wee ones

Parenting is a joy, a rush, a privilege and a challenge at times. You want to do it right and you know you aren’t perfect, but trying your best. You need some help, some advice. Luckily you have someone ready and waiting to be your go-to guru. Someone who’s been there, done that. Someone you’ve known literally your whole life. Someone you love and trust. Great! Well, maybe not so great if the giver of advice is just a little too liberal with the advice-giving…and, oh yeah, she’s your mama.

when a mama don’t know it all

You love your mama and she obviously did something right because you’re here! But who wants to ever feel inadequate or performing below potential? No one! And it’s safe to assume your mama’s intention isn’t to make you feel bad. Whether you are 2, 10, 20 or 40, you are still your mama’s kiddo and you know that every mama wants to help her kiddo! So what can you do to keep the peace and your sanity when advice-giving takes a bad turn? Try these two easy tips: i’m kind of a big deal

• listen Before you get all defensive, really listen to what your mama is saying. Because she offers to give your wee one a bath doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you can do it right. She might be just trying to give you a break. Keep things in perspective before flying off the handle. And remember, you don’t have to follow any advice given to you. But you can smile and listen and keep everyone happy at the same time.

• communicate Your mama has done this wee-one thing, so she’s going to have some advice, but the way she did things with you doesn’t mean that’s how it’s done now. For instance, years ago wee ones were put to bed on their tummies, but research has proven that back sleeping significantly reduces the risk of SIDS. So when you get advice you don’t have to get in a fight over what is right or wrong. You can tell your mama why you are doing it the way you are. Choose your words wisely. Explain and communicate. Don’t criticize or dismiss. Using words like meddling, unwanted or interfering are verbal weapons of mass destruction.

You can be grateful your wee one has a grandparent who loves him and is involved. Don’t dismiss the blessing that is, but you have every right to set your limits and expectations of the things you want for your wee one.

You’ve got this mama stuff down. You are the queen of the castle with your little tot worshiping the ground you walk on…right? I mean you are the mama. Your tot knows that, so what’s the deal with him shunning you for your parenting counterpart? No fair!

You are prepared, ready and willing to be “the mama.” Baths, bedtime, boo-boo kissing…you can handle it all. So what do you do when your tot doesn’t want you doing what “the mama” is supposed to do? This is a common phase for tots where they decide a certain someone is the one they want. Your tot likes you and the tide could turn your way at any moment. Here are some tips to make sure parenting doesn’t entirely fall on the shoulders of one caregiver:

• mama don’t cry First, don’t run off and cry your eyes out because your tot pushes you away. Talk about counterproductive. Stick it out and keep showing your tot affection, even if he snubs you. Withdrawing from your tot only makes him more reliant on your partner.

• just do it Step up and do some of the things your tot wants done by your partner. One reason for your tot’s clinginess to your partner could be simple routine. Your partner has typically been the one to do certain things and your tot wants it to stay that way. Time to take the lead and make sure your partner is ready to give you the reins. Your partner can tell your tot, “I’m busy. Mama can do it for you.”

• tot date Carve out some mama and tot time, just the two of you. Run errands, go for a walk, visit the library, anything that is just the two of you.

Like any phase in tothood, this too shall pass. Be patient. Keep being the mama and your tot will warm up before you know it.

▸ anything you can do I can do better

She is really a good friend. Been there through thick and thin, good and bad, highs and lows. You trust her, love her and respect her…so why is she always trying to one-up you when the conversation turns to your preschoolers?

Let’s be honest, as mamas we can all be competitive. And if anyone wants to say or insinuate that our preschooler isn’t meeting the mark, just watch a sweet, docile, timid creature turn into a raging, protective mama bear with claws and fangs sharpened. Bragging, one-upping, whatever you want to call it, can become just plain annoying. You know how it goes. Your 5-year-old can read at a 2nd grade level and hers has a book deal. Your 4-year-old loves to finger paint and hers is the next Pablo Picasso. Our preschoolers are special and amazing and it’s inevitable you are going to find yourself in situations where he is being compared to others. The key is how you react to it. Charles Swindoll has a great quote: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” So when Bonnie Bragger enters your stratosphere keep these tips in mind and keep your cool:

• bravo Little 3-year-old Suzy knows every state capital and how to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious [yes, that is the correct spelling], while your preschooler is mastering colors and shapes? Good for Suzy! Acknowledge the fact and move on. Change the subject and let it go. Don’t get drawn into a battle of “oh yeah, well my preschooler blah, blah, blah…” There isn’t anything to win here so don’t try.

• i’m rubber you’re glue Remember that a parent’s bragging can be a reflection of her own insecurity and competitiveness, so don’t take it personally. And don’t hold it against the kiddo being bragged about. You get no bonus points for pointing out shortcomings of a preschooler.

• do as i do Can’t stand a braggart? Then watch yourself and don’t be one! Can you talk about your kiddo’s accomplishments? Absolutely, but do it modestly and be sensitive to whom you are speaking. Nana and papa already know you have an amazingly talented kiddo on your hands, so tell them every juicy detail. With your neighbors and friends be sensitive that your preschooler’s accomplishments may be real challenges for their kiddo.