american girl… mama’s new bff

story by | dani parkos fluge

If, in fact, I ever had “the talk” with my mom, I have no memory of it whatsoever. I have a very vague memory of a friend telling me about “periods” in the third grade on the tire climber during recess. I didn’t believe a word of it. Then in fourth grade a new girl came to school and, for some reason, she had the dish, and seemed so worldly and fabulous—she had an awesome Dorothy Hamill haircut—the rest of us took every word as gospel. So naturally, being an only child, the rest of the “girly” details I sort of learned via osmosis from the tiny pamphlet enclosed in the tampon box, and from friends. Thank God for Judy Blume. What would I have done without Are You There God It’s Me, Margaret?

I was an early bloomer—fifth grade, to be exact. I clearly remember lying in bed on my Holly Hobby sheets thinking that if I sleep on my tummy, my fast-emerging breast buds would go away. That wasn’t the case and before I knew it I was sinking deeper into the black hole of puberty. And how can I forget the tail spin my mind was in trying to make sense of ‘feminine protection’ options at that age?

Queue my first try at a tampon. Home alone and with the paper pamphlet in hand, I stroll out of the bathroom walking like a cowgirl after a long day on the range. [This is a funnier story if I am in the room with you and can imitate the walk.] I recalled the words of that new girl in fourth grade saying I shouldn’t feel it at all, so I sit quietly for a bit—feeling IT quite a bit. Glancing back over the instructions, re-reading each step one by one, I pause at the words, discard applicator. [silence] Umm, applicator? What’s the applicator? Good times, right?

Traumatizing? Not really. Puberty in general isn’t much fun and I have to say that experiencing puberty within the confines of a non-communicative, only-child, somewhat repressed Catholic family may have made it slightly worse. So, all that being said, I vowed to myself if I had a daughter someday I would be a straight-shootin’ type of mom not afraid to tackle the tricky topics.

Fast forward 30 years when my oldest daughter started showing signs of pre-puberty. I did what any rational mom would do—I took advantage of the Happy Harry’s Penny Wine Sale and began researching the internet. All kidding aside, the BEST thing I did was buy the American Girl Book THE CARE AND KEEPING OF YOU 1—The Body Book for Younger Girls. It’s a ‘head-to-toe’ guide answering all questions, from hair care to healthy eating, bad breath to bras, periods to pimples, and everything in between. I gave it to G to page through and explore on her own, knowing different sections would resonate with her more than others as her body continued changing. For two years my carefree, yet private, first born read through and referred to it, highlighting as she went along.

I found the vocabulary to be unintimidating and basic. I think a simple explanation is necessary when trying to grasp such complex happenings. The illustrations are a bit graphic, but absolutely needed, as many girls are too shy to ask questions, and too many moms are happy to wait this topic out for as long as possible. Remember, kids are curious by nature. With access to information online, they will crave the right answers. If we don’t give them the answers, I promise you, they will look somewhere else.

Recently, American Girl Book THE CARE AND KEEPING OF YOU 2—The Body Book for Older Girls was added to the series and has since become the current book of choice for my G. The sequel, which picks up where the first book leaves off, is yet another incredible resource for the 10+ girl in your life– like its predecessor, it’s very down to earth, has language that’s appropriate and engaging and illustrations that make sense. The overall emphasis continues to be truly on health—honing in on the ‘why and how’ and digging into topics in much, much greater detail.

For example, emotional changes in puberty are not really covered in the first book like they are in the second. The “It’s All in Your Head” section digs into the ‘brain change’ and helps girls understand why they’re happy one minute then crying the next and offers ideas on how to manage their moods. Us mamas know riding the emotional roller coaster with crazy hormones is less than desirable and no fun. The "Girl Stuff" section is all about the ‘physical.’ Safe shaving, follicle facts, tips for zits, period pains, infection info, body boundaries, best bras for their body, and even introducing the importance of self-exams. And finally the “Your Body, Your World” section introduces situations that all girls face as they mature—family dynamics: sibling situations, social circles: who can be trusted with the most sacred secrets, and the best ways to approach speaking to parents and friends about what they are feeling. All wrapped up with answers to questions from real girls just like them.

Honestly, the single-most consistent message through both these books is that of positive self-esteem—loving the skin you’re in. If you know how to take care of yourself and feel good about yourself, you will grow into a healthy young woman. Knowing what to expect from your body and truly understanding that it is all ‘normal’ can bring a big sense of relief. I know, I saw it firsthand—the return of her giggly grin, confident voice, and heartfelt hugs she gave.

Yes, I’ve been sucked in financially by the whole American Girl Multi-Media Machine—but I will stand on my soap box and say that I truly appreciate this book. And yes, I caved on all the coordinating journals too—if it means an easier transition for her, every penny spent is worth it. But more importantly, I cherish the conversations it has sparked between my daughter and me.

If you’re looking to bridge the communication gap and comfort zone with your pre-pubescent tweener, consider the American Girl Care and Keeping of You series. It is so much more than overpriced dolls and accessories.