of gratis living a life

story by | lee hoeld

As the Master neared the temple, he noticed one of his apprentices on his knees, frantically searching around the grounds surrounding the temple. “What are you looking for?” the Master asked his pupil. “I’m searching for a valued coin that I lost,” stated the student. “Where did you lose it?” the Master further inquired. “I lost the coin in the temple,” answered the student. “Then why do you look for it out here, away from the temple?” the Master further asked. “Because there’s more light out here,” the student simply answered.

As a parent, it is not uncommon to spend a substantial portion of any given day searching for that prized personal possession that has been misplaced by your daughter or son. “Do you remember where you last had the item? Let’s begin searching in the very last place you had it before it was misplaced…” becomes such a common component of our daily vocabulary and conversations with our children.

The expression on a child’s face when they’ve misplaced that favorite blanket, toy or book is one that is not easily mistaken. And it is an expression we each wear on our own face well into our adulthood. As Mark Twain so accurately assessed, “All persons over the age of 40 are responsible for how they look.” If you peer into the morning mirror you may very well see that remnant expression subtly perched on those wrinkles forming in the corners of your eyes. Have you misplaced a prized personal possession recently? Has it been so long ago that you’ve long since forgotten the last place you were when you saw it? And could that prized possession be you? from an advantage point to view life’s circumstances

Over the years I have observed individuals [including myself at times] ravenously searching for appreciation and feeling valued —to the point of filling their evenings and weekends with frantic retreats, increased activities and a faster daily pace, hoping these will address all they need to do, be and accomplish. I have watched individuals desperately wandering in search for that one perfect job, that one ideal relationship, that one great high, that one big break that will make everything just right in their sometimes chaotic life. It seems we often seek outside of our own lives for answers and cure-alls because it would appear there is more light out there… and that valued coin seems to elude us. Might I propose that what so many of us have misplaced or have shelved is what I refer to as a journey of celebrating a life of gratis. The Latin word gratis [the root of the word gratitude] literally translates as “for thanks.” It is seen as a deep and profound thanks—not simply outward, but inward as well. It is not self-indulgent or overinflated, but a simple and profound internal appreciation of oneself. I invite you to join me for a celebration of a life of gratis.

As a high-altitude climbing enthusiast, I truly enjoy the “here-and-now” aspect of the experience. There can be no distractions while climbing, no checklists, no “I should have done this or that”—just you, your team, the mountain and the moment. From that altitude, the greatest worry seems to diminish to almost nothing. When I’m up there above the clouds, the only thing I seem to think about are those aspects of my life that are most important.

We all need that vista from which to evaluate and better understand Life’s circumstances—the events of our life—from a more panoramic perspective. Many of these events when we are right on top of them, especially within our busied work and lives, can leave us cynical, cold and withdrawn…or afraid to reach out.

I encourage you to find that “higher ground” in your life. It may be with a cherished friend, spouse or partner. It may be a physical location away from work. It may be a faith-based experience or therapy or a daily moment of reflection. We each need to find that higher ground for ourselves to put our life and our purpose into perspective against the Life events unfolding around us. You owe that to the wrinkles forming on your brow. points to ponder connect with an aspect of life that is more than your singular life

• What do you identify as your higher ground?

• Where and when have you been most grateful in your life?

• For what have you been most grateful?

• As for your children, what are you doing to help them find their higher ground, their refuge, and the panoramic perspective about their life?

There is something freeing and satisfying in knowing we are not the center of the universe. In fact, I don’t think any of us wake up in the morning hoping that we would be the sole center of attention and controller of all the action. For most of us, we just want to be a part of the action. You, my friend, are a life of true worth, living in a world of purpose and order. Go out and gaze up into the heavens tonight—believe there is order and you are an important part of it.

Happiness, like gratitude, is an inside job. It doesn’t come from anything that happens to you. As one author wrote, “…when people work on being kind, helpful, and reliable, happiness sneaks into their life.” Life comes to us as we give it away. The quickest way to an emotional death is to be on the receiving end of everything. We need to give.

Do things to make people feel important. Volunteer. Be part of a movement whose focus is on envisioning a better world. Write letters of thanks. Give compliments. Say “thank you.” Praise your children, family, friends and colleagues often, support them even more, challenge and encourage them the most.

Points To Ponder

• If you were to leave your present position, what would be missed by your staff, your supervisor, your colleagues, and your customers?

• If you were to be absent or nonexistent in your marriage/relationship, family and/or community, what would be missed?

cultivate a greater sense of self-perspective

There is nothing more valuable in one’s life than a healthy sense of self-perspective. It has been theorized time and time again that the single most important element of our state of well-being is the way we think of ourselves and our possibilities.

When we develop a clearer understanding of “who” we are as a person, the “how” begins to blossom exponentially. My challenge to you is reserve some the final moments at the end of your day to look at your face again in the mirror. Be honest with yourself as to how your day unfolded and reexamine your motives throughout your daily actions. Where is there still room for gratitude to others and a greater internal appreciation for yourself in your life? Look at the face long and hard and ask yourself, “What story does my face tell? What do I personally and professionally need to live a more outwardly focused life?”

And although it may seem such a simple and mundane task to do, I encourage you to start a “gratitude journal” from an old notebook or a new journal. Challenge yourself to write down five things for which you are/ were grateful each day—grateful for yourself, for others, for events, circumstances. Vow to keep the journal for at least one month. As well, assist your children in developing their own gratitude journal as another powerful form of daily prayer and reflection.

Take Nothing For Granted

Albert Schweitzer stated that to fully understand the feeling of gratitude, we must take nothing for granted. An anonymous author wrote that we often take for granted that which we most cherish. We need to remain hopeful and appreciative of all our circumstances and take nothing for granted, especially that which we value most.

Points To Ponder

• For one entire day [all day], TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED…a meal, a sunrise, a smiling face, a winter breeze, etc.

• For the entire day THANK EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING. Thank everyone for every little act of kindness and concern that crosses your path. breathe in, breathe

Out

As my final point, I encourage you to simply relax. You are not the center of the universe, but you are valued greatly. You are not indispensable, but you have great worth. Take time to allow that internal and profound appreciation of who you are come out more and more—anticipate, wonder and dream throughout your days. Go ahead and get out your color crayons again and clarify and redefine your life. Be inspired by all around you and take nothing for granted. Make it your conscious choice and your active verb to remain grateful and focus more on what’s right with your life rather than what’s wrong. Make a conscious effort to help your children to relax as well. It is a hurried world for sure and assisting them to cultivate a life journey of gratefulness for themselves and others can be one of your greatest legacies. points to ponder

• Identify five persons over your life for whom you are grateful or indebted to [at least three of these persons should be presently living]. Take time to write at least a one-page thank-you letter to those persons identified, with specific reasons for why you are grateful.

• Identify five moments, crossroads or aspects of your overall life for which you are grateful that have occurred or are occurring [they may be presently pleasing or painful]. Take some time to reflect on those crossroads and aspects—both positive and painful—that have brought new challenges, adventures, skills, etc. to you.

• Identify five aspects, characteristics or qualities of your being for which you are grateful. Find ways to fuel and feed those every day. Then take a look at those around you—your family, your friends, your students, your colleagues, your supervisor—and identify one aspect of their being for which you are grateful… and then tell them.

When I chose to leave my 17-year career in higher education to raise our triplets, I remember telling my supervisor, “I need to let go of some things in my life in order to get a hold of what’s most important in my life.” Perhaps, my friend, it is time for each of us to let go of some of that bright sunlight to reclaim that prized possession and that valued coin. Perhaps it is time we scanned the darkened corners and shadows of that temple inside. To you, I wish you a happy and joyous searching. Peace be your journey.