Second Chances

LIFESTYLE SECOND CHANCES

B e t h McCowen

SENIOR LIFESTYLE EDITOR

We have probably all been in a situation at one time or another, when we either gave someone else a second chance, or were hopeful to be given one ourselves. This would most commonly be between a friend, romantic partner or family member, but could really be anyone. For example, work colleagues or sports teammates. Maybe the discussion leading up to the prospect of a second chance was a significant disagreement during which things were said that shouldn’t have been, or perhaps it was something slightly less extreme which you feel ready to move on from. Either way, communication is key, and as Hannah Montana once said: ‘Everybody makes mistakes!’. That is not to say, though, that you are obligated to give someone a second chance, and vice versa. Sometimes things are just too hard to let go of completely, and that’s okay. You have a duty to safeguard your feelings, as do others theirs. I can’t help but include another Gen-Z oriented quote here: in the wise words of Taylor Swift, ‘You don’t have to forgive, and you don’t have to forget to move on’. Sometimes the damage has been done and there is no going back to what the relationship once was, but you can still reach a point where you are no longer being eaten away at by your frustration at the other person’s actions, or even your own. Sometimes what makes it so difficult to not only forgive someone, but to give them a new opportunity to start afresh, is nostalgia. If a person has been an important part of your life at all, but especially if this has been for a long period of time or whilst you were growing up, having to look at them in a different light can be disheartening and confusing. Even if you feel hurt by something they have done, as much as you might be angry at them, that doesn’t make it easy to decide what to do next. Do you cut ties completely? Tell them how you feel? Act like everything is fine? There is no one right way to deal with a scenario like this. Everyone deals with unique situations differently, and it is all the more challenging when an issue arises between yourself and somebody you share a history with. People and our relationships with them do change, and going through university is a prime example of how bonds with friends and family from home can shift. The difficulty comes when we have a hard time accepting this. Nostalgia can be a beautiful thing, but it can also act as an obstacle when we are actively trying to begin a new chapter in our lives. When you know deep down that the best thing for your own wellbeing is to distance yourself from someone, yet you struggle to do so based on a more positive past experience with said person, it can make you feel quite lost. You aren’t alone, though. This is actually a really common experience, not that it makes it any easier. Trust your instincts. Ultimately, you will probably have a sense of if someone is good for you or not, but whether you want to listen to it is another story. Caring about a person and remembering the previous good times is great, but acknowledging how you feel currently and how things might turn out in the future is equally as important. Finding the balance between healthy nostalgia and moving forwards can be tough, but it is definitely an important part of growing up and figuring out how to approach certain difficulties.