O&AN | August 2015

OUTANDABOUT NASHVILLE.COM

AUGUST 2015

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LETTER

from the

This month’s issue of O&AN focuses on marriage.

Shortly after we went to press last month, the Supreme Court handed down its decision in Obergefell v. Hodges and made same-sex marriage the law of the land. Coming as it did on the day Nashville Pride began, the decision gave Tennesseans more of a reason for Pride than they’ve had in a long time. By the end of Friday, dozens of couples had already married, and the community and its allies came out in force to celebrate.

I was present for the first six weddings at the Davidson County Clerk’s Office, and the excitement was palpable. News crews from all the major stations, newspapers, and blogs in town were there, and you could tell that, even for many of them, it wasn’t just a big news day: it was something special. Crew members were smiling, tweeting, talking, and joking around. The couples, however, seemed overwhelmed.

Some came thinking the place would be lined with protestors (I saw none). Some came thinking there wouldn’t be that much news (there were dozens of people there for the first few ceremonies).

Others expected there would be more couples there to tie the knot (quite a few certificates were issued, and Megan Barry stayed busy marrying people all weekend).

It wasn’t surprising how quickly the excitement died down and reality settled back.

After the first third or fourth of the weddings I was the only person from a news source that remained.

I stayed for a couple of more hours and when I left, I was happy I had stayed longer. I got to meet a few more couples and really talk to a few people,

EDITOR

including Councilman Peter Westerholm, who joined Barry in standing ready to marry any couple who wanted it.

From those news people in the office to public servants like Barry and Westerholm, something important again showed itself. After decades—or millennia—of oppression, it’s really hard to shake the feeling that you stand alone, but in this fight the allies have shown themselves true. Westerholm and others, who pushed for domestic partner benefits for city workers and other LGBT-friendly measures, stood to gain nothing tangible from working on behalf of our community but risked much aligning himself with such a polarizing issue.

Westerholm’s explanation for why he supports our community on issues like this is simple: “it’s the right thing to do.” The lesbian couple Westerholm married that morning was his first wedding, and when we talked about it later he said, “the couple I just married, they’ve got a nine month old…. Knowing that they will be able to have all the rights and privileges and protections of marriage, for them and for their child, that’s critical and that’s why I’m here, to be a part of that.”

In the months to come, we at O&AN will continue to spotlight the trials and tribulations on the trail to fully realizing marriage equality, and to share the joyous events in the lives of the LGBT people of Middle Tennessee. If you, or friends living in the area, have an engagement or wedding, please contact us at editor@outandaboutnashville. com. @jamesallengrady NOTE: COVER PHOTOGRAPH features ONE at Cannery Row

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Writers: Eric Adler, Christina Allison, James Grady, Lisa Howe, Chris Sanders, Ron Sanford, Amy Sulam, Paige Turner, Bobbi Willliams, Stephen Wyatt Photographers: James Grady, Julius Greene Cover Photograph: Rebecca Adler Illustration: Shahid Muhammad Cartoonist: Damon Xanthopoulos National Advertising Representative: Rivendell Media 1248 Route 22 West Mountainside, NJ 07092 212-242-6863

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AUGUST 2015

JUNE 26

GAVE US ALL RENEWED

DREAMS.

89% of LGBT homeowners firmly believe that home ownership is a good investment, and 75% of non-homeowners feel the same.* The LGBTs surveyed believe a Supreme Court ruling for marriage equality would make them feel more fiscally protected and confident (81%), which are key drivers in a strong real estate market.

82% of LGBT millennials are concerned about rising rents, and 59% plan to have children in the future, making the motivation for homeownership stronger.

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615-369-3278 @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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MARRIAGE EQUALITY

days before State employees received a notice that they had 60 days to add their same-sex spouse to their benefits plan.

Still, before we get too excited, there is some less happy news: the weddings have barely begun but the honeymoon is over! Tennessee State employees are not protected from discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. An employee of the State could add their same-sex spouse to their benefits and then be fired for the sole reason of having a same-sex spouse.

Tennessee discriminates in its supply chain and allows all of its cities and contractors to deny hard-working, tax-paying LGBT business owners access to a level playing field. Judge Carol McCoy dismissed the plaintiffs’ claims, in Howe vs. Haslam, that HB600 is unconstitutional. At least she did sign an order that HB600 does not apply to local Educational Agencies.

If a company offers health benefits to spouses, they will have to offer the same benefits to same-sex spouses. However, companies that are self-insured, which means they assume the insurance risks for their own employees, a common practice among large companies, aren’t under the same legal constraints. There is technically no legal requirement that a self-insured company has to include a same-sex spouse. Companies who selfinsure but deny benefits to same-sex spouses will, however, be vulnerable to discrimination suits.

In Tennessee, we will probably have unnecessary debate and proposed legislation, like the Pastoral Protection Act and a new call to impeach Governor Haslam for abiding by the Supreme Court ruling. There will be time, money, and energy spent in the upcoming legislative session, when we will likely see legislation proposed that allows businesses to deny services to LGBT people based on their owners’ deeply held religious beliefs. We fully expect that type of bill to be a response to same-sex marriage.

Just as we had a patchwork of laws when the federal government and some, but not all, states recognized marriage, we will continue to have a patchwork of laws until every LGBT American citizen is protected from discrimination in employment, housing, and access to public accommodations.

AFTER THE HONEYMOON LISA HOWE | @lisahowetn

Since the Supreme Court’s decision on marriage equality, the LGBT Chamber has been receiving many calls and e-mails asking for recommendations for venues, caterers, and people willing to officiate same-sex weddings.

The Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce is proud to be a trusted source to help prospective couples identify, local LGBT-friendly wedding vendors.

We have seen our membership in the wedding vendor category more than double since May. We are working with The Perfect Wedding Guide to co-host two mock weddings (a female couple and a male couple) on August 26th at Hotel Indigo.

In addition to Hotel Indigo and the Perfect Wedding Guide, some of the more intentional marketing efforts we’ve seen from our members since June 26th were: • The Freedom to Wed event at Scarritt-Bennett Center, which took place on July 5th • OZ Arts Nashville turned their logo rainbow colors on June 26th.

Nothing says come get married at our venue like a rainbow logo.

• Baker Donelson and other members will present information about new tax implications, HR policies and best practices, social security, and more.

The LGBT Chamber and our members are prepared to educate, inform, and help individuals, organizations, and companies prepare for any changes in taxation, transition plans, benefits, and more. The Social Security Administration contacted the LGBT Chamber on Monday, June 29th to explain they will be in full compliance, but they need a week or two to update their systems. We have seen local counties having to update their systems and forms, and we stand ready to assist people going forward.

I was impressed with the speed at which most Tennessee counties started issuing marriage licenses, with a little help from TEP, I’m sure. Even though the Attorney General fought to the bitter end, he and Governor Haslam complied with the Supreme Court ruling within hours, unlike their peers in other affected states. It was just a matter of

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AUGUST 2015

While I believe the LGBT community, advocacy organizations, businesses, and city and business leaders will be prepared to combat the backlash that is probably coming, the most effective way for individual LGBT people and their families to respond is to speak with their money. They can direct their business to those who stand with them, using the Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce as a source for all of their business referrals.

ENTERTAINME COMMUNITY ENTERTAINMEN PHOTOS ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT COMMUNITY COMMUNITY COMMUNITY COMMUNITY PHOTOS NEWS PHOTOS PHOTOS PHOTOS Lisa Howe

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OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

AUGUST 2015

‘WHAT’S NEXT?’ FOR LGBT ADVOCACY

SECURING MARRIAGE, RESISTING THE BACKLASH, AND LOCAL ADVANCES CHRIS SANDERS

“What’s next” as both a question and an answer started ringing out in the weeks before the Supreme Court marriage ruling. An eagerness to move on is evident in some quarters.

In some ways, “what’s next” is getting back to what we have worked on for years—workplace equality, safe schools, and other aspects of comprehensive civil rights protections. Every equality advocacy organization I know of is committed to the full range of issues affecting our community.

The fact that there has been so much media coverage of the marriage issue may have confused some people, but those who are working and volunteering in advocacy fields know that the work on all our issues continues.

Let me put it another way. I don’t recall the leader of any major organization saying at 10:30 a.m. on June 26, “We’re done.”

Implementing marriage: All the other issues are urgent and have been urgent for years, but we’re not quite finished with marriage yet. Marriage equality was not a done deal even when the decision came down. Supreme Court rulings have to be implemented. TEP and organizations in other states had to devote substantial time to helping people get married, secure their benefits, and get their documents changed.

I think we were ahead of the game in Tennessee since we had prepared for over a year. It’s a good thing, too. TEP marriage sentinels began calling county clerks around the state immediately to check on their compliance. They continued to call and advocate until all 95 were in compliance. We had best and fastest compliance in the South.

As I’ve read the stories about problems in other states, I think we made a wise investment of time.

The Legislature strikes back: As soon as the Supreme Court decision was announced, some state legislators began talking about a special session this summer

and about bills to limit the impact of the ruling.

Our policy team went to work and reached out to legislative leadership to assess the situation and to slow things down. I think we may avoid a special session, a session that would have been a disaster. But whenever the Legislature reconvenes, the bad bills are coming.

The best I can tell, we will face at least three kinds of anti-marriage equality bills.

There will be bills designed to protect clergy and congregations, businesses, and elected officials like county clerks from having to serve LGBT people.

Clergy and congregations are already protected by the First Amendment. The government cannot compel clergy or congregations to participate in marriages that they deem invalid. The bill seems to imply that clergy and congregations are not protected and that the LGBT community is trying to use the government to force them to support equality.

I am not aware of any organization whose strategy involves compelling them to marry anyone they don’t want to.

Businesses are probably also protected in Tennessee, and by that I mean that LGBT people are not protected. In other words, because sexual orientation and gender identity are not part of state and federal human rights laws, we can be turned away from public accommodations or businesses. But we should still resist any Religious Freedom Restoration (RFRA) proposals, like the 2014 Turn the Gays Away bill. They are nothing more than a way to drum up hate against our community.

Elected officials are another matter.

Exempting clerks from having to provide marriage licenses to same-sex couples is a tricky business because it would precisely be enforcing Tennessee’s ban on samesex marriage, which the Supreme Court overturned. If a county did not provide a way for all couples to get married on an equal basis, then I am not sure that an opt-out law for clerks could withstand a court challenge.

Forming what we call POWER Teams around the state is a priority to address these bills. We’re not waiting until January. We recruiting now and we hope to begin training sessions in September. We need an informed, dedicated group to have any chance of prevailing. I expect a strong effort.

The “what’s next” that is a bit more positive: I don’t believe that LGBT-positive legislation is going to move in the Tennessee General Assembly. 2016 is going to be another year of playing defense. I would also be surprised if anything helpful passes in the current U.S. Congress. Our best option is at the local level, meaning counties and cities.

TEP released our local government advocacy agenda in April, and I will not rehash all of it. But here are a few quick notes. I think we can do better in building systems to address violence against our community and domestic violence within our community by working with district attorneys, law enforcement, and community non-profits.

LGBT youth homelessness in our larger cities can decline if we effectively advocate for local governments to commit

real budget dollars to transitional housing.

I think our cities are making some progress on the issue, but I am personally tired of the endless conversations about the problem of homelessness. I am intensely interested in seeing whether our cities have the will to take a moral and fiscal stand.

I think we can make progress in getting gender confirmation healthcare coverage for transgender people who work for local governments. It is true that it is well past time to do it, but it is also true that we have never been better positioned to advocate for it.

When one looks at the totality of what is ahead for Tennessee’s LGBT community, we have the usual mixture. On the one hand, we have battles we have to fight because of the hate and discrimination being thrown at us, particularly in the Legislature. But we also have some important choices to make about the positive advances to pursue at the local level. We can protect our community and move forward. Let’s speak with a clear, sustained voice and get it done!

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MARRIAGE EQUALITY...ALMOST

DIFFICULTIES AND LEGAL ISSUES REMAIN JAMES GRADY | @jamesallengrady

Though clearly the fight for LGBT civil rights is far from over, it may be tempting to declare victory in the war for same-sex marriage, especially given the remarkable speed with which states, including Tennessee, complied with the order. After all, Davidson County was prepared to begin issuing same-sex marriage licenses within ONE HOUR after the order was handed down.

However, a number of states have resisted the roll-out of same-sex marriage via a variety of legal technicalities. And within our own home state, beyond the possibility of a legislative backlash, inconveniences and potential legal issues have already arisen that should give us pause.

Currently, some states are allowing county clerks to refuse to issue marriage licenses, citing a period of time during which states could ask the Supreme Court to reconsider its ruling. So far no state has seemed inclined to bring such a challenge, and it is even more unlikely that the court, having just ruled, would accept the challenge. In other cases, clerks are simply refusing to issue the licenses, on grounds of personal beliefs.

In Decatur County, Tennessee, the clerk and her staff did the right thing— they resigned rather than act against their “sincerely held religious beliefs.”

They made a decision that they opposed the right to marry but did not infringe upon the rights of citizens.

In Kentucky, on July 9, 2015, Governor Steve Beshear ordered Casey County Clerk Casey Davis to begin

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issuing same-sex marriage licenses or resign. Not only did Davis refuse to resign, he also refused to issue the certificates, and only a lawsuit could really give anyone leverage to force him to take one of the governor’s options.

He promised to “lean on the Lord,” and said he was willing to suffer jail for his beliefs.

But in Tennessee, where all counties came into compliance during the week following the ruling, the issue seems largely a moot point. All clerks are following the law: they are required to issue the licenses but not required

then they have created a situation where their religious beliefs dominate marriage in their region. Since in many counties where this has occurred officials have stopped performing all marriage, this subjects all couples to the whims of local religious leaders, or forces them to undertake the costs associated with traveling to find a place where they can get married.

Rebecca Davenport and Amy Hall have been together for eight years, and had a commitment ceremony in August 2010. Both have contributed to O&AN in the past and when marriage passed, Rebecca contacted me, entirely unsure of what to do. The couple is resident in Williamson County, and when they began to explore their options they found out that the office there had halted all weddings.

“So, not only were we turned away by the county clerk of our county of residence, Williamson, we were also unable to be married by the Davidson County Clerk.” to perform marriages. Citing various reasons, a number of clerks across the state have ceased providing marriage ceremonies. While this is their right, the confusion and inconvenience it causes affects all citizens, not just LGBT people.

If a county clerk refuses to perform a marriage and a couple has trouble finding a minister or to marry them (or doesn’t want a minister to marry them), they are entirely reliant on finding a public official to marry them. Civil marriage is precisely that—civil—and should not be held hostage by religion.

But if elected officials and other government-authorized agents refuse to do their duty and perform civil marriages,

OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

AUGUST 2015

“We didn’t know what steps to take and were leery of taking them in Williamson County,” Davenport said, “which isn’t exactly gay friendly. We the found out that Williamson County had suddenly had a ‘budget crisis’ and said they were ‘unable’ to perform any weddings.”

As the logic of the clerks’ religious defenders goes, the answer is “get your license and find an officiant, or travel to Davidson County, if you don’t like it.” This is supposedly not an unfair burden—though the clerks themselves refuse on the ground of a supposed burden—but the couple explicitly did not want to be married by a religious figure, and the elected officials responsible for

undertaking this duty weren’t stepping forward.

So Davidson County it was. “We inquired with the Davidson County Clerk’s Office about getting married by the Davidson County Clerk,” Davenport said. “We were told that, since we didn’t live in Davidson County, the Davidson County Clerk could not marry us.” Since county clerks answer to the citizens who pay their bills, this rule makes sense.

But it also shows that, if a clerk turns you away, you can’t always find another one. “So, not only were we turned away by the county clerk of our county of residence, Williamson, we were also unable to be married by the Davidson County Clerk. We had no choice but to find an officiant on our own since our own county refused to marry us.”

Friends, thankfully, were able to connect Davenport and Hall with one of Davidson County’s champions of LGBT rights, Councilman Peter Westerholm, who agreed to perform their ceremony.

Not only did he meet them on their chosen day, he reserved the Nashville Metro Courthouse Council Chambers for the event, and the couple was legally married at 3:00 pm on July 16th, 2015.

The essential thing to remember here is that, had the couple not reached out to friends with sufficient connections, they might not have known to whom they could turn or have been able to arrange to have their marriage solemnized, forcing them to do what they did not want to do and seek out a minister or to defer indefinitely their legal rights. Consider that the next time a public official’s “sincerely held” beliefs seems compelling.

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BOUND AND GAGGE D Since winning season seven of RuPaul’s Drag Race (RPDR), Violet Chachki has been a busy girl. Besides all of her traveling (she’s coming to Nashville on August 7), she has also released her first album, Gagged. In advance of her visit, Chachki agreed to talk with O&AN, giving us the chance to talk with this “one of a time collectable” about RPDR, life after the show, and Gagged, which features five dynamic club tracks that make you want to get

the second episode, and that’s what I wanted. When performing, you have to be yourself, want it and just go for it.”

Violet clearly had the confidence.

She rose to stardom and won RPDR after only three years in the business. So what are her inspirations? Her name, a Yiddish word for trinkets, comes from her love of collecting. “I actually collect chachkis,” she said. “Different Avon bottles, perfumes, clown figurines and different types of random bric-a-brac

I had gotten back from a trip from New York. I remember thinking, ‘If I don’t get on the show, I’m just going to move to New York and that’s going to be that’. So I started planning my life and then I got on the show and I moved to New York.

I really wanted it. I really wanted to be on the show and I was determined to get on and move. It was very gratifying to set a goal and accomplish it. It was very amazing.”

Winning the title has brought on a lot more attention Violet’s way. “I’ve received a lot of feedback,” she shared.

On the positive side, many people look up to her and give praise. “I try not to

up and dance. Violet shared with some of the influences for not only the album, but also her life in drag, her name, her unique style and how it’s been for herin the LGBT community.

I, of course, opened with a hardhitting question: “Did you know you were going to win early on like we did?”

Chachki laughed and humbly replied, “No, it was a really close call.

And is there proof that you said that?”

Fortunately, there is.

“Confidence,” Violet said, “is probably one of the biggest things you can take away from the show. If you want something, you are going to have to get out and do it. You called it from

kind of things. Now that I’m trying to move, I’m less of a hoarder. I at least used to be a hoarder. I’ve toned down to my favorite chachkis on display, as I used to feel like a crazy cat lady. I collect all types of stuff, and my house is overflowing with all types of crap.”

Even before the show, Violet said, “RuPual was very big influence to be on the show as she has really capitalized on drag world market and it’s really inspiring to see someone as hardworking as she is.”

And like many other queens who auditioned for the show, it was a kind of do-or-die test for her future career.

“I auditioned last season. I remember

dwell on the negative, as it’s toxic. This season particularly, the fans have been out of hand, in my opinion. They can be really rude and hateful.”

This comes with being a celebrity, of course. Violet continued, “People see the show and they see the fantasy of it. They forget that we are gay boys in dresses trying to do art. They can be really degrading and hurtful. They get caught up in the show and forget how to separate realty from realty TV. It’s very frustrating and part of me wants to snap on people and tell them off. People don’t have an idea to how hard we work.”

She tries to not engage the out-ofhand fandom on social media. “They

AN INTERVIEW WITH VIOLET CHACHKI STEPHEN WYATT | @stunningstephen

feel entitled, as if they own us. It’s getting ridiculous,” she shared. “I want to respond sometimes, but I just remind myself, ‘continue doing your art’. We are hustling so hard. It’s not easy.”

Being on the show brings advantage, but it also puts you in a box, it turns out. “Drag isn’t taken seriously in the mainstream world,” she told us.

“We are just the RuPaul girls. It’s hard to shed the title of a RuPaul girl and get the individuality. As a drag queen, you don’t get taken seriously and people won’t give you the time of day. It’s tough when your own queer community is hating on you. It would be awesome to have someone inside and outside of the gay community that is uplifting and pushing us to be successful and push the

gay agenda. You come home from a hard day’s work and you have all these haters on Instagram and Twitter. It’s a shame that people will get hateful in their own community.”

It’s not all negative, of course.

Unfortunately, when it comes to the positive feedback, Violet doesn’t get much of a chance to read it, as she doesn’t care to sift through all of the negative. She doesn’t feel she deserves that.

Chachki is very excited about her new album, but one song, in particular, is her favorite. “I think I like Bettie best,” she said, “because I loved the way the video turned out. I got to work with @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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Tommy Lee on that particular song. It was gratifying to have Tommy Lee work on one of your tracks. I like the visual that goes along with the music, and it’s one of the coolest songs of the LP. It was like one of my babies.”

Clowns, she said, were one of her inspirations for the Gagged. She explained, “I love clowns. If you think about it, clowns only have one outfit and one look. I’m a very visual person, and I feel like a clown half the time. Back then, it was kind of the only visual people had for entertainment.”

The latest video that was released was for her single, “Vanguard,” has a very strong message, along with an amazing display of Violet’s background in aerial silks. The video shows Violet doing something as simple as ordering food at a fast-food restaurant, only to get bullied by three transphobic men. Not only does she, but the entire restaurant rise above the hate. Truly inspiring.

Though one might question the realism of a queen like Chachki eating in a fast-food restaurant, she laughingly assured, “I eat all the time. There are actually pictures of me eating. Not necessarily fast food.”

And the inspiration for the video was soberingly real. “It is actually based

on a real life experience that happened to me in Australia. I was in a McDonald’s eating fries at three in the morning … so I guess I have eaten fast food. There were some locals that were trying to fight me while in drag. I was ready to beat their asses, but my friend shoved me out of the restaurant before it could get physical.”

After I mentioned how inspiring it was to see the characters in the video coming to the aid of a drag queen, Chachki discussed how the times have changed and things are improving. “It goes along with the times,” sshe shared. “I think it is a great time to be a gay person, a drag queen, a transwoman and a queer person in general. There is a lot of strength in numbers, and I definitely wanted to show that. That’s what “Vanguard” means— it’s like a military force and there is a lot of support out there.”

Chachki’s Gagged is available now on iTunes and all major online retailers. For more information, visit Instagram.com/violetchachki, Twitter. com/violetchachki and Facebook.com/ violetchachki. In addition to the album, you can find more of Violet’s products for sale at shop.VioletChachki.com, where she sells playtime products with an adult twist, including her signature jawbreaker candy ball gag!

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Couples Reaffirm Out-of-State Unions, Begin Tying the Knot

On June 26, 2015, the United States Supreme Court ruled on Obergefell v.

Hodges, and in doing so changed the social and political landscape for LGBT people across this country. While the majority of people already lived in states with marriage equality, so long as any state rejected the legality of their marriages, LGBT people were not secure in the rights marriage granted to them.

The decision was met with celebration, and in Nashville the atmosphere was electric as the decision came just as the city’s Pride festival opened. But beyond the general celebration, the decision also brought a wave of marriages, as couples both long-standing and new rushed to the courthouse to make the historic date their marriage anniversaries.

Some were enthusiastic young couples who had seen amazing progress even during their short relationships. Others had been together for decades and, until that day, had always doubted they would live to see the day. When it came, they seized it.

This month, Out & About Nashville invited Tennessee same-sex couples to share news of their weddings and engagements with our readers in honor of the Supreme Court’s historic ruling. Some of the couples who replied had already been married for years in other states, but found themselves “newly legal” in Tennessee, while some have only just begun long engagements.

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AUGUST 2015

Rachel & Amber Stanton Were married on October 15, 2012 Rachel Stanton and Amber Spann met at a Business Networking International meeting in February of 2010. They connected again several months later when Rachel contacted Amber in order to obtain information on how to buy a last minute ticket to the spring concert of Nashville in Harmony.

When they spoke, they both realized that the relationships they had been in at their first meeting had ended, and they soon began dating.

Their union was celebrated on October 15, 2011 at a ceremony in Nashville, TN. They were legally married in Boston, Massachusetts, on October 15, 2012. They work together to promote diversity and cultural sensitivity in the workplace through their business, Diversity Builder. They welcomed their first child, Ryman, into the world on November 30, 2013 and are thrilled that their family of three is now recognized all over the United States.

Todd Forsythe & Kevin Lovette Were married on December 8, 2012 Todd wrote: My Husband Kevin Lovette and I began dating on October 26, 2011.

Kevin is originally from St. Louis, but twenty years ago he loaded up a U-Haul and left for Nashville after one visit to Fan Fair. Kevin fell in love with country music well before he fell in love with me, haha. I am originally from Knoxville and decided to move back to Tennessee in 2005, after living in Florida for nine years. I decided to make Nashville my new home, and it was time to be closer to my family again. Kevin is in healthcare, and I am in property management.

We were not together long before we knew we wanted to be together forever. I told Kevin that we needed to be together for at least one year before actually tying the knot. I had remembered Pastor Cindy, former pastor of Holy Trinity in West Nashville, stating in one of her sermons that she would not marry anyone unless they had been together for at least one year, as she believed it took at least that long to really get to know your partner.

That really stuck with me, and we vowed to make that commitment.

So after what felt like a long wait, we were happily married on December 8, 2012 by Greg Trulson at the Moose Meadow Lodge, in Duxburry Vermont.

Greg had actually performed the very first gay wedding in Vermont when it was legalized there in September of 2009. But what would be a wedding in

Vermont with two boys from Tennessee without bringing a little bit of country to the occasion? So we chose “I Could Not Ask for More,� by Sara Evans, as our wedding song.

Since the moment we were wed, we both felt something different. It felt fantastic, like our commitment to one another was sealed for life. It was exciting to come back to Nashville and celebrate with all of our friends. And, little did we know that just two-and-a-half years later, on June 26, 2015, our marriage would be legal and recognized in all fifty states.

What a momentous day that was which brought tears of joy to our eyes.

That feeling we both had on our wedding day was just magnified times a hundred, and we could not be happier and more in love, and we are even more prepared to spend the rest of our lives together, till death do us part.

Tracy & Brandi Elliott Were married on October 31, 2014 Tracy wrote: We have been together for 2 years, although we met approximately seven years ago. We have been happily married for ten months. We had a beautiful ceremony at Cannonsburgh Village in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, on September 27, 2014, with our closest family and friends present. We were both blessed enough to have our parents present. We could not have asked for a more perfect day. We were surrounded by love and support.

We later went to Essex, Connecticut, and were legally married on October 31, 2014. Life is good especially now that our home state recognizes our love and commitment the same as any other. #LoveWins Carrie & Marissa Monroe Were married on March 30, 2015 Carrie wrote: We met in 2008 at our place of employment. We quickly became friends, and over time we realized we had something special. We started dating March 30, 2010. I knew that I had found my soulmate. With our 5 year anniversary coming up we both agree we were ready for the next step, so we married on March 30, 2015, in Indianapolis, Indiana. We had an amazing private wedding dinner at City Winery here in Nashville.

I changed my name from Carrie Hutsell to Carrie Monroe. We celebrated by going to Pride Fest and doing the Equality Walk with my seven-year-old cousin, Madison. The night before Pride we celebrated with Madison by baking a

Rachel & Amber Stanton

Todd Forsythe & Kevin Lovette

Tracy & Brandi Elliott

Carrie & Marissa Monroe @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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rainbow cake and making ‘Love Wins’ signs for the walk. We had tried our best to explain to Madison what Pride was and why this one was so special. She seemed to understand but you never know how much a child really understands. But while we were watching one of the performances at Pride, Madison grabbed Marissa’s hand and mine and put them together to hold hands. She said, It’s the law now, it’s ok.”

Annie (Schleicher) Brinn & Jenn Brinn

Roman & Jonathan Laws-Milburn

Janet & Pam Raymer

Jeffrey Leach & Nick Pride

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Annie (Schleicher) & Jenn Brinn Were wed on June 6, 2015 Annie wrote: From the first time I met Jenn, I knew she was someone special.

After dating for almost three years, I proposed to Jenn by the ocean on December 29, 2013, in her hometown of Ormond Beach, Florida. True to form, Jenn returned the proposal in Nashville on January 31, 2014, followed by a huge surprise engagement party where the people most important to us helped us celebrate.

Originally, we planned to have a ceremony in Nashville in June followed by a New York trip, during which we would make our union legal. However, we opted for an incredibly intimate (and legal) marriage ceremony at the same place where I had originally proposed to Jenn, where she grew up. My mom, Joan Schleicher, officiated and our only guests were immediate family members. It was a perfect moment we’ll both treasure forever.

We kept our “elopement” a secret until our wedding ceremony at The Cordelle on June 6, 2015, in Nashville, my hometown. Both family and friends were present, over 140 of them, all openly celebrating our journey together.

It was during that beautiful ceremony that we surprised our guests with the announcement that we had been legally married in Florida. This time, our dear friend Will Hale and my uncle (a Lutheran bishop in Michigan), officiated—the theme of their words came through clearly, that “Love Is Love.”

Rather than the traditional fatherdaughter dance, our respective bridal parties and guests joined us on the dance floor for a night of love, laughter, joy, and an overwhelming sense of happiness. The fact that we are gay was irrelevant; what mattered to our guests was the love we feel for one another and that we are actively choosing to forge a union together. Leaving our reception, guests played instruments, whistled, and applauded to the music of the Lumineers’ “Ho Hey” while we held hands tightly

and ran to begin our lives together.

That night, followed by a week in Los Cabos where we honeymooned, will forever be stamped in both our memories in the best possible way. We felt not only free to be true to our authentic selves, but celebrated for it. It’s amazing that only a few weeks later, the Supreme Court took action and made it so that regardless of our locale, the marriage vows that mean so much to both of us would be legal everywhere. Another reason to celebrate!

Roman & Jonathan Laws-Milburn Were married on June 26, 2015 Roman Milburn and Jonathan Laws were Wed in Nashville on June 26th 2015, with Megan Barry officiating and Senator Jeff Yarbro as witness. They had been engaged for a year-and-a-half.

Roman Milburn an aspiring high school history teacher and Jonathan laws an aspiring chemical engineer, and they live in the Belle Meade area of Nashville.

Roman wrote: We would like to thank all of our friends and family for all of the cards, gifts and congratulations that they have bestowed upon us. We want to take this time to say thank you for the love and support of our families, especially my father and mother, Rik Milburn and the late Sylvia Taylor, and Jonathan’s father and mother, Jay and Carol Breaux.

We would, on a personal note, like to say that it is an honor to know that we share the same anniversary as so many thousands of other American men and women who were married on June 26th, and we would like to take this time to say a huge congratulations to all of those couples. We wish you all well and many happy and joyous years together. Love won!

Jeffrey Leach & Nick Pride Were married on June 30, 2015 Jeffrey and Nick were wed at the Davidson County Clerk’s Office at Howard School. The couple have been together twenty-four years. Jeffrey is from Owensboro, Kentucky and works for Metro Planning Department. Nick is a native Nashville resident and is selfemployed.

Janet & Pam Raymer Were married on July 1, 2015 Janet Garrett and Pam Raymer were wed on July 1, 2015, in Gallatin, Tennessee, after six years together.

Penny Carroll & Susan Alexander Were married on July 2, 2015 Penny wrote:

She walked across the room and I thought she was the most beautiful thing ever. She was hosting a house concert.

She ignored me the whole night. A few weeks later, I used my Aunt Sherry Lynn to woo her. Little did I know she’d been stalking me on Facebook.

We knew at two months that we wanted to spend our lives together. It was more than the magic and romance. We felt like home to each other. We had the same values that were based on kindness, patience and generosity. Oh, and Susan said she took out a life insurance policy the day after and looks forward to that social security check.

Our marriage is about our commitment to one another. In our vows, I promised to focus on the positive, less on the negative and have faith that she will learn to put away the Tupperware properly. Susan vowed to she would clean up all the gross stuff as long as I did all of the computer stuff.

We honestly didn’t do anything to prepare. We didn’t have gay men wedding planners on speed dial, so we settled for our amazing straight friends, Rayne and Noelle. Sister Opal Rayne Leonard, Ordained Minister according to our marriage certificate, found her path forty-eight hours before our wedding, via the internets. They were amazing.

We were the first same-sex couple to marry in my hometown, Hohenwald, Tennessee. We actually suspect we may have been the first couple married by a woman in such a Church of Christ dominated town.

We cried and laughed through most of our vows. Our family showed up. We each got to marry our favorite person. It was the best day of our lives.

Ramona & Terry Householder-Murray Were married July 12, 2015 Ramona wrote: I was born in Nashville and raised in Northwest Ohio, and Terry was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. Terry and I met thirty-some years ago. We both went our separate ways and found each other again about six years ago. We transferred to Nashville with my job about five years ago. We miss our families, who are still in Ohio but love it here in Nashville. We have two daughters, a granddaughter and a grandbaby on the way. Both of our mothers are Unitarians and have supported us (our fathers are dead). It was through them we learned about the wonderful people at the Unitarian churches. [Ramona and Terry’s wedding on Sunday July 12, 2015 was part of a nationwide day of same-sex marriages

performed by Unitarian churches to honor the Supreme Court’s ruling] We both have been waiting for the day, not really believing it would be in our life-times that we could legally marry the person we love. Love is precious and special and anyone who shares this should be allowed to marry LEGALLY. Keisha Thomas & Megan Graf To be married September 12, 2015 Keisha wrote: Megan and I met in college working at the campus wellness center together.

She was my student manager, and I was the special events intern. After graduation, Megan moved to Nashville to take a job, while I stayed in West Virginia.

For a year, we dated long distance, until I finally moved to Nashville in 2011. We have been together since August of 2010, engaged since August 31st, 2013, and will be married in Pittsburgh on September 12, 2015!

William Foster & Jessie Ray Kinman To be married October 10, 2015 William wrote: My name is William Foster. Most people call me Bill. My partner, Jesse Ray Kinman, and I have been together for a little over two years. I was in a twenty-eight year marriage to my ex-wife prior to coming out, and Jesse was in a thirteen year same sex relationship before we met. As usual, there were a myriad of hurdles standing in our way when we first met, but I knew in my spirit that he was different the first time I held him in my arms. It was like an electric shock went through me. It could not be ignored. We have been together almost every day since about two weeks after we met.

After two years, any sane reasons that I had for not being in this relationship had vanished. I knew that I wanted this man with me for the remainder of this lifetime.

I had planned a trip to Chicago for us to visit my best friend, Richard DeChene, where I would propose under “The Bean” sculpture near Millennium Park. I had planned to take Jesse there, and while he was looking up at the distorted images overhead, I would get down on one knee to propose. Well, fate stepped in again, and he did not get to go on that trip with me.

As my friends and I were exploring the great city, we happened upon the sculpture. I took a photo and sent it to Jesse saying, “You were supposed to be here with me for a very special event!”

He asked, “What’s going on there?” I said, “I had planned to propose to you here!” He responded, “I would have said

Ramona & Terry Householder-Murray

Penny Carroll & Susan Alexander

William Foster & Jessie Ray Kinman

Keisha Thomas & Megan Graf @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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Dreams VS. Budget RON SANFORD & CHRISTINA ALLISON

A wedding celebration is probably the biggest party you will ever throw, and also likely the most expensive. Can you throw a wedding with a budget of $10,000 or less without diminishing the experience of you and your guests? Of course you can, but it might not be the wedding you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s our top-six list of weddings on a dime.

Dr. Levi Benson & Mike Moore

1

Buy your two outfits off the rack or on sale. Let’s face it. You want to look absolutely incredible for your big day. Renting tuxedos as a group can net you great discounts—or choose some fabulous black outfits or other formal wear you might already have at home. Shopping at a store that carries plenty of dress sizes and dress options can make this task easier for brides. Tip: If you don’t have your colors picked out, sale racks become much easier.

2

Invite your family and friends, but only up to twenty-five people.

Sure you want your closest 200 friends and extended family, but a smaller invite list makes room for a bit more of the glam that you’ve always dreamed about.

3

Choose a home or picturesque outdoor spot for the ceremony, maybe somewhere special to the couple. This can eliminate a lot of up-front costs that might come from renting a building or hall.

Ask friends or your officiant about spots they’ve used in the past.

4

Book a private room in your favorite restaurant. Catering can eat up the majority of the budget. By picking a private room in a restaurant you love, food costs can be greatly reduced. Tip: many restaurants can offer planned short-menus for parties, which makes this option more economical!

5

Reserve VIP sections at your favorite bar or club. We all know the after-party can be the most memorable for your guests. You’ve had your intimate dinner, but now it’s time to dance. By reserving VIP sections you get the fun of the club without fighting the crowds. Tip: Your guests can buy their own alcohol at the club! In the Nashville area, PLAY Dance Bar offers great VIP options.

6

Weekend honeymoon at a fabulous resort. The honeymoon is the part you’re looking forward to. It’s time for you and your partner yo spend those first glorious moments alone as newlyweds. Save money by booking for a weekend instead of a full week. You might be on a smaller budget, but at least you’re where you want to be with the one you love. Whatever you save, take home and put in a savings account! Future you will thank you.

Jamie Russin & Carrie Sanders YES!” I said, “You still can!” He replied, “YES!!!!!” So, I called him and made it official. I thought the online proposal and response were appropriate since that’s how we met in the first place.

Our wedding “save the date” cards hit our guests’ mailboxes the same day that SCOTUS made the historic announcement in support of same sex marriage. How’s that for a leap of faith?

The wedding is here in Nashville on October 10th, 2015. Thank you for letting me share our story.

Dr. Levi Benson & Mike Moore To be married April 30, 2016 Mike wrote: I first met Levi in 2010 and as cheesey as it sounds, it truly was love at first sight.

Levi moved here to begin his residency at Vandebilt University and I had just started my first job at a music marketing company after graduating from Belmont University. This past year, we bought our first house together and got engaged in October. I will always remember the day of the Supreme Court’s ruling on samesex marriage; it happened on the same

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day as our 5-year anniversary. We are getting married at Arrington Vineyards in Franklin and could not be more pleased to know that it will be LEGAL! Jamie Russin & Carrie Sanders To be married June 2016 Jamie wrote: My fiance Carrie and I have actually known each other for years: we went to the same elementary, middle, and high schools. We never hung out in the same groups though. We reconnected in 2009 through Facebook. After many years of “watching” each other, the timing finally hit us both, and the messages went flying.

She came into town to help me move, and we have been inseparable ever since.

She proposed to me at her friend’s deli in Memphis, Tennessee, with all our friends around, during the Mid South Pride Festival 2014. We are planning on getting married in 2016 on our twoyear anniversary. She is my everything. I never knew someone could be so caring, honest, and respectful. I can honestly say that she is my soul mate.

OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

AUGUST 2015

Planning a wedding can be stressful and planning a wedding on a budget is even harder. If you’re fortunate enough to have a budget over $10,000, honeymoon NOT INCLUDED, the smartest option for your big day is to work with a wedding planner. Wedding planners can make your money stretch even further with designer discounts and network contacts, letting you experience a wedding that looks a million dollars.

Ron Sanford is a professional wedding and event planner. For more information, visit www.ronsanfordproductions.com.

CRAFTING A SPECIAL GARMENT FOR YOUR Special Day CUSTOM TAILOR EXPLAINS THE BENEFITS OF BESPOKE TAILORING ERIC ADLER

When shopping for any new addition to one’s wardrobe, whether it be for business or pleasure, one must first ask, “Do I really want to just fit into this suit, shirt, or pair of pants?”

This is particularly true on that “special day,” when everyone wants to look perfect!

More often than not, if the answer to that question is ‘yes,’ the customer is unknowingly falling into a common trap plaguing the American clothing market—one size does not fit all. Designers and clothing brands have created their garments to fit into a very specific size category, i.e small, medium, or large.

Personally, I know that my chest fits in to a “medium” shirt, but my arms fit in to a “large” shirt. This used to always leave me wondering, who is this “medium” sized person? Is there even an individual out there that fits perfectly into this medium shirt? The answer is yes, but more often than not, you are not that person.

This dilemma leaves you with a several choices: Option A, buy ill-fitting clothing possibly leading to unwanted selfconsciousness, which is particularly an issue on important occasions, such as a wedding; Option B, buy ill-fitting clothing and take it to be altered, adding unnecessary time and increasing cost; Option C, buy clothing designed to fit your body, i.e. custom clothing.

A custom clothier (most commonly referred to as a tailor) will solve the sizing problem by eliminating it at the source. After taking your measurements, the tailor creates a body matrix using your one-of-a-kind measurements to help build your bespoke garment. You can then work with your tailor to adjust the fit based on your preference. By expressing your choice of fit (more tailored fit vs fuller cut), your custom-made shirt will most likely become your favorite shirt. After experiencing a one-of-a-kind garment (also known as bespoke), you will likely never be satisfied with anything other than the proper fit.

Further, fit is not the only adjustable element when working with your tailor to create your bespoke garments. There are infinite combinations of textiles and designs to highlight one’s features and showcase each individual’s “one-of-a kind” spirit.

The Process

At my Green Hills studio, Eric Adler Clothing, we eagerly welcome you to our space, where we discuss your design goals.

With a drink-of-choice, you can relax as we help guide you through the tailoring process to help achieve your desired garment. Even if you are unsure of what you like or desire, we are here to help give our expert advice on fit,

fabric, construction and proportion.

This calls for measurements! We then personally gather a comprehensive list of measurements, allowing us to perform calculations and create your one-of-a-kind body matrix. Once your body map is created, we will then draft a personal pattern to your specifications.

That pattern is then used to cut and balance a muslin copy of the jacket, shirt, trousers, or waistcoat. After these initial pieces have been constructed (usually within a week), we welcome you to come in for an initial fitting. This gives you the opportunity to make changes to the initial design and fit before the real garment construction begins. In general, with custom garments one should allow two to six weeks for careful construction before the finished product is ready for final fitting and approval.

Particular Styles

Every bespoke tailor has his or her own influences and style, and you should definitely seek out a tailor whose style matches your personality and vision for your special event.

I, for instance, being a Music City local, have been deeply inspired by the vast, multi-cultural world of music. With influences rooted in 1920s and 30s Jazz culture, modern hip-hop and electronic music, Nashville is the chief inspiration in my personal style and therefore design aesthetic.

This lends my designs a jazzy, bold, and symphonic appearance. Its traditional roots in jazz have built a foundation of clean lines and classic styles. My designs reflect the fast paced rhythm of the saxophone, piano and drums in harmony. My love for hip-hop and R&B music bring out the creation of bold, iconic garments.

It’s the powerful “boom” of the bass drum that lives in my clothing.

In trying to reinvent the neon light, I aim to make garments that induce a sensation of electricity to its wearer and observers. This characteristic is representative of the ability of electronic music to transmit an electric current through the body. It’s the harmony of all of these sound waves resonating through textiles that are Eric Adler.

So when you sit down to plan your special day, or when you decide to do something that’s just for you, you should consider carefully what your own personal style and decide who can best help you turn your vision into a reality.

Eric Adler Clothing, which was a local feature in the Nashville Fashion Week 2015, is located at 4101 Hillsboro Circle; he may be reached by email at info@ericadlerclothing. com. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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NASHVILLE PRIDE RECOGNIZES LEADERS AND VOLUNTEERS MAYOR KARL DEAN, PASTOR STAN MITCHELL AMONG HONOREES JAMES GRADY | @jamesallengrady

Each year at the Curb Records Pride Pre Party, now an annual event that kicks off Pride weekend, the leadership of Nashville Pride honors “those in the community that are integral in helping bring together the annual celebration.” This year’s award winners are a diverse group of LGBT community members and allies, all of whom have had a significant impact on Nashville Pride.

The Mark Middleton/Bianca Paige Pride Volunteer Award is an honor bestowed on “a Nashville Pride volunteer who embodies Mark Middleton’s passion for and commitment to the GLBT community and Nashville’s annual Pride Festival.” This year, two awards were presented, the first to long-time, dedicated volunteer, Allan Gonce, and the second to Covenant of the Cross, which was accepted by Pastor Greg Bullard.

The Mark Manasco Community Service Award is presented to “a member of the GLBT community who demonstrates Manasco’s devotion to community service and GLBT organizations.” Greg Cason, as well as Jim Schmidt and Joe Wooley, were honored for their tireless work in Nashville’s LGBT community and beyond.

Philanthropic Business Awards were presented to BAM! Social Business’ Phil Cobucci and The Chef and I’s Erica Rains. Cobucci served as Nashville Pride’s director of PR and marketing, and The Chef and I has provided catering services not only for Pride but for other LGBT organizations and events as well.

Rising Star Awards, honoring up-and-coming volunteers recognized

by Pride as future leaders, were given to Derrick Lachney, founder of the Hot Mess dodgeball, kickball, and volleyball leagues in Nashville, and to Shaun Arroyo, who has served in numerous leadership positions in local organizations, particularly trans groups, including TVALS. Mayor Karl Dean and Pastor Stan Mitchell of GracePointe Church each received an Ally Award for their support of the LGBT community. Mayor Dean has, throughout his tenure, supported initiatives that brought greater rights to LGBT people in Nashville. Mitchell and GracePointe Church were thrown into the national spotlight when the congregation decided to affirm LGBT members and offer them

full rights and privileges. Mitchell has since presided over at least one same-sex marriage.

In what was probably the most moving speech given by an award recipient, Mitchell said, “It’s humbling and it’s almost embarrassing…. You should never have needed an ally. We should have never been in this place. I should have been here a long time ago. The Christian church should have been here a long time ago. And for all of you who grew up in Christian communities and left that and think you no longer believe … if there is a god, he will shake your hand one day and say, ‘Thank you for taking up for me.’

Because your departure was not an act of unfaith, it was an act of faith, because you knew we were wrong. I wish we wouldn’t have been wrong. I am so grateful, I am so thankful. I don’t know how a kid tunneled his way out of homophobic rural Arkansas, except that people like you … humanized this story.”

Mitchell recalled how a man named Antonio helped his congregation begin the conversation three years ago. Forced to take an official position, GracePointe followed the standard line. “We said, ‘They can’t lead, they can’t sing. We’ll take their money, you can do grunt work but you can’t lead.’ People like Antonio couldn’t sing. Instead of leaving bitter, instead of moving off and starting over, he stayed with us, and he kept his love, and his tears, and his creativity, and his kindness, and he put a face on this. And it broke us down. And that’s the face that will break all of us down eventually. We have a long way to go. Forty-seven years after a young man died on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel, forty-seven years after he stood on the mountain top and saw the promised land, forty-seven years later and we’re still taking Confederate flags down over state buildings. We have a long way to go but we’re going to get there!”

Mitchell and the other award recipients represent the future. After marriage equality, there are many legal issues still to be solved. But there are also great social divides, and leaders, allies, and volunteers like those who best exemplify the spirit of Pride are precisely the kind of people required to carry on the work, pass laws, and break down social barriers.

O&AN congratulates all of this year’s honorees. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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SNARKOLOGY: ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? DISCLAIMER: Amy Sulam is a comic, and not everyone thinks she’s as funny as she does. We condone nothing she says, particularly not if you decide to take the following seriously. It should not be taken as such.

AMY SULAM | @Amysulam

Um ... no. Please stop asking. You’re making this weird. Thank you so much for acknowledging that I’m a human being with equal rights, but no. Besides, what’s marriage equality anyway?

There’s no such thing as total equality in any relationship: I, for example, like to date people who are clearly less attractive and less intelligent than me, so I can maintain this false sense of superiority.

I think my favorite thing I’ve heard since marriage equality passed is, “Well, all the gay rights work is done.” Yeah.

Because, you know, ever since the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s the black community has just coasted. They’ve had no issues with social equality or injustice.

There’s a lot of work to be done.

Signing petitions and whatnot doesn’t fix the rip in the core of our fabric.

There’s this deep seeded need to hate in our society. I’m not really sure why.

We freak out over flags and sexuality, while black churches are burned down across the South with little or no media coverage because ... you know, priorities. We need to bond as people, come together as neighbors and love one another.

I do think it starts with marriage equality. Not for social justice reasons but because the family unit is a commonality all people relate to, one way or the other. Just think, a homophobe could be reformed of his ways by sitting down with a gay man and complaining about how their partners spend too much money on nonsense or griping about their mothers-in-law. I mean, let’s face it, mothers-in-law are the worst, no matter who you are.

How many times have you been at a wedding and thought, “This food is awful, and that dress is a wreck”? See that! We’re bonding! We have to find common ground and work from there. I

think we can all agree Wal-Mart sucks, but that they’ve got all the shit we need!

Am I right? Unity.

People say this ruling will further divide the country: I wholeheartedly disagree. The marriage equality campaigns focused on the happiness of marriage, and for uptight miserably married straight people this was a huge turn off. It is a defect of our humanity that we are better at banding together against a common enemy than coming together to share in a stranger’s joy.

So let’s focus on the miserable family junk we all have to power through now,

People say gay adoption and gay marriage will ruin the traditional family unit, the nuclear family if you will. Oh! You mean the one where mom and dad are miserable, barely functioning alcoholics who are stuck together because of finances and kids and who have a affairs because twenty years ago, when the pressure to breed hit, they looked around said “You’ll do,” got factory jobs, and called it a day?

Yeah, who’d wanna destroy that? It sounds amazing. I think my favorite so far was “gay marriage will lead to more abortions” because ... science!

mar r iage

equality thanks to the Supreme Court, and I promise the division will cease.

In most family units, there are children. With marriage equality, we now need to focus on legalizing gay adoption across the board. There’s no better way to do this than by pointing out how much kids suck, right? UGH! Kids are the worst! Being a parent isn’t rewarding, it’s expensive! And draining! And annoying! Having two children of my own, I often find myself wishing David Bowie would appear, Labyrinth-style, and take them away for 13 hours. Oh Jereth! Where are you, and the cod-piece you wore in a children’s movie, when I really need you?!

I’m waiting for all these doomsayers to be right. I wanna picket Planned Parenthood so I can tell a gay man he can’t get an abortion because my religion will have a cry about it. I want to live in this alternate universe where all the weird, right-wing predictions come true: where Al Sharpton is president and the White House is moved to his secret lair on skull crusher mountain, Al Gore becomes the new Jesus, and the new national anthem is “Call Me Al.” I hope that song got stuck in your head like it did mine just now, but I digress.

The things that destroy family units aren’t LGBT people being able to marry or adopt, it’s a bunch of outside stuff:

work, drugs, temptation, poor character, and binge drinking trophies (kids, or whatever you wanna call them). All the stresses of life and selfish coping mechanisms, that’s what’s ruining families. Not the gay community that’s been made into scapegoat because of someone’s daddy issues and inferiority complex.

Yes, I’m happy marriage equality is legal on a federal level. I think it will lead to a better, stronger society, where members can band together as one and hate the shit out their in-laws. It’s going to be a beautiful thing.

Think of all the mistakes we’ll get to make, just like straight people! Marry the wrong person, buy a house together, adopt ungrateful children, divorce, marry another wrong person (and another wrong person, and one more for good measure) before you give up on love entirely. Then we’ll get to watch the right person walks into our lives just when we’re too emotional damaged to love them back and three divorces have left our credit scores in shambles, so we can’t really bring anything to the table anyway.

This whole paragraph makes me miss my dad… Anyhoo, I think the stresses will make us bond as humans.

We will all be able to relate to how much it sucks being an adult, how ungrateful our teen kids are, how our mothersin-law are possibly horsemen of the apocalypse, why we’re scared to fall in love again, and how much alimony payments blow. The stuff of life will bond us all. We will share all the nitty gritty pain of life that makes us stronger and celebrations sweeter.

This will be a good thing. I think it really will make family fashionable, and hence the country better. Leave it to the gays to make family the ‘it’ accessory of the twenty-first century. But, no. I am still not getting married because F$@& having a mother-in-law: they’re the worst. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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yourself, their words mean nothing to you!

When and where did you start doing drag?

I started doing drag at The Connection in Nashville in 2002.

A KIKI WITH PAIGE TURNER | @PaigeTurner01

It’s that time again, folks—time for an all-new edition of Nashville Untucked!

This month I wanted to send out a big special congrats to Nashville’s own Nece Sexton! This year, she won her ticket to National All Amercian Goddess and went on to place fourth in this highly competitive pageant.

We have seen her for years blazing the stages here in Music City, with her high kicks, death drops, flips and splits leaving us gagging for more.

No one wonder how she did so well at nationals! But how well do we know this hometown goddess?

Having known her personally for a while now, I can say that she’s a great person to be able to count on. It’s time we all got to know more about Miss Sexton. So sit back and relax it’s time to get untucked!

How would you describe your childhood? Did you face a lot of hardships growing up?

I’m not going to lie. My parents have been so supportive of me my whole life, as well as my family and friends. They have truly always been there so I can only say I’m too blessed!

At what point in your life did you realize you were transgender?

I knew at a young age I didn’t fit it, but I realized why around the age of 17. I’m so thankful for Sasha Dereon, because she truly help me discover myself.

When did you begin your transition?

I started to begin my transition at the age of 20.

How did you feel during that time?

It felt great when I started to take control of my life.

Were your family and friends accepting of the change?

Yes they were very supportive. That was the best part, being able to make such a tremendous change in my life with so much love and support.

What are some of the hardships you have faced in everyday life being transgender?

Well me being transgender and a father, people tend to pass a lot of judgment.

However when you are happy with

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Can you tell us about your first performance? t was during talent night at Connection.

It actually was a dare, and you know I couldn’t back down. I did “Last Dance”

by Donna Summer, and I won. I was addicted at that point.

What inspired you to start doing drag seriously?

I was inspired by Secret Paris. She took me under her wings and taught me the ropes. I think I’m open to all forms of drag, so I would consider my form to be polished.

Who are some of the drag entertainers that you look up to?

Joe Edwards, Nicole Dupree, Rita Ross, Ivy White, Brittany Moore, Trinity Taylor, and Sunny Delight.

What influences your performance and costume ideas?

As a designer I just like to sketch and design how the song makes me feel. The same way your lyrics tell a story, so should your costume!

How many titles have you won throughout your career as a pageant queen?

I have held 8 titles. The most current one I hold is Unity All American Goddess.

Is there a title that was more special to you than others? Why is that one special?

I would have to say Indiana All American Goddess, because I met some of my closest friends ever there because of that prelim. That’s also where I had the biggest growth of my career.

With pageants being so competitive, have you ever been shaded by another performer during the competition?

Yes I have, but that’s life. You will always have those who don’t want you to succeed. But you can’t let that stop you, honey. You just pray for them and keep going!

Why do you think some performers are so shady towards one another?

There is one simple answer to this question, and that is jealousy!

Do you feel there is a prejudice in the drag community against transgender performers? If so why do you think that is?

I think there is, but I think it’s only because most transsexual woman get work done, then get lazy. If you still serve drag, then you will get the same respect. #HushTruth

Do you feel the world has become more accepting of the transgender community since your transition?

It has, very much so! Then again times have changed. It’s more in a media spotlight now than it has ever been. So people are coming to understand it more.

What advice would you give to someone who thinks they might be transgender?

I would say do a lot of soul searching!

If that’s truly who you are, then don’t let anyone stop you or hold you back, and I do mean anyone!

How would you describe being transgender to someone who may not understand?

I would simply just say I always felt like I was born in the wrong body and the wrong sex, so I’m going through the process to fix it! So now I can be the real me.

What has been the hardest part of your transition?

Truly it’s the fact that you see who your real sisters are! A lot of girls changed on me when I came up, but I just look at it as that’s God clearing all the trash out my life!

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33

IDENTITY

Photos: Julius Greene

THEFT (AND RECOVERY) BOBBI WILLIAMS

I don’t recall how young I was, but I know I was very young when I expressed the notion that I wasn’t really a boy. But that idea was swiftly negated by my parents. I quickly learned that even expressing that thought would get me into some very hot water. So I began the work of pretending to be male, and the internal conflict began.

I was told years later that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association, identifies me as “suffering” from Gender Identity Disorder. So I parsed the phrase: Gender is generally identified as belonging to one of two classes, male or female; Identity refers to which of those classes you identify with; and Disorder suggests that whichever one you identify with is the wrong one.

But in the world of work, I identify as a writer. In the world of nations, I identify as an American. In the world of religion, I identify as an atheist. So if tomorrow I declare that I am no longer a writer, but now I’m a musician, am I told I’m suffering from Work Identity Disorder? No. In fact, if I say I always wanted to be a musician, wouldn’t some people admire me because I am “following my dream?”

Or what if tomorrow I announce that I’m dropping my ancestral identification as German and move to India and apply for citizenship there because that’s where I feel “more at home?” Would some accuse me of suffering from National Identity Disorder? (Or would they use the word ‘traitor?’) And what if I renounce my identity as an atheist and declare that I have found Jesus? Would anyone tell me I’m suffering from Religion Identity Disorder? Or would they happily welcome me into the fold? Why is it only gender identity that deserved space in the DSM? Maybe it’s because social and public media love labels. Don’t they identity us by generation? Born in 1948? You’re a Baby Boomer. Born in 1978? You’re in Generation X. Born in 1988? You’re a Millennial. Born a decade ago? Generation Y. We don’t have choices.

We are first taught our identity by our parents and peers in much the same way I was taught what my gender identity ought to be. (Hell … the first question asked when we’re born is about identity.) But as we mature we discover there are alternatives, so we begin to question. With various levels of “push back” we’re free to explore our national identity, religious identity, and the like, but we get the message that gender identity is not a place we ought to explore.

A DNA test might reveal that the ancestry we thought was ours was

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AUGUST 2015

inaccurate. A close look at the religion we were taught might show that we are more comfortable with the values and beliefs of a different faith. But gender? Gender is the ‘biggie,’ the bugabear that people find unsettling.

Adopting a gender identity that feels right even though others don’t accept it is considered “unnatural.” It’s a “disorder.”

Which brings us to the problem that people of color, gays and lesbians, as well as the transgendered, face every day: the problem of having their entire

There is no easy answer. Our identity is the central focus of our personality. To take control of it we must define ourselves, and we must remain consistently in control of that definition, even in the face of others who want to deny it.

On a daily basis, we define our identity by the actions we take, the people we ‘hang’ with, and the principles we defend. To control who we are we must consciously define our personal borders and our boundaries.

We must decide what to advocate and

“OUR IDENTITY

IS THE...

...central focus of our PERSONALITY” cultural identity dominated by just one aspect, which is, in many ways, only secondary to whom we are. Others glom onto that one feature, and it gets blown out of proportion. It stands in the way of us getting recognized by and for the many other facets of our selves. It limits our ability to make an individual life and enable our individuality. So what can we do to stop this process?

what to defend, because if we don’t actively enforce the integrity of our identity, others will assert it for us.

Simply put, if we talk the talk, we have to walk the walk. And if you walk like a duck and quack like a duck, pretty soon you will be recognized as a duck.

I am a writer. I am an American. I am an atheist. And I am a woman.

Stay tuned.

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