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I was startled awake by a slamming door. I opened my eyes to see my roommate standing over the makeshift bed staring at me ... spooning his boyfriend. What is it about summertime that makes us a little wild? Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's the half-naked, tan bodies lining the beaches. Maybe it's lingering impressions from a simpler time when summer meant the end of responsibilities and three months of nonstop playtime. This particular summer was one of my wilder ones. I was living with a friend until I could figure out what I wanted to do next: an idea I gave little thought to. While my roommate was at work, his boyfriend and I would lounge the days away, watching Golden Girls, lazing by the pool, drinking before noon. We became very close during that time, as two people whose only goal is to have fun will do. Unfortunately, when fun is your only goal, it's easy to get too close. One Sunday, after several hours and four times as many beers, the beach began dying down for the day. Not ready to throw in the towel, the boyfriend and I drove straight to the infamously trashy Suncoast Resort, where we continued a liquid diet. OMG!
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Several hours passed before we realized my roommate had been calling non-stop. It was clearly time to go home, but to pass so close to Georgie's Alibi and not stop in for one more drink seemed crazy. We leaned in to talk over the loud music, holding our faces close to each other. A laugh turned into a knowing smile, and then a kiss. The kiss was at first simple, satisfying an almost childlike curiosity, but soon it became deep … long … passionate. We quickly made our exit, nearly tearing each other's clothes off in the parking lot. Obviously unable to go home, we decided to stay at my roommate's vacant rental property.
My roommate seemed to buy our story: too drunk to drive across the bridge, no pockets for our phones. He was angry but understanding. His boyfriend climbed off the bed to kiss and make everything better. The sight was painful. Jealous, I moved my eyes away but was suddenly frozen in terror. The boyfriend’s bathing suit was inside out! My roommate didn’t notice … or pretended not to. We had come too close, but escaped with only our guilt, our forbidden connection, and our memories of that amazing day.
On the floor of the empty house, lying on a blow up mattress, we became closer than we ever should. I moved my mouth slowly down his body, eager, but not wanting to miss an inch. I knew once this moment was over, it must be erased forever. The unfurnished house proved ill-equipped to proceed as desired. I searched for anything that may work in a pinch, emerging triumphantly from the bathroom with a bottle of conditioner. The absurdity sunk in. The romance had turned into ridiculousness. We had to accept this was never meant to be.
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"It's summertime, summertime, sum sum, summerti-i-i-me!" Ever since I heard of this issue’s theme, I have had that classic song in my head! Well folks, yes it is summertime again and when I think of summer, I think of hot nights, clothing getting smaller and my favorite summer girl Miss Esme Russell! Anyone who has seen this Cuban diva knows she loves to be tan and half naked, so the summer is the perfect time for her! Known as the “Body Beautiful,” Esme started her drag career in Tampa in the ‘70s, where she says she was influenced by entertainers such as Tiffany Ariagus saying, "she was pure, unadulterated magic." After establishing herself in Tampa nightlife, she worked hard to become a part of the cast at one of the most acclaimed drag bars in history, Rene's Cabaret, where she performed for nine years. Since then, Esme has been on many casts including Tracks, The Cherokee Club, NRG, Flirt, The Suncoast Resort, and currently can be seen at Club Nautico in St. Pete. Her favorite things about working at Nautico are "the theater setting and being able to do productions; they OMG! 18 me be a character outside allow of myself."
Popular for her sexy style and revealing costumes, she takes pride in keeping her body and career in shape. At age 48, she is one of only a handful of entertainers who have longevity in this fickle business. One of the keys to her longevity is the fact that she keeps her act current and is always looking for new things to keep performances fresh. Esme says, "I try not to become old, I look at what the younger kids are doing and adapt to that." Over her career, Esme has won many Female Impersonation Titles, but none compare to her favorite, Miss Florida F.I. She competed five times before finally winning the title in 1993. When asked about her love for the pageant she says, "I was a dancer at Miss Florida for a few years and got to watch the pageant, I was hooked – I had to be Miss Florida." She has not competed since she won Miss FL, but I can tell you she has the itch to compete again. With a bunch of new titles geared towards entertainers over 35, I can definitely see a new crown in her future!
On a personal note, I have known and worked with Esme for the past eight years, and she is truly one of the most genuine people I know. Never at a loss for words, she will tell you like it is and will do anything for a friend or sister. Momma can tear up a basket of chicken wings or crab legs and we definitely share a love for Goldschläger. She is truly one of my best friends, and I love her to pieces! I hope this has shed a little light into her world. If you see her out, make sure to say hi, but be prepared for an hour conversation to follow!
DIVA
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FASHION . CLOTHING . ACCESORIES
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UNDOMESTICATED Tampa Bay deserves a little love
Zombies, Grouper and You
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Last week I visited the Florida Aquarium for the first time (I’m a bad local resident, I know). Did you know that the huge glass infrastructure at the top of the place is basically a giant greenhouse? Me neither. I walked in there and almost crapped my pants at how pretty it was. See also: air conditioning. Despite the muggy air outside and the rain falling lightly against the glass, the atmosphere felt absolutely idyllic (did I mention the lack of bugs)? I glared at some cute ducks grooming each other for having a cooler house than mine. The wetlands exhibit puts a spotlight on local wildlife. The huge tanks feature an exposed surface at about chestheight, giving you a look at the wildlife above and below the water. A few boardwalks allow visitors a close look at wetlands birds, including an awesome owl. As I walked around checking out grouper and spoonbills and thousands of shimmering minnows, I began to feel sad. I spent my childhood playing in the estuaries of Tampa
Bay. Just 20 years ago, the sea grass beds and mangrove-lined canals of the Bay were overflowing with the species now cultivated and sheltered at the Florida Aquarium. What’s happened since then? I’m no expert, but from what I can tell the quality of the local ecosystem has gone to shit thanks to pollution and too many boats. The waters that were clear and vibrant in the mid-‘80s are now murky. The sea grass struggles to spread and dies off in long furrows from boat props. This summer, when you’re enjoying local beaches or boating, think about that little oasis at Channelside. At the rate we’re going, Tampa Bay is going to be full of three-eyed catfish and zombie sharks 20 years from now. So keep your beer cans in your boat. Keep your cigarette butts in the trash. Consider giving back to organizations that fight to give new life to the waters that surround us. We live somewhere beautiful. Despite the bugs and the heat and the hurricanes and the (really fucking scary) snakes, the Tampa Bay area is a vacation destination for a reason. I dare you to drive across the Howard Frankland Bridge without spending a few moments marveling at the view.
If you’re not familiar with what this area has to offer, check out one of the local wildlife preserves. Weedon Island and Ft. Desoto in St. Petersburg both have the wild, unspoiled beauty that most will only see in aquariums and carefully staged habitats. Spend an afternoon exploring and you may find yourself inspired to fight for our ecosystem. Plus, no one wants to fight a zombie shark. I’m just saying.
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*In 2008, Raymond James was ranked “Highest in Investor Satisfaction With Full Service Brokerage Firms” in the J.D. Power and Associates 2008 Full Service Investor Satisfaction StudySM. Raymond James received the highest numerical score among full-service brokerage firms in the proprietary J.D. Power and Associates 2008 Full Service Investor Satisfaction StudySM. Study based on responses from 4,528 investors measuring 19 investment firms and measures opinions of investors who used full-service investment institutions. Proprietary study results are based on experiences and perceptions of consumers surveyed in April-May 2008. Your experiences may vary. Visit jdpower.com. Past performance is not indicative of future results. OMG
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Prime meat huh? More like 3-week-old meat! Keep it fresh and wrap it next time, ok? Yea it feels good the other way but it’s also the wrong way… well sometimes lol. How do you feel about a half-naked twink waiting for you on your bed at home right now? Well, keep on dreaming ‘cause unless you’re paying his phone bill or dinners then it’s not going happen! JUST SHAVE IT. Don’t let that area grow girl. The next man you meet probably won’t even touch you unless you trim, so might as well be safe than sorry. Stop trying to act like your shit don’t smell, cause you know it probably stinks the worst. Just cause you’re pretty doesn’t mean you get to take it for granted. Absorb some culture and character, maybe you’ll stop getting dirty looks. RUN BITCH RUN! Time to lose those extra pounds you’ve gained recently. I mean yah you want to rest, but you’re not going to get all the boys by eating Doritos on the couch. What are we going to do with you? I mean you’re a player, you tend to flirt too much, you smile even at the ugly ones… queen just put your ass on Craigslist why don’t you? GRRRRR… you got that inner lion in you, now use some of that energy in bed sometime and those boys might call you back. Measure it! Hahaha keep your stats up to date, and don’t leave your Adam4Adam profile saying you’re 8 inches when your really 6.5, LOL. Two words: cock ring. If you cant keep it up on your own, might as well try the alternative. I mean, I must admit they do give the package a little lift. Are you going to screw him or not? Cause your ass needs to stop being greedy and let him roam free, and let all these other bottom feeders have a go! I know I will! You’re so weird! Pickle up the butt? Um, no thank you. I mean, I know you want to eat your vegetables, but eat them through the right hole please! Get with the times bitch! Cher is out and Lady GaGa is in, your old ass probably doesn’t even have a Facebook huh?
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