good it’s all

story by | deb uglem

Fall is my favorite time of year. First, the Midwest weather is beautiful. There is no denying the amazing sight of turning leaves, the smell of bonfires and watching football. Then there’s the sense of hope that fall brings me and I think all mothers— things are returning to “normal." The craziness of summer is behind us and we are back to a schedule.

You know the feeling—kids are in school, fall activities are in full swing, work seems effortless, and late afternoons will be spent out in the crisp fall air. All of this is happening while dinner is simmering away in a crockpot of course. Then the reality check! Here’s mine . . .

One morning before work my husband walked downstairs in a towel into the laundry room. His mission—clean underwear! I confidently [and a little defensively] said, “There are clean clothes in there.” Soon my boys followed looking for clean socks. Then the straw that broke the mother’s back—my daughter, “Have you seen my uniform, I think it was in the laundry room?” What is this an epidemic? Why can’t people find their cloths! In my defense, there were clean underwear, socks and uniforms available. However, I am not claiming they were folded and easy to find.

I sat in the kitchen that morning and looked around at the current state of my house. I thought to myself, “Things are getting a little out of control.” Then it hit me—was this guilt that I was feeling? Really—guilt over dirty cloths and a dirty house? Time for a little self-evaluation, a checklist of what has happened in the last week should help shed some light on my current situation. Here goes . . .

Sunday over breakfast my husband and I were sipping coffee and I make the comment that this week is going to be pretty easy. He nods believing me; I have him fooled. He actually thinks I know what is going on.

Monday starts with the realization that my daughter has a volleyball game. Oops- missed noting that on the calendar. We hit the game, and get a call from the boys, “What’s for dinner?” We all meet at a restaurant and I announce that it’s family dinner night. A schedule mishap changed to quality family time!

Tuesday starts with the boys informing me of the football team dinner. My mouth drops and they read my mind, “Don’t worry Mom, you don’t have to bring anything this time.” Good—because I spent the day working and running my daughter to the orthodontist. She lost her retainer and her teeth [in her words] were, “totally moving, can’t we get another one today?”

Wednesday, good old hump day! Believe it or not another volleyball game that I swore was on Thursday [I really have to revisit my calendar]. We settle for a frozen pizza. I met a friend for a glass of wine and I finished the evening by throwing in a load of whites and…wait for it…I actually folded them!

Thursday a free night! Good, because I need to do some shopping for senior pictures. I know, pretty late for pictures. But scheduling problems and a Mohawk haircut [we have been growing that mess out for two months] delayed us. Bonus of the day is that I finished another load of laundry!

Friday, Saturday and Sunday are filled with a football game, two volleyball games, a friend’s house warming party and a family confirmation. So this week is a far cry from what I had envisioned the previous Sunday morning.

So the review hits the high points of the week. I am sure that your weeks are just as busy or busier! What I learned—guilt is over rated. I actually accomplished quite a bit. So I decided to start using guilt as a way to lead to a positive outcome. Try it. When you start to feel guilty ask yourself why? Start to redefine what it means to be a “good mother.” It isn’t about what other people think you should be, it is about how you feel and what you think is important. You can alleviate feelings of guilt by checking or changing your priorities.

Find out what is essential for you and your family and live by it. It may be dinner out or in; it may be cleaning once a week or once a month; it might be family game night or family laundry night. The list goes on. If you do this and are secure with your list of priorities, the “guilt” has helped you confirm your actions. You can feel good about what you are doing.

A friend always says, “It’s All Good.” I can’t help but think of her as I write this article. However busy, challenging or exciting your life is, be confident in your decisions and rise above the feelings of guilt. Truly, it’s all good!