OFTHEOFTHE
MONTHMONTH magazine
magazine
issue 01 October08
issue 01 October08
FIRST ISSUE!!! FIRST ISSUE!!!
and welcome to Of the Month Magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that too eager? Maybe. But we can’t help it, we here at OTM are just so excited you’re here, we’re peeing in our pantaloons! Pantaloons!! Now if you can actually get past this first page and onto the actual zine, that would be Donkey kongular! Jason would do his Vaudevill jig in excitement, I can guarantee it. Well, enough premature dance celebration. Of the month is focused on giving you, our readers (all 2.7 of you) the best-of’s each month. So for our first issue, we’ve got all your October needs. Movies, games, you name it we’ve got it. Just don’t name politics or world issues though, because we don’t got those. But we do have important topics such as alcoholic drink of the omnth, which is all we really care about anyways. So read on, dear reader of reading! And feel free to leave us feedback at ofthemonthmag@gmail.com. Be nice, be cruel, be honest. Actually we’d prefer nice, but just let us know! We appreciate any and all comments, so that we can use them to improve and eventually grow strong enough to enslave all of mankind! HEHEHEHEEEEHEH EHEHEHEHHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!! Okay, enough of the creepiness, read an enjoy!! XOXOX, Sincerely yours, forever and ever, in alphabetical order, Allison, Andres, Ccameron, Ellen, Jason, Julie, Kaitlin, and Kristina
CoNTrIbuTORS
AlLiSoN AROZ
julie fleener
andres
jason aroz
movie to see/not see julie enjoys the office, and has a phobia of hair. also she gets really sweaty when she’s nervous.
photography allison is a fan of paradise tea and dislikes super mario 4th world for the ds.
palos valiente
album andres likes rainbow sherbert and hates the heat.
I POOP
movie to rent/not rent, drink jason is a fan of photobooths, and hates subletters. And apparently he loves poop.
cameron aroz
kaitlin the jue
ellen garibaldi
kristina simes
city, video game cameonlikes Hello Stranger, and dislikes the fact that the H2 hummer gets less gas than the original hummer.
top 5, artist ellen likes guacamole but hates walmart and won’t let anybody sleep in her bed even if they’ve been best friends since the 2nd grade..
layout design, graphics, cheap date kaitlin enjoys old people who don’t smell funny and hates bananas with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.
book, diy kristina loves spanish poetry and hates hannah montana. .
4 movie 8 city 11 cheap date 13 artist 15 diy 17 top 5 19 album 20 video game 22 enemy 23 book 25 drink 26 thanks
in this
ISSUE [ock`toh`ber]
check out the orphanage now!
S e i V \MO OF THE MONTH by jason and julie
to rent This month's "To Rent" honors goes to Guillermo Del Toro and Juan Antonio Bayona's brainchild The Orphanage. While in its strictest sense, The Orphanage would be classified as a horror film, its depth, the complexity of its characters, and the smart script add a dimension not often seen in today's thriller genre. While The Orphanage does intend to scare you, it doesn't rely on or limit itself to the routine shocks and cheap thrills so often seen, but rather establishes itself as a thoroughly well-rounded and thoughtful film that leaves you wishing more thrillers could be something like this.
Throughout the entire film, the camera largely limits itself to the perspective of the film's protagonist, Laura (Belén Rueda), who along with her husband Carlos (Fernando Cayo), has recently bought the orphanage of her childhood in order start a home for children with special needs. Their unbelievably adorable son, Símon (Roger Príncep), is in obvious need of playmates, as we soon find out that
he has only imaginary friends. As the film progresses, hints are given of the orphanage's dark history and we discover that Símon's friends may be of more substance than what was previously let on. Up to this point in the film the audience receives very little surprises; rather,Bayona's use of sound and suspense keeps us anticipating horrors that sometimes don't even come. Bayona takes advantage of this lack of
punctuation to keep his audience riveted and each moment dripping with tension. The tension only builds when SĂmon mysteriously disappears, with the only suspect being an enigmatic social worker (Montserrat Carulla), who's shadowed past provides the key to many of the film's mysteries. The strain and pain that SĂmon's disappearance puts on Laura and Carlos shows off the script's depth and the caliber of the two actors. Moreover, the emotionality provided shows how The Orphanage transcends the horror movie genre and becomes more of a well-rounded and generally fulfilling movie. The end of the film demonstrates a masterful weave of creepiness and mystery, with a twist ending that leaves you both satisfied and begging for answers. All in all, The Orphanage gives you an uncommonly rich story. Del Toro splashes it with a healthy dose of thrill, and garnishes it with an emotional depth just not found in movies of its genre. If you're a fan of thrills and you don't mind reading subtitles, then The Orphanage more than merits a spot on your shelf.
a scene from the orphanage. i think we can all agree that this is the creepiest thing ever.
not to rent In maintaining the Halloween theme, I decided to throw Steve Beck’s “Ghost Ship” into this month’s movie mix. Ghost Ship offers us biting commentary and startling insight into the murky waters and political intrigue surrounding maritime salvage law…or at least that would have been slightly more harrowing than what it actually presents us with: a few (and I mean few) cheap scares, phony acting, and the promising, yet unfulfilled potential for a moving story. Before beginning any exposition, I want to give a nod to the sheer balls the film’s opening scene takes. God forbid, you ever want to see this film, watch the first fifteen to twenty minutes, then promptly eject the DVD, smash it into a million tiny, little bits and call it a day. So, say you’ve suffered severe head trauma, lost a bet, or are being held at gunpoint and for some reason must watch this damn film, here’s the low-down. Ghost ship follows the journey of professional maritime salvagers Captain Murphy (Gabriel Byrne), co-owner of the ship Epps (Julianna Margulies) and their crew being escorted to the ruins of the long lost ship, the Antonio Graza, an Italian ocean liner that mysteriously disappeared almost forty years prior while on its voyage to America, reappearing suddenly in the Bering Strait. For those of you who don’t know, the Bering Strait lies conveniently between the waters of Alaska and Russia. If it doesn’t make any sense to you how this ship circumnavigated the Americas in order to land in international waters, just remember that the mind-numbing badness of the rest of the film will quickly make you forget this geographical oversight. As the film progresses and the salvagers discover loot to plunder on the ghost ship, they also find that they aren’t the only occupants of the Antonio Graza, as the audience is well aware of by now. One by one, the salvagers are picked off in true horror movie fashion, with the characters given the least screen time being amongst the first to go. While Ghost Ship certainly provides gruesome deaths to each of the film’s characters, the tension and sense of danger just is not there. None of the ghosts presented in the film give even a whiff of danger, reducing the ghost ship to what seems to be little more than a scare house in which deadly accidents just happen to occur. Similarly, the script fails to
GHOST RAIN??!?!?!?!?! NOOOOO!!!!
even the movie poster sucks narky
the look of sheer terror/constipation
give any of the story’s characters much of a human dimension, sucking the “rooting for the survivors” aspect right out of the film, taking with it any “Aww, not him!” exclamations the audience might have had. In fact, the film’s most fleshed out character (and best portrayed for that matter) is that of ghost Katie Harwood (Emily Browning), who, being a ghost, can’t really die again. As we wind down to the end, the curveball thrown in really makes about as much sense as the Bering Strait/mariner paradox and receives just as much explanation as well, precisely none. Despite all the setbacks of Ghost Ship, Steve Beck provides the audience with an absolutely marvelous set and a premise in which a very good thriller could have happened. However, a pretty set and the potential for an intriguing plot does not merit a rental. Thus, we can safely shuffle this failure in film-making right into the “Not to Rent” pile and move on with our lives. -ja
to see
Ghost Town If you like the comedian Ricky Gervais, go see GHOSTTOWN! This movie was a complete treat. Ricky Gervais and Greg Kinnear were a great comedic pair. Their chemistry worked wonders. This film can be defined as a light comedy with a side of romance and drama. Ricky Gervais’ character went into surgery, died for seven minutes then came back to life. Then he was able to see all the ghosts walking around Manhattan. There were a variety of ghosts following around Ricky Gervais asking him to finish their business. There was a naked ghost, a World War I nurse, some construction workers, and many many more. The soundtrack was amazing with a good variety of road trip music. The special effect transition scenes were very creative; I can’t describe how awesome it was you will just have to go see the movie for yourself!
Not to see
ghost town, so full of win!
The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor If you are a fan of the first two Mummy movies like myself, then there would be no reason why you wouldn’t go see Tomb of The Dragon Emperor…Right? Wrong. First of all this movie takes place 13 years later post war in China. Rick O’Connell (Brandon Fraiser) and Eve O’Connell (Maria Bello who now tries to take over for Rachel Weisz, who by the way made a good decision not to be in this movie) are in retirement and bored out of their minds. Their marriage is faulty because they have nothing to talk about since their mummy days are over. While they are going through a rough patch their son Alex (Luke Ford) who is now 21 and extremely good looking has lost connections with his family (of course). To make a long story short, somehow they all end up in China fighting a new Chinese mummy Emperor Han (Jet Li). Oh and Eve’s brother Jonathon (John Hannah) just so happens to own a night club in China and gets mixed up in all the chaos once again. Brandon Fraiser and John Hannah are the only original cast from the first two Mummy movies. The only entertainment in this movie is when Rick and Johnathon bicker back and forth and remember the good old’ days. What I recommend is don’t go see this in the theatres, but if you are curious wait till it comes out on rent. -jf
the mummy? not so much. give us our money back, then go to hell.
Our first city in Of the Month just so happens to be where the magazine originated, Huntington Beach, California. Located in Orange County, home of Real Housewives of OC, Huntington Beach is a city lucky enough to have good weather, a beachfront, and lots and lots of suburbs. Because it is primarily residential, the nightlife isn't quite as glamorous as Los Angeles or any of the denser, more urban areas. However, Huntington Beach can make up for the lack of bustle with beautiful views, temperate weather, and (most importantly) less traffic.
of the
month
So what do all these suburbanites do with their spare time? A weekend out can be spent exploring Main Street, located along Pacific Coast Highway, and finding out what the local shops have to offer. There are a number of restaurants for those who want to grab a bite, and plenty of bars if you want a night out. Sugar Shack is famous among the locals for weekend brunch, or if you just want to grab a quick lunch, I recommend Jan's Health Bar. I also recommend ordering it to go and visiting the city's namesake, the beach.
Only about a block away, the beach extends along PCH and is a great place to ride the popular beach cruiser bikes, or simply just somewhere to relax. Of course, if you are looking to get away from the crowds, you could have a picnic in Central Park, and possibly grab a cinnamon bun at Alice's. Located along Golden West St., Central Park is a good place to talk a walk and simply enjoy the scenery. Huntington Beach could also be viewed as a part of the larger network that is Orange County, and anyone with a more serious sightseeing agenda will want to branch out into neighboring cities, particularly Newport Beach and Costa Mesa, as Huntington doesn't have really more than a couple days worth of activities to offer. One could travel south down PCH and visit any number of shops along the way in Dana Point, and also witness the gorgeous coastline. A drive at around sunset can be particularly rewarding, though there is a much higher chance of traffic on most days, and it can be rather brutal. If you are staying in Huntington Beach, you would probably be better off making the trip down PCH on off-hours or even on a Sunday. - ca
huntington
beach
your city. LOVE
cheap
date
of the MONTH by kaitlin
No, no we’re not talking about a $5 tranny standing on the side of the road. Silly goose! We're talking about a nice date for less $. And unless your girlfriend is a gold digging cougar, she'll love the thought behind it. Because really, thought + effort = 90% of a good date. So onto our date, which is a nice picnic lunch in the park! Boring you say? Well I say screw you sir! A picnic date can be cute and romantic with the help of a few small touches. And what better season to have a picnic than Fall? Well yes, maybe Summer, but Fall is still good.
Here's what you'll be needing: 1 Small bouquet of flowers 1 Small vase (Or a waterbottle filled with dirt) 2 Lunches 1 Bottle of Wine 1 Picnic Basket 1 Blanket One: Find some flowers. Okay, flowers grow all over the damn place. And everyone knows if they're not potted, then they're free. So go ahead, pick some of your neighbors roses! She won't notice. But try not to be noticed, just in case she's a meanie. Flowers are a small way to make a picnic special. Stick 'em in a waterbottle filled with dirt for a cute look. Two: Lunch. A good way to make a simple lunch look fancy is to use croissants. According to my grandma, my dog loves croissants so you know they have to be good. They're cheap too, you can get them for .50 at any grocery store. Pack some cheese and crackers. For dessert, buy some ding dongs from Circle K and unwrap them and put them on a nice plate and cover with saran wrap. Wow! So simple! It's all about presentation and effort. Three: A Bottle of Wine. Have you ever noticed the abundance of 2-4$ wine at Albertson's? Grab one! 2$!! 2 DOLLARS!! None of us are wine connoisseurs, and I'm sure your girlfriend isn't either. Wine makes things fancy!
I declare that the cardinal rule of picnicking. Just make sure it's a bottle. A jug and/or box does not make fancy. That just makes a redneck hillbilly wino. Four. Blanket. Don't forget this! No one likes chilling with the buggies when they're trying to eat. You don't want ants crawling up in your food. Any blanket will do, really. Just make sure it's one you're willing to dirty up a little Five: Picnic Basket. If you bundle up everything into a picnic basket, you will for sure look like a cutie. Nothing says romance like a grown man carrying a picnic basket. They're cheap if you pick them up at a craft store like Michael's or Beverly's. They're also good for, you know, holding stuff. ...Stuff like your picnic! Huzzah! Now all you have to do is find a nice park and you’ve got a romantic date. And all for under $15. Well, I'm guessing that's how much all this costs. You can also improvise. If it's cold out, Have a little picnic on your living room floor. Dim down the lights and turn on some music. If that's not the equation for romantic, then I don't know what is. So go forth and picnic, I command thee! And when your girlfriend is overwhelmed with the cuteness, you can go ahead and say a silent prayer thanking God for sending you to Of the Month Magazine. -kj
artist of the month
EDVARD
MUNCH pronounced MUNK, and not like nom nom munch munch.
ETHETHETHETHETHE THETHETHE THETHETHE THETHETHE Tired of freaked-out teenagers running away from a masked killer? Try checking out the original Scream by Norweigian painter Edvard Munch. This infamous image displays a figure dressed in black standing on a bridge, and letting out a gut-wrenching scream for some reason that’s not visible to the viewer (or understandable, as many have suggested the reason to be “existential angst”). Long before J.K. Rowling ever thought up Harry Potter’s snake-faced nemesis Voldemort, Munch created this pale, androgynous mug which has been terrifying audiences since 1893. As many of you may know, the terrified, elongated visage of the figure in Munch’s painting would influence the mask of the killer in the synonymously named 90s teen horror film series, Scream. This painting also has a scary history—different versions of Munch’s masterpiece were stolen in 1994 and 2004 and held at ransom, although eventually both were recovered. Sounds like some pretty crappy security to me, but whatever. Befitting his title of artist for the month of October, Munch seemed to obsess over the ideas of death, fear, and pessimistic love in his work. This fear Munch seemed to thrive on can be seen in his painting from 1894, called Vampire (could we have a more perfectly sinister picture for Halloween?). Even after a hundred years, Munch’s work still has the ability to give us the chills, which is more than I can say for those cheesy 90s horror flicks, uhum… “don’t answer the phone.”
THETHETHETHETHETHE THETHETH
THETHETHETHETHETHE THETHE
CREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAM
THETHETHETHETHETHE THETHETHE THETHETHE THETHETHE
DIY do it yourself
of the month
by kristina
“The best four years of your life” might just as well be referred to as “the best poor years of your life.” If your wallet is anywhere near as pathetically thin as mine, then it is likely that birthdays find you crumpling up a sheet of recycled computer paper just to make your dad a card. My cheap, creative, and usually quite appreciated antidote to the empty pocket scenario is to practice the ancient art form of the mixed CD. In this lovely month of October, with its shorter days and autumn leaves dusting the ground, the perfect mixed CD is a blend of the mellow with the mellower, and the occasional haunting tune that tends to get repeated on long starless night rides. Whether it is for a birthday, a prospective or current suitor, or merely for yourself as a calming relief to midterms and summer’s end, a mixed CD is always the perfect gift.
The trick to the mixed CD is to combine the right songs in the right order. My October song-list goes like this: 1. The General Specific- Band of Horses 2. Riga Girls- The Weepies 3. Electric Feel- MGMT 4. Off Your Face- My Bloody Valentine 5. Skinny Love- Bon Iver 6. Autumn Sweater- Yo La Tengo 7. Gypsy- Suzanne Vega 8. Lull- Andrew Bird 9. Lights Out- Santogold 10. Pink Moon- Nick Drake 11. Where Gravity Is Dead- Laura Veirs 12. Electronic Renaissance- Belle and Sebastian 13. To Wish Impossible Things- The Cure 14. Past in Present- Feist 15. Flowers- Moby 16. I Found a Reason- Cat Power 17. Moondance- Van Morrison 18. As Time Goes By- Dooley Wilson 19. Those to Come- The Shins 20. Oh My Love- John Lennon Track 1 should be an upbeat tune that draws your listener in. Try to pick a song that hasn’t yet found its way into the limelight, because if your listener is familiar with it then they may become bored within the first three minutes. The first five songs should all be lesser-appreciated, but captivating tunes that encourage your listener to keep listening. Don’t try out jazz or the classics right away; ease into
the mix with songs that are easy to figure out and fun to sing along with. Alternate mellow with faster for the first five tracks. Track 5 should be a song you adore. The body of the CD ranges from the light-hearted to the more contemplative music. From songs 6-15, try out different genres and time periods. Never settle for just one, unless you are going for a strict
heme, because the best mixed CD is a bold one. Thing Picasso, think Matisse! You are an artist and the songs are your palette! Wrap up your CD with five songs that mean something. This is where you get to throw in the subliminal messages, through love songs, or songs that simply urge your listener to make a difference or to see the world in a new way. This is where you can throw in the sly Sinatra cheerfully seduc-
tive “I’ve-got-a-crush-on-you” type song. I chose “As Time Goes By” from Casablanca. And whose heart wouldn’t melt when hearing Lennon singing, “Oh my lover for the first time in my life, my eyes can see?!” Once you’ve burned your mix, make your friend/love interest/ relative a CD case to showcase your mix in a more personal way. Keeping with the October theme, I designed my case to resemble an autumn leaf.
Steps for a leaf case 1. Place a CD in the center of a sheet of 8 ½ x 11 piece of cardstock and trace around it, to create a circle. . 2. Making sure to leave about ¼ in. around the circle, sketch leaf shape around the circle 3. Place another sheet of paper, and cut through both of them together so that you have two identical leaves. 4. Leave about 1/3 of your leaf open so that you can stick your CD inside, and glue the other 2/3 of it closed. 5. Decorate your leaf case with markers, rubber stamps, etc. 6. Last but not least, give your CD a clever title. Mine is “Quaking Leaves & Broken Light” from The Shins’ “Those to Come” on my CD. Something optional you can do is create a booklet for your listener, with a brief description of why each song is special to you.. And wa-la! There’s your foolproof plan to bypass any more panic-inducing reasons to spend money. -ks
onetwo e o e H R t f ur
v fi e
TOP 5 of the month by ellen
homemade halloween costumes! Ah, October, the month of Halloween, midterms, and impromptu costume parties. Let’s face it, we’re college students and most of us don’t have the time or money to buy one of those fantastic (but completely overpriced) costumes from a Halloween shop. So here it is, your top 5 easy to do, homemade costumes, starting with:
G 1. The “oh shit, I just found out five minutes ago that I have to wear a costume to the party I’m about to attend” costume: the sunny side up egg. Wear a white t-shirt, color a paper plate or a round piece of paper yellow, stick on to the t-shirt and you’re ready to go! Easy and unisex!
2.The “I’m a girl and I have slightly more time to plan my outfit” costume: a flower. For this outfit, I cut out petals from computer paper and taped them onto a headband. Then I chose to wear a dress that was mostly the same color. I then wore green tights and boots. Although some people thought my petals were spikes, ala the Statue of Liberty, my costume was pretty much a success and took all of ten minutes to put together. Another option would be a pumpkin. My friend wore an orange tube top, drew some leaves, and then stuck them on to a headband. These costumes were easy, cute, and nonslutty, which is often hard to find around Halloween at most costume shops.
3. The “I want to wear my own clothes, but I’m willing to wear a hat” costume: a bear. Steps: go to Target, buy bear hat, wear! This costume works for guys and girls because you can pretty much wear whatever the hell you want to from the neck down. There are lots of animal hats out there, such as wolf, octopus, whatever, or you could always make your own. 4.The “Hey look I’m kind of creative” costume: a zoo. Wear a striped shirt, (black and white if you have it), draw a whole bunch of different animals, cut them out and stick them on and you have yourself the wild kingdom right on your t-shirt. This takes all of 15 minutes and costs nada!
5. The “Okay there’s a group of us and maybe we’re willing to spend some money” costume: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. First off, who doesn’t love TMNT? Secondly, you get to show off sweet karate moves all night (although beware the consequences of ninja moves and alcohol combo). So for this costume we wore matching yellow tank tops, green skirts, and green tights. Then we made our shells out of cardboard paper, and cut out our masks, knee bands, and arm bands from felt from the fabric store. Alternatively if you’re guys, ditch the skirts and tights (if you’d like to) and just wear khaki shorts. Another option would be superheroes. Pick and choose from among your favorites, make a t-shirt with the logo on it and then wear some shorts and tights. t
U M AB L
OF THE MONTH by andreas
Closer (1980) by Joy Divison What do you get when you mix Shakespeare's sophistication with Poe's penchant for doom and gloom? Ian Curtis, the lead singer of Joy Division, of course. This young and troubled poet was responsible for leading Joy Division into unmarked territory. They were the first band to take the "fuck you" attitude of punk music and turn it into something with more substance. While still conserving the energy of punk, Joy Division created music that conveyed more emotion and less hate. Closer is a complete masterpiece that hurls its listeners into a pit of despair. The first track, "Atrocity Exhibition," is an invitation into Curtis's vision of hell, where the lead singer tells his listeners "this is the way, step inside." As the album progresses, the songs become more and more intense. While the first half of the album contains catchy rockers such as "Isolation" and "Colony," the second half is full of songs that are absent of guitar and full of synth. The album builds up to the extremely depressing, but yet very beautiful "Decades." This song marks the end of the album and the end of Joy Division. Tormented by pressure, his epilepsy, and his broken relationships, Ian Curtis hangs himself at the age 23. -apv
the closer album cover
joy division
vGiDAEMOE
of the month
By Cameron
For our very first video game for Of the Month, we will be looking at Spore, Maxis’ recently released game and the brainchild of designer Will Wright. If you are at all into videogames, chances are you’ve at least heard of Spore. However, in case you haven’t, here’s the break-down: You start out as a singlecelled organism and trace his evolution from the primordial ooze all the way to galactic domination. You move from cell to creature to tribe to civilization to spacefarer all within the span of one game.
The game play in each stage varies quite a bit, with the first stage’s Pac-Manesque feeling to the action role-playing game feeling of the Creature Stage to the real time strategy setup found in the later stages. The game tends to be rather simple for most of the stages, until the final stage, where it becomes quite complex. While the simple game play has been a point of criticism/derision from the gaming community, I actually find it to be a feature that I enjoy, if only because it opens up the game to a broader audience. For most games, one could say “So what,” call it crappy and relegate it to the bargain bin. However, Spore is unique in that it is a “massively single-player experience”. But what the hell does that mean? What it means is that the game will constantly be importing species and creations from other players around to globe into your game. For instance, as you explore an alien planet in your space ship (that you design), you may encounter planets populated by creations made by other players in the Spore Network. Thus, your galactic neighbor could be an alien created by little Johnny in Connecticut, or any number of cute species designed by other people. Essentially, you’re interacting with other players without actually interacting with other players. It’s probably worth mentioning that cuteness is ubiquitous in Spore. For instance, my galactic alliance is with the “Wirbleflubby Empire,” a race of small fuzzy creatures with eyes the size of dinner plates who have taken it upon themselves to police the galaxy, presumably to protect any species that isn’t as cute as they are. Spore has a lot of charm, and they are able to infuse a significant range of feeling into creatures without the benefit of language (or at least any language that is intelligible). At its heart, Spore is essentially a design game, with enough game play elements to keep the action rolling and to make the effort of designing a creature worthwhile. However, hard-core gamers should be warned that Spore paints with broad rather than deep strokes, though due to the different gaming experiences (and there are many), there is a little something for everyone here.
pick up spore at the nearest game....place!
ENEMY of the month
I, like you dear reader, have always enjoyed trips to Costco. I mean they have every damn thing on the planet you would ever need to survive. One time I got 6 blocks of cheese for 4$. FOUR DOLLARS! Too bad I don't really eat cheese and they sat in my freezer for 4 months, but the point is four dollars. And I don't even eat meals on Saturdays anymore. I just walk on in to Costco and free sample my way to a full tummy. But, apparently Costco is able to give us their precious "free" samples and more for our money because they save elsewhere. Elsewhere? Yes, elsewhere, my friend. Elsewhere being the refreshment that comes with a hot dog for $1.50. You probably have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, so here's the story that landed Costco on the good ol' enemies list. My grandma is a cute 4'11" 80 year old little asian woman that walks with a cane. On Sundays she likes to go to Costco after church to get a $1.50 hotdog and lemonade. She fills up her cup with lemonade and then pours it into her own container so she can drink it inside, and then fills up her cup again. A little weird? Sure! But she’s 80 years old for gosh sakes. Give her a break. Harmless? Of course! What does a cup of lemonade cost, like 7 cents?
THIS IS THE FACE
OF INJUSTICE!
WELL APARENTLY TO COSTCO, POURING THEIR BEVERAGES INTO YOUR OWN CONTAINER IS SUCH BLASPHEMY THAT YOUR MEMBERSHIP CARD GETS TAKEN AWAY! Yes, that's right. They took my poor, helpless grandma's Costco Club Membership away because they caught her "stealing" (if you can even call it that) 7 cents worth of lemonade. For shame Costco, for shame. Now my grandma will be forced to buy regularly quantified food for slightly more at regular grocery stores. Are you proud of yourselves?! I used to think you were different, Costco. But now I know you're just another corporate bully swatting grandmas left and right with your hand of injustice. So next time you walk into Costco, remember my damn grandma! Remember the injustice! Raise your hands and curse at the heavens! Grandmas and everyone else under the age of 80 unite! DOWN WITH COSTCO! damn you costco!
I
BO
O
OF THE MONTH by kristina
In the month known for its tribute to all things dark and eerie, what better to read than a best-selling book that follows a mere mortal as she falls irresistibly in love with a vampire? In Stephenie Meyer's debut novel Twilight, Bella Swan is a seventeen-year-old high school junior from Phoenix, Arizona, who moves to Forks, Washington to live with her dad after her newly married mom decides to travel the country with her husband. Bella is type-casted as the dark-haired, quiet girl who excels at Calculus and reads BrontĂŤ for fun. She is the daughter of a policeman and a whimsical Lorelai Gilmore-esque mother. She is unflappably practical, hardly romantic, and her one objective in life is to stay relatively unnoticed. Until she catches Edward Cullen looking at her in the Forks High School cafeteria. Beautiful, mysterious, and mischievous, Edward is an anomaly of sorts. Bella finds herself immensely frustrated with his mood swings and his inconsistent friendliness, as well as her inability to get him off her mind. When Edward pulls Bella out from under a massive skidding van that has lost control on the icy January ground, Bella is stunned by his superhuman strength and his immediate denial that his rescue was anything out of the ordinary.
Suspicious and resolved to understand the secret behind Edward's moody words and extraordinary strength, Bella confronts him and demands to know the truth. When Bella learns that her stunning seventeen-yearold love interest is in fact an immortal vampire, she finds herself caught in the most dangerous and breathtakingly thrilling race of her life: the race to decide whether love is really enough to survive the odds, even when the odds spell out death. This first book in Meyer's series is heartwarming despite its quite literally heart-less vampire hero. Although it is fairly reminiscent of the sort of fantastical, fairy-tale fiction novels that were all the rage in the seventh grade, it is still a great, quick read. And leaves us all wondering whether true love might just be that worth it. -ks
has to end.�
it always
perfect the day is,
no matter how
Twilight, again.
Pour all ingredients except the 7-Up into 1/2 oz vodka a chilled glass filled with ice cubes. Top 1/2 oz rum with 7-Up and stir gently. 1/2 oz gin 1/2 oz 1800 Tequila 1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur 2 oz sweet and sour mix 2 oz 7-Up soda
i’m
of the month
UU
We know at least some of you are going to be partying at some point this October, so we’ve decided to teach you how to mix your own drink, that way you can spare yourself from waking up in a tub of ice in some shady motel south of the border. This month’s drink is called the Adios Motherfucker (it’s kind of weird how MS Word doesn’t even flag that word) and though you’ve probably heard some variation of this drink before, this version is designed to get you slammered without having to wince. This isn’t the classiest drink on the market, so before you go showing off your bartending skills to your boss, remember that. Before you read on, I sincerely hope that all of you drink responsibly, and for those of you who are not drinking, please take care of those who are. Anyway, on to the drink!
delicious and nutritious! * warning, probably not nutritious
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