O&AN | February 2015

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FEBRUARY 2015 VOLUME 14 | ISSUE 02

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LETTER

from the

This month’s O&AN cover is in honor of the LGBT wedding. We know marriage isn’t not legal here—yet! But that doesn’t mean you can’t through the biggest, gayest wedding possible, even in the heart of the new Old South, as Josh Johnson and Michael Popham proved in their December nuptials. A decade ago, who would have guessed that two men would have gala weddings in the Country Music Hall of Fame?

In this issue we hear from Josh and Michael about how they put on such a production, and I think in the process we see how far we’ve truly come. High profile events such as these help wider audiences see the marriage debate differently—it’s not about gay marriage versus straight marriage, it’s just about couples who want to have their relationship recognized and celebrated.

With the Supreme Court’s recent decision to take up gay marriage, and specifically Tennessee’s case, this term, we may soon see resolution to the legal side of our issues here as well. We all recognize the danger—a failure at the Supreme Court would set back the march toward equality by decades. Brian Sullivan gives us a walkthrough of the issue as presented

by Abby Rubenfeld, lawyer for the Tennessee couples, to a group organized by the Tennessee Equality Project.

EDITOR

And on the lighter side, O&AN’s own Scott Bryant visits Key West, Florida. From its quaint shops to its happening LGBT scene, Scott tells us why he thinks that this little island might just be the perfect place for your wedding—or your honeymoon!

And even if marriage isn’t in your future, or even your dreams, let’s not forget that this month is also Valentine’s Day! Amy Sulam’s “Snarkology” will explain how she avoids being a “messy [w]itch”—when she avoids it. Taking her lead, don’t worry so much about being alone on the big day that you end up risking your friendships looking for companionship! Cody Tracey introduces you to one of the most exciting LGBT offerings on Valentine’s Day, the Music City Sisters’ Pink Panty Pulldown, and you definitely don’t need a date for this one!

In this month of love, we also profile some of Nashville’s LGBT couples that are changing our city, state, and country, through political and social activism, as well as through putting positive images of LGBT people before the public eye. It’s true, making a difference doesn’t require a partner, but it’s truly inspiring what these couples have managed to accomplish during their long, or brief, relationships. @jamesallengrady

Dear Out and About Nashville readers, we would love to receive photos and announcements for other Middle Tennessee LGBTQ weddings or engagements. While we cannot guarantee print placement for every submission, we look forward to sharing your joy with our readers.

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MARRIAGE EQUALITY APPROACHES THE Emerald CITY STATES COULD SEE SAME SEX MARRIAGE BY JUNE 30TH BRIAN SULLIVAN | @NashvilleScoop

On Friday, January 16, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) announced a landmark decision to hear marriage equality cases from Tennessee, Michigan, Ohio, and Kentucky. Only recently, Chris Sanders of the Tennessee Equality Project briefed a gathering at OutCentral on the then eagerly awaited decision.

From couples married in other states to straight LGBT rights advocates, one question resonated: “Where do we stand” if SCOTUS decides to hear the cases?

Upon arrival, participants were given a Wizard of Oz-style handout by political activist Christie Crowell explaining all the possibilities that could lie ahead, with the “poppy field” as home base. There are a number of variables, but make no mistake, we are NOT in Kansas anymore, folks! We’re in the home stretch, and the house is about to drop on someone.

“If the Supreme Court votes in our favor, they could reasonably make a decision allowing [same-sex] marriage

by June 30,” says Sanders. “If they rule against us, it could set Tennessee back 15–30 years in the fight for marriage equality.”

How did we get here?

Tennessee’s current federal battle began with Tanco v. Haslam, the case filed October 21, 2013, on behalf of same-sex couples—all married in other states—whose marriages were not recognized by the state. On March 14, 2014, U.S. District Court Judge Aleta Trauger filed an injunction requiring the state to recognize the marriages of these same-sex couples. The courts

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issued a stay that was allowed to, well, stay. Tanco v. Haslam was then grouped together with cases in other states in the district and sent to the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals. Opponents argued that the authority to decide marriage regulations lies with the individual states. The Sixth Circuit ruled that the marriage bans did not violate the Constitution, ending the Pride Parade of civil rights victories for LGBT people.

SCOTUS has now granted the couples’ petition for a writ of cert., meaning the high court will review of the case. If we win, we could see samesex marriage in our state by the end of 2015. If we lose, we may not see it in our lifetimes.

“Hopefully, the Supreme Court will resolve this issue,” says attorney and champion for equality Abby Rubenfeld.

“If you’re legally married in one state, but step your foot out into another one and it’s not recognized, we can’t have a system like that in this country.”

Even if we win the case, though, the state could potentially come up with creative ways to resist, as other states

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FEBRUARY 2015

have done. “Those types of political stalls are a waste of taxpayer money,” says Rubenfeld. “If states keep resisting court rulings granting marriage equality, they could be faced with attorney fees.

It’s just a delay.”

The Tennessee Equality Project already has plans in motion, should the court grant Tennessee samesex marriage.

During the first few days, the group will refer LGBT couples to

the counties that are the most receptive of the decision. But what if the clerks refuse the marriage licenses?

They took up an oath to uphold the Constitution. “Just let us know and we’ll take them to court,” says Rubenfeld, insinuating they couldn’t win a case like that. “It will be kind of fun.”

On the other hand, if SCOTUS

rules that bans on same-sex marriage are constitutional, this would be a major setback for Tennessee. Our only option would be to develop a state legislature willing to take up the issue. With an assembly that’s currently roughly 75% Republican and 25% Democrat, it is possible but not likely in the near future.

“We now have 36 states that recognize same-sex marriages and it’s because of the movement and organizations like TEP,” says Rubenfeld. “If you had told me years ago that this would have happened by 2015, I would’ve said you were crazy.”

Both Rubenfeld and Sanders credit a wave of change for the progress we have made just in the past few years. As our culture opens up more and more to the normalcy of a LGBT family unit, the more we are growing and progressing as a nation. “I think people are over it,” says Rubenfeld. “Everyone’s just ready to move on.”

As the hearts and minds of people continue to change over time, so will the country. Regardless of the Supreme Court’s decision, we are a people moving forward. As we sit at the table and break bread with our fellow human beings and celebrate our similarities, we hope we may live in a world where our marriages are no longer called into question. After all, it was not a rally, nor a protest, nor a court ruling that ultimately won women the right to vote: it was the changed heart of a 24-yearold representative from East Tennessee named Harry Burn. And that is what it will take to win this fight: A change of heart for those in power.

“VISIBILITY MARCH” TO BRING TRANS ISSUES INTO FOCUS TENNESSEE TRANS JUSTICE PROJECT SEEKS TO RAISE AWARENESS JAMES GRADY | @jamesallangrady

Last year, the high profile murders of trans women, Alejandra Leos and Gizzy Fowler, in Tennessee brought the plight of trans people into sharp relief. Unfortunately, such deaths reflect the realities trans people face around the world and across this country.

According to Injustice at Every Turn: A Report of the National Transgender Discrimination Survey, transsexuals are four times more likely than the general population to live in poverty. Besides being at increased risk for becoming a target of violent crime, “A staggering 41% of respondents reported attempting suicide compared to 1.6% of the general population.”

While major national LGBT rights organizations have recently begun focusing more on bisexual and transsexual issues, such groups are still lagging significantly in promoting trans rights. Rather than waiting for other organizations to catch up, a new organization is forming in Nashville: the Tennessee Trans Justice Project (TNTJ).

Under the leadership of LeSaia, the organization’s founder, executive director,

and trainer, TNTJ’s mission will be to “shine a light on inequalities suffered by the transgender community, including: barriers to health care, discriminatory hiring practices, violence and assault. We network to create access to trans-friendly health care services, find resources for HIV testing, access to safe housing, and advocate for fair hiring.”

Wade saw a gap in trans representation in major local LGBT organizations. “I moved back to change the space of public LGBT leadership. Most of the leadership spaces are still filled by cis gay males, and too often trans folks are still looked at as freaks. But we are women and men, and we will be respected as such!”

Wade’s personal history with activism began with a courageous personal statement. As Injustice at Every Turn reports, “Discrimination was pervasive throughout the [trans population], yet the combination of anti-transgender bias and persistent, structural racism was especially devastating.” Wade’s experience bears this out: “I became a trans activist the moment I identified as trans! When a trans

woman of color steps outside her home, it’s revolutionary!”

From that point, Wade moved on to work with the Trans People of Color Coalition (TPOCC), “creating spaces for Trans folks all over.” Bringing the skills she’s developed back to Tennessee, Wade’s major goals are “to create jobs and spaces for my community, to organize training for people to help them get jobs, to help open jobs for our community’s members, and to build a living space of freedom for trans and non binary folks.”

One of the organization’s first major events is directed at the goal of increasing visibility and combatting erasure. On Sunday, February 22, 2015, TNTJ will host a “Visibility March” beginning at 10 a.m. at Legislative Plaza. The march, the first of its kind in Tennessee, will proceed down to OutCentral on Church Street, and a meet-and-greet will

follow from 12–1 p.m.

“The march,” Wade said, “brings attention to the life of trans folks are living and trying to survive, as well as to the ones who have been murdered or were unable to survive...

It’s time for us to do more than survive—we need to live free, and the ‘T’ should never be left behind again. We started this at Stonewall; we will now start something here in Nashville!”

For more information on TNTJ, visit www.facebook.com/TNtransjustice.

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NASHVILLE CARES EXPANDS COUNSELING PROGRAM MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES NOW AVAILABLE TO THE BROADER COMMUNITY REBECCA DAVENPORT

thoughts and emotions, they will be better equipped to make healthier, lessrisky decisions, including the use of the HIV prevention methods.”

For that reason, CARES has expanded its counseling program to include all those in the LGBT community, whether or not they are living with or are at high risk for HIV. Men who have sex with men remain a key target demographic, however, because the stigmas associated with being LGBT in the south, added to other stressors, lead to behaviors that put them at highest risk. “One of the easiest ways to make that escape in our culture,” Brown said, “is through sex and drugs— both temporary pleasures that provide little fulfillment and can often create new problems. Our program is here to

its treatment, and this involves dealing with both the stigmas of LGBT life as well as other stressors faced by members of the community. Thus, the expanded counseling program of CARES includes individual, couples, and family counseling, as well as psychiatric medication consultation and referrals to other mental health professionals.

Services to non-HIV clients are funded by the agency and new grant resources; CARES promotional materials currently state that, “Counseling services are currently free of charge…”

Luis, the CARES client, testified to the value of this service. “First off, Nashville CARES was a soft place to

help in changing what’s not working in someone’s life so that they can get closer to living the kind of life that’s truly satisfying.”

Brown said the expansion is grounded in the understanding that behavioral health can play an important role in the prevention of HIV, not just in

land because I was headed toward the wall at a thousand miles an hour. It’s also a place where I could reveal myself, as raw as it was, without judgment…. I learned that I am okay, I am normal. I learned that I am not alone, it’s just part of the human experience, not just the gay-man’s experience. That helped me out tremendously. She also gave me things to do to challenge myself to strengthen that.”

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Nashville CARES is a Nashville nonprofit that has worked to extinguish HIV/AIDS in Middle Tennessee since 1995. According to the organization, in the last year alone it has offered services to more than 60,000 Middle Tennesseans infected and affected by HIV/AIDS, including HIV prevention education to over 45,000 youth and adults, 13,000 free confidential HIV tests, and support services to 2,500 men, women, and children living with the disease.

One of the organization’s leastknown offerings is counseling services for those living with, affected by, or at high-risk for HIV infection. Clients like Luis often discover this service when they come for free HIV testing. Luis said, “[I] learned that Nashville CARES provided counseling for the infected and affected by HIV. Counseling helped me identify my high-risk behaviors… and then gave me the tools I needed to make different decisions in the future.

I now have enough self-confidence to know why I do what I do and not to do it again.”

According to Brandon L. Brown, Director of Emotional Health & Wellness for Nashville CARES, counseling is an important tool in curbing the epidemic in Middle Tennessee. “How a person thinks and/or feels about him/herself plays a significant role in how that person behaves in and with the world around them—particularly in decision making,” Brown explained. “We believe that if people are given an opportunity to understand their behaviors and relationships through the lens of their

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OUT IN FRONT IS “

”

VANDERBILT HOSTS REGIONAL LGBTQIA+ COLLEGE CONFERENCE PETEY PETERSON | @Petey_Peterson

On Saturday February 21st, 2015, Vanderbilt University will host its sixth annual OUT in Front, a college conference for LGBTQIA+ & Allies that strives to engage students, faculty, and staff and community members from across the Southeast in issues relevant to the community and society at large. The event is an opportunity for both learning from and networking with young and budding leaders in the region.

One of the major purposes of the conference is to connect individuals and communities each other, building networks of activists and volunteers, and to provide everyone with knowledge about and access to resources that will help them enrich the lives of LGBTQIA+ and allies in the South/Southeast.

Participants will meet peers from across the Southeast to share ideas, develop leadership skills, and foster a strong community of leaders and future leaders.

It’s very important for LGBTQIA+ students, staff, faculty, and community members in the South/Southeast to have

this opportunity, as many lack access to empowering and affirming spaces and people. It’s easy to feel isolated and unsupported in our own islands, but OUT in Front 2015 will provides the space

Based on the tree metaphor, we focus on: The Roots that ground you and draw in resources.

In relation to LGBTQIA+ and

and community for LGBTQIA+ folks to gather, network, and grow!

This year’s conference theme is Branching OUT. What does the theme mean? Branching OUT strives to explore all aspects of identity, from the history and awareness of identity to the current tools college leaders can use to affect change on campus and the community. We want all conference attendees to branch out of their comfort zone and into the communities present at OUT in Front.

Ally identities, the roots signify history, awareness, education, common language, and identity.

The Trunks that are strong and provide you with room and spaces in which to grow. We see the trunk as a place to educate others, educate oneself, and talk about one’s identity/self-development, intersectionality and the tools needed for social justice and ally ship.

The Branches that reach out into surrounding areas and are not

afraid to grow into the spaces of the community around it. For the LGBTQIA+ and ally conference attendees, exploring our branches involves learning and strategizing about impacts, action plans, activism, change, policy work, and politics.

We hope you consider branching out in 2015 and volunteer or attend OUT in Front 2015. From this one weekend we hope many new trees are planted and that their branches reach across our society’s boundaries and help create positive change for LGBTQIA+ communities.

OUT in Front is open to the community, and we encourage community members to consider volunteering and/or attending. The conference is free to attend. For more information about the conference and registration, visit www.vanderbilt.edu/ lgbtqi/programs/out-in-front.

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THE W i ldest VALENTINE’S EVENT IN NASHVILLE? MUSIC CITY SISTERS’ FOURTH ANNUAL PINK PANTY PULLDOWN CODY TRACEY

This year, the Music City Sisters will be hosting their fourth Pink Panty Pulldown on Valentine’s Day. The first, held in February 2011, was the novice project of Sister Wendy Yugitov. Sister Terry Yaki, who is organizing the event this year as her own novice project, explained that the event is “an annual fashion show and fundraiser where we auction sexy underwear directly off the backsides of our gracious models.

Once the winning bid is placed on a pair of underwear, the model steps behind a curtain and will throw you the underwear immediately. It’s all done in sisterly good taste!”

Sister Terry explained that Sister Wendy’s original concept was “to have an event that could benefit the community as a whole, and at the time it was the biggest fundraiser the Sisters in Nashville had done. It still remains one very successful event.” And the event continues to evolve.

This year, a diverse slate of models

will represent the community. As Sister Terry said, “I plan to have people of all shapes and sizes. From previous [years] it was difficult to get representatives from the bear community, but this year we have a few models willing to bare their bear, as well as a sponsor who makes larger size underwear up to 8X. Larger men typically are neglected as many of the designers do not make larger sized undies, but we want people to know everyone has the right to feel sexy.” The Music City Sisters hope that this event will help all kinds of men do just that.

The underwear for the event is being donated by businesses, such as Pleasures on White Bridge Road and SwagandValor.com, with more forthcoming. And just as no specific group was solely being represented among the models, so it goes that the Sisters “always welcome the entire spectrum of our community to participate.”

Your auction wins will support worthy causes around Nashville.

This year, Sister Terry said, the funds from this event will be going to the Music City Sisters General Fund. While the

Sisters are usually raising money for other charities, they do have a few events each year to raise money for their general fund. Terry Yaki explained that, “From our General Fund, the Sisters give local charities grants and funding. The organizations that we have supported this past year out of the MCS General Fund include Oasis Center, Launch Pad, Tennessee Transgender Justice Project, Project Uno, and many others.”

Whether you want to spice up your Valentine’s Day date, or maybe just come out, meet some guys, have a great time, and help raise some money for a worthy cause, the Pink Panty Pulldown is a great evening. The event is held at Stirrup on Saturday, February 14, starting at 9:30 p.m., with the first auction starting around 10:15 p.m. For more information, check out the Music City Sisters on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ MusicCitySisters.

Photos: Brett Kling

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The Heart, the Soul, and the Shoes!

AN INTERVIEW WITH CYNDI LAUPER JAMES GRADY | @jamesallengrady

Cyndi Lauper is undoubtedly a modern American pop icon, but she is also a renowned champion of LGBT rights.

Lauper has devoted a great deal of time, creative energy, and money to the development of active and dedicated straight allies and to tackling the problem of LGBT youth homelessness.

Given her social commitments, it is hard to imagine an artist better suited to writing the music and lyrics that bring Harvey Fierstein’s adaptation of *Kinky Boots* to musical life, even though she’d never even seen the movie when Fierstein proposed the project to her.

“Harvey Fierstein called me one day and told me that he was writing the book for the Broadway adaptation of UK indie film Kinky Boots,” Lauper said. “I had never seen it. He asked if I want to write the music for it. I had always wanted to work with Harvey, and to be able to write songs for a Broadway musical was just a dream come true. So, right away I found the film through Netflix or one of those kind of services and watched it. It spoke to me on so many levels. The heart, the soul, and the shoes!”

Its simple message—in Lauper’s words, “Accept others for who they are!”—also spoke to her energetic inner ally and pro-LGBT activist. “The great thing about the show,” she added, “is that it speaks to everyone. To see such diverse crowds seeing the show and by the end of the night they are all on their feet dancing and singing along to the closing scene is very powerful.” Indeed, part of power of the musical lies exactly in it “having catchy songs, so that when people leave the theater, the songs resonate outside of the theater walls, you can spread the story that way too.”

From this perspective, Kinky Boots fits perfectly into Lauper’s career.

Lauper has long been committed to LGBT issues. Her sister, Ellen, is a lesbian, and Lauper’s circle of friends includes many LGBT people.

When I asked about the origins of her commitment to LGBT causes, Lauper responded emphatically, “Listen, I am friend and family, and, where I come from, you stand up for the people you love and care about in your life. You do not turn your back on them.”

Her commitment is grounded in a deep personal conviction that LGBT rights are rooted in the core values we share as Americans. “Equality and freedom,” Lauper said, “are what this country was built on and why I am proud to be an American, but, unfortunately, we have a long way to go before those ideals are really true.” Lauper has devoted herself to being part of the solution, utilizing her fame to raise the profile of the LGBT rights movement, from participating in Gay Games VII at Wrigley Field to appearing as herself at a fictional Pride event on As the World Turns!

As an activist, she’s had significant impact in LGBT rights issues in recent years, primarily through her True Colors Fund. It is entirely unsurprising that her foundation would be named after a song that held so much meaning for a generation of LGBT youth. But, ironically, Lauper wasn’t truly and fully aware of the positive impact “True Colors” (1986) was having on her young LGBT fans until much later.

Indeed, that was only brought home to her a decade later! “I first became aware that ‘True Colors’ had had such an important impact on the lives of my gay fans when I was home pregnant with my son and I had a real chance to read a lot my fan mail. Every other letter or email was about how ‘True Colors’ had saved this person’s life,

how it helped them come to terms with being gay, and how it helped them overcome the hate and discrimination they were facing.”

This realization, Lauper explained, deeply impacted her developing social consciousness and gave shape to her LGBT activism: “That was a turning point for me in understanding the role this song had played in so many people’s lives and reminded me of my responsibility to do all that I can to continue to help.” If her song was about social acceptance and creating space to be one’s true self without fear, this would also be the goal of her work.

The True Color Fund now declares two main mission goals, one to “raise awareness about and bring an end to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth homelessness, and the other to inspire everyone,

especially straight people, to become active participants in the advancement of equality for all.” The fund currently has two major projects to fulfill this mission: the “Give a Damn Campaign” and the “Forty to None Project.”

Broadly speaking, the Give a Damn Campaign seeks to increase education about and involvement in LGBT issues among all those interested in LGBT rights. However, its website declares, “it’s especially for all you straight people out there!” From active and first time supporters to those who “hadn’t given equality a lot of thought before and now want to learn more,” the campaign wants to “help you get informed about the issues and get involved, at a pace that works for you.”

Most LGBT rights organizations focus on harnessing the energies of our community on behalf of its own interests. National organizations, such as HRC, have also attracted significant ally support. For an organization to focus directly and explicitly on the development of allies is fairly unique, @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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and it was shaped by Lauper’s own experience and worldview.

“I grew up in the era of the Civil Rights and Women’s Rights Movements,” Lauper explained. “I saw the power of White people marching with African American people, and of men marching with women. When the majority steps up and sides with the minority, great change can happen. So, as a straight person, with great pride, I take my responsibility seriously to stand arm-in-arm with my [LGBT] family, friends, and fans, and the community as a whole.”

Even if bonds of family and friendship don’t motivate potential allies, Lauper firmly believes that everyone has good reason to take up this cause as their own. “Listen, selfishly, what people need to understand is that equality for one group of people is not just about that group, it is about you as well. When one group of people is singled out and treated different for who they are, who is to say that the group you belong to won’t be next in line?

History is a testament to that fact as well. If one of us not equal, none of us is equal.” The goal of the Give a Damn Campaign is to give people the tools to fight most efficiently and effectively for our shared rights.

The Forty to None Project takes its name from a startling statistic: nearly forty percent of all homeless youth are LGBT. Given that a significantly smaller percent of youth nationwide identify as LGBT, the disproportion is evident.

The project’s goal is to “raise awareness about and bring an end to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth experiencing homelessness.”

For Lauper, the idea that youth are abandoned because they show their true colors hits home on multiple levels. As a sister, a friend, and an ally, she’s devoted herself to acceptance. But even more personally, she explained, “As a mom, I cannot imagine throwing my kid out for any reason, let alone because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. We all have a responsibility to step up and help these kids. That is why we started the True Colors Fund, to bring an end to this epidemic.”

The problem of LGBT youth homelessness, Lauper said, remains acute because so many kids are still “being kicked or forced out of their homes for being gay or transgender.”

However, their situation is desperate because there have been protections provided for youth put in this situations.

“These are incredible young people who

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we have let down by not providing them the support and help they need,” Lauper explained.

To address the conditions that lead to homelessness, the Forty to None Project seeks to reach families before their children come out, promoting acceptance and educating them about the “negative outcomes associated with identity-based rejection and homelessness.” For those who are struggling with their children’s sexual identity, or who may have already rejected a child, the project provides family assessments to support families to allow young people to stay in or return home. When that’s not possible, it seeks to “support relationship building within the family, family networks, and community.” And, for youth already homeless, the project helps ensure that those youth have access to “ongoing safe and affirming services” to assist them in the transition to independence.

The work of the True Colors Fund is having real impact on the ground nationwide. Lauper was keen to make our community aware that “The True Colors Fund is actually on the ground in Nashville working with the community and the Oasis Center to address the problem [of LGBT youth homelessness] locally.” The fund has been supporting the effort in Nashville to remedy the gap created by the closing of OASIS’s LGBT youth shelter program. “One thing people can do [locally],” Lauper insisted, “is support Oasis so that they can help more youth. I would encourage any young person who needs support to find a trusted adult in their life and get their help, if you do not have someone, reach out to Oasis. They can help you.”

According to Daniela Medina of the Tennessee Performing Arts Center (TPAC), a fitting collaboration in Nashville will bring many of Lauper’s worlds together. “On Thursday, February 5th, we have a group from the Oasis Center taking a backstage tour of TPAC, listening to some of TPAC employees detailing job opportunities in theatre, watching [Kinky Boots], and getting a private Q&A with cast afterwards.”

For more information about Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Fund, visit truecolorsfund.org, and for more information on TPAC’s showing of Kinky Boots, visit www.tpac.org.

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BRADLEY MOORE & THE MUSIC CITY THEATRE COMPANY SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS THEATRE IN THE HEART OF CHURCH STREET JAZ DORSEY

From the locally written and produced hit Casey Stampfield: The Musical to this month’s production of The Vagina Monologues and April’s staging of The Normal Heart, Music City Theatre Company and its artistic director, Bradley Moore, have brought theatre to Church Street. Quite appropriately, many of these productions, staged at Vibe Entertainment Complex, have explored important LGBT themes.

Moore was kind enough to answer a few questions about his history with the theatre and what his company is seeking to accomplish in Nashville.

JD: What role did theatre and the arts play in your childhood and upbringing?

My folks actually started me in theatre when I was very young. I did my first show when I was five-years-old and really never stopped. I seemed to really hit a theatrical stride my freshman year of high school when I started to branch out into community theatre, as well as performing in my school shows. My high school was just a regular public school, but our theatre program did six or seven shows a year. I did about thirty shows during my high school years.

Theatre kept me focused, taught me dedication and commitment, and really shaped the person I am today.

JD: When was the moment that you knew that theatre was an important part of your journey, and what happened from there?

When I was 17, I was rehearsing the play Marvin’s Room. We had just begun tech week, and we found out that my grandfather was not doing well. With the blessing of my cast and director, I flew to Ohio to see my grandfather. I got to see him right before he passed away. I flew back to open Marvin’s Room. In the play, there is a scene where my character is looking through an old toolbox and talks about his grandfather, who has passed away.

Well, my grandfather happened to be a carpenter and when I was young, we used to build a lot of things together.

It was my first taste of “art imitating life.” That is when I knew that theatre was real. It meant something, and it had to be a part of my life forever.

JD: What are your thoughts on Nashville as a theatre town?

I find Nashville to be an interesting theatre town.

Having started my theatre company seven years ago without knowing a single person in the theatre community, I have learned a lot along the way. Nashville can seem theatre company saturated at times, but I think it is great to have that many creative outlets. I love the folks that take risks and don’t do the same shows that everyone else has done, or the same shows that have been done over and over again for fifty years.

I come from a very liberal theatrical background, so sometimes I don’t understand when people tell

me that certain words or themes will be offensive to people because we are in the south. Well, I guess I give my audiences more credit than that. I am not into shock for shock value sake. I am into finding pieces that incite strong feelings, pieces that make me feel something real.

After all, if theatre doesn’t make you feel something, then what is the point?

For the latest news about or for more information on the Music City Theatre Company and their upcoming productions, visit their page at www.facebook.com/ musiccitytheatrecompany.

JD: What is the mission of the Music City Theatre Company? What shows have you done and what’s on your plate for 2015?

Music City Theatre Company’s mission is to provide the Nashville community with thoughtprovoking, socially relevant work with a strong vision. Our past shows include several original musical reviews called “Songs We’ll Never Sing,” where men and woman sing songs originally performed by performers of the opposite sex, the Tennessee premieres of Venus In Fur and Other Desert Cities, and the critically-acclaimed original musical Casey Stampfield: The Musical. Coming up in 2015, we will present The Vagina Monologues (February 12–14) as a benefit for the YWCA of Nashville, to which all proceeds will be donated. Then, we will present The Normal Heart by Larry Kramer (April 9–18). Also, look for an original Christmas musical in December. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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UNTILDeath DO US PART GREG BULLARD

As a pastor I have seen it all! Well, not really all, but between what I hear and what I see in people it feels that way at times. When it comes to how people approach the concept of marriage, it is no different. Frankly, most people in the LGBT community ignored it because they could not legally marry, and those who did often downplayed its significance when the spiritual marriage was falling apart.

Now that we seem to be pressing toward nationwide legalization—with thirty-six states (either by choice or force of law) having legal wedlock in place for LGBT couples—we seem to be giddy about the prospects of it coming to Tennessee. But marriage brings potential perils for our own joy and long-term well-being: look at the very high rates of heterosexual divorce that led to more pain and poverty than if the couples had never married, often hurting innocent children and family members in the process.

The cost of seeing marriage as nothing more than legal can be staggering. So, over the years, I have

learned some things that are needed to make marriage—whether same or opposite gender—productive in every way.

What I learned early on is that people so “fall in love” that they miss out on significant discussions about values, finances, faith, family, goals, and dreams. If you want to be the next Nashville billionaire, your values will be very different than those of a person who wants to live in a microhome made of and filled with recycled materials. Neither is bad, but each has a very different destination.

Likewise, not understanding, appreciating, and supporting your partner’s spiritual life means that you are ignoring a full third of the person (we are Mind, Body, and Spirit). To make a choice of partner based on just one or two of those will lead to disaster every time. The couples that make it have a rugged honesty about themselves and a willingness to compromise on values that are not core, precisely because they share their core values.

I remember one couple that came to get married in a religious ceremony

The other piece that I think people miss is that marriage is not about making you happy. Happiness comes and goes. I tell people that marriage should make you holy (as in a better, kinder, gentler, more generous person) and that, from that, happiness and joy will flow. You can never out-give God and you can never overestimate what God will do through you if you view marriage as more about becoming

Pastor Greg Bullard

that had not had any of these talks. They seemed very much in love, and they tried to paint a picture of “all is perfect in paradise.” Yet, as we talked more, it became evident that though they used the same words, those words had very different meanings to each of them. Over the months of meetings in preparation, they finally realized that what they thought were common beliefs were actually just common words: Being from different social spheres, they had very different understandings of them. They postponed their joyous occasion to spend a full year discussing and exploring with each other what they jointly wanted life to be like when they got married. This process, I believe, has made them one of the most successful couples I have known.

better than about becoming happy. You see, if you think it is about happiness, you are setting yourself up for constant disappointment, whereas if you are focused on getting better, you will always find more joy in the next day.

We think of marriage as “unto death do us part,” and it is good that we do. Yet that death need not be a mental or spiritual one, if we do the initial foundation work on values and spirit— work that was needed to begin with.

My prayer is that your marriage be not merely legal, but more importantly a spiritual union between two people with compatible values, shared goals, and interdependent dreams, for that is what will make your marriage truly “unto death do us part.”

First Unitarian Universalist Church of Nashville Open Minds, Open Hearts A Welcoming Congregation for LGBT & Allies Come visit our LGBT+A group

www.firstuunashville.org 1808 Woodmont Blvd Nashville, TN 37215 Phone: 615-383-5760 E-mail: lgbta@firstuunashville.org

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JAMES GRADY | @jamesallengrady

While we may have a ways to go yet before same sex couples begin lining up at Tennessee courthouses, LGBT couples across the state are already affirming the depth of their relationships’ in public events. Same sex marriage is coming, but the same sex wedding is already here.

You don’t even have to leave Nashville to hold your dream wedding, even if you want an event on a grand scale, as the December 13, 2014, wedding of Josh “Sparkles” Johnson and Michael Popham demonstrates.

Johnson is most widely known for his time on HGTV’s *Design Star*, but his career encompasses design, music, and modeling. He shares his passion for music and his religion with Popham, who works in Corporate Trust Services at US Bank in Nashville.

For many of the people who made this massive production of a wedding possible, it was a first same sex marriage. And yet at the end of the day, it was like any other wedding: Two people in love, swearing themselves to a partner, in a ceremony that required herculean strength and patience to plan and execute!

For Johnson, a design expert who is extremely detail oriented, planning the wedding from LA, where he’s been living and working the last six years, was a significant challenge.

“I really was utilizing everyone I knew in Nashville,” Johnson said, “who had expertise to pull this off!” Popham helped as he was able, but he said, “Josh is the design and event person and I’m a numbers person. I just did

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as I was told,” he added with a laugh.

“Thankfully he’s so talented and organized that, in the end, this fabulous event, which was the best night of our lives, came together beautifully.”

Johnson credits advanced planning with is success. “We had chosen the event years in advance for its personal significance, and also because of the date: 12/13/14!”

Josh said.

“Long before I even got into locating vendors, I began to design the event on my own. And with events of this size, you start with the venue….

Given how important music is to both of us, the Country Music Hall of Fame was a natural choice.”

The Hall of Fame had many strengths, besides its symbolic value to the two local music lovers. “We had plenty of guests coming in from out of town, so we definitely wanted a place that could host both the service and the reception. We didn’t want to make people go out in the cold and move across town. With the hotel attached, and the catering done in-house, we could do everything in one space.”

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There is something meaningful for the city about having one of the most extravagant LGBT weddings Nashville has seen at the Hall of Fame.

“There’s so much Christian and Gospel music heritage in that space,” Johnson said, “and for them to have a same sex marriage in that space definitely opened a lot of people’s eyes. It was a first for a lot of people involved at the Hall of Fame.”

“We were a first for a lot of people, though,” Johnson reflected.

“I think we were the first LGBT wedding for our photographers, the McClellans, but we were such big fans of their portfolio! And they jumped right in, and we never got the feeling working with us seemed foreign to them.”

Perhaps most notable of all firsts, the wedding was expertly officiated by Rev. Stan Mitchell of GracePointe Church, Franklin, Tennessee. GracePointe was catapulted into the national spotlight in 2012 by church member Carrie Underwood’s courageous comments about her church being gay friendly. The church and its minster have taken the lead among

evangelical churches, recently making a trailblazing announcement of full affirmation of its LGBT members.

Johnson and Popham were honored and moved that theirs was the first samesex wedding performed by their friend and minister in Nashville. “The timing of our wedding,” Popham said, “with the national evolution on the same-sex marriage issue and the affirmation of our personal friend and GracePointe Church was undoubtedly more than just coincidental.”

Some of the most visible and memorable elements of the wedding were provided by local celebrities. The person Johnson worked with most was Johnathan Kayne, the Nashville fashion designer who appeared on Bravo’s *Project Runway*. “I’ve been a friend of his for fifteen years,” Johnson said.

“He produced all the wedding couture for me and all the girls, and both mothers! He was behind the scenes working to the last minute. Ten minutes before the wedding he was there making sure everything was perfect.”

The wedding cake was made

by Jay Qualls, Nashville’s star baker, who has appeared on ABS’s *The Taste and TLC’s Next Great Baker. “I met with him, and we brainstormed and designed the cake together,” Johnson reported. “He executed the whole vision, and I trusted him a lot.”

Behind the scenes was a veritable army of other vendors, organized by wedding planner Angela Proffitt. “She coordinated the event, and all the vendors,” Johnson said. “She’s Nashville based but works with large events around the country, so she was

“IT’S NOT ONLY LITTLE GIRLS WHO DREAM ABOUT THEIR WEDDING DAYS,” Johnson said.

“LITTLE BOYS DO, TOO!”

Photos: McLellan Style

very skilled and was very instrumental in everything.”

Lighting was very important to achieving Johnson’s vision, given the challenges of the spaces at the Hall of Fame. “There was a time when people didn’t pay attention to lighting at a wedding, but now it’s a huge thing, because it creates an ambience and beauty in the space.” Nashville Event Lighting implemented the lighting design. Johnson selected all the fabrics, as well as the holiday décor, that filled the space with such ambience, and Visual Elements executed his vision, constructing structures and frames for the decorations. Southern Events and Liberty Party Rentals provided linens and other essentials.

Johnson advises anyone planning a wedding, no matter the size, “If you are detail oriented, or a perfectionist, make sure that the people that you work for are as well,” he said with a laugh.

“When things don’t come through as you pictured, or at all, it can be heartbreaking.” But, he adds, focus on what’s most important to you. “For us the beauty of the event and making it memorable was more important that the menu, for instance. We wanted to create a visual memory for people who had been on our journey with us.”

Most importantly, remember your wedding lasts an evening, and it really is about you! “Make sure you’re enjoying it: “Everything is so emotionally charged because you are in the presence of everyone who’s most important to you, people who will never be together in the same place at the same time again, and they’re there to celebrate you.” So be sure to make some memories.

@O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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Better Halves

LGBT COUPLES WHO ARE CHANGING NASHVILLE

BRIAN SULLIVAN | @NashvilleScoop

This Valentine’s month O&AN would like to introduce you to some of the AMAZING LGBT couples who are not only giving back to our community, but also fighting for our causes and representing us on the Nashville scene.

There are innumerable couples we could have chosen, and many worthy examples aren’t presented here, so if you know of couples who should be featured, feel free to contact the editors and make suggestions for future features! Now, let’s take a look at the couples shaping our community.

ABBY RUBENFELD & HELIA RETHMANN

best to support the community. They met through political events (the Gore campaign and gay pride, among others).

Their first time “almost” going out together was the TEP’s holiday party in 2004: Their first “date” was the next night.

“Helia is a saint for putting up with me,” said Rubenfeld. “She would tell you that I have worked every single day that we have been together, including the day of our wedding.” The wedding was during a national conference of LGBTQ lawyers in San Francisco.

“I spoke at a plenary and then we got married,” said Rubenfeld. “Seriously.”

Rubenfeld has led the state’s fight for marriage equality, and continues to fight for the rights of Tennesseans to marry. And it’s paid off, as this year the Supreme Court of the United States will take up Tennessee’s case.

One thing’s for sure: No matter what any court says, this couple’s the real deal.

JIM SCHMIDT & JOE WOOLLEY

Attorney and champion for equality Abby Rubenfeld runs her own legal practice focused primarily on family law and civil rights issues. Abby was Legal Director at Lamda Legal Defense from 1983 to 1988, and served on its Board of Directors for seven years in the late 1990s and early 2000s. She served on the Board of the ACLU for Tennessee for 20 years and has helped found several different Tennessee LGBTQ groups over the years.

Helia Rethmann is a teacher, trainer, educator, and translator, as well as a once-certified court interpreter! She takes care of the couple’s thirteen acres and many animals. The couple have three daughters between them (Lily, 23; Sarah, 19; and Laura, 19). They’ve been involved with the Tennessee Equality Project from its inception, and do their

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Jim Schmidt and Joe Woolley will have been together for fourteen years in May. They were married on their thirteenth anniversary last May in San Francisco.

They have two dogs and live in the Belmont-Hillsboro neighborhood.

The couple have been very active in politics. Schmidt and Woolley helped found the Tennessee

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Equality Project (TEP) in 2003 because of a lack of a statewide advocacy group for the LGBTQ community, and have also been active in the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and the Victory Fund.

Schmidt has worked in government affairs on state level policy in Nashville for 20 years. He runs his own lobbying firm, Schmidt Government Solutions, currently specializing in healthcare lobbying. He currently serves on the boards of the Nashville Children’s Theatre, Davidson County Mental Health and Veterans Court Foundation, the Tennessee Lobbyists Association, and the Brooks Fund. He is a past Board Chair for the Victory Fund Campaign.

Woolley has worked in journalism with CBS in New York and then in marketing, but now he is a marketing and operations consultant for small businesses and non-profits. He is the current Vice President of the Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce, and also serves on the Belmont-Hillsboro Neighborhood Association. Woolley previously served on the Board of the Nashville Shakespeare Festival.

Joe also volunteers for CASA (Court Appointed Child Advocate), an organization for children removed from their families due to abuse or neglect.

“It is important for everyone to step up and get involved in any way they can to help make change happen,” says Woolley. “There is an old saying that if you are not at the table then you are on the menu. We think that is very true. So, we want to make sure we have a place at that table.”

LISA HOWE & WENDY HOLLEMAN HOWE

Even after thirteen years together, the Howes think their relationship continues to grow stronger, with every life experience bringing them closer together. They are best friends. And, with so much in common, it’s easy to see why!

Wendy Holleman Howe grew up in Dallas, Texas, and played college soccer at Jacksonville State University.

After being an Assistant Coach in NCAA Division I, she now teaches lower school PE and coaches varsity girls’ soccer and middle school girls’ lacrosse at USN. Wendy has twice been named Coach of the Year, and won a state title in 2012 and runner up in 2014. Wendy is one of the co-founders of the Nashville Gay Parents, and is a member of HRC and the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR).

Lisa Howe is also from Dallas, Texas. She played soccer at Barry University and won the Division II National Championship. In her seventeen-year career coaching NCAA women’s soccer, she was named Conference Coach of the Year in the Atlantic Sun Conference three times.

In 2011, she received the NCLR Justice Award, and has also been honored at Autumn Honors and received a Making History Women’s Award from Vanderbilt Divinity School.

In February 2012, Lisa became the first Executive Director of the Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce. In three years, the organization has more than tripled its membership and revenue. She is also serving her fourth year on the

Pride board, with responsibility for the Equality Walk.

BRIAN COPELAND & GREG BULLARD

community for his work with Nashville Pride, and has led Nashville Pride’s Spirituality Night for fifteen years.

He has also served on the board for the Nashville Interfaith Alliance and

board. Neligan is the Senior Product Trainer at Education Networks of America. Over the years, she has served on the GLBT Center Board, co-chaired the HRC dinner, and served on the HRC Steering Committee and on the HRC Board of Governors.

JASON WARNER & DEMARCO DECICCIO

Brian Copeland and Greg Bullard were ceremonially wed in 2006 and legally married in San Francisco in 2013. They are fathers to three-year-old Micah and eight-month-old Esther.

Copeland is the Chief of Broker Services for Village Real Estate and a corporate keynote speaker. He became the first openly gay Realtor of the Year for the Greater Nashville Association of Realtors in 2011, and holds numerous positions at the local, state, and national realtor organizations. He was named one of the Most Influential Real Estate Leaders in the Country in 2014 and 2015.

Copeland has served on the boards for the Family Equality Council, the American Fertility Association, TEP, Hands On Nashville, Greenways for Nashville, and the Nashville Farmer’s Market Commission. In 2011, Brian founded Nashville Gay Parents, which has grown into a network of over 200 families throughout Middle Tennessee.

He also founded the largest online network for gay fathers, which has 4000 members internationally.

Bullard is the founder and pastor of Covenant of the Cross in Madison, which runs the only LGBT-affirming food pantry in Tennessee and feeds more than 200 households monthly.

In 2014, he accepted Hands On Nashville’s Mary Catherine Strobel Volunteer Group of the Year Award for that work, for which Covenant was also recognized at Autumn Honors. In 2014, Greg received the Community Service Award at the HRC Equality Dinner.

Bullard is also known in the

Mending Hearts, a recovery center for women. Currently, he is also a child advocate with the Tennessee Department of Children’s Services, with an emphasis in transgendered children and teen advocacy.

artists such as Christina Aguilera, P!nk, and the Dixie Chicks.

In 2010, the duo founded a non-profit, S.A.F.E., and opened a drop-in center for homeless LGBTQ youth, serving over 400 clients in less than eight months. Warner said, “In relocating to Nashville, rather than opening another drop-in center, we feel we can better serve our youth and the community by helping to prevent them from being homeless to begin with.”

They hope that their non-profit will be able to work with the Department of Children Services (DCS) to help connect affirming foster parents with LGBTQ foster youth, and to provide DCS with S.A.F.E. (Safe, Affirming, Family Environment) families for these LGBTQ youth. They are also exploring possible housing solutions for youth transitioning out of foster care. Since launching S.A.F.E., the duo has raised more than $100,000 while also releasing a music video to their hit single “Safe,” written by fellow gay artist Josh Duffy.

ZAC WOODWARD & CHAD LABOY

BARB NELIGAN & AMY PARKER

After eighteen years together, Barb Neligan and Amy Parker say their secret to keeping the romance alive is making each other laugh. Their proudest accomplishment? Raising their beautiful twenty-two-year-old daughter, Avery.

They both have volunteered and served on committees for many events over the years, including Pride and Nashville Cares Zootopia. They also volunteered on parent and event committees throughout the course of Avery’s school years in Nashville and were members of the George Eastman Circle and Parents Council at the University of Rochester, from which Avery graduated last spring.

Parker is Director of Support Services at HCA/Parallon. She is currently serving on the Brooks Fund

Musicians Jason Warner and DeMarco DeCiccio are relative newcomers to Nashville, having moved to Franklin just last year. A couple of nearly fourteen years, they were married in 2010 and welcomed twin sons, Mason and Noah, through surrogacy in 2011.

With the international release of their album Til the End of Time, Jason and DeMarco became familiar names to music fans around the world. Their first single, “Trying to Get to You,” climbed the Billboard charts and their second single, “This is Love,” won “Music Video of the Year” at the 2006 MTV LOGO Awards.

Jason and DeMarco have performed at numerous high profile events, including the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Awards in Los Angeles, the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s Annual Gala in Denver, and the 2006 HRC Gala at the Waldorf Astoria in New York. They have also been a part of the HRC’s star-studded benefit album, Love Rocks, alongside

Zac Woodward, twenty-two-yearold model, actor, host, and radio personality, is the producer and on-air personality for Nashville’s #1 rated morning radio show, The Woody & Jim Show, on WRVW-FM 107.5 The River.

Zac can be seen in “Mockingjay: The Hunger Games Trilogy,” “Insurgent,” and “Madea’s Christmas,” as well as in Abercrombie campaigns, to name a few.

Chad LaBoy is a twenty-fiveyear-old music business technology professional. Chad is the founder @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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and “Chief Visionary Officer” for MusicCred, a revolutionary mobile application aiming to launch early this year. Chad’s passion in business is generating ingenious ideas across various platforms to improve businesses.

Recently, Zac and Chad were selected to play a couple in Kelly Clarkson’s music video for her new single “Heartbeat Song.” While on set, Chad arranged with the production team to surprise Zac by proposing while shooting. This epic proposal is actually going to be part of the video, enshrining it in pop-culture history. Here’s to you two for reaching multiple platforms and helping represent same-love equality so publicly!

JEREMY DAVIS & MATT DILLMAN

Jeremy Davis is the Chief Mortgage Officer for the Bank of Nashville and leads the mortgage banking divisions for three Synovus affiliate banks.

Previously, Davis led a successful, high-profile growth campaign for Fifth Third Bank, and executed successful expansions for JPMorgan Chase and Washington Mutual Bank into new market territories throughout the southeast. In 2009, Nashville Business Journal honored Davis as one of

22

Nashville’s top 40 most influential business leaders under 40.

Matt Dillman is a realtor with Reliant Realty. He began his real estate career in 2005, and quickly discovered a passion for assisting first time homebuyers in navigating the hurdles of home buying. While Dillman helps clients of all backgrounds, the majority of his clients are from the LGBT community, and he prides himself in helping his clients navigate through the specific needs of LGBT homeowners.

The couple has a long history of supporting LGBT organizations as well as organizing and volunteering for equality-minded political candidates.

They have hosted dozens of fundraisers for candidates, including Mayor Karl Dean, Metro Councilmember At Large Megan Barry, and Congressman Jim Cooper (D-TN). The couple was heavily involved in the Vote No on 1 campaign against a marriage ban in Tennessee, helping to organize and host multiple fundraisers for the organization, including an event at TPAC’s Johnson Hall with comedian Leslie Jordan.

Davis served on the TEP Board from 2005 to 2008, and the board of the Brooks Fund from 2010 to 2012.

Davis and Dillman have been very active supporters of the HRC in Nashville, both serving on the Nashville steering committee and volunteering in multiple roles from 2005 to 2012.

Their work includes assisting with the planning and execution of HRC’s premier annual gala, the Equality Dinner, from 2006 to 2012.

Davis also served as co-chair of the HRC Dinner from 2008 to 2012. In addition, Davis served on the HRC Board of Governors from 2005 to 2011, and served as Chair for the Corporate Relations/ Sponsorship Committee.

They have most recently focused on working with the Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce, devoting their energy and resources to assist with growing the Chamber’s membership, fundraising, and organization. Davis has served as a board member for the LGBT Chamber since late 2009 and was elected President/Chairman of the Board in 2012.

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Key West

WEDDING DESTINATION OR HONEYMOON IN PARADISE

SCOTT BRYANT

From the locally written and produced To say that Key West, Florida, is beautiful is a complete understatement.

It is absolutely breath-taking!

Back in September, I had the privilege of spending four days in Key West, and I was introduced to all that it has to offer, specifically for same-sex weddings and honeymoons.

And upon leaving, I was convinced it would be a perfect place for either or both. The place felt like an oasis from any problem. It had the charm of old Charleston with its historic architecture, the shopping of any major city, and the entertainment and vibe of New Orleans.

I was surprised to find out that Key West only has a population of a little over 25,000. It feels so much livelier than that small population could support! And yet, while feeling so full of life and urbane culture, the residents of the city were so warm and inviting, it felt like home. I remember taking a stroll from my guesthouse, The Equator, down to Duvall Street for some shopping. As I walked along the sidewalk, couples sitting on their porches greeted me with friendly smiles and hellos.

Dining there was one of the best parts of the trip.

From lunch at the Waldorf—personally prepared and served by the chef—to a sunset dinner on the beach at the Westin Resort, needless to say, I ate well. The island has something to offer every palate, but with the sea on every side, it would be hard to find fresher seafood.

While there, I also had the opportunity to tour some amazing wedding venues and honeymoon destinations. We began our tour at the Little White House Museum, a home of former President Truman, which has an amazing outdoor wedding space that can cater to any size event.

One of my personal favorite venues was the Casa Marina Resort.

Originally opened in 1920, the resort is now part of the Waldorf Astoria family of resorts and hotels.

Casa Marina enjoys 1,100 feet of private beachfront and is less than a mile from the nightlife of Duval Street, not to mention being close to historic locations such as the Ernest Hemingway Home & Museum. From its gorgeous Spanish-style architecture to its floor-to-ceiling dark wood interior, it speaks to a bygone era of class and refinement, while its location and amenities offer the epitome of relaxation and comfort. There are many spaces at Casa Marina suitable

for holding the perfect destination wedding, each with its own unique atmosphere.

For a honeymoon, if you want a more intimate, non-resort stay, my first recommendation would be The Alexander Guesthouse. When walking into the Alexander, I immediately understood why it was voted the best LGBT guesthouse in the city for five years in a row: the Guesthouse comprises three historic homes that are decorated tastefully with modern art, and it boasts beautiful pool and sundeck areas. Its inviting staff, intimate accommodations, and laidback all-LGBT clientele seal the deal!

It is hard to say what I enjoyed

@O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

23

the most, because I frankly didn’t want to leave.

However, my day trip to Fort Jefferson, the oldest masonry structure in the United States, tops the list.

After a two-hour catered boat ride seventy miles into the ocean away from Key West, we arrived at the Fort, which is the only thing on its island. It was so far out that I lost cell phone service and couldn’t have been happier.

After touring the fort at my own pace, I then snorkeled around it, swimming with fish of colors I had never imagined. Of all the places I toured for wedding venues—hands down—this would be the one I would choose. It’s directly in the center of that gorgeous fort in the middle of the ocean, so far from the worries of everyday life.

Key West is one of those places I believe everyone needs to see in order to believe. Only after experiencing it for yourself will you truly understand why I, like many others, consider it to be one of the most beautiful places on Earth.

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24

OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

FEBRUARY 2015

Psychotherapy Individuals & Couples

John Waide, PhD, LCSW 615/400.5911 waide@psychotherapy-and-psychoanalysis.com Barbara Sanders, LCSW 615/414.2553 BarbaraSandersLCSW@gmail.com Music Row / Vanderbilt Area

KeyWest ‘IT’ PLACES

THE CASA MARINA RESORT,

a Waldorf Astoria Resort – The historic Casa Marina was conceived

by Henry Flagler and opened New Year’s Eve 1920. Although the Casa Marina Resort is seeped in history, the rooms and suite were modern, with plush bedding and upscale decor. Info: http://casamarinaresort.com/

WIND AND WINE SUNSET SAIL , Danger Charters – On this

sailing tour, you’ll sample fine wine as the sun sets across the Keys. The tour guides teaching about the wines you taste. Info: http://dangercharters.com/ wind-wine-sunset-sail/

KEY WEST BUTTERFLY AND NATURE CONSERVATORY – You never know how relaxing having thousands of butterflies flying around

you can be until you experience it.

The gentleness of these creature is amazing, as they land on your shoulder and suddenly become your tour guide through the beautiful conservatory housing 60 different species. Info: http://www.keywestbutterfly.com/

HEMINGWAY HOUSE – So many cats (50+)! But they’re friendly, and they’re all polydactyl, meaning they have six toes. However, you will quickly recognize that the Hemingway house is their home. Info: http://www. hemingwayhome.com/ SOUTHERNMOST ON THE BEACH – Literally the southernmost

SUNSET KEY – This Westin Property is located on a separate island, just a short boat ride from Key West. The cottages were amazing, with private pools and access to wonderful beaches. Info: http:// www.westinsunsetkeycottages.com/ latitudes-key-west DRY TORTUGAS FERRY trip

to historic Fort Jefferson – There is something to be said for escape. Being 70 miles from Key West, in the middle of the ocean, the site is just so relaxing that all your worries just melt away.

Info: http://www.drytortugas.com/

resort in the United States, this resort offers cottages and luxurious room stays and is also close to Duval Street.

Info: http://www.southernmostresorts. com/

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25

’ Shes Hot

Featuring Ashley Burns, Mixed Martial ArtisT JANE DUPREE | @janedupree

Recently, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a picture of a female fighter. I was ecstatic. I have only known of three female boxers in the area. I was intrigued and went trolling. What I discovered was Ashley Burns, one of Nashville’s top female mixed martial arts (MMA) fighters. MMA is a mixture of fighting styles including Muay Thai, boxing, and jiu jitsu.

When I think of fighters, I think of Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, or Sugar Ray Leonard. Those guys trained for years, sacrificing their time, personal life, and body, pushing

their mental and physical strength beyond imagination, going the distance and sometimes proudly taking a defeat on the path to victory.

I can only wonder what it is like to be brave enough to challenge a fearless war machine and not be intimidated.

Many successful boxers and professional fighters live luxurious lives and compete in the biggest venues. Unfortunately, those privileges are predominantly awarded to male fighters,

Ashley Burns and that’s why I think Ashley Burns is Hot. Ashley Burns is one of the dedicated women ushering in a new era of MMA fighters.

Burns was born and raised in Nashville. Growing up as an only daughter with two brothers, she spent her youth playing basketball and soccer (including traveling teams).

Burns is not only an athlete, she is a mother and musician. Before getting into the ring, Ashley was in an allfemale band.

While on a break from music, Ashley walked into a Muay Thai gym, and she was captivated. Since that moment, she has been hooked.

Dupree: Did you study martial arts at a young age?

Burns: I wish I had! Probably would have kept me out of trouble. I have been training for a little over three years now.

Dupree: Do you hold any titles?

Burns: I was the World Association of Kickboxing Organizations (WAKO) silver medalist 60kg, and the World Kickboxing Association (WKA) silver medalist 57 kgs. In 2015 I’m going for gold!

26

OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

FEBRUARY 2015

Dupree: Where do you train?

Burns: Bonafyde MMA Dupree: What is your biggest challenge in the ring and life?

Burns: Time! I want to do it all, and some things require more of my time than others so it’s always a battle for balance. I do my best!

Dupree: How do you overcome objectives in the Ring?

Burns: Each time I get in there, it unveils something new. I try to stay focused and in the moment and feel the energy in the ring.

Dupree: Would you describe your first time in the ring? How does fighting make you feel?

Burns: What a mad rush! I had no idea what to expect and had loads of bruises! I couldn’t wait to do it again! [How I feel] evolves as I evolve. I feel accomplished when I carry out my strategy, when I come short I’m frustrated and go back to the drawing board.

Dupree: What are your goals as a fighter?

Burns: I always wanted to be a professional athlete when I was younger, and to have that opportunity again is exciting to say the least. I’m going for gold next year. I’ll also be doing some strictly boxing as well.

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Dupree: Do you compete in other fighting styles?

Burns: I have done Muay Thai and k1/kickboxing, as well as international rules.

Dupree: What are your biggest accomplishments?

Burns: I played in an all-girl thrash punk band that was signed to an independent label, and then winning silver in the WAKO finals in Toronto Canada. I fought up in weight and had tough opponents.

Dupree: Are you involved with any charities?

Burns: I’m an ambassador for an anti bullying campaign, Rise Up Against Bullying, headed by Redemption Martial Arts’ owner, Mark.

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Dupree: Who is your biggest influence? Your favorite fighter?

Burns: That’s hard to pick with such admirable female athletes in the world. I think we all share a common chord and influence the pot. [But my favorites are] Masato or Joanna Jedrzejczyk.

Friday 10am – 5pm Saturday 10am – 5pm Sunday 12pm – 5pm

Dupree: Would you describe your average day?

Burns: I send my kid to school, go to work, and on my break run or strength train. After work I go to the gym and train for two hours, then go home, watch a movie with my son, and do it all again! My days off work are still training days, so technically, I don’t think I really have a day off? Ha! @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

FEBRUARY 2015

SNARKOLOGY:

ON THE PERILS OF BEING A MESSY (W)ITCH! AMY SULAM | @Amysulam

Get a napkin, you messy [w]itches!

Pardon me, I’m about to get REAL Memphis in this one.

Yes, I know it’s February, the Valentine’s month. I’m not gonna bah humbug Valentine’s Day. I am, however, addressing what happens when your search for romance blinds you to the point you’ve made collateral damage of your friendships.

We’ve all been there. Hell, I’m guilty of being messy at points in my life. What does it mean to be a “messy” [w]itch? The best I can explain it is that, in dating relationships (including ongoing sexual relationships, or friends with benefits arrangements), your dating or sexual habits create awkward situations in your circle of friends.

Have you slept with several people in the same group friends and now friendly get-togethers have some hanging tension? That’s called “running through the team,” and that’s oil spill messy! Ever been hookup friends hoping it would lead to a relationship? Acted out to your ex’s new significant other? If you answer “yes,” [w]itch, you messy.

How you handle yourself when it comes to dating and sex in your circle of friends says a lot about you—specifically how much you value yourself and your long-term friendships.

Failure to think “How will this affect my long-term friendships in this group?” speaks volumes about the EPIC level of selfishness you are reveling in and how little impulse control you have.

I know it’s hard to think clearly when your hormones go freaking crazy, but there are a few things I remember

that seem to keep my genitals from running amuck and making me “that friend” [again], the one who ran through the team and risks making gatherings uncomfortable. They’re sort of my facts of life for when I get borderline messy.

In break ups, I tell myself: 1) NEVER EVER EVER under ANY circumstances EVER talk shit about your ex in public or on social media. No matter what they did, you look trashy and they look like the victim.

This is basic messy behavior.

2) If your ex throws shade on social media or in any other public setting DO NOT RESPOND, even to defend yourself. If what they are saying is nonsense, give it the amount of respect and attention it deserves: 0.

If I’m gonna be in a FWB relationship, my mantra is: 1) Know your place and stay in your lane. You are not the girlfriend/ boyfriend, you are the FWB! As such you have no relationship standing or claim to the other person.

2) Don’t overly comment on their social media. It makes you look desperate and stalker-y. Honestly, I’d ignore the social media.

3) Keep your mouth SHUT. If anyone knows you guys are hookup friends, you’ve failed to stay in your lane. You’re messy.

4) If you catch feelings and they don’t, break it the hell off! You’ll only end up doing something stupid eventually. When someone says “I don’t want a relationship” the rest of that sentence is “with you.”

5) When they start dating someone seriously—this can’t be stressed enough—keep your fucking mouth SHUT. Do not comment on pictures, or like pictures, post on their wall, tweet, retweet, text, FB message, call, communicate with them via shadow puppets across the bar, or send mother [loving] carrier pigeons. Fall back, all the way back. You lost regular friend privileges when the sleeping together started.

Don’t like the facts? Hey, they’re what keep me on the straight and narrow: you have to find your own.

Whatever the facts are, they can be

ignored, sure, but doing so means you aren’t borderline messy—you’re a messy [w]itch. You don’t want to be the one who stops getting invited to stuff because you’ve run through the whole team, do you?

Ignoring the realities of sex with friends also puts you at risk of looking crazy because your emotions put your common sense in a sleeper hold. Also, I may have just saved you from getting your [booty] kicked. I know having to control yourself might pissed you off— but this is likely because you’re messy, so what do we care? Rather than be upset, grow, learn and clean your messy self up!

To quote the wise sages Sharionna and DJ Chose from their masterful work the song “Basic Bitch,” “Hoe, I hope you got a backup plan cuz that dude that you f--in say he ain’t yo man.” In short don’t be so desperate for love, affection and sex that you end up possibly ruining good friendships. Don’t be blinded by sex or attention. Don’t be messy. Trust me, I know: being messy results in regret at ever having been so foolish.

find your with kate

Kate NelsoN, RealtoR® DIRECT 615 / 268-0319 OffICE 615 / 383-6964 KATE@VILLAGEREALESTATE.COM

realestatewithkate.com @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

29

GARY BRADSHAW | @RiseGrindr

I did it. I went on my first gay, Grindrinitiated, homosexual date. If you missed how this first man-on-man meeting came to be, check out the first part of my story in last month’s column.

“Joe” and I spent a few days chatting online and finally coordinated our full schedules to meet for dinner. I was so nervous about meeting the only normal guy to engage me with real conversation on Grindr. And while I’ve seen more dicks and assholes (literally and figuratively) than I ever cared to, I hadn’t seemed to find anyone else with much substance.

After obsessing over the perfect location, I decided on a new Nashville restaurant that serves inventive cocktails and has a user-friendly menu.

“Joe” seemed excited about my choice, for he had wanted to try it out himself. I gave myself a small pat on the back for the victory and headed out.

Having seen a number of photos of “Joe,” I knew his face right when I walked in a few minutes late. He jumped up to greet me with a hug and we sat at our little two-top in the corner.

He immediately launched into telling me about a fascinating New York Times article he read while he waited. Nervous

30

and scanning the room, I half-listened.

Not seeing anyone I recognized, I began to relax. When the waiter came to take our drink order, I added a hummus plate for us to share. After applauding another good choice, he immediately began complimenting my outfit. He admitted he wasn’t sure what to wear, which explained why he looked much more dressed up than the casual appearance in his photos.

Our conversation throughout the night remained easy and comfortable, as it had been over the last few days. We were hitting it off! Then my stomach dropped as I noticed one of my loud-mouthed, nosy colleagues walk in. My attempts to look engaged in a deep conversation and avoid eye contact were a losing battle, as he walked right up to the table oblivious to the situation. The co-worker asked if I had gotten tickets to one of the city’s most coveted upcoming concerts. I told him I had.

OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

FEBRUARY 2015

“I’m so jealous,” “Joe” said. “You better be bringing me with you.” I laughed off the comment and shut down conversation with the co-worker so he would leave “Joe” and me to what was becoming a fantastic first date.

Testing the waters to see how he might react to learn I hadn’t been out with a guy before, I told him I had just joined Grindr for the first time when we met. He was excited to learn that I was a newbie at the online dating circuit, and he began explaining the other apps loaded on his phone: Jack’d, Scruff, Ok! Cupid, etc.

I didn’t know if this was a sign of how many men he’d actually been with or not, but his expertise led me to believe he might be turned off by my inexperience.

As drinks continued, so did “Joe’s” compliments. “If you weren’t sitting in front of me right now,” he said, “I’d be convinced you weren’t real.”

“The guys you date are not real?”

I joked.

“Guys in this town are just really boring, but you seem like the real deal.

Boyfriend material,” he concluded with a smile.

Confident that I’d landed a second date, I paid the check and offered to walk him to his car. As we strolled down the well-lit street, he grabbed my hand and I realized “a kiss” was imminent.

This was not just any kiss. This was the first, first kiss. I panicked.

When we reached his car, “Joe” asked if we could see each other again over the weekend. I agreed, but all I could think about (or overthink about, in my case) was the impending kiss.

Not sure what he had just said, I took one quick look down the street, grabbed him by his jacket and went in. Our lips met.

The shock of feeling another man’s lips on mine made me pull away, but “Joe” hadn’t had enough and pulled me in for another. Feeling equally relieved and accomplished, I said goodnight. We shared a hug, another light kiss, and he was on his way.

“Joe” sent a text to let me know he’d gotten home okay and had a great time. “Me too,” I replied, “see you on Saturday.”

Expect something

totally dierent in June.

@O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

31

A KIKI WITH PAIGE TURNER | @PaigeTurner01

It’s a new year and Untucked opens with a bang. We kiki-ed with drag queen extraordinaire and recording artist Raquel Redd, and, my, is this little lady busy! Find out how she juggles it all promoting a new single, doing drag, hosting bingo, and going to school! Some of what she had to say may even have some queens seeing Redd!

When did you start doing drag?

Honestly, when I was 6 years old. I used to wear my mom’s shoes and make up, and dance around to my VHS of The Little Shop of Horrors. I saw RuPaul on TV as I got older, I wrote her a letter, and she in turn called me back so happy that someone so young was mesmerized by her. I did perform on stage for as Raquel much later after moving to WeHo (West Hollywood) as an adult.

What does drag mean to you? How does it make you feel?

We can be who we want: it’s the freedom of self-expression. And not everything is what it seems. Drag makes me feel... like a woman! [Laughs] Sometimes it will give me heartburn depending on how tight my spanks are.

But honestly, it’s self-expression, and that’s empowering, so what’s better than that?

Who inspired you to do drag?

Well, RuPaul, of course. In fact, I never honestly considered the fact of being a Drag Queen until I was working with Ru and he told me that I should audition for Drag Race. The show was very new, just wrapping up season one. So, I went to this place called Fiesta Cantina, and they held a karaoke show there. The DJ allowed me to do a drag performance instead for my audition tape. After emailing with casting and producers…it was still very new to me, so they told me to work more on my online and media presence and audition again.

Do you have a drag mother?

Honestly, no... I was pretty self-taught.

To be honest, no one really seemed to

32

like me enough to offer true help and advice. That always kind of bothered me, but I’ve come a very long way.

So you say it seemed no one really liked you enough to help: was that other queens throwing shade or just not being welcoming in general?

Both really.

Don’t get me wrong, Weho and Nashville are very different. The queens there would give side eye and throw a little catty shade but would never hinder you in any way as far as making money or getting a show. They still would be supportive but not helpful.

Photos: Chris Walburn

What is the biggest difference between WeHo Drag and Nashville Drag, then?

Opportunity is one big thing. WeHo has a lot more of it because there are a lot

OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

FEBRUARY 2015

more clubs and venues to perform in.

Like I said, with the ladies, there was a sense of catty behavior, but it was also very balanced by a sense of sisterhood we don’t have here in Nashville. When I was new in WeHo, they had more of a sense of community, regardless of whether you’re a headliner or

just working there for tips. They always have your back.

Here a lot of queens have that, but they are in cliques. It’s almost gang-like in a sense, how they treat one another. It just doesn’t seem like we are progressing here, which is sad because we have so much amazing talent here that never gets the chance to showcase it because they aren’t given the opportunity.

So you’re also a singer. Has music always been a big influence in your life?

Oh yes, I always loved music. When I was in high school, I got a scholarship to go to Berkley, where I studied voice.

I had a band at the time, and we would go around and play some little gigs.

We made a CD, but it never really went further than that. Then, in LA, I met a DJ at a club, and he heard me sing and said I should record a song. So, I was like, “Okay, fine.” So, he took care of everything and that’s when “Right on Track” came about. It was fun and everything: the touring, music festivals, and promoting the song and all, but my heart never really was with the song.

What would you say was your inspiration for “Tens and Twenties”?

It’s about the money, honey: getting tipped! Seriously, though, I wanted to write a song I would enjoy preforming and that other queens would enjoy performing, a song that let the audience know that there was nothing we love more than getting tipped. When people see the shows sometimes, they just watch in amazement but they don’t really tip, or they do and you get ones and fives. So, I wanted to sit down and write a song that could really help make money and that people would

love. I mean, seriously, ladies? Why are we selling ourselves short with ones and fives, when we can get “Tens and Twenties”? So, I wrote it to change the way people view tipping queens. It’s a money anthem song really for anyone who wants and loves money!

So, what is it like for you juggling school, recording and promoting your music, doing shows, and having a home life?

I always try to do things or go in a certain direction that feels natural.

Anything that feels forced, rushed, or unplanned, I don’t like, so it’s really just kind of knowing what is on my plate. It

was easier before, because I had Glen, my partner. He helped tremendously with the music, school, and drag… everything. Now I don’t have him anymore, and he will forever be missed.

It has always been hard, but I always manage to make it. It’s just going to be more challenging now.

For an extended interview, visit www. outandaboutnashville.com. Raquel co-hosts Drag Bingo at Mad Donna’s every Tuesday night (except the 2nd week of the month). To book events on the REDD TOUR, email raqnredd@ gmail.com. You can also follow her on Instagram (@RUSTYRAQUEL) and Twitter (@RaquelRedd).

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TRANSROOTS: Diversity & Gender Identity BOBBI WILLIAMS

Beyoncé’s recent song “Pretty Hurts” sums it up very well. The pressure on women to be “feminine,” and on men to be “masculine,” is a disease in our nation. It plays out even more dramatically for transpeople: those who “feel” female want to “appear” female, and those who “feel” male want to “appear” male. That “want” is rooted in and shaped by the gender images we’re provided while growing up—i.e., you can be Barbie or you can be G.I. Joe. I knew, at a very young age, that I wasn’t 100% male. But the only alternative I saw was “female,” and the definition of that was rigid.

Once I began school it was “all over but the shooting.” And there was plenty of that.

In her book, The Bully Society: School Shooting and the Crisis of Bullying in America’s Schools, Jessica Klein explains that “bullies often act as gender police, enforcing traditional gender norms and punishing those who deviate.” While it’s not as blatant, a similar policing of genders occurs in the work world. For some whose physicality doesn’t match the popular image associated with their gender, the use of make-up, clothing style, hormones, and surgery might get them by. But it takes more courage

than many of us have to overcome the pressure to fit the “appropriate” image.

Even at the biological level, we’ve been taught that males have an X and a Y chromosome, while females have two Xs. What we’re not taught is that, even here, there are many variations, including Turner Syndrome (only one X chromosome), Triple-X syndrome (three X chromosomes), Klinefelter’s Syndrome (one or more extra X chromosome), and XYY syndrome (an extra Y chromosome). Furthermore, babies whose gender cannot be readily defined occur in about one in 4,500 births.

A person might appear female on the outside, but have male anatomy inside. Or they may be born with genitals that seem to be in between: a girl may be born with a large clitoris or no vaginal opening, or a boy may be born with a small penis or with a scrotum that is divided so that it looks more like labia. Or a person may have some cells with XX chromosomes and other cells with XY chromosomes. Search the topic and you’ll come up with a long list of so-called deformities, but these facts only support the normal distribution in any population. It’s a bell curve, and even though the “bump” in the middle may be the majority, the distribution of variance at each end of the curve is normal and natural too. It occurs with all things in nature. But we continue to try and squeeze everyone into just two categories.

Sadly, despite the rise of the

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diversity bandwagon, gender variance doesn’t get a seat. There are just two categories, and you would do well to fit clearly into one or the other—although a simple glance at the people sitting around you as you read this shows how unrealistic that is.

author), and Chaz Bono. These are the “representatives” of the transgender community. While there are plenty of transpeople who are successful in business, academia, medicine, and sports, they often don’t fit the gender ideal, so we rarely see them. The public’s fascination is with looks, which are what “sells.” The media loves the stories about the transwoman who looks like “a real woman” or the transman who looks like “a real man.” (Witness the ongoing saga of Bruce Jenner.) Even if we understand that gender is

Pretty hurts, we shine the light on whatever’s worst.

Perfection is the disease of a nation.

When it comes to fitting the image, transmen are at something of an advantage. It’s easier to add the muscular biceps and thighs than it is to get rid of them. And testosterone helps with that, whereas no amount of estrogen will shave off muscle.

Men in our culture don’t have to be attractive the same way women must. Nonetheless, it’s the extremely feminine, pretty transwomen and the buff, handsome transmen we usually see in the media: Laverne Cox (on Orange is the New Black), Alexandra Billings (in Romy & Michele and now as Davina in Transparent), Loren Rex Cameron (photographer and

not an either/or thing, we still think in terms of what we’re “supposed to be.”

Even the terms I’m using here belie diversity. If you are transgender, you have to be a transman or a transwoman (and then you have to be pre-op or post-op). Were it not for the cultural imperatives that limit the choices to two, it’s very possible that a lot more people would decline those choices. Given that freedom, they might very well leave the checkbox blank or even invent new categories.

Dr. Bobbi Williams is an author, teacher, lecturer, and consultant. Comments may be sent to her at bobbi@bobbiw.net

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