perspective gaining

story by | deb uglem

It started out picture perfect. Everyone was up early excited for the start of a new school year. My three boys were dressed in their school uniforms [something that now I truly miss] and my daughter was ready to pose for the pictures, even though she wasn’t going to school. The kitchen was buzzing with excitement me included. The first day went fine. I dropped them off at their classrooms gave them a kiss and said see you at three o’clock. This family move to Fargo-Moorhead was going to be great!

Day two was a different story. All three jumped out of the SUV and headed for the school. I sat in the car smiling as they walked away. My oldest began running into the school clearly he is advanced. They will probably be talking to me soon about him skipping second grade all together. Things were going great. Then the drama... the twins walked slowly close together and right before they reached the door one stopped. The two of them had words, to this day I don’t know what was said [by three o’clock when I asked them about it, they couldn’t remember]. Suddenly one grabbed the other by the backpack and dragged him into the school backwards. My mouth dropped, what is going on? Do I laugh? Do I cry? I wasn’t sure. So I did what any good mother would do, nothing.

Now, I have never been a mother that cried when the kids went to kindergarten for the first time, or during their first haircut but I tell you this first [I guess technical second] day of school tugged at my heart. When our children hurt we hurt. I guess you can call it the back to school blues. It takes many forms. As mothers it is hard to watch our children become one step closer to independence. They have needed us for just about everything and then its seems all of the sudden they began to choose friends, make decisions and enjoy their freedom—all without us. Well mothers, it’s time for a little perspective.

Usually at the beginning of August we start meeting with our closest friends over coffee or even wine to help and advise each other on how we will handle the upcoming school year. It is time once again for us to be the adult, the bigger people, dare I say we need to be smarter than our children. Help your girlfriends out by adding perspective to the list of helpful tools. Perspective originally comes from the Latin words per meaning “through” and specere, which means, “to look”. When you are faced with a difficult situation remind yourself to “look through” to see the situation differently. Perspective can help turn the sadness you’re feeling into pride. It helps us develop an appreciation for what is to come. Don’t focus on the passing years with regret for things not done, turn them into challenges or goals for the future. As your child heads off to kindergarten don’t think of them as “gone”, think of them exploring different ideas and meeting new friends. If you have a senior heading to college focus on their adventure and the fact that you helped them reach that accomplishment. Trust yourself and give yourself a pat on the back that you have raised strong and accomplished children that can handle what life is going to throw their way.

As my children have grown over the last several years I have decided to embrace a different perspective [I hope they have noticed how much their mother has grown!]. This year all of my children will be heading to high school. I will not be sad about how fast the years have gone but excited that they are at a point in their life where they will start making decisions about who they will become as adults. This fall try to step out of your current “back to school blues” and look for a new perspective.

I have learned to appreciate the power of perspective. Ernest Hemingway said, “ Never write about a place until you are away from it, because that gives you perspective.” He’s right!

Now as I sit and think about that second day of school 10 years ago my heart tugs in a different way. I know now that my sadness that day wasn’t needed. Those two boys were learning how to help and count on each other. And they figured it out through that experience. Today in our house those roles have reversed-now the little boy that was dragged into school backwards is waking up first, finding missing homework and pulling his brother out the door to make sure he makes it to school on time. It’s funny how the more things change the more they stay the same.