CSA - Relationships

Healing a)er Child Sexual Abuse: Rela6onship Challenges

Svava Brooks Cer,ficed Child Sexual Abuse Preven,on Educator Advocate and Survivor svava@educate4change.com www.Educate4Change.com

This program is for informational and educational purposes only. It is the counsel or not meant to replace treatment of a licensed therapist.

How Are You Feeling?

hJp://www.thrivingnow.com/tapping-­‐points-­‐and-­‐instruc,ons/ 2013 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com

Something To Consider

2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com

Rela,onships are hard, PERIOD! • Natural Stages of Rela,onships: (Helen Fisher)

• The Three drives of sexual desire and Love.

– 1. Lust (Craving for sexual gra,fica,on) – 2. Roman,c Love (Infatua,on) – 3. AJachment (Calm, secure union w/long term partner) • Note. Each stage involves different neurochemicals in your brain.

Rela,onships are hard, PERIOD! The newest stage, in our evolu,on that is driven by desire according to (David. Schnarch) -­‐ 4. Our drive to develop and preserve a self.

-­‐ In his clinical research, issues of sel]ood control sexual desire as much as the 3 stages above.

-­‐ Example.

-­‐ Ques,ons?

Rela,onship Challenges Our sense of Self; Who we are, our likes, dislikes, what is unique to us, what makes us special.

Sel]ood is a drive/wiring. Your sense of self is located in your forebrain.

For more on the brain and rela,onship connec,on please read In,macy and Desire by D. Schnarch

The stronger sense of self – the more stability in your rela,onships acer the romance stages are over.

2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com

Rela,onship Challenges

• Both partners are trying to create a sense of self.

• Unaware of it, creates conflict.

• Understand it, create room for communica,on, respect, valida,on, connec,on.

3. Behaviors

1.

Thoughts

2. Feelings 2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com

In,macy • “In,macy is not designed to make you feel one par,cular way; it’s designed to make you grow.”

• In,macy is an interpersonal process.

• The stronger sense of self/iden,ty a person has, the beJer we do with self-­‐valida,on during in,macy.

• From In,macy and Desire by D. Schnarch 2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com

Challenges in Rela,onships • If we were abused by someone we loved we have trouble trus,ng.

• Our coping and triggers kept us safe, but now can get in the way of our rela,onships.

• Becoming aware of our beliefs and thoughts, that trigger (trick) us into thinking we are not safe, is hard but possible.

• Choose safe nurturing people to prac,ce and trust the process.

• Becoming the parent you never had is important. Only you can fill that void. Nothing or no one else can.

2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com

Resources

The healing begins with you and the suffering can end with you.

-­‐-­‐Svava Brooks

• Survivor Support and Resources

 thelamplighters.org  siawso.org

 malesurvivor.org  Call 211  OneHealth.com  acestudy.org

 psychologytoday.com  educate4change.com  JusJell.org  jaimeromo.com

Great Books for survivors: The Courage to Heal – Ellen Bass Breaking the Cycle – Sandra Riggins Repair Your Life – Marjorie McKinnon

 1in6.org

 Taalk.org  survivormanual.com  survivingspirit.com  connec,onssp.org

2013 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com