O&AN | November 2015

An exclusive interview with

Chris Carmack

the

MUSIC issue

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LETTER

from the

This month, O&AN focused on some elements of the music industry and the music scene in Nashville. We know we missed a lot: we’re sorry if we missed your favorite band, or your favorite personality, or your favorite venue. Please let us know of people and places that you feel are underappreciated in the Nashville music culture who have ties to the LGBT community, and we’ll be pleased to cover them in the future. Remember, we need to hear from you, the reader.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Chris Carmack, and tagging along on the photo shoot we did with him at Bicentennial Park and BB Kings Blues Bar in Nashville (a big thanks to BB Kings for being so accommodating). He was such a pleasure to work with, and so freely gave of his weekend time, and for that we are very grateful.

Now why, you may ask, has the local LGBT newspaper decided to do a music issue and put a straight actor on its cover? I understand that there will be people who take issue with this on a number of accounts. I even asked Chris to address the concern that some people might have at the casting of a straight man to play one of the choicest gay television roles available today. By putting him on the cover, aren’t we, am not I, perpetuating the same “problem”?

The simple answer is that yes, there are issues to be addressed in equitable casting, and in representation, and that conversation can be had.

It’s a question of opportunity—and economic and political clout that deserves serious consideration.

However, the fact remains that Chris Carmack

EDITOR

was cast to play Will Lexington, and he plays that part well. When Will Lexington kisses a man on the television screen, I believe every moment of it.

And when he suffers the shame and degradation people in our community face daily, I believe every moment of it. And in the process, Will Lexington, and thus Chris Carmack, has become the face of “gay country music” in Nashville—on Nashville.

And so the man whose face is most associated with LGBT struggles in the country music industry in our city, whose story line has brought so much attention to and sympathy for that situation, graciously agreed to speak with us about his experiences. So even if you disagree with us, I hope you’ll give him due consideration.

Besides Carmack, this month we feature Nashville couple Gavin O’Neill and Jeremy Ryan’s popular web show, Cotton Mill Live, which offers a professional venue to up-and-coming musicians, Marsha Stevens, the lesbian who has come to be known as the mother of Contemporary Christian music, Billy Gilman a year after coming out, 1980’s pop star and LGBT ally Tiffany, Nashville in Harmony, and much, much more. So stay tuned!

- James Grady CORRECTION: Last month in our ‘Homes’ edition, we featured Mark Lopez’s Belmont home.

In the print edition, I incorrectly identified Patrick Armstrong as Mark Lopez’s partner. The online material has been corrected to read Patrick Boggs, with sincerest apologies.

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COTTON MILL LIVE CREATES A MUSICAL COMMUNITY

HOME-BASED WEB SHOW PROVIDES OUTLET FOR UNDERAPPRECIATED ARTISTS JAMES GRADY

Photos: Deanna Hampton & Jeremy Ryan

Gavin + Jeremy

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Swear and Shake OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

NOVEMBER 2015

Cotton Mill Live (CML) is a labor of love for Gavin O’Neill, proprietor of vintage boutique Hello Boys, and his partner Jeremy Ryan, a professional photographer and former co-host of Out & About Today on NewsChannel 5+.

The creative couple built CML as a vehicle for introducing up-and-coming artists to the world via professional quality web production, while also creating networks through intimate live, acoustic shows. The real trick? They do it in their living room!

In some ways, the path to CML began with Hello Boys. O’Neill moved to Nashville in December 2011 for what was supposed to be a few months. “On my days off,” O’Neill said, “I would just wander Five Points finding my community and my friends, and I became really good friends with the girls who own Goodbuy Girls...”

When one of them told O’Neill that one of the spaces in her row was opening up and that they’d love a “boys’ shop” to complement Goodbuy Girls, O’Neill thought to himself, “I can’t say no to this, this is something I’m never going to be a thing I get to experience again.” He said, “Goodbuy Girls had put forth such a strong brand, so it’s been a really big gift to us for sure!”

Hello Boys “helps us do the things that we love,” O’Neill said. “In a lot of ways, it really helped let Jeremy grow his photography business into what it is today, where he’s booked solid…. The store has also been a really cool tool, and it’s helped us meet a ton of people, which fed into CML.” Shortly after opening the store, another opportunity presented itself to the couple. “We went to a Christmas party in the loft that we now live in—which houses Jeremy’s photo studio, and which is where we produce CML,” O’Neill said.

“We walked in, and I’ve never felt this way about a space ever, but I was like, ‘We’re going to live here, this is going to be ours.

We’re going to live here, and we’re going to do weird, fun stuff.’ Literally a year later we moved in.”

When the couple moved into the space, O’Neill said, “The house was still selling and we didn’t have furniture, it was kind of like living in a jazzercise gymnasium.

It was just this big hysterical space. But Jeremy had plans for setting up his studio, and we wanted to live in a space where

we could create our own community, and where people felt like they could come and have fun.” Their new loft, then, fit perfectly into their vision of life.

The first opportunity they had to expand into music came by accident, when they offered to host a friend’s birthday party. “One of her favorite bands was in town and she asked if we minded if they played a short set,” O’Neill recalled.

“And it was really killer, and there was something there, and I thought, ‘We have to do something with the space!’”

Recording a live show combined their skills and interests. “I have a background in stage and audio production,” Ryan said, “and we have several friends that are hardworking musicians in town. We decided to create something that could benefit incredibly talented musicians that deserved high quality content and that would also be used as a marketing tool for our budding businesses. So, when we put all the pieces together, we had created a concert series that was produced by Jeremy Ryan Creatives and styled and sponsored

by Hello boys.”

At first, they made it all happen themselves. “During the show before each song, I would hit ‘record’ on my computer, hit ‘record’ on an extra camera on a stand, and then jump on a ladder with another camera to capture the sweeping opening footage,” Ryan explained. “It was difficult finding people to help with those tasks during the show. Also, though I’m a photographer, I didn’t have a lot of knowledge in video production and had to teach myself how to edit the video footage.”

Nevertheless, the results were impressive. “Even though our jib back then was literally Jeremy on a ladder,” O’Neill joked, “we got to do some incredible shows: Carolina Story performed, as well as Native Run. Lera Lynn did a show, and the cast of Wicked did a show for us when they were in town! We had Jeremy pulling mattresses off beds, because there were literally too many people and they had nowhere to sit. That was a really fun night!”

Help would come in the form of Ally Rodriguez. “One of the biggest reasons for the quick growth and success of CML is our third partner we brought on last year, Ally,” Ryan said. “Her knowledge and talent has been instrumental in introducing the series to the music industry. We’ve

been able to produce beautiful shows for quality acts here in Nashville. Our goal is to be an incredible resource and platform for talented musicians that can deliver an entertaining stripped down show to an eager audience.”

Shortly, with Rodriguez’s help, CML got a television deal with Zuus Media. “So last year at this time,” O’Neill said, “we produced fourteen episodes in eight weeks.

It was insane. It was like every Friday and Saturday. It was awesome, it was great.

Keb’ Mo’ performed, and I couldn’t even be in the room! It was too nuts! They were really fun shows…. It’s really fun to go back and watch those shows now and think, ‘I cannot believe this happened!’”

In the end, however, CML decided to go a different direction. “The production team for Zuus was awesome. We’re really glad we got those fourteen episodes because they were beautifully done,” O’Neill explained, “but we wanted to secure our creative control. So this year we’ve decided to go with Maiden Network. They do the 24HR Records— they do professional, Youtube-like series shows.” Since switching to Maiden, CML has featured, Swear and Shake, one of the couple’s favorite bands in Nashville, Lucie Silvas and Rick Brantley, and Johnny P, and

has plans to work with Brooke Waggoner and to produce a Christmas show.

“Maiden just feels a lot more organic for us,” O’Neill said, “it just feels good.

The coolest thing about Maiden is they just want us to do what we do best. They don’t want to toy with anything, which is great and music to Jeremy’s ears.”

When asked about his favorite guest, O’Neill didn’t hesitate: “Alyssa Bonagura!

What I love about Alyssa is that not only is she an artist’s artist, a true musician, but she was so full of love.” At last year’s Christmas special, “Alyssa sat front-andcenter and clapped louder than anyone for all the artists. She is so supportive of anyone who picks up an instrument and makes anything out of it, which I think is so cool.”

There have, of course, been challenging guests as well, of course. “People don’t realize what it takes to put on something like this,” O’Neill said. “People sometimes show up and ask why we haven’t done this or that…. People also forget that our studio is our home, since when it’s being run for a show it doesn’t look like a home.”

While most of the artists have become good friends, there have been times when the artist or their team didn’t fully understand the situation they were

coming into. “That’s the difficult thing with running a show: you never want to make your artist unhappy, but you just have to be careful about reading cues and who’s going to be easy to work with or not. Thankfully people have been so appreciative of the opportunity we provide … we haven’t had an issue with an artist in the last twenty episodes. But those are the stressful moments, when you know the artist isn’t listening and that’s when things go awry.”

The show’s unwavering commitment to its mission— the support of the best artists—has kept it diverse and its quality high. “The only rule we had when we started the show,” O’Neill said, “was that you have to be able to do an acoustic, stripped-down set, and you have to be able to kill it. Talent was the only thing, not genre, and we try to keep it that way still.”

Beyond the mission, CML does provide something for the men behind it, however. “We always say it’s all for

Rick Brantley the artists and to support them,” O’Neill confessed, “but it was also in a wonderfully selfish way also to support ourselves—to make us feel like we weren’t the crazy ones, and to kind of make a family in a way, and share these fun things! CMLis a moment when we could have time together. That’s what it boiled down to for me.”

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‘SPARKLE JOSH’ RELEASES HOME DÉCOR LINE

JOSH JOHNSON HOME PICKED UP BY RETAIL GIANT WALMART JAMES GRADY

Josh Johnson, also known as “Sparkle Josh,” is a Nashville celebrity designer and fan favorite from the second season of HGTV’s Design Star (his wedding was featured on the February 2015 cover of O&AN). He recently announced that his new product line, Josh Johnson Home, had been picked up for distribution by the online arm of the world’s largest retailer, Walmart.com.

“My work in Southern California the last few years,” Johnson said, “has been staging backstage suites—green rooms, gifting suites, VIP rooms…. My niche is separate from event planning proper: it’s about executing the aesthetics, seating, lighting, and ambience of the behind-thescenes spaces. That’s what I create—a transformation from ‘sparse to sparkle’ in a matter of hours, from something drab to something that can be beautifully photographed.”

“I’ve been working for years with Softline Home Fashions’ products,” Johnson said. “I have used their products in

this work, as well as my other residential, commercial and event design work. They approached me around May of last year to develop a product line around my aesthetic and identity as a celebrity designer, ‘Sparkle Josh,’ a classic, glamourous Hollywoodstyled home line.”

Since last year, Johnson has been working with Softline to develop his line.

“In the midst of our development, the CEO of Walmart’s online division announced the opportunity to add two new brands of home goods, and I was given one of those opportunities. ‘Til just last month we’ve just been completely involved in development, photography, and the design of signature styles for Walmart that culminated in last month’s public release.”

So far, Johnson’s line has primarily been advertised through trade magazines and home décor industry magazines, as well as through celebrity giveaways. At last year’s Emmy’s, Johnson’s early designs were among the celebrity gifts, and at this year’s award show Johnson gave away more of his products in a celebrity gift

space that he designed.

“I’m so appreciative that Softline has given me this opportunity to develop a branded product,” Johnson said, “and that such a major retail vehicle, Walmart, is our first outlet. As we get into development later this year and beyond, we will be able to approach other retailers, as we develop a larger line. Beyond the second phase, we will get into rugs, lighting, and candles, but that’s off in 2016. It’s a long development process, from point of conception to delivery ... about 8 months to a year, because you want to get it right!”

I’m learning a lot about branding and about myself through this process of producing products true to me and attractive to a retail audience,” Johnson said. “It’s a new adventure for me, and I don’t totally know what to expect, but I’m trusting in the people who are giving me this opportunity.”

For more information on Johnson’s line, visit www.softlinehome.com/sparklejosh.html, or shop Walmart.com.

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WAIT, CONTEMPORARY CHRISTIAN MUSIC HAS A LESBIAN MOTHER? A CONVERSATION WITH MARSHA STEVENS-PINO JAMES GRADY

If we think of country music as an inhospitably conservative final frontier for LGBT musicians, it’s only because we don’t consider Christian music, particularly Contemporary Christian Music (CCM), to be a frontier at all. Yet we are just beginning to see artists like Ray Boltz and Jennifer Knapp managing to successfully navigate the coming out process, but the path out of the closet is generally “independent” music—largely supported by a tight-knit fan base and LGBT-affirming churches.

The ultimate irony is that CCM was rocked by its first major coming-out scandal thirty-five years before Ty Hendon and Billy Gilman became the most highprofile men to come out in country music.

Marsha Stevens was a founding member of what some consider the world’s first CCM group, Children of the Day, and she has been dubbed by Christian Century and others as “the mother of contemporary Christian music.” Stevens, now StevensPino, came out as a lesbian in 1979 during

12

her divorce, after nearly a decade as a singer-songwriter in the industry.

Looking back on that time, StevensPino recalled, “I really had no role model to follow in coming out in CCM. I knew of no other Christians who considered themselves gay, let alone gay Christian musicians. For a long time, I prayed that I would die before anyone found out that I was gay, not because I felt depressed or because I ever thought God would stop loving me, but because I felt that I would disillusion so many people! I’m not sure where I picked up the idea that it was up to me to ‘look good.’ But I thought I would hurt fewer people by dying than I would by letting others know I was gay. Even saying it now, it makes no sense.”

Thankfully, instead of giving up, Stevens-Pino let go of her fears. “I finally really prayed that if God wanted to strike me straight, or strike me dead, that would be fine with me,” she said. “Until then, I was going to live an honest life with the person I loved.”

OUTANDABOUTNASHVILLE.COM

NOVEMBER 2015

The response was unfortunately predictable. “People tore my pages out of hymnals and mailed them to me,” she said.

“They wrote me letters … they hassled my kids at the Christian school they attended.

But somehow, God failed to strike me straight!”

Ultimately, Stevens-Pino payed an extraordinary price for her courage.

“There was a period of time after I came out when I had lost just about everything I cared about. I lost custody of my kids briefly (in California, where even then they said that couldn’t happen to you); I lost my home, my car, and my job, and I even had companies that wanted to stop paying my royalties when they found out I was a lesbian.”

Mainly CCM and its fan base may have mostly given up on Stevens-Pino, but she did not give up on her faith or stop seeking. “It was not until almost four years later, when I found Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC), that I realized there were other gay Christians.

Marsha Stevens-Pino

Someone I met there ran up and pinned a button on me that said ‘Born Again Lesbian,’ and the only thing I could think was that if someone made this button, there must be more of us.”

Discovering the MCC also prompted her return to Christian music. “Troy Perry, the founder of the MCC, saw me in the

crowd and recognized me…. He was the one who asked me to start writing and singing again as an out lesbian. When I told him I didn’t do that anymore, he asked me how I knew that it wasn’t for ‘just such a time as this’ (referencing the Book of Esther) that I became a Christian in the first place. Even the thought that I might be part of bringing peace of heart to other LGBTQ people made me want to sing again.”

As a vehicle for her music, StevensPino founded Born Again Lesbian Music (BALM) and has released a number of albums and singles under that aegis.

“When I did start writing and singing again, I finally had that feeling that my insides matched my outsides. I am who I want to be. I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing and, miraculously, exactly what I love to be doing.”

And though Stevens-Pino had no role models when she came out, the “mother of CCM” has become a kind of spiritual mother, of sorts, to some Christian musicians struggling similarly. “For several years, anyone in CCM who came out seemed to get sent to me first. I had musicians fly me across the country on a Monday afternoon because that was the only day they could sneak away to come and talk to me. And most of them did feel as I had at first—it would better to die.”

Stevens-Pino observed that a lot has changed in CCM since 1979: “There’s less room for open discrimination and the sheer numbers of artists have meant that some things were taken off the judgment table—divorce, cohabitation of unmarried partners, single motherhood and so on.

I think that any time we know and love someone who does things we disagree with, it opens our minds and hearts to different perspectives. For some reason, homosexuality in particular has remained the final stronghold of justified vilification in the Church.”

“Ray Boltz and Jennifer Knapp coming out made people rethink their views that God could not use LGBTQ people,” she said. “Both of them had the wisdom to step out of the spotlight for some time before coming out publicly. I stumbled so naively out of the closet that I didn’t really see the push back coming until it was too late to hide from it.”

Change may be painfully slow in coming to CCM, but Stevens-Pino believes it is coming. “I watch the Dove Awards or a Southern Gospel special and wish all my people would turn purple at once, and I still get invited to ‘secret’ parties where CCM stars can safely be out. But we are Joshua marching around Jericho, and the walls are beginning to crumble.”

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“RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY” IS SURE TO INSPIRE

SINGER-SONGWRITER CHELEY TACKETT RELEASES CROWDFUNDED SINGLE JAY GORDON

Cheley Tackett has earned more than a few accolades that mark her as a standout, emerging artist. A reviewer for American Country Magazine wrote that her song, “Play the One I Like,” just “might be the best song that I’ve heard this year so far.” Maverick went so far as to call Tackett, “One of the most powerful, soulful singers in the business, she writes with the deep confidence and total abandon that only a true artist is capable of.”

Like many of Nashville’s most underappreciated musicians, Tackett is also part of the LGBT community. “I moved to Nashville almost 18 years ago from a small town in central Ohio called Springfield,” Tackett said. “My first year here was also the year I came out. It was a year for discovery in every facet of my life, personally and professionally. I have been an open and out singer-songwriter in Music City ever since.”

Her experiences along the way inspired her recently releases single, “Right Side of History,” which originated with a challenge: “A few years ago, I was invited to participate in a program called YouthSpeaks Nashville (I believe it is now called SouthernWord), sponsored

by Metro Council for the Arts. As performers, we were asked to create and present a piece that embodied our vision for the future of Nashville, be it for tomorrow or 10,000 years from now.”

Tackett and her wife Tera just celebrated their second wedding anniversary. The pair was married in New York because, in 2013, same sex marriage wasn’t legal in Tennessee or Tackett’s home state of Ohio. Feelings of frustration over the battle for equality were part of the songs inspiration, but Tackett added, “it also developed from the heartbreak of constant media reports of suicides of kids that were getting bullied either for being gay or for being perceived gay. The ‘It Gets Better Project’ had videos all over the place, and while I respect what they are trying to accomplish, I just kept thinking, ‘We’re telling these kids it gets better down the line, but it needs to get better now. They need to know it’s ok to be who you are and to love who you love.’”

“This all weighed heavy on my mind

at that time,” Tackett said, “and the song I wrote and presented [at YouthSpeaks] became my answer for what I wanted, not only for the future of Nashville, but for all of humanity. That song is ‘Right Side of History,’ which Answers.com has described as a ‘call to arms for all to join the fight for gay rights.’”

In the years since writing the song, Tackett has performed it live at various fundraisers and at Nashville Pride. But why release the song now as a single?

“Since the SCOTUS decision, I’ve also had a number of people ask to use the song for their weddings. The trouble was, I only had a bare bones guitar/ vocal recording. So, I crowdfunded the recording. Ordinarily, I don’t rely on crowdfunding but this song felt personal for so many people and also had a very

communal feel for me as an artist.”

Fans of the song were ready to get behind the project. “The recording,” Tackett said, “was paid for in 48 hours, and we raised double the goal (the extra raised is being put toward the song’s video).”

The success of her fundraising is yet one more confirmation of what Tackett has long understood. “I played for years as part of a show called ‘Girls With Guitars,’ an all-female group of singer-songwriters presenting live, original music…. We found that the LGBT community had become a large part of our fan base. Playing in that show helped build a loyal base for my music over the years, and I have found there is no more loyal following than the LGBT community.”

Tackett believes that the times are changing in the world of country music, even in Nashville, and that labels would move more quickly if they understood the LGBT fan base. “The record labels pay attention to the bottom line, period,” Tackett said. “When some senior executive at one of the major labels realizes what I’ve learned, that the LGBT community is the most loyal fan base and will absolutely support an openly LGBT artist, then we’ll see it happen.”

She doesn’t think it will be easy, but she does see it coming. “Historically, the labels are cautious and don’t spoil for fights. It would likely be big news and controversial since country music is so tied to the Bible Belt and more conservative than the other genres. But, when it clicks with someone that an openly gay artist will bring in the dollars, then, we’ll see a breakthrough.”

The biggest resistance, she believes, will come from country music radio.

Within country, she said, “While there are allies that are charting, there are no openly gay artists. Brandy Clark is probably the most visible openly gay artist and while she’s getting plenty of recognition, as well as a Grammy nomination, she’s not getting much mainstream airplay as an artist….” When a label does finally launch an openly gay, mainstream artist, she added, “I think it will be a fight with country radio but it’s a fight that needs to happen.”

Eventually, she says labels and audiences will also learn that LGBT musicians don’t produce “gay music.”

Tackett’s own music is mainstream, for the most part, and she wouldn’t even classify “Right Side of History” as a “gay” because it speaks to a universal human experience, even if it is from an LGBT context.

“Like most singer-songwriters,” she said, “I draw on all of my experiences as well as the experiences of those around me. I am so many things and being gay is just one of the parts of who I am. Mostly, I just want my music to move people no matter who they are. I think my songs are ones that everyone can relate to.”

“Right Side of History” is available on iTunes, Amazon, www. cheleytackett.com, various streaming sites (Spotify, etc.), and more. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

15

NASHVILLE GRIZZLIES STRIP DOWN TO RAISE FUNDS JAMES GRADY

The Nashville Grizzlies have recently unveiled their steamiest fundraising tool of the year, their always anticipated calendar, shot by local photographer Chris Malone in a real collegiate locker room!

This isn’t the Grizzlies’ first time stripping down to fund their program. In fact, the now-annual calendar has been shot for quite a few years now, and Malone has been behind the camera for the last few. The highly sought-after calendar has been featured in gay blogs from around the world, including megablogs Towleroad and LGBTweekly.com!

This year more than ever, the Grizzlies fundraising efforts are key, as the team develops its important community presence by engaging straight teams and by bringing the 2016 Bingham Cup to Nashville. Founded in 2006, the Grizzlies are the only gay and inclusive rugby team in Nashville. Their goal is to create a safe space for players of all sexual orientations, backgrounds and experience level to learn about the sport and have fun.

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In recent years, the Grizzlies have welcomed increasing numbers of LGBTfriendly straight men to their ranks, helping build bridges. For the first time in several years, the Grizzlies have chosen to compete against straight teams across the state, and around the Deep South, again will hopefully help raise awareness amongst some of the region’s most macho men.

“We are in the middle of our season and are raising money to help make sure that playing rugby on an affirming team is affordable,” said Thomas Hormby.

“We do our best to cover expenses via fundraising so rugby is accessible to everybody, even if they don’t have much money.”

In addition to the added costs of competition and regional travel, the Grizzlies are also preparing to hose the 2016 Bingham Cup next May. This is yet another opportunity for rugby to challenge preconceived notions about the LGBT community. “Named after Mark Bingham, who died in the September

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NOVEMBER 2015

11, 2001 attacks, the Bingham Cup is the biggest tournament in the world for gay and inclusive teams and this will be the first year it has been hosted in the South.”

Bringing the Bingham Cup to Nashville isn’t just a big deal for the LGBT community: it is a major coup for the city as a whole. Tournament organizers expect upwards of forty-five teams, consisting of over 1,500 players and supporters!

In fact, teams from Australia and across Europe and North America have already registered for the event.

So if you are looking for an easy way to support the Grizzlies, check out their calendar. While we understand the rugby beefcake isn’t everyone’s type, if that is your type you are going to LOVE this calendar. You might even want to order two—more if you want to give them away for the holidays!

To find the calendar and support the Grizzlies, you can visit their website’s market via www.grizzliesrugby.org, or you find the purchase page at goo.gl/ W5Ug9x.

Photos: Chris Malone

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17

An Interview With Nashville Star Chris Carmack JAMES GRADY

On October 10, 2012, ABC premiered its new show, Nashville, to critical and popular acclaim. Created by Academy Award winner Connie Khouri, Nashville brought our beloved city and its music industry in front of Americans in a way not unlike the show Dallas did for that city beginning in the late 1970s.

Khouri had lived in Nashville for a few years (1978–82), and she told the New York Times that she wanted to “represent it in a way that everybody who lives here would find completely realistic.” This may be a stretch for an evening soap opera, but there are unfortunate facets of life in Nashville that have been brought to light by the show.

From its very first season, Nashville included among its storylines the trials and tribulations of then-closeted gay country star Will Lexington, played by Chris Carmack. Melodrama aside, the pressures Lexington’s character faces in the show are real and well known to closeted or lowprofile LGBT people in the industry. From keeping his “indiscreet” liaisons quiet and denying his loves to living in constant fear of blackmail and exposure, Lexington’s struggles are struggles potentially facing LGBT musicians in what remains a conservative, homophobic music culture.

That storyline struck a chord with fans.

Lexington appeared in only six episodes of the first season, and by the second the character was a regular. Now in its fourth season, Lexington’s story is a major arc within the show.

Carmack is in some ways an unlikely Will Lexington. A straight man, Carmack is the gay star of the show, and due to the show’s popularity he has become the face of gay country music across the country.

But that doesn’t put him off at all—he just hopes a little good comes from it.

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Nashville wasn’t Carmack’s first exposure to music. He is a talented musician in his own right, with an amazing singing voice and a background that includes jazz (he plays the saxophone, as well as the guitar). While most viewers have no doubt been impressed by his performances on the show, we all know that editing can do wonders.

However, Carmack has continued to play music outside the show, despite his busy schedule, and those shows demonstrate his versatility. Playing a set at the CMA Music Festival, Carmack earned accolades for his performance: Vince Gill called him a “wicked good guitar player” and Billboard wrote that he “showed a musical command and conviction in his set that outstrips what he has been able to transmit through the TV show and its soundtracks. There’s a built-in prejudice against actors jumping into music, but he deserves to be taken seriously.”

Carmack is also currently preparing for the December release of his own EP Pieces of You, which will consist of five tracks written solely by him. The soulful music reflects influences from the jazz and blues he grew up playing, to rock, pop and country.

In advance of this release Carmack offered O&AN readers the opportunity to some insight into the man behind Will Lexington. While on a photo shoot with O&AN at BB King’s Blues Club in Nashville, Carmack proved that the fame hasn’t gone to his head. He accepted an invitation to perform with the scheduled act, offering a stunning unprepared-for rendition of one of King’s own songs for an audience of about thirty early lunch patrons. You’d have thought he practiced all morning. This is a man you’re going to want to meet!

When you were originally cast, did you realize the extent of the LGBT portrayal of Will Lexington?

Actually, no. When I first auditioned, it was not in the breakdown. It was not mentioned that he was going to be a gay character. But when they were going to offer me the part, Callie Khouri called me and sort of pitched the arc of the role and asked me what I thought of that. Of course, my response was “That sounds awesome!

Let’s do it!” But I think there is always a certain element of that when they are doing auditions: they want to keep story lines out of the public knowledge, so they do tend to keep those things tied up.

musicians reach out. A number have told me that they really love watching the role and that they thought I was nailing it, so that’s positive reinforcement!

come up to me, maybe people who are trying to country music or had once tried to do country music and tell me they felt like I was telling their story.

Have you had any encounters with LGBT Have you had the experience of hearing fans who felt some connection with from people whose views may have been Will Lexington and wanted to express changed by being exposed to the role?

Yeah, I’ve heard from people like that to you?

Yeah! You know I’ve had quite a few moments out and about town in Nashville, and one strikes me as particularly

that, but I’ve also had the experience in person as well. Sometimes I’ll enter a conversation with somebody who’s asking

The story line has grown so much, and has become such a major part of the show, especially this season. Why do you think that Lexington’s storyline resonates so much with people, not just LGBT people?

I mean, I think it’s an impactful story line. You know, in many ways it’s a universal theme, somebody having to set aside their personal happiness and personal exploration and understanding of themselves in order to achieve a ‘dream’. I think so many people pursue their dreams at the cost of their personal happiness, so I think that speaks to people.

There are still precious few choice roles for LGBT people in movies or on television, and many people feel like they should be reserved for LGBT actors. Have you gotten any negative feedback along these lines for taking on such a high-profile LGBT role?

Have you encountered many gay musicians because of the role?

Well, I mean, of course the biggest example of a gay musician I’ve been in contact with was Ty Herndon, who went out of his way to make my acquaintance and to invite me to participate in his event that was during the CMA Fest [the “Concert for Love and Acceptance”], and so I’ve gotten to know him a little bit.

I’ve also had a few gay musicians come and thank me along the way for portraying Will Lexington on the show— of course that thanks should really be extended to the writers and the storylines they are creating as well. I don’t want to take the credit for the story of Will Lexington. I’m giving him flesh but it’s the writers who steer the ship!

What about advice? Have you gotten any advice on the role from gay musicians, or has the role just developed as you’ve played it?

Like any role on a television series, the role sort of develops week in and week out. I try to look at the story line and digest it and try to figure out what it means and what part of Will’s journey it focuses on.

I won’t say that I’ve gotten a whole lot of advice along the way, but I have had gay

really try to paint a human face for Will in those conversations, a face I hope we do a good job of portraying in the show.

A lot of times, those people will get a pensive look and say, “Wow, I never really thought of it that way.” And I feel good coming away from those conversations because I think in some small way I have helped changed a few people’s minds, and I think Will Lexington in a big way is helping change a few minds. Really, though, it’s these in-person interactions where I get to see that change. I can only guess who’s watching the show in their living rooms and what it means to them.

But I have also gotten some tweets from people saying they were watching the show and during the course of my storyline their brother came out, or their cousin came out, and the story, the show, gave them a context for conversation in their family. You hear things like that, and you really are humbled by the idea that the work you’re doing on a television show might be meaning something important in people’s lives.

In some ways, I think what we’re trying to say about the character, or I think one of the messages we are trying to convey with Will Lexington, is that there is a level on which his sexuality doesn’t— or shouldn’t—matter. He’s a great country singer, and a great star, and should be viewed as such, regardless of his sexuality.

So in some ways it makes sense that the role was cast regardless of my sexuality.

But at the same time, I have to say, I’m a supporter in diversity of casting, and you know, I think that’s also an important argument to be made.

interesting. I can’t recall his name, but a gentleman came up to me at a bar who was totally dressed the cowboy part. My thought to myself as he was walking up to me was, “Now that’s Will Lexington right there!” He was like a real life cowboy.

He came up to me and said, “I want to thank you for portraying this role. I feel like it’s me up there on screen.” It was at that point that I realized he was actually a gay man thanking me for my role, and I just thought, ‘That IS Will Lexington!’

I’ve had quite a few people actually

about the show and then wants to ask, “So what’s that like playing a gay guy?” or “When you have to kiss a man, what is that?”

You can tell that they are wanting me to roll my eyes and groan and be like, “Ah, I have to do it, it’s part of the job…” That’s what they’re kind of expecting or wanting me to say, but I take those opportunities to really dive into a deeper conversation about the whole thing and explain where Will Lexington is coming from, some of the personal struggles he has to deal with. I

I know that since the show’s success, you’ve engaged in a lot of charity work on behalf of causes important to the LGBT community. How has the opportunity to play Will Lexington impacted what that work means to you?

Any opportunity I have to participate in something like that is a meaningful one to me. I mean, I have always had a lot of gay friends, mentors, teachers in my life.

I’ve always been part of a very supportive community. The uglier side of things is really foreign to me.

I’ve had to explore it a lot more though the character of Will than I ever had to in @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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I think it’s an impactful story line. You know, in many ways it’s a universal theme, somebody having to set aside their personal happiness and personal exploration and understanding of themselves in order to achieve a ‘dream’.

I think so many people pursue their dreams at the cost of their personal happiness, so I think that speaks to people.

my own life experience. It has made me understand the need for a loud voice out there, and for the demand for personal liberties and rights immediately. I’ve never really had to look at it from that point of view in my personal life until recently, so participating in these events has become really meaningful to me.

The LGBT community has my absolute support. You’re beautiful! Keep doing what you’re doing.

I know that you are releasing some music of your own. Have you always been into music or has that developed as you performed with the show?

No, I’ve always been doing music.

In fact, the songs that I’m releasing are songs that I wrote in Los Angeles before I was ever part of the show, and I decided to revisit them in the context of Nashville, and Nashville’s music scene.

Is the music being produced here locally, or back in Los Angeles?

No, it’s being produced here locally.

Ben Fowler is a local producer, and I hired all local studio musicians to play on it. The recordings are completely out of Nashville!

It’s an exciting time to live in Nashville!

How is it managing trying to develop your musical career while shooting this show, which has such a busy schedule?

It’s pretty hard, I’m into going to lie.

It’s hard to carve out the time to write music, to learn music, to perform music, record, overdub, get artwork…. And I’m doing it myself; I’m like my own label at the moment, so it’s pretty daunting. In addition to all the music I’m doing for the show, I’m preparing stuff for CMA events, and things like that I won’t even get to focus on until a couple of days before! To be honest I’m not entirely sure how I’m pulling it off!

Pieces of You is set to release on December 11. For information on Carmack’s music and tour dates, as well as general information, visit facebook. com/chriscarmmackmusic and follow him on Twitter @RealCarmack.

Since you’ve basically lived in Nashville for four years now, what are some highlight moments from your time here?

It’s not hard to pick out highlights!

You know, performing at the Grand Ole Opry—every time—is really special, and performing at the Ryman…. Just the fact that I used to play music in empty bars for damn near no one, and now people ask me to come perform before gigantic crowds, so that’s probably my biggest highlight.

But you know also just being here in the city and getting to know the people who live here and getting to be a part of the whole environment, just as it’s blowing up. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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Can New Music and New Business Revive Her Brand?

JAMES GRADY

In Nashville, 1980s pop sensation Tiffany Darwish is remaking a name for herself!

This long-time LGBT ally is recording for two albums—a Christmas project, as well as a new album of her own that she’s co-producing—as well as preparing to tour and running her vintage and designer clothing store, Tiffany’s Boutique, in East Nashville.

Tiffany has a long, and perhaps surprising, history in Nashville. “I started coming here when I was ten,” she said.

“I came here with Hoyt Axton and Mae Axton, doing country at the time. I wanted to be a country singer and they brought me here. I did a lot of the shows, like the Ralph Emery Show and on and on.”

This initial foray into Nashville was ultimately unsuccessful. “I was singing songs like [Loretta Lynn’s] ‘Your Good Girl’s Gonna Go Bad,’ and it was actually Ralph Emery who said, ‘Don’t you think at ten, it’s kind of a risky song to be singing?’ I was only ten so I had no idea what to say to that! But it didn’t work out for me. They were interested in the vocals, but I think it was a little disturbing that I had such a big voice, and I was this little girl. I don’t think they knew how to market that.”

Back in Los Angeles, Tiffany kept singing at every opportunity, and when she was fourteen it was decided that she would record another demo. “That’s when George Tobin saw me in the studio,” she recalled. “He said, ‘I don’t know anything about country music, but I know everything about pop music, and I’d like to take you in a pop direction.’

That started everything. All my hopes and dreams completely changed.”

Tiffany’s pop career was turbulent.

Her cover of “I Think We’re Alone Now” was a chart-topping success, and the album of which it was a part sold over four million copies. But her work in the 1990s failed to generate similar interest. Her personal life suffered, as conflict between her manager Tobin and her mother and stepfather boiled over, leading to an emancipation trial.

Throughout her career, Tiffany has appeared at Pride events, and she said she felt like maybe that part of her life came through her music and helped her connect with LGBT fans. “I had people come up to me and say, ‘Your songs really helped

22

me through a dark time.’ … Maybe there was a kind of magic between us—with all the family drama I was going through and the court case—but even though I was on the cover of all these magazines, I felt alone too. Maybe that touched something with them.”

“I came to Nashville again in the early 1990s. I was pretty burned out in Los Angeles,” Tiffany said. “I really wanted to grow as an artist, and I didn’t feel supported in Los Angeles. I was a new mom, so life was changing as well. And so I felt like I wanted to go to Nashville and try living here this time. So my now-ex-husband and I kind of packed up a truck and came down here.

I also wanted to become a songwriter,” she added, “and I knew this was the place to do it. You know, if you really want to learn the craft, Nashville is the place. But they don’t just welcome you with open arms, you have to prove yourself. And I think I failed the first time I was here miserably. My name got me in all these wonderful writing sessions, but I just wasn’t ready. I used to cry after some of these sessions… But after all of that, when I ended up going back to Los Angeles and writing The Color of Silence album, it was like all those hardships and all those experiences led to that. The Color of Silence was a critically acclaimed record, and it got me acknowledged as a songwriter.”

I came back to Nashville finally, and this time I’ve been here for seven years.

This is it; we’re here. I tell my son he’s gonna bury me in the back yard, this is it!” she joked. But clearly she’s setting down roots, recording new work here and establishing her own small business.

Tiffany’s Boutique grew out of a hobby. “I’m shopaholic,” she said proudly. “I don’t want therapy, I want to shop. My attachment to clothes is kind of sick because I’m always like, ‘It’s so sad, I need this.’ And they’re like, ‘Girl, you don’t even fit into that.’ But I’m like, ‘Somebody will!’ So I started collecting designer pieces, and vintage pieces. Back in Los Angeles a lot of my stylist friends would borrow pieces from the and they told me I really ought to think of doing a shop because I have a great eye.”

“So I opened this place because I love working with real women. I’ve always been accessible to my fans and enjoy talking to them … just bonding

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NOVEMBER 2015

with them. Over the years, we’ve talked about weight issues, seeing yourself getting older, seeing yourself in a rut. I want this to be a place they can come and hang out, unwind, and shop, and also get good advice from other girls. We also try to keep it affordable—we want you to look good in whatever outfit we put together, and we want you to be able to actually take it home!”

So far, Tiffany has worked mostly with designers from East Nashville, though designers from across the country are showing interest in getting their products into the Nashville market. “I’m excited to be able to bring new stuff from all over back to Nashville,” she said. “I wanted to work exclusively with East Nashville designers for a while, but it’s kind of gotten bigger, so why not?”

Tiffany is also busy with the album she’s currently writing and co-producing.

“It’s going to be more ballads than I’ve maybe done in the past, since maybe the first couple of the records. I’m still fighting that battle of people not knowing that I can sing … so I really want to do something that is going to set me apart in that arena and help me be recognized as vocalist.” When asked to describe

the album, Tiffany said, “Think John Mayer –a little more bluesy adult contemporary—but make that a little jazzy, but it’s not a jazz album.

Slated for release in February, the album will be funded via crowdfunding through PledgeMusic.com.

“It’s something totally new to me,” she explained. “We’re starting this and giving the fans an opportunity to be in the studio with me—they aren’t there in the writing process because that’s awkward—but they’ll see me going into a writing session, or get updates from me.” I love that because they’re right away involved.

There will be tons of video uploads.”

For more new music, be on the lookout for her Christmas project this holiday season: “It’s a compilation project,’ she said, “so it’s myself and people like Thelma Houston. I haven’t done a lot of Christmas singles or projects, so I’m thrilled. I’m singing ‘O Holy Night’ and ‘Let It Snow.’ They really wanted an up-tempo version of ‘Let It Snow,’ and it’s about the fastest version I’ve ever heard!”

Up-to-date information on Tiffany’s new music and touring can be found at tiffanytunes.com.

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NASHVILLE IN HARMONY FEATURED AT TEDxNASHVILLE EVENT DON SCHLOSSER PRESENTS ON GROUP’S MISSION JAMES GRADY

Nashville in Harmony (NiH) has been a fixture of Nashville’s LGBT music scene for the last decade, and over the years the group has been honored to perform at most of Nashville’s major music venues.

NiH is Tennessee’s first and only musical arts organization specifically created specifically for the LGBT community and its straight allies, and its mission is to “use music to build community and create social change.”

NiH’s work to bring people, both within the LGBT community and also the community at large, brought its work to the attention of the organizers of CREO, a TEDxNashville Salon event produced in partnership with Metro Arts in celebration of Artober Nashville.

The October event, held at McAfee Concert Hall at Belmont University on Saturday, October 24, highlighted talks and performances on the central theme of social justice and creativity. Speakers at CREO included Bay Area public artist Walter Hood, Memphis hip-hop artist and DJ Marco Pavé, and artist/author team Robin Paris and Tom Williams.

NiH’s artistic director, Don Schlosser, was invited to speak on how the 140-voice community chorus has worked to fulfil its mission of using music to build community and create social change. “The gist of the talk,” Schlosser said, “is that NiH is using music to shape the public sentiment toward LGBT justice. Legislation is important, but legislation does not change the culture.

Fully realized LGBT justice will not happen until public sentiment changes.

NiH is working to shape public sentiment by modeling an inclusive community, by singing a message of inclusion and acceptance, and by collaborating with likeminded community partners. The mission of Nashville in Harmony is to use music to build community and create social change.

The goal of NiH is social change; the strategy is music.”

The group began, according the Schlosser, as an initiative of the First Unitarian Universalist Church. “A group in the church was brainstorming ideas about how to bring the gay and straight communities together,” he said, “and someone suggested a mixed chorus of gays and lesbians and their allies. A couple of people from that group started the ball rolling, secured initial funding, and began planning for and advertising the group.

The group gave its first major concert in December of 2004 with 19 singers.”

From those beginnings, the group widened its scope. “A key value from the start was modeling an inclusive community of LGBT people and allies singing together,” he said. “Before long the group became more intentional about singing to achieve LGBT justice in the community by singing a message of inclusion and tolerance, by collaborating with like-minded community partners, and by volunteering in the community. The group did everything possible to shape public sentiment toward the acceptance and appreciation of LGBT persons.”

For its members, “NiH has provided a safe place for LGBT people to celebrate their authentic selves and a place for allies

to actively support work for LGBT justice.”

It has also focused on supporting important groups within LGBT community.

“Regarding outreach, NiH has collaborated with a wide variety of community partners as an activist and an advocate. We have performed for and volunteered for agencies working for LGBT justice like the TN Equality Project, Nashville Pride, OutCentral, and Nashville Cares.”

It has also served as an important vehicle for developing relationships with the surrounding communities. “We have partnered with agencies working for other social justice issues like Room in the Inn, Fifty Forward, the Oasis Center, and the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure,” Schlosser said. “We have made the LGBT community more visible by singing with the Nashville Symphony and performing at TPAC and the Historic Ryman Auditorium.

We have traveled to Birmingham, Louisville, Knoxville, Chattanooga, and Cookeville to spread our message of inclusion to surrounding communities.”

Schlosser has been with NiH almost since its founding. “During the first year I was the pianist for the group. At the end of the first year a search was conducted for a director, and I threw my hat in the ring.

After I worked as the interim director for a brief period, the group engaged me as their director.”

During his years of involvement, he has seen the impact the group has made firsthand. “Carla, one of the singers, shared her story with me about how the grandmother of her adopted children was affected by attending a Nashville in

Harmony concert. She said, ‘When I first embarked on the adoption of the girls, I intentionally didn’t come out to their biological grandmother (who kind of held all the cards) because she had made some homophobic remarks. A year or so down the road, after I’d joined NiH, I came out to her and started inviting her to NiH events.

Her homophobia melted away and by the time her own teenage son came out to her a few years later, she had a completely different perspective.’”

“Another singer, Barry, also shared his story with me,” Schlosser added. “He told me, ‘Although my parents loved me dearly, they never accepted my sexuality, and were convinced I was living immorally. They even blamed my positive HIV status on that immorality. I bravely kept inviting them to our concerts. They surprised me and came to our concert at the Ryman two years ago and loved every minute of it. Our music and our message made a huge impact on their hearts. A couple of weeks later, at our Christmas dinner, my dad announced to my family that my parents loved and accepted all of us as we are.’”

While we have come a long way in the last year in terms of rights, our community has a long way to go in terms of developing social acceptance. So the kind of work NiH is doing remains essential.

One of the group’s biggest events of the year is its holiday show, “Glitter & Bling! Jazzy Holiday Fun!” The event will be held on December 12, at TPAC’s Polk Theater—tickets are on sale now, and make a great holiday gift.

Dan Schlosser

@O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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it.”

JAMES GRADY

A year ago, on November 20, 2014, the country music industry received a big wake-up call when, in a single day, two well-known male artists, Ty Herndon and Billy Gilman, came out of the closet as gay.

In the year since, Herndon has been a nearconstant presence in the LGBT community, attending events like the HRC Dinner in Nashville and working with organizations like Nashville CARES. Gilman, on the other hand, has kept a lower profile, and has a very different relationship to the country music scene.

In 2000, Gilman, who was only eleven, was propelled to fame by his hit single, “One Voice,” which was certified double platinum in the United States. He would become the youngest singer to reach #1 on the Billboard Top Country Album charts and has sold five million albums worldwide. Yet there came a time when Gilman couldn’t get label representatives to come to a showcase of his new music.

Long before he came out, rumors swirled around Gilman sexuality, which he believes had chilled his career prospects before he ever came out. “When I came out,” Gilman told O&AN, “I brought it to my management team, and they said they weren’t going to bring it up, but there had been so many whispers and comments and they just hadn’t known how they were supposed to handle it.”

They hadn’t known whether to deny it or downplay it, and they hadn’t wanted to bring it up, so it simply remained in the air. “Then I began to understand why it had been a little tough, why it had been so hard for people to get turned on to me in the Nashville music scene.”

The day after he came out via YouTube, Gilman appeared on Entertainment Tonight (which had just the previous night aired the interview in which Ty Herndon came out).

During that interview, Gilman explained: “Being a kid in the music industry, you hear comments, or you hear all kinds of opinions. It’s crazy to know that I’m in an industry that’s ashamed of me for being me.”

“I didn’t want to have to handle coming out in such a public way,” Gilman said. “I had thought it wasn’t necessary anymore. I thought we were past that—I turned down a magazine who wanted to make a big deal out of the story—but in the end I decided

26

I just hope that country music can develop into a world that doesn’t care about your sexuality: there are plenty of people out there who would love the music but feel outside that culture.

I did want to address my fans and also to be a voice to those out there who were struggling. That’s why it’s still necessary to come out. I just wanted to help the situation, not benefit from it.”

The fact that he released his video on the same day Herndon came out did raise the profile of his own message to his fans however. “Everyone asks if I knew

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NOVEMBER 2015

[Herndon] was coming out, if we planned it that way, but I had no clue he was thinking of doing what he did the same time I was. I had been working on versions of this video for a while, but I kept holding off for about two weeks before I did it. Then I got word that Ty was coming out, and I decided to just take the plunge. When I met up with him a month afterward, we laughed about

Despite having heard the negative messages about LGBT people in the industry as a kid, Gilman says growing up in that world didn’t make him feel oppressed, primarily because he immersed himself so much in his work that he didn’t really know himself. “I was a personality before I was a person! I was busy with music, and wrapped up in being with my friends when I wasn’t on tour, then there was practice and songwriting. I was always busy, and I never really paid attention to my sexuality. I was always more worried about screwing up and getting in trouble with alcohol and that sort of stuff than with sex.”

As his music career cooled down, making Gilman doubt his skill and worth as a musician, he had more time to get to know himself. “I was in my twenties before I really started to soul-search and get to know more about me. Then when I met my boyfriend Chris [Meyer] I thought, ‘This is it,’ and that’s when I really got that love is love.”

Since coming out, Gilman has found a great deal of support. “My publicity and management team have stood by my side,” he said. “I have a fantastic family. My parents never missed a beat. When I met my boyfriend, I fell into such a wonderful extended family, they all just let us be us!”

“The thing that took my breath away,” said Gilman, “was the fans. Fans from 12-year-old kids to 90-year-old grandmas reached out to me. The true fans, none of them went away, and others came out of respect for what I had done and then began to like the music. I also got so much mail from young fans who were struggling with this! So many young people in Middle America don’t have a voice. I couldn’t believe the amount of emails I got from them….”

Within the industry, Gilman has also received some support publicly, and a lot more privately. “You know who’s always been a great source of encouragement,” Gilman said, “and he’s been that way through my entire career—that was Keith Urban. He’s one amazing person. LeAnn Rimes is amazing! Lucy Hale has been wonderful!”

Gilman says he hasn’t really been around many of the people he worked with in the past, so he doesn’t know how people in the industry will react to him. “I felt like

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people like Reba or Tim McGraw were like my family. I’m hoping that the rest of the industry can come around. I don’t want a parade or to be honored. I just hope that country music can develop into a world that doesn’t care about your sexuality: there are plenty of people out there who would love the music but feel outside that culture.”

With Gilman’s vocal talent, why stay in country music rather than explore other options is an obvious question.

“I adore, and I’m obsessed with, country music!” Gilman said. “Country music isn’t just a way to make a living, it’s been there for me since I was five years old. I stand behind country music, but hopefully in the years to come it can learn to stand behind me again. Country music is the way I write, it’s who I am. It’s hard when you love something and they’re like ‘Eh.’ It’s a tightrope, though, I understand that.

It’s a new situation for them, and you just have to handle it with respect.”

So how has his year out of the closet been? Personally, it has been stellar: “Chris and I have been together now for about a year-and-a-half. We just got back from visiting wineries in New York. We’re enjoying life together, and the respect we’ve been given.”

Professionally, Gilman, like so many other LGBT artists, is striking an independent route to some early success. He recently released his video for “Say You Will,” the first solo single he has released since 2008, and he intends to roll our new singles regularly for now. With the air cleared, Gilman finds himself in the position of having “to re-introduce myself to country fans now that I look and sound a lot different than I did just 7 or 8 years ago.”

But Gilman isn’t a kid anymore, singing other people’s songs, literally or metaphorically. He’s found his own voice with “Say You Will.” This new, independent and artistic engagement with country music, he says, is a reflection of the happiness he has found. “When you’re confused and not happy, you can’t freely let music come out. Trying to truly convey truth in lyrics in that situation…? You can be complex, but I was distracted by it. Now that it’s all on the table, there is no cloud there, and I can sing freely like I used to as a kid, but from my own place.”

And even within the country music establishment, attitudes may be shifting on Gilman. “In the past few months, a few companies have expressed interest,” he said. “I can’t knock [my experience]—it could have been better but it could have been worse. I think they are moving forward the best they can.”

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AIDS WALK 2015 DRAWS DEDICATED CROWD TY HERNDON, MAYOR BARRY ENERGIZE PARTICIPANTS

Photos courtesy of Nashville CARES

Despite the weather, about 1,500 participants enjoyed the Nashville AIDS Walk and 5K Run, community and business fair, and acoustic set by honorary chair Ty Herndon. Honorary chairs Jennifer Johnson from Channel 4 and Dolewite from 101.1 The Beat emceed the festivities, and Mayor Megan Barry addressed the crowd before the walk.

Nashville CARES raised $200,000 to help end the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Middle Tennessee. These funds support programs and services that are offered to 60,000 Middle Tennesseans annually.

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SNARKOLOGY: VALEDICTORIAN OF REHAB DISCLAIMER: Amy Sulam is a comic, and not everyone thinks she’s as funny as she does. We condone nothing she says, particularly not if you decide to take the following seriously. It should not be taken as such.

AMY SULAM | @Amysulam

Rehab seems like an odd place to become an overachiever but, if I’m being honest, I’ve always been a bit of an overachiever. I mean for starters the overdose that got me there was pretty spectacular. When it comes to screw ups my motto has always been go hard or go home.

I won’t say I showed up ready to be a star student. At first I was beautifully noncompliant, as Davidson County corrections can attest. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a man in uniform, and I like to make an impression. Good or bad doesn’t matter, but oh boy am I sure they remember me. Oddly enough, I didn’t get any numbers. Maybe my projectile vomit didn’t stand out as much as I thought would ... le Sigh.

Next on my list of people to impress were the nurses, and in raging DT’s it was all too easy to dazzle them with my ability to spit and urinate. They liked my skills so much they got me jewelry, silver bangles that affixed me to the bed. I got matching ankle bracelets too!

While my self-appointed role as town crier went greatly unappreciated by the staff, I was proud of my announcements, such as “I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU!” and other middle class junkie classics like “I CAN’T BREATHE!” (obviously said while breathing) and “YOU’RE ALL UGLY WHORES!” Once the DTs had worn off, I was off to the VIP room (the involuntary hold ward—you have to F up super big time to get in there). Later I would thoroughly reconsider my previous option of clawing at my face to numb the pain of reality, so I decided I might as well make the best of an inconvenient situation.

I woke up the next morning ready to prove I was worthy of leaving as soon possible. I decided the best way to do this was by punching my roommate in the face (and rubbing her face into the floor for good measure) because

she turned the lights on when I was tired. Security quickly explained to me about how I didn’t really wanna keep punching her in the back of the head and her hair wasn’t a clutch bag. They made their point by insisting I take time to stop and smell the flowers—painted on the wall—with my arms restrained behind my back.

At this point I started to reconsider my whole stance on compliance. With a new lease on life and a busted lip (side note—my rehab roommate is now one of my closest friends), I attended my first group and noticed they were handing out workbooks. That meant they were

I’d do such a thing. I was like “Really, witch? Ugg’s in rehab? How original!”

I became known as the librarian in rehab, because I read everyone to filth.

I will say the nurse loved when I made fun of the doctors and their dumb doctor shoes. “How are you gonna wear cross trainers when you’re fat!? What are you training for, running from malpractice suits?”

I started applying myself in group and enjoying making people laugh. I discovered in rehab the old Amy. I heard my own laugh for the first time in what seemed like years as I cracked myself up thinking of funny shit to say about

and did the right thing. I tried to reason with her that she was being a witch, but when that didn’t work I convinced the other chicks to leave her mean ass at the table alone and go sit with … let’s call her Heather.

Odd as it sounds I really remembered who I was in that moment. It hit me like a ton of ton bricks “OH! I’m the witch who puts bullies in pocket!” I was able to refocus and remember my advocacy work that had fallen by the wayside as the depression from rape had set in and led me to drug use. I was a strong person for other people. Maybe just maybe, if I got my head outta my ass, I could be a

grading stuff, and my high school nerd kicked in. I didn’t know what we’re workbooking about, but I was getting an A, dammit. I kid you not, I would sit and study my group workbooks just to ace the not-for-college-credit classes were taking.

The next day at breakfast, a beautiful thing happened: the mean girls started gravitating towards me in line because I was making remarks about people’s shitty outfit choices. I’ll give you a minute to adjust from the shock that

the people in rehab with me. One of my fellow patients told me I made rehab fun, which was morbid and awesome at the same time. It was actually turning out to be a growing experience for me.

One day at lunch, one of my plastics wanted to exclude another chick from our table and make her sit alone. Now, I’m down with joking and making fun of people to make them laugh but actually pulling a “You can’t sit with us!” on a fellow recovering addict wasn’t cool with me, so as I am apt to do I stood up

strong person for me for once and return to being a hateful queen for causes dear to me, once I was healthy.

I ended up, I sh*t you not, being the valedictorian of rehab. I aced all my group tests and projects. The overachiever in me took pride in being the alpha recovered junkie. The moral to this story, boys and girls, is just because you fall down doesn’t mean you’ll stay down. Also, don’t fling insults or bodily fluids at corrections officers: they won’t be impressed and your face will hurt. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H

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PUTTING HIS STAMP ON LOCAL LEATHER CODY TRACY

Perry Rush makes custom leather gear in Nashville. He mostly makes harnesses, but can and has made collars, restraints, holster harnesses with suspenders, puppy masks, leather kilts, and bracelets/bands. “Also accessory trays,” he joked. “As a Christmas gift for our friends one year … I tried my hand at making accessory trays.”

His leather story started, as the best leather stories do, at Folsom. He and his partner Nick “were in San Francisco, and it happened to be during Folsom, and we went to some of the shops in the Castro district. Nick asked me if I could make a harness, as they were actually really expensive, and none of them fit us because it is one size fits all. So I looked at them, and they were simple enough.”

Some time passed before he started to practice leatherwork. “We came back to Memphis,” Perry said, “and a couple of months later we talked about it again.

So I went and got some supplies and made my first two—for me and him.

Some of our friends found out about it, and asked for some. Over the period of about three years, I just bought more equipment and supplies, and got a little better each time I made them.”

Trial and error were his tutors.

“I have always liked putting things together and figuring things out. When one thing did not work, I just fixed it and tried it again in a different way.”

As things progressed, he also streamlined his process. “I started

sizing people and building the leather around them: designing and measuring the harness would take about two and a half hours, for them to come and stand there and get fitted. Now I’ve figured out how to do sizing, and have sizing leather. Somebody can now come in, and spend about ten to fifteen minutes and then be on their way. Then in about two weeks their harness is done. It has definitely gotten easier for me over time.”

As he gets new requests, Rush adds new skills to his repertoire. “One of our friends is in to puppy play, and he was showing us his mask one day. It was made out of an industrial padding.

I was looking at it and trying to figure out if I could make a leather mask for him, so we took a couple of pictures, and I made a quick little prototype.

That one is fun to try and think about and work out the different problems on it, because it is something I have never made. Pup masks have lots to consider: the different types of snouts and different types of ears, and somebody’s different puppy personality.”

Now, when Rush goes to the Bear Chested events at Canvas, he runs into a lot of his friends and customers. “If I am off work and it’s gear night, I will typically go. It’s fun! It’s interesting to me the people that go: there is no one stereotypical leather person. I’ve made leather for people who are retired, lawyers, doctors, bankers, real estate, college students, and paramedics. I had just assumed that there was a standard

leather person, and there isn’t one.”

So how do you know if leather might be for you? “People who are curious about leather, but don’t know if they want it or not,” Rush said, “always ask ‘What’s the purpose of it?’ To make you feel sexy, to make you feel however leather makes you feel! There is no purpose other than to make you feel good. People ask ‘When would I wear it?’ Typically, after I make something for somebody, within the next day or two days, I get messages like: ‘Is it normal to wear it while doing laundry or cleaning?’ I made one for somebody the other day—a pharmacist—and he said he was thinking about trying to wear it under his uniform. Leather is just something to make you feel good, there is no one time to wear it. Wear it whenever you want to!”

Leather can be expensive, and is definitely an investment, so you want something that is just right for you.

Rush’s goal is to make custom leather gear available to people at competitive

Perry Rush

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PERRY RUSH BRINGS AFFORDABLE, CUSTOM GEAR TO NASHVILLE

prices. For his harnesses, for instance, “The most inexpensive one can be around $80—that would be just an over the shoulder type—but a full X- or bulldog-type harness that has multiple extra straps? Well, the most I have ever gone up to is $250 for a standard bulldog, but right now it is $145, which is pretty much the same price you can get at a store. But a store-bought harness isn’t meant for you, it won’t fit just right and the quality isn’t as high. Mine are worth it and will last.”

“I’m trying assist in building a leather scene in Nashville,” Rush

explained, “and its neat when they are cheap enough that someone just out of college, or even still in college, can afford a custom fit harness that looks decent. I was talking with someone in Chicago … with a classic bulldog. He said that it was custom fit and really good, and that it cost $270—twice what I charge. I want people to be able to learn about leather, and appreciate and enjoy it, before they are retired!”

So if you think you’d like to buy some leather of your own, check out rushleather.com or contact Perry by email at perry@rushleather.com.

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Photos: Julius Greene

THE PRESSURE TO BE HE OR SHE

BOBBI WILLIAMS

A large, oval braided rug occupied most of the floor in my grandmother’s living room.

The muted browns and blues of the strips of cloth, faded from years of wear, twisted in and out of the weave, crisscrossing each other like ribbons of highway, always leading back to where they began. I passed many childhood hours tracing those threads round and round, in and out, back to their source. It was made, Granny said, in the old country.

“Germany!” I said confidently when she told me that.

She shook her head. “No,” she explained. “We are like the rug. Your great grandfather lived in Alsace Lorraine and spoke French. And his mother was Dutch.

Our heritage is interwoven, just like the rug.” She gestured, waving her hands around one another. And when I asked for more explanation, she simply smiled and told me I was a ‘Mongrel.’

I thought of that rug again, recently, while attending a meeting of a large group of people, most of whom identified as transgendered. I looked around the room and thought to myself, ‘We’re mongrels.’

Not male or female, really, but each of us, to varying degrees, a mixture of the two.

But that’s not a popular view to have.

A while back, one of the members of the group announced that her surgery date

had been scheduled. Everyone applauded and wished her well, and as we did, one of the other members, a “post-op” TS leaned over and said to me, “You’re next.”

Even within our own trans community, there is pressure to choose, to be one or the other. Cross-dressers are regarded as lesser members because we’re seen as afraid or unwilling to make the leap, to cross over. “You really want to be the ‘other’,” I’ve been told, “you just don’t have the courage to own up to it.”

Such comments tend to be made by those who talk about gender as if it’s absolute. If you have a penis, you’re a male; if you have a vagina, you’re a female. But think about it. Have you met anyone who is exclusively one or the other? Even the most macho man has some characteristics usually associated with the feminine, just as the most feminine woman will have some characteristics associated with being male.

Furthermore, isn’t it those characteristics that we use to identify someone as masculine or feminine? We see things like a beard, broad shoulders, a high forehead and large hands, and we hear a deep voice and conclude the person is a man. Or we see a smooth face, sloped shoulders, arched eyebrows, and thin hands, and we hear a melodious voice and conclude the person is a woman. We sort through the elements we’ve learned to associate with one or the other gender and draw our conclusions.

This need to classify gender as binary is a practice learned from day one; accepting it is part of an elemental survival need. We buy into it early, even if we know it’s not valid. We are all gender mongrels, but the pressure to maintain the binary gender identity system forces us to shut down the characteristics of the gender

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“THIS NEED TO CLASSIFY GENDER AS BINARY IS A PRACTICE LEARNED FROM DAY ONE; ACCEPTING IT IS PART OF AN ELEMENTAL SURVIVAL NEED.” not associated with the one declared for us at birth. And we all know what this does to those of us with an unacceptable proportion of the ‘other’—the effeminate man, the butch woman.

The conflict is further exacerbated by the fact that most of us feel we must choose, that we must be one or the other, that to live anywhere in the middle ground

is to choose an unnecessarily complicated life. So much of the world is based on the binary gender system that those of us in the transgender community who don’t completely identify as ‘one rug’ or ‘the other’ are looked down upon. I wonder: how does that fit into the LGBT precept of tolerance and acceptance?

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The Frist Center for the Visual Arts is supported in part by

October 30—February 14

This exhibition was organized by the Frist Center for the Visual Arts. It is made possible in part by grants from the National Endowment for the Arts and the Dedalus Foundation, Inc. Additional support has been provided by the Frist Center’s Friends of Contemporary Art. Barry X Ball (American, b. 1955). Envy / Purity Purity, 2008–12. Envy Envy—Pakistani onyx and stainless steel, 23 x 17 1/4 x 9 1/2 in. Purity Purity—Mexican onyx and stainless steel, 24 x 16 1/2 x 11 1/4 in. Pedestals: Macedonian marble, stainless steel, wood, acrylic lacquer, steel, nylon, and plastic, 45 x 14 x 12 in. each. Collection of Mike DePaola, New York. © Barry X Ball

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