stable and psychologically healthy the individual, the more likely he or she is to project him or herself onto others.

When Knapp refers to liberals as “having no intelligent ideas, cannot reason critically ... mindlessly nasty,” he could have recognized his remarks as his own projections.

Klaus Lehrer, Williamsburg

Bureau of Elections in Lansing over 425,000 signatures of Michigan voters who hope to stop Gerrymandering in Michigan. The effort, Voters Not Politicians, is a non-partisan one led by independents, Democrats and Republicans working together. Signatures were from every county in Michigan. Voters Not Politicians will have its referendum on the Nov. 6, 2018 ballot to let the voters of Michigan, not one political party, decide who our state and congressional representatives will be. This boils down to Democracy at its best — a fair and representative government for all of Michigan.

We have heard that there will be a major effort to discredit this ballot proposal by the party now in total control of Michigan elections and the Michigan Chamber of Commerce. Get the real facts. Go to votersnotpoliticians.com to get any questions answered between now and the November 2018 elections.

Michigan is one of the worst Gerrymandered states in the country, and this is the chance to correct this unfair practice of one political party deciding who will win an election before any vote is cast. This is what real Democracy looks like! Let’s slay the dragon!

Carolyn Bourland, Petoskey

Death By 1,000 Tax Cuts

The tax bill has passed. To me, it is a gamble by the Trump Administration; the deck is stacked against most of us. It won’t be long before they argue that we’ll have to cut services to limit our debt.

Bust on Billionaires

In Charles Knapp’s Dec. 18 letter to Northern Express, his point about how much the top 20 percent pay in federal income tax fails to consider two things: One, Americans pay a whole lot more taxes than just income tax, and two, we’re talking billionaires here. Consider this: If an individual has $1 billion in cash and spends $45,000 every day for 60 years, he’ll still have over $14 million left. Billionaires don’t need a tax cut.

Ed Burley, Traverse City

Slay the Gerry-mander

On Monday, Dec. 18, voters — not politicians — delivered to the state’s

Bob McQuilkin, Frankfort

Plutocracy, Anyone?

The estate tax provision of the tax bill that Donald Trump just signed into law illustrates whom he and the GOP are really looking out for (hint: it isn’t you or me).

Under the old law, the estate tax is applicable only to that portion of an individual’s estate that exceeds roughly $5.5 million, or $11 million for couples. And, as with the income tax, there are tax-planning techniques that can substantially lessen the impact of the tax. As a result, estate tax is paid by only two-tenths of one percent of all estates, and each year only about 80 of

Five percent is a good interest rate; your principal is safe, and at the end of the term you have a little extra to show for your patience. However, a 5 percent return from your congressman is pitiful. According to the Federal Election Commission, fully 95 percent of Congressman Jack Bergman’s campaign funding comes from various defense industries, pharmaceutical companies, banking services, natural-resource-using manufacturing giants, and special interest PACs that have, at best, a very minimal presence in northern Michigan.

These are the hands that feed Jack Bergman, and he will never turn on them — as opposed to all the forgotten people of Michigan’s first district whom he promised to represent.

It will be interesting to see whom he becomes a lobbyist for when he leaves office.

Bergman’s entire campaign was based on his proclamation that he was “one tough Marine general” who would always do what is right.

Instead he has become complicit with everything that is currently wrong. Daily I become more appreciative of those Marines who continue to put their country first, rather than a narrow, selfserving rubber-stamped ideology.

John Hunter, Traverse City

Meyers Doth Protest Too Much?

I always enjoy and read carefully the dialogues between Pastor Bill Myers and Scott Blair. In the Dec. 18 issue, I agree with Myers, and Tillich, that life cannot be lived except by faith, even by atheists, in the face of the abyss. I am puzzled by Myers’ statement that Blair “belittles what he believes are some of the core beliefs of Christianity.” Blair merely lays out the story of Christianity, as I, too, was taught it in an evangelical Christian church.

Blair then points out that these are faith claims, believed in the absence of evidence. Myers, however, objects. He insists that “most people of faith [also] rely on observation, inquiry, and reason.” Really? I will grant that there have been Christian apologists, but I have never allowed them much success, nor have I seen most people of faith much concerned with or capable of dispassionate inquiry in regards to their faith. On the contrary, my Heritage Dictionary states that “belief does not rest on logical proof or material inquiry.” Similarly my Bible states that “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” I think Pastor Myers objects too much. I can only conclude that he agrees with Blair that faith and reason are not equally sound foundations. I assert that faith should be exercised in life only when it is forced, when no other options exist, when reason is mute.

columns & stuff Opinion.............................................................4

Guest Opinion.................................................31 Top Five...........................................................5 Spectator/Stephen Tuttle....................................6 Weird...............................................................8 Modern Rock/Kristi Kates................................22 The Reel...........................................................23 Crossword...................................................25 Advice Goddess.............................................25 Freewill Astrology.........................................26 Classifieds....................................................27

Northern Express Weekly is published by Eyes Only Media, LLC. Publisher: Luke Haase 129 E Front Traverse City, MI Phone: (231) 947-8787 Fax: 947-2425 email: info@northernexpress.com www.northernexpress.com Executive Editor: Lynda Twardowski Wheatley Finance & Distribution Manager: Brian Crouch Sales: Kathleen Johnson, Lisa Gillespie, Katy McCain, Mike Bright, Michele Young, Randy Sills, Todd Norris For ad sales in Petoskey, Harbor Springs, Boyne & Charlevoix, call (231) 838-6948 Creative Director: Kyra Poehlman Distribution: Matt Ritter, Randy Sills, Kathy Twardowski, Austin Lowe Listings Editor: Jamie Kauffold Contributing Editor: Kristi Kates Reporter: Patrick Sullivan Contributors: Amy Alkon, Janice Binkert, Ross Boissoneau Rob Brezsny, Jennifer Hodges, Clark Miller, Michael Phillips, Steve Tuttle Copyright 2017, all rights reserved. Distribution: 36,000 copies at 600+ locations weekly. Northern Express Weekly is free of charge, but no person may take more than one copy of each weekly issue without written permission of Northern Express Weekly. Reproduction of all content without permission of the publisher is prohibited.

John Wierenga, Williamsburg

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 3

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The war on local control started with an incendiary state fireworks law designed to supersede local rules, the folly of which was painfully illustrated when a local citizen blasted away a good portion of his, um … man package. Pet owners across the state needed to administer tranquilizers to their furry friends to quell the trauma of the raucous revelry.

Homeowners continue to stand vigil with garden hoses every holiday to squelch sparks from their neighbors drunken debauchery.

Local control in Michigan has been under siege since the 2010 election swept a GOP majority into office. It was an electoral feat accomplished largely by way of gross gerrymandering. Conservatives, who formerly espoused the sacrosanct virtues of home rule, suddenly became experts in the business of annulling the state’s venerated town-hall tradition. Seven years ago, Republicans declared war on municipal and school board authorities through a deluge of initiatives designed to curb the power of citizens.

GOP lawmakers soon turned their attention to the tragic plight of the endangered plastic shopping bag with a legislative initiative that resulted in a ban on local laws regulating that scarce commodity. Thank you Sen. Wayne Schmidt for that bit of genius lawmaking. The big box stores are in your debt. (Oh wait, they paid you.)

Michigan has endured a barrage of proposals supporting guns in schools — too many to enumerate here. The most deprave among them occurred five years ago, when a GOP vote to allow firearms in classrooms and on playgrounds took place on the very day of the Sandyhook massacre. Gov. Snyder wisely wielded the veto pen for that one. Yet, Republican lawmakers continue to push their guns, guns, guns madness — an initiative largely animated through campaign cash and support from the National Rifle Association.

Several weeks ago Michigan senators, including Schmidt, once again passed a gunseverywhere legislative package. The idea is to allow concealed carry in schools, day care centers, college campuses, and churches. Pistol packers would be subject to an additional eight hours of training. The House has yet to act on these measures. The NRA issues grades to politicians, rewarding them for lax gun policies. Gold stars all around.

The wish list of lobbyists grows exponentially, matching the swelling hubris of the GOP monopoly. Beyond guns, plastic bags, and fireworks, state officials are attempting to lay down the law on zoning and land use issues, including short-term rentals and accessory dwelling units, sanctuary city statuses, minimum wage and transgender bathroom laws, and non-discrimination ordinances.

4 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

The attack on local governance is currently focused on regulating public sector legacy costs. Lansing wants control over funding of municipal police and firefighter pensions.

Legislators have a habit of pointing an accusatory finger at local leaders over their budgetary shortfalls, conveniently forgetting that much of that public debt is a direct result of decades of the state balancing its budget by shirking their revenue sharing obligations to smaller units of government — robbing Peter

to pay Paul. State lawmakers are hardly the financial wizards they pretend to be. Shafting first responders as a matter of public policy seems a rather perilous course.

Let’s not forget the most egregious affront of all: Michigan’s emergency manager law.

Children were poisoned and people died from the rash edicts of the state-appointed overlord in Flint. To call it criminal is not political bombast. It’s fact. Perpetrators must be subject to justice, and it may go all the way to the governor’s office.

In Traverse City, Mayor Jim Carruthers is among many city leaders across the state weary of the assault on local autonomy.

Citing the Michigan Home Rule Act of 1909, he believes that corporate control is dominating policy decisions in Lansing and eroding the intent of the law. On the state’s current trajectory, Carruthers warns, “We can kiss what makes our area so great goodbye.” He points to the Chamber of Commerce, commenting that “much of this is coming from the conservative lobby … where the business- first, or at-any-cost attitude seems to control politics these days.”

The Michigan Municipal League, an advocacy group for local communities, has taken up the mantle of preserving citizen-based governance. The organization estimates that a third of their resources are directed toward reigning in the excesses of Lansing. The Michigan Chamber of Commerce and special interest groups often thwart their efforts; both are heavy campaign contributors to our lawmakers. Money speaks, and clearly, it legislates too.

The Center for Local, State, and Urban Policy (CLOSUP), a research group from the Gerald R. Ford School for Public Policy at the University of Michigan, published in June of this year a comprehensive survey of local leaders on this important topic. Among its key findings was the discovery that a whopping 70 percent of Michigan’s local officials believe the state is taking away too much decision-making authority. In fact, only 8 percent expressed significant disagreement with that view.

Yet, when CLOSUP drilled down on specific areas of concern, it found that locals were more willing to partially concede some authority and to accept guidance from the state in a few areas. Social and political hot potatoes were more likely to get the toss back to state officials. However, local leaders object strongly to relinquishing jurisdiction over land use and planning, local finance and tax policy, government operations, and economic development plans.

Local officials, and the communities they serve, rarely benefit from the regulatory micromanagement of helicopter lawmakers who are primarily beholden to lobbyists, not constituents. Time for Lansing to back off.

Amy Kerr Hardin is a retired banker, a regionally known artist, and a public-policy wonk and political essayist at Democracy-Tree. com. She and her husband have lived in the Grand Traverse area since 1980, where they raised two children. Both have been involved in local politics and political campaigns.

this week’s

top five

Winter trails day

Mackinac Island, Celebrity Destination?

Forbes magazine recently touted Mackinac Island as a destination where celebrities can go to be left alone.

Since no one “passes through” Mackinac Island, and motor vehicles are not allowed, it’s a good place for celebrities to remain anonymous and avoid paparazzi.

The article cited visits by actor Vince Vaughn, director Ron Howard, musician Bob Seger, and Baltimore Ravens football coach John Harbaugh. Some of them, like Howard, put on a baseball hat and blend in. Others, like Vaughn, who is notably tall, stand out.

The article quotes Brian Bailey, manager of the Chippewa Waterfront Hotel and other hotels on the island: “Movie stars will often call and make a reservation using a different name. Sometimes, for instance, they’ll use a name similar to theirs but slightly different.” Unfortunately for John Harbaugh, the name Jim Harbaugh was already taken.

Northern Michigan is celebrating Winter Trails Day on Sat., Jan. 6! Enjoy a free winter sports lesson, trail pass, rentals and more at resorts such as Timber Ridge Resort, TC; Boyne Highlands Resort, Harbor Springs; Boyne Mountain Resort, Boyne Falls; and Crystal Mountain Resort, Thompsonville.

Marina and Housing Proposed for Betsie Bay A public hearing is scheduled for a proposed 140-slip marina in Elberta on Betsie Bay. The Elberta Land Holding Company wants to build a marina and public pier on former industrial property just east of the Benzie County village’s waterfront park.

The project would also include three boathouses on the shoreline that would be “multilevel residential structures,” according to a public notice about the project.

A waterfront revitalization project was first announced by the company a decade ago, but that project stalled amid the economic downturn.

The hearing over a special use permit will take place at 6 p.m. Jan. 9 at the Village of Elberta Community Building.

bottomsup Bellaire Water Co. Excuse me, Evian, and move over, Mountain Valley. There’s a new thirst quencher in town, and just in time for your New Year’s Day hydration efforts, it’s coming to you direct from northern Michigan’s own underground waterways.

Owner Nate Rook started Bellaire Water Company back in December 2016, after departing Short’s Brewing Company, where he bottled beer for years.

“I wanted to bring a northern Michigan option for bottled water to the market,” Rook explained.

“We have a class-two artesian well on our site that we pull the water from, and a choice of three different bottles.”

Two BPA-free plastic options, a 20 oz. ($1.29) and a liter ($1.59), share shelf space with a tall, narrow-necked glass bottle ($2.99).

“We added the glass bottle for people who might like something more elegant, for weddings or other special events,” Rook said.

Thinking ahead even further, Rook explained that Bellaire Water Company wants to keep its environmental footprint as small as possible, so all of their no-deposit-required bottles are returnable for five cents each at participating northwest Michigan retailers.

Find a bottle at a local retailer near you (Imperial Beverage just picked them up for statewide distribution), or visit the company online at bellairewater.com.

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Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 5

QUESTIONS

spectator by stephen tuttle * “Absolutely free” shouldn’t involve a “separate handling fee,” should it?

* Did you know that in some countries Santa Claus is tall, skinny and wears green?

* Did you know the Voyager 1 spacecraft, launched in 1977, is now more than 13 billion miles from earth and still functioning?

* Have you noticed the astonishing engineering and programming skills on display at high school robotics competitions?

* Are you shocked that Factcheck.org has cataloged more than 1,600 Donald Trump lies during his campaign and presidency?

* Shouldn’t the president be at least a little concerned the Russians meddled in our election, regardless of whom they helped?

* Did you know the federal government has already paid for the relocation inland of seven coastal villages due to rising sea levels?

* Aren’t we lucky to have honest judges and cops in the region?

* Now will Californians get serious about removing combustible brush from around their homes?

* Isn’t it sort of dumbfounding that nearly half of lottery winners are broke or bankrupt just five years after winning? What are they thinking?

* Are you pleased that state and federal governments spent nearly $38 billion last year on the war on drugs?

* Wouldn’t it be nice if the folks leading county government tried to get along?

* Did you forget the last president to openly attack the FBI was Richard Nixon? * Is there a real village government in Kalkaska? * Would you be surprised to learn the average smart-phone user checks that phone about every six minutes or about 150 times a day? What do they think they’re going to miss?

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* Are there any foods left someone doesn’t claim are bad for us?

* Do you think the Lions will ever win another play-off game? Or even make the play-offs again? * Do you really think all 16 women now accusing Donald Trump of inappropriate behavior are lying? All of them? * Have you been following the ever-expanding Wolverine World Wide toxic waste dumping disaster — now more than 75 sites are being investigated — north of Rockford, Michigan?

* Why do we get to tell North Korea what kinds of weapons it can have?

* Did you know there is a company that can now create every component needed to build a house using a 3-D printer?

* On the other hand, are there any world leaders out there making loonier statements than Kim Jong-un?

* Did you read that scientists captured a Greenland shark they believe is 512 years old?

performing with drums, vocals, saxophone, and piano

* Did you know inflation in Venezuela ripped along at about 1000 percent last year?

* Do you think higher parking rates will discourage people from driving downtown or just make those who do angrier?

Saturday • JANUARY 6 • 7:30 pm

* Or that there is an ongoing famine in Somalia and the risk of famines in Nigeria, South Sudan and Yemen?

* How many members of Congress do you think actually read the hundreds of pages of the tax reform bill? Or the dozens of amendments added by lobbyists?

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* How can it be that every car insurance company promises lower rates than every other car insurance company? * Has an extra three stories on some downtown buildings been worth the hassle for the Traverse City City Commission? Why didn’t they just change downtown zoning to reflect Proposition 3 and avoid the headaches?

* Remember when there was a music genre called rock and roll?

* Are you ready for both the remaking of 8th Street and the repairing of a chunk of South Airport this summer?

* Does starving the people of North Korea actually further any of our strategic goals?

* Did you know there is a little jelly fish that might be immortal? (Google “immortal jelly fish.”) * Are you surprised the United States consumes nearly 90 percent of the prescription opioids in the world? * And why do prescription drugs here cost more than any in any other country? Shouldn’t we be getting a volume discount?

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6 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

* Will men finally get the message you can’t say that and you absolutely can’t do that?

* Doesn’t it feel like the evidence is piling up that full-contact football is simply too dangerous for children?

* Isn’t it time for a breakthrough in the war on cancer?

* What the hell was the weird-shaped asteroid (400 meters long, only 10 meters wide) thing that zoomed past us a few weeks ago? * Doesn’t almost any baby mammal make you smile? * Were you one of the tens of millions who watched a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie this year? * Remember when we had a president who served meals to the homeless at a shelter on Christmas Day? * Are you hoping for a kinder, gentler 2018?

Crime & Rescue PLOW DRIVER ARRESTED Leelanau County Sheriff’s deputies arrested a plow truck driver for drunk driving.

Deputies were called Dec. 26 at 6:30pm to Bodus Road in Centerville Township, where a plow truck that had been clearing a driveway was stuck in a ditch.

The person who called 911 said the driver was intoxicated and acting aggressively.

Deputies found the man in the driver’s seat and determined he was extremely intoxicated.

The suspect refused to cooperate, and he was removed from his vehicle, carried to a patrol car, and taken to jail on charges of second-offense drunk driving and resisting arrest.

PEDESTRIAN KILLED A pedestrian died after being struck by a motorist in Grand Traverse County.

Deputies responded at 6:23am Dec. 28 to M-72 near Gray Road, where a pedestrian who had been on the ground in the road was hit by a vehicle. The road was closed to eastbound traffic for several hours as the fatality was investigated.

STABBING SUSECT ARRESTED Police arrested a Cadillac man after a stabbing outside of a bar on Mitchell Street.

Police were called to the Roaring 20s Saloon at 2:14am Dec. 18. They found a 19-year-old man lying on the sidewalk and learned another man had fled the scene.

Police determined that the person who fled, a 20-year-old Cadillac man, had been stabbed in the hand by the 19-year-old during a fight outside of the bar.

Police began to track the suspect, but Travis Warren Wingo returned to the scene on his own.

Wingo was arrested for felonious assault and minor in possession of alcohol.

FIVE INJURED IN HEAD-ON CRASH A head-on crash that sent five people to the hospital closed a highway east of downtown Gaylord. Otsego County Sheriff’s deputies were called to M-32 near Chester Road at 2pm Dec.26.

The crash occurred during whiteout conditions, when one pickup truck crashed into another. Two of the injured were children.

by patrick sullivan psullivan@northernexpress.com

MAN CRASHES PORSCHE A 25-year-old Royal Oak man crashed a 2018 Porsche into a utility pole.

Leelanau County Sheriff’s deputies responded to a crash at 8:30pm Dec. 27 at the intersection of West Glenmere Road and South Benzonia Trail in Empire Township.

The driver told deputies that he didn’t realize the hill was so steep and that he was unable to stop at the intersection due to icy conditions. He managed to avoid crashing into two houses but did strike the pole. The driver was not injured. He was issued a speeding ticket.

BATHROOM GROPER JAILED A Grand Traverse County man with a history of indecent exposure faces another year in jail and a preliminary hearing in early January on charges that he groped a teenage girl in a public restroom.

Daniel Arthur Malm-Kukulski is charged with fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct for a November incident at the BAM bookstore in Garfield Township.

The 25-year-old is accused of following a 16-year-old girl into a restroom and touching her inappropriately.

In 2016, Malm-Kukulski pleaded guilty to aggravated indecent exposure and was sentenced six months in jail. On Dec. 21, he was sentenced to one year in jail for violating probation in that case.

A passerby pulled Swanson from her burning vehicle and attempted to help her, but she succumbed to her injuries. Swanson apparently had been driving north when she swerved off the road and struck a tree.

STAGGERING IN THE ROAD Deputies questioned a man who was staggering along a Leelanau County highway with a bottle of Jack Daniels and convinced him to return home.

Deputies were called about the 29-year-old Jacksonville, Florida, man at 1:30am Dec. 25 on South Lake Leelanau Drive near Veronica Valley.

The man had almost been struck by a passing vehicle.

After a lengthy discussion, the man agreed to walk back to the residence where he had been staying.

A short time later, the homeowner called police and asked that the man be removed.

The Florida man had consumed two bottles of liquor and was being belligerent. He was arrested for disorderly conduct.

WOMAN KILLED IN CRASH A 22-year-old Maple City woman was killed in a single-car crash.

Nicole Danielle Swanson was pronounced dead at the scene of the Dec. 23 crash.

Leelanau County Sheriff’s deputies responded at 3am to a crash that occurred on South Maple City Road just north of East Kasson Road in Kasson Township.

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Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 7

All-American Weirdos Two American tourists, Joseph Dasilva, 38, and Travis Dasilva, 36, of San Diego, were arrested in Bangkok, Thailand, on Nov. 28 and detained in an immigration detention center after they posted a “butt-selfie” on Instagram, taken in front of the Buddhist temple Wat Arun, or Temple of the Dawn.

The pair’s Instagram account, traveling_ butts, showcased their hindquarters at tourist sites around the world, but it was deleted shortly after the arrests. District police chief Jaruphat Thongkomol told Reuters that the two would also be fined for a similar photo at a different temple.

But Why? In Birmingham, England, renowned 53-year-old surgeon Simon Bramhall pleaded guilty on Dec. 13 to branding his initials onto human livers using an argon beam during transplant surgeries. A colleague first noticed the initials “S.B.” in 2013 on an organ during a follow-up surgery, which sparked an investigation, the Guardian reported.

Bramhall resigned in 2014 and acknowledged that marking his patients’ livers had been a mistake. But former patient Tracy Scriven of Dyrham, Wiltshire, told the Birmingham Mail that he should be reinstated. “Is it really that bad? I wouldn’t have cared if he did it to me. The man saved my life.”

Inept Santa Moves Jesse Berube, 32, of Rocklin, California, tried using a favorite trick of Old St. Nick -- but he got stuck in the chimney of a Citrus Heights business he was trying to rob on Dec. 13 and had to call police for help. ABC News reported that Sacramento firefighters responded and used special equipment to free Berube, who now faces one count of burglary. Citrus Heights police said Berube “does not have the same skills as the real deal.”

The Check’s in the Mail Lorette Taylor of Burlington, Ontario, Canada, responsible for meting out her family’s inheritance after her father’s death sent a bank draft last February to her brother, Louis Paul Hebert, for $846,648.46 via UPS. Hebert waited at his local UPS store for the check to arrive -- but nothing came in. “I came back in the evening. Nothing shows up,” he told the CBC. UPS could trace the package only to its distribution center north of Toronto, so along with an apology for Hebert’s inconvenience, UPS refunded the $32 shipping fee. Taylor’s bank, TD Canada Trust, initially assured her the check would be canceled, but two days later refused to issue a new draft until Taylor signed an indemnity agreement making her and her heirs liable for life should the original check be cashed. Not only that, the bank then asked her to put up collateral against the new bank draft, but that request was later recalled. Finally, 10 months after the whole ordeal began, the bank released the money, and Hebert, at press time in December, was making the 273-mile drive to pick up the check in person.

Awesome!

An unnamed newborn boy underwent surgery at the Scientific Research Institute of Pediatrics in Baku, Azerbaijan, to remove

8 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

a small remainder of a parasitic twin that had attached itself to the baby’s back: a penis. Gunduz Agayev, head of the institute’s neonatology department, reported to Metro News in December that the baby “has a normal sexual organ where it is supposed to be” and “the penis on the back ... has been surgically removed.” The newborn was not traumatized by the surgery and is already at home with his parents, the doctor said.

Channeling Mike Tyson British model Chloe Hammond, 27, also known as Chloe Rebelle, succumbed to a fit of road rage on March 19 when Julie Holloway, 56, tapped on her car window to ask her to stop using her phone while driving in traffic in London. Metro News reports that Hammond responded by parking her Audi TT and then “came out of nowhere” toward Holloway, kicking her in the stomach, grabbing Holloway’s hair and biting off a piece of her ear. Holloway, bloodied and disturbed, didn’t realize part of her ear was missing until someone “picked it up off the floor.” In October, Hammond was convicted of causing grievous bodily harm with intent in Southwark Crown Court, and on Dec. 18, a judge sentenced her to five years in jail.

Inexplicable Don’t you ever just want to get away?

An unnamed man in Catherine Way, Batheaston, England, started digging a “very deep” hole in his yard weeks ago, but caused a neighborhood disruption when he climbed into the hole on Dec. 12 and refused to come out. Neighbor Dominic Denny told the Bath Chronicle that “it started at about 4 a.m. ... when there was a lot of shouting and screaming coming from the house opposite me. The young man’s family was outside trying to get him back in the house.”

Emergency responders from a variety of services converged on the scene, even bringing a crane to lower into the hole to retrieve the man. A spokesperson for Avon and Somerset police later reported that the incident was resolved and “the man got out of the hole of his own accord.”

Special Delivery!

An employee at a TCBY yogurt shop in Matthews, North Carolina, got a surprise while opening three packages delivered to the store -- filled with $220,000 worth of marijuana. Upon further investigation, the store told WSOC-TV, the packages had been delivered mistakenly and were meant for a P.O. Box at the postal store next door. While the origin of the packages is still unknown, the drugs and the recipient’s information have been turned over to police, who report that no arrests have been made.

Questionable Judgment The Mirror reports that a flight attendant with Urumqi Air in China has been suspended after a co-worker captured her on video eating from in-flight meals meant for passengers. In the video, a line of open meals is on a shelf in front of the female attendant, who samples from at least two of them with a spoon. The airline said in a statement that the meals were leftovers not handed out to passengers, and it was launching a full investigation.

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Ammons also said he believe the genesis of the trail came from a small special interest — the fat bike community — at the expense of the wider public. He noted that two of the proponents of the trail own bike shops.

It might not be only bike shops that stand to gain from a bike trail, however.

An economic impact study commissioned by the Grand Traverse Regional Land Conservancy found that the financial impact to Bellaire from the Glacial Hills mountain bike trail system is $1.45 million annually, and could be worth $25.4 million over the next decade. A bike trail at the Leelanau State Park could bring more visitors and dollars to Northport.

Ammons said the park already bolsters Northport’s economy, and he questions the Glacial Hills study.

“I’m not going to say that that’s a bad study, but I question it,” Ammons said.

By Patrick Sullivan Leelanau State Park’s new fat-bike trail is not a typical trail. It’s called a floating trail, because it only exists on top of the snow.

And though cross-country skiers, hikers, and snowshoers are welcome on the trail, it’s really meant for fat biking.

That means it’s only supposed to be open to bikes if there’s six inches of snow on the ground, if the temperature is below 30 degrees, and if the date falls between Dec. 1 and April 1. The bikes also must have fat tires.

Nick Weirzba, owner of Suttons Bay Bikes and one of the people who worked with the Michigan Department of Natural Resources and the Northern Michigan Mountain Bike Association to make the trail a reality, is almost at a loss for words when asked to describe the ephemeral trail, which winds through rolling, thick decades-old forest.

“The woods in there are magical,” he said. “It’s hard to describe. It’s older woods that are just really cool, and the trail winds through it all.”

“WHEN THE SNOW’S GONE, WE’RE GONE” The appearance of another fat-bike trail in northern Michigan has once again stirred up some controversy, however. This time, objections came not from cross-country skiers concerned about adverse effects to their trails but from a retired park ranger who said there should have been a public comment process before the trail was approved.

Allen Ammons, a former ranger at Leelanau State Park, said he believes fat bikes pose a threat to the environment and could destroy the serenity of the pristine woods.

“Bicycles have never been allowed in that park because of the steepness of the slopes and the soil structure,” he said. “It’s very fragile.”

Chad Jordan, VASA Singletrack director for NMMBA Bikes, disagrees. He said fat bikes shouldn’t have any impact on the environment because they will only be allowed while there is snow on the ground, said.

“It’s a seasonal floating trail. We’re not riding on the dirt, so when the snow’s gone, we’re gone,” Jordan said. “I think it will have a positive effect because it will allow more recreation, more human-powered, silent sports recreation.”

NMMBA would like one day to explore the construction of a year-round mountain bike trail at the park, but whether the land would even be suitable for a permanent trail would have to be studied, Jordan said. The topography of the park and the beauty of the woods makes for an incredible place to ride.

“The terrain is unbelievable — it’s beautiful and roll-y,” Jordan said.

A good fat-bike trail doesn’t necessarily make a good mountain bike trail and vice versa, however, he said. Fat-bike trails need to have smaller grades and they are meant to be ridden at slower speeds.

The DNR asked the NMMBA to maintain the trail at Leelanau State Park because the nonprofit already maintains winter trails at the VASA Singletrack, in Traverse City; the Cadillac Pathway, in Cadillac; and Glacial Hills, in Bellaire.

There shouldn’t be conflict at Leelanau between fat bikes and skiers because they only share a short segment of trail before they go their separate ways on wider loops.

Jordan said that because the trail uses a snowmobile trail that was abandoned in the 1970s, all it took to prepare the trail for the snow was clearing some deadfall. He sees the trail as a good way to get people into the woods who otherwise wouldn’t be there.

“That’s kind of the ultimate goal, is to get people using the public lands,” Jordan said.

A TRAIL FLOATING THROUGH THE WOODS Cyclists applaud the new fat bike trail at Leelanau State Park in Northport. One former park ranger isn’t happy.

“BIKING ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE” Ammons doesn’t see fat biking as a harmless way to get people into the woods.

He holds the woods sacred and doesn’t like to see anything disruptive or noisy happening there.

He worries that a wintertime bike trail will lead to year-round mountain bikes.

Ammons began working at the park as a summer employee in 1976 and spent 30 years as park ranger before retiring in 2015.

He said he isn’t against cycling; he simply doesn’t believe the activity belongs in the park.

There should have been a public notice about the trail, a meeting, and a chance for residents to weigh in about whether they wanted it or not, he said.

“The state has a very defined procedure for creating trails, and there is supposed to

10 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

be a public input process,” Ammons said.

“I’m not anti-bike, you know. I’ve got four bicycles in my garage right now.”

Ammons said The Nature Conservancy, in evaluating the natural features of Michigan’s 100+ parks, ranked Leelanau State Park eighth. It cited the park’s place as a home to “high-value protected species” like the piping plover, Pitcher’s thistle, migratory songbirds, and wildflowers.

Trail proponents note that the trail does not travel through endangered bird habitat and that negative environmental impacts will be buffered by a bed of snow.

Ammons said he believes that once bikes are allowed, they will come year-round — whether the trail is marked for them or not.

“I was out there before we had snow, and there were people out there biking all over the damn place,” he said.

DIFFERENT PROCESS FOR A DIFFERENT TRAIL Since the fat bike trail is considered a floating trail, the requirements for its creation were far less rigorous than what would have been involved for the development of a yearround trail, said Kasey Mahony, Leelanau State Park supervisor.

Mahony said the bike trail was modeled after one developed at the Cadillac Pathway, where state park officials attempted to accommodate fat bikes in a park that was already extremely popular with cross-country skiers. They created a separate, dedicated fat bike trail there, and it’s been a success that’s kept both groups happy, Mahony said.

Mahony said she knows that there are mountain bikers on the trail at times when they are not supposed to be there, but she said that’s going to happen whether a fat bike trail is there or not. The Leelanau State Park woods, she said, are not heavily used by visitors, they aren’t excessively patrolled, and they’ve proven irresistible to mountain bikers even before fat bikes came on the scene.

“Every single year there have been mountain bikes on those trails, whether we post it or not,” she said. “I don’t think that allowing winter biking is going to have an effect. I don’t see that exploding.”

Mahony doesn’t know whether a permanent mountain bike trail would be right for the Leelanau park.

“I support recreation where it’s appropriate, and for the time of year that is appropriate, and to be totally honest, it just hasn’t been explored,” she said. “We’d really have to go through a much more formal process. There’s a trail creation process which is very, very involved.”

She said although she and Ammons appear at odds about the fat bike trail, their wishes for the park come from the same place — a respect and love for nature.

“Al’s concerns are certainly everything that we were concerned about,” Mahony said.

“We don’t want to damage the resources. We definitely went through a very thorough process.”

RECLAIMED TRAIL IN RENEWED FOREST Ammons said the section of the park where the trail runs is a place he’s watched nature reclaim over decades, and he believes it should remain in its pristine condition.

Years ago, there used to be a groomed crosscountry ski trail through the park, but even that activity was abandoned in the name of a hands-off approach to the land.

“When I first started working there, we moved a whole lot of fences and cabins and shacks and debris piles,” he said.

Over time, that section of park was left to nature, and even the cross-country ski trails weren’t groomed, he said.

“It really came down to, would you rather have the parking lot plowed or would

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you prefer to have a groomed trail?” he said.

“We discontinued grooming a long time ago because it just didn’t work.”

As for bikes, Ammons said there are other places in the area people can ride fat bikes or mountain bikes.

“We don’t need that. We have the Heritage Trail at the Sleeping Bear Dunes [National Lakeshore], Palmer Woods [Forest Reserve],” he said. “There’s no end of places for people to do their thing. Why don’t we leave a couple of these places alone?”

The Heritage Trail isn’t a mountain bike trail, and there isn’t currently a mountain bike trail at Palmer Woods, though the Leelanau Conservancy plans to begin construction of a 5.5-mile trail there in 2018.

Will Harper, the volunteer trail groomer for the Leelanau State Park fat-bike trail and owner of Northshore Outfitters in Northport, said the fat-bike project has improved the park for all users.

“We opened up a ton of new/old trails that had not been maintained in decades,” he said. “We roughly doubled the amount of

trails now usable to skiers, hikers, hunters, and snowshoers, and only about half of it is open to bikes. It’s a win-win for everyone if you look at it with an open mind.”

DREAM OF A YEAR-ROUND TRAIL Weirzba said Leelanau State Park would make a great setting for a year-round trail.

“That’s the hope. The DNR has a process for us to go through to make sure we don’t go on any protected dune areas,” he said.

“Unfortunately, it involves Lansing, and we have to go through some bureaucracy to get that improved.”

Until the Palmer Woods trail is constructed, mountain bikers in Leelanau County currently have to drive considerable distances to find maintained mountain bike trails — to the Arcadia Dunes mountain bike trail in southern Benzie County, to the VASA trail in Grand Traverse County, or to Glacial Hills in Antrim County.

“Leelanau County’s got real great road riding, but no mountain bike spots out here,” Weirzba said.

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SUBZERO SWIMMERS Our ode to those crazy local folks dedicated to the winter ritual of freezing their arses off.

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Taking a quick dip in the bay is almost de rigueur in the summer. In the off-season, when temperatures go from highs in the 80s to the 40s, 30s or colder, you have to be made of sterner stuff. Or almost crazy, you decide.

For your consideration, exhibit A: Evan Smith. He’s made it a practice to jump in the bay once a month, every month, a practice that started more than a dozen years ago.

“I live on Washington Street, so I’d run the TART trail or at the Civic Center, and I’d finish at the beach and go for a swim,” he said. Then one day he decided to continue the practice year-round, at a time he said coincided with the bay was not freezing over.

“I said ‘I think I could do this year round.’ It shows respect to Mother Nature and the big water, and how lucky I feel to be living here.”

He sees it is one way to ward off aging, both mentally and physically. “I look at it along the lines of refusing to grow old. It’s one thing you can still do that age doesn’t take away from you,” he said.

Smith also typically engages in physical activity before jumping in. “By going for a run first, it’s not unlike having a sauna and jumping into the lake or rolling in the snow afterward.”

Smith is not alone. There are a number of people in the area who take to the frigid waters of winter. Some do it on a dare, while others jump in as a fundraiser. Others, as Nike says, just do it. “It’s a birthday tradition,” said Hans Voss. Thing is, his birthday is Feb. 24. “I always include a jump in the bay.”

Other than that, Voss said his dips in the winter waters are “totally irregular.” He’s sometimes joined by others, but just as often it’s a solo endeavor. He says it could be after

12 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

a long run or just on the spur of the moment, during the day or late at night. “When the spirit moves me I head to the freezing water,” he said.

Jacob Wheeler is another who has been known to jump into the bay when that same spirit moves him, no matter the time of year, sometimes in the company of Voss or Smith.

“There’s no template. I don’t do it regularly.

I did do it four weeks ago. It was 50 degrees and I went for a run,” he said.

So is it a good idea? A bad idea? Voss maintains it benefits him. “It gives you some kind of unusual power when you put your body in freezing cold water,” he said.

Dr. Bruce Lirones isn’t so sure. The D.O. who practices in Alden says while a quick dip isn’t typically injurious, prolonged exposure to cold water is hazardous. “If you run and jump in and jump out and go home, it’s okay. It might be fun,” he said, though he sounded doubtful.

Longer than that, however, isn’t a good idea. “It doesn’t take long to lower your core temperature,” Lirones said, noting that water cools the body 32 times faster than cool air.

He said engaging in physical activity like running or being in a sauna and raising the body’s temperature makes the prospect both more appealing and less daunting.

Dr. David Frid, a cardiologist at the Cleveland Clinic, told Time Magazine that people with a family history of stroke, aneurysm, blood pressure problems, hypertension, or sudden cardiac death should be extra cautious and should probably be evaluated by a doctor before jumping in near-freezing water. When people first immerse themselves in such frigid water, their bodies go into “cold shock,” and they

start gasping for air, which puts a strain on the heart.

For those who are at a high-risk for heart disease, the blood vessels in the heart can constrict, leading to chest pains like angina or a heart attack.

Many participants talk about facing the challenge and getting an adrenaline rush.

Some studies suggest cold-water swimming could be a treatment for depression, as it activates the sympathetic nervous system and increases blood levels of noradrenaline and beta-endorphin. Dr. Jonathan D. Packer, an assistant professor of orthopedics at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, told CNN in a story earlier this year that that endorphins release stress, with a variety of health benefits.

Smith said there are three factors that entice him to enter the water, though they vary in importance with the season.

“Sunlight, wind and temperature — in winter if you can get two out of three you go.

In February, if you get one you go. If not, I go the first week (of February) before the Bay freezes.” And if he doesn’t make it before the water has a coating of ice on it, Smith heads to where the Boardman River enters the bay, which typically remains ice-free.

Not everyone is — or remains — a fan of cold water swims. Scott Howard used to partake of the tradition, but that ended during one particularly bitter season. “A couple years ago it was a brutal winter. There was so much ice and snow [I said] I can skip it,” said Howard.

Howard hasn’t been back in the Bay since, at least not in the winter. He doesn’t completely rule out a return, but with a caveat: “The next step is to build a sauna.”

GET YOUR WINTER ON 3 can’t-miss snow fests

Nobody celebrates the short, cold, and snowy days of winter like Northerners. Bundle up and head out to one of these fabulous festivals for a bit of light to get you through these long dark days. By Kristi Kates

Indian River Winterfest January 12–13

Mackinaw City Annual Winterfest and Outhouse Race January 19–20

North American Snow Festival (Cadillac) February 1–3

Easily accessible by both roads and snowmobile trails, Marina Park is the place to be for Indian River’s big annual winter bash.

The Sno-X snocross event — snowmobiles careening around a challenging course behind the Indian River Sports Center (556 South Straits Highway) — will surely be one of the main events at this year’s festival, whether you choose to race or just watch all of the snow-throwin’ action.

On the slower end of the snowmobiling spectrum, classic and vintage snowmobiles will be on display throughout the festival, where they’ll be judged by a team of local experts for best in show: on Friday, January 12, the sleds will also go for a dedicated ride around the region, complete with three food stops.

In the entertainment tent Friday and Saturday, you can snowmobile-boot dance to the sounds of a DJ during the day, and live bands Yankee Station and the Remedee Band at night.

You can also try your luck in the festival’s raffle, where one $20 ticket could win you a 2018 ZR200 Arctic Cat snowmobile, a Sena two-way communications system, dinner for eight, or a gift card.

Snow, fish, chili, or … outhouses? Take your pick of activities when you head to Mackinaw City to celebrate winter.

In the snow department, the main attraction is the snow sculpting competition, which will take place next to Mackinac Bay Trading Company; you can register to sculpt until Tuesday, January 16, and the artworks will be on display through January 20, when they’ll be judged and awarded.

On Saturday, fishermen and women can head out to the icy waters at the Carp Lake Marina to compete for their catch in three categories: Heaviest Pike, Heaviest Walleye, and Heaviest Pan Fish, complete with cash prizes for each.

If that sounds like way too chilly of an activity, go heat things up at the chili cook-off competition, which will take place at Mama Mia’s Pizzeria, where you can taste the chilis and vote for your favorite; then hop on a sleigh or wagon ride (snow-dependent) for a spin around the block.

And as for those outhouses, don’t worry; Mackinaw City has plenty of proper plumbing. But the festival’s outhouse race, now in its 25th year, will get you laughing as a long lineup of these retro toilets are set upon skis and given a team of people who will push and pull the outhouses through a specified race course. And yes, there’s a person inside, where each team is also required to install a toilet seat and paper. It’s quite the sight — as is the race’s afterparty, complete with live music at the Dixie Saloon.

It may have started as a snowmobile festival years ago, but now the North American Snow Festival celebrates all things snow and ice in Cadillac and beyond with three big days, 34 years of tradition, and a lineup of friendly, familystyle events for all ages.

The festival is officially kicked off each year with the Great American Chili Cookoff, which pits area restaurants against each other for the title of best bowl of chili.

The big snowmobile races will take place in nearby Boon, Mich., starting with Friday’s Snow Drags Test and Tune, with more snowmobiling races and antics to be announced.

Around town all weekend, you’ll find loads of rootsy, folk, and rock music from a shortlist of popular locallybased musical acts, plus special deals on food and beverages at a variety of restaurants, local cafes, and coffeeshops.

Saturday throws even more into the snowy mix, with ice racing and arm wrestling tournaments, the daring Polar Dip, a fun run, and even more live entertainment at “The Wex,” Cadillac’s own Wexford County Civic Center.

The bulk of the 2018 Indian River Winterfest will take place at Marina Park. 3471 N. Club Road in Indian River behind the Chamber of Commerce on the North Central Trail Head.

For a complete schedule of events and more information visit irchamber.com

Locations for events at the 2018 North American Snow Festival will vary; for tickets, locations, and more information, visit nasfcadillac.com.

Locations for the 2018 Mackinaw City Winterfest vary; for a complete schedule, locations, and more information, visit mackinawcity.com or mackinawouthouserace.com

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 13

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By Kristi Kates New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Flag Day, Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas — sure, they’re great. But what if the “regular” holidays just aren’t enough?

We’ve got you covered! Here are some fun, unusual, and sometimes just plain weird reasons to celebrate for 2018.

Festival of Sleep – January 3 If any holiday sounds good after the whirlwind of activity, heavy foods, and lack of sleep that makes up the last two weeks of December, it’s one having to do with sleep. Kick off the year right with this perfect excuse to indulge in an afternoon nap and hit the sack early. The fact that this year’s Festival of Sleep falls on a Wednesday might be problematic if you have a job to go to … unless you convince your boss to celebrate, too.

CELEBRATE BY: ZZZZZzzzzz.

Houseplant Appreciation Day – January 10 We appreciate mothers, fathers, kids, pets, bosses, secretaries, and more — but what about your houseplants, which as so little of you and give so much? They’re there every single day, keeping a little corner of the great outdoors alive right in your house, freshening the air and adding some color to your table or shelves.

CELEBRATE BY: Head to your local greenhouse and adopt a plant; or just take a comfortable seat by one you already own, give it an extra spritz of mist, and indulge it with a little conversation.

National Pi Day – March 14 Created by physicist Larry Shaw in 1989, Pi Day celebrates the mathematical concept of the number that never ends, which we round to 3.14 (i.e., March 14.) If you’re into math in any way — a teacher, researcher, or just math fan — this is your big day of the year. It also happens to be physicist Albert Einstein’s birthday. Coincidence?

CELEBRATE BY: Even mathematicians have a sense of humor. Most of them (and anyone else participating in pi day) order up slices of dessert pie or order pizza pie. Both of which are way easier than reciting pi’s digits.

14 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

Something on a Stick Day – March 28 Many, many things arrive on a stick, so why not give something on a stick its very own holiday? Three immediate favorites would be popsicles, corndogs, and lollipops, but the more you dig into this holiday, the more you’ll find to celebrate, from grocery store food samples (cheese cubes, anyone?) to fireroasted marshmallows, kebabs, and cake-pops.

CELEBRATE BY: It’s your pick — as long as it’s something on a stick.

Chicken Dance Day – May 14 There are more chickens than people in the world. And there are more people than you’d expect who are perfectly happy to do the Chicken Dance at a wedding, when they’d otherwise never do anything so undignified.

Blame it all on “Der Ententanz,” the original tune created by accordion player Werner Thomas back in the 1950s; it morphed into The Chicken Dance over the years, and now we’re stuck with it. And this holiday.

CELEBRATE BY: Bawk, bawk, bawk. C’mon, flap those arms and shake that tail.

Repeat Day – June 3 Repeat Day – June 3 Presumably founded by someone who had a great day and wanted to relive the experience — or just someone who’d watched the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day one too many times — Repeat Day is your chance to go out and pick some things that you enjoy doing, do them, and then go out and do them again.

CELEBRATE BY: Solve your menu indecision at your favorite restaurant by ordering one meal, eating it, and then ordering a second meal and eating that one too. Go to the movies for a double-feature, or read this article twice. Yes, it’s that entertaining.

Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day – August 18 While zucchini (used as a vegetable but technically a fruit) is a healthy and tasty foodstuff, perfect in soups, stews, as a crudite, and especially in bread, it also has the tendency to grow like crazy, meaning anyone who grows them has, well, let’s just say a lot left over. A lot that no one particularly wants, because they’ve got plenty of zucchini of their own.

CELEBRATE BY: It’s understandable, you’re

desperate. And you’re certain that the nice couple who just moved in down the street would surely welcome a friendly bushel of zucchini … left on their porch in the dark of night.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day – September 19 This is the rock star of unusual holidays; the Captain Jack Sparrow of the calendar, if you will. Founded by pals John Baur and Mark Summers in 1995 (just two guys, playing racquetball, talking like pirates), the day caught on for its low-tech commitment (you don’t have to dress like Jack; just talk like him), and the internet picked it up and ran with it.

CELEBRATE BY: Avast, matey, clamber up th’ interwebs and find ye a pirate translator so ye can annoy, I means talk like a pirate, all day to th’ landlubbers in the office cubicle next to ye.

Frankenstein Day – October 30 Halloween is for amateurs. Start your spooky celebrations early with Frankenstein day (sometimes called Frankenstein Friday if it, well, falls on a Friday), which is said to be in honor of Frankenstein author Mary Shelley’s birthday. It’s also rumored to have a connection to Frankenberry cereal, which is some mighty good cereal, so we won’t argue with that theory either CELEBRATE BY: Wandering around your neighborhood holding your arms out in front of you, groaning and scaring the neighbors, before returning to your house for a large bowl of Frankenberry cereal n’ milk.

National Bicarbonate of Soda Day – December 30 Well, doesn’t that sound like a fun holiday.

Okay — it doesn’t. But bicarbonate of soda — or baking soda, as it’s more commonly called, is actually a pretty remarkable substance.

It’s used most frequently in baking and for relieving stomach indigestion. But it can also be used as a cleaner, to polish silverware, or to put in boiling water with beans to help them become more digestible.

CELEBRATE BY: Brushing your teeth with baking soda for a little extra whiteness, baking something good, and then finally replacing that box of odor-absorbing baking soda that’s been languishing in the back of your refrigerator since 2015.

MILKWEED

By Janice Binkert Jennifer Blakeslee and Eric Patterson are well known to a wide audience in northern Michigan as co-owners and cochefs of The Cooks’ House, their intimate white clapboard temple of hyper-local, seasonal, creative, and much-celebrated cuisine in Traverse City. And although they are partners in the business and culinary sense only (equal partners, they emphasize), they have formed a family with their coworkers that seems ready to tackle just about anything, including bringing a new “baby” into the fold this past November. That’s when their most recent venture, Milkweed Street Food, began serving up global flavors seven days a week, year-round, at their permanent stand inside The Little Fleet bar and food truck venue just across the street.

BRING IT ON Now before we get too far, let’s check off a few boxes: Blakeslee and Patterson already run a busy, successful restaurant with an ever-changing menu (check). They regularly host in-house wine and beer pairing dinners (check). They often serve as guest chefs at other restaurants near and far (check).

They are deeply involved in the community (check). They teach cooking classes (check).

They do off-site catering year-round (check).

In short, one would think that they have enough on their plates — literally — without seeking out new challenges.

“But I like projects — especially collaboration projects like this one,” said Blakeslee. “We love working with Gary and Allison [Jonas, owners of The Little Fleet] and everyone else here. And we have a very, very strong staff at the Cooks’ House, so it’s not too much for us to have added Milkweed. We know we can handle more — you just have to work smarter.” Indeed, the whole restaurant crew is involved in the food stand as well. “We all go back and forth. I think it’s fun for them because it’s a whole different atmosphere.”

How two eminent Traverse City chefs teamed up with the owners of an innovative bar to take street food inside — and out of — the box.

Actually, that back and forth was already somewhat established before Milkweed came into the world. “We’ve been doing something similar to this for a couple of years during the winter months — it’s just a little more convenient now,” explained Blakeslee. “Customers at The Little Fleet could order various curries from us at The Cooks’ House, and we’d bring them over.

Now we have our own kitchen here, and we don’t have to trudge through the snowbanks 30 times a night!”

TAKE FIVE That galley-style kitchen, while wellequipped and efficiently laid out, is undeniably small, as is the ordering counter.

Asked if they anticipate any backlog in the summer months, when The Little Fleet and its food truck lot are sometimes packed to overflowing with thirsty and hungry customers, Blakeslee just inclined her head and smiled. “This isn’t our first rodeo. I think we’ll be fine. Milkweed is a food stall and not a full-service restaurant. People come up and order what they want at the counter and we call out their name when it’s ready to pick up.” Getting the food out (whether for dining in or take-out) reportedly takes five minutes at most.

And you may be surprised what five minutes (and 10 dollars or less) will get you.

Nothing less than a culinary journey around the world. Among the current offerings on the Milkweed menu are two Indian curries (chicken tikka masala or vegetarian Punjabi kadhi pakora with cream curry and chickpea dumpling, each served with basmati rice, cilantro chutney and yogurt raita); Korean bibimbap (beef brisket or vegetarian options served with rice, bean sprouts, veggies, sesame, gochujang sauce and fried egg); a Hawaiian plate (roasted pork, cabbage, onion, macaroni salad, sriracha, green onion and basmati rice); and a Mexican tortilla scramble (with cilantro, cheese, avocado, egg, pickled jalapeño, beans and ranch salsa).

“We’re pretty lucky to have some

amazing product in this area,” Blakeslee said, “and we make everything from scratch, as we do at The Cooks’ House. But because we are working with global flavors, there are spices and some ingredients — like lemons and limes — that we just cannot get here. But everything else — like the rest of the produce and meats — are from our local farmers.”

NO BOUNDARIES Eric and I had been thinking about having a food truck for quite a while,” said Blakeslee, “But now I’m kind of happy that it’s a food stall instead of a truck. We can be here year round, so there will always be a food source here at The Little Fleet.

Milkweed’s food pairs well with The Little Fleet’s beers, wines and cocktails. The collaboration seems to be benefiting both of us, and that was part of the intention. We’ll always have the bibimbap and the curries, and we’re going to do doner kebobs [there’s already a vertical rotisserie for that in the kitchen], and we’ll always have some vegan and vegetarian options,” said Blakeslee.

As for other cuisines that might show up, she says they are open to doing traditional street foods from anywhere in the world.

“Eric and I will definitely do some African dishes at some point — he’s particularly interested in Ethiopian food. And I want to start doing some southern Indian food like dosas [stuffed fermented pancakes]. I like to travel a lot, and I love a lot of the different foods, but I especially love street food. That’s really kind of how I eat, even here. I rarely sit down and have a full dinner. I’m more of a snacker. I’m going to India and Germany this spring, so we’ll see what kind of inspiration I bring back from that trip!”

Milkweed is located inside The Little Fleet at 448 East Front Street in Traverse City. Open 7 days a week from 5pm to 11 pm (10 pm on Sundays). Follow them on Facebook and Instagram (milkweedstreetfood) or come into Milkweed during business hours. No telephone inquiries. $

Milkweed’s menu touts reliable offerings like the bibimbap shown (pictured at top left), but it frequently treats guests to off-menu street food dishes like the chickpea and cilantro special (top right), or the sausage special (bottom right), which was served up at Traverse City’s Men’s Night.

WINTER BLUES? FUGGEDABOUDIT!

Milkweed and The Little Fleet have several special events planned that are sure to help chase away the chill of the coming months. A fondue and beer dinner in January will be followed by an ’80s ski lodge-themed party, a crawfish boil, and a Hawaiian luau. Mix in collaboration dinners with Happy’s Taco Shop of Boyne City, and Alliance and Raduno of Traverse City, where the chefs will all trade off courses, and an Indian dinner with NJ’s Market of Lake Leelanau, and you start to feel warm inside already. “We’re just trying to be supportive of one another and keep all of our little businesses going,” said Blakeslee. “We like to play in the sandbox together.” Dates will be posted on the websites of The Cooks’ House and The Little Fleet (and soon on the Milkweed website, which was still a work in progress at the time of this writing).

AND IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH …

YES, CATERING

All or part of Little Fleet may be rented for a private gathering, depending on the number of people (minimum of 20), with food provided by Milkweed.

Choose from five different menu packages: taco bar, curries, doner kebob bar, charcuterie platter with condiments, or smoked fish platter. For more information, contact Jess at parties@ thelittlefleet.com.

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 15

Hot Listens!

As always, the New Year begins and there’s a brand new list of albums on the horizon. Whether you choose streaming, download, or physical copies, these are all hot upcoming releases you should definitely add to your collection: January 19: Kimbra – Primal New Zealand pop singer Kimbra promos her third collection of songs by unveiling its first single, “Everybody Knows”; the second will be produced by Skrillex.

Make 2018 Rock

The music you must see live and local this year

By Kristi Kates Another year’s worth of awesome concert events is just starting to rev up its engines here in northern Michigan! We can’t see all the way into the future, but we’ve definitely got a few great sneak peeks of some of the live shows you’ll love that are coming Up North in 2018.

Trout Fishing in America – February 17 The Grammy-nominated folk-rock outfit will be popping up at Interlochen’s popular Winterlochen event for two shows of their quirky, whimsical songs (“When I Was a Dinosaur,” “Big Trouble,” “Chicken Joe”), one a songwriting workshop at The Writing House (10am) and then a big concert in Corson Auditorium at 1pm.

GO! Interlochen Center for the Arts, 4000 Highway M-127, Interlochen. No tickets required, more info at interlochen.org or (231) 276-7200.

Artist link: troutmusic.com.

Blackberry Smoke – March 9 Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia — the heart of Southern-rock country — Blackberry Smoke is currently promoting its fifth studio album, Like an Arrow (which it produced itself). This set of new tunes points directly at the band’s main influences, which include The Black Crowes and The Allman Brothers.

GO! Show starts at 7pm at Ground Zero in the Streeters Center, 1660 South Garfield Avenue, Traverse City. Tickets ($30 plus handling fee) via groundzeroonline.com or (231) 932-1300.

Artist link: blackberrysmoke.com.

Six Appeal – March 10 You won’t find this group playing any instruments. The energetic Minneapolis outfit relies entirely upon their vocal skills to perform a cappella renditions of current hits like John Legend’s “Ordinary People,” classic favorites like “I Will Survive,” and originals of their own.

GO! Show starts at 7:30pm at the Crooked Tree Arts Center, 461 E. Mitchell Street, Petoskey.

Tickets ($25 members/$35 non-members/$10 students) via crookedtree.org or (231) 3475414.

Artist link: sixappealvocalband.com.

Manhattan Transfer – March 16 Not one, but two vocal groups are hitting northern Michigan this March (see Six Appeal above!) — and New Yorkers the Transfer is one of the pop groundbreakers in this category.

The 10-time Grammy Awards winning outfit is celebrating its 45th anniversary this year.

GO! Show starts at 8pm at the City Opera House, 106 E. Front Street, Traverse City.

Tickets ($45.50, $65.50, students $15) via cityoperahouse.org or (231) 941-8082.

Artist link: manhattantransfer.net.

Jonatha Brooke – March 17 She first snagged attention as singer for the band The Story back in the early ’90s, but it wasn’t long before her solo pop-rock songs started getting the attention of TV shows/ movies like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Return to Never Land. You’ll find that plenty of her tunes still have staying power today.

GO! Show starts at 8pm at Milliken Auditorium in the Dennos Museum, 1701 E. Front Street, Traverse City. Tickets ($27 advance, $30 at the door, $24 for museum members) via dennosmuseum.org, mynorthtickets.com, or (231) 995-1055.

Artist link: jonathabrooke.com Le Vent Du Nord – April 6 With lush instrumentation, sleek arrangements of their vintage-meets-modern tunes, and strong vocals, this progressive folk outfit hails from Quebec, performing the music of that region, as well as original tunes inspired

by Irish and French music, with unusual instrumentation like the Irish bouzouki, piano accordion, and, yes, even the hurdy-gurdy.

GO! Show starts at 8pm at Milliken Auditorium in the Dennos Museum, 1701 E. Front Street, Traverse City. Tickets ($27 advance, $30 at the door, $24 for museum members) via dennosmuseum.org, mynorthtickets.com, or (231) 995-1055.

Artist link: leventdunord.com.

Rodney Crowell – April 16 Crowell is our third Grammy-award winner on this year’s list, having started out playing music as a garage-band teen in Texas, and advancing his career since the ’70s to become one of the most influential Americana singer-songwriters

of today. His personal, in-depth lyrics dig into the depths of his own feelings and resonate with his fans as well.

GO! Show starts at 8pm at the City Opera House, 106 E. Front Street, Traverse City.

Tickets ($32.50, $25.00) via cityoperahouse. org or (231) 941-8082.

Artist link: rodneycrowell.com.

Davy Knowles – May 5 He learned to play guitar by pulling influence from the skills of a wide range of British and Irish guitarists — Eric Clapton and Rory Gallagher among them — and his own career has plopped him in the U.S. at the age of 19 with a critically lauded debut album and big reviews for bluesy tracks like “Roll Away,” as well as for his latest album, 2017’s 1932.

GO! Show starts at 8pm at the Milliken Auditorium in the Dennos Museum, 1701 E. Front Street, Traverse City. Tickets ($27 advance, $30 at the door, $24 for museum members) via dennosmuseum.org, mynorthtickets.com, or (231) 995-1055.

Artist link: davyknowles.com.

The Swon Brothers – July 7 The two (real-life) brothers from Oklahoma first caught fire when they finished third on the fourth season of The Voice, signing a record deal shortly thereafter. They’ve been releasing charting music steadily since then, including their latest EP, Timeless, and toured with Carrie Underwood as opening act last year.

GO! Show starts at 7pm at the Charlevoix Venetian Festival, Charlevoix. Tickets (price TBA) via venetianfestival.com or (231) 5473872.

Artist link: swonbrothers.com.

Montgomery Gentry – September 8 Eddie Montgomery’s first tour without his now late country music duo partner Troy Gentry will showcase the pair’s prior material as well as tunes from Montgomery Gentry’s upcoming album, Here’s to You, Montgomery’s bid to help honor and keep the duo’s name alive.

GO! Show starts at 7pm at the Little River Casino Resort, 2700 Orchard Hwy., Manistee. Tickets (price TBA) via lrcr.com or (888) 568-2244.

Artist link: montgomerygentry.com.

January 19: Fall Out Boy – Mania Britney Spears gets a namecheck on early single “Young and Menace” from this nationally charting Wilmette, Illinoisborn alternative rock outfit.

January 26: Craig David – The Time is Now Collabs with Bastille, GoldLink, and Kaytranada are a few highlights of David’s latest studio album, from which you’ve probably already heard lead single “Heartline.”

February 9: Vance Joy – Nation of Two The Aussie singer-songwriter who brought you the smash indie hit “Riptide” is back with his sophomore set: songs about a couple who rely solely on each other.

February 9: Franz Ferdinand – Always Ascending Franz’ first album with new members Julian Corrie and Dino Bardot was recorded in London and Paris and produced by Philippe Zdar (Cassius/ Phoenix).

March 2: Moby – Everything Was Beautiful, and Nothing Hurt Look for a tour this year to go along with this album reboot of the triphop and gospel-influenced styles that helped Moby’s 2002 album 18 become a huge hit.

March 16: Fickle Friends – You Are Someone Else The Polydor pop buzz band arrive from the southern coast of England with their debut album, a collection of highly anticipated metaphorical pop singles.

April 6: Manic Street Preachers – Resistance is Futile A big arena tour will accompany this album, too, as the Manics drop its 13th set, which was recorded at its very own Door to the River Studios in Newport, Wales.

June 1: Owl City – Cinematic Minnesotan Adam Young, aka Owl City, has prefaced this set with the single “All My Friends,” a catchy number sure to join the ranks of his prior hits like “Fireflies.”

June 1: The 1975 – Music for Cars Named with a nod to one of the band’s biggest influences, Brian Eno, The 1975’s latest is said to be a darker, “more under pressure” set than previous releases.

Also with albums arriving later this year (release dates to be announced), you can look forward to music from Jack White, BØRNS, Avril Lavigne, My Bloody Valentine, Vampire Weekend, Major Lazer, The Prodigy, John Cale, Echosmith, Muse, Toni Braxton, Interpol, The Vaccines, Celine Dion, and MGMT.

16 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly _____

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NORTHERN SEEN 1. Holly celebrated her birthday with her friends Kurt, Laura, Carly, and Crystal at Mammoth Distilling’s tasting room in TC’s Warehouse District.

2. Carlee and Debbie Caperton joined Grace Hudson, director of Arts for All of NMI, at the organization’s Holiday Open House.

3. This familiar gang was all smiles for a very good cause prior to the SwingShift and the Stars event in December at the City Opera House.

4. Joann Bailey, Sally Surprenant, Penney Hanks, Leda King, Vee Sullivan, and Diane Hirtreiter. Dec. 20, these volunteered to serve 70 older adults at the annual Senior Center Holiday Lunch.

5. Courtney M Kent of The Compass Points Here showcased her goods at the Holiday MRKT SHARE event at the Warehouse MRKT in TC. 6. Johnny Rokos and Raul Gomez got (too much?) into the holiday spirit at Peninsula Grill’s annual Ugly Christmas sweater Party.

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 17

Hair o’ the Dog Hangover advice from locals

By Clark Miller It’s New Year’s Day. Remember last night? You single-handily emptied your neighborhood bar of Scotch, gin, or that high school favorite, peach schnaps.

You’ve awakened, possibly in some random apartment, head exploding, eyes welded shut, with rumblings from a dinner that wants to make a return trip.

What to do?

ADVICE YOU HATE Of course, if you hate hangovers, don’t drink at all. Good advice. Smug, but solid.

Kind of like the tip to wait until you’re married. It could but work. But it won’t.

Then there’s this kind of in-between approach: always eat while you’re drinking.

It’s called laying down a foundation. It could backfire (quite literally), but hey, you will have enjoyed a nice meal. Or you could just practice moderation. But will you? After all, who’s to say that once a year you shouldn’t let your freak flag fly? Assuming you call a taxi, how bad an idea could that be?

The Fizz at The Franklin

18 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

NORTHERN EXPRESS POLL INDICATES …

Rejecting all of these tippy-toe, half measures, let’s assume you imbibed — OK, got ripped. Not premeditatively, just by chance, of course. (And for the record, we are not discussing the decidedly un-funny situation facing those with serious drinking problems.)

A purely non-scientific, nonrepresentative poll of Traverse City drinkers — I prefer the kinder term, tipplers — suggests a range of strategies are at work in the North Country.

When Don Cunningham, 55, an employee at Northwestern Michigan College, meets up with his downstate, hockey-loving buds, he tends towards Michelob Ultra, flavor be damned. (“Ultra” as in more water.)

Come to think of it, though, I find him on an early Monday afternoon at Right Brain Brewery. Could this be why person-on-thestreet polls are unreliable?

“When I lived in Nebraska, the cure was orange juice and vodka,” he says. In other words, in dire situations, Cornhuskers (and Don) lean towards the old “hair of the dog” approach. Drink some more alcohol. It’s something dieticians say slightly postpones (but does not cure) the coming crash.

Then there’s the 63-year-old designer who enjoys an occasional glass of wine. “I have never had a hangover because I drink wisely,” she claims. (If so, why does she insist on anonymity? This poll is getting goofier by the minute.)

And what about the younger set?

Most of those interviewed tend towards the traditional strategy of Ibuprofen (or something similar) and that old standby, greasy food. But to be up with the times, they also knock down electrolytes to bite back at the dog that bit them.

Before 25-year-old Austin Uptegraft became a dad and toned down his alcohol consumption, he had a clear hangover strategy: “Stay away from sugars, and drink water.” He also headed to McDonalds for a

grease fix.

When another young parent, Andrea McNutt, 24, has a hangover, she gives into a massive craving for greasy food. She dutifully tops it off with electrolyte tablets as penance.

“But after you become a parent, drinking is not worth it,” she tells me. (Then why does she admit to having had a hangover two weeks ago? I don’t pursue the apparent contradiction.)

Several other 20-somethings agree with grease, water, and some pharmaceutical.

How can so many of them give the same answer? Is there a class for this in high school these days? But I hit the jackpot with my next two interviewees.

At The Franklin, corner restaurant/bar on Front Street, I tell the hostess my goal: I’m poking around, trying to find someone who will share their personal cure for the common hangover. She snickers. I ask why.

“Because the bartender here has a huge hangover,” she says, “But don’t tell him I told you.”

Of course I protect my sources. I talk to barkeep Jason Ollila, 45, but don’t tell him I’m already on to his secret. (You readers won’t either, right?)

Ollila is an affable guy, but clearly, he’s hurting.

As a pro, he knows how to deal with the after-effects of a heavy night. Customers come in all the time, asking him what they should drink to ease the pain.

“I recommend lots of cocktails like The Fizz (egg white, simple syrup, lemon juice, gin, soda water served with no ice) or a traditional Gin Fizz.”

He has a personal favorite, and he’s already had one today: Agnostura Bitters with soda water.

It seems to be working.

My next, and final interview, is with another food and beverage pro. Kelsey Topper, 25, works as a waitress the U & I Lounge just down the street from The Franklin, and she has a hangover, too. In fact, hers seems to be the Queen Mum of all hangovers.

Normally she relies on a “hair of the dog” counter-attack to return to the living. But last night was too far over the top for that.

“I’d just love to be in bed right now,” she says with a tired voice.

SOME HANGOVER CURES

From Around the World Deep-friend canary (ancient Rome); pickled herring (Germany); dried bull’s tool (Sicily); sheep lungs and two owl eggs (ancient Greeks); and a cocktail of tomato juice and pickled sheep eyes (Mongolia).

dec 30

saturday

SNOWSHOES, VINES & WINES: 12-5pm, Black Star Farms, Suttons Bay. Explore easy to moderate trails & then warm up with drinks & food. Hearth & Vine Café will provide beef & bean chili, white chicken chili & a grilled sandwich. Last snowshoe rental ($15) is at 4pm. blackstarfarms. com/snowshoes-vines-wines

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RANGER-LED SNOWSHOE HIKE: Meet at Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore’s Philip A. Hart Visitor Center, Empire at 1pm.

Snowshoes will be loaned at no charge to participants who do not have their own.

Reservations required: 231-326-4700, ext.

5010. Free. nps.gov/slbe/index.htm

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BREATHE OWL BREATHE & SETH BERNARD: 7pm, Red Sky Stage, Petoskey.

Enjoy these local roots musicians. Breathe Owl Breathe brings their pop-addled melodies, along with contemporary folk, & Seth Bernard performs Americana. Tickets: $15; $8 students; $5 12 & under. redskystage. com/event-schedule-4

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EVE OF THE EVE IN TRAVERSE CITY: 8:30pm, Mammoth Distilling Cocktail Lounge, 221 Garland St., Suite D, TC. Live music by The True Falsettos, complimentary hors d’oeuvres, welcome punch & midnight toast with a French 75. 943-1073. $35. mynorthtickets.com/events/eve-of-the-eve

dec 31

sunday

COUNTDOWN TO NOON: Great Lakes Children’s Museum, TC. 10-11:45am: Decorate the ball, noise makers & party hats, & time capsule craft. Noon: Ball drop. 12:15-3pm: Noise makers, party hats, time capsules & kids’ New Year’s party fun. greatlakeskids.org

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BRIDGE DROP: Noon, Charlevoix. Featuring a Snowman Making Contest, horse drawn carriage rides, arts & crafts at Charlevoix Circle of Arts, a free kids movie at Charlevoix Cinema III, firework shows & more. bridgedrop.com

-------------------SNOWSHOES, VINES & WINES: (See Sat., Dec. 30)

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NYE: CRYSTAL MOUNTAIN RESORT, THOMPSONVILLE: Luau Family Fun, 4-8pm: Crafts, games, prize drawings & dancing. $19 admission includes one parent

for every child. Additional adults: $5 each.

Includes child access to New Year’s Eve Bash, which begins with the Bash Buffet in the Crystal Center from 6-8pm. Cocktails & dancing: 9pm-1am. Torchlight Parade: 11:45pm. Fireworks Over the Mountain: Midnight. For more info & other events, visit: crystalmountain.com

dec/jan

30-07

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11TH ANNUAL NYE AT CTAC, PETOSKEY: 5pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Petoskey. An all ages, alcohol-free celebration featuring performances, workshops & “Midnight at 9” Times-Square style ball drop on East Mitchell St. There will also be a make-and-take craft room in the Carnegie Building, & activities at the Petoskey District Library. $10 adults, $5 students. crookedtree.org

send your dates to: events@traverseticker.com

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A NIGHT OF SINATRA FEATURING JEFF GRAINGER & THE SAGINAW ELITE BIG BAND: 7pm, Emmet County Community Center, Petoskey. Please bring a canned good or a book bag to benefit the Manna Food Project, which feeds the hungry & provides children with book bags for school. $50/guest. mynorthtickets.com/events/anight-of-sinatra

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THE ROCK ‘TIL THE DROP MASQUERADE BALL: 7-11:30pm, Streeters, Ground Zero, TC. Featuring Live For Tomorrow, Death of The Party, Anchors for Reality, Make This Count, & Damned by Dawn. Live DJ in between bands. $15. groundzeroonline.com

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NEW YEAR’S MAGIC WITH BEN WHITING: 7:30pm, City Opera House, TC. Enjoy magic, humor & mind reading from internationally known Ben Whiting. Recommended for ages 8 & up. Tickets start at $10 & all proceeds go to local charities. cityoperahouse.org/ben-whiting

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SIPS N’ GIGGLES COMEDY SHOW: 8pm, Old Town Playhouse, TC. Enjoy local wines & more paired with nationally touring standup comedians. Doors open at 6:30pm for cocktail hour. Show begins at 8pm. Headlining the show is comedian Steve Iott, who takes the audience along as he spins his tales of ridiculous life experiences. Steve has appeared on A&E, NBC, Comedy Central, Bob n’ Tom & more. Opening the show are special guest comedians Ben Macks, Gary Langley & Charlie Settles. $20 advance; $25 door. mynorthtickets.com

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TC NEW YEAR’S EVE CHERRYT BALL DROP: 9pm, Downtown TC. A street party featuring a massive illuminated cherry that is lowered to signify the coming year. Live music & entertainment are all part of this winter party. cherrytballdrop.com

Considered one of the leading performers of the jazz double bass, Rodney Whitaker plays the Crooked Tree Arts Center’s Theatre, Petoskey on Sat., Jan. 6 at 7:30pm. Professor of Jazz Bass and Director of Jazz Studies at Michigan State University, Whitaker brings his quintet, who performs with drums, sax, piano and a vocalist. $25 members, $35 nonmembers and $10 students. crookedtree.org

jan 01

monday

jan 02

tuesday

RESOLUTION 5K RUN/ WALK: 11am, The Little Fleet, TC. $35 adults; free for ages 12 & under. Benefits Norte. elgruponorte.org

WINTER DAY ARTS & CRAFTS FEST: 11am-3pm, Great Lakes Children’s Museum, TC. Paint, print, color & glue. Materials will be provided for you to make a

winter theme picture or sculpture to display in the museum. Make one to display, & one to take home. greatlakeskids.org

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PARKINSON’S NETWORK NORTH SUPPORT GROUP: 6pm, Munson Community Health Center, Rm. A&B, TC. Surviving the Holidays plus split session discussions. 9477389. Free. parkinsonsnetworknorth.org

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TCNEW TECH: 6pm, City Opera House, TC. Five presenters are allowed 5 minutes to present & 5 minutes of question & answer. Think Shark Tank lite! cityoperahouse. org/tcnewtech

Thursday, Friday & Saturday Evening dinners beginning @ 5pm thru Jan. 13

Thursday's Salut! (Happy Hour)

Small plate and Drink Specials - 3p-6p Re-opening May 2018

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 19

“NEW YEAR, NEW OPPORTUNITIES & RENEWED VISION”: MEETING FOR PARENTS OF GROWN ASPERGER’S CHILDREN: 6:30pm. The NW Michigan NT Support parent group will meet in TC to share apprehensions, anxieties, uncertainties, misgivings & develop new plans for 2018.

The exact TC location is provided when the neurotypical family member joins the NW Michigan NT Support private Meetup group at www.meetup.com/NW-Michigan-NT-Support/ or contacts Carol Danly at 2007danly@ gmail.com or 231-313-8744.

jan 03

wednesday

THE CORROSIVE EFFECT OF MONEY ON ELECTIONS: Noon, Leelanau County Government Center, Community Room, Suttons Bay. Presented by the Voter Services Committee of the League of Women Voters Leelanau County. The guest speaker will be Craig Mauger, executive director of Michigan Campaign Finance Network. A LWVLC business meeting will follow. For more info call 231-271-5600.

Free. LWVLeelanau.org

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ZONTA CLUB OF TC PROGRAM: Noon, Hagerty Center, TC. Featuring Assistant Principal and SCI-MA-TECH Coordinator at TC Central High School Heidi MaltbySkodack. Reserve your spot: rhondal.estes@gmail.com. Cost of lunch is $16. zontacluboftraversecity.org

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WINTER GETAWAY JANUARY RECESS: 5-7pm, Cherry Capital Airport, TC. Join The Ticker for an after work happy hour. Networking, food, beverages, prizes including two United Airlines flight travel vouchers (good for anywhere in the continental U.S.) & an overnight stay & ski lift tickets for two at Crystal Mountain, & more.

Presented by Remax Bayshore Properties. $10. traverseticker.com

jan 04

thursday

FAMILY FRIENDLY TEAM TRIVIA: 1-4pm, Elk Rapids High School Cafeteria. Entry fee includes nacho bar & beverage. Randomly drawn prizes throughout competition. Trivia questions span across all age groups. $10 per person/$50 team of 6.

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PREVENT SCAMS THAT TARGET THE ELDERLY: 3pm, Samaritas Senior Living of TC, Williamsburg. Community Service Trooper of the Michigan State Police will speak on this topic. RSVP: 231-408-3385. Free.

OFF THE WALL MOVIE NIGHT: 6pm, Helena Township Community Center, Alden.

Dinner, 6pm; movie, 7pm. Sign up for the potluck at Alden District Library. 231-3314318. aldenlib.info/calendar.html

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CINEMA CURIOSA PRESENTS “CALIFORNIA TYPEWRITER”: 8-10pm, Traverse Area District Library, TC. A documentary of artists, writers & collectors who remain loyal to the typewriter as a tool & muse. tadl.org

jan 06

saturday

BOYNE HIGHLANDS’ WINTER TRAILS DAY: All day at Boyne Highlands Resort, Harbor Springs.

Featuring a free half-hour lesson, complimentary rental, & free day-long pass for 35 km of cross country trails & snowshoe-only trails. Reservations required: 231.526.3029. boyne.com/ boynehighlands

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BOYNE MOUNTAIN RESORT’S WINTER TRAILS DAY: All day at Boyne Mountain Resort, Boyne Falls. Those new to snow sports can try snowshoeing & cross country skiing for free. Includes a half-hour group lesson, trail pass & rentals. Reservations required: 231.549.6088. boyne.com/ boynemountain

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TIMBER RIDGE RESORT’S WINTER TRAILS DAY: 10:30am-2pm, Timber Ridge Resort, TC. TART Trails is teaming up with the Record Eagle, Vasa Ski Club, NMMBA, local bike shops & Timber Ridge Resort to offer free trail access, introductory ski lessons, fat bike demos, guided snowshoe hikes & use of equipment rentals for those new to winter trail sports. Must register in advance: traversetrails.org. Info: 941.4300 or kate@traversetrails.org.

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CROSS COUNTRY WINTER TRAILS DAY: 1pm, Crystal Mountain, Thompsonville. Enjoy a free 2-hour trail pass & rentals available from: 1-3pm, 2-4pm & 3-5pm. crystalmountain.com/events/crosscountry-winter-trails-day

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AUTHORS SIGNINGS: Horizon Books, TC. 2-4pm: Laura Lee will sign her book “Oscar’s Ghost: The Battle for Oscar Wilde.”

4-6pm: Sam Flamont will sign his book “Hustle ‘Til It Happens.” horizonbooks.com

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BLISSFEST SATURDAY NIGHT COMMUNITY DANCE: 7:30-10pm, Red Sky Stage, Petoskey. All dances are taught & there is a live band & caller. $3/person, $5/couple or $7/family. redskystage.com

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CAREGIVER SUPPOR GROUP: 4-5:30pm, Life Beyond Barriers Rehabilitation Group, 415 Munson Ave., Suite 101, TC. Give & gain support from other caregivers, & share info about community resources.

231.486.6330. lbbrehab.com

RODNEY WHITAKER QUINTET: 7:30pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Theatre, Petoskey. Professor of Jazz Bass & Director of Jazz Studies at Michigan State University, Rodney Whitaker will perform, along with drums, sax, piano & vocalist. $10 students, $25 members & $35 non-members. crookedtree.org

ER WOMEN: MINDFULNESS WITH KRISTIN MCDONALD: 6-8pm, Riverwalk Grill & Tap Room, Elk Rapids. RSVP: elkrapidswomen@gmail.com

FRANKIE BALLARD: 8pm, Little River Casino Resort, Manistee. Enjoy hearing this rising star perform country hits mixed with rock ‘n roll soul. Tickets start at $50. lrcr.com

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THE JOY OF GREAT WORKS OF ART - LECTURE BY PAUL WELCH: 6-8pm, Traverse Area District Library, TC. tadl.org

jan 05

friday

FIRST FRIDAYS FOR FOODIES: WATTA COOKIES: 11am-noon, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Kitchen, Petoskey. Watta Cookie owner Terri Morgan will teach you the secrets of bagel making. Free. crookedtree.org

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jan 07

sunday

PETOSKEY IMPROV TROUPE COMEDY SHOW: 7pm, Red Sky Stage, Petoskey. Tickets: $10 advance, $15 night of. $8 students, $5 12 & under. redskystage.com

20 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

ongoing

BATTLE OF THE BOOKS: The National Writers Series is inviting all area fourth & fifth graders to sign up for Battle of the Books, a free reading contest for kids living in the Grand Traverse County area. For more info & to sign up, visit: www.battleofthebooksgt.com

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NMRRC FESTIVAL OF TRAINS: Carnegie Library (formerly Traverse Area Historic Society), TC. Presented by the Northern MI RailRoad Club & Great Lakes Children’s Museum. Runs through Dec. Hours: Mon.Sat.: 10am-6pm; Sun.: 12-4pm. Special Hours: Dec. 31: 10am-2pm. $5. nomirrc. wordpress.com/about/festival-of-trains

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SPARKLE IN THE PARK: Over 50 site Christmas light display in Downtown Bear Lake. Drive or walk-thru. Open nightly, 5-10pm thru Dec. 31. No charge, but donations welcome.

-------------------ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: OPEN SPEAKER MEETING: Saturdays, 8pm, Munson Medical Center (basement), TC. district11-aa.org

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ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: YOUNG PEOPLE’S MEETING: Fridays, 8pm, Grace Episcopal Church (basement), TC. district11-aa.org

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ART PARK SNOWSHOE TOUR: Sundays, 2:30pm, Jan. 7 - Jan. 28 at Michigan Legacy Art Park, Thompsonville.

Enjoy a guided tour through Michigan Legacy Art Park to see sculptures, scenery, & maybe even some wildlife along the way. Bring your snowshoes! Free with $5 adult park admission (kids free). michlegacyartpark.org

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COMPULSIVE EATERS ANONYMOUS: Thursdays, 5:30pm, Jan. 4 - Mar. 29. 5th & Oak St., TC. Compulsive Eaters Anonymous-HOW is a fellowship of individuals who, through shared experience, strength & hope are recovering from compulsive eating & food addiction. traversecityceahow.org

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FREE COMMUNITY CLASS: Wednesdays, 7:30pm, Bikram Yoga, TC. Find on Facebook.

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OLD MISSION SNOWSHOE, WINE & BREW: Sundays, 11am, Jan. 7 - Mar. 4.

Starts at Jolly Pumpkin, TC & then shuttles to Brys Estate, followed by snowshoeing to Bowers Harbor Vineyards & Jolly Pumpkin. tcbrewbus.com/events

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RANGER-LED SNOWSHOE HIKE: Saturdays, 1pm, Jan. 6 - Mar. 17. Meet at Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore’s Philip A. Hart Visitor Center, Empire. Snowshoes will be loaned at no charge to participants who do not have their own. Reservations required: 231-326-4700, ext. 5010. nps.gov/ slbe/index.htm

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SNOWSHOES, VINES & WINES: Saturdays, 12-5pm, Jan. 6 - Feb. 24, Black Star Farms, Suttons Bay. Explore easy to moderate trails & then warm up with drinks & food. Hearth & Vine Café will provide beef & bean chili, white chicken chili & a grilled sandwich. Last snowshoe rental ($15) is at 4pm. blackstarfarms.com/snowshoesvines-wines

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STORY TIME: Horizon Books, Cadillac.

Held on Wednesdays from 4-5pm. Hear a story & participate in an activity. Find on Facebook.

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BOYNE CITY INDOOR FARMERS MARKET: Saturdays, 9am-noon through April.

Main lobby area of the new City Facilities Building, Boyne City. boynecitymainstreet. com/farmers-market-welcome

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CTAC ARTISANS & FARMERS MARKET, PETOSKEY: Fridays, 10am-1pm, upper

level Carnegie, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Petoskey. This market has moved back inside. When weather permits, vendors will sell their goods out on the Bidwell Plaza, too. crookedtree.org

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INDOOR FARMERS MARKET, THE MERCATO, THE VILLAGE AT GT COMMONS, TC: Saturdays, 10am-2pm through April.

941-1961

art

“GIVE THE GIFT OF ART HOLIDAY EXHIBIT”: Higher Art Gallery, TC. Runs through Jan. 2. higherartgallery.com

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“INSPIRED: ARTISTIC IMPRESSIONS OF THE GRAND TRAVERSE COMMONS”: The Village at GT Commons, Sanctuary, TC. Runs through Jan. 20. thevillagetc.com

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“JUST GREAT ART”: City Opera House, TC. Eight artists from the Plein Air Painters of Northwest Michigan exhibit their oil, pastel, watercolor & acrylic paintings. Runs through Jan. 2. cityoperahouse.org

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“THE LYRICS OF BOB DYLAN”: Three Pines Studio, Cross Village. Nobel Laureate 2016. This all media exhibition runs through March. threepinesstudio.com

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2017 WINTER MEMBER EXHIBITION: Oliver Art Center, Frankfort. Runs through Jan. 5. oliverartcenterfrankfort.org Dennos Museum Center, NMC, TC: Mon. Sat., 10am-5pm. Sun., 1-5pm.

- “LINES OF LIGHT: CRAIG TANDY MONOFILAMENT SCULPTURE”: Runs through April 29 at Zimmerman Sculpture Court. Canadian artist Craig Tandy constructs complex sculptures with monofilament nylon that illustrate the properties of projected light, with an interest in creating a space through which the viewer can move.

- CORY TRÉPANIER’S “INTO THE ARCTIC”: The Canadian North on Canvas and Film. Runs through Dec. - WILLIAM ADOLPHE BOUGEUREAU AND EDOUARD MANET: Visitors to the Sea - Masterpieces from the Detroit Institute of Arts. Runs through Dec. - “MYTHS, LEGENDS AND STORIES: SCULPTURE BY ABRAHAM ANGHIK RUBEN”: Through Dec. dennosmuseum.org

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CROOKED TREE ARTS CENTER, PETOSKEY: - WINTER! EXHIBIT: Runs through Jan. 15 in Atrium Gallery. An exhibition of oil, watercolor & encaustic paintings celebrating the beauty of local landscapes. Artists include Janel Anderson, Kurt Anderson, Beth Billups, Lori Feldpausch, Margie Guyot, Susan Glass & Heidi Marshall. Hours: Mon., Tues., Thurs., Fri.: 9am-5pm; Weds.: 10am5pm; Sat.: 10am-4pm.

- 2017 JURIED FINE ARTS & FRESH AIR EXHIBITIONS: Runs through Jan. 6. crookedtree.org

Deadline for Dates information is Tuesday for the following week.

FOURSCORE

DOWNTOWN

TRAVERSE CITY

by kristi kates

SUNDAY 11:30 AM • 3 • 6 PM MON & TUE 11 AM • 2 • 5 • 8 PM WED - FRI 1 • 4 • 7 PM

Hans Zimmer and Benjamin Wallfisch – Blade Runner 2049 Original Motion Picture Soundtrack – Epic Records

•••••••••••••••••••••••••• •••••••••••••

The original movie featured a (now somewhat datedsounding) synth score by Vangelis. The rebooted Blade Runner thankfully called on someone with both ears firmly in today’s film music world: Hans Zimmer, who collaborated with Benjamin Wallfisch to craft this deft, electronically enhanced mix of abstract, otherworldly tracks (with plenty of audio references to Vangelis’ musical themes) plus referential classics

by Elvis and Frank Sinatra.

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3 GODFATHERSNR WED 10:30 AM - 25¢ SENSORY FRIENDLY FAMILY SURPRISE FRIDAY 10:45 AM - 25¢ Kids Matinee

FULL METAL JACKETR

FRIDAY 10 PM - Friday Night Flicks $3 or 2 for $5

Mark Mothersbaugh – Thor: Ragnarok Original Motion Picture Soundtrack – Hollywood Records

Is that the Mark Mothersbaugh from … Devo? Why it is indeed, and it only takes one listen to convince you that he was the perfect pick to approach this hybrid instrumental/electronica collection of tracks to accompany Thor and crew. The “Ragnarok Suite” itself is a blockbuster-worthy composition, while hints of other components of the Marvel universe peek through on tracks like “Weird Things Happen” (Doctor Strange), “What Heroes Do,” and the nightclubdanceable “Planet Sakaar.”

DOWNTOWN

IN CLINCH PARK

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Happy Feet

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Danny Elfman – Justice League Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

While Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg don’t fare too well in this tedious attempt to keep up with Marvel’s current takeover of comicbook movies, at least the score stands on its own, as penned by Oingo Boingo and prior Batman theme composer, Elfman. “Hero’s Theme” arrives early on and is instantly attachable to the film itself; a second standout is “Aquaman in Atlantis,” which makes ample use of bubbly brass.

Henry Jackman and Matthew – Kingsman: The Golden Circle Original Motion Picture Score – La-La Land Records

Much like Justice League, the music for this movie also outdoes the film itself (the latter of which was an un-fun, frivolous mess with an unfocused plot). Jackman and Margeson thankfully pull together a collection of tracks that alternates between abbreviated (read: very short) audio cues and more epic numbers that entertainingly makes an effort to craft some kind of common thread through the storyline, with hints of Celtic and James Bond undertones.

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 21

MODERN

POP GOES THE EMINEM

ROCK

BY KRISTI KATES

Detroit rapper Eminem seems to be making a comeback bid with his latest album.

His Revival set is out, and in a sharp turn from previous album efforts, it includes a host of guest performers who lean far more toward the pop end of the musical spectrum, including Beyonce, P!nk, X Ambassadors, Alicia Keys, and — perhaps most left-field — Ed Sheeran.

It’s Eminem’s first record in four years, and seems to include fewer of the controversial tracks of his past career and more radiofriendly offerings. The first single, “Walk on Water (featuring Beyonce)” is already playing on a station or streaming outlet near you …

Hugh Jackman’s new film about PT Barnum, The Greatest Showman, is in theaters, and with it has come a great soundtrack composed by Academy Award winners Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, who also contributed music to the movies Dear Evan Hansen and La La Land. Jackman and his Showman co-stars Zendaya, Zac Efron, Michelle Williams, and Keala Settle also sing on the soundtrack, which includes the songs “Tightrope,” “A Million Dreams,” “The Greatest Show,” and “From Now On” …

In other soundtrack news, the Trolls movie has spawned its own animated holiday special and accompanying music collection, which features songs from the special as sung by the film’s voice cast, including Justin

Timberlake, James Corden, Anna Kendrick, and Zooey Deschanel, plus score by composer Jeff Morrow (“Trolls Holiday Score Suite”).

Timberlake and Kendrick duet on the songs “Holiday” and “Love Train,” while the whole gang chimes in on “The Holla-Day For You,” and all of it is in outlets now …

Singer-songwriter James Blunt has bestowed a major honor on his pal, fellow troubadour Ed Sheeran, by naming Sheeran the godfather of Blunt’s new son. The two reportedly consider each other “brothers,” and indulge in very “un-rockstar-like” behavior, such as hanging out, drinking tea, and watching TV. Sheeran will share his godparent status with the late Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher; Blunt lived with Fisher as a guest when he first moved to Los Angeles, and the two formed a strong friendship …

LINK OF THE WEEK Beauty blogger Kay-Lani Martinez is in the middle of an art series in which she recreates herself as powerful women in entertainment, including Jennifer Lopez, Demi Lovato, Aaliyah, and Amy Winehouse.

Her transformations include makeup, hair, and fashion, as well as Martinez’ extensive research into each performer to capture just the right “look.” Check them out on her Facebook series Hollywood Muse (facebook.com/ hollywoodmuse) …

THE BUZZ Head on over to the website discogs.com and search for user funk_wid_it, to find a new, extensive and interesting chronological history of Detroit dance music records from 1981–1991 …

Ever want to be on Dancing with the Stars?

Well, you can at least watch a live show at The Colosseum at Caesar’s Windsor on Jan. 20 …

Speaking of D-town, native Detroiter Madonna recently posted a rare, unproduced guitar-and-vocals cover of an Elliott Smith song on social media. Check it out at twitter.

com/madonna…

Detroiter-turned-Nashvillian Jack White said he’s “practically done” with his third solo album, which is expected any week now …

2018 is looking full of promise with new album releases expected from Fall Out Boy, Kimbra, Franz Ferdinand, Muse, Avril Lavigne, and more … And that’s the buzz for this week’s Modern Rock.

Comments, questions, rants, raves, suggestions on this column? Send ’em to Kristi at modernrocker@ gmail.com.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 3 • 5-7PM Winter Getaway Recess Prize d

T WO

rawing

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UNITE DA VO U C I R L I N E S HERS !

Prizes include: • Two United Airlines vouchers • Overnight stay with two lift tickets at Crystal Mountain Resort $10 cover charge for chili, beer/wine/ soda, and great networking!

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Presented by Re/Max Bayshore Properties

22 • january 01, 2018 • Northern Express Weekly

best (and some worst) of 2017

The reel

Another year of moviegoing has come to an end, and with that comes another year of my haphazard superlatives honoring some of my favorite moments, performances, and achievements of the past year.

BEST ACTION SEQUENCE It might not be the most technically stunning — no, that honor would go to pretty much the entirety of Dunkirk — or the most crazy awesome — I’d give that the submarinefueled finale of Fate of the Furious — but there has never been an action sequence that moved me quite in the way the “No Man’s Land” sequence did in Wonder Woman.

Utterly empowering and profound, don’t ever tell a wonder woman what she can’t do.

BEST STAR WARS ADDITION No, it’s not the Porgs. Of the many new faces popping up in the most recent (and divisive) Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, one new character rose above the rest: Laura Dern’s Admiral Amilyn Holdo. In her brief but impactful appearances she gets beautifully emotional with Carrie Fisher, puts Oscar Issac’s Poe Dameron so deliciously in his place, and comes through in such a badass way. Plus you can just tell how genuinely thrilled she is to be there. Laura Dern is living her best life, and it comes through in everything she touches.

WORST STAR WARS ADDITION Mini rant alert: Benicio Del Toro’s casting as the mysterious DJ is a Jar-Jar-Binkslevel mistake. And while I won’t go as far to say his stammering, swaggering, poorly constructed “hacker,” ruined The Last Jedi for me, it certainly took me out of it.

BEST CAMEO As much as I may want to give this to Paul McCartney for popping up in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dean Men Tell No Tales to do a surprisingly convincing job as Jack Sparrow’s uncle, I struggle with the idea of putting any film starring Johnny Depp on any kind of “Best List.” Thus, I will go with the surprise appearances by Sam Neill and Matt Damon in the hilarious Thor: Ragnarok that come early on in the film and did wonders to set the film’s offbeat, irreverent, and unexpected tone. And in the case of Neill’s cameo, it also paid nice tribute to director Taika Waititi’s charming-as-can-be previous film, Hunt for the Wilderpeople.

BEST DANCE SCENE Call Me By Your Name could win so many of these fictitious awards: Best Dinner Party, Best Long Take, Best Use of a Peach in the History of Cinema, Best Monologue, heck, the last 20 minutes of the film is pretty much perfection, but the part I keep returning to the most is the near miraculous sequence featuring Armie Hammer’s glorious sixfoot-five fame just letting go with such unabashed abandon to The Psychedelic Furs’ “Love My Way.” It’s truly the stuff of cinematic dreams. And then, when the song returns at another pivotal moment, when so much has changed, well, I get overwhelmed just thinking about it.

2017 MVP Classically trained character actor Michael Stuhlbarg’s IMDB page reads like a greatest hits of the past decade, showing up in crucial supporting roles in a wide array of wonderful pictures. And this year, he pulls off quite the

by meg weichman

darkest hour

C

apturing less than a month in the life of Winston Churchill as he first takes office as Prime Minster of the United Kingdom and sets out to, you know, save the world from tyranny during some of the darkest days of WWII, Darkest Hour gives us a rousing and semi-revealing portrait of the British Bulldog. And as a historic drama featuring a transformative performance (from Gary Oldham as Churchill) and middlebrow storytelling, this is pretty much your standard prestige picture, Oscar-bait stuff. The film’s more theatrical focus on “behind-closed-doors” political meetings and emphasis on rhetoric as his fellow party members seek to have Churchill consider peace talks over his more “never, never, never give up” approach, plods along slowly. That being said though, right now definitely seems like a good time for just about any kind of movie about bringing down fascists.

So by bringing to life such a towering figure of history and telling an important story, the film might not be a masterpiece, but to paraphrase Churchill, the filmmakers definitely didn’t bugger it up.

Laura Dern

hat trick, appearing in Gueillermo del Toro’s well-received The Shape of Water, the one and only Steven Speilberg’s The Post, and Luca Guadagnino’s rapturously received Call Me By Your Name — three films certain to receive some attention come Oscar night.

And that monologue I mentioned in Best Dance Scene, Stuhlbarg gives it, and it’s one of the all-time greats, something actors will study for years to come, a shining example of what it means to be human, and one of the most beautifully moving speeches I’ve ever had the privilege to hear. FUN FACT! His handprints can be found in Traverse City’s own Walk of Fame outside the State Theatre.

BEST PERFORMANCE As far as I am concerned, when I think of the best performances of the past decade, there’s Daniel Day Lewis as Abraham Lincoln, and then there’s James Franco as Tommy Wiseau — that is just how transformative and impressive Franco’s performance in The Disaster Artist is.

And I say this without an ounce of irony or hyperbole; it really is that brilliant.

Franco’s portrayal of the real-life wouldbe Hollywood superstar Tommy Wiseau of The Room fame is not only truly uncanny, it’s also the way he manages to make this laughable weirdo so endearing and relatable that is the true marvel.

BEST ANIMAL PERFORMANCE Again, no, it’s not the Porgs. This year’s best animal/critter/creature performance would have to go to the bird who sits on the shoulder of LaVona Golden — aka Tanya Harding’s abusive mother —in the excellent I, Tonya.

Based on actual archival interview footage with Golden, the bird, portrayed by the very talented bird actor Little Man, steals nearly every scene it is in with the always excellent and awards-contending Allison Jannney, which is truly saying something. Little Man’s comedic timing is flawless and earned him a spot as one of her favorite costars to work with (take that Martin Sheen!).

EYE CANDY AWARD Even though I am contractually obligated to recognize Harrison Ford whenever possible (this is a contract I have made with myself), not to mention my deep and abiding love for Ryan Gosling, somehow the most beautiful thing in Blade Runner 2049 was neither of these gorgeous men. No, their boyish good looks and devil-may-care charm pales in comparison to the majesty of Roger Deakins’ stunning cinematography. If the 12-time Oscar nominee doesn’t finally take home a statue this year, there’s no justice.

shape of water

D

irector Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Pacific Rim) combines his penchant for dark horror with sentimental romance in this fantastical and strange retro fable. It’s a fairy tale about a “princess without a voice,” aka mute custodian Elisa (Sally Hawkins), who falls for an amphibious man (think Creature from the Black Lagoon) being held captive at the secret government facility where she works in 1960s Baltimore. Erotic and even a little kinky, if you are at all creeped out by the thought of human-creature love, this may not be the film for you. Cause as much as you might want to be taken away by the film’s grand romance and heartrending longing, something just doesn’t click. Perhaps the film is just too gruesome, perhaps it is that as splendid as Hawkins’ performance is (you completely forget she isn’t communicating with words), it also is little too simplistic. Or that despite its heavy political and social overtones, the story is pretty thin and the water the film treads in is never as deep as it might think. It fails to deliver the transportive movie magic it so openly seeks to imitate and inspire. No, rather than being a ravishing, wondrous romance, it ends up feeling more like kissing a cold fish.

lady bird

T

his is not, as I had originally thought, a biopic about former First Lady Lady Bird Johnson. No, the Lady Bird in question here is a Sacramento high school senior (Saoirse Ronan) preparing to take the next steps in life and butting heads with her mother (Laurie Metcalf). Yet while this film might not carry the weight of history, in the hands of Ronan and first-time solo director Greta Gerwig, this story of an everyday girl feels nothing less than monumental. Radiantly resonant and achingly relatable, the pitch perfect world of Lady Bird, is not the cutesy indie you might expect from one of our leading hipster ingénues (Gerwig being the star and co-writer of Frances Ha). Certainly indie tiny in pedigree and budget, it manages to emulate big Hollywood entertainment with just the thrill of discovering who you are. Hitting all the familiar high school notes — first love, queen bees, tests, teachers, loss of virginity, drifting away from a best friend, parties, and, yes, even prom — there is nothing revelatory about the territory covered here, yet in no way does it feel like your standard angsty coming-of-age fare. Lady Bird is riding a wave of critical praise, breaking Rotten Tomatoes’ record as the website’s best-reviewed movie of all time. And this hype has its drawbacks. It might leave you going “Oh, huh, that’s it,” and you might not find it to be the masterpiece you’ve been promise. But if you temper your expectations and allow yourself a little distance to let its unassuming magic work on you, you’ll be able to savor its simple and rich rewards.

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 23

nitelife

DEC 30-jan 07

edited by jamie kauffold

Send Nitelife to: events@traverseticker.com

Grand Traverse & Kalkaska ACOUSTIC TAP ROOM, TC 1/5 -- Jeff Fisk - Art Opening w/ Kim Diment, 7-9 1/6 -- Corbin Manikas, 7-9 FANTASY'S, TC Mon. - Sat. -- Adult entertainment w/ DJ, 7-close FIREFLY, TC 12/30 -- G Snacks Acoustic, 9 GT RESORT & SPA, GRAND LOBBY BAR, ACME 1/5 -- Adam Dennis, 7-11 1/6 -- Jim Hawley, 7-11 HAYLOFT INN, TC Thu -- Open mic night by Roundup Radio Show, 8 HOTEL INDIGO BAY BAR, TC 12/30 -- TC Knuckleheads Orchestra, 7 1/5 -- Al Jankowski with DJ Chris Coulston, 7-10 1/6 -- Dune Brothers, 7-10 KILKENNY'S, TC 12/29-30 -- Reverend Right Time & the First Cuzins of Funk, 9:30 12/31 -- One Hot Robot, 9:30 12/4 – 2 Bays DJs, 9:30 Tue -- Levi Britton, 8 Wed -- The Pocket, 8 Thu -- 2 Bays DJs, 9:30 Sun -- Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 7-9 LEFT FOOT CHARLEY, TC 1/1 -- Open Mic Night w/ Rob Coonrod, 6-9 1/5 -- Jim Moore, 6-8

LITTLE BOHEMIA, TC Tue -- TC Celtic, 7-9 Thu -- Robert Abate, 6:30-9 MONKEY FIST BREWING CO., STATE STREET MARKET, TC 1/5 -- Tony Halchak, 7-10 PARK PLACE HOTEL, BEACON LOUNGE, TC Thurs,Fri,Sat — Tom Kaufmann, 8:30 RARE BIRD BREWPUB, TC 1/3 -- Electric Fusion Project, 8:3011 SAIL INN BAR & GRILL, TC Thurs. & Sat. -- Phattrax DJs & Karaoke, 9 STREETERS, TC GROUND ZERO: 12/31 -- The Rock 'Til The Drop Masquerade Ball w/ Live For Tomorrow, Death of The Party, Anchors for Reality, Make This Count, & Damned

by Dawn, 7-11:30 LOUIE LOUIE: 12/31 -- NYE Party 2018 w/ Dueling Pianos, DJs, & Live Bands, 8-11:30 TAPROOT CIDER HOUSE, TC 12/30 -- Live Music, 7-9 Wed -- Open Mic, 7-10 Fri -- Rob Coonrod, 7-9 THE DISH CAFE, TC 1/3 – Mitch McKolay, 6-8 1/4 Nacho Average Comedy w/ Marti Johnson & guests, 7:30-9 Tues & Sat -- Matt Smith, 5-7

THE LITTLE FLEET, TC 12/31 -- NYE Sparkling Celebration w/ DJ Playing Disco Music, 6 Wed -- Tiki Weds. w/ Ukulele Tunes, 6-11 THE PARLOR, TC 1/6 -- Chris Sterr, 8 THE WORKSHOP BREWING CO., TC 12/30 -- Wire in the Wood, 8 Wed -- The Workshop Live Jazz Jam, 6-10 1/6 -- The Charlie Millard Band, 8 UNION STREET STATION, TC 12/30 -- Mainstays, 10 12/31 -- Head for the Hills Live Show, then G-Snacks & 2 Bays DJs, 5 1/2 -- Open Mic w/ Host Chris Sterr, 10 1/3 -- DJ Fasel, 10 1/4 -- Time Fugitives w/ Stu Ford, 10 1/5 -- Happy Hour w/ Harvey Wallbangers, then DJ DomiNate, 5 1/6 -- DJ DomiNate, 10 1/7 -- Karaoke, 10 WEST BAY BEACH HOLIDAY INN RESORT, TC 12/31 -- NYE Party w/ Funkamatics & DJ Motaz, 9 THE BISTRO: Mon -- Levi Britton, 5 Tue -- David Chown, 5 Wed -- Chris Sterr, 5 VIEW NIGHTCLUB: 12/30 -- DJ Motaz, 9 1/4 -- Jazz Night w/ The Jeff Haas Trio, 7-9:30 1/5 -- Jon Archambault Band, 7-9:30; DJ Shawny D, 10-2 1/6 -- DJ Motaz, 10

Antrim & Charlevoix CELLAR 152, ELK RAPIDS 12/30 – Clint Weaner, 7:30-9:30 ETHANOLOGY, ELK RAPIDS 12/30 -- Mark Lavengood, 8-11 12/31 -- Jesse Ray & The Carolina Catfish, 10 1/6 – Seth Bernard, 8 RED MESA GRILL, BOYNE CITY 1/2 -- Tribe of Chiefs, 6-9

SHORT'S BREWING CO., BELLAIRE 12/30 – Luke Winslow-King, 8:30-11 12/31 – Benjaman James, 9-11:30 1/1 – Chris Sterr, 8-10:30 1/2 – Open Mic & Community Jam w/ Seth Bernard, 7:30-10:30 1/3 – Mike Moran, 8-10:30 1/4 – Charlie Millard Band, 8-10:30 1/5 – Johnny P, 8:30-11 1/6 – The Ol’ Microtones, 8:30-11

TAPAWINGO, ELLSWORTH 12/30 -- Benjaman James Band, 6:30-10:30 TORCH LAKE CAFE, EASTPORT Mon — Bob Webb, 6-9 Tues — Kenny Thompson, 7:30 Wed -- Lee Malone, 8 Thu -- Open Mic w/ Leanna Collins, 8 Fri,Sat -- Torch Lake Rock & Soul feat.

Leanna Collins, 8:30

Leelanau & Benzie DICK’S POUR HOUSE, LAKE LEELANAU Sat. — Karaoke, 10-2

SPICE WORLD CAFÉ, NORTHPORT Sat -- The Jeff Haas Trio plus Laurie Sears & Anthony Stanco, 7-10

Party w/ The Standing Hamptons, 9 Thurs. – Open Mic Night: 8-9, all ages; 9-12, 21 & up

LUMBERJACK'S BAR & GRILL, HONOR Fri & Sat -- Phattrax DJs & Karaoke, 9

TUCKER'S OF NORTHPORT 12/31 -- The Broom Closet Boys, 6

PLATTE RIVER INN, HONOR Tue -- Open Mic Night, 7:30

STORMCLOUD BREWING FRANKFORT 12/30 -- Abigail Stauffer, 8-10 12/31 -- NYE Growler Drop, 9 1/5 -- Keith Scott, 8-10 1/6 -- Blake Elliott, 8-10

ST. AMBROSE CELLARS, BEULAH 12/30 -- Lena Maude Wilson, 6-9

THE CABBAGE SHED, ELBERTA 12/31 -- Back to the 80's New Year’s

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VILLA MARINE BAR, FRANKFORT Fri,Sat -- DJ & Dance Party, 9

Emmet & Cheboygan CITY PARK GRILL, PETOSKEY 12/30 -- Soul Patch, 10 12/31 -- Under the Seas NYE Party w/ Jakey Thomas & The Distant Stars, 10 1/4 -- Open Mic Night w/ Lee & Dan, 9 1/5 -- Annex Karaoke, 10 KNOT JUST A BAR, BAY HARBOR Mon,Tues,Thurs — Live music

LEO’S NEIGHBORHOOD TAVERN, PETOSKEY Thurs — Karaoke w/ DJ Micheal Williford, 10 Fri – TRANSMIT, Techno-Funk-Electro DJs, 10 Sun — DJ Johnnie Walker, 9 NORTHERN LIGHTS RECREATION, THE SASSY LOON, HARBOR SPRINGS 12/30 -- Fitch, 9:30

12/31 -- NYE Party w/ Scarkazm, 9:30 1/5 -- Charlie's Root Fusion, 9:30 1/6 -- North 44, 9:30 STAFFORD'S PERRY HOTEL, NOGGIN ROOM, PETOSKEY 12/30 – Ben Overbeek, 8-11 12/31 – A Brighter Bloom, 8-11 1/5 – Sleeping Gypsies, 8-11 1/6 – A Brighter Bloom, 8-11 THE GRILLE AT BAY HARBOR Nightly music

Manistee, Wexford & Missaukee LITTLE RIVER CASINO RESORT, MANISTEE 1/6 -- Frankie Ballard, 8

Otsego, Crawford & Central SNOWBELT BREWING CO., GAYLORD 1/5 – A Brighter Bloom Tue -- Open Jam Night, 6-9

TREETOPS RESORT, GAYLORD Hunter's Grille: Thurs. - Sat. -- Live music, 9

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ACROSS

1 Anthony of the Red Hot Chili Peppers 7 Beethoven and the like 11 Maple tree output 14 Part of ACTH 15 Up to it 16 “In Treatment” actress Wasikowska 17 Period that doesn’t involve levies or charges (almost, except for letters 3 and 9) 19 Shapiro of NPR 20 Tissue additive, sometimes 21 Greek vowel 22 FBI agent Kurt of “Blindspot” 24 Poet Sandburg 26 Chews out 27 Wayne’s “Wayne’s World” cohost 30 “___ du lieber!”

33 Muscles that are crunched 34 It may be shaved or crushed 35 When duels may occur, in westerns 38 His “Frozen Adventure” appeared before “Coco” in theaters 41 “And ___ Was” (1985 Talking Heads hit) 42 Place for a soak (almost, except for letters 2 and 6) 44 Heady brew 45 Daly of “Spider-Man: Homecoming” 47 Vitamin B3 48 Web portal with a butterfly logo 49 Talk incessantly 51 ___-Caps (Nestle candy) 52 It’s really a light crime 54 Van Gogh painting that set an auction record 57 Superfood seen in seed form 59 “I’m not lying!”

60 Place with polar bears, perhaps 61 Some car cleaners, slangily 65 Census info, in part 66 Give quick attention to (almost, except for letters 5 and 7) 69 Flock formation shape 70 Fictitious cookie guy Spunkmeyer 71 Plaza Hotel girl of kid-lit 72 Mess up 73 “Star Wars” universe character Boba ___ 74 Word before date or jacket

DOWN 1 Japanese syllabic writing 2 Matinee figure 3 Puzzle cube creator Rubik 4 Pick up on 5 Needle ___ haystack 6 Bobby-___ (1940s teen) 7 Numbers to crunch 8 ___-Wan Kenobi 9 Luminesces 10 Iroquois Confederacy tribe 11 Some trick-taking feats, in bridge (almost, except for letters 5 and 6) 12 Broadcast 13 Some poker hands 18 Legendary sunken island 23 Southwestern wolf 25 Moby-Dick’s pursuer 27 Central idea 28 Hurting and sore 29 Design again from scratch (almost, except for letters 5 and 6) 31 Broadway composer George M. ___ 32 Drink in a mug 36 Leather shade 37 Rapa ___ (Easter Island) 39 As well 40 “Twin Peaks” actress Sherilyn 43 ___ B’rith 46 Facility 50 Words in some greatest hits album titles 53 One of Buddy Holly’s last hits 54 “___ my doubts” 55 “Copy that” 56 What a star may stand for 58 Held expectations (for) 60 Lemon peel 62 Similar (to) 63 “Deal or No Deal” container 64 Hip or quip ending 67 Box full of model components 68 Peyton’s brother

: I’m a 30-something woman, tall and thin, whom friends describe as beautiful.

Perhaps for this reason, I’m often confronted with rude social assaults by people who assume things are handed to me on a silver platter. I am financially independent and have a full-time job and own a home and car. I dress and act modestly. Yet, I’m repeatedly insulted by people who suggest I got my job and other benefits because of my looks. What can I do to avoid or deflect these demeaning insinuations?

— Not Just Skin Deep

A

: Inner beauty, unfortunately, only turns heads of people with X-ray vision: “Excuse me, miss, but has anyone ever told you that you have a very pretty appendix?”

Sadly, complaints about the difficulty of being eye candy in a world of eye kale tend not to engender much sympathy, and researchers haven’t helped matters. There’s a considerable pile of research that has found a “beauty premium” (especially for women) — a bias toward hiring and promoting the hotties of the workforce — and, depressingly, an “ugliness penalty” holding back the more Shrekalicious among us.

But it turns out that the methodology behind this slew of findings -- and the conclusion that simply having cheerleader good looks acts as a sort of express elevator for your career — was a bit overly broad. According to a 2017 paper by evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa and sociologist Mary Still, once you drill down into the details — control for health, intelligence, and personality characteristics (along with some other individual differences) — you see a more nuanced result: “It appears that more beautiful workers earn more, not because they are beautiful, but because they are healthier, more intelligent,” and have more desirable personality traits: more conscientiousness and extroversion and less neuroticism.

Sure, this probably sounds absurd — this association of good looks with intelligence, a winning personality, and good health.

However, take that last one. It turns out that beauty is more than nice human scenery; it’s also advertising for what’s on the inside.

For example, consider the preference across cultures for faces with “bilateral symmetry.”

“Facial bilateral symmetry” is anthropologistese for both sides of a person’s face being a strong match -- meaning, for example, that one eyelid isn’t a little droopier than the other.

Facial or bodily asymmetry is an indicator

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of the presence of parasites or disease, and we evolved to be drawn to healthy people -though we just think, “What a pretty face!” not “There’s someone who isn’t a foster home for tapeworms!”

I don’t want to go too far into the weeds on why outer beauty might reflect good stuff on the inside. However, for one more example, Kanazawa and Still speculate about the personality benefit associated with being pretty (referencing evolutionary psychologist Aaron Lukaszewski’s research): “Because physically attractive children are more likely to experience positive feedback from interpersonal interactions,” they’re more likely to develop an extroverted personality than less physically attractive children.

Getting back to you, just as previous research on “the beauty premium” failed to zoom in on the details, there’s a good chance you’re seeing your problem a little too broadly — seeing “people” engaging in the “rude social assaults.” Research on sex differences in competition by psychologist Joyce Benenson suggests it’s probably women who are doing most or all of the sneering.

Men — from childhood on — tend to be comfortable with hierarchy and openly duking it out for top spots in a way women are not.

Women tend to engage in covert aggression — like with frosty treatment and undermining remarks — in hopes of making another woman dim her own shine and voluntarily relocate lower down the ladder.

The best way to combat such sniping in the moment is to go placid pokerface, treating their comments like lint to brush off. (There’s little satisfaction in verbally battering somebody who doesn’t appear to care.)

In the long run, however, your best bet is being somebody who’s hard to hate. Research by behavioral economist Ernst Fehr suggests it’s in our self-interest to be altruistic — to engage in behavior that’s somewhat costly to us (in, say, time or energy) in order to benefit other people. This means, for example, developing a reputation as someone who’s always looking out for your colleagues’ interests — like by tipping off co-workers about opportunities and publicly cheering colleagues’ achievements.

Finally, if I’m right that women are your main detractors, consider Benenson’s observation that women show each other they aren’t a threat through sharing vulnerabilities — revealing weaknesses and problems. Ideally, of course, these should be difficulties along the lines of “Sorry I’m late. My car’s a useless piece of tin” and not “Sorry I’m late. ANOTHER guy drove into a pole looking at me, and I had to wait with him for the ambulance.”

Northern Express Weekly • january 01, 2018 • 25

aSTRO

lOGY

major theme for you in 2018. Or at least it should be. But I suppose it’s possible you’re not very interested in soulful beauty, perhaps even bored by it. Maybe you prefer skin-deep beauty or expensive beauty or glamorous beauty. If you choose to follow predilections like those, you’ll lose out on tremendous opportunities to grow wilder and wiser. But let’s hope you make yourself available for a deeper, more provocative kind of beauty -- a beauty that you could become more skilled at detecting as the year unfolds.

with the astrological omens, I suggest you start compiling a list entitled, “People, Places, Ideas, and Things I Didn’t Realize Until Now That I Could Fall in Love With.” And then keep adding more and more items to this tally during the next ten months. To get the project underway in the proper spirit, you should wander freely and explore jauntily, giving yourself permission to instigate interesting mischief and brush up against deluxe temptations.

For best results, open your heart and your eyes as wide as you can. One further clue: Act on the assumption that in 2018 you will be receptive to inspirational influences and life-transforming teachings that you have never before been aware of.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In 2018, your past

will undergo transformation. Your memories will revise and rearrange themselves. Bygone events that seemed complete and definitive will shimmy and shift, requiring new interpretations. The stories you have always told about how you became who you are will have to be edited, perhaps even rewritten.

While these overhauls may sometimes be disconcerting, they will ultimately be liberating.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): ): In 2018, people

will be drawn to you even more than usual. Some will want you to be their rock -- their steady, stable source of practical truth. Some will ask you to be their tonic -- their regular, restorative dose of no-nonsense. And others will find in you a creative catalyst that helps them get out of their ruts and into their grooves. And what will you receive in return for providing such a stellar service?

First, there’ll be many opportunities to deepen and refine your integrity. To wield that much influence means you’ll have to consistently act with high-minded motivations. And secondly, Taurus, you’ll get a steady supply of appreciation that will prove to be useful as well as gratifying.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Influences that

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BY ROB BREZSNY

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Soulful beauty will be a

PIScES (Feb. 19-March 20): In accordance

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oppose you will fade as 2018 unfolds. People who have been resistant and uncooperative will at least partially disengage. To expedite the diminishing effects of these influences and people, avoid struggling with them. Loosen the grip they have on your imagination. Any time they leak into your field of awareness, turn your attention instead to an influence or person that helps and supports you. Here’s another idea about how to collaborate with the cosmic rhythms to reduce the conflict in your life: Eliminate any unconscious need you might have for the perversely invigorating energy provided by adversaries and bugaboos. Find positive new ways to motivate yourself.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I predict that

in 2018 you will figure out how to get your obsessions to consistently work for your greatest good. You will come to understand what you must do to ensure they never drag you down into manic self-sabotage. The resolute ingenuity you summon to accomplish this heroic feat will change you forever. You will be reborn into a more vibrant version of your life. Passions that in the past have drained and confused you will become efficient sources of fuel for your worthiest dreams.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Just because you have

become accustomed to a certain trouble doesn’t mean you should stop searching for relief from that trouble. Just because a certain pain no longer knocks you into a demoralized daze for days at a time doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Now here’s the good news: In 2018, you can finally track down the practical magic necessary to accomplish a thorough healing of that trouble and pain. Make this the year you find a more ultimate cure.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Have you ever

nursed a yearning to speak Swahili or Chinese or Russian? The coming months will be an excellent time to get that project underway. Do you fantasize about trying exotic cuisines and finding new favorite foods? I invite you to act on that fantasy in 2018. Is there a form of manual labor that would be tonic for your mental and physical health? Life is giving you a go-ahead to do more of it. Is there a handicraft or ball game you’d like to become more skilled at? Get started. Is there a new trick you’d like to learn to do with your mouth or hands? Now’s the time.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Before the fifteenth

century, European nations confined their sailing to the Mediterranean Sea. The ocean was too rough for their fragile, unadaptable ships. But around 1450, the Portuguese developed a new k i n d of vessel, the caravel. It employed a triangular sail that enabled it to travel against the wind. Soon, exploratory missions ventured into the open sea and down along the coast of West Africa. Eventually, this new technology enabled long westward trips across the Atlantic. I propose that we make the caravel your symbol of power for 2018, Libra. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will find or create a resource that enables you to do the metaphorical equivalent of effectively sailing into the wind.

ScORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The Aztecs

were originally wanderers. They kept moving from place to place, settling temporarily in areas throughout the land we now call Mexico. An old prophecy told them that they would eventually find a permanent home at a site where they saw an eagle roosting on a cactus as it clutched a snake in its talons. There came a day in the fourteenth century when members of the tribe spied this very scene on an island in the middle of a lake. That’s where they began to build the city that in time was the center of their empire. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, so it can serve as a metaphor to guide you in 2018. I suspect that you, too, will discover your future power spot -- the heart of your domain for years to come.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Not every

minute of every day, but when you have had the time, you’ve been searching for a certain treasure. With patience and persistence, you have narrowed down its whereabouts by collecting clues and following your intuition. Now, at last, you know its exact location. As you arrive, ready to claim it, you tremble with anticipation. But when you peel away the secrets in which it has been wrapped, you see that it’s not exactly what you expected. Your first response is disappointment. Nevertheless, you decide to abide in the presence of the confusing blessing and see what happens.

Slowly, incrementally, you become aware of a new possibility: that you’re not quite ready to understand and use the treasure; that you’ll have to grow new capacities before you’ll be ready for it in its fullness.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Let your

freak flag fly” was an expression that arose from the hippie culture of the 1960s and 1970s. It was a colorful way to say, “Be your most unique and eccentric self; show off your idiosyncrasies with uninhibited pride.” I propose that we revive it for your use in 2018. I suspect the coming months will be a favorable time for you to cultivate your quirks and trust your unusual impulses. You should give yourself maximum freedom to explore pioneering ideas and maverick inclinations.

Paradoxically, doing so will lead to stabilizing and enduring improvements in your life.

NORTHERN EXPRESS

CLASSIFIEDS EMPLOYMENT

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