OUTANDABOUT NASHVILLE.COM
SEPTEMBER 2015 VOLUME 14 | ISSUE 09
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O&AN HIRES NEW DIRECTOR OF SALES, MARKETING, AND EVENTS STAFF
At the end of June, Scott Bryant stepped aside as O&AN’s director of sales, marketing, and events. “We wish Scott well in his new job and in his future endeavors,” said O&AN publisher Jerry Jones. While Jones sought a replacement, James Grady, the paper’s managing print editor, temporarily filled the role. Early in August, Eric Ginsberg was hired to fill the position full time. Ginsberg is a Nashville native, born and raised. He grew up in Bellevue and graduated from Hillwood High school in 2001. He attended Nashville State Tech for two years and then transfered to Metropolitan State University in Minneapolis MN. After college, Ginsberg started working in the restaurant business, which he thoroughly enjoyed because of the opportunity to work one-on-one with customers. In 2011, Eric moved back to Nashville, where he dove into new work, first at Solstas Lab Partners and then at Quest Diagnostics. He now resides in Lebanon with his soon-to-be-husband. Eric is a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race and loves going to PLAY for the drag shows. While not enjoying the Nashville nightlife, he loves to relax at home with his American Staffordshire and binge watch Netflix. He enjoys reading, especially books by Eckhart Tolle. During the summer months he enjoys taking kayak trips down the Buffalo River, camping, and sitting around the fire. Eric also enjoys having friends over for dinners and celebrations. “When I found out about the position at O&AN, I jumped at the opportunity,” Ginsberg said. “I’ve always dreamed of having a job that would allow
me to be who I am and to work closely with the LGBT community, so I was extremely excited by the possibilities offered by the position.” O&AN’s director of sales, marketing and events manages and coordinates ad sales to clients throughout Middle Tennessee and nationwide, offering strategies for reaching LGBT audiences. Beyond this, the director is also one of the most prominent public faces of the organization, representing the paper at community events and managing media sponsorships with partner organizations. He is also responsible for developing new programs that bring O&AN into further relationship with the greater Nashville LGBT community. “I always felt like I was on the outside of everything looking in when i was growing up. I wanted to feel part of something,” Ginsberg said on finding out he had been hired. “This is my opportunity to do just that. I am honored to be a part of this wonderful community and to work for such a devoted publication.” “We are very happy to have such a young, energetic force joining our team,” Jones said of his new hire. “Eric’s enthusiasm for the mission of our paper and for serving the LGBT community make him the perfect candidate for this position, and we are sure that community leaders and business partners will value the opportunity to work with him.”
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CONTRIBUTORS
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LEGAL Out & About Nashville strives to be a credible community news organization by engaging and educating our readers. All content of Out & About Nashville is copyrighted 2015 by Out & About Nashville, Inc. and is protected by federal copyright law and shall not be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. All photography is licensed stock imagery or has been supplied unless otherwise credited to a photographer and may not be reproduced without permission. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers and cartoonists published herein is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or pictorial representations does not necessarily indicate the sexual orientation of the person or persons. Out & About Nashville accepts unsolicited material but cannot take responsibility for its return. The editor reserves the right to accept, reject or edit submissions. All rights revert to authors upon publication. The editorial positions of Out & About Nashville are expressed in editorials and in the editor’s notes as determined by the editor. Other opinions are those of writers and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Out & About Nashville or its staff. Letters to the editor are encouraged but may be edited for clarity and length. There is no guarantee that letters will be published. Out & About Nashville only accepts adult advertising within set guidelines and on a case-by-case basis.
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SEPTEMBER 2015
O&AN READERS? SURVEY SAYS...
33 PERCENT ARE SINGLE, 30 PERCENT EARN MORE THAN $100K STAFF
Earlier this year, O&AN asked its readership to participate in Community Marketing & Insights’ (CMI) 9th Annual LGBT Community Survey, which offers LGBT people across the country, and the globe, the opportunity to weigh in on issues as diverse as consumer habits and political and social concerns. Now the results are in, and they offer telling insight into the consumer power and political concerns of the LGBT community in Nashville. One of the interesting results of this year’s survey is that its results show a remarkable stability in certain demographics of O&AN’s readership. In 2009, more than 80% of O&AN respondents were thirty years old or older; in 2015 that increased to 85%. In 2009, 84% were employed at least parttime, while in 2015 that number rose slightly to 85.5%.
One notable shift, however, is that in 2009 the largest group of respondents, 22.8%, were making $50,000 to $75,000 a year. In 2015, 25.3% reported making $25,000 to $49,999, a significant shift. However, at the same time, the number of households at higher income levels is also swelling, indicating an economic divide in the LGBT community: in just one year, the number reporting earnings of $100k+ rose from 22% to 30%. As compared to 2015, more women are reading O&AN than ever. Gay men remain the largest group of our readers at 60.5% but that number is down from 66% last year. Self-identifying lesbians now make up 27.7%, up from 21%. Notably, more people identified as queer (8.1%) than as bisexual men (5.4%) and bisexual women (4.7%), or as transgender (4.4%). Of those who answered the survey, 33.1% reported being single. Of those in
relationships, the largest group (30.7%) reported that they lived with their partner with no legal status, but a remarkably large group reported being legally married (22.3%), in a civil union (1.0%), or in a registered domestic partnership (3.7%). Given that nationwide marriage equality is still only a couple of months old and that 4.7% of our readers are engaged, we can expect the number of legally married people to jump next year. Nationally, LGBT discrimination, anti-LGBT religious freedom legislation, marriage equality, affordable healthcare and racial discrimination were the top concerns within the community, and the Nashville community aligned with that perfectly. Nashville respondents were most acutely concerned with LGBT discrimination, however, with 81.2% reporting being VERY CONCERNED, while only 1.4% were NOT CONCERNED with the issue.
A LOOK AT THE LGBT FAMILY, NATIONWIDE: Gay and bisexual men are 13% more likely to live in big cities than lesbian and bisexual women: Lesbian and bisexual women are more equally distributed in different types of communities Gay and bisexual men are more likely than lesbian and bisexual women to define themselves as single Lesbian and bisexual women are far more likely to be married 51% of Millennial gay men and 55% of Millennial lesbians desire to have children in the future Within the LGBT community, only 9% of Millennial men define themselves as married compared to 22% of Millennial women Over 90% of same-sex couples indicated satisfaction with their primary relationships 79% of women and 61% of men indicated pets in the home (the national average is 62% of households)
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TY HERNDON WANTS YOU ON HIS TEAM
2015 NASHVILLE AIDS WALK SETS AMBITIOUS GOALS
JAMES GRADY | @jamesallangrady
This year Nashville CARES will host its 24th Annual Nashville AIDS Walk and 5K Run, Tennessee’s oldest continuously running HIV/AIDS fundraiser and one of the city’s highest profile events. With a high-profile panel of honorary chairs, an influential group of donors, and a dedicated group of fundraising walkers, this year’s Walk promises to be one of the biggest and best yet. And CARES has set the bar high, announcing a goal of raising $240,000 to help end the HIV/ AIDS epidemic in Middle Tennessee. Back in June, CARES announced that Grammy nominated and Dove Award winning country artist Ty Herndon, who famously came out of the closet last November, would be one of the event’s honorary co-chairs. In August, local broadcast personalities Jennifer Johnson and James “Dolewite” Raymer were added to the slate. Johnson is an Emmy and Associated Press Award winning journalist who anchors Channel 4’s news at 4 p.m. Dolewite is Program Director and afternoon drive host at WUBT, 101.1 The Beat. Since coming out, Herndon has been quite active in the LGBT community, performing at Pride events and teaming up with a number of organizations. His Concert for Love and Acceptance on June 12 in Nashville was a groundbreaking event, bringing together artists and celebrities from all across America to support at-risk youth. Herndon’s support for Nashville CARES is unwavering. “I’ve worked on and off with CARES for a long time,” Herndon said, “and we all know they are the top of the line at what they do, so it’s such an honor to work with them. And after coming out in November, a lot of different opportunities came my way to work with different organizations and getting the call to do this special day was very cool for me and I’m honored to be a part of it.” Herndon was forging his career in
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a place and time rocked by the AIDS crisis, and that has left him personally devoted to the work. “I was starting to make records and tour honkytonks in Texas in the 1980s and 1990s,” Herndon reflected, “and unfortunately several great friends to HIV/AIDS in the early days. It was such a scary thing back then, especially being in country music and being in the closet and having friends who were battling HIV and AIDS, and for years having really good friends living with it. It’s something that has touched me personally more than once.” Most of Herndon’s life has been spent in the closet, and from that vantage point he watched the epidemic evolve and the world change. A lot of that, he thinks, has been for the better. “People’s minds and hearts have come a long way, because they’re willing to educate themselves now on what HIV is. Back in the early days, I remember there was so much fear around it. People actually thought you could contract the virus by drinking out of the same glass of water. You know that’s real fear that people had. I think that we’re in a society today where there’s still some of that, but things are getting better and moving forward. There are a lot of people living with HIV living perfectly normal lives out there and will live a full and awesome, so I think changing people’s hearts and minds by educating is very important. Though there’s much he loves about CARES, the AIDS Walk holds a special place for Herndon because it brings visibility to the cause and helps in that process of changing hearts and minds. “All their fundraising efforts they do throughout the year and the lives that they touch are incredible. But the AIDS Walk is such a fun day and such an uplifting thing for Nashville. I love being a part of anything that goes out there to the community and just lifts people up and rescues. So I think that’s one of the things I love most about CARES.” Herndon isn’t just supporting the event from the sidelines, either. He has started his own team, Ty’s Team. His goal is to raise $20,000 for Nashville CARES, and you can join his team when you register for the Walk if you like! “I have the best fans in the world and I hope they support me by joining my Nashville AIDS Walk team,” said Herndon.
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With a great deal of enthusiasm, Herndon said he expects this year’s Walk to really show the world what Nashville is made of. “I think that Nashville has come such a long way in the past few years…. I’m expecting such a huge turnout for the AIDS Walk, and I’m expecting Nashville to show its heart on this day, like it’s doing right now. I am so impressed with our city. Especially this year, I’m so extremely proud of this opportunity.” The event takes place on Saturday, October 3 at Public Square Park. Registration starts at 10:00 am and the walk starts at 11:00 am. According to the event’s website, CARES expects over 1,600 people to attend. Visitors can expect to find, in addition to the walk, a Community & Business Fair, entertainment and children’s activities. For additional information, or to register for the Walk, visit NashvilleAIDSWalk.com or call (615) 259-4866. For information on sponsoring the event, contact Topher McCune at CMcCune@ NashvilleCARES.org.
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SEPTEMBER 2015
DIRTY DANCING COMES TO TPAC JAMES GRADY | @JAMESALLENGRADY
Dirty Dancing, starring Jennifer Grey as Baby and Patrick Swayze as Johnny, is one of the 1980s’ most iconic films. Set in a time of social and economic turmoil, the film explored themes from coming-of-age to class strife. Now, the stage version of the worldwide smashhit—The Classic Story On Stage—is coming to the Tennessee Performing Arts Center’s (TPAC) Andrew Jackson Hall for a limited, one-week engagement from September 22-27, 2015. Dirty Dancing transports audiences to the summer of 1963, when 17-yearold Frances ‘Baby’ Houseman was vacationing in New York’s Catskill Mountains with her older sister and parents. Breaking class boundaries and fraternizing with the staff, Baby discovers a world she couldn’t have imagined. Racy dance moves and pounding rhythms--especially as interpreted by Johnny Castle, the resort’s sexy dance instructor—ignite Baby’s passion and changers her life forever. The stage version of the story, Dirty Dancing–The Classic Story On Stage, was born out of an eight-week staged workshop in Manhattan in the fall of 2001. “As I learned how many people watched the movie over and over and over, I began to think that what they really wanted was to share more intensely in the event, to step through the screen and be there while the story was happening,” said Eleanor Bergstein, screenwriter of the film Dirty Dancing. “And if that was true, then its natural form was the theatre – audiences watching live bodies dancing here and now in the present – on the log, on the bridge, on the dance floor and in the staff quarters at Kellerman’s.” Dirty Dancing–The Classic Story On Stage brings all the best elements of the original story to the stage: heartpounding music, passionate romance, and sensational dancing. It also brings new life to songs that the movie immortalized, including the hit songs “Hungry Eyes,” “Hey Baby,” “Do You Love Me?,” and the heart-stopping “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life.” With its emphasis on dancing and a new focus on live singing demands a multitalented cast. Gillian Abbott, a recent Juilliard
dance graduate who studied acting independently and is taking voice lessons from fellow cast members, plays the lead character, Baby. Abbott first saw the film with her older sister and her friend when she was eight. “I remember loving the dancing, and I remember closing my eyes for parts that I didn’t think I was supposed to be watching,” she recalled, laughing. “But I didn’t really go back and watch the film again until I had an appointment to audition for Baby. It was then that I really fell in love with the story and characters.” “I’ve been really lucky to work closely with Eleanor Bergstein, who wrote the original script and our show,” Abbott said. “I got to get the same direction on the character that Jennifer Grey would have gotten, and she really encouraged me to build my own Baby from the inside out rather than trying to put Jennifer Grey on me. Otherwise it would have been intimidating to try to fill Jennifer Grey’s shoes. Eleanor won’t even let me watch the film anymore!” Bergstein’s stage version of the show goes further than the movie, too. “Writing it for the stage,” Bergstein said. “I was also able to add more Baby and Johnny scenes, more about the family, more songs I couldn’t afford last time, and, most exciting of all—more dancing.” Abbott says that nearly two thirds of the show is actually new material, including a lot of live singing rather than having records playing in the background. Some of the changes Bergstein made should make the story resonate even more strongly with LGBT audiences. “Civil rights was in the background of the film. One thing that’s added to the stage play is an explicit through-line about civil rights,” said Rashaan James II, one of
young man in school and having Patrick Swayze be who he was in this movie gave permission for it to be cool to dance, that it can be masculine. My dance teacher was obsessed with Patrick Swayze as well, so there was a six-foot life size cutout of Swayze standing at the top of the stairs in our studio.” “One of my favorite things about Baby,” Abbott said, “is that she stands up for other people’s rights. Of course in 1963, that was civil rights, and I think today that resonates with the struggles with civil rights that are still going on, rights across the board, including sexual rights. I think it’s a really empowering story.” So if your eyes are hungry to see this classic American story reinterpreted through a new, deeper lens, Dirty Dancing— The Classic Story On Stage may be just the show for you! Dirty Dancing–The Classic Story On Stage is the first production featured in the 2015-16 HCA/TriStar Health Broadway at TPAC season. For more information on the show and tour, see us.dirtydancingontour.com. To purchase tickets for the Nashville performance, visit TPAC.org, or call (615) 7824040.
believes the show will bring that to new audiences. “I watched the movie growing up like any other young, aspiring dancer would. I really loved the film because it was one of those movies that gave permission for boys to dance. Being a
Photos: Matthew Murphy
The Time of Your Life...on Stage
the “dirty dancers” and a member of the ensemble. “There’s something to care about above and beyond the love story of Johnny and Baby, something socially pertinent happening. People are going to come see the show because the film was near and dear to them but they’re going to get something more out of it.” For James, the film made an important personal impact, and he
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SHOW SOME ‘GRATIDUDE’
RANCH OFFERS FUN OPPORTUNITY TO HELP KIDS JASON GORDON
Back in February, O&AN featured LGBT couples who are changing Nashville. One of those couples was Jason Warner and DeMarco DeCiccio, who moved to Middle Tennessee last year. This gay couple’s album Til the End of Time made them many fans. Their first single, “Trying to Get to You,” climbed the Billboard charts and their second single, “This is Love,” won “Music Video of the Year” at the 2006 MTV LOGO Awards. In their fourteen years together, the two have actively engaged the LGBT communities they have been a part of. Jason and DeMarco have performed at numerous high profile events, including the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Awards in Los Angeles, the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s Annual Gala in Denver, and the 2006 HRC Gala at the Waldorf Astoria in New York. They were also part of the HRC’s benefit album, Love Rocks, alongside Christina Aguilera, P!nk, and the Dixie Chicks. In 2010, they legally married, and
it’s time
at the same time developed a new focus for their social activism. That same year, the couple founded a non-profit, S.A.F.E., and opened a drop-in center for homeless LGBT youth that would serve over 400 clients in less than eight months. Jason and DeMarco’s family grew with the birth of twin sons, Mason and Noah, through surrogacy in 2011, and the addition of children to their family opened their eyes to the wider problem facing children and youth in America. While S.A.F.E. had focused on at-risk LGBT youth, the couple began to see that problems for youth begin much earlier, and began to put more emphasis on working with children. Jason explained that the relocation to Tennessee would also bring a shift , “In relocating [to Middle Tennessee], rather than opening another drop-in center, we feel we can better serve our youth and the community by helping to prevent them from being homeless to begin with.” “When we started the training classes to become a foster placement,” Jason
them. We want this to be a healing place for kids to stay until they find a family member or a long-term placement.” The ranch also hosts a number of events that help fund the non-profit. We do farm to table dinners—deMarco is a really really amazing cook and everything is farm or locally produced—and we do birthdays. We call them ‘country birthday bashes.’ The birthday party is a four-hour rental, and the kids come out and have a
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added, “we really started because we wanted to help young adults who were aging out of foster care but we just had no idea how many kids are in the system…. People don’t want to acknowledge the problem because once you do, how can you not want to do something about it?” Having already purchased a six acre ranch in Leipers Fork that they have named ‘GratiDude Ranch’, Jason explained that, “When we saw this issue, and how the experience of coming out to the ranch just transforms people, deMarco and I imagined what it must be like for kids to be pulled from their homes and put somewhere strange. We thought about what a beautiful place this could be for
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great time with the animals. We’ve hosted a couple of weddings… It all benefits S.A.F.E. The only thing we really push, though, is the Foster a Farm Pet.” Foster a Farm Pet isn’t quite what it sounds like, though. “Some people think it literally means to take home an animal and foster it,” Jason said. In reality families choose one of the farm’s animals to foster on site, for a monthly donation, which helps support S.A.F.E. and its mission. “It’s really for people who don’t have the time or space to foster a farm animal—the animals stay here, and you just have the pleasure of coming out to see it with your kids. Your kids can say they have a pet
pig or goat, which they love.” Right now, families that commit to a year and pay up front get two months free, and along with that a free birthday party on the ranch. In order to raise awareness about the Foster a Farm Pet program, the ranch is hosting a fall event on Sunday, November 1, 2015, where families can come enjoy a harvest hoedown, including hay rides, hot chocolate, a bon fire and smores. “The main intention of the event,” Jason said, “is obviously for people to have a good time but also to come meet the animals, and hopefully choose one to foster. The intention is to hopefully have several foster families by the end of the event.”
It’s fitting for S.A.F.E. to use a program fostering farm animals to raise much needed funds to assist foster kids. Most of the organization’s money comes from private donors, many of whom are recruited or inspired by the couple during their regular touring schedule. But funds raised by the ranch’s programs are still essential to S.A.F.E.’s mission. In the long run, Jason and DeMarco hope that their non-profit will be able to work with the Department of Children Services (DCS) to help connect affirming foster parents with LGBTQ foster youth, and to provide DCS with S.A.F.E. (Safe, Affirming, Family Environment) families
for these LGBTQ youth. Keeping with the organization’s roots, they are also still exploring possible housing solutions for youth transitioning out of foster care. So, if heading out to the country with your family to play with farm animals and enjoy an old-fashioned day on the farm, while also helping fund children’s services, sounds like your idea of a good day, mark November 1, 2015, on your calendar and head out to the Gratidude Ranch. For more information about the Foster a Farm Pet program or the fall event, visit www.fosterafarmpet.org.
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Some may be taken aback by how these men feel and experience our community. But by listening to how they carefully describe their experiences, as much as possible in their own voices, perhaps we can better understand how and why they feel the way they do.
JAMES GRADY | @jamesallangrady
Just a few years ago, some people were bold enough to declare that, with the election of Barack Obama, America had entered a post-racial era. I think that most of us knew then that this claim was premature, and within a few years the truth reared its ugly head: race in America is an issue that continues to bubble beneath the surface, waiting to boil over. Ferguson, Baltimore, Charleston … the very naming of these cities now stands as evidence that race is a continuing problem in America. We all hesitate to face race, because many people who enjoy privilege are uncomfortable speaking frankly with the oppressed about their experience of our privilege. It is hard for us to simply listen to the voices of those who speak about inequities we don’t suffer, especially when we may be wittingly or unwittingly participating in the system that causes those inequities. Immediately our minds begin working to exonerate us at all costs. We would rather deny the phenomena, often, than admit that fate and history have unfairly favored us. But specters like racism dwell in the people’s hearts and minds, and listening and talking with a frank openness is just about the only way to confront them. If we ignore them, deny them, or explain them away, these phenomena entrench themselves and ultimately grow stronger. The only solution is to begin to open a dialogue, and to that end O&AN is providing a forum to discuss race issues within our own community. This article focuses narrowly on the experience of race among gay black men, in their interactions with white gay men, in Nashville. In the future, other aspects of race in the LGBT community will be highlighted. This month I interviewed four young, professional black men who live, or have lived, in Nashville about their experiences: Sheldon Diggs (featured on our cover), Eddie Charlton, Broderick Disroe, and a man we will call Simon (because of the nature of his work, Simon requested that his comments be anonymous).
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RACISM UNDER THE RAINBOW? Many in the LGBT community excuse themselves from the conversation about race, claiming that we are above racism due to our minority experience. But many of us who are a minority in one respect may be part of the majority in others: for instance, as a gay male I may be a sexual minority, but as a white male in America I enjoy certain privileges not shared by other gay man and other sexual minorities. So we shouldn’t let our LGBT status lead us to ignore the fact that racism may yet plague our community: we do that at our own peril. “I’ve been explicitly been told, ‘I’m not a racist, I’m gay,’” Charlton recalled, “as if the process of identifying oneself as LGBT is an inoculation of some sort against the race-poisoning we receive from the time we’re born. This is a structural problem, and it’s systemic, which means that it crosses boundaries of class, gender, sexuality, etc.” In short, there are no walls impermeable to the threats of racism, not the rainbow and not even race itself. Charlton recalled another incident when he was having a conversation about race with a Puerto Rican bartender in Nashville. “We were talking about the way the being black or brown is strange sometimes, how it can be weird in the gay community. The guy next to me—a young white man— turns and snaps in my face, and says, ‘I don’t think it’s right for you to talk about this! I don’t need to hear that! I don’t see race, and I don’t have race in my life.’ And we both looked at him and laughed. I said, ‘Dude, chill! The brown people have this. You don’t have to contribute, and no one is forcing you to listen. Calm down!’” SEPTEMBER 2015
Most striking for Charlton was the violent assertion that race was not an issue, in this particular context. “The fact that he felt oppressed by someone even talking about race in his presence pointed up to me a few things. He feels entitled to be kept comfortable at all times, which I think is true of a lot of white people, especially men, be they gay or straight. Worse though, he also felt entitled to tell people who are not white when they can speak and about what.” These sorts of behaviors silence conversations about race that are not controlled by members of the majority. “People assume that if you’re a gay, because you’re already a minority, that the community is more open and is accepting and diversity is better,” Simon said. “The heartbreaking thing for a lot of gay men—black, Asian, any minority man—is realizing that it is not. At the end of the day, if you look at our gay publications at images of what a beautiful gay man looks like, what do they look like? Young white muscle or twinky guys.”
the gay scene in Nashville? Simon said one of the first things he noticed when he first moved here was the small of presence of black men on Church Street, both among customers and the more visible bar staffs: “There are a few black guys there, but it’s nowhere near representative of how many black, gay men there are in Nashville. If you go to Church Street, how many bartenders are there at Tribe and Play, at Canvas, and how many of them are black? The first thing I wondered was, ‘Where are the black clubs?’ because the black guys weren’t at the big clubs in the numbers you’d expect. In and of itself, that shows that Nashville is not the ‘it city’ for being gay.” “Being single and trying to date in Nashville,” Simon added, “I started to realize that there are all these things you can be: a bear, an otter, a twink, etc. But when you’re black they expect you to be one of two things: either super feminine and pretty, or the thug or Mandingo or whatever. Sure that’s not just in Nashville, but I see it here much
been told, ‘You’re not like other black people!’” Charlton said, relating an experience similar to one related by Disroe. “That’s not a compliment; it implies that you have a very narrow and screwed up idea of what black people are…. Don’t welcome me into the fold and demand that I put away everything that makes me black…. But lots of men do accept the bribe, the promise of, ‘Give up everything you are and be like me, and reject everything and everyone that’s like you, and I’ll make you feel special.’” Charlton experienced a related phenomenon in dating. “I actually had a man attempt to flirt with me and tell me, ‘You look exactly like someone I used to date, except black. It’s like they just turned him black.’” What made this feel similar to Charlton was that the attraction was allowable because it minimized his ‘blackness.’ “The similarity to something white that he already knew made it okay that I was black.” On the other hand, there are
this desire for me not to be a fully realized human being—he wanted me to be a one-dimensional character who dressed, acted, and spoke one way. Who does that to anyone?” But there is a broad, tacit assumption that only those fixated on black guys will date black guys. “There’s this perception,” Simon stated, “that if a white guy dates a black guy that he must be ‘into black guys’ which is insulting. It’s basically saying that he couldn’t possibly find me personally interesting—it must be because I’m black.” Indeed it’s insulting to both members of the couple, because it implies that race was the only determining factor of the white man’s interest. After a breakup, Simon saw one friend group confront one member of the former couple. They weren’t concerned about the breakup as much as they were about who the man was dating. “‘So, you’re into black guys now?’ they asked him. You take away the quality and take away what the black man has to offer
“I’ve been explicitly been told, ‘I’m not a racist, I’m gay,’” Charlton recalled, “as if the process of identifying oneself as LGBT is an inoculation of some sort against the racepoisoning we receive from the time we’re born.” Eddie Charlton
And while racism certainly isn’t unique to the LGBT community, but the nature of our community may make its expression in everyday social situations even more obvious. “Tacit and unacknowledged racism is part of the wider community,” Charlton argued, “and anything present in the macrocosm is going to be magnified in the microcosm. We are a small community and so it makes the impact of the issue more obvious.” Within a relatively small community, it is harder to full participate and insulate oneself from the racist tendencies of some of its members than it may be in society at large. EXPERIENCING RACE IN NASHVILLE’S GAY COMMUNITY So how do black men experience
more clearly than in other places.” Disroe talked about how, as a student at Western Kentucky, gay Nashville made him feel unaccepted, rather than welcome. “Nashville was the closest big city and my introduction to the gay lifestyle. I just wanted to have the same experiences that everyone else was having as a young gay male, and I would just go out and try to meet people, but it was so challenging. A lot of people wouldn’t even give me the time of day, showed no interest in me as a person. Growing up in Illinois, it was different. People were more receptive.” SOME WELCOMES ARE RACIST The ways in which black men find themselves accepted by a mostly white gay social scene are as racially troubling as the way they are turned away. “I’ve
troubling ways in which white men “fetishize” black men. Disroe recalled a blind date with a young white guy he was supposed to meet at Canvas. “I’ve always prided myself on having good taste. When I showed up, he was very forthcoming that I was not his type. He didn’t like the way I looked, and he didn’t like the way I dressed.” The fact is that many guys who are “into black guys” are actually more caught up in the narrow image of black men they have constructed in their minds than they are interesting in actual African American men. “I was chatting with a guy online,” Charlton said, “who asked me, ‘Do you wear Tims? Do you let your pants sag? Do you wear your hat backwards?’ When I said I didn’t, he told me he needed a gangbanger type of dude. He knew that wasn’t me but there was
that he might love, in order to say ‘Oh, he’s taking a walk on the dark side’ or ‘Oh, you’re into chocolate now?’ Why not think, ‘Oh, maybe they have a love story?’ But nearly no one ever thinks that, do they?” The choice between being fetishized or rejected can be disheartening. “I’ve been here for five years,” Simon reported, “and you get tired of having to seek out guys who are specifically ‘into black guys.’ Or hoping someone will move in from a state where they don’t care if their buddies find out they have a black boyfriend.” A FOOT HALFWAY IN THE DOOR Sometimes the social acceptance comes, but it is partial. Each man interviewed reported that, in various contexts, many white men were @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H
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“There’s this perception,” Simon stated, “that if a white guy dates a black guy that he must be ‘into black guys’ which is insulting. It’s basically saying that he couldn’t possibly find me personally interesting—it must be because I’m black.”
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are the point of reference, but you aren’t critical of your own perspective. People cringe when I say the words white supremacy because they view it as a personal attack, but it isn’t. It’s a problem with the whole system.” PREFERENCE, OR RACISM? It’s a short leap from dating a black man covertly because you are worried about what your friends will think to an all-out refusal to consider black men as potential partners because of their race. Indeed, many men who may not consciously believe racists ideology do enact racist behaviors because of their own fears regarding acceptance by their own social groups. Anyone who has been on gay dating and social apps will have seen numerous profiles bearing the notice, “No Blacks!” Often enough this is accompanied by some caveat declaring that the person making the notice is not a racist, but merely is expressing personal preference.
and if we acknowledge those purposes we can explore them and, maybe, work on them.” By hiding behind the notion of personal preference, Charlton said “We’re also not dealing with the issue of what shapes your personal preferences. Again whiteness renders itself invisible because it stands at the center. So white people tend to think of their will as free and untrammeled…. They ignore the role the society they grew up in played in shaping those preferences…. That gets in the way of people exploring and understanding how their preferences came to be and maybe even expanding them.”
FACING RACE From the perspective these men offer, it becomes clear that at least a significant group of young, professional black men in Nashville experience the gay culture around them as implicitly, and systematically racist. None of them is saying that all of
Model: Cody Pope
comfortable with black men in private contexts but not in public. “This is one thing I definitely experienced more in Nashville than elsewhere,” Disroe reported. “We had a couple of good friends that we hung out with socially pretty regularly. But outside of our private brunches and things of that nature we had very little contact. If we were out and about they mostly didn’t associate with us.” In the context of dating, however, this is much more acute. Diggs reported, “This one guy I know in particular, he comes around, he calls me up—he likes me, I know he likes me—but I always ask if he wants to hang out with him and his friends, because I always see him hanging out with his friends and things like that. He just says that his friends are boring … but then why does he still hangs out with them. I know there is an issue: I think he’s embarrassed about what they might say about me, or about him for entertaining the idea of dating me.”
“I’ve been told, ‘You’re not like other black people!’” Charlton said, relating an experience similar to one related by Disroe. “That’s not a compliment; it implies that you have a very narrow and screwed up idea of what black people are…” Broderick Disroe
Simon offered the following example of why the “personal preference defense” is bogus: “For example, I may not be ‘into Asian guys’—in the sense of fetishizing the group—but that doesn’t mean that I’m not interested occasionally in a particular Asian guys. Thus I wouldn’t say ‘No Asians.’ The difference between saying ‘No blacks, it’s just a preference,’ and a positive statement of preference is simple: the first completely discounts you as an individual person based on something incidental, while the other remains open to the possibilities an individual might bring to the table.” With his characteristic boldness, Charlton offered, “The ‘it’s just a preference’ defense at excluding this or that race is— pardon the indelicacy—horse S#!&. First, you haven’t even been talking about what you prefer, you’ve said I exclude this or that…. There’s something purposeful about blanket exclusion, even if it’s unconscious. Even our unconscious drives have purpose,
gay Nashville is racist, but rather that our community, like others, has been permeated by a system that perpetuates divisive attitudes and stereotypes. People tend to become defensive when they here words like these—they feel accused, they feel it is unfair to paint them with the same brush as the intolerant society around them. But does our discomfort with the race issue invalidate it? The fact remains that this is how at least a segment of gay black men in Nashville feel about their experience in our community in 2015, and if we ignore that we divide our community against itself at a critical time in our own history. Standing in the position of privileged insiders, we can afford to sit in discomfort and just listen to how others experience us. And maybe, just maybe, if we take it seriously and control our defensiveness, we will find that we do have some work to do.
Model: Sheldon Diggs
This seems to be a common experience. “If you had to take me to a dinner party as your date, just in terms of my resume going in, I’m not a bad date,” Simon said. “And the guys I know aren’t either—they’re professionals. I’ve met guys who tell me I’m great, but when it comes to dinner parties and house parties, they’re skittish. And they always put it back on me, saying ‘I just want to make sure you’re comfortable’ or ‘my friends are a tough group.’ Really it comes across loud and clear—you’re worried they’re going to have an issue with you dating a black person.” Charlton unflinchingly attributes these behaviors and fears to an underlying system of entrenched white supremacy: “I think it’s one of the mechanisms by which white supremacy perpetuates itself… Since you are the center of everything, you
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SPILLING THE TEA WITH LESLIE JORDAN BEYOND THE STARBUCKS ‘PANDEMONIUM’ JAMES GRADY | @jamesallangrady
How do you bring up that potentially embarrassing question? As the phone rang I sat wondering how to ask iconic gay comedian and actor Leslie Jordan about his recent altercation with a group of youths spewing homophobic slurs at a West Hollywood Starbucks. Jordan answered my call with, “I’m stepping outside of the Starbucks in which I misbehaved the other day!” “I’m back at the scene of my crime!” Jordan joked, before explaining that the press’s characterization of the youths as heterosexual irked him. “I saw street kids in West Hollywood: whether they are gay or not is irrelevant.” So what happened that day? Apparently the youths were using gift cards purchased with stolen credit cards in a scam. When they were thrown out, the young men, Jordan reported, “were raising hell, and yelling at everybody, ‘Y’all bunch of faggots, all y’all are gonna die of AIDS, f---ing faggots!’ “Well, nobody said a word, but I flew up—I don’t know where it came from. I said you need to shut the f--- up and get the f--- out of here. Not in my house, and not in our neighborhood!” From outside, one of the gang shot Jordan the bird. “I just flew out there and threw my tea right in his face! Pandemonium! Mayhem! Ten cop cars. I was held for throwing the first punch: I was detained briefly for throwing the first punch!” Jordan joked that “That was the butchest thing I’ve done in my whole life!” But not everyone was as amused. The incident made national news, “much to my mother’s horror. My mother said to me, ‘You could have been shot,’ which is exactly the truth.” Jordan will be making it up to his mother, who lives in Chattanooga, on his upcoming visit home in advance of his show at Play Dance Bar on September 11, 2015. Many might not realize that Jordan is basically a local. His mother and father both grew up in Chattanooga, and he lived there most of his young life. “By the time I was in first grade we were back in Chattanooga,” Jordan said. “I went to high school there and went to UT Chattanooga and got a degree in theatre. Then I got on a bus—this would have been 1982. And I was no spring
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chicken at the time: I was 27. I got on a bus with $1,200 that mother had sewn into my underpants, and all I had was a little suitcase and a dream.” Jordan arrived in Hollywood without a safety net, and unlike so many others making the same trip he found success. “People ask me, ‘What is the
I was home, and it didn’t matter what happened to me career-wise, I wasn’t going anywhere. Now, here I am, thirtythree years later tossing iced tea in people’s faces!” Despite that, Tennessee has never truly left him either. “I’ve used my past so much in my stand-up comedy—it’s
“I SAID YOU NEED TO SHUT THE F--- UP AND GET THE F--- OUT OF HERE. NOT IN MY HOUSE, AND NOT IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!” secret?’ Well, in 1982, coming from a repressed, Southern Baptist upbringing, I found West Hollywood! There were queers hanging from the trees, and I thought ‘Well, I’m home!’ People come to Hollywood and say, ‘I’m gonna give it five years and see what happens.’ Well
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funny in retrospect, though when it was happening it wasn’t that fun.” But Jordan admits his adversity wasn’t like what many suffered. “You know, a cousin called me out the other day. He heard me say what a rough time it was, and he said, ‘Leslie, you were the most
popular boy in school: what are you talking about.’ And I thought about it, and you know what, so much of it is the internal homophobia, and so much of it is this fear that we’re going to be found out.” “Plenty of people out there that were teased and tormented,” Jodan said. “I was the target of ‘smear the queer’ occasionally. But I was funny, and I’ve always used humor to disarm situations. The interesting thing I’ve found is that in my adult life, let’s say that I don’t want you to get to know me or I’m uneasy in a situation, I’ll fall right into that. I have to catch myself…” At this point in his career, Jordan admits sometimes worrying about whether he’ll get work. “In 2006 I won an Emmy for Will and Grace and I thought, ‘I’m set.’ About a year later I called my manger and said, ‘Look, I’ve gotta make some money. I can’t eat this Emmy!’” That sparked Jordan to reinvent his career, doing bookings at events and venues like Pride and cruises. “This new career started—I book about forty-five venues a year. People think because I’m an entertainer I must be rich and don’t need the money,” Jordan said, setting up his punchline. “I always say, ‘If I had a lot of money I wouldn’t be up here selling my pussy!’” Being out of Hollywood so much, and with a younger generation unfamiliar with his most well-known work, Jordan sometimes feels out of the Hollywood loop. “You know what’s interesting: that little debacle where I threw the tea on that guy? I’ve had five auditions since then! Is that not silly how Hollywood works? ‘Oh, her! I thought she was dead! Let’s get her a part!’ Well I’m not dead!” Jordan has found some new exposure as an actor. American Horror Story: Coven and The Help are both recent, notable roles. “Coven was wonderful,” Jordan said. “My favorite person was Gabby Sidibe from Precious! She was such a ray of sunshine. We had so much fun! Patty LuPone came down and performed for us. Jessica Lang took us on field trips. It was just heaven!” As he returns to Tennessee for his family visit and his show at Play, Jordan had this to say: “The young gay boy or girl in the South especially needs to know that what they’re being told in the church pews and here and there—those people are wrong! Find your tribe and we will celebrate everything about you that sissy, that is gay, that is trans. Find your home, like I did!”
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D ancing ... in the Day Time? MONTHLY TEA DANCES RETURN TO NASHVILLE JAMES GRADY | @jamesallangrady
Tea dances are the remnant of late-19th century social functions: traditionally events of late summer and early fall, these dances brought an activity usually relegated to the night life into the calm breeze of late afternoon. As a part of gay culture, too, the tea dance takes dancing and drinking out of the intensity of the late-night scene and into the social atmosphere of a Sunday-afternoon get-together. Occasionally Nashville has had some “pop-up” tea dances for special events, but until recently it lacked a regular, recurring tea dance. Thanks to Kelly Mason of Green Pea Salon, along with co-hosts Keith Hinkle and Gary Gaston, that has changed. Every month, on the fourth Sunday of every month from 4:00–7:30, you can find the Sweet Tea Dance at The Basement East. Tea dances are a long-standing gay tradition. “Everybody I know has always known about tea dances,” said Mason. “They’ve been popular since the sixties in places like Fire Island and P-town and such. At the end of the weekend on a Sunday, we
get together at nice little happy places where you can dance to positive music—nothing too serious—and you know just finish off the weekend with some cocktails. And of course we ‘spill the tea’ on whatever happened over the weekend amongst our friends.” Mason had been hearing from a lot of people that they missed tea dances, especially while “sitting around somewhere on a Sunday that’s not as fun as we wanted it to be,” Mason added. But the Sweet Tea Dance began, as such things often do, with an off-hand remark. “I was at dinner with Mike and Mindy Grimes, who are good friends of mine and who own The Basement on 8th Avenue,” Mason explained, “and he was opening The Basement East—he called it The Beast. He said he needed a Sunday event, so I said just casually, ‘Oh, you should have a tea dance.’ He seemed interested so I explained to him what kind of event it was. He thought that sounded like fun.” While Mason knew Grimes to be a very open-minded person who embraces
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his LGBT neighbors’ and friends’ identities, when Grimes said, “Let’s do it!” Mason didn’t know exactly how to take it. “A week passed,” Mason said, “and Mike came in to my salon at 12 South to get his hair cut, and while there he said, ‘So let’s do that tea dance!’ So he was serious—I took him seriously at that point.” With a space available, Mason called up Jason Harris, who is a part of La Force, a DJ group that also includes Laura Taylor and Keith Johnson. “They spin at QDP every third Friday of the month,” Mason said, “and Jason has spun some parties and events for me. I met him for a beer at red door and told him our idea, and La Force jumped on board.” “Now I needed help organizing the event,” Mason added, “and I thought of two people who are very good in the community with social events—Keith Hinkle and Gary Gaston. I called them and asked them to be a part of it. I met them for drinks and they both said it sounded like a fun idea and they wanted to help organize the event.” And thus the Sweet Tea Dance was born. The hosts have added a charity component to the traditional tea dance model. “We decided to bring charities in to use the opportunity to fundraise, raise awareness, or whatever, while people are there having a good time,” Mason explained. “The first
organization we brought it was Nashville CARES. Since then we’ve had the Brooks Fund, and we’ve had Pride.” OutCentral was featured at the party in August, and September will benefit the Grizzlies for the Bingham Cup. Pride was an especially important event for the party, since they hosted what would become the closing party for Pride 2015, in the immediate aftermath of the same-sex marriage ruling. “When we suggested that our tea dance be part of Pride weekend, they didn’t have a closing party organized yet, and most Pride festivals do have a closing party so it was perfect for them.” So far the event has been well-received, with attendance of over two hundred at each event. “Every event so far has been very successful, and we want to see it evolve and grow,” Mason said. “We have a signature drink. Mike is expanding on The Basement East, adding more deck space, so it’s gonna be even more fun.” While the event does have a cover, it’s minimal ($3.00), and merely covers DJ costs. “We make no money off of this, this is just fun for us,” Mason explained. “We do all this work just so we can have a good time and charities can raise money and awareness.” So if you’re having a lazy fourth Sunday, you might want to head over to The Basement East and check it out.
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SNARKOLOGY:SOMETIMES LIFE JUST ISN’T THAT FUNNY DISCLAIMER: Amy Sulam is a comic, and not everyone thinks she’s as funny as she does. We condone nothing she says, particularly not if you decide to take the following seriously. It should not be taken as such.
AMY SULAM | @Amysulam
And down came the rain. I wasn’t hospitalized for fatigue and dehydration. I tried to kill myself. This was not my first attempt, though I do hope it’s my last. I’m trying to make sure that it is. Let’s talk about the suicide rate in our community. As a bisexual woman, I’m the lucky winner of a prize pack that includes being in a group that attempts suicide in much higher rates than our other consonants. But that doesn’t really explain the night I tried to take my life. Everyone wants to know why, and the truth is I can’t tell you because I just don’t know. That night followed a psychotic break a few days earlier. A very close, and codependent relationship ended with that break. Honestly, It had to. We were dragging each other down and holding each other back in some sick downward spiral misreading itself as love and friendship. I knew deep down I had to cut all ties with this person or else we’d never make a clean break. Without a clean break this cycle would continue, and we would both remain stuck in this unhealthy place. And though it would kill me to do so, I had to do it. The end of this relationship brought me to a dark place. It ended with a crash and then silence. Like a band aid being ripped off, it had to happen, but fast or slow, I wasn’t ready, and I would never have been. I learned of myself that night that while I was clean of heroin, I had a gift now for turning people into heroin and the DT’s were about to kill me. I got drunk. Really drunk. I started scrolling through pictures and messaging the person, all of which was a terrible idea. The person didn’t say anything to “set me off” I had already set the stage
for what I knew I was going to do days before. I just wanted to be in the mood. I wanted to tell the person goodbye. Not for me, for them. I didn’t want to be alive any longer. I just got down in the dark place and thought, “F--k it, I’m out!” When the effects of the pills took hold, I felt my feet sliding under me. I was slipping on something wet. Was it blood? How could it be blood? Had I done this wrong? Did I cut myself? No, it was vomit.
by my side with me barely alive. He was ready to hold my hand and walk me through hell. If I couldn’t walk, he was gonna carry me. I woke up in the hospital with an IV in my arm. Great! Just what a recovering addict needs: a trigger after a suicide attempt. I know it had to be done. I did this to myself. As they removed the IV, I screamed. I was shaking, beginning to convulse. The trigger hit that hard. I was informed that I had been 6404’d—involuntary psych hold. I
I realized as panic set in what I had actually done. I texted my best friend in slurred confusion. He knew instantly something was seriously wrong. He’s seen (and texted) me when I was very drunk, and this was not like before. He called, and I slurred, “The pills! I’m gonna die!” He raced over as another close friend called an ambulance. When the paramedics arrived, I was on the bathroom floor unconscious and my breathing was shallow. I remember hearing my friend’s voice. He sounded so far away, but I knew he was near. Like in times before, he would remain
entered the ward in tears. I was scared and alone. Generally my take on fight or flight is fly into the fight (I’m a classy broad that way). I was given a sedative and slept through most of the day. A nurse woke me up for dinner: after dinner I sat in the common area and sobbed uncontrollably. Then I went and played the piano (badly) for about an hour. The next day I got up and said nothing to anyone for the entire morning. I wasn’t Amy Sulam, comic; I was Amy, broken girl. I sat alone, ate alone, played piano alone—no words, no laughter. My smile wasn’t hiding, it had given up,
along with me. Visiting hours came, and all I really wanted was to see my children, but I thought I’d have no visitors. Through the door walked Sully—Brian Sullivan, my closest friend. He really wasn’t gonna let me go through this alone. I lit up immediately. It was food to my soul. He promised he’d be back the next day, and I promised I’d be a better patient. I colored a picture for him that’s he’s since framed as a reminder of what we went through together. By the time I left the hospital I had my meds straight, I had therapy lined up, and I was genuinely feeling better. I had to reach out to those close to me and let them know what had happened. The out pouring of support I got was incredible. My friends and family knew that I needed not to be alone, and they came in droves to make sure I wasn’t. Sully stayed with me for nearly a week. My other friends came in shifts and stayed with me. They brought ice cream and ears, and I couldn’t really couldn’t ask for more. I’m not out of the woods: I still have days where the thing that keeps me alive is the fact that my kids need me. Some days, it’s just not wanting to be in the psych ward again. Here’s the thing: if someone you know suffers from mental illness, make sure they get what they need. Be there, listen without judgement, and know it’s not about you. I learned that we all have at least one reason not to harm ourselves. Each of us is a gift to the world, to those around us. Each of us means the world to someone. Hell, you matter to me, and that’s the most important thing of all! Life will always be hard. Make sure you have an umbrella for when the rain comes. @O U T A N D A B O U T N A S H
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I would say all the twinks and their fresh young rectums. That definitely keeps me driven to entertain. What would you say is your biggest accomplishment in your drag career? Not being beholden of the club cartel system. To be able to be successful by doing my own thing, even though it’s not the popular choice.
A KIKI WITH PAIGE TURNER | @PaigeTurner01
It’s all about fun in this new edition of Nashville Untucked! The laughs just kept rolling in as I sat down with the hysterical Dementia! Hailing from Louisville Kentucky this little lady is one that marches to the beat of her own drum. She is known for her crazy antics and original songs about her real life experiences. She is someone so unique—there is no other queen in the world like her. She has become very well known all over, while in no way, shape or form conforming to what others thought she should do. Get to know this crazy queen a little more personal as she shares hardships, experiences and traumas all in this brad new edition. So sit back and get ready for the laughs as Dementia gets UNTUCKED! What have been some hardships you have faced as a gay man growing up in our society? Oh, I was being called a faggot for the first time at the age of six! I was molested in grade school and tortured in high school by the same guys who wanted me to blow them in between classes and after school (and I did by the way). [I had] all my friends turn on me because I was in love and happy for the first time ever (jealousy). Besides that drag is much harder. Trans people and queens were the pioneers of the gay rights movement, and the money makers for the movement. With that being said, we are still being ridiculed and marginalized at every step.
in a bottle of poppers (aka Jungle Juice Platinum.) What inspires your character’s look? Kabuki, Kandinsky , and Killer clowns from outer space. How would you describe the personality of Dementia, and how does it differ from your real life persona? I would say [Dementia is] either drunk or soused. How does her persona differ from your real life personality? We are complete opposites from one another. I hate him and he hates me. What would you say is the biggest misconception of your drag style? That there is any meaning to anything I say or do! I am not deep, and I am not pushing any agenda: I just want to party, pass out, and piss on myself. What is something that drives you as a performer to keep entertaining?
What are some hardships you have faced as a drag performer? Learning the hard way not to take anything personal: it’s show business. Business being twice as big as the word show. What can you tell our readers about the birth of Dementia? It was all a blur, somewhere between a gutter and a peep show booth. I oozed down into the sewer where I congealed for six months and somehow ended up
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How you ever had beef with other drag performers? Can you tell us what went down? Absosmurfly! I am not a female impersonator, I am a DRAG QUEEN! There is room for everyone underneath the big Drag umbrella and most people seem to not like that at all. I have always worked outside the club system, doing things in my own way and on my own terms. For some reason that makes a lot of the other girls jealous! Isn’t that ridiculous? Has it been hard to make advances in your career with your style being so different? I want to say yes, but I am going to say no because I have given my life completely over to KARMA! Karma is the biggest boomerang Jesus has ever thrown my way! What influences your musical creativity? Everything is lyrically autobiographical. The music … I always want it to sound as if it came from a ghetto French disco in outer space! What got you started doing your music? I loathe lip-syncing to other people’s music! I don’t want to be them! I want to be me!
What are your feelings about RuPaul’s Drag Race? I think it is at times the best, and at times the worst thing that has happened to drag. Have you ever auditioned? No I haven’t, but they came a callin’. How did you feel about the Supreme Court ruling for gay marriage? I was disappointed! I want three husbands not just one! Is there a special man in your life you would want to marry? Right now I am jonesing on Bennett Anthony, and I can’t stand it! I was to French kiss him backwards. What advice would you give to someone struggling with sexuality issues? Craigslist and a strong cocktail! Go for the ads with no pictures on them, those are all usually the straight guys! Who would you say has been a big influence on your drag career? Barbette, Leigh Bowery, and my good friends Chi Chi LaRue and The Dragon Lady: enough said!
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AN A-hole IN A Dress
BOBBI WILLIAMS
My mother used to say “It takes all types…” and left the rest of the sentence for the listener to fill in the rest (“to make the world go ‘round”). A few years back, I was at a transgender conference, along with about five hundred others whose gender identity doesn’t match the one that was pinned on them when they were born. Five of us were seated at a table in the hotel lounge, sharing stories of our experiences. One of the ladies told of how she was terrified one evening when her car broke down on a country road. She went on to say that she was relieved when an elderly man driving a pickup truck pulled over and offered to help. He was very courteous, expressed some concern about her being stranded, but said nothing about her ‘presentation,’ although she was sure her male gender was obvious. He determined the problem with her car, got it running, and went on his way. It was a nice story; however, it suffered from one blemish. In the course of telling it, she identified the man by using the ‘N-word’ and said that she felt secure in the knowledge that she was safe because he ‘knew his place.’ (It takes all types.) Sometimes I’m reminded of my mother’s axiom when I’m with other transpeople. In the thirty or so years since
I’ve been ‘out,’ I’ve met a lot of transfolk, and they weren’t all people I’d usually choose to hang out with, regardless of how they ‘presented’ themselves or with what gender they identified. Unity is a good thing, but it needs to be tempered with reality. Simply put, there are homophobic transpeople, racist transpeople, antisemitic transpeople, and even some who are Republican. This simply shows that transgender people are not onedimensional. (It takes all types.) A post-operative transwoman friend of mine bemoaned her transition because it meant she wouldn’t be able to pursue one of her favorite hobbies, restoring sports cars. “It’s not feminine,” she said. And even though it stirs the ire of feminists, she persisted in her belief, despite the fact that she worked for General Electric teaching mechanics how to service and repair dynamos. (It takes all types.) Another transwoman I knew, when she announced to her boss that she was planning to transition, was told that if she showed up at work as a female she would be fired. Nonetheless, she went through with the procedure, including breast augmentation and sexual reassignment surgery. She then returned to work presenting as a male. She taped up her breasts and wore her male clothes. It didn’t matter, she said, because she knew who she was. (It takes all types.) Supporting the movement for equal rights for transgender folk is important, and coming together to work for that movement, regardless of what ‘type’ we are, is absolutely necessary. But we don’t need to agree with one another or even like one another. There’s more to each of
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us than our gender identities. When the T becomes our be-all and end-all, we sacrifice everything else we can be. Before we go running into the arms of a ‘sister’ or ‘brother’ and embrace them solely because they share our genetic distinction, we ought to take some time to find out who they truly are. A couple years after my first transgender conference, I was invited to
who didn’t measure up to her notion of being transgender. When Beverly left to go to a session, this woman made it clear that she didn’t really belong at the conference. “She’s just a crossdresser,” she said, then nodded toward another girl and muttered “She’s not one of us.” (It takes all types.) So it goes in just about every community that has been assigned a
“...there are homophobic transpeople, racist transpeople, anti-semitic transpeople, and even some who are Republican.” speak at another one in another part of the country. After I arrived and checked in, I went to the hotel lounge to see if there was anyone else there I knew. Sure enough, my old friend Beverly from Vermont was there. With her was another transwoman who was emphatically trashing those present
name and an identity. And for many such designations cloud the ability to recognize people for who they really are. We should not be unwilling to recognize mendacity, regardless of how it’s ‘dressed up.’ If a guy is an a-hole and he puts on a dress, he is still an a-hole.
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