Fresh Ink 2020
THE HEROES Joe A. Sainz Suicide - the reason we sat in the sweltering heat in the musty room with nothing but telephones, chairs, desks, and bare bulletin boards. I had completed the training course to work for the suicide prevention hotline operated by the county in record time, since time was one commodity I did not have. This was the first day I was on my own. I was petrified at the thought that whether someone lived or died may depend entirely on my faceless words. My telephone rang. I stared at this machine that would bring me some traumatic experience. The counselor to my right nodded toward my telephone without saying a word, which prompted me to grab it. “Suicide hotline.” I was ashamed of my lack of assertiveness at 45 years old. Who would ever believe I was a Senior Vice President of Communications for one of the biggest companies in the country? It’s amazing what being diagnosed with terminal cancer does to self-esteem. “Hello? Suicide hotline.” Silence on the other side. “May I help you?” That’s all I needed: a prank call. “Hello.” A feeble voice answered. “Yes, I’m here. Go ahead,” I said. “My name is Mary. Are you a counselor?” The trembling voice had an airy tone. The first thing that ran through my mind was that this person was already dying. Should I call the paramedics? Months of grueling training flashed through my mind just like a person falling from a building whose life flashes by. “Please … go ahead, Miss. I’m here to help you.” “I don’t wanna live anymore.” She burst into tears. “Can you tell me what’s wrong? Why don’t you want to live anymore?” I tried to steady my trembling hands. This was no class role-playing. “I can’t take it anymore. I’ve failed as a mother.” “Wait, Mary. Why are you saying that?” “I shouldn’t have bothered you. I’m going to send her to an institution or something and then kill myself.” “Is the person you’re taking about your elderly mother, perhaps? Who are you going to send to an institution?” I tried to avoid contradicting her and tried to follow her line of thought. I had 96
