BTS_SEP2011 by Off-Center Magazine

R E T N E C OFF MAGAZINE

FEATURING... TIPS FOR FRESHMEN

From those of us who have been here for too long...

SO MUCH FOR THE AFTERGLOW Reflections from a semester abroad

SCAVENGER HUNT! Just what it says!

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

OFF-CENTER STAFF EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Jen Glifort ASSISTANT EDITORS Larry Clark Michael McClellan LAYOUT/PRE-PRESS Kasey Gordon COVER ART Kasey Gordon

Have a different opinion? Want to contribute? Write to Off-Center Magazine at offcentermagazine@yahoo.com or find us on facebook

EXECUTIVE BOARD PRESIDENT Jen Glifort VICE PRESIDENT Michael McClellan TREASURER Alex Prague SECRETARY Jessica Dean PUBLIC RELATIONS Kasey Gordon Views expressed are not necessarily the views supported by Off-Center Magazine or CCSU.

CONTENTS CCSU

3. Letter From the Editor 4. Overheard In New Britain 5. CCSU Says: Summer Movies 6. Free-Flowing Hostility 7. Club Profile: Secular Student Alliance 8. Freshmen Tread in Strange Waters 9. Tips for Freshmen 10. What’s New @ CCSU?

General Interest 11. In Case You Were Living Under A Rock This Summer 12. Will A Real Feminist Please Stand Up? 14. A Book By Its Cover 16. Lovely Life Lessons 17. Squirrel Stories 18. So Much For The Afterglow 20. Living The Dream 22. Growing Up Potter

Entertainment 24. Scavenger Hunt! 25. Texts From Last Night 26. Caption Contest! 27. Coming Next....

Dear CCSU, Missy doesn’t know I’m using this picture. I like to think she won’t beat me over the head when she sees it. I wish it was at a better angle, and you can hardly see her, but it is the passing of the torch moment, after all. I’d just like to give a quick shout-out to her for doing a fantastic job the past five years, and thank her for putting this amazing opportunity in my hands. Appropriately (or inappropriately, depending on your values), in the fashion of my predecessor, I’m writing this in class. Sorry she promised I’d be better at time-management! It’s that time of year again, folks—back to school. Whether this is welcome or distressing news for you, it’s great for Off-Center! Classes starting again means magazines are coming out again, which I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting. Well, the wait is over. You hold in your hands the first issue of Off-Center Magazine for the 20112012 school year. I can practically feel the excitement rolling off of you in waves! Inside you’ll find tips for incoming students as given by upperclassmen, a CCSU “scavenger hunt,” our very first caption contest, and so much more. We also have articles from some writers who are new to OCM. Everyone is really excited to have them on board, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy their pieces, ranging from a return trip from a semester in England, to first observations in a classroom, to a feminists’ call for pride. I can see you’re turning green with envy. “Why haven’t I been published in this most original and awesome of magazines? How do I get to be a part of something so fun and exciting?” I’m gald you asked, dear reader! It’s simple—you write about your opinion, your life, your favorite band, your cat—anything non-fiction, and send it to offcentermagazine@yahoo.com. We also love receiving visual submissions, like cartoons, photography, drawings, etc., especially if they go with an article. You can also attend our weekly meetings, Tuesdays at 7:15 in the 1849 Room of the Student Center. From there, “The League of Incredibly Intelligent and Stunningly Good-Looking Magazine Staffers” (as they’re known) will give you your anagrammed cape and matching jetpack. Thanks for reading! In my humble opinion, you are all sparklingly clever and gorgeous people. Good luck this semester and enjoy the magazine! -Jen

Photo by Kasey Gordon, 2011

OVERHEARD IN NEW BRITAIN:

compiled by Jen Glifort The Artic is one and it’s cold. The other is Australia, and it’s there and that’s about all we can say until the Renaissance. Look, we’ve covered two continents already!

Strange Things Our Instructors Say...

If I say South Dakota you will know where that is, sort of. Well, no one really knows that area unless you are from there and no one is from there.

It’s ten percent of your class credit free, even if you’re sleeping. But then you don’t do very well on your exams.

Nyeh nyeh, the Pope thinks he’s got a big hat!

Yale grad school owns its own bar to keep its students from going downtown and getting beaten up.

They wanted a university in the middle of nowhere. Think North Dakota, in their minds.

We ate plants because plants can’t run away.

We can’t change his parents. You can’t go back to WalMart and turn those in. You’re stuck with them.

Men are obviously expendable because the death rate while hunting wooly mammoths must have been really high. But that’s what happens when you let communists build dams. They muck up the whole system. And then you have a mummy. Assuming it doesn’t rise from the dead and chase you around you’re all good! I guess we’d say she was a political transvestite. I’m still waiting for the first Jewish, female Pope myself. “300” is the most non-historical movie ever. Like, it’s not just that it failed. It’s that they were getting some of it wrong on purpose. If you want to be the king there is one big mistake you shouldn’t make, and that is getting yourself killed. Bear in mind that we are concerned with peasants, not pheasants. Every once in a while I’ll get a paper on the suppression of the pheasants. This is not what I want. People around here get excited about seeing deer which is slightly absurd.

compiled by Jen Glifort

CCSU SAYS: What was your favorite summer movie and why?

Little things make us happy, or at least not hit by doors. You should quit class and go to Italy. Because no one wants to buy light bulbs! Everyone wants to buy cookies. These flat, ugly ceilings that I’m sure someone’s allergic to. Seriously, who knows what’s in that! The bishops met in New York and said something like, “Holy crap, what do we do now?!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Hogwarts blowing up is always epic. Thor, for the hilarity and the fact that his nipples were hard in the last fight scene. Green Lantern because it’s the Green Lantern. Duh. Bridesmaids was fucking hysterical. “Hey there, fuckbuddy!” Harry Potter was epic, of course. Crazy Stupid Love was hilarious. Harry Potter, because Tumblr tells me so. Um, Harry Potter, absolutely. But everyone’s gonna say that. Oh well. Maybe it’s because it’s the ONLY movie my boyfriend took me too though. And I had to buy both the tickets. Mr. Popper’s Penguins! Goodwill prevails over big business. Eclipse. Zomg, Twilight!!!!1! Cowboys and Aliens. What’s not to like? Inception. Oh, wait…I may be outdated.

He’s so depressed. I think they need Prozac. Yes, the Renaissance would have been a much better place if they had Prozac.

NOT Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Pft.

I’m happy! Maybe my mom smiled at me a lot.

Tron. Neon 3-D electrifying awesomeness.

I don’t want to do Henry VIII. We don’t have time to do six wives, why did he?

Harry Potter—an epic ending to an epic series.

This was from the 60’s. Wow, we really have stuff that old?

Cars 2! Pixar is the best. I want to lick Daniel Craig. Cowboys and Aliens. The Hangover 2. Nights of drunken debauchery = my life.

by Anonymous It is barely six in the morning on this Saturday as I sit at my desk, lights on, angry playlist blasting, typing away. I have chosen to get up and radically accept the fact that sleeping in past six on a Saturday is sometimes a fantasy for someone living on-campus. If I tell you the reason I am awake is because a crew is putting new woodchips down in the areas around the Willard parking lot you will not understand the degree to which I desire to stab whoever scheduled this little maintenance project at SIX IN THE MOTHERFUCKING MORNING. Ahem. Sorry. As you can imagine, I didn’t get much sleep. Also, the angry music is not fully tuning out the sounds from outside and I can hardly hear my own thoughts. My apologies to the editor. As I was saying: they’re putting new woodchips down around the ATM and that little useless island in the middle of the parking lot with four dead trees in it. Now, when I say “they’re putting woodchips down” you think of a few men spreading woodchips, perhaps dumped from a truck, which can sound annoying. Perhaps the men are talking—is that why she’s pissed-off? No. It’s NOTHING like that. Until I managed to pull myself out of bed to look out the window, I thought a new academic building was being erected in the middle of the parking lot. But that would be beneficial to campus— what was I thinking?! Silly me.

construction and maintenance is loud. My problem is not so much that these machines are loud, but that some asshole thought that performing these tasks at six in the morning on a Saturday, fifty feet away from several dormitories, was an okay thing to do. Thank you for that. No, really. Thank you, Mr. Asshole, for scheduling this mulch-crew at six in the morning. Clearly, the image of the half-dead woodchips that we’ve been looking at for the entire semester couldn’t exist another second, let alone until seven in the morning. Or—you know—a reasonable time to break the sound barrier. This isn’t a new problem, sadly. Remember—this is Central! These problems occur constantly! Have you ever had a class in Willard during the first-floor construction? You probably have, considering the fact that it seems like it’s been going on for a year so far. But think about it—how often did you hear the construction going on during class? I’ve had a professor that had to drown out the sound of hammering against the ceiling (what the fuck were they doing?) by screaming facts about the process of classical conditioning loud enough for us to get them into our notes. This should not happen, ever. As a resident student, I pay almost $18,000 to live on this GLORIOUS campus, full of pretty woodchips. $10,000 of that goes to living in the dorm, where apparently you get free wake-up calls on the weekend. But the rest of that money goes towards the hope that I may receive some kind of education here. The fact that my professors had to strain themselves to be heard in class or even let the class out early based on construction, after several complaints, is ridiculous! We are not paying to hear construction and our professors are not being paid to yell. Hell, they went through so much work to earn that PhD, might as well let them put it to good use. There is no reason for construction to be going on at the shittiest time-slots. I’m sure it would have been possible to feed those cats through the wood-chipper at two in the afternoon instead of six this morning. I’m also sure there is no construction being done to Willard at this time on the weekends. Why would they? That would make some kind of sense—something Central isn’t exactly famous for. Well, as the sun is beginning to rise, I am going to heat myself up some left-over pizza for breakfast and seize the opportunity to catch up on some TV in the hopes that some peace may be bestowed upon the area by noon. I just hope the next time you have class in Willard, you fucking appreciate the look of those shiny new woodchips and remember to avoid the cat-bits. photo courtesy of Jackie Hennessey

But no, this is all about woodchips. Mulch. I don’t know if they actually ripped up a few dead trees from some other useless parking lot island and are making their own mulch right here in the parking lot, but it sounds like they’ve put a hundred live cats through the wood-chipper as well. Now, as annoying as this sound is, I understand that sometimes

CLUB PROFILE: SECULAR STUDENT ALLIANCE by Michael McClellan Are you questioning your faith? Looking for non-religious answers? Or do you simply believe in a true separation of church and state? Whatever the case, you should head on over to a meeting of CCSU’s newest student organization, the Secular Student Alliance. The Secular Student Alliance is a branch of a larger organization that has chapters in many universities across the country, as well as some high schools. The mission statement on their website is as follows: “… to organize, unite, educate, and serve students and student communities that promote the ideals of scientific and critical inquiry, democracy, secularism, and human-based ethics. We envision a future in which non-theistic students are respected voices in public discourse and vital partners in www.secularstudents.org the secular movement’s charge against irrationality and dogma.” I sat down with SSA President Alex Jarvis to pick his brain about the new club. What made you want to start the SSA? AJ: “Initially, I heard of two things that concerned me. The first was that an interfaith council was forming at CCSU without a secular voice, and that seemed off to me. The second was that (and this was scuttlebutt, so this may not truly be an issue) the existing peer mediation group was disassembling and that the local ministry was stepping in to pick up the slack. While that is very nice of them, it concerns me that a major advice outlet would be religious themed. “Beyond both of those, however, was that there simply wasn’t a club for secular individuals on campus, and I felt that should change.” What things do you hope to do with the SSA? AJ: “My (and it would be wrong of me not to mention the co-conspirator [and Vice-President of the SSA]here, Rachel Szostek ) have two big purposes for the club. The first is community building - being a guiding light for non-theists, atheists, secularists, agnostics, etc etc. A place for like-minded individuals to not feel ostracized. “The second is really the brainchild of Ms. Szostek. She is really into getting her hands dirty, doing outreach stuff and volunteer work. Blood drives, secular soup kitchens, that sort of thing. It’s not that we think that religiously-themed charities aren’t doing some good, but I do find it sort of repugnant that a particular soup kitchen I am aware of forces you to sit through a sermon before you get your food. We want to do charity work of all kinds - and yes, even working with religious groups where appropriate. “There is a secondary goal here, namely, to reverse the stereotype that we are all a bunch of angry nerds shaking our hands at God.

We’re really a nice bunch of people, generally.” How do you feel about the religious organizations on campus? AJ: “I am aware of a few, but not that well. The only one I’ve ever really found issue with is... I believe they are the ‘Christian Students at Central’? CSAC? Anyway, there was an issue in my freshman year where a group handed out plastic fetuses - admittedly, that might not be them. The only direct cause I can remember is a Cambridge debate about religion a few years back. A member of CSAC was on the debate team and was spouting some terrifically insane stuff, specifically about the founding fathers and their thoughts on the role of religion in the Government. As I got the chance to question her in the middle of the debate, she said one of the strangest things I had ever heard: ‘Well, you have your facts, and I have mine.’ Really astounding. “It would be wrong to judge an entire organization based on one person (despite the fact that I remember this person being in the upper echelons of the group) so perhaps I am being unfair. In any case, I respect all of the groups’ right to religious expression, so long as they respect my right to go without.” How do you feel the SSA should interact with said religious organizations? AJ: “Amicably. I want to form a relationship with the other groups, because I want them to know that we do not hate them, nor do we hate their god, nor do we want to take anything away from them. I fully expect to butt heads with them in one way or another, but I hope it can be done under the banner of discourse, not disrespect.” If someone wanted to contact the SSA, how would they do so? AJ: “Email me at alx@alxjrvs.com! We have a facebook group, but it is malfunctioning terribly, so I’ll likely scrap it and make a new one.” Is there anything else you’d like to mention about the SSA? AJ: “We’re a Non-Prophet Organization, and we’re Ass backwards.”

The Secular Student Alliance meets in the Clocktower Room in the Student Center at 8:30 on Tuesdays. The website for the national organization is http://www.secularstudents.org.

FRESHMEN TREAD IN STRANGE WATERS by Alyssa Smith

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Orientation was completely cancelled which made it awfully difficult for us to learn the ropes of college, the ins and outs of campus, and even making friends. Regardless of being thrown into unknown territory with blinders on, it seems that many have slowly been adapting to the college environment. You’re not in high school anymore; at least, not according to some of my fellow classmates.

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9. Do your homework and there’s a much higher chance you’ll pass.

10. If you see a preacher in the Student Center Circle, avoid him!

11. Take every opportunity to be productive. 12. If you have time in between classes, GET

STUFF DONE! It’s great to unwind and sit around with friends, but not if it means being up until five a.m. doing homework by yourself.

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“In high school, you were technically forced to go, but now you are paying for your education and you appreciate the quality of education that you’re receiving,” said Alie Liscio, Art Education major. “There is much more independence; you’re forced to manage your time and your teacher doesn’t give two shits if you don’t do something,” replied Sara Normandin, undeclared. “You don’t have to sit in a classroom for six hours out of the day, and you have time in between,” said Gretchen Mobilio, International Studies major. A lot of times it’s difficult to accommodate for these changes. High-schoolers tend to be a bit unorganized, and that would be a bad habit to keep in college. “I learned how to manage my time wisely and I actually do my work. I have also made friends to make the transition less difficult,” said Liscio. “I’m trying to be organized and keep an agenda,” replied Normandin.“I work harder at my studies; I’m more serious about them now,” stated Mobilio. They may be getting used to their studies and managing their time, but there are so many things to look forward to that make these things easier to bear, such as: “The downtime and the food! Also, I am looking forward to being in a teaching environment; it will be cool to be on the other end,” said Liscio.

Balancing your time will be a big thing for college, and I will be completely honest—I’m not very good at it either. However, the better you are at doing this, the less stressed you’ll be throughout your four years here. So good luck fellow freshmen, and try not to party too hard.

Have homework parties! The only catch is that you do actually have to do your homework, no matter how distracted you get.

14. Figure out ways to stalk teachers to get 1. Learn Memorial Hall hours. 2. Join a club! 3. To get from down the hill to up the hill, it’s faster to go down the Vance garage stairs, behind the Copernicus and Student Center garages.

4. Always, always, ALWAYS have your Bluechip! 5. Read all the paperwork. 6. Eat when you can! Don’t put it off or you’ll get

hungry exactly thirty seconds before your longest class.

“I like having the ability to go out and have the freedom to make my own decisions,” stated Normandin. “I’m looking forward to doing what I want to do, and getting a job that I’ll enjoy,” replied Mobilio.

13. Homework first, chill later. Or…

7. Learn the places that take Bluechip! 8. Get here REALLY early if you want to park and get to class on time.

help/answers. Facebook counts.

15. Go to the gym early in the morning. Less people = a better time.

16. Follow the rules, but use it for better. All rules have loopholes.

17. Pay attention to professor’s grading sys-

tem when it comes to absences (and how many they allow). Keep track of how often you skip or, uh, stay home sick. They will seriously mess with your grade if you’re absent too much.

18. Talk to your professors if you are having problems. They get paid to help you.

19. Breathe! College is hard. The future is scary. You’ll get there.

IN CASE YOU WERE HIDING UNDER A ROCK THIS SUMMER... by Michael McClellan Quite a few things have happened since school got out in May. Perhaps being busy with work, or being busy with lying in your pool all day, has kept you from being in touch with current events. So I, therefore, humbly offer this refresher course in what has happened over the past couple of months.

WORLD EVENTS

- A little before summer, but still big – On May 1st, Osama bin Laden was shot dead in Abbottabad, Pakistan by Seal Team Six under orders from President Obama. - In the ongoing riots in the Arab world, Syria is devolving into a state of civil war, while Libya remains in a state of stalemate, with neither Qadaffi nor the rebels gaining a sure advantage over the other.

What’s New at CCSU?

- The newest independent nation in the world was created on July 9th – South Sudan successfully seceded from (north) Sudan, though there are still border tensions between them. - On July 22nd, a government building in Oslo, Norway was bombed, and a nearby youth camp was attacked by a gunman, thought to be Anders Breivik, a radical Christian with fierce anti-Muslim sentiments.

by Jen Glifort

SCIENCE Hydration stations—a quick and easy way to fill your water bottle on the go, without having to bob and dance to try and keep up with the water fountain’s whims. What a luxury! These are extensions of some water fountains in the Student Center. Not only are these fun to watch, they help the environment by reusing water bottles. This of course means you’re contributing to saving the world and makes you an honorary superhero. Congrats! The library entrance/lobby—all that time last semester spent staring up at the library (sans outdoor stairs) trying to figure out how to get in was worth it for the improvements that have been made as a result. Jazzman’s café has been moved down to the lobby, so now there’s no need to climb up all those stairs to grab a much-needed smoothie. They’ve filled the lobby with cushy chairs and couches (available with or without side desk extension), high tables and chairs, and shiny, new flatscreens. The Subconnection in Devil’s Den—while it’s not quite Subway, this revamped version of the old sandwich place provides a lot of options that weren’t there before, a welcome change.

- Single-celled yeast were observed evolving into a multi-cellular organism, offering evidence that multi-cellularity may be easier to obtain than previously thought. - A new moon is discovered around Pluto, about 20 km wide, provisionally named S/2011 P1. - The Dawn probe successfully enters orbit around the asteroid Vesta, becoming the first probe to orbit an asteroid, and sending back the first high-resolution pictures of Vesta. - The final flight of the space shuttle Atlantis marks the end of the United States’ government funded manned missions into space.

ENTERTAINMENT

- On July 23rd, singer Amy Winehouse was found dead in her home. F’real milkshakes—these cold treats have been added to the fake Starbucks in Devil’s Den. According to a Sodexo worker, the Cookies n Cream shakes are tied for most popular with the Reese’s (which aren’t advertised but are there). Rightly so. A heapload of construction, complete with growling machines and dirt swirling in the air around the sidewalks. Not to mention the giant fence around Vance Green. Oh, and this is to put up another building, and no more parking. Surprise surprise. Also, we have a new mascot! The new Blue Devil mascot, looks like Victor E.’s evil twin brother (Victor is our old mascot). This guy is wicked scary looking. Howver, the change helps the athletic teams come across as more formidable and less goofy, unlike our beloved Victor. You can catch a glimpse of the new Blue Devil mascot at some of the CCSU Athletic events, so go check them out, and support your CCSU Blue Devils!

UNITED STATES

- Representative Anthony Weiner retires after pictures of his underwear bulge were leaked on Twitter. - On June 24th, the New York legislature legalized same-sex marriage. - The United States Congress creates unnecessary drama and risks the US’s AAA credit rating by bickering over raising the debt ceiling before finally coming to a deal right before the August 1st deadline.

WILL A REAL FEMINIST PLEASE STAND UP?

It is a mystery to me why some people cringe and start slowly backing away at the mere mention of the word, because isn’t feminism about gender equality? What’s so scary about that?

by Jessica Grzelak “Woman must write herself: must write about women and bring women to writing, from which they have been driven away as violently as from their bodies-for the same reasons, by the same law, with the same fatal goal. Woman must put herself into the text-as into the world and into history-by her own movement.” – Helene Cixous in The Laugh of the Medusa (1976) I am a feminist.

I can already see your fingers lingering at the corner of the page. To turn it, or not to turn it? Still here? Good. I am a feminist.

Are you still cringing? Maybe you are. Maybe the thought of a woman thinking for herself and using both her intuition and her intellect to make decisions is synonymous with blasphemy to you. Maybe the very concept of women being paid the same salary as men in the workplace makes you want to gauge your eyeballs out with a fork. Maybe your face is red with rage and your hands are shaking violently as you contemplate ripping this article out of the magazine so you can pretend it never existed. Or, maybe not. Maybe, like me, you realize that we may have come a long way since the 1800s, but we still have quite a ways to go. I am a feminist because, contrary to popular belief, the patriarchy does still exist in America. Don’t believe me? Just look around yourself. As I write this on the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day, evidence of the silencing of women has been plastering the news. Planned Parenthood, a saving grace in the world of women’s health, is directly under attack and their access to federal funding is at risk. It doesn’t matter what your stance is on abortion. Planned Parenthood has provided women with affordable HIV and STD testing, pap smears, breast examinations, and other necessary medical procedures since 1916, and for many women, Planned Parenthood is their only option. In other recent news, some members of the Republican Party had the oh-so-bright idea of trying to redefine what constitutes as rape. Let’s say you were at a party and someone slipped roofies into your drink and then proceeded to have sex with you without your consent. Guess what? Under this new definition, that wouldn’t even be considered rape. Nope. Now it’s your fault, because you shouldn’t have been drinking. Now, the only way it can be deemed as rape is if a weapon was involved. The problem? How do you prove that the person who was violating your body, and your voice, was holding a gun in your face? And even if they weren’t holding a gun in your face, you still said no.

Original Poster by J. Howard Miller, 1942

What does any of this have to do with feminism and the patriarchy? The bottom line is this: Women’s voices are being ripped out of their throats by our government, which is, needless to say, primarily made up of men. A world where poor and lowermiddle-class women have no access to health care, have no say in what is going on in their bodies, and are told that it is no one’s fault but their own that they were raped (YES! Raped!) is a world which dehumanizes women. I, for one, am not content to live my life as a voiceless second-class citizen, thank you very much. I am a feminist because I’m sick of young girls being taught that their vaginas are dirty, while boy’s penises are glorified. In my house as a little girl, no one even said the word “vagina,” as if it were too dirty a word to speak out loud. Instead, I was raised calling it a “musn’t-touch-it” – spoken quickly as if it’s all one word. I don’t blame my mom for any insecurity issues this may have triggered in my teen years because I know that’s what her mother taught her to call it, and her mother taught her to call it, etc. etc. etc. But I’ll tell you one thing: That tradition ends here because if I ever have a daughter, she will be taught to love and appreciate every part of her body so she will never feel ashamed of her own flesh the way so many women feel today. Labiaplasties are becoming just a little too common for my taste. I am a feminist because when I was taught sex education in middle school and high school, it was scarily similar to the universally recognizable Mean Girls mantra: “Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant. And die.” As a female, all I learned in sex ed is that sex victimizes women and it is something to be feared. Men, my teachers taught me, are sexual predators who will do whatever it takes to spread their seed. Was this supposed to teach me anything about healthy sexuality? There is no evidence to suggest that abstinence prevents teens from having sex. In fact, its only accomplishment is disembodying young girls. They don’t learn to be in tune with their body’s natural rhythms and cycles – instead, they learn that they will never be entitled to pleasure and that sex is all about pleasing someone else. Think about it. If you’re raised thinking sex is bad, how in the world are you ever supposed to grow up and gain a healthy and positive outlook on sexuality?

… Because Barbie is still the beauty standard for women, even though if Barbie were real her body would be so disproportionate that she would be walking on all fours. … Because as much as women who get beauty reconstruction surgery say “I am doing it for myself,” there is always an underlying deep-rooted need for the approval of the men in their lives. And will someone please tell me when it became socially acceptable to refer to women as “bitches” and “sluts”? If only I had a quarter for every time I’ve heard a girl conversationally say, “Hey, slut!” to one of her female friends like it’s no big deal and they aren’t contributing to the patriarchy’s oppression of women and misogyny at all… Do you need any more proof that the patriarchy still exists? How about the fact that violence against women is an accepted concept and is sexually glorified in the media? Think of your favorite slasher flick, which inevitably has the scene with the sexy female getting undressed and stepping into the shower, purposefully done so that the male viewers are good and turned on by the time the shower curtain is pulled back and dun, dun, dun … there’s some crazy killer wielding a knife. Speaking of the media (nice segue, right?), we can always delve into the ways the portrayals of women in music videos is degrading and dehumanizing, but that is a topic that deserves an article all on its own. I am not proposing that a matriarchy is in order. What good would it do to belittle men the way women have been belittled? What I am calling for is gender equality. We need to educate ourselves and each other on the impact that the fear, oppression, guilt, and insecurities from the patriarchy has had on women’s minds, bodies, and souls. We need to step up and come out as feminists. Yes, men, you can be feminists too, and if you care at all about your girlfriends, mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, and friends, then you will be.

I AM A FEMINIST. ARE YOU?

I am a feminist … … Because in some schools, girls who are pregnant can still be expelled and denied an education, while their male partners are allowed to stay in school and live normal lives. … Because it pisses me off that women are “supposed” to be sexy, but not sexual. … Because one day in the toy aisle at Target (Tar-jay, if you will), I observed a woman refuse to buy her presumably three year old daughter a toy dinosaur and instead, repeatedly insist upon buying her a Baby Olivia Doll.

What are YOU passionate about?

TELL US! Submit your article to

OFFCENTERMAGAZINE@YAHOO.COM!

14 by Alan E. Zoll

A BOOK BY ITS COVER

I sit, hunched over and hollowed by the knowledge that I am kidding no one. Approaching 40, my sagging face seems to weigh on my eyes, pulling my gaze down towards the desktop. It holds no answers for me, only more questions: what does “Kelli + Rob” actually equal? I try to remember ever feeling that young. I look around the classroom at all the twenty-something faces. They don’t look as if they want to be here either. But that’s because they have something better to do, I imagine. I have nothing better than this. This is supposed to be fixing things. I was to be this great writer by now, yet here I am, in the seventh year of a four-year degree, ninth if you count the two years of Community College taken half a lifetime ago. But I find that no one really counts that for much of anything. I do. That’s when this had been fun. The desks in the room have been dragged into an improvised horseshoe arrangement, probably at some instructor’s request, and that makes things even more awkward. I can’t lose myself in a drawn-down cap and upturned fleece collar. I have no choice but to look directly across the room, into the face of youth. And while youth takes on various manifestations and depictions, it still col-

lectively screams at me of vitality and energy – and hope. There is future in each of these faces, the tales of their adulthood still a work in progress, lines still yet unwritten around their eyes, in the corners of their mouths. The young woman directly across from me reminds me of a girl I went to elementary school with at Our Mother of Consolation. Jenny…Longstreth? No…the other Jenny, whatever her name was. Prior! Jenny Prior. Her brown curls are pulled back and off to the side and she has those same freckles Jenny had. An out-of-place thought flits through my head and I briefly wonder if this might actually be Jenny, before I realize ol’ Jen would be approaching 40 now as well. She would probably be a doctor by now, a pediatrician or obstetrician; she’d always seemed smart. The girl to the right of Jenny 2.0 has a mass of dyed-blonde curls with the hairline still showing its dark brown roots. Oops, did we miss some? Or maybe that’s a style now; I have no idea anymore. Her features look Italian or maybe Greek, Mediterranean at least. That might explain the roots. And speaking of dye jobs, the young woman on Jenny’s left is truly a sight to behold. Her hair terrifically done-up in pink and purple and green and cut so short as to be almost masculine; her thick black plastic glasses pinch into her reddish round face. She keeps plucking nervously at a surprisingly retro extra-large Beatles t-shirt that urges the owner of any eyes who should fall upon it to simply “Let It Be.” I feel she does not care much for this seating arrangement either and almost as in affirmation she yanks what I assume must be one of those iPads from her bag and begins to navigate herself into another reality. So now how is all this going to work? Creative Writing: Fiction I. Would we be writing in class and then simply read aloud to each other? That doesn’t worry me too much. I’m pretty confident in my writing, if in nothing else.

A glance around the horseshoe reveals other faces and I start to size up the literary competition. I wonder who among them has “the stuff” – and who is just here for the credits. This one guy looks the part. He has that artist look: the long hair, the goatee, skinny as a meth addict but with a contradictory pallor that radiates health. He looks a bit like a pirate, albeit a pirate who can expound at length on the artistic contributions of Marc Chagall…or Radiohead. The young man next to him has the look that has seemingly become the modern day embodiment of “Joe College.” Dressed in long droopy basketball shorts with the backwards baseball hat, he typifies that cookie-cutter standard you see displayed on every second guy walking around campus. Has the jury reached a decision? “We have your honor. We find that Joe College probably can’t write worth a damn. Just here for the credits.” Case dismissed. Next up is the pleasing visage of a young woman – fit, firm and tan, and obviously athletic, decked out in school-logo’d sweats, who commingles the odd juxtaposition of cascading hair so luxurious as to warrant consideration

in a shampoo commercial alongside a nose that could belong to the starting half-back of the 1967 Green Bay Packers. I am in the process of assigning her the rank of team captain of the women’s field hockey team when from the front of the room booms: “Good afternoon!” The only thing more depressing than being the old guy in a room full of the young and beautiful is being replaced by an even older guy who looks younger than you feel. This was one English professor who kept in shape. His fitted Oxford shirt barely rumples as he sets down his briefcase, while I smooth the billowy front of my oversized pullover and try to sit up straight in my embarrassingly creaking plastic chair. And just like that, class starts. We are given our first writing assignment, a jumpingoff point of sorts: “Come up with a scene, a character sketch, anything…using only what you see before you…go.” Well then, let’s get this started. I reach into my battered and cracked and decidedly high school-looking Jansport, fishing for the pen that has served me valiantly for the last three semesters without running dry. I flip through the pencil-filled yellow paper of the notebook I swiped from my accountant wife’s laptop bag this morning, looking for a blank page. Finding one, I pause. Pen poised, I look once more around the room at the youth, their heads bent, concentrated in task. I’m not sure how to begin, and so I do what I always do, I simply start to write. The first two letters are merely etched shadows, grooved into the surface of the paper, no ink bleeding them into life. I stare at my pen, startled and saddened that it has finally failed me. I scratch it back and forth in the margin and what faint traces of black left in its ballpoint tip ebb from a milky grey to finally nothing at all. I look to my right, then to my left. I have to ask someone for a new pen, but can’t seem to find my voice. A question panics me as I continue with vain scratches to jumpstart the implement through which flows my creativity: What if the pen isn’t the only thing that has finally run dry?

Lovely Life Lessons by Larry Clark Teachers… there’s a slew of teachers across this campus and they come in all varieties. There’s no way to categorize them over all per se, but what I do know is a bad teacher when I see one. Now before I can tell you all the things a teacher should not do in a simply compiled list filled with all the things I’ve learned not to do. This past semester, I took a general education course. The course was World Political Systems, something that may not appeal to the average student, but I thought would be a remotely interesting course seeing as I’ve always found politics something up my alley. This class was with one professor who, for the purposes of this article, shall be named Professor S. This Professor S. decided to teach our small class of 30 (on test days), which was in what I’m convinced had to be the smallest classroom in DiLoreto. This class was taught like it was in the basement lecture hall; Professor S. Took his giant stack of notes, sat at the desk and just read. That’s right, just read; he did not get up to write on the board more than three times throughout the entire semester. Professor S’s grading system was so screwed up, not even math could justify the grade I got (which was an A- for those who might claim I’m just biased). In this class I learned very little about the world or its political systems. What I did learn was a valuable lesson on what to do and what not to do when I begin teaching.

SQUIRREL STORIES! Let’s face it, everyone has one...

way you present the material is ridiculous. You’ve got the time for students to ask questions, or even start a compare and contrast lesson. This is a basic skill to have when you teach. Not every student is going to learn the same way, and not every class should be taught the same. This is a basic lesson taught in public speaking courses and failure to do so is atrocious.

Make it interesting. Now I’m not saying launch fireworks out the window or have pizza every class (though it would maximize attendance), but perhaps you could stand up and move around, try and relate to kids these days (which doesn’t mean talk about drinking all the time) or even just talk like you actually care about what you’re talking about just throw a little inflection into your voice; it’ll do wonders.

Improvise Now I know it might be so hard to deviate from your notes that you’ve been using for the past 30 years. Believe me if you know your stuff and you should; remember those degrees you got? They actually mean something; also you shouldn’t then have to completely be using your notes as a crutch. You should feel comfortable enough with the material to go off the cuff for certain parts of your lesson. Unless of course you don’t know anything about the material, and then why are you teaching again?

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When you’ve got a smaller class (compared to a lecture), and you’re not changing the

BOBBY,

Illustration by Kasey Gordon

COLLEGE JUNIOR:

“At my house we have been feeding the squirrels cashews for years. This past year the squirrels have either gotten particularly trusting or particularly impatient. Last spring, we would head outside with the cashews in our hands and the squirrels would climb into our hands before we could put down the cashews. By fall the squirrels would climb onto our feet in anticipation of cashews.”

JOE, COLLEGE SENIOR: htt

Customize your material.

“At my Grandmother’s house there were not always a lot of things to do, so I would invent activities to keep myself busy. One such activity involved a squirt gun, a lawn chair, two piles of peanuts, and a squirrel. I would put out two piles of peanuts and sit in the lawn chair very quietly with the squirt gun, and then I would wait for the squirrel to come to me! The squirrel would slowly approach one pile and then start eating, and I would shoot him with my squirt gun so he would run to the other pile where I proceeded to shoot him and he would run back. I would do this continually until they finally figured it out and ran off or just ate at one pile because they didn’t care. The conclusion that I came to is that squirrels aren’t very smart and will run happily back and forth from one pile to another, none the wiser for about five minutes before they figure out what’s going on. However mean this may have been to the squirrels, I found it quite entertaining.”

(I was thinking about this story after hearing it and realized if a squirrel climbed onto one of Bobby or his family’s feet too fast then it would probably be punted across the porch or wherever it is they feed the squirrels. I thought this image was too funny to be left out.)

Don’t take attendance if you’re teaching a lecture This always seemed impractical to me, especially in college. I mean if you’re going to sit there, talk and make failed attempts at asking questions; attendance and participation just become jokes in all senses of grading. The fact is the students who care will attend and the ones who don’t care won’t show.

STEPHANIE, COLLEGE FRESHMAN:

“We used to have a bird feeder on a pole in our backyard and every day without fail a squirrel would make his way up the pole and into the birdfeeder. My dad got very sick of buying bird food for the squirrels and came up with a plan. One day he put olive oil on the pole leading up to the birdfeeder and try as that squirrel might he would get up a few feet and slide down a few feet. We thought that the squirrel had given up and would never get the bird food again until he remembered that he was a squirrel. The squirrel proceeded to run up the tree next to the bird feeder and jump out of the tree, free fall a good amount of feet, and wrap himself around the side of the birdfeeder. After this the oil on the bird feeder pole never worried that squirrel again.”

Got a squirrel story you want to share? Send it to

OFFCENTERMAGAZINE@YAHOO.COM! Next month, we’ll be printing the collected stories of CCSU students!

SO MUCH FOR THE

by Dave Baker I’m the guy who believed all the brochures. “Study abroad! Discover new and exciting cultures! Change your life!” I took a major leap outside of my comfort zone, the 203 area code, and spent the fall semester of 2009 in Preston, England; a place short on life changing experiences and heavy on shitty one-room flats, overcast skies, and the stale taste of Carling English Lager. Siddhartha might have had a shot at finding himself there, but not me. A five-month bender ensued. Never mind Big Ben and London Bridge, I toured the fine pubs of Central Lancashire. Days were spent sleeping. Nights were spent drinking – sometimes alone. I left Preston that December, ending months of wannabe rock star living, travel, and the occasional classroom appearance. I boarded an airplane at Manchester International bound for J.F.K, settled into my 32” space, home for the next eight hours, and drank in my last views of England. A steady, gentle snowfall gave the rain a rest. A nice change of pace, but, the snow reminded me too much of home; the miserable weather and litany of unanswered questions from my friends, my family, and myself that awaited me. On the verge of nodding out, an Englishman, looking to be in his mid-twenties, took a seat next to me and interrupted the whirlwind of reflection and self-loathing racing through my mind. He was tall and lean, with an athletic build. Well dressed, wearing a pressed white button down, grey cardigan and rather tight dark jeans, the entire ensemble was topped off with one of those European “fohawks.” He carried himself with a certain swagger, altering anyone in proximity that he was a man of stature, a man of character, maybe even of importance. As far as I was concerned, he was a professional soccer player, successful entrepreneur, budding socialite, or maybe the fucking English “Situation.” The plane took off and flew over the boxed houses and lush green fields of a northern England that I was viewing for the first time. My stay in the United Kingdom didn’t introduce me to a rich and storied culture. It only confirmed how American I really was. I lived in an American-made bubble, impervious to all things English. No, I didn’t eat fish and chips. No, I don’t want your tea, coffee’s fine. I never went to the pub to watch football matches. Stop calling it football; it’s soccer and it’s fucking boring. I never went to the nightclubs my peers at the University of Central Lancashire frequented. English girls were a bunch of stuck up bitches. I had the “privilege” of sharing a flat with three, and I couldn’t stand the ridiculous sound of Dubstep, the worst thing to happen to Europe since Bubonic plague. So, each night I took my seat at the dimly lit Assembly, accompanied by my two close friends, John Jameson and Arthur Guinness. “God Save the Queen” my ass. The stewardesses began making their rounds. “Anything to drink?” “Carlsberg. Cheers, love.” “And for you, sir?” “Yeah, I’ll take a Carling, please. Thanks.”

My English neighbor made light of my drink order. “Bit early,Yank?” “Fuck it, not like I got anything to do tomorrow. Unless of course, there’s a rule against Yanks drinkin in the morning.” “Just takin the piss outta ya, man. Fuckin off back home are ya?” “Yessir. Five months in Preston. Time I went home, ya know? What about you? Family in the states?” “Nah. Holiday with me Dad and mates.” A brasher looking guy seated in front of me turned to us. His crew cut and Manchester City F.C. Track jacket screamed chav, the type my mouth always got me in to trouble with. “Stuck with a Yank? First you gotta win their fuckin wars, now you gotta sit your flight with em?” Most Brits I met didn’t think England needed America’s help to win World War II. My stock answer to such was typically along the lines of, “Oh is that right? ‘Cause you’d be speaking German if it wasn’t for us, motherfucker.” A Delta flight wasn’t The Adelphi. All I could do was smirk and shake him off. “Honestly Dec, I don’t know how you put up wit em.” “Don’t mind him, mate, he’s harmless.” The conversation was in dire need of levity. “Deal with Americans a lot in your work?” “Quite a bit, actually.” “Oh yeah? What do you do?” “Just got out the service.” His friend chimed in. “He’s just bein modest. He’s a Marine.” The Royal Marines are the British equivalent to the U.S. Army Rangers: elite and exclusive. Of all military training programs of NATO participating nations, training for the Royal Marines ranks as the toughest. This man was not to be fucked with. “Eh, pay no attention to him, I was just another bootneck.” “Oh fuck off. He’s been in Afghanistan. Yanks always need us to save your ass?” In 2009, British forces were stationed in the Helmand Province of southern Afghanistan, a Taliban stronghold and the opium production capital of the world. Helmand bore the brunt of combat between Taliban insurgents and NATO forces. British fatalities in Afghanistan totaled 159 that year alone. “Damn, that’s some serious shit. Must be glad to be back?” “It’s what I’m paid for. Nothin a holiday and a few good piss ups won’t fix. I’m Declan, by the way. ” “Dave.” “Well there, Dave, fancy another pint then?” “Yeah, sure, I got the next one.” The plane made its way over what I always imagined to be a cold, grey Atlantic Ocean. Instead, I peered out my window to see clear skies and a beaming sun beat down on a blue sea. It felt like months since I had seen the sun. I guess I hadn’t. I had a rough semester. I was lonely, homesick, and suffered from a crippling case of hangover. But, facedown in the gutter sure as Hell wasn’t facedown in a foxhole; and I’m sure Declan knew all about that. We spent the rest of the flight drinking and talking, talking about drinking, and swapping stories from home. Declan asked me about places to go

in Manhattan and I told him a small town kid from Connecticut was the wrong person to ask. We landed. Declan and company went on to have their holiday in the city and I went on to resume a life put on pause. I didn’t find the culturally-broadening and life-altering experience I was promised in Preston, but that’s not to say I returned home empty-handed on life lessons. I learned that chasing tequila with beer is a terrible idea, French fries and gravy are a late night snacking revelation, and that Youtube has every episode of the 90’s classic Boy Meets World split into three parts. I learned to never again use an ATM machine in Venice, Italy (they literally steal your identity) and that live soccer games aren’t nearly as exciting as that Elijah Wood movie made them out to be. Most importantly, I learned the importance of trying to make the best of life, no matter how bleak your situation seems. Everything in life is temporary – especially semesters abroad. (c) 2009 Kasey Gordon

called cystic fibrosis, it gives me a hall pass into the lives of the inflicted; they understand that I can relate to what they’re feeling and it allows me to get their attention where maybe someone else wouldn’t be able to.

P: Besides Warped Tour, are there any other annual events that

Living The Dream participates in? S: I hate to pinhole :LTD)( by saying that we do anything annually due to the fact that I always want to stay fresh. We have a saying, “just because we did it yesterday, doesn’t mean we have to do it tomorrow.” This philosophy helps maintain a vanguard type atmosphere, and helps us to not get caught/stalled up and become stale. That being said, we’ve picked up two new tours this year called Country Throwdown and Mayhem, as well as continuing on with the Warped Tour; the Kids Love the Warped Tour…and so do we!

P: What is the connection between Warped Tour and the Living

LIVING THE DREAM: by Paxton Moynihan

When I set out to write an article about the Living The Dream foundation, I had planned to email Scottie Somers, the founder of the foundation, and ask him several questions, which would then be turned into an article. Upon reading Scottie’s replies, I felt that his words were so eloquent and heartfelt that they didn’t need to be re-arranged and edited into an article. What you are reading is straight from Scottie, to you, the students of CCSU. I hope you are able to find some inspiration in Scottie’s words as I have, and can carry his message with you as you live your life every day. Peace, and enjoy. Paxton:LTD)(

PAXTON: What is the philosophy behind the Living The

Dream Foundation? SCOTTIE: Very simple, to live life every day appreciating what we have; Living The Dream… Not focused on the negatives of our afflictions, or what will eventually come for us all--death.

The Dream Foundation? S: The connection started back in 2000 and 2001 when I used to play music myself in a band called Lefty, signed by Interscope Records. Lefty played the Warped Tour those two years; it was there that I met Kevin Lyman (Founder of the Warped Tour). Kevin and I stayed in touch over the years and the rest is History.

AN INTERVIEW WITH SCOTTIE SOMERS

P: How did you start the foundation up? S: I started it up in My heart and head first; I then turned it into

a reality by acting out My Dreams and Visions by taking that first step. It was when I turned 40 years old, that I knew I needed to give back to a life that’s been very good to me.

P: What is the history of the Living The Dream Foundation? S: Well because I feel that :LTD)( is an extension of My Life’s

experiences, I’d have to say the History goes back 44 Years ago to 1966 when I was born. Through My Life’s Journey’s, I’ve been very fortunate to meet some very influential Men and Women in My Life; one of those Men being Bob Hurley. In June of 2007, Bob Hurley graciously invited me in to run :LTD)( within the Hurley walls here on campus, where it still resides today. Then through the lives and stories of our :LTD)( family members (including yourself), we’re building continuously the history of :LTD)( each and every day. Living The Dream isn’t about Scottie Somers, it’s about US!!! WE ARE ONE.

P: How have you been able to use your experiences to help others and connect to others? S: Well, due to the fact that I have a terminal disease myself

P: What is the connection between the Hurley Company and

S: Don’t fear anybody or thing. If you feel that you can and want to do something to make a difference, then get rad and do it.

P: What advice can you give to people living with a chronic ill-

ness or disability? S: Don’t look out any further than this very moment. Enjoy this moment and then the next when it comes. We were all born with a terminal disease called LIFE; if any of us look out too far, we’re History. Just Enjoy today, everyday.

P: What advice can you give people to help them LIVE THE

DREAM in their everyday lives? S: Well, I never say LIVE THE DREAM because the branding isn’t correct there…haha LIVING THE DREAM is a state of being that you have to aspire to become; I realize it’s not easy for most to say I’m dying and I’m Living The Dream in the same breath. But I am dying, and so are you, we all are; I feel it necessary to be positive in the moment, no matter where I’m at, Hospital or Warped Tour. It’s important to enjoy being alive. If You don’t believe me, ask any of My Family members, Friends, all my Doctors and Nurses; I try not to ever bring anyone down regardless of how sick I may be… I’m pretty private when I’m ill most of the time. Matter of fact, I have a pain in my left lung right now, which is pneumonia, but you wouldn’t have known that if I didn’t tell you. I usually don’t… Did I get off track there? ;-)

the Living The Dream Foundation? S: When I was in Lefty, Hurley used to sponsor us and give us free swag. I stayed true to the Hurley Brand from that day on. Hurley is Family to me now!

P: Why are you so awesome? S: Rather than answering this last question that I could never

P: Who inspires you? S: Oh Boy, Do You have a Pen and Paper ready? The quick is

“Today we write a brand new chapter. The story so precious, you play the actor. The script’s unwritten, each act’s a factor. How do you want to be known ever after?” Scottie Somers

anybody that can overcome hardship with a smile on their face as well as not taking anyone down with them while in the dark hole called sickness. I’m so not into people that feel sorry for themselves; that’s a deeper issue to address than I personally have time for. I’m inspired by extraordinary people that take the hard shitty paid jobs, like teachers, our military, police, nurses, factory workers, etc… I’m inspired by good Moms and Dads that love their children and make them a priority. I’m inspired by doctors that want to find the next cure, or help the next patient to get better. I’m inspired by Great Business Men and Women like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Oprah, Bob Hurley, etc. I’m inspired by our Living The Dream Children that are fighting for their lives right now, just to make it to tomorrow.

P: What advice can you give to people who would like to help other people?

answer anyways without being vain, I’d like to leave you with these two quotes:

“Death does not scare me, for I have witnessed and felt great pain. Not Living The Dream scares me, for a life not sharing and caring, is a life wasted in vain.” Scottie Somers Thank You for the honor and privilege of getting to answer some of your questions and being able to share a little bit about myself and our LIVING THE DREAM FOUNDATION. You’re Awesome... :-) Love and Respect Always… Scottie:LTD)( Living the dream

by Michael McClellan Winter is coming. Or so George R. R. Martin would have us believe. His as yet unfinished epic, A Song of Ice and Fire, which sprawls across three continents, dozens of characters, and thousands of pages, has captured my attention like few other books (or series of them) have managed to do. And yet I can’t help comparing the medieval-esque tale of warring noble houses to another fantasy series in seven volumes. Where Harry Potter stole my youth, A Song of Ice and Fire is more and more stealing away my burgeoning adulthood. Back when I was a mere nine years old, I happened upon a little paperback book at my elementary school book fair. That little book was titled Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and the once new book, sitting in a prized seat next to my bookshelf, is dog-eared, chocolate-smeared, has a ragged binding, and the pages are beginning to tear in places; a condition generally called “well-loved.” After my first trip down Diagon Alley, I couldn’t get enough. I received the next two volumes (hardcover this time) for Christmas, and quickly devoured them in succession. Chamber of Secrets scared the bejeezus out of me, and Prisoner of Azkaban remains my favorite of the series. After finishing all three, I went back and read them again. And again. And yet again.

Then, in the year 2000, the fourth volume, bigger than the first three combined, hit shelves like an asteroid out of a Bruce Willis movie, breaking records in sales. I know had a fourth tome to add to my re-reading cycle. But that wouldn’t last too long, right? Ms. Rowling would give us the fifth book by next year, right? Right? Unfortunately not. This was my introduction to the fact that most things don’t happen instantly. They take time. This was made agonizingly clear by the fact that these three years of waiting happened to coincide with middle school, possibly the three worst years of my life. But that’s a story for a different article. To help alleviate the pain, Warner Brothers began to make movies of the as yet unfinished series. The new Harry Potter movie became the highlight of the year. Part of me wonders if making them mid-series was a good idea or not; it was a sound business plan: best to ride the wave of fervor while it was strong, than wait for the rest of the series to be published and find the ready-made fan base had evaporated. But with all the changes in directors and the removal of pivotal scenes to make the stories cinematic, I feel a better job could have been done overall if the filmmakers had been able to see the series as a whole before beginning. But no matter; in 2003, Order of the Phoenix finally was released, and I was swept away in a new adventure. That always made the books so much more satisfying than the movies – no matter how well the movies adapted the books, there would never be anything new, no surprises; while with the books, you were always wondering what would happen next. As the books and movies continued to come out, Harry grew older, and so did I, even after realizing that I never would get my Hogwarts acceptance letter. But moving on to college awakened me to a stark realization: there were people out there who abjectly hated Harry Potter – they derided it as children’s’ literature, and usually not even literature, at that. I was trying to explain to someone the other day how Ms. Rowling is quite a good writer because she’s able to capture the reader and bring them along on an adventure,

but he swept that aside and called it “Marketing.” Since when is making a good, desirable product simply “salesmanship?” If I make the best car in the business, with, say, one hundred miles to the gallon, luxurious features and amazing safety, and everyone wants to have one, is that just me “selling my product”? Not in the least. Go away, you naysayers. Maybe read the books before you pass judgment on them. I read Catcher in the Rye before I proclaimed it rubbish. I sat and watched the entirety of 2001: A Space Odyssey (admittedly fast-forwarding through the end) before labeling it utter garbage. At least have the respect to do the same with the boy wizard.

longer than a Harry Potter volume, and in much tinier print, so rather than finishing it in a single night, like I had done with Deathly Hallows (a very tearful night that was), A Dance with Dragons was read over the better part of a week. Also worthy of mention is the HBO miniseries made of the first book which was released just this past spring, which also helped tide me over. But now that book number five is done, I have at least another year to wait for season two of the HBO series, and who knows how long for Mr. Martin to finish book six, and then book seven. I’ll probably (hopefully) have a job and a steady income by the time the series is finished.

I was assuaged somewhat in discovering a series of books that no one in their right minds would ever classify as being for kids. I had made it a habit of mine to go into a bookstore, find an author I had never heard of, pick up a book of theirs (preferably a series, because I like a good, long story), and reading the first page. If I was caught by the first page, I would buy the book. I got some really good reading (and a much fuller bookshelf) from this practice. But one of the novels I picked up was a little yellow book by some guy I had never heard of with two middle initials (what, did this guy think he was Tolkien or something?) called A Game of Thrones. The first few pages were a little slow, but interesting nonetheless. I took it home with me (after paying for it, of course). The first half of the book was slow, a little bumpy, but with some damn good scenes, and quite likeable characters. But around the halfway point, it was as if Mr. Martin suddenly stepped on the gas pedal of our sedate little Oldsmobile, and the sudden gust of wind blew off the disguising tarp to reveal a bullet train, which carried me all the way to the end of the book, then back to the bookstore for volumes two and three. Those next two books (titled A Clash of Kings and A Storm of Swords) turned the bullet train into a jet, and then a rocketship, blasting off to Alpha Centauri. All the twists and turns and plots and intrigues just kept the pages turning and turning until my fingers started to get numb. As I headed back for the fourth volume, A Feast for Crows, I realized I had found a new Harry Potter. Luckily I had found it over halfway through the series, so my wait for the final books should be minimal. But Mr. Martin takes his time, even more so than Ms. Rowling did. A Feast for Crows was released five years after A Storm of Swords, and when I read those first four books, it had been five years since that fourth book had hit shelves. Luckily, I had but one more year to wait for book number five – A Dance with Dragons. I had ordered it online (like I had done with the last three Harry Potter books), and when it arrived, I immediately set to in devouring it. Of course, as “adult literature,” Mr. Martin’s books are substantially

But the HBO series also made me wonder about the relative merits of adapting a book to television, or the silver screen. The Harry Potter movies have been wildly successful, and pretty damn good, and have reached billions across the globe. But there’s only so much of a book you can stuff into two and a half hours. The ten episodes of Game of Thrones have been markedly different from the hectic pace of the Potter flicks – they were instead sedate, reveling in each scene and moment, allowing the book to breathe, while still holding your attention at every turn with marvelous acting. I feel being done as a series was a much better decision than making A Game of Thrones into a movie would have been. So much would have been cut, and it probably would have been a poor adaption all around. With the TV series, it feels like everything is there – it feels complete, whole, where the Harry Potter movies often times felt jarring, rushed, and incomplete, though still quite good. At any rate, I have another “well-loved” book sitting in a prized place on my shelf, and room saved for two more books to come. Mr. Martin – get to writing! And dear readers – get reading! I swear neither the aforementioned author, nor HBO are paying me anything, but I cannot recommend this series too highly. As we once grew up with Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger, let’s grow a little more with Jon Snow, Danaerys Targaryen, and Tyrion Lannister. There’s just something about reading a living work of literature that can’t compare with reading a completed work, like The Lord of the Rings. It’s as if you’re part of it. So come join me and be a part of A Song of Ice and Fire; Winter is Coming, and boy, am I excited!

Scavenger Hunt: CCSU Style!

texts from last night: CCSU edition

Now that we’re back in classes and rushing around campus, there are a few CCSU must-sees that you should be on the lookout for.Whether they’re common to all colleges or are a CCSU exclusive, we’ve all seen ‘em, and these oddities are a sure sign that we’re back in the swing of things.

1. 2. 3. 4.

compiled by Jen Glifort

Squirrel with a white spot on it. These discolored critters have been caught and marked by the biology department for studies. Or, they’re creating an enormous squirrel army and the spots are their badges.

(860): Someone just came through the drivethru at work in a golf cart. I quit. (203): Have babies so I can rub your children!

Kid singing on his/her way to class. Headphones or no headphones, nothing can stop this jam.

(203):You’ll never guess who I just saw at work. Go. Guess (1-203): Uhhh, Hugh Jackman! If only (203): Nope! Your ex. His hair is looking comical these days… (1-203): Eugh. I’m not at all surprised. He finally got some friends? How nice. Text me when it’s Hugh Jackman

Broken piece of classroom technology. The computer growls, the projector won’t project, the screen is stuck in its rolly-screen-holder thing. This PowerPoint couldn’t go any better! The bells. Listen for them! They’ll either go off ten minutes before noon, ten minutes after, or at twelve on the dot. Or, you know, whenever they feel like it.

(860): Damnit! I just spilled gunpowder all over my bed! (203): What?! How are you even in a situation where that is a thing that can possibly happen?

EXTRA CHALLENGE: The bells tolling out Brahms’ lullaby. Because that’s exactly what you should be hearing on your way to a three-hour math class.

Bathroom stall graffiti. Lewd, crude, but potentially hilarious. Sometimes there’s even poetry.

(203): Dude. Hickeys all over. Visible. Work tomorrow. Help. (1-203): I feel like you’re making all of my past mistakes. Coverup, young grasshopper. Lots of coverup.

Elevator/Tower of Terror ride. With an explosive noise and a hydraulic boost, courtesy of NASA, this box is on its way to the next floor at lightning-speed.

(203): Just saw someone with a Twitter name of ILLEATYOPUSSY43 (1-203): Automatic follow

Alternatively, The slowest elevator still in use on this planet, aka, the Kiddy Ride. Is this thing even moving? Is it pulled by a small legion of trolls who live in the basement? I didn’t think I was claustrophobic until just now… BONUS! Campus cop on a Segway. Although they went to the trouble of buying these veritable pogo sticks for adults, they’re rarely seen. The most common use is to look menacing outside of the cafeteria. BONUS BONUS! Campus cop riding a Segway through the Student Center. It actually happens.

Illustration by Kasey Gordon

5. 6.

(203): Soooo, when you had to take Plan B that tiiiiime, did it start your period, or have any weird effects or anything? Totally hypothetical (1-203): Hahaaaa, what did you do? Yes, it hurt my stomach and I felt headachey. Now tell me the story

(203): Went downstairs and our sister is listening to screamo while putting makeup on a run-over Barbie doll head to make it look more scene/ emo. I don’t think this is a phase anymore (203): I forgot about you. I’m high. I love you. Cheese. (203): I’m currently rocking back and forth on my bed, laughing hysterically and eating CheezIts. Just felt like you should know. (860): Work was kinda rowdy today. The residents were all crazy and weird. Must have been a full moon or something (203): Crazy horny cabin fever seniors? (860): Not quite like that but haha, well I guess some of them are horny old men… (203): My sister keeps pawing at me saying she “wants cuddsies” (203): Idk. My worlds are swirling vortexes of disorganized chaos (203): … This is so bizarre and I don’t know how to feel… scratch that. Feel like a boss, as usual. Awwwww yeahhh. (203): yehhhh, good. I’m not alvays gurd vit makinguh of de eengleesh. God that hurt to type. (1-203):- sad part is is understood all that (203): ve share de mindlink, ja!

(203): I have seen your future, and it is you on the bridge to Hogwarts jogging behind a stroller

(860): The guy I’m seeing loved Divas! (203): No surprise, he’s a flaming heterosexual. (860): That must be why I like him! (203): The penis is helpful too…

(203): I got nine texts, and they didn’t wake me up. Do you know what did? The combined effect of the sound of bagpipes on tv and a text from you buzzing in my face. It was like PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I HAVE THE POWER OF SCOTLAND SUMMONING YOU! Damn Scots

(860): So I have the house all to myself this weekend. Whatcha up to? (203):You realize that that sounds like a horrible pick up line. Might be why you’re still single :-P

(203): Threw socks in my hamper. The hamper moved. Hello, fat cat

(860): Do you think doing Lady Gaga’s Judas with a notebook with the image of judas Iscariot hanging from the tree, surrounded by hearts, is a lil too much?

(860): I love that my work has a soundproof room where I can blow farts and no one will hear them (860): I’m glad it’s my weekend. I tested my stripper out on the deck, down to the bare wood. (203):You know if I didn’t know you were talking about the stained porch that would have sounded horrible. (860): I got through half a chicken sandwich before I realized the paper separating the cheese was still on… (203):You’re special and I love you… (860): Wow you even typo in Spanish. That’s good, no discrimination. (860): I just looked around townfaire tire because their music sounded like your families whistle. WTF! (203): Welcome to hell? (203): I get to follow it’s every move! (860):You’re such a fat kid (860):You’re like gay STONEHENGE! (203): Cause that doesn’t make me feel old… and you’re only 1.5 yrs younger than me!

CAPTION CONTEST! COMING NEXT... THE ANIMAL ISSUE! TOP TEN BADASS ANIMALS Yeah, just like the Honey Badger, but probably even more badass, if that’s even possible.

MORE SQUIRREL STORIES! Just about everyone has one! Check out some of the funniest, and weirdest, tales you’ve ever heard about these adventurous rodents. CATS VS. DOGS The debate that wouldn’t die.

AND... OVERHEARD IN NEW BRITAIN The craziest things our teachers say! PROFESSOR INTERVIEWS Maybe we’ll talk to your favorite teacher next!

The 2010-2011 OCM Club and Staff, taken by Matt Mckinzie

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