Career starters HEALTH & WELLBEING
Healing journey Confronting depression and suicidal thinking on a group hike through Men’s Medicine proved a life changer for Alton Anamani. He shares his story with NZ Plumber. It took 31-year-old Alton Anamani many years to realise he was suffering from depression. Alton, who is Professional Development Advisor at Master Plumbers in Wellington, comes from a large extended family, with a Samoan father and a Kiwi mother. “My parents separated when I was 13. I chose to live with my Dad but on occasions would stay at my mums or my cousins (or they at mine) because my Dad worked night shift.” As with so many families, despite being close and loving, a ‘You’ll be all right’ approach was taken to any mention of feeling down. “Sometimes I didn’t want to be here, and I didn’t know why,” he says. At his lowest point, he came close to ending it all and was saved by answering the phone to his auntie, who was desperately calling and texting him to find out where he was.
Numbing the pain “Looking back, I know now that the way I coped as an adult was with alcohol and women. They were my temporary ‘fix’ that gave me the comfort I needed. I didn’t care about the consequences or anyone else’s feelings.” Every week was spent looking forward to drinking with friends at the weekend, thinking it was cool being able to handle the heavy binges. “I wasn’t an alcoholic; just stuck in an environment where, when we had issues, instead of sitting down talking to each other, our first thought was, ‘Sweet, let’s go get a box’,” he recalls. “That never solved anything—when the hangover was gone, the problems were still there.”
The turning point Having a son two years ago finally woke Alton up to the fact that he was unhappy and ashamed of his past actions. He knew he needed help but wasn’t sure where to turn. Then, in September last year, he learned about Men’s Medicine through some friends who had participated in the 20km return hike, and by seeing a video of the experience on his Facebook feed.
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Alton with his son, who recently turned two. Discovering he was going to be a dad was a huge turning point in his life.
“The video was shared by a childhood friend I hadn’t spoken to in years and showed them walking to this amazing waterfall,” says Alton. “His testimony made me tear up, because he was always so staunch. We all thought we knew each other, but we didn’t.” With the next Men’s Medicine walk coming up that October, Alton faced his fears and signed up. “I didn’t want to cry in front of others but knew that if I didn’t book my spot, I never would—it turned out to be the best decision of my life.”
Permission to be vulnerable Men’s Medicine was brought to New Zealand from Australia by Hawke’s Bay man John Robin. By getting men out on a group hike, with exercises and activities along the way, it lets them open up to each other in confidence about their issues with depression and
suicidal thinking. “I was part of a group of 70 men of all ages,” says Alton. “I love nature, so could relate to this approach.” After the walk, he shared his story with friends and family and was blown away by the support he received. “The more we talk about our struggles, the more it normalises them,” he says. “Taking part in the hike gave me permission to be vulnerable and made me realise I’m not alone. Through Men’s Medicine I’m now happily involved with Amend and if my story can help even one other person, that’s enough.”
Find out more about Men’s Medicine at facebook.com/wearemensmedicine and watch a hike video at www.facebook.com/ watch/?v=1354391241389470. Walks and workshops for both men and women are also available through related organisation Amend: amendmovement.com
