GLASS CASTLE FAMILY

GLASS CASTLE FAMILY

Natalie Hernandez

10 th Grade • Cristo Rey Jesuit High School

First, you must know,I grew up beneath a cherry tree

Within painted white wire fences and bushes of pink flowers

I grew up wearing Mexico’s national team soccer jerseys,A patch of an eagle right above my heart,

And splashing my siblings in the salty waters of Huescalapa, Mexico,

My aunt and uncle laughing as they watch us.I grew up chasing stray cats

And playing with blonde, blue-eyed Barbies beside my younger cousin

I grew up with the taste of frijole ingrained on my tongue.A video recorder in my father’s hand as he spoke into it,

Patient as I climbed his back, whining for him to put on Barney.

Each of these moments speak volumes, for me

They speak memories and hours and people and on top of all of that, love.

Perfection doesn’t exist.

451

What exists, what is clear and what is true, is effort.How much you put into keeping something alive.

‘Family’ would mean nothing to me, if we didn’t try to be better.

‘Family’ would have ended when my mother first spat,“Eres la hija de tu papa, completamente.”

But still, that night, she climbed into my bed and cradled me in apology.

‘Family would have ended when Ma blurted to me that she wanted a divorce,

Her sobs soft and quiet

As I watched raindrops slide down the windshield of her car.

But I took her hands in mine and I told her,“If that’s what you want, then that’s what i want.”In the end, she didn’t want it.

‘Family’ would have ended every time rage bubbled beneath my skin

When I looked into my father’s eyes, my eyes, the eyes I hated.

But whenever Pa and I burn like tortillas over a fire, two spitting, raging volcanoes,

It ends in grudging handshakes and deeper understanding of one another,

because no matter how hard it is, we always, always forgive each other.

452

‘Family’ would have ended when Pa moved out, years ago.But he came back, eventually,With tired eyes and a smile and hope on his face.

‘Family’ would have ended, if Ma never voiced her depression.

That period in which she was haunted by her demons,The rest of us were oblivious.Until one day, Ma finally spilled her poison secrets,And the weight on her shoulders lifted, bit by bitAs we took away the pain.

It all could have ceased in a billion different situations, this family of mine,

All could’ve been shattered for good.

But at the end of the day, there we were, picking up the pieces.

Reconstructing our glass castle of a family, bit by bit.I am beyond lucky, beyond blessed.Because some kids don’t have parents.

Some kids only have memories, but no one to make new ones with.

Some kids were born orphans.Some kids feel alone within the walls of their own house.Some kids aren’t loved the way they should be.

No matter how many times I sob into my blankets, feeling achingly alone,

453

No matter how many times I curse at the sky or scream into my pillow,

There will always be a knock on my door.And someone to say, “Natalie? Are you okay?”Because we try.

Without effort, without attempts to understand and grow with each other,

This family of mine would have never gotten this far.Never.That’s why family symbolizes so much to me,

More than just Ma, Pa, Erick, and Vladimir, our green-eyed cat.

More than our individual selves.Family is everything I share with them: the

Joy, the grief, the scars, the smile lines, the laughs, and of course, the tears.

Why is that important?

It is important because each of those things speak volumes, for me

They speak memories and hours and people and on top of all of that,

Family.Love.

454