To a Friend, in the Unlikely Event of Our Seperation.

Dear Grandma

by Emma Holly

Yesterday, my brother proposed to his girlfriend and this evening, he sent me a photo of our childhood cat. Today, I cried twice at a whale and thrice just because; tomorrow, I’ll get up early and become more than that. Tonight, just tonight, I think about the image that once was.

We’re five and eight, and school is in ten. He’s piloting fifty soft toys and I just oneMum calls and please, we’re not done yet; they’ll be in the same place later. The day they got vacuum-packed, I forget.

Someday, she’ll walk the aisle in all white and I’ll weep for every forward march my brother once cried himself purple when alone but now he waits solitary under the arch. Tonight, just tonight, I’ll feel this ache in each bone.

He shuts himself in his room, bang, and his only company is angst and hunger strikes. A week before, I asked mum is he gay? She said he’s just taking his time and the likes. I didn’t know him then, much to my dismay.

Tonight, I will politely ask time to pause, just long enough for me to grasp the railing. I’ll wonder what the next place will be because I didn’t catch the route, my failing. I miss my stop, whilst craning my neck to see.

Yesterday, my brother proposed to his girlfriend and this evening, I forgot I was thirteen years past eight. Today, I missed you and wanted to tell you all. Tomorrow, I’ll be daughter sister girlfriend mate. I’m tasting sun-dried tomatoes for the last first time.

To a Friend, in the Unlikely Event of our Separation.

by Ellie Pritchard

“If you want me again, look for me under your boot-soles.” – Walt Whitman

Look for me in the red wine stain on the Turkish carpet, Look for me in the grains of salt that covered it. Look for me in the starlit sky, the constellations you taught me, Look for me in the photo albums, our faces gleaming endlessly. Look for me in the beckoning sky, the sun, the moon, the stars, Look for me in the light reflecting them, the windows of shining cars.

Look for me in the theatre programme, even though I am not there. Look for me in the lights onstage – no, pay attention.

Look for me in your tears when you’re watching Nora Ephron films, Look for me when you need teasing about your lanky gazelle limbs. Look for me in the purrs of cats we encountered on the street, Look for me in the hearts of our friends, the people we loved to meet. Look for me in the faces of men approaching you in bars, Look for me in the laughter that follows, and tell them to not be an arse.

Look for me in your laughter, look for me in your tears. Look for me when someone says they love you – I love you.

Look for me in the golden feathers of the parrots we used to draw, Look for me in the black-stemmed notes of the Elgar violin score. Look for me in the bluebells carpeting the woods we cycled through, Look for me in the pages of books I recommended to you. Look for me in the memories you have, the ones we share together, Look for me whenever you need me – I’ll stay with you forever.