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fear or anxiety of certain situations. Being outgoing and social may be very difficult for your tweener even if he dreams of being the life of the party. Signs of a shy tweener may include an aversion to eye contact or talking in public, extreme anxiousness over initiating conversation or being called on in class. In certain situations, they would prefer to melt into the wall than interact with others or be the object of attention. So how can you help your tweener shake his shyness? First, don’t force things. Being too pushy can just increase anxiety and fear. Try these tips with your tweener:

• i feel ya Be empathetic. Listen to your tweener and don’t minimize his feelings or emotions. Shyness can be perceived as negative in a society that expects tweeners to be outgoing and confident. Let your tweener know you are there to help and support him.

• practice, practice We are all blessed with certain talents that come easily with little to no effort. But we all have things we need to practice to do better. Social skills can be practiced and improved upon by trying new things or participating in new groups or organizations. Assure him that each new opportunity can produce gains in confidence. You can gently nudge, but don’t push. Forcing your tweener into situations that he perceives as unbearable will not produce positive outcomes.

• see it, be it Help your tweener visualize social situations such as going to a school dance and how it can be a successful event for him. Also help your tweener master body language. When speaking to others, talk about making eye contact, projecting his voice, standing tall with his shoulders back.

Small steps can help your tweener make big gains in overcoming his shyness. But if your tweener becomes increasingly withdrawn, depressed or shows other concerning behaviors, talk to your trusted physician.

You’ve been through a lot. Hours [days…ouch!] of labor. Play dates and birthday parties. Friend fallings out and even…yes…DISNEYWORLD! You’ve survived it all. Now you have a teen under your roof, looking to make his own decisions, spread his wings and test his limits. No doubt there are going to be disagreements and conflict between you and your emerging young adult, but who’s ready for the heart piercing, tongue dagger, “I hate you, mom!” no you didn’t

More times than not, the “I hate you” comes out in the heat of the moment when your teen doesn’t agree with the authority you are attempting to impose. In that precise moment do they hate you? Yes. But do they really hate you? No. But, boy, talk about a real zinger! I don’t care who you are those are words you never want to hear thrown in your direction. Keep these tips in mind if you encounter the “I ain’t got no love for you” decree: • keep cool As mentioned previously, many times “I hate you” comes out in the heat of the moment, but don’t get caught up in the moment as well and fire an equally hurtful remark. Your teen is an impulsive, emotional being and many times his behavior is going to reflect that. You’re the adult, so act like it. Firing back a, “Yeah? Well…I hate you too!” is not going to help your cause. You will just be demonstrating ineffective conflict resolution, not to mention acting like an immature mama.

• stay strong Whatever issue is promoting the hate talk from your teen, your teen is upset about your stand on the issue…don’t cave in. Stand firm and don’t take his comment to heart. Stick to the point at hand and don’t try to reason with your teen in hopes he will come to his senses, see the wrongs of his thinking and come to the same conclusion as you. Wake up! He’s a teen and thinks he knows more than you. But you’re the truly all-knowing mama. Stay strong!

• pick your battle Yes, you are going to be hot under the collar, but punishing your teen for saying “I hate you” isn’t the best solution to deter future hurtful comments. You have to pick your battles. Punishing for every verbal comment or disagreement can really be counterproductive. Stay calm, be direct, stick to your guns and if you feel your top ready to blow, walk away. says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says

Now don’t forget that disciplining your teen and setting limits [even if he disagrees] is a form of love. Keep talking and loving your teen. Lastly, if your teen’s comments become threatening or you feel unsafe in your home, seek professional help by talking to your physician, school counselor, a therapist or local crisis organization.

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.