CLASSIC TALES OLD SKOOL
Black
Š 2012 VANS, INC.
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twenty three
How do you guys prepare for live shows? T: Dan likes a good nap. I like to drink and then try to sober up in time. D: Yeah, napping is definitely on top of my list, along with a snack and lacing up my white shoes. What’s the most ridiculous rumour you’ve heard about yourselves? T: That we do lots of drugs. We don’t. We love to party, but we’re actually firmly against drug use in the music scene. Having fun responsibly doesn’t mean you can’t let loose. D: Mine’s worse than that. Some girl on Twitter posted about how she would have sex with either of us if we weren’t gay. We’re brothers, not lovers!
‘Yeah, we’ve had loads of cool injuries...’
Any good hangover survival tips? T: Sleep! Do not wake up, kids! D: Get drunk. You can’t have a hangover if you’re drunk. Think about it – it’s like science. Imagine you’ve made it big – like global fucking phenomenon big. What are your backstage demands? T: I want our dressing room to be a ball pond, with tequila on tap. D: I’d like a bed, a case of Dr Pepper, three chicken schnitzels with cheese sauce and two Nintendo DS consoles, each with a copy of Mario Kart. If you could perform with anyone, who would it be and why? T: We’ve always said Soulwax. I love the way people react to them and how they were among the first DJs to really nail the transition from band to DJ, and then back to somewhere in the middle. D: Yeah, undoubtedly Soulwax. Death Crew 77 would be amazing too, and let’s not forget Death from Above 1979. I hear girls go wild for you guys. Comments? T: Hey ladies, thank you. D: Uhhh, I guess they do. I don’t really know what to say. I’m very shy, but yeah, thank you. And keep getting wild with us on stage – we love it! I’ve witnessed at least one Double Adapter show that has ended in actual bloodshed (yours anyway). That was pretty epic. What, to you, are the signs that a show was awesome? T: Yeah, we’ve had loads of cool injuries. Dan broke his ribs, I broke my foot at a gig in Hermanus, Dan smashed his nose into the floor in Cape Town
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debut. This album’s more personal. It’s a much more conscious merge of our real selves and these manufactured personalities. Fuck, my daughter and mom even call me Ninja now. We’re fully immersed.’ The lyrics are less shock and more truly perceptive, he says, and the more people listen, the more layered those lyrics become. ‘There are hidden chambers to every verse.’ Ten$ion’s the halfway mark in a five-year plan: to become fully immersed in their characters and – in the process – to release another three albums. ‘Die Antwoord has been a weird destination,’ says Ninja. ‘I’ve always experimented with characters, but didn’t realise I was just looking for myself. It sounds like C-grade self-help, but I was on the hunt for an entity within which I could continuously transform.’ But to kill off these previous characters, Die Antwoord has to go out guns blazing. When they made $O$, they were already at last-chance saloon. Ninja knew that if the album didn’t make a dent in music’s psyche, they were stuffed. With their backs against the wall, they went all out, broke all the rules and it worked. Ten$ion is a renewed assault, focused on maintaining the fame and the identities. ‘We’re only making these five albums,’ says Ninja, ‘so they’ve got to be fucking almighty, top pop albums.’ The third one will probably come out next year, and it’ll be a solo album – Yolandi’s. ‘We’re calling it Die Stem. When that drops, we’ll release Ninja’s solo album, Dominator. We want the albums to compete against each other, to see who does better. We thought it’d be a fun challenge.’ They’re already conceptualising album five, the ‘game changer’. It even has a name, but for now it remains a secret. And after that? Time to disappear. ‘Oh yeah, completely man. I want to head more into feature films, as well as design and photography. We want these albums to be remembered, like, 20 years from now. But to get that right, we’ve got to stick to the plan. Then drop it. Walk away.’ For now it’s all about touring. ‘The mission is to tell the South African story to the world. Our country’s a hard place. The security we have in suburban areas is what you see in the most hardcore places in the US. We wanna represent what we are; the intense lives we live. It’s our juice; what makes our music. We want to represent it with world-class production, in the most high-class way and – ’ A voice, the publicist’s, says my time is up. I say my thanks, and Ninja says, ‘Chat when I’m back?’ Yeah, let’s do that. page thirty six
‘We arrived carrying pangas to a gunfight, we’ve dropped those; now we’re carrying bazookas’
ALI, 27, IN SHOWBIZ If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? My only demand is that the show must go on. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Bollywood Indian Affairs. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Michael Jackson. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Brad Pitt. What talent is going to make you famous? Music.
all access RODNEY, 23, BARISTA If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Bottles of Cristal, hot chicks and a Harley Davidson. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? DI Don. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Meagan Good. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Morgan Freeman. What talent is going to make you famous? Singing.
forty four
DONOVAN, 34, ENTREPRENEUR If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Hot chicks and fast cars. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? The Don. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Robbie Williams. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Jason Stratham. He’s the only actor with a receding hairline. What talent is going to make you famous? Bad jokes.
CHANNON, 33, IN MARKETING If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Tulips everywhere and lots of Lindt chocolate. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Katie. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Jared Leto. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Angelina Jolie. What talent is going to make you famous? Shoe shopping.
chats & snaps: julian brookstone
DOMINIC, 38, PILATES INSTRUCTOR If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? It must be clean, quiet, simple and uncluttered, with fresh water – not bottled water! What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Perfectly happy to be myself and keep it real. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Leonardo Da Vinci. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Julia Roberts. What talent is going to make you famous? My creativity.
SHARA, 25, IN MARKETING If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Voss water, Vida coffee on demand and pizza. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? SPJ. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Kim Kardashian. Who would play you in the movie of your life? J-Lo. What talent is going to make you famous? Shopping!
CHRIS, 30, BARISTA If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Limousine transport and cupcakes. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Superman. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Naomi Campbell. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Leonardo DiCaprio. What talent is going to make you famous? I’ll be a famous musician. VICCI, 18, STUDENT If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Pampering things and lots of really nice food. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Nancy. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Freddie Mercury. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Keira Knightley. What talent is going to make you famous? Writing. JEAN PIERRE, 20, SOUND ENGINEER If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Strippers, at least three guitars to jam with, a huge pile of calamari and a Jacuzzi. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? I’ve always liked the name Chace. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Definitely Eminem. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Synyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold. What talent is going to make you famous? Music.
SIKELELA, 22, BARISTA If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Girls and Champagne. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? What all my friends call me – Masiki. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? 50 Cent. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Haha, I don’t know who could play me. What talent is going to make you famous? Cricket.
forty five
LIZ, 50+, TEACHER If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Foot massages and snacks. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Leaping Lizard. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Lewis Pugh or Archbishop Makgoba. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Barbara Streisand. What talent is going to make you famous? Being a comedienne-chef.
MANDY, 43, TEACHER If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Lots of coffee, sushi and Champagne. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Mandi. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? George Clooney. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Cameron Diaz. What talent is going to make you famous? Sport.
PETER, 47, PROCUREMENT SPECIALIST If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? My best friends and Champagne. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Pistol. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Bon Jovi. Who would play you in the movie of your life? My buddy Raymond Weston. What talent is going to make you famous? Football. EMMA, 21, STUDENT If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Vida, gadgets and lots of pampering products. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? Frankie (from Frank Sinatra). Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Freddie Mercury. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Drew Barrymore. What talent is going to make you famous? Triple threat! Singing, acting and dancing.
forty six
LIYAQUAT, 50, BUSINESSMAN If you were a superstar, what would be on your list of backstage demands? Water, good food, pleasant people, attractive females and a crew that knows what they’re doing. What would you call your rockstar alter ego? The King Reborn. Whose life would you want an ‘all access’ pass to? Tiger Woods or Bill Gates. Who would play you in the movie of your life? George Clooney. What talent is going to make you famous? I’d be a professional golfer, earning as much as Tiger Woods.