Why Pronouns Matter

By: Dr. Talia Carroll (she/her/hers)

Referring to someone by their chosen name and pronouns is an act of respect and inclusivity. Transgender and nonbinary people report experiencing distress when they are misgendered and/or "dead-named". Often, transgender and nonbinary folx experience even higher levels of distress when their identities are not honored as they pursue their education and live their lives on-campus.

So what are pronouns and why should we care about them?

I remember the first time I misgendered someone I cared about and the embarrassment and shame associated with my mistake was deep. At that particular point in my life, I didn’t have the awareness or knowledge about the harm that could be caused when I unintentionally spoke the wrong personal pronouns. And, even though it was unintentional, it did not erase the impact. Additionally, it was important I not take up space feeling the embarrassment and shame, but instead that I apologize, correct myself, and commit to doing better in the future. It is with that practice I continue to do better.

I did learn, however, how critically important it was and would continue to be for me to honor everyone’s life experiences and particularly their pronouns.

Pronouns are what we use to reference people’s gender identity and sometimes expression. This means, then, that many people may use multiple gender pronouns and that the use of those pronouns may change over time or even be situational. For example, I have a colleague who uses she/they pronouns and sometimes feels more aligned with one over the other. What that means, then, is that I make a genuine, unrelenting commitment to use the pronouns I hear them using whenever we connect.

Unfortunately, there have been times I’ve heard people say, “it’s too hard,” or “I can’t keep up with all of the options,” which I am sure is unintentionally dismissive and disrespectful. In the same ways we want to be referenced in ways that align with who we are, it is critical we do the same for those we communicate with. Alternatively, I have worked closely with folks who say, “I’m excited to practice and learn how to respect the humanity of others," which Is where we all want to be.

What will you do to honor the life experiences of our community members and those in your life?

Take 10 minutes in your day to read and learn more about pronouns!

Follow new pages on social media where topics of gender and gender expression are shared!

Initiate conversation among your friends and colleagues about pronouns!