Managing Strong Emotions

Riding the Wave: Proven Methods for Strong Emotions

John D. McKellar, PhD Bay Area Pain and Wellness Center Independent Private Practice, SF Bay Area

Overwhelming Emotions For some people emotional and physical pain feels more intense and occurs more frequently that it does for others Distress comes on quickly and may feel like an overwhelming tidal wave This can lead to common but no so effective strategies to manage emotions

Coping Strategies 1. Spend a lot of time thinking about past pains, mistakes, and problems (rumination) and engaging the dangerous “why” 2. Take feelings out on others with anger 3. Seeing this as the “starting gun” for a extended period of self-criticism and selfjudgment

The Impact of Coping • All of these strategies share a quality you may have never considered… they extend the length of an emotional reaction • They turn a “song” about emotion into an “extended dance re-mix” of emotional turmoil • A crucial first step to managing strong emotions is not to get rid of them, but to reduce their intensity or duration

Distraction: Pleasurable Events • Sometimes doing something that makes you feel good is the best way to distract yourself from painful emotions • It is also just good general mood management to find the time to do something pleasurable each day • Exercise is particularly important because it has direct effects on depression • Pleasurable Activities List (http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/ACFB003.pdf)

Distraction: Paying Attention to Someone Else

• Do Something for Someone Else: Call a friend, family member, or neighbor and see if you can help in some small way. Give some money to the first needy person you see. Call a local soup kitchen, or volunteer organization • Take your attention off of yourself: Go to a local store, shopping center, bookstore sit and watch other people. Note what they do, observe details about their clothing, count the number of people with blue versus brown eyes.

• Think of someone you care about: Find a picture of your spouse, significant other, sibling, grandparent or someone you admire such as Ghandi or Mother Teresa. When feeling overwhelmed you can imagine a conversation with this person

Self Soothing: Sense of Smell • Burn scented candles or incense • Wear scented oils, perfume, or cologne that makes you happy • Go someplace where the scent is pleasing, such as a bakery • Bake your own food • Lie down in your park and smell the grass • Buy fresh-cut flowers or seek out flowers in your yard/neighborhood

Self Soothing: Sense of Vision • Go through magazines and books to look at pictures- maybe make a small collage you can keep with you • Put soothing pictures or happy pictures on your phone so you can look at them whenever needed • Go to the bookstore/library and look at collections of photographs • Go on the web and search for beautiful or “moving” images • If you can, draw or paint a picture

Self Soothing: Sense of Hearing • Music, music, music put music to inspire different moods on your phone- soothing, cheerful, energetic • Listen to books on tape or to audio books- you don’t really need to listen closely, sometimes it is enough to hear a voice • Open your window and listen to all the sounds you can hear, take a walk and pay close attention to each sound • If it is the middle of winter and there are not any “nature” sounds about then listen to natures sounds on a cd, phone, or Mp3 • Listen to the sound of water, maybe from a fountain • Listen to relaxation recordings

Observing Emotions 1. Our emotions are often associated with a rapid judgment of our self or of others 2. Emotion --- Judgment---- Reaction 3. Learning to observe your emotions and to gain awareness of our judgments is a powerful method for decreasing the intensity of emotions

Observing without Judgment 1. Find 5 free minutes in a quiet environment 2. Begin with breathing 3. Observe whatever emotions that are occurring or think of a recent emotional episode 4. Watch for judgments about self, others, or the situation

Observing without Judgment 1. To “let go” you may picture yourself placing the judgment on leaf to float on a stream, or you may picture it blowing away with a breeze 2. Becoming aware of the judgment is about 70% of the solution 3. Each success in letting go of a judgment of one’s self is a step towards a “different” experience of your emotions