Healing a)er Child Sexual Abuse: Rela6onship Challenges Svava Brooks Cer,ficed Child Sexual Abuse Preven,on Educator Advocate and Survivor svava@educate4change.com www.Educate4Change.com
This program is for informational and educational purposes only. It is the counsel or not meant to replace treatment of a licensed therapist.
How Are You Feeling?
hJp://www.thrivingnow.com/tapping-‐points-‐and-‐instruc,ons/ 2013 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com
Something To Consider
2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com
Rela,onships are hard, PERIOD! • Natural Stages of Rela,onships: (Helen Fisher) • The Three drives of sexual desire and Love. – 1. Lust (Craving for sexual gra,fica,on) – 2. Roman,c Love (Infatua,on) – 3. AJachment (Calm, secure union w/long term partner) • Note. Each stage involves different neurochemicals in your brain.
Rela,onships are hard, PERIOD! The newest stage, in our evolu,on that is driven by desire according to (David. Schnarch) -‐ 4. Our drive to develop and preserve a self. -‐ In his clinical research, issues of sel]ood control sexual desire as much as the 3 stages above. -‐ Example. -‐ Ques,ons?
Rela,onship Challenges Our sense of Self; Who we are, our likes, dislikes, what is unique to us, what makes us special. Sel]ood is a drive/wiring. Your sense of self is located in your forebrain. For more on the brain and rela,onship connec,on please read In,macy and Desire by D. Schnarch The stronger sense of self – the more stability in your rela,onships acer the romance stages are over.
2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com
Rela,onship Challenges
• Both partners are trying to create a sense of self. • Unaware of it, creates conflict. • Understand it, create room for communica,on, respect, valida,on, connec,on.
3. Behaviors
1. Thoughts
2. Feelings 2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com
In,macy • “In,macy is not designed to make you feel one par,cular way; it’s designed to make you grow.” • In,macy is an interpersonal process. • The stronger sense of self/iden,ty a person has, the beJer we do with self-‐valida,on during in,macy. • From In,macy and Desire by D. Schnarch 2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com
Challenges in Rela,onships • If we were abused by someone we loved we have trouble trus,ng. • Our coping and triggers kept us safe, but now can get in the way of our rela,onships. • Becoming aware of our beliefs and thoughts, that trigger (trick) us into thinking we are not safe, is hard but possible. • Choose safe nurturing people to prac,ce and trust the process. • Becoming the parent you never had is important. Only you can fill that void. Nothing or no one else can.
2015 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com
Resources
The healing begins with you and the suffering can end with you. -‐-‐Svava Brooks
• Survivor Support and Resources thelamplighters.org siawso.org
malesurvivor.org Call 211 OneHealth.com acestudy.org
psychologytoday.com educate4change.com JusJell.org jaimeromo.com
Great Books for survivors: The Courage to Heal – Ellen Bass Breaking the Cycle – Sandra Riggins Repair Your Life – Marjorie McKinnon
1in6.org
Taalk.org survivormanual.com survivingspirit.com connec,onssp.org
2013 Svava Brooks, educate4change.com