THE #METOO MOVEMENT STRIKES A CHORD WITH LOCAL LGBT COMMUNITY
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Cake (Nashville Sweets). We regret the errors and apologize to these fantastic, deserving winners. DENTIST Blackman Grove Dental One of the first things people notice about a person is her or his smile. And after four years at the top, East Side Smiles has been overtaken by Dr. Suzie Stolarz at Blackman Grove Dental! It’s a drive out to Murfreesboro, but our readers are in love with this place! P.S. If you don’t know Suzie, you can learn more about her in O&AN: she was featured in our June 2016 issue after she appeared on HGTV’s “House Hunters”! SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT
The December issue—our annual Faves & Raves readers’ poll issue—is one of our favorites here at Out & About Nashville, when we hear from our readers regarding their favorite people and places around town. Pulling this issue together is a massive undertaking, and this year a couple of errors require correction First, in our Professional & Business Services category, the winning dentist was incorrectly identified. The winning dentist is Dr. Suzie Stolarz at Blackman Grove Dental. Second, a formatting error in the print edition led to a section of text being omitted, which affected the categories of Wedding Florist (the winner is OSHi Floral Design), Wedding Photographer (High Gravity Photography), and Place to get a Wedding
WEDDING FLORIST OSHi Floral Design OSHi Floral Design is a full-service florist located in Downtown Nashville providing high-end floral services to area consumers, businesses, venues, and entertainment industry professionals and celebrities since 2004. The feel and style of OSHi is cultivated by master designer Ethan Shane who has played a pivotal role in creating the exclusive brand of OSHi over the last 8 years. WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER High Gravity Photography Wedding photography is an unforgiving discipline, and you only get one shot at making the best memories you can, ones you’ll want to look at for the rest of your lives together. Wives Allie & TJ are High Gravity Photography, and they come as a team to help you with everything possible for your wedding, often going
beyond simple photographer duties. They also are very energetic and will make sure you are having a great time! And they promise, “We work like hell to give you a perfect experience, because you don’t deserve anything less!” WEDDING CAKE Nashville Sweets Our readers again chose Nashville Sweets as their favorite place to get a wedding cake. Founders Brittany Pulley and Danielle Worley “believe every sweet can be art and should be beautiful, delicious and made with a whole lot of passion, care and laughter. Their creations reflect the style and personalities of their clients. Creative challenges and new projects are always welcome!” From simple but elegant to art deco themed, they can design a cake for any wedding style. Also it’s a great place to pick up a comfort snack. LGBT-OWNED BUSINESS Stirrup Nashville In the year since Ryan Brown assumed ownership of this nearly ten-year-old stalwart, many things have changed: the bar was renovated, it’s smoke free, and a new slate of events have breathed new life into the place. Our readers noticed! As one reviewer posted: “The new owner keeps everyone informed on events and gives all patrons a great neighborhood feel. The bartenders know you and your drink orders without asking. Fantastic bar food and some of the best drink specials in town. With Sunday Funday, trivia night, comedy shows, pint nights, darts, and special events, Stirrup has you covered.”
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CONTENTS 10
MEET THE MAN BEHIND LORETTA LYNN’S EXQUISITE STYLE
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HGTV’S LGBT COUPLE: PJ AND THOMAS McKAY
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#USTOO: SEXUAL HARASSMENT INSIDE THE LGBT COMMMUNITY
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1 OF 4 PART TRAVELOGUE FROM SUNNY EATON
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LGBT CHAMBER CELEBRATES FLAVORS OF DIVERSITY
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{
JACK DAVIS:
GOOD NEIGHBOR FESTIVALS
CRAIG AMMON
}
The Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce hosted its most successful annual fundraiser, TASTE, on November 19, 2017. This was the largest TASTE gathering ever, welcoming 400 guests—up from 275 last year—who sampled an array of food and beverages from 30 vendors throughout the Nashville area. Chamber of Commerce board member, Jack Davis, was the event chair. TASTE benefited from his expertise in designing events and festivals with his company, Good Neighbor Festivals. Davis said, “I am proud of the amazing growth of this event. Nashville has a plethora of food tasting events, but vendors and guests continue to tell us TASTE is one of their favorites. We have benefitted from the right combination of venue, leadership, sponsors, volunteers, vendors, marketing, and purpose. The desire to support the LGBT community inspires so many people to support this event, and it has resulted in one of the best tasting events in Nashville. We look forward to a larger and more successful TASTE in 2018.” Jack has managed large scale events for 16 years, starting out with arena management. He made the shift to outdoor festivals and concerts when he founded JD Events and Festivals four years ago. Recently the company’s name was changed to Good Neighbor Festivals. Davis said, “We don’t just see ourselves as ‘events and festivals’ people. We serve as neighborhood and community partners, working with local organizations to build meaningful events that will become a part of the region’s larger story year after year.”
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Davis added that Good Neighbor Festivals “strives to create long lasting festivals that support the communities we love.” He speaks of the same type of togetherness and support when talking about the Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce. Good Neighbor Festivals kicks off their season with Edgehill Rocks the first Saturday in April, and ends with Music City Winterfest at Centennial Park in December. At each of the 18 events Davis manages throughout the summer and fall, festival goers can explore a wide range of music, sample from an array of amazing food vendors, select the perfect piece of art, or enjoy activities with their friends and families. This is the first year that Davis has served on the Board of the Chamber, but he has been a member for several years. Davis said of the Nashville LGBT Chamber, “It is much more approachable— because of its size—than larger Chambers can be. It’s intimate. And the LGBT group watches out for each other, so members are more apt to connect with each other very quickly.” And yet it is large enough to have a tremendous impact on the businesses that get involved. Davis added that, “the Chamber is a great connector between local businesses and big corporations here in Nashville.” Membership in the Chamber has certainly benefited his company. Many of the sponsors they secure for their festivals have come from relationships he has built through the Nashville LGBT Chamber. Davis said that both large and small businesses can enjoy the same type collaboration aimed at growth and success through
festival sponsorship. Doing so provides a great opportunity for businesses to activate consumers, launch marketing programs, and sample and demo their products and services. He appreciates that “many local businesses have done a phenomenal job at our festivals.” And he loves to see small businesses use festivals to test markets and hone in on what their sales are and expand from there. Davis said, “We reach thousands of festival goers every year, reaching every neighborhood in Nashville and connecting with a huge cross section of the broader community.” Good Neighbor Festivals develops and manages all facets of these events, from marketing, promotion, and sponsorship sales to strategic planning and production of the events. And they work with potential sponsors to discover the right fit for them. A lot of companies assume that sponsorship always requires a large financial commitment, but they do encourage local businesses to sponsor at any level. Davis said his company also gets a lot of interest from employees at other companies who want to find ways to get their employers involved in events like Kentuckiana Pride and Nashville Pride festivals. In such cases, Good Neighbor Festivals will work with that employee on how to present the idea of sponsoring a local festival and setting up a meeting to connect with corporate executives. Davis said, “sponsorships are partnerships to us. They have to work for both parties. And every relationship is different. We professionally manage many of the region’s biggest festivals, and we’ll work closely with you on every detail.” For more information about events in 2018, or to discuss a partnership between your business and any of their 18 annual events, please visit goodneighborfestivals.com.
The Nashville LGBT Chamber is a professional and consistent resource to find businesses who are inclusive of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and ally customers and clients. The Chamber directory at www.nashvillelgbtchamber.org/ list will help you find The Mockingbird and other LGBTfriendly businesses and organizations.
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American Sweetheart More than Merely Dressing an
TIMOTHY COBB AND LORETTA LYNN’S WORKING FRIENDSHIP
STEPHEN RAY ALBERS
While the devil may wear Prada and Sarah Jessica Parker’s character on Sex and the City may go for Chanel, Blahnik, and Vuitton, America’s sweetheart of country music, Loretta Lynn, chooses the little-known label of Tim Cobb, a label and fashion artist exclusive to her. Lynn’s longtime designer and personal assistant, Timothy Cobb, is valued more than most of her fans would ever know. In fact, this good friend has been with her for over 30 years. Lynn described his vital professional and personal role by commenting, “He is my best friend as for knowing each other after all these years. He is my personal assistant, but he does everything. He built my new museum and is the curator. He goes wherever I go. He does my hair and make-up too for appearances, but he also takes care of the houses.” She added, “He’s my companion and we fuss like brothers and sisters.” Tim Cobb originates from Jonesboro, Arkansas, and was raised in Lake City, Arkansas. The family business for two generations was row crop farming—soy beans, cotton, and watermelon. It was obvious to Tim that he would not be part of the third generation of this farming operation. This, however, didn’t affect his O U Tpersonal ANDABOU T N A S H V I L L EHe .CO said, M JANUARY 2018 family and relationships. “I’ve had such a loving and 10
supportive family and friends. I was never bullied.” Tim’s sister was in beauty pageants, and this is where he heard his calling. When he realized the prices his sister’s fellow pageant members were paying for their gowns, it was clear to him that personal dress design had potential to be a lucrative profession. With the help of his mother, he began to work on his designs. He then designed and sold his first dress at only 17. Cobb began his formal education at 18, attending the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in California. He chose this over his other option—Parsons School of Design in NYC—since he had an aunt and uncle residing in Los Angeles. After obtaining his Associates of Design in 1977, Cobb moved back to Jonesboro, opening his own custom design shop. Before Nashville, he worked in Dallas with Les Wilk Company as a pageant line designer. When Cobb ventured to Nashville, he attended shows and approached managers pitching his work. One of those managers gave him a priceless tip: head to the Country Music Association for a directory of those in the industry. Armed with this valuable tool, Cobb wasted no time putting it to work for his career. With backbone and moxie, Cobb went to see Loretta Lynn’s manager to show his work and see opportunities to dress this country
music star. He was simply directed up some stairs to a room where Loretta herself was sitting. Cobb showed her his work. He was not expecting to sell the pieces, but to use them merely as examples of his work, so it was to his utter shock that Lynn purchased two of his designs on the spot. The two clicked immediately, making it obvious to both that he was meant to be a part of her success and vice versa. They consider themselves lucky to have crossed paths. Where would each of them be without the other? It’s a question they couldn’t imagine answering. Loretta put it best: “He’s my companion. We know what’s on the other one’s mind. We’re just like a brother and sister. We might fuss, but that ain’t nothing. We say we take care of each other.” This sentiment was shared just as strongly by Cobb, who said, “Were like siblings and look out for each other, and became almost a 2nd family.” Loretta Lynn adds, “Oh, we do fuss about anything just to aggravate. It’s been about not liking my hair or make up he put on me at times. We’ll fuss when he is cooking stew, ‘cause I’ll tell him he’s puttin’ too much stuff in it!” Loretta and Thomas reside together in a dwelling behind the historic mansion at The Loretta Lynn Ranch. She described this arrangement, saying, “After Doo passed away, Tim came to stay full time with me. He remodeled and built on this house. He designed my tour busses, and then my museum. I could ask him to do anything and he’d take care of it. I don’t have to worry. Seems we have been together forever and we always will. He built this house, and I live in one wing, and he lives in the other wing of it—but we always meet in the middle to fuss. Ha!” The love and trust goes beyond everyday living, to include when they work together. Cobb appreciates that Lynn gives him a free hand and trusts that his designs will represent her stage presence and her music in a way that does them justice. With this trust comes a responsibility, but it’s not too much for Cobb to carry. Cobb’s fashion-over-comfort inclination, has given Lynn her own heavy load to bear! She has become accustomed to the necessary evil of weighty designs made to be worn by, as Cobb says, a queen. The best example of this is the iconic dress of golden beads, which came in at a shocking 75 pounds! When asked about the “heavy price of fashion,” Lynn stated, “When Tim started making my dresses, I got used to ‘em not being comfortable all the time, but I liked the way they looked so I would just wear them, but fuss with him to make the next one lighter.” She added, “We knew that gold bead dress was a onetime thing, like my last Grammy dress, so they went in my museum after I wore them.” In the end, this team came together to help each other, whether, in times of need, career development, fun, as a family, or for Tim to create the artworks in which Loretta Lynn performed her musical art. They haven’t let fame ruin their down-to-earth personalities, and they possess humble attitudes, not taking any of it for granted. It’s more than evident that these two define teamwork and true friendship.
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STEPHEN RAY ALBERS
Once upon a time, there was a couple who argued over the placing of an outlet. Though they ditched the project for the day, they did complete their work in the end. Now they do much more than brilliant restorations, crafts, and flips: PJ and Thomas McKay have become an ever-so-sought-after, “perfect” couple as they work toward their own happily ever after. They became known as co-stars on Down to the Studs, a show on HGTV that unfortunately didn’t make it past the pilot. PJ, however, felt it, “Opened up doors that none of us thought it would.” The show led into a second opportunity with the online series, Clash of the Crafters. The couple was featured on one of the five initial episodes, enhancing their presence within a newfound fame. However the couple feels they are more “influencers” than famous. When asked if they ever imagined their social media presence would grow into what it has, Thomas said, “I don’t think so. We certainly didn’t have any idea it would go this far….” The McKays first boom on social media began with posts showing projects they completed together, photographs, and anecdotes about themselves—whom some now refer to and idolize as “Golden Gods” of true love and relationships. This power couples’ history dates all the way back to their being born and raised in Cleveland, Tennessee, where they still reside. Although they attended the same schools their entire lives, with PJ having five years on Thomas, they weren’t in the
same classes. They were both blindly unaware, as they walked the same halls, that they would one day be building halls of their own together. Having initially met at a mutual friend’s in 2009, they didn’t begin dating until 2010. The end of PJ’s prior relationship made the fairytale ending of his and Thomas’ story possible. After the break-up of a three year relationship, PJ sent Thomas a Facebook message to reconnect. Two days later, Thomas showed up at PJ’s with flowers, and what he thought was PJ’s favorite ice cream. This turned into a late night of getting to know each other and sharing their goals for the future until 4:00 AM in the morning, and lead to the guys… Just kidding, Thomas gladly slept in the guestroom. Early the next morning when PJ was departing for work, he first wrote a little note to Thomas on a torn envelope that they still possess and treasure to this day. While, this encounter started a life-long project, the building process wasn’t perfect. PJ, having a recent break-up, was concerned that his relationship with Thomas might be moving too fast. Regardless, while both were conscious of the haste of their relationship growth, they both agreed, “With such a connection it was hard to take it slow.” However, after pouring the concrete for four years, Thomas and PJ temporarily paused their relationship during the summer of 2014, due to mutual differences. Not ready to scrap the project, though, they resumed construction of their life together before the cement could dry, resuming in October @OUTANDABOUTNASH 1 5 Y E A R S2014. O F LG B T N E W S 13
At that point it was clear to Thomas, “I thought if we were getting back together, this is it. We’re going to be with each other forever.” It wasn’t long after this that Thomas took it to the final level by proposing on Christmas night, 2014. “For me I had always envisioned being the one to ask,” PJ said. So, in March, PJ did just that on Thomas’ birthday while the couple was in NYC. He explained, “In New York, it was so obvious that Thomas was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” They would later marry on October 17, 2015. While building a “buzz” in the media, PJ and Thomas took on more than just ratings, followers, likes, comments, etc. They painted themselves into a corner to become a beacon of true happiness for a group made up not merely of fans, but students, if you will. Again, the guys feel they are more “influencers” than famous, and they make good on that by being an inspiring example to follow and learn from. Thomas and PJ, with their ultimate love, help people learn that not all is lost out there. This moved the masses to contact the McKays, letting them know just what their influence put into motion in many lives. PJ described this experience of admiration, “Hearing hundreds of people say that you helped them come out or want to be in healthier productive relationships,” has affected him personally. He explained, “Knowing what people go through, it really puts it into perspective how lucky we are to have such a close relationship.” Thomas added, “It goes back to meeting people from many different walks of life…” that has helped them make such an impact in peoples’ lives. Currently, the boys are still working on flips and design. “The plan before the show which is the plan now,” PJ said, “is that Thomas will leave his 9-5 to help me flip houses.” Thomas has been a realtor for several years; however, he would like to host a show if given the opportunity. Thomas and PJ let out of the bag that they are currently working on obtaining a 20 acre plot of land on the Ocoee River in Tennessee. The deal is expected to finalize as this article goes to print. Their undisclosed intentions for the property will be unveiled in 2018. Thomas simply said that they “want to ensure everything is going as planned before announcing.” Thomas did hint that the project will be the culmination of a 10 year dream of PJ’s. For all those that know the couple personally, I hope that gives you a better idea as to what these guys are up to. Meanwhile, PJ and Thomas McKay will continue to work together towards mutual goals build with their love that which the big bad wolf couldn’t blow down. Here’s to building fairytale! O Uthat TAND A B O U T N A S H V I L L E .CO M JANUARY 2018 14
“Hearing hundreds of people say that you helped them come out or want to be in healthier productive relationships...Knowing what people go through, it really puts it into perspective how lucky we are to have such a close relationship.”
PJ Left, Thomas Right
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PHOTOS: ALLIE GODWIN
THE #METOO MOVEMENT STRIKES A CHORD WITH LOCAL LGBT COMMUNITY
JOE BRANT
n retrospect, 2017 may go down as a truly momentous, perhaps infamous year. Everyone’s list will be different but most people’s list in our community probably won’t have glowing words for what has passed. But 2017 may yet be redeemed in history, if the #MeToo movement continues to gain traction, spark conversation, revelation, and social reckoning. If we as a society can embrace the opportunity, look inside, and actually address the ways in which our culture is steeped in sexual violence and coercion, to our universal harm but to the particular detriment of women and the disempowered. LGBT people, as a group, are susceptible to sexual harassment, abuse, and assault at higher rates than the general population. Historically, it has been easy to intimidate members of our communities against talking openly about our experiences: “You’ll out yourself in the process.” And if that isn’t enough, “And who’d believe you anyway?” And if that’s not enough, “Even if they did, you people…” Most of us could write the script: many of us have lived it. This month, O&AN is opening its pages as a medium for the voices of community members to address their own experiences. There are no big reveals here: we did not ask people to name names, but to explore their experience and the ways it has shaped life and their sense of self.
There was a time when John Lasiter convinced himself that he was complicit, that he somehow consented to the encounter. Because it wasn’t a violent attack. A monster didn’t jump out of the bushes. “I had a construction business, aside from my full-time job, and he hired me, hired my company, to work for him at his house, painting. That’s where it happened, at his house.” “It was about 10:30 in the morning, and I was hungry early for lunch, and my co-worker went to go get us food. I was washing out paint brushes in the sink when I felt him come up behind me and just start kissing my neck.” Even as he described the situation, after all the time that has passed, John couldn’t help but smooth out the edges of his attack. He didn’t seem to realize he was doing it, in fact. “I honestly not once thought of him that way,” he said. “I was dating someone at the time and, let me tell you, at twenty years old I was so like that perfect angel, where I’d never even think about kissing somebody else, let alone anything further than that. It was not even on my mind in any way.” “I’m gonna be honest,” he said. “I think this is something that most people go through in this situation. I thought… I’ll just go along with it. Even though I was seriously sick to my stomach, I decided to stall him. Let’s go brush our teeth, I said. Because his breath was so bad. I wanted to stall, and so that’s what we did. We went to the bathroom. I put toothpaste in my mouth, thinking the whole time, How do I get out of here?! That’s how intense it was. Like, as soon as I was alone, he pounced.” According to John, from there they moved back into the kitchen, where he had been painting. Still in a panic, he hoped that enough time had gone by, that they could perhaps agree that the moment had passed and move on with the work. “So I started walking toward the kitchen where I was painting and grabbed a brush,” he said, “because that was my next idea, like, Alright, thanks so much… that was… whatever it was. I’m going back to paint now and I remember shaking. It was the worst feeling, it was like my whole body was on fire because I just wanted to be out of there.” “But when I got into the kitchen he grabbed my arm, not forcefully at all, it was very flirtatious—and I want to be careful and say there was no violence—but it still felt forceful, very forceful. And that’s why I have to make sure that I don’t describe it as violence, but it felt like I didn’t have a choice. It was light as a feather but felt like a chain that pulled me toward the couch that was facing the kitchen because we’d moved it away to paint. And there he just started going frantically all over the place on me. And I remember thinking, This is the worst experience I’ve ever had. This is the worst sexual experience ever. Ever. And it really was and it still is.” “He reached down into my pants, very forcefully,” he said. “I remember it hurt. Which added to my discomfort. I clearly was not into it, not even looking at him. I said ‘I wanna get back to work,’ at that time thinking, Well maybe he’ll think that I’m professional. He’ll think ‘Oh, he’s really trying to do his job. I gotta leave him alone to do his job.’ But then he stood up and looked at me like… I felt like… it was horrible. I felt like I’d done something wrong. That’s where the switch happened, like a hatred, almost instantly. He turned his back and walked away, went back into the yard, started working, and my co-worker came in five minutes later and he was like ‘What are you doing?!’ I was still sitting on the couch, in a stupor.” “All this time I was like ‘What did I do? What did I do.’” Fourteen years have passed and, despite his best effort to put it behind him, John continued to relive the moment and battled internally the anger and resentment that would result. Until the Harvey Weinstein news broke. Until we learned more about Kevin Spacey. And then Jeffrey Tambor. Brett Ratner. Louis C.K. (The list really does go on and on.) @OUTANDABOUTNASH 1 5 Y E A R S O F LG B T N E W S 17
“IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A VIOLENT ATTACK...IT CAN BE SOMETHING THAT SEEMS SUBTLE AND INSIGNIFICANT, BUT THE FACT THAT IT LINGERS IN YOUR MIND AND IT TURNS OUT THAT IT ACTUALLY IS A TRAUMA FOR FIFTEEN YEARS IS WHAT THE CONVERSATION NEEDS TO BE NOW.” A common reaction to undiagnosed trauma, he tried to avoid acknowledging it until he couldn’t suppress it any longer. The more he read about the high profile sexual assault cases from Hollywood, the statements of the victims especially, the more he recognized his own situation. “When I heard other people coming out and saying the same things [on the news reports], it seems so cliché but it really is true,” he said. “I was like, Oh, this is a pattern that I’m seeing, and this is a characteristic of these situations, and that’s exactly how I felt.” John realized wasn’t complicit at all. He was violated. The comedian Louis C.K., while accepting responsibility for his sexual misconduct, expressed an ambiguity in his culpability. “When you have power over another person, asking them to look at your dick isn’t a question,” he said in an official statement. “It’s a predicament for them.” “It seems so simple,” John said, “but it really is what turned the lightbulb on for me.” And it’s complicated, too, because even though the gay community in Nashville has grown in tandem with the city proper, it remains small enough that you can’t avoid certain people. Especially if you want to. “I continued to work with him for a year after that, at the other place” he said. “He was one of the managers at my full-time job, and I basically felt helpless because he so confidently treated me horribly. I drank too much at a holiday party later that year and he somehow convinced me that I did stuff that, especially at the time when I was that young… I just broke down and started crying in front of him, and that mother***er comforted me!” “He said, ‘It’s ok, John. Everybody’s a whore at one point in their life.’ I thought that he was telling me because he cared. And I was like, ‘I don’t remember doing that.’ And then one of the owners of the company later told me, he was like ‘No you did not! You went and grabbed some Rice Krispie treats and sat in a corner by yourself.’ But he [the perpetrator] literally told me that I gave… and he named names and situations and said, ‘You went around and gave everybody head.’ It was horrible. It was horrible to think that it was true. Several people have told me that none of it is true.” A close personal friend of John’s verified the incident, that John spoke of it almost immediately after it happened in 2003, and she verified as well the discomfort it brought him through the
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ensuing years. “I remember that John always didn’t like him going forward, and that person had caused him a lot of trouble. Any time he came up or we saw him anywhere, John always said to me something like, ‘I can’t stand that guy.” That sort of thing. It was ongoing from that time.” More recently John said he was excited and honored a few years ago when he was asked to contribute to a local committee, until he showed up to the first meeting and realized his assailant was asked to join the committee as well. “Part of me is thinking that, even though it’s weighed on me for fifteen years, maybe it hasn’t even phased him,” he said, “but apparently it has enough to where these attacks continue through the defamation. And it’s really nasty stuff that he’s telling people. I haven’t touched drugs, or any kind of drug, in well over a decade, and that kind of stuff is being said, and it just absolutely breaks my heart. It’s another form of abuse.” “I’ve had people come up to me and say, ‘What is your issue with this individual?’ I would say that I don’t have an issue and then they would go on to tell me that he was saying some very damaging and untrue things. The thing about it is… he forced himself on me, I pushed back, I resisted, and I’m being attacked again?!” Still, John’s reason for talking now isn’t to settle any scores. He refused to tell me the name of his attacker. What he wants is a conversation in this community about sexual misconduct. It may seem a topic that’s beyond the pale, given our community’s historical connections to sexual liberation in general, flirtation and bar culture specifically. But the professional fall of famed Nashville publicist Kirt Webster proves two things about sexual assault: it isn’t confined to straight people, and it happens right here in our own backyard. “I know mine is not a big, fantastic story,” he said. “It’s just one of the millions that I can only imagine. But it’s worse than a fantastic story because it’s this emotion that you don’t even know how to cope with it.” “It doesn’t have to be a violent attack,” he said. “It can be something that seems subtle and insignificant, but the fact that it lingers in your mind and it turns out that it actually is a trauma for fifteen years is what the conversation needs to be now.” “Because a violation is a violation.”
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SEXUAL ASSAULT? US TOO BOBBI WILLIAMS
When I finally got up the courage to come out, I was living in Austin, Texas, and frequented a bar where other transpeople gathered. On one of those nights, I was seated by myself when a rugged looking man I would guess to be in his fifties sat down beside me. Within moments, he turned in his chair and placed his hand on my thigh, squeezing it tightly. I recoiled, but he hung on and began whispering, “Hey, baby. You look hot. I know you want some action?” Before I could reply, the bartender, with whom I had become friendly on my previous visits, came over and leaned forward. “Everything OK here?” he asked. Immediately, the man lifted his hand and turned away from me. “OK,” I said. “For now.” The bartender smiled. “Well,” he said, directing his voice toward the man who was pretending not to hear, “if there’s anything you need, just let me know.” I thanked him, then turned to the man and said, “You ever touch me again, and I’ll have you thrown out of here.” He didn’t respond. “And I’ll see to it that you aren’t ever allowed back,” I added, whereupon he turned back to me and spat out a string of vulgar, misogynistic epithets, the likes of which were beyond anything I had ever heard. Then he downed what was left of his drink and stormed out. To their credit, that bar had a bouncer whose second job was to escort us girls to our cars. (There had been an occasion when a rejected ‘suitor’ had followed a girl outside and assaulted her.) That night, when I went home, I told my wife about the incident. “You won’t believe what happened,” I began, and then recounted the story of the assault. She shook her head and smirked. “Welcome to my world,” she said. Such incidents occur all too often. One recently made the news. On November
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19, Jeffrey Tambour announced he was leaving Transparent, the television show he had starred in for the past four years. The announcement came following allegations by Trace Lysette, a transwoman and one of the show’s cast members, that Tambour “made many sexual advances and comments” and, on one occasion, physically assaulted her. I’m sure that doesn’t come as a surprise to members of the trans community, but the public is generally unaware that we are also targets of that sort of behavior just as much as, if not more than, genetic women. And in our case, those actions are more likely to escalate to physical assault. The attacks come from a variety of situations and are more likely to be upon transwomen than transmen. Both are flattered when a cisgender person of the opposite gender is attracted to them. And real danger arises when a transwoman is reluctant to disclose her status, as that diminishes their feminine attractiveness to certain people. (Does he find me attractive because he ‘knows’ and that titillates him? Or am I so feminine that he doesn’t know?) Some actively seek out the so-called ‘admirers’ who are fully aware of the circumstances and happy to play along in a kind of fantasy dating scenario. And there are some who seek acceptance on any level so long as it is seen as an affirmation of their feminine nature. (The online dating services provide abundant opportunities for risky liaisons.) But no transman or transwoman should be a victim of sexual harassment. Regardless of how one defines themselves (transgender, transsexual, crossdresser, drag queen, shemale, transvestite, androgyne, etc.), the emerging rebellion against sexual assault needs to reflect the experience of all of us who are victims of such behavior. And it’s especially important that when it happens it is not relegated to the LGBT community’s media outlets. It needs to appear in the mainstream.
JANUARY 2018
“NO TRANSMAN OR TRANSWOMAN SHOULD BE A VICTIM OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT. REGARDLESS OF HOW ONE DEFINES THEMSELVES. THE EMERGING REBELLION AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT NEEDS TO REFLECT THE EXPERIENCE OF ALL OF US WHO ARE VICTIMS OF SUCH BEHAVIOR.”
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE CASEY PROMISE
“I’ve had several different sexual abuse and harassment experiences that range from ages 8 to 33,” said local artist Casey Promise who identifies as a queer woman. “I was preyed on by high school teachers, friends of my parents, family, a cop, former employers, two doctors, and friends. All were men and all but one was heterosexual. I seemed to be a magnet: a shy and vulnerable piece of meat for sick men.” These experiences have influenced the way she relates to her sexuality. “My parents joked about how much of a tomboy I was at an early age. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve been bisexual,” she added, “if I hadn’t had so much sexual trauma with men starting so
young. I started dating women in 1996, but did try dating a couple of men in the last twenty years. However, it never felt right sexually or emotionally.” “Also, I had a hard time standing up for myself against men because of the abuse,” she added. “My mother was a gay rights activist, Sociology teacher and worked for Nashville Cares in the early 90’s. She took my brother and I to Short Mountain when we were only kids. Her best friends were gay men and my first gay bar was The World’s End … at 12 years old! I’d always been comfortable with men if they defined themselves as gay because they were non-threatening. I had a very different childhood than most...”
“I can’t really give a definitive answer to [how this has shaped my relationships with men] because there was so much pain, adventure, chaos and acceptance. I can say that I’m still afraid of straight men in authoritative positions and with that comes the feeling of safety in being in the presence of women. Who would I be without everything I’ve experienced? I don’t know.” “Men taught me to be scared of them, to be submissive. And, for a long time, I thought that was just how the world worked for women. I felt ashamed and dirty. I did once out a former employer to the owner of his company. He only laughed and mocked me and said, ‘How dare you accuse my best store manager of harassment.’ I also outed a friend of the family, but sometimes think my parents were in denial about it.” “I haven’t outed anyone specific to the public. One of the doctors was a real psychopath. I used to live with him in Santa Fe, New Mexico. He would sneak into my room at night. He collected my hairs in Ziploc bags and labeled them. He said they were my demons. That’s someone you don’t go after through the courts. I honestly think he would’ve killed me.” “I just know that the one thing I can do now to heal is tell my story. That’s how I cope with it,” she concluded. “Writing you all of this, in this moment, is a way of coping. It’s the best my heart can do right now.”
CASEY ALSO SHARED A DIRECT NARRATIVE (BELOW) AND A PIECE OF VISUAL ART SHE MADE TO ACCOMPANY IT (ABOVE, RIGHT)
“CAUGHT BENEATH”
I was only 16 when his narrow and pulsating dick pressed against my backside through two layers of denim and a shroud of shame and temptation. He placed his calloused hands on my rigid shoulders. His breath caught the small hairs at the base of my neck. I reached for my books and scurried away past the empty desks and into a herd of high school students in the hallway. He taught history and coached football. I wore a flannel shirt and blue Doc Martin’s untied and scuffed. It was 1997 and Mr. Levi was aggressively balding and nearing 70 years old. I always hated my breasts. It wasn’t just that they grew out saggy and already had hair around the nipples by the time I was just 14, it was that they felt like two large targets. Two
“I want to try something with you”, he large beacons signaling like lighthouses to the seas of arrogant men who preyed on girls who said as he pushed aside his church clothes and walked with their heads facing the ground. clip-on ties. Dylan never even noticed us two quietly The girls who spoke softly and who showed disappearing into the corner and behind an obvious display of insecurity. closed doors. Aaron unbuttoned his pants and I never said “no” to the men who touched exposed his briefs. me when I was young. I only scuffled away with a nervous laugh and strands of greasy hair in [Description of non-consensual sexual my face. By 18, I assumed that this happened activity redacted.] to all girls. That this was the way of man. The way of my world. “I don’t like this. Stop it,” I whispered it so It all began at age 8. There was an older that my brother couldn’t hear. He didn’t stop… [Afterwards] I followed boy that lived across the street named Aaron. his instructions and hurriedly put my clothes He was the son of my mother’s employer back on. who was also named Aaron. My little brother, Aaron drew the door open and Dylan, was playing with a talking bear in the immediately exited out the left and into the stark white room that was Aaron Jr.’s. The floor carpeted hallway. I stepped outside and saw was littered with Star Wars characters and my brother sitting at the edge of the bed with Legos. The air smelled of cheap potpourri a look of confusion and a storm trooper in his and lemon disinfectant. Aaron took me by the left hand. I shut the closet door, knelt to the hand, and with his other, he opened the closet floor, took a handful of Legos…and began to @OUTANDABOUTNASH 1 5 Y E A R S O F LG B T N E W S door. play. 21
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WHEN NON-CONSENSUAL SEX FOLLOWS CONSENT QUINN JOHNSON, A TRANS MAN LONG ACTIVE IN THE NASHVILLE LGBT COMMUNITY, SHARES HIS STORY OF BEING VIOLATED IN WHAT HE, AND MANY, CONSIDERED A SAFE SPACE. MANY ON THE OUTSIDE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND, BUT IN THE LEATHER AND BDSM COMMUNITY, CONSENT IS A CORE VALUE, AND IS GIVEN MUCH MORE OVERT ATTENTION THAN IT IS IN SOCIETY AT LARGE. GIVEN THAT, A VIOLATION OF CONSENT TAKES ON MANY ADDITIONAL LAYERS.
QUINN JOHNSON
The first time I met him I was smitten. He was tall, classically handsome, intelligent, and just all around sexy. We were introduced over IML (International Mr. Leather) weekend. We proceeded to schedule a meet up for drinks. We met at a Chicago bar where I confessed to him I was transgender. He confessed his HIV status. Neither of these things were deal breakers but I did tell him I always choose to have safer penetrative sex by using condoms. I brought him back to my place, and we engaged in consensual sex with protection. When I woke up, I was being f***ed without a condom. He had woken me up by f***ing me with no protection then proceeded to finish inside me. I was heartbroken. I had trusted him on multiple levels and been introduced by a mutual friend. He was leather, kinky, good looking, and he hadn’t cared about my trans status. His being in the leather community was a huge point of trust, as the leather community is supposed to be a family, or a “community” to use the button word common these days. We are supposed to be brothers, sisters, and siblings, who walk lives untraveled by others. Yet, here we are. Predators in our own community. He violated my ability to consent by fucking me while I was sleeping, and violated my consent again by not using the protection that we agreed on. Stealthing (the act of non-consensually removing a condom without telling your sex partner) may not seem like rape, but it is. Stealthing is just another form of rape. I had trusted him because he identified as leather. I trusted him because of where we met, because we were introduced at IML. He seemed to be a perfect gentleman. Most of all, I guess I felt lucky that he didn’t mind my trans-status. In a community rampant with transphobia, when you find a safe space to exist, you tend to trust that space completely. I still feel numb about the incident. I think this is because I was raped in 2008 for the first time, then again in 2013. Both were more overt acts of violence. With stealthing involved, it’s easy to not begin to process the experience. It was also the first time I was raped while male identified. I do think society pushes a message that men should feel accomplished and grateful if they have sex, so they shouldn’t “whine” about sexual assault or rape. I genuinely believe there should be more attention paid to sexual harassment and assault in LGBT “safe” spaces. We need to somehow create a system for victims to be heard, seen, and backed.
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SUNNY EATON IS A LOCAL ATTORNEY AND 4-TIME NOMINEE FOR OUT & ABOUT’S GAY FAVES. HER WIFE, KARIN BALSLEY IS A NETWORK ENGINEER. THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 6 YEARS AND LIVE IN EAST NASHVILLE. SUNNY AND KARIN LEFT EVERYTHING BEHIND TO TAKE A TWO-YEAR DRIVE, WITH THEIR DOG, THROUGH MEXICO AND CENTRAL AMERICA. THEIR STORY HAS BEEN FEATURED IN CURVE AND WAND’RLY MAGAZINE AND EXPEDITIONPORTAL.COM. THEY ARE WORKING ON A BOOK TITLED I CAN. I WILL: WOMEN OVERLANDING THE WORLD, EXPECTED TO PRINT IN SPRING OF 2018.
They invite you to join them on the journey in Part 1 of a 4-part series!
Two years ago, Karin and I left behind our lives. Between us, we had three nice cars, a house in East Nashville, thriving careers, close friendships and a mountain of belongings we thought were imperative for happiness. In 2015, we sold our cars, our home, our mountain of belongings, left our careers, bought a 1997 Toyota Landcruiser, a rooftop tent and hit the road with a plan of driving across the United States, through Mexico to the tip of South America, Tierra Del Fuego, Argentina. Why did we do this? Any outsider looking in would think our lives perfect. I suppose if working 10-hour days and coming home to television and takeout, and fitting in occasional Sunday-Fundays makes you happy then, yes, we had perfection.
But for Karin and for me, this just couldn’t be “it.” When we looked back at a year of our lives and couldn’t distinguish one day from the next, for us it was time to make a change. The wild, liberated parts of each of us had been forgotten and replaced with appointments, deadlines, monotony and a false sense of fulfillment from the acquisition of things. Our wake up call began with a medical crisis. Karin developed a rare disease called Eagle’s Syndrome. An extra bone growing in her neck pressed on her carotid arteries causing a litany of life-threatening problems. It was a difficult year spent figuring it out. Karin was suddenly unable to work or function. 29 doctors, 10 months and 2 major surgeries later, life again became manageable but also reflected the emptiness we had both been
feeling and would no longer tolerate. We now understood the fragility of life and that it can change on a dime. There is literally no time to waste. We weren’t independently wealthy, neither of us have trust funds or inheritances. It would take letting go of everything, of dinners out and drinks with friends, new clothes, everything, including security. We started researching low-budget travel options and came across a world of people traveling fulltime, camping in their cars and moving through countless countries as a way of life. I found the idea of being constantly in motion and flux oddly comforting. The dream started to crystallize. After 6 months of planning, saving and selling, we pulled out of our driveway onto
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I-40 West with the plan of entering Mexico through California and continuing south down the Panamerican Highway. With cliché road-trip music blaring through our speakers, we set off, car packed to the brim with supplies for every “what-if” and every item we imagined necessary for surviving such a long trip. Karin and I were not experienced campers: we both loved the outdoors but neither was particularly “outdoorsy.” We had heard every horror story about Mexico and places like Honduras, El Salvador, and Nicaragua. Fears of “cartel” and “sex trafficking” danced ominously in my brain. It’s possible that fear led to our procrastination of crossing the border. After leaving Nashville, we spent two months exploring the Western United States until finally, it was time to bite the bullet and head South. Our Mexican journey began in Baja California, Mexico. Among adventure travelers, Baja is known as “Mexico 101” or “Mexico Light.” Filled with deserts, cactus forests, travelers from all over the globe, breathtaking beaches, and an abundance of campgrounds, Baja was a
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perfect training ground. It’s the quintessential road trip. I’m thankful both Karin and I had done substantial traveling in our lives. The difference, to me, between being a tourist and a traveler is the ability to quickly adapt to the world around us, the capacity to watch, learn, to breathe in and to coexist in communities and cultures incredibly different from ours without imposing ourselves upon them. We learned about military checkpoints, water purification centers and the importance of basic Spanish phrases like “Despacio” and “Dónde esta el baño?” We perfected beach-camping skills like firestarting and digging for clams. We slept under the stars, swam with sea lions, and touched an albino grey whale at Ojo de Liebre. No matter what, we tried not to break the number one rule for traveling safely by car in Mexico: Don’t drive at night. Not only because of potential crime but due to poor road conditions and animals (cows, donkeys, chickens) in the road. There was no cable to watch, no delivery service. There were campfires and talks with new friends; there was quiet and discovery.
With each passing day, I found myself feeling healthier, stronger, less afraid, more at peace. I was capable. Although sometimes the space in the car was a little lean, we fought very little, having only mini-battles about this decision or that. With each passing day, Karin and I grew closer. She was capable. We were a team. After two months it was time to cross into Mainland Mexico. We took a 16-hour, overnight cargo ferry across the Sea of Cortez to the city of Mazatlán. Believe me, it was as cool as it sounds. Our companions, primarily male, Mexican truckers were curious about us and what we were doing. Along with everyone else we knew, they might have believed us to be insane. Polite and chivalrous, they showed us the best place to park on the ship, petted our dog and shared sunrise coffee with us on the main deck. This was our experience with Mazatlan is in the state of Sinaloa, known most famously for being the home of El Chapo. The State Department warns US travelers against entering this state (the whole state!) but we found it to be both beautiful and touristy, never feeling unsafe. Our first life-lesson of the trip: You know nothing, Juan Snow. Over the next six months we made our way through Mexico to its opposite coast. Along the way, we spent time in many of Mexico’s major cities: Guadalajara, Mexico City, Guanajuato, Oaxaca, Puebla. Guadalajara came to be called GAYdalajara, boasting 26 LGBT bars and a thriving hipster art scene. Nothing was what we expected. We hiked deep into the canyons and jungles of Chiapas. We camped in remote, gorgeous places and often-dusty parking lots. We swam in the cenótes of the Yucatan and climbed the Pyramid of the Sun. The people we met, both local and fellow traveler, will forever inspire me. We met people from every walk of life and I believe those friendships will last a lifetime. Mexico is an endless journey of unimaginable magnificence. A lifetime could be spent exploring and you could never experience all of it. Unfortunately, the Mexican government did not give us a lifetime but only 6-month tourist visas. We used every single day of six months before we were forced to cross our next border. Our journey wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows (there WERE a lot of rainbows). Some days were incredibly difficult. Nomad life is exhausting. Constant stimulation, constant learning, constant guilt you’re not seeing as much as you could, combined with homesickness and worry about obligations you left behind. Always researching and adjusting. Never knowing anyone, not knowing the language. That low-grade fear every time you move on to a new place. What will road conditions be? What if we break down? Will our phones work? Do we have enough water? What is the currency? WHERE IS A GAS STATION?
There were days I cursed at the sky, wondering why we had done this ridiculous thing. Sometimes, I couldn’t find any answers I actually believed. After wiping tears and taking a breath, we would get back in the car and move on. Something in each of us kept pushing forward. Something kept us on the road. Without fail, every day on the road after a bad day was better than the last. We spent two years collecting memories and growing stronger from the lessons and strain. It turns out when there is a lesson to be learned, the road doesn’t sugarcoat it. But it does give as much as it takes with sunsets that steal your breath and unexpected beauty in every direction. Our time in Mexico was nothing if not transformative. We were sad to leave. Belize, English-speaking, stunning and well-known for tourism was next in our lineup. We packed the car, changed our money, readied our border-documents and poured over travel blogs. And then we found out it was still illegal to be gay in Belize. Look for Part 2 next month, where we discuss Belize, traveling through a non-LGBT friendly country and how Guatemala changed our lives. In the meantime, you can learn more about our adventure at: vagabroads.com facebook.com/vagabroads instagram.com/thevagabroads
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HEALTH
COUNSELING & PSYCHIATRIC HEALTH
SHOPPING
East Side Smiles (Dentistry) 7 North 10th Street Nashville, TN 37206 615-227-2400 | eastsidesmile.net
Barbara Sanders, LCSW / John Waide,PhD,LCSW (Individual & Couples Therapy) 2016- 21St Ave South | 615-414-2553 2323- 21st Ave South, Ste .401 | 615-400-5911 Nashville, TN 37212 dignitytherapynashville.com
Hayes Nissan Rivergate, Tim McIntyre 1550 Gallatin Road North Madison, TN 37115 352-454-4145 | nissanofrivergate.com
Look East (Optometrist) 1011 Gallatin Avenue Nashville, TN 37206 615-928-2281 | lookeastnashville.com
BARS & NIGHTCLUBS
Christopher May DC (Chiropractic) 2933 Berry Hill Drive Nashville, TN 37204 615-220-0777 | doctormay.net
PLAY Dance Bar 1519 Church Street | Nashville, TN 37203 615-322-9627 | playdancebar.com
Cool Springs Internal Medicine & Pediatrics Bradley Bullock, MD 1607 Westgate Circle, Ste 200 Brentwood, TN 37027 615-376-8195 | coolspringsinternalmedicine.com Nashville Pharmacy Services 100 Oaks Plaza 615-371-1210 Skyline Medical 615-724-0066 npspharmcay.com SPIRITUALITY Covenant of the Cross 752 Madison Square Madison, TN 37115 615-612-5040 | covenantofthecross.com Holy Trinity Community Church 6727 Charlotte Pike Nashville TN 37209 615-352-3838 | htccnashville.com PERFORMING ARTS Nashville Symphony Schermerhorn Symphony Center One Symphony Place Nashville, TN 37201 615-687-6400 | nashvillesymphony.org
Tribe 1517 Church Street | Nashville, TN 37203 615-329-2912 | tribenashville.com REAL ESTATE Sheila Barnard, Realtor THE REALTY ASSOCIATION 1305 Murfreesboro Rd | Nashville, TN 37212 615-385-9010 sheilabarnard.realtyassociation.com Kate Nelson, Realtor VILLAGE REAL ESTATE 2206 21st Ave South, Ste. 200 Nashville, TN 37212 615-383-6964 | realestatewithkate.com Elliott Thomas, Realtor PARKS REALTY 4011 Charlotte Avenue Nashville, TN 37209 615-669-4589 elliot.parksathome.com ORGANIZATIONS Nashville Humane Association 213 Oceola Avenue | Nashville, TN 37209 615-352-1010 | nashvillehumane.org Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce P.O. Box 330971 | Nashville, TN 37203 615-507-5185 | nashvillelgbtchamber.org
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JANUARY 2018
PROFESSIONAL SERVICES Bart Durham Injury Law Office 404 James Robertson Parkway Nashville, TN 37219 615-338-6177 | bartdurham.com High Gravity Photography Mt. Juliet, TN 615-347-4515 | highgravityphotography.com John Cannon Studios 1108-C Woodland Street Nashville, TN 37206 615-496-1259 | johncannonart.com Papa & Roberts, PLLC, Attorney and Consultants Benjamin Papa/ Attorney & Mediator 1612 Westgate Circle. Ste 220 Brentwood, TN 37027 615-767-5900 | PapaRoberts.com Bail U Out Bonding 306 Gay Street Suite G-2 Nashville, TN 37201 615-254-9555 | bailuoutbonding.com
1 ) 0 5 0 ( 3 " 1 ) : 252.562.8245 • codystallings.com /CodyStallingsPhotography
Insta
/CodyStallingsPhotography
@CStallingsPhoto
12SOUTH
DWTN FRANKLIN
DWTN NASHVILLE
SOUTHSIDE
THE NATIONS frothymonkey.com food + coffee + wine
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FEBRUARY 16-18
FEBRUARY 27 – MARCH 4
TPAC.ORG/Broadway 615-782-4040
Groups of 10 or more call 615-782-4060 TPAC.org is the official online source for buying tickets to TPAC events. Broadway Series sponsored by
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Cabaret presented by
JANUARY 2018
CHAMBER CELEBRATES THE FLAVORS OF DIVERSITY TASTE 2017 SET A NEW BAR FOR FOOD EVENTS
The Nashville LGBT Chamber welcomed 125 more guests and nine more vendors than last year and set fundraising records at TASTE, a benefit to raise funds to support the LGBT Chamber Foundation’s mission, on Sunday, Nov. 19, 2017. The event, held at Nissan Stadium, overlooking the iconic downtown Nashville skyline at night, will provide needed funds for education, resources, and advocacy for LGBT professionals. Now in its sixth year, TASTE featured thirty food and beverage vendors. Some of the samples included lamb chili, housemade agnolotti, a squash bowl with seasonal veggies, gingerbread spice cupcakes, craft cocktails, and much more. Singer Meghan Linsey (The Voice) was this year’s celebrity emcee. Awards were presented in nine different categories. Winners included: Best Food Presentation - EiO & The Hive for “Farro Fawcett” Octopus Entree Best Booth Decor - A Catered Affair Best Beer - Bell’s Beer Winter White Ale Best Wine - Natchez Hills Vineyard & Winery Best Cocktail - Sinema - Bad & Rougie Best Appetizer - Butcher and Bee - Avocado Crispy Rice Salad Best Dessert - Jeni’s Ice Cream - Pumpkin Pie Sundae Best Entree - Sinema - Chef Kyle’s House Made Agnilotti People’s Choice - The Mockingbird - “Tatchos” tater tots topped with lamb chili
PHOTOS: CODY STALLINGS
“We welcome the diversity of the vendors. I feel like they are a reflection of Nashville and our Chamber. We had vendors ranging from fine dining to food trucks,” said Lisa Howe, CEO. “The vendors serve their finest dishes and drinks, display their best decor and aesthetics, and bring high-energy and friendly staff. I think this is a tribute to the loyalty of our guests. Our members and partners want to do business with people who support the LGBT and Ally community, and this is a professional and fun way to support the community.” “I am proud of the amazing growth of this event,” said Jack Davis, event chair. “Nashville has a plethora of food tasting events, but vendors and guests continue to tell us TASTE is one of their favorites... The desire to support the LGBT community inspires so many people to support this event, and it has resulted in one of the best tasting events in Nashville. We look forward to a larger and more successful TASTE in 2018.” The popular silent auction and inaugural live auction raised more money than previous auctions. Items included a guitar signed by Reba McEntire, a Dell XPS13 laptop/ tablet convertible, autographed sports memorabilia from the Predators and Titans, a oneweek stay in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, and a limited-edition rainbow Cracker Barrel rocking chair. TASTE was chaired by Jack Davis, founder and owner of JD Events & Festivals. Greg Cason, Clayton Klutts (Silent Auction co-Chair), Amy Parker (Volunteer Chair), Ron Sanford (Event Design Chair), Jennifer Austin (Competition Chair), Courtney Lawrence, Christopher Lester (Marketing Chair), Donna Drehmann (Silent Auction co-Chair), Terry Vo, Ron Snitker, and Joe Woolley serve¬d on the committee. Michael Van Kerckhove served as the TASTE 2017 Coordinator.
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JANUARY 2018
Family Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner Brandon Teeftaller, APN specializing in brief therapy & medication management crisis and evening appointments available all patients welcome including adolescents and adults most insurance accepted including Medicare
KATE NELSON, REALTORÂŽ 615 / 268-0319 615 / 383-6964 kjcnelson@gmail.com DIRECT
1720 West End Avenue Suite 240 Nashville, Tennessee 37203 615 | 320.1155
OFFICE
realestatewithkate.com
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PAIGE TURNER | @PaigeTurner01
Hello Untuckers!!! Its time to talk about everyone’s favorite subject in drag, SHADE! We all throw it, but when does the lines blur from the fun of shade to downright bullying? Sit back and get ready for the Shade of Drag! The shade of it all. You’ve all seen it on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ and on ‘Untucked’, and guess what? It’s happening every day in real life. I’m talking about drag bullying, the point where the shade just isn’t cute or fun. Why is it that today’s drag has to be so vindictive? Sure it sells good TV, and everyone loves a catty queen, but there is a fine line between throwing shade and being a bully. I have sadly pushed the line way past shade myself. What happen to the camaraderie, when, at the end of the day, queens united and loved one another? We need to take a step back to a time when there was an attitude of love and tolerance. Let’s return to the ‘Drag Golden Years’ when our community loved and supported one another. I am very thankful to all the legendary queens who paved the road, with many sacrifices, allowing us to freely express ourselves today and prance around in our mini-dresses. When greats like Nashville legend Tina Louise began, people were
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being jailed for dressing outside their gender. Living with day-to-day struggles like that, you can definitely understand why the bond between the queens was so much stronger. They found power through their community, which made them stronger individuals and performers as well. Today, though, is a completely different story. Some queens feel that, every time they dress up in drag, it’s a competition. While the drag community is filled with competitions, not every night on stage is a contest. To me, drag is an art form entirely about entertainment! As long as my audience is entertained, I feel like I’ve done my job. Living in a world that already stacks so many obstacles against our community, why add more to the stress and bully one another? When I spoke to some of the performers I work with in Nashville, there were plenty of shocking stories. One girl was attacked backstage by three regular performers while guest spotting at “their bar” and another discovered a queen had urinated in her bag backstage during a competition. Years ago, I asked one local performer why she was often rude to other girls. She laughed at my question and said, “You have no business asking any questions about drag much less writing a column about it. You clearly don’t know, aren’t you
JANUARY 2018
new to this?” I remember my reaction like it was yesterday, I admit I giggled a little at that. At least this queen didn’t save any chatter for behind my back, so I had to give her some props for that! At my first big hosting gig, one queen who no longer worked there said, when asked about the show, “I don’t work there anymore, that rotted queen is hosting now…” Later in my drag career, after winning a local fan-voted contest, another performer announced my performance to the audience as, “Supposedly this is the best.” Another time I saw one queen brought back out and ridiculed for not wearing panties. Mind you, she was fully padded, so nothing x-rated was to be seen. This was just the hosts’ ploy to embarrass her in front of the entire bar. There was one queen who really touched my heart who has since passed away. She was fun, creative and made more tips than any of us, just by being herself and expressing herself anyway she could. The more seasoned queens of course paraded her around like she was a big joke. But she never cared, because she knew when on stage she was going to let her light shine brighter than anyone else. Here are some quotes I received from other queens when I asked, “What are some examples of shade thrown at you?”
“I have never seen anything like it in my entire career!” “You look like a dumpster mummy!”
You look like a dumpster mummy!
“What type of drag do you call this?” “Did you design this outfit or did your sewing machine just blow up?” “Who taught you how to paint, Bozo the clown?” “I can’t do that song with you because I don’t have a wig for that” “You should really ask someone to help you with that face” “She’s doing what she calls performing” I am from a small town, so bullying was an everyday thing in my life. In a sense, I’m thankful for that, because it did give me a thicker skin. I was mostly a victim, but sadly sometimes played the perpetrator. Bullying is like an illness that can easily be spread. Bullying is a real life issue that everyone faces, not just the drag community. Let’s quit causing more damage to our brothers and sisters and encourage them for being brave enough to be unique or different. People are very precious and extremely fragile. Sometimes they can be broken very easily without even showing the smallest crack. With all the hard work that goes into being a drag queen, the last thing a queen needs is to be tormented because someone thinks she doesn’t fit the mold. I wish all cities celebrated more types of drag and had a variety of venues and events for girls to showcase their talents. Drag is so fluid! It has no specific way it should be done. That is what makes it so amazing! If you ask me, this drag on drag crime has got to stop! It’s time to bring back the nice days! Retract those claws, ladies, Welcome your sisters with open arms. Lovingly give advice, not advice with shady undertones. Realize what you think works may work for you, but might not be best for someone else. And guess what? Take some advice sometimes too: you will be surprised at what works for you. Until next time love one another and try not to be so freaking judgmental because “we’re all born naked and the rest is drag!”
@OUTANDABOUTNASH
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JANUARY 2018
OVER
the RAINBOW
PE O P L E LIKE U S
Up front were the sounds of laughter interspersed with multiple shushing. The teens knew it was time to start getting serious. This would be their first road trip as a chorus and they wanted sound their best. They had been invited by PFLAG Winchester to sing for an LGBTQ+ community that knows what open hostility truly looks like. Ding, dong, ding, dong… Hark! How the bells Sweet silver bells All seem to say, “Throw cares away.” Christmas is here… “Gott im Himmel! They sound like a choir,” I think to myself, collecting my jaw off the bus floor. These were nervous, introverted kids just six months ago. It is very obvious that they have bonded, but that they are not kids anymore. They are teens: openly LGBTQ+ teens to be exact. The Major Minors is the youth chorus of Nashville In Harmony. Designed from the start to be a safe and welcoming place for teens who want to find their own place within our community, the chorus presented an opportunity for our daughter to make new and supportive friends. Soulmate and I jumped at the chance.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes Five hundred twenty-five thousand Journeys to plan Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure the life Of a woman or a man... I caught my breath and looked past Soulmate out the window. I did not want her to see me crying. She was under her earbuds, but I was not. I knew where this one came from. That’s my era, and it was my daughter singing it. She asked me not too long ago about my teenage years. We had a fun and pleasantly awkward chat about that, with a safety lecture thrown in. I’m bisexual, genderqueer, and from the 80’s, and still alive, I thought. The possibility of bringing harm to Soulmate kept me on the path of Sappho all these years. Her hand was worth the price. “You really need your 4th line out there! All chipping in and helping things out,” came the instructions. NIH Artistic Director Don Schlosser’s voice got my attention also. He would be conducting their performance. The parents got the message too. Smartphones were being discreetly tucked away, as parents tried to set an example.
ILLUSTRATION: MELISSA GAY
JULIE CHASE | @notninahagen
We meet in the fading light of a high school parking lot. The teens scatter about in their black concert t-shirts, the parents scrambling behind with their winter coats. The journey to Franklin County may cross over Monteagle Mountain, and any Sewanee alum will testify that it gets cold up there this time of year. Parents in the back, performers in the front so they may practice before the concert, a row of show jackets in between to keep out adult eyes… The teens chatter quietly amongst themselves, while the adults stare into smartphones. Soulmate is listening to hockey; daughterunit is having an animated conversation with a friend. I tell Soulmate that if we fall asleep, we will probably awaken in Aruba, and I get a stare for interrupting the game. The Pens are about to get their first penalty shot this season (yes, they score).
We can do what we want We can live as we choose You see there’s no guarantee We got nothing to lose Don’t look at me I can’t deny the truth It’s plain to see Don’t look at me There was silence in the parents rows at first, then some muffled sobs. “Damn...don’t they sound good?” came from somewhere in the dark, followed by an “I’m so proud.” I think Don heard us, and he wandered into the peanut gallery with a smartphone glow on his face. Luckily for us he was smiling. Don told us the story that he would later tell at the concert. Nashville in Harmony got its start in 2004 as a protest against a wave of antiLGBTQ+ legislation that was under serious
consideration. It was a small group of women and men not much bigger than this, openly living their truth in less than hospitable times, he explained. Everyday life for openly LGBTQ+ adults back then closely resembled what the majority of teens in our community go through today. But Nashville in Harmony had a philosophy and a goal: to build community and create social change through song.
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A small group of people soon mushroomed into a movement that reflected the changing world around them. Now these teens will have the opportunity to experience the same. He swiftly returned to the front, and we were soon confronted with the haunting refrains of young resistance: Oh, people like us we’ve gotta stick together Keep your head up nothing lasts forever Here’s to the damned, to the lost and forgotten It’s hard to get high when you’re living on the bottom... We are all misfits living in a world on fire... Sing it for the people like us, the people like us... Many of these teens had recently come out or, like my daughter, were straight allies and part of the gang… One of us. I have never been more proud.
Julie Chase is the pen name for a local 40-something trans woman. The Major Minors’ next performance will be with Nashville in Harmony on Saturday, April 28 in “Brave New Hope.”
Miranda’s
ADULT STORES
Tickets for the show may be advance purchased at https:// nashvilleinharmony.org/tickets/pride2018
Timberfell Lodge and Campground
novelties • DVDs • games • supplements lubes • leather goods • lingerie • books • cards December 29 – January 1, 2018
New Year’s Celebration Weekend Food, champagne, noise makers, and MEN! Be safe…stay with us and walk back to your room! The Taven will be open on Saturday 12pm-5pm for pool, beer, snacks, and movies.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! FOR RESERVATIONS
GAY OWNED AND OPERATED Nashville
Jackson
Clarksville
822 5th Ave South 615/ 256-1310
186 Providence Rd 731/ 424-7226
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423 234 0833
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1166 Bryson Rd 931/ 468-2900
2025 Broadstreet 423/ 266-5956
4970 Hwy 230 931/ 729-2006
Tennessee’s Premier Men’s Resort & Campground located in the Southern Appalachians near Greeneville
O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H V I L L E .CO M
Largest selection of gay products in Tennessee
1 800 437 0118
timberfell.com
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Gay DVD’s starting at $4.99
JANUARY 2018
Harvest/Huntsville (AL)
Greensboro (NC)
5641 Highway 53 256/ 885-6563
1310 E Bessemer Ave 336/ 274-7188
Shake it up.
Stir it up.
SINCE 1888 @OUTANDABOUTNASH
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Be mellow. Be responsible.
FE B R UA RY 9–11, 2018 T PAC ’ S P O L K T H E AT E R
“An elegant yet visceral story of belief, bigotry, isolation, survival and hope...” – AU S T I N -A M E R I C A N S TAT E S M A N
Presenting Sponsor:
O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H V I L L E .CO M
JANUARY 2018
Tickets at (615) 782-4040 or www.nashvilleballet.com.
Supporting Sponsor:
Media Sponsor:
Additional Funding Provided by: