A Soviet Candle

A Soviet candle

Каждый из нас должен требовать от себя и других, дисциплинированность, организованность и самоотречения, достойным настоящих советских патриотов, с тем чтобы обеспечить для всех нужд Красной Армии, Военноморского флота и военно-воздушных сил, для обеспечения победы над

все града мать Россия Правительство Советского Союза выражает твердую уверенность в том, что все население нашей страны, все рабочие, крестьяне и интеллигенция, мужчины и женщины, будут добросовестно выполнять свои обязанности и выполнять свою работу. Теперь весь наш народ должен стоять

SOFIA, BULGARIA

Perpetual unhappiness emanates from the

Bulgarian brute, as he flicks his half smoked cigarette into the interminable blanket of white icy snow. The bus seat is frosty, providing as much comfort as an absentee parent. Bleak is my first impression, people stare, not even into cell phones but rather something in the distance, perhaps thoughts of summer or lost loved ones.. A bulky sensitivity, fluidity lacks.

A silent yet still present flicker of Soviet oppression still lights these streets. A birthday candle that refuses to go out. The scars run deep, these people appear tired/ drained, a perfect culmination of my thoughts and my body... I am tired.

Like a young child that sings in front of the mirror in the morning comparing himself to a rock mega star. The correlations between myself and the people of Bulgaria are weak but yet they are still present. Faint lines that tie us to the same thing. I am a wanderer.

I’ve been on the road for 23 months now, running non stop, hopping from city to city, airport to airport. Never really getting a chance to stop and think what it is that I am running from. I chase this illusive career of an artist, but yet what is it to be deemed an artist?

I stop and think.

ARTIST noun 1. a person who creates paintings or drawings as a profession or hobby. synonyms: creator, originator, designer, producer, fine artist; More 2. informal a person who habitually practises a specified reprehensible activity.

PROFESSIONAL adjective 1. relating to or belonging to a profession. “young professional people” synonyms: white-collar, executive, nonmanual “people in professional occupations” 2. engaged in a specified activity as one’s main paid occupation rather than as an amateur. “a professional boxer” synonyms: paid, salaried, non-amateur, full-time “a professional tennis player”

To an extent I can call myself an artist. I’ve exhibited and sold photographs on opposite sides of the world. I’ve created art pieces that have interacted with and been contributed to by an audience. People wear my clothes, watch my short films. What is it that will give me the sense of satisfaction to say “yep you’ve made it”? Is it fame or fortune? Is it seeing my work in The Times or my clothes worn on fashion runways? The idea that I am wrestling with right now is… how big is too big? How far do I want to go with this, what will give me the satisfaction I crave? Do I ever really want to get there; what if I get there and it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be? Would it be better to live a life of chasing?

Unfortunately at this point I don’t know the answers. But at this point, I must slip into the shadows. Hopefully the next time that you read my words I will have more of an idea. Until then‌ The End.

A Soviet candle

SOFIA, BULGARIA